INT. SAINT LUKE’S CHURCH-DAY
PEOPLE gather in the entrance of the church. Whispers pass on from person to person. JOHN stands, greeting people, solomnly. He’s visablly shaking and BRADY guides him to a seat before he can collapse. BELLE follows her brother, her head down, SHAWN on her arm. As everyone takes their seat, the PREIST makes his way to the podium.
PRIEST
There aren’t many people on earth who are considered to be angels. After all, we all have our faults. There are always going to be flaws in other people, always mistakes that we make. But when it came to Marlena Evans-Black, she was indeed an angel. She wasn’t perfect, not by any means, but no single person is. Marlena lived each day as if it were last. When she first got diagnosed with cancer, I spent a lot of time with her alone. I went to the Penthouse thinking it was I who would console her. But in reality, it was she who did the consoling. She would ask me what I thought heaven would be like and she had it all perfect in her mind. That it would be pure magic where every moment was spent caring for other people and watching out for those that she loved. She knew she was dying and yet it didn’t even faze her. I asked her why she wasn’t scared, why she seemed so okay with the notion she was leaving earth for good. She looked at me and laughed and then proceeded to tell me that it was God’s choice on when she left earth and his duty to take care of her once she did. It wasn’t that she wasn’t scared, more that she knew she would be taken care of once she was gone. I can stand here today and tell you all I have learned from those months of talking to Marlena, but it is her children and her husband who have learned the real lessons. So I would like to invite Marlena’s youngest daughter Isabella up here to speak some words about her mother.
Belle turns to her father and squeezes his hand before standing. She leans down, taking a rose from beside her and gently lays it on her mother’s casket. She takes a step up, grabbing onto the podium.
BELLE
When I woke up this morning, something inside of me felt different. You see, before the funeral, it was easy to pretend that my mother was just away on some business conference. It was easy to let myself believe that it would only be a few days until I saw her next. But today … today is different because today is the day when my mother will be put to rest. Today is the day where I realize I can no longer run into her room at midnight, just to tell her how my date with Shawn went. I can no longer come home from college and ask if she has those episodes of Sex and the City for me. She will no longer kiss my eye lids to wake me up in the morning. She will no longer be there for me to cry to when I just feel like everything in the world is about to fall. It’s ironic, you know? The moment where I feel my world is about to crumble is the moment I realized that she was no longer the one who would be able to console me. My mother wasn’t just my mother. She was my best friend. When I was younger, I used to try and hide the fact that my mother was my best friend. Not because I was ashamed of her because God knows I definitely wasn’t. But I didn’t know anyone who was best friends with their mother and I felt … I don’t know, I guess that felt weird to me. As I grew older though, I was proud to be best friends with my mother. She always gave me the best advice. Maybe because she was a psychiatrist or maybe just because she knew my soul and no matter what, it would always help me. My brother and I sat up talking last night, about angels mostly. It was like one of those picturesque scenes you see in a movie. Lying on our backs, staring out into the world unknown and we spoke about our mothers. How they were both angels, how they both would spend the rest of their days looking down upon us and only letting good things happen to us. And maybe it is true and maybe it isn’t. I read in this book once, how people always say that God never gives us more than we can handle but that isn’t always true. I just think that there is no other choice. I can’t NOT live my life just because my mother has left me. But I know it will be hard. It will be hard not to lie awake at night and hear my parent’s in the next room. Talking, laughing, just loving each other. And it will be hard to know that I can’t curl up on the couch with her on a rainy day and watch some silly soap opera with her while I play hooky just because I want to stay with her. There is so much that I can stand here and tell you about my mother. So many memories which will forever burn in my mind, so many conversations that eased my troubles, but you all knew my Mom. You all knew her to be the wonderful, sensational woman that she was. No one knew her like I did though. Not even my father or brothers. Or even my sisters. The thing that frightens me is not living without my mother, but forgetting her. I know you can all say that I will never forget her and maybe that is true. But after a while doesn’t the memory fade? Will the moments we spent talking and the conversations we shared slip my mind? Will her voice become something that I will no longer remember and I will have to dig through piles of home videos just to hear it? The only thing that I do know standing here is how much my mother meant to me and will always mean to me. She was a pain sometimes, but who isn’t? I hated it when she lectured me about guys and I hated how she would scream at me if I was thirty seconds late for curfew even if I was with a boy she’s known her entire life. But for every thing I hated, I loved something about her a million times more. I want to thank everyone who has supported me as of late. My father, my sisters, my brothers, Shawn, my best friends, but most of all, my mother. Because maybe she isn’t here in the flesh, but I know she is the reason why I still awake in the morning with a smile on my face.
Belle looks down at the casket, wiping her tears. She looks back up, smiling through the pain.
So thank you, Mom. Thank you for the times you made me smile, thank you for the times you let me cry when the world was a little less than what I expected. Thank you for kissing my hands in the morning before I went to Kindergarten just so if I missed you, I could place my hand on my cheek and you would be there. Thank you for giving me a bottle of Shalimar before I went away to summer camp just so I could hold you close. But most of all, thank you for being the one person on earth who never judged me, but only loved me, despite all my flaws. I love you.
Belle wipes her tears and steps down, as SAMI and ERIC stand. They both hug Belle and make their way up together.
SAMI
While growing up, Eric and I never really had our mother and for a long time, I thought that it was my fault. I used to believe that I was bad and so God took her away from me because I didn’t deserve her. I thought that for a long time. Eric tried to persuade me out of that line of thinking but I just couldn’t help it. Why else would God take her away from me? All these years later, with all the faults and sins I have committed, I now know that I have nothing to do with it. I know that I didn’t cause my mother’s cancer. But that does not mean I don’t feel guilt. When we lose someone, we are forced to look back on our lives with them. The good memories, the bad … and the mistakes. I have made a lot of those in my life and many concerning my mother. It sometimes amazes me how I was able to shut her out the way that I did. How was I able to hate the woman who gave me life? Who nurtured me in any way that she was allowed? My mother would have died for me, for any of her children, and there are so many nights where I wished I could have done the same for her. I wish I could have had cancer just so she didn’t have to spend her nights retching or spend her days outside with a wig on just so she didn’t have to face the world bald. But Marlena Evans was never one to wallow. She was never one to complain that she had no hair and that her skin was turning a pasty yellow. She didn’t complain when she was lying on her death bed. All she ever did was smile … because that is who she was. I can openly admit now how surley I was throughout all my life, and if there is one thing I am grateful for when it came to Mom’s illness, it was the fact that she taught me how to smile. She never lost faith, she never gave up, and she never forgot to be happy despite all the crap she was going through. She was the sunshine that was beaming down on earth and now she is the brightest star in the night’s sky. I love you, Mom. I hope in your heart you knew how much.
Sami begins to sob softly and grabs Eric’s hand.
ERIC
I can stand up here and tell you every moment ever lived with my mother. I can tell you how loving she was, I can tell you how special she always made her children feel but I know you have already heard it from my sisters and I am sure you will hear it a million more times today. All I can really tell you is that my mother was amazing. She was vivacious, spirited, and always beautiful. Even moments before she passed on, she had a light about her. It was almost as if God was in the room with us. Like he covered her in fairy dust and she sparkled until she flew away to a better place. I never spent much time with my Mom growing up. I was in Colorado a lot and after returning for three years I left Salem once again. But I always thought of her. Always wrote her long letters about my life and she would always write back and just say all these stupid little “Mom” things. Like ‘I hope you are taking care of yourself … make sure you wear your seatbelt when you drive … don’t drink too much …’ She still babied me in so many ways but yet I loved it because it made me realize that despite all her other children, she still loved me. And God knows that we all loved her.
Eric kisses his hand and places it on Marlena’s casket..
I love you Mom. Rest in peace.
Eric and Sami step down as CARRIE makes her way up to the podium. Before she speaks, she wipes the tears, already in her eyes.
CARRIE
Marlena wasn’t my mother, not by birth, yet there were so many moments in my life where she was the only person that mattered. When we thought she had died all those years ago, I remember just sitting in my room and crying for hours. I was eight years old and I felt like everything in my world had suddenly left. Now at 32, things have not changed. I may have spent years away from Salem, but I spoke to Marlena almost every night for hours. As Belle said earlier, she wasn’t just my stepmother, or even my mother. She was my best friend. It’s funny. Some people can’t even handle one child of their own but Marlena … she handled five and only three of them were her blood. But I know she never treated or thought of me as a “step” daughter. She loved me just as much as all her children and for that I am so grateful. There is so much I want to say but not even words can express how thankful I am to Marlena. She will always be the brightest star in my sky. Good-bye Marlena. I love you.
Carrie steps down as Brady stands. He kisses Belle and then John, walking towards the casket. He stands there for a moment, staring. His finger traces Marlena’s casket. He turns, standing next to the casket.
BRADY
For the past couple of days, I have wondered what I could ever say to sum up the life I have lived with Marlena. Growing up with Marlena was more amazing than anyone could ever know. Every Saturday, she and I would go out to the park and play on the swings. We would just kick our legs back and forth and talk about life, or as much as a life a boy has at six. She would tell me about some funny surprise my father had planned for her and I would tell her about classes and about how all girls had cooties, except for her of course, and maybe my sisters. We would takes walks and eat ice cream and it was all just so magical. And then when I was ten, everything changed. Things happened which I will regret my entire life. I went away to school and came back years later a complete, excuse the expression, bastard. I treated Marlena as if she were my enemy when deep in my heart, I knew I loved her more than life in itself. Maybe I was afraid. Maybe I thought she didn’t want me because I wasn’t her blood, but as Carrie said, that never mattered. All she ever wanted was for us to be happy. It took me a long time to actually accept that she loved me. But once I did, things between us were just so amazing again. We even went back to the park one night after she got diagnosed. We sat on the swings and pumped our legs high and spoke about life. It was no longer silly conversation about surprises and cooties, but conversations which will forever stay with me. We spoke about love … the kind of love that takes over everything in your mind. The kind of love where you can’t sleep or eat without the other person right beside you. We spoke about life. About all it had to offer and how each moment brings a glimmer of happiness despite the fact that things may seem hopeless … And we spoke about death. The fears, the wonders … it was like Marlena was so strong with everyone else and with me … with me she was different. Some of you don’t know this but when Marlena was diagnosed, I was the only person with her. No one knew she had gone in for the tests but I found out when I overheard a phone conversation with her doctor. So despite her stubborn attempts, I drove her. When she found out she had cancer, it was almost surreal, for both of us. We sat there for a few minutes while the doctor let us talk in peace. And silence just overtook us. She laughed then. Almost like it was just some dream and she woke up thinking ‘Wow, what a dream, thank God, I am not really sick.’ After the initial shock wore off, she started to cry. Then I started to cry. So here we are in some doctor’s office where I am sure she has other clients to meet, bawling like little babies.
Brady smiles, wiping his eyes. He clears his throat and continues, as the tears continue to fall.
After a while, we left. We drove down to the river and walked along the beach for a while. After the moment we found out about her cancer, Marlena and I had a lot of heart to hearts. There were moments during the day where my father was at work and Belle was at school and it was just Marlena and I. She would have just had a treatment of chemo and she would be lying in bed in so much pain … trying so hard not to cry, trying so hard to just stay strong but I made her let go. I told her to cry and to scream and to just let loose. And she did. She would lay in bed and sob and I would just sit there and sing to her. In so many ways, it was a duel relationship. I was sometimes her parent and I was sometimes almost like a spouse. Not to de-credit my father because of course he loved Marlena more than anybody else in this world. But when he would work, I would just instantly become his role and I loved it. I loved caring for her because it was what she always did for me. There are so many times where she would be nearly asleep and I would just cry. I would whisper over and over how truly sorry I was and she wouldn’t open her eyes, but her voice just came out so soft and she would say ‘Stop apologizing. I love you, baby.’ As I said, I will forever feel bad for all the wrongs I have committed. I will never forgive myself for calling Marlena the names that I have. But at least I know that she has. At least I know that both Marlena and my mother now reside together in heaven and hopefully will take care of me in the best way that they can.
Brady pauses, running his hand along the smooth Mahogony.
I love you so much Mom. I love you for raising me, for forgiving me, and for letting me nurture you the way you nurtured me. May you rest in peace.
He takes a moment at the casket and moves back towards his seat. John sits for a moment, his hand gently reaching next to him. He lifts up a dozen pink roses and a bouquet of lilacs and holds them on his lap for a moment. He stands and nearly falls. Brady steadies his arm and leads him to the casket. John kneels, so he is now eye level with Marlena. He places the flowers beside him on the floor and strokes her hair.
JOHN (CRYING)
You saved me. As difficult and frustrating as it has been sometimes, you have saved me a thousand times over. You kept me honest. You made me a whole person. I owe you everything and you owe me nothing. I don’t know if I want to do this alone. I don’t know if I can.*
BEAT.
He doesn’t turn, but continues to speak, his hand still resting on her hair.
When you got sick, I tried to imagine what it would be like without you. I tried to picture my mornings without you, my afternoons without your smile, and my evenings without you by my side, and I just couldn’t. It was then I believed God would save you. After all, I only survived because of you. I only made a life for myself here because you believed in me, because you trusted me. Moments before you died, I knew it was coming. I could feel you holding on, but so desperatly wanting to let go. So I told you to stop holding on. I was so broken, I was too scared, and I gave up. I didn’t want you to be in pain, Doc. I loved you to much to see you suffer, but now what? Do I have to live my life in neverending pain because you’re gone? I don’t know how I am supposed to wake up everyday for the rest of my life and not have you next to me. I don’t know how I can fall asleep without your legs wrapped around mine or your head up against my chest. I don’t want to know what it will be like to wake up the morning and not hear your soft breathing. I wish you knew how much I loved you, how much I truly truly loved you. How every morning I woke up and smiled just because you were beside me. You were everything to me, Marlena. You were everything I knew, everything I believed in, everything I loved. There are no words for you, sweetheart. No words to describe your beauty, no words to explain how much you meant to me. You are my saving grace. You are my world.
He begins to cry harder, fighting to speak.
I love you so much, Marlena and I am so sorry that I failed you. I was able to protect you from everything … Stefano, Kristen, even the Devil himself … but when it came to cancer, I just couldn’t beat that for you and I am sorry. I wish it was I who had died. I wish that it was me who lived through all those months of chemo. You never deserved it. You never deserved to live such a hard life with such a terrible ending. We should have been able to make it to our 20th wedding anniversary, to see our grandchildren brought into this world. But we can’t because I just didn’t fight hard enough. I just didn’t … and I will spend the rest of my life regretting it. There is a song I hear all the time these days and it reminds me so much of us, Doc. Do you want me to sing it to you?
He almost expects her to answer. He starts to sing anyway, his voice shaken.
There are places I’ll remember
All my life though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places have their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I’ve loved them all.But of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you
And these mem’ries lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new
Though I know I’ll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I’ll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more. Though I know I’ll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I’ll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more.
In my life I love you more. **
John stops singing and sits quietly. Sobs are heard throughtout the entire church. John continues to stroke Marlena’s hair, still crying.
Living in this town without you, Doc, is almost like living in sin. How do I live in a place where everything reminds me of you? The pier, Titan, even my own plane has so many wonderful memories that I am just so scared to relive. We have both lived our separate lives here. You were with Roman and I … well I was with my fair share of women. But in my life, it was only you … it was always you. I have been in love a few times, you know that. But it’s so true … in my life, I loved you more. I loved everything about you, Marlena. I loved the way you would stand in the kitchen for four hours trying to make spaghetti, just to prove to me that you could indeed cook. I loved the way you would unconsciously snuggle closer to me as you slept. I loved the way you would kiss my lips gently in the morning not so much as to wake me up but just because you needed me. I loved the way you raised Belle and I loved you so much for taking Brady and loving him the way that you did. I loved the way it would take you an hour to get dressed in the morning and right after you did, I would only proceed to undress you. I loved going through my day with the smell of Shalimar lingering over my body and I loved the end of the day when I could get home and just hold you in my arms. Most of all, I loved the way you loved me. The way you were always there to listen to me when I needed a shoulder to cry on. The way you forgave me for all my wrong doings just because you had enough faith in us to hold on. It is reasons like these that I believe I cannot make it without you.
John takes a breath. He remains oblivious to the people behind him. He runs his hand along Marlena’s face and takes a deep breath. He exhales and begins again.
It hurts so badly, Doc. My heart … it feels like it’s going to burst. I can feel it crack, slowly but surely. When I close my eyes, I can envision life ten years from now and it is dark and cold. You are my best friend in this entire universe, Doc. How do I go on without my best friend? Who do I run to now when my day has been bad? Who am I supposed to make all my stupid jokes to? Who do I wake up with in the morning, if not you? Who do I cry to and accept hugs from when the one person in the world who can make me smile is no longer in it. I’m so very scared, Marlena. You have to help me. I need to know that you are here. I need you to show me that you are still right here. You need to guide me and shed light on me when I am in trouble. And most of all, you have to make sure that I don’t forget … You have to make sure that the memories are still alive. That I don’t forget all the wonderful moments that we spent with each other, in each other’s arms or even just lying on the couch and watching some movie that you know I cannot stand. Just make it all repeat in my mind … make it all seem real.
John stops again. He turns his head slightly, for the first time, now seeing everyone behind him.
I think I need to say good-bye now, Doc. I need to let you rest and I need to let myself mourn. I won’t say good-bye … good-bye is to final and our love … it is not. So I’ll see you … someday. And when I die and I make it up to Saint Peter’s Gates and they ask me what it is that I loved the most about earth, it will be then that I smile and say ‘I was always in heaven with my wife …’ and it is true, Marlena. I didn’t live on earth because every moment spent with you was my heaven. I love you, my angel.
John stands and kisses Marlena’s lips.
(WHISPERS)
I love you.
He leans down and picks up the flowers, placing them all around her coffin. He stands for a moment and returns to his seat. Belle takes her father’s hand as the Preist walks back to the podium.
PRIEST
I would like to thank everyone who came up here today. Marlena Evans-Black was a sensational woman. She gave her all to everyone and her desire in life was to make the people around her happy … and they were. John wanted to end this service with a poem that always meant so much to him and Marlena…
PAGES RUSTLE AND THE CONGREGATION BEGINS TO READ.
CONGREGATION
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of being and ideal grace.
I love thee to the level of every day’s
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for right.
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints. I love with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.
Slowly everyone gets up. One by one, they each place a flower on Marlena’s casket, except for John.
CUT to a MONTAGE of UNCHAINED MELODY by THE RIGHTOUS BROTHERS. Clips of Marlena flash for a few moments. The song and montage end.
Cut to John, who is now alone and standing at Marlena’s casket. He places a lilac on the foot of her coffin. He walks towards her, placing his hand on her cheek.
JOHN
I was born when you kissed me, and died when you left me and I lived in sweet bliss for the short eternity that you loved me …
HOLD ON JOHN STANDING THERE AS THE CREDITS ROLL.
* Quoted from The X Files
**Lyrics to In My Life by The Beatles
The Jarlena Journal 