One Life Twice Stolen – By Sandra B

The Game Takes Shape

John stood next to Marlena and tried desperately not to fidget, not to make it obvious that he was watching the clock. Waiting impatiently for the call to come in, he decided to take matters into his own hand. He kissed her, then excused himself and made the quick call to the airport. Everything was set, the plane was fueled and ready for take-off. He looked at the combination he had obtained from Abe Carver’s computer one last time and as he prepared to make the second call, the beeper went off. “Hope is ready too, here we go.” John Black took one last lingering look at the woman he loved so deeply he would lay down his life to save her or anyone she cared about, to save the man he thought he was for almost seven years.

As Marlena stood talking to Roman, he admired her beauty and wished with all his heart that there was some other way. He memorized the details of her silky hair, her glimmering eyes, her gorgeous face, and her smile….’oh, that smile.. everything about her, he commited to memory so he could keep her with him while they were separated. A part of him wondered if he would ever lay eyes on her or touch her soft skin again.  ‘Oh, Doc…I ache to stay with you, to marry you..if only…’ Shutting his tear-filled eyes, he concentrated on burning the lovely vision of her and of their last night of lovemaking into his brain. Then he had to turn away from her so he could pray, “God, please give me the strength to walk away from here, to…leave her side and free the devil’s servant to go find that cure.”

John ducked swiftly behind the stone wall and then silently slipped away from the gathering at the church. He drove off toward the police department in the Jeep as quickly as possible, hoping Marlena, Abe and everybody else who might miss him took at least an hour or so to figure out that he was gone. To cover his tracks he had told Caroline he received an important phone call and had to run out for a short while, but planned on making it to the reception. She had stared at him questioningly, but he managed to cover well and he believed she had no idea of what he was planning. ‘At least that will buy me some time,’ he thought as he walked into the jail.

Reminding the guard he had authorization to see Dimera at any time, he went down to see Stefano, sneaking in a small bag of clothing under his jacket. With one decisive move he knocked out the officer watching the cell itself, used the code on the lock mechanism and his worst enemy was standing next to him within seconds. It made him sick to think about what he was doing, placing his life and Roman’s in the hands of the man who had imprisoned and savagely abused and manipulated both of them. He shook his head to clear it of the disturbing images and the memory of the agony he felt in losing his identity as Roman. As he found some success, he said harshly as he shoved the policeman’s uniform into Stefano’s hands, “Put these on Dimera and make it fast!”   As he finished dressing, Stefano laughed at his enemy, “Ha, I knew you would come here, John. You are so predictable it is….almost amusing to me.”

The anger began to rise rapidly from deep within and John growled at him, “Shut up, or I might just change my mind Stefano! You don’t know how tempted I am to just blow you away and tell everyone I shot you while you were trying to escape. I think you know they’d believe me.”   That wicked laughter filled the room and he said, “Ahh, tempted yes, but you won’t do it, John. You can’t afford to take the risk. You see, we both know that if you killed me you would have to face that nagging doubt in the back of your mind. Was there really a cure for Roman? The guilt from that unanswered question would consume you, Marlena would doubt you and you would lose her love, John. So ironic isn’t it, here you are, breaking me out of the specially designed prison cell you so arrogantly pointed out was totally escape proof. Ha Ha Ha!”

He felt the rage building and he pointed the gun with slightly trembling hands at Stefano’s face and spoke through clenched teeth, “Don’t press your luck, Stefano!  There’s no telling what might happen if you push me too hard.”

“No, I trust that you can control your animal instincts. You will do anything for Marlena, including letting me go free if it is necessary. I know you so well, John, better than you know yourself. That is one of the reasons you hate me so much, isn’t it? I know how you think, how you feel, I can predict your every move. That eats away at your soul doesn’t it, my pawn?”

He was seething, feeling the tension in every muscle of his body, his breathing was ragged and he was barely able to control his rage; he wanted to shoot the man dead, right where he stood. Holding the gun on his enemy, he said forcefully, “I’m not your pawn! and I’m warning you Old Man, you just shut up or I WILL kill you!”

Again that haunting evil laughter….it echoed inside his head until he thought it would explode. John thanked his Lord when Hope showed up because he truly didn’t know if he could stop himself from firing the gun if the monster kept taunting him. As they exited the jail and prepared to enter the car, John walked a few feet away, ran his fingers through his hair and gave himself a stern pep talk: ‘Okay, John you have to get a handle on this thing. Dimera wants you out of control with rage, he wants you to be distracted so you’ll miss some important details and you can’t afford to make any mistakes. Come on, John don’t let him get to you, stay cool, stay focused. Keep your mind on why you’re doing this, to find the cure for Roman.’ Once inside the unmarked police car, John leaned back against the seat and shut his eyes, then took some more deep breaths and let them out slowly until he felt himself calming down, the rage fading away for the moment.

He continued to work on himself all the way to the airport and when he thought he had his emotions well contained again, he approached Stefano with gun in hand as they prepared for take-off. “Stefano, I know your game and you won’t win this time. We are going to find this so-called cure, take it back to Salem and then you and your so-called daughter here are going to pay for your crimes. There is no way in hell I’m letting either of you get away with all the sick things you have done to me and so many of the people I love, you got that Old Man?”

The man smiled wickedly and agreed, “Whatever you say, John. Now, let’s get going, shall we? The clock is ticking you know.”

Hope looked at John, whose anger seemed ready to flare again, and said, “Come on, John let’s go sit down over there. I want to talk to you for a minute.” She pointed to a seat several feet away from where Stefano was standing, wanting to help diffuse John’s anger. As she ushered him in to the window side of the seat she said, “John, I know how much you hate him, how much he has taken from you, but you have to stay cool. He will do anything he can to keep you off balance, to get you angry and then he’ll use it against you. You know that, don’t you?”

He took another deep breath or two and answered, “Yes, Hope I know that. I have just waited so long to see him go down for everything he has done to Doc and me and so many others; it just burns me up inside to be the one to set him free like this.” “I know it does and so does he, that’s one of the reasons I decided to come along, to help you stay focused and keep your anger under control. I hate him too, John, but we have to concentrate on the reason we’re here, to help Roman.”

“Don’t worry, Hope I won’t forget that, not for a second, but thanks a lot. I think it’s going to help having you here, I just don’t want anything to happen to you. I would never forgive myself if you were hurt because you were keeping an eye on me. That’s why I tried to ditch you before, I’m sorry about that.”

“It’s okay, John, I understand, but remember I have a cop’s training and I can take care of myself.”

He nodded, smiled knowingly and said, “Yes, you can Hope. I’ve seen you in action, you’re a good cop. I was wondering about that, are you going to go back to it?”   “I certainly plan on it. I loved being a cop, John and I think I was pretty good at it too. I’ve missed it all these months. I just wish Bo and I… Oh, never mind, that’s all in the past.”

John felt bad for her, “You know, there were so many times that I thought  Marlena and I would never be together in love and by some miracle we found our way back to each other. Don’t give up on Bo, maybe it will still work out for you two someday.”   “Thanks, John, but I don’t think that’s going to happen. I appreciate the support though.”

He touched her on the shoulder and then put out his other hand for her to shake and said, “Anytime, partner.”

She smiled, shook that hand and replied, “Partners in crime, you mean. I do like the sound of that though. You watch my back and I’ll watch yours and maybe we’ll both make it home in one piece with the cure and put those two…evil people back in jail where they belong.”

John said seriously, “Yep…that’s what I had in mind, Hope. You can’t trust anything either of them say. Let’s make a pact, let’s agree never to go on what they say without checking it with each other first and we need to stick close together. Neither of us should be alone with them unless there is absolutely no way to avoid it.”   She nodded her head in agreement, “That sounds like the best way for both of us to stay as safe as possible on this trip. There’s no telling what they’ll do if they have the chance.” “Okay then, I’m gonna tell the pilot we’re all set,” said John as they walked back up toward the cockpit of the small private jet.

Stefano and Kristen had a similar conversation about their strategy. Stefano told Kristen, “You must do whatever you can to plant the seeds of doubt in John’s mind about Marlena’s love. Make sure you mention the growing closeness you saw between her and Roman, and how happy Roman’s parents and children are to have him back in their lives. Paint the picture of a happy family with no room for John.”

“You really are cruel Stefano, you don’t care at all who you hurt or how you accomplish your goals as long as you win.”

There was a hint of remorse at her part in the plan to destroy the newly rediscovered love between John and Marlena. “No, I don’t and you can’t afford to either, Kristen, if you hope to have any chance at winning John back. He must believe that Marlena is falling in love with Roman again in order for you to have any chance at all. Take advantage of his lonliness, his need to be close to someone at the same time as you are planting the doubts.”

She looked over at John and said regretfully, “I don’t like the idea of hurting him so much. It was one thing to deceive him, but at least I wasn’t cruel to him. I do love him, you know and it will hurt him deeply to think that the Brady family doesn’t need him anymore now that Roman is back.”   “Yes, it will and that’s when you can take advantage of his weakness, his need for a loving family. Exploit that, Kristen, and you will have a chance at his regaining his love and trust.”

Glancing back over at him, she said reluctantly, “Allright, Stefano I will do what you said, but I don’t like it. I hate to see him suffering.”   “Do what you must and remember you will be there to comfort him, Kristen. He will turn to you in his time of need and you will help him.” She smiled triumphantly and said, “Yes, I will and Marlena will have Roman, that is until you take her away. We will both have what we want and the Brady’s will have their son and his children will have their father. How nice for everyone.”

Within minutes the plane would be taking off. As it began to turn and taxi down the runway, John and the pilot spotted a caravan of police cruisers racing toward the plane, lights flashing, sirens blaring. “Don’t wait for the tower, go now!” John shouted, “We can’t let them stop us!”   As he stared over at the cars pulling to a stop on the runway, he saw some of the occupants. Abe and Lexie Carver were standing next to Marlena. He could see that she was very distraught and he could imagine her screaming, ‘No, John don’t go!’ Looking at her one last time as the plane rose into the sky, John said sadly, while a lone tear slid down his cheek, “I’m sorry, Doc but I had no other choice. I love you….forever!”

Goodbye Without Touching

Marlena stared up into the blue sky watching the plane bearing the man she loved, two evil people who wanted only to manipulate him and one good friend who had promised to watch out for him, fly away. She watched until the plane disappeared behind the clouds. “Oh, John you told me you weren’t going to do it! Why John?” she asked out loud, not expecting an answer, but getting one anyway.

“Because he loves you so much he would do anything for you, Marlena. He knows how much you care about Roman and how much it would mean to you and the whole Brady family to have him healthy again,” said Abe Carver, who was just as worried as she was.   “I know he does…but Abe…what it if is a trap just like you said? I might never see him again!” She fought the tears that threatened to fall.

Lexie took something out of her pocket, she was hesitant to give it to Marlena immediately because she wasn’t sure what it was, but thought she should see it right away. “Marlena, this is for you, John asked me to give it to you.”  She handed a medium size envelope to her friend, whose hand shook when she took it. It was letter and there was a picture included with it. The picture was taken of the Marlena, John, Belle and Brady the day after they had reunited. All four faces had wide grins of great joy and the memory came rushing back in an instant. She stared at it for a moment longer and then put it aside to read the letter.

Dear Marlena,

I am writing this letter to explain why I left the way I did. I am very sorry for going away without telling you, but I knew you and Abe would try to stop me. This is something I had to do. I know how much everyone loves Roman and there is a part of me that will always feel in some small way like I am him. I couldn’t just sit back and watch him die without doing everything in my power to save him. So, I am going off with Stefano to find this cure he talked about. Try not to worry about me, I can take care of myself and Hope has managed to work her way into this operation with me, so you don’t need to worry about what Kristen is up to. I love you more than words can say and I can’t wait to come home and hold you in my arms again. Until then, whenever you miss me, do what I am going to do. Take out this picture and think of me, think of how happy we all were that day and I’ll be right there in your heart just as you will always be in mine. Please kiss the kids for me and I’ll see you soon. Goodbye Doc.

I love you always,

John

When she finished reading it, there were tears in her eyes and she said a silent goodbye in her heart, ‘I love you forever too, John, goodbye my love.’ Then to her friends she said, anxiously, “Oh, Abe..Lexie!  I am so afraid for him…I love him so much and the thought of him out there with that evil monster who has hurt him so terribly..and Kristen…” “Remember, Hope is with him too and she will help to keep them from hurting John,” said Lexie hoping to encourage her friend.

Abe stood there not knowing what else to say. He felt betrayed by John and he knew his friend had to have help to pull off the break out and the only person who could have helped him was his own wife. Abe felt very confused, he was angry at them both, and yet he understood that their motives were pure and he was also seriously concerned for John’s life. “Lexie, you gave John the code didn’t you?” he asked, matter of factly.

Marlena’s eyes shot her friend a look of bewildered sadness mixed with a hint of anger. Lexie stood there and then said quietly, “Yes, I did Abe. John told me what he was planning and I knew he had to do it and I had to find out if…. my biological father had a shred of human compassion, to know if he would actually produce the cure for Roman. So, yes I helped John break Stefano out of prison. I’m sorry Abe, Marlena, I know you are worried about John and so am I.”

The three of them stood in silence for a moment longer before getting back in the squad car and making the seemingly endless drive back to the church to tell everyone what happened. Marlena knew she had to tell the family and she dreaded that task, for now they had even more to worry about than Roman’s illness and Sami’s possible manipulations. They would live in fear for John’s life at the hands of the evil monster who had played God with all of their lives for long over a decade now. She prayed while on the way to the reception, “Dear Lord, please be with Hope and John, help them stay free from the Dimera’s evil and find the cure for Roman. Please bring them home safely to all of us.”

Abe and Lexie rode most of the way back in silence and the tension made the air feel thick. Finally, Lexie spoke her apology, “Abe… I’m sorry we went behind your back, but John convinced me there was no other way, he didn’t want you to risk your career for his plans. He cares very much about you. We both did what we felt we had to do to help Roman and leave you blameless. Can you please try to understand?”

He sighed and formulated his answer, “Yes, I can…it’s just, he always puts himself in such danger. I can’t believe Dimera is going to do anything but lead John into a trap. I’m afraid we’ll never see him again, Lex.”

“I hate to think like that, but the second I told him about how to get the code I had the same feeling about it, Abe. I’m afraid for John and Hope and I pray they will be allright.”

As they arrived at the church, they were greeted by a very distressed Celeste. She had the sense that someone connected to them was in trouble and she had to see them to determine who it was. Lexie was concerned as soon as she saw her mother’s face. “Mother, what is it?”   “I have sensed great danger for someone you love, Lexie. Great danger and I am very worried about it.” “Oh, Mother, John just broke Stefano out of prison and they went off to find the cure for Roman.” “Oh, no Lexie, John should not trust that man to do anything he says. Stefano only wants to harm him, I fear for his life.” She shuddered visibly at some vague images that came to her. “Oh…he is in very great danger….I sense someone on the trip will suffer great pain…torment, possibly…even death.”

As Abe was about to speak, Marlena, who had lingered in the car trying to decide what she was going to say to the family, came up behind them. She asked worriedly, “Celeste, are you talking about John? Please tell me what you’ve sensed, you have been right so many times before and I have to know.”   There was silence and then she took Marlena’s hand and said, “Yes, I am afraid that we might not see him again, he may suffer much pain. I am sorry, Marlena, but that is what has come to me.” “Oh, no! I can’t let myself think that way! I just can’t! Please excuse me!” She ran off in tears, fearing for the life of the man she loved.

The others watched her go and Celeste said, “I am sorry I upset her, but she asked me to tell her the truth. I did not tell it all either, I believe that John will also learn more secrets about his past and what he learns will shock all of Salem, if he lives to tell it.”   “Celeste, no offense, but I pray you’re wrong about all of it,” said Abe, feeling frightened for his friend and helpless to do anything about it.

After taking some time to calm down, Marlena went in to tell the family what had just taken place. As she entered the sanctuary, the room grew silent and they waited for her to speak, knowing something was very wrong. She walked over to Roman and took his hand and then told the group, ” Well, everyone, as some of you might have guessed when we raced out of here, John just broke Stefano out of prison and they went off somewhere to search for the cure for Roman’s infection. Stefano told John about a possible cure and he wanted his freedom in exchange for it. John told me that he wasn’t going to do it because he believed Stefano was lying just to get out of jail. Obviously, John changed his mind and decided to take the chance to save Roman’s life. Hope evidently found out what he was planning and convinced him to let her help him. They just took off in a private jet with Kristen and Stefano and we have no idea where they were headed.”

There was a collective gasp as the reality of the situation hit hard. They all silently wondered if they would ever see either of the two people they all cared very much about. Even Sami was moved that John would let the man he hated, the man who had hurt them all, out of jail on the slim chance that there was a cure for her father. The fact that he would go off into parts unknown with that evil man, knowing what Stefano had done to hurt him in the past was…impressive. The group of family and friends stood around talking about the gallantry of John’s choice to risk everything for Roman and Hope’s courageous decision to help him. They voiced their fears for the pair’s safety, and their anger at Stefano for putting them all in the position of having to make choices like that in the first place.

Roman was quiet and Marlena was concerned about him. “Roman, how are you feeling?”   The warmth was so inviting, so comforting, he had missed it so much. “Oh, Doc… I didn’t want to come back here because I thought something like this could happen. Now, John and Hope are out there with that madman and God only knows if they’ll come back alive and it’s all because of me. Stefano doesn’t have any cure and we all know that, he just played on John’s loyalty and concern for me and the rest of the Brady family to save his own skin. And if he gets a chance he’ll…” Roman stopped, realizing it would upset her.   “He’ll kill John if he gets the chance, is that what you were going to say Roman?” She felt the fear rising again and labored to force it back down.

He hated to say it, but decided honesty was best, “Yes, Doc. I’m afraid of that possibility. He has wanted John dead for a long time and now they’re probably going off to some foreign country….what better opportunity?”   Marlena tried to stay calm and not let on how very upsetting this talk was making her, but she couldn’t contain her fear. “Oh, Roman I pray you are wrong about that. Besides, John is strong and Hope is there with him. We have to believe they will be allright and that they will come back with a cure for you!”

“Doc, don’t get me wrong, I want to live more than anything in the world, but we have to be realistic about this. I am dying and if there were really a cure it we would have heard about it from the doctors you’ve contacted, it wouldn’t be found by Stefano Dimera. It’s all a ruse to get Stefano out of jail and hold John captive or worse and then….I’m afraid Stefano will try to take you again.”

Just at that moment Abe Carver who had heard part of the conversation approached and Roman was glad for it. “Abe, I want to have 24 hour protection set-up around everyone in my family, especially Marlena and the children.”

Abe smiled knowingly and said, “Already done, John has hired private security for you and your entire family, Roman. He knew what he was risking and that you would all be vulnerable to Stefano’s plans if anything were to happen to him, so he took care of it.”   He felt strange about that, but thankful for the help. “He’s a good man, I hope I have the chance to thank him in person.” He turned to say something else to Marlena, but noticed that she had left the room. “Abe, is there something I’m missing with Marlena?”

His friend felt the awkwardness of the position they were put in by Kristen’s lie about being happily married to John and Marlena being free. “Well, I think she’s just upset about John and Hope going off with Stefano. She still cares about him very much…as a friend.” It hurt to lie to Roman, but he couldn’t tell the truth until John and Marlena decided to do so.   Roman got the feeling there was more to it than that, but let it drop for the moment and said simply, “Yes, I guess that’s it. Listen, I think I’m gonna go sit down for awhile, I’m starting to feel a little tired.” As he sat down, he looked around for Marlena and didn’t see her. He sat there quietly, wondering why he had the distinct impression that people were not being completely truthful with him, that they were trying to protect him from something, but what was it?

Where in the World is the Cure

The plane made several refueling stops before reaching its final destination in Costa Rica, the land of the rapidly disappearing Rainforest. John and Hope had admitted to a secret desire to visit this part of the world and were glad for the chance to see it before it was destroyed. Their greatest  wish was to have the people they loved with them and that it was a pleasure trip, instead of a possibly fruitless jaunt to find a cure for Roman’s illness.

After landing in the largest city near the deepest part of the Rainforest, the group took a much needed rest in the hotel and then set off to gather the rest of the supplies they needed for their journey. They bought bottled water, dehydrated food, cooking

supplies, water purification tablets,  compasses, walkie talkies, a comprehensive first aid kit, rain gear.

Next, they filled several canteens, studied the maps, packed their backpacks, and loaded the rented Jeep. Within one days’ time they were ready to go, planning to leave the following morning.

They had reserved two rooms, John and Stefano in one, Kristen and Hope in the other; divide and  conquer John said. That way they could be assured Stefano did run out on them and that the two evil ones did not have too much time to strategize in private, John definitely liked that idea. But, he dreaded sharing the same space with the man who had caused him and so many others  immeasurable misery.

Stefano Dimera was laughing inside, believing he had won the war already, thinking all that was  left was to play out the game itself. In his estimation, John lost the second he entertained the mere possibility that there was a cure. How delightful it was to be the puppermaster. John was  watching him warily as he sat on the bed across the room and Stefano simply stared out of those dark mysterious eyes at his enemy.” What are you up to Old Man?” asked John, not expecting a useful answer. “I’m gonna figure it out sooner or later.”

“Are you having doubts about your decision, John?” Stefano taunted, knowing full well John believed he had no other choice.

“No, just watching you. I know there is more to all this than meets the eye, there always is with you, Dimera,” he said suspiciously.

“We shall see, John. I promise you in all honesty that Roman will not die from the infection.”  What he said was completely true and it felt delicious to him. Even in telling the truth he could cause his enemy great confusion.

John didn’t trust one word the man said, so he slept with one eye open for the entire night. He wondered about what was ahead for them all in the wilds of Costa Rica and silently prayed they would make it out alive with the cure Roman needed.

In the adjoining room, a similar sizing up process was taking place.  Hope watched Kristen closely as she climbed into bed, trying to determine her game plan toward John. She had finagled her way into John’s plan to leave Salem with his worst enemy in order to watch his back and to keep an eye on Stefano, maybe determine some of his secrets. Hope believed that if she were around him  in close quarters, some of her memories of her time at Maison Blanche would begin to surface and she had a gut feeling there was something important locked inside her mind, something important about Stefano or herself, or maybe John. She wasn’t sure of the content, only that the memories were significant.

After pondering what she might know, Hope turned her attention back toward her *roomate* for the moment. She said with firm tones, “Kristen, whatever you and Stefano have planned, I am not going to let you manipulate John or hurt him anymore. I will be watching you very closely and if I see that you and Stefano are trying to exploit him or lead him into danger, I will take action, I am  a good cop, you know.”

“Hope, I love John, I would never lead him into danger or hurt him.  The only reason I did all those things before was to hold on to him. He is worth any effort, any action I have to take.”  Wanting to take the upper hand, she added rather caustically, “If you had the same attitude, you might have been able to hang onto Bo instead of watching him go off to Rome with Billie.”

Hope’s moral ground was unaffected, and she confronted Kristen with the results of her own poor judgement, “Well, at least I can look myself in the mirror everyday, can you say the same, Kristen? My God, you locked Marlena in a room inside your own home, you allowed an innocent man to rot in jail, you lied to John about his child and kept him from having a chance to grieve for  the loss. You manipulated and deceived John every day of your life with him. How can you dare to call that love, Kristen?”

Some of the woman’s words penetrated her strong denial, but she could not allow herself to feel anything about it, not if she were to have him in her life again, “I only did what I had to do to protect my relationship with John. Nothing was more important than that! And, I will do whatever it takes to get him back, Hope and there is nothing anyone can do to stop me!”

Her obsession seemed to be growing more deluded and it frightened Hope to see the look of animal possession in the womans’ eyes. John had made it perfectly clear that he had nothing left but contempt for the woman, and still she was determined in her

belief that she could get him to  love her again. Hope had to try to reach the goodness that once existed, “Kristen, John does not  love you anymore, you hurt him too deeply by hurting the people he cares about and by lying to him. He has always loved Marlena and they will be married when this is all overwith. Why don’t you start over and try to become the good caring person you once were? And then maybe you  can find someone new to love.”

She laughed wickedly, “Start over…no I don’t think so! I have gone much too far to turn back now, Hope. I WILL have John again. You just stand back and watch it happen!”

Kristen turned away and the women didn’t talk any more that night.  The adversarial relationship was well established. There was nothing Hope could say that would change it, so she concentrated on watching out for John, who would be well occupied with keeping track of Stefano’s every move.

Two days hike into the Jungle and it felt like civilization was a million miles away. The air was thick and moist, almost suffocating and the heat felt like a suana under the canopy of trees that towered high above the forest floor where they walked. There were the neverending buzzing and chirping sounds; mosquitos were ever present and there were angry stinging bees and ants an inch long. The four of them were constantly swatting some kind of insect out of their faces and off their perpetually sweaty skin as they moved deeper into the Rainforest. It was teeming with life and there was constant movement all around them. And, it was so very green, the plentiful rainfall making everything the bright green of spring and summer back home.

‘Home…’ he thought, ‘will we make it back home….will I see her and hold her in my arms again?’  he asked himself as he held the picture he had brought along. John sat on a large boulder, enjoying a minute’s rest and he took advantage of the time to stare at his three precious ones again. ‘Oh, Doc how I miss you all!’ He lifted up a short prayer, “Lord, please let us find this cure and bring it home soon, keep us safe and get us back to the people we love. Thank you God.” As he finished,  he felt that sickening sensation again, there was something crawling across the skin on his thigh,

trying to find its way into some formerly private area. That was a constant battle, keeping the insects and parasites off one’s skin and out of one’s body orifices.  There were millions of them and it seemed as if their only mission in life was to cause misery to humans. John Black and his travelling companions all had dozens of bites already, welts and rashes breaking out all over their bodies. It was a losing battle, but these visitors had not yet given up the fight.

Kristen was continuously complaining about it all and John felt like smacking some sense into her.   She had insisted on coming and he knew it was not in her nature to be without the finery to which she had become accustomed. He never wanted her along anyway and he had this nagging  sense that something was going to put her in danger and he was going to be in a position of deciding whether or not to save her. From one moment to the next it was a toss-up which way he  would go. John hated her now and secretly wished she would just disappear from the planet. ‘Okay, John you’re getting distracted, stay focused.’ he told himself as he watched the obvious frustration evident in the woman’s demeanor. He started to laugh at her as she swatted at the  pests and she turned back toward him with a look to kill. “What are you laughing at?” she snarled.

“You.. So, you don’t like the heat, the bugs…..the fact that there’s no room service in the jungle?”

Kristen was quite aggravated and he was only making it worse, “Oh, just be quiet… would you?  I’m keeping up, aren’t I?”

He chuckled again, “For now, yea, but it’s only been a day and a half. Give it time, Kristen, you’re  not cut out for this sort of thing. I tried to tell you.”

“I…. can hold up, you just watch me, John Black!” She took two steps and slipped on some moss on top of a rock and went down hard on her backside in the mud. John doubled over laughing at her and it felt wonderful.

“You were saying, Kristen…” John had to admit, he needed the comic relief of seeing her so  thoroughly out of her element and wished he had a videocamera to tape it for Marlena. He believed she would get the same perverse satisfaction out the woman’s suffering that he did.

Rubbing her backside as she stood up and tried to recover her decorum, she said snidely, “Oh, you just think you’re so funny, don’t you John? Well, you won’t be laughing when you find out that Roman and Marlena have fallen in love again in your absence.”  She knew as soon as she said that it was a mistake, it only served to remind him of her manipulative side.

His irritation flared fast, “That’s not going to happen, Kristen! Get it through your head, Marlena loves me and I love her, end of story. When this whole thing is over you and Stefano are going to  jail and Marlena and I are going to be married.”

“Right, John just bury your head in the sand and pretend you don’t know what is happening, isn’t that what you did when you were with me?”

That one penetrated and he felt the anger and the sense of betrayal he had tried to deny, but he didn’t want her to know it. “No, that’s not it at all, Kristen.  Marlena cares a lot about Roman, that’s no secret and she is very worried about him. She doesn’t want the children to lose their father or Shawn and Caroline to lose their son and she will do everything she can to make him comfortable and feel loved. I’m not threatened by that, not at all.”

Kristen knew John well enough to see that she had him hooked. Good, she thought, and she took it one step further, “Oh, you’re not…then what were all those times when you walked out of the room while she was telling him how much he means to her and holding him in her arms. You can’t tell me you don’t have the tiniest little doubt in the back of your mind about what will happen while you are gone, can you John?”

His frustration was obvious. “Stop it, Kristen. I know what you’re trying to do and it won’t work.  I trust Marlena, she is commited to me and she would never…” He stopped short and rephrased his comment, “She loves me, now and we will be married once this is all over.”

“What were going to say, John, that she wouldn’t betray her commitment to you? She was already married when she betrayed Roman to be with you, what makes this any different? Is that why you stopped, John, because you know it’s possible?” She was digging deep to plant the seeds of doubt and she could see it was working as he had balled one hand in a fist. John always did  that when he was trying to contain his emotions.

He stepped up close and got in her face, “Shut up, Kristen! You have no right to talk about her that way! Now, let’s get going, if you can manage to keep from falling down again.” John turned angrily away from her, wondering why he even bothered to talk to the woman anymore. But, she was right about one thing, there was that small kernel of doubt in his mind. It was just like Kristen said, he had stopped short because Marlena said the same thing about her commitment to Roman when they were married, before she had the affair with John. Yet, he knew without question that she loved him and was commited to spending her life with him. ‘So, why do you let Kristen get to you like that, John? Why do you even talk with her about it at all?’

He couldn’t answer that  question or eliminate the doubt, so he just put the thoughts out of his mind, focused on the trail he was blazing at the moment and moved closer to where Hope was walking.  He silently thanked God that she had come along because he needed to talk to someone whom he knew was not playing games with his head all the time.

No End in Sight

Marlena was only slightly amazed at how utterly lonely and frightened she could feel in a room crowded with people she loved; she was thinking back to the hour or so at the church after she watched John’s plane take-off. The emptiness she experienced at that time was all encompassing. Then, after yet another Salem non-wedding, she spent the remainder of the day crying….in private.

Having made her excuses, she now sat on the bed in the Penthouse and stared at the picture he left, that ginning face, those dancing eyes… “Oh, John how could you do it? You know how dangerous he is, how worried I would be and you lied to me! We said no more secrets, no more protecting each other in silence.” She held the picture tightly, staring at his image and yelled at him, “How could you break your promise so soon? I am so…angry with you!” In the next second the anger turned back into the sadness and tears fell again; it was an endless cycle she rode that first day after he went away to some foreign land with the madman who had caused them all such misery.

Marlena laid down on the bed sobbing. She fell silent after the flow of tears stopped for a moment and she listened… A soft reply touched her heart, she didn’t know if it was real, but it seemed as though she heard his voice in her mind. “Marlena, please don’t be angry with me, I love you and I miss you already. I’m doing this for you…and Roman, for everyone. Try not to worry too much, Doc, I’ll be home soon.” Just that little spiritual connection was enough to give her the strength to get up and wash her face.

She had to pull herself together, there were so many people who needed her strength, mostly Roman. He seemed very dependent on her since his return, the illness stealing his fearless spirit, leaving him exhausted and needing the warmth of her soft voice and tender embrace. Marlena would be his strength as long as he needed it; he deserved that much from her, she thought.

Then there was the seemingly endless CarrieAustinSami situation and now Lucas and Mike were thrown into the mix. And I thought my situation with John was complicated… If it wasn’t her own daughters involved it would almost be laughable…  She smiled through the tears that kept threatening to fall down her still flushed cheeks at the strange set of circumstances in which her entire family found itself. To protect Roman, Marlena was pretending to be free, though she loved and planned to marry John, who was pretending to be married to Kristen. Austin had pretended to love Sami while truly loving Carrie, who was pretending to be happily single for Sami’s benefit.  Sami was pretending to have amnesia and lied about who her baby’s father was. She surmised that Mike and Lucas were both in love with Carrie, but pretending to be only friends with her. Marlena sighed with weariness at the enormity of it all. Honesty… she thought, what ever happened to that concept?

Since there was no answer in sight for any of her questions, she rose and freshened up a bit, preparing to go back to that…evil place, the Dimera Mansion and she wondered how she would bear it now that John was not there. His presence was the only thing that made it remotely tolerable for her to stay there and it sent cold shivers down her spine to think of going back without him. “Well, at least Kristen won’t be there either,” she said out loud. She wished she hadn’t allowed that thought to rise to the surface because it reminded her that Kristen was still highly obsessed with John and now they were off together in some…jungle, that was all they had learned since the quartet left Salem.

Across town at the Brady Pub…

“I can’t believe he would do it, to let that monster out of jail. He must know that Stefano is lying! Stefano just wanted to get out of jail and hurt John and this family!” said Shawn forcefully.

Caroline was crying softly, remembering something that made more sense after the fact and she shared her thoughts, “The other night, I found him in the gardens at the Mansion, he was deep in thought and I knew he was hurting about something. Now, I know what. He was laboring to make the right decision. He said he would do anything to save Roman’s life and I knew he meant that he would risk his own life. I told him not to do anything foolish and I thought he was listening to me.”

Maggie, Mickey, Laura, Jennifer and Mike Horton had come back to the Pub too, feeling a little shell-shocked about the whole situation themselves. They were upset too, though not surprised at John’s willingness to sacrifice his needs for the good of others, for they had all seen that quality in action many times before. It was definitely characteristic of him. They were surprised about Hope going along, but it was infinitely better than knowing that John would be out there alone with Stefano and Kristen Dimera, both of whom had hurt him terribly.

“What I don’t understand is why he would even entertain the possibility that Stefano actually has a cure, it has to be a ruse. Stefano must have some other plan in mind to hurt John and take Marlena away, I know it!” said Laura, who had firsthand knowledge of what the madman might do.

“He had to take the chance to save Roman’s life,” said Mike, knowing how strongly John felt about the Brady family.

“Yes,” said Maggie, “he would do anything for Marlena and the Brady’s. He loves them very much.”

Mickey was thoughtful and then spoke up, “I just hope they find the cure and make it back safely. When I think back on it, I have to admit there was a part of me that knew what John was planning. He said some strange things the other day about finding a way to help Roman and Jack at the same time. I think he’s hoping to coerce them to admit that Peter is alive.”

“Now, that would be wondeful, I hope he finds a way. Maybe, Kristen will crack under the pressure. She’s not exactly cut out for trapsing through the jungle underbrush,” said Laura with a slowly widening smile.

The whole group broke into fits of laughter as they imagined Kristen in hiking gear all hot and sweaty, without makeup or jewelry in a place with none of the finery to which she had become accustomed. It was a much needed moment of levity in a very difficult time.

Four hours after she left the church, Marlena pulled up to the Dimera Mansion and stepped out of the car. She had composed herself, the fear was contained to a place she would only allow herself to feel when she was alone. Now, she had to go inside and be strong for Roman, for her friends and family who needed her courage. Marlena could not allow Roman to sense her deep feelings for John, not when he was so sick. She had to be simply the concerned friend, who was worried about John, Hope and Kristen. To pretend about Kristen was abominable to her, but she had feigned concern before and could do it again, since it was absolutely necessary. Marlena also knew Roman quite well and he was probably blaming himself for the fact that his friends were in danger, and she had to help him with that guilt.

She took several deep breaths before entering the house and lifted up another quick prayer, “Oh, God please help me be there for Roman the way he needs me to be and please bring John and Hope home safely with the cure. ” Then she opened the door and walked up the stairs to find Roman sleeping peacefully, Eric asleep in a chair at his bedside and she smiled warmly at father and son. ‘At least someone is at peace around here,‘ she thought, ‘even if it is only for a short time.’

She sat down across the room, looking at their sleeping forms and her thoughts drifted back in time to happier days, when she and Roman were married. She remembered the day the twins were born, the sheer delight in her husbands’ eyes.. the exhausted but joyful sensations she experienced right after they were born. ‘Oh, sometimes I wish…’   She stopped mid-thought, ‘No, that’s not right, I don’t want to go back, but I wish we all could have been spared the pain. I do love John now….with all my heart and soul and when this is over, we will be married. I just hope you can understand and be our friend, Roman, we never meant to hurt you. Our love is something we can’t explain; it’s an irresistible, indestructible bond that stretches out between us and nothing could keep it from being expressed. John and I are soulmates, we belong together, forever.’

Jungle Fever

Hope awakened in the night to strange sounds and she thought she was dreaming at first. Someone was moaning and she felt the blankets shaking. She turned on the flashlight and found that it was John; he was moving violently in his sleep. As she turned his body toward her she saw the reason for it. John was sick, very sick. She had done enough reading to guess at the cause of his symptoms. He was trembling and appeared to be feverish, his skin was wet with sweat and his clothes were soaked with that substance. John had probably contracted malaria. “John, can you hear me?”

