Won’t Let You Go Till You’re Safe and Sound – By SenecatMartinez

John stomped down the stairs, his lips a fine line of aggravation, the overly full box balanced on his left hip, he carried easily. Marlena was behind him, she slowly descended the steps, one…by…one…watching him. She may not have any memories of being a psychologist but she knew how to be patient and ponder her next words to him.

Since he agreed to move out of the penthouse, he had barely spoken two or three worlds to her. If he had to talk, he was short and to the point and very emotionless. She was thankful for that much. With Alex he was always challenging, his words were angry and threatening or were insulting and hurtful. She didn’t think she could handle that kind of anger from him.

At the bottom of the stairs she watched as he arranged a small stack of boxes on a hand truck. He wasn’t taking much.

“Are you sure that’s all you want? Surely you will consider some of the furniture?” He didn’t answer

“Though,” she continued arms folded in front of her, she leaned to the side to try and look him in the eye. “Living with Kate you won’t need much if she has it already.” He forcefully shoved something in a box; it was his reaction to her mentioning Kate.

He suddenly became completely still. He worked his jaw before he slightly turned to his head in her direction.

“I told you living with Kate was temporary, until we could sort things out.” He went back to roughly shoving things in a box. “And since things didn’t work out…” he stopped talking after that. Marlena could feel the well of emotion, sorrow to be exact, building in him.

“John” she said softly and took a step toward him.

“I made tea.” She heard Alex’s voice from behind them. A wall dropped over John and she took a step back. “I’ll just leave it,” finished Alex.

John had made it perfectly clear when he arrived earlier he was not expecting them to be around. He had planned it that way. Alex had chimed in right away, saying he thought it was a good idea that he and Marlena be there to help John, in case he forgot anything. John had noticed immediately how Alex had rocked onto the balls of his feet and back again, a smirk playing at his lips. This was Alex’s way of being overly confident and smug.

“God forbid I should ever come back here right?” he challenged Alex

“Why make two trips?” he replied with a sick smile

“Why you…!” and John took a step toward the Doctor.

“JOHN!” Marlena stepped between them. “Please! Please don’t fight.”

“Tell your friend here…” John began through grit teeth

“You mean her ‘husband’…” Alex said with a smirk “North!” John growled and he leaned against Marlena in order to get closer to Alex, “I have no reservations against rendering your head from the rest of your body.” He leaned in even closer. The two men stared hard, like lions ready to pounce.

“John,” he heard Marlena whisper, he also heard her fear. He looked down, looking straight into her eyes. In that instant, he stared deep. She became lost in his eyes, something that happened a couple of times before. But it never lasted long enough for her to examine what she was feeling or what was happening. And like before, the moment was lost to Alex intruding. This time John composed himself before Dr North could say anything that would escalate the situation.

“Keep him away from me…” he finally spoke and the veil dropped over his eyes again. He glanced up at Alex before he turned away from them both.

She managed to convince Alex to be in any other room in the penthouse just as long as he was not in the same one as John. She’d be fine, even better if there were not another confrontation. He was leaving, they owed him that. Alex seemed to be appeased by her pointing out John’s “downfall”. She took that under consideration.

Marlena, shifting her thoughts back to the present, watched John take things from the small desk.

“You should have your lawyer contact Mickey regarding—“

“I don’t want your money. I thought I was perfectly clear on that.” He turned to face her.

“That’s not what I meant.” He became more intense. “There are things that are in both or names, insurance policies, wills, beneficiary addendums…all that needs to be taken care of.” His words, eyes and body dripped anger, hurt and resentment.

“Certainly,” his words softened as he backed down a bit. “We don’t need our names together on important documents anymore.” Out of the corner of his eye he saw Alex lurking. Continuing to stare at her, John spied a few more things.

“Speaking of things that don’t matter,” he went over to the piano. He began to remove the pictures of him and her and even pictures of Belle. Horrified, Marlena rushed over.

“What are you doing?” she felt her defenses rising.

“I am taking my pictures.” She watched as he removed pictures, one by one, and placed them carefully in his arms.

“I realize I have no memories of what’s what but I trust that you’re not going to take advantage of what I don’t know is mine.” She could not help the crack in her voice or the tears that began to form.

“What’s the point?” and HIS voice went up a decibel. “None of this matters! Our life,” he said shoving a picture in her face, “Our love,” and he held up another. She bobbed back and shut her eyes against his onslaught. Tears began to stream down her face. She felt his anger and sadness as her own. She hated what was happening and yet felt defenseless to stop it.

“The last thing I want is to see my life tossed away the minute my back is turned.” John said

“You don’t know that” she said loudly through more tears

“No?!” He questioned loudly “Who keeps pictures of their ex-husbands? What husband allows pictures of ex-husbands?? I won’t give him the pleasure of tossing my life aside—like you did!” That stung and she felt like crumbling.

“I won’t let him,” she whispered and he wondered if she was trying to plead with him. He stopped a minute and looked at her. If she wanted him, she needed to come out and say it. No more guessing games. He’d have to challenge her. And show that smug bastard that she really didn’t want this. But how? He shook his head. There was no way. Not now.

“Oh Doc.—you already have.” John made his way around her with an arm full of pictures. He began placing them in a box when he saw something small and gold that caught the corner of his eye. He looked directly at the object and stared hard at it. Marlena became more focused and trailed after his gaze. She saw the object of his fixed look.

“Oh…no…you…don’t!” She said each world purposely at the same time she quickly made her way toward the gold Swiss clock but John was quicker and more agile on his feet. He was there before she was and he elegantly plucked the clock out from between her two-handed reach for it.

“I’ll take that…”

“NOOOO!” she yelled at him. This time her hands were balled up in fists, her face red with furry. “You can’t have it!” She screeched at him.

“I bought it!” he yelled back.

“You gave it to me!”

“What is going on here?!” Alex came up behind Marlena. They ignored him.

“It’s meaningless!” he yelled back.

“It is NOT!” she protested.

“No?!” he questioned. “Then what is it?” He growled. “Why do you care?” He began to get momentum in his anger again. “TELL ME!” he yelled through grit teeth.

She saw how red he was; saw how he barely was holding it together. She opened her mouth to tell him that she new what the clock meant. She wanted to tell him! The words bubbled up in her throat, she remembered he and her looking at the clock, she remembered how they had kissed. But she felt Alex breathing down her neck. All she could do was close her mouth and look down.

“Ooooh Doc…” be have moaned half chuckled “I knew it. It’s nothing more than garbage.”

“It’s not” she pleaded under her breath, tears streaming down her face

“It is. But you’re right—keep it!” She looked up suddenly but instead of him handing the precious object to her, he spun angrily, his left arm went flying and with it…the clock. She screamed when she saw it go flying. It smashed against the wall.

“WHY??!” She yelled at him. It took him a minute to answer. He stared at the wall where he had thrown the object, working his jaw. His lips quivered slightly.

“Because,” he said more defeated then calmly, more defeated than she had seen him in the whole time they had to deal with this crazy, confusing, situation. “Now it represents what’s happened to us.”

“I really wish you’d reconsider…” Kate’s hushed, low voice was close to his ear. She stood pressed to his back, her chin lightly on his shoulder. She rubbed his back gently. He knew she was only trying to comfort him but a twinge of her wanting more gnawed at him.

He shook his head, shutting his eyes tight; wanting to both get away from the nagging feeling and reconfirming his intentions to leave. She backed off a bit and took a deep breath feeling rejected. She nodded her head and swallowed the sudden ache in her throat—she would not cry!

He felt horrible for having to do this. He suddenly turned to her, a crack in his resolve began to travel up his back and a rush of words threatened to spill out. He stopped, his eyes still closed, he put his hands together and rested them against his lips; he was trying to organize his thoughts.

“Kate,” he began slowly. “I can’t tell you enough how much you mean to me…” She smiled and stepped closer. “But,” he went on, her smile dissolved and she stepped back. “I love my wife,” he said like an entreaty, the look in his eyes was painful to witness. He chuckled turning away from her. He threw up his hands at the complete insanity.

“I love my wife,” he said again with a whole new acceptance and sat hard on Kate’s couch. He dropped his head into his hands running his fingers over his hair. There was just no denying it.

She watched him for a moment before she walked over to him. She eased into the small space he left on his right side. And although she was small and thin framed, she practically sat on him. With a bit of a groan he moved over. She rolled her eyes, irritated at his need to put distance between them. It took her only seconds to regroup, she wouldn’t give up and pressed herself against him again, putting her hand on his back.

“John,” she started quickly. “All I’m saying is that you shouldn’t be alone right now.” He shook his head at her lack of understanding—she didn’t get it. “Just hear me out—” she continued knowing he did not want to listen.

“Kate!” he cut her off standing “I can’t stay here. I—I—” and his shoulders suddenly slumped. He went back to the window that faced the penthouse. Leaning his elbow against the window, he rubbed his chin with the hand that drifted in front of him, agitation began to grow. Kate wasn’t right. He couldn’t let go. And he felt stifled being there.

“There’s nothing you can do John,” her frustration growing. “It’s over!”

“I know that!” he yelled turning to her. It’s what his rational mind also told him but his heart cried out in denial against them both. His anger was mounting and he was taking it out on her. She came up to him quickly, resting both her hands on his chest.

“Then let me help you. Let me help you to move on and let go.” She pleaded. That edge of uncomfortable anxiety crept over him. He ignored it. What if? Looking into her eyes …what if? Was it possible to get lost in those dark pools? Was it at all possible to put an end to the stinging gash that seared through him right now? He just needed comfort, just needed relief, he hurt so bad even his skin felt as if he had been sunburned. He ignored the uneasy feeling, he couldn’t hurt her any more and he achingly, hoped…

Looking at her like this, she began to advance, she was going to kiss him. He shut his eyes against something that felt like doubt stealing over him. He had to try. He couldn’t go on much longer feeling this desolate.

He also began to edge forward, every bit of him wanting a reprieve from his shattered heart. But the instant his lips touched hers, a cold, empty feeling dropped over him. It was choking and bone deep. He suddenly couldn’t feel any lonelier. He groaned and tore his lips away although he grabbed her and pulled her tightly to him. It was hopeless the whole world was hopeless…

“Kate, Kate, Kate,” he sighed out. “I know you’re just trying to help and I so appreciate it. But I…” He pulled her away to look her in the eye, he had so much to say but all he did was stare her in the face. He could try and convince her but he knew she would not listen, she’d argue her case. There was no way he could tell her she was not what he needed or really what he wanted.

Nobody knew what was happening to him right now. All he wanted was someone who could help him, someone that didn’t make demands, someone that had no other agenda. Of course he wanted to move on–to escape this torment but he was also all out of giving and really there was only one woman he wanted to give to…and she didn’t want him.

He was pacing around Kate’s suite now. He wanted to talk about his wife; he ached to tell Marlena how he felt. He longed for the sweet, soft smell of her perfume, to have her hair brush against his face, to lightly rub his lips across her cheek and feel the soft warmth of her neck against his nose as he made his way to her lips. Just…one…more…time.

He smiled to himself, she loved sweet soft scents, gardenias, honeysuckle, sweet cream…he shut his eyes quickly. He suddenly thought of Kate behind him, he could feel her hard stare. There could be no two women that were so opposite. Kate like spicy scents, even now her house had little bowls filled with cinnamon and cloves, they were not just for the holidays. She often wore something that she called Amber. It was a strong scent that let you know she was in the room or advancing.

Where as with Marlena, her presence came on soft and subtle, it surrounded you, made you breath deep, sit up and follow…He dropped his head. How could it have gone so wrong?

He suddenly stopped…far off…he heard the sound of bells…Christmas bells…

“Uh-oh!” He called out. “Oh Doc…You’re dead center…” he said wiping his hand quickly in the dish towel he held. With total abandon and exuberance, he leaped over the Brady’s couch and took a step towards Marlena.

“What? What?” Marlena said looking around.

“Right there…under the mistletoe,” he stared upward.

“Ohhh…” she said spying the mistletoe above her. “Well…the last thing we want to do is break tradition…”

“No ma’am,” he said tossing aside the towel and he smiled a smile that filled his eyes until they danced.

And…what seemed like a world away to him right now…

An overwhelming warmth fell over Marlena. It surrounded her crushed heart, gave her peace and a sense of security and hope. It spread out from her chest, slipping over her like a soft shall. She shut her eyes, she still held tight to the broken clock, something was happening. She couldn’t stop it. Her legs felt light and they tingled. Her mouth opened ever so slightly.

It was as if he was there…strong hands bringing her mouth to him…pressing against her lips, warm and sweet, one full bottom lip, the top one soft and gentle. The kiss was meant to be endearing and simple at first…but she felt it…something else…

The tip of his tongue ever so slightly grazed her bottom lip. It sent little electrical shocks through her, she felt it to her toes, heard it like the tinkling of a crystal bell in her ears.

Her hands clutched around the clock and she released the breath that she had no idea she was holding.

“Marlena?” Alex reached for her.

“John?” Kate said coming up to him. Before she could reach him the phone rang. John, slightly startled to be back with Kate, turned to the sound. Kate reached for the phone.

“Hello? Hi honey…What? Well babies get sick all the time…you want us to come over?” She paused to listen. “Ok…ok…we’ll see you there.” She hung up the phone. Going for her purse, she turned to John.

“That was Phillip. The baby’s sick. He and Belle are taking her to the hospital.”

“Let me grab my things,” John said nodding. He picked up the bags he had packed and slung them over his shoulder.

“John…” she had started to protest again.

“Kate,” he held his ground. “We don’t have time to argue about his.” He dropped his head his chin to his chest, which always meant he was serious and was not going to discuss things another moment. She nodded her head in agreement looking away.

They all paced and waited, waited and paced. At first Lexie came every few minutes to update them. Eventually, every few minutes turned into once every half hour. “Evaluation” was all she said without any concrete details. “Wait and see” was another short phrase that John wanted to strangle her over. He tried not to be mad at the world but he really wanted to hit something….looking over to where North stood with his wife…or hit someone.

