The Truth Always Comes Out
Promises Made
Promises Broken
Measures of Our Demise
Secrets of souls that rarely get spoken
Pleasure’s a thin disguise
Dozens of ways
Dozens of reasons
Shielding our hearts from pain
Riddles of romance
That distance may yet explain
Certain of nothing
So fearful of love
Nobody seems to show you enough
Over and over
The scenes are replayed
And once again
Those promises made….
It is a trademark foggy night in Salem USA and two men, deep in thought make their separate ways to their favorite thinking spot. It is a magical, special place that brings peace and comfort in troubled times, a place of mystery and romance as well.
Leaning against a piling, lost in his worries about losing the woman he loves to the man he once thought he was….again, John Black doesn’t hear the other man approaching. Roman Brady arrives, also thinking about the woman he loves, wondering why he seems to be getting such mixed signals from her, sensing there is something being kept from him. As he walks slowly down the creaky old stairs of the pier, he doesn’t see his unknown rival for that woman’s affections, but he hears a quiet lament, “Oh, Doc….what’s gonna happen to us?” and he knows…..
Roman continued down the stairs and then stepped out in full view. “Hello, John,” he said with a tone that implied several different emotions, one of which was jealousy and John found himself instantly on guard. “Hello, Roman, I…uh… didn’t hear you, how are you doing?”
“Why do you ask, John, because you really care, or so you can tell me your little secret, you know the one everybody has been trying to protect poor sick Roman from?”
Stepping out in the open, John winced at the fire in the man’s voice, realizing that this was the time for the truth that could no longer be avoided and said, “You..heard me just now, didn’t you?”
Roman replied angrily, “Yes, I did, John…it just confirmed my suspicions, it appears that you and Kristen are not quite the loving couple…. you stormed out of the restaurant tonight. That’s all been a charade for my benefit, hasn’t it?” he confronted.
John scrambled for damage control saying, “Roman, listen….there are some things that happened… before you came home, things that…”
“Oh John… let’s just cut to the chase. You’ve all been protecting me, being very careful what you say because I was dying, well, I’m not dying now and the least you can do is tell me the truth.” He paused long enough for John to just tell him what he essentially knew already, but the man didn’t do it. “John, don’t make me ask you.”
The guilt for lying again was there in full force and John started in apologetically, “You’re right Roman, we all have been and it’s time it stopped. It’s true, we’ve been keeping something from you, it’s about Marlena and myself. We….love each other, we were supposed to be married on the day Kristen brought you home, she lied to you about her and I being happily married. She did it to stop the wedding.”
Suspecting it and hearing it come out of John’s mouth were two very different things and Roman reeled from the truth as if he were punched in the gut. “Oh…I see,” was all he could say at first. The silence that followed was very long and painful for both men.
“Roman, I’m sorry we continued her lie, but you were so sick. We thought…”
Roman was hurt and angry and put his hands up to echo his sentiments, “No, I don’t want to hear your apologies, John!” Roman was quiet for a moment, formulating his next statement. “You know I thought when I came back that the least I deserved from you and Marlena after everything that happened between us was honesty.” His anger rising, Roman stepped very close to John and said, “Well, I guess that was just too much to expect. Or maybe you like it this way, you know…the forbidden passion, playing me for the fool…again!”
John felt the sting of guilt in seeing the man’s pain and realized even more completely how wrong it had been to go along with the lie from the very beginning. John let the remorse touch his voice and it was shaky with emotion, “No…Roman, it’s not like that….I swear it! We never meant to hurt you. You were dying and we… thought it was the best thing for you if we went along with Kristen’s story. We didn’t…we…weren’t… Oh, Roman, I’m so sorry, you’re right, we should have told you the truth.” He hung his head in shame when he was finished.
“Yes you should have, John, both of you!” Roman was thoughtful for a second and then expressed his powerful feelings about Marlena’s part in it. “She agreed to marry me for God’s sake! We would have been if it hadn’t been for you showing up with the cure. If you arrived five minutes later, she would have been my wife, John. What.. she planned to get an annulment or divorce after I recovered? And then, after I began to recover, she kept up the pretense, saying she still wanted to marry me, she let me move back into the Penthouse with her John.” He paused for effect and then couldn’t resist adding a jab at his rival for her affections, “You know if I were you, John, I’d be asking myself why she did that if she were supposedly in love with you.”
That one hit close to home, but he had to talk about it, the man deserved to know the rest of it if he wanted. Shutting out the image of the other two standing at the altar in St. Lukes and the pain he felt watching them and Sami and Eric leaving the hospital together the other day, John said, “Roman, she thought she was doing the right thing for you, she agonized over it. Marlena cares so much about you, Roman and she always will. She just..”
“Obviously not enough to tell me the truth!” he interrupted. “She lied to me again, she let me go around telling everybody how much I love her and gush all over her, and all the time she’s loving you, planning to marry YOU!! I am so…ANGRY!!” Roman’s face was inches from John’s and it appeared he might take a swing at the man. John would have taken it without resistance because he felt he deserved it.
Feeling forsaken
Broken in two
How did this ever happen to you
Taken for granted
Bruised and betrayed
Lonely survivors
Those promises made…..
Roman thought better of it and walked a few steps away, letting the silence speak for him. Then after a few moments more, he decided to take John down a notch, his fierce anger driving him to want to hurt back. Turning to face his rival again, he said, “You know I…kissed her the other day and she…didn’t put me off like it was all pretending. I think she..liked it. What do think that means, John?” he asked with a gloating quality in his voice as he looked at John. The painful expression on the man’s face made his own suffering a little more bearable somehow. “Oh, I’m sorry, John. I just thought you should know the truth, it’s the least I can do.” That was another stab and it left John speechless, his mind confused. He had been wondering about her commitment to him since the day Roman left the hospital.
Deciding that the situation could only go from bad to worse, John started to leave, “I….uh think I better be…going now, Roman. Whether you believe me or not, I am very sorry we continued Kristen’s lie, it was wrong, but we did it because we thought it was best for you.”
Dozens of ways
Dozens of reasons
Shielding our hearts from pain
Riddles of romance
That distance may yet explain….
Roman reached out to grab John’s arm, stopping his progress toward the stairs and countered firmly again, “At this point, I don’t even care why you did it, John. The fact is that you and Marlena lied to me again, just like you did four years ago. I should think you might have learned something from that experience John, but I guess nothing ever changes in Salem.” John didn’t say anything else, thinking it would just end in a fight or at the least, more open hostility, so he pulled away as easily as possible.
As the other man started to walk away again, Roman said, “John, there’s something else you should know about all of this. God only knows why, but I want her back and I’m gonna fight for her. I’ve already made a good start on it. I’m living with her, you know.” Looking at his watch, he said quite deliberately, “Oh, would you look at the time, I better be getting on home, wouldn’t want Doc to be worried about me….see ya, John.” He brushed past his competition, heading quickly toward the stairs.
The way he said it all plunged another dagger of doubt into John’s heart. He had essentially been kicked out of the house in favor of Roman without even being asked before she went along with Eric’s idea. That alone had started the doubts rolling and now Roman said he kissed Marlena and she liked it? ‘Oh, Marlena…I don’t want to lose you again!’ Reaching out a restraining hand like Roman had, John said, “Don’t do this, Roman. She loves me and we’re going to be married. She was planning to wait and tell you when the doctors thought you were… strong enough to handle it. Now that the truth is out in the open…”
Roman wasn’t about to bow out easily and responded firmly while yanking his arm out of John’s light grasp, “Now that the lies are exposed…you mean. I’m gonna fight for her, John and I’m gonna win. She may have had an affair with you, but she did choose to stay with me, it might happen again. Now, like I said, I have to go home, to Marlena!”
He left John alone on the pier to contemplate his next move and his uncertain future. John thought seriously about going straight to the Penthouse to see Marlena too, but it would kill her to see them fighting over her; he just couldn’t do that to her. He resigned himself to talking with her in the morning, believing that their love was strong enough to handle anything Roman tried to do to come between them. The more he thought about it, the more he worried about it, so he called her cell phone.
“Hello?”
“Doc, it’s me. He knows, Marlena, Roman knows about us.”
There was dead silence on the other end of the line, “Doc…are you there?” he questioned. Still nothing. “Doc? Marlena, answer me!”
Panic pierced his heart and John closed up the phone and left the pier at breakneck speed, heading straight for his Jeep. As he got into the vehicle and started it up, he realized the fact that he had no idea where she was and the fear was overpowering…..
For Once in Our Lives
John forced the anxiety and fear down to a manageable level where he could breathe normally and think clearly. He talked to himself to help the process along. “Okay…calm down, John….think, man think.” ‘Call the Penthouse first and see if she picks up the phone, then you’ll have a place to start.’ He dialed the number he knew by heart and waited. “Oh, please God, let her be there, let her be alright. Don’t let anything happen to her, she’s suffered enough,” he prayed as the phone continued to ring.
After ten rings, he gave it up and decided to drive on over there. It seemed an eternity until he arrived at her doorstep. Out of habit, he rang the bell. Roman answered the door, saying as he anticipated the guest’s identity, “Hello, John…guess what, Doc’s not here, too bad. You must be pretty scared you’re gonna lose her if you couldn’t even wait until tomorrow to talk with her. Are you afraid she’s falling in love with me again, John?”
John sighed with weariness, recognizing that Roman spoke with that same bitter tone he had in his voice just before he left Salem four years ago. He said as he stepped over the threshold, speaking quietly, “Roman, let’s not turn this into something nasty, it will only end up hurting her. It’ll kill her to see us….fight over her, Is that what you want for her?”
“No, John I don’t, but I still love her and the way I see it, you basically stole her from me, so why shouldn’t I try to win her back from you now? If she really loves you the way you say she does then you shouldn’t be threatened by that, but you are….aren’t you, John?” Roman thought that the long silence answered the question quite nicely. With a derogatory tone and an outstretched hand Roman said, “I thought so, good luck, John…may the best man win. It’s gonna be me, John. And that is a fact!” He was so condescending and John wondered if he could stop himself from hauling off and slugging the man. However, he knew Roman was baiting him, purposely trying to provoke a fight so he could play the victim, and John wasn’t going for it in the slightest.
Forcing the anger and the underlying fear of losing Marlena down, John spoke calmly and slowly to express his stance on the matter. “I don’t want to do this with you, Roman, I don’t want to be your enemy. There’s not going to be any competition here. The honest truth is that Marlena loves me. And I love her with everything I am, and I have since practically the first time I laid eyes on her. Now, I am sorry for how it all happened, how it played out to begin with. If I could make up for the pain I caused her and you, and the Brady family I would do it in a heartbeat.” John stepped closer to his old friend and spoke with conviction of the heart, “But there is one thing I won’t do and that is give her up. If I ever walk out of her life it will be because Marlena sent me away. Nobody and I do mean NOBODY else has the right to tell me to let her go! Now, have I made myself clear?”
Roman stared him down and returned the favor, “Crystal… Now, since we’re being so completely honest here. Marlena is the ONLY woman I have ever truly loved, the ONLY one I have been with since the day I met her. Now…John, if you…love her the way you say you do, then why don’t you explain to me why it is that you stayed with Isabella and didn’t fight for her when I came back? Why you ruined another marriage by pursuing Kristen, stealing her away from Tony like you stole Marlena’s heart from me. Or why you got Kristen pregnant, married her and planned to spend your life with her. Oh, yes and maybe you could tell me why you slept with Rebecca Morrison when you didn’t ever really care about her at all, why you… basically went chasing after anything in a skirt? Tell me again, John how you have ALWAYS loved Marlena so deeply! What…. did you see her face when you were having sex with all those other women, John? Is that what you meant by loving her with everything you are?”
All the time Roman was talking it was John who was reeling now. He was speechless. Roman was right, if he really loved Marlena, he should have fought harder, he should have confessed his ongoing love years ago and never settled for less than her love. What could he say to all that and yet….he felt he had to defend himself. He was caught off guard and ended up stammering in disconnected phrases, “No…that’s not how it was, Roman. She.. I…didn’t do that, I thought that she…” Suddenly, he recognized that it didn’t matter anymore, that was all in the past now. Exasperatedly, he said, “Oh, man why am I even bothering with this? I don’t have to justify myself to you. Marlena loves me and she accepted a marriage proposal from me. We made a promise to spend the rest of our lives together and that’s all that matters to me now.”
“Well, she made the same promise to me…FIRST! And, I am going to remind her of that and our love and we’ll see what happens. Like I said before, she asked me to live here and she seems to be responding nicely to our time together. I’m going to fight for her love and there’s nothing you can do about it, John!”
John realized that the argument was futile, neither man was going to back down now, it was a matter of pride as well as love for the same woman. Roman did love her and had been given no indication by Marlena that she didn’t feel the same. Until he heard it from her lips there would be no let up from Roman. Since there was nothing more to say that was going to convince the man to let it go, John decided to end the conversation. Throwing his hands up in frustration, John said, “I’m outta here, this is pointless. I’ll just let Marlena set you straight when she gets home,” John said on the way out of the condo.
Roman was still angry and he couldn’t resist planting still more doubt, “Or maybe…she’ll set you straight in the morning, John. I wouldn’t be so confidant if I were you, she still has feelings for me or she would never have stood in St. Lukes with me…planning to marry me, John. You should know by now that she doesn’t take that lightly.”
Grimacing as he recalled that memory, he said, “I’m..sorry you felt the need to remind me of that, Roman, but it doesn’t change anything. Marlena and I are the ones who will be standing together in St. Lukes getting married. She’s mine now, Roman and I’m NOT letting her go unless she asks me to leave her alone. If that happens, then no matter how hard it is, I’ll walk away and not look back.” John took a step closer until his face was inches from Roman’s and finished with utter conviction, “But if she wants me, then BY GOD she’s gonna have me! Nobody is going to keep us apart, EVER again!” Roman glared at the man, but didn’t respond further.
John turned away after meeting his rival’s intense stare long enough to drive home the point, then he calmly left the Penthouse and simply went on down to the Jeep, still deep in thought and wondering if anything Roman said was valid. Then, as he dwelled on the pain Marlena would feel to know they were basically prepared to do battle over her affections, he felt a rush of angry adrenaline surging powerfully through his veins. Slamming his fist on the dashboard, he yelled out in his frustration, “Dammit, this was exactly what I wanted to avoid! He had forgiven us, the anger and bitterness were gone and now…here we go again.” Shaking his head, he said regretfully, “Oh, Doc, I don’t know how this one can ever have a happy ending, but I am NOT backing away from you because it’s what everybody else wants me to do. We love each other and God knows we deserve to have some happiness in our lives, I’m gonna do everything I can to make sure we get it…and THAT is a fact!”
After calming down, John started a systematic approach to finding out where Marlena was. He called the hospital, she wasn’t there, he called the Pub, she wasn’t there, he called everyone they knew and couldn’t find her. The panic started to take over, he felt his chest tightening and his breathing become more rapid. Fearing the worst, John cried out, “Oh, God…please don’t let it be Stefano!” As he thought long and hard about everything that had happened since Roman returned, he determined that maybe Stefano was only hoping to distract him, to keep him focused on his love for Marlena and his fear of losing her so he could swoop down and take her without interference. Feeling the need to make sure his prayers were heard, John climbed down out of his Jeep and knelt down on the ground nearby to pray. Reverantly with hands folded, he bowed his head and beseeched his Lord to help the woman he loved, “Oh, God…I know I should have been more…aware, I should been watching him more closely, I should have been…paying more attention to what he was doing! If he takes her again….Oh, God, it’s all my fault! I’m so sorry, Doc! Please protect her, please don’t let it be him!” When the tears of anguish and remorse that had been filling his eyes began to spill out, he wiped a shirtsleeve across his face and worked to compose himself again.
Laboring to regain emotional control, he gave himself a pep talk. “Come on, John, keep it together, you can’t help her if you let the fear take over,” he admonished himself, out loud. “Think, John…think! Where else can she be?” he asked out loud and it hit him, maybe she doubled back and went to the pier, she went there just like he did to think when she had decisions to make or when she was troubled about something. “Oh, please God, let her be there!”
John jumped back in the Jeep and drove off at a fast clip, one that would allow him to get there as quickly as possible without getting stopped for speeding. While he drove, he felt the need for the distraction of music and flipped on the CD player which soon played one of their new songs, one that represented the renewal of their bond of love and commitment. It wasn’t a serenading love song, but its message applied perfectly to them, and he listened to it in fondness of the day they reunited. At the same time he felt the sadness brought on by the most recent separation they had to endure and the pretense of being only friends that was initially forced upon them:
Since this morning I been thinking how
Things have been between the two of us
We’ve been falling through the here and now
It’s time for us to reinvest our trust
Can’t you see for once in our lives
Now our love has finally come to ground
This flame we have is burning so bright
Burning forever, now we’re back together
For once in our lives there’s no turning back
No running away, no covering our tracks
For once in our lives there’s no one to blame
And no broken hearts cause we’ve found love again
For once, for once in our lives…..
His thoughts echoed the lyrics, ‘Oh, Marlena, there weren’t supposed to be any broken hearts this time. He had forgiven us, he wrote those letters giving us his blessing. The guilt and shame were gone and we were free to love openly and honestly. Dammit, Doc, we should have told him the truth, instead of going along with Kristen’s lies! Look where that mistake has left us!’ He remembered the tense interchange he just had with her ex-husband, the fiery determination he felt and the anger and fierce jealousy he saw in the other man’s eyes. John expressed it again “I’m sorry, Roman, but she’s mine now! Nobody, including you, is going to take her away from me again! Never again, Doc, I promise,” he repeated more softly.
His thoughts turned back to the day he proposed to her and the promises they made to each other. He heard her saying, “Oh, John this is like a dream come true for me, I have loved you for so long, I can’t wait to be married and start our new life together,” she said with tears of joy filling her eyes.
“Marlena, it really is a dream, a dream that’s finally gonna come true for us. Our love has stood the test of time, and so many other challenges. We were meant to be, Doc, and I can’t wait to call you my bride!” John picked her up and spun around in a circle with her, kissing her passionately all the while.
“Oh, John I love you so…” she had said as she gazed up into his blissfully bright blue eyes. John was enraptured with her and they began to make the kind of love only they could make, the kind where two bodies merged into a shared ecstasy that was almost otherworldly in the pleasure it gave. Just thinking of being with her that way caused his temperature to rise slightly and he unconsciously raised a hand to his lips, wishing…..hoping…. hoping. Suddenly reality hit him hard and he prayed again, “Oh, God, please let her be safe at the pier when I get there, please watch over her for me!”
Since this morning I’ve been so relieved
There’s no more pressure from within
I had the sense that you would get to see
There was no lasting love within
Can’t you see for once in our lives
All the things we wanted have appeared
Now that we both have realized
Realized forever….
For once in our lives there’s no turning back….
No running away, no covering our tracks
For once in our lives there’s no one to blame
And no broken hearts cause we’ve found love again
For once, once in our lives……
Finally, he pulled up near the pier and he jumped out of the Jeep and ran down to the water’s edge, bounding down the steps two at a time, hoping she was there and was rewarded with the sight of her at the end of the pier. “Oh, thank you, Lord” he said breathlessly with immense sense of relief and tremendous joy in his heart. “Doc!” he called out and she turned toward him, “Oh, Marlena, I was so worried about you!” He ran to her and pulled her into an almost crushing embrace motivated by the nearly paralyzing fear for her safety he had experienced earlier.
Marlena enjoyed the comfort of his arms for a long moment and then finally she said, “Oh, honey…I’m sorry about what happened, I’m so sorry I scared you. When you…told me that Roman knew about us, I was just so…. upset and I needed some time to think about what I would say to him. John, I don’t want to hurt him, I….”
Touching her face and wiping away her tears of pain for the other man, he said softly, “Love….you love him, Doc. It’s okay, I know that a part of you will always love Roman.”
With more tears falling, this time coming from the love she felt for John, the love that emanated from within her very soul, she reached for his face and said, “You are so…good! I can’t tell you how wonderful you are to me. Here I am…I left you to wonder about what happened to me, I’m…crying about the pain I’m going to cause Roman and you are being so kind to me, so… understanding. I love you so,” she whispered, overcome by emotion.
John smiled and said, “Doc..I do understand, I know that you don’t want to hurt him and that your love for Roman will be in a special part of your heart for the rest of your life, that doesn’t threaten me. But…I also know that you don’t have the kind of love for him that you do for me.” John took both of her tiny chilled hands, warming them with his. Then he gazed deeply into her hazel eyes and spoke with great passion about the love she and John felt for each other, “What we share is like nothing else in our lives, it’s so strong and so deep and complete! The fact is, Doc, we are a part of each other, we’re soulmates in every sense of the word! This love we share is..good, it’s right and true and there is nothing that could keep that love from being expressed. And it will never again be hidden, I promise you that.”
She snapped out of the sadness about hurting Roman to gaze into those loving, tender, tear-filled eyes of the man she loved for so long without being able to show it and returned the passion with a kiss that left them breathless. Then she said, “Oh, John, you’re so right! Our love is indestructible, it is so.. amazing to me. The bond of love we share has gotten us through the most horrible, frightening times imaginable and it has given me such joy I can’t describe it and I know it will last forever. I love you so much, John! You are.. everything to me and I want to spend every day of my life in these arms of yours. I believe that we belong together and we always have, John.”
She was weeping openly, and he pulled her close and kissed her tears away. Then he gently put his arm over her shoulder and began guiding her toward the stairs, “Okay, then Doc, let’s go do what we have to do. Let’s go make sure that Roman understands the situation, it won’t be easy but it has to be done.”
She answered more confidently, “Yes, let’s go talk to Roman, and then we can all move on with our lives. I want that for all of us, John. I want to be Mrs. John Black as soon as possible.”
“Your wish is my command pretty lady! We will get past this one and then….we are going to have everything we’ve both wished for all these years, Doc. We are going to share all our hopes and dreams for the rest of our lives, the way we were always meant to be.” John said happily.
“Oh, I do like the sound of that, John. I pray that you’re right, that… Roman will accept the truth, that he’ll let go.”
Remembering the fire in the man’s eyes and the bitter tone of voice, the renewed sense of resentment he expressed toward John, and the determination to win Marlena back, John said with more than a little concern, “So do, I, Doc, so do I.” Then he stopped and looked into her eyes again made a solemn vow, “Marlena, for once in our lives, we have a chance to be happy together and I promise I’m not going to let anything or anybody spoil it for us.” All she could do was thank God for allowing them to find their love again and smile dazzlingly at this man she loved with all her heart and soul. It was a love meant to last through all eternity. As John started up the Jeep the song was there again, right where it left off, reflecting the situation just perfectly. They held each other’s hands and rode in silence, listening and agreeing with their hearts.
Can’t you see for once in our lives
Now our love has finally come to ground
This flame we have is burning so bright
Burning forever, now we’re back together
Can’t you see that for once in our lives
All the things we wanted have appeared
Now that we both have realized
Realized forever….
For once in our lives there’s no turning back
No running away, no covering our tracks
For once in our lives there’s no one to blame
And no broken hearts because we found love again
For once, once in our lives….
Lyrics taken from song entitled For Once in Our Lives written and recorded by Paul Carrack on his solo release Blue Views.
Green Eyed Monsters Don’t Play Fair
Roman was still at the Penthouse pacing back and forth across the living room floor, seething with anger and jealousy; it was four years ago all over again. There was one man standing in the way of his happiness, one man who threatened everything he cared about, one man he…hated! It was invigorating to let the bitterness return, to admit how he felt deep inside. That man was John Black and the more Roman thought about it, the more the anger and jealousy grew, until he was filled with the bitter resentment he spent years trying to master, trying to put away, trying to understand what had happened. Well, this time it was just too much to take. “I’m NOT just going to walk away this time, I’m not going to let you have her, John! I’m going to make life miserable for you as long as you try to make her yours. You will be very sorry you lied to me again, my…friend.” His face was full of hatred, ice cold hatred. It was as if in the second he heard John admit that he and Marlena were in love and had lied about it from the moment Roman returned, the thin veil of renewed friendship and forgiveness disappeared as if never there in the first place.
Roman felt exactly the way he did on the day of Belle’s Christening, hurt, betrayed, humiliated, jealous and angry… very angry. But this time, he wasn’t going to run and he wasn’t going to blame Marlena. For some reason, this time he wanted to take all of his pain out on his rival. John was the pursuer, the home wrecker and in Roman’s mind he deserved to suffer the same fate and experience the same agonizing sense of loss that he did on that day and for a long time afterward. Devastated was a more accurate word to describe how he felt that day and on the day that clinched his initial decision to leave, the day he learned that he was not the father of that precious little angel, baby Belle. To learn that beautiful little girl was not his, the child he named for the deceased wife of his good friend John Black, was gut wrenchingly painful. “I was honoring my close…*friend,* who as it turned out had betrayed me in the worst way possible, the man who stole the heart of the only woman I have ever truly loved!” Roman wanted to repay the favor and take Marlena away from John; it was the best way to hurt him.
Marlena had always been John’s weak spot, that much Roman did believe. John would suffer anything for her, including giving her up if he perceived it was necessary to make her happy in some way. “Now…. Roman, how are you going to make it seem…necessary to John?” Then it came to him, he didn’t need to go that far at all. He would capitalize on Marlena’s weakness, her compassion for him and her lingering guilt for the affair. Roman knew that he could take advantage of her feelings to divide her attention, even now that the other two had probably discussed the fact that he knew the truth. She would feel torn about hurting him and it would be very upsetting to her to actually follow through with telling him there wasn’t any chance for him, especially if he appeared ill. John would want to move forward with the relationship and the tension between he and Marlena would increase. Roman could make use of that tension to move in on her and gradually he could insinuate himself into her life, enough to threaten the relationship. John would become anxious and tired of waiting and he would push her to marry and she would resist because she hated being pushed. That would be the perfect time to make a decisive strike. If he could pull it off, he might just cause them to separate for a cooling off period, and if he got that far, well then, all bets were off. “Yes, this is going to work, I know it will!” he said to himself. As he concluded formulating the overall game plan and deciding upon his first move, the door chime was ringing. He smiled confidently and said, “Well, they’re right on time.” Roman began to put on the act and the contest was under way.
John and Marlena stood outside the front door holding hands and John glanced over at her to gauge her reaction to the statement he was about to make, “I’m going to stay with you while you talk to him, Doc. I at least want to be in the same room, okay?”
Hugging him lightly, as if to take some of his strength, she agreed, “Yes, I want you here, John. I need your support to make it through this, honey.”
“You’ve always got that, Marlena. Don’t ever forget that.” The door opened in the next instant and their eyes landed on a coughing man, doubled over as if in intense pain. Marlena moved to his side in a flash and was guiding him to the couch, all thoughts of reinforcing what John had told him earlier, gone in that second. She hated seeing him sick and in pain, it was as if a part of her was ill too.
As Marlena helped him lie down on the couch, talking to him with her was saying what he wished he could say out loud, “Roman, if this isn’t real, we’ll figure it out eventually, it won’t stop us from getting married.” As he considered the possibility, he acknowledged internally that the most difficult aspect of it was that no matter how he raised his suspicions, it was a set-up, pure and simple. It would make him appear petty to be jealous of a sick man. Marlena wouldn’t be able to even conceive the idea of her darling former love being so manipulative. She would probably assume John was simply being impatient and possibly somewhat irrationally jealous of her ex-husband which was an excellent start to Roman’s plan to break the couple up and reclaim Marlena for himself. It was perfectly designed and practically foolproof to execute, Roman thought to himself while John walked over toward the balcony deep in thought. He knew as he watched John and heard the heavy sigh, that he already had the man on the run. While Marlena was out of the room and the other man’s back was turned, he smiled triumphantly. ‘I’ve got you, John. I have only begun and I’ve already got you running scared. This is going to be so easy!’ he said in his mind.
John turned around and Roman quickly put on the mask of weakness and stole a glance over at the man again as Marlena hurried in with the water. John was definitely nervous and fidgety, the tension he was feeling obvious in the tightening muscles of his jaw and the way he couldn’t quite seem to stand still. Marlena sat down next to Roman, saying, “Are you alright, Roman, you look a little pale. I’m worried about this situation, maybe we should get you back to the hospital.”
“No,” he replied firmly. No more hospitals, all I need is rest and…you, Doc. Just having you here with me is making me feel better already,” he said sweetly. He took her hand in his and held it tenderly. “You give me strength, Doc. You are the best medicine there is.”
John stood back saying in his mind, with great suspicion, ‘Oh, Roman Brady..if you’re milking this thing, so help me, you will regret it…pal.’ He watched the two of them, and it was clear that Marlena’s heart melted to hear him say those…sickeningly sweet comments about her effect on him. And Roman, well, he was as close to gloating as he could get without being totally obvious. ‘If he is faking it, he is good, I gotta give him that.’ John decided to call his bluff, “Well, since you’re feeling so much better, now that Marlena’s here, maybe it’s time we all had a little talk.”
Before Roman needed to do anything, Marlena jumped in and said firmly, “No, no….he needs to get some rest. We can talk in the morning, John. Let me help you get upstairs, Roman. I think a good night’s sleep will do you a world of good.” Again, she stared at John with anger about what she perceived to be his very insensitive behavior.
Roman paid her another glowing compliment and John thought he might be sick himself to listen to the man, “You always know what’s good for me, Doc. I’m so glad you’re here. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
John’s blood pressure was starting to rise and again he said to himself as he watched them go up the stairs, “You’re really laying it on thick, Roman. I swear if this is an act….” He stopped mid-sentence, clenching one fist and blowing into it as an act of tension release. As they reached the balcony, Roman looked down and said with a falsely pleasant tone, “John…sorry we couldn’t have that little chat tonight, I’m sure it will all work out for the best though, and we’ll talk when the time is right.” If he was manipulating, it was hidden well enough that Marlena wasn’t going to pick up on it, she cared for the man too much and she hadn’t witnessed the conversation between John and Roman. John, however, was a different story and it was almost as if Roman wanted John to know what he was doing, his tone and facial expression almost giving away that he was acting the role of a sick man. Roman seemed to be taunting his rival, wanting John to watch how he was expertly maneuvering himself into position to threaten the relationship between John and Marlena.
It was all so cleverly done, and if Roman had spoken the rest of it out loud he might have answered John’s accusatory glance by saying, ‘Yes, John…I’m acting and there’s nothing you can do about it! If you tell her you think I’m faking, you’re going to look like the jealous insecure lover. She won’t believe it and you’ll be on the outs with her and everyone else as well, it’s the first step toward losing her. And, if you push her to tell me there isn’t any hope for me with her, I guarantee you it will be you who is seen as the bad guy in this scenario. So, I dare you, John, go ahead and tell her you think I’m pretending to be sick and see what happens. See who ends up all alone out in the cold!’
John went out on to the balcony to think. Blowing out a long exasperated breath as he looked out over the sprawling city, he said, “Oh, Doc…this isn’t going to play out smoothly like we hoped it would. I think it’s gonna get very ugly before it’s over. I pray that when it is we can still be happy together. He’s setting me up, I can feel it. I gotta hand it to you, Roman, you’re quick on your feet. You came up with a good plan, but it won’t work. I’m on to you and I’ll catch you when you slip up, I promise you that, my…friend!”
He turned around to see Marlena standing behind him with fire in her eyes and he knew that this was the beginning of some difficult, painful times for them. He steeled himself for her protective fury and said, “So, how’s he doing?”
“How’s he doing, I should think you could tell from looking at him, John. He’s pretty sick right now. How could you do it, John?” she accused.
John wanted to be understanding and patient. He realized that she was under tremendous stress, but he had taken so many setbacks already and endured her hesitation to answer his questions or take action on behalf of their relationship, so this time he just couldn’t let her accusatory tone slide. The anger born of being unjustly blamed, of having her make an assumption and not bother to check its validity showed in his voice and was evident from the frown on his face. “Just what is it you think I did, Marlena?” he asked her angrily.
She returned his anger and then some, “You know what, John. You told him about us and now he’s much weaker as a result. This is exactly what I was afraid of John! How could you go against my wishes and tell him the truth? He could suffer a serious relapse because of this!”
John stared at her incredulously and said, “So…you think I just came up and heartlessly told him the truth to serve my own needs, is that it, Doc? You think I’m that cruel and selfish?”
Marlena finally realized that she had hurt him and tried to back peddle, but it was too late, the tone of her voice and the looks she had sent him were etched in his mind already, and she could see that he was wounded. “Well, no…I….just, I’m concerned about his health. You know that, John. And this is why I didn’t want to tell him about us, yet.”
The pain he felt was evident in his face; he was hurting, but his voice was filled with frustration, “Well….would you like to know how it happened or do you just want to stick with your…assumption about it?”
Seeing that she had definitely mistreated him, she touched him on the arm to capture his eye contact and said apologetically, “I’m sorry if I jumped to conclusions, please… tell me what happened, John.”
He nodded, only partly accepting what she said, her searing expression from a few minutes earlier flashing repeatedly in his mind. “Marlena, I can’t deal with this much longer, I’m sorry he’s been so sick, but you aren’t responsible for everything that happens to him. He has parents and siblings and children who can help him recover, who can give him the support he seems to need. Why are you the one who has to care for him? Why are we the ones who have to delay our plans and sacrifice our happiness all the time?”
Marlena was taken aback by his seeming change of attitude about the situation, “John, listen to yourself, he almost died just a few days ago! Can’t you try to be sensitive to how he feels, can’t you have some patience?”
John shut his eyes and took a deep breath and slowly let it out before speaking, trying to contain the strong emotions he was feeling. “Sensitive.. you want me to be sensitive and patient. In case you need a reminder, I almost died too…several times over in that God forsaken place trying to get the cure and bring it home so he could live, so everyone who loved him could be happy. And what did I see when I came home? I see you standing in St. Luke’s about to marry another man. And then, when we’re about to tell him the truth, you back out of it. Heck, you didn’t just back out, you invited him to stay in *our* home without even asking me first, knowing I didn’t have anywhere to go. And, then…you accuse me here tonight with your eyes and now your words that I told him the truth behind your back, like I purposely went against your wishes. Well, I didn’t Doc! In case you want to know, it happened by accident!” he said with great intensity as he took a step or two toward the door.
She tried to calm him with another attempt at an apology. Reaching out her hand to stop him, she said, “John…I can see that I’ve hurt you and I’m sorry. Now, please stay and talk about this with me.”
John suddenly felt like he had taken enough for one night; truthfully, he had taken enough, period. Shaking his head, he said, “No, you know what, I’m so tired of this game we’ve been playing. You can just stay here and wallow in guilt over the affair, and take responsibility for his life if you want to, but I’m through with apologizing for loving you, for wanting you to be MY wife!”
He had raised the decibel to a level which could be overheard, and she admonished him, “John.. lower your voice, he might hear you.”
John stared directly into her eyes and yelled, “I DON’T CARE! I’m not pretending anymore, Doc! He knows the truth, he just has to hear it from you so he can accept it, only you’re obviously not ready to do that yet.” He looked at her intently, wishing she would finally agree to take a stand for their love and said, “Marlena, I’m tired of waiting, I’m tired of everyone trying to make it seem as if our love is..cheap and dirty!” Grasping her shoulders firmly, he spoke to her with passion, wanting her to agree and do what they planned at the pier earlier, “It’s not dirty, Doc! Our love is so…good, but we could lose it if we keep this up! Can’t you see that, Marlena?”
“John! How can you say you don’t care, that’s a terrible attitude to take when he’s so sick! I understand your frustration about the delay, but we have to think of his needs, John. You agreed to that before, why have you changed your mind now?”
Throwing his hands up in utter exasperation, John realized on some level that he was playing right into Roman’s plan–if he indeed was faking the symptoms. Unable to hold back the anger any longer, John replied forcefully, “That’s it, Doc, I’ve had enough! I’m just not going to do this anymore! You come find me when you’ve told him the truth….whatever that is!” After saying his piece, feeling a combination of fear, anger and relief, he turned away from her and walked swiftly toward the door with purposeful steps.
She was angry now too, and commanded him with her voice, her words and her penetrating gaze, “John Black! Don’t you DARE walk out on me!”
Returning her ire, he looked straight through her and countered firmly, “You just *watch* me, Doc!” He reached the threshold in one long stride, and without looking back, he left, slamming the door vigorously on the way out.
“Oh, John,” she whispered sadly while shaking her head in disbelief about what had just taken place. Marlena stood there dumbfounded. She hadn’t seen him that frustrated and angry in a long time, and their heated exchange left her wondering what would become of their relationship. At the same time she was questioning her own actions for the first time since Roman had returned during the wedding ceremony. Unfortunately, she didn’t have much time to contemplate her part in the pain and John had so clearly expressed, before her attention was purposely redirected.
Roman stood on the balcony, out of the line of sight. His fist was raised in a victorious clench and he said quietly, “Yes, that’s exactly what I wanted to have happen tonight. It couldn’t have gone better if I had written the scene myself. Way to go, Doc! It’s only a matter of time.” He headed quietly toward the bedroom, and upon arriving, he made some noises to indicate that he was in distress; she came running to his side, just as he hoped she would. ‘It’s all going according to my plans,’ he thought as she tucked him gently back into bed.
Divided Loyalties
John stormed out of the Penthouse and practically barreled into Eric Brady, who wanted to check on the status of the relationship between his parents. He was just about the last person John wanted to see at this very moment; if he learned what happened, the boy would just rub salt in the wound and John wasn’t in the mood for more pain or to defend himself and justify his love for Marlena yet again. Frankly, it was none of the kid’s business and John wished he would become occupied with his own life rather than meddle in his parent’s relationships.
“Hi, John, you look a little upset, have a fight with my mom?” he asked sarcastically. Eric managed to resist the temptation to add out loud, ‘I sure hope so,’ but that sentiment was there in his eyes for John to read easily.
John was definitely irritated and said, “That is none of your business young man, why don’t you stay out of all this and live your own life, Eric.”
Eric countered, “Right now, my parents are my life, their happiness, my..father’s happiness is the most important thing in the world to me.”
“Right…at the expense of your mother’s happiness, you mean. Eric, she loves me…can’t you see that? We have loved each other for a very long time and we waited until we were free to love and now you want us to just walk away from that. Sooner or later you’re going to have to accept that it isn’t going to happen. Your mother and I deserve to have some happiness and I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure we get it.”
For some reason, he felt the need to champion his father’s cause, feeling like it was his responsibility to make sure his dad didn’t get hurt again, and he found it difficult to abandon the childhood dream of a happy family life. “And what about Dad, doesn’t he deserve some happiness too?”
“Yes, he does, Eric. But, the fact is it isn’t going to be with Marlena, she doesn’t love him the way she used to and I’m sorry it’s going to hurt him. I’m sorry we ever continued Kristen’s lies in the first place, but we did what we thought was best for him at the time. Can you please try to understand that?”
Listening to the man talk about it made it too real and the young man popped off in frustration, “No, I can’t, John. The fact of the matter is….I wish you would just…disappear!”
That hurt deeply. This was the boy John raised as his own son for several years of his life, the boy he taught to ride a bike, the boy whose ballgames he attended faithfully, the boy he loved with all his heart, the boy he nurtured and showered with affection, the boy who once said to him, “I’ll love you forever, Daddy.”
“Oh, Eric…” What could he say to that? John shook his head sadly, a few tears forming in his wounded eyes, and turned to walk away toward the elevator. Such open rejection was too much to take after the heated argument with Marlena.
In that second, seeing John’s pained expression, Eric was suddenly transported back in time. He was about four years old and his *father* was crying and Eric saw himself as the little boy who asked him the reason. “Why are you crying Daddy?” he had said as he looked at the sad figure of a man, who was holding a piece of paper with writing on it and looking at a picture of a pretty blond haired lady. Then the boy remembered, it was a picture of the woman whom Daddy said was his Mommy. She had died when he was still a baby and he had no conscious memory of her, but his father did and he was very sad without her, Eric knew that much. He didn’t know why this particular day was so upsetting for his Daddy though.
It took awhile for his father to answer the question, finally he said with tear-choked phrases, “Well, son….this is…a…tough day for me. It’s the anniversary….of….the day…Mommy..died and I’m very sad, I miss her so much!”
The little boy threw his tiny arms around the sobbing man and said, “I’m here for you, Daddy. I’m sorry Mommy had to die, but my Sunday school teacher says she is safe and happy in heaven and we should thank God for that, even if we miss her.”
Still struggling, but touched by his son’s efforts to make him feel better, he said, “Oh, Eric, you’re right about that, but it’s just so…hard without her sometimes. Today is…one of the hardest times because the memories are so strong. I loved your Mommy very much….and it’s just… so lonely without her sometimes.” John had cried hard and often that day despite his best efforts to contain his sadness for the children’s benefit.
“Please don’t cry, Daddy. Sami and I love you so much and we’ll take care of you today. We can fix you some cereal for your breakfast and we’ll get the paper and then maybe we can think of something fun to do…would that be a good idea Daddy?”
He was so touched by his son’s love and understanding and the insight beyond his years, “Oh, Eric…that would be great, thank you so much!” They had embraced and John somehow managed to stem the flow of tears for a little while.
As he recalled the incident, he remembered how he felt, how much he loved John as his father. Eric felt some moisture in his own eyes and quickly grasped John’s arm to stop him from leaving. “John…I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that.”
“Yes you did, Eric,” John whispered sadly, as he stared down at the hand that had once clung fearfully to his, when the boy was afraid to go to school that first day. “Yes you did.”
Shaking his head, the boy argued, “No, I’m sorry. John, I haven’t been fair to you and I’m very sorry. I was just.. remembering something that happened a long time ago and it reminded me of how much you really do love my mother and how much I love..d you. I was four or five, I think, and you were sitting on the couch holding Mom’s picture and a letter she had written to you and you were crying. It was the second anniversary of the day you thought she died, do you remember that?”
He shut his eyes, remembering too, then nodded; it was painful to recall it, even now. “Like it was yesterday, Eric, why?” he asked wondering what had motivated the question.
“Well, it reminded me of how much you must love her. You were a wreck that day, John. You kept crying, but you were trying so hard to seem happy with what Sami and I tried to do to cheer you up, do you remember that too?”
His face bore a strange sad smile and he answered, “Yea….I do, actually. I didn’t want you to feel bad yourselves or feel guilty because you weren’t sad like I was. That was a very rough day because I thought I was starting to accept the loss and beginning to move on a little. The grief hit me like a runaway freight train. I wasn’t prepared for it at all and I just couldn’t stop crying all day long. But, you and Sami helped, you really did. Just knowing that you cared meant so much to me.” There was a lull in the conversation and John reached for the elevator button, thinking the moment was over.
Eric touched John on the sleeve to regain his attention and said, “John…I’m really very sorry for how I’ve been treating you lately. Seeing Dad so sick has been really tough. I resented you for the affair, even though I tried to understand it, but remembering that day helps. You loved her so much…and you were really hurting without her for all those years, you were suffering, just like my father.”
A couple of tears sneaked out the corners of John’s eyes at the thought of reaching some sort of a truce and he nodded and agreed, “Yes, I was Eric. I love her more than anything on this earth, more than my own life, but for a long time after your father came back, I thought….I couldn’t ever…have her because…I wasn’t entitled, because I wasn’t Roman Brady. We finally realized that we never stopped loving each other and that was how the affair happened. Since that time I recognized that the love we share cannot be denied, not even all of Kristen’s lies could hold it back, Eric, so I ..can’t just walk away from her now. Can you please try to understand that?”
“I’ll try, John. I know that Stefano Dimera is the one to blame for it all, not you. And, I am sorry I said that about wishing you would disappear, that was cruel and I hope you can forgive me.”
“Thank you for that, Eric. I’d really like it if we could at least be.. civil to each other. You know I raised you for a lot of years and I have some pretty good memories, I hate to think….that all means nothing to you now.” The tears were there behind his eyes again, and though he managed to keep them from spilling out, the sadness touched his voice.
The boy felt the man’s pain and said apologetically, “Oh, John…that’s not how I really feel. I’m sorry if that’s how I’ve been making it seem. I remember too, you were a…wonderful father to us. I just feel sometimes like I have to take sides, you know, and my father was so sick and I hated seeing him so weak. He needed Mom to survive it and taking her away now….it will hurt him so much. I just don’t want him to be hurt any more.”
“I don’t want him to be hurt either, Eric. Believe it or not I really do care about him, but lying to him, having your mother pretend to love him is more hurtful in the long run than telling him the truth, don’t you think?”
He nodded reluctantly, “Yes, I suppose you’re right, John. Listen, I’ll see you later, okay?” John didn’t say anything more, he was just glad to be leaving on slightly less hostile terms this time, and started for the elevator again and it opened almost immediately after he pushed the down button. There was a slightly awkward silence surrounding them, and then Eric turned back around once more, to face the man who had been his father for several important years of his life and said with a warm smile, “By the way, you made a mean stack of pancakes…Dad.”
John beamed to hear him say it, that was a very special memory of their time together as father and son. One wayward tear managed to find its way out of his eye and slid quietly down his cheek as he turned to face his ‘son.’ “Thanks, Eric…I always tried to make you and Sami happy… you know that.”
“You did, John… you did.” Tears came rushing to the young man’s eyes, taking him by surprise. Neither man was quite sure what to do next, so they took tentative steps closer and soon found themselves in a warm embrace of love and remembrance. “I… love you, John.”
“I love you too, Eric. I never stopped,” John said in a raspy whisper, feeling for the first time in years like there was some real hope for reconciliation with at least one of the twins he loved so dearly, and with whom he was once very close.
“I know… I know. I guess I took that for granted and I’m sorry. I’ve been *way* too hard on you since you came back from the jungle, can you please forgive me, John?”
John shrugged as they ended the hug, wiped a tear that was trying to leak out with a bent finger and said, “Sure kid… what’s love about if you can’t forgive? Can you forgive me for hurting your father all those years ago? What do you say, can we mend our fences, Eric?” John held out a hand to shake.
The young man smiled and said, “Yea…I guess I’d like that, John.” He slowly reached out his right hand and shook John’s gingerly at first and then more vigorously. The elevator door popped open again and John took his cue to leave. “I’ll catch you later, kid.”
“Bye, John. I….hope, well… I.. hope things work out..for everybody someday.”
“Me too, goodnight Eric.” The doors closed and John leaned heavily against the wall of the elevator. He tipped his head back and looked skyward, saying, “Thank you, Lord. Thank you. Now.. could you please help me work things out with Marlena too?” Then he rode down in silence, his mind traveling back to that other lifetime again, to a few sunny days with the twins. There were so many memories of love to go along with the sad ones, memories that he hadn’t thought of in a very long time because of all the crises that followed in the intervening years. When he really thought about it, those were such bittersweet memories because he missed Marlena terribly, thinking she was dead. But wonderful in some ways too, because he and the twins, and even Carrie for part of it, had to pull together as a family and they grew very close during those years. “I wish it could be like that between us again, Eric. I really do love you and Sami…just as much as I did then.” He felt good to know that at least Carrie loved him and still thought of him as a father figure, and now there was some hope for a good relationship with Eric. Samantha was another story entirely, and John believed the rift with her would never be healed. He felt the renewed pain of loss as he recalled the sight of her gleeful smile, and heard the sound of her sweet voice echoing in his mind, saying, “I wub you forever and always Daddy.”
Marlena finished tucking Roman into bed and was coming down the stairs when the door chime went off and she raced to the door, thinking it was John coming back to talk things out, “John? she said as she opened the door, then surprise registered on her face as she saw Eric standing there instead.
“No, sorry it’s just me, John just left here, he almost ran into me. What happened, if you don’t mind me asking, he..didn’t say.”
She didn’t hear that edge of bitterness that was always there in their recent conversations and it puzzled her. She would have thought he might try to accentuate the rift, using the fight as ammunition for his case that John and Marlena didn’t belong together, but he didn’t and she had to know why. “Eric…did something happen between you and John just now, you seem…different.”
He nodded, she was so perceptive; nothing slipped by her. “Yea, we uh…sort of…came to a better understanding of each other I…said something nasty and it hurt him a lot, I could see the pain in his eyes and for some reason it reminded me of when he thought you were..dead. I shared a memory from when I was four and he was grieving for you, it was the second anniversary of the plane crash and he was a mess that day. Sami and I tried very hard to cheer him up and he tried so hard to smile through the tears for us, Mom.”
“Oh, Eric.” John had only shared bits and pieces with her over the years about what it was like for him when she was presumed dead. The memories were so painful, he seemed to prefer to lock them away for the most part after the initial pier reunion.
“Mom, he worked so hard at hiding his pain so we would feel good about what we were doing for him and so we wouldn’t feel sad too, but he was hurting so much, Mom. Remembering that made me realize how deeply he loved you then and how much he must still love you. We.. forgave each other, and we actually.. hugged each other. Can you believe it?”
Tears of joy filled her eyes, she hated that the children were treating John so terribly, she just hadn’t had the energy to deal with it much herself. “Oh, I’m so glad honey…. he loves you and Sami so much, just as much or more than he ever did and he’s been so hurt by your rejection of him. He has hidden it pretty well, but it hurts him deeply, Eric.”
He said sadly, “I know, Mom, he had tears in his eyes tonight. He tried to hide them from me, but that was what reminded me of that incident I told you about, the pain in his eyes. I’m going to try to stop hurting him. From now on, I’m going to do the best I can not to take sides and let you all handle your own problems.”
She hugged him again and said, “Thank you, honey. That means a lot to me and to John.”
“Now…..I don’t mean to pry, but he seemed very upset, do you want to tell me what happened?”
“No, sweety, it’s just something we have to work out, don’t worry about it. We’re all going to do the best we can and I’ll try not to hurt your father any more than I have to, or any sooner than I have to, alright?:”
Eric sighed with a weariness beyond his years and said, “Alright Mom. I love all of you and I just wish you could all be happy, but I guess that’s just not possible right now, is it?”
She sighed wearily and sat down on the couch, “No, it isn’t. Not as long as both of them love me. Oh, it’s so hard, Eric… I love them both….and I’ve hurt them both so much! I just don’t know what to do sometimes, sweety.” Marlena suddenly felt the weight of her situation come crashing down on her and started to cry in spite of her tremendous effort to control her emotions.
Eric sat down next to her took her into his arms and held her close, realizing in this moment that he had been too harsh with his mother as well. “Oh, Mom…I know it, and I’m sorry I’ve been so hard on you and John. I know that you love him and you always have. And, I also know that you don’t want to hurt Dad. I want you to be happy, I really do. I want you to know you have my support, from now on Mom, whatever you decide.”
She looked up at him and smiled through her tears, saying, “Oh, thank you Eric, that means more to me than you can know. This is such a difficult time for all of us.”
“Yes, I can see that. So, what happened Mom, why was John so upset just now? I really do care, you know.”
“Yes, I know you do, honey and I appreciate it very much. But, I think it’s best if we don’t talk about these things. John and I will handle our…difficulties, okay?”
“Okay, Mom. Then, maybe you can tell me how Dad’s doing tonight.”
She frowned, remembering how worried she was as well as the argument with John, “Well, he’s had a tough night, but he’s resting just fine now. I’m hoping a good night’s sleep will help a lot.
“Oh, why did he have such a hard time tonight?”
She didn’t want to tell him, but it couldn’t be avoided for long. “Well, he…somehow found out the truth about…John and I and he felt weaker afterward.”
“How, Mom, do you mean he saw you together?” he asked with the anger starting to creep back into his heart.
Knowing how her son might react, she said it anyway, “No… nothing like that. I can’t really say though, I wasn’t there when it happened. It was between you father and…John.”
“John! You mean John told him, how could he go behind your back that way?” The newfound forgiveness threatened to disintegrate in an instant.
“Eric, that is not the way it happened, I’m sure of it.” She said it with the conviction she couldn’t find a short time earlier when she quarreled with John.
“Well, then how did it happen?” he demanded.
“I…don’t really know, Eric. We didn’t get to discuss the details.”
Eric stood up and walked over toward the front door, remembering the expression on John’s face when he nearly collided with the man. “Oh, so that’s what it was all about, you thought the same thing I did about it, didn’t you? You believed John did it on purpose, didn’t you, Mom?” he asked accusingly. “Darn him anyway!” The anger and resentment flared so swiftly.
She hated to concede that much, thinking it would only fuel the fiery anger that was seemingly rekindled. Quietly, she answered, “Yes..I did, at first, but I don’t now. John said it happened by accident and I believe him. He doesn’t lie Eric.”
The young man laughed and said with a derogatory tone, “Right, Mom, and what have you both been doing since the day my father came home? Of course he lies, Mom. How do you know for sure he didn’t just tell Dad, so he could get all this over with and marry you? He seems pretty impatient about that, he’s been pushing you to tell Dad. Maybe he got tired of waiting for you.”
That was her first thought also, but John was so angry and hurt that she had accused him of being so selfish. “No, Eric, if John said it happened by accident, then he is telling the truth, I trust him completely. He wouldn’t lie to me about something like that, I believe in him with all my heart.”
Still somewhat skeptical, Eric sighed with frustration and said, “If you say so, Mom.” Eric wasn’t sure what to believe anymore, or what to feel toward John. He felt so torn between the two men he had loved as his father. It was so confusing to him, even after all these years to have called two very different men Daddy…finding out at a tender age that John never was and that his real father had been kept away for many years. He still couldn’t quite figure out how to put it all in perspective and keep a place in his heart for both of them.
To Make You Feel My Love
When the rain is blowing in your face
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love
When the evening shadows and the stars appear
And there is no one there to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
And make you feel my love…..
After leaving the Penthouse, John went down to the pier, it was the place he always went to think; the smell of the river at night and the mournful sounds of the fog horns were somehow strangely comforting to him. While standing with one foot up on a crate, the other firmly planted on the old wooden planks of his favorite pier, John wondered silently just how many times he had come to this very spot with only one thing on his mind. Or rather, one person on his mind–Marlena Evans. ‘Oh, Doc… I really thought tonight was going to be the one where the truth was all going to be out in the open and we would be free to love…honestly. I’m so tired of having to hide my love for you, I thought that was finished when all of Kristen’s lies were exposed.’
It was reaching the point where it took more energy than he had inside to pretend that he didn’t love Marlena with every ounce of his soul and he wondered how much longer he could hold back the mounting frustration of being kept from her. The pain caused by not being able to hold her in his arms, not being able to make love to her. The worst part of it was that it was all so unnecessary now. Roman knew about them. All that was left was for Marlena to confirm what John had told the man when confronted by Roman in this very spot.
He blew out a long sigh and asked his Lord for help. “Hello God…it’s just me again. I guess you know how much I love her…you’ve always known, haven’t you? Even when I didn’t fully recognize it myself, you knew how deep the bond was between us. You worked through me to save her soul God, so if Doc and I are meant to be….as I believe we are, then please…Lord, find a way to help us finally be together, it’s been so long already. Help Marlena do what has to be done. Help her find the strength inside to talk to Roman about us, so he can let her go, so we can all move on with our lives.”
John felt God’s presence in his heart and he knew that his prayer would be answered, but he had the sense that it wouldn’t happen immediately, that there might be some very rough road ahead before his prayer was granted. Yet somehow he also knew he could handle it, believing that God would give him the strength he needed. After his communion with God was finished, John sat down on the bench and allowed himself to be mesmerized by the sounds, the glimmering highlights made by the moonlight reflecting off the water and the invigorating sensation of the cold night air on his face.
I know you haven’t made your mind up yet
But I would never do you wrong
I’ve known it from the moment that we met
There’s no doubt in my mind where you belong
I’d go hungry I’d go black and blue
I’d go crawling down the avenue
There’s nothing that I wouldn’t do
To make you feel my love
The storms are raging on the roaring seas
And on the highway of regret
The winds of change are blowing wild and free
You ain’t seen nothing like me yet
I could make you happy, make your dreams come true
There’s nothing that I would not do
Go to the ends of the earth for you
To make you feel my love
There is nothing that I wouldn’t do
To make you feel my love………
He suddenly found himself remembering the times when Marlena had been drawn to this magical mystical place at the same time as he was. As the shadowy images from those memories began to fade slightly, he looked up and she miraculously appeared before his eyes….walking slowly down the creaky old steps toward him. She was obviously drawn there again tonight. John took it as a sign, saying quietly, “Thank you, Lord.” Then he stood up to greet her, “Hey, Doc….funny meeting you here….”
All she said was, “Yes..” as she eyed him and approached him slowly. Then they were silent, neither wanting to be the first to apologize, neither wanting to say the wrong thing. So, John and Marlena just stood side by side, looking out at the water again for several long moments. Slowly the lovers turned to face each other and spoke at the same time, “I’m sorry…” and then they laughed and the tension was broken, they could talk and did so, for what must have been hours. They talked about misunderstandings and mistakes, and their hopes and dreams for the future. It was a wonderful conversation and then came time to say goodnight and talk about when Marlena would tell Roman and determine how the holidays were going to be spent.
It was awkward, but John was tired of walking on egg shells and asked her directly, “So, Doc…when are you going to tell him that you’re going to marry me and that there isn’t any chance for him to be with you?”
In answer to John’s question about her intentions, she said hesitantly, “Well, John…I still think that…I should delay the discussion with Roman until after the holidays.”
John was crestfallen, he hoped after the long talk they just had that she would tell him immediately, “But, Doc…we talked about this, he knows… why won’t you talk to him and help him accept it?” He just couldn’t understand the point in delaying any further.
It seemed like he was being insensitive again and she responded from her disappointment about his behavior, “You saw how sick he was tonight, John…I don’t want to hurt him, I just can’t do it to him, I won’t do it!”
Before he knew it, John’s frustration about being kept from the woman he loved got the best of him and he let his suspicion sneak out. Staring at her, he said somewhat hesitantly, “Well, I…don’t think he was, I think…he was…faking it.”
Marlena was shocked to hear those words come out of his mouth and it showed on her face and in her voice, “Oh, John! How could you say that about him? Roman would never do something like that! He is the most honest man I have ever met in my whole life.”
John winced at the implication of her statement and then nodded his head sadly and said, “Okay…Doc, whatever you say. Look, I gotta go…I’ve got some packing to do.” He started to turn away from her toward the stairs.
That was the last thing she expected to hear him say at this juncture and she had to find out what it was about. “Packing, John…..where are you going?” she asked, fearing the worst.
He knew he was in some ways being childish, taking his anger out on her, wanting her to feel some of what he was going through without her, and he spoke from that place. “I’m…gonna take Brady to Italy…I promised Isabella I’d take him back there when he was old enough to understand and I think this is the perfect time to go. I’ll see you later, Doc.” John turned to leave her and she didn’t know what to say to that. He was hurt and angry, she could see that much, but she was absolutely shocked that he was planning to leave her at Christmas.
Before he made it to the stairs, she managed to call out to him, “John! How can you do this? We were.. supposed to spend Christmas together, we’ve talked about this!”
John let the resentment rise again and was more sarcastic than he intended, “Yea…well…. we’ve talked about a lot of things, Doc. You got that right though, Marlena, we *were* going to spend Christmas together! But, since you can’t or rather…won’t tell Roman the truth, we can’t be together the way we should be, so…you go ahead and have yourself a nice little Brady Christmas and my little Slugger and I will have ours… alone.”
She rushed over and reached out for his arm, stopping his progress up the stairs. “John…no, wait, don’t leave like this, please! I don’t want us to be separated now, please.”
John turned toward her and said with the pain of taking second place in her life written all over his face and in his sad eyes, “Doc, it’s up to you. I can’t…handle this anymore…being around you with him…acting like you’re a loving couple, watching Eric and Sami gloat, knowing nobody wants me around except you. What kind of atmosphere is that for Brady and Belle, you think they don’t pick up on the tension?” Shaking his head, he stuck to his guns. “No, I’m sorry, Marlena, but unless you’re prepared to put our love first…for once and tell Roman the whole truth about us, then I’m taking Brady with me and we’ll spend the holidays in Rome. And we’ll see you after the New Year.”
He stared at her for several agonizingly long seconds, giving her the time to tell him what he wanted to hear. When she didn’t say it, he took her firmly in his arms and kissed her passionately, just long enough to remind of her of what she was missing. Then he turned angrily away from her, leaving her there to ponder yet again whether she was making the right decision. “Merry Christmas, Doc!” he called back to her as he went up the stairs, his growing intolerance with her reluctance to place a high priority on him and their love, obvious in his tone of voice.
Still feeling the fire of his kiss, she watched him go in disbelief and blew out a long breath. “Well, Marlena….you could end up without him if you let this go on for much longer…. ‘So, what’s it going to be, Doc…. John’s happiness or Roman’s?’ asked the still small voice in the back of her head. ‘Which one of them is really first in your heart?‘
She stood staring out at the water, thinking of the past and considering the future, pondering which of the two men she had loved with all her heart she would spend it with. John was physically healthy and strong, but his heart was breaking a little at a time. She remembered the expression on his face when she said they’d tell Roman after the holidays, when she capitulated to Eric and agreed to have Roman stay with her, forsaking John’s wishes, and when she asked him to take back the ring. He was so hurt by those choices and his heart nearly crushed by that last action, until he knew it was only temporary. And, tonight, the wounded look in his eyes when she had for all intents and purposes accused him of selfishly going behind her back to tell Roman about them, to suit his own needs. And then there was Roman; he seemed so weak yet, and she hated the thought of causing a relapse by confirming whatever John had told him. She remembered vividly the look of betrayal and loss on his face the day of the Christening, then again when he learned Belle was not his child and the opposing happiness he demonstrated when he talked about the future now.
Like John had done awhile earlier, Marlena turned to prayer, “Oh dear God…please help me decide what to do…..I don’t want to hurt either one of them and that’s exactly what I’m doing. I’m hurting John by putting him off, treating him like his needs and his happiness aren’t important to me, and I’m hurting Roman in the long run by lying to him, letting him build his hopes up about being with me.” She sighed heavily and then since she couldn’t do anything at the moment, she decided to head on back home to the Penthouse.
Believing she didn’t have much time to make a choice before John left for Italy with Brady, Marlena realized, as she settled into the warmth and comfort of her bed, that she was going to spend this night thinking long and hard about everything that had happened since Roman returned. Having shown up in the middle of her wedding to John, the timing of his arrival has swiftly put an end to the proceedings. She had spent long months aching to be with him, the man of her dreams and now all she was doing was hurting him, in favor of Roman. Again. It suddenly dawned on her exactly what her fiancé must be feeling about the situation. To John, it must seem like what happened when the affair was ending, all over again. She chose Roman, placing the highest priority on him and their marriage. In John’s eyes, she was pushing him aside again, putting Roman’s needs first. She was forcing John to stay away and pretend he was with Kristen. Making him stay in a hotel while the other man was living with her, preparing for the holidays together when she should have been married to John by this time, living with him, planning for Christmas with him and their children, Belle and Brady. “Oh, John….I’m sorry for how all this must feel for you,” she said out loud. “I have to find a way to make him feel the depth and strength of my love!” she said intently, to herself. In her heart, she knew what she had to do, she only hoped that she could summon the courage and that by the time she did, it wouldn’t be too late.
Lyrics appearing in body of chapter, borrowed from song entitled, Make You Feel My Love written and recorded by Billy Joel
Promises and Regrets
John went to get more of his things at the Mansion. Everything had changed so fast that he hadn’t moved everything out yet. There were lots of clothes and luggage and other belongings he wanted. He hated to set foot in the place, knowing what Kristen would try to do. He just wasn’t in the mood to deal with her anymore. He wished she would disappear…..”Disappear,” he repeated out loud. That was what Eric had said about him, he understood the feeling, he was an impediment in the boy’s eyes, much as Kristen was in his own, someone was always in the way of another’s plans in this town. He found himself wondering why that was. “Oh, Doc…why can’t we just love each other openly and honestly…without everybody interferring with it? Why should we have to feel guilty for loving each other and hide our feelings? It’s been so long… How I’ve missed you!” he cried as he looked at a picture he always carried with him. It was one of the two of them with Belle and Brady.
He thought briefly about going to her and apologizing for what he’d said, for forcing the issue about Roman. He realized more fully while driving over to Kristen’s that the trip to Italy was just a cover for letting Marlena know how angry and rejected he was feeling. It wasn’t really about taking Brady to see Isabella’s grave and homeland and facing that truth made him feel guilty. As he got out of the Jeep and gazed up into the million sparkling lights in the heavens, he took a few moments and found her star. After sighing with weariness, he said tearfully, “I’m sorry Izzy B. I should be taking Brady to see your homeland because he’s ready and because it’s the right time, not to send Marlena a message. I’ll make it right, I promise.” It was just so frustrating to keep waiting, they should have been married by now, dammit!
As he stood near the entrance of the dark and depressing Dimera Mansion trying to decide what he was going to do, the front door opened and a pleasantly surprised Kristen said, “Oh, John….it’s you I heard, what are you doing standing out there in the cold? Come on in, honey.”
John glared at her as he stepped across the threshold. “I’m not… *honey* to you anymore, would you please stop saying things like that, Kristen?” he said irritatedly through slightly clenched teeth.
She smiled with that false sweetness and said, “Well, you know what they say, old habits die hard. We were together for a long time, John. We did share some good times…remember?”
He rolled his eyes, thinking, ‘Oh, man…here she goes again.’ He was very upset about his situation and taking another trip down memory lane with this…demented woman was the last thing he wanted to do. “Kristen, just stop it! Whatever we…HAD is in the past for good, it’s dead and buried. You killed it with your lies, Kristen! Now, get out of my way, there are a few more of my things I need to take from here.” John brushed angrily past her and raced up the stairs toward the bedroom.
“My my my, he’s awfully testy tonight…..there must be trouble in paradise,” Kristen said to herself as she watched him go. That wicked smile slowly spread across her face as she sat down in the living room to wait for him to come back down.
John was rummaging through things in the bedroom, looking for the items that were his alone, hating to even be in the house to do it, when his eyes landed on a picture of him with Kristen and the baby. He felt a twinge of something he couldn’t identify as he remembered when it was taken. They were so happy that day, he had promised that he would always love her and that they would always be together as a family.
Shaking his head, wishing he could take back that promise and banish every memory he made with her, he said to himself as he placed the picture back where he found it, “No, it was all an illusion.” Everything about his life with the woman had been an illusion of love. ‘Dammit! If I would have been completely honest about my feelings and didn’t get all caught up in her web of lies, Marlena and I would already be married and then Roman’s return to Salem wouldn’t have mattered.’ Recognizing that truth made the frustration even worse to handle. Now, he had someone else to blame for his predicament. Himself. He sat down hard on the bed, then jumped up suddenly, almost as if he were burned. It was a moment before he noticed that Kristen was standing there watching him.
“Afraid of something, John….afraid you’ll remember how good we were together, honey?” she said emphasizing that last word, her eyes motioning toward the bed where they shared their bodies with great frequency and intensity during their relationship. She moved toward him with seductiveness as she spoke.
Angrily he said, “No, I’m not afraid of anything, Kristen!” Referring to her unspoken message, he added coldly, “All of that…means nothing to me now.” Turning his attention back to the task at hand, he said, “I really need to get going.” He found the clothes and suitcases he needed and began to throw them all together, anything to get him out of this place as a quickly as possible, a place that was filled with so many memories of a false love and reminders of so much wasted time. There were so many promises he wished he’d never made.
Promises Made
Promises Broken
Measures of Our Demise
Secrets of souls that
Rarely get spoken
Pleasure’s a thin disguise
Dozens of ways
Dozens of reasons
Shielding our hearts from pain
Riddles of romance
That distance may yet explain…….
Kristen could see that he had been looking at the picture she treasured by the way it was placed on the dresser. She went over and picked it up herself, saying, “I remember when this was taken, John. You were so happy you had tears of joy in your eyes. You loved me and the baby so much. Remember what you said, John? Do you remember your promises?” .
He did remember and it was painful to think about how completely fooled he had been. All that time she was plotting against the woman he truly loved. He glared angrily at her and said, “Dammit, Kristen! If you must know, yes I remember and it hurts! I… loved you and you… betrayed me over and over by lying and scheming. And, more importantly, you hurt Marlena and so many people I care about in the process of trying to hold on to me, including that sweet baby boy and his real mother!” He walked over close to her and gripped her shoulders in his hands, then stared directly into her eyes to make sure she received his message loud and clear, “Now, for the last time, Kristen…. I will NEVER LOVE YOU AGAIN!!” With that he stormed out of the room, rushed down the stairs and out of the house, leaving her there to ponder what could have happened to cause him to be so out of control with his frustration. .
Over and over
The scenes are replayed
And once again
Those promise made….
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Marlena made her way back to the Penthouse where Susan, the baby, Roman and Belle were all sleeping. She entered quietly and disarmed the alarm system. When she turned around, Roman was standing at the base of the stairs. “Hi, Doc….where’ve you been?” .
Nervously, she said, “I..uh…was out for a walk. I do that sometimes.” .
“Oh…well, I woke up and you weren’t here and I was starting to worry about you. I’m so glad you’re alright,” he said sweetly. .
She passed it off and shifted the focus quickly to him, “I’m fine, Roman. How are you? You really had me concerned earlier with all that coughing.” .
“Well, I’m a little better, especially now that you’re home safe and sound.” He paused for a beat and then said, “Doc, I’ve been thinking about the past and…the future and I was wondering…what would you say to spending some time with Sami, Eric, and Carrie, as a…family?” He was putting his plan into action, before John had a chance to recover and make another move. “Nothing would make me happier than that. When I was…dying all I could think about was how our family was ripped apart by circumstances and I kept wishing we could have another chance. Now, we have that chance and I want to spend as much time as possible with you and the kids, Doc.” .
The guilt was right there near the surface, the pain for hurting him returned with a vengeance, how could she possibly turn him down. “Sure Roman…I’d…like that. What did you have in mind?” .
“Well, I’d like us all to spend Christmas together…you know decorating the tree, singing Christmas carols…opening presents…the whole thing.” .
As she stepped further into the room toward the couch, Marlena found herself agreeing pleasantly, albeit reluctantly, “Sure…that would be…nice,” she said, but her mind was on John and how upset he was earlier. The resolve she had when she was standing alone on the pier, the decision to talk to Roman and tell him of her relationship with and plans to marry John, seemed to vanish the moment she heard Roman talk about his deathbed wish. In her mind, she was saying, ‘Oh, John…I’m sorry, but I can’t deny him this…we hurt him so much before and all he wants is to spend Christmas with the family that was stolen from him.’ She had no idea that she was being manipulated into making that choice.
Each little move she made toward Roman was taking her another step away from John and Roman planned to take full advantage of every second she was in his presence to accentuate the positives in their relationship and cause her to doubt the strength of her ties to John. Where John was concerned, all he had to do was keep agitating, baiting him, and the man would self-destruct by becoming overly frustrated with the situation. Inside, Roman was laughing; everything was going perfectly so far. “Oh, Doc…I’m so glad. Thank you so much…you won’t regret this, it’s going to be the best Christmas ever!” he said excitedly as he moved to hold her.
Marlena allowed the embrace and felt warmth toward her ex-husband. It did make her feel good to see him so happy and she just couldn’t find it within herself to take that away when he had almost died a short time ago. Even as she enjoyed being held, she remembered the pain in John’s face when they parted at the pier. He was so hurt that she couldn’t choose his happiness over Roman’s and he spoke of leaving for the holidays, taking Brady with him, because of it. ‘Oh, John….how did it come to this?’ She didn’t want him to leave and she couldn’t bear to hurt Roman at this time of year, it was truly a no-win scenario. Whatever she did, she was hurting a man she loved and cared for, but the truth she didn’t want to face was that she could lose John for good if she kept putting him off. He was being fairly patient until tonight and he loved her tremendously, she knew that much, but he was only human. She recognized that he was tiring of hiding their love and having everyone trying to make him feel as though his love for her was wrong or sinful in some way. John wouldn’t wait indefinitely, he did have his pride. .
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Feeling forsaken
Broken in two
How did this ever happen to you
Taken for granted
Bruised and betrayed
Lonely survivors
Those promises made……..
John went to the Pub. It was late and he knew Brady would be sleeping, but he simply had to see his boy. In reviewing his life in recent years, he realized that his son was the one constant loving presence in his life that never wavered, no matter what else was happening. Brady was there most every morning, to give hugs and kisses and sweet smiles, and most every night they read stories and said bedtime prayers together. When the pain of losses threatened to choke the life out of him, John would go in and watch his little guy sleeping and somehow he could make it through. Sometimes, he laid down next to his boy and fell asleep, for the warmth of love and companionship it gave him, and Brady definitely loved it when he woke up and Daddy was right there in bed with him.
Feeling guilty that he had even contemplated using his son and the promise he made to Isabella to force Marlena’s hand, John needed to give love and feel loved. Mostly, however, he wanted his son to know that he wouldn’t take a back seat to anyone anymore. No more farming him out to others to be cared for while John went on some adventure for another’s welfare. Brady was his son and he should take first priority, especially since John was the only parent. He vowed that from this night forward, his boy was going to get his full attention, and whatever happened with Marlena would have to work itself out. He knocked lightly on the door of the pub, thinking that Shawn or Caroline might be awake. He was right. .
Caroline was up doing the books. She saw John at the door and hopped up to let him in. “Hello, John…what are you doing here, I thought you and Marlena were going to spend the evening together.”
His face bore an expression of deep disappointment as he stepped inside and he said, “Yea…we were, but it didn’t quite work out the way we planned it. Listen, I….really don’t want to talk about it, I just want to see Brady…. I feel like I’ve really neglected him lately. I think I’ll go on up and lie down with him…if that’s okay…”
“Oh, John, of course it’s okay.” It was obvious that the man was upset. She cared so much for him, and felt compelled to ask, “John….won’t you please tell me what’s upsetting you….we used to talk about everything, do you remember that?” .
He smiled weakly. It was so long ago in another lifetime. “Yea…I do, but that was when….that was a long time ago, Caroline. Everything is…different now. Look, I’m really beat, if you don’t mind I think I’ll just go on up with Brady now.” .
She touched him on the sleeve, stopping him for a moment. She said tenderly, “Oh, John…just because you aren’t my.. biological son doesn’t mean I love you any less than I did then, you know that. Please, don’t think that because Roman is back that I don’t care for you anymore.”
He was touched by the love this woman was able to give out, knowing that he loved Marlena, the woman her son loved and wanted to marry as well. “Thank you…I appreciate that, I really do. I just feel…strange about it because I know you want him to be happy…and he loves her. But, so do I… with my whole heart and soul and I’m so…tired of feeling….guilty about that.” His voice was a whisper when he finished and tears were in his eyes; he fought them back, but couldn’t keep a few from slipping out around the edges.
Certain of nothing
You’re so damn fearful of love
Nobody seems to show you enough…..
The kind older woman took his hand and said softly, “I know you do, John. And I know that you make her happy.” Somewhat hesitantly, she added, “I won’t lie to you though, of course I want Roman to be happy too, he’s my son. But, I also recognize that he left her; he was understandably very hurt and angry…but he could have stayed and worked it out like she begged him to do. He also could have come back a lot sooner, but he didn’t do that. You have my love and support, John. If Marlena chooses you, then I will be genuinely happy for both of you.” .
“Oh, Caroline…thank you so much. I was beginning to feel like I was fighting against the tide on this one. It means…more than I can say to have your support.” .
Her voice broke as she said, “I love you very much, John… nothing can change that. Don’t you know that by now?” She leaned in to give him a hug of comfort and was pleased when he finally relaxed into it, accepting the love she offered.
His voice was shaky with emotion as well, “I guess I forgot that…. thank you for reminding me.” After a few long moments, he pulled out of the embrace and said, “Well, I guess I better get on upstairs. Thanks again for watching him tonight, he loves you both so much. You really are like grandparents to him.”
“John….Brady and Belle *are* our grandchildren, every bit as much as Eric, Sami, and Carrie are. We couldn’t love them any more than we do. Marlena, you and your children are a part of our family and you *always* will be.” .
“Oh…Caroline… did I ever tell you that you amaze me?” he asked, slightly in awe of her ability to love unselfishly, and to say exactly what he needed to hear at just the right moment.
“Well, not recently…no, but I thank you. Now, say goodnight….son.” .
He smiled warmly and chuckled, “Goodnight son…” She hugged him lightly again and laughed and then they parted company, feeling the strength of a different sort of mother-son bond that had been tested by time and change and remained intact through it all.
A short time later, Caroline Brady finished up the bookkeeping and climbed slowly up the stairs to join Shawn, who it seemed was also awake. As she reached the top of the staircase, she saw him standing outside the door to the room where Brady was spending the night. Her husband motioned for her to join him and she peered inside, there was just enough light from the hallway to see. At the foot of the bed were two pairs of cowboy boots, one large and one quite small, and then her eyes moved naturally to focus on the bed itself. It was a sweet sight she saw there. John was lying on his right side and Brady was curled up in the curve of John’s body, John’s left arm safely tucked around his little boy. They were both smiling as they slept and it melted the hearts of the older couple to see them that way. “Sweet dreams boys…” they said in unison as they closed the door to ensure a quiet night’s sleep.
My Christmas Dreams
My Christmas dreams won’t come true
For I had hoped to spend that special day with you
We have our little ones too, we were almost a family
But you made a choice and my wish was not to be
My Christmas dreams won’t come true
I wanted so much to share them with you
Can’t you see how much we need you near
Precious moments like these will soon disappear
Oh, my love….
My Christmas dreams won’t come true
With all these wishes, what should I do….
It was two days before Christmas and John was working very hard not to appear sad, for Brady’s sake. Brady deserved to have a wonderful, magical Christmas celebration, even if John couldn’t be with the woman he loved with all his heart. Belle was going to spend the bulk of the next two days or so with Marlena and Roman and their children, so it was mostly going to be John and Brady on their own. Although he had gotten several invitations by well meaning friends, like the Carvers and Horton’s, he felt like he didn’t belong anywhere if he couldn’t be with Marlena and their children as the family they were supposed to be by now. At least he didn’t need to pretend he was married to Kristen anymore, that was something, but it didn’t seem to help much. John was feeling very frustrated and depressed about his situation, but decided that moping around moaning and groaning about it wasn’t going to make the pain or the reality of the separation go away, so he vowed to make the best of it. “Well, Slugger, do you want to go sledding with me today?” he asked his son with muted enthusiasm, as they got dressed and ready for the day.
John didn’t like it, but they were staying at the Salem Inn together for the time being. He wanted Brady to be in a loving home environment, but he also decided that it just wasn’t right to have the boy spending so much time with the nanny or staying at Marlena’s Penthouse when John couldn’t be there with him. As a result of the moment of truth he faced the other night. When he had essentially been prepared to use his son to back Marlena into a corner, John made it known to his son and anybody who asked, that no one other than his own father was going to raise and provide the primary care for Brady. With all the uncertainty that surrounded his future, and no matter what happened with Marlena, that was one aspect of his life that he was absolutely certain about.
He remembered his rather intense conversation with Marlena about that issue and where Brady would be staying for the duration of their separation. They were standing in the kid’s bedroom at the Penthouse and John was in the process of collecting Brady’s things, “John…what about him spending time with Belle, they’re practically inseparable these days?” she asked, hoping to change John’s mind.
While gathering his son’s belongings he said, “Marlena…I’ll make arrangements for them to have time together, but he is *my* son and I intend to take full responsibility for him from now on. I am willing to admit that I have neglected him, but no more. From now on, he’s going to be staying with me, where he belongs!”
“John…why are you so intent on this?” she had asked him, not quite understanding what was happening between them and what was going on in John’s mind.
Still putting things into a duffel bag, he said, “Because I think we’ve tossed the kids around like a football sometimes and it isn’t right. They should take first priority in our lives and I’m going to focus my energy on making sure they know how important they are to me.”
By his tone and the emphasis on the word my, it seemed as though he was criticizing her behavior, and she didn’t like it one bit. So, she fired back defensively, “I have always treated them both like they were first in my life, John!”
He let the frustration stemming from his perception that he was indeed taking second place with her, escape with a cutting remark, “Have you Doc? I suppose that’s why they had to drag you away from your ex-husband’s bedside to get you to celebrate your own daughter’s birthday! When I might add, there were plenty of people around to sit with him.”
That one hurt and he knew it. “Oh.. John, that was a low blow;he was dying!”
John didn’t back down in the slightest, “Yes, I know that…but it was Belle’s third birthday, she only has one of those, Doc! You could have spared some time for her without having to be coaxed away from the hospital!”
All the bottled-up tension that existed between them was suddenly becoming uncorked and they were letting it get the best of them, speaking out of turn. She shot back at him angrily, “Well, if my memory serves…You were the one who was prepared to go flying off with Stefano to some jungle without even bothering to say goodbye to me or the children, leaving me to explain where Daddy was!”
Now it was John who felt the sting of a flaming arrow and he looked up from his packing to respond in kind, “I did that to save his life…..I did it for YOU! Funny….but I thought once that was all over we would finally be able to love each other openly and get married and give the kids the family they want. But…since that didn’t happen, I’m going to put *my* energy into making sure Belle and Brady get the attention they need. God knows somebody should.”
She was so upset with him and the underlying hostility in every word he spoke and his criticism. Not wanting to discuss the issue any further, she fired back at him, “Fine…take Brady with you, John. But, you better be ready to come over here in the middle of the night and calm Belle down when she cries for her brother!” Marlena then turned away in anger and that was the end of another very heated argument.
John was jarred from his recollection by Brady’s answer, “No, Daddy, I want us to go see Belle…and Momma. I don’t understand.. How come we’re not married yet and why don’t we live with them anymore?”
Just that one inquiry forced out the anger and brought the sadness rushing back to his heart. “Brady… that’s a little bit complicated. There are some very grown up reasons why Belle’s Mommy and I didn’t get married when we were supposed to.”
“Don’t you love each other anymore, Daddy?” he asked innocently.
Hearing him ask these simple questions caused such pain and John sighed and tried to answer him honestly, “Oh, little buddy, yes we do love each other but..”
Brady interrupted his father, feeling frustrated and confused, “Daddy, you said that you loved Belle’s momma and nothing would keep you apart this time, I heard you promise that to her. How come you didn’t keep your promise? You told Belle and me that you would always keep your promises.”
That was enough to bring tears to his eyes and he shut them briefly to push back the pain, “Yea…I guess I did, didn’t I?” John sighed with weariness and said sadly, “Oh, I wish I could answer that one, Slugger. I want to be married to Mommy Marlena more than anything in the world…but some things have happened that made is so we couldn’t yet. We will…soon. I…” He was about to promise and thought better of it, wondering briefly if indeed it would ever happen. “I guess I can’t make you a promise…but I sure do hope we will be married soon, so we can all be a family like we said we would. One thing I do know for sure is that I love her very much and she loves us both and Belle too.”
“Okay, Daddy I’ll try to be patient like you said. I just miss Belle and Momma a whole bunch!” the boy cried, his tiny tears beginning to fall, making small streaks of moisture on his cheeks.
“So do I, Brady, so do I,” John said as he pulled his son into a warm embrace. As they were hugging, the phone rang. “Hello,” he said quietly.
It was the object of their discussion, “John….it’s me… I just wanted to see how you and Brady were doing.”
John couldn’t quite keep the sarcasm and the slightly bitter tone from his voice, “We’re fine….you don’t have to keep checking up on us, Marlena. We wouldn’t want to spoil your… plans or anything.”
“Oh, John I was hoping that you would be past this….negative attitude by now. “
Hearing the singing voices and hearty laughter of Roman and the other kids in the background, he decided he didn’t want to think about it anymore or be reminded of what he and his son were missing out on and said somewhat exasperatedly, “Look, Doc… Brady and I were on our way out the door, unless you want to make some kind of a change in the arrangements or something, I gotta go.”
She heard Brady start to say, “No we weren’t Daddy, why did you…” and then there were muffled voices before she heard John say more, “Sorry about that, I have to go now, Doc.. see you.. sometime.”
“John…please don’t be this way…I just couldn’t bear to hurt him again.”
“Right, Doc you don’t want to hurt him, but it’s okay to…. Oh, never mind, just forget it. Like I said, Brady and I have things to do now. Bye, Doc.” She could practically feel his heart breaking over the phone, his voice shaky with emotion.
Marlena attempted to reassure him of her love and commitment to him, “John…please, I love you very much and I want to marry you, you know that…”
Shaking his head at her statement, he disagreed sadly, “No, Doc…I don’t know much of anything where we’re concerned. In case you didn’t realize it, I hurt too, Doc..” He mumbled it again, “I get hurt too.” He spoke in whispers as he hung up the phone, a few tears beginning to slip out around the corners of his eyes.
Brady could see how upset his father was, “Don’t cry Daddy…we just have to be patient, right?”
“Right…slugger, that’s right,” John said as he wiped a wayward tear from his slightly flushed cheek. “Let’s go do something fun together okay?” he asked, trying hard to find a smile for his son’s benefit.
“Yea.. let’s go sledding like you said, Daddy! I found a really good hill at the golf course when I went the other day, my friend Billy showed me!” his son said excitedly, having already moved on from his moment of sadness.
John wanted to follow his lead and said more cheerfully, “Alright, then let’s go on over there and you can show me too!” They gave each other high fives, grabbed their coats, hats, and gloves and were off for a day of father-son play.
As she heard the phone click, Marlena realized even more fully what she was doing to John. Just because he was strong and physically healthy didn’t mean he wasn’t suffering. He always hid his pain so well and she had been so focused on the fact that Roman was ill and almost died that she didn’t recognize just how difficult all the waiting was for John. Now, he was feeling like she was putting Roman’s needs and feelings first and didn’t care about how it was affecting John or their children. “Oh, John… I didn’t want to hurt you. I’m sorry, I just didn’t know what to do. Roman had so much taken from him…I couldn’t turn him down when he asked me to spend Christmas with him and the children.”
In her mind, she heard John saying wounded words in response, some of which he never actually uttered, but which his eyes and expression had told her when they had their last heated discussion in reference to telling Roman the whole truth about their relationship. “What about Belle and Brady and their Christmas, Marlena? They’re little children and they were so excited about us being together this year. Brady’s been asking me why we aren’t a family yet, when we promised him we would all be together at Christmas time. The fact of the matter is that you’re choosing to be with Roman and your… other family over us, even though he already knows about our love. I won’t lie about it and tell you that it doesn’t hurt me, it hurts a lot, Marlena and not just for me! To tell you the truth, I just don’t understand it and I don’t know if I ever will.”
That conversation, which took place a few days earlier when John informed her that he wasn’t taking Brady to Italy for the holidays after all, had started out pleasantly and ended angrily, as was true of most of their discussions lately. It all boiled down to the same issue, when she would talk to Roman and confirm what he already knew. John couldn’t understand her reasons for not following through on the decision they made during a conversation they had on the pier, which had taken place almost a week ago now. They hadn’t really spoken much since the second significant argument on the Pier later that same night, except for another fight or two. There was the one she just thought of and the one about where Brady should stay, and now…there went another unpleasant phone contact. John was definitely very displeased with her choices and wasn’t going to warm up to her until she took the action he wanted. Marlena didn’t like being pushed to do something when she wasn’t ready. It was a very tense standoff and both of them were frustrated and quite miserable about being apart at the holidays, However, there didn’t seem to be any resolution in sight, much to their mutual dismay.
She sighed with exhaustion as she replaced the phone on its stand and sat down on her bed, wondering what the future held. “Oh, John….what are we going to do? I’m sorry that you’re angry with me and we can’t be together, but I can’t do what you want, not yet…he’s just not strong enough. I have to wait and hope you’ll still be there when I do.” She heard that little voice in the back of her head again, “Yes…but that doesn’t mean you can’t share Christmas between the two families. John is right, you should spend some time with him and the other two children in your life. Belle and Brady need you as much or more than Sami, Carrie and Eric do.” She decided that it was true and started formulating a plan to make the situation work out for everybody. It wasn’t fair to neglect her other family in favor of the Brady’s. Marlena would find a way to share herself between them, even if it took all of her energy to do it.
Little White Flag And a Sprig of Mistletoe
It was Christmas Eve and John was sitting up with Brady watching a video tape which had Frosty the Snowman followed by Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer for about the fifth time that day. Suddenly, Brady turned to his father and asked anxiously, “Daddy, are you sure Santa can find us here at this hotel? When Momma helped me with my letter we lived with her, how will he know where I am?”
John smiled warmly with understanding and a hint of sadness for all the changes the children had endured over the past year or two. “Don’t worry, Brady…Santa always knows where all the good little boys and girls are, even if they move or spend the night in a different place than usual, he’ll find us, Slugger,” John said convincingly, as he hugged Brady tightly to his chest. They were singing the songs, munching on popcorn and cuddling on the couch together and though he missed Marlena terribly, he felt content in some ways to be spending this special time alone with his little guy.
John’s thoughts turned back to Marlena as the word mistletoe came up again. Burl Ives was singing….”Ho Ho the mistletoe..hung where you can see… Somebody waits for you, kiss her once for me..” John remembered the Christmas kisses from last year, he was with Kristen, but twice during the season he had the privelege of kissing his one true love. One day, he impulsively jumped over the couch and kissed Marlena when she was standing under some mistletoe. That glorious image came to mind as he actually listened to the words of “Holly Jolly Christmas,” for the first time. And it reminded him that he wasn’t the only one who had to wait for them to be together and he winced as he thought of his harsh, sarcastic tone and words during each of the last few interchanges with Marlena. John had taken his growing frustration about being separated out on her, when it wasn’t all her fault, when all she was trying to do was help a man she had once loved very much, recover fully from a life threatening illness. He felt guilty for some of the things he’d said and wanted to make amends with her.
Noticing that Brady had dropped off to sleep, he carefully extricated himself from underneath the boy and made a quick call down to the Gift Shop, hoping they would have what he needed. Thankfully, they did and within half an hour the items were delivered to the room. After paying the young man who brought them to him, he sat back down and placed Brady’s sleeping body on his lap and leaned back on the arm of the couch and flipped the television back on. It was comforting to have his little boy so close, he felt like he really had neglected his son for the infant he thought was his and then there was the crisis when Marlena was missing, and of course the Jungle adventure. Because of all that, John realized that what he mostly needed to do was to spend as much time as possible with Brady while he was young to ensure his son had the firm foundation of love and security that only his father could give him. As he looked up at the television, John saw that “It’s a Wonderful Life” was playing and he watched it out of habit. It was a feel good movie and he was glad for it. As he watched, however, he began to tire and dozed off periodically himself.
His plans regarding Marlena would have to wait until tomorrow, it was quite late and there was no way to take any action tonight. Looking at the wallet sized picture he carried of his little family, he said to her, “Tomorrow, Marlena…I will apologize to you. I’m sorry for the hurtful things I said. I’m sorry for all the tension in our relationship and for taking my pain out on you. I want to make it right and I will. I love you…and I need you.”
Marlena was sitting in the Penthouse with Eric, Sami, Will and Roman, also watching “It’s a Wonderful Life” and one particular scene reminded her of the choice she was making and what she was missing out on. All of a sudden the perfect idea came to her about how to start making it up to John. She said to the gang during a food break, “Everybody, there is an errand I need to run, I’m going to go out for a little while, okay?”
“I’ll go with you, volunteered Roman.” He had some idea of what she might be intending and didn’t want it to happen. He had heard the tail end of one of the other pair’s angry discussions and was under the impression that his chances with Marlena were improving by the hour. Roman wanted to keep it moving in the same direction.
“No, this is something I have to do alone, Roman. I won’t be gone too long, I promise.” She went quickly upstairs to find one specific item she needed for her surprise and found it the moment she opened the closet door. “Perfect!” she said, holding it out in front of her with a smile on her face. She put on some jeans and a Christmas sweater and headed on down the stairs, having tucked the item in her purse. Noticing the looks on their faces she said to all three adults, “I promise I won’t be long, this is something I just have to do.”
“Okay…be careful Mom,” Eric called after her. “Drive safely,” said Sami. Roman walked her to the door, saying, “Are you sure I can’t go with you, Doc?”
She smiled and said, “Umm hmm, very sure. My surprise would be ruined if you went with me,” she said, truthfully.
Thinking she was talking about something for him, he said, “Oh, well, in that case….get on out of here, Doc.”
As she stood waiting for the elevator she chuckled in spite of herself, thanking the Lord that she did have a pretty good surprise for him that she could say was why she left if he asked about it. She hated the lying…but it was for his protection. Within a half hour she was at the entrance to her intended destination. Catching her breath as she entered the lobby carrying a fairly large bag of gifts which she had kept in the trunk of her car, she quickly ducked into the restroom to complete the little project she had to hide from her curious family members. She took out the dowel rod she had found with the Christmas decorations and fixed the object from the closet firmly to it with heavy tape. She then rolled it up appropriately and tucked it under one arm, while lifting the bag of Christmas items with both hands. She managed to make her way to the elevators and up to the second floor where John was staying with Brady. She dragged the bag once she stepped out of the elevator onto the carpet on that floor and proceeded to John’s room. When Marlena arrived, she knocked lightly, there was no answer. Next, she decided to use the key John had given her and quietly opened the door. Sneaking her way in on tip toes she put the bag behind the couch and then held the dowel rod out around the corner in plain view of those sitting on the couch.
Brady was asleep in his lap and John was sitting there half-asleep himself but heard the faint sounds and opened his eyes; he then caught a glimpse of some movement out of the corner of his eye. He turned toward it to see Marlena smiling sheepishly while waving a white flag made out of a pillowcase and dowel rod. She looked at him with all the love she felt inside and his eyes sparkled with joy and relief in response, but he didn’t say anything right away, savoring the moment. Marlena looked at him for a moment longer and said, “Truce?”
He laughed heartily and waved the sprig of mistletoe he had purchased from the hotel gift shop. Holding it well above his head he asked, “A kiss to make-up?” Marlena chuckled in return and the golden sound of it filled his heart like nothing else ever had or could. She hurried to his arms and he embraced her warmly. Then he caressed her face ever so gently and said regretfully, “I’m sorry, Doc…I’m really sorry for everything. I love you, I just love you so much and I’ve been missing you so badly.” John felt the moisture forming behind his eyes as he spoke to her, he was thrilled to have her with him.
Marlena had tears in her eyes as well, as she agreed with the sentiment, “Me too, John…I’ve missed you terribly.”
Having scooted Brady over, he was holding her close as he said, “You seem..happy with him…with your family and I guess I’ve been starting to have my doubts and I let my frustration get the best of me. I’m really very sorry for what I said, especially about Belle, it was…completely uncalled for. I’m sorry for all of it, will you please forgive me?”
“Oh, John you know I will, I love you so… I’m sorry too, honey!” They held each other awhile longer and then John captured her mouth in a long, gentle, smoldering kiss, his tongue gliding around hers in a way that made her ache for more. “Oh, John..honey..I have missed you so much! I’ve missed the way you kiss me, the way you touch me…the way you make love to me.”
“Oh, Doc…you can’t know how I’ve longed to be with you….please….I know we said we’d wait, but…I don’t think I…can. Let me.. make love to you…now.”
“John….oh, honey…if I’m gone too long…” she replied hesitantly, glancing back toward the door.
He cut her off. “Marlena…I *need* you!” he cried, almost desperate for her touch, in search of assurance that her love for him was as strong as ever. He took her in his arms and kissed her so passionately she felt faint from her desire for him. “Oh, John…I need you too! Yes…yes make love to me the way you do…”
Not wanting to waste a single solitary second, he took her coat off for her and started in quickly on her sweater and she gasped at how quickly he was taking charge of the situation. She began to repay the favor and took off his shirt, kissing him all the while. Soon, they had only underclothing on and had moved to the bed, praying Brady wouldn’t wake up. They managed to think clearly enough to keep their clothes nearby, just in case. John’s desire was so strong, they had been apart for more than three months now and he literally ached for her. She felt the same way, she had simply hidden it better. Touching each other lightly was enough to start a fire within them and the flames were threatening to burn out of control after only a few minutes of intimate body contact. John was massaging her breasts gently, his hands tenderly cupping her bosoms and she responded quite nicely by moaning softly. John smiled, knowing he was bringing her pleasure always increased his own. She took a turn and massaged him intimately as well and he felt his need to become one with her advancing rapidly. “Oh, Marlena…. I have dreamed of us being together…I want you so much!”
“I have missed us together too, more than you can ever know, John….I love you, I want to marry you and I don’t want you to ever doubt that…alright?” She asked as she kissed him very powerfully to emphasize her point. “I love you, John Black and I cannot wait to be Mrs. John Black…does that take away your fears about us?”
He was smiling with that slightly mischievous glint in his eyes and he said, “Well, actually…I think I need a little more convincing, Doc… you better keep it up… Kiss me like that again, please.”
“Oh…you drive a hard bargain…so to speak. But, I think I can afford the price.” She did kiss him again, hungrily and he moaned again, with the intensifying desire for her, “Oh, Doc…..you’re so good at that.”
“Well, you’re not half bad… you know, I’ve been thinking…I need a little more convincing that you’re sorry for some of the things you said in our last couple of arguments. Do you think you could find a way to…show me that you regret your harsh words?”
“Oh…yea.. I think I could come up with a couple of ways…to show you, yes.” With that, he began to caress her pleasure spots and he positioned her on top of him and began to make love in earnest. Soon, they were on a journey into intimacy, their bodies joining, melding into one being in the moment of greatest pleasure. They went higher and higher together until they crested the mountain, their hearts beating in time, their breathing ragged, their bodies pulsing with love.
Slowly, they began to descend and they giggled afterward for the release of pent-up sexual tension. John said, “Ah…yea…that’s what I missed.”
Staring intently into his deep blue eyes, she said sincerely, “So have I, John…believe me, so have I. I love you so much!”
Caressing her cheeks and running his fingers through her silky tresses, he said, “And, I love you so much!”
Looking at her watch, Marlena noticed how much time had passed and started to dress quickly, that action taking them both back in time to other stolen moments of love. It left John feeling once again like they were having to hide an illicit affair and it somehow tarnished what they had just shared. He voiced it, “I hate this…you shouldn’t be having to race off to… This love we share, it isn’t wrong, Doc…you know that, don’t you?” he asked her with intensity.
Now fully dressed, she ran her fingers through the hair that he was beginning to let grow a little and said softly, “Yes, honey…I know that. We are free to love, there isn’t anything bad or wrong about us loving each other. Please don’t let yourself worry about that, I don’t.” Her voice gained strength as she encouraged him to have faith in their love, “I’m just trying to make sure that Roman is ready to hear it from my lips…that’s all, John. I am not going back to him, I am not stalling you…it’s not like that. Please don’t you let anyone make you believe that, okay sweety?”
He nodded, feeling suddenly vulnerable and at the same time assured by her firm statement of her commitment to him. He sat up and put on his underwear and jeans, then looked directly into her loving eyes and said, “Okay, Doc…thank you for coming here tonight, it means more than I can say. I love you so much and I really am sorry for my….attitude. It’s just so hard to be apart now…when we should have been married and starting our new life together.”
She nodded and agreed, “I know…it is for me too, John. But, we can get through this if we stay strong…together.”
John smiled weakly, but said firmly, “Right, we can do anything as long as we’re together in our hearts… I love you, Marlena.”
“And, I you…goodnight, John. Sweet dreams.” She stood up and moved quickly toward the door, it was time to go.
“Sweet dreams love.” As they approached the threshold, John leaned in for one last kiss, it was soft and tender and captivating. He managed to take her breath away again. “Merry Christmas, Doc.”
Smiling warmly with affection, she said, “Merry Christmas, John.” Then, she turned and began to walk toward the elevator. When she got there, she pushed the button and glanced back toward him again; they stared at each other with all the affection they felt inside clearly evident in their lingering love-filled gaze.
Oh, what a little white flag and a sprig of mistletoe can do!
Christmas Wake Up Call
It was midnight on Christmas Eve and all around the town of Salem there were parents assembling toys, completing the wrapping of presents and then carefully arranging them under the Christmas trees for their children. John Black was one of those parents. As he was busy putting the finishing touches on Santa’s visit for Brady…he began to feel chilled, then soon afterward he began to sweat with fever, and felt faint and dizzy. He thought maybe he was getting a touch of the flu or was just tired and hungry, and a little dehydrated. So, he put on a sweatshirt to warm up and then ate a light snack and drank a glass of water, but none of that seemed to make him feel better. Whatever was happening appeared to be getting worse by the minute. Realizing from the rapidly advancing symptoms that there was a potentially serious problem developing, he went to retrieve his cell phone from his coat pocket. Groaning with discomfort while putting a hand to his head, he said out loud, “Oh…man, I’m so hot… something’s wrong… I gotta…call somebody…” John was in the process of trying to dial the phone for help when he fainted and collapsed, hitting his head slightly on the coffee table on his way down. He went out almost immediately, the phone still in his hand; he landed right next to the tree and was still and silent for the rest of the night.
It was Christmas Day…the sun was beginning to shine brightly in Salem, the air was crisp and clean, there was a nice layer of snow on the ground and Brady Black woke up excited as can be about Santa Claus having come in the night. He peered out of his bedroom in the Salem Inn, looking toward the tree and saw so many presents that he was amazed by the sight. Then his eyes landed on something else It was his father, who was lying down awkwardly next to the tree and he seemed to be sleeping. Brady slowly approached his Daddy and shook him gently, but the man didn’t awaken. Brady noticed that his father was bleeding from the head and sweating and he seemed to be shaking too. The boy touched his Daddy’s moist forehead and it was very hot…and then he knew his Daddy was sick. “Oh, no…my Daddy is sick…. Daddy wake up! Please wake up Daddy, it’s Christmas!” he cried out fearfully.
When several more attempts to wake his father were unsuccessful, Brady knew he had to do something, to get help from an adult. John had showed him how to dial Marlena’s number which was programmed into the regular phone they brought to the Inn, for convenience sake. Brady picked up the phone and pushed the nine and then the number one and soon it was Mommy Marlena’s voice he heard, “Hello.. Merry Christmas,” she said cheerfully, while stifling a yawn. All she heard on the line was crying… “Hello…who’s there?” she asked, thinking it was a child’s voice she was hearing, but unable to identify the caller.
“My Daddy is sick, I can’t wake him up…please help us!” he managed to cry out through his fearful sobs.
“Brady…is that you?” she asked, afraid for both of them. “What’s wrong with your Daddy?”
The fear was increasing rapidly, “He’s…on the floor and I can’t.. wake him up, he’s all hot and sweaty, and he’s bleeding…My Daddy won’t wake up! I’m scared…I’m scared!”
“Oh my God!” she cried. She was frightened too, but had to remain calm to help both of them. “Brady, I want you to look at the phone very carefully, can you do that, sweety?”
“Yes…I can see the numbers..” he said more calmly, but still crying.
“If I hang up, can you push the number zero, it looks like the letter O, do you see it?”
“Yes…I see it, it’s on the bottom in the middle, right?”
“Right, good job Brady. Now, when I hang up, you push it and tell the front desk that Daddy is very sick and an ambulance is on the way. Can you do that?”
“Yes…I think so… Mommy…I’m afraid… what’s wrong with my Daddy?”
The fear was nearly over powering. What could it be? She forced it down to answer the boy calmly, “I don’t know sweety, but we’ll find out, okay? I’m going to call an ambulance right now to come and take him to the hospital and I’ll be right there to see you, alright?”
Brady was frightened and very worried, but it helped to know Marlena was coming and help for his father was on the way as well, “Okay….please hurry and help my Daddy!”
Upon hanging up, Marlena immediately called 911 and reported the situation, then called the front desk of the Salem Inn herself and told them to get someone up to the room to stay with Brady immediately. Then she disrobed, threw some clothes on and was prepared to rush out the door without saying a word to anyone, when Roman heard her rummaging around for her keys.
He reached for her hand, saying, “Doc….what’s going on, where are you in such a hurry to go on Christmas morning?” he asked, wondering what could be upsetting her so much.
She replied anxiously while still readying herself to leave, “Roman, I don’t have time to explain. That was Brady on the phone, he and John spent the night at the Salem Inn. Brady woke up to find John lying on the floor, and he said he couldn’t wake him up. It sounds like John is very sick and Brady is terrified. I have to go, now!”
Roman wasn’t dressed, but said, “Let me go with you, Doc.” He was actually concerned for the man, but he also wanted to keep tabs on the situation between the two of them.
Heading swiftly toward the door, she answered firmly, “No, there isn’t time, I’m sorry. I’ll let you know what I find out, I just can’t wait, Roman!” She raced out the door and jumped in the car and then while driving, she called Abe Carver. “Abe..it’s Marlena…sorry to disturb you on Christmas, but I thought you’d want to know. I just got a call from Brady, he woke up and found John collapsed on the floor of their hotel room and he couldn’t wake him. He said John was all hot and sweaty and bleeding too.”
“Oh, my God Marlena! Lexie and I will meet you at the hospital. Is Brady alright?”
“He’s very frightened, but physically okay as far as I know, I called the hotel and had them send someone to stay with him until the ambulance arrived. Abe…I’m scared….what if it’s some…residual effect from that poison…or some other parasite from the jungle he was in?”
“Marlena.. there’s no sense in speculating…we’ll have to wait and see.”
She agreed, thankful for his attempt at keeping her calm and rational, “You’re right, I’ll see you there.”
“Hang in there, Marlena. John is very strong and he has so many reasons to stick around, he’ll be alright,” Abe finished encouragingly.
Brady sat on the bed with the nice lady from the hotel, while the paramedics examined his father. They were doing all sorts of things that looked painful and he shouted, “Don’t hurt my Daddy, he’s sick!”
One of the medics took the time to reassure him, “Don’t worry Brady, we won’t do anything to hurt him. We’re going to help him get better.” They were checking vital signs and examining pupillary reactions, administering IV’s as directed by the physicians at the hospital. The man was running a very high fever, he was shaking and sweating and he was completely unresponsive at the moment. Within minutes, John was strapped to a gurney and being wheeled out of the room toward the ambulance.
Marlena arrived shortly afterward and rushed to the room to find Brady still sitting on the bed. When he saw her, he jumped up and ran to her. “Oh, Mommy…. I was so scared! Daddy is so sick and he still won’t wake up! They took him away….is he going to be okay?”
Holding the boy close to her, she said, feeling distraught herself, “Oh Brady….I don’t know sweetheart, let’s go to the hospital and find out.”
An hour later, Dr. Michael Horton stood at the nurse’s station reviewing preliminary lab results, trying to decipher the meaning of the values and draw a valid, logical conclusion as to the reason for the numbers he was seeing. In addition, he was trying to coordinate those results and any early conclusions he drew from the visible symptoms John was exhibiting. It was a hefty task at this juncture, there could be any number of causes for what was most evident. However, one diagnosis made the most sense at the moment, his symptoms were consistent with a serious bout of malaria, one form of which had an incubation period which was just exactly the length of time that had passed since John had gone to the jungle and returned to Salem. Some forms did not make themselves evident until the return to a colder climate where the parasite is stimulated to begin new activity. Mike hated to share that piece of news with Marlena, it wasn’t quite the sort of Christmas present one wishes for.
“Mike, what is it? Just tell me…” she said insistently, as he entered John’s room.
Hesitantly, the man answered, “Well, I’m not one hundred percent sure of this, but it looks like a pernicious form of malaria. As you may know there is a form with an incubation period of about 30 days. Another possibility is some other similar parasitic disease. Either way…it’s not pretty, Marlena. John is very sick. I’m sorry, I know that wasn’t what you wanted to hear, today of all days.”
“Oh, Mike…we’ve all been through so much, and now this! Oh, I don’t know how much more of this I can take!” She was very strong, but this was too much. Marlena broke down in tears, acknowledging that the man she truly loved was critically ill, possibly dying. Abe was there and she folded into his arms, sobbing with fear and regret. What if the unthinkable happened? They would never share their love in marriage the way they both hoped to do. Finally, she regained her composure and sat down at the bedside of the man she loved with all her heart, taking his hand in hers. “Oh, John you were right, we shouldn’t have waited any longer. If I had only known…I’m so sorry, honey…but you have to get well for me and the kids…you just have to, do you hear me!” There was no response at all, he just laid there, his body trembling in silence, the only sounds made by the respirator that was helping him breathe and the heart monitors and other machinery. It made her realize even more fully that one never knows what the next moment will bring. She sat with him for a long while, so many memories of their love and friendship flashing in her mind. Lastly, she remembered their conversation on the pier from so long ago now, and she saw his face and heard his words in her mind. He was referring to Isabella’s death when he said, “Doc, losing her taught me how fragile life is, how something you love so dearly can be taken away from you so quickly. So, if you feel something, you have to say it, while you still have time.”
Holding his hand to her face, she cried out in her fears, “Oh…John! You were so right! I love you….I love you and I want us to be married! Please don’t leave me, John…please!” At this point, John was in a coma-like state, there was nothing overt to indicate he was alive, no movement, no flickering of the eyelids, he was completely still and silent. He seemed so weak and vulnerable lying there connected to so many machines, even his breathing assisted by a mechanical device. She sobbed and cried out again, seeking some sense through the madness, “Oh, John, I don’t understand! I just saw you…. how could this have happened? You recovered from the poison…and you came home to me, you were so strong and healthy! Oh..honey..I’m so sorry that I put you off…and we didn’t get married. John, please…come back to me, I love you and I need you!” She bowed her head, folded her hands and pleaded with God as she continued to cry for John, “Oh dear God…please… don’t take him from me, I promise I won’t delay any longer and I’ll make him happy, from now on! Oh, please let him get well!”
Roman arrived with Belle, Sami and Eric in tow, just in time to see her lean over onto John’s chest and cry for him to come back to her and the whole gang heard the prayer as well. Brady, who had been waiting outside for a few minutes with Abe and Lexie Carver, and Belle suddenly came rushing past Roman and the others to join Marlena. With tears streaming down their little red cheeks, they cried out to him, “Wake up Daddy, it’s Christmas. Please wake up Daddy, it’s Christmas!” Marlena pulled the little boy she loved as a son, and her sweet little girl into a firm embrace of comfort and they cried together and held John’s warmer than normal hands, praying for God to spare him. Marlena received God’s message loud and clear, she knew beyond all doubt that she had just been given her Christmas wake up call.
Christmas Miracle
Roman watched silently as Belle, Brady, and Marlena embraced and cried over John and he began to realize that this was a family he was seeing, a family he hadn’t wanted to acknowledge, either in his mind or his heart. He made a noise, clearing his throat and Marlena turned swiftly toward the sound. Seeing the look on his face, she knew he wanted to talk with her and it was painfully clear what it was about. She whispered to the children, “Mommy will be right back, alright sweethearts? You stay with Daddy.”
“Okay, Momma,” said Belle, but Brady was silent. He was holding John’s hand as if he could will his father to awaken and get well. As Marlena stood up, he asked fearfully with tears still flowing, “Momma…I’m scared for my Daddy.. why won’t he wake up? Doesn’t he know that Santa Claus came last night… I want to give him my present I made in preschool… Oh… Momma, what’s wrong with my Daddy?”
Tears came back to Marlena’s eyes as she took the little boy into her loving arms and said, “Oh, Brady, I’m so sorry… Daddy is very sick sweety, but I hope he will get well soon.”
Turning his full attention back to his father, Brady said, “I do too, Momma. I’m going to pray to Jesus to give us a miracle and make my Daddy well for Christmas!” He folded his little hands together and knelt down next to his father’s bed. Belle, who had been crying quietly, joined him and imitated his hand folding gesture. Brady started in, “Dear Jesus… my Daddy is very sick and he won’t wake up…please Jesus…. give us a miracle…make my Daddy all better!”
Belle was crying, but she said, “Pwease God….do what my big brodder said and give us a Chwistmas miwacle…make our Daddy wake up!”
Marlena went to the sobbing children and picked them up in her arms. She wiped their tears and hugged them for several minutes, until they began to calm down again. Roman stood in the doorway, quietly watching the scene unfold. Seeing them pray and cry together again cemented his resolve to do what he had intended.
“We’ll keep an eye on them, Marlena,” offered Lexie, supportively, after noticing that Roman was becoming slightly impatient.
Marlena squeezed her hand and said a quiet, “Thank you,” to her friend.
The others watched nervously as Roman ushered her toward a quiet spot in the hospital, wondering what would be the result of this conversation that was long in the making. Once assured of their privacy, Roman took a deep breath and said, “Marlena…I have something to say to you and it’s not going to be easy for me, so bear with me..okay?”
“Of course, Roman…you know I will,” she said, wiping away the remaining moisture from her face and wondering what he would say, hoping the bitterness and anger hadn’t been rekindled as his love was. She didn’t think she could handle that plus John’s unexpected life-threatening sickness.
“Doc… Seeing you with John and Belle and Brady just now, made me realize something, that you are a family with them, that you…truly love him with all your heart …not me.” Roman was fighting his strong desire to take her in his arms, to steal away with her… to make her love him and he hesitated before telling her the next part. “You know..that I love you and that I was working hard to win your heart and I’m ashamed to say that I…faked my symptoms the other night.” He was more animated as he went on and Marlena had an idea of the direction he was headed, her heart was breaking for him. “After I learned the truth about you and John, I…don’t know.. what happened. I guess it just reminded me of the affair and I… wanted to win you back, I wanted to take you away from him. I wanted John to feel the pain that I felt when it all happened before, Doc!” Sadly, he admitted, “I know that it was wrong and I want you to know that I won’t do anything like that ever again. I’ve decided that I’m going to let you go. I meant what I said in those letters I wrote to both of you and I don’t really hold a grudge against you and John.” With tears of loss in his eyes, he finished giving her and John his blessing, “All I ever really wanted was for you to be happy…and if John…makes you happy, I want you…to be with him. So….go to him, make your life with him. ” His tears were starting to slip slowly from the corners of his wounded eyes.
She was overcome with emotion. “Oh, Roman….thank you… thank you so much! This is…the best gift you could have ever given me.” Tears of regret mixed with joy rushed to her eyes and began to spill out as she continued. Wiping her tears with the back of her fingertips as she often did, Marlena expressed what she felt toward Roman, “You know that I will.. carry our love in a very special part of my.. heart, for the rest of my life. I did love you….and I’m sorry for the pain I put you through. Your blessing and your forgiveness mean…everything to me. Thank you so much, Roman!”
Roman leaned in and pulled her close, it was a warm embrace, filled with the love of dear friendship, forgiveness, and the willingness to let go of the past. “Oh, Doc.. I’ll always love you, but as hard as it is to let go, I’m going to move on… I won’t do anything to interfere in your relationship with John, I promise.” When he finished, he spoke in a tearful whisper. Then he added one last thing, “Now…go on, go in there and make that foolish man wake up for you. I mean…doesn’t he realize that it’s Christmas and there are presents to be opened, and food to be eaten? Go in there and get him back on his feet!” he said with a slowly growing smile. He wanted to get Marlena thinking positively and it was working, she didn’t seem so frightened for the other man.
She kissed him on the cheek and said excitedly, “Oh, I will, Roman, I will!” Turning away from him, she ran back to sit at John’s bedside where the children were snuggled up next to his still sleeping form. Taking his right hand in both of hers, she said, “John…I have a Christmas present that you have to wake up for. Honey….Roman has given us his blessing, he just told me that he realized how much we love each other and how you and I and Belle and Brady are a family. He said he wants me to be happy, John and that if you make me happy, I should be with you. Isn’t that wonderful news, John?”
For a few agonizing minutes there was nothing, no movement, no indication that John had heard her or that he might respond to her words. She prayed, imploring the King of Kings to grant her heartfelt request, “Dear Lord…please heal John of this illness, bring him back to me and all the people who love him. Please, God…make him whole and healthy and let us finally share our lives together in love and marriage the way we were meant to do. That would be the greatest gift you could ever give me.”
While she was praying, she thought she felt something, but kept on going. Then it was more obvious, John had squeezed her hand. “John…honey?” He was coming out of it, “Oh thank God!” she cried joyfully.
He squeezed it harder and his eyelids began to flutter and then after a moment or two, he opened his eyes, a dazed expression on his face. “Hi…Doc… what.. happened to me? Where am I?” he asked anxiously, feeling disoriented. Then it hit him and he tried to sit up, not aware of the two warm bodies next to him. Fearfully he exclaimed, “Brady! Where’s Brady…we were together at the Salem Inn. Is he okay?” John asked worriedly.
“Daddy…I’m right here, you silly goof,” answered his son, not quite sure why his father didn’t realize it.
“Me too, Daddy,” said Belle sitting up to look at him.
“Oh….everybody’s here,” John said, feeling only slightly more awake and alert. “So…what am I doing here, what happened?” he asked groggily. He couldn’t remember anything about the night before.
Marlena answered quietly, while still holding his hand and watching him closely, “John….honey.. you’ve been very sick. Brady found you collapsed on the floor of the hotel room this morning. How do you feel?”
It took a moment for John to answer, as if he had to take inventory. “Tired…kinda tired…but…okay I guess. Did I miss Christmas?” he asked, having no idea of the passage of time.
Marlena hugged him tight and said, “No….John…it’s Christmas morning… you didn’t miss anything… except a very scary time. Listen, sweety, I have some good news for you.”
“You do…what’s that?” he asked, working hard to sit up in the bed, while still clearing the cobwebs from his mind. The concerned observers took that as their cue to give the couple even more privacy, scooping up the mildly protesting Belle and Brady with them for a few minutes. Abe and Lexie explained to them that their Mommy and Daddy needed a few minutes to talk and that the kids could join them very soon. They were content to watch through the open doorway, while the others walked across the hall to the waiting area.
Marlena’s eyes were suddenly a little brighter and she said to her love, “Hold on one second, I have to get something and I’m pretty sure it’s here with us.” She stepped across the room to the closet and reached in to find his leather jacket, then slid her hand into the special little zippered pocket inside. She found the item which she hoped would be there. “Ah….just like I thought,” she said quietly. Without tipping him off, she palmed it and moved to his side, sitting quietly for a minute.
“Doc…what’s going on here… I don’t understand,” John said with a puzzled expression on his face.
“Well, John…I was just given a Christmas miracle and a Christmas gift, now it’s time for me to give you your Christmas wish. Would you like it now?”
He smiled…wondering, hoping, but not feeling certain about what she was referring to, so he said, “Yes… please pretty lady.. I would like to have my wish come true. What is it Doc?”
She took his hand and placed the ring in his palm, saying at the same time, “John…. Roman has given us his blessing. He said that he wants me to be happy and he still means what he wrote in those letters. Roman told me that he forgives us and he wants us to be happy together, he’s letting me go, John. We’re free to love and marry… isn’t that wonderful news?”
Tears formed in his eyes, while she was speaking. “Oh, Marlena… you’re right! This is my Christmas wish come true. I love you so much!” John pulled her into a warm hug and held her for a long time.
Marlena was the one who somewhat reluctantly ended the embrace, saying, “Now..I believe I made you a promise that I intend to keep. I told you that when you put that ring back on my finger it would be forever. So….my love, would you please put that gorgeous engagement ring back on my finger?” Her face was glowing with the joy of anticipation and his expression mirrored hers.
“Oh… Doc….Yes I will!” he said with glee. With slightly trembling hands, John gently placed the ring on her finger and said, “Marlena…love of my life, woman of my dreams….this time it’s forever. I want us to be married as soon as possible. What do you say to a New Year’s Eve Wedding?”
Her heart melted at his romanticism as she answered, “Oh…honey, I can’t think of a thing I want more in this whole world. I just love you so….Oh, I love you, I love you!!” Marlena kissed him with such passion that he felt his breath leave him.
“Woah….Doc.. I’m so glad you did that!” John repaid the favor and she swooned, “I’ve missed your kisses…. oh, have I missed your kisses.” she whispered, her voice filled with smoldering desire they wished they could act upon this very moment.
Not certain how much their voices would carry, John whispered a reply in her ear, “Later, Doc…just a little later…and I’ll do much more than kiss you, baby.”
“Ooh, is that a promise?” she asked, thrilled to be able to love him openly.
“Yes, that’s a promise…”He stopped and corrected himself, gazing at her with a wide grin on his face, “No, actually, that’s a fact!”
They both laughed heartily at that one. “Oh, John….you are so silly…and I love you so, I can’t wait to be your wife!” Marlena said with joy, hugging him again, still recovering from the rapid turn of events.
“And you know that I can’t wait to be your husband! How many days is it till New Year’s?” he asked teasingly.
Marlena smiled at his pretense of impatience as she answered, “It’s one week John..that’s all, just one…little…week. Can you handle it?”
“Oh, I guess so…as long as we can all be together as a family until then. Is it a deal, Doc?” John asked, looking out at the kids, who were standing somewhat impatiently in the doorway.
“I wouldn’t have it any other way, John. I wouldn’t have it any other way,” she said convincingly as she embraced him once again.
That was all the kids could take and both Belle and Brady came rushing into the room, and jumped up on the bed. Brady said, “Dr. Mike said it really is a miracle, the tests say Daddy is going to be all better real soon and he might get to go home today sometime…as long as he gets lots of rest. Yeah!!”
“Yeah… we’re going to be a famiwy!!” exclaimed little Belle. “Alright, I can’t wait!” agreed Brady happily.
“Oh boy!” cried Marlena with glee. John’s eyes sparkled with happiness as he said, “Well, now it’s a sure thing…this is going to be the best Christmas ever!”
“Oh yes it is…my love, yes it is!” agreed Marlena, as John hugged his family close to his body.
John spoke with passionate excitement, “I love you guys so much and we are going to be a real family. Our wish is finally coming true!” John tilted his head back and tossed up a quick prayer, “Thank you, God,” as Marlena did the same, saying, “Yes Lord, thank you for giving us our Christmas miracle.”
Where Dreams and Reality Merge
Brady’s father had fallen into a deep sleep, possibly a coma–the jury was still out on that one. The little boy was holding John’s hand and asked Marlena hopefully, “When my Daddy wakes up, can we be a family like you said before. My Daddy made a promise that we would get married and he always keeps his promises.”
It was so difficult to explain what had happened and to keep her emotions under control. There had been so much pressure on her and she broke down in tears. “Oh, Brady….yes he does. Your Daddy always keeps his promises and he loves us all very much. I made him a promise too and I am going to keep it. As soon as your Daddy wakes up, I’m going to give him a great big kiss and then we’ll be a family as soon as he is well.”
“Oh, goody that’s my most favorite dream I ever had, for me and Belle and you and Daddy to live in the same house and be a real family!” the little boy said with enthusiasm.
Wrapping him up in her arms, Marlena said softly, “Oh…Brady, that’s my dream too, sweety, it’s my dream too.”
An hour or so later, Shawn and Caroline had taken Belle and Brady back to the Pub with them for breakfast. Marlena was sleeping at John’s bedside, holding his hand and wiping his fevered brow, willing the disease to run its course as it responded to the anti parasitic drugs. “Come on, John…Mike said you should be getting better, come on honey…it’s Christmas and the kids are waiting for you. They want to give you their presents. Please John…wake up..again, we all need you so much, we’re free now, John, remember?” Suddenly, there were monitors beeping, she looked up and the heart monitor was a flatline. “Oh my God, No! John, don’t go, please don’t leave me!”
Marlena sat straight up in bed to the shrill sound of an alarm clock going off. She was breathing hard, her heart pounding, she glanced over at the clock, it read 5:30Am. She had forgotten to reset her alarm for a later time since it was Christmas Day. The dream had been so real that the fear lingered long after it ended and she said, still breathing hard, “Oh…. what a nightmare…. Oh, John…whew.. you’re not really sick, we didn’t need to pray for a miracle to save you… but then…that means Roman hasn’t given us his blessing either.” Opening the drawer of her bedside table, she pulled out a picture of the man who held her heart, “Oh, John… I’m so glad it was just a nightmare, that you’re okay and I could see you last night…it was so….wonderful making love with you again…I miss you already, my love.”
Her cell phone rang and she froze. What if? She jumped out of bed and snatched it swiftly from her purse. “Hello?” She asked fearfully.
“Merry Christmas…lover.. Do you miss me?”
She was shaking and her voice trembled with emotion, “Oh… John.. I do miss you, I wish you were here, I wish you could hold me right now!”
He was alarmed by the sound of her voice, “Doc…what is it, why are you so upset?”
Despite her efforts to control her emotions, she started to cry as she told him about her dream, “John… I just don’t want to be apart anymore. Oh, I just dreamed…. that you almost died, that you…got some parasitic disease from the trip to the jungle. You were so sick… Brady called me and said you had collapsed, and he couldn’t wake you and then…you seemed to be getting better. All of a sudden your heart stopped and I thought you were going to die. Oh, it was so real, John!”
“Oh, baby…it was just a dream, I’m fine…really. except that my heart aches for you and my body… well it aches to make love to you over and over, and over.” Noticing that his distraction technique was failing, he said, “Seriously, Marlena, do you want me to come over there now?”
“No..it’s okay,” she sobbed, “but I do need to see you…today, and I want to tell Roman everything… I can’t live like this anymore and you deserve better than to be staying with Brady in some hotel until I think Roman is ready to hear the truth. I think that dream was my wake up call. I remember I was sitting by your side, begging you to wake up, to come back to me and what you said on the pier that night after Jennifer’s interview came to me. Do you remember that, John?”
He was quiet for one moment before answering softly, “Like it was yesterday, Doc. I’ll never forget anything about that night. I said that her death taught me how fragile life is, how something you love so dearly can be taken away so quickly..”
Marlena jumped in to finish it, “Yes, and you also told me that if you feel something, you have to say it while you still have time. Well, I want to say it to you and to everyone else, loud and clear. I love you, John Black! I love you with all my…heart and I don’t want to hide it anymore. I want to walk proudly down the aisle in St. Luke’s and declare my love and commitment to you for the rest of our lives, in front of God and all our friends and family. I want to be your wife, your very best friend, and your lover from now until eternity.” Still tearful, she shared her conclusion, “That’s what that horrible dream did for me, was remind me that I shouldn’t waste any more of our precious time. I don’t want to us to wait any more, John.”
John was slightly stunned, but more than pleased to hear her speak so firmly of her plans and her desire to marry him. It was his turn to express his emotions about the situation and their love, “Oh, Marlena… I have dreamed of this moment, of.. hearing you talk like this about me, about our love and our future together. Until you came to see me last night… I was beginning to think that maybe…your feelings were changing and you just.. didn’t want to tell me. I thought…maybe you were falling for him again and I was so scared I was gonna lose you. I love you so much and I can’t wait to see you walk down that aisle to me!”
She was much calmer now and sought to reassure him, “John…I love you and I’m not going to hold back or pretend any longer. I’m going to talk to Roman, today.I’m going to confirm everything you told him. Can you tell me exactly what happened between you?”
John was hesitant to tell her the truth about the Roman Brady he saw; the man wasn’t the gentle, sweet, forgiving, totally honest person he made himself out to be when he was with Marlena. He had been caustically angry and bitterly jealous, vindictive in his attitude toward John and John still believed Roman had faked his symptoms later that same night to gain Marlena’s sympathy and postpone her “talk” with him. How could John ruin that image Marlena had of a man she once loved deeply, or avoid getting into another fight with her about it. Finally, he replied, “Doc… it wasn’t a very…nice conversation…. we..uh.. both said some things that… well, that you really wouldn’t like to hear.”
“John… I understand that you were both… upset that night, but I at least need to know exactly what you told him about us and how it happened so I can be consistent and make sure there is no room for misunderstanding.”
“Okay…if you’re sure about this..” He paused long enough to give her the chance to say something, then began to explain when she didn’t. “It started out when I was down on the pier…thinking about you, about us and wondering what was going to happen between us. I guess I must have said something out loud about what I was thinking and Roman heard it. He started putting things together, the tension between me and Kristen, the necklace I gave you.. and he confronted me about everybody lying to him, covering things up. So, I told him the truth about us. I told him that we were in love, that we were about to be married when Kristen brought him back. He knows that she did it to stop the wedding. I explained that we went along with her lies because he was so sick, to protect him. That’s basically it, Doc.”
“John.. I’m sure he was hurt and angry, but can you tell me how he reacted, what he said? I need to know, so I can help him understand what has happened.”
“Oh… Doc.. I’m not so sure this is a good idea…especially over the phone.” John was worried that if he told her exactly what was said, she wouldn’t believe him and they would argue. If that happened, he wanted it to be in person, when he could see her facial expression and look into her eyes.
“John…don’t worry, I can handle it and I won’t doubt you, please it’s very important.”
He sighed…with concern and hesitantly told her, “He was so…angry, Doc. I could tell that he wanted to hit me so bad, he kept baiting me, trying to get me to lose my temper with him. The more I tried to help him understand, the angrier he got. He said he was going to fight for you, that you… chose him before…after the affair and that it might happen again. Then, later on at the Penthouse he basically said that he wanted to take you away from me, that he wanted me to feel what he felt when the affair was revealed. He says I stole you away from him and he plans on repaying the favor. Doc….he…uh… went after me about all the years apart and….the other women I was with. Roman thinks that….if I really loved you… I wouldn’t have been with anyone else, I wouldn’t have… married someone else. He said that if I loved you as much as I say I do then I should have fought harder for you when he first came back. He said you are the only woman he has been with since he met you. I think he.. planned on trying to make you doubt the strength of my love for you by bringing up my…other relationships.” John breathed a sigh of relief, at least it was out there.
“Oh…boy…that’s a lot to take in, John. I knew he would be angry, but that sounds…so…different from the way he’s been acting since he came back. He’s been so sweet and so…forgiving of us, so understanding about everything. But, what you’re describing sounds like the Roman who left here, the one who forced the divorce on me because he was hurt and so angry and.. jealous. Oh, John…how am I going to make him understand?”
“I don’t know, Doc.. do you want me to be there with you when you talk to him?”
“No, that would only make it worse for him. This is something I have to do alone, but I appreciate the offer.”
There was a long pause and John had to ask about what she hadn’t commented on. Sounding suddenly very vulnerable and frightened of losing her, he asked, “Doc… what about the rest of it? Do you.. have doubts about my love…because of my.. marriage to Isabella and my relationship with Kristen or…the other women I dated when we were apart. I would…. understand if you did and I would really …like to have a chance to talk about it with you sometime. If you want.”
He was being so wonderful and sensitive and she thought maybe they should talk about it sometime, to completely clear the air, but not over the phone, so she said, “Oh John… no, honey I don’t have any doubts about your love. You were just doing what you had to do to try to let me go, to get over your love for me and move on with your own life when you thought you couldn’t have one with me. I understand all that and I’m not resentful or insecure in your love.”
He let out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding and said, “Oh…good, I was….a little worried there for a minute. I do love you…more than anything or anyone in my life. I love you more than my life, you are my life and even when I was with someone else…it was you, Doc!” He was speaking so passionately that she wanted to hold him and couldn’t wait to be with him again, “It was always you I truly loved with all my heart. I really thought you didn’t love me that way anymore and I was trying to convince myself I could live without you, but I was wrong, Marlena.. I love you and I need you so much!”
He touched her in ways she couldn’t describe, “Oh, John…I believe you and I love you the same way. Please don’t ever forget that I love you with all of my heart and I need you too, John. You are everything I have longed for, everything I have dreamed about for a very long time. I want us to be married as soon as possible after I talk to Roman.”
John sighed again, with a sense of peace about their relationship and then smiled joyfully and asked one last question, “How about a New Year’s Eve wedding?”
She was filled with anticipation and she remembered the dream… “John…that’s what you asked me in my dream and I said yes. Oh, I can’t wait. I’m going to open presents with Roman and the kids and then I’m going to talk to him. By this afternoon, you and I will be together and able to share our love openly and honestly. I’d like to have our own Christmas with Belle and Brady after their naps, is that alright with you?”
“Oh, you know it is, Doc! I can’t wait to see you. Listen, you call me if you need me for anything… anything at all. And if he… scares you…in any way, you call me and I’ll be there in a flash!”
She chuckled at the thought of him in a red body suit, a bolt of lightning down the side, “That’s my superhero…. Don’t worry, John I can handle this. Roman would never hurt me, I know that without a doubt.”
“Okay.. Doc… but I’ll have my cell phone with me all day long, just in case.” In his mind, John was reviewing his argument with the man and he briefly imagined what might happen if Roman turned his fury toward Marlena. John shuddered as he said to himself after she hung up, “I hope you’re right, Doc… I sure hope you’re right.”
Marlena’s hand lingered on the telephone as she considered what John had told her about Roman’s reaction to the news of their renewed love relationship and plans to marry. It was disturbing to her, she was sure John had toned it down somewhat for her benefit. It sounded as though Roman was violently angry at them for lying to him, the supposedly forgotten jealousy and bitterness making its way powerfully to the surface in John’s presence. Then a few hours later he was sweet and loving and he seemed so weak and vulnerable with her. Was it all an act, a ploy to gain her sympathy and drive a wedge between she and John as John had intimated. Marlena had a hard time believing that the Roman she knew could ever do anything so devious, so manipulative. ‘Not my Roman…. no, it just can’t be, John must be mistaken about that part of it,’ she was saying inside her mind when she was jarred out of her troubled contemplation by a knock on the bedroom door.
Quickly putting on a robe as she walked, Marlena answered the door to see Roman fully dressed and grinning at her. “Merry Christmas, Doc!” he said excitedly.
Putting on a cheerful expression of her own, she replied, “Merry Christmas, Roman. How are you feeling this morning?” she asked, wondering again about what John had said regarding him faking the symptoms.
“Great right now. You know how much I love Christmas and seeing you first thing in the morning is the best medicine I could ever have, Marlena. I’m so glad you chose to spend Christmas with me and our children, it’s going to be wonderful, just like old times, Doc!” The way he emphasized the word chose, made it appear as though he was trying to impress upon her who she really loved, him, and not John. She didn’t have long to process that thought as she was distracted by the sound of footsteps on the stairs.
Another happy voice was heard, “It sure is.. maybe the first of many happy Brady family Christmases to come, right Mom?” Eric asked as he came up behind his father, not able to stop himself from exerting more pressure on her. He desperately wanted to recreate the perfect family he envisioned and though he wanted her to be happy, his own needs seemed to take precedence at times.
Roman put his arm around Eric as he answered, “I sure hope it is, son… After almost dying like I did, I plan to treasure every moment with the people I love… and that means you, your sisters and your mother. How about you Doc, isn’t that what you said you wanted to do too?” he asked, stoking the fire of guilt.
Marlena replied to Roman’s question, “Yes.. I feel the same way, Roman. Well, what are we waiting for, let’s go have some breakfast together. If Sami is awake, then we can get right to the… presents.”
Roman smiled warmly, “That always was one of your favorite parts… if I recall correctly.” Thinking back to simpler times, Roman said, “God, I miss those early days, Doc.. when there was no..” ‘When there was no.. John Black in our lives.’ That was what he was thinking, but he managed not to say it, that would be too much, but he had gotten his point across quite nicely without completing the sentence.
It hurt her to think of life without John, and yet there were some moments when she looked back with fondness at the first few years of her relationship with Roman and asked the ‘what if’ questions. Suddenly she told herself firmly, ‘No, Marlena…that part of your life is over, and you love only John now. We have a beautiful little girl born from our love and your heart belongs to him. I don’t want to go back anymore,’ she concluded. However, to Roman and the children she said, “Those are some very happy memories, Roman.. and I do treasure them, but our lives are…different now.” Wanting to move things along she said, “Now, what do you say we make some new ones this morning?” she asked, cleverly changing the subject.
Recognizing that he was making her uncomfortable, he agreed, “Sounds great, Doc.. let’s go on downstairs, I’ve got coffee brewing already and Eric and I stopped by that bakery you love so much yesterday. We got those cinnamon rolls you were talking about last week.”
She was touched by his thoughtfulness and said so, “Oh, Roman… Eric you are so sweet to me, thank you for remembering.”
As they reached the first floor, Roman touched her on the arm and said, “Anything for you, Doc.. I’d do anything to make you happy, you ought to know that by now.” Almost every comment was designed to rekindle any lingering feelings of love toward him as well as remind her of her guilt about having hurt him before and for lying to him a second time around. That last one was tricky because he didn’t want to give himself away, he intended to skirt the issue that he had talked with John and knew everything about Marlena’s love for the other man and the couple’s wedding plans.
Marlena blushed slightly and said, “Oh, please…. stop, Roman. You’re going to spoil me.”
Waiting until Eric was on his way into the kitchen, Roman said sweetly, “You got that right, Doc… I want to spoil you rotten, for the rest of your life, if you’ll let me…that is. I love you so much, Marlena,” he finished passionately as he pulled her into a warm embrace.
It felt good to have him holding her, he seemed more like the man she remembered. With tears of joy in her eyes, she shared her feelings about his recovery, “Oh, Roman…I’m so glad you’re going to be alright now. The thought of losing you…was terrifying. I care so much for you and I always will.”
Before they could go any further with the conversation, Sami came down the stairs carrying Will, “Merry Christmas everyone, I think somebody is getting a little anxious to see what Santa brought him. Could we.. go ahead and open some presents?” she asked pleasantly, feeling very happy to be with the family.
“Yeah… presents, I love to open the presents too! Can we Mommy, please?” asked a very excited Belle, who came bounding down the stairs, scooting around Sami and racing into her mother’s loving arms.
Roman put his arm around Marlena’s shoulders and responded for all of them, “Well, I don’t think you’ll get any objection from your mother on that suggestion. Let’s get to it!” Roman said excitedly as he stepped away from Marlena with a happy grin on his face. He indicated he wanted to hold his grandchild and accepted little Will from Sami, walking over to the tree to find a gift for the small boy. That was an amazing concept to him, ‘Roman Brady, a grandfather…wow!’ he thought.
Sami, Eric and Marlena watched him with Will and their faces bore contented smiles to see him so full of life. Sami said, “Mom.. I want to thank you for choosing to spend Christmas with your real family, it’s really wonderful to see Daddy so happy with all of us around him. Look at him with Will, isn’t it great to have us all together?” she asked, wanting her mother to acknowledge the love she once had for her father, and subsequently to let that love be reborn. She wished with all her might that her mother would find it in her heart to marry him, instead of John Black, the man who in her eyes had destroyed their family and ruined all their lives.
Marlena smiled pleasantly, put Belle down and gave the little girl her Christmas Stocking and replied to the intended meaning of her older daughter’s question, “Yes..it is wonderful and I am very glad to spend this time with you, Eric, Carrie and your father, but Sami, you have to accept that my heart belongs to John. He is the man I love, the man I want to spend my future with, and I will marry him one day when Roman is strong enough to hear the whole truth…directly from me.” The way she hesitated made it seem like Roman knew something about John and Marlena.
Before Sami could inquire exactly what her mother meant by her last statement, the doorbell chime interrupted them. Eric was a step closer to the door and opened it to find Carrie and Austin standing outside. “Merry Christmas!” they said at the same time, as they crossed the threshold and entered the penthouse. “Merry Christmas!” cried a chorus of other Brady family members.
Marlena sneaked back upstairs and got dressed in jeans and a sweater and in ten more minutes, the whole Brady family settled down around the tree to pass out and open the plentiful number of gifts. It was wonderful to share the holiday and fun to watch how excited Will was with the all the cars, trucks and other toys he received. For her part, Belle was quite pleased with the pastel colored Duplo set and she especially loved the dolls and dress-up clothes she was given. Belle and Will were both so sweet and adorable. Their innocent joy and excitement was contagious and everyone focused a lot of attention on them. Roman’s eyes, however, were on Marlena much of the time, trying to assess her reaction to having her older children around her, to the strong familial love that permeated the room. She laughed a lot and seemed to be truly happy to be with him and the others and he thought maybe there was still a chance for him with her, if he played his cards correctly.
After things seemed to settle down a little, Roman reached over to take Marlena by the hand and guide her over to the tree. He found a small box and picked it up, giving it to her and saying, “Merry Christmas, Doc. I can only hope that this is the first of many we can share.”
She was touched by the love in his voice and the thought of hurting him again stabbed her with guilt and sorrow. ‘Dear God… please help me find a way to tell him the honest truth.. today, help him to understand why we went along with Kristen’s lie and help him accept the love John and I share.’ She took the box in her hand and began to open it slowly, wondering what he had done. Inside it were two things, a key and another small box, she knew what it had to be. “Oh, Roman…. honey,” she said with a strange mix of emotions in her voice.
“Open it, Doc…please,” he urged. “Then, I’ll explain it to you.”
She complied and inside the smaller velvet covered box was a ring, identical to her original engagement ring. It brought tears to her eyes and she wasn’t sure whether it was because she felt sad for him, guilt for having to hurt him by turning him down, or.. some renewal of those same feelings she had on the day he first slipped the ring on her finger. “Oh… Roman.. my engagement ring.. how did you..” she said emotionally.
“I went to the jeweler with a picture from the wedding and had it made, Doc. It’s a perfect match of the one I gave you, only with a bigger stone.”
Marlena was completely overwhelmed by his romantic gesture, “You touch me so… I don’t know what to say, Roman.”
“Say yes!” said three enthusiastic voices, Roman’s Eric’s and Sami’s as well, the twins had overheard what their father was saying and couldn’t resist chiming in. Marlena was suddenly jolted back to the reality of her situation as she looked up into their expectant faces. Carrie shot her a supportive look which helped a little. She had to say something and it couldn’t be what they wanted and yet…. how could she tell Roman in this way… it would hurt him terribly. ‘Oh, God.. what can I do, what can I say?’ she was asking herself, when she was saved for the moment by the sound of the phone ringing. She hurried to answer it. “I’ll get it,” she said, while simultaneously breathing a tremendous sigh of relief to have been given a momentary reprieve.
“Hi. Doc…it’s me, I’m sorry to interrupt your time with the family, but… I.. was.. wondering if… you could… come over to the hotel.. for Brady. I’m… not.. feeling so good right now and I…..” It was John and he definitely sounded sick, his voice was shaky and weak and he groaned and then stopped talking to her in mid-sentence.
“John… are you alright? John!” she cried fearfully, not at all cognizant or concerned about how closely she was being watched at the moment. “John… honey, talk to me.. what’s wrong?”
As she had a fleeting thought about how the situation was much like her upsetting nightmare, Marlena heard Brady’s fearful voice on the phone, “Momma… Daddy is sick to his tummy, he said it’s just the flu…but his head is hot and he seems real sick. Can you come see us, please? I’m kinda… scared.”
It was difficult, but she managed to keep the fear from touching her voice and reassured the little boy, “Yes… sweetheart, I’ll be right there, just stay close to Daddy and wait for me, okay? It’s going to be alright, Brady.”
He felt better already, just knowing Mommy Marlena was coming to help his Daddy, “Okay… momma, I will.” After hanging up, Brady sat down on the carpeted floor next to the couch and held his father’s warm hand saying, “It’s okay, Daddy.. Mommy’s coming to help us…. don’t worry, she’ll take good care of you.”
John struggled to respond, he could tell his little boy was frightened and needed to be reassured. Squeezing his son’s hand in return, he said in a whisper, “You’re right.. Slugger, Marlena always knows what to do… don’t you worry about me, I’ll be okay. You just play with your toys and watch the video and she’ll be here soon.” Suddenly, the nausea was intense and he groaned and clutched his belly, “Oh, God!” He was feeling so weak now, but he miraculously made it to a standing position and staggered into the bathroom to vomit… again. He had done it so much in such a short period of time, there wasn’t much left in his gut and the muscles of his abdomen ached with the repeated exertion. When he was finished, he managed to wash his mouth out and clean his face and he almost made it safely back to the couch, collapsing in a heap on the cold tile floor of the bathroom. Hearing different sounds than he did before, Brady came running, arriving just in time to see his father hit the ground after having tried unsuccessfully to ease himself down.
Hurrying to the fallen figure of his father, Brady cried, “Oh, Daddy… please wake up!” he pleaded with tears in his eyes. Sitting on his knees at John’s side, he started rocking and saying, “Mommy’s coming soon… Mommy’s coming soon,” he repeated it several times to assuage his own fears. John couldn’t respond to his pleas, he was unconscious for the moment.
Marlena turned to see three disturbed faces. Carrie was the only one who seemed to care about John. “Marlena… what’s wrong with John?” she asked worriedly.
As Marlena was about to answer, Belle, who had overheard her mother’s phone conversation, came rushing over and asked worriedly, “Is Daddy real sick Mommy? He said he had a little tummy ache yesterday, but Daddy told me it was because he ate too many of our yummy Christmas cookies.”
After smiling briefly on the image of him eating several of the cookies their children had made, she swiftly snapped back to the potential seriousness of the situation. Wishing she had a better answer for her little girl and her big girl, Marlena said, “Oh… sweety, I don’t really know.. he was talking to me and his voice trailed off, he said he didn’t feel good and he sounded horrible. Then Brady picked up the phone and said that John was sick to his stomach. John must have told him he thought he had the flu, but he seems very sick and Brady is frightened.”
“Oh my gosh! I wonder what else it could be,” replied Carrie with alarm.
Belle added her own thoughts, “I want my Daddy to feel better and be happy with me and Bwady and Mommy. He said all he wants for Christmas is for us to be a real family.”
Sami glared resentfully at her mother, and then pulled her twin brother out on to the balcony and said snidely, “Yea.. right, I’m sure…he’s really sick, it’s probably just a trick to get Mom over there to see him.”
“Yea…you’re probably right,” agreed Eric hastily, then thought better of it. He remembered his talk with John the other night and backtracked. “Actually, Sami I don’t think he would do something like that, it’s not his style. He’s really a pretty good guy, I just want Mom and Dad to be happy and I wish they could be together again.”
“Since when did you and John get to be so chummy again?” asked Sami in disbelief. “I thought you hated him as much as I do.”
Her brother shook his head, and said, “No… I never really hated him, I just wanted him to step aside and let Dad and Mom find their love again, but I’m starting to realize that something like that can’t be forced. Knowing how his sister might react, Eric was hesitant to tell her all of his thoughts, but decided honesty was best, “I also realized that.. John isn’t the bad guy in this scenario.” After pausing to let that sink in, he added, “I remembered when we were really little and he thought she was dead; he was so sad without Mom, Sami.. but he tried to make us feel good about what we did to cheer him up. Do you remember that?”
Sami did remember it, quite clearly, but didn’t want to recall those memories. Instead, she preferred to obliterate the years when John raised her as his own daughter from her mind. It was too difficult and confusing to recall how happy he could make her, how special and loved she felt when he smiled with pride at some little accomplishment or held her in his loving arms. He read her stories at night, comforted her when she was sick, encouraged her when she was down, made her feel safe when she was afraid; he had been a warm and loving presence in her life for several important early years, but she couldn’t acknowledge that fact now. She fought hard to force those memories down and hang onto the fierce anger and resentment she had been harboring toward John ever since the night she had seen him having sex with her mother in a Titan boardroom. “No.. Eric! I don’t ever think about those times, it was all a lie, he wasn’t really our father!” she said bitterly.
Hearing her say it reminded him of the incident when they both said he had lied to them about being their father. It had hurt the man deeply, even as a young boy, he had recognized that fact. Touching her on the shoulder, he shared his changing attitude toward John, “Sami, he believed he was, we all did and he loved us a lot and… we loved him too. John was the only parent we had for a long time and I think it’s time we gave him some credit for it. Sami… he loves Mom very much and he always has, and… John stayed here, he’s been here for her when she’s needed him. I hate to admit this, but Dad… he left us all for a long time. Mom wanted him to stay and work things out, but he didn’t and she just.. doesn’t love him in the same way any more. I think we both need to find some way to accept that and let her be happy with John.”
Sami was positively shocked to hear her brother talk this way about the man she had hated for several years, the man she blamed for most of her problems. And to hear her twin level even the slightest criticism on their father was akin to blasphemy and she let him have it. “Eric! I can’t believe what I am hearing, you are blaming Dad? He was so hurt and angry, they betrayed him in the worst way and he left because of that pain! And now, all he wants is to have his family back and you’re saying we should just let Mom and John be happy together, at his expense? You are a traitor to this family, Eric, just like Carrie is and I’ll never forgive you for this!” Sami stormed out into the living room, picked up her son, snatched her coat and left without saying a word to anyone else. Roman made a move to slow her down, but she was nowhere to be seen when he got down to the entrance of the building. Wondering what could have upset her so much, he decided he would check on her later in the day.
Marlena noticed how distressed Sami had been and was concerned, but was on the phone with the hospital to find out how badly the winter storm that had descended upon Salem in the night was affecting ambulance transportation, just in case it became necessary for John. Carrie stood supportively by Marlena’s side, and she held Belle in her arms while waiting for the vital information. What Marlena learned did not reassure her in the least, there were accidents all over the city and the snow was still coming down very heavily, so there were long delays. Five minutes later, she was fidgeting, clearly anxious to leave and go to the aide of the man she loved with all her heart. Roman, who had returned from chasing Sami, stood silently by, formulating a plan. In the end, he decided he needed to support her honestly this time and keep her safe from harm, “Let me take you over there, Doc… I can see that you’re pretty worried about John and Brady and you probably shouldn’t be driving. The roads are pretty slick from what I can tell.”
She sighed with immense weariness, knowing she should argue, and go alone, but she just didn’t have the strength. “Alright, Roman.. thank you,” was all she said in response. Carrie and Austin volunteered to stay with Belle and within a few more minutes, Roman, Marlena, and Eric were on their way out the door. As they rode together in a powerful silence, Marlena remembered the dream in detail. She pictured the way John was so weak and feverish, lying so still and unresponsive at first. How the children prayed for his recovery, and how he finally seemed to respond to the medication. Then his heart had unexpectedly stopped just before she woke up and realized it was all just a dream. It was almost happening the same way in real life. She opened up her heart, mind and spirit in prayer, ‘Dear God… please keep John safe, let this just be a simple flu like he thought it was. Please watch over him for me, Lord.’
Blizzard Conditions
As soon as the car pulled to a stop in the Salem Inn parking lot, Marlena became a woman on a mission. She opened the door and hurried as quickly as humanly possible, fighting her way through the several inches thick snow cover. Once inside the hotel, she didn’t bother to wait for the elevator, running up the staircase to the second floor, and toward John’s room as fast as her legs would carry her. When she arrived, she was breathless, but she didn’t care and she knocked frantically, calling out to him, “John… Brady.. it’s Marlena!”
The door opened to reveal a crying Brady Black, “Momma come quick, Daddy fell down in the bathroom, he’s really sick!”
Since John could be seriously ill, she didn’t take time to comfort Brady, she had to get to John immediately. She gasped at the sight of his prone figure on the tile floor, he was white as a ghost and lying completely still. Kneeling down next to him, she felt for a pulse and it was there, too fast, but there. Next, she attempted to roll him over, but had difficulty. “John, honey.. can you hear me? Talk to me, John… come on,” she urged. There was no response at all, he was out cold. “Oh, John…what’s wrong?”
Within a few more minutes, Eric and Roman arrived and they helped to move John onto the couch in the living area of the suite, where he would be more comfortable and where he could be more easily examined. When that task was completed, Marlena set about trying to determine what could be wrong with him, by first asking Brady some questions.
“Brady honey…can you tell me about Daddy, when did he start to get sick, did he tell you about it?” she asked while looking John over.
Glancing at his father with concern, the frightened little boy said, “Well, he had a tummy ache yesterday and he said it was because of eating too much junk food. Then after I woke up this morning, he started getting really sick again and he had to vomit… a whole bunch of times. He said not to worry cause it was just the flu, but he kept getting worse. Then I think his stomach really hurt bad cause he was groaning, but he still kept telling me not to worry.”
“Oh.. John, you should have called me sooner and told me how sick you were,” she said as she moved to examine him. Lifting up his shirt, she started to palpate the abdomen and got an audible response from him at last. It obviously hurt him as he groaned with the contact. She continued to cover the entire abdominal area, each time eliciting a low moan, and when she moved to the right side, she noticed it was significantly distended. She pressed down firmly then released it quickly and he cried out loudly and her suspicion was confirmed. “Aww! Ohh that hurts!” he cried out involuntarily. The pain had become excruciating by the time of his collapse and that spot was the worst.
Roman and Eric stood silently by, admiring the physician in Marlena, who was now quite cool and collected. They had seen the frantic woman, whom they both knew loved the sick man lying on the couch before them, but once they arrived, she was suddenly transformed into the objective doctor looking for clues to help her diagnose his condition. She felt his forehead and gasped quietly at the temperature, he was very hot. She turned to Brady and asked, “Brady, did Daddy bring that thermometer with you over here, you know the one he puts in your ear?”
“Yes, Mommy, I know where it is, I’ll get it.” The little boy was glad to be of some help and raced toward the bathroom to retrieve the requested item. In seconds, he was back at her side, handing it to her. “Brady, honey…you’re such a big help, thank you.”
Brady was very worried about his father and said so, “I just want Daddy to be okay, please take care of him Mommy.”
“I will sweetheart,” she said, hugging the boy, who looked so much like his father in that moment, worrying about someone else. He was very much like his father in that way as well. Next, she carefully placed the tip of the instrument in John’s ear. When she heard the beep and looked at the reading, she gasped again, his temperature was 104 degrees. She took it again to be sure and the number fluctuated between 104 and 105, an alarmingly high fever for an adult.
When she backed away from John’s still sleeping form, Eric asked, “Mom, what do you think is wrong with him?”
She took a deep breath to keep herself calm, “Well, I think he’s having an appendicitis attack and it’s pretty serious from what I can tell, he needs to have it out. We’ve got to get him to the hospital…soon.”
“Oh, my gosh, I was hoping that it was just going to be the flu,” replied Eric, who felt guilty for agreeing even briefly with Sami about the possibility of John pretending to be sick as an excuse to get Marlena to come see him. Eric knew that John would never do something like that, no matter how badly he missed her and wanted to be with her.
“Me too, mommy. Is Daddy going to be okay?” asked Brady fearfully.
“Yes.. sweety, as soon as Daddy has the operation he needs, he’ll be good as new in no time,” she said smiling and sounding much more confidant than she felt. “I’m going to call for an ambulance and we’ll make sure Daddy is taken care of at the hospital.”
Roman followed her quietly across the room, wondering how he could take advantage of the situation somehow and then felt guilty for thinking that way when he recalled that John had almost died to get the cure that saved his life. He waited patiently while she made the necessary call and then to assuage the guilt, he asked about his.. friend. “Doc…are you sure that’s all it is, he looks.. pretty bad.”
Glancing worriedly over toward the man she truly loved, she agreed, “Yes, he does and the fever is quite high. I’m concerned that the appendix may be getting ready to rupture and if that happens…”
“Doc.. what are you saying, are worried that John could…die?”
Tears welled up in her frightened eyes and she nodded her head and then answered softly, “Yes… that’s what I’m saying, Roman.” In her mind she was saying, ‘Oh, John… I’m sorry I made you wait, I’m sorry we didn’t tell him the truth about our love sooner.’
She was terrified of losing the man, that much was obvious and Roman knew he had a choice to make; he could be selfish and try to manipulate her somehow or he could give her what she needed. He could put his arms around her to comfort her, he could help her keep the faith. It was an easy choice, for he truly loved her, “Don’t worry, Doc…he’ll be alright, John’s a tough son of a gun, he’s too stubborn to let a little thing like an appendix take him out. Remember, he fought off that poison in the jungle, he’s gonna beat this too,” he said encouragingly as he took her gently in his arms.
It touched her to hear him say those things, it was as if in some way he was acknowledging her love for the other man. He was putting his own feelings aside out of concern for her and how worried she was for John. She responded tearfully, “Oh, Roman.. thank you for saying that, thank you for reminding me of how strong he is. I really needed to hear that right now!”
Their moment was interrupted by the sound of another loud groan, “Oh.. God! Doc! Doc!” John cried out in pain and his need for the woman he loved. She raced to his side immediately, saying, “I’m here, John.. I’m here for you.” Roman looked on somwhat resentfully, still trying to think of a way to get her to give him another chance. However, seeing how frightened she was for John made it hard to delude himself about who she really loved.
“Doc…what’s wrong with me?” John asked, looking up fearfully into her worried eyes, struggling against the feverish fog that clouded his brain.
Taking his left hand in hers, she said, “Well, sweety it looks like your appendix picked a very bad time to decide it wanted out of the house. I think it’s badly inflamed and needs to come out, that’s why you’ve been so sick. It probably started the other day when you had that little stomach ache you thought was from eating too many cookies.”
He moaned to hear her mention food of any kind. “Oh.. Doc, I’m so sick!” Suddenly he rolled over and tried to sit up as if to vomit and they all scrambled for some sort of basin to contain it, but were surprised to see that all he had left were dry heaves. “Ohh.. Ohh..” he groaned with exhaustion, clutching his gut. It hurt tremendously to keep doing that, there was no relief from it and Marlena’s eyes began to fill with tears of empathy for his pain. She helped him to move back into a supine position on the couch and held his hand in silent support.
“Oh, John.. honey.. hang on, the ambulance should be here in a little while. It’s going to be over soon,” she encouraged.
Roman, who had been alternating between looking out the window and watching the local weather bulletins on the television, started to wonder about a potential problem out loud and then thought better of it. “Doc…it’s really coming down out there, I wonder if… Oh, never mind, it’ll get here alright.”
She wanted to have Roman finish the sentence, but didn’t want John to worry about anything more, so she said to him, “John, you just lie still, help is on the way, I’ll be right back, okay?” Then she made a move to stand up and he was instantly aware of the change in weight on the couch and reached out his hand to keep her with him.
“Where are you going, Marlena… don’t leave me, please don’t leave me!” John cried, suddenly feeling anxious and afraid. He was disoriented from the high fever and needed her nearby to make him feel safe.
Leaning over him and running the fingertips of her right hand through his sweat dampened hair, she said softly, “I’ll never leave you, John, never again, I promise.” That seemed to satisfy him and he closed his eyes and began to drift off to sleep with a contented smile gracing his handsome face. Marlena smiled back at him, realizing in that simple moment how much she loved him. John was her very heart and soul, he was her life and she didn’t want to be separated from him ever again. “Sleep now, my love, sleep and when you wake up, you’ll be just fine,” she said quietly, for her benefit as much as his.
She rose carefully, so as not to disturb his slumber and stepped over to where Roman was standing, staring out at the snow storm that seemed to intensify since they arrived at the Salem Inn. “Roman, what were you trying to say?” she asked, looking out at the blowing snow, essentially realizing the answer before she even asked the question.
Seeing the fear in her eyes, Roman tried to cover, “Nothing really, it’s just the snow, it’s pretty bad, but I’m sure there won’t be any problem. The salt trucks were out in full force when we came over here, I’m sure it will be fine, Doc.”
“No, Roman, tell me the truth, you think the ambulance might not make it through the storm, don’t you?”
He couldn’t lie to her, she basically knew already. “Yes, I do, Marlena, it’s a blizzard out there. I think we need to find some other way, just in case it doesn’t get here.”
She was worried now too, “You’re right, I’m going to call the 911 dispatcher and check on the status.” She dialed that number on her cell phone and asked about it, “Yes, this is Dr. Marlena Evans and I called for an ambulance to come to the Salem Inn, for someone who may be having an acute attack of appendicitis, what’s the status on that vehicle?”
“I’ll check on that for you, hold on one moment.” Marlena waited anxiously for news and glanced worriedly back at John, who was blessedly still sleeping. Brady sat next to him, holding his father’s hand. In a few seconds, she heard what she didn’t want to hear, “I’m sorry, but that ambulance was involved in an accident on the way there, the most direct route has just been shut down due to a multi-vehicle accident and blowing and drifting snow. We sent another one, but it’s going to be awhile, I’m sorry about that, but there are accidents and crises all over the city. If you can find some other way to get him in, it might be a good idea to try it.”
“Oh no…there has to be something you can do!” she cried out, struggling valiantly to contain her fear. “I’m sorry, Doctor, we’re doing the best we can in these blizzard conditions. “The ambulance will get there as soon as possible.” Marlena hung up after that, there was nothing more to be said.
“What is it, Mom? asked Eric, seeing how upset she was.
Marlena answered flatly, “The ambulance they sent was in an accident en route and the main road into this part of the city has been shut down because of a multi-vehicle crash. They re-routed another one, but it will be awhile because there are problems all over the city.”
“What are we going to do then, If John doesn’t have the surgery soon, he’s going to…” Eric started to say anxiously while glancing worriedly over at the sleeping man, realizing for the first time since his return to Salem just how much he still cared about John.
“No…don’t…. don’t you even say that!” Marlena interrupted forcefully as she turned away from the others and went over to sit down on the couch next to him. She couldn’t even bear to think that way now. John was going to be okay, they would get him to the hospital in time, he would have the surgery and he would recover. Marlena would have that long overdue discussion with Roman to set him straight about her true feelings, and then.. at last she and John would have a chance at the happiness they sought for so very long, the happiness she finally allowed herself to believe they both deserved. She leaned down over her lover and whispered in his ear again, “I love you so much, John. Hang on, honey.. just a little while longer and then you’ll have all your dreams come true, I promise!” She said it with conviction, as she held his much too warm right hand in both of hers. She slowly brought his hand to her mouth and kissed it softly, praying she was right about all of it.
A Small Velvet Box Says it All
More than an hour had passed since she received the phone call from John and still no ambulance; Marlena was very worried. John was still sleeping restlessly on the couch, moaning in pain and periodically calling out for her, but just as Marlena was about to panic, the phone rang, distracting her.
“Hello, John Black’s room,” she answered somewhat hesitantly, wondering who might be calling. Then, she remembered that Carrie and Austin had stayed with Belle and they were probably concerned. “Marlena.. how is John, is he alright?”
“Oh, Carrie, he’s very sick right now. I think it’s his appendix because he’s distended in that area and he’s been vomiting all morning according to Brady. He needs to have it removed.”
Carrie had been watching the clock waiting for a clock and commented about that passage of time, “Marlena, why isn’t he on the way to the hospital?” she asked, almost accusingly, frightened for the man she still loved as a father.
“Because of the weather.. the first ambulance was in a wreck on the way here, they rerouted another one, but it hasn’t gotten here yet. There are problems all over Salem.”
“What happens to John, if it doesn’t get there pretty soon? I remember a girlfriend of mine when I was little almost died from a ruptured appendix and they caught it right away.”
Marlena was worried already and didn’t want to face that possibility at the moment, “Carrie that’s not going to happen to John!” she said rather intensely and Carrie was taken aback by it.
“Marlena…you don’t have to yell at me, I’m just worried about him. Isn’t there something else we can do, some other way to get him in to the hospital?” she asked. Then it suddenly occurred to her, “What about the Jeep, Marlena, couldn’t you drive him there that way, it has four wheel drive and he said the other day that he bought some chains, just in case.”
“Carrie, you’re brilliant! Of course we can take him in the Jeep, I don’t know why I didn’t think of that sooner.”
Carrie helped her out by teasing her a little bit, “You know, Marlena, I think you’re right, you should have thought about that immediately. What’s gotten into you lately, anyway? I mean it’s not like you were under stress or anything, or had anyone else to worry about. Yea, come to think of it, why didn’t you come up with that idea yourself ?”
Marlena chuckled, getting the point quite clearly, “Thank you, Carrie. Yes, we’ll try to get John to the hospital in the Jeep if the ambulance doesn’t get here in ten more minutes. Please stay put, the weather is horrible out there.”
“Marlena, Mike called earlier, saying he had news for Roman and he mentioned that he was heading over to the Salem Inn because one of his older patients was having some problems that he was concerned about and he didn’t want the person to try to drive. He should be there now, why don’t you have him paged?”
“Carrie that’s wonderful, it would be great to have him examine John. I’m admittedly a little rusty on the medical end of things and I could be wrong about this. I’ll call you when I know something more, thank you so much for staying with Belle for me.”
“Anytime, Marlena, you just concentrate on taking care of John.. and yourself, okay?”
“I’m the least of my worries right now, but thanks for caring.”
Carrie nodded, “I know, Marlena, you are always the last person you take care of and I have to say I have been worried about what all this pressure is doing to you. You need a break from the stress, promise you’ll think about it as soon as John is out of danger.”
She sighed, feeling very blessed to have this young woman as a daughter and friend. Carrie was so thoughtful, “Thank you, Carrie, I will think about it, you’re so sweet to me.”
“It’s because I love you very much and I don’t want anything to happen to you because you’re spreading yourself too thin and neither would John or Roman for that matter. It would upset them very much to think that you got sick because of worrying about them, am I right?”
Carrie’s insights were on target and Marlena realized the value of her advice in times like these. “Yes, you’re right, Carrie. Okay, as soon as I know that John is out of danger, I will rest… allright?”
“Good, that’s a start, Marlena. I’ll be waiting for you to call, Belle’s doing just fine. We’ve been playing with all the toys and watching videos, so don’t worry about her at all.”
“Thank you again, Carrie I don’t know what I would ever do without you in my life, I love you so much.”
“And, I love you, goodbye now.”
Marlena immediately dialed the hotel lobby, asking the clerk to page Dr. Mike Horton. Within two minutes, the phone rang. “Hello, Mike?” she asked hopefully.
“Marlena? What’s going on there? Carrie said something about John being sick.”
“He is, Mike. He called and sounded horrible, he wanted me to come for Brady because he wasn’t feeling well, then his voice trailed off and Brady came on the line, saying John was really sick. When I got here with Roman and Eric, John was lying unconscious on the floor of the bathroom. Can you come up and have a look at him. We’re waiting on an ambulance, I palpated his abdomen and from his response, I think it’s his appendix.”
“Oh…well, if it is, you probably don’t have long to wait before there’s a serious problem, I’m on my way, what room is it again?”
“214, see you soon, thanks Mike.”
No problem, I’ll be right up.” Mike hung up the phone and ran up the stairs. If it was John’s appendix, it could be reaching a crisis point at any time, getting ready to rupture and every minute counted.
Marlena was standing in the doorway so he knew right where to go. They didn’t exchange pleasantries, Mike went right to John’s side to examine him. He lifted up John’s shirt, just as Marlena had and palpated the abdomen too, getting a grimace and/or a groan of pain with each contact. “Well, it certainly could be his appendix, when did the symptoms start?”
Marlena proceeded to tell him what Brady had told her about John’s complaint of a stomach ache the day before which he had attributed to junk food. “Were there any foods in particular that John mentioned eating in the past 24hours?”
No, he’s been too sick to talk much with me, maybe Brady will know. I’ll ask him, Mike.”
Marlena walked over to where Brady was playing quietly with a few cars and trucks. The boy was trying to be brave, but was obviously worried about his father. “Brady honey…can you tell me about what Daddy ate yesterday besides those cookies you mentioned. Did he order anything from room service, did you eat in the restaurant?”
Brady thought long and hard about that. “We…ate at the McDonald’s Playland. Daddy had a chicken sandwich and french fries, and I had a hamburger happy meal. We had some cookies, and he started to feel sick pretty soon after we got back here and he laid down for awhile. Then, he woke up all of a sudden and had to throw up. He was better for awhile and then this morning he seemed real sick. I was scared and I said to call you, but he said it was just the flu. He didn’t want to ruin your time with uncle Roman and your…other family.”
It made her feel guilty to think he was lying here so sick and in pain because he didn’t want to disrupt her plans. “Oh, sweety… Daddy should have called me for help. I’m sorry if you were scared and worried about him.”
“I’m going to make a quick call and get back to you, excuse me,” said Mike, wondering about the food issue. He called the Health Dept and indeed there were scattered reports of food poisoning, from chicken sandwiches at various McDonald’s restaurants. “Well, I think we have one potential answer, the health department has received some reports of food poisoning. Guess what from?”
“The chicken sandwich,” said three adult voices in unison.
Mike nodded and said, “You’ve got it, so we may have that problem on it’s own or in addition to the appendicitis, we won’t know until we get him in to the hospital. Any word on that ambulance?”
Marlena answered quickly, “No, but I was on the phone with Carrie and she suggested we try the Jeep. What do you think, Mike, should we?”
He nodded and said positively, “That’s a great idea, we shouldn’t wait any longer, it’s been over an hour, right?” He was thinking about how smart and quick on her feet Carrie Brady was. ‘No Mike, that’s Carrie Reed now,’ he reminded himself. ‘ Get her out of your head, Mike’ he warned.
Marlena nodded and said with growing concern, “Well over an hour now, since he called me and his fever is around 104 or 105. I’m.. worried about him, Mike.”
Mike refocused his attention and agreed, “Yes, that’s pretty high,” and then he took charge of the situation, assigning tasks to make it happen quickly. “We need to get going, now! Okay, let’s get several blankets ready to put around him. Eric, can you go start the Jeep and get the cab warm for us?”
Slightly hesitant, he answered affirmatively, “Uh.. sure I can.”
Brady jumped up, saying, “I’ll get the keys, they’re in Daddy’s leather jacket. I’ll get them. He reached in to get the keys and inadvertently pulled out the velvet covered box that John was carrying with him all the time. It dropped to the floor in plain view of everyone in the room and an awkward silence fell over them all. Roman and Marlena instinctively looked at each other as Mike and Eric watched, almost involuntarily for their reaction. After a few excruciating seconds, Marlena turned away so she didn’t have to look at Roman’s wounded eyes any longer than necessary.
Brady didn’t even notice what had happened, but he sensed the tension and said, “Don’t worry everybody, here’s Daddy’s keys, I knew right where they were!”
Wanting to help his father out of a difficult moment, Eric took the keys and then quickly turned to Roman and asked nervously, “Uh…. Dad you want to come with me?” He had been hoping to talk with Roman about how he was feeling about the whole situation anyway.
Glad to have an excuse to get out of the room, Roman agreed, “Sure son, let’s go. I’ll come back in a few minutes and help get him to the Jeep when it’s warm enough, alright?” he called over his shoulder to Mike and Marlena.
“Sounds great, thanks for helping out,” said Mike appreciatively. When the other two were gone, Mike reached down for the ring box and turned to Marlena. Silently handing it to her, he asked worriedly, “How are you holding up?”
She stared mournfully down at the ring box in her hand. She couldn’t bear to open it and look at the ring, remembering the joy they both felt on the day he proposed and then paired with that image was the look on his face the day she handed it back to him and the pain she felt in doing so. Placing the small velvet box in John’s coat where it was before, she shrugged and said with a hint of sarcasm, “Who me, I’m fine… just fine, Mike.”
“Marlena…. come on, this has to be killing you, talk to me.”
She nodded, tears born of such mixed emotions filling her eyes.. “Oh, Mike.. I love them both so much, and seeing them sick.. it’s just.. tearing me apart. I’m so afraid for John right now, but I can’t.. comfort him the way I want to, the way he needs me to because Roman is watching and I… can’t…hurt him! Did you see his face just now?” she asked as the tears started to overflow their banks.
Clearly the strain was getting to her, and Mike was worried for her health as well. “Marlena… you can’t go on like this, the stress is too much for you. It’s going to be difficult, but you know what you have to do, don’t you?”
Again, she nodded tearfully. “I have to tell Roman the honest truth, that Kristen lied to him and explain why we went along with it. Even though he learned some of it from John, he needs to hear it all from me. He needs to know that I am in love with John and that we are planning to be married.”
Mike nodded, pleased to see she was preparing herself for that eventuality. “Yes..Marlena, the longer this goes on, the worse it will get for all of you. Roman’s physical recovery is progressing well now. He will be hurt, but it will be only be more painful for him in the long run if you to hold out false hope to him. John mentioned to me what happened between he and Roman; he was worried for your safety and he asked how it might affect Roman, how he might react to you if he knew the truth. I told him I thought Roman needed to be told as soon as possible and that he could handle it.”
She sighed with exhaustion, wondering how much more adversity she could handle. “You’re right, Mike, I know you are, it’s just so hard to dash his hopes that way. He’s been so happy, talking about the future and getting close with the kids again and I hate to take all that away from him, you know?”
Mike understood, but it wasn’t helpful in any way to continue the lie any further, now that the man’s life was not in jeopardy. The pain would be only be more intense the longer the inevitable continued to be delayed. “Marlena, he knows the truth and he’s surviving. You have to talk to him so he can accept it… unless.” He stopped in his tracks, it was absolutely none of his business.
She turned away from him, not wanting to confront that issue directly, then she glanced over at John’s trembling body and her heart broke at the sight. He looked so weak and vulnerable all curled up, shivering under the blankets. She walked across the room and sat down next to him, dabbing the moisture off his forehead with a towel and running her fingers through his sweat dampened hair. Looking back toward Mike, she said, “No, I haven’t changed my mind, I love John with all my heart, Mike. He is everything to me and I want to wear his ring again, I want to marry him and spend the rest of my life with him.”
“Doc.. I need you….are you here with me?” John asked in an anxious whisper, having heard her voice. He drifted back to sleep before she could even answer his question.
Mike said his final piece, “Then, don’t hurt him any more by putting him off. Tell Roman the truth and then you can all move on with your lives.”
She nodded but before she could respond, the door opened with Eric and Roman’s return. “We’re all set, the Jeep is warm and we can help get John down there now. Are you ready, Doc?” Roman asked, not quite looking in her eyes.
Marlena nodded her head and answered his question. “Yes, I’m ready,” she said, stealing a quick look at Mike to answer his unspoken question as well. ‘I’m ready for all that lies ahead,’ she thought and decided that it was that small velvet covered box that said it all. It symbolized her future and all her hopes and dreams with the man she loved.
While He Was Sleeping
Marlena watched with much concern as her ex-husband and Dr. Michael Horton carefully loaded John into the back of the Jeep, making him as comfortable and secure as possible. Eric stood next to Marlena and seeing how worried she was, he put his arm around her and encouraged her, “Mom… he’s very strong, he’ll be okay. Try not to worry too much.”
“Oh, Eric…. thank you for saying that. I know that all this has been so hard on you and that you wanted to see your father and I reunite.”
“Mom, it’s okay, I think I’m finally starting to accept that it isn’t my life, it isn’t my decision to make. I’m sorry that I have been so tough on you and John, you were just caught in a horrible situation because of Kristen’s lies. Can you forgive me?”
“Oh, honey, of course I will. I love you so much!” she said with tears in her eyes. They embraced warmly, and she felt the love and affection returning little by little ever since their talk the other night. Up to that point she had been afraid that the rift would not be healed for a very long time, if ever, and this moment couldn’t have come at a better time. She needed her son’s support to get through the next few hours as she worried about the man she loved more than anything in the world.
In the next minute, Roman and Mike approached, with Roman saying, “We’re all set to go, let’s get in. I’m going to drive, Marlena. Why don’t you sit up front with me,” he said pleasantly, still jockeying for position. Never say die.. that was the attitude. ‘She could still give me a chance if I play this right,’ he thought.
She sighed exhaustedly, not having the energy to fight him on it, though she dearly wanted to be near John. Before she answered, Mike chimed in, “I’ll be riding in back with John to monitor his condition, Marlena. I want everybody else in a seatbelt. Go ahead, Marlena, ride up front and be safe.” At this point, Brady was already in the middle of the back seat fast asleep, covered with his special blanket, and clutching a stuffed animal.
Thankful for that reasoning, she said, “Of course you’re right, please.. tell me if…well, you know..” Marlena answered, not knowing exactly how to finish the sentence. Mike nodded with understanding and was about to proceed with climbing in back to sit next to John, when he saw the look on her face. Recognizing that she needed a minute with her fiancé, Mike cautioned. “Marlena, please, don’t be long, time is crucial.”
Realizing that reality, she nodded and said quietly, “I know.” Before getting in the front seat, she went around to the back where John was lying down on his left side facing the back of the Jeep. He was covered with several blankets and still shivering with fever. She sat down on her right hip and while stroking his damp hair tenderly with her right hand, she said, “Oh, John…. honey.. you just have to be okay.” She leaned down again and whispered in his ear, “I love you with all my heart John and I don’t ever want you to forget that, honey. We’re going to get you there safely, you’ll have the surgery and then you’ll be good as new in no time. I love you!” she whispered passionately.
He heard her and somehow managed to find the strength to fight through the mental fog and speak to her, “I love you too, Doc… I love you too,” he whispered. Then, he faded out in the next moment, his body needing to put all its energy into survival. She kissed his warm cheek, then reluctantly left him there, went quickly to the front of the vehicle and climbed in. In spite of her fears, it made her chuckle as she struggled to get in. It was so high up and she thought of all the times John teased her about it, saying he was going to design a little fold-up ladder to attach below the door to make it easier for her. ‘Oh sweety, when will we get back to the fun and laughter again? It’s been so long since I’ve seen you smiling with happiness. How I love your smile John..’ she said in her mind, tears coming to her eyes for all the tense moments between them of late, feeling suddenly very thankful for the brief interlude of lovemaking they shared the previous night. One never knew when some tragedy might strike; Marlena realized that more now than ever before. She lifted up an anxious prayer about it, ‘Oh, dear God.. don’t let him die… with all those memories of us arguing on his mind.. please!’
Eric got in the back seat, watching his father and mother closely. There was fear for the life of man she truly loved in his mother’s eyes, fear of losing her once and for all and regret for leaving her all those years ago, in his father’s. Eric glanced back at John and wondered how it could ever work out so that nobody was hurt and angry. As he looked down over the seat at John’s shivering body looking so vulnerable, he suddenly saw the man as just a human being, nothing more. It was odd to acknowledge it, but he had been thinking of John as almost superhuman and felt bad for his father, whom he thought didn’t stand a chance against a superhero. John Black was the brave heroic man who risked life and limb to save Eric’s mother from evil forces so many times he couldn’t count them anymore, even from the devil. But, now it was John who was sick and weak and that changed his perspective on the whole situation, making him face the truth. John wasn’t some Cassanova, or the home wrecking interloper causing problems between the boy’s parents, as Sami and Eric had been making him out to be. He was just an ordinary man who had loved Eric’s mother very much for many years. And all he wanted was to start a new life with her after years of pain and separation, much of it because of the burdensome guilt he carried for hurting another good man, Roman Brady. And, just when that life was about to begin, his world was turned upside down by the startling return of that same man, whose death they had all mourned. Everything John had been doing, the secret he and Marlena kept, was born out of good motives. John even risked his life for Roman, almost dying from some poison dart while pursuing the cure and now he was the one who was sick and needed help.
Eric looked down as Mike was taking the sleeping man’s vital signs. He spoke in his mind to the man who had been his father for several years. ‘John… I really am sorry for how I’ve treated you and I do love you. I wish I could tell you how much I value those years and tell you that I know you aren’t the bad guy here; if anyone is to blame for this situation, it is the Dimera family. Stefano and Kristen set this all up by lying to Dad and they should pay for it, for the pain all of you have gone through since Kristen brought Dad back to Salem to stop your wedding. Eric vowed to do whatever he could to make that happen. Eric believed that his parents and John could use the help because they were all having enough trouble of their own right now. ‘ I am going to help take them down if it’s the last thing I do,’ he vowed. He then turned his attention to the current problem; noticing the frown on Mike’s face, he asked worriedly, “Mike..what is it?”
“It’s.. his temperature, it seems to be going up again, it’s at 105 and it had been down around 103. And, his blood pressure is dropping. I’m concerned the appendix has already ruptured.” Mike looked toward the front of the truck and said, “Roman..how are you doing? Do you think you can get us there soon?”
“The traffic is bad and the roads are a mess. Cars are sliding off the road all over the place. It helps to have the four wheel drive and the extra weight though. I’m hoping I can get us through, but I can’t tell you much yet.”
Marlena was terrified, gripping the seat with both hands. The Jeep was moving slowly and steadily forward, but the snow was nearly blinding, visibility extremely poor. It was so bad that she doubted they would be able to avoid an accident if anything even slightly out of the ordinary happened. She turned to God for divine intervention, ‘Oh please God, get us all there safely in time for John to have the surgery he needs to save his life. Guide Roman as he drives in this horrible storm and give John the strength to survive the extra stress of this bumpy ride. And, lastly… help me find the words to tell Roman everything about my love for John and all the lies Kristen has told him. Help him accept the truth and let me go, so that we can finally move on with our lives. Thank you for listening Lord.’
Forty-five harrowing minutes later, their stomachs were tied in knots and they were all white knuckled, but otherwise not too much the worse for wear as they pulled up to the Emergency Room entrance of Salem University Hospital. Mike jumped down as soon as the hatch popped open. Marlena went inside and secured a gurney and Mike and Roman had John there as soon as she reached the door. Within seconds John was on his way to an examining room, a portable x-ray machine used to confirm the diagnosis. Indeed, it was an inflamed appendix which appeared to have begun to rupture.
Marlena stood just outside the door where Mike was examining John, waiting fearfully for some word on his condition. Roman and Eric stood quietly by her side, not knowing what to say to her. Eric had taken the still sleeping Brady into the lounge to lay him down, bless his little heart. Mike came out of the examining room, a frown on his handsome face as he said, “It’s definitely his appendix and it looks like it just ruptured, we’re prepping him for surgery now.”
Fearing the worst and wanting to make sure John heard how much she loved him one last time before the operation, she asked pleadingly, “Mike, can I..”
Shaking his head, he interrupted her, “I’m sorry, there’s just no time, he might die if we delay any longer. I’ll see you soon.”
She nodded, covered her mouth with her left hand and began to cry, “Oh.. John!” she cried as she watched the gurney being wheeled away at lightning speed to the OR. Marlena couldn’t remember the last time he was even sick enough to go to the doctor and here he was on death’s door. Over the years, she too had come to think of John as indestructible sometimes. No matter what Stefano did to them, John was always fine. He was the strong one, the one who never seemed weak, scared, or vulnerable. He was her fearless protector, her knight in shining armor, coming to her rescue from the evil king, more times than she cared to count. He was her handsome brave hero and now he was sick, maybe dying from some common ordinary every day thing like a ruptured appendix. After all his dangerous, often life threatening, exotic adventures it was actually fairly ironic, but she couldn’t take time to appreciate that now.
Her hands folded in front of her, she implored him to fight, though he could not hear her, “Please be strong now, John. You can beat this, just like you’ve beaten Stefano and the devil, and so many other challenges in your life. You can do it, my love!” she whispered through her fearful tears, as she watched him disappear behind the double doors on his way to yet another confrontation with death.
Roman watched Marlena’s reaction to John’s illness. She was clearly terrified for the man’s life. ‘She truly loves him and it’s just that simple. Roman, she doesn’t love you like that anymore, you have to face it,’ said the logical part of him. The other, more emotional part flared swiftly, ‘No, I won’t give up this time, I won’t just let him have her. I’m going to fight for her and I’m going to win her heart again!’that part stated firmly. ‘No matter what I have to do, I won’t let him have her!’
After a minute or so, he made a calculated move. Placing his hands on her shoulders from behind, he said quietly, “Marlena, I know you.. care a lot for him and you’re….upset to see him so sick like this, but it won’t do you any good to stand here and worry. What do you say we go get some coffee and a bite to eat?”
She shook her head, still watching the double doors behind which the gurney bearing the man she loved had disappeared. “No, Roman.. I need to stay right here and wait for the news.”
Recognizing that he wouldn’t win this one, he said, “Alright then, I’ll bring something to you. Will you at least sit down in the lounge and rest while I go down to the cafeteria?” he asked, trying to guide her in that direction.
Eric agreed with his father, saying, “Mom, I think Dad is right, you won’t do anybody any good if you collapse from all the stress. Please, come with me and sit down for awhile.”
She looked back and forth between them, seeing their genuine concern for her and capitulated. “Alright.. I will, Brady shouldn’t be alone in there anyway. I’ll rest in the lounge, thank you both for being concerned. I also need to call Carrie and Shawn and Caroline and let them know about what’s happening and that’s a good place to have privacy.”
Taking the hint that she wanted to have a few minutes alone, Eric said, “You go on ahead, I’ll go with Dad and help him bring back the food.”
She smiled and gave him a quick hug of thanks, “That would be great, thank you…both of you. I’ll see you soon.”
They were standing outside the lounge at this point and Roman said, “Sure, Doc we’ll be back in a flash,” as she turned toward the door. Eric looked at her for one more moment, worried about all the pressure she was under. Then, since he couldn’t help her with it now, he hurried to catch up with his father. At least they could try to make sure she ate something decent and got a little rest while she waited for news of John’s appendectomy.
When they were gone, Marlena slumped down on the couch and began to weep for all that had happened over the past several months. “Oh, John… how did this happen to us? We should have been married by now, we should have been together all these months. I love you so much and I’m so…sorry we had to put our plans on hold for Roman. I didn’t know what else to do, I hope you can forgive me, I love you so!” she cried out, wishing he could hear her. “Dear God… please let him recover and help us find a way to resolve all this and finally be happy together the way we have dreamed about for so long.”
Eric hadn’t really had the chance to talk much with his father earlier when they went down to the Jeep, but it was clear that seeing the ring box fall out of John’s leather jacket had upset him. It had the certain effect of making the love that existed between John and Marlena all the more real to him. Because of it, Roman made small talk about football and the Christmas presents they all received earlier, anything but what it felt like inside to see that box which was so much like the one he had presented to her only an hour earlier. “Dad…how are you doing…. with all of this,” Eric asked, deciding it was time to stop the small talk.
He avoided the question, even though he knew he would eventually tell his son the truth. “I’m concerned about, John and your mother, but otherwise I’m fine, son. Why?” he asked as they walked toward the hospital cafeteria.
“Dad, I’m not talking about that, I’m worried about John too, but I meant about Mom and you.. how is it going for you, really?”
Roman reluctantly answered with his true feelings about it and the disappointment was obvious in his expression. “Eric, you saw how she reacted when I showed her the ring, she was shocked and she didn’t answer and then the phone rang and she ran off to see John. I don’t think it’s going to happen for us, Eric. You saw the ring box fall out of John’s coat, just like I did,” he finished dejectedly.
Seeing the pain in his father’s eyes was very difficult and he felt so torn between the two father figures in his life. Putting a hand on Roman’s shoulder, he said, “Dad, I’m sorry about that, I know that had to hurt. I know how much you wanted things to work out with you and Mom.”
Roman shared his regrets with his son, feeling like he was one of the few who truly forgave him for leaving. “I still love her, I never stopped, Eric. I was just so hurt and angry and I couldn’t handle it, so I left. I know now that it was a terrible mistake.” Then with intensity, he said, “I just wish I could think of a way to convince her to give me another chance, I know I could make her happy again!”
Eric didn’t want to build his hopes up, but then again, he didn’t want to destroy them either so he said, supportively, “You never know, she still might. She and John aren’t married yet. I just hope you don’t… oh never mind, it’s none of my business.”
“Eric, what were you going to say?” Roman asked, very curious about what his son was keeping from him. It seemed as though everyone in Salem was in on the joke, except the butt of it, one Roman Augustus Brady and he was very angry about that. More than a few people were going to get at least an earful once he had the whole story from Marlena, which he believed was about to happen within the next hour.
Eric stopped walking to talk, “Well, it’s just that…well, there are some things you don’t know about that you need to hear from mom. It’s not my place to say, but I think you need to talk to her so you can understand how all of this happened.”
” I know… John and I had a run in awhile back and we’re about due for another one soon. As soon as he recovers I’m going to let him know that I’m not giving up so easily, that I’m not just going to walk away and let him have her.” Suddenly, Roman realized the position he was putting his son in and apologized for it. “I’m sorry, Eric. I shouldn’t be discussing all of this with you, you have enough to handle without me putting you in such an awkward position, I know you still…care about John too.” That last statement nearly killed him.
Hearing his father say it made it seem real and yet also made him feel guilty somehow, like he was betraying his father by loving John. “Dad… I… you know he.. Oh, Dad… I don’t even know what to say to you about him.”
“Say what you feel, Eric. Say you love him too, it’s okay with me. I understand that you love us both, Eric. I know that he raised you for several years and he… did a very good job. I’m thankful for that, actually, and I don’t resent how you feel about him.” It was all a lie, he had always resented it very deeply. While he rotted in some jail cell, John Black lived his life as Roman Brady; everyone including his wife and his own mother were fooled. As much as he had tried to understand that it wasn’t John’s fault, he could never quite shake the feeling that John should have been stronger in fighting Stefano and that they all should have known the man wasn’t him. The jealousy was so hard to put away. No matter how many times he told himself it wasn’t anybody’s doing but Stefano’s, he couldn’t completely let go of the anger and resentment he felt toward John because of the affair and it had all been made fresh when he learned that John and Marlena lied to him again.
As they stood outside the cafeteria, Eric stared into his father’s eyes, searching for the truth and thought he found it. Breathing a sigh of relief, he said, “Oh, I’m so glad to hear you say that because to be totally honest, Dad, I’ve been realizing lately that I do….love him. He was good to us, Dad, I mean he really loved us and he was there for us when we needed him, when you… couldn’t be. He spent all his free time making sure we had what we needed and even when he was hurting because he thought Mom died, he tried to hide it sometimes so we wouldn’t feel so sad about it too. “
Outwardly, Roman smiled warmly at his son, with understanding and acceptance; inwardly he was seething with jealous resentment. ‘Dammit, John, if you think you’re stealing my son too…No, I won’t let you have this family, John! I am going to reclaim what was once mine alone. I’m sorry you are the sick one now, but I will take advantage of any weakness, old….friend. She WILL be mine again!’Roman listened to some of what Eric said and then said, “Well, son let’s find something good for your mother to eat, she never thinks of herself at times like this.”
Not really noticing that his father hadn’t heard much of what he said, let alone acknowledged it, Eric smiled slightly and agreed as he surveyed the ample if not exciting selections, “You’re right about that, she didn’t have a full meal for days when you were so sick. She was so worried about you that she never left your side for more than a few minutes at a time and even then we had to drag her away.”
Roman smiled on that thought; it was obvious that she still had a definite weak spot for him and he had to find a way to use it… ‘Oh, John you may think you have the upper hand right now, but not for long…not for long, old.. *buddy.*’
About fifteen minutes later, Marlena was pacing in the lounge when Roman and Eric arrived with the food and coffee. Eric made a quick excuse and left his parents alone, knowing they needed to talk. Thankful that little Brady Victor Black was still fast asleep on the couch, Roman fixed Marlena’s coffee the way he knew she liked it and handed it to her, saying, “Here, Doc… why don’t you sit down and drink this. I fixed it just the way you like it.”
She smiled weakly; he was trying so hard, “Thank you, Roman.”
There was an awkward silence that fell over them and Roman was the one who broke it. “Marlena, I think we need to…talk, don’t you?”
Surprise was her first reaction, quickly followed by relief. Finally, they would be able to clear up all the misunderstandings; she could tell him the truth about her love for John and explain the details of why she had kept that from him for so long. She prayed before responding to Roman. ‘Dear God, please allow me to find the words that will help him understand, and please help him accept the fact that I love John and want to marry him. Help him face it and let me go, so we can all move on with our lives.’ Marlena, took a deep breath and looked into the eyes of the man she had once loved deeply and completely and prepared to break his heart….again. Taking his hands in hers, she replied quietly, “Yes, Roman, it is time. There is so much we need to talk about.”
Just outside the door of the lounge, Eric ran into none other than Kristen Dimera, who had the gotten word on John’s admission from Lynn, the nurse that was still on Daddy’s payroll. She was genuinely concerned for John’s health and her fear showed in her face as she approached Eric Brady. “Eric.. how is John? I just heard he was brought in here in the Jeep by you, Roman and Marlena… that’s quite a cozy group I must say,” she added unnecessarily.
She was the last person he wanted to see at the moment and he blew off his frustration about the entire situation at the woman who was responsible for the pain his father was about to experience. He practically spit the words out at her, “Kristen… nobody wants you here, especially John, so why don’t you just go crawl back under whatever rock you came from and leave us all alone!”
Truth, Anger, and Jealousy
Marlena was thankful that Shawn and Caroline arrived a few minutes earlier. They graciously agreed to take Brady back to the Penthouse to spend the early afternoon with Belle and Carrie and Austin. It would most definitely be a lot easier to have this conversation now, rather than when she was worried about the little boy waking up to hear them having a possibly heated discussion. As they settled back down to talk, Roman was working his brain, trying to devise a strategy that would make Marlena give him a chance, but he had his doubts. She had a look in her eyes that he had seen several times since his return, a look he had been denying for weeks, if not months. It was an expression of sadness about not returning the feelings he had for her, as if a part of her wished she could. There was a part of her heart that belonged to Roman Brady and always would and it was that small part that sometimes wished she could give both men who loved her what they wanted, all of her heart, all of her love.
Roman decided to take a chance at winning by speaking first. Smiling warmly at her and taking her right hand gently in his left, he said sweetly, “Marlena.. before you say anything, I just want you to know that I’ve had a wonderful time living with you at the Penthouse and that I still love you with all my heart. I know that leaving you and pushing the divorce was the worst mistake I ever made in my life. If you could find it in your heart to forgive me…and give me one more chance to win your love, it would mean the world to me, Doc.”
Promises Made
Promises Broken
Measures of Our Demise
Secrets of souls that
Rarely get spoken
Pleasure’s a thin disguise…….
It was going to be so difficult to face him and tell him the full truth, knowing how much he would be hurt. She sighed in anticipation of his reaction, “Oh, Roman…you’re so…good to me, so forgiving and you mean so much to me. You always will…you know that. But…honey..we need to be honest now. I know that you and John talked awhile back, that you know the truth.”
He wanted to deny that conversation ever took place, to make it seem as if John fabricated the whole story, but Roman realized he couldn’t do that. What he could possibly do was make John out to be the villain and himself be the victim. If he handled it correctly it would widen the gap he had seen developing between John and Marlena earlier. He didn’t know about the Christmas Eve rendezvous, however.
Finally, he answered, with a fierce attack, meant to undermine the relationship between the other two, “Yes, we did, Marlena and I have to tell you that I’m concerned for you. He seems so… consumed by you and so jealous of me. It’s very strange to me because he was this way about Kristen too. Do you remember, Doc…when he was so intent on wanting to take her away from Tony, to convince her that he was the only one for her, and that both Tony and Stefano were evil? He was..relentless, almost… obsessive about her and that’s how he seemed about you that night. Frankly, it scares me for you, Doc.”
It was working slightly, he could see that she had spent time thinking about that same question once or twice before. She did remember the intensity with which he pursued her during the affair. Outwardly, she denied having any concerns about it, “Roman..that’s all in the past. Kristen has lied and schemed, she lied to you about everything. She did so much to hurt me and John as well. She turned to evil to hang onto John, she purposely kept us apart, Roman.”
“I know all that…Doc…it’s more about John. Marlena…I know you think you love him and he says he loves you, but…Marlena think about it. If he really loved you the way he says he does…why was he with all those other women? Why didn’t he fight for you? Why was he so…obsessed with having Kristen…right after your affair?” He paused to let those questions penetrate her defenses, searched her eyes and found a trace of the doubt he hoped to plant, then added more fuel to the fire. “Doc… I’ve talked to a few people since that night John and I had our little run-in. Why did he go back to her after you were possessed and he helped save your soul…. and then again after Aremid when she thought he was capable of murder.. if he loved you so much?”
He was slick and opportunistic…she had to hand it to him. If John hadn’t prepared her she would have been sucked right into defending John’s actions and their love for each other. As it was, she was forced to consider that what Roman was saying had some validity. She had wondered the same thing in some moments, but she couldn’t discuss it with Roman in this context, it would only feed into his argument. Those were issues that needed to be further addressed with John before they were married, but it was none of Roman’s business and she firmly told him so. “Roman…we shouldn’t be having this conversation, that is for me and John to deal with. I appreciate your concern, but it is unnecessary. I trust John and I believe in his love for me. The issue here is you and me, and what’s been happening since you returned. I’m so…sorry about keeping the truth from you, I know that must hurt you.”
Frustrated because he wasn’t able to make her openly question John’s love or manipulate her into defending him, the anger flared swiftly. Nodding his head as he stood up off the couch, he repeated the word with acidic sarcasm, “The truth… keeping the truth from me! You mean the fact that your….lover exposed all your lies the other night? The fact that you and John made a FOOL out of me…AGAIN! That you were both lying to me every single day, every time we saw each other, that you were loving each other behind my back, just like when you had the affair! Is that the truth you’re talking about, Doc?”
She winced at his bitter tone and angry words, “Roman…please..we didn’t have an affair and you know it. We were engaged to be married, we were at the church for our wedding when Kristen brought you home. She lied to you from the second she found you. We were forced into a position of lying to you because of what she did, to protect you…because you were so sick. I’m so sorry.”
His anger seemed to increase by the second, “So…that makes it okay…the fact that you lied with good motives? That justifies leading me on… making me believe we actually had a chance to be together again, making me think that you really wanted a future with me, almost marrying me! Do you have any idea how angry I am, how betrayed and humiliated I feel?” he yelled, glaring at her.
She began to feel the sting of guilty tears, “I’m so sorry, Roman. We never meant to hurt you, I’d do anything if I could stop you from being hurt, but you were so sick. I just couldn’t bear the thought of telling you the truth…you might have died, Roman!”
He wasn’t ready to quit yet and ignored her perspective, “You’ve done it to me twice, Marlena. We stood before God…and pledged to spend our lives together, to love only each other and you broke those vows. I had forgiven you and tried to understand and move on…and then by some miracle we were given another chance and you betrayed my trust..again!” As he talked, Roman was pacing, much like a wild animal in a small cage, violence seemingly ready to explode from within, at the slightest provocation. Marlena was frightened for both of them and she stood up as well, wishing he would calm down soon.
She stepped close and touched him lightly on the arm, then made another attempt to help him recognize the difficulty of the situation she and John had faced at the time of his return, “Roman…please…try to understand why we…”
Picking up the pitcher of water for something to do, he yelled in response, “Understand? You want me to understand!” Without warning, he threw the pitcher across the room sending water everywhere, shouting at the top of his lungs, “I’ll NEVER UNDERSTAND!! I hate him, I hate John Black because he stole you away from me and I’m gonna make his life miserable, just like he made mine! He’s the one.. responsible! He was the one who was pushing you to tell me. He’s afraid, Doc.. he’s scared that you’re falling in love with me again, isn’t he?”
One minute he was angry and blaming her, then he wanted her to give him a chance and he was putting all the anger off on John. Marlena was worried about his state of mind as well as his blood pressure, “Roman… please …try to calm down and talk rationally about this. I’m worried about you.”
That only served to increase his bitter jealousy, “Worried about me… you don’t care about me, it’s all about your guilt! You were just waiting for me to be healthy so that your..sordid love affair didn’t have to be hidden anymore! You…feel sorry for me…don’t you? DON’T YOU?”
Marlena was moving slowly toward the door of the lounge which seemed to make him even angrier, “Don’t you dare walk away from me!” he threatened, grasping her forearm firmly, “Answer me, Marlena!” he yelled, staring into her eyes with fury.
Tears filled her eyes for herself because she was truly afraid of a man who was usually so gentle and kind, and for him because he truly believed she pitied him. Anxiously, she attempted to disentangle herself, saying, “Oh…Roman… I didn’t want to hurt you because a part of me…still loves you. I don’t feel sorry for you.. I’m just so sorry we lied to you. I didn’t know what else to do, Roman. Please..don’t be so angry with me!” she pleaded tearfully, hoping to reach his heart.
Roman sensed her fear and released her immediately and was apologetic, saying, “Oh…Doc..I’m sorry I scared you; it’s him, not you. I know he was the aggressor; he was pushing you to tell me the truth, pressing you for a commitment, wasn’t he? If he would just leave us alone, we might have the chance to find our love again. I know it.”
She sighed tiredly in response. He just couldn’t seem to accept the truth about the love she shared with John. Anger or not, she had to try to help him understand and accept it. “Roman…. I know that you want to believe that…but I have to tell you… I never stopped loving John…through the years my love for him remained strong. He feels the same way. It was our..guilt, like you said that kept us apart, plus the lying and scheming Kristen did and of course there was Stefano’s maneuvering. But the honest truth is John and I never stopped loving each other. I’m so sorry…honey.”
Roman was desperate, ready to pull out all the stops, “No! You loved me, you wanted me to stay and work on the marriage, I know you loved ME then, not him! If you just give us a chance, you can love me like that again!”
The tears of grief for the loss of a once wonderful marriage were trickling out now, “Oh..God..Roman, yes I did love you! I wanted it to work out, I really did.. because we had such a history and I wanted to keep our family together. But, Roman… you left and eventually I rediscovered the love I held inside for John. We stayed apart for a long time and didn’t realize ourselves that the love we shared was still there, but it was. It is something that simply can’t be denied, Roman. I’m sorry, but it’s over for us. Our time has passed.”
Feeling forsaken
Broken in two
How did this ever happen to you?
Taken for granted
Bruised and betrayed
Lonely survivors
Those promises made……..
Suddenly the anger erupted in violence again and he knocked the coffee pots on the floor, sending scalding liquid all around the room, glass shattering against the door. Marlena gasped and trembled with fear as she felt some fragments of glass hit her legs, causing a few cuts. Roman’s right hand and wrist were injured when one pot broke on impact; he was burned by the hot surface as well. Blood began to drip from the wound onto floor, making an odd pattern at his feet which caught their attention for a moment. There were no more words to be spoken and a painful, frightening silence enveloped them. The eerie quietness was over when several people came rushing into the lounge, having heard the crashing noise emanating from a normally quiet place.
“My God…what happened here?” asked Lexie Carver incredulously. She had just arrived recently for her shift. “Roman.. Marlena…you’re both bleeding. What’s going on in here?” she asked, surveying the damage.
Roman’s anger was still there, though he was clearly embarassed at his loss of control, “Ask her…. she has an explanation for everything!” He didn’t say any more and stormed out of the room, bloody arm and all.
“Roman…wait, you’re hurt, you need to have that taken care of..Roman!” Marlena called after him. She knew it was futile, he was too upset to care about his injured arm at the moment. Marlena made her way through the debris to the couch and plopped down on it at the same time as she burst into tears.
Lexie sat down next to her weeping friend, realizing exactly what had happened and placed her arm over the woman’s shoulders. Marlena had just talked with Roman, telling him the truth about her relationship with John and it hadn’t gone well at all. “Oh, Marlena…I’m sorry for everything you’ve been through. You just told him, didn’t you?”
She only nodded and kept crying and Lexie held her close. She loved Marlena and wished there was something she could do to make it easier, but she knew there wasn’t. Finally, Marlena said, “Oh…Lexie..it was horrible, he’s so angry and jealous of John. I’m worried about him…I’m worried what he might try to do. He said some things about hating John and wanting him to be miserable like John made him….. Lexie, he was…full of rage and he threw the water pitcher against the wall and then the coffee pots. If John were here…there’s no telling what he might have done.”
“Where is John? And if you don’t mind my asking, why are you here, today of all days?”
“Didn’t anyone tell you, Lexie? We brought him here in the Jeep. John had an attack of acute appendicitis. He’s in surgery right now.” Suddenly, it occurred to her that very few people knew what was going on with John. “Oh, I haven’t even had a chance to check on him..or call everyone, since it’s Christmas and everything happened so fast. Can you see if there’s any news, please?”
Lexie’s heart went out to her friend; she squeezed Marlena’s hand and said, “Oh, of course, I’m sorry, I just came on shift and I didn’t know. I’ll go check on John and then we’ll get those little cuts on your legs fixed up.”
Marlena nodded tearfully and stayed put on the couch waiting for Lexie to return.”Oh, John..please be okay.” She turned to prayer, “And please…don’t let him be too upset when he finds out about what happened here today. God…please take care of both of them, help Roman to calm down and think rationally. Please, don’t let him do anything foolish while he’s still so upset.”
Roman had managed to stop the bleeding in his arm and had it wrapped with a towel. He loitered in the hallways as unobtrusively as possible, until he overheard the nurses saying that John Black was now in the recovery room. Roman hovered around the area until he heard a nurse say she was going in to check on the man; he waited until he knew for certain that there was nobody in the room with his rival. Silently, he slipped inside…..
Threats and Fears
Roman was perfectly quiet as he approached the bed containing the object of his hatred, the man whom he perceived had ripped his world apart for the second time. He was content to observe at first. The man was lying on his back, still and silent in the bed, hooked up to IV’s and monitors, as he had been just a few weeks ago. Roman sat down in a chair next to the bed and watched the slow, steady rise and fall of the sleeping man’s chest, thinking how easy it would be to eliminate him from the competition. He was completely vulnerable lying there wearing nothing but a hospital gown, still under the effects of anesthesia. John Black, utterly helpless to defend himself, that was quite a sight to see, thought Roman Brady. I could kill him if I wanted to…in five seconds flat. As he considered that fact, he noticed his rival’s eyelids begin to flutter and open, and he realized that he didn’t ever want to kill the man. Roman just wanted to let him know he was still a force to be reckoned with, to intimidate John a little while he was in the one down position, as Roman perceived that he had been previously.
John sensed intuitively that there was someone with him in the room and in a weak and raspy voice he asked, “Doc… is that you?”
Roman leaned forward and replied firmly, “No… she’s not here, John.”
John wasn’t even fully conscious, but he recognized that voice and the tone was slightly malicious. “Roman….. what are you doing here, where’s Marlena?” he asked, somewhat anxiously, making an unsuccessful attempt to sit up.
“She’s… busy, John. I came to give you a warning… I’m not giving up on her… I don’t care what you think she… feels for you. She loves me, she chose to have ME stay with her at the Penthouse and she chose to stay with me when you pursued her so aggressively and had your…sordid little affair all those years ago. I’m gonna make sure it’s me she chooses this time too.” He said it all with total conviction and such intensity, he clearly believed in what he was saying without question.
John was struggling against the sedative effects of the anesthesia, but was aware of the threat he faced with Marlena. Roman sounded extremely angry and possessive of Marlena. Calmly and deliberately, John made an attempt to set his visitor straight, “Roman… she knows what she wants and she chose me. She loves *me* now, Roman, and you have to accept that fact.”
The fierce anger flared swiftly and he argued forcefully, his face only inches from John’s. “No! She still loves ME, she just doesn’t fully realize her feelings for me yet, but she will, John. You just wait.. I’ll *make* her see it.”
The way he talked gave John great cause for concern and he wanted to see her, to make sure she was alright, and he reached for the call button. After groping around with his right hand a moment or two, he was not able find it and was alarmed, making a slightly anxious sound, “Mmm.”
“Are you…looking for this John?” Roman taunted with a wicked smile on his face, holding up the item in question, knowing John was much too weak to take it from him.
John nodded, but didn’t say anything. Roman wanted him to ask for it. He tried to sit up and reach for it, but the man pulled it further away from him. The motion of sitting and reaching caused him pain near the incision, sharp pain. He groaned and asked, despite his desire to be strong in the face of Roman’s intimidating attitude, “Roman.. please…something..is…wrong.”
“Oh…poor Johnny… needs the nurse.. what’s he going to do?” Roman said, dangling the call button just beyond his enemy’s reach, continuing to taunt him with it.
The pain was increasing as he reached for the cord, hoping to pull it away and he cried out, “Oh…Roman….Oh..” he groaned again, then pleaded with his former friend, “Come on…this is crazy!” There was no verbal response, just an eerie silence. Feeling the man’s sense of betrayal, John apologized again for what he and Marlena had done, “I’m sorry we lied to you.. we never meant to hurt you. We were trying to protect you… to make sure you were alright when you learned the truth about us.”
Roman was still so angry that he had been deceived again and he wanted Marlena back in his life so badly. In his deluded mind the man in the bed was the only obstacle that kept him from having that dream fulfilled. Feeling a sudden and very powerful surge of jealous rage, he grabbed John by the thin collar of his hospital gown, hoisting him partially off the surface of the bed, and shouted at him, “You think I care about you.. about your pain? I… HATE you and I will NEVER accept any apologies from you! You.. have ruined my life! You destroyed my family and stole the woman I loved and I’m not going to let you do it again! Marlena is MINE!!”
John wasn’t wide awake enough or strong enough after being so sick, to struggle much physically, and he gasped involuntarily in fear as the pain intensified. Finally he garnered the strength to confront the man, “Roman… what are you doing here… you gonna beat up somebody… who can barely keep his eyes open…you think that makes you… something?” he managed to ask with a ragged whisper.
His question made Roman think, but just as he was about to release John, another person sounded an alarm, “My…God, Roman! What are you doing?” yelled a strong male voice.
He turned around to see Mike Horton, Lexie Carver, Eric and Marlena standing there staring at him, absolutely incredulous that he would accost someone who had just come out of surgery. Roman released John instantly and ducked past them before they could recover even slightly from the shock of seeing him with his hands at the top of John’s hospital gown. As John’s nearly unconscious body slumped down on the sheets, Mike raced to his patient’s side to examine him, asking with much concern, “John.. did he hurt you?”
John shook his head slightly and then whispered his answer as his blood pressure came down a little and his heart rate began to slow as well, “No…not really.. but he’s so.. angry and jealous, so.. possessive of Marlena. He wanted to warn me. to.. threaten me while I was weak. Watch him, Mike… watch him closely, don’t let him…hurt her.” That was all the energy he had and John faded into oblivion as Mike scurried to take his vital signs and examine the incision.
Marlena stood there, still astounded at what had taken place in the past hour or two. Seeing Roman holding onto John that way. She could hardly believe it and almost fainted from the shock. Eric had to steady her, but didn’t say anything right away. He was still in shock as well. “Mike…is he okay?” she finally asked fearfully, crossing the room on shaky legs.
“Well, he seems to be, although it looks like he’s put a strain on the incision in the struggle. I still can’t believe what we just saw, that Roman would threaten someone who was so…completely unable to defend himself.”
“Mom… how could Dad do something like that? How could he…hurt someone that way? I don’t understand this at all!” said Eric.. frightened by what he had seen when they arrived. It was so unlike his image of his father, to take physical advantage of John’s weakness and vulnerability.
John was fighting the effects of the anesthesia, wanting to make sure Marlena was allright, “Doc… is she okay? I want to see her,” he said, unaware of who was in his room, besides Mike Horton.
Marlena reached for his hand, saying reassuringly, “I’m here, John and I’m okay.. don’t worry about me, just rest…sweety, just rest now.”
He was fighting it still; there was something in her voice that worried him, “Marlena…he was so…angry.. did you…talk to him?” he asked, suspecting it was the case.
She didn’t want to answer because eventually John would learn what had happened and she didn’t want him worrying about her when he was in such great need of rest in order to recuperate from surgery. Reluctantly, she replied with a soft, “Yes… I told him about us, I said that there was no chance for him with me.”
Then came the inevitable next question, “Marlena…. was it just before he came in here?”
She nodded, knowing he was going to keep going until he knew about the whole scenario. “Yes…it was just a little while ago. He was very… upset.”
John knew for many reasons that the previous conversation hadn’t gone well, “Marlena…just tell me.. what happened? I can see that you’re shaken up by what you saw here just now… and there’s something else. I’m going to find out sooner or later, so you might as well tell me.”
Lexie, Marlena and Mike exchanged nervous glances before she answered. “Lexie.. Mike.. somebody tell me what happened!” he demanded, trying unsuccessfully to sit up again, groaning as he did so.
“John…lie down and I’ll tell you, but you have to promise me that you won’t do anything about it right now,” Marlena said, hesitating to even give him a hint.
That was all he really needed to know and he denied her request outright, “No.. I won’t promise you that, now tell me what did he do that’s got you so shaken up?” Unexpectedly, John struggled to a sitting position in the bed and his eyes fell upon her legs, seeing a couple of bandages. He demanded information and was becoming more than worried about what had taken place while he was in surgery, “Doc.. you’re hurt… what did he do?”
“Alright, I’ll tell you, just lie back and I’ll explain it. “He was…. so hurt and angry and he… started yelling at me. One minute he was blaming me and the next he wanted me to give him another chance and he was putting all his anger off on you.”
She was trying to avoid something, that was obvious and he was becoming exasperated with her, “Marlena… how did you get hurt?”
Marlena sighed with the inevitable, “Alright, I’ll tell you. He…slammed the coffee pots across the room and the glass shattered… I have a few minor cuts, but it’s nothing serious. So.. don’t worry.”
“Don’t worry!” he exclaimed in disbelief. Ignoring the pain, he bolted upright and acted as though he was going to get out of the bed. Mike and Eric were there in a second, pushing him back down. Mike held his shoulders and stared him square in the face. “John…if you try something like that again, I’ll have to sedate you. You just had major surgery and there is absolutely no way I’m letting you off this bed right now, is that clear?”
Not able to find any more strength, John nodded… and did as he was told. After he calmed down slightly, he asked her one more question for which he had to have an honest answer, “Marlena… did he threaten to hurt you… did he ever make you afraid that he would hurt you on purpose?”
“No… John, he wouldn’t do that, I know it for a fact. He was angry and he felt betrayed by us, and that’s why he threw the water pitcher and smashed the coffee pots.”
John happened to look down at her wrists and saw something that worried him even more. Holding them up in the light, he said, “What about this… did he.. grab you, Doc? Did, he try to stop you from leaving when you wanted to go?”
Again there were those anxious glances exchanged. From the look of anger and fear for her safety in his eyes, it was obvious that John was not going to let the issue drop without the answers he sought. She knew that without a doubt, so she told him the truth which would seal their fate. “Yes.. he grabbed me, but only for a second or two. As soon as he knew he was hurting me he let me go, John. I don’t think he meant to hurt me, he just needed to finish.. venting his anger about what happened.” Silently, Marlena prayed that John would just leave it alone, but realized in her heart that he wouldn’t. John was going to have it out with Roman at some point over the incident she had just described.
“I don’t care if he meant to or not, Marlena! Holding them up for Eric and Mike to see, he said to his fiance, “Look at your wrists… they’re bruised, Doc.” John’s protective anger kicked in and if Roman was in the room at that very second, surgery or no surgery, it was highly likely that the man would have been mincemeat. John sat up again and swung his legs over the side of the bed before the others reached him this time. John felt the powerful rush of angry adrenaline coursing through his veins, his protective instincts overshadowing any pain sensations. He glared at them, saying, “Don’t you even try to stop me!” Looking at Marlena, he was breathing hard, working to contain the rage he was feeling and he said with intensity, “I’m going after him, Doc… he is not going to come near you, ever again!”
Mike had the syringe ready, having been prepared for just such a scene once he had been informed what happened between Marlena and Roman. He shoved it home, while John was distracted by Marlena’s attempts to calm him down. John immediately knew what was done and he looked up at the doctor with a sense of betrayal. “Dammit, Mike why did you do that? You know she needs to be protected, I can’t let him anywhere near her, he has to be.. stopped!”
The drug was fast acting, and in his already weakened condition he had to fight to stay conscious as his body started to relax. Eric and Mike didn’t argue with him, concentrating instead on easing him back into a supine position and covering him up with the blankets. Acknowledging that he was on his way to oblivion, he squeezed her hand and looked into her eyes which were filled with fear for both of the men she loved, cautioning her, “Doc… please…be.. careful. Mike…Eric.. watch her for me, please take.. care… of …” His voice trailed off in mid-sentence. He was finally out cold and would blessedly remain so for several hours, giving them all cause to breathe a sigh of relief. The confrontation between John and Roman had been brewing for quite some time and at least they could delay the inevitable until John was strong enough to hold his own. He was being totally irrational to think he could do much of anything after just having major surgery. His protective fear for Marlena sometimes took precedence in his mind over everything else and clouded his judgement. This was one of those times.
Reactions and Repercussions
After making sure that John was going to be allright, and unsuccessfully trying to locate Roman, Mike and Lexie went on with their rounds. Eric was still standing back near the door looking over toward John, who was thankfully resting comfortably, and trying to process what he had just learned and witnessed with his own two eyes. He had never seen that side of his father. He hadn’t been there when the affair was revealed to see the vitriolic anger and jealousy Roman had displayed at that time. Slowly, the young man approached the bed, and placed his hands on his mother’s shoulders from behind. “Mom, is John really going to be okay?” he asked worriedly.
She continued to hold her fiance’s hand, but craned her neck to look up at her son as she answered, “I hope so, sweety. Mike said the surgery went fairly well, but what Roman did… it put a strain on the incision and being shaken up like that doesn’t help at all. He won’t sleep soundly now. John should be alright, though, if he stays put right here in bed, but then again… you saw him. He’s so angry about what happened earlier and I’m afraid.. of what he might do. I’m afraid of what they’ll both do when they meet up.”
“Mom… what you said before about what happened between you and Dad. You weren’t telling John the truth, were you? Dad did scare you, didn’t he?”
Marlena wanted to deny it, to say that she understood why Roman was so angry, that he hadn’t frightened her, but she couldn’t. As tears began to form behind her eyes, she nodded and admitted the truth, “Yes…Eric.. he did scare me. Like John said, he was so.. angry, so.. jealous and blaming of John. He was so angry that he didn’t have control and he held my wrists too tightly.” The delayed reaction to everything that had happened was beginning to hit full force and she started to sob as she spoke to her son, who pulled her gently up out of the chair and held her in silence solace until she began to calm down.
Finally, she continued, “As soon as he.. knew it was hurting me, he let me go… but for that few seconds… yes, I was frightened of your father and what he might do. And… when I saw him in here, holding John by his hospital gown, threatening him.. I was.. mortified!” Shaking her head in disbelief, she looked down at her love, and said, “My God, Eric… John was barely conscious, I still can’t believe he did it!”
Eric was nearly as upset as she was, but didn’t express it with tears, “I know… it’s so unreal. To think that Dad could do something like that, even when he was so upset. My…God, Mom… John almost died a short time ago… to grab him and try to intimidate him like that when he’d just come out of surgery. I would never have believed it if I hadn’t seen it for myself, Mom.”
“I’m sorry that you did see it, Eric. I’m sorry that your image of your father was damaged by that. He is a good man, but.. this is so hard on him. I don’t think that he has ever really accepted that I loved John for who he was, not because I thought that he was Roman Brady. Eric, I loved him when I had no idea who he was. Your father.. wanted so much to believe that the affair was only about lingering feelings and that it was him I have always loved. That is why he’s so focused on John as the villain in this situation, because it allows him to hold onto the idea that if John weren’t in the way, I would rediscover my love for him. “
“But, that’s not going to happen is it, Mom?” Eric asked sadly, finally realizing in his heart that his mother loved John and deserved to be happy with him.
Squeezing her son’s hand, she answered truthfully, “No sweety, it isn’t. I love John very much and I plan to marry him as soon as he recovers from this surgery. I told Roman, but he couldn’t accept it. I just pray that when John comes around, he is calm and more rational about what happened, and doesn’t feel like he has to go after Roman to warn him or.. worse. Oh, Eric.. I don’t want them to fight, and I’m so afraid that’s what is going to happen now. When John saw the bandages on my legs…”
She was interrupted by a weak and raspy voice, “And the bruises… Doc.. Don’t forget the bruises,” John said, while struggling vainly to sit up in bed.
Placing her hands on his shoulders, Marlena, said, “No.. John… honey, it’s much too soon for you to be trying to sit up, please…lie back down and get some more rest.”
“I’m fine, Doc,” he said with a tight jaw, followed by a muffled groan as he moved to swing his legs around to the side.
Seeing that John was not complying with his mother’s request, Eric moved in, adding his strength to the slender arms trying to keep him in the bed. “John.. come on, you know that you need to be in this bed… you just had surgery.”
“Eric…I’m leaving here now and I don’t want to fight with you about it. Let me go, please,” he added softly.
The man could be incredibly stubborn, thought Marlena and Eric at the same time, chuckling when their eyes met and surmised the thoughts behind them. Eric voiced his feelings about it sarcastically. Crossing his arms in front of him, he said, ” Fine, John you go right ahead, let’s see if you can get dressed by yourself, or were you planning on going out in the winter cold in that jazzy little number?”
John grinned sheepishly and Marlena giggled at the sight. “Yes, John we’ll just sit here and wait for you,” she teased, seeing that he was leaning over on the right side as he tried to stand up. Getting dressed by himself would be next to impossible, but they both knew he would be compelled to try, now that the challenge had been issued.
Marlena and Eric sat on two chairs across the room from the bed and watched John struggling just to gather his clothes together. He was obviously in great pain, but he was fighting it and trying to hide it from them. John was bound and determined that he could do it. Miraculously, he managed to pull his shirt on halfway and then he nearly collapsed from the pain it caused him, groaning more obviously. He rested for a few long seconds and then labored to get it on the rest of the way. After agonizingly long minutes, he had a shirt and under shorts on; next came the jeans, socks, and shoes. Reaching to get the pants in position for him to pull them on resulted in sharp stabbing pain and another groan. He doubled over again, nearly falling on the chair he was using to stabilize himself, and Marlena wanted to go to him, but Eric held her back, knowing what was best, knowing what she had to do. She thanked him with her eyes. This was something John had to find out for himself, he wouldn’t be convinced by talking about the risks. He needed to try it and fail because of the pain.
It was precisely at that moment that Mike Horton happened to come along to check in on his patient, whom he expected would be still sleeping. Mike was instantly alarmed, “John.. what in the… HELL do you think you’re doing?”
John laughed harshly, and said, “What does it look like I’m doing, Mike? I’m making a fool out of myself in front of my fiancé and a boy who used to call me Daddy.” John made a futile attempt to pull his jeans up and that was all the energy he had left to fight the fire in his belly, especially near the incision. A wave of intense pain and dizziness washed over him and he started to go down. All three onlookers were at his side and helping him back to bed within seconds. Then all three of them admonished him.
“John… I am not going to say this again! You just had major surgery! You… MUST get rest in order to recuperate from that surgery. Your body got rid of every bit of energy you had stored and now you need rest and some nutrition to regain your strength and recover. Do I have to restrain you or continue to sedate you to make that happen?”
John looked to Eric and Marlena and they weren’t smiling anymore. Marlena jumped on him too, “John.. he’s right, you need to stay in this bed and recover, alright?”
“Okay.. okay I get the message this time, you’re serious. I promise to stay put as long as Mike says I need to, but I’m telling you, Roman better not try to come anywhere near you. If he bothers you in any way, I want you to come tell me, can you make me that promise, Doc?”
“Yes, I will come and tell you, John,” she said, hoping it would not be necessary. She tossed up a quick prayer for divine intervention, “Please God.. help both of them to cool down and then maybe they won’t need to have any kind of confrontation.” She acknowledged that it might be wishful thinking; it appeared as though a physical confrontation had been brewing ever since the day two men who thought they were one and the same met in some seemingly godforsaken jungle.
Eric felt the need to apologize further for how he had treated John ever since he returned from the jungle and for what his father had done. Speaking softly and hesitantly, he said, “John, I.. I just wanted to say that, I’m.. sorry for how I treated you before. I’ve come to realize that Mom has a right to be happy with you, and I can see how much you love her. I know you aren’t the bad guy and I… want us to be.. close again, if.. you can forgive me, if you.. still want that.”
That was about the best thing he could have heard at the moment. Taking the teen in his arms, he said in an emotion-filled voice, “Oh, Eric.. of course I do, I miss how close we were. I’ve hated all the tension. And yes, I forgive you. Thank you, so much… son.”
“No problem.. Dad, I love you.”
He didn’t know if it was the drugs or the sense of a miracle being granted, but John felt moisture forming in his eyes when he heard his boy speaking this way to him after so many words of anger and rejection had been uttered. “Oh, Eric… I love you too, so much! I never stopped loving you like I did all those years ago. Thank you so much!”
All Marlena and Mike could do was stand back in amazement. As he saw tears falling from Marlena’s eyes, Mike reached over and put an arm over her shoulders, pulling her toward him for a hug. He said quietly, “That’s one good thing to come out of all this, isn’t it… Seeing them together, it means a lot to you doesn’t it, Marlena?”
Her eyes fixed on the bed, where the two men were embracing warmly, she answered tearfully, “Oh, Mike… yes it does. John always.. downplays how much it upsets him to be rejected by the twins, but I know it hurts him deeply. Seeing Eric do this now.. it’s just so.. wonderful! I’m so happy that if this.. blow-up had to happen, at least those two can grow closer again. I know it means the world to John.”
Mike smiled as he watched the scene for another moment and then as he prepared to leave said, “Merry Christmas, Marlena!”
“Oh.. my gosh, I forgot. Merry Christmas, Mike! Thank you for saving John. That’s the best present of all, and seeing those two working things out, that’s a bonus.”
Mike leaned in for one more quick hug and said, “Well, I’ve got to get back to the house, Abby and Mom are waiting for me.”
Marlena nodded and said, “Please give them my love.” Then, she turned her attention back to Eric and John, deciding she wanted in on some of the affection. They looked up and smiled, then welcomed her into a group hug that lasted for a long moment, bringing a sense of family togetherness that had long been missing for all three of them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Roman rushed out toward the main entrance of the hospital, still feeling angry, but also embarrassed about his conduct toward both John and Marlena. ‘Dammit.. why did I lose control like that, I won’t have any chance with Doc, if I can’t keep the jealousy under wraps.’ He remembered the horrified expression on her face when he was leaning over the bed, his hands clenched tight around the top of John’s hospital gown, not to mention the moment of holding her a little too hard by the wrists. She hadn’t said a word when she entered the room and saw him, but she didn’t have to, her eyes had said it all. She was shocked, angry, disappointed, and hurt that he would try to physically intimidate a man who was only a short time out of surgery and under the effects of anesthesia, a man who could in no way defend himself.
When he thought about it, it was a pretty disgusting thing to do. Roman recalled looking into John’s eyes when he started talking, and they were cloudy with the effects of medication. He was hardly awake and alert enough to talk, let alone defend himself physically. The look on John’s face when Roman grabbed him flashed in his mind, John was afraid, knowing he couldn’t fight back and yet he was able to confront the aggressor about his intentions. “Geez, Roman… what *were* going to do, beat him up? Were you really going to hit a man who was barely conscious and lying in a hospital bed? My God, what have you come to?” he was asking himself with a sense of frustration about his inability to control the anger and jealousy toward John.
As he sat down on a bench in an area where he could look out at the snowfall, his mind went back in time, to several years ago, times when he and Marlena and John were all close friends. It seemed like several lifetimes ago. ‘You were my friend back then, John.’ He argued with that characterization of what it was, ‘No.. it was all an illusion, you were lying to me. And now.. you are my.. rival, my…enemy. You stole her from me and I want her back now. I thought I had her heart all to myself, but you snatched her out from under me. You lied to me again! You lied about your marriage to Kristen, everything.. You said it was all done to protect me. Right! I’m sorry for what I did to you just now, but I’m not giving up on Doc, not yet! I don’t care what she says, she still loves me and I will find a way to make her remember those feelings that she’s been holding onto deep inside her, and once that happens, she’s all mine!”
Kristen had been loitering around the hospital, despite Eric’s cutting remarks toward her. She was genuinely concerned about John’s condition and stayed in the area until she learned that he was safely out of surgery and in recovery. Noticing how angry Roman was, she followed the man at a discreet distance and then pounced at what seemed like an opportune moment. She had not heard about Roman’s actions toward John.
“Roman.. are you alright, you seem so upset, what happened ?” she asked, fearing the worst and wondering what she might say to turn things around again. She needed him to keep fighting for Marlena in order to have any chance to get John to come back to her.
The second he looked up at her she knew another so-called friendship was about to come crashing down at her feet and she braced herself to be lambasted. She was absolutely correct in her assumption, as Roman stood up and laid into her, “You sick bitch! You set me up, Kristen! You lied to me from the second I met up with you and you set me up to think Doc was free, by telling me that John and you were happily married. I should have known better than to trust a Dimera, even one with no blood ties!”
She cowered in fear and took a step away from him, not quite sure of what he might do in this angry state. “Roman.. please try to understand.. I did all of it for love. I did it to get John back and to help you. I saved your life, Roman. The least you could do is be thankful for that.”
He was seething with anger, like the top of a volcano ready to blow at any given moment. This was all it took and his voice grew increasingly loud, “Understand! Everybody wants me to understand! Well, I don’t UNDERSTAND KRISTEN!!! You all lied to me… it seems that’s what everybody does in this town to get what they want, they lie through their teeth and it makes me sick! I want Marlena back, but I’m not going to lie to do it; she will come back to me because she rediscovers her feelings of love, not because I lie and cheat and manipulate like you, and Peter and Stefano do.”
She absorbed the anger and then deflected it, “Oh.. Roman, you’re so.. noble, but so naive. She isn’t going to just come back to you like that. You have to take an active role and create situations that will remind her. If you call that manipulation, then so be it. Otherwise, in a few more weeks, you’re going to be sitting there watching John kiss the bride, and go off on some long romantic honeymoon with her, while you’re all alone in Salem.”
She got exactly the reaction she was hoping for. The bitter anger was right there at the surface. Shaking his head, he argued vehemently, “No, NO! That isn’t going to happen! I won’t let her marry him! I know she still loves me and if John would just back off and give her some space, then she’d be able to see that. He’s pushing her and she’ll probably give in to him, unless I can do something to change her mind very soon.”
“Well, then you better get working on some kind of a plan, Roman. You don’t have any time to waste. Do you want my help?”
Horrified that he had ever trusted and confided in the woman, he rejected her completely, “No, I won’t resort to your methods, I swore to myself I would never do that! I’m not about to start now, Kristen. Why don’t you just disappear, nobody seems to want you around much anymore. You’ve alienated everyone who once loved you because of your selfishness and your lies and deception.”
Roman turned away from her and headed back into the main part of hospital, mentally preparing his apologies to Marlena and John. Losing control of his emotions was the worst thing he could do at this time, and he knew he had to try to make amends, if that were possible. He accepted the reality that it was doubtful at best.
Kristen was boiling with anger and frustration, at having lost her only ally, Stefano had told her in no uncertain terms that she was on her own. Losing Roman was tantamount to a disaster, “You’ll be sorry you rejected my ideas and decided not to use my methods, Roman! You’re going to lose her and you’re going to be all alone! You’re going to be alone and miserable when you could have gotten her back. I’m telling you, the only way to keep her away from John is to do it my way!” she called after him.
“You’ll all be sorry for rejecting me!” she said with conviction when he was out of earshot. Since she wasn’t able to use Roman anymore, she set about finding Susan and the baby. Her delusions about John grew more and more irrational as the days passed, despite the fact that he had made it very clear he wanted nothing more to do with her. Getting the baby back was the missing piece to creating the fantasy she had about John returning to her, allowing her to create the idyllic picture of domestic life that she had in her head.
Lessons Learned
Lessons learned are like
Bridges burned
You only need to cross them but once
Is the knowledge gained
Worth the price of the pain
Are the spoils worth the cost of the hunt….
John was finally asleep again, thank God. Marlena sat and watched him for a minute or two, thinking about how close she had come to losing him and praying that he wasn’t quite so bent on facing off with Roman once he calmed down and realized that she was allright. Satisfied that he was resting comfortably, she left the room for a few minutes to make some calls, the first was to check on the children. Taking a deep breath before she spoke when Carrie answered, Marlena then said, “Carrie, it’s Marlena… how are Belle and Brady?”
“They’re doing just fine, Marlena. How is John, did the surgery go alright?” Carrie asked anxiously. She still thought of John as a father figure and the idea of anything happening to him was very upsetting.
Marlena wasn’t sure how to answer and her hesitation scared Carrie, who asked, “Marlena.. I can tell that something is wrong.. what is it?”
Feeling emotionally drained from the combination of stressful events that had lasted several months, Marlena said, “Oh, Carrie.. it’s all such a mess. John did come through the surgery well and right now he’s resting, finally. But, while he was in the operating room, I talked with Roman and told him that there wasn’t a chance for us and he became very upset. He threw a water pitcher against the wall and smashed the coffee pots, shattering the glass and both of us were cut a few times.”
Carrie was shocked by that piece of news, “Oh my gosh.. are you okay? “
“Yes I am, but he scared me, he was so angry and jealous and he.. grabbed me and held my wrists too tightly. Then, while I was being treated, he went to see John just after he came out of surgery. Eric, Mike, Lexie and I entered the room to see Roman holding John by the collar of his hospital gown yelling at him, intimidating him. “
She couldn’t believe her ears, “Oh my God.. no.. he wouldn’t.. Marlena that’s horrible! Is John really okay?”
Shaking her head, still not able to fully believe what she had seen, Marlena answered tiredly, “Yes… I think so.. Oh, Carrie.. John was hardly conscious when we came in, he couldn’t have done anything to protect himself if Roman had tried to hurt him. Nobody said a word, we were all in shock; Roman let John go and ran out of the room immediately. Lexie and Mike went after him but couldn’t find him.”
“Does John know about what happened earlier between you and Roman?”
“Yes… and that’s what has me really worried, he has already tried to get dressed and leave and he only got out of surgery a couple of hours ago. He’s in no shape to be getting out of bed, let alone leaving the hospital and confronting Roman. I’m so afraid of what they’ll do the first time they see each other again, Carrie!”
Hearing the fear, Carrie tried to be the voice of reason, “Marlena… it’s going to be okay. Dad will come to his senses and John will calm down after he’s rested awhile and they’ll probably be fine. Try not to worry too much about it.”
“Oh, Carrie… you should have seen the look on John’s face. Sweety, my wrists are bruised and the cuts on my legs were bandaged and John… was so.. upset that he tried to get up almost immediately after the incident happened. He could barely stand, but he tried to get his clothes on and go after Roman for hurting me. Finally, he collapsed and we got him back to bed. Carrie, I’m so frightened that he won’t let this go and that he’ll try to leave here too soon and end up getting hurt.”
“Well, then you have to find a way to stop him, that’s all there is to it. Can you think of a way to distract him?” Carrie asked, making it obvious what she meant.
Marlena laughed and realized that it was the reason Carrie said it. “Oh.. yes, I think I can manage to distract him, in fact I’m actually pretty good at that sometimes. At least that’s what John says anyway.”
“Good.. then get in there and distract the man. I’m sure it will speed the healing process along to have a loving touch and a kiss or two from the woman he loves more than anything else in this world. Don’t you think?”
She smiled again, and said, “Carrie, thank you. I really needed to smile a little bit. You seem to know just what to say that will make me feel better. I really appreciate it a lot.”
“Don’t even mention it, you’ve always done the same for me whenever I’ve needed a little encouragement Marlena. You know I love you like a mother and I always have.”
Her heart was filled with motherly affection and she said gratefully, “Oh, Carrie.. I love you too, as if you were my very own child. You are so special to me.”
“Thank you, Marlena, that means a lot to me.” Her thoughts drifted back to her father and she said, “So.. do you think Dad actually intended to hurt John while he was unable to protect himself, or was he just so hurt and angry that he lost control for a minute or two?”
Marlena took the time to think about it and then replied confidently. “I think it’s like you said, he was just so upset to hear it from me that there really wasn’t a chance for him to win me over that he lost control of his emotions for the moment. I don’t think he ever intended to hurt me or John and I’d be willing to bet he’s somewhere nearby feeling guilty about both incidents.”
Carrie sighed and said, “I bet you’re right, Marlena. Will you be able to accept his apology?”
“Oh, Carrie… I don’t know. For myself, I think so.. yes, but when we came in and he had a hold of John like that… I don’t know if I can rid myself of that image. Carrie, John barely had his eyes open, he had to be scared and confused by it, though he certainly did cover his reaction well afterward. He was so focused on warning Roman to stay away from me. To think that your father could use force like that on someone who was still coming out of anesthesia.. it makes me sick! I don’t know if sorry will be good enough.”
Carrie sighed worriedly herself, “I can understand that, it was inexcusable. I hope that everything will work itself out without any…. violence. I would hate to see them come to blows over this.”
“Me too, Carrrie, but it may happen. A part of me can’t help but think that it is almost inevitable that they fight at some point. There is so much history and powerful emotions involved, not to mention their male pride and egos.”
“Yes, and John’s protective nature is so strong when it comes to you that I would understand if he felt he had to confront Roman about what happened between the two of you. I can see how it might come to blows at some point.”
Again, Marlena sighed with emotional exhaustion, saying, “Well, I better get back in there before John tries to get up again. I’ll talk to you later.. Oh, and if you hear from Eric.. could you talk to him about all of this? He left a little while ago and he was very upset about seeing Roman do that to John. His image of his father was shattered today and he’s hurting, but you know how he is, so…stoic.”
Carrie smiled about that description; on the outside he was like that, but not on the inside. “Of course I will, Eric and I were pretty close before everyone started taking sides. I hope we can smooth things over now. How is he doing with the idea that you’ve chosen John?”
Thinking of the answer to that question brought another smile to her face. “Oh.. I can’t believe that I didn’t tell you that right away, he has really started to come around recently and he and John have mended their fences. They admitted they loved each other and then hugged and even shed a few tears.”
“I’m so glad.. I know how much it hurt John to know that both Sami and Eric wouldn’t accept him anymore. He still loves us all so much and every time they’ve hurt him, I’ve just wanted to shake them and make them realize how cruel they were being to someone who loved and took care of them for several years. He deserves so much better.”
Marlena found herself smiling too. Carrie had a heart of gold and the fact that her love for John was so steadfast meant a lot to them both. With a joyful tear or two forming, she said, “Yes, he does and believe me your love and support has meant so much to him, Carrie. He loves you so much!”
Carrie smiled warmly and said, “And I love him, I still think of him of as my father; he is a very special man. I am so glad for the two of you, that everything is finally out in the open and you can be together. I know how hard it was on both of you having to pretend that you were only friends.”
Hearing the young woman she loved as a daughter talk about the man she loved that way made her feel so much better about everything and she replied from that place, “Carrie, you have been so supportive of us and that means the world to me. I know it can’t be easy when it means your father won’t have what he wants. Thank you.”
“Marlena, I know what it’s like to love someone but be kept apart from them by people and circumstances. You and John have loved each other for a very long time and you have been through so much to be together; you deserve some happiness. I love my father and I want him to be happy, but he left you when you wanted to work things out. It’s time for him to let you go and move on with his life.”
Tearfully, Marlena stated, “You are wise beyond your years young lady. Listen, I have to go now, kiss the children and give Austin my love. I’ll let you know if anything else happens.”
“Goodbye Marlena, thanks for calling and try not to worry too much.” Carrie hung up the phone, wondering what in the world could be going on in her father’s mind that he would act in such a way. Sighing heavily, feeling bad for him and yet accepting the reality that he needed to face, she spoke in her mind to him as if here were there with her. ‘Oh, Dad… I wish you could find a way to let go of the past and make a new life for yourself. John and Marlena love each other deeply and they deserve to be happy together. You made your choice three years ago, it’s time for you to move on.’ As Roman’s daughter, who was the most level headed of his three children, headed up the stairs to check on Austin and Belle and Brady, she sent up a silent prayer that he would do just that.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You
With your past at your back
And the future unsure
Asked for the chance to try
Love once more
Well aware of the consequences
Should the dream fall through
You threw down your last defenses
Wanting to try something new
Wanting to try something new….
Roman walked slowly and deliberately back toward the area of John’s room, trying to figure out what he might say to smooth things over, and was seen by Lexie and Mike as they came back around to check on their friend. “Roman!” called Mike, hoping the man would let him look at the injured arm and that he had calmed down slightly.
Before they could lay into him he said, “Mike.. Lexie.. I know what I just did was… way out of line and I want to try to make amends if I can. I flew off the handle and I want to talk with Marlena and John as soon as he wakes up. I’m ashamed of myself for going in there and intimidating him like that.”
The two doctors exchanged uncertain glances, wondering how the scene would play out, having witnessed the protective anger John was feeling and the fierce jealousy Roman displayed. “Roman… I don’t know if that’s such a good idea right now, John needs to get a lot of rest for a couple of days and he was pretty upset when he learned what happened between you and Marlena earlier. I’m concerned that if you go in there and see him, it will just make the situation worse between the three of you.”
Roman sighed heavily, and agreed, “Alright, I’ll do what you think is best.” As he spoke, he was grimacing in obvious pain from the cut on his right arm and he appeared as if he might collapse. Lexi and Mike reached out to steady him and then Mike said, “Roman… right now I’d say we should get you into an examining room so I can take a look at that arm of yours. You really sliced it open with that stunt you pulled.”
He sighed with a sense of frustration at his own recklessness, “Yea.. another impulsive angry reaction. I’ve really made a mess of things again, haven’t I?” he asked feeling embarrassed and ashamed of his actions.
Mike had to agree, but was somewhat sympathetic, “Well, you certainly didn’t win any points with Marlena by the way you handled the situation.” In another minute Roman was seated on an examining table and Mike was unwrapping the towel, wincing at the sight of the jagged cut. “Ooh, and you did quite a number on your arm here, Roman.”
“Yea.. that Brady temper doesn’t serve me so well sometimes. I lost it, Mike… I really lost it with her and I am so sorry! I didn’t mean to scare her or hurt either one of them.” Ow!” he cried suddenly at the cleansing process which was quite painful.
“Sorry about that, but you should have let me treat this right away, Roman. I’m going to have to put in several stitches.” As he proceeded to cleanse and then sew it up, he said, “Listen… this anger.. and jealousy, it’s hurting you as well. Your blood pressure is up way too high, so is your heart rate. Roman.. you need to do something to get it under control. I’m sorry about things not working out with Marlena, but sooner or later you have to accept the truth. She loves John and they were planning to be married when you came back. You can’t make John out to be the bad guy, he hasn’t done anything wrong this time around. And though your frustration and disappointment is understandable… you did leave her… for three years, Roman. She had a right to move on.. don’t you think?”
Lessons learned are like
Bridges burned
You only have to cross them but once
Is the knowledge gained
Worth the price of the pain
Are the spoils worth the cost of the hunt
Don’t forget what your failures have taught you
Or else you’ll learn them all over again
Or else you’ll have to learn them
All over again….
Roman wanted to dispute it, to find a way to put John in a negative light, but he couldn’t summon the energy. Mike was right, and everything that Marlena and John had said was exactly true. Somehow hearing an objective third party concur made it seem more real to Roman. He left Marlena when she was pleading with him to give her another chance; he had essentially spit in her face and left her alone and crying over what happened, full of guilt, pain, and loss. He had allowed his own pain, anger, jealousy and humiliation to take control and left town, even though he still loved her. Three years had passed and in that time she rediscovered her love for John and they were reunited after Kristen’s lies and deception were exposed. It was understandable, but it was so hard to let go of the only woman he ever loved, when he was led to believe he had a chance at her heart.
As for the jealousy toward John, it was deep-seated. Roman had buried it, but never really resolved it and it flared swiftly when he learned he had been lied to once again by two people he trusted. Blowing out a long breath and wondering what he was going to do about that aspect of it, he agreed, “I know you’re right, Mike. I know that in my head, but it’s my heart that won’t believe it and accept that it’s over for me and Doc. I love her so much and I know without a doubt that I made the worst mistake of my life when I left her after the affair was revealed. I wish I could change that and have another chance at her heart, but I guess I have to find some way to face the truth. She just doesn’t feel the same way about me anymore, and I have to let her go. But, I don’t know how Mike…. I just don’t know how to do that.”
Mike could relate to his patient, he had a similar situation going on that most people had no idea about and it was with this man’s daughter. Finding that fact ironic, he said, “Roman, I can understand.. I know what it’s like to love someone and know that they don’t love you in the same way. It’s tough to handle, but you can let her go and make a new life for yourself, if you try.”
Looking up at the man, he sensed that Mike really did know and that he was going through something similar. “You’re right, I can.. can’t I? I can move on and find my own happiness somehow. I’m going to try.. Mike, but I can’t say that I’m giving up completely. She isn’t married to John yet and as long as that’s true I’m going to do everything in my power to convince her she’s making a mistake, to help her find the feelings she has for me. Then, if she still ends up choosing to marry him, I’ll respect that decision and I won’t interfere with their marriage.”
“I can’t blame you, Roman.. she really is an incredible woman. I can understand why you feel like you have to make every effort to win her back. Please… just try to keep your jealousy toward John under control, he didn’t lie to hurt you. They were both following medical advice and looking out for your best interests, Roman. The cardiologist specifically told Marlena that any additional stress could cause a serious problem, and none of the others who treated you, knew what to predict in terms of the effects that kind of shock could have on the success of the cure. So we cautioned them not to tell you. If you really need to vent your anger, vent it at me and the other physicians.”
Roman nodded, realizing that was true. John and Marlena never intended to hurt him and only kept the truth from him because they had been convinced by what the medical personnel had told them about the nature of his condition. “Yea.. I suppose you’re right about that, they were doing what they thought was necessary and it may have saved my life. I should be grateful.. though it’s hard to feel that way right now. Thanks for setting me straight on that, I guess I needed to hear it from someone like you to accept it. They didn’t betray me like I’ve tried to make it seem. I let my old feelings about the affair take hold of me; that was wrong and because of it, I’ve made the situation much worse than it had to be. I only hope I can find a way to make things right with both of them.”
Finishing up with the bandage on Roman’s arm, Mike said, “Good luck, Roman, they’re very forgiving people.. but.. what you did was pretty…” he started to say, struggling for a way to soften the harsh terms that came immediately to mind.
“Atrocious.. Mike, it was absolutely terrible that I frightened Marlena and going in there to confront John when he was so out of it.. that was contemptible and I feel ashamed that I could act that way.”
Mike said nothing further, but nodded in acknowledgement of the statement and Roman’s seemingly regretful attitude, and then the young doctor turned and left his patient alone in the examining room to contemplate his next move.
Don’t forget what your failures have taught you
Or else you’ll learn them all over again
Lessons learned are like
Bridges burned
You only need to cross them but once…….
Some Laughs And A Clash of the Titans
After calling everyone who might be concerned about John, Marlena went back in to see the man she loved, who was thankfully still sleeping. Taking his warm hand in hers, she spoke quietly to him, “Oh, John… I love you so much and I’m so glad you’re going to be okay. Please don’t go after Roman for scaring me like he did. He was just upset about losing me and feeling betrayed by us again. Once he’s calmed down, everything will work itself out, you’ll see.”
John started to stir in the bed, responding to something internal, it appeared. He cried out fearfully inside the dream, ‘No… don’t hurt her, no Roman… don’t..take her!’ The last word was shouted out loud, “NO!” The unexpected sound of his own voice woke him up. Slightly disoriented, he opened his eyes, looking rapidly about the room, checking on external reality. He was sweating and breathing hard, reacting to the troubling images from his nightmare.
Marlena touched him lightly on the arm to capture his attention, “John… honey, you were dreaming, it’s okay.” After a moment’s pause she asked, “Do you want to tell me about it?”
Rubbing his hands over his face in an attempt to clear his mind of the upsetting vision, John tried to sit up. Managing to make it to a leaning position supporting his weight on one elbow, he said, “It was about you and me, and Roman. He was fighting with me and then he grabbed you and started to take you with him by force. I was so afraid he’d hurt you and I wasn’t sure what to do. I wasn’t fully recovered and I didn’t think I could fight him off for long.” John sighed heavily again and said, “Whew… it was so…real, Marlena. Come here and let me hold you,” he said with intensity as he reached out for her. They stayed that way for a while, enjoying the warmth and safety of each other’s arms. Marlena felt the need to reassure John, saying, “It was just a dream, John.. that won’t happen. Roman won’t hurt me, I know he won’t.” John nodded, hoping his fiance was right in her assertion.
As they disengaged slightly, Marlena asked, “So.. how do you feel honey?”
“Aside from that nasty dream, and a little soreness, I’m doing fine. Actually, I’m.. a little hungry. Do you think it’s okay if I eat something?” John asked hopefully, feeling slightly embarrassed for some reason he couldn’t define.
She smiled warmly and said, “Well, I see some things never change. I’ll go talk to Mike and see what he says, but don’t expect much more than jello or something along those lines, John.”
“Oh goody.. jello, my favorite!” he said teasingly, rubbing his hands together, much like Brady did when he was excited about getting a treat.
She tossed her head back and laughed heartily at that one, saying, “Oh, John… you always find a way to make me laugh when I need it most.”
“Good, just don’t repay the favor right now. I don’t think it would feel so great. Speaking of people who actually like jello, can we get the kids over here?” he asked hopefully. I don’t want to spend all of Christmas Day without them.”
She hated to burst his bubble, but told him the truth, “Oh.. honey.. you probably don’t even know about this because it started when you were so sick. There’s a terrible winter storm going on and most of the roads in Salem are closed. We had to bring you to the hospital in the Jeep because of it. They’ve declared a state of emergency now. Austin and Carrie are at the Penthouse watching Belle and Brady. We can call them though,” she said trying to end on a positive note.
The look of disappointment on his face was heart wrenching, and she felt horrible for him, as he said, “Oh.. man, what bad timing I have, huh? I can’t even get sick at a good time. I’m really sorry for ruining your holiday Doc.”
She frowned at him and admonished him lightly, “Oh, that’s nonsense, you didn’t ruin it at all, John. In fact, you have made it possible for us to be together. I talked with Roman while you were in surgery as you know, and though it didn’t go quite as smoothly as I hoped, everything is out in the open now. You and I are free to marry, John. So, actually, I want to thank you for getting sick and landing yourself in the hospital with an attack of appendicitis.”
He chuckled and then said, “Oh.. well, you’re welcome, Marlena. I always say, anything for the course of true love.”
“I thought that was what Alice always says.. since when did you pick it up?” Marlena teased.
John beamed a radiant smile of joy, and said, “Oh, well, I must have heard her say it so much that it started to rub off on me. Anyway, she’s right, at least where we’re concerned. Our love is right and true and finally we’re going to have our day, Doc. You and I are finally going to be married and spend the rest of our lives together… happily ever after, right?”
She shivered with delight at the thought of all that and said, “Right… you’re so right, my love.” Then, she kissed him slowly and sweetly, her lips lingering over his before fully connecting. As her tongue slipped inside his warm moist mouth, he sighed and concentrated his efforts on taking her breath away. Soon, he knew he was successful as he heard her soft moan of growing desire. As their love play became slightly more involved, they turned to the sound of a throat being cleared.
“Uh… hello you two. Listen, John… I really don’t think that it’s such a great idea for you to be…” stammered Mike Horton, who found his face turning redder by the second. After they all chuckled lightly about his response to seeing the two of them in the early stages of lovemaking, Mike recovered his professional facade, then said pointedly, “John. you’ve just had a life threatening episode and a significant surgery. I would highly recommend that you refrain from all…strenuous activities for at least a week or so.”
John’s face fell to hear that strong advice, but he understood the rationale and said, “Alright, Mike, I’ll try. And, I want to thank you for saving my life this morning.”
“Well, that’s what they pay me for, John,” he joked. After taking his patient’s vital signs and peeking at the incision again, he said “Everything looks pretty good. I’ll see you soon. Now, please do everyone a favor and get the rest you need; do that and you’ll be out of here before you know it.”
“Okay, I will. But I have one more question for you. Am I allowed to eat anything yet?”
Mike and Marlena looked at each other and laughed, having discussed this moment earlier. Then simultaneously, they turned to John and answered, “Jello…”
“Oh boy.. I’m so excited! What color is it? I like blue the best,” John said with the mock gleefulness of a happy child.
Mike continued the teasing fun, saying, “Oh, I really hate to disappoint you, Johnny but I think it’s red today.”
John pouted, looking just like his nearly five year old boy. “Well, then I’m not having any… so there!” he said, folding his arms over his chest in protest. They all broke up at that one, then John groaned and wished he hadn’t. “Oh.. that hurts a lot, now go on, get out of here, would you?”
“John… does it hurt when you laugh?” asked Mike, who looked at Marlena to see if she would play along one more time.
The discomfort was strong enough that he didn’t realize Mike was still playing, and John said, “Yea.. as a matter of fact it really does, Mike.”
“Well, then… stop laughing,” the two MD’s said in unison, knowing they were really pushing their luck. John found a small pillow and tossed it with his left hand saying, “Alright.. that’s enough of the doctor’s comedy review. Get outta here.” The other two began to leave and Marlena turned back and said, still teasing, “I’ll be right back with your jello, dear.”
“Oh, please don’t make me wait too long,” he replied with a hint of true irritation at not being allowed to eat any real food.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A few minutes later, John was alone and Roman was looking through the window of his room. John seemed to be sleeping, but one never knew. He entered slowly and approached the bed again. John was only half asleep and his eyes shot open upon hearing the sound. There was a strange mixture of fear and anger in those eyes this time, as John sat up in bed, ignoring the pain to strike a defensive pose.
Roman put his hands in the air, saying, “Don’t worry, John.. I’m not here to fight with you. I know that what I did before was wrong and I’m here to.. apologize and ask for forgiveness. I was out of control and I took my frustration about losing Marlena again out on you. I was way out of line, and I’m truly sorry, John,” he said contritely.
That wasn’t nearly good enough for John because not only had Roman almost inflicted bodily harm on him when he had no way to defend himself, he had also frightened and hurt the woman John loved with all his heart. “Roman.. I appreciate the fact that you were willing to come in here and face me after what you did earlier, but sorry just doesn’t cut it. Roman.. I was so out of it from the anesthesia that I couldn’t have fought back. You could’ve killed me you were so angry, and that scares me and I’m not just talking about for myself. What’s even more important is that you hurt Marlena… her wrists are all bruised, Roman from when you held her too tightly because of your anger and jealousy. And, she has a half dozen bandages on her legs from the glass that came from the coffee pots you shattered all over the doctor’s lounge in your jealous rage. Roman… you’ve got a problem and you damn well better deal with it before someone you love is badly hurt. I’m telling you right now… you better stay away from Marlena. I don’t want you to come within fifty yards of her until you have a handle on this thing, you got that Brady!” John warned, suddenly feeling physically stronger.
His rival was taken aback by that last statement and felt the irrational anger and jealousy toward John begin to boil low below the surface, but he waged a fierce battle to contain it. “John, I understand why you’re so upset about all this, but I assure you it won’t happen again. I understand why you and Doc lied to me. Mike explained it all, and somehow hearing it from him made me face the fact that you weren’t the bad guy in this whole sorry scenario, John. It was Kristen and Stefano.. once again and I also realized that you and Marlena have waited a long time to be together and you deserve to have a chance at happiness. I divorced Marlena because I couldn’t see past my own pain and I left town. I understand that she moved on and rediscovered her love for you, and I’m not going to hold you at fault any more, John.”
All of that was said quite nicely with a thin veil of amiability, but Roman’s eyes narrowed and his voice became harsh as he responded to the final challenging statement John made. “But.. all that being said, you’re not married to her yet, John, and I’m not going to give up on Marlena until you are. If she tells me to stay away from her then I will, but I will NEVER let YOU tell me who I can and can’t see, unless you have a restraining order. You got that Black!”
John stared Roman down, telling him with his eyes and body posturing that he was prepared for a fight to the finish and Roman returned the fiercely competitive gaze, as the other man spoke firmly, “I’m telling you.. if you touch her, if you even bother her in the slightest way, I’m gonna come after you, Roman. I hope you know that I’m serious because you won’t see it coming.”
Roman scoffed, “You’re so damn sure of yourself, aren’t you? We’ll see what happens, won’t we? If you’re so confidant in Marlena’s love for you.. why should it bother you if I spend a little more time with her?” He finished with one last incendiary question, “Are you afraid she might change her mind about marrying you, John ?”
John hesitated only briefly, but it was enough for Roman. “No.. I’m not at all. I know she loves me and she wants to marry me as soon as possible. We talked about it a few minutes ago, in fact.” John’s tone as he made his final comments matched Roman’s derisiveness. So.. why don’t you just give it up and keep what’s left of your dignity, Roman,” John said, hoping the man would pack it in and get out of town, but resigning himself to the fact that it would never happen.
So there it was.. the stage was set for a modern day version of the mythical Clash of the Titans. The two bitter rivals for the hand of the fair maiden had laid down their challenges. All that remained to be seen was who would emerge the victor and who the vanquished.
The Jarlena Journal 