“Doc? Is that you…oh, Marlena, I’m sorry I had to leave you that way…”  John was calling out in a delerium. “Oh, Doc I miss you!”

“John, it’s Hope, John!” She gently shook him to try to gain his attention and was slightly successful, seeing that his eyes opened

and reality registered.

“Oh, Hope, I…think…I have… malaria…. it started in the night…the chills…. then fever…sweating..” He shivered violently

and his breathing was ragged, labored.

She was very worried about him, since they were at least two days’ hike back out. “I think so too, John. We have to go back and get you to the hospital.”

Suddenly his voice was suddenly strong again, “No, we can’t do that! Dimera will take off and we’ll never get the cure.” John

struggled with rational thought and spoke with broken phrases, trying to ignore the powerful shaking in his body; he had to convince her, “I….  read about this….. symptoms last… a few hours and… go away…I’ll have a couple days before it gets…bad again. We have to….keep going… Just, watch them…. and I’ll be… okay… Take the gun, Hope.”

Hope thought he was out of it and tried to change his mind, “John, I don’t think this is a good idea, it could kill you. We don’t even know for certain there’s a cure for Roman, but we do know we can get help for you if we go back.”

“No…..I swore to myself that I would do….everything I could to save Roman. I….can.. handle this and….get treated when we get back… it’s not usually fatal, Hope.”

She was slightly shocked at his fierce determination when he was so obviously suffering, “Usually? John, I don’t like this at all! I

am here to watch out for you and I can’t support this decision. I’m going to tell Kristen and Stefano that we have to go back out and get medical help for you.” She started to get up off the ground and he grabbed her arm with a trembling hand, stopping her.

John could barely focus on the thoughts and get the words out, but still, he pleaded with her passionately, “Hope, please….don’t do that! Roman’s life is….at stake, we….know that his time is running out. I….owe it to the family to do everything I can, including….risking my life. I…..knew what I was…..getting into by coming here. Please, Hope…don’t make me go home to Marlena empty-handed!”

She was not at all sure it was the right thing to do, but he was so distraught with that possibility that she agreed. Maybe, when the fever receeded she could speak more rationally with him and persuade him to see the wisdom of seeking treatment, “Okay, John, but it’s against my better judgement and if the symptoms seem worse than you said or come back more often, we are going back if I have to drag you myself!”

“Okay, thanks Hope.” That was all he had the strength for and he shut his eyes as the fever intensified, his body succumbing to the disease process for the moment.

Hope sat with him and just watched him for a long while, trying to decide if she could honor her agreement.  He seemed so sick, his clothes were completely soaked with sweat and the shivering was quite pronounced. He was sweating profusely, and he began to drift off into a delerium again. “Marlena….I need Doc, where is she….Oh….Hold me, Doc please hold me.”

She knew she had to try and keep him comfortable, so she crawled up next to him and held his trembling body for awhile. She sat with him until he fell asleep and after a couple of hours, the fever decreased and the shivering began to calm, the sweating stopped and he opened his eyes again.

John sat up slowly as he came out of the roughest period and spoke to her, “Hope? Woah….I feel a little better now.” He put on a smile and said, “See, I told you the symptoms last for only a few hours. I’ll be fine,” he said, trying to convince himself as much as Hope. As he tried to stand up, he was immediately very dizzy and fell back into Hope’s arms.

As she eased him back down to a sitting position, she said sarcastically, “Yes, I can see that you’re just fine, John.”

Commandingly she said, “Sit there and don’t move and I’ll get you some water and some fresh clothes, you’re soaking wet.”

Looking down at the sopping wet mess that he was, he smiled sheepishly and said, “Yea, I guess I am, thanks for staying with me, Hope. I appreciate it and for not making me go back. We’ll go get that cure and then I’ll go to a doctor. I’ll be allright, you’ll see.”

She sighed with exasperation and said, “I hope you are right about that and that this isn’t some wild goose chase you’re risking

your life for, John Black.”

“I pray that’s the case too, Hope. Now, let me get out of these wet clothes, I want to hide this from Stefano and Kristen as long as possible. They’ll try to take advantage of any weakness.” Hope stepped out of the tent while he changed and stashed the wet clothes, wondering what they were going to do if he got sicker than he thought. She knew there were different forms of malaria, some worse than others….and they had no way of knowing at this point whether he had the less severe type he was describing earlier.

Half an hour later, the four of them ate a quick breakfast and were getting ready to leave, when John stood up quickly and felt

dizzy. He tried to cover by leaning on a nearby tree, but Stefano saw him waver and filed it away without saying anything. He knew something was wrong, there was a potential weakness to exploit and he watched John even more closely. It was two more days of tough hiking before they reached the area in which they were seeking the cure. He knew that if it was malaria, John would have a recurrance of symptoms in that amount of time. Maybe, I’ll be able to make my move sooner than I thought, he mused as he watched John’s slightly trembling hand reach down for his pack. The strain of hiking and observing Stefano’s

every move might prove to be too much for John if he were sick, as his enemy now strongly suspected.

Hope saw him lean heavily against the tree as well and slipped up behind him whispering, “John, are you okay, you don’t look so good.  Are you sure about going on?”

“Yes, Hope, we have to keep going. Don’t worry about me, I just got dizzy for a second, I’m fine now.” He smiled weakly and added, “Come on, I can handle it, let’s go.”

She looked him over and couldn’t see his shaking hands, so she said, “Allright, John,  but I’m telling you, if it gets worse I am

personally going to drag you out of here! Marlena would never forgive me if I let you die of something we know we can get help for.”

Feeling uncomfortable about the whole conversation, he said more firmly, “Hope, I said I’m fine, now let’s go!”

She nodded and gave up for the moment, but under her breath she said, “Of all the stubborn…..he is just like Bo Brady….if I

didn’t know better, I would swear he was Bo’s biological brother….”

Her voice was soft and it trailed off, but he heard her. Smiling and winking at her he asked teasingly to get her laughing about it,

“What was that Hope, you were saying I was born for the jungle… right?”

She smiled with some sense of begruding admiration, shook her head, and responded in kind, “Right, John born for the jungle.”

Three hours later, they all took a break and the strain of hiking with the heavy pack was starting to take its toll on John, who was valiantly trying to hide the fact of his illness. Stefano was eyeing him as he leaned against a large rock after laboring to get the pack off his back. The man leaned over to his daughter and said, “Kristen, watch John for signs of weakness, he seems to be…more tired than he should be.”

She stared at him for a few minutes, she knew when the man was hiding something, she had learned to read him extremely well.

“Stefano, you’re right, I think maybe he’s…sick. I don’t want anything to happen to him, I’m going to go talk to him.” Before

Stefano could stop her, she was several steps away, and he muttered, “Damn her, she still doesn’t understand that we have to take advantage of any human frailty we notice.”

As Kristen approached, John stiffened and forced himself to hide any discomfort and put his hands where they couldn’t be seen. She spoke when she was five feet away, “John, I can see that something is wrong, are you feeling allright?”

There was genuine concern in her voice and for some strange reason it touched him…she had some feelings for him that were real and it made him feel a little less like the fool. He responded pleasantly, “I’m fine, Kristen, thanks for asking though. I guess I’m a little more tired than I thought, you know, still getting used to being out here, sleeping on the ground..”

Still not satisfied, Kristen looked more closely and said tenderly, “Well, if…you’re sick, please tell me.. I don’t want

anything to happen to you, John. In spite of what you might think of me, I do care about you.”

He smiled fractionally, thinking how strange it was to have a normal moment, one without hostility or suspicion…”I can see

that….thank you for your concern, but I’m okay, really.”

Kristen turned and walked away, but looked back at him and felt there was a slight thaw in the wall of ice between them and it warmed  her heart. It felt good to be genuine and have a real conversation. For one brief moment it was like it used to be for them and a spark of hope was ignited.

John watched her and felt it too, their eyes met and lingered before he awkwardly looked away. He reminded himself, ‘John, don’t forget, that’s the same woman who locked Marlena in a secret room, who let an innocent man go to jail, who lied to you every single day for over a year…’ As he listed her transgressions in his mind, the slight warmth disappeared and the ice wall was intact again and he felt relieved. It made him very uncomfortable to feel anything but contempt for her. He would have to be on his guard constantly.

Secrets and Complications

After sitting in Roman’s room for awhile, Marlena felt restless and began to roam the hallways of the mostly empty Mansion; she felt so strange and lonely being there without John at her side to give her strength. The craziness with Sami, Austin, and Carrie was so stressful and she needed the comfort of his arms around her, his assurance that their love would not be destroyed by circumstances or the evil manipulators who sought to steal their happiness, but no.  She had to be strong for herself now, and for Roman. Besides the fact of John, Hope and Kristen off somewhere with the evil madman, trying to save his life, there was the problem with his girls. His illusions of Sami as a sweet innocent girl were shattered and he was hurting terribly, with both his daughters in turmoil over the situation. Marlena knew him well enough to recognize that he felt guilty for his

part in what happened and she wanted to help him with all of  it.

‘Well, here I go,’ she thought as she peered in the room, noticing that both Roman and Eric were starting to stir. She smiled warmly as Roman’s eyes fluttered open, “Hey there sleepyhead,” she said affectionately.

“Oh, Hi Doc, where have you been? I was getting a little worried about you?”

She forced down the emotions that begged to be expressed and only half-lied, “Well, I had to pick up some things at the Penthouse and I guess time got away from me. Then, when I came back I saw you sleeping, so I just went down and had some tea.”

“Oh, well I’m glad you’re back, could you sit with me for awhile, I’d like to talk if that’s allright with you,” Roman said tentatively.

Eric had taken a cue when the first interchange occured and said a quick goodbye, “Well, I’ll see you later, I think I’m going to go check on how things are going with…Sami,” he said, while on the way out. As he turned back he winked at his mother and she mouthed the words, ‘ thank you.’

Marlena sat down at Roman’s bedside and said knowingly, “You’re really upset about Sami and Carrie, aren’t you?”

He nodded and sighed heavily and was quiet for a moment, then he answered, “Yes, I am Doc. It’s so hard to believe that my… little peanut has become such a conniving, manipulative young woman. She used to be so sweet and innocent.” The guilt was written all over his face as he expressed his sorrow for what had happened,  “I should have seen it coming, Marlena. I knew she was devastated by what happened to the family when I…left and she had done some troubling things already. I should have stayed and helped her deal with…everything.”

“Roman, you can’t blame yourself for what happened to Sami. I know that first hand because I blamed myself for a long time, but we were both wrong to do that. She made her own choices, Roman. Carrie went through the pain of our divorce too and she has turned out wonderfully and so has Eric. We all tried to reach out and help her, but Sami gave in to the darker emotions and desires and she is the one responsible for the path she took. None of us are to blame for it, not you, not me, and….not John.”

“No, that’s not true, she was the one who depended on me the most and I knew it, Marlena, but I was too caught up in my own pain to be there for her. I should have tried to work things out with you, to understand what happened between you and John. Because I didn’t she….turned into what she is now, a selfish manipulator who doesn’t care who she hurts. I can’t help but believe that if I were here, maybe…I could have helped her through the pain. I am so sorry I walked away and left you with all the aftershocks, Marlena.”

Her heart went out to him, she knew exactly how he was feeling, she had been where he was with the pain of thinking it was her own mistakes that cost her the love of her child and resulted in the evil actions their daughter had commited. “Oh, Roman, I know you feel bad about what’s happened, but we have no way of knowing what might have happened if you stayed. I am sorry for causing your pain and Sami’s too and I’ll admit we all made some mistakes, but you’ll make yourself crazy with all this second-guessing.” She took his hand and looked in his eyes, imploring him to accept her suggestion, “Roman, please, don’t let the guilt eat at you, let’s just concentrate on helping Sami accept the error of her ways and learn to change and support Carrie while she and Austin make sense out of this insanity.  Okay?”

He sighed, feeling the old familiar warmth of her gaze and the comfort of her words and he smiled at her. “Okay, Doc. You always did know just what to say and do in these situations. I trust your judgement.”

She smiled at him in the old way and said, “Well, thank you, I do try. Now, how are you feeling, otherwise?” she asked, wanting to change the subject for a moment.

It worked, he was distracted, “I’m doing pretty well, all things considered, these new drugs really do the trick, I feel a lot

stronger.” As he spoke he looked at her and was reminded of the three people who went off  to risk their lives for him, following Stefano into some foreign land. He could see Marlena’s worry too, “Doc, you’re really concerned about John and Kristen, and Hope, aren’t you?”

Wondering if he could see through her, she answered truthfully, “Yes, I am..I..care about all of them and I pray they come home safe and sound with the cure, away from that madman as soon as possible.”

“Me too, Marlena. I feel horrible that they all went off with Stefano, I just know that monster has some kind of plan in mind and

he’s using John’s goodness and love for this family to get what he wants. I hate to say it, but after talking to Abe, I’m even more

convinced that he’s trying to…get John out of the way somehow, so he can put some larger plan into effect. I’m afraid for your safety too.”

She was grief-stricken, he had just put her worst fears into words and she struggled to hide that from Roman. ‘Come on Marlena, hide it.. if he sees your deep fear he’ll know.’ She said quietly, “I know.. that’s my fear too and I’m…concerned for…Kristen and Hope as well.”

“Abe told me some things about Paris, it’s so…unbelievable that Stefano would…go as far as to…try and kill John when he knows how much his own daughter loves the man…. it’s absolutely sickening isn’t it? That’s probably why Kristen decided to go along.”

The fear threatened to overwhelm her completely. Even though Marlena hated the thought that the woman wanted to get John back, she had been trying to convince herself that because Kristen was going to be there, he would be safer in some way from Stefano’s plans to hurt him. She hoped and prayed that the man’s wish to see his adoptive daughter happy would prevent him from harming John. However, as Roman began to talk about the madman, she recognized that Roman was right, Stefano would kill John and not think twice about Kristen’s pain, if it suited his needs, just like he tried to do in Aremid and Paris.  She felt herself about to lose control of her fear and anxiety for John’s well-being and had to leave the room quickly. “Oh, excuse me

for a minute, Roman, I need to go and..talk to the cook about some special foods for you that one of the doctors mentioned. I’ll be right back.”

As she hurried out of the room she literally ran into Abe, Lexie and Laura, who had just arrived and wanted to check on both she and Roman. They could see that she was upset and the ladies prepared to talk with her while Abe went in to see Roman. Laura just held out her arms and said, “Come here would you?”

Marlena slumped into the embrace and then Laura and Lexie guided her gently into another bedroom and sat her down on the bed. There was silence for a long moment, her friends knew she would share what she wanted when she was ready.

Finally, the stress overwhelmed her and she cried out, “Oh, Laura, Lexie.. I’m so..worried about John! Roman just… reminded me that when Stefano has a plan, he doesn’t let anything or anyone interfere.  Even though I hated the idea of John being near Kristen on this trip, I was….thinking that Stefano…. wants Kristen to be happy by having I appreciate your confidance. And, please try to believe that John will be allright, he’s a very strong man and he’ll be fine.”

Laura wanted to keep it positive as well, “Yes, before long he’ll come bounding up those stairs saying, “I’m home! we got it, Doc we got the cure!” and then he’ll sweep you off your feet and marry you and you’ll finally have the happiness you both deserve!”

Marlena rose off the bed and tried to muster a smile as she said, sounding more confidant than she felt,”You’re probably right, John will watch Stefano closely and he’ll protect himself and Hope. If there is a cure, they will come home with it, safe and sound.”

Over in Roman’s room, Abe settled down next to the bed to talk with Roman, who wore a slightly puzzled expression. “Hey, partner, how are you feeling, did you get some rest?”

He forgot about the way Marlena left so suddenly, for the moment and answered his friend’s inquiry. “Yea, I did. What a day huh? John and the others off to parts unknown and my two daughters fighting over the same man, me in the dark about all of it.” He sat up and with increasing irritation in his voice he added, ” I don’t mind telling you, I don’t like secrets being kept from me. Just because I’m sick doesn’t mean I can’t handle the truth, Abe.”

“I know that, and so does everyone else. I guess nobody wanted you to come home and be faced with a lot of unhappiness when you were feeling so sick. They were all just trying to spare you more pain.”

He sighed wearily, “I know that, but it didn’t work did it? To have Sami so publicly exposed…and here I was thinking she was this sweet innocent girl I remembered from years ago. I feel so foolish, and so..guilty that I wasn’t here for her, to help steer her in the right direction.”

“Roman, come on…you couldn’t have changed her. She chose to lie and scheme to get what she wanted, it wasn’t because you left.”

“No, look at it realistically, Abe! If I had stayed here, she might have listened to me. We always had a special bond and I knew she needed me, but I left because I felt so angry and betrayed. I didn’t think of the kids, Abe.” He paused for a moment, thinking how hard it was to admit his mistakes in the scenario, for so long he wanted to cast all the blame off of himself and on to the others. “Marlena did stay and so did John, they stayed and lived with the pain…they faced the embarrassment and the humiliation and took responsibility for the consequences of their actions, but I didn’t. I ran away, I regret that very much, Abe.”

“Hey, don’t be so hard on yourself, you were really hurting.” He didn’t want his friend suffering more than necessary over the

situation, not when he was so sick.

He smiled and said, “Abe Carver, always the loyal friend. Partner, I appreciate the support, but there comes a time when you have to face the results of your choices and now that time has come for me. This situation with Sami is partly my fault and no amount of rationalizing my reasons for leaving when the kids still needed me will change it.  Now, if I can just find a way to reach her and help her change.”

Abe smiled warmly in return, admiring the inner strength of his long time friend and he put a hand on Roman’s shoulder in support. “Well, if anybody can help her, it’s going to be you my friend,” he said encouragingly. “I respect you Roman, it takes a lot of strength to admit to your mistakes and do what you can to address the problems that result from them. I’ll help with it in whatever way I can.”

“Thanks, Abe. You have been a great friend and I appreciate it more than I can say, partner.” Abe leaned in to give his friend a hug and said, “Well, now, maybe I ought to go so you can get some rest.”

Yawning, he agreed, “Yea, I guess I am getting a little tired again, I’ll see you later. Thanks again.” Roman leaned back in the bed and shut his eyes, wishing for a moment that he could go back in time to the simple days, to those early days of his marriage to Marlena. Our life together was uncomplicated then and our love was unshakable, we  thought it would last forever. “Oh Doc, how I wish…” As he had that thought, the strangest sensation came over him for a second, like it was someone else’s memory. He decided it must be a side effect of the medication and dismissed the notion, falling fast asleep and dreaming of those happy, carefree days of love and laughter with Marlena.

My Enemy // Myself

As they continued to hike deep into the wilds of Costa Rica toward their destination, they began to embrace the abundance of life there, the cacophony of sounds. They were not so much intruders now as a part of the mix, walking along the forest floor. John and Stefano sat near each other while on a break from hiking and were having a strange conversation, for them. Sharing the wonder and intensity of the experience had removed some of the barriers and they had spoken more honestly, though still with an adversarial tone, as expected.

Tired of waiting, John wanted to get down to the task at hand. “So, come on, let’s look at the map again, show me exactly where we’re going again, I want to pick the easiest path, Hope and Kristen are getting tired. I don’t want any accidents happening.”

Stefano pulled the detailed map of the area out of his pack and spread it out on the large rock between them. He pointed and said, “It’s here in this area, near Lake Arenal. There is a medical research facility run by several doctors and biochemists as well as some locals who are extremely familiar with the flora and fauna of the Rainforest. The cure is there…we’ll have to take it at night. It is…highly controversial, made from very rare herbs and plants and they will have it well guarded. If their experiments here are successful, they will all be famous.”

“How did you find out about this in the first place, anyway?” asked John who was curious about why the man would even know of it.

“Remember my brain tumor? The doctors said there was no cure, so I had my people research every alternative medicine that existed and they came upon this facility. I came here to observe and to try some of their medicines, they did wonders, John. The western medical establishment is afraid of what they are doing here and several attempts have been made to discredit and shut down the entire operation.

Astounded, John said, “I didn’t realize… so there really is a cure! You contacted these people when you brought Roman back?”

“Yes, I did,” he said truthfully.

“Why?” asked John, wanting to observe the man for any sign of the grand scheme Stefano had to have in mind.

“To help him, John. I wanted to prove to Lexie there is goodness in me, and this was the perfect way. And, of course…it was my way out in case I were to be caught.”

Staring the man down, John spoke firmly, “I’m not buying it, Dimera. You’ve got something else in mind, I can see it in your eyes. This is all part of some grand plan and I will figure it out eventually, Stefano.”

Not wanting to get into another verbal battle on that issue, Stefano redirected John’s attention to the map once again, “Well, that may be, but right now you better focus on figuring out a way to get into that compound and retrieve the cure…..if you want to have a chance with Marlena. If he dies…you will lose her, John.”

Reminded of that truth, his enemy said with some frustration in his voice, “Allright, I’ll let it go, but I’m watching every move you make Stefano and if you try anything, I’ll nail you!”

Exasperated with the repeated threats, Stefano tried again to get off the subject, “John, forget about that for now and let’s study the map!”

Sighing frustratedly, he nodded his head, then looked down at the detailed map. For several minutes they studied the trails leading into the area, then John pointed and said convincingly, “We need to take this one, it rises slowly and looks fairly negotiable for the women. Do you agree?”

“Yes, I think you’re right. Allright, then, we should be there by late this afternoon. We can set up camp a mile or so out and then wait for nightfall.”

John was amazed that they were of the same accord, “Agreed, let’s get Hope and Kristen and show them our plan.”

Before he could leave, Stefano pulled out the other map, the one of the compound itself, and spread it out over top of the first one. “Wait, John, look at this detailed map. The cure is in this building here,” Stefano said, pointing again to a one story structure, nearly in the middle of the facility.”

“Great, the most difficult one to reach, could it get any tougher?”

“Are you afraid of a little challenge, John?” his enemy asked baiting him as he so often did.

John was tired and irritated enough that he walked right into that one. Shaking his head, he said defensively, “No, I’m not, I’m just saying it would be nice if it was one of the outlying buildings, that’s all.”

Stefano decided not to push it and handed John a piece of paper with one word written on it, “Allright then, the cure is in a clear vial labeled with this name, *Melastome.* It is a rare plant with well-known medicinal qualities, used for many types of infections and illnesses. I have it on very good authority from one of the biochemists, who recently joined the staff here, that it will cure what Roman has. Are you ready?”

“Yep…let’s go!” said John, eager to get the cure and head home to Marlena. He missed her immeasurably, his heart aching at just the thought of several more lonely days and long dark nights without her. As he stood to find Hope and Kristen, he felt dizzy and faltered for a moment, feeling a slight chill as well. ‘Oh, God please, not now, not tonight! I can’t be sick tonight, please just get me through this! I have to find this cure! Please, I just have to get this cure and take it home so we can save Roman!’ he prayed pleadingly.

Stefano, who didn’t miss the slightly lurching movement and now knew for certain that John was sick, decided to take advantage and catch his enemy when his guard was down. “John, it seems that you and I….we are not so very different as you like to think.”

Glaring at the man, John responded by quickly denying that assertion, “Yes we are. You…take what you want, regardless of the pain it causes people.You have no… empathy for other people. I’m not like that at all.”

“Ahh, the heartless, unfeeling, evil man…. Well, tell me John, when you…. wanted Marlena for yourself, when you would do anything just to be near her, be honest….were you thinking of Roman’s feelings?”

That one stung deep, “That’s different, I…” he started to say, but was interrupted, before he could fully formulate an answer.

Knowing he had the man on the run already, Stefano drove the point home, “No, it’s the same, John. You would have taken her away in a heartbeat, if she would have gone with you, and not given Roman a second thought. You wanted her and you didn’t care who it hurt, so you pursued her until her marriage was destroyed. She lost the respect and the love of her children and her friends and family and the aftershocks are still lingering, John. Sami and Carrie are still suffering because of it. Now, tell me again… how we’re so different.”

He felt the need to defend himself, but seeing Roman so sick had renewed the guilt feelings and the attempt he made was weak, “No, I…tried to leave Salem. I did…let her go, we…. ended it.”

“Yes, but the damage had already been done, John. A child was brought into the equation and you sealed her fate, the marriage and family were doomed. All because you…wanted her.”

John stood up, wishing to get away from Stefano, but he was inexplicably drawn in by the man’s manipulative powers and felt the need to explain himself and his motives. The man was right, what could he say to that, ‘he knows exactly how to get to me…I Hate this!’ John started to take a step away from the area, but turned back to face Dimera, yelling out of his frustration, “Stop it, you’re just messing with my head! You were the one that put us all in that position in the first place, you bastard!”

Stefano stepped closer and forced the issue, “No, John you cannot blame it all on me, it was years later. You were the one responsible for your actions. You chose to pursue her, knowing she would eventually betray her commitment to Roman in order to be with you!”

Feeling slightly ill and more defeated by the moment, John admitted the truth as the memories paraded through his mind’s eye…. the rejection he experienced from the entire Brady family… Marlena’s grief.. her tears… the helplessness he felt in knowing he caused the pain and couldn’t do anything to fix it,

“Look, I know I made a mistake, a big one and believe me… I’ve paid for it, but we’ve all gotten past that now,” he offerred.

“Have you, John?” He waved his hand to indicate their surroundings as he said, “Tell, me then, why are you here….with me, your worst enemy in this…jungle?”

Wondering where Stefano was headed, John answered with some irritation, “You know why, Dimera…to save Roman’s life.”

“Ahh, but…out of true friendship, John. Or….is it out of guilt? You feel guilty because you betrayed him and you know his illness is the end result of your actions. And….you also know that Marlena would resent it if you didn’t try, so in the end the real reason you are here is because of your guilt and because you still…want her and you’ll do whatever it takes to have her, including setting me free.” His adversary seemed almost paralyzed and didn’t say anything right away, so Stefano kept stabbing at the man’s weak point, “Roman wanted me in jail, did he not? Once again, you didn’t take Roman’s feelings into consideration, but instead… did what served your own needs. One last time… tell me, John.. are we so very different, or have you been lying to yourself again?”

He felt angry and so frustrated with Stefano and more importantly with himself for playing into the man’s hands, but much of what Dimera had said was true. John wanted to deny it, even to himself, but couldn’t and sighed resignedly, saying, “Well, at least I feel the guilt; you don’t know how to feel remorse for anything Old Man.”

“Yes, well that is one place where we differ, John. One of your fatal flaws is that you do. If you had learned to set that aside and kept pursuing her, you might have had her all this time. Think about it, John… all those years without her, all that pain you experienced in having to let her go was for nothing. Roman left her anyway.”

John was speechless, his silence acknowleding the stark reality of his enemy’s statements. Marlena’s family was ruined in the end, in spite of his sacrifice. If he had fought harder for her at the time, they might have been together all of the subsequent years instead of enduring years of pain and separation, all because of the guilt they carried about the affair. Shaking his head, he disagreed vigorously, “No, that wouldn’t have been right! I….had to let her go, I had to give her the chance to reconcile the marriage.”

“No, you didn’t.” Stefano paused, letting his enemy sweat over what came next, “I think you were afraid, John, afraid that if you fought for her you would lose. Giving her up, so to speak and wallowing in the guilt was the coward’s way out.”

The monster knew right where to stick the knife and even though he knew it was coming, John found himself defenseless every time. He replied with strong words, but his voice was weak,”No, I loved her and I walked away because it was what she wanted, to save her family…it was for her!”

Stefano had him again and he revelled in it. Smiling wickedly, he shook his head and challenged his enemy again, “At least be honest with yourself, John. You walked away from her, telling her you were giving her up so she could save her family. You did it so you could tell yourself you were making this grand sacrifice when inside you were motivated by fear and guilt. You didn’t want to face the reality that even if you fought more strongly for her love, she might have chosen Roman anyway. That ate away at your soul, didn’t it, John?”

About at his limits, John stepped closer. Standing only inches away from the man he hated, he said with great emotion, breathing hard afterward, “Shut up, just SHUT UP, Old Man! It doesn’t matter anymore because she loves ME, now! When this insanity is finished, we are going to be married and there’s not a damn thing you or Kristen can do about it!”

Stefano kept taunting his enemy, it was delightful to see the man squirm. “My…my, John… you seem pretty agitated for someone who is so confidant about his relationship. Are you wondering what might happen in your absence, are you worried that she might fall in love with Roman again?”

He had to force the rage at his tormentor down, angry at himself that he kept letting the man get to him, not really understanding why it was happening. Barely able to remain under control, John said with practiced confidance he didn’t quite feel inside, “No, I’m not worried about it at all, I trust Doc and I believe in our love. She and I WILL be together when this is all over!”

Stefano laughed and made one last incendiary comment, sure to set his enemy off. It was just like pushing a button on a machine, the response was so completely predictable, but still quite enjoyable to observe. “You know… John, it seemed to me she was getting pretty cozy, shall we say, with him the past few days before we left. And… it appears your *reunion* was so…sudden and not very well established. Is that why you wanted to get married so quickly, John, to make it seem…real, to make sure she didn’t change her mind?”

‘Dammit, why do I let him do this to me? John took a deep breath, clenched his fists to contain the raging frustration, and then said through tight lips, “I’m not going to talk about this with you anymore. Marlena and I love each other deeply and none of your schemes will break us up, Stefano! So, stop trying to make me doubt her love for me, it won’t work!” John turned quickly away from the man, afraid he’d try to beat Stefano senseless if he stayed.

The master manipulator of people and circumstances smiled with satisfaction at the outcome of the encounter and then laughed at the retreating form of his enemy. “Ha Ha! You are so easy to bait, John. Your doubt and fear are written all over your face. You are not so sure of her love for you…as you say. And I will do everything I can to continue planting the seeds of doubt as will Kristen, and then soon, she and I will both have what

Such a Dirty Word For Love

Marlena sat on a chair in the living room of the mansion, staring at a snapshot of the family she had made with Roman Brady. It was a photograph which was taken a few days before the single most defining moment in all of their lives, the day *the affair* was revealed at Belle’s Christening. They seemed like such dirty words when people used them to describe what she and John shared. It wasn’t cheap and tawdry…as it sometimes sounded when others spoke of it. They had been in love, lived as husband and wife… and then they were ripped apart by circumstances seemingly beyond their control.

She hadn’t entered into their liaison lightly… she loved John tremendously and he loved her with every part of his being; she knew that then without a doubt. He would have done anything for her… including walk away so that she could have a chance to save her marriage to the man he once thought he was. She now realized that essential truth about John because he had gone off to parts unknown with the man who had set the events in motion and caused him immeasurable pain and suffering. John was willing to let that evil monster who had stolen his past go free, and he was prepared to lay down his life for Roman if that was what it took to save her ex-husband.

There was such depth and breadth to John’s love for her and he had so many fine qualities as a man, but there was also their physical relationship. Unfortunately, that aspect was all that some people thought of when those two words were spoken, but their time together was infinitely more than having sex. The incomprehensible intimacy of their joining was above that term, it was almost metaphysical, encompassing all of their hearts, minds, bodies and souls. They literally merged, in those moments, into one blissful entity of love. As a lover, John moved her exquisitely, giving her such pleasure as she could not have imagined before being with him. They were simply magical memories of love and yet… their being together in that way had torn her heart in two and ripped her entire life apart. She lost a husband whom she once loved with all her heart and it cost her the love and respect of her children and many others for a very long time.

Over the years, much of the damage had been healed, but not for Sami. For whatever reason, she was the one most deeply affected by the divorce and the fact Belle was John’s child and not her father’s. The resulting lack of family stabilty had launched her on a path of selfish, destructive, often vindictive, and manipulate behaviors designed to get her what she wanted without any consideration for the feelings of those whom she hurt along the way.

As Marlena stood up, preparing to place the picture back in her wallet, she gazed once more at the smiling face of the sweet innocent girl Sami had been before it all happened, and said, “Oh, Sami… I wish things could have turned out differently sometimes… I did love your father and I wanted to make the marriage work again, but what John and I share is…. magical. The love we feel for each other has lasted through all these years of pain and separation. There is this unexplainable bond… it’s an amazing, indescribable connection we share..”

She stopped for a moment, reviewing their history in her mind, thinking back to the first time she saw him, before she even knew what he looked like. She felt it even then. There was a thin gossamer strand that stretched out between them and it grew thicker and stronger every time they relied upon each other to survive some horrendous experience, each time they expressed their feelings of love and friendship. It wasn’t something they consciously set out to develop, it was just there, growing and strengthening with the passage of time. It had only been truly threatened once… by Kristen’s lies and schemes to keep them tful anger she added, “And, I believe that he would have loved me over time, if Eric hadn’t come home and ruined all my plans by siding with Carrie against me! My own twin brother siding with his half-sister, I hate him for that!”

“Now, that’s enough of that kind of talk young lady!” Roman walked in at the moment she made the last comment and he approached her slowly and deliberately.

“Sami, it’s time you stopped blaming everybody else but yourself for the situation you are in!” said Roman firmly, as he strode angrily across the room. “You brought this all on yourself, the truth always has a way of coming out; no matter how hard we try to hide them, secrets always end up being revealed. And, the pain they cause is usually much worse when they are because the damage only grows in time.”

Hearing him talk to Sami brought back the day of the Christening in all its painful glory. ‘Oh God…Roman..I’m so sorry!’ Marlena said to herself in her mind, ‘all that pain you suffered.’ She could envision it as if it were yesterday, the agony in his entire person as she revealed the secret of the affair and then the raging anger and sense of betrayal when John stepped forward and admitted he was the man with whom she had the affair. ‘Oh, John, will it ever really be allright for us, or will we always be reminded of how many people we’ve hurt by loving each other?’ she wondered. Marlena desperately needed to have John’s strong loving arms around her suddenly chilled body, to hear him whisper words of everlasting love and reassurance that one day it would all be okay and they would be happily married. She was snapped out of her reverie by the sounds of Sami’s shrill cry and Roman’s forceful, confrontive language.

Roman was holding their daughter tightly, his hands grasping her shoulders firmly and he was looking deeply into her eyes. “Sami, you have done some horrible things to try to take what you wanted and now…it’s over. All the lies, all the deception, all the manipulation, it has to stop! You have to accept the consequences of your actions and do everything you can to make amends and then put your own life together. You have to leave Carrie and Austin alone, you need to give Lucas time with his son until formal arrangements can be made and allow Austin some contact as well. Then, you need to find yourself a good job, establish a residence of your own and handle the responsibilities of parenthood and adult life, independently and honestly. Until you do all those things, you will be miserable, lonely and distrusted by everyone you say you love.”

“Daddy, how can you say all of that to me, you said you forgave me when we talked earlier.” She was flabbergasted at the strength and conviction in his voice. He had never spoken to her that way and in some strange way she liked it, though she would never say that out loud. It was clear that he cared deeply about her, still.

“Sami… I do forgive you, but that forgiveness is based on your willingness to stop plotting and scheming. In order for people to truly forgive you and get past all of this pain and confusion, you have to change, Sami. You have to start changing, now! You have to confess everything to the people you’ve hurt and let go of your destructive….obsession for Austin.”

“Obsession? You make it sound so…sickening. I love him and I don’t care if you believe me or not.” She was so angry and humiliated about being exposed, yet still bound to her course; she was not ready to give him up. “I WILL get him back!”

She started to run out of the room, but Roman grasped her wrist firmly. He spoke very forcefully, “NO! It stops here and now, you will NOT hurt anyone else Sami! You are going to face this! If you ever want my respect again you will have to earn it, do you understand me? What you did, no matter how justified you feel it was, no matter the pain you’ve suffered, it was totally and completely wrong and you must acknowledge that, Sami!”

“Daddy, you’ve never spoken to me this way, I thought you said you loved me!” Tears streamed down her face to see his profound disappointment with her behavior and she knew she had a long road ahead; nobody would be fooled by her act again.

“Sami, I do love you, but I told you that forgiveness comes with taking responsibility for your actions. Your mother and I will help you do that in any way we can, but you have to do the work. It won’t be easy, but you can do it. If you don’t, you will lose all the people you ever cared about and you will live a long and very lonely life. Is that what you want Sami?”

She just wasn’t ready to accept that as fact… not yet, so in her anger and frustration, she spouted off, not thinking before she spoke, “NO! I want my family back! I want it to be the way it used to be, but that can never happen because of Mom and John! They just can’t seem to stay away from each other!” Realizing what she had said, Sami ran out of the room in tears, leaving Roman wondering exactly what she meant and Marlena uncertain what to say when he asked about it, as she knew he would.

Roman turned to Marlena instantly asking, “What was that all about Marlena, what did she mean you and John can’t stay away from each other?”

Marlena was terrified for a moment and couldn’t think of anything to say and then it came to her. “Roman, you know that John and I have remained very close friends through all these years, Sami resents that friendship. She refuses to understand it or accept it.”

Still wondering, he decided to let the matter drop for the moment in favor of discussing their daughter’s problem. “Oh, yes I guess that makes sense. For a minute there, I thought…. Oh, never mind.” He changed gears, “Anyway, what in the world are we going to do to help her change her ways?”

Exasperated and relieved at the same time, she said, “Roman, I honestly don’t have any idea right now.”

“Uh oh…. Doc, if you don’t know, we’re all in trouble this time.”

She nodded slightly and agreed, “Yes, I’m afraid we are. Sami seems hellbent on trying to win Austin, just like…” She stopped, realizing that she almost compared her daughter to Kristen, whom Roman thought was a wonderful, caring person. Marlena finished the thought in her mind and then said, “just like the last time she was exposed. She seems to have no remorse for her actions and that is a very bad sign. Like you said, we can’t help her until she acknowledges that what she did was wrong and that she needs to change.”

Staring out at the door through which Sami had just left, he said sadly, “I’m beginning to wonder if that will ever happen, Doc.”

They hugged each other warmly for comfort, confused about what had happened to their once sweet loving daughter and Marlena said anxiously, “Oh, Roman. I pray we’re wrong about that otherwise….we’re in for some extremely rough times ahead. There’s no telling what she might do, as desperate as she’s feeling now.” Marlena shuddered noticeably as she suddenly remembered Kristen grabbing the policeman’s gun and aiming it at her on the day the woman’s schemes to hold onto John were exposed.

Roman didn’t miss it and was concerned about her, “Doc, are you allright, you’re trembling.”

She shook her head, trying to clear if of that image. “Yes, I’m fine. I’m just….worried about what Sami might try to do to get Austin back, that’s all.”

Not wanting to even entertain the thought, but worried all the same he asked, “Doc, do you think she might….do something rash, something …violent?”

“Oh, I don’t…think… I hope not, Roman…I just…don’t really know. She fooled us all into believing she had changed since the memory loss and none of us but Carrie suspected she would go so far.” Marlena forced down an image of Sami going after Carrie in the same way Kristen had done with her. That thought left her longing for the man she truly loved, ‘Oh, John…I need you so much, please come home to me soon.’  

Roman continued to hold her in silent solace, each of them lost in private speculation and apprehension about the days and weeks ahead for the entire Brady family. Those concerns included the people off in some foreign jungle land with the madman who had created the love triangle that developed between John, Marlena, and Roman, and who therefore initiated much of the family’s suffering in the first place.

Common Threads

The unlikely companions continued hiking for the rest of the morning and then stopped for a break and some lunch. As they admired their surroundings, John and Hope sat down next to each other, near the pool that formed at the base of a beautiful cascading waterfall, watching the other two closely while they ate.

“Isn’t it a gorgeous sight Hope?” asked John gesturing to the waterfall. He flashed on an image of himself and Marlena standing naked together and making love under the cooling moisture and at the same time felt his temperature rising slightly. As he felt his face flush, John glanced over at Hope, noticing that she hadn’t answered, feeling thankful that she wasn’t looking at him. The image began to fade and he said silently, ‘Soon, Doc soon…we’ll be together like that on some romantic island getaway. I sure hope so, anyway,” he thought. Finally, John turned his attention back to his travelling companion and noticed that Hope appeared to be deep in thought. Wondering what it was about, he asked, “Hope, you’ve been pretty quiet this morning, what’s up?”

She looked up and said, “Well, I’ve been thinking about how much has been stolen from all of us by Stefano. He took four years from me.. Roman was taken away for almost seven years, Marlena five years and several other times as well. Basically, your life and identity were stolen from you, then you had a life as Roman and that was taken too, and you still don’t know that much about your own past. I lost Bo and you and Marlena were kept apart by the aftereffects of everything that happened, and then there was Kristen’s scheming… All of that pain was set in motion by Stefano. And for what, some sick desire for revenge against the Brady family and you, some obsession the Dimera’s have to possess and control people!!”

As he listened to her recounting the history and glanced over at the others, he felt sick to his stomach and the rage began to rise to the surface. He voiced his thoughts about it all, “I know, Hope, it makes me *sick* to think of the pain we have all been through because of that monster. I HATE him and it still burns me up to know I was the one who let him out of jail to do this. I hate it, but we had to take the chance that there really was a cure. I now believe there is, but I also know he has another plan in mind and I’ll figure it out sooner or later, Hope.”

Listening, but still involved in her own musings, Hope said, “John, there’s something else, I have this feeling that I know something important about Stefano and what he has done, something I learned when I was at Maison Blanche. I was hoping that being around him like this would bring the memory to the surface, but so far…there’s nothing.”

John knew that feeling well. “I know how that is. When I was getting those flashes about the woman calling me Johnny, I kept thinking that even though it made me sick to do it, I should be around him whenever I got the chance because the man himself would trigger the memories. I hope you have better luck than I did with it. It didn’t work for me, I was only able to recover bits and pieces until Rachel remembered my being brought there to take her confession.” He remembered what she said while under the influence of the drugs and shuddered at the evil of which Stefano was capable. “He is one deluded… monster, terrorizing a woman like that and then to do what he did to me, all because I tried to help her. He is so twisted!” John felt the nausea in his gut that often times accompanied his thoughts of the pain inflicted on himself and those he loved. He shivered, and he wasn’t sure if it was from the memories or the illness.

Hope had been observing John as well and she noticed that his hand was shaking as he reached for his canteen. She reached out and touched his forearm saying, “John, you’re starting to have symptoms again, aren’t you?”

He started to deny it, but saw that she had noticed the trembling hand. “Yea.. a little, but don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine,” he replied, pasting a smile on his face.

Hope sighed with exasperation at his downplaying of what they both knew was a serious condition. “Don’t worry, he says.” Pointing back in the direction from which they had come, she said frustratedly, “John, in case you’ve forgotten, we’re several days hike back out to the Jeep! The last time you had an attack you were sopping wet with sweat, shivering violently and delirious with fever. Gee, I guess you’re right, that doesn’t sound like anything to be concerned about, does it?”

John glanced around nervously, making sure Stefano and Kristen weren’t within earshot. “Hope, keep your voice down, I don’t want them to know I’m sick; it could put you in danger and I’d never forgive myself if something happened to you.”

‘This man can be so infuriatingly stubborn,’ she thought. “You are unbelievable! I have news for you, John. It might not matter!” she whispered harshly. “You could die out here and then where will I be? I don’t have the slightest idea what to do for you if your symptoms are worse during this attack. This is suicidal, John! We need to get you back to a hospital!”

Upset about the whole situation, he let some of his own anger and frustration filter into his voice, “Hope don’t you think I know that! Look, I…have to do this. We are going after the cure tonight and then we’ll be on our way out of here, I’ll make it until then because I have to, alright?” he said with intensity, imploring her to go along with him.

She was beyond frustrated.. Frightened about what lay ahead for both of them, she fired back, “No, it’s not alright, John! I don’t think anyone wanted to see you trade your life for Roman’s.” Grasping his forearm, she said firmly, “You promise me something…. if you start getting sicker by tonight and you’re…not up to going in there for the cure, you’ll be honest about it and tell me. I can go in with Stefano just as well as you can, John. I’m trained too, you know that!”

He was hesitant, wanting to think of a half-lie because there was no way he was going to send her off in the dark of night with the madman who had already held her captive before, unless he literally couldn’t stand up. If anyone were going in for the cure, it had to be himself. John finally answered, “Hope, if I’m so sick that I can’t handle it at all, believe me, we’ll both know it.” He prayed that wasn’t the case because then they would truly be at Stefano’s mercy. Hope was well trained, but alone, she was no match for the criminal mastermind.

Several yards away, Stefano and Kristen were observing the interaction between Hope and Bo and wondering what it was all about. Stefano said, “I’m telling you, he is sick. I saw him almost fall down earlier this morning, he’s hiding something, Kristen.”

She glanced over at John and agreed, “I think you’re right, he denied it to my face, but I did get the sense that something was wrong, I noticed his hands shaking slightly.”

“So did I, Kristen. Ha! This is perfect, I couldn’t have designed a better plan myself. Once we get the cure, he will be totally vulnerable, Kristen. If he has malaria or something similar, he’ll probably be so sick tonight that he’ll be down for several hours and I can put my plans into operation.”

Kristen was still in the dark about what he intended to do and wanted to know. “Stefano, don’t you think that now is the time to tell me what you have planned?”

Looking over at the other two again, her father said cryptically, “Well, no, but I can tell you this much. John will not be marrying Marlena after we are finished here and plan our return to Salem.” Stefano didn’t like to use half-truths with his own daughter, but he couldn’t allow sentiment to interfere with his grand design. He was going to remove John as a threat and Kristen couldn’t know the truth or she would ruin his plans by trying to stop him. Therefore, Stefano vowed to keep her uninformed.

Kristen was surprised, glad to hear it but concerned for John’s safety. She wasn’t completely convinced that he had let go of his vendetta against the man she loved. “How can you know that? What do you have planned, Stefano? I have a right to know, don’t I?”

“I’m sorry, Kristen, you can’t learn the details or your act will not appear to be genuine and people will see through you. That will ruin everything for both of us.” He felt…something he couldn’t define about the fact that she was not going to get what she wanted, but he dismissed it, believing he couldn’t allow anything or anyone distract him from the course of action orchestrated to help him fufill his desire to have the woman he *loved.*

Home Only In My Heart

It was only a few days since he’d gone, but to the woman he left behind, it seemed like an eternity. Marlena roamed around the dark, depressing mansion feeling more alone and lonely than she could ever remember. She was in the house where so much deception had been carried out. It was a constant reminder of the fact that John was off with the wicked people who owned the house and who had caused she and John, and so many other people they both loved, pain beyond measure. They had ruined lives and wounded hearts, so much evil perpetrated by one family and here she was caring for another man who had been hurt by them in that same awful place.

Roman was resting, his condition having taken a slight turn for the worse since the whole mess with Sami had been exposed the other day. That in itself was very stressful, let alone the knowledge that his illness resulted in John and Hope being in danger with Stefano. Roman had expressed guilt about that situation and he seemed to need more sleep, but he also seemed to be increasingly dependent on Marlena. Therefore, she had basically put everything else in her life on hold to care for him. This left her with endless hours in a house she loathed, with nothing to do, but think of how much she missed John and how worried she was about him.

Finally, after drinking some tea, walking around the grounds, and checking on the children nearly a dozen times, she went up to her bedroom, the one she had stayed in while she lived there with John and Kristen. As she passed by the master bedroom, she had a fleeting vision of the lying conniving woman having sex with him and it turned her stomach; she banished the image as quickly as it entered her mind. ‘No, that will never happen again, he loves only me, that much I know for sure!’ she said in her mind. “John wants nothing more to do with Kristen, I don’t have to worry about that part of it,” she said to herself in reassuring tones as she walked into her room and shut the door.

Despite her best efforts to get the fear and the longing off of her mind and out of her heart for just a few minutes, Marlena was doing it again, staring at the picture John left with her and reading his letter. “Oh, John… I miss you so much, I need you here with me instead of off on some crazy search for a nonexistent cure. I need your arms around me, I need to look into those deep blue eyes…Oh, John! I know that Stefano only used that idea to take you away from Salem, to keep you away from me. He has something planned… I know that and I’m so afraid you’re not ever coming back to me!”

She felt him in her heart again, and heard the faint sound of his voice. “Don’t worry, Marlena, I’ll be coming back, we’ll get that cure and I’ll come home. Soon, Doc, very soon.” Marlena prayed that the voice in her mind was right, believing it was her own consciousness, trying to convince herself that everything was going to be allright eventually. John would return, Roman would recover, and she and John would be married and live out the rest of their lives in peace and safety. Hopefully, Stefano and Kristen would be spending their lives in prison, and could therefore pose no further threat to the couple’s much deserved and long overdue happiness.

Reality reared its ugly head as she heard yet another reporter on the radio saying something a little bit different from the standard bulletin. “We now believe that John Black helped Stefano Dimera escape because of his romantic involvement with Kristen Blake, the adopted daughter of the notorious criminal whose arrest a short time ago had given law enforcement officials throughout the world cause to cheer. This is a startling development as Mr. Black has been an upstanding citizen and well-known philanthropist. His only known enemy was Mr. Dimera and now it appears that he has aided, possibly even masterminded that man’s escape from justice. 105 FM will continue to follow this bizarre story….now back to the regularly scheduled programming.”

Music began to play as she stood there, still stunned to hear it said so plainly. John was now viewed by the entire country and soon the world, on the same terms as Stefano. He would be forever a fugitive, condemned to a life on the run….living in fear of being apprehended or shot at, once again because his basic goodness and sense of honor were being taken advantage of by that evil monster, who had already caused him great pain and suffering. It was exactly what the bastard had planned from the very beginning… If John returned to the United States, he faced a jail sentence right along side Stefano and Kristen Dimera.

She covered her mouth to squelch the fears that threatened to take complete control over her, “Oh, John! You probably have no idea…that you’re considered a hunted man now! Oh, my God! I should have gone with him, I should have known what Stefano was planning!”

Soon after she sat down on the bed crying, still holding the picture in her hands, she heard a knock on her door, it was Lexie and Abe. Marlena wiped her eyes slightly, but not really caring if they saw the tears, then stood up to greet them.

Abe said, “We…came to see how you were.. holding up, Marlena.”

“How am I holding up…..you want to know…how I am holding up!” The tears began to trickle out of her frightened eyes as she told them, “The man I love….with all my…heart is off in some….godforsaken jungle with an evil demented man who only wants to hurt him and the woman who is obsessed with him and deluded into thinking she can make him love her again. Not to mention that he has been…condemned to living his life on the run from the authorities…and you want to know how I’m doing. I’m a wreck about this… Oh, Abe, Lexie…I might never see him again!” Marlena broke down and collapsed on the bed… completely immersed in her fears for his life and questions about what the future held for them both.

Abe shut the door and Lexie moved to hold her friend, feeling the guilt return with a vengeance. “I’m sorry, Marlena I really shouldn’t have encouraged him…or told him about the code… I’m so sorry!”

Marlena couldn’t care about that anymore, she was so frightened for John’s safety. Wiping away the moisture that covered her red face, she asked in desperation, “Abe…is there anything we can do to help him? There must be *something* we can do to keep him from being hunted down?”

Her friend reluctantly shook his head, sighing worriedly, “No, I’m afraid there isn’t. It is widely known that he helped Stefano and regardless of the reason…it was a crime, Marlena. He aided and abetted a known fugitive, at the very least, and there’s nothing we can do. I’m very sorry. John knew what he was risking when he decided to take the chance to save Roman’s life.”

Lexie jumped in too, “Abe, he couldn’t have known about the insinuation Stefano would leak to the press about helping him because of his involvement with Kristen! That he would be a hunted man for the rest of his life!”

“No, Lexie, but he knew that breaking Stefano out of jail was a serious crime and he risked dire consequences as a result. He was willing to take that chance in order to help Roman; he felt he owed it to everyone in the Brady family for the love they gave him. It’s possible that something could be done after the fact… but he’ll probably be arrested the second sets foot on US soil.”

The harsh truth was still sinking in for Marlena. As she sat up on the bed, she cried out, “Oh my God! John can’t come home, he can never come home!” Tears streamed down her face as she began to realize all the ramifications of John’s choice to go off with Stefano Dimera and search for the cure to Roman’s illness. Shaking her head, she fought off the despair even as she verbalized what she feared, “The best we can hope for is… stolen moments on the run, in some.. airport or hotel somewhere. I’ll never get to marry him or share my life with him and he can never see the children! They’re going to grow up without their father!” she cried in great distress.

Abe and Lexie wanted to contradict her, to say that there would be a way to avoid all of that, to tell her the government would pardon the four fugitives once it was well established what the reason for the trip had been. Unfortunately, the couple couldn’t do that because it was far from a sure bet, providing there even was a cure and that John didn’t fall prey to whatever grand scheme Stefano Dimera had in mind for him.

Lexie reached out to give her friend a hug and Abe said, “When the time comes, we’ll do whatever we can to help him, Marlena… but right now we need to be there for Roman and try to have faith that everything will work itself out in the long run.” It was the best he could come up with and he could see from her reaction that it was enough to make her redirect her focus toward something she could do something about in the immediate future.

She nodded tearfully, praying that what Abe said was true indeed. Allowing herself to dwell on the worst case scenario would only cause her to give in to the fear and despair that beckoned, and she knew she could not afford to do that. Roman needed her… he depended on her… and she was compelled to be his strength, no matter what happened to John. And, the only way to cope with the stress was to believe with all her heart that somehow, some way… her love would come back to her, whole and healthy…and that one day, their dreams would become a reality.

Changes in Temperature  

They were on the trail leading up to the lake, which was at a higher elevation and the hike was wearing on all of them; it had been a tiring trek. Stefano was in the lead position on the trail, followed by Kristen, then Hope, and John took the rear position, preferring to watch all the action in front of him. That way he could also hide the fact that his symptoms were returning; the chills were beginning to hit again, and he prayed for divine intervention as he labored to convince himself he could make it to the site they had discussed earlier. As they traversed a rocky section, John became dizzy all of a sudden, and found himself going down before he even knew what was happening. He had been tumbling, defenseless for several yards when Hope turned at the sound and ran back down the trail to help him, “John!” she shouted, “Hang on, John… I’m coming!”

His body finally came to rest against the base of a large tree, and he was still, seemingly lifeless, the wind having been knocked out of him. John was dazed and more than a little banged up, but otherwise unhurt and when he started sputtering to catch his breath, he was chuckling slightly. He said while wincing and trying to figure out if he were really hurt or just a little shaken up, “Oh… such a graceful move wasn’t it?”

Hope smiled at his ability to joke about it, “Yes it was, now do you see what I mean about needing someone to watch your back? Are you okay, John?” she asked, all out of breath, starting to crouch down to take a look at him.

Groaning in discomfort, he said, “Yea, I…think so,” as he started to sit up. Shaking his head to clear it he added, “Mostly, I’m embarrassed.”

Understanding, but still concerned, Hope asked for details, “What happened? Wait a minute..” she added after noticing the color of his skin, did you get dizzy? John did this happen because you’re getting sicker? ” He was avoiding her gaze and her questions, “John!”

Knowing he couldn’t get a lie past her, he admitted, “Yea, I got dizzy, but I’ll be okay, Hope,” he added hastily. As he was working on what to say that would convince her to let the incident go, he saw a snake, one of the ones he knew from his research was poisonous, and he spoke of it in a whisper. “Hope, listen to me…there’s a snake by your leg and it’s getting ready to strike. On the count of three, I’m going to toss my jacket over it and you dive out of the way, can you do it?” he asked, knowing she would do what she had to for survival purposes.

Though shocked, she was shaking with fear, but nodded in affirmation. He was confident in his ability to manage it, so she figured she should be too. John nodded, admiring her courage under fire and then said, “Okay, then here we go. One, two, three!” John tossed his coat over the snake, grabbed and squeezed hard on it, and then stabbed through it several times with the knife he was carrying.

In seconds it was dead. John blew out a quick breath, tossed it out of the way and looked at Hope who was also breathing a sigh of relief. “Whew, that was a close one!” she said. “Thanks, John you just saved my life.” She impulsively pulled him into a grateful embrace and it felt surprisingly good, in a safe…platonic sort of way, but nice nonetheless.

“Anytime, Hope….partner! Glad I could be there for you.” He smiled at her in spite of the pain in his midsection caused by the embrace, happy to have helped and reversed the role a little.

“Now, can I help you up?” she asked with a relieved smile, feeling better to be back to the original situation. As she lent him her hand, and he reached a full standing position, she noticed he was a little wobbly. With her hands on his shoulders, she steadied him at the same time as she was asking, “John are you sure you’re alright?”

John labored to shake off the encroaching mental fog and the newly acquired achiness from the numerous bumps and bruises. “Yep, I’m fine, Hope..honest,” he said lying through his teeth, his shoulders and upper back throbbing from the beating he took when he slammed against the tree. John didn’t want her getting any ideas about helping Stefano to go off after the cure that night; it had to be him and nobody else. There was no doubt that the evil man had something else planned, and John had vowed before he left Salem not to let anyone other than himself get caught up in whatever it was.

Still looking him over closely, Hope was concerned that her friend was hiding the seriousness of the symptoms as well as any new…injuries. Not able to do anything but observe, she decided to let it go for the time being. Just as they were feeling like they were back on track, Stefano and Kristen showed up asking what had happened. Kristen was all excited and started firing off worried questions, “John are you alright, did you hurt yourself? Where did you land?”

Kristen started putting her hands on his face, trying to dab with a towel where there were a couple of fresh cuts, fussing over him like a mother to a child. He had always hated that. Still embarrassed that the fall ever happened, John shrugged her off and responded irritatedly, “Stop it, I’m fine, Kristen, let’s just get back to hiking, okay?” He wiped the blood off his face with his shirt sleeve, brushed the moistened dirt off of his clothes as best he could, and started to hike back up the hill.

Hope stood between Kristen and John, making sure the woman left him alone, as he so obviously wanted her to do. She felt surprisingly protective of John now and she didn’t want Kristen bothering or upsetting him, especially with him being sick the way he was. Hope wanted to make sure he could hide that fact from the others as long as possible.

Kristen glared at her and said rather forcefully, “Get out of my way, Hope!”

Hope was equally strong, facing off with the woman, “Leave him alone, Kristen, he doesn’t love you any more. He doesn’t want anything to do with you. Just accept it!”

Kristen stepped closer and stared into Hope’s eyes, searching them for something she suspected and then voiced it, “Why, Hope? Are you falling for him too, now that Bo is off in Rome with Billie?”

There was no hesitation, and she was firm, “No, I’m just watching out for my friends, John…and Marlena. They love each other and if it weren’t for you and Stefano they would have been together a long time ago, so stay away from him.. if you know what’s good for you!”

Still believing she would have him eventually, Kristen responded with ferocity, “NEVER, he’s mine! I am going to win him back Hope and there’s nothing you or…Doc can do about it!” Kristen trudged up the hill after him, leaving Hope shaking her head in astonishment that someone could be so deluded. But then again, Stefano thought he could make Marlena love him, and Peter still wanted Jennifer. ‘They are one…sick..family,’ she thought, ‘if you could even call it a family at all.’ She looked briefly at the other man and silently wondered just how it was that they all came to be that way. Then, she began hiking back up the hill herself, leaving Stefano, who had stayed out of the entire conversation, standing there thinking about what he’d just witnessed.

Stefano quietly observed the interactions between John, Hope and Kristen, watching every move John and Hope made; in the process, the mastermind realized that something important was happening. John was sick which was why he had fallen, that much he knew for certain, but what else was there? Was there some new connection developing between the two, was their common experience with Stefano himself bringing them closer to each other? Always looking for a way to exploit any weakness, he perceived this new… bond could be useful in some way. ‘Maybe….we shall see,‘ he thought.

As they continued on up the path, all four of the hikers felt themselves tiring and were relieved when Stefano said, “There it is, we’re about a mile out from the compound, we should find a place to set up camp.”

“Good, I’m so..tired,” said Kristen, I could use a chance to sit down for a few minutes.”

“I have to agree, that was a long hard hike,” said Hope as she surveyed the area.

John was noticeably quiet, his eyes searching for a secluded spot to set up the tents. Finally, he walked several yards away and looked closely at something, then turned back to them saying, “Over here, I think I’ve found the perfect spot, it won’t be easily seen by anyone coming to or from the facility.”

Stefano approached, stood behind the section of dense foliage John pointed out and stared toward the research compound. John was right, but he hated to admit it. It was strange that once they got out into the wilds they had agreed on every decision, every approach to take, everything that mattered in terms of their mission. Their eyes met and made a wordless exchange about it, each pondering the significance of their relative lack of open disharmony.

As he silently wondered what, if anything it meant, reluctantly the man said, “I hate to admit it, but John is right this is perfect, let’s set up camp and rest for a few hours, then just after nightfall, John and I will go in for the cure.” Stefano looked John over and smiled wickedly, recognizing that his enemy was definitely suffering from his illness. He had always loved to see the man in a position of weakness, and it was oddly reassuring that this occasion was no different.

Hope also glanced over at John, who didn’t say anything more, noticing that his complexion was flushed again, and there were sweat beads beginning to form on his forehead. As she started to walk toward him, he quickly made himself busy with setting up their tent; she knew he was hiding it and wouldn’t discuss it with her at the moment. ‘Well, it doesn’t matter now, I know he’s going to be too sick to go with Stefano tonight, I’ll be the one going with him, not you John. Sorry about that, partner.’

Kristen was thrilled that this part of the her father’s plan was coming to a close soon. She hated the jungle and wanted to know what else Stefano had planned; all she knew was that he didn’t plan on having John go back to Salem. Smiling with satisfaction as she imagined Marlena alone and crying, Kristen said under her breath, “Tough luck, Doc! He’s going to be mine, now!”

Within 15 minutes, the tents were up and the sleeping bags laid out. John and Hope went into their tent; they had decided that neither could stand to be with a Dimera for any length of time and it was best to team up this way. In the relative safety and privacy of the tent, John finally began to let his guard down, lying down wearily on the sleeping bag and shutting his eyes for a minute.

“John, you’re getting pretty sick again, aren’t you?” asked Hope with tenderness she hoped he wouldn’t reject.

He hated to reveal himself, but he knew he couldn’t hide it from her anymore. Heaving a worn out sigh, he told the truth… relieved in a way, “Yes, the symptoms are back, I think….the fever is starting to go up fast.”

Hope sat down next to him and put a hand to his forehead, and found he was correct; it was quite hot. “You’re right, you’re burning up, John. How do you feel?”

He shivered slightly and said honestly, “I feel glad that I made it this far before it started to get bad.” Realizing where she was headed with the conversation, he said firmly, “Now listen, Hope, don’t you go getting any ideas on me here…I’m going in there with Dimera tonight, it’s too dangerous for you.”

Hope argued strongly, “John, if this is anything like the last time, you are going to be in no shape to go with him in a couple of hours…you know I’m right, John. The only thing that makes sense is for me to go.”

Grasping her arm he said, “No! Please, Hope, promise me that no matter what happens with me, you won’t go! I can…wait until my symptoms pass again and then I’ll go with him.” He could see that she wasn’t going to give in easily, so he shared his fear for her. “Hope, he has something big planned, I know it and with this thing about you having some memory from Maison Blanche…it could put you at risk, he might…take you to keep you from revealing whatever it is that you know!”

“I know that, John, but if you’re really sick and something happens while you’re with him, you won’t be able to defend yourself. Stefano… he could just leave you out there somewhere to die or.. take you… without a trace and I won’t let that happen!”

The fever was rising quickly and John found it hard to concentrate and think clearly. “No, Hope… I don’t want you to.. be hurt, please.. stay with me and wait it out.” He started to fade out as the shivering sweats began again.

Hope looked down at him and said, “I’m sorry, John I just can’t let you do it, I’m going with Stefano tonight.” She took off John’s jacket and then slowly removed his hiking boots and moist socks, and covered him with the lightweight blanket. Sitting across the way, she watched, worried for his overall health. His temperature seemed to be rising very rapidly this time; he was already nearly unconscious and it had only been a short time since the fever returned. Maybe it was because he was pushing himself too hard… whatever the reason, John was much worse this time around, and Hope was cognizant that he needed to be in a doctor’s care soon, or he could die. “Oh John, you are so stubborn, so much like..” She started to say, thinking of Bo.

“You….stubborn like you…” John had heard her and forced himself to respond, still hoping to convince her to stay with him.

Hope laughed lightly and said, “You’re amazing, John. I thought you were out of it.”

“Yea, well…not completely,” he said in a voice that was barely above a whisper. He had to make one more attempt to get her to promise before he lapsed into feverish delirium. Laboring to lean on one elbow, he pleaded with her, “Hope, promise me…if I’m still sick and Stefano’s ready to go, you’ll…wait. Tell me you’ll stay with me until the symptoms pass again, please!”

John was upset, worried for her safety and she wanted to calm his fears, so he wouldn’t fight the rest his body clearly needed. Hope hated to do it, but she lied to him, “Okay, John…I..promise I’ll stay with you. I’ll take good care of you and do all I can to make things easier for you.” Part of it was the truth… and it was the best she could do.

He sighed and smiled slightly as he allowed himself to relax, believing she wouldn’t try to go off with Stefano. In his weakened state he hadn’t picked up on the hesitant tone to her voice or her body language that betrayed her true intentions. When he was in the worst period of the symptoms, Hope planned to go, praying it was the wisest decision she could make for both of them. She truly believed it was too risky for John in his condition, even after the symptoms remitted… Stefano could overpower him too easily. The fact that Kristen was around and still wanted John offered no real protection for him. Everyone knew the monster had tried to kill John several times, long after he knew his own daughter loved the man.

Seeing that John was sleeping now, she sat down, wiped his fevered brow and looked closely at his sweat covered, shivering body. He seemed so weak and vulnerable now, curled up on his side like he was, not at all the tough, larger than life heroic figure she had watched protect the people he loved and face off with Stefano so many times in the past. Stroking his head as a gesture of comfort, she found herself caring for him in a slightly different way. They had talked so openly about their time at Maison Blanche. She believed he told her things about what he suffered there that he had never shared with anyone, not even Marlena. He told her about the intense pain, the burning sensation and frightening disorientation caused by the chemicals in his bloodstream, his fear for Marlena, the battle to hold onto his identity and the fear of losing his memories again, the despair about not ever going home again, never being free…

Hope had told him some of what she remembered too, the confusion, the sense of being trapped, knowing something wasn’t quite right with her identity, but not being able to figure it out, the sense of being lost and out of place. It was as if talking about their shared experiences there had created a stronger bond between them. Kristen picked up on the change, but had misinterpreted entirely. It was more than a simple friendship now, but definitely not a romance either. There wasn’t really a word for it, but she felt a greater sense of affection and concern for him than she had before, more like an especially close brother and sister relationship.

“Oh, John I hate lying to you, but I can’t let you go off with that monster. Even if your symptoms pass, you’ll still be in such danger, you’ll be so weak afterwards. I just can’t let you do it, I’m sorry, my friend.” Making sure he was covered with the mosquito netting, she left a canteen of water close by and then went to check her pack for the items she believed she would need in preparation to go after the cure with Stefano.

Here and There

Marlena slowly began to awaken from the early evening nap her friend Laura convinced her to take by saying that it wouldn’t do anyone good for Marlena to become ill because she was pushing herself. She hadn’t wanted to, but both Roman and Laura insisted on it. As she reached that peaceful state between sleep and wakeful awareness, she sensed an anguished spirit. “John?” she called out to the quiet stillness in the bedroom. She felt his presence and he was troubled, his mind cloudy, his body in pain…somehow and she was sensing it through their incredible, deep bond of love. She sent him a message, “I love you, John! Be strong and on your guard, stay safe and please come home to me soon!”

Within seconds, the unmistakable presence of her great love was gone, disappearing with the silent solitude of slumber and she wondered in her now fully awakened state if she had only imagined it. “Oh, John I hope you’re allright, I miss you and I need you so much!”

After glancing longingly at John’s photograph, she rose to the ever present responsibility of checking on Roman. She dreaded seeing him sometimes because of having to pretend that she thought of John only as a friend. The strain was beginning to wear on her and she knew that Roman sensed something was amiss and that he wanted her to reciprocate his declarations of ongoing love. Thus far, she had managed to avoid it, but sooner or later, he would raise the issue directly. Marlena wondered exactly how and when she would tell him the truth without compromising his health; he had seemed weaker since the fiasco with Sami and the revelations of her manipulations. He was still struggling with guilt feelings about that and she didn’t want him to feel any worse.

After washing her face, brushing her hair and lightly reapplying her makeup, she left the room and went down the hall to Roman’s room. He was awake and sitting up, anxiously waiting for her, but he pretended to be reading when she entered. He didn’t want to be too obvious about his feelings and his constant need for her presence. When she quietly approached his bedside he asked, “Hey, Doc how was your nap, do you feel a little better?”

“Yes, thank you, I do. How about you?” she asked, giving him a warm smile in response.

Smiling widely, he answered, “Well, I’m one hundred percent better now that you’re here. Just having you near me always makes me feel better, Doc. I’m so glad I came home and had the chance to see you again, to hold you, and see that incredible smile of yours, stare into those beautiful eyes.” The love poured out of his heart and washed over her, threatening to overpower her. It was disconcerting to say the least.

She was uncomfortable and changed the subject quickly, “Oh, Roman, please stop.” She paused momentarily, before returning his smile and saying, “It has been so wonderful to have you back. I pray that John and…the others are successful in finding that cure. I’d do anything to make you well.” When she was with him, she felt deep concern and love, but not in the same way she once did; there was no going back, her heart belonged to John now. Marlena could hardly wait for John’s return so she could tell him she had only grown more certain in his absence.

“I know you would and I hope they are too, but mostly because I don’t like them being out there somewhere with that monster. I’m still concerned about their safety, especially John,” Roman said, sounding suspicious of Stefano’s intentions.

His worried words stirred her slightly hidden, but intense fear for John’s well being, and she had to turn away so he wouldn’t see the depth of her feelings for the other man. Roman sensed it, he had observed a similar reaction several other times now. “Doc, you’re upset, please tell me what’s going on,” he said with compassion as he placed his hands upon her slender shoulders. “I know you’re worried too, but there’s more to this for you. What is it, Marlena? I want to help you,” he insisted, hating to see her suffer, as he always had.

She hated lying, but didn’t think he could handle the truth at the moment. Soon she would tell him, soon. “Oh, Roman, I just care so much about all of them and I’m afraid that something bad will happen to them because of Stefano!” As she spoke, Celeste’s words returned to her mind, “Someone on the trip will suffer great pain, possibly even death.” The woman believed it was John and Marlena had just sensed his anguished spirit. ‘Oh, no!’ she cried in her mind and she felt she had to leave or she would break down in tears out of her fear that she would not see the man she loved again.

Roman sensed her great concern and knew who it was about. “Doc, this is about John, isn’t it?”

She was shocked and answered with a question, “How…did you.. know?” Marlena stopped there, not wanting to give anything away and hoping he hadn’t figured out the whole truth yet.

There was such compassion in his voice for her and it melted her heart and left her feeling guilty at the same time. “Marlena, you don’t need to hide how much you care about him as a friend, he has been very important to you. You’ve been through a lot of rough times together and it’s only natural that you would be very worried about him. He is more than just a friend to you, Doc. I know that.”

She responded genuinely, “Yes, he is, Roman. We’ve shared some horrifying times together and he has saved my life half a dozen times now. I care very deeply for him and I am so…afraid that Stefano is….going to…hurt him!” She began to cry, despite her monumental effort to maintain her composure. “I’m so worried Roman! I want him to find the cure so that we can all have you healthy again, but I’m scared. Stefano hates John so intensely… that monster has hurt him and tried to kill him so many times. I’m afraid this is just a trick!”

Roman pulled her into a warm embrace, enjoying the feeling of holding her close, and tried to be reassuring, “Oh, Doc I know that you are very concerned, but try to remember that Kristen and Hope are there too, and they’ll be keeping an eye out for him. They will help to keep him safe. And John is not going into this blindly or unarmed for that matter. He’ll be constantly on his guard and watching every move Dimera makes. Please try to believe that he can take care of himself and the others. John is strong and very tough, he’ll probably be just fine.”

Drawing back slightly, she agreed, “Yes, I’m sure you’re right, Roman. He won’t let Stefano get away with anything and they’ll all be home safe and sound very soon. They’ll get that cure for you and everything will work out well for all of us.” Marlena wasn’t sure who she was trying to convince, Roman or herself. She wasn’t at all sure that was how it would play out and she was petrified for John’s safety. She couldn’t get the fear out of her mind or her heart. Though she couldn’t identify exactly how or why, she definitely felt somehow that John was suffering and it was excruciating not to know, not to be able to see him and touch him and be certain that he was allright.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hope lingered in the tent, wanting to be the one to go with Stefano, yet not wanting to leave John alone, or even worse….with Kristen. In his weakened state, shaking and shivering from the fever as he was, John was totally defenseless against any threat, easy prey for any animal or human predator. Most of all, Hope hated the idea of Kristen taking advantage of the situation somehow. If there were a way to manipulate him when he was sick, that witch would find a way to do it. But, someone had to go with Stefano to make sure he brought back the cure so they could take it to Salem and save Roman’s life.

Reluctantly, Hope wiped the sweat out of his face once more, kissed him on the cheek and said, “I’m sorry, John but I don’t have any other choice.” She lifted up a quick prayer of protection, “God, please watch over him while I’m gone, keep him safe from harm, safe from Kristen’s evil desires. Please help me bring back the cure for Roman and then let me get John the medical care he needs and take him home to all the people who love him.” With that she ducked out of the tent, leaving John to ride out the symptoms of another malaria attack all alone, hopefully.

Stefano knew what was happening, John was quite ill. He made it a point to have Kristen distract Hope for a few minutes and went to see his enemy before going off after the cure with her. The evil man had to see how bad it was for himself, though he knew the man had to be completely unconscious or delerious with fever in order for him not to be going. He quickly went inside the tent and sat down next to John’s shivering sweat-soaked body and he smiled. “John, I couldn’t have set this up better if I brought the mosquitos with me. With you sick, my plans will be so easy to carry out…pity, it is so much more enjoyable to play the game with you my pawn. He watched his enemy for a moment, the man’s whole body trembled violently with fever, his breathing was labored, and he was moaning now. John was clearly suffering greatly and Stefano found himself feeling something for the man’s pain. It made him so uncomfortable that he had to leave, almost immediately. He asked himself, ‘Could I feel some compassion for John, now that we have come to… understand each other better, after working together?’ “NO! He is my enemy and always will be, there is no room for any of that!” Stefano stood quickly and then as he was preparing to step out into the black of night, he spoke in whispers, “Soon, John your mind will be mine again, Soon we will begin to play the final game, one that will last for years to come…ha ha ha! And in the process, I shall take your queen!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A short time later, Stefano and Hope were preparing to leave to retrieve the cure. Stefano whispered to Kristen, “John is very sick, he is in and out of consciousness, use it Kristen. When he is delerious with the fever, use that time to plant the fears about Marlena falling in love with Roman, tell him that she doesn’t need him anymore, whatever you can think of to make him give up on her. Then keep telling him of your love for him and how it will never falter.”

“Stefano, you are so cruel…he is sick, suffering terribly and you expect me to hurt him like that. I don’t think I can do it!”

“Kristen, it is what you must do if you want to have any chance to win him back. Take advantage of his weakness and vulnerability right now. Use it to convince him he needs you because Marlena won’t love him anymore by the time he gets back to Salem.” He handed her a syringe and said, “Take this needle, use it when the symptoms seem to be fading and keep telling him she has chosen Roman and that you will be there for him. Do it, Kristen!”

“Alright, alright, I’ll do it!” She was reluctant to hurt him, but she knew Stefano was right, it might be her only chance. John had made it clear he didn’t want her in his life in any way. The only hope she had of winning him back was to take advantage of any opportunity that presented itself to her, even if it meant manipulating his mind and emotions when he was very ill. ‘I’m sorry, John, but I have no choice,’ she thought as she tucked the hypodermic into her pocket and prepared to enter the tent where John was enduring the latest attack of malaria.

Hope didn’t see that move, but recognized the look in her eyes and she knew what the woman was planning, in spite of her warning earlier in the day. She stood close and said, “I’m warning you, Kristen, if you..hurt him, you will be sorry! He is in there shivering, sweating with fever and he needs someone to be kind and caring, to wipe the sweat out of his face and give him water when he can take it. If you…try to take advantage of his weakness or manipulate him while he can’t think clearly, so help me you *will* regret it!”

“Ooh, I’m so…scared of you Hope! I’m shaking in my boots!” Kristen said, facing off with her adversary.

“I mean it Kristen, I care a lot about John and you have hurt him enough, don’t you think?”

Irritatedly, she replied, “Look, Hope, I did what I did to hang onto the man I love and I will go on doing whatever is necessary to have him in my life.” Her tone softened slightly as she finished, “I love John and I will not hurt him, I plan to take very good care of him while you and Stefano are gone, so don’t worry, okay?”

Still hesitant to leave him in the woman’s care, but knowing there was no other way, Hope took one last look in on him and turned to go with Stefano. “Allright, but you better do just that, Kristen.”

“Go on, Hope, Roman’s time is ticking…go and get that cure now!” she practically demanded, wanting to have John all to herself for awhile.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Finally, the other two disappeared into the darkness of the jungle night, leaving Kristen alone with the man she *loved.* “Yes!” she said clenching a fist in triumph. “I have you all to myself now, John!” she said with glee as she entered the tent in which he lay. She was shocked at how bad he looked. His clothing was now sopping wet with perspiration and he was trembling violently and muttering incomprehensible phrases. She sat down next to him and after wiping the moisture out of his face, she took his wet hand in hers, saying tenderly, “Oh, honey….you’re so sick. I’m sorry. I never meant for anything like this to happen, I just wanted you to love me again, that’s all. I don’t want you to suffer like this, baby.”

As she sat there, he began to moan and call out in his delerium, “Doc! I need you! Help me Doc….love you, always have…Marlena, where are you?”

It made her blood boil to hear him say her name like that, to caress it, to crave the woman Kristen loathed, but she had to use it now. She used a soft soothing tone, the best imitation she could do of the woman’s voice and said, “I’m here sweety, it’s Marlena, I’m here with you now.”

“Oh, Marlena.. I new you’d come…hold me, please Doc. hold me!” He was anxious and reaching out his arms, seeking comfort.

Kristen smiled and said, “Of course honey…I’ll hold you.” Despite the fact that he was all sweaty, she had to comply and make use of the chance at physical closeness. She held him awhile and then changed up on him, knowing he was in a vulnerable, possibly suggestible state. “Honey… it’s Kristen…I love you… Marlena isn’t here, she loves Roman now and you love me, we were meant to be together, remember John?”

He was instantly distressed, but couldn’t think clearly, “No…Doc loves me…she promised to marry me!”

“Honey, you know how much she cares for Roman..now that you’re gone, she’s falling for him again and she’s going to leave you alone again. But, I’m here and I’ll never leave you, John. Marlena will choose him again, turn to me, John I love you!”

“No….Marlena! Don’t leave me! Please don’t choose Roman again!” he cried out, believing what he was being told.

Seeing how distraught he was made her feel some sense of remorse, but still… she was compelled to have him, so she took advantage of the situation. Kristen decided to take complete control and said in an imitation of Marlena, “I’m sorry, John but I’ll always love Roman, I loved him first and I’m going back to him. We’ve fallen in love again, I’m sorry, John, but I can’t marry you.”

His heart was crushed because he believed and accepted what he had heard in his disoriented state of mind. “No….no…you said you loved ME! No, Doc don’t go back to him….oh, no! Oh No!”

Perfect! she was thinking as she made the transition once again. “John, honey…it’s Kristen, I’m here with you, baby and I won’t leave, I love you so much and I won’t ever choose someone else over you like she did, you are all I ever want and need, John. I love you and you can trust in my love.”

He was muttering, his breathing labored as his mind tried to make sense of what was happening. As sick as he was, the task was next to impossible. “No…can’t trust Kristen.. she lies.. she deceived me… but.. she loves me…only me… confused.. so confused… but.. Doc loves me! Oh, Doc… where are you?” The feverish delerium was powerful. John couldn’t distinguish reality from fantasy and was floundering in a sea of confusion created by Kristen’s twisted words.

She sensed he couldn’t handle more for the moment and was reassuring about her love, “I love you, John, believe in our love. We were the ones who were meant to be together forever, there’s nothing to stand in our way now, John. Marlena and Roman are back together and we are free to love again.” Putting it so, matter-of-factly was what she thought was the best approach to get him to accept it as truth.

Still very foggy, he denied it anyway, “No….don’t believe it…she loves me and we we’ll be together when we go home. We’ll tell Roman right away and then we’ll be married.”

It made her angry that he wanted the other woman so much and she raised her voice at him, “No, John she loves Roman now! Marlena has fallen in love with him again and she’s going to leave you all alone!”

“Can’t be true, no, can’t be true! Kristen… she…lies, doesn’t know how to love… Oh, God help me!” He was burning up with fever, his mind was completely muddled, and he just couldn’t cope with the situation, beginning to thrash back and forth as his anxiety level increased. Kristen pulled him close and whispered soft words of love, trying to calm him and still convince him of her love. “I love you, John. I’ll take care of you, don’t worry, I’m here.”

John was thinking out loud, uttering words she wanted him to say, “Kristen’s here, she’s helping me…Doc’s not here, she’s with Roman now…she doesn’t..love me?” He was bewildered.

Stroking his sweat dampened hair, Kristen replied in agreement, “Yes, that is exactly right. She’s not here…. she’s with Roman, but I’m here with you because I love you. It’s going to be okay, John, I’ll make sure you get well and I’ll always be there for you when you need me.” As John’s conscious thought faded into the darkness again, he wasn’t at all sure what was true.

From the distress in his voice, Kristen knew her efforts were successful, all that remained was to drive the point home with the drug she would administer when he started to awaken. While wiping his fevered brow again she said with a triumphant smile, “Soon, John, very soon you will be mine again.”

Worthy Adversaries

Stefano and Hope hiked toward the compound slowly; it was tough to negotiate some passages in the dark because there were a few spots where they had to walk on the cliff’s edge and had to be extremely careful. After about an hour, they were still a half mile away from their destination. Hope, who was secretly pleased to have the time alone with the monster, had been working on Stefano about the Maison Blanche issue. “You really are nervous around me aren’t you Stefano, just like you were with John right before he remembered some things about his time there with Rachel?” she taunted.

“Hope, I don’t know why you insist on focusing on this idea that you know some…secret about me….it’s a..fantasy you have. There is no basis in reality.” His non-verbals betrayed him; he was nervous about something, that much she was absolutely sure of it now.

Staring him down, she confronted him, “No, that’s not true, Stefano, I can see that you’re nervous. I’m a trained police woman, remember? I have observed you very closely and you’re edgy, agitated around me. You’re definitely afraid that some truth will come out and the more I’m around you the more nervous you get.”

While trying to concentrate on the path they were negotiating, Stefano said, “Hope, you are reaching…there’s nothing, if there were you surely would have remembered it by now, wouldn’t you?”

“Not necessarily, John still doesn’t have all of his memories that you stole from him.”

“HA, and he never will, unless I want him to, that is,” he declared triumphantly. Stefano clearly delighted in having control of other people’s lives and it made Hope sick.

“You certainly seem to think you have the upper hand all the time, but there is one thing you can’t control or destroy Stefano and that is true love, the kind that John and Marlena share. You can’t make it go away, no matter what you’ve done to them over the years.” She could see that she was getting to him, so she drove the point home, “You and Kristen…all of your lies and schemes to keep them apart may have worked for awhile, but you still couldn’t destroy their love and you never will. I bet that just burns you up inside Stefano. In spite of everything you’ve done to keep them apart, they *still* love each other!”

“Oh, Hope you have learned well, haven’t you? You make a good argument, but…I am not finished with them yet. When I am through, there will be no more John and Marlena. She will be mine…forever!”

“So, you did have some larger plan in mind, like everyone thought. So, you’re going to kill John, is that it?” Hope knew what his answer would be before she asked the question.

He laughed derisively, “No, of course not, that would be too…simple. You should know by now that all my plans are elaborate and much more interesting than that. If I just wanted John dead, he would have been gone years ago. I enjoy the game too much to simply have him killed Hope.”

“You like to play the puppet-master, pulling everybody’s strings don’t you? Tell me something Stefano how *did* you get to be so twisted? Tell me about your parents, they must have been serial killers…or worse.”

“Ha Ha Ha! very funny Hope, you have a good sense of humor, I like that… No, actually they were just very powerful people who..learned what motivated their rivals and how to get people to do their bidding, just as I have done.”

Her anger flared, “Oh, that’s what you call stealing John’s memories, making him believe he was someone else, keeping Roman and Marlena away from their children and basically ruining all of their lives….just learning what motivates people? You really are sick Stefano! You kept me prisoner too, kept me away from Bo and the confusion about my identity was what ultimately ruined my relationship with him.”

Wishing she would back off so they could focus on what they were doing, he made an assertion. “You would do well to use what you have learned by observing me; if you had you might be the one on a honeymoon with Bo as we speak instead of in this.. jungle with me.”

“Never, I’d rather be alone than ever resort to your methods, Stefano!” she exclaimed passionately.

“Suit yourself, Hope, but I can help you win Bo back… IF you are interested.” He wanted her to be tempted, but believed she wouldn’t be. She was too good, just like Marlena.

“No, I’m not! If Bo and I ever reconcile it won’t be due to some maneuvering or manipulation, it will be because we truly love each other and we are meant to be together, Stefano. You would do well to learn about real love, the kind John and Marlena have, nothing and no one can destroy it!”

He was angry and tired of the discussion, feeling somewhat upset by that fact, if he allowed himself to be honest about it. “Enough!” he nearly shouted, walking away from her. “It is time to concentrate on getting the cure now. We are getting close to the compound.”

Hope smiled, satisfied that she had pushed a button and gotten him distracted slightly. She would do whatever she could to keep him off balance and cause him to slip up, allowing her to learn something about his grand plan.

Kristen was watching John closely and he seemed to be coming out of the worst part of the symptoms, the shaking was less intense and he didn’t seem to be sweating so much. He groaned with the discomfort caused by his weakened condition and dehydration. “Oh…water, I need water… Hope?” He struggled to sit up, but was too weak. Realizing that Hope hadn’t answered him, he asked again, “Hope, where are you?” Panic began to set in as he fell back on the sleeping bag.

Kristen was hesitant, but knew she had to make her choice immediately or her chance to win John back would be lost for good. She reached for his shoulder and shoved the needle home swiftly, before he could react. “No…Oh.. God! What did you do?” he cried out as he felt the drug flow through his bloodstream. “Oh…it burns..oh..Hope…why?” John was still groggy from the fever and the drug left him feeling very confused and disoriented. His body quivered from the combination of effects on his system.

Taking his hand as a comfort measure, he says, “No, honey it’s me, Kristen. I’m here with you and I love you, John. I’m going to take good care of you. Just try to relax, it won’t hurt you once you relax a little bit.”

Fearful anguish touched his voice as he reacted, “No….oh, no Kristen..how could you do this? I’m sick Kristen and you’re going to…try to…brainwash me? How could you do that to me?”

“I just want you to remember our love John, that’s all. I don’t want to hurt you, honey. Lie down and you’ll feel better in a few minutes.”

He forced himself to sit up, fighting the numbing effects of the chemicals flowing into his brain. “No! I won’t let you do this, I’m going to find Hope and Stefano!” John struggled against the effects of the strong drug and the weakness in his body from the malaria. “Oh…dammit!” It was nearly impossible for him to stand. Knowing that Hope was in danger and his fear of being controlled would allow him to do anything he had to do. After what felt like an eternity, John managed to make it to a standing position, despite Kristen’s efforts to keep him down on the ground. “Leave me alone, Kristen!” he yelled while trying to pull out of her grasp, angry and unnerved by what she had been trying to do.

“Honey, you’re too weak to go out there after them. Look at you, John you’re still running a fever, you’re shaky and sweating…and that drug in your system…John you can’t go!”

“Watch me Kristen! I’ll be dammed if I’m gonna stay here and let you mess with my head anymore!” He had to force himself to think clearly and stay upright against the combination of symptoms. “I heard what you said before, you took advantage of my being sick and tried to make me believe that Marlena doesn’t love me….You are SO twisted! I HATE YOU!” He spat the words at her, wishing she would just disappear from his life.

“I’m sorry, John, I wasn’t trying to hurt you, I love you and I only want a chance to show how much. Please stay, John, you’re in no shape to run around the jungle in the dark.” She was genuinely afraid he would be hurt in his condition. He could collapse and be attacked by an animal, fall off a cliff, any number of things could cause him to be seriously injured or even die.

Staring directly into a pair of eyes he no longer recognized, John shouted at her, “Get it through your head, Kristen, I will NEVER love you again!! And no drug is going to change that fact!”

It hurt to hear him speak to her that way, to see the hatred in his eyes, where there had been love…once. She held his arm, hoping to keep him with her long enough for the chemical to penetrate and effect his brain. “John, that drug will help you remember our love.” She could see that he was fighting it, but she could also see his eyes begin to glaze over slightly, meaning it was being fully metabolized and he would soon be in the suggestible state she needed him to be in to gain the results she was seeking. Kristen spoke commandingly, “Remember it, John. Remember Smith Island, the love we made, it was so wonderful… I remember John, I loved you so much. I knew that I would never stop loving you then.”

He shuddered, battling the mind numbing effects of the chemicals that coursed through his system, wanting to ignore her words. Unfortunately, he was not quite able; he was too physically ill to do it and found his mind going where she told it to go. “No….no. I..have to.. go now.” John tried to leave the tent, but felt his knees buckling, and then he slowly fell to the ground. “No! No! Let me go, I have to go help Hope! Please help me!” he pleaded to whomever might be listening. He wasn’t sure what was happening to him, but he knew it wasn’t good and that staying put was the last thing he should do.

“It’s okay, John you’re so tired…just rest..it’s okay.” She settled him back down on the sleeping bag and wiped his forehead again. Within a few more minutes John was lying quietly, his eyes totally glossy, apparently ready for her to plant the ideas of her love and Marlena having chosen Roman again. “John, it’s Kristen and I love you so much. I’m going to take such good care of you. Remember how much I love you, John? Think back, John to those romantic nights, the candlelight dinners we had at the mansion, the night we were engaged.. remember John, remember all the wonderful times we spent in the park?”

His voice was distant sounding and foggy, but he was going where she told him too.. “Yes…. I remember, we were in love….you were a good person, you cared about the kids at the Horton Center, that’s why I was attracted to you, your goodness and caring for others. I loved you…” John’s mind drifted back in time to those more simple days of their relationship, before he knew she was Stefano’s daughter, before Tony came back into her life. He remembered how he felt for her and smiled. “Yes, Kristen I remember the love we shared.”

“Good, John…that’s good. I still love you just as much as I did then, John. You are so good and so kind and warm. I want to spend my life with you. Remember all the dreams we talked about, all the trips we were going to take, the plans we made? I remember all of it, John and I still want to share them with you.”

Smiling he spoke with a detached fondness, “So many hopes..and dreams, I…miss those days, we were close then…” His spirit was still fighting and he suddenly remembered the truth, “..but now…we can’t be anymore, you..lied to me. I love Marlena, now…she loves me too. We’re engaged.”

Kristen was angry to hear him voice his love for the woman and had to make him believe he had already lost her, “No, John she doesn’t love you anymore! She loves Roman, she has chosen him over you..again! By the time we get back, she and Roman will be back together and there will be no room for you in her life, John.”

Even when sedated this made him anxious and John tried to argue with her, the drug making it very difficult. “No… she loves me, we’re together now, she won’t leave me for Roman.”

“She already has, John. Marlena loves Roman, she loves Roman more, and she has chosen him just like she did before, when he returned and when you had the affair. You are nothing more than a distraction to her. She loves Roman and she’ll cast you aside as soon as he is well, John!”

His heart was being crushed with each word that left her mouth, his drugged mind susceptible to her forceful assertions. “No…that’s not true, it can’t be true, Doc would never do that to me!” John struggled but he began to believe it even as he denied it strongly with his words.

“Yes, John she will break it off as soon as you come home with the cure for Roman, but I will love you. I will always love you, John. I would never do that to you, but she’s going back to him. Give in to our love, John or you’ll be all alone.”

Confusion took over his mind and his wounded heart began to slowly give in to her convincing words. “I….don’t know….so confused. I don’t know what to believe now!” he cried out wishing for deliverance from his plight.

Reaching down to embrace him, his captor urged him to trust her, “Believe that I love you, John. I will always be here for you. Let yourself feel that love, remember how much you once loved me and feel it again, John. Remember the love we share!” Kristen pulled him into a fierce kiss meant to persuade him and he fought her at first, but her tongue was persuasive and he felt himself giving in as she spoke softly in his ears. “I love you, John, I love you. Kiss me and make love to me, John. Remember our love, feel the power of it, John. Let yourself go into it.”

John was beginning to feel his mind let go, his body complying with her firm request. Desperate to break the spell.. he took advantage of one last burst of energy to fight off the lies and the effects of the drug that sought to take control of his system. He shoved her away from him and tried to get up. “No! STOP! I…don’t…love you and I never will! Leave me..alone, this is…wrong Kristen. Can’t you see that?” The drug made it so hard to fight her words, but his will wanted desperately to assert itself and he was able to pull away further and stand up, then stumble toward the door. “I’m going out there now, Kristen, don’t you try to stop me!” he yelled pointing toward the tent entrance.

“No, John! You’re so weak, you’ll be hurt, please don’t go!” As much as she wanted to control his mind and make him love her, she was genuinely concerned about his safety. He was in no condition to walk around the jungle in the dark of night.

However, John was obviously determined to leave and he managed to stagger away from the tent, leaving her there alone. Kristen knew she could not let anything happen to him, so even though he clearly wanted nothing to do with her, she gathered her canteen, the small first aide kit and her flashlight. She followed him at a reasonable distance, planning to watch over him as best she could, forcing down the realization that he hated her now, and she’d lost him forever by pulling this last desperate stunt.

Chances Long Lost

John was laboring to stay upright as he clambered through the dense foliage on the dark jungle floor, flashlight in hand. As he felt himself needing to sit for a minute to steady himself and catch his breath, he heard a bloodcurdling scream. His first thought was, ‘Dammit, I *told* her not to follow me!.’

“HELP ME, JOHN!!” It was Kristen and she wasn’t faking the fear in her voice. She was in serious trouble and John scrambled through the plants and mud in the direction of the sounds, “Help me, I’m slipping, I’m going to fall, John!! HELP ME!!” she yelled in terrified tones.

Within moments, John was there at the edge of the cliff from which she was hanging and he reached out a trembling hand to her, but the drug was strong in his system and it made his muscles weak. That in addition to the aftereffects of the malaria attack left him so drained that he wasn’t at all sure he could pull her to safety. Kristen grasped his sweaty hand and tried to use her feet to help her climb, but every surface in this godforsaken place was wet and she slipped, her hand almost jerking out of his hold as well.

“Hold on, Kristen, hold on!” John said anxiously, trying to gather the strength to hoist her up. He felt the weakness encroaching and he couldn’t gain the leverage to accomplish the task. “I can’t hold on to you much longer, please try to climb again, put your feet against the edge, come on you can do it, Kristen!” he encouraged the obviously terrified woman. In spite of everything she had done, he didn’t want her to die. John remembered the similar episode on Smith Island where he saved her and the intensity of the love he felt for her then. ‘No, I won’t let her die, not like this,‘ he thought. Those memories were so close to the surface because of Kristen’s earlier efforts with the drug she gave him.

Kristen felt the strength draining out of her as the seconds passed and she could see that John just couldn’t pull her up because of his illness and the drug in his bloodstream. “I’m so sorry, John for everything…I…love you!” Kristen knew she was going to fall, so she told him how she felt one last time. “Goodbye John, I love you…..be happy.. be with Marlena.”

Her eyes met his once more as her hand began to disengage from his and she stared into his blue eyes. What she saw there was sorrow for her, and some faint glimpse of the love they once shared.

Fear jolted him into action as he tried to regain his hold on her and pull her up, but her hand slipped out of his grasp and she fell. “NO! NO! KRISTEN! OH GOD, NO!”

“BE HAPPY WITH MARLENNNNAAA!” she called as she plummeted to her death, their eyes meeting for agonizingly long seconds before she landed.

John shut his eyes, he couldn’t watch her hit the ground. He was angry with her and told her he despised her, but he had never wanted something like this to happen. “Oh God, I was so mad at her, but I.. didn’t want her to die! Why didn’t you help me save her, maybe….maybe.. she could have changed… she could have become a good person again. Oh, Kristen… I’m so sorry!” He knelt down at the edge of the cliff and shined the flashlight downward. Her body lay crumpled on the ground, broken and lifeless; she was dead, that was certain.

Tears gushed from his eyes, the drug had helped him remember the good times, the times when she was a kind, considerate person, the loving woman he had cared deeply for at one time. “Oh, God! I’m sorry I couldn’t save you, I’m sorry you felt you had to turn to evil to try and hold onto me….I didn’t want you to die, Kristen… I wanted you to change, DAMMIT!! Why didn’t you CHANGE?” he screamed in frustrated anguish. The pain of seeing someone he once loved die before his eyes, of not being able to save her, enveloped him and he knelt there, crying for a long while, immersed in those once happy memories and the sadness at the loss of the goodness she once possessed.

Time lost perspective and it seemed like only minutes had passed when he felt someone’s hand on his shoulder, “John…what’s wrong?” asked a soft voice he knew but couldn’t place immediately.

It was Hope and he looked up into her warm dark eyes and said, “It’s Kristen…she’s….dead.” Pointing the flashlight toward the body, he explained, “She fell down there… I tried to save her, but I… couldn’t.” The tears were still present and ready to fall at a moment’s notice.

Stefano came rushing over to the cliff’s edge; he was actually distraught signifying that there was some kind of love within his sick mind. “NO! NO! She can’t be dead, she’s….got to be alive, we have to go down and get her, John!”

Shaking his head, John stayed in the same position, sitting on his knees at the edge of the cliff as he made the man who was his enemy confront the awful truth, “She’s dead Stefano, she fell a long way… there was nothing I could do. We’ll have to get help to go down and get her…body. I’m sorry.”

Stefano was angry and he lashed out at his enemy, “No you’re not, you wanted her dead so you could have Marlena without her interference. You probably didn’t even try to help her at all, you probably let her go on purpose. It’s as if you killed her yourself!”

That stood him up and he contradicted the man, “No, that’s not true! I was angry at her and I…told her that, but I didn’t want her dead, I tried to save her, but I was too….weak from the malaria and the…drug…the drug *you* gave her, Stefano!” John stepped closer as the anger built inside him and he jabbed a finger in the man’s chest saying, “If anyone is responsible for her death, it’s you Dimera!”

Stefano’s hurt and anger flared and he stared fiercely into John’s eyes. “NEVER, she meant everything to me, I was trying to help her!”

“No…..you were being manipulative and serving your own needs as always.” John’s emotions about this were strong, since he remembered the kindness that once existed in Kristen. Staring down at the broken body, he said sadly as the tears trickled down his cheeks, “When I first.. met her, she was a good and caring person. She…loved those kids at the Horton Center and she.. helped them so much and when Marlena was… possessed she was right there helping me save her soul.”

John turned back to face his enemy and cried out bitterly, “Kristen was kind and loving and I fell in love with her….but you…you just couldn’t stay away from her…could you? When you weren’t around she could fight your evil ways, but you had to come back into her life. You played on her insecurities and her fears of being left alone, and you manipulated her into using YOUR methods to get what she wanted, so you could have Marlena!”

Stefano was in shock and therefore, didn’t defend himself, letting John express himself without interference. The anger was building to an explosive release as John shouted at the man, “You STOLE her goodness Old Man, just like you stole my memories!! She would be alive right now if it wasn’t for the drug you gave her so she could try to brainwash me!” Losing control of his emotions, John stepped forward and suddenly put his hands around the man’s neck, beginning to strangle him. “YOU KILLED HER!!” he screamed in bitter frustration for the fact that he couldn’t save her from death, or from her Old Man’s evil influences.

Hope had to intervene to stop him from choking Stefano to death. “John, stop it! You’re going to kill him, JOHN!!” She placed her hands on his and pried the fingers off the other mans’ neck. Finally, John seemed to calm slightly and come to his senses. He stared mournfully at them both and down at Kristen and then he sat down on a nearby rock and dropped his head in his hands, grieving in a way he hadn’t imagined he would. “I loved her…once,” he said with an array of indescribable emotions in that simple phrase. He wasn’t quite sure what he should feel or even what he *did* feel about that final loss.

Even Stefano could see the man’s sorrow and it moved him in ways he didn’t understand.. maybe because of sharing the same sentiment of regret. He stared at John’s slightly trembling body and then back down at his daughter’s lifeless form and he began to weep with grief. John was right…but he couldn’t let himself absorb that truth, not if he were ever to have what he wanted.

Suddenly, he erupted with the overwhelming emotion that was trying to surface, denying any wrongdoing where his daughter was concerned, “NO, I LOVED KRISTEN!” he shouted at the top of his lung capacity. “It was you, John… this is YOUR fault… If you hadn’t played with her feelings, telling her you loved her… when you were secretly in love with Marlena all that time…. she would be alive right now!! The man cried out in his agony of losing another child and then he walked away from the scene, not wanting to allow compassion or any kind of kindred spirit feeling touch his heart for John’s sadness. He would grieve alone and then he would continue to move forward with his plans.

Hope sat down next to John and placed her arms around him as a gesture of comfort. “John, I’m…sorry.”

Her friend looked up at her and asked her pleadingly, “You believe me, don’t you? I tried to save her, I felt so angry and betrayed by her for deceiving me, but I swear.. I didn’t want her to die!”

Hope nodded her support and then verbalized it as well, finding tears of empathy in her eyes, “Of course I believe you, John! I know that no matter how angry you were with her, you would never purposely let someone die.”

He was relieved for that much. “Thanks, Hope…that helps. I did….love her. Not like I love Marlena, but I did care for her, and I was going to make a life with her…before.” Sadness and anger overtook him and he poured out his feelings about it, “Oh, I’m just sick about this, Hope! I wanted her to change….to become.. the woman I fell in love with before that Monster got his hooks into her again! I HATE HIM!! He ruins everything he touches.. and he destroyed the person she once was; he took her goodness and it makes me SO…angry!! She shouldn’t have been the one to die. It should be HIM!!!” John yelled, pointing off in the direction Stefano had traveled.

Hope felt awful for her friend, and she agreed, looking down at the dead woman once more. “You’re right, Stefano has ruined so many people’s lives and Kristen was one of them. I’m sorry, John. I know this hurts, I know that you still cared about her in some ways and losing her is painful, especially when you had to watch her fall, not being able to save her.”

John nodded and then looked at her with an almost puzzled expression on his face. “Yea….it does.. hurt… more than I would have thought, to be honest. Don’t get me wrong, I love Marlena with everything I am and I always will, but…this just seems so….unfair!” The tears were forming again and his voice quivered as he shared his regrets, “I….wish I could have… helped her fight his evil influence, I wish she would have…. let me in. I would have helped her be strong, Hope and even though I know I would have eventually found my way back to Marlena, she was my friend and I would have helped her… I would have helped her….DAMMIT!!”

Hope leaned in to hold him… allowing him to grieve, knowing this was all necessary for her friend to be able to move on at some point. “I know you would have John, I know and I’m so sorry you didn’t get that chance.”

These two friends, who now shared love like a brother and sister, sat holding each other for a long time before heading back to their camp. John couldn’t think about the cure for the moment or where Stefano was. He was lost in the grief he felt. It was not just about the death of a woman he once loved. Her death represented all the lost chances, all the stolen time, all the potential for good in Kristen that was squelched by the evil manipulator they were traveling with. Not to mention all the pain and suffering that man had caused him and so many others. John was completely immersed in those losses and that pain, not able to attend to anything else for the time being.

Blame Shifting

Stefano Dimera was crying, nearly sobbing actually, at the loss of his adopted daughter. Losing her was so painful, seeing as how they had once shared a warm and loving father-daughter bond, but the strain related to winning the people they *loved* and hating the object of the other’s affections had damaged the relationship. He had some regrets about that and he wished she hadn’t insisted on coming to the jungle. “Dammit, Kristen, I told you not to come here, that this wasn’t the place for you, but you were so stubborn, so determined to be near John!” he cried out to the sudden eerie quiet stillness in the air, an unusual situation in the rainforest at night.

After thinking about what had happened to her over the years and especially in the past two, and not being able to accept the lion’s share of the responsibility for her death as John had stated, Stefano reasoned that John was the one to blame. Just as he had been when Tony died. Ultimately in Stefano’s mind, John had driven his son to commit suicide and frame John because he had stolen Kristen away. In this instance, Kristen wouldn’t have been on the trip in the first place or in the exact place where she died, if it weren’t for John and her concern for him. In Stefano’s deluded mind, John had taken two of his children from him and for that he had to pay. He would soon feel the loss of what he held most dear…Marlena and the opportunity to share his life with her and his children.

“Oh, my enemy, you have no idea what is in store for you, but you will suffer… as I have suffered the losses of my children because of you!” he said out loud. He was now firmly convinced that John was responsible for those deaths and no amount of rational reasoning would change his twisted mind. Stefano’s thinking processes were definitely warped and it didn’t take much for him to shift the blame off of himself, something he simply could not handle. If he accepted any of the responsibility for what happened to Kristen, it could cause him to confront the consequences of his behavior and the need to change, something he had no desire or ability to do. Though he was aware that he would grieve for quite some time to come, he decided he was ready to continue moving forward with his plans to have Marlena for himself and to play out the final battle with his moral enemy John Black. Stefano steeled himself against the pain of loss and set about solidifying his strategy.

John and Hope were slowly making their way back to the encampment. John was very quiet, upset and still feeling guilty about not being able to save Kristen. Hope honored the silence, praying he could snap out of it enough to concentrate on getting out of the jungle in one piece, since he was still sick. She remembered that he had been drugged and that the chemical might be affecting his emotions too. Maybe when the effects began to wear off a little, he would be less distracted and somewhat better equipped to control his feelings and therefore do what was required of him.

“John, are you going to be okay?” Hope asked as they reached the tent, her concern evident as she brushed him on the shoulder blade from behind.

He went right in and laid down on the sleeping bag, suddenly feeling totally exhausted by the day’s events. It took a long while before he responded to her query. “I don’t know, Hope.. I can’t believe… it’s all real, you know?” he said dully, a stunned expression on his face.

She was nodding her head, and said, “Yea… it’s pretty amazing how quickly things can change sometimes…isn’t it?”

It was so confusing and he wasn’t sure what to think. “Yea..A couple of hours ago she was in here trying to ..make me love her again, using a drug to remind me of the good times, before she started lying and hurting people. I was so… angry at her so.. disgusted with her actions and now… she’s dead! It’s all so strange and I don’t really know how I should feel about it. I just know I regret that she didn’t feel she could tell me what was happening early on, and I *hate* what that bastard did to her!” he finished, wishing he could have taken the man’s head off when he had the chance.

Sitting down next to him on the other sleeping bag, Hope said, “So do I, John.. I’m sorry she died but you need to let yourself off the hook for not being able to save her from Stefano or from death. You did what you could to help her. She made the choice to go along with him.” Hope paused as she searched her memory for clues to her past, and Stefano’s too. Then she said, “Stefano is so evil. I just wish I could remember what I have on him….it’s something big, I think.”

Suddenly, there was energy in his voice as he sat up and looked directly into her eyes, saying, “Hope, you promise me something; if you remember anything, anything at all, you come to me first. Don’t confront him directly, please promise me that!” John said intensely, grasping her hands briefly, as if to emphasize the point.

She was surprised by the vehemence of his request. Putting her hands up as if in defense, she agreed, “Okay, John take it easy, I promise you.”

He softened his tone, but not his words, “Hope he is *so* dangerous and if he thinks you’re getting close he won’t hesitate to take you…he’s slick and so clever, watch yourself.”

Nodding that she understood, she assured him of her intentions, “You’re right, John. Believe me, I will be careful.”

“Good, I’m glad,” he said ending that discussion. He was quiet again for a minute as he pulled out the picture he had brought of Marlena and the kids. John stared at it, feeling the aching sensation again and wondering how often she looked at the identical one he left with her.

Seeing the expression of longing she had seen on his face so many times before, Hope asked softly, “Thinking about Marlena?” She asked the question even before he pulled out the picture she had seen him look at every time they took a break from hiking.

“Yea…I miss her, Hope…so much! I really need her tonight.”

With a hand instinctively going to his shoulder, she tried to comfort him, “I know you do, John. I’m sorry you had to be separated again and that your wedding plans were spoiled.”

He sighed with frustration, remembering how very close they had come to exchanging vows. “Me too, Hope. I just want to get this cure and go home as fast as possible so Roman can get well and then we can be married. I definitely don’t like leaving Marlena to deal with everything. Taking care of Roman….this thing with Sami… it’s a lot to handle and she needs me to be there for her,” John asserted, an image of his lady love roaming the Dimera mansion late at night flashing in his brain.

“Well, you only did what you had to do, John.” After a pause she added some vital information, “You know, Stefano and I….we…” Hope stopped talking as she looked over at him, noticing he was not listening any more.

After a few more seconds had passed, John, who appeared worn out from the lingering effects of the drug and the malaria, started to drift off to sleep. Still trying to stay with her, but losing the battle with fatigue, he began to speak as he laid back down, “Hope, I…think I….need to just…lie down for a minute and I’ll be…ready to….” His voice trailed off and he seemed to be falling rather quickly into a much needed deep sleep.

Hope sat next to him for a moment longer and smiled at his boyish appearance as he rested. She covered him up with the light blanket and settled down into the other sleeping bag. ‘Oh, John I hope we can get out of this place safely with the cure, and then go home to Salem.‘ She and Stefano hadn’t been able to tell John what happened and she was just about to explain it when he faded out. They had to wait another day and try again. For some unknown reason, the cure had been moved to another building, the lab was in a different place than the last time Stefano’s people reported to him. With Kristen’s death they had been distracted enough that they didn’t tell him, he would be disappointed that they didn’t have it yet and needed to spend another day in the wilds, but glad to go after it himself rather than Hope. She was secretly pleased because it would give him something else to focus on besides the guilt for not saving Kristen and his renewed sense of rage toward Stefano; he had almost killed the man earlier in the evening. Maybe all three of them would have to retrieve the cure, it would certainly be safer for them that way.

Deep in the night, Stefano pulled out his walkie talkie, ‘the men ought to be in range by now,’ he thought. The unit squawked and he grabbed it quickly, “Yes…do you have everything finished?”

“Yes, sir Mr. Dimera, all your plans are proceeding smoothly. How are things on your end?” asked his man.

He had to force the pain out, he couldn’t allow it to interfere with his plans. His grief was a very private matter, not to be shared with underlings, so he lied, “Fine, except we’ve had a minor delay in getting the cure, but that should just give you extra time to make the arrangements at my compound. How is that part of it going?” he asked hoping it was all set up the way he wanted.

“It’s all progressing well, we are very close to having all the work completed. I assure you, it will be ready when you arrive, sir!” said the henchman enthusiastically.

“Good, good….then I’ll talk to you again in two days time.” As he put down the device, that wicked smile of triumph worked its way across his face. “You think you will figure out my plan, don’t you, John? You have no idea what I have in mind this time, you will be so surprised my…pawn… ha ha ha!”

Pressure From All Directions

Marlena continued to do her level best to maintain her calm facade around Roman and the children, but the pressure was getting to her. She missed John intensely and was so afraid for his safety and still worried about how he would ever be able to return home after what Stefano had done to cause him to be considered a fugitive from justice. Every day that passed made her heart ache with the need for him, and the strain of pretending she was unattached grew more difficult. Marlena sat in the bedroom staring at his picture once again, as she prepared for yet another lonely day without him, wondering if he were indeed safe from harm at the hands of Stefano Dimera.

The children were all in turmoil, Carrie and Austin were finally together, but Marlena sensed they had issues that had gone unresolved and had married too quickly after such a long time apart. Sami was bound and determined to have Austin and had told her she wasn’t quitting her attempts to take him away from Carrie, despite being publicly exposed. Eric was back and she didn’t know much about what was happening with him personally; she simply didn’t have enough emotional energy to pursue it right away. And on top of that, she felt guilty that Belle and Brady weren’t getting much of her attention because of everything else that was happening. They needed her too and she just didn’t have enough hours in the day or enough strength to handle all of it without someone being short changed.

And then there was Roman….he was still in love with her and she kept putting him off, but knew it wouldn’t work much longer. She felt horrible about the thought of breaking his heart, but at the same time, she hated lying to him. Turning to the heavens for assistance, she prayed earnestly, ‘Oh, God please guide me in this situation, I don’t want to hurt Roman by telling him that I am in love with John and plan to marry him, not when Roman is dying. Yet, I cannot continue to pretend John is only a friend, at least not for very much longer. Roman loves me, he wants me back. I care for him so much. I love him, but not in the way he wants…’ “Oh, what am I going to do?” she asked out loud, thinking of all of the problems in her own life and in the lives of the people she loved, and feeling exasperated and spent.

Roman knocked lightly and then entered her room at that very moment; hearing her despondent voice had concerned him. “Doc, please let me be there for you now. I know that life has been so stressful for you since I came back and then this whole situation with Sami, Austin and Carrie…. let’s depend on each other to get through it.” He attempted to hold her and he felt her stiffen slightly; she was resisting the comfort because he might misinterpret. “Doc, it’s okay, you don’t always have to be strong, let me help you.”

His voice was so warm and inviting and she felt so exhausted emotionally; finally she relented and relaxed into the embrace. “Oh, Roman, you’re right, there is so much happening and it’s overwhelming sometimes. Thank you for wanting to be strong for me too.”

He smiled and touched her cheek as he said, “You always did try to carry the weight of the world on those slender shoulders, let me share the load. I know I’ve been sick and weak, but I feel pretty good right now.”

“Oh, Roman, did I tell you how terrific you are, and how brave you’re being through all of this?” She was amazed at his positive attitude in spite of the fear he had to be feeling. Once again, she silently prayed that Stefano actually knew of a cure for Roman’s illness.

“Thank you, Marlena, I don’t want to dwell on what I can’t change, that’s all.” Wanting to focus on the positive things Roman changed the subject and said, “Doc, listen…what do you say to a nice lunch in the gardens? We could have Belle and Brady join us, they have to be missing John too and maybe spending some special time with you would help them feel better and boost your spirits as well.”

He was being so considerate and she was touched, her eyes sparkled at the thought of being with her little angels. “Oh, Roman that’s a wonderful idea, I know they’re having a hard time with me being so busy and John gone away. Thank you for thinking of them.”

Glad he could make her smile, he said, “Good, I’m glad you like the idea. I already talked to the cook about what to fix for us and the kids. I knew you’d say yes, Doc,” he said with the old familiar look of mischief.

The warmth of friendship had returned so quickly and she found it quite comforting. “Roman… it’s so good to see you smile like this too. I really missed you, you know that!” she said, thinking how true that was and wondering how she had ever convinced herself she was past any need for his presence in her life.

“I missed you too, Marlena. More than you can ever know. I’m so sorry about having left the way I did. I..dumped a lot of problems in your lap and now I want to do whatever I can to take my share of the responsibility.”

She didn’t want him taking on too much. As they headed slowly in the direction of the staircase, she said, “No, you just concentrate on getting well and then we’ll worry about the other problems in the family. Your health is my highest priority right now.”

Understanding her perspective, but not wanting to be viewed as a helpless invalid, he said, “Doc, listen to me, I’m going to do whatever I can to stay well and hope for that cure, but I’m not going to just sit around and do nothing when the family needs me. For as long as I’m here, I want to take an active role with Sami and Carrie and find out whatever is going on with Eric.. all of it.”

Marlena stopped short before they descended the stairs and asked worriedly, “Eric? What do you mean Roman? What makes you say something is going on with him?”

Slightly surprised that she hadn’t picked up on their son’s secrecy he said, “Haven’t you noticed that he won’t talk much about his time in Colorado, what he was doing, his friends, his interests, nothing. It concerns me, Doc.”

She sighed and then agreed, “Yes, I’ve noticed, I guess that there has been so much happening so quickly that I tried to put it in the back of my mind for awhile. It concerns me too.”

It was his turn to sigh with emotional weariness and then he made an abrupt change, wanting to lighten the mood. “I sure came back at an interesting time. One thing you can say about us, Doc…we sure aren’t any Ozzie and Harriet Nelson, now are we?”

She laughed heartily as she flashed on an image of herself in one of those old fashioned dresses, sitting in the living room, patiently waiting for Roman to return from the office in his suit and tie. “Oh, Roman you always did know how to make me laugh when I needed it. No, we aren’t quite the model family, but the love is there…. somewhere, underneath all the pain…isn’t it?” she asked hoping for another gem of a statement to help her feel better about their predicament.

Placing his arm around her again as they began to go down the stairs, he said, “It’s there, Doc. But, we just have to dig a little deeper to find it and work harder to nurture it again, especially for Sami.”

“Yes, I wish I could find a way to reach her Roman, to find that sweet girl I used to be so close to, what happened to her?”

They both knew the answer to that one, she had disappeared the night she saw Marlena having sex with John in a Titan Boardroom and hadn’t been sighted since. When they reached the foyer, there was an awkward silence as that pain was momentarily revisited yet again. Marlena walked away from Roman toward the living room, not wanting to rehash it again and not wanting to see any lingering pain in his eyes about her affair with John.

Roman came up behind her and tentatively reached out to put his arms around her. He had to make sure she knew he no longer held that against her, otherwise they would never have a chance to be together. Again, it took a moment for her to feel comfortable with the contact. “Marlena, I have told you that I don’t blame you for what happened. Sami made the choice to lie and manipulate, you two are not responsible for her actions. I have forgiven both you and John and I want us to put that whole ordeal out of our minds and concentrate on the future.” Somehow he found words coming out of his mouth before he had time to think about exactly what he would say, “Doc, I still love you and I want to share whatever time I have left with you. I think you have realized that by now, but I don’t know how you really feel about me.” Roman didn’t ask the question directly, but his intention was clear from his statement.

Inside, she panicked, ‘Oh, God….I’m not ready for this conversation, I’m not prepared, what do I say to him?‘ She kept her back turned for a few more seconds, then finally turned to him and said, “Roman…you know that I care about you, but it’s been so long, so much has happened, I don’t know how I really feel. Please don’t….press me, it’s too much for me to deal with right now.”

He could see she felt threatened, maybe he was moving too fast, but he didn’t have much time. Still, he had to honor her wishes, even if he never had her heart again. “All right, Marlena. I’m sorry, the last thing I want to do is make you feel any more pressure at this point, but I do love you…just as much as I did when we were married.”

Marlena smiled warmly and reached for his hand. Then, she said sincerely, “You make me feel special Roman and that means a lot to me, but I…can’t give you any answers right now.” She didn’t want to lie and she couldn’t yet find a way to break his heart with the truth while he was so sick. She prayed John would return soon with the cure and then when they knew he was strong enough, they would tell him about their love. “I’m sorry, I know that isn’t what you wanted to hear.”

Roman took a few steps away and looked out toward the beautiful array of colors that decorated the gardens, wondering how many more late summer days he would see, if he would live to see another summer. Then, he turned back toward her and admitted, “No, it isn’t, but at least it’s honest, Doc. I know I can trust you to tell me the truth about this and that’s all I have a right to ask of you. If everyone else could do that, Sami, Carrie, Austin, Lucas, Eric….they would all be a lot happier in the long run. You and I learned that lesson the hard way, didn’t we, Doc?”

Guilt stabbed her heart for hiding the whole truth from him, she wasn’t really lying, but she wasn’t really being honest as he said and she felt horrible about it. Marlena agreed with him in theory if not always in practice, “Yes, you’re right, Roman, the truth is….usually better, even if there is pain involved in learning it.” She prayed again that she and John had made the right decision in keeping the truth of their ongoing love relationship and marriage plans from him after learning of Kristen’s lie.

Not wanting to dwell on it any further she said as she prepared to leave him alone momentarily. “Well, I better go call the nanny and tell her to bring the children over here for our little…picnic. I’m really looking forward to that, thank you so much for suggesting it Roman.”

Recognizing her need for a change of subject in their discussion, he said, “You’re welcome, Doc. I just want to bring some smiles to brighten things up around here; there have been entirely too many tears and long faces since I came back. It’s time for some laughter, Marlena. Don’t you think?”

Amazed by his undaunted spirit, she agreed, “Yes I think you’re right, Roman. I plan to enjoy every minute with you and the kids today. I’m going to forget all about the problems for a few hours. Thank you again.”

Smiling at her, he said, “You are very welcome, my lady. I’d do just about anything to see you smile, Doc.” On that note she turned and went to make the call to the nanny. Roman watched her walk out of the room and said to himself, “Oh, Marlena I love you so much. What is it that keeps you holding back on your feelings for me, does someone else hold your heart, is it that too much has happened and we’ve changed too much? Or is it that you really love me, but are afraid to let it happen because I’m dying?’ There weren’t any answers to be found at the moment and as he tried to put the questions away, he had the strangest sensation that those weren’t the right ones to ask.

Night Sounds

John was jolted out of his exhausted slumber by the shrill sound of some animal’s cry. It was a noise he had never heard until he traveled to this Rainforest land. He reasoned that it was a howler monkey and tried to go back to sleep, where he didn’t have to dwell on Kristen’s death, wonder about Stefano’s grand scheme, wish he could be with Marlena, worry about her and Roman or about Hope, for that matter. However, after several attempts to fall back asleep, he found himself still wide awake and slowly crawled out of his sleeping bag and went outside the tent. He heard Stefano talking to someone and it sounded like he was making plans of some sort, but he couldn’t make out the words being said. John filed it away for future reference as the sounds faded away and were replaced by the cacophony of noises made by the creatures from the forest floor on up into the canopy. There were a few spots where he could see through the thick covering of tall trees to the stars in the night sky and he peered into the heavens and then began to pray.

“Dear God, I just want to ask that no matter what else happens out here, that you would watch over Marlena and Roman, Belle, Brady and all the other people I love back in Salem. Please keep them safe from harm at Stefano’s hands. Please, help me protect Hope from his evil as well; she seems bent on finding out about her past at Maison Blanche and I know how…shocking and devastating it may be to learn some of the things that have happened. I still don’t have most of my memories back and I know I might never regain them. Lord, I just don’t want Hope to suffer like I have, please watch over her too.”

As he concluded his prayer, he settled down on a large rock to listen to the symphony of nature; it was a glorious experience and he treasured it because he knew he might never have the opportunity to hear it again. He tried to make out which creatures made which sounds, the buzzing, the chirping, the howling….it was all so fascinating. The rainforest was teeming with life, so vital and active and it somehow gave him new energy to hear the sounds and be a part of the mix. He was more at peace with it now, rather than feeling like the jungle was only a foe to be conquered.

As much as he wanted to go home to Marlena, he felt good, he was living in the moment, something he didn’t often do, lately. It seemed that true happiness and security was forever just beyond his reach and it was a great struggle to appreciate each day as it came. He was always having to put something off or work through the pain of loss or having been deceived. His own wants and needs hidden, his dreams were going to happen someday…always someday, not now. Suddenly feeling the overwhelming aching sensation of wanting and waiting, John looked skyward again and cried out in his mind, ‘WHY? When will MY someday come?‘ He beseeched his Lord for the answer and he could have sworn there was a reply…”Soon, my son, soon.” John had the odd sense that there was much more pain and suffering ahead for him. He was also completely assured in his spirit that the coveted peace, safety and lasting happiness with the woman he loved with all of his heart and soul would come to him eventually.

Hope heard noises as well and pointed the flashlight in the direction of John’s sleeping bag. When she didn’t see him there, she became concerned and called out to him, “John?”

“I’m out here, Hope. Everything’s fine, go back to sleep,” John said reassuringly.

Hope decided to go on out and see how he was doing for herself. As she placed a hand on his back, she asked, “Hey, you…how are you doing with everything, how are you feeling?” She wondered if he was physically allright and if he were thinking of Marlena and the kids, dwelling on Kristen’s death or what Stefano’s plans might be. When he didn’t respond she nudged him slightly and said, “What are you thinking about, John?”

He realized that she had spoken to him and he hadn’t responded, “Oh, hi, sorry about that, guess I have a lot on mind. “

“Like…” she stopped, hoping he would take it as a jumping off point.

John chuckled at her obvious intentions as he turned toward her slightly. “Like…we should be sleeping so we have the energy to deal with the Old Man’s anger about Kristen… tomorrow.” He was silent again, wishing the distress away and then decided to tell her, “No, really, I was just wondering… when I might actually have the chance to be…truly happy for a change.”

She knew exactly what he meant. Leaning on the same rock where he sat, Hope frowned and said, “Oh, boy do I know how that feels, John. Every time I thought Bo and I had made some progress and we were going to reconcile and become a family, wham…something happened and we were torn apart again.”

John nodded, considering it further, then said, “Yep…same here. Doc and I, we…had these…moments, you know, when I think we were both trying to let each other know that we still loved each other, and each time some circumstance or person came between us to keep it from happening. When I think of all the years we were kept apart and then we finally had the chance to be together, Hope…” Using a sweeping motion with his hand as he finished he said, “We were so close…..right there at the church and boom we were blindsided again! When I let myself dwell on it, I feel so….angry sometimes!”

Hope sighed in commiseration, “That’s exactly how I felt when my wedding to Bo was ruined, we were so close to having our dreams come true that day….” She shook her head and turned away as tears came rushing to flood her eyes. It made her mad because she had sworn to herself that there would be no more tears for Bo Brady. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to get emotional on you.”

John could see how upset she was and he felt terrible for her; he remembered how shaken up Marlena was on that day and realized now that she was crying because she knew he had been deceived and she was being kept from him by Kristen. John responded with warmth and understanding in his voice as he gently took Hope in his arms. “Hey, it’s okay….listen to me, Hope, I know you’re hurting right now and you think Bo doesn’t love you anymore. Let me tell you something. I was..aching inside for all those years, thinking that Marlena and I would never share love again, that she didn’t love me in that way anymore and here we are more than five years after Roman returned, still in love with a real chance to be together.” Staring into her eyes to make sure she heard him and absorbed his words, he said with passion, “Don’t give up on Bo! Hope there is always a chance for love, Marlena and I are living proof of that!”

She wanted to believe him and he was right, John and Marlena did seem to have lost each other and had beaten some incredible odds to finally reach the point where they could freely admit to their ongoing love. “Oh, John thank you for the encouragement, you can’t know how much I want to believe that’s true! I’ll try….I still love Bo, so much, John and it hurts to think he has given up on us.” She felt close enough to John now that she could be completely open with him, “I hoped and prayed for so long that he would come back to me and then after I heard about the undercover operation, I went to Rome to tell him I still loved him and… I saw him in a hotel room with Billie. It looked like they were about to make love, John and that’s when I felt it was over for me. I turned him away when he returned to Salem.”

Taken aback by that revelation, John said sympathetically, “I didn’t know Hope, I’m…sorry you had to see that, but did you ever talk with him about what you saw, give him a chance to explain it? Maybe it wasn’t exactly what it looked like. I have learned the hard way that….things are not always as they seem. Kristen… had me completely fooled.” Just saying that phrase took him back down an emotional path he didn’t want to travel.

“No, I didn’t and I think I will talk to him when we get back to Salem. I owe it to myself to do that as well as Bo. I could have missed something, he did seem genuine when he came to me after that, acting as if nothing happened with Billie other than the pretense of the undercover operation. He has never lied to me about something like that before. Thanks for helping me to see it from a different perspective, John.”

John was quiet now….lost in thought again and he had to jar himself to pay attention. “I’m sorry, Hope my mind wandered there for a minute. So, you’re going to give Bo a chance to explain his actions with Billie in Rome?”

“Yes, I am, John thanks to you. Now, about you. Tell me where you drifted off to just now, my friend.”

Not wanting to dwell on how he really felt about what the woman had done to him, he tried to pass it off, “Oh, never mind, Hope it doesn’t matter anymore. It’s all in the past and I need to let it go.”

She could see that it was bothering him and guessed correctly. “Everything that happened with Kristen is still upsetting you isn’t it? John, it’s okay.. you can talk about it with me, you just helped me. Let me return the favor, John, please?”

Sighing wearily, he answered truthfully, admitting to her what he hadn’t expressed to anyone. The words seemed to explode out of his mouth, “All right, yes…I’m having a…tough time making sense of it all. I was about to commit my life to her in front of all our friends…then she was exposed. I never really had the chance to figure out how I felt about her betrayal, other than angry and shocked about the baby not being mine. Almost immediately, Marlena and I admitted our love and got back together and then boom Roman came home. It all happened so fast and my head is…spinning. Now, Kristen is dead because I couldn’t save her, Roman is dying, he’s still in love with Marlena and I’m afraid he’ll try to win her heart if he gets well, and to top if off, I just broke my worst enemy out of jail. So, I’m out here in the jungle searching for some supposed cure… joining forces with a man I hate with all my guts. I don’t know what to think or how to feel. To tell you the truth, I’m confused as hell! The only thing I know for sure is that I love Doc and I don’t want Roman to die.”

It was overwhelming even to hear him discuss it and all she could think of to say was, “Wow, that is a lot to deal with, isn’t it?”

“Yep….you could say that, Hope.” In spite of the man’s obvious distress, a smile started to creep slowly across his face and he said, “You know, if you were looking at it from the outside you might think it was kind of funny how so much has happened in such a short period of time.” He paused for a moment, thinking….”It is kinda funny, isn’t it?” he asked as he turned to Hope for a response.

She couldn’t help it, he had started to laugh slightly and it made her giggle and before she knew it they were both laughing so hard that tears came out of their eyes. It was late and they were exhausted and therefore, slap happy. They were doubling over with laughter; John and Hope embraced to hold themselves upright and each pleaded with the other to stop the giggling, but neither could accomplish the task. Finally, they made their way back into the tent and collapsed onto their sleeping bags, still laughing and feeling totally spent.

After a few minutes, Hope caught her breath and asked him the question on both their minds, “John, why are we laughing?”

“Uh.. I was hoping you could tell me, Hope.” Picturing the woman he loved in her best professional mode, he said, “Well, if Marlena were here she’d give us some complex psychological explanation about how we’re under incredible stress and wondering if we’ll ever see the people we love. So the release of tension is important for our emotional survival…etc etc…”

“Uh… how about because it’s better than crying?” she asked in the form of a question, smiling at his imitation of Marlena’s psychiatrist lingo.

Nodding in agreement he said, “That has to be it…yep.. that must be the answer.” After a few minutes of contemplative silence, he said, “Goodnight Hope, I’m think I’m ready to fall asleep again.”

“Goodnight, John….thanks for talking things out, it helped.”

“Same here, I..think and the laughter felt great. I didn’t realize how much I really needed that. Sweet dreams.”

Both of them were amazed at how close they were becoming. Their relationship was safe and warm, there were no romantic undercurrents and they could be completely honest in talking about the people they loved and give support and encouragement. It was a nice addition to their lives. As they settled down into much needed slumber, John and Hope were both beginning to recognize that they were forever changed by sharing this often intense experience and by discussing their common history with Stefano as well.

Children Hurt Too

Belle and Brady were thrilled at the chance to see their Mommy again, she had been so busy since…uncle Roman came home. It was all very confusing to them because they thought he had gone away forever. Adult things sure did seem complicated; they hadn’t seen much of Mommy or Daddy since that man returned and they didn’t understand why that was.

Within a half an hour after the call came in from Marlena, they were ready and raring to go see their Mommy at the big house where Daddy used to live with Kristen. The children didn’t understand that very well either. One day, Daddy said he loved her and was supposed to marry Kristen, even while their mommy was gone away. Then there was a big party at the Mansion, but the next day he seemed sad or angry whenever they said her name and he didn’t want to talk about her. He said he only loved their Mommy. Soon after that, their parents were supposed to be getting married and that didn’t happen either, so they felt quite unsettled and insecure. John had done his best to explain it all, but found it too upsetting and just told them he and their mother would always be there for them and that they would understand it when they were bigger. They were waiting rather impatiently for that day to come.

In addition to that confusion, their Daddy had suddenly disappeared and Brady had heard some very negative comments about him at his preschool. He overheard some parents and teachers say that John Black committed a terrible crime and helped a very bad man to escape from jail. They heard, “Poor Marlena, she must be devastated to think he ran off with that…madman and his daughter when he was supposed to marry her…such a shame, and I thought he was one of the good ones,” and other similar comments. It was all very upsetting and hard for Both Brady and Belle to comprehend and together they had decided to ask their mother some questions when they saw her later that day.

“Brady, do you think our Daddy did those bad things you heard Billy’s mommy say at school?” asked Belle as she searched for her favorite doll to take with her.

His son was emphatic in his defense of his father, “NO! My Daddy is a hero, he’s the best Daddy in the whole wide world and he doesn’t do bad things like that!”

“But how’s come all the kids and mommies say he did?” his little sister asked, feeling confused.

He was puzzled about that, but still believed steadfastly in his father’s innocence. “Well, do you remember when Daddy told us about those… commercials on TV? He said, you can’t believe everything you see. Billy’s mommy said she heard that bad stuff about Daddy on the radio and I think it’s a big fat lie!”

“Yea, you’re right, Brady! Our Daddy is a good guy!” said Belle, feeling a little more confident about the situation.

“Mommy will know the truth…let’s ask her when we have our picnic,” said Brady, wanting to be reassured. He was searching for some of his favorite books and matchbox cars as he spoke of their mother. “Darn, I can’t find my blue car, that’s the one Daddy got right before he went away, it’s my favorite one now,” he muttered.

Belle agreed with what her brother said about her mother enthusiastically, “Yea, Mommy knows everything!” Belle was thoughtful again and she asked, “Brady…what did Daddy say when you asked how come he doesn’t like Kwisten anymore?”

Brady shook his head, not really understanding that either, “He looked kinda sad when I asked him, so I think she hurt his feelings real bad. I don’t understand about that. He always says we need to forgive people when they hurt our feelings. But, when I asked how come he didn’t forgive Kristen he said it was really hard sometimes. Then, he said he had something in his eye, but I don’t think he really did. I think it was some tears, but I didn’t say anything, I just gave him a big hug.”

Belle had observed the same and agreed, saying, “I know, he seemed kinda sad sometimes even after he and Mommy said they really loved each other all the time.”

Brady went on, “He tried to tell me some more things like how come there wasn’t a wedding, but I think he was too sad. Then he said he would explain it again when I’m bigger and then I’ll understand.”

Exasperatedly, Belle said, “That’s what they always say, I wonder when we’ll be bigger.”

Shrugging his shoulders, her slightly older brother replied uncertainly, “I don’t know, but I sure hope it’s soon.”

“Me too,” she said sighing with weariness. “I sure miss Daddy since he went away, and Mommy seems so sad and tired, and she’s so busy with uncle Roman all the time.”

“I miss Daddy a whole lot too, Belle. I asked Mommy about being sad and she said she missed Daddy a whole bunch, but she promised that he would come home real soon.”

“I hope so, Brady. I want to have wedding real bad, cause that means we’ll be a real family… and I get to be the flower girl this time. Mommy said she thinks I’m getting big enough now.”

Brady was smiling… “Yea, and I get to carry the ring pillow… whatever that is.. I can’t wait!” he exclaimed excitedly.

Before they knew it, Chelsea was ready to go and they had to scramble to pick out a few toys to take with them to the Mansion. Just going to that big house was strange because they overheard a conversation one night when their parents said they would never go back there again. But now their Mommy was staying there with uncle Roman. As they discussed that turn of events, Brady sighed shared an observation, “Big people sure do change their minds a lot, don’t they?”

Belle giggled and said with a shrug, “Yep, they sure do. Hey, maybe when we’re bigger, we’ll understand that too.” Brady only smiled at her in response… there sure was a lot to learn about being a grown up.

It wasn’t a long ride, but they were eager to see their mother, so they jumped down out of the car as soon as their car seat buckles were undone. Marlena was waiting by the door and they both ran into her arms, squealing with delight to be held by her again. “Mommy!!” they called out with glee at first glimpse.

“Oh boy… I missed you two so much!” she replied, happily giving them each another tight squeeze. “I’m so glad we get to have a picnic together today!”

“So are we, Momma… But where’s Daddy? We miss him so much too, and you said he would come home soon. But it seems like a long time to us, ” said Brady, hoping for a positive answer.

Marlena had to work hard to hide the pain and fear she felt about John being away and she said, “Well, I miss Daddy too, but I’m hoping he’ll be home in a few more days. Now, let’s go on inside and get…uncle Roman and then go out in the gardens.”

Belle decided to start asking questions right away and asked, “Mommy, how come you live here now? I heard you and Daddy say you never wanted to put your foot in there again.”

Again, it was a strain to maintain her composure as the statement reminded her of being locked in the secret room and the evil perpetrated by Kristen to keep John and Marlena apart. She answered as calmly as possible, “Well, I’m staying here to take care of uncle Roman, he is pretty sick and I need to help him, and this is a good place to take care of him.”

That seemed to satisfy her child for the moment. “Oh, okay,” said Belle, and then she skipped on into the house.

Brady lingered and asked the burning question on his mind, “Mommy, I heard some kids at school and my friend’s mommy say that Daddy did a very bad thing… Did he do a crime and help that bad man get out of jail?”

She was overcome with emotion, Stefano’s treachery had touched their children and caused them to question their father’s basic goodness. Fighting back tears, she said, “Oh sweety, Daddy went off to another country to find some medicine for Uncle Roman. The only person who knows where to find the medicine is a man who did some very bad things. So, yes Daddy helped him, but only so he could help Roman get better. Can you try to understand?”

“So…my Daddy is still a good guy?” he asked feeling more hopeful about the situation.

She nodded and pulled the boy into a firm embrace. Passionately she said, “Oh, yes, your Daddy is definitely still a good guy, Brady. He’s a hero to me.”

Brady grinned widely, feeling reassured and he said, “He’s my hero too, and he always will be, Momma! Okay, let’s go have a picnic now!” said the boy, heading toward the house, ready to change gears.

An hour later after having eaten, Roman and Marlena were sitting quietly, and watching the kids kick a soccer ball back and forth. Roman looked over at them and then at Marlena and said, “They’re beautiful, Doc. You’ve done an incredible job with them. Belle is…so beautiful, she looks just like you.”

“Oh, you just keep paying me those compliments. She paused and said proudly while looking at her little angel, “She is pretty isn’t she?”

“Yes, and she’s a delightful child as well. I’m sure you have a lot to do with that.”

Thinking of John’s love for the children and wishing he was with her now, she said, “It’s not just me, John is so…..wonderful with her, with both of them actually, they adore him and he’s the one who handles it when they get out of hand. You should see him with them, he….” She stopped mid-sentence, realizing she was gushing over him and that it might upset Roman. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to….make you feel bad, it’s just…”

He cut her off, saying softly, “It’s okay, Doc. You can talk about John as a father, I know he loves the kids and he’s obviously been very involved with you in trying to help them feel like you’re a family even though you weren’t together. I respect him for that, I should have stayed here, I should have been involved with our kids like John has been with his.”

“Oh, Roman, I didn’t mean to make you feel bad about that, I hate to see you being so hard on yourself.”

“Doc, it’s time I faced facts. You and John..stayed, you took whatever….fallout there was, you both faced that and you took responsibility and you raised Belle together. I admire your strength and courage. I should have stayed too and tried to work things out, but I ran away and the truth is the kids suffered because of it and so did you, I’m so sorry.”

She realized that dwelling on their mistakes was getting them nowhere so she said, “It’s okay, we both made mistakes, we were both hurt, but it’s over now. We need to let go of the past and deal with what is happening now. We need to reach Sami and be there for Carrie and Eric.”

He nodded, “You’re right, Doc. It’s time to look forward and I want to look forward with you. I hope that one day soon, you’ll think of a future with me as well. I won’t pressure you in any way, I understand that this has all been a shock and now that I’m dying, it’s hard to make sense of your feelings.” Looking right into Marlena’s eyes, searching for a trace of the love he felt, he said, “But, I want you to know that if and when the time comes that you do want to…try again with me and I’m still around, I’ll be ready. My love for you will never change, Marlena.”

Overcome by the depth of feeling he displayed, she didn’t know what to say. She did care for him and wanted him to be happy, but she had moved on from the romantic, married love she felt for him. John had her heart and soul and she didn’t think that would ever change. During all the years apart, her love for John and their deep bond was still there, growing inside of them both. She took his hand and said tenderly, “Oh, Roman…I’m sorry I can’t say what you want to hear right now, but I just can’t make any promises. Please try to understand.”

Two little faces suddenly appeared behind them and Brady said innocently, “Mommy made a promise to my Daddy… they’re getting married one day soon and I get to be the ring bearer!”

Belle chimed in too, wanting to share in the excitement, “And I get to be the flower girl!”

The next moment was agonizing and seemed to last an eternity. Roman tried to hide the shock and disappointment, the anger and sense of betrayal that came from being lied to once again, but he couldn’t. He stood up, stared mournfully into her sorrowful face, and then walked away without saying a word.

Lies Always Hurt

Roman walked away from Marlena and the children, feeling utter agony and asking questions only she could answer, but he couldn’t handle talking to her now. He was too hurt and angry to speak rationally with her at the moment. Roman looked around the garden that only moments before seemed alive and vibrant, filled with color and light now it seemed dark and desolate, the clouds passing overhead obscuring the sun, the same darkness invading his soul. He called out in his pain, ‘WHY? Why did she lie to me? How could she do that to me? She made a damn fool out of me, again!!‘

Marlena sat in the wrought iron patio chair in total shock and the kids wondered what they had said that was so terribly wrong. It was obvious that both adults were very upset, but they didn’t understand the reason. After exchanging questioning glances between them, only Brady was brave enough to ask, “Mommy, what did we say wrong?”

She had to labor not to break down in tears right there in front of them, “Oh sweety, you didn’t say anything wrong at all. You are right, I did make a promise to marry your Daddy, and one day I hope to have the chance to keep it. I love Daddy very much. Could you give me a minute to see if Roman is okay, I think he’s feeling sick right now.” Standing up, she had to hold on to the table to steady herself, feeling a sudden chill in her heart. Redirecting her attention, she said, “Let me take you inside and you can play with your toys, okay?” as she took a few steps toward the house.

“Okay Mommy,” said Belle, sensing there was more to it, but not questioning her mother’s words. “I hope uncle Roman is okay.”

“Me too, tell him we hope he feels better soon and that Daddy will bring that medicine home to him,” said Brady trying to lighten the mood.

She smiled weakly, wishing so much that she could go back to such innocence. “I will, thank you so much, ” she said as she guided them into the living room. After alerting the maid staff, she went out to look for Roman, whom she reasoned was probably close by. Feeling great trepidation about what was to follow she prayed. “Oh God, give me the right words to say and give me the strength to take whatever he throws at me,” she asked the Lord, believing the situation would stir the old emotions.

She searched somewhat frantically for several minutes before she found him staring down at the water of the fountain that was installed recently in another section of the gardens. Marlena approached him very slowly and when she stood about ten feet away, she asked hesitantly, “Do you want to talk right now or do you need some time?”

He reacted instantly to that word, “Time! I don’t have time, Doc! I’m dying, remember?” He said it sounding angry and bitter. She winced at his tone, this was going to be a very rough conversation.

“I’m…sorry, Roman,” she said, wishing there were more meaningful words she could invent for how awful she felt about what had just happened, for the way he learned the truth from which she had struggled so vainly to protect him.

His anger flared as the pain from the past came rushing back in full force. He turned to her and shouted, “Sorry! Great, you’re sorry and that makes everything all right! You were sorry four years ago too, and our family was laid waste, Marlena. Sorry just isn’t good enough!”

She felt ashamed of herself for lying to him again and hurt by his words and bitter tone; her pain from that time came racing back to her heart as well. Marlena knew beyond all doubt now that they had made the wrong decision. With a forced calm tone, she said, “I know it isn’t, but I would like a chance to explain, if you’ll give me one. Can you do that without attacking me, Roman?” she asked as she took a hesitant step toward his tense form, seeing the muscles in his face go tight with anger, then relax infinitesimally.

He agonized and then nodded, this time, not looking at her. Thinking he could do so, he said, “Okay, why?” Then, all of a sudden when he turned to look at her, the emotions from the past mixed with the new pain of betrayal and loss and he exploded on her. “Sure, go ahead and tell me, Marlena! Tell me why you let me go on and on about how I still loved you, how I wanted a future with you and all along you were planning to marry John! Explain to me why you let me make a fool out of myself by telling you and everyone else how much I still loved you!” He was so hurt and angry and it felt like four years ago all over again.

Marlena stood there near tears in the face of his tirade, knowing she deserved it all and so did John. John….she wished so much for the strength of his arms around her, his deep protective voice there to defend her pure motives, but that could not be… She had to force down the fear of not ever having those arms around her, to pay attention to the man she had once loved in nearly the same way. She was here in Salem and it had to be her that faced the fiery emotion that burst forth from being lied to once more by the person Roman had once trusted with all his heart and soul.

“And…John pretending to be with Kristen, to be happily married to her and all the while he was loving YOU, planning to marry YOU!” His anger took over and he said something he regretted as soon as the words left his lips, “So tell me, Doc, did you sleep together behind her back too, playing us both for fools?”

That accusation crushed her. “Oh, Roman..” She couldn’t take this bitter vindictiveness without a chance to explain. His words brought tears to her eyes and she turned around to leave the area.

Roman came to his senses in the nick of time and apologized, saying, “I’m sorry, that was uncalled for, it was wrong, Doc.” He approached her, putting a trembling hand near her shoulder, then instantly removed it as he flashed on an image of John’s hand on that spot, on every part of her naked body. He shook his head to clear it of that vision and his heart of the bitter anger that seemed to have returned to him as if it had never left. Roman fought those feelings back so that he could hear her out, and after agonizing seconds, he said softly, “Forgive me and tell me…what happened…..please.”

Calming down slightly, she wiped the tears away with the back of her hands and turned toward him saying sorrowfully, “Roman, we never meant to hurt you. Kristen set it all in motion when she lied to you about being happily married to John.” Suddenly, the frustration of having to pretend all this time took over and the words tumbled out quickly. “Roman, she….deceived John into marriage, she faked a pregnancy, all sorts of things that hurt him very deeply and kept John and I apart for well over a year, even going so far as to lock me in a secret room so Stefano could come after me. Just before you came home, she was exposed for the lying, manipulator that she is and John and I got back together. The day she brought you back, it was….our wedding day, she did it on purpose to stop the ceremony. Kristen still wants to break us up.”

It was a lot to take in, Marlena didn’t love him and hadn’t for years. She loved John, his friend, now once again his…rival for her affections and Kristen was a lying, evil schemer just like her father and he hadn’t sensed it at all. “Woah, Doc.. that’s a lot to handle. I can’t believe all that! She seemed so…different, she was good once, what happened to her?”

“I don’t know, Roman, but she is capable of anything as evil as Stefano ever did. She is completely deluded into thinking she can make John love her again. That’s why she went on the trip, to try to get him back.”

The shock of that truth was pushed down for the moment and the anger about Marlena and John lying returned swiftly. “Well, Doc that explains how it started, now tell me why you and John went along with it! That was quite awhile ago. You let me gush over you, telling you how I still loved you and wanted a future with you! How could you do that to me, Marlena? I feel like such a fool!”

She felt really horrible about it and tried to make him understand as best she could. “Roman, you were so sick and we didn’t want to cause you any more pain, so once we learned what she had told you, we decided that the best thing to do was to go along with her lie. I’m very sorry and now I can see we made the wrong choice, but we did it to protect you. Can you please forgive us?”

A part of him wanted to forgive her, but another part was so… angry, and was powerfully reminded of the original wounds which seemed to have been ripped wide open. The scars that had healed and all but disappeared over time, returned as if never gone, in the moment the children made their innocent comments about the wedding plans between John and Marlena. He sighed with weariness that went all the way to his soul, trying to temper his reaction but he couldn’t. “Marlena… I am deeply hurt by this, I came home and I had forgiven you and John for the affair, for…deceiving me, for betraying my trust…. all of it and now… it happens again. You both lied to me, pretended not to be in love, not to care in that way anymore and again you were loving each other behind my back, while I was completely open about my feelings for you. With an agonized stare that pierced her heart he asked, “Do you have any idea how much that hurts me, how ANGRY and betrayed I feel?”

She could see that the old pain was still there inside him, he had forgiven them, but this betrayal threatened the permanence of that act. “Oh, Roman, I am so sorry, I didn’t mean for this to happen.I was going to tell you when you were stronger, when they found the cure.”

Roman was incredulous, “Doc, you didn’t know when or if that would happen. You mean to tell me you were prepared to keep up this….charade until I died?” Sarcastically, he carried the scenario out to its most ridiculous conclusion, “What… would you have pretended to love me again, maybe even made love to me and married me! Just how far were you prepared to go to…protect me?”

That took her by surprise, she hadn’t really taken it that far in her mind, what would she have done if there hadn’t been a cure… “I… don’t know Roman, I….just…didn’t want you to…give up hope and I thought that if….”

Roman cut her off, she obviously hadn’t thoroughly considered all the ramifications. “Marlena, I am so…deeply disappointed in you. I thought after what happened before, the very least I could expect from you was honesty.” He was overwhelmed as the pain from the past and the present intermingled to completely crush his heart, “I need to be alone, go please…just go!”

“Roman…please… I…”

The anger went out of control as the vision of her making love with John flashed repeatedly in his mind. He shouted at her, “No, you mean WE….WE never meant to hurt you, WE only wanted to protect you! It’s all about you and John and your guilt, not about me!” He stopped and then with barely contained rage, he said through clenched teeth, “Just leave me alone, Marlena!!” Roman turned completely away from her, hoping she would go.

Realizing he needed time to work it out and make a decision about whether he could forgive them again, she turned to leave as he requested. She whispered one last apology, “I’m sorry, Roman, so very sorry that we hurt you again.” His back was turned, she could not see his face, but knew how much he was hurting as she too remembered the past. Images of the agony in his eyes came to mind, the pain evident in his whole body when he learned about the affair on the day of the christening and the day he found out that Belle was John’s child and not his. She would have given almost anything to have spared him that pain four years ago and now….she had done it again. Marlena knew beyond any question that a concept she once highly espoused had come back to haunt her. Lies always hurt.

If Only in My Dreams

He was standing, relaxing leisurely under the magnificent waterfall, the cool water cascading over the cliff and showering him with its sparkling purity. John was so exhausted, every muscle in his body ached from the strenuous hiking, the fall he had taken and the bouts with malaria. Just being in the cleansing coolness of the water felt glorious. The only missing piece for a perfect moment was Marlena, his great love, the one he was doing all of it for in the first place, her and…Roman, of course. He had heard her say she would give her own life if she could save Roman. That was the clincher, he knew in his heart the instant he heard those words leave her lips that he would help his enemy escape from jail and go in search for the cure. “Oh, Doc,” he said mournfully as he leaned his head back to let the water pour down over his now slightly longer hair. “I miss you so much… I wish we were together..”

His thoughts shifted to images of the two of them together, the way only they could love and touch. She was stunningly beautiful, wearing nothing at all, her hair soaking wet, water droplets on her skin glistening in the sunlight that miraculously appeared through a small opening in the canopy, her soft creamy white skin next to his….“Oh, how I wish you were real,” he said wistfully as he concentrated on her image, “but I know this is just a daydream. Soon, my love, I will return to you and then we’ll never be separated again, I swear it!” he said, trying to convince himself that was true.

As he shook his head to clear it of the vision that both delighted him and left him with an aching sensation of longing in his heart, he felt two warm hands touch his back and two slender arms slip effortlessly around his waist. He turned to greet a pair of soft sensuous lips meeting his and tongues began exploring the recesses of their mouths, making them both moan with swiftly rising desire. He pulled out of the embrace momentarily to look into her glowing love filled eyes, making sure it was real. She beamed at him, that brilliant, heartmelting smile that captivated him completely. “You’re real!” he said incredulously as he ran his fingers through her wet hair. “You’re really here with me!” he exclaimed with joy, as he gently cupped her slightly flushed face between his hands. “Oh, Marlena…” he caressed her name and began to love her, his hands gliding smoothly over every inch of her slender, shapely curves. He touched her so tenderly, almost worshipfully and felt his own desire building quickly into a burning flame.

She moaned his name in return, “John…I missed you so much, I couldn’t bear to be apart any longer, I had to find you and be with you. Are you angry with me for coming here?”

He shook his head as he took her mouth to answer her question, it was a kiss that began with the slow movement of his tongue tracing the edges of her lips…again they both let out the low sounds of love in the making. Then he sucked on her lower lip, almost too hard, and that seemed to stoke the fire…then his tongue slipped deep within and she felt him take control. His hands began to softly massage her breasts as his tongue worked its magic and she began to squirm with the sensation of warmth between her legs. She responded by pressing her body closer, wanting the pressure of his body on hers. Her hands explored his backside first and then moved lower, then on around to the front and she felt the strength of his response as he too moaned, “Oh… Marlena…oh…I want you so much, I’m so glad you’re here with me, that this isn’t just another dream.” Their bodies moved instinctively in rhythm with each other and they felt the flames of passion growing quickly into a roaring fire, threatening to engulf them completely and it was wondrous, neither wanting to end.

Marlena led him to a spot where they could lie down as if she knew the area well, he briefly wondered about that, but didn’t question it, he was only able to focus on his bodily sensations at the moment. She was on top of him as they slowly leaned back onto the smooth rock behind John. Marlena seemed to want to take control and he was so mesmerized by her beauty and her touch that he allowed it, lying back submissively as she began to arouse him again. She ran her fingertips up and down the entire surface of his chest and then with one hand massaged him intimately, while leaning in for a series of tantalizing kisses, leaving him breathing hard, pleading for more. Again, he moaned, feeling out of control with desire for her as he tried to sit up slightly and pull her body closer to his, but she laid on top of him, forcing him to stay down. She moved her body rhythmically up and down over his lean muscular frame, making him crazy with desire for her, “I love you, John…only you for the rest of our lives,” she whispered softly, her breath in his ears causing him to shiver with delight. All I want is to be with you this way….always…John… always.”

“I love you too, Doc oh…I want you so much!” he said lustfully. As he made a move to roll her over and take her to the edge of ecstasy as he was, he felt her fading away…. the heated contact of their bodies… slowly cooling, disappearing into the darkness. Half awake, he called out to her, “No….don’t go, Doc… don’t go, I need you!” The sound of his own voice woke him fully. The images were vivid in his mind, it seemed so real and his breathing was still labored, as if he had actually been making love. With nearly profound disappointment he said, ‘Oh, it *was* just another dream… Oh, Marlena, I love you and I need you so much, I pray it’s not too much longer before we’re together like that again,’ he said in his mind, as he laid back down and tried to get her off his mind, just so it didn’t hurt so badly to be separated. He wasn’t successful in that quest, she hadn’t left his thoughts for any significant period of time as long as he’d known her. Whether together in love or not, Marlena was the one constant in his life, always there in his heart and soul, forever ingrained in the innermost parts of his being. If he were being completely honest he would admit that she was fundamental to his existence.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She was sitting in the bedroom in the dark mansion where she was staying for the time being, staring at his picture and thinking of their last time together before he left for parts unknown. John was so handsome and sexy, so romantic, serving her dinner by candlelight. There was champagne and caviar, fresh flowers, and of course strawberries and whipped cream. Marlena lost herself in the vision of that evening; they had shared their hopes and dreams and then shared their bodies in the intimate lovemaking that was so pleasurable as to seem unlawful. ‘Oh, John, I pray that you come back to me soon, I miss you so much and I’m so afraid you’ll never come home to me!‘ she cried out quietly, so as not to awaken Roman.

As she sat there praying, she didn’t hear the footsteps coming down the hall or the sound of the door opening and closing behind her. But in one more moment, she smelled a clearly identifiable aroma, one she would recognize anywhere. It was the scent of his distinctly masculine cologne. Before she could turn around, she felt his strong, yet gentle arms surround her with warmth and then she was looking into his brilliant blue eyes. John picked her up off her feet until her lips were level with his and kissed her fiercely.

When they disengaged to catch their breath, she touched his unshaven cheeks and stroked his hair, saying, “Oh, John! I thought that maybe… you wouldn’t come home to me… I’m so glad you’re here with me now, safe and sound!”

“Nothing could ever keep me from coming back to you, don’t you know that by now, Marlena? Our love was what got me through it all, Doc and we got the cure, Roman’s going to be okay. Now, we can tell him we love each other and then we can finally be married.”

At this point, she found herself hesitating to affirm his statement and it puzzled her, but she tried to shake it off, saying, “That’s wonderful news, I’m so glad there really was a cure after all and that you’ve come home safely.”

“Me too, I had to do whatever I could to find the cure, but now that we have that settled we have to tell Roman we still love each other, Doc. I don’t like lying to him.” He stared at her, waiting for her to agree.

“Yes, we do…don’t we?” she asked, somewhat tentatively and again it puzzled her. ‘Why can’t I just agree with him? I still love him as much as I did when he left, don’t I?’ she asked herself.

She began to move in for another kiss, she felt his body go tense…sensing her reluctance to commit. As she labored to be more convincing, John’s image began to fade away slowly, an expression of extreme sadness in his eyes and face. She tried to reassure him and keep him with her, “Wait, John I love you and I do want to marry you…please stay with me.”

“I can see that you love Roman now, but how can that be, you said yes to me! I love you so much….you pledged your love to me and now…..you’re going to choose him again! Oh, no Doc!” he said with a shaky anguished voice which faded in time with his image and presence in her life.

She called out one last time to the essence of the man she loved, who was now nothing more than shifting shadows. “Wait…..no, I can explain…we did grow closer but, John…you’re the one I really love!”

As he faded out completely, there was another man in the dream, it was the other man who once held her heart. Roman was alive and well and he loved her as much as ever. The man’s back was turned to her as he said, “I love you, Doc, I always have and I always will, please love me now! I know you still love me!” Marlena was slightly taken aback by his choice of words and couldn’t understand why his back was turned while making such important declarations to her. She approached him slowly and took his hand, beckoning him to face her and look into her eyes. Shock overwhelmed her mind and emotions as he turned slowly toward her and she saw his face, it was John’s face….but how could that be? “Roman?”

The combination of the disturbing dream and the irritating noise of the furnace kicking in, jolted her rudely out of slumber. “John?” she called out quietly, before she was fully awake. Then she said, ‘Oh, it was only a dream. Oh, John… my love, what does that mean? I love you and I do want to marry you, my love for Roman is all in the past, isn’t it?‘ she asked herself. The dream left her feeling very confused and she kept searching for its meaning, but had to give it up, thinking it was just the stress of her situation being played out in her dreams and she dismissed it for the time being. Dreams didn’t often make any logical sense when taken literally. She knew that and yet….it seemed significant somehow, its images lingering long after it came to an end. Marlena drifted slowly back to sleep, her mind still laboring to solve the mystery and her heart wishing John would return to her soon.

Unexpected Grief

The dawn seemed to come too soon; the jungle travelers were physically and emotionally exhausted, and they wanted to hold on to the comfort and relative safety of sleep as long as possible. The new day was well underway in the Rainforest; it was one of the few so far when they hadn’t awakened to the steady beat of raindrops pelting their tents. Hope had read about the rainforest and the name made sense to her now that she had been in one for several days. It rained over 250 inches a year in these tropical forests, that was why the growth was so abundant and why it was all so vibrantly green in hue.

Hope stirred first in her tent and looked immediately over to see if John were alright. She had been worried about him, wondering if he could stave off the worst symptoms of malaria much longer, not to mention the new bumps and bruises he obtained in the fall he suffered and attempted to brush off as if it were nothing. She had seen him limping afterward and holding his left shoulder, wincing in obvious pain, when he thought nobody was watching him. She hadn’t said anything about it, but wondered how he could handle such misery without complaining of pain. ‘His pain tolerance must be incredible,’ she thought. On top of all that, he had finished off the night with some terrible nightmares about Kristen’s death, his worries about losing Marlena…etc and she had gently awakened and calmed him down, helping him to fall back asleep without ever waking up completely.

What Hope didn’t know was that he had repaid the favor for her as well; she had dreams about Stefano and her time at Maison Blanche and she had woken up, calling out with fear in her sleep about what she experienced. He had held her and comforted her in the same way she did for him, but neither would remember what the other had done for them in the light of day. All she knew is that she had lingering feelings of fear and an even greater sense that she knew some secret that would affect the Brady’s and the city of Salem as well. As she went back in her mind to her time there, she remembered the doctor, and seeing herself in bandages a scene she had recalled several times now. She pushed for more and felt pain in her head and called out, “Oh…why can’t I remember?”

John sat up immediately at the sound, to see Hope holding her head in her hands, she was obviously in pain. He recalled having the same experience many times. She was trying to remember. He moved toward her and put his arm around her gently so as not to scare her, as he asked softly, “Hope, hey it’s John, are you okay?”

She acknowledged him right away, “Yes, I guess so,” she said, still discouraged that she couldn’t remember any details.

“You were remembering weren’t you and it gave you a pounding headache.”

She nodded, “Mmm hmm, how did you know?”

“Oh, I recognized the expression, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gone back in my mind trying to find the missing pieces. I never really got anywhere on my own. Sometimes, I think I’ll never get it all back, unless he wants me to. It makes me…so angry!”

“My feelings exactly, John. But, I am going to get it back! I will remember whatever it is he doesn’t want me to know and we will use it to make him pay somehow, John for all of the pain he has caused all of us!”

“You sure don’t give up easily Hope, I admire your determination, but don’t let it keep you from being cautious. Dimera is so…sick. He will do anything to keep his secrets from being revealed. Be careful,” he warned.

“I will, thanks for the reminder.” Changing the subject slightly, as the name made her remember she hadn’t told John about the delay in getting the cure, Hope said, “John there’s something I didn’t get the chance to tell you last night. We…didn’t get the cure, the lab was moved for some reason, so we have to go back tonight; sorry about that.”

He wanted to go home to Marlena so badly and was disappointed and more than a little suspicious. “Damn! Are you sure it’s not just another one of Dimera’s delay tactics?” he asked, moving toward a standing position.

“Yes, as sure as you can be of anything where he’s concerned. I was watching him closely, he didn’t expect it, he was definitely upset, John.”

He sighed with frustration, “Alright, well, I guess it will give us a chance to rest a little bit, we’re all tired from the heat and the hiking. And, this way I can go in there with Stefano instead of you,” Pointing his finger at her for emphasis, he finished with, “..and don’t argue with me Hope, that’s all I’m gonna say about it!”

Hope decided not to push it at the moment, she could see that he was in physical pain as he climbed out from under the mosquito netting. He was hurting and it showed in his face, he wasn’t up to an argument just yet. She nodded and said, “We can…discuss it later, John.”

“Good, thanks for not…hassling me about this, Hope.” After a few minutes of somewhat awkward silence between them, John noticed the absence of the distinct sound of raindrops falling on canvas to which he had become accustomed and said, “Hey, it’s not raining….can you believe it, the sun must be up there somewhere above the canopy. Maybe we can…”

He stopped short…as he thought how odd it was to feel excited about something like that when one of the members of their party had died the night before. He felt ashamed of himself and it was evident in his expression. “Oh… man …do I feel…strange, here I am thinking of..going over to that waterfall near here for some fun and… Kristen’s dead.” More silence followed. Revisiting his remorse about not being able to save her, he started to say, “I should have…”

Hope touched his arm and said firmly, “John, stop it! You did all you could to save her, it wasn’t your fault, it was a tragic accident. So, please quit blaming yourself!”

John was still feeling the loss of the woman Kristen once was and his tendency for self-blame made itself obvious, as he spoke regretfully of his conduct. “But…I….feel like…I failed her, like maybe if I was more…sensitive, I would have known….what was happening to her and I could have helped her.” He stopped for a second, the reality of the death beginning to register, then continued, “I can’t believe she’s really dead, Hope. I didn’t want her to die, I just wanted her to be the way she used to be…all those years ago when I first met her. Then, maybe I could have… forgiven her somehow.”

“I know you feel bad about what happened to her, John. I’m sorry she died too, but you need to let this go, there wasn’t anything more you could do to save her or help her change. She made some very bad decisions, she chose evil over good, lies over truth and that is not your fault.”

He nodded and sighed tiredly, “Yea…I know you’re right, Hope. She was the one responsible for her actions, but I do hold Stefano partially at fault. He was there, constantly playing on her insecurity about my feelings for Marlena, using that to coerce her into relying on his methods, instead of trusting me and being the caring person she was at one time. If she had only let me in, I think I could have stopped him.”

Hope had to make him see what he was doing to himself and said convincingly as she placed her hands upon his shoulders, forcing him to look at her, “John…this is pointless, it’s only hurting you. You’re right, he influenced her, he manipulated her, but she ultimately chose the wrong path! There was nothing you could have done, she couldn’t allow herself to trust in your love because of her own fears, her desperate need for you.” She paused before her last statement… she hated to say it, but felt compelled, “It wasn’t.. love, John.”

He reacted defensively, pulling away from her and denying the truth, “No, not at the end, but….it was at first, it had to be or I could never have given myself to her, Hope. I wasn’t just with her because I thought Marlena didn’t want me, I….loved her, not as deeply and completely as I love Marlena, but I did love her and I know she loved me too. It was real at the beginning, Hope, I know it was!” he said with intensity, not wanting to think that it had all been a lie.

Seeing how upset it made him to think the relationship was completely doomed from the start, she said, “For the sake of argument, I’ll agree, John. Somewhere along the line then, her…feelings for you became an obsession, especially after she lost the baby. She was no longer in a mutual love relationship with you and she did things that you would never condone or accept and stay with her. She knew that so she had to hide things from you and lie, and it got totally out of control toward the end. She was so desperate to hold onto you that she would have done anything, including kill Marlena.”

Remembering the day she was exposed as if it were yesterday, he argued again, “No…she didn’t really want to pull that trigger, she was just.. scared!” Shaking his head as he recalled the fear he felt for his love, he said uncertainly, “I could tell she wouldn’t really have done it, she… wouldn’t shoot Marlena. I could never have cared about someone who was capable of doing that….could I?” He was overwhelmed with the idea and pleaded with Hope to support him.

She hated seeing him so distressed by self-doubt, but she wasn’t going to lie about it either. “Oh, John…I don’t know…we’ll never know the answer to that question. I’m sorry,” she said, wishing they could.

He sighed with exasperation and glanced away, “Yea…. it’s just a waste of time, isn’t it?” John gave it up, accepting the fact that the questions he had about the whole sorry mess would never be answered. He would never really understand how or why it all happened, what had made Kristen change and why he didn’t see the changes taking place. It would forever remain a mystery to him.

It was upsetting and he suddenly felt cooped up so he went outside the tent, swiftly becoming lost in his thoughts. He would grieve for Kristen today, not for the woman she was at the moment of her death, but for the woman she once was. He would cry for her, feel the pain for the loss of her soul, and then… he would put it away somewhere in the back of his mind. His relationship and life with her would become just another unexplained portion of his often strange and confusing journey through life.

He began to grieve for the memories of a love that were now forever tarnished, for the lost potential for good in Kristen, and for all the time he was kept away from his true love because of her actions as well as his own. John pulled out his picture of Marlena and the kids and spoke through a light salty mist. “Oh, Doc… I need you today! You’re the one who always helps me make sense out of these things, you’d help me with this, I know you would. God, I miss you and the kids and I sure wish I could hold you in my arms right now!”

Hope heard him talking and she wanted to help him. Stepping out of the tent, she was quiet for a moment and then approached him, touching his back tentatively to see if he wanted her comfort. John turned around and she saw the moisture and stared into his sad, confused eyes with the love of a sister who cared about his pain. She held out her arms and….waited, John was hesitant, and then realizing he needed comfort, soundlessly relented, allowing himself the moment of vulnerability with this new confidante. He melted into her embrace and began to weep quietly with unexpected grief.

The presence of tears for the deceased woman surprised him, he didn’t think he would care this much if Kristen died, but he did. He wasn’t a man who could love someone enough to marry her and then not feel…something if she died, not even if that person hurt him terribly. Slightly shocked by the depth of emotion, he said through trembling lips, “Hope…I don’t understand it, but this hurts.. more than I thought it would. I…miss her…the way she was… our friendship… the way we were together….before! I have always loved Marlena deeply and I want to share my life with her more than anything in the world, but I can’t lie to myself anymore….”

Hope just listened, recognizing his need to talk it out, to face his true feelings, feelings he hadn’t been acknowledging, even to himself. Pulling away from Hope for a minute…to think, he paused and then continued, his voice laden with a sense of bewildered confusion. “You know…I’ve been telling myself to just forget the whole thing, that it was over and it didn’t really matter because I always loved Marlena more, but.. it does matter. It hurts that she’s gone, Hope. It…hurts that I spent several years…caring about her, that I…thought I married her and.. had a son with her and then… I found out that somewhere along the line she turned to evil to keep me! It saddens me that she can never have another chance… to be that good person I once…loved.” He dropped his head, a handful of tears born of loss and regret, falling softly onto the forest floor.

He had so much heartbreak in his life and Hope felt bad for him, wishing there were more she could do to help. Taking a hand, she gave it a light squeeze and tried to comfort him once again. “I’m sorry, John, so sorry… I know it’s hard to lose what she once was and could have been again. You are such a good and caring man and I wish that she didn’t lie and hurt you so much, that she didn’t hurt Marlena.”

Beginning to regain control, he sighed and said quietly, “Me too, Hope, me too.” After a few more seconds, he calmed down and ended the contact, feeling somewhat embarrassed and yet relieved to have to have shared his grief with someone. He realized that he couldn’t have expressed it in quite the same way with Marlena, for fear of making her uncomfortable. Kristen had hurt her too much and she might not understand the depth of emotion stirred by the woman’s death. “Thanks for….caring, for listening, Hope,” he said, sniffling, as he disengaged and took a step away from her.

“Anytime, John. You’ve been listening to me…I’m here for you too, you don’t have to pretend with me, John.”

John nodded, wiped a wayward drop of salty moisture with his shirt sleeve and smiled again. “I know…that’s what makes it so good to have you here, partner.” John patted her on the back lightly as he said the last word.

She returned the smile, “Right….partner. We’re more than partners now, John. I feel….a lot closer to you since we’ve gotten to know each other so well.”

“So do I, Hope. I…care a lot about you and you’ve been a great help to me on this trip, thanks.”

“You’re welcome, I’m glad I convinced you to let me come and watch your back, so to speak. I must say you did need me, what with getting sick like you did.”

“Yea, I guess I did and you needed me too, remember the snake the other day? If I hadn’t been there…..who knows?” he said teasingly.

She had him on this one, “Oh..that…well, John I hate to remind you, but I wouldn’t have been in that spot if it wasn’t for a certain friend of mine who took a little… tumble.. remember?”

He had to laugh at that which was exactly what she had intended. “Touche…Hope. You got me, okay so…that was a bad example, but the fact is you need me too and it’s good we’re both here for each other.” Ready to move on, he changed the subject, he said, “Now, let’s say we get ourselves ready to face the Old Man.”

“Okay, you go ahead and get your things ready. I’m going over to the water to get washed up and then I’ll meet you back here soon.”

“Hope, I think we should stick together, Stefano is definitely planning something, I heard him talking to some of his people last night. How about if we both take our stuff, and go over to the river to wash up? We can take turns standing guard.”

“Sounds good to me, John.” They went back inside the tent to gather the fresh clothing and toiletries they needed. As they did so, they were being watched and the end of their conversation overheard by the man they had just discussed. “So, they have grown much closer on this trip, just as I thought, now John might risk…everything for Hope too. I will use this to my advantage…if I can.”

Fun in the Jungle

Hope and John walked slowly over to the cascading waterfall from John’s dream and stopped by the pool at its base to admire the view. As Hope was enjoying the wonder of nature, she said, “Isn’t it beautiful, John? John….uh, John..” she said, noticing he seemed to be off in some other world again. She had to nudge him with her elbow to get his attention.

The fact that Hope was speaking to him finally registered with him, “Oh, what did you say, Hope?” he asked absently, lost in his imaginings of himself with Marlena.        

She smiled, surmising where his mind had taken him, “Oh, you’re thinking of Marlena aren’t you, John?” she asked, already knowing the answer.        

He blushed only slightly as he nodded and said, “Yea, I…uh had this…incredible dream about her last night. We were here at this waterfall and….” His voice trailed off at the perfect moment and he immersed himself in the vision again, almost feeling her skin next to his, their lips meeting. Hope thought it was the perfect time for a little fun and waited until she could tell that he was completely focused on his memory of the dream and then gave him a decisive shove. John went plunging helplessly into the pool with no resistance whatsoever, totally unprepared for Hope’s sudden move.        

Hope doubled over in laughter at the sight of him sputtering and muttering thinly veiled curse words at her as he rose clumsily to his feet after several attempts. “Oh, Hope, you are going to pay for that one, my dear,” he said smiling mischievously, a hint of anger in his voice, as he slowly made his way out of the pool and came toward her.

As John moved in closer, Hope let out a little yelp, “No, oh no John.. please, I was just… trying to lighten the mood, you know it’s been entirely too serious lately and I just…..” Seeing the look in his eye, she wasted no more time and took off running. He came running after, tackling her quickly and they went down together giggling.     

Within moments; however, John had picked Hope up like she was a sack of potatoes and slung her over his good shoulder. Then with her kicking and screaming in protest, John dumped her unceremoniously into the pool, and she came up sputtering too, giving John a chance at another much needed belly laugh. “Okay, now we’re even so let’s just have a good time okay? By the way, I hope you’re happy, you just ruined a perfectly good daydream.”

While brushing her wet hair out of her face, she sighed with false sympathy, “Aww, poor John…well, just…have another one then, Marlena is right there in and your heart and mind, right?” she asked.     

Somewhat hesitantly, he answered, “Uh…yes she is, thank you for reminding me of that, Hope. We promised each other ever since the whole thing with Kristen ended that we would always have each others’ hearts. I even bought a set of matching heart necklaces, I had them made especially made for us.” He held his out for Hope to see. They had them engraved for each other, his was inscribed: “For John, the man who holds my heart.        

“Oh, John it’s gorgeous, you sure do have nice taste in jewelry, my friend,” she said, admiring his choice and his romantic nature.

“Thanks…she loved hers too, Hope. I wonder if she pulls it out to look at like I do. God, I miss her!” he said as his mind went back to the vision of her golden haired beauty.        

“I know you do, and it won’t be long, John.” ‘Oh how I wish Bo was waiting home for me like Marlena is for John,’ she said in her mind and he sensed it.   

“Hope, I’m sorry, I don’t want to do anything to make you feel bad. I’ll stop talking about her,” he said regretfully, also wishing the other couple had been reunited.           

She touched his arm and said reassuringly, “No, it’s okay, don’t do that, John. I’m glad you and Marlena have rediscovered your love for each other. I still believe that if two people were meant to be together, they will be in the long run. Marlena and you have proved that.” Thoughts of Bo drifted back into her head and she pictured them together in this romantic spot.

“Yes, we have.. and I still believe it’s true for you and Bo too. Maybe once this is all over, you two can work things out. I’ll be pulling for you. But, now…it’s time for some….fun,” He swam backwards for a few feet and then splashed her playfully, wanting to snap her out of the funk that had swiftly descended upon her, as she had just done for him.

Hope shook her head to clear it of those wishful thoughts and returned the splashing with vigor. Soon it was a full fledged water fight that left them exhausted but happy. “Thanks, John I really needed to have some fun.”

“So did I, but we probably ought to get cleaned up and find out what Dimera’s up to. He’s planning something besides retrieving this cure, that much I know for sure. I just wish I could figure out what it is.”

“Me too, John, I have a very bad feeling about it though,” she said, wondering if the feeling of foreboding was about herself or John.   

“Hey, don’t worry, we’ll stay on our toes and he won’t get away with anything, Hope. You go ahead and get cleaned up and I’ll stand watch for….Stefano and… any.. hostile natives.” He added the last part for a good laugh, as he climbed out of the natural swimming pool. There were no more indigenous tribes living in this area of Costa Rica, at least not the kind that went running around shooting poisonous darts to chase out unwelcome strangers. The only hostility they were likely to encounter would no doubt come from the jungle predators themselves or their traveling companion, Stefano Dimera.      

She started to tease, “Oh, thanks John. I was worried about those…natives. It sure is a good thing you’re here because…” She stopped mid-sentence as her eyes landed on a….large water snake… “Uh…because you are so good at….killing snakes, John…. Help!” she said with fear in her voice which had jumped up a few notes.         

“Don’t move, Hope, he said firmly. I’m coming.” John walked back over slowly and then picked up some rocks and threw them into the pool making a nice splash, behind it and the snake quickly disappeared.           

Breathing a sigh of relief, she said, “Thank you, again,” and then she drew him into an anxious hug. “Oh, John… Thank you so much, I really do hate snakes!”   

John had to chuckle now that the danger was gone. “It’s okay, Hope, that type of snake isn’t too much to be concerned about, they don’t usually bother people. Chances are it would have left you alone.”

She shuddered anyway…”Well, I’m glad you scared it off all the same. Okay, now go back to stand guard against those hostile natives, John. You never know when they might be sharpening their spears or getting ready to shoot one of those poison darts we read about, ” she said teasingly as she smiled at him, relieved that the real danger had passed.

“Right, just like in the Tarzan movies,” he said jokingly. Exaggerating his own deep voice he said, while surveying the area from atop a large rock, “Me John… protect woman…me strong man… keep you safe!” Next, he beat on his bare chest and imitated the Tarzan cry of warning, all of which caused Hope to fall over with laughter, unable to speak at first.

When she caught her breath, she was still chortling, “Oh my, John… I do believe you’ve missed your calling!” she giggled. He laughed too and winked at her. She was glad to see the sparkle return to his previously subdued eyes and the teasing grin return to grace his handsome face. He made the Tarzan sound again and she smiled warmly in response to his playful spirit, ‘God you’re gorgeous when you smile, John Black!’ she thought to herself. It felt odd to be completely objective about that, admitting to how incredibly handsome and sexy he was and yet feel only friendship for him. Is that strange?’ she was asking herself. In the next moment, she answered herself, ‘No… because Bo is the only one for me. We were made for each other in the same way that John and Marlena were born to be together.’

John was having similar thoughts as he caught a glimpse of her nearly naked body while he was in the process of more seriously scanning the environment for any signs of danger. Admiring her physical beauty for a second and then thinking of what a wonderful person she was as well, he said quietly to himself, “Hope Williams, you are truly a beautiful woman, and Bo Brady is a fool not to want to be with you! ‘I wonder if that’s even true….’ He pondered it for a moment and then said inside his mind, ‘No.. no matter how things look right now.. I know he still loves you… you and Bo are meant to be together, Hope, just like Doc and me, and I’ll do whatever I can to help make that happen. Just like Alice Horton says, true love always wins out in the end.’

A Fairytale Kind of Love

Marlena walked quietly through the gardens, gazing wistfully around her at the array of colorful flowers still in bloom, remembering a few pleasant spring afternoons spent with John and the children, playing and laughing. ‘That seems like a lifetime ago, John, and, I thought things were complicated for us then….I had no idea,’ she thought. Her thoughts switched back to other man in her life as she came upon the table where they had eaten lunch together the day before. “Oh, Roman I am so sorry the truth came out like that, but I am glad not to have to pretend anymore.” Feeling relief mixed with remorse, Marlena hesitated before entering the house. She didn’t want the children feeling like they did something wrong when it was her responsibility. ‘Okay, Marlena…put it all out of your mind again until the kids go down for their naps, they deserve your undivided attention for at least a little while.’ They had precious little of her time, let alone her full attention ever since Roman had returned to Salem.

“Mommy!” exclaimed Belle and Brady as they ran excitedly into her outstretched arms for a hug.

“Is uncle Roman feeling better today?” asked Brady, concerned as he noticed the expression on his mother’s face when she entered the living room, where the kids were playing with some toys.

“Well, I think he might not be feeling too good for quite awhile honey, but it’s awfully nice of you to ask,” she said as she hugged the boy she loved as if he were her own flesh and blood.         

“Mommy, can you read us some stories before nap time? We always have the nanny and today we want you, please!” said Belle sweetly.  

Her heart melted at their simple request and need for her. “Yes, of course. I’m so sorry I’ve been so busy lately, but you know what. I am going to start spending more time with you from now on. It’s not right for me to be away so much when Daddy is gone away too,” she said feeling good about her sudden decision.       

“Oh, goody! We missed you so much Mommy!” said both kids at almost the same time.  

Taking their little hands in hers she walked with Belle on he left and Brady on her right up the stairs to the spare bedroom where they used to sleep when visiting…. before when John was…. As her eyes glanced at the master bedroom, anger touched her heart. ‘No, don’t even go there, Marlena,’ she told herself when her thoughts threatened to take her back in time to the agony of watching him be with someone she had come to loathe, someone who had manipulated and deceived John and hurt them both tremendously. She couldn’t quite banish the negative thoughts, when she imagined the lengths to which the evil woman might go to take him from her. Marlena shuddered and then had to convince herself that he would be fine, ‘Don’t worry, Marlena, Hope is there with him and she’ll watch out for John, she’ll keep Kristen away from him.’          

After they reached the appropriate bedroom, they sat down on the bed to read stories. As Brady was choosing a favorite or two, Belle sat down next to him, opened a book and started speaking, “Once upon a time there was a pretty princess and she met a handsome prince. They didn’t like each other very well at the beginning, but then they fell in love and…they had a big fancy wedding and lived happily ever after, the end! Smiling widely and looking proudly up at her mother she asked, “Did I get it right, Mommy?”     

Marlena melted…her children were so sensitive and perceptive it was literally amazing sometimes, she thought that Belle was referring to herself and John. With tears in her eyes, she said, “Oh Belle sweetheart, you got it exactly right. I’m so proud of you.” Marlena pulled her little girl into a warm embrace, envisioning her own handsome prince returning from his trip with cure in hand. It was almost like her dream, only she would welcome him and there would be no hesitation in her response to him in real life, as there was in the still troubling dream.         

Her heart belonged to only him forever. ‘I love you, John,’ she said in her mind as she fingered the heart pendant he had given her on the day before he left her. She remembered his summons for her to meet him at the jewelers, where he showed her the pendants and then they waited while they were inscribed. She hadn’t recognized the significance of that gesture at the time, but did now. He had played it off as a simple romantic surprise, but in reality he wanted her to have something tangible to symbolize their love while he was gone. Hers said: ‘To My Doc….the woman who has always had my heart.’ As she ran her finger under the chain and remembered the moment he placed it around her neck she was overcome with heartfelt mixed emotion, tears welling up in her eyes, fearful tears she felt she should hide.

She recalled every word they had spoken, now that she understood the meaning of that moment. He had taken her hands in his and said softly as he gazed into moist eyes, “Marlena, please wear this as a symbol of my love. You are the only woman who has ever really captured my whole heart and soul. I love you with every part of who I am and I want you to promise me that you won’t ever forget that.” She remembered that when he said it there were tears in his eyes too; he had obviously been wondering if he would ever see her again, thinking it might be the last gift he ever gave his love. He had kissed her intensely, almost like it was the last kiss too. She beseeched her Lord to not make it so, ‘Oh, please God, bring my prince home to me, so we can have that happy ending Belle just talked about. Keep him safe from harm and help him find the cure for Roman’s illness.’     

She was shaken out of her reverie by two sweet voices, “Mommy, why do you have tears in your eyes, did we make you sad?”

“Oh, no sweetheart, you didn’t make me sad, I was just thinking about how much I love your daddy and how much I miss him and wish he would come home soon,” she said truthfully.

“I wish he would come home soon too, he promised me we would work on my soccer so I could be a really good kicker,” said Brady somewhat disappointed.

“Me too, Daddy promised to take me to a grown up restaurant for my birthday. Will he come home by then Mommy?”        

She sighed, thinking how bad it was that she had almost forgotten about her daughter’s birthday. With everything else that was happening in her life it was understandable, but she suffered a mother’s guilt about it anyway. Wrapping them both in her arms she said, “I hope so, I surely do hope it’s soon. I miss Daddy a lot! But if he’s not back by your birthday we’ll celebrate it twice, okay sweety?”

“Two birthdays, I like that idea!” she said excitedly.     

“Hey, I wish I could have two birthdays too, how come Belle gets to have two and I only had one?” asked Brady jealously.       

Marlena could only smile and say to herself, ‘So.. they’re terribly sweet, but they’re normal kids with normal petty jealousy, just like every other kid in America. To answer the boy’s question she said, “Well, Brady, we didn’t plan it that way and besides Daddy will probably be home before Belle’s birthday anyway.”       

“Oh…okay,” he said calmly. Changing gears quickly, he asked, “Can we have a story now?”   

Marlena gathered them in her arms and smiled. Then, she started in with the make believe story, “Once upon a time there were these two beautiful children, a nice, handsome little boy and a sweet, pretty little girl and they had a Mommy and Daddy who loved them more than anything else in the whole wide world. But, the mommy and daddy didn’t live together because they…didn’t know that they….belonged together. The daddy thought the mommy didn’t love him in that special way and the mommy thought the same thing about the daddy. For a very long time the daddy and the mommy were just very good friends and they spent a lot of time playing and laughing with their children. They were happy spending time together, but they each felt a little sad inside because they weren’t together like a real family.

But, one day…. the daddy and mommy told each other that they did love each other in that special way. Then they kissed each other and it was wonderful, and they knew they would love each other forever and ever. They told their two wonderful children that they were in love and the little boy and girl were very happy because it was like a dream come true for them, for they had always wanted to be a real family too. Then… one day soon the mommy and daddy got married, it was a beautiful wedding with flowers and music and really good cake. The little boy got to be the ring bearer and the little girl was the flower girl. Everyone looked so handsome and pretty on the wedding day and they lived happily ever after as one big family living together in the same house…for the rest of their lives.”       

Smiles decorated both angelic little faces as she finished up, “I like that story… you were talking about us and our Daddy, weren’t you Mommy?” asked Brady, who figured it out quickly.          

“Yes, sweetheart I was, and we’re going to have our happy ending one day…I promise you!” Marlena said wanting so much to believe she would have a chance to keep that promise, the same promise which she had made to John, that the kids had so innocently mentioned in the garden. So, are you ready to take a nap now?” she asked thinking they would both say no.      

“Yes, Mommy, they both said at the same time and she was amazed by the answer, “You are?”          

“I want to go to sleep now so I can dream about our happy family, Mommy,” said Belle seriously.        

Brady nodded and said, “Me too, Momma. I’m kinda tired now.” Marlena tucked them each under the covers and turned out the light saying, “Sweet dreams you two, I’ll see you soon.” She paused a moment to watch then nod off to slumber, they were always so sweet and innocent looking when they were sleeping.       

Marlena remembered one night after she and John had reunited, they had finished with bedtime stories and John kneeled down to do prayers with them. She pictured the three of them kneeling down in a row, John in the middle. With hands folded and heads bowed, the kids peeked to see exactly what their father was doing so they could get it right. Then they prayed, “Dear God, thank you for bringing Mommy home to us, keep her safe from now on. Thank you for Grandma and Grandpa Brady and Uncle Bo, sisters Carrie and Sami, and for brother Eric. Help us mind our manners and .. please help our Mommy and Daddy be happy together.” The kids had added the last part with no prompting whatsoever. ‘Oh, for those simple moments,’ she mused. ‘I would trade a lifetime of excitement for a thousand of those little moments with my children and the man I love with all my heart.’       

Marlena went back to her own room before making another attempt to talk with Roman about what had happened the day before. She sat down and pulled out the picture of herself, John and the kids that he had laminated for her, to remind her of the him while he was gone. As she stared at his smiling countenance she spoke to him, “We do have a love meant for fairytales, don’t we John… a love that is destined to last for all of time, a love that can stand up to any test or challenge?”

Softly, in her heart, she felt the answer, “Yes… we love like that, forever, ageless, eternal. I love you Marlena. I always have and I always will.” There were those special words again, John’s words. Where had she heard them recently.. in a dream? Not able to remember, the experience left her puzzled.

The Cure At Last

During the late afternoon hours, John and Stefano sat devising a strategy for going after the cure and this time they didn’t agree on one item, one path, nothing and the hostility grew as the day wore on. John had reached the boiling point and blew off the steam at Stefano. Slamming his hand down on the map, he said, “Dammit, Dimera, we have to agree on something or we can’t get the cure out of there safely! If you have something on your mind, just say it and let’s get on with this thing.” John knew what it was, but wanted to clear the air, they had to work together or they risked everything, they risked Roman’s life and he couldn’t let that happen.

He waited and watched, “Yes, John there is something on my mind. My daughter is dead, in case you’ve forgotten and I blame you for it. You should have saved her, she hardly weighed more than a hundred pounds for God’s sake, you should have been able to pull her up with one hand, John. I think you let her fall on purpose so you’d have one less obstacle in your path to Marlena!”

John seethed with anger, believing there was some truth to the man’s statement about how easy it should have been to lift Kristen, and he allowed himself to feel defensive. “I didn’t let her fall on purpose, I…was sick, Stefano and drugged, remember? You gave her the drug, in case *you’ve* forgotten. Those drugs are powerful and combined with..” He stopped, reconsidering the whole conversation. Raising his hands in anger he asked rhetorically, “Why am I bothering to defend myself to you, my conscience is clear, Stefano is yours?” He paused again and then said, “Oh, yea…I forgot, you don’t have one.”

“Shut up, John! You are the one responsible for her death, she wouldn’t have been here in this jungle if you hadn’t left her. She loved you, John and you spit in her face, I will always blame you for this and believe me you will pay for it, John.”

“She loved me once, but at the end it was an obsession, just like you have for Marlena and in the end, obsession will never win Dimera. And that is a fact!” By this time, John was in Stefano’s face and it looked like they might square off to fight.

Stefano appeared quite calm in spite of the heated interchange, as he said, “We shall see, John. Anyway, now that we know where we still stand, let’s get back down to business. I think we should…..” He explained his strategy and John, who was still angry, didn’t agree.

“No, I think we need to…..” John started into his plan and immediately Stefano’s body language indicated disagreement as well.

Hope couldn’t take it anymore and stepped in between the two men saying, “I’ve had enough of listening to you two bicker! You’ve both got it wrong.” She nudged them apart, giving herself some elbow room and started in. Pointing out her route, she said, “We need to follow this path here, up around the waterfall to the north and then follow the riverbed for about half a mile, then cut in here at this natural bridge. That will put you at least risk for being seen and get you to the lab location, as quickly and directly as possible.” She stood back and waited for a response, half-prepared to be cut down.

Stefano and John were dumbfounded, they didn’t even know she had spent any time looking at the map that intently. Both men were speechless and then finally, John said, “Uh…Hope, I think you’re exactly right about the best plan… umm..how did you know all that?”

“I studied the map when you were resting and…. arguing. And..I paid attention when Stefano and I went in last night.”

“Although I hate to admit it, I have to agree as well. Hope, you are a smart and resourceful girl. I am…..impressed,” said Stefano with genuine respect in his voice.

Both men marveled once more “Okay, let’s get ready to go,” said John, still shaking his head. “Hope Williams, you…. amaze me. You have been an asset to this operation and personally you’ve helped me so much, thank you. I’m sorry if I..under-estimated your skills and physical stamina.”      

“Thank you, John. I appreciate that. You’ve helped me a lot too. You saved me twice. And thanks for encouraging me not to give up on Bo. I feel a little more hopeful about it now.” John smiled in return…and said only one word, “Good..” and that was the end of the discussion. The only thing left to do was wait until dark.

Several hours later, they were getting ready to go, but they had to wait until they knew the compound would be quiet, when most all the inhabitants were presumably sleeping. John was getting ancy and Hope was trying to help him keep his cool. “John, why don’t you try to relax a little? It’s still an hour or so before we can leave.” He was pacing and she hated it when he did that…

“Relax.. I don’t think so! This is it, Hope… the whole reason we’re out here. I want to go in, get that cure and get home to Marlena, the sooner the better.”

“I know that but working yourself into a frenzy won’t help you make that happen faster…Let’s go take a walk or something… maybe go over by the waterfall again?”

He sighed, then smiled and nodded, thinking of how she reminded him of Marlena sometimes… able to figure out what he most needed when he couldn’t. “Okay, Hope… you’re right..I am wound a little tight right now… let’s go.. Thanks for suggesting it.”

“You’re welcome, John… ” she said with a proud smile. As they stepped out of the tent, he offered her his arm and they made their way cautiously to the water’s edge. They spoke no more, each minding their private thoughts and listening to the fascinating sounds of night time in the Rainforest.

It seemed as though only a short time passed before Stefano approached them saying, “It’s time…let’s go after the cure.”

“Alright… let’s do it!” John said enthusiastically. They all checked their packs one last time to ensure the weapons, flashlights and any other necessary items were there. Then the three of them set off toward the biomedical research compound to obtain the rare cure for Roman’s illness. In his mind, John was saying, ‘Okay, Doc… we’ll be home soon with the cure and then you and I will finally be married. I can’t wait!’

Stefano looked at John, surmising what the man was thinking. ‘Oh, John… if you only knew what was ahead for you… There will be no wedding for you, no happy ending to your story, my Pawn, ha ha!’

For her part, Hope was watching both men and thinking, ‘John… I am going to do whatever I can to make sure you get home safely to Marlena and your children and Stefano.. I *will* find out your secrets one day!’

Within a two hours they were at the edge of the compound. “Okay, this is it, Stefano. Show me which building it’s in now,” said John.   

The man pointed, “There, the one on the end of that string of three. It is inside a locked room. Hope and I heard some researchers discussing the move. The only reason was that it’s a larger building.”

“Well, that’s good for us, it’s more accessible,” said John smiling slightly. He turned toward Hope and said, “Hope, you stay out here and watch out for any guards while we go in, please,” he said nicely.

Noticing his attempt at protecting her, yet making sure he was not being condescending, she agreed. “Yes, John I’ll stay out here and stand watch for you.”

He kissed her on the forehead, “Thank you, we’ll be back soon, just sit tight, okay?”       

“John…if you’re ready…let’s get on with it,” said Stefano his irritation with further delay quite evident.

“Yes, I’m ready. On the count of three. One, two, three….go!” John said in a strong whisper. The two of them took off, each heading in a different direction. Within seconds they were inside the compound, having cut through the fence. Thankfully, it was only a research facility, there were no military types, no electric eyes, just a few guards patrolling the grounds and some locked doors and padlocked cabinets to worry about. These were no obstacles to men like John Black and Stefano Dimera. In a few more minutes they had crept up to the building and were ready to enter it. John came around from the west, Stefano from the East. Stefano saw the guard and made a hissing sound to alert John, then Stefano made some shuffling noises to further capture the guard’s attention. As planned, the man approached the sound with his gun drawn. John slipped silently behind him and felled him with one blow to the back. Another few seconds and the lock on the door was picked and they were inside, ready to locate the cure.

Shining their lights through all the cabinets which conveniently had glass fronts, it was only a minute or two before they found the vial labeled *Melastome.* “There it is!” exclaimed Stefano. “That’s what we need.” John and Stefano looked at the vial for a moment before opening the cabinet door with a lock pick. It took a millisecond to register that an alarm had sounded the moment the vial was lifted off the shelf. The two men stared at each other, John grabbed the vial, not trusting Stefano with it and he stuffed it in a padded compartment of his backpack and they took off running, scooping up Hope as they went.

As they were all scrambling through the plants and mud to get as far away as possible before someone in the compound discovered exactly what was missing, Hope had to make a comment. “So, I guess this means we under-estimated them a little bit, huh, John?”

Moving as quickly as possible in the dark, John answered with exasperation, “Oh…be quiet would you! We got the cure didn’t we?”

Hearing his tone, Hope decided not to tease him any further, “Yes, you did, good work men.”  

“We’re so glad you approve, Hope,” said Stefano sarcastically, huffing and puffing. The larger man was breathing hard from the exertion; he was nowhere near in proper condition for such strenuous activity. John was realizing that the Old Man would slow them up, but set a tough pace, nonetheless. For himself, he was hoping he still had another day and a half before the malaria flared again. He prayed as they hustled themselves through the dense foliage with the aid of flashlights, ‘Dear God, please just let us make our way out of here with this cure and get it home to Roman as soon as possible. And, thank you for helping us get this far.’

On Our Way Again

Although they heard the sounds of the researchers anger and their attempts at pursuit behind them, John, Hope and Stefano made it safely back to their camp without being detected. They knew, however that they had to pack up and leave quickly at first light and clear the area completely so as not to appear suspicious if anyone continued the search at daybreak and extended it beyond a mile or two past the basic perimeter of the compound.

As they lay in their sleeping bags that night, trying to allow themselves to fall asleep, Hope asked a question that had been weighing on her mind. “John, I know this may sound stupid, but since that was a medical research facility.. why didn’t we just ask them for the cure instead of taking it? I mean wouldn’t they be happy to see one of their formulas work on someone?”

“Hope, I wanted to, but I couldn’t take the chance that they would say no or that there would be some…legal or governmental red tape to delay us. We don’t have time for that, Roman could die anytime. It was bad enough that we had to hike in so far, but that couldn’t be avoided. The only way they get supplies in is to have them brought to the trailhead and then they carry them in on foot or with the help of pack mules. Actually, sometimes they’re dropped in by helicopter, but nothing can fly in anywhere near here.”

“That all makes sense, I thought it must be something like that,” she said, realizing he was such an honest man that there had to be a very good reason. “And, about having their supplies delivered, at first I wondered why we couldn’t just take a helicopter in here, but after seeing the density of the foliage, I realized the answer to that. This part of the jungle is so thick, I haven’t seen a clearing in the canopy large enough for one to land.”     

“I know, it’s hard to believe isn’t it? I didn’t want to accept it when the guides told me about it and didn’t totally until having seen it myself. Honestly, I thought it was all part of Stefano’s plan to get me out here in the jungle someplace and make sure I didn’t come back, but I was wrong about that as well as the existence of the cure. I guess even the Old Man can surprise you once in awhile.”         

“He sure has so far, hasn’t he?” she said, still wondering what the mastermind had up his sleeve.     

“Yep…. well listen, we probably ought to try and get some shuteye so we can get going at daybreak and make it out of here without being caught. Goodnight, Hope.”

“You’re right, goodnight then, John.”

Several hours later they were packed and ready to go when they heard the sound of branches and plants snapping, signifying that more than one someone was coming toward their camp. They had been discovered. John was up and had a gun drawn in seconds, Hope following closely behind him. Stefano had heard it too and was out of his tent as well. Four men, two with high-powered rifles came out of the thick covering to face-off with them.        

The largest of the men and the one with the biggest gun said, “All right, we know it was you that broke into the compound last night, give us the vial you took, right now!” he said forcefully.    

“How would you possibly have any idea why we’re out here in this part of the jungle. For your information, though it is certainly none of your business, we are here doing some research on some rare orchids,” said John trying unsuccessfully to sound like he was a scientist.           

“Yea right, and I’m Tarzan,” said the same man, sarcastically which elicited a stifled giggle from Hope and then John too, as they remembered John’s playfulness the other day.

“No, actually, I’m Tarzan,” joked John, pointing to his chest and smiling, hoping to further distract them.           

His attempt at humor fell flat and the man who had been hit from behind on the back approached John and said, “I bet this wise-ass is the one who hit me, what do you think Joe?” the man asked his other gun-toting buddy.   

“I’d say it’s a safe bet, Bill. Why don’t you…” he started, but stopped as the two researchers indicated they wanted nothing physical to occur, but it was not soon enough to stop Joe from taking swift action. Before he could react, the man slammed John in the gut with the butt of his gun, taking him down quickly.   

Hope leveled a gun at the four of them as did Stefano, while John struggled to rise. “Don’t even think about trying anything like that again!” she said forcefully. Looking down at John briefly, while still pointing the gun, she asked, “John, are you all right?” His breath was gone and he was in too much pain to answer.        

The man who hit him stood over John as he groaned in pain and tried to recover from the blow, saying, “Payback is a bitch isn’t it? Now, give us that vial you took!”  

Hope put the gun in the man’s face, while saying, “Back off, now!”

With a little help from Hope and Stefano, John was able to stand and find his breath again. He managed to say, “Sorry, but we don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Joe held out the gun as if to strike again and asked nastily, “Do you want to play some more?”           

John was angry now. Ignoring the pain, he made a sudden move of his own, quickly bridging the distance between himself and his ill-prepared assailant. The man ended up with John’s left arm around his neck and a pistol pointed directly at his right temple. With a thin veil of control over his emotions, John said, “Now, suppose you fine gentlemen just get on back to where you came from and forget you ever saw us!”

“Look, all we want is our formula back; there are people who need that, we can’t afford to lose that batch,” said one of the biochemists, much more reasonably.

“Okay, we’ll level with you, said Hope, “We need that cure for someone we love whose time is quickly running out. We are desperate to have it and couldn’t wait until we obtained permission.”

John confirmed her statement and made an offer, “Yes, that’s true and if it is successful, I will personally guarantee that this facility is fully funded for as long as you people want to do the research. I am a man who has infinitely more money at this point than I know what to do with and funding a project like this is exactly the kind of thing I want to do with it.”

This intrigued the researchers and held the interest of the other two fairly well. As he hesitantly released the man who hit him, he said, “I’m completely serious, a very good friend was exposed to some unusual bacterial infection that nobody else has found a cure for and Stefano Dimera here informed me of the cure you had. We would have asked, but we were afraid he would die before the governments would even begin act upon our request. We’re sorry to have stolen it, but we had no idea what else to do. I will gladly fund your project from now on in return for it.”  

The four men looked at each other momentarily and then the lead researcher said, “Well, we would definitely consider it, Mr…”

“Black, John Black.”

The same man said, “Ahh, I thought you looked familiar, I know of your reputation. In fact, I worked with some of your people on a project funded by the Toscano Foundation. I met your wife Isabella once, she was a lovely person, so caring and giving.”       

Feeling a small stab of loss, he said, “Yes, she was…I have tried to carry on her wishes and this kind of research facility is just the sort of project we like to fund with those monies.”         

One of the other men spoke up, “We also heard that you…helped Dimera escape from prison and the way the story sounded on the radio it was no mercy mission you were on. I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this, but you are a….hunted man Mr. Black, just as Mr.Dimera is. The world thinks you helped him because of your romantic entanglement with his adopted daughter.”

John reacted instantly, realizing who had leaked that story and turned to him yelling in a voice filled with fury, “Stefano, why you son-of-a-bitch! You set this whole thing up, you arranged it so I couldn’t return to Salem without being arrested right along with you! I ought to kill you right now!” John aimed his pistol at Stefano’s face and cocked the hammer, acting as if he might soon pull the trigger. Stefano didn’t flinch, but he was affected, John wasn’t completely predictable, but Hope was.   

Hope grabbed John’s arm, pushing it downward, “No, John…don’t do it! You can’t kill him in cold blood like this!”       

Looking away briefly, he said angrily, “Dammit, Hope! I know it, but I sure as hell want to right now!” Still aiming the gun and looking into the man’s eyes again, while talking to Hope he said firmly, “No, he is going to face justice for all the crimes he has committed and I will find a way to get home without going to jail.”           

Stefano stared him down, but didn’t say anything to him immediately, preferring to contemplate his own ending to the story, ‘If you had any idea of what was ahead, you would not be threatening me, John.’ Finally, he said for the sake of argument, “I had nothing to do with that rumor, the press must have manufactured it, John.”     

“Yea, right, Dimera… Well, it doesn’t matter, I won’t let it stop me.” After cooling down, John addressed the others again, “Anyway, we need the cure and I will find a way to make sure you have all the funds you need for your research, have we got a deal?”

“It’s a deal,” said all four men simultaneously with smiles on their faces. Having a committed private benefactor could make all the difference in the world to their work and they were thrilled. This time they shook hands on it and it was official. John Black was known to be a man of his word.   

“I will contact you or someone from my financial department will contact you as soon as possible to make arrangements for the funding. At that, they shook hands with one another and the four men went back to their compound and the others began to head back down the trail toward the Jeep. John suddenly remembered, “Oh, one last thing, one of the members of our party, Kristen Blake, was.. killed the other night when she fell from that cliff to the west of here. We have don’t have the proper equipment, could you….handle retrieving her body and take care of it until we can get back here to take her out and have a.. proper burial?” It was still so strange to think of Kristen as nothing more than a body to be dealt with. The person he once loved was long gone now, her soul possibly in hell for what she’d done, a reality he chose not to ponder for very long.           

John was snapped out of his thoughts by the answer, “Yes, we will do that for you, when can we expect someone, the body will not last long here.”

“I…I’m not…sure,” he said, feeling slightly overcome by emotion about the finality of it again. “Stefano?”

Quietly, the older man said, “I will send my people in as soon as possible, thank you for your help, we must get this cure to the person who needs it.” There was nothing more to be said and the small contingent walked off down the path in silence.          

Hope was getting pretty good at reading John’s moods by now and asked about this one, “John are you okay?”

“Yea…I’m fine..it just hit me again where her soul might have gone… I never really thought much about that until the possession, but now I know there is a hell and Kristen probably….went there..” Again he found a hint of moisture forming behind his eyes for that loss. “I’m sorry I keep doing this…I don’t understand any of it! I told her I hated her, I did hate her, why does this even hurt at all, Hope?”          

“Because you are a caring human being John and you loved for her once. And she helped you save Marlena’s soul; you care what happens to hers.”         

With a shaky voice he confirmed Hope’s statement, “Yes, I do, I pray she made some kind of..peace with God, while she was…falling. Oh, man…this…whole thing has really thrown me for a loop. I came here hating everything about her, wanting to forget about every memory we ever made and now…..we’re talking about a lifeless body. I’m so confused about what to feel.”   

Still walking down the path with him, she said supportively, “It’s okay to let yourself feel something about it, John. It doesn’t mean you’re betraying Marlena, you know.”         

Surprised she could sense that and thankful she had put words to it, John turned to look at her and asked, “How did you know I was.. ?”       

Hope shared her observations, “You keep apologizing for it and you make sure to tell me how much you love Marlena anytime you mention feeling bad about Kristen’s death.”      

“I do?…” he questioned, slightly surprised… “Yea, I guess I do, so you really don’t think it’s strange that her death hit me hard?” he asked looking for reassurance.

“No, John. I think it’s normal, you had a lot of unresolved issues with her and now you’re trying to sort all that out, but you can’t completely because she’s gone.”         

“Now, you sound like Marlena, that’s probably what she would be telling me, but honestly I’m glad it’s you and not her, because Kristen hurt her too much. I don’t know if she could really understand me being upset like this, so thanks again for listening, Hope.”    

“Like I said, anytime, partner.”      

Pulling her into a rough hug as they walked, John said with a smile, “You’re the best Hope Williams.”           

Returning that smile Hope said, “Yea..well you’re not so bad yourself, John Black.” They stayed that way for awhile, walking arm in arm down the trail, taking comfort in the safety of the embrace and the warmth of the much stronger friendship bond they had forged along the way.

A Trip Down Memory Lane

Two days went by and there had been no thaw in the wall of ice between Roman and Marlena. He was still smarting with the embarrassment of laying his heart on the line, while she was secretly loving John all along. He also felt the anger and betrayal and it seemed like it was four years ago all over again, the healing that had taken place over those years almost disappearing in the moment he learned she had kept the truth from him. And yet….he loved her, he would always love her. She was the only woman who had ever truly captured his heart. “Oh, Marlena, how could you do it? How could you hold out on me, again?”

He was sitting in the gardens again, somewhat absently noticing the still blooming flowers in contrast to the leaves beginning to turn in the bright sunshine of Indian Summer in Salem, when he heard the sound of her determined footsteps behind him. Marlena started talking before he even had a chance to turn around. “Roman, listen to me, I’m very sorry, but we thought, I thought we were doing the best thing for you. I wasn’t trying to be secretive or mislead you in any way. We made the decision to go along with Kristen’s story to give you the best possible chance for recovery. I can see now that it was the wrong choice, we should have been honest from the start. Please say you’ll try to forgive me, Roman. I know you are hurt by this and you had hoped we might reconcile….”

Roman stood up and then interrupted her calmly, but with a slightly bitter tone, “But, that is out of the question now…… isn’t it, Doc? You and John love each other, you always have and you finally got back together after I sent those letters. I should have known, I should have seen it a mile away, but I saw what I wanted to see, just like I did….four years ago. I wanted you to love Me, to want Me, but you never really did. It was always John, even when I first came back and you decided to recommit to me in the marriage. He was with Isabella and we were….close. I thought for awhile that we were going to make it all the way back, but I should have known it then. You were always in love with John, weren’t you, Doc?” By the time he asked the question, he was much more calm and it wasn’t an angry inquiry.      

She couldn’t answer that, what could she say? She didn’t want to hurt him any more than he already had been. Speaking hesitantly, she couldn’t meet his gaze, “Let’s not do this, Roman…I….don’t know how to answer that..I…”      

He felt he had a right to know, so he pushed, “Yes, let’s do; we have needed to talk about this for years, Doc. Tell me the truth, Marlena. I’m dying, the least you can do is be honest with me about what happened. ”

She looked down at the ground, focusing on the gaps between the bricks in the walkway. Then, she said it in a ragged whisper, “Yes, I always loved him, I never stopped in all the years….I’m sorry, Roman. I really tried to put him out my heart when you came back, but I couldn’t.” Her voice so quiet, barely above a whisper, she said, “I.. loved you both.”

Thinking about it and hearing her say it were two different things and it hurt so much. He was honest in return, “I think I knew that….I did on some level, but I…thought that I could win your whole heart again, if I did the right things, if I reminded you of all the love and romance we shared… We had some wonderful times, didn’t we, Doc?” he asked thinking of fun in the sun, ski trips, so many warm memories of love….and laughter. “How about Mazatlan?”    

Remembering too, she sighed and said softly, “Oh, yes, we did….some very wonderful times. Roman I did love you and I wanted the marriage to work and it did for quite awhile.”

“Yes, when John was with Isabella, but shortly after she died….you were helping him… and you let him come all the way back into your heart, didn’t you?”

She sighed in remembrance of how it had affected her to see John in such agony with the loss, shattered by the loneliness, yet trying to hide in his work and anything else he could find. “Yes, I did, I guess.” With tears in her eyes she recalled that time, “He was…. devastated and so terribly lonely Roman. I….had to reach out to him.”

Roman had turned away…wishing it had been different, not wanting to hear and yet compelled to understand what had happened. Turning toward her again, he affirmed her, “I know you did….I was hurting for him too, Marlena, but I was so jealous of him, isn’t that awful? A man I called friend had just lost his wife, he was all alone in the world to raise a newborn and I was jealous of the attention you were giving him.”  

The pain came rushing back so quickly, “Oh God, Roman I’m so sorry…for the pain I caused you, but I couldn’t let him suffer such an agonizing loss all alone. A part of me knew that if I was there for him…. that maybe….my feelings for him and his for me would be rekindled, but still I couldn’t just leave him in such agony. Do you understand, Roman…oh, please tell me you understand.”   

He always hated to see her cry. Roman pulled her instinctively into a warm embrace saying, “Yes, I understand. I can’t say this doesn’t hurt to talk about, to remember, but we have needed to do this for a long time, Marlena.”           

“Yes, we have.” An awkward silence came over them for a long while as they both went back to that time in their minds.          

Finally Roman broke the quiet stillness with another question, “When did it really start to change for you, Marlena? Was it when we were struggling about Kiriakis and career differences… Were your feelings for John rekindled when you were trapped in that pit, was that when it started?”       

She didn’t want to delve into the past so deeply, but he seemed to need the answers in order to make peace with it all. Still, she had to ask, “Roman, are you sure you want to talk about this in such detail?”           

“Yes, I…need to know, to settle with it once and for all. Tell me, please,” he said quietly, feeling the pain almost if it were in the present.     

She nodded and wiped the tears away with the backs of her hand and continued, “Okay then, yes the trouble we were having was wearing on me and he was there, still needing me and the friendship was…comforting. Then when we were trapped together…it was all so..intense. We thought we were going to die and it…brought out some long buried feelings, we talked about things you only talk about when you’re facing death. After you found us we…kept growing closer, the bond of friendship deepened and we both tried to pretend that’s all it was.” Marlena could see that talking about it was difficult, she didn’t want to hurt him any more than he had already been hurt. “Roman, I don’t think this is…”          

Again, he stopped her by putting his hands on her shoulders and looking into her eyes. “Marlena I asked you to tell me, I need to understand this. What was it that…brought you even closer? How did it…start?”       

Shaking her head and walking away, she didn’t want to tell him, there had been so many angry words exchanged when he learned of the affair. “I can’t do this, Roman…it hurts too much!”    

“Marlena, I don’t blame you anymore, I just need to understand it. I’m dying and it…matters for some reasons I can’t explain.”    

Laboring to compose herself, she nodded and then started in again, “Allright…. the interview with Jennifer caused us to…confront our feelings, we admitted that night that we…still…loved each other, that we had never stopped. Shortly after that, John made the decision to leave Salem. He was trying to prevent what eventually happened. He tried Roman, he really didn’t want to hurt you, me or the family and he was prepared to leave Salem without saying goodbye to me.” After an agonizing pause she said it, “I….went to the plane to see him.”        

“You…wanted to say goodbye,” Roman said matter of factly. Then with tears in his eyes he said, “There is only one more question I need to ask and then we can stop discussing this, “Did you…know what would happen that night? Did you….plan it?”

She didn’t hesitate and her tears dropped in time with his, as she shook her head slightly, “No….I just knew it was nearly impossible to say goodbye. He was as much a part of me, a part of my heart as you were, Roman, but the honest truth is, I only planned to talk with him.”        

He spoke softly, “Thank you, Doc. I know that was hard for you. I needed to know some of that and I appreciate your telling me. I want you to know that I have loved you for all these years and I do forgive you for the affair. I understand that what Stefano did to John, to all of us was ultimately responsible for what happened. But, I also know that the connection between you two is indestructible and I want you to be happy…with John. Your happiness is really all I ever wanted, I just wish it could have been with me.” There was such sadness in his voice now and it nearly killed her to see his pained expression and tears falling from his wounded eyes.    

She reached out to touch his cheek, saying, “Oh, Roman…you did make me happy and I did want to stay married to you when you left. I think we could have made it work.”

Shaking his head and taking a step back, he disagreed, “No…Doc. It might have worked for a little while, but in the long run the truth of the love between you and John would have resurfaced again and we could never really have been happy together. Your heart was divided and that is really why I left, I couldn’t bear to share it with him.” After a long pause in which he struggled to contain the old pain, he said regretfully, “I’m just sorry that I wasn’t able to work this out sooner and forgive you earlier, you could have been together all this time.”

He had such insight, she didn’t want to hurt him, but he wanted total honesty. “I wish I could argue with you, but I think you’re right, Roman. There would have eventually come a time when I could no longer deny those feelings. You have certainly done a lot of thinking about all of this,” she said.         

“Well, when I was held as a prisoner, I had a lot of time to think things through. I gained a new perspective on the whole situation and I wanted to try to understand what happened without being jealous and bitter about it all. That’s when I wrote the letters, after a lot of soul searching. I meant what I said in them, I do want you two to be happy together if it’s truly what you want, Doc.”     

Still crying she said, “Oh…thank you, Roman. It means so much to me to hear you say that. I still..care for you so much and I always will. You will always be a part of my heart, you know that, don’t you?”        

“Yes and I will always love you, Marlena. You are the only woman I have ever truly loved with all my heart and soul, and you will always be the only one.”

She was touched to hear him say it and she realized he was letting her off the hook. “I hate that I hurt you…I’m so sorry.” They stared into each others eyes for a moment, communicating without words and then she had to ask, “Roman, does this mean you forgive me for hiding the truth when you returned?”           

“Yes, I forgive you both, I understand why you did it.” He let her absorb that and then added, “I’m sorry I stayed away for so long, Doc. I really missed you, you know that?”

“Oh, and I missed you too, Roman more than you can know,” she said with fondness. They embraced again in the close loving friendship they had always shared. Healing was coming into their hearts now after talking so honestly about the past, and they could begin to truly move on to the future, however long that might be for them.          

Roman felt a sense of peace descend upon his heart and soul. He was letting her go, but it was all right; he could handle it. God was giving him the strength to face the truth as he approached his time of death and he could go to his resting place with no regrets, no unresolved issues. Within a few hours of their conversation, Roman was admitted to the hospital, his condition worsening rapidly. The last words he said to Marlena while being loaded on to the ambulance were, “Don’t blame yourself for this, I’m ready, Doc. I have made my peace and it’s okay.”        

She was distraught and wondered about their conversation causing the downturn in his condition, “No, it’s not okay, don’t you dare leave me! We all need you, Roman: Me, Sami, Carrie, Eric, Shawn and Caroline…so you better not give up! John will be home soon with the cure, so you just hang on, do you hear me!”

He smiled at her intensity, and tried to give her what she needed, one last time, “Okay, Doc…I’ll hang on.”

Almost Home Free

It was dawn on the last day and they knew they would reach the trail head where the Jeep was parked, late this afternoon. John and Hope were getting excited, but Hope was more than worried about John. He had suffered one more bout with malaria during the night and this one was worse and lasted longer than all the others. Much of the time he had been delirious and calling out desperately for Marlena, needing her comfort. Hope remembered holding him and telling him she was Marlena, it seemed to calm him when the discomfort was at its worst. He seemed so weak as they arose in the morning, though he was trying to hide his exhaustion and pain from her, she knew his mannerisms well by now. John was suffering and she wondered if he could handle another strenuous day of hiking, but then again, what choice did they have?

“John… are you going to be okay?” she asked, already knowing the answer he would give.

“Yea…I’ll be fine, Hope,” he said as he made himself busy with rolling up his sleeping bag. “It’s our last day here, tomorrow we’ll be back in Salem, Roman will have his cure and Marlena and I can finally be together. I couldn’t be better!” he said with enthusiasm and an almost typical grin. However, his eyes told her the truth, he was very sick and feeling the strain of the entire journey on his worn out body.

“Okay, John…but if there’s anything I can do, maybe carry a little extra gear today…anything, you let me know. I can see that you’re really wiped out.”

He wanted to lie, but he recognized that she could read him; they had spent too much time together for him to pretend any more. “Thanks Hope, and you’re right, I’m sick as a dog and I can’t wait to get back to civilization so I can be treated, but the only way to do that is for us to hike out of here. So, let’s get going.”

Nodding her head, realizing he was right, she agreed, albeit reluctantly, “Yes, let’s do that, John.” With that they finished packing up the gear, took down the tent and prepared to leave. Stefano was somewhere nearby, but had been slipping off a lot recently and John was still trying to decipher the meaning of the bits and pieces of conversations he’d overheard. The man had some other plan in mind, but John and Hope had yet to determine what it was.

“Hope, watch Stefano closely, he’s got something going on, I just can’t get a handle on it yet, but he’s gonna make some kind of a move soon, I can feel it,” said John while rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

She agreed, having gotten the same sense, “Me too, John…there’s a look he gets when he thinks he has the upper hand and he’s got it now.”

“You know something, you’re really getting good at this Hope,” said John in wonder. “I thought I was the only one who had him pegged like that because I had to learn how he thinks and observe him so closely in order to protect and then find Doc all those times when he had her.”

“Well, I’ve been watching him like a hawk on this trip, especially because you were so sick sometimes, I didn’t want him trying to take advantage of your… vulnerability.”

John appreciated that, although he felt…strange about being protected by a woman. However, ‘living is good,’ that was his new phrase acquired on the trip. “I know you were watching out for me, Hope and I really do appreciate it. If it hadn’t been for you, he might have just killed me when I was out of it, especially now that Kristen is gone. He has no more reason to keep me alive and if it were just me and him and I was sick… well, I think we both know I wouldn’t be standing here right now. Thanks.” John squeezed her lightly on the shoulder as a gesture signifying his gratitude.

“You’re welcome, John and you’ve saved me too. We make a good team, don’t we?” Hope said as she put her hand on his in return.

“Yep…we do. Now, let’s go find the Old Man and get on out of this place.”

They found him finishing up with his own gear and he heard them approaching and turned at the sound. “Well, this is it, the last day. Soon, Roman will have the cure. Tell me the truth, you didn’t think I would produce it, did you ?” Stefano asked with a smug expression on his face.

His unlikely companions looked at each other and smiled strangely before looking back and saying at the same time, “No.”

John qualified it, “Actually, I…thought maybe there was one, but I still didn’t trust you to get it or carry it, I still don’t. You have something else planned, Dimera and we’ll figure it out sooner or later.”

“Think what you must, John but I did produce the cure as I said. Now, all that remains is to get it back to Salem to save Roman.”

“Why, Stefano…come on, what’s the reason? I know you don’t really care if he lives or dies, so why?” asked Hope point blank.

“To show Lexie that I am capable of doing good and maybe… to get a break on my sentence.”

John elaborated on the evil man’s meaning, “You mean so you can get off and then use this *good deed* to manipulate Lexie over to your side. You want another Dimera clone to do your bidding. I’m warning you, leave her alone Stefano or you’ll have Abe and me to answer to!” said John firmly as he took a step closer, wanting to intimidate the man.

Ignoring that motion, and shaking his head lightly, Stefano smiled and replied, “John, John…you really are just too suspicious of me. I would never harm Lexie, she is my daughter and I love her.”

He scoffed at that remark, “Love? Stefano you have no idea what that word even means. If you did, your two…children might be alive today because they wouldn’t have needed to turn to such evil to get what they wanted. You taught them Stefano and it’s because of you and your ways that they’re dead.” John wanted to get in one good shot at the man who always seemed to have the last word.

Suddenly, his enemy became enraged and stepped very close to John as he vented his anger, his hands poised to go around his adversary’s neck at even the slightest further provocation, “No, John you are to blame for both their deaths! You drove Tony to take such desperate measures when you stole Kristen from him. Then all the time you were with Kristen you were in love with Marlena. You were so obvious about it and you hurt her, John. You caused her to turn to *evil* as you call it to keep you. It’s because of *YOU* that I lost them and you will suffer for it, believe me, you will suffer!”

John let his own anger get the best of him and was right back in the man’s face, shouting, “Why don’t you just quit threatening me and do something about it, Old Man! I’m getting sick of hearing it, I’d love an excuse to have it out with you right here, right now!” He felt the heated sometimes welcome rush of adrenaline. If the man would only take a swing at him, John would go at him, he had wanted to for *so* long now. He wished he could make Dimera suffer as the madman had made John and so many others suffer through the years.

Wickedly, the monster smiled at his enemy’s rising frustration and replied quite calmly this time, “All in good time, John, all in good time.” Then he turned swiftly and began to hike down the path.

John threw up his hands in frustration. “Damn him! I can’t believe I let him get to me like that! I swear sometimes I just want to rip his head off!” he continued as he hastily ran his fingers through his slightly longer hair.

Touching him on the arm to break the angry spell, Hope said, “John, come on… take it easy, let’s just concentrate on getting out of this jungle in one piece, getting you the medical treatment you need. Then we’ll head back to Salem and everyone we love with the cure, alright?”

“Yea…you’re right, the sooner the better. Let’s go,” John agreed as he worked to quell the powerful feelings of rage that kept trying to surface whenever he was in close contact with Stefano Dimera.

They followed Stefano and made relatively good time. The day passed fairly quietly as all three were weary and there wasn’t much to say. A mile or so from the trail head they were finishing a quick snack and getting ready to finish up their long journey, when they surprised a large snake sunning itself on the trail.

Hope saw it only a fraction of a second before John, who was a half step behind her. Before it fully registered with Hope what she saw, John was diving toward her and pushing her down, causing her to hit her head on a rock. John had noticed the snake about to strike and intended to knock her out of the way and roll, but with the fatigue from his illness, he wasn’t quite fast enough. The snake bit his right arm and the venom coursed quickly into his bloodstream before Hope or Stefano, who was now a few steps behind them, even realized what had happened.

Hope was groggy from landing on the rock, a nasty gash opening near her right temple. Stefano ran up when he saw them both on the ground and swiftly drew an accurate conclusion. John was trembling and already sweating from the venom’s effects on his nervous system. “John’s been bitten Hope! Did you see what the snake looked like?”

She shook her head lightly, “I barely saw it before John pushed me out of the way! He saved my life Stefano,” she said, still in shock. Kneeling down, she looked at her fallen comrade closely; the arm was bleeding and already starting to swell. John was trying to sit up, instinctively holding his left hand over the bite, which was just below the elbow on his right forearm. “John, lie down, move your hand and let me see the wound.”

His breathing was already rough and he was shaking fairly violently. Instinctively, he obeyed instantly, groaning in pain as he did so, “Oh…it hurts…got me bad, Hope… took full fangs,” John said with a weakened shaky voice as he forced himself to allow her to examine the swiftly swelling arm.

Hope finally recovered from the shock of the incident and took charge of the situation, barking out orders, “Stefano, get me the first aide kit! I need the Betadine, the extractor, an ace bandage, some 4×4 guaze pads and the tape. “Hurry, Stefano!” she shouted, almost desperately, knowing how little time she had to save her friend’s life. Then she turned to John in an attempt to reassure him, “It’s okay, John.. it’s going to be all right, you just hang on.”

John was fading out already, but he had to speak to her. There were things that had to be said, just in case. With a quivering voice that was near a whisper, he said in broken phrases, “Hope you’re alright.. that’s good. Please… tell her Hope. Tell Marlena… I love her.. and the.. kids too….promise me you’ll make sure she knows.. I did it all for her….I’d do anything for her!”

Taking the items retrieved by Stefano, who watched silently, Hope Williams used all her first aide training and then some, beginning by cleansing the wound and using the extractor to get as much of the venom as possible. Then she cleansed the wound again. John groaned again, but he didn’t move while she did what she knew had to be extremely painful. While she was applying pressure with the gauze pads she said strongly, “No, John, you’re going to tell her!” Hope couldn’t admit that he might die; it was too difficult to think about.

Clearly he was very anxious about ensuring she would speak to Marlena for him. While grasping her arm with his trembling left hand, he pleaded with her, “Please Hope, you know I might not.. make it, promise me!” John believed that he would die soon and had to be sure Marlena knew how he really felt about her.

While taping a pad to his arm and then wrapping the ace bandage up above the elbow, she agreed so that he would calm down, “Okay, I promise, John, now please.. lie down and take it easy.”

“Thank you… partner… you’re the best,” he said as he began to lose consciousness. Hope made a splint with the high tech materials from the first aide kit and checked for a pulse above and below the wound to make sure the bandage wasn’t too tight.

Satisfied that she had done what she could, she said in an imitation of their exchange earlier that day and the fun from a couple days ago, “You’re not so bad yourself… Tarzan.”

In spite of the pain and fear of what might lay ahead, John chuckled and then he faded out completely. They were only a mile from the Jeep, so close and yet so far from making it to safety without further incident. “Dammit!” cried Hope. “Why.. God, why did you let this happen now?” she screamed, her head tilted skyward, beseeching the heavens for an answer she could understand and accept.

There was no time for questions like that. “Hope, we have to get him out of here now! John will surely die if we don’t get him to the hospital immediately!” Stefano didn’t want the game to end this way, it had to be on his terms. “I’ll bring the Jeep back here, this part of the trail is pretty accessible, I think I can get it in this far.”

“No way, Stefano, you can’t possibly think I trust you to come back for us. I’ll go for it, give me the keys!” she demanded, thrusting her open right hand toward him.

Reluctantly the man acquiesced and handed his set over to her. She ran off down the path, calling over her shoulder, saying very forcefully, “And, don’t you even think of hurting him!”

Sarcastically, he replied, “Hope, he was just bitten by a poisonous snake and he’s suffering from malaria already, what more could I do to hurt him?” As Stefano looked unfeelingly down at John’s semi-conscious, trembling body, wondering if his enemy would live, the young woman kept running as fast as her tired legs would carry her. Hope was racing to save the life of a man she now loved like a brother, a man who had essentially saved her life several times over.

At Death’s Door

Hope was in the bed next to John’s recovering from the mild concussion she suffered when she fell due to the near snake bite. She sat up in bed, remembering how John had saved her life, shoving her out of the way, falling in the process and getting bitten in her place. He lay near death now, the combination of the neurotoxic venom and the malaria was taking its toll on his beleaguered system and it appeared he would die soon, very soon. She hadn’t called home yet and dreaded that task. Telling Marlena that John was actively dying would be the hardest thing she ever had to do.

The doctors had told her there would not be time for anyone to fly in and say goodbye; he would probably be dead within a few hours, maybe less. Hope asked the nurse to take her to his bedside and then give them some time alone. Hope was thankful for the peace and quiet.

She sat down next to John, and spoke to him softly, hoping he could hear her, “John, I know I said it before, but I want to thank you again for saving my life out there, three times now.” Her voice started to tremble as she took his uninjured left hand and told him how she felt about him, “You are so.. brave and so…. strong…so willing to sacrifice yourself for others, and I’m going to miss you so much! I feel like we really got to know each other on this trip and I….care so much about you. You have become very important to me and I just don’t know how we’re all going to make it without you.” She started to weep and laid her head on his chest, praying for God to save him.

John was aware of her presence somewhere deep inside, but he couldn’t speak to her or even formulate rational thought. The fever was so high now, and he was past the delirium. He fought it, but quickly realized he could not win and eventually succumbed to total unconsciousness again.

About half an hour later, the fever dropped slightly due to the medications and he struggled for full awareness. Hope had regained some control of her emotions and was just about to make the dreaded telephone call when he spoke, startling her. His voice was quite weak and raspy, but he was determined to be heard and to get the words out. “Hope, are you okay?”

“Yes, I’m fine, John it’s you I’m worried about. You’ve had a rough time of it. How do you feel?” She wasn’t about to tell him how sick he was at the moment.

Feeling the fear, but trying to hide it, he choked back the tears, “Hope, you don’t need to pretend, I’m know I’m… not going to make it. Please, call home for me so I can….say goodbye to Marlena. I..heard the doctors earlier, they think I won’t.. last the day.”

Tearfully, Hope cried, “Oh, John… I’m so sorry, I didn’t know…. I wasn’t sure if…”

He interrupted her and squeezed her hand, saying, “It’s okay, Hope. I told you before, I knew what I was risking when I decided to do this. Please, Hope…try to reach Marlena, I….don’t have….much…time…. h..hurry..” John’s normally strong voice was barely a whisper as it was, so she knew she had to dial immediately.

Within five minutes she had Marlena on the telephone and seeing that John had nodded off for a minute, Hope decided to tell his fiance what was happening. “Marlena, it’s Hope.”

“Oh, My God, it’s Hope!” She sounded excited and Hope could hear people in the background. Marlena, Abe, Lexie, Laura and Mike were all together at the Mansion, talking about what to do for Roman, whose condition was worsening rapidly. They had gone back to the mansion to discuss possible alternatives while Sami and Eric spent some time with their father.

“Marlena…. there’s something I have to tell you, and you better sit down.”

She felt a lump in her throat and fear surged throughout her body, “Is it John?” Marlena asked, knowing the answer. The entire room grew silent to allow her to hear perfectly.

It was nearly impossible to say it all without her emotions getting the best of her, but Hope knew she owed them this much, so she struggled through it, “Yes, Marlena. He has been so.. brave and strong, he saved my life several times. Oh, Marlena… he contracted malaria and didn’t get treatment right away… we thought he was going to be okay, but on the way out we surprised a snake on the trail. John pushed me down and jumped in front of me right before it struck and it got its full fangs into John’s arm after he fell. Marlena, between the malaria and the snake venom, it’s just too much for his system to handle. John is… dying…. I’m so sorry!” Hope broke down at the same Marlena did, somehow feeling in this moment like she was to blame, wondering if there weren’t more she could have done to save her friend.

It simply wasn’t real, it couldn’t be. “Oh My God, No!” Marlena shook her head violently in disbelief and couldn’t speak further, the shock rapidly taking over.

Abe came to take the phone from her as she slumped and almost fell over. Abe passed her to Laura and Mike and spoke into the receiver, “Hope, it’s Abe.. tell me..”

She forced herself to be calm so she could say the full sentence, “John is dying as we speak, he has malaria and he was bitten by a poisonous snake, the doctors say it’s only a matter of hours. I’m so sorry, Abe. He was.. saving my life when the snake bit him.”

“Oh, my God!” Abe was in shock too and was stunned speechless, nearly falling down for the awesome power of the wave of disbelief that washed over him..

“Abe, listen to me, John can…barely speak, but he…wants to say goodbye to Marlena. Do you think you can help her to compose herself so he can talk to her? He’s been….very anxious about making sure she knows how much he loves her and I’m afraid….he’s going to linger in pain until he can say goodbye.”

Abe labored for composure himself, forcing back the cries of injustice, then said with deceptive calmness, “Yes, of course, hold on Hope.” He went over to the distraught woman in his friend’s arms and spoke softly, “Marlena, John is asking to talk to you, he’s very weak, but he wants to..say goodbye.”

An expression of horrified grief covered her face and anguish emanated from her entire body. Her head shook rapidly back and forth as she spoke with vehemence, “Oh, no.. No, I can’t! I can’t say goodbye to him, Abe! I have to go there, now, right now! I have to see him!” she cried, desperately afraid and yet in denial at the same time.

Abe was barely able to get the words out, but he owed it to his friend to help her find the strength. “Oh God, I’m sorry, Marlena, but there just isn’t time! Hope says he’s dying right now and he’s holding on to talk to you one last time. You have to say goodbye to him…now.”

She nodded, wiping tears away with the backs of her hands and spoke, barely above a whisper, “Okay, I’ll do it….just give me.. a minute to put myself together.” With a hand covering her mouth as if that gesture could hold back the swell of emotion that was building inside, she let it penetrate for one second, “Oh, my God! I can’t believe this is happening…Oh, Abe! How can we lose him? He….is….my.. life!” she cried through labored tear choked breaths.

Fighting back the tears he knew would come soon enough, Abe was honest about it, “I don’t know… but we have to tell him we love him and… let him go. Somehow, we have to find the strength to do that much for him.” Wanting her to have the first shot at it, knowing there might not be time enough for both of them to speak to John, Abe handed the phone back to Marlena.

On the other end, Hope gently shook John awake and said softly, “John, Marlena is on the phone now, here you go.” She handed him the telephone and helped him get positioned properly in the hospital bed, so he could speak to his love.

He tried to sound positive about the results of the trip, “Hey Doc, we did it, we got the cure. You should have it soon and Roman’s gonna be just fine.”

It was hard to care about that when her soulmate was facing death himself, “Oh, but what about you, John…. why can’t you be okay too?” she cried in anguish.

“Oh, Doc.. hey…don’t cry on me, I did what I had to do and I…knew this could happen.” Then, despite his best efforts, he started to break down as he added, “I just wish… that I could… hold you… one last time… I love you so much!”

She was barely able to keep herself from going into hysterics to hear the slightly hidden fear and the soul deep longing in his voice, “Oh God, John! Don’t you die on me…do you hear me! I am coming down there and I want you to wait for me, can you please do that for me?”

Tears formed behind his eyes as he somehow did what he had no strength to do; he told her not to come. “Marlena, the doctors told me…it’s only a matter of a couple hours… you won’t make it in time. Just.. stay there… with all the people you love… and they’ll help you. Oh, Doc! I miss you….and I’m so.. sorry we don’t.. get to share all those dreams we talked about… I hope you.. find happiness someday, that’s all I ever wanted for you, you know.. Goodbye, pretty lady…”

Her heart was crumbling, “Oh, John…I can’t do this, I can’t say those words to you, I just can’t, honey!” Tears flooded her eyes and the powerful sobs that rose from deep inside made her choke.

“Please…I need to hear it….I have to hear you say it so I can let go. Please Marlena…say it to me…” he pleaded quietly, fading quickly as the darkness beckoned.

“For you, I will do anything.” She felt herself dying right along with him as she whispered to him through a river of tears, “Goodbye… my love, you will always..live on in…my…heart and you are..in my…soul.. forever.” Her hands went instantly to her mouth to cover the sobs, not wanting him to hurt for her pain…”OH GOD!!”

Although he hated what she would suffer after he was gone, John felt a sense of peace about leaving her, and even though he was frightened of the next moments…of the actual death. He had heard and spoken these last words of love and he could bear it now. “I love you, always have, always will… be happy… and kiss the kids for me. Goodbye… Doc.. love you…” His voice faded out and then there was deafening silence on the line for a moment. Next, Marlena heard the soft cries made by Hope Williams as she sat holding his hand, while the life slowly began to drain out of his battle weary body.

“I love you, John! I love you! I LOVE YOU! You’ll be in my heart forever!” Marlena screamed into the telephone, desperate for those to be the last words he heard.

He did hear them and it touched his heart, but he couldn’t respond any further. Knowing he didn’t have much time, he whispered almost inaudibly, one last request, as the time grew near, “Could you please.. hold me, Hope? I’m a little… scared.”

“Oh, John, of course..” She broke down in tears as she climbed into bed and held him close, speaking softly in his ears, stroking his sweat dampened hair and his rugged whiskered cheeks, until he died in her arms. She felt his body sag as he exhaled his last breath.

Marlena collapsed onto the floor, sobbing uncontrollably. She was in shock and yet the agony took over her, and she trembled violently, tears flowing unfettered, soul piecing cries echoing from her mouth. “NO!!! NO!! John, Oh GOD, NO! How can this be happening? I LOVE YOU JOHN!!” she cried out to his spirit.

Abe had taken the phone and waited in anguish for the dreaded words. Hope said while the tears streamed down her face as well, “He’s gone, Abe, John is dead…Oh my God, John is dead!”

Hope sat with him for a long while, stroking his cheeks, looking at his face, and holding his still warm hand. “Oh, John… we’re all going to miss you so much and I just don’t know.. what we’re all going to do without you, especially Marlena!” She held his hand and leaned over to kiss him on the forehead, noticing that it was still quite warm. ‘I guess it would be for awhile anyway,’ she thought as she dragged herself away from his bedside. She turned for one last look and said a tearful goodbye, “Goodbye, John. I….love you…we all do.”

The orderlies were on their way to take John’s body down to the morgue to await preparation for flying him home. As she stared back at his perfectly still body, the slow steady rise and fall of his nicely chiseled chest conspicuously absent, she let out a sound that was indefinable. Her grief was that of someone who loved him as the closest of brothers and who knew beyond all doubt in this moment that the death of this good courageous man was the ultimate end result of Kristen’s lies and manipulation. John Black was dead and that woman and her evil father were the cause of it. There may have been a snake and a disease that took credit on the medical record, but in all reality those two were what killed him, Kristen Blake and her father, Stefano Dimera. As Hope walked back over and held his still body in her arms once more, she made a silent vow to ensure that Stefano would pay for John’s suffering through the years and for his part in John’s death. The evil man had led them all into the jungle that claimed the life of a loving, kind, self-sacrificing and heroic man by as he so…cruelly put it, “exploiting the man’s goodness.”

Dimera was supposedly in the hands of the Costa Rican authorities, but one could never trust such a situation, the man could have already bought himself out of any incarceration by now. Hope had been injured and so completely occupied with her concerns for John that she had no time or energy for what Stefano Dimera was doing at the moment.

Darkness Descends in Daylight

The rest of the day went by in a blur. Marlena was numb…in deep emotional shock from the stark reality of John’s death. Abe, Lexie and Laura, who were there when Hope called, stayed with her. Mike went back to the hospital to check on Roman and to await the arrival of the cure by airmail courier. They all agreed that she shouldn’t be left alone at a time like this. All day long they sat around talking about John, about how brave he was, what a heroic sacrifice he had made for Roman and the Brady family. Then came the stories, the funny little things he did, his love for the children, his dedication to any cause he believed in, his fierce protection of and his deep and abiding love for Marlena.

She heard and even participated in the conversation at times, but she was not really there, her mind drifting off somewhere…. to a place where their love was everlasting and they would never be separated, a place without pain and suffering. Marlena took some comfort in knowing he was at peace now, in paradise with his Lord. She contemplated joining him there, but thoughts of the children came to mind; she had to be there for them. In truth, however, she wasn’t really able to think of anyone else. Her thoughts were focused only on John, the love they shared, and the agonizing emptiness that was opening up inside her soul from the loss of him… from the sudden tearing of the gossamer strands of the special magical bond that had stretched between them for more than a decade, no matter the geographical distance or the outward appearance of emotional separation.

The finality of it was much too painful to take, she simply couldn’t accept it, not at first anyway. Slowly, throughout the day she began to confront the harsh truth, that she would never see him again, that she would never feel his arms around her, never melt into his kiss or feel his flushed body intertwined with hers in the incredible blissful lovemaking they shared. None of those experiences would happen ever again. Only in her dreams could she be with him that way and she began to drift off into daydreams of happier times past, and an imagined future with him and the children. So many moments missed…so much love lost….forever. ‘Forever…how can it be?’ she asked herself.        

“Marlena…honey… it’s time to tell the Brady’s…they need to know what’s happened before the news reaches the media, don’t you want them to hear it from us?”

She hadn’t even heard Laura approaching and she was angry to have been brought back to the reality of loss, “What!” she said, her irritation obvious.

“Honey, I said that we need to tell the family about John. You asked us not to do it and we didn’t, but we don’t think we should wait any longer. The press is going to get a hold of the story soon. You don’t want any of his friends or family to read it in the news paper, do you?”    

Finally, Marlena allowed that statement to sink in and replied with numb sadness, “Yes, you’re right, that would be horrible… let’s go over to the Pub. Could you please call everybody and have them meet us there?” She just didn’t have the strength to do it.         

“Of course we will, Marlena,” said Lexie, understanding how excruciatingly painful it must be for her friend.

After Laura and Lexie made the necessary calls, Marlena washed her face and made herself as presentable as she could without actually caring about it at all. She was moving like a robot…brushing her hair, putting on lipstick as if programmed. Nothing about her appearance mattered to her in the slightest. She would go without any earthly comfort or adornment for the rest of her life, if only she could have one last embrace, one last kiss, one last gaze into his deep blue eyes, one last….

They rode in silence to the Pub and Marlena sat in the car for the longest time. On the way out they had seen his Jeep parked near Abe’s car and she broke into a fresh round of tears at the sight of it. No more rides in the Jeep, no more jokes about how hard it was for her to climb up into it…nothing more…there would be nothing more with him.

When they arrived at the Brady Pub, she hesitated to enter. “Oh, God, what am I going to say to them?” With bitter sarcasm she said, “Well, the good news is your son will soon be as good as new and the bad news is…the other man you love as a son is dead and he died saving the first one.” Marlena broke down again… “Oh, I can’t do this! I don’t have…the strength…to tell them…John is….that he’s….Oh, I can’t even say the word!” she said, with choked breaths. She looked over toward the waterfront and said sadly, ” In my heart, I can’t even believe that it’s true. I keep.. expecting that any minute now, he’s going to come bounding up the steps of the pier and say, ‘Hi Doc, sorry it’s all been a big mistake, I’m okay’ …but he’s not is he? He’s not ever coming back! Oh God, he’s not ever coming home to me!” Marlena let out the agonizing cries of the grief that controlled her every thought and sensation. “Ohhhh!!”

Abe took her trembling, sobbing form and held her in his strong but tender arms saying, “I loved him too, I’m so sorry he’s gone Marlena…I don’t know how we’re going to make it without him… but we will, somehow.. we’ll find a way… together.”

After a long time, she began to calm slightly and the four of them entered the Pub. Shawn and Caroline knew something was terribly wrong in the instant they laid eyes on the visibly shaken Marlena. They slowly approached her and held her in a warm embrace meant to comfort. “Honey, please just tell us what happened. Is it John?”         

It was agony to say it and there was no easy way, so she did it quickly, “Oh, Caroline… he got the cure for Roman and it’s on its way here right now. But…..he got sick…with malaria and he didn’t get treatment right away and then as they were hiking out there was a snake and he pushed Hope out of the way and was bitten. Between the venom and the malaria, it was just too much for his body to handle and he…died. Oh…God…John is dead! He died over there…and we’ll never see him again!”

Caroline almost fell over at the news, Shawn put his arms around her from behind to hold her upright. One son dying to save another, what worse pain could a mother feel? “Oh my God! No, it can’t be, he’s so strong, how could this have happened to him? I told him not to do anything foolish…I thought he was listening, Marlena!”

Shawn was stunned, he knew it was dangerous, but never thought for a minute that John wouldn’t survive and return with the cure. He was the bravest, strongest, most determined man Shawn Brady had ever known besides his own boy. Now, he was losing the man he still called son.. though they had learned years ago it wasn’t the case. The Brady’s couldn’t love John Black any more if he was their naturally born child and he had died to save the man they once thought he was. “Oh, no not my Johnny….I cannot believe it!”       

“Does Roman know?” asked Caroline, feeling guilty to be thankful he would live when they had just learned of John’s death.

“No, we wanted to tell everybody else first and we decided to wait until he’s been given the cure and he’s a little stronger before we tell him what happened,” said Abe.  

Marlena and Caroline were still holding each other and Caroline said tearfully, “Marlena, I am glad that they got the cure, at least John….died doing something he believed in, but I feel so guilty about being happy for Roman. I love them both so much and I know this has to be tearing you apart, dear… I’m so sorry!”

She nodded and said tearfully, “Yes, I’m happy about Roman too, I really am, but I just feel so…empty inside. I love Roman too, very differently now, but I am so grateful he will be saved and the children will be overjoyed.”

Then it hit her, “Oh, but what about Belle and Brady? Why do they have to lose their father?” Covering her mouth with both hands, she cried out, “Oh God! We have to tell them too, how can I possibly do that? How can I tell them their Daddy is never coming home?” Shaking her head, she agonized over that necessity, “Oh, God I can’t do it!” she cried as the impact of the loss began to overtake her ability to cope.

Marlena collapsed suddenly, the loss was simply too devastating and the enormity of it was overwhelming to her mind and body. Blessedly, she fainted and could escape the pain for a few minutes. While she was out, they decided to wait and tell the children, whom they decided should stay at the Pub, in the morning after Marlena had gotten some rest. Shortly after she came back, around Laura and Lexie took their friend back to the Penthouse. They thought it would be preferable for her to be in her own home for the night, instead of the dark Dimera Mansion which was filled with so many painful reminders of how much time had been stolen from John and Marlena by Stefano and Kristen.

Marlena awakened deep in the darkest of nights several times, dreaming of a thousand nights missed, a thousand hopes and dreams gone forever, a thousand wishes that would never come true….hearing his ragged, throaty whisper of, ‘I love you.’ She memorized every sound, every word, the tone of his voice…except the fear, she couldn’t bear to remember the fear. “Oh, John! I can’t believe you’re really gone! I love you so much, and I need you here with me! Oh, how can you be gone?”     

Marlena sat up, turned on the lamp at her bedside and looked at the picture he left with her, then read the letter…again. She had done it at least a hundred times since she watched him fly off with his tormentor. She read, “I’m doing this for you and Roman, for everyone. Try not to worry…” She stared at his image and shouted at him through a cascade of tears, “Try not to worry!! Oh, John I’m so angry…with you for leaving me! You lied to me, you said you weren’t going to do it and you left me without even saying goodbye! Oh…I didn’t even get to.. hold you! You said you would come home soon, but you didn’t! You didn’t come home soon!! Oh…God, how am I going to live without you?”       

Marlena laid on the bed and broke down into ragged choking sobs of agony that rose from deep within her very soul. It felt as if their seemingly indestructible bond of love was ripped without warning from its roots, leaving raw fiery tendrils of pain throughout her entire being. She knew she wouldn’t survive it this time, it was too much! This loss was overwhelming, there was nothing else but the gut-wrenching aching sensation and the incredible all encompassing fear of having to face another day without him. Every day as would be the case from this moment forward. It was incomprehensible. She simply couldn’t bear the thought of living the rest of her life without that winning grin, without looking into those brilliant blue eyes that shined so brightly with their renewed love relationship, that boyish enthusiasm when he had a surprise for her, not ever hearing him caress her name the way he did, without hearing him call her Doc or say ‘that’s a fact’, without the warmth and security of his strong muscular arms around her. So many qualities, so many magical moments of love….gone forever. “Oh, John, how can you be dead? How am I going to face tomorrow? without you… every day from now on without you…. Oh God! Why did you have to go? Why John, WHY!?”

Marlena walked quietly down the stairs and out onto the terrace of the Penthouse, where she had returned. It was the last place they had been together and she felt closer to him there. She lifted her head to the heavens and shouted out in her grief, “Why God? How could you take him from me now, after all the pain and separation, after all the betrayal and loss he has suffered, how could you let him die? How could you take away our dreams? I am so ANGRY with you!! You say you love me and yet you took the man I love with all my…heart…and all my…soul! WHY!!!” There was only the deadening dark silence of the night and the twinkling light made by the moon and stars. No answers came to her, there were no answers to the bitter anguish of her loss, no comfort, no relief. Soul-shattering pain enveloped her as she sunk to the ground in a ceaseless cascade of tears.

A Prisoner of Conscience

John was lying immobile on his back and he could still hear what was happening, but he couldn’t move or speak or even open his eyes. He was absolutely terrified. As the nurses slowly began turning off all the machines that had aided his breathing, monitored his heart and managed the flow of medications in the IV lines, he felt significant physical pain again, crying out in his mind.

He tried to tell Hope he was still alive, but couldn’t speak and it confused him. ‘Why can’t I talk to her, why can’t I move? Oh, God help me, they all think I’m dead! The fear was overwhelming when he heard them talking about the morgue. John projected his living spirit and his terror, ‘Hope, I’m alive, please don’t let them take me to the morgue…Oh God, please help me!’

After a few more minutes he couldn’t feel her physical presence or her touch, nor could he hear the sound of Hope crying anymore; he was being moved somewhere…that was all he knew as the encroaching darkness took all sensation away. He faded to black, questioning if indeed it were death that claimed him, or if he were somehow being taken by Dimera again. Just as his tenuous hold on life seemed to slip completely from his grasp, he thought he heard the faint sound of that haunting malicious laughter and he knew…. ‘OH, NO! NOT AGAIN!!’ he screamed in horror inside his mind and then the malevolent dark presence seemed to possess him.

A short time later, he awakened briefly, it was pitch dark and he couldn’t see anything at all. John called out, praying someone was there to help him, “Hope, are you there? Who’s there?” The observer noted that the patient’s breathing was rapid and he was obviously becoming anxious.  

The other person tried to calm him by putting a hand on the man’s shoulder. “Shh, it’s alright Mr. Black you’re going to be just fine, I’m going to take very good care of you.”           

He knew that voice…who was it? The doctor from the hospital. “What’s happening, where am I?” he asked desperately, hoping he was safe from harm, but worried he wasn’t.

“You’ve been moved to another room, but don’t worry.. you’re going to be alright. We were wrong before about you dying, the medication for malaria and the anti-venom seem to be working just fine now.”   

He felt the pain sensations returning rapidly; he wanted to be strong, but it was swiftly growing worse. He groaned and said, “Pain….so much pain… Oh… hurts.”    

“Just try to relax, the IV’s will be back in place in a few minutes and you’ll feel much better,” said the man with a kind voice, hoping to calm his patient.    

Suddenly the reality of what had happened dawned on John, and he asked anxiously, “My friend, where’s my friend Hope? She thinks I’m dead…have to…tell her… call… h…home.” The weakness was so difficult to overcome, he had to fight to stay awake and get the words out.

“Take it easy, she’s resting now, her headache grew worse and we gave her some medication. She knows about you.”  

For some reason the man didn’t seem convincing. “No, I want to see her, she was so upset, have…to…tell her…please let me see her.. and I..need to..call my.. fiance… please!” John could barely stave off the darkness that wanted to claim him, but he was compelled. He tried to sit up and reached toward where the telephone had been in the other room, but was too worn out to do it or to notice there was no such phone in this room, before he slumped back against the pillows. “Doc, I need to call Doc! Please let me talk to her!” he cried out while trying once more to sit up and find the phone.

The man eased him down and tried to be reassuring, “Mr. Black, please.. try to take it easy. The medication will take the pain away and you can get some rest. Then, we’ll bring your friend in to see you, and she’ll help you call home.”    

Listening to the man make excuses made John realize exactly what was going on and he shared his conclusion in a quietly horrified voice, “You work for Stefano, don’t you?”

“No… I….” the doctor started to say, denying the truth.

Interrupting, John said more firmly, “Don’t lie to me, you’re on his payroll and you helped him fake my death. That’s what he was planning all along, and once he found out that I was sick…” Suddenly, he stopped, the terror taking control of him for the moment, then he cried out again, “Oh, My God! Marlena and everyone back home in Salem will think I’m dead. They won’t come looking for me!”

John tried even more valiantly to sit up and climb out of bed, knowing without a doubt now that his only chance was to get to Hope, that this very moment was his only chance to escape before Stefano whisked him off to some hidden fortress. Unfortunately, he found the weakness in his body too much to manage and he fell back helplessly on the bed again. “Oh Doc…I need you! Help me, somebody please help me!” he yelled as loudly as his weakened condition would allow, cognizant on some level that he was already isolated and his pleas would not be heard by anyone who would respond favorably.       

The doctor tried to ignore the man’s fears and assuage him, “Please just try to relax and rest, Mr. Black. You’ll be alright in a few days, after the medications begin to work their way into your system, but you’re very weak and you need lots of rest right now. Your body has been through quite an ordeal.”

John appealed to the basic human decency that must have been there at one time at least. Reaching out with a trembling hand to grasp the physician’s forearm, he said through quivering lips, “Listen to me, you must know.. what he’s like. He just wants you to treat me so he can hold me prisoner and…torture me, to…keep me from the woman I love, so he can take her away. If you have one ounce of compassion, you’ll help me get away from him,” he pleaded.

A part of him wanted to help this poor man whom the doctor knew would suffer tremendously once Dimera had him held prisoner, but he was trapped. If he disobeyed Stefano’s orders, his own family could be killed, as he had been threatened so many times. Now was not the time to test it out, and he denied his patient’s frantic request, “I’m sorry, I can’t do that, he’ll kill my family. I have a wife and three children, I’m…sorry but I can’t take the risk.”      

John fought back the despair, realizing that the man did care to some degree, he was just afraid of Stefano. With a quavering weak voice he pleaded once more, “I.. have a…fiance who is… waiting for me to.. come home to her and.. two small children who need me too. I’ll never…see them again unless you.. help me, please doctor!” John looked desperately into the doctor’s eyes, wondering whether he had touched the man’s heart or not. Then the pain and immense weariness seemed to take control of him again and his eyes went shut almost involuntarily, for a second or two.     

Taking advantage of the opportunity, the physician reached into the side pocket of his lab coat and before John knew what had happened, he was on his way to oblivion again. His eyes flew open, shooting daggers of anger at the doctor who had injected him with more medication intended to put him under. “Damn you!” was all he could manage to say as he felt his hold on wakefulness fading swiftly, fully aware that his chance was lost. Stefano had him. John’s spirit cried out in fear, wanting to reach someone, anyone who could help him. ‘Oh, God, No! Don’t let this happen to me again, please! Oh, No! Oh, please find me Doc!’

The physician lingered, observing as the man valiantly fought to stay conscious and checking his patient’s vital signs. When satisfied John Black would be alright if left alone for a short period, the physician spoke quietly with a hint of remorse, “I really am sorry, but it came down to my family or yours, I had to choose mine.” He gently tucked the blankets up around the sleeping man and took one last glance at his patient before walking out the door, locking it behind him. How ironic that both their fates were sealed before they’d ever met, their paths essentially chosen and directed by the same evil manipulator of people and circumstances.