Marlena looked up at Alex, her eyes held a sadness. John immediately knew that was her worried look. She had not quite yet gotten to actually frightened because he didn’t see tears, although a bit of uncertainty was creeping in and her mouth was set. She also held her arms about her like she was cold. Nope, that was definite worry. He knew immediately the cure for her, he shut his eyes when his body began to react, a ghost of a feeling of holding her overwhelmed him. Opening his eyes he found that Alex had taken advantage of his remedy. Marlena pulled away from her Doctor long enough to look at him and smile, Alex pulled her back into him again.

The band around John’s chest tightened as did his fist and as did his teeth as they clenched together. His breath was coming quick and his heart raced, even faster than he wanted it too. He was also feeling a bit light headed…this actually bothered him. He knew he better calm down before he blew his stack and launched a chair or better yet a whole hospital bed at Alex North.

“Daddy?” He heard Belle’s small voice. He spun around and for a second she was the small little girl he kissed goodbye in Aramid. His heart jumped in his throat and he blinked away tears. His mind chanted for him to keep it cool. He was there for her and not the other way around.

“Hi honey…” He choked out. She gave him a stern look through watery eyes. When she first saw him come down the hospital corridors she did a double-take at his appearance. He looked pale, the lines in his forehead and about his mouth sank deep in his face, his eyes were puffy and dark circles were forming. Although he was still as tall as a tree to her, he was thinner; the coat he wore seemed three times too big for him. All in all she could see that he was not just worn out but worn down. Something she never thought she’d see her father become. Out of the corner of her eyes she spied her mother. She turned her head just a bit and when she looked up, her father was looking that way too. Staring at him, the pain was as prominent as a neon sign. “Is everything alright?” She questioned.

With a slight smile that really looked more like a grimace he nodded. Staring at her like this, he couldn’t manage a lie. It was too painful to even open his mouth. An avalanche of pain threatened to overwhelm him if he had to admit honestly what was really going on. This coupled with confusion, a lack of understanding of his wife’s reasoning, a sense of loss of control and completely powerless to stop the speeding train—on its way over a cliff—that had now become his life, lead him to clamp shut. He ached to give her some reassurance, for the both of them, that things were going to turn out but the more hope he wanted the more desolate he seemed to feel; especially having to witness the sickening affection that was beginning to flourish just a few feet away from them.

Feeling guilt my backside, he wanted to yell out. Earlier, he had confronted Marlena in the hopes that this new crisis would get her to reconsider. She was appalled that he would even make such a suggestion. She understood that Belle needed love and support but lying to her wasn’t going to help. She had made her choice to be with Alex despite what John thought of her reasoning. She wasn’t there to please him either. That did it and it blew up into an argument about how she had turned her back on her children. That didn’t go over well and drove an even bigger wedge between him. Even worse, his pride was getting the better of him. He had wanted to beg her forgiveness but she stood their like a fortress, her eyes flat and like stone, no hint of any emotional connection. In the past he could read, as much as he had hurt her or made her angry, there was a flicker of feeling that showed she hated, with all that she was, that they couldn’t, even temporarily, solve what was happening. Now there was nothing. And damned if he would let the ice queen that stood in front of him at the time, get the better of him by his begging.

He held out his arms to Belle. With a sigh she welcomed the embrace. Things were always better in Daddy’s arms. As much as she loved her baby, she didn’t want to care this much, the enormity was overwhelming and too frightening. She didn’t realize how attached she had grown to her baby. Even at this moment, though her daughter was very much alive, it was as if someone had taken a bite out of her heart and she could barely breathe.

“Oh daddy…,” Belle signed out with a small crack in her voice. John wrapped his arms around her while the rest of his slip of a daughter disappeared into his heavy coat.

“I know baby girl,” he said in return “It’s going to be all right…” He was looking up resting his chin on her head. He didn’t have the heart to tell her what more was going on. And the part of him that was truly angry with Marlena wanted her to face the music. But now was not the time. As horrible as it was to think let alone say out loud—but if anything—this family crisis might just change her mind. Even a temporary “reunion” might give him enough leverage to make Marlena see.

“What if I loose her?” Belle began barley able to get out the whole sentence. John opened his mouth to say something when he heard Marlena in front of him talking.

“You have to stay positive,” she tried to sooth. John stared in front of him, his eyes mere slits as he looked at his wife. She looked at John; a touch of guilt was creeping around her eyes and mouth. “You’re little girl is going to need your strength.” Marlena stepped closer rubbing Belle’s back where John’s arms left space.

John couldn’t believe what he was hearing and yet coveted how close Marlena dared to step towards the two of them. Belle also picked up on Marlena’s comfortable proximity to her and her father and her hopes brightened. She looked up and her father’s face, right over hers, her mother’s just mere inches from him too. She noticed the look they were exchanging and had no idea how horribly wrong she was about its meaning. She sighed, a slight smile playing at her lips.

“It’s good to at least see you two getting closer,” her statement surprised the couple. Her mother displayed her remorse like a beacon where as John became like a statue. The air vibrated with something that didn’t feel right. Something like fear played in Marlena’s eyes as she stared up at John whose nostrils flared and his eyes challenged. Belle knew immediately she had said something, something the two people in front of her were keeping from her. And like someone watching a tennis match, her head turned from one to the other and back again.

“What?” she looked from one to the other. Marlena looked from Belle back at John. John dropped his gaze and roughly shoved his hands in the pockets of his jeans.

“What’s going on? What’s the matter?”

“Belle…honey,” Marlena started, a smile pulled at her lips but it didn’t seem real.

John suddenly let out a groan that sounded more like a hiss. He turned away from the two women roughly and leaned heavily against the high counter, the furthest end where visitors could pour coffee. Thankfully it was slow, no one was there. With both elbows on the counter, he rested his chin in his hands his fingers laced over his mouth eyes shut tight for what was about to happen.

Alex stepped up, “Belle, now really isn’t the time…,” he tried to come to Marlena’s rescue but her daughter only read it as some sort of diversion. Considering the loss of patients she was having due to her baby’s illness, she was close to loosing all sense of social graces. Her eyes hardened and her jaw clamped shut into a definite square. This man had the nerve to speak to her as if he had a right to be consoling or looking out for her welfare; as if he thought he was her father! Belle shot him a look that clearly read he needed to step back and remember how much she DIDN’T know him. Marlena read it immediately and tipped her head to catch Bells eye. Alex bobbed back, taken by surprise at the look. His mind quickly concluded that he needed to be much more cautious when dealing with Belle.

“Really Belle, Alex is right, we should be concentrating on Claire right now.” Marlena said a bit more sternly than she had meant to. Belle wouldn’t have it.

“Lexie isn’t back yet. I want to know what is going on. Something’s happened hasn’t it?” she said looking from her mother to her father’s back. “Daddy?”

“I’m sorry …” was all he said. John just shook his head his voice sounded gravelly and barely comprehensible, it was a voice that seemed to come from a far off place rather than from just behind his large framed back, a stature once so strong, suddenly was quickly retreating more and more into his coat. He dropped his hands from his lips and folded his arms about him.

“Sorry?” she tried to look at him. She couldn’t see his face, what she did catch were his lips quivering. She also could not see, nor feel though his large thick coat, that every muscle in his body was as stiff as a board, so stiff he was shaking with both grief and rage. A slow burn ran up his chest and threatened to eat him alive.

“Dad? Dad? What’s…,” Swiftly she knew. She turned on her mom who swiped at a stray tear, one arm wrapped around herself, she refused to look Belle in the eye. There was only one thing that could upset John Black this much. Marlena slowly looked at Belle, an entreaty in her eyes that begged that she find it in her heart to understand. Alex had his arm possessively on Marlena’s shoulder, one eyebrow up and his chin as well, waiting to meet Belle’s challenge.

“Oh no…,” Belle’s mouth quivered, her eyes watered and she shook her head. “Oooh noooo!” She got even angrier. “You are NOT going to tell me you decided to stay with HIM?!” she began to pant her face flushed red.

“Belle honey…” Marlena tried to stay calm

“No!” She waved a hand at her mother to back off. “I can’t believe YOU! As if Roman wasn’t enough!” She spat out venomously and getting more furious by the second. Of all the things her mother had done and Belle had defended, her mother was crossing her last line. Especially since her father had every opportunity to walk away and he refused.

Marlena stepped back, feeling unexpectedly crushed. She knew full well the responsibility she was taking on. But she had no idea Belle’s rejection was going to shock and hurt. She may not have remembered her past with Belle but the current relationship she was forging felt safe. Marlena knew without a doubt that, out of all the people she had to re-remember, Belle was the kindest, most patient and most unconditional. Marlena had an immediate bond with Belle; she attributed it to a “camaraderie” two women would have discovering their sense of motherhood together. She had nothing else to connect her to this girl that looked so much like her.

Marlena was watching all of it crumble right in front of her. All the things she had hoped for, the recovery of her past, a sense of belonging to something, a family, people who loved her regardless of what she could give…all of it was slipping away. Crying she held her hand to her face, over her mouth and nose.

“I can’t believe that you’d do this? You don’t even remember him?” Belle continued icily through tears.

“I don’t remember your father either,” Marlena cried her hands splayed out in front of her hoping to help emphasize her point.

“So you…what? Flipped a coin?!” Belled half shrieked. Marlena gasped, suddenly her own anger spilling out.

“How dare you!” Marlena yelled back, her hands clinched into shaking fists in front of her. Belle ignored her. She spun away and looked at her father’s back. Silence! That’s all he had to say was …nothing. Her world was crumbling all around her, it was spinning out of control and neither one of her parents seemed to have their heads on straight.

“Daddy?” She turned to John. “You can’t let this happen!” A twinge of hysteria in her plea. “You can’t go through with this! You have to stop it!! I mean…” and she looked wildly around the hospital. “What will you do if you loose her?!”

There it was. What a thing to say to him, what a thing for him to have to hear right now.  He huffed through his hands since he hadn’t moved through their whole scene. The previous burning in his chest spread outward like a tidal wave. It quickly turned to a cold, sickening panic that dropped to the pit of his stomach and his chest began to constrict. Suddenly he began to see spots, the room shifted as if he was on a boat, he grew even paler and sweat beaded over his forehead and neck. The slight trembling from before turned to violent tremors, a noise that sounded like a croak popped out of him. Belle stepped closer to him, not fathoming what was happening to him, she touched him.

With a sudden rush he was grabbing her up in his harms, wracked with uncontrollable shakes and sobs poured out of him. He buried his head in her hair. His knees buckled and he went sinking to the floor and Belle, not able to hold him, went with him. The crack in the resolve that started earlier at Kate’s broke wide open and their, on his knees, he was undone.

Marlena lunged forward; her arms went out in an attempt to catch them both. Tears streamed down her face an overwhelming need to go to them and fix the situation swarmed her. Alex quickly grabbed her around the shoulders and pulled her back. She turned on him, shocked and surprised. He stared hard at her, her words of her final commitment to him suddenly echoed in her head. She had made her decision. She had pushed and pulled all of them with her indecision and inability to choose.

“You can’t let him manipulate you with his dramatics. This is how he gets control of you.” Alex hissed through his teeth. Stunned by all that was happening she just stood there, looking stupefied at Alex. She came out of her stupor when she heard god-awful sounds of choking, deep-chested, gasps.

“DAD!” Belle yelled when he suddenly pushed her off of him. John was frantically pulling at his shirt and coat, getting paler by the second, the sounds of his fight to get air escalated to an echo throughout the hospital floor.

“C-can’t…breathe–!” he managed to get out grabbing his chest

“SOMEBODY HELP HIM!!” Belle yelled

It was tapping that brought him to the present. He was not fully awake yet not altogether asleep but in that space, in between wake and sleep, conscious just enough to ask, is this real…?

The tapping was rhythmic, a song perhaps. He knew for sure when the humming started. It was a soft note, starting from the back of someone’s throat; it went up an octave or two, dipped and then went up and down like the rise and falls of a roller coaster. The edge of his lips twitched. He remembered….

The hole was cold and damp; being on an island it wasn’t musty but certainly smelled wet. Above him a large disk of light and a sky as deep as sapphire teased him. Being free of his prison would be ideal but considering this island, it was a matter of going from the frying pan into the fire.

The soft voice next to him finally sang words…

“No woman, no cry…”

Not that song, he thought.

“Why do you always sing that song?”

“I like it. It gives me hope.”

“Hope? You’re kidding…”

“Yep!”

“Even here?”

“Especially here…”

“Now I know He’s driven you crazy,” he said. It was meant to be sarcastic. But in reality, he didn’t know what he would do if it ever came true. She had been his last salvation. Loosing her …

“Hope is all we have Jinx.” And her words were soft. His mind began to get fuzzy, he listened to the sound of her soft yet high child like voice and the beautiful way she sang. Both were intermingling as the sapphire sky began to fade, he felt like he was falling…like poor Alice, down the rabbit hole. Only, at every other word she spoke the darkness closed over him like shutting doors. “Even as we breathe our last breath, we must never give up hope; there are always…possibilities.”

Suddenly, with a flash and a shock that felt like he had been thrown in a bucket of ice water he was exploding back in his body. His eyes popped open. He was surprised by the bright florescent lights of the hospital room he was in.

“Welcome back to the land of the living…” a light voice drifted over to him. He furrowed his brow immediately. Then looked over to where the sound came from. A woman dressed in black, with dark strait hair pulled back in a long pigtail, her eyes hidden by thick, long, dark eyelashes sat in a chair next to his bed. She was busily writing on a pad of paper clamped to a clipboard.

“Wh-what…happened?” He surprised himself at the sound of his scratchy voice, additionally, why he hadn’t asked first who she was and why she was there.

“You passed out,” she replied not looking up.

“My chest…hurt.”

“I’m sure it did.”

“Was it a heart attack?”

“Nope.”

His eyes beaded up again. He waited for another minute watching her. The way her hand was going across the paper, he didn’t think she was writing.

“Are you going to tell me what happened to me? And who are you??”

“Sure.” She flipped the clip board around “How does it look?”

His eyebrows sowed together even tighter than before. Was this woman a loon?

“What?” he asked not believing what he was hearing.

“Well,” she got up and went to him. “It is supposed to be this container of water.” She gestured to the plastic pitcher on the table next to his bed. She suddenly sighed heavily looking at her drawing again. “It doesn’t look at all cylindrical. It looks like a box with lines. How they do it…?” Shrugging, she put the clipboard on the table next to the container she had tried to draw.

“And I just quit my day job!” She smiled brightly and held out a tiny hand to him. “My name is Dr. Serott. You can call me Mina.”

“You’re a doctor?” She arched a thin, elegant, eyebrow at his question. For a moment he got caught in the softness of her large dark eyes. They weren’t at all like Kate’s. Kate’s were black. And sometimes, he could clue into when she was plotting something. As much as he hated to admit it, that’s when they got flat and lifeless, like a shark’s.

“Considering I really didn’t quit my day job, yes, I am a doctor.”

“Are you a heart specialist?”

“Why would you think that?”

“The last thing I remember, my chest hurt, I could barely breathe,” he said. At first he looked away to recall the events that took place in the waiting room. He finished by looking up at her, a bit confused. She had said he didn’t have a heart attack. “You must be here for that. What happen to me?”

“High anxiety.”

“Excuse me?”

“You had an anxiety attack or some call it a panic attack. Profuse sweating, uncontrollable shaking, your chest constricts, you can’t breathe, you feel like you’re having a heart attack…just anxiety.”

“I have never been a nervous person in my life!”

“It’s not about that Mr. Black. You must be under some deal of pressure or maybe you are suffering from a great loss…” His whole face dropped into sadness. He looked away quickly and she saw the fortress walls coming down around him.

“I see I rang your bell,” she said pulling the chair she sat in previously next to him. She stretched out, folding her hands in her lap and causally asked, “Do you want to talk about it?”

His head snapped up and turned on her immediately. “Why would I speak to you?”

“I’m your Doctor.”

“I don’t even know what kind of Doctor you are. You’ve already told me you weren’t here to check my heart. You are not my general practitioner…” She watched him rattle off all the possible Doctors that would be treating him for the anxiety attack. She wondered if he would get to the correct one. She was even more curious how he would react when he did. “What other Doctor could I possibly…” Then his face went perfectly still, his mouth a round “O” as he figured it out and he sank even more into his pillows.

“You’re a…”

“Psychologist, yes,” she said nodding her head in confirmation. He started to look around wildly.

“Am I…” and he was afraid to finish his question. He was reasured that the room wasn’t rubber.

“You are free to go,” she said with a reassuring smile. “You hadn’t noticed you were still in your street clothes, sans coat and shoes though.”

He looked down quickly touching his chest. He still did have his regular clothes on. He took a deep breath, then sat up swinging his legs over the side of the bed. She sat up quickly to avoid getting hit by those long, strong limbs. But he was in perfect command of the space around him. Hunched over the edge of the bed, he looked around the floor for his shoes.

“I was really hoping you would consider talking to me,” she began. He shook his head.

“Thank you, I’m fine,” he replied one eyebrow up, along with his eyes, his chin still very close to his chest from when he was looking at the floor. “My shoes?”

“Would you consider a trade?”

“Excuse me?” he sat up straight.

“The location of your shoes, coat and keys” she smiled mischievously, he had no idea she had is keys. “For one session with me?”

“No.”

“Boy!” And she raised her voice sternly at his stubborness. “You’re going to look silly walking home. You’ll be back for sure with pneumonia.”

“I have friends…” he threatened his own voice getting steely

“That’s a good thing! But I was hoping we could talk about you, not your friends. One of which is particularly concerned about you…” She couldn’t keep up the act, she really wan’t at all angry. She smiled at him as if her smile held a secret. Again, his face twisted with mass confusion.

“This is blackmail, Doctor and I don’t appreciate it.” He set his jaw, turning only half a face to her, his lips became a thin line.

“It is not! I have no information on you…I’m trying to get information,” She said, she even sounded frustrated. But he didn’t believe her act for one second when she waved a finger at him to correct him. “This is extortion.”

He let out a sound of utter disgust through his teeth. He turned his head this away then back, getting ready to let her have it. But before he could let his words fly, someone knocked at the door. They both turned and looked. Doctor Serott stepped closer to him.

“I’ll bet you two sessions with me it’s the blonde,” she looked up at him.

He looked down at her ready to respond another “no” when the door actually opened before either one gave permission to enter. To his surprise, Marlena walked right in.

“Pushy isn’t she…?” Serott said with a teasing smile and folded arms about her breast. She turned away from him, taking a seat in her chair, after she turned it around to the action about to take place. John ignored her, his gaze fixed on Marlena. Like a cat watching koi fish, the Doctor’s eyes got very intent, drinking in every detail.

“Doc…” and the word escaped him as if he had just exhaled a breath of fresh air. Marlena stopped advancing and gave him a stern look. He dropped his head immediately like a child who had been scolded. “Sorry,” he said under his breath.

She looked away, a bit embarrassed herself for over reacting. She looked behind her before closing the door. Serott tried to see what the other woman was glancing at but missed it. She suspected it was the older gentleman that kept her on a very tight leash.

“It’s all right,” Marlena replied, lacing her fingers together in front of her. “I wanted to find out how you were. I was hoping to relay to Belle some good news for a change.” John looked up immediately.

“Have things gotten worse?” He asked. Marlena shook her head.

“They are trying different treatments. They are going to start a blood transfusion…” Marlena had to stop. For something that hadn’t gotten worse the treatment sounded drastic to John and he sank on the bed. Marlena watched him and became more concerned for him. She stepped closer. He looked so defeated. There was no way to compare which one of these family members was feeling worse. She could guess that father and daughter were feeling parallel feelings of fear and loss. For John, Marlena’s leaving was just a loss that just kept compounding if anything happened to his new granddaughter. Marlena’s heart twisted.

Marlena walked up to him and without thinking about it, she sat close to him on the bed; close enough that she laced her arm through his and grabbed his hand. She stared at him. He stared at her hand laced in his. He slowly looked at her. They stared intently at each other for what seemed like an eternity. She couldn’t help but drop her gaze to his lips, sudden flashes of a kiss popped before her minds eye. He watched her as she became transfixed. He didn’t know if she knew it but she was leaning into him. He became afraid to move or even breathe.

However, the moment was broken when Dr Serott suddenly jumped out of her chair and made her way to the door. The couple on the bed also jumped. Annoyed, John shot the moving Dr a look. When his eyes finally caught up to her, she was catching an opening door.

“Dr North? Correct?” She said brightly. She was holding the door, not letting it open.

“That’s correct. I am looking for my wife.” He tried to come in but the petite woman stood her ground.

“Your wife? Really? I don’t think…” Dr Serott began.

“Actually Doctor,” Marlena spoke from behind her. “I am Alex’s, Dr. North’s wife.” Marlena stared hard at the other psychologist. Despite what she might have seen just happen a second ago, Marlena hoped that she wouldn’t say anything inappropriate.

A knowing twinge hit the corners Serott’s perfect, bowed lips. She dropped her head and opened the door wider. She meant to let “The Keeper” in. Instead Marlena turned to John.

“Take care of yourself. Belle needs you.” He didn’t look at her. He just stared straight ahead at nothing working his jaw. As soon as he heard the door shut his look turned bitter and cold.

“Damnit!” he spat out. “That man isn’t her husband!”

“If he is, she sure doesn’t feel that way…” Dr. Serott stared at the door. Her look was far off and distant. Due to his outburst he had forgotten she was there. He stopped a moment and thought about her words. He had a sudden newfound respect for this petite, spunky woman. It may have been his own prejudice since it sounded like he had suddenly acquired an ally.

“You think so?” he asked her. She turned to him, a hand she had resting on her chin, which was connected to the arm she had resting on the other arm she kept crossed in front of her, gestured after the retreated couple.

“You’re kidding, right?” She came towards him and he had no idea she could look so serious after her last hour of antics. “Mr. Black. I’m a psychologist, believe it or not. I may make jokes that are bad but I read body language very well. I’ve used it a lot…in a past life. And I can tell you this,” She pointed again at the woman who just left. “That woman isn’t, in the least bit, attracted to that man.”

John looked from her to the wall as if he could stare right through it to where Marlena was, at that very moment, also staring. Alex had led her to an elevator on their way out, while concentrated on pushing the button to summon the lift, Marlena suddenly turned back as if someone were there.

In the far off distance, he heard Dr. Serott’s soft velvety voice. It too sounded as if it were distracted in thought. Had he been watching Serott, he would have seen that she went towards the door, her eyes sparkling like someone had held up a glass of dark brandy to a candle flame, “Stick with me, sir, and she’ll be back…”

Eyes narrowed, arms folded tightly about her, teeth clinched and lips pouting, Dr Mina Serott stared unfocused out her office’s large bay window. Getting John Black to talk to her professionally or otherwise was not forthcoming. She had made her best spiel about the pros of talking things out, as one of those things akin to relieving stress, abating resentments, creating tools to make life more livable and approaching life with an honest look at ourselves and those around us. He had no snappy comeback, just raised his eyebrow at her and slightly smirked. “Are you done?” and “No” were the only things he said to her before leaving her.

“Damn,” she said softly shaking her head. How was she ever going to—“beep, beep”. Over her shoulder below her desk her cell phone chimed an incoming message. Retrieving the phone and pushing buttons she read: “How is the other side of the pond? From what I can tell, the weather is clear. Making friends? Contact me soon—SD”

Ignoring the message she returned to her spot by the window. Mina looked out at the rain. Slowly her gaze wandered along the walking path that lazily led past her office window and wound around the rest of Salem University Medical. She followed the languid path as it ran between the tall willows that now dropped their leaves for the winter descending on them. Whereas the actually hospital was attached behind her, the private offices of the psychiatric departments were at the bottom of the horseshoe shape the path made. To the right and left of her, though she was not quite all that familiar with what was beside her, were other buildings that supported other private medical offices, those too were connected to their hospital counterparts and emergency rooms. These were recovery departments, anywhere from physical to mental, pediatric, geriatric or adult. Quite a few were named. She saw multiple amounts of Blacks, Kiriakis’, and Hortons both in the actual hospital and treatment centers. A couple of those names supported a few upcoming charity events that she was invited to participate organizing. That, she thought to herself, might be very useful….maybe.

She frowned deeply. She tipped her head back willing herself to relax and let the ideas come. They were there, her solutions, she just had to get out of her own way…looking at the path she relaxed. Path…walk…

Mina was spotted walking about by many of the usual Salem-ites. Marlena and Alex had watched her pass them on their way out of the hospital. Marlena had watched her intently while Alex North made comments that he had hoped she could help John. Marlena turned on him immediately.

“Help him? Do you think it’s that bad?”

“’That—?’ Marlena,” he said with a huff and a chuckle not believing he was going to actually have to spell it out for her. “It’s only obvious that John has some serious issues. One of which is his obsessive infatuation of you.”

“Obsessive infatuation? Alex, we were married. What’s obvious is that he loves me. You don’t see that?”

“I see that he thinks he is in love with you. But anyone that out of control can’t possibly be capable of loving anyone. He is a controlling, manipulative, man. If he loved you Marlena, truly loved you, he’d understand and accept that you have made a choice to be with another man. I make you happy, we are in love.” He said with a smile and kissed her hand. She smiled softly. But when he turned to escort her out of the hospital doors, Marlena began to think. Had she said she loved him? “Explore her feelings…” that she knew. But “in love” ? She looked at Alex and with every intention to correct him, she opened her mouth to speak but instead he cut her off by pulling her close and wrapping an arm about her shoulder.

“Hurry up! We’re going to get wet.” And they made a mad dash to the parking lot.

Continuing to methodically make her way up and down hallways, in and out of elevators, Mina purposely continued along. John Black saw her coming before she could see him. He and Kate were also on their way out. Swearing under his breath he grabbed Kate by the arm and pulled her into a small alcove by a set of phones. There really wasn’t room for the both of them, he had to make due and hope Dr Serott didn’t notice as she passed.

Kate had enjoyed the closeness and looked up at him with a smile playing about her lips. He smiled back, embarrassed really, and mouthed the words, Mina is coming. Kate didn’t understand but didn’t protest when John pushed closer at the sound of approaching boots. He held his breath while Kate began to slightly pant. This wasn’t his smartest move he thought to himself. One could only hope…

“I see you Mr Black…hopefully you’ll come see ME…” Mina said loudly but didn’t stop. John hung his head and it actually hit the wall behind Kate with a thud. She gasped.

“Damn,” he said out of defeat. He rolled his eyes, took Kate’s hand and pulled on her.

“John!” Kate said annoyed.

“Come one Kate! She might be coming back!”

But she didn’t. Surprisingly enough she dead ended in front of the University Chapel. She stared at the doors. She didn’t quite understand how she ended up here. She looked to the left, then to the right. With a shrug, she went in.

Belle was draped over the pew in front of her, on her knees on the pull out bench; her prayers had turned to unguarded sobs. Mina approached quietly. She sat next to Belle but didn’t move. Instead she watched and waited.

All cried out Belle sat back and fell heavily on the backrest of the pew. She had her hands over her eyes at first, then, began wiping away tears. Eventually, she slid forward a bit completely exhausted.

“It’s hard to have faith at times like this…” Mina’s voice drifted through the quiet chapel. Belle jumped and shrieked looking over at Mina horrified. Mina mimicked the look, then looked around.

“Where did you come from?” Belle gasped.

“Don’t shriek in church,” Mina answered. Belle looked about, guilty. “I—I’m sorry.”

“It doesn’t bother me. Just be warned, screaming in church is often misunderstood. And don’t ever tell anyone the holy water burns—they REALLY don’t like that.”

Belle’s eyes darted about, that was an unusual comment and Belle was not all that sure what she was getting at. A bit on guard she slid back to sit upright.

“If you don’t mind,” she said after sitting there quietly for a few minutes. “I know you are a psychologist and you really helped my father but I don’t feel like talking right now.”

“Sure!” Mina agreed, yet, didn’t move. Belle continued to sit there but felt even more awkward than before. Her eyes kept sliding over to Dr Serott who just passively looked about the chapel and admired the murals in front and overhead. After a few minutes, Belle began to look too.

“I use to try and bargain with God…” Mina’s voice was light. So light Belle wasn’t sure she actually heard it come from her direction. Understanding immediately what Mina meant, Belle nodded and turned to Mina.

“It doesn’t work, does it…?” It was more a statement, then a question.

“Nope,” Mina said with a smile. “I’d tell God, ‘You can have all of me except this. This one part of my life is mine to control…’ I can imagine if I were you I’d be making that kind of bargain.” Belle looked at her with a bit of a guilty smirk. The slight smile didn’t last long at all. It even seemed like a painful gesture to Mina. Suddenly Belle’s eyes began to water and her voice cracked.

“Why?” Belled asked. “Why would God do this?”

“This is not a punishment,” Mina consoled her. “God, at least the God I choose to believe in, isn’t trying to get you to do anything by bargaining. He/She/It just…is.”

“I just don’t get it! Claire is so innocent, she doesn’t deserve this and if not her…then…it must be me…”

“Ohhh Belle…” Mina began. With a deep breath she continued. “Your daughter is here for a reason. She will live her life with purpose, even if it is meant to be for only a short while.”

“But why?” Belle began to cry even at the suggestion.

“I don’t know. Only time will tell. But you have to have faith that whatever is going on now has a purpose, either to bring people together or to uncover some sort of truth we didn’t know was hidden. But one thing is for sure, your daughter’s life, what she’s going through, has meaning.”

“Dr Serott, if she dies…” And the words came out just barely above a whisper.

“IF Belle, IF… don’t live her life as if it’s all over while she is still breathing. Otherwise you have condemned her to an early grave. Never give up hope Ms. Belle; not while you still have one last breath…the possibilities are endless.”

Belle stared at the alter. She had looked at crucifixions, Virgin Mary’s and baby Jesus’ all her life, now…they…were different. For the first time in what seemed like years, hope began to ebb its way into her heart. Phillip, her parents, Shawn, had all said the same thing at one time or another. She did have to admit that she was mourning her baby too soon. Claire was still alive and every minute of her life, when she was well, even now that she was sick was one more minute she’d have with her baby. It suddenly dawned on Belle, she didn’t want to regret these last few minutes later when she’d cry over not having just one more minute of Claire in her life. It was just time wasted…Belle began to smile.

“C’mon,” Mina said grabbing her hand knowing that look. “Let’s go see if there’s been a change…”

Lexie Carver had watched as Mina took an interest in Claire’s condition. Although she didn’t ask, she did make it obvious that she wanted to be around. In fact she planted herself right at Claire’s window that looked into the private ICU that Claire was kept.

All around there was commotion as Dr Lexie Carver and a few different nurses ran in and out of the baby’s room while soft alarms sounded here and there. Mina couldn’t understand how everything could have gone so wrong so quickly.

She and Belle had returned to find Lexie and a nurse talking. There had been no change; things hadn’t gotten better or worse. Mysteriously more blood had appeared thanks to someone called “Shawn”. Mina guessed this was significant because, as worried as Belle was about her daughter, she made her apologies to Mina and went scurrying off to find him.

Mina at Claire’s window, watched. She ached to look at the baby’s chart. However, there was no reason for a psychiatrist to look at a medical chart, at least, not in this instance. How would she explain her interest? And if she found anything, how would she explain how she new. It was known psychiatrists had minors in medicine in order to write prescriptions but not make medical diagnosis. She’d have to be patient and not make any sudden moves. If anything…maybe she could leave a hint or two.

In the last few minutes soft alarms sounded from the private room. Belle found her Shawn and wept in his arms. Mina listened to this interesting little scenario play about since there was someone by the name of “Phillip” often mentioned. By the sound of it, this was Claire’s father and Belle’s husband.

“Belle,” Dr Carver’s voice was soft. “You should go and wake Phillip…things aren’t…good.”

As the young pair rushed off to find the “missing” husband, Mina spoke up.

“Dr Carver?” She said not moving from her vantage point. Lexie was immediately annoyed. “Yes, Dr Serott?”

“Has Claire always been that small?”

“She was a premature baby but not by more than a few weeks. She was in neonatal for about that time until her weight was sufficient to release her.”

Mina turned quickly to Dr Carver blinking her eyes as if she had heard something she couldn’t believe. Turning back to the baby, her eyes got narrow.

“Pulmonary tests? Heart? Lungs?”

“Are all fine Dr Serott, thank you for your concern,” Lexie said now feeling rushed or wanting to get away from Mina.

“Dr Carver, what about lab results or imaging test…” Mina was getting more desperate than she should have been.

“They are all normal Dr. Thank you. Now if you’ll excuse me…”

“Dr. might I suggest…”

“Yes, you might—when you have your certificate to practice medicine and NOT psychiatry!”

Mina’s right eyebrow when up and a slight smirk followed, she dropped her head and she smiled more to herself. She turned back to Claire. Lexie stopped a couple of steps away after retreating in a huff. She turned back to and said to Dr Serott’s back,

“I’m sorry Dr, I just…”

“It’s alright Dr Carver…”

“I appreciate your trying to—“

“It’s just a suggestion Dr not my attempt to question your abilities.”

“I know, it’s just that—“

“Another time perhaps Dr? Those aren’t the bells of St Mary we are hearing…” Mina smiled softly, looking up as more alarms went off. Better to get in the good graces of the Dr in charge by way of sugar coating and patient acquiescence. Lexie looked up in surprise that she hadn’t heard the sound of the alarms going off. She let out a sound of frustration and hurried away.

Belle made a desperate call to her father who was out to dinner.

“Please daddy—hurry!”

An odd scene transpired behind Mina Serott. At first Belle was in the arms of the dark haired fellow which she found out was “Shawn”. Someone called Kate Roberts demanded to know where “Phillip” was and spun, in frustration, watching Belle cling to Shawn.

John Black didn’t seem comfortable with the scene he and his “date” walked in on. But the fact that Claire’s health was deteriorating was top priority. Mina heard him utter to Kate, “Somehow, with what is turning out to be inevitable, Shawn holding Belle seems so… insignificant…” She turned to him in shock, he shrugged at her, she countered with a sound of disbelief. “Kate…” That is when he spied his wife and her …. John pressed his lips together in order to come up with a good name he could say in public…leech. That was good enough for Dr North, John frowned deep.

Mina had turned only her chin upon hearing his voice consoling Kate when she saw her daughter-in-law in the arms of another man. Belle pleaded that she and Shawn had headed off in the direction of her sleeping husband when the sound of a whole new set of alarms started going off. Besides the alarms, a stream of attendants with machines also went rolling past her into Claire’s room. She had been afraid to leave when Lexie refused to comment, that is, she wouldn’t elaborate further than the irritated “not now” command. The first call for help she had made was to John and Kate. It wasn’t enough for her mother-in-law. Kate hurried off, practically cutting off the sobbing mother.

John, on the other hand, held his daughter. Shawn looked guilty and departed silently, letting the two alone.

“It’s not what she thinks…” she said into her father’s chest.

“It’s okay baby…” He didn’t care at this point. Too many things were happening to let something like Shawn holding Belle, bother him. “Claire is the only thing that matters right now.” Belle looked up at him, tears in her eyes. She swallowed hard appreciating not having to deal with any more emotional turmoil from him. Kate, she knew would always be watching her every move, making sure she didn’t step out of line.

Although, instinctually, Belle knew that Kate didn’t believe she was anything like her sister Sami, Belle did know that Kate would do anything to keep Phillip (or any of her children) right where she wanted. She claimed all she ever wanted, for any of her children, was for them to be happy. Even if that meant begging, borrowing, stealing, lying, poisoning…

Belle shivered slightly and she clung to her dad once more. If that ever came to pass, her getting on Kate’s bad side, she hoped that her father wasn’t going to be an additional loss. And as if on cue, John whispered onto the top of Belle’s blonde head.

“Isabella, I am always here for you baby. No matter what happens, you are my girl.” And out of a sudden desperation he also added. “Izzy, if anything ever happens to me…”

“Daddy!” Belle said in alarm, pulling back. John looked startled at first, then hugged her to him fiercely.

“I’m sorry. What I meant to say is…don’t ever let me forget…” And suddenly they both looked at an approaching Marlena and her ever present guard. Belle pressed her lips together and tried to present a reassuring smile.

“I promise…” and she looked at him as she walked into a hug from her mom. “I’m okay…” he heard his baby say before walking away from them. He made his way to the coffee service, ever present at the counter. He poured himself a cup out of habit; it gave him something to do. He even raised it to his lips hoping the hot liquid would stop the emptiness in the middle of his chest surging outward throughout his body. Giving it another thought he dropped his hand with the cup in it and instead stared at its contents; there was no way his feelings would allow it. His defeat was colder than any coffee could help. His hand began to shake, he wanted to crush it, even had thoughts of throwing it across the hospital. But instead he slouched, shaking his head. Forever tuned into every sound and movement and whisper his wife said or did, he heard her voice like music.

“We’re all here for you, you’ll never be alone…” Belle nodded but looked suspiciously at Dr North, standing at her mother’s heels bobbing back and forth with that sickening smirk. Marlena turned to Alex with a plea in her eyes. Alex’s smile faded and he looked sharply at Marlena. Annoyed, he walked away. But not before making one last comment.

“Let’s not stay too long…” Belle gasped at him as he passed by. But Marlena distracted her by turning her head to her.

Mina eyes shifted from John back to the window in front of her. It took all her strength not to go over. She was not ready to do any more persuading, if she overly pursued him, he’d get the wrong idea. She didn’t want to scare him off. He’d have to come to her…or something would…present itself. She stayed right where she was.

However, she began to regret her decision when Alex North was suddenly at her side. He stood there quietly, although not motionless. His head tipped up and down. She wondered if the motion was to get her to turn. She played along and turned her head to him. He turned to her on point and smiled, trying to exude as much warmth as possible. Mina automatically didn’t feel it and that was important.

Without expression she turned back to the window. Alex pressed his lips together. He didn’t feel good about this. And yet, somehow knew, Mina could make herself someone very important in John’s life if she so chose. The way she handled herself when John collapsed gave him a clue she wasn’t new to a crisis. She was lightning-quick to treat an ex-addict, (once John’s dependencies became known) and creative in her methods. Whereas he would have pumped him full of narcotics unbeknownst of his history or caring to make any inquiries. She, on the other hand, calmly grabbed for some ice someone had brought her. When John gasped from the sudden shocking cold she pressed to his stomach, she put to his nose a vial of something in her hand that smelled a lot like lavender; a natural remedy known to have soothing effects. The vial she had produced from a small black bag, in a box she had been carrying in her arms.

“Your quickness to help and prescribe a non-addictive treatment for John Black, considering his history of drug dependency was remarkable Dr. Although herbs,” he made a disgusted look. “I always thought they were for Shamen and Gypsies…” he tried to joke. Mina’s eyes slid to where he stood next to her. She did not move from her vantage point, stock still in front of the window her arms about her. She did not like him immediately; her instincts rang alarm bells louder and harder than those going off around Claire again. Her eyes slid back and she continued to watch the commotion going on inside. This baby wasn’t stabilizing and Mina had to clinch her teeth together.

Alex ignored the crisis around him. Although he felt for what Marlena’s daughter was going through, honestly, he didn’t care. If anything, this crisis was keeping him from securing his prize. He’d have to be patient though, she did have deep attachments and if he forced her, it could lead to places he wasn’t ready to go; not with the ever present John Black lurking about.

More importantly, he wanted answers from Mina Serott and he wasn’t getting any acknowledgement. He didn’t expect that from a colleague and certainly not from a woman, young woman, who was just a twinkle in her parents’ eyes when he was changing the very meaning of psychiatry. No one ignored Dr. Alex North. Not any more. He decided to turn up the charm.

“Dr, it’s been a while since I taught psychology but you look awfully familiar, where you a student of mine?” The question wasn’t altogether untrue but he did surmise that it was because she must have been a student somewhere in his life. Or perhaps someone he met at a lecture.

Mina’s mind began to calculate. Could this man have enough ego to insinuate that her ingenuity, skills or technique was something she could have learned from him? She faced him full on with a sharp, military, quarter turn. The look in his eye tried to convey charm and friendship.

“You do not know me Dr North,” her voice slid out from perfect bowed lips, cold and silky like a water snake across a lake. It was emotionless and to the point. It carried no antagonism; it was more of an attempt to let him know she was well aware of him and she had most definite boundaries. Something, others in Salem were not quite able to manage. If Alex had ideas of manipulating her, he’d better think twice. Alex felt her words run down his back. She spun again and purposely stepped over to where Lexie was talking to the gathering family.

“I’m sorry,” Lexie began. “There’s nothing more we can…do…she’s dying,” she could barely get the words out.

“Nooooo…” Belle sobbed.

Lexie stepped away, letting the family surround Belle. Angry and hurt at not being able to help, the Dr didn’t mind where she was going and spun right into Mina.

“Dr Carver,” Mina said, eyes flashing and without missing a beat, confronted Lexie. “Why do you think this is an infection?” Mina had heard some of the diagnosis Lexie had tried to explain to Belle and family.

“Dr Serott?” Lexie questioned Mina’s position.

“Why are you diagnosing this as an infection?”

“Wh-white cell count, elevated temperature, over production of—“

“White cell count is a normal reaction to any number of things Dr. Yes, the most obvious is infection. You mentioned hemorrhaging…”

“Yes?”

“From?”

“We don’t know. We’d do an exploratory but with such a low blood supply…”

“May I see her chart?”

“Dr?”

“Her chart Dr? May I see it?” Mina’s voice got a bit louder and John was the first to take notice. Alex second and had hoped to take advantage…

“Dr I appreciate your concern…”

“What Dr Carver is trying to tell you Dr Serott,” Alex jumped in. “This is not your field of expertise. I suggest—“

“Belle?” Mina asked now that she could feel that a few more people began to take notice. She didn’t stop looking at Lexie, though, who suddenly began to become very unsure of…everything. Belle was also a bit confused by the sudden scene between the two Doctors, and looked to Phillip who now had her in his arms. Phillip didn’t know what to think and looked back at his wife and shrugged.

“I don’t…” was all he could muster. Mina dropped her head, trying to stay calm, hands on her hips. She then lifted her head and turned on John Black.

“Help me,” she said through grit teeth. “Help me to help her.” The phrase was simple but powerful. It left everyone who was witnessing the scene in a bit of a tail spin. Mina’s relationship was not at all familiar to anyone of them. Yet, she addressed John in an all too familiar way. John was also beginning to respond, so much so, that all the women in the room most important to him suddenly stood up a bit more, curious, if not concerned. Who was this stranger, Mina Serott?

“Let her have it…” he said softly and he looked transfixed. Mina’s head shot over to Lexie.

“John…?” Lexie began.

“Please Lexie,” Belle’s whispering, broken voice drifted over all of them.

“Belle?” Phillip questioned. Belle looked up and she willed for him to understand. He did and he nodded to her than Lexie. Slowly Dr Carver spun and headed off in the direction of the nurses station. Quietly she spoke to the woman manning the desk. A thick folder was handed over and Mina quickly took, it scanning its contents. John was the first to approach Lexie.

“Lexie…?” John looked down at Lexie on his left.

“I don’t know John…she seems to think…” She shook her head. “Don’t worry; she won’t be able to do anything without my permission. She might have ideas but she isn’t a medical doctor.”

“She has a medical background,” John pointed out.

“Not enough to make a diagnosis,” Alex said from John’s right.

“He’s right,” Dr Carver confirmed as she watched John’s eyes shoot daggers at Alex.

“I can hear you…” Mina said in a sing-song voice.

“You must understand our position,” this time Kate stepped forward, wedging her way between Lexie and John.

“Is this right?” She looked at Lexie. “These stats that were taken when Claire was first born?”

“Yes.”

“Her heart rate?”

“Was checked. It was perfectly fine despite her current condition.”

“Despite the diagnosis of diaphoresis, cyanosis and tachycardia in a premature infant Dr?” Mina pointed out.

Lexie looked taken aback. “She had some trouble at first but her color returned and all her other stats were within normal parameters.”

“What are you getting at?” Alex asked. Mina ignored him and continued to look at Lexie.

“Did you run an MRI?”

“No”

“Ultra sound?”

“No.”

“Nothing?

”No! She had a perfectly normal heart rhythm when she was released to go home.”

“And now?”

“Yes, Dr, it is slightly elevated but nothing unusual considering her current condition. Your heart rate would be up too if you were laboring to stay alive…”

“Or if I’d sprung a leak…” Everyone looked as if she had thrown ice water at them.

“What?” Lexie looked the most shocked.

“I need a phone,” Mina said to the nurse behind the counter. She got a blank look “I don’t have my cell phone—I need a phone!” She said again to the crowd. Lexie turned to the nurse behind the desk. She quickly handed Mina the office phone.

“What’s going on?” Belle and Phillip said at the same time.

“What’s happening?” Marlena also said louder next to Alex.

“Mr Black” Mina started punching the buttons on the hospital phone like it was a 10-key calculator. “How many sessions do I get for saving your grand-daughter’s life?”

Mina ignored the chorus of “what’s”, “oh my God’s” and “what’s she talking about’s” by plugging her unoccupied ear to listen to the person on the other line.

“Gracie? It’s Mina Serott. HI!” she said with a delighted laugh. “Yes! Yes, I know, yes. Gracie? Grace, honey…I know I haven’t called in a million years but please listen…is Eddie around?”

She listened.

“What?!” She spun looking at John. “Ooooh you owe me a good month for this!” she said to him trying to suppress a laugh. Into the phone she said, “Layover? When?” Her hand shot out to John’s, grabbing his wrist while she clutched the phone in between her shoulder and chin. She roughly pulled John’s jacket back to look at his watch. She looked up at John.

“He should be touching down now then?” She said into the phone. “How far is Chicago from here?” she said to a startled John Black. Back into the phone she asked “Midway or O’Hare?”

She grabbed for a pencil currently being used by the nurse behind the desk and began writing. “Ok. Ok. Yes. Yes. Well, I’ll tell you what sweets, if Eddie can do what I think he can do, I’m sure the trade will be me coming out there very soon!” She laughed gently and finished scribbling on Claire’s file. “Gracie…Merry Merry dear and I’ll talk to you soon. Bye.” She looked at John and started dialing again.

“Plane to O’Hare? or Car?” She asked. John was not keeping up.

“Plane,” A distinguished looking gentleman approached them. He was reaching in his pocket.

“Victor,” Kate said breathlessly. He had startled her coming up behind her the way he did.

“I take it we need a plane to O’Hare? I can do better, I can get a plane from O’Hare,” he said beginning to dial his cell phone.

“Apparently there is someone who can help us,” Kate began. “Although I am not altogether sure—“

“Eddie!” Mina said into the phone, cutting her off. She did, however, smile at Kate’s suspicions, not at all intimidated. “Hi honey,” she said almost sickeningly sweet. She then laughed out loud and her head tipped back. “That’s me!” She said into the phone. “Actually, I’m not that far from you. I’m in Salem! Where are you? [pause] Really? Do me a favor? Don’t leave. I’m coming to get you…” She laughed loudly again. “Man! You realize a pediatric specialist acting lecherous is NOT good for business! Whatever happened to the castles in the sky?” Laughing again she added, “No dear, by that time it was straight shots. I know because you cried when I turned you down. And we both know how only straight Tennessee whiskey does that to you.”

John couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped him at the thought of the night of debauchery Mina most likely went on about with the man on the other end of the phone. He looked up just in time to catch everywoman who was his wife, or close to it, shoot him death ray looks. His face quickly dropped and he furrowed his brow to look serious again.

“Yes, yes, that’s right, preemie,” Mina had been reading Claire’s chart over the phone while John was trying not to look guilty.

“Dad?” Belled came up to him. He turned to his petite daughter and pulled her in between he and Kate, taking her under is left arm. Marlena had begun to notice one thing for sure; John Black was an affectionate man. He almost seemed to give and get reassurance from those around him through gentle caresses and hugs. And from nowhere a wave of warmth overcame her.

Marlena watched intently the way his hands and fingers easily slipped over Belles shoulders, the gentleness in the way he tucked her under his chin though she was much smaller than he was…and without warning, it was not longer Belle she watched.

The tips of John’s fingers were slowly sliding up Marlena’s jaw, tilting her mouth to him. His lips were close and gently caressing the opposite side of her mouth. She tipped her chin up wanting to feel more of his lips. He opened his mouth ever so slightly, when she responded in kind, he began to rub ever so gently, first his lips over hers and then his thumb over her chin. Slow, growing, warmth ascended her body from deep in her belly, she could feel her chin stretching upward, John’s mouth pressing closer, opening even more. And with the slightest touch, she could feel the tip of his tongue ever so slightly caress her upper lip. Without meaning to, a gasp escaped her. Alex noted the sigh that escaped Marlena at the scene. “Do you think she can really help?” Belle finished.

“I don’t know honey…but it sounds like she is calling in reinforcements.” Mina turned on Lexie, with the phone still in her hand.

“A pediatric specialist with lecherous tendencies??” Alex snapped out.

“I have to agree John,” Kate began while John noticed Alex’s reaction to Kate’s agreement.

“Here is the Attending…” and Mina gave Lexie the phone and looked at Belle. “Eddie is the sweetest thing since hard candy.”

“Dr? Can you help Claire?” Belle asked.

“I don’t know Belle. It’s just a hunch but if anyone knows, it’s Eddie. I mean, Stanford University Medical doesn’t pay him the big bucks for nothing.” She winked at her.

“What do you think it is?” Marlena asked taking a step up. Mina noted how she managed to move from where she stood on the other side of Alex, who was on John’s right, to in between where Kate had placed herself next to Belle under her father’s right arm. Kate had turned and once again was made to step aside to let her in. With a huff of frustration at being pushed aside again, Kate turned on the Dr.

“We need answers Dr Serott, not hunches.” Because Mina didn’t respond to certain things, she ignored Kate and looked at Marlena.

“If Dr Carver and my friend can agree on specific follow-up tests, I suspect your daughter has Patent Ductus Arteriosus or (PDA)…” she watched everyone around her go blank. “Yea, I know, Doctor speak. I hate it too. The ductus arteriosus is a normal valve in the fetal heart. It allows blood to bypass circulation to the infant’s lungs; fetuses don’t use his/her lungs in utero, getting their oxygen from the mother’s blood supply. Because of the temporary direction the blood flows at this point, the right ventricle needs an outlet. The duct provides this. However, shortly after birth, the high levels of oxygen cause it to close—at least most of the time—immediately or within 24 hours. It is when it doesn’t close it’s termed a Patent Ductus Arteriosus. Eddie will be able to tell us whether or not this is what we are dealing with. If not, then at least he and Dr Carver can brainstorm some other idea.”

“I don’t understand” Phillip spoke up. “Claire was given a clean bill of health. There were no problems with her lungs or heart or anything…”

“It doesn’t have to be completely open. And again, I could be way off…but I had hoped this might be an answer. Sometimes things are missed.”

“Might be..?” Kate said to Mina. “We are relying on ‘might be?’”

“I can tell him not to come—“She turned her attention to the phone she had called on. Victor was on it, cell phone in one ear, land line in the other.

“No!” She heard from many different directions.

“It’s worth a try,” Phillips said laying his hands on his mother’s shoulders.

“Its more than worth a try,” Lexie spoke up. “I’ve got a list of tests to start running; if we can get Dr Warren here in enough time…things may start to look up around here.” She winked at Belle and turned to Mina. “Come see me later?” Mina nodded.

“Yes, Dr Serott.” Kate began feeling awful about her reaction. “There was just too much as steak here. I didn’t mean to make you believe that we weren’t open to having some help. I just…”

“What I think Kate is trying to say,” the man called Victor spoke up closing his cell phone. “Is we have all been relying on hope and it would be nice to have something more definite. I have made arrangements with Dr Edward Warren to be flown out of O’Hare Airport as we speak. Titan has a private hanger there for international flights. We also have our smaller private, ‘island jumpers’ to bypass the commute from Chicago. Lucky for us Lucas had the smaller plane up there for his flight to Los Angeles.”

Belle let out a small squeal of hope and jumped into her husband’s arms. Kate wrapped her arms around Phillips back also caught up in the exuberance. Interestingly, Marlena wrapped herself around John and looked at him with a bright smile.

“Dr Serott,” Belle said letting go of Phillip. “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me, thank your father” John looked up from staring deep in Marlena’s smiling eyes. She on the other hand cleared her throat, patted him on the chest and moved away to where Alex stood.

“Hu?” Was John’s response.

“Oh! Going to act coy now are we? Don’t you dare renig on me…” she said pointing a finger at him. John suddenly screwed up his face as if he were eating a bitter pill. Mina even thought she heard a whimper; he swallowed hard before answering.

“I-I’ll be there…” he said with a bit of a squeak. He stretched his neck and cleared his throat. Mina’s mouth dropped open at his silliness.

“Its your first therapy session—not shock treatment!” John pressed his lips together giving her his best ‘I know that’ look. That’s when she looked at him wickedly. “Shock treatment is in session two…” she held up two fingers and hurried away.

No one saw Edward Warren when he came in. Everyone was on pins and needles at his delay. What they didn’t foresee was that he also had to bring in a fresh blood supply. In the waiting and the watching of each other in the lobby of the hospital things got a little tense.

It was Mina that announced he had just touched down on the Helo-pad on the roof. They wouldn’t be able to meet with him since he was scrubbing. Apparently he and Lexie had been in constant contact since she hung up with him. They all had confirmed that Claire had been wheeled in and out of her room a couple of times. Things got a little less heavy in the waiting room. And though she spied John seeming more relieved at her news, he, just at that same moment, also caught the most recent fondling between Alex North and his wife.

John couldn’t help the fixation he had on his wife. Torn between needing to be there for his daughter and wanting to throw things at the heavy petting that was going on, minute by minute he was becoming more and more agitated.

Mina slid up in time to catch him picking up a freshly brewed pot of coffee.

“You don’t want that…”

“Sure I do,” he said his eyes burning into Alex’s back.

“In my professional opinion, coffee is the last thing you need right now…,” she made a second grab

“I wasn’t going to drink it.” He said continuing to growl at the scene taking place a few feet away. Mina managed to get the pot from him. That is until he saw Alex try and kiss Marlena. Clearly she had tried to discourage him, fully aware of John staring right at them. But he had taken her face in his hands and planted the kiss. John went after the orange-rimmed decaf pot.

“No, no…” Mina hissed taking it from him; she spun him around.

Kate came joined the pair staring each other down; anyone who had been watching her would have seen she was trying to escape Victor Kiriakis. She was relieved at the chance to escape the Greek, addressing John’s slow burn was just the ticket.

“Go for a walk,” Kate attempted to know exactly what John needed. Her eyes darted behind her to see if Victor was approaching.

“What?”

“You’re making everyone more tense fuming over here…go for a walk or something…” She saw Victor advancing. “I-I’ll go with you.” She tried to take John’s arm but Victor grabbed her first. Kate’s shoulders slumped.

“I agree with Kate.” Victor said holding fast to his ex-wife’s arm. Kate rolled her eyes and did her best to get away by folding her arms in front of her. John’s eyes narrowed. It wasn’t uncommon that these two could be up to something. He worked his jaw before speaking.

“I’m all right. I can handle myself,”

“Not very well,” Mina pointed out.

“The Doctor is right John; you are just fueling his fire. If I were you, I’d consider this: the last thing you want your enemy to discern is he is getting to you.” Victor said standing taller to make his point.

“Good advice!” Mina said with a nod.

John found himself watching the snow fall. He was so pent up he was completely unaware of the cold. However, little by little, he began to ease down. He took a deep breath, inhaling the crispness in the air. He only slightly turned his head when he heard the soft swish of the door behind him opening.

“I really don’t feel like company…” he said sternly expecting it to be Mina.

“I just wanted you to know that I understand things must be very frustrating for you right now…” Marlena started slowly. “I won’t stay.” And she turned to go.

“No, please…” He turned quickly to stop her. “I didn’t know it was you. Please stay.”

She stood at the door, her back to him. Staring at the door knob, she didn’t know why she had come anyway. Although she had told Alex the truth, she was headed to the ladies room, she saw John standing out on the balcony on her way back. She shouldn’t have stopped. She knew this wasn’t a good idea. But her heart ached seeing him like this. Something in her told her she was not use to seeing him like this. Even when she first woke up to his face hovering over her, she noticed a desperation in his appearance. At first she had written it off as just plain worry. Now, though, his face had truly gotten thinner, his clothes looked looser, the lines in his face looked like they cut deep, even his eyes had slowly lost a certain gentleness. He was becoming hard, his mouth always in a firm tight line.

“I really should be getting back,” she said turning enough to look at him.

“But you came out here for a reason,” he said looking at her, chin up. She stared at him a moment then nodded her head. She acquiesced, turning fully from the door. Not knowing what to say, she looked around. Her arms wrapped about herself, she tried to rub away the cold.

“It’s really quite beautiful out here,” she said with a smile playing about her lips. He smiled too looking back out over the balcony.

“University Hospital goes to great lengths to make the place look cheery for the holidays. They figured it’s hard to be here as a patient (for whatever reason) when the rest of the world is celebrating.”

Marlena nodded in agreement and she joined John at the balcony railing. Anyone else would have felt awkward but Marlena was feeling quite shy. She also noted that just being here made her heart race a bit more. Something she had noticed a couple of times being around him. She took a chance at stealing some glances at him, and if anything, he seemed to come alive just being with her. Needing to say something she started to speak…and so did he…

“I haven’t had time to shop—“they stopped talking and stared at each other

“With everything going on—“again they spoke simultaneously, both began to giggle.

“Go ahead,” he said gently getting lost in her eyes. She smiled.

“I wanted to go shopping but with all that’s been happening. Well, that and I…” and she stopped feeling a little sad. She turned away from him and she blew out a long breath trying to hold back tears.

“Hey, hey, hey…” He said coming close. Without even thinking about it his hands went to her shoulders. “It’s going to be alright. This new Doctor sounds like a real expert at this.” He didn’t miss the fact that she leaned back into him. One of her hands even came up and touched his. She nodded her head and wiped away a stray tear.

“Yeah, he sounds good. It’s not that really,” She turned to him and for the first time felt like she really wanted to talk to him. She then looked away

“Hey,” he turned her to face him with the tips of his fingers. “What is it?” She began to shake her head; her lower lip had disappeared into her mouth.

“You’re going to laugh…”

“Try me…”

“I don’t remember any one and so I don’t know what to buy…” the last part came out in a bit of a squeak and the tears really started to come.

“Aaahhhh…Doc,” He said consolingly and automatically pulled her into his arms. She went without a fight, her body melting into his chest, her chin and lips pressing into his shoulder and her arms wrapping fully around him. His jacket happened to be open and he was able to wrap her in it with him. He noted how easily she fit herself in his arms without any coaxing, the distance between them the last couple of weeks, melted away. He felt a smug smile spread across his lips. He also noticed that it didn’t take her long to calm down.

They sat there a moment, he taking deep breaths and pulling her close, her feeling dazed looking out onto the grounds. Trees had been decorated like Christmas trees. The doorways, lampposts, and even benches were also festively hung with garlands, ornaments or lights.

“You know,” he finally said.

“Hmmm,” She responded, sounding sleepy.

“Normally, I’d say that you probably have a list somewhere…”

“I do?” and she perked up looking at him.

“Yep, you always make one. You usually start making notes about halfway through the year. And start compiling right around Halloween.” He said scrunching one eye in thought. “However,” she noticed he got a bit tense. “This year was a little different.”

“Oh.” And she knew what he meant. Felling the moment taking a horrible turn, John began speaking quickly.

“But!” he looked down at her and was able to pull her close. “If you’re nice…I’d be willing to take you around town and give you some ideas…” and one mischievous eyebrow went up.

“Oh?” she said nodding and they both smiled brightly at each other. The smile turned into a laugh. “I think I’m being black mailed…”

“Naaahhh,” he let draw out and he inched closer

“Okay, then, I get this service for free?” she didn’t pull away.

“Well…not for free necessarily…” and he moved even closer, his nose ever so slightly sliding against hers. She could feel him closing in and the world began to tilt. She didn’t stop smiling though.

“Yeah, I thought so…what’s it going to cost me…” and the last word barely got out

“Not….much…” he whispered his lips brushed hers with each word. She let out a sigh and tilted her chin up more. Every cell in her body became alive. Tingles ran from where she could feel his hot breath close to her lips, to throbs that coursed over the tips of her breasts, down to lazy, syrupy curls that melted down her belly. Deep, in her body she started to respond, even to this slight touch, this touch that held so much promise. Even if she couldn’t remember, her body knew him. Her body remembered the passion of him. She huffed out a pent up breath when she felt the edge of his lips, ever so lightly rub against hers. A deep, needy, ache suddenly surged upward and made her gasp at the touch.

He couldn’t help wanting to rub his lips over hers. He had been dying to do it since Brady’s wedding. Marlena opened her mouth a bit more. She was panting though she didn’t know it. Responding, his mouth, open and over hers, waiting, he did not make an attempt at more, he had hoped…and before his mind could finish the thought, she was there. With a soft moan, she had advanced on him, pushing closer, letting her tongue slip easily into his mouth, pressing even deeper. He responded by locking down over her and sucking her tongue gently into his mouth. Another moan escaped her and she snaked her arms around his and neck, she pulled him forward and pressed herself as tight as she could against his chest. They only pulled away briefly to change positions; trying as they might, to get even closer.

Alex was marching down the hallway of the hospital corridors. He nearly knocked Mina over trying to enter the ladies room.

“Dr North?” She blocked his entrance.

“I’m looking for my wife.” he said ignoring her and trying to move past her again.

“I understand completely Dr but unless you are God and can suddenly turn into a woman, you’re not getting in here.”

Alex stopped, Mina’s words sinking in. He gathered himself up.

“I’m sorry Dr” he tried to sound professional. “Please,” he said pointing to the door. “Is my wife inside?” Mina shook her head.

“You might want to try back in the waiting room,”

“I just came from there!” He said loudly. Mina’s eyes flashed, clearly warning him ‘watch your tone buddy’. Before the conversation could escalate, Kate came rushing by.

“Have either one of you seen John?”

“No,” said Alex turning fully on Kate. “I can’t find Marlena either.” They stared at each other for a few seconds before Alex swore and took off. Kate rolled her eyes and went after him. Neither one noticed Mina had left long before they even had a clue.

Out on the balcony Marlena and John continued to let arms slide over each other’s back, neck, waist, and where ever else they dared to touch. Marlena was the first to break up their passionate kisses and she pushed against his chest. But she didn’t push too much.

“Oh my…” she breathed heavily, her eyes were barely open and she stared at his lips. “John, we have to stop this…” but as soon as she began to say it she also couldn’t help leaning in for more.

“Okay,” he said taking her lead and pulling her back in. They locked up with another gasp and a deep throated groan.

Mina had seen Alex charge through the balcony door followed by Kate Roberts. However, it was Marlena’s scream before the door shut that made her step it up.

“Damn it John Black…I’m getting TWO months for this…” She made it out onto the small balcony with the rest of the crowd.

Alex had caught John by surprise. So much so even Marlena couldn’t get between them in time. The shorter Dr had John at a disadvantage; dazed from being caught up in some heavy kissing. North had gone straight for the throat and surprisingly he was mad enough to lock around John’s neck with superhuman strength. This astounded John and as much as he tried to tear him away, North was shaking with fury and tightening his grip.

“You…will…never,” his teeth were grit tight. John wasn’t sure in the darkness but he thought North was close to foaming. The women were screaming; Marlena was hysterical. John was beginning to see spots just before North’s vice like grip instantly dropped. John almost on his knees felt Kate grab his arm hoisting him up. He knew better than to fall. Even if he was taking his last breath, you never let your enemy have the advantage of standing over you, at all costs, get up!

“Dr North!” John heard Mina’s loud voice. The sound echoed. She wasn’t shouting necessarily but she was being heard through the commotion.

“Please Dr Serott, don’t hurt him,” That was Marlena. John coughed.

“John? John are you alright?” that was Kate. He stumbled nodding his head. Shaking off the effects of Alex’s rage he looked over to where Mina had the psychologist around the throat. In the crook of her arm, he was stiff and on his knees. His arms dangled at his side. He made no attempt to get at Mina’s grip. His eyes were wide and shifting from side to side, he was trying to speak.

“He’s okay Dr Evans…aren’t you Dr North?” The older man opened his mouth but all that came out was a strange gurgle. “Trust me, that’s a ‘yes’”. Marlena turned to John.

“Please John, make her stop!” she begged. John cleared his throat, spots still drifting in and out of his vision.

“Munch!” he didn’t know where that came from and his throat hurt badly from Alex’s fingers. It made Mina react but she didn’t let the other man go. She stared at John who was rubbing his neck. “Mina…please…” And not only was John’s head spinning it also began to hurt.

“Dr North…I’m going to let you go. However, before I do, we are going to come to a very important agreement aren’t we?” Mina began to nod and slowly, Alex’s head followed. “Good,” she said softer. “We are going to relax and act civil, right?” Mina nodded again and Alex again followed. Before she let go of his neck, she withdrew her thumb from the crook of where his jaw met the thick muscle in his neck. Deep in that spot was a pressure point, hit just right, it knocked out an opponent. In boxing it was called a TKO. In self-defense that pressure point made all the muscles in the body go limp, like a kitten being carried by the neck by its mother.

Alex fell forward and Marlena rushed to him. Mina opened the door to the balcony and pointed inside. Kate grabbed John who’s boots, at first, slid not wanting to leave. But at this point Kate was actually stronger.

“Can I leave you two alone?” Mina asked sternly of the couple still left out on the balcony.

“Get out!” Alex hissed. Marlena looked to Mina and with a plea she nodded. And for a moment, Mina wasn’t sure it was a good idea. But, for not wanting to escalate the situation, she left. She didn’t follow John and Kate though. She had a few things to think about on her own.

It took a few moments for Alex to regroup. And when he did, he wasn’t happy, in fact he was humiliated and that made him…dangerous. Lunging at Marlena he grabbed her by each upper arm and forced her against the railing. She let out a surprised screech. She was both in pain, shocked and suddenly frightened.

“What the hell do you think you were doing?” he shook her

“I-I-“ she began crying.

“Is this the way it’s going to be Marlena?! Huh?!” He yelled and shook her more. “I LOVE YOU!!”

“A-alex…” she said sobbing. He loosened his grip and she fell forward into him.

“Oh God,” he groaned wrapping his arms about her. “Marlena,” he said his voice full of pain. “If you don’t want me, just tell me…but don’t…break my heart…” and she could clearly hear a break in his voice.

“No!” she said pulling away. “No…I don’t want to hurt you. I won’t ever…” and floods of pounding guilt overwhelmed her, she couldn’t understand where it all came from (and later she would wonder what made her say what she was about to say) “betray you again…you are my husband…I am committed to you…”

From somewhere, far off, she heard John’s voice, “I know…”

“And I have to think of my family…”she began to pant, her head began to spin. “There are the children…Carrie and the twins…” she felt faint, the words coming from nowhere and automatic and yet held meaning. “I have to be a very good mother and a very good wife…” Her eyes were shut; she tried to shake off the fog that was closing in on her, pulling her away.

“Marlena!” he said taking her face in his hands, he heard her muttering but he didn’t care what she had to say. He had to make things clear to her. “You are MY life, now and always…I prayed day and night for this, if not for being with you again, then for my heart to stop loving you. I have lived my life alone and lonely because I couldn’t go on with anyone but you. I can’t imagine my life without you now…I can’t go back to that…I don’t think I could live…” and he pulled her into a deep kiss. Crying into his mouth, she kissed him back.

Marlena held Alex until her tears and fear subsided.

“Do you love me?” He asked suddenly pulling her from him and holding her by her upper arms to stare directly into her eyes. His look was fierce and the tips of his fingers dug into her arms. She was trying not to writhe away from him, afraid he’d get angry all over again.

“I—,” She tried to respond, instead she shut her eyes against the ten points of pain traveling up her arm, she turned away.

“I need to know…” He demanded and he shook her. Her head lulled around to face him.

“Alex” she tried to say gently but it came out a harsh whisper.

“You can’t string me along like this Marlena!” No matter how hard she was trying to keep him calm, he was still getting angry.

“Alex, I’m not—“ She began to pant.

“Then I need to know!”

“I-I don’t know…” She cried out finally and tears were beginning to spill. He grit his teeth and the anger in him showed three different shades of red spread up his neck and across his face. His reaction was immediate.

“Alex, you’re hurting me.” She finally cried out to him, no longer able to stand it and she took a chance. He shut his eyes one last time then suddenly became limp and defeated. He turned away from her.

“I have loved you since the moment I saw you. I didn’t want to love you but you were persistent.” His voice was low and held so much hurt in it. Marlena read the desperation in him immediately. She could hear the ache in his voice and her heart twisted. Her mind cried out in guilt, how could she be so callous?

“I was?” It came out like a squeak.

He smiled looking at her. “You told me that I needed to do other thing besides study, my dedication was inspiring but I was a genius, my studies could wait…You were everywhere I was, I couldn’t get rid of you. You were funny, vibrant, smart and just as dedicated. You were, are amazing. I was overwhelmed.” He had drawn closer to her as he talked, his voice was breathless and hypnotic; filled with passion and need. His features got soft and he looked at her eyes and her lips with desire. He touched her face and stroked her lips with his thumb, she sighed, not being able to pull herself away from the gravity of him. Eventually she ended up in his arms again.

“I wish I could remember…” She said holding on. She needed to know. She felt so disconnected. She was reaching for something solid in her life. Making decisions she thought others wanted her to make, making choices she thought others would love her over, accept her for. She was lost and drifting among strangers…all of whom said she loved them best. She didn’t know who to believe; they were pulling this way and that. All she knew for sure is she had hurt them all, many, many, many times. Where this came from she didn’t know; she had heard the stories but couldn’t connect faces to people or people to feeling or feelings to memories. All of it separate, all of it so emotionally unattached to anything in her mind, like a baby’s mobile, drifting all around her, far away and untouchable.

They were just stories to her but obviously, as all the little souls around her seemed to beg for her attention, they were more than that to the people that told them and needed her. Suddenly, she didn’t want to be needed. Her body ached with that thought; half wanting to escape into oblivion and half wanting to be free of the burden, to know what she was missing. She needed some hope and no one offered any.

“I can help you…” There … he was offering escape.

She nodded her head, it could be possible. Yet, she was afraid to believe. It was enormous this vortex of despair.

“But you have to be willing…”

“I-I am…” At least she tried to be, she wanted to be. She needed to be.

“You’re not” He read her clearly. She looked him in the eyes and he challenged her. He was telling her what she was feeling and she didn’t like it. It was too scary. Denial set in.

“How can you say that?” She asked in disbelief.

“John, Belle…” He whispered. She stopped and looked down. Caught! He caught what little she was holding onto. Her head bobbed downward, in that way that said she was going to try and escape the truth. Her eyes shifted back and forth, trying to think of something to say. That’s when her eyebrows furrowed together. He said it. She was holding onto them and they couldn’t…they weren’t…tears began to form. She wanted to believe John but all he did was yell and get angry. He threw the clock.

Belle…she looked away from Alex towards the hospital door to the hallway, Belle had been angry and dismissive. Belle couldn’t hear how hurt and frustrated she was. Neither she nor her father could help her. But Alex could. There he stood…

“They are my family,” She said in her last ditch effort to hold on to her past.

“I am your husband! You promised me you’d never leave. I can’t help that I disappeared during the war, we have a chance. Please, you took a vow how can you just walk away? I am offering you the world right now. I am offering you your beginning and your middle and I am offering you a future. They can’t help you. What they offer is a role of someone they think you should be, someone you can’t even remember.”

The words stung and deep in her mind and deeper in her soul the pain of betrayal, guilt, responsibility, loyalty, and rejection, burned. Images of Roman, John and Alex popped in front of her minds eye like flash bulbs at a concert. She had hurt them. All of them. And she had to make it right. Her soul cried for redemption.

“Lets’ start again…” She heard him say. Looking up at him, she could see in his eyes a release of guilt, a finality that promised reconciliation from this mysterious feeling of torture. She felt responsible for so much pain. She nodded her head yes.

“No matter what?” He questioned, looking into her eyes.

“No matter what.” She said but she couldn’t look him in the eyes.

“I’m serious Marlena, if you want my help, if you want my love if you want to be relieved of all this confusion and mess, then we have to stick with this. Honestly Marlena, I think one of the reasons why you’re struggling is that you can’t stay committed for very long. Look at what you did to Roman.” And the words cut like a knife.

“I don’t remember…” She began to cry.

“You cheated on him to be with John…”

“I…” She began to cry harder.

“And look what you did to John…”

“John?” The air around her began to get thick and close in on her.

“You got pregnant by your ex husband. You have a lack of commitment and it has got to end somewhere Marlena or you will be lost, drifting, in and out of relationships, having no real roots. For once in your life…see something through for God’s sake.”

She looked at him dumbfounded. I was all making sense now. And it hit her, like someone had taken the plastic bag from around her head. Cut it wide open and the cold of the night rushed into her lungs. A solution but there was still the problem.

“What’s wrong with me…?” She said breathlessly.

“I don’t know sweetheart, but I can help you. I want to. But you have to be with me. There will always be pain and suffering, that’s life Marlena. We can’t run from it…it just keeps coming back and causing damage. Look at what you’ve done…” She nodded in agreement and broke into a renewed set of tears. It was true, she couldn’t be there for Belle because she couldn’t remember, everyone knew about her affair and they must have been devastated, she didn’t know how many times had she hurt John or Roman or her other children who were mere strangers in her life now. And Alex…she couldn’t even fathom what she had done to him.

“Help me…please…I’ll stop messing up. I don’t want to hurt anymore. I don’t want to keep hurting others.” And her words and mannerisms became child-like.

“I know, I know,” He said taking her into his arms. She didn’t see the smile forming on his lips or the stamp of victory suffusing his face. “Let’s go tell the others the good news.” Marlena blinked.

“A-alright,” She didn’t quite get what he meant but she wanted to be with him

Finding their way back to the lobby they were met by a rowdy band of celebration. Everyone was hugging and crying and smiling and laughing. Marlena looked at Alex who only raised his eyebrows at the scene. Really, and what she didn’t know, was that he could care less.

“Belle?” Marlena questioned approaching her daughter hugging Phillip.

“Mom! Oh mom! The found it…it was a hole the size of one of Claire’s own finger nails. But they found it.”

“What? What did they find?” Marlena asked looking from her to the people beginning to surround the happy couple.

“The hole! Dr Serott was right. Claire’s out of surgery,” replied Phillip

“Now we just have to wait for recovery.” Belle said looking happily up at her husband.

“She’s weak, very weak.” Lexie interceded.

“But she’s going to live.” Belle said more emphatically.

“Belle, the next 24 hours are going to be critical. This is going to be another make it or break it point.” Lexie warned.

“I know…but she will. I know she will.”

“Oh Belle honey, that is wonderful news.” Marlena said hugging the tiny blond.

“Congratulations!” Chimed in Alex North. Now couldn’t have been a more perfect time. “Well, good news for all of us. Now that Claire is recovering then Marlena and I can start to make OUR plans.”

“What?” Belle’s mouth dropped.

“Alex?” Marlena questioned.

“Marlena it’s what we have been discussing…” He said wrapping a protective arm around her.

“Well I know…but…you’re going to tell them?” She began to have doubts. Claire being better, Belle happy…

“Of course, they should all know. We’re married; we have a life to lead. Claire is out of the woods. Ohhh I know, we don’t have to leave tomorrow but we do have to have our life back and your memories.”

“Her memories are here…what are you talking about ‘leaving’?” John jumped in.

“After tonight, Marlena and I got to talking and we are both convinced that the things and people here are holding her back from her recovery,” Alex said standing tall. Marlena shrank.

“What?!” John began to shake

“MOM!” Belle turned on Marlena.

“You lousy son of a …” John advanced.

“Daddy!” Belle gasped. Marlena snapped out of her fear. If she was ever going to have courage, if she was ever going to be able to make her own decisions, the hardest thing she had to do was stand up to Belle and John.

“We aren’t going to do this again John!” Marlena jumped in front of Alex and between John. She pointed a finger at him to prove her point. John bobbed back, he hadn’t seen that finger in a long time.

“You can’t leave!” John implored.

“He’s my husband!” Marlena said firmly.

“I’m your husband!”

“WERE, you were my husband and even then it wasn’t legal!

“You bet it was!” John said his face twisting in pain, so much so, Marlena had to drop her head to continue.

“No. Now John, I know this isn’t what you want to hear but …we’ve gone through all of this. Please don’t make it harder than it has to be. I made my choice. I know you don’t want to accept it but it is what it is. I’m not going to argue and I am not going to beg. If you love me like you say you do then do this for me.”

“I-I can’t let you walk away…” and the words were beginning to catch. “We promised. I promised. Come storm come rain…YOU—“

“STOP IT!!” And her angry reply caught him off guard. “Then you don’t love me. You don’t respect me…”

“How…?” His world spun. Her complete denunciation of everything that they had was unfathomable. 20 years, 20 years of life, death, struggle, pain, and frustration that eventually became trust, soul sacrifice, honesty, that made itself known in passion, desire and need of each other. Finally when all was quiet and at peace, they looked at each other and couldn’t believe the love they had found or the love they were in. She had said it before, she even through him out. But he couldn’t believe it, wouldn’t believe it. But here she stood, determined and actually making it known to practically all of Salem, she was leaving.

“Belle, I know you are also hurt by this. But…” and she began to tear up. “I don’t want to let you go. But I will have to if you make me be where I know it’s not good for me…”

“Mom…” Belle was struck by her frankness.

“Please you have to understand. It’s not getting any better and I have to make a change. This isn’t easy. I don’t want to hurt you. But I don’t know what else to do.”

“We love you…you can stay…” Belle tried to reason with her. Marlena shook her off.

“Sometimes, love hurts. Sometimes love is suffocating. Sometimes love is used for coercion. And I can’t live like that. It’s making me sicker. I can’t anymore, I just can’t. I know you don’t agree and that is your right and” she took a deep breath, more tears forming. “I won’t love you any less because my marriage to your father is over or because you can’t accept my being with Alex. I am asking that you find it in your heart to support me.”

Belle looked to her father, then to her mother, and back again. John knew what she was doing. She was feeling like she had to choose between them. He never wanted that. He wouldn’t let it come to that.

“I understand,” he said in a hushed whisper. He was talking to his daughter and the beseeching look she gave him. Holding out his hand he touched Belle’s check. “She will always be your mother and she loves you. I will always be your father and I love you no matter what too. Nothing changes. No matter with whom your mother chooses to be with or what happens in my life. My love for you is constant. There’s no disloyalty here baby. We will always have each other IzzyB.” He pulled her head close so he could kiss it.

“Daddy…” the words escaped between quivering lips. Finally letting her go, he turned and walked away.

Dr Edward Warren watched and listened to the whole play. Looking down at Lexie Carver and a twist of a smile played at his perfect lips. He was a handsome man, Lexie had to admit. Her first thought of him was he looked a little like George Clooney. She thought that was ironic.

“Man!” He began in a hushed tone, his lips barely moved as he pretended to take a sudden interest in his shoes. “This family has a couple of issues going on.”

“Ya think?” Lexie couldn’t help but say. She then became embarrassed. The Doctor beside her chuckled, flashing perfectly white teeth.

“Don’t worry Dr. Its just one person’s opinion.” He held out his had to shake it. “I may be around for awhile. Depends on how hospitable Mina is…that’s always ‘touch and go’. If not, it was good to meet you. You do fine work.” And the handsome Doctor turned and left in search of his long time companion.

Mina sat at her desk. She had an ache to open her window blinds and look at the decorated grounds. They lights would only be up for a few more days. She missed Christmas, she never let that happen. Before she could get frustrated her cell phone beeped a message at her. Checking her in-box she noticed she had quite a few messages.

Speaking of missing Christmas… she thought to herself. She checked the message that just dropped in, it read:

“Time’s up! Check in! –SD.” With a sigh she pulled her well muscled legs off her desk. Walking over to a set of doors she opened up what looked like a closet. It was a shallow but wide closet that was made to lock up files or anything personal. It was a safety precaution against anyone who had the mind to try and find out any information she might keep in a purse or other personal items. All the therapists, psychiatrists and psychologists had them. Besides files she had books on recovery, pamphlets on the medicines she might prescribe or other means of support she needed for patients. She was also allotted a small refrigerator for water or juice and a small sink to wash her hands. But most important she had a safe. She opened it up with her personal code.

Pulling out a small black box with a handle, she made her way back to the phone on her desk. Turning the combination dial on the box it popped open with a click. She opened it all the way to reveal a head set and a phone cord line with a small box attached to it. She pulled the cord that went from the phone to the jack in the wall and fit it into the box. The cord attached to the box she fit to her office phone. She expertly put the head set on with one hand while she picked up the handset on the phone. Once she got a dial tone, she flipped a switch on the black box, waiting for the security device to click. When the open line made its customary tone she dialed in a security number, she waited again. The little red light on the box flickered like the lights on a computer DSL line until it became a solid green. Again, she waited for a dial tone before she began to punch in the numbers. Instead of the customary ring of a phone she heard beeps. With an impatient huff she was ready to pull the line when she heard a smooth voice.

“You’re late.” His voice held an accent she was familiar with and tried her best not to mimic it.

“I know. I’ve been busy.” She said turning to look at her closed drapes. The problem with having your lights on at night was that others could see in perfectly. She scanned her blinds to make sure there were no cracks.

“I’m going to demand you check in sooner,” his velvety voice warned.

“You always do.”

“How is it going?”

“Well,” she sighed. “It’s definitely been interesting.”

“How is our subject?”

“Nothing yet.”

“And our friend?” Her silence sent cold waves over the phone.

“Mina…” he warned her.

“What?” Her tone held its own bit of a warning. She didn’t want to fight.

“If you can’t handle this…”

“What would you have me do Van?” Here we go she thought.

“If you can’t separate…”

“It’s the fact that I can’t that’s going to make a difference.”

“Or get you killed.” She smiled at his concern for her safety.

“I love the confidence you have in me.”

“What can I say…”

“That I’m your #1,” she said with a smirk, her eye raised a perfectly arched brow. She sat forward and he could feel her playing cute, even thousand of miles away.

“You’re my #1,” He replied playing along. It was true.

“See, that’s better.” She sat back in her chair. She loved making him acquiesce.

“Don’t get killed.” He said grounding her ego.

“Thanks!” She said with bitter annoyance rather then surprise at his statement.

“By the way, have you called home recently?”

“No.”

“You better. Big bother is making threats.”

Mina snorted.

“Lovely sound,” his accent dripped when he said “lovely”.

“What did you tell him?”

“You’re doing paper work.” Mina sat up in disbelief.

“That’s great ‘Van—he’s not stupid you know.”

“He’s not my problem—yet. Besides anything more and he’d be exploding. And THEN it becomes my problem. I don’t like that SOB anyway. The last thing I want is him here. Take care of your personal responsibilities, please.”

“I know, I know.”

“Call him Mina. Tell him something.” Before she could raise her voice she heard shoes coming.

“I will,” she kept her voice low. “I have to go.”

“Mina?”

“Yes,” she said looking at the approaching figure through the fogged glass of her door.

“I mean it, about checking in.”

“I know,” she was getting annoyed and anxious.

“No really! I—“

“What?” she urged him to both answer and hurry.

“I can’t watch you all the time.” She dropped her gaze to the desk and thought seriously about his words and the person who was now knocking at the door.

“What’s happening?” she whispered into the phone. “Just a minute!” She called out to her office door covering her mouth piece.

“I don’t know. It may just be a cash flow problem.”

“What??” she said with disbelief.

“Don’t worry, nothing’s changed. Just check in, eh?”

“Ok!” She said before pulling the line and swiftly putting everything back.

“Mina! It’s Eddie.” The voice called from the other side of the door, she dropped her head back in relief. “Hold on,” she called out to him. Quickly and not so neatly she stuffed everything back in her box and back in her safe. She flung open the door to a smirking talk, dark, handsome, swarthy Doctor. She giggled at him.

“Let’s get out of here!” She said pulling the door closed behind her and pushing on his chest.

“Some place quite?”

“Yes.”

“Will there be scotch?”

“Absolutely!”

Finally settling into comfort, the fire was roaring and Mina sat on the floor staring into the hearth. Eddie choose to lounge with a cold drink. He was looking around at their surroundings.

“I can’t believe you came back to 1313 Mockingbird Lane,” he said with a chuckle.

“God! Can you believe how Gothic this place is? I can’t believe Lollie lived here. Actually, I’m not staying.”

“Good, cause you’re looking a little like Morticia Addams living here. Where you moving too? Away from these people, I hope.”

“No! I just got here. I am looking for something downtown. Something closer to all the shops, the gym, you know the people rather than the hermit militants.” This really made Eddie laugh. “So how’d it go?” she asked changing the subject.

“Perfect! I’m a genius.”

“Of course. You get to talk to the family?”

“I did, it was quite…dramatic.” He said with a wicked smile.

“Uh-oh, what happened?”

“I don’t know” he replied while chuckling. “You know them better than I do.” She rolled her eyes.

“So what do you think? About them?” He could tell by the inflection of her voice she was calling on something else in him. He smiled softly. It had been a long time since he had to live like that.

“I think you’re trying to get sainted,” he said taking a drink of his Scotch.

“Stop it,” she warned.

“I’m not kidding. I don’t know what’s going on or what you’re doing but that’s…” and he pointed in the general direction of the hospital where he had left the Black/Kiriakis/North/Roberts group; though they were miles in the opposite direction. “Complicated.” She huffed. That was the understatement of the year.

“I know,” she pressed her lips until they were a thin line and turned down. She stared at the fire, thinking.

“And what’s with that GUY?! I’ve seen him somewhere before,” he said and his quip broke the silence.

“Which one?” she said sarcastically, raising an eyebrow.

“The one that does that thing with his eyebrow—yeah, like that! I thought it looked familiar.”

“I hate you.” She said before turning onto her stomach away from him. “That’s John Black.”

“Do I know him?” He asked more interested in the curves of her body than her answer.

“Possibly,” she said and she could feel his eyes burning into her backside, hotter than the fire that burned in front of her. If he touched her… “He’s a rich billionaire, in all the social papers.”

“That’s not what I’m talking about and you know it.” He said pointing at her before taking a sip of his drink. Mina shrugged. “Uh-hu, one of the children has escaped eh, Dr Mina Serott?” and he gave a little swarthy wiggle of his head at the way he said her name. “I haven’t heard that in a long time.”

“It’s my name!” she defended.

“I know, I know,” he held up his hand. He then got serious. “You okay? Need some help?” his voice was soft and drifted over her like a soft wind. She shut her eyes and turned her head toward him but didn’t actually turn the rest of herself to face him.

“I’m alright.” That’s when she began to think about her conversation earlier, in her office. She sat up suddenly. With a grace of a cat she propped her body up on her outstretched arms and pulled her muscled legs beneath her. She spun and looked him dead in the eyes. Her own seriousness shone in her round, dark, eyes. Her mouth slightly parted; both in the darkness and the light of the fire, he could only see the outline of her long thick eyelashes surrounding those round orbs. The elf-like arches of her eyebrows and the way her dark hair, long, thick, choppy bangs, framed her pale face in this light. It made her look like something out of a fairy tale—hell, she looked like the fairy. Her voice was light and it carried to him, mesmerized by her, he couldn’t even tell if she had moved her lips when she suddenly spoke at him.

“Our apple has some brown spots.” And her look got even darker. He nodded uncomfortably.

“It’s bound to happen,” he said staring down at his drink.

“Where have you been lately?” And she broke the inflection in the word “been”. He looked up at her and his own stare became just as deadly as the one she was giving him now.

“Don’t make me have to tell you I’m safe—it’s insulting.” She turned away from him. With a deep breath she couldn’t believe she had questioned him. How many days had she been at this? It’s too personal, she heard ‘Van’s words in her head.

“I don’t know anymore,” she said staring into the fire again.

“Yes you do,” he said with a smile and tipped back the rest of his glass of scotch when she turned to him. A slow beautiful full smile spread across her face. Looking down at his body, her eyes got soft and she slowly, like a cautious cat, came close to him. Stock still he waited. But instead of getting what he was hoping for, she plopped down next to him on the overstuffed pillows she had brought them earlier in order to sit by the fire. Looking up at him from her flat position she stared into his eyes.

“Thanks.”

It had been an emotional day…

Although Marlena was physically tired, she couldn’t keep her mind quiet. The events of the day wouldn’t stop playing themselves over and over again in her mind. Each time she tried to change it somehow. She thought about the things she should have said or could have said. Things that would have stopped John from kissing her, things that would have made telling Belle and the others about leaving…easier…Marlena swallowed hard. Staring out into the night, the floor lurched beneath her. One hand gently on the French doors, the other on her stomach, she felt like she had swallowed hot rocks. Shivering, the rocks shook and tumbled into millions of butterflies that traveled up her chest encircling her heart.

She let her head rest against the small pane in front of her. Slowly the tight feeling in her chest subsided. Watching the snow flittering down she envisioned little angles sitting in clouds, giggling while they cut flakes out of the billows. She smiled to herself at the childish thought…and yet…also familiar. She heaved a sigh, opened her eyes and walked out into the night. Folding her arms about her, a sadness creeping over her now; another memory just brushing by, like the snow drifting about, her memories always seemed to do that. It was what made them the most unreal; the way they’d slip away, like dreams she couldn’t quite remember from the night before. Ghosts…of Christmases past…she smiled bitterly.

Looking up into the small flakes that swished about, she took in a deep breath willing that a few would fall right on her and melt away the sadness as they too dissolved. At first they stayed away and she realized there was a certain irony in the way the flakes gave away the direction of the wind that whipped about. One might think wind blew in one direction, but by evidence of the swirls of snow, the wind was more like the sea with curling waves. She took in a deep breath, for as much peace as she was feeling a minute ago…the idea of waves gave away to thoughts of torment and chaos and again, she was suddenly overcome by the events of the day. Not only the scene at the hospital but what happen when she and Alex got home.

They had cuddled on the couch; talking lightly of their plans. She had been comfortable with taking things slowly, she had herself convince, if things stayed like this, she could make it work. If only she could keep Alex talking about leaving later rather than sooner…maybe…

“Merry Christmas,” Alex had whispered in here ear. “Well, happy belated Christmas…it’s over now.”

“What?” Marlena said out of shock looking over to a clock. It was just past midnight. At first she couldn’t believe it. She and John had just talked about going shopping. Maybe belated presents were what he was talking about. A little sad about the whole thing, she slumped.

“Don’t worry…” Alex had soothed. “This will be our last Christmas where there is so much stress. NEXT Christmas we’ll do the whole fanfare.”

“I’d love that,” she smiled at him gently, her eyes getting soft and dark. “Claire will be old enough to enjoy the lights and presents.” Marlena brightened but Alex smoldered. “I wonder if Belle will let me dress her up. I saw this pretty little girl the other day—“

“You know,” he said annoyed. “We may not be around for that.”

“What?”

“Marlena, we talked about leaving…”

“Well, I know Alex but I want to come back for holidays…” He huffed, pulling away from her. “If not, the kids can come and stay with us. Though John and Kate…”

“Look! I realize that you feel obligated to continue to nurture this relationship…”

“Obligated?! Alex, she’s my daughter.”

“I understand that but it’s a relationship that means nothing. Anyone can have a child, people who adopt children—“

“Alex!” she said standing up and staring down at him.

“Don’t stand over me.” He said and, like a light had been turned on, he suddenly dripped danger.

“I’m sorry,” she said softly, gingerly she returned to her seat. Her lips began to quiver and her eyes filled with tears.

“Listen, it’s been a very emotional day for all of us.” He said putting his arms around her. She stared at her hands in her lap and nodded silently. That’s when he kissed her temple, then her cheek. He pulled her face to him and she allowed him to kiss her lips. She softened slowly with each kiss. She had to admit. It wasn’t completely unpleasant, she even felt a little…curious. Or what seemed like curiosity. It was a strange need to know if his kiss, that was suddenly invoking feelings in her stomach and running up her chest, would get better somehow. He was her husband after all. Once, she had enjoyed this, at least she assumed that.

He deepened the kiss when she didn’t protest. He began to get a little more ardent, his tongue invaded before she was ready; something in her mind warned, if he went any further…those thoughts were immediately replaced by a strange, foreign, panic that wanted to make up for humiliating him on the hospital balcony by being caught with John. She willed herself to relax, he was her husband. Until his hand slipped about her throat—she froze! He didn’t notice. He continued by sliding his fingers to her collar bone, she began to pant, her hands clutching, her mind screamed. He managed to unfasten a couple of buttons of her thin top. She finally couldn’t take it and she jumped away.

“Alex,” she said her breath coming quick. “I’m sorry…” His stare got dark. “I-I I’m just not ready…”

“You’re not ready?” he questioned. She looked at him. “John Black can grope you in a public place but I can’t make love to my wife in my own home!”

“Alex,” she started gently. “It’s not like that.”

“It is exactly like that! This is ridiculous Marlena. You’re playing games—“

“What??! I am not! Alex, this all new to me…”

“For you and I to not be intimate is unrealistic!”

“I know,” and her admission brought his temper down a degree, she realized she was becoming acutely aware of his sudden shifts in feelings and she knew he was settling down. He shook his head.

“I love you,” he said taking her in his arms.

“I know,” She said. “I just need a little more time.” He hugged her to him fiercely.

“I need you,” he said. “I have waited so long…I want you so bad it hurts. Please Marlena, all I want for you is to love me the way I love you.”

“I know,” she said back. He stared at her intently. She tried to stare back but she only felt more exposed. Aching from guilt, she turned away.

“We are working so hard to get all that back.”

“Yes,” her eyes shut, the way his voice became soft and inviting made her drift.

“Don’t give up; just don’t shut out the idea that soon, very soon…”

“Okay…okay…” But without know why, she could see it happening. She could see him on her and her stomach turned.

She drank in the crisp air and tilted her face upward. The flakes fell softly on her face and nose. Only when they got a chance to melt did she feel the wetness. But before that, the couple that landed on her lips were like soft, gentle, tantalizing kisses. She sighed deep feeling her mouth open involuntarily. Her mind slowly began to drift. A small warning called out from somewhere but it was too late. With a deep cool breath, her eyes now shut, she was remembering John’s kisses. The difference from the flakes and his kisses were that they were not at all cold but hot and passionate, strong and certain. He had known exactly how to kiss her. He had teased her just enough to make her react; he had coaxed her to wanting more by continuing to play invitingly. Her body had throbbed with it; she couldn’t press her breasts close enough. Her legs had trembled and her mind had reeled. Her kisses became lustier the more they continued caressing each other. She ached to feel her mouth on his neck, her hands across his naked broad back, her inner thighs both tingled and burned to feel him slipping between them, the sensitive inner skin against his muscled hips and thighs. Even now she gasped at the thought of it all. Looking about, then down, she was surprised that she hadn’t melted the little mound of snow now collecting on the tops of her slippers.

Quickly going inside she brushed the snow from her hair. Grabbing a towel from the bathroom she patted her hair dry then worked on the rest of her. She was married. Married to Alex, she emphatically reminded herself. That wasn’t going to change and she needed to stop “playing” with her “episodes” with John. She was married and she needed to focus on getting her memories back. She was married and….she sighed slumping and moving toward the window again. No wonder Alex had insisted they leave, she shook her head, she’d never get her life back if she kept this up. She had to put some distance between her and John…she had to leave… out of nowhere she heard his voice…familiar, reminding her…deep, serious, stern…and painful.

“You have to leave now…” it stabbed like a knife. “We shouldn’t even be having this conversation…”

She shook her head, not like she did back then. Then it was to disagree, now it was to ward it off…shake it off.

“I can’t go…” She spun…it was her. She heard it like she had said it, or someone with her voice did, somewhere in the room. “…have to gain control…control is very important you know…it’s just that I get over…here…and I can’t control…these feelings that I have for you…I can’t even leave and I know that I should….”

Immediately her breath came quick, her hands began to shake; she tried to stop them by even more purposefully shaking them out. She felt danger all around her but there was nothing in the room but her. She was a psychologist, she could handle this, but it kept coming, something was going to happen and a deep fear dropped over her like someone had dropped the ceiling on her. She shut her eyes, clinched her fists tight, she wanted to scream for help but she was determined to help herself. Her eyes wide, mouth dropping open she gasped; like when she saw the pearls around her neck, the hands slipping over her collar bone, Alex had told her to breathe.

Slow, deep, breaths.

She was okay; the thought came quickly along with another comforting idea that she wasn’t going anywhere right now. As her body eased down, her mind quieted, a peculiar thought crossed her mind…where’s John? Her eyes snapped open; she looked around, half expecting to find him.

She shook her head again. It happened like that upon occasion. Some voice, her own voice, would suddenly pop in her head or direct some image of John Black. She didn’t have to do much or think about anything in particular. When she tried to force it–it wouldn’t come, nothing of her life would show itself. But in the quiet and in the dark or at her most peace full, if she relaxed, her body, quieted her mind, stared out a window, let herself drift…there it was. Like a familiar scent or a warm feeling like something or someone was touching her. If she didn’t focus on it and let it come it would stay. If she concentrated or try to explore more, it disappeared like the pop of a soap bubble. She’d try and get it back but it was no use. She’d sigh unhappily and a bit of a depression would envelope her.

She was missing something. Her heart hurt. And horribly, she was beginning to make comparisons, being close to John was like being in those memories. She shook her head. He wasn’t a doctor. He couldn’t fix what happened; he didn’t know how her mind worked. Alex could and would help her. She felt sad for him but who was it to say that when she remembered everything, she’d go to John? What if the love she had for Alex was stronger than the love she had for John…? She just didn’t know. And it was too frightening a prospect to loose it all over again. She already lost her life, she couldn’t loose anymore. John would just have to learn to live without her. And something in her chest twisted tight, it ran through her like a bone chilling cold. Quickly she ran back to her bed and dove under the covers. Ridiculous she thought to herself. It was unfounded fear and it was going to stop NOW!

And yet, she didn’t stop the last images that calmed her mind…those of John Black; curling about her back, with a deep masculine sigh, falling asleep with his nose pressed in her hair. She smiled just before the darkness fell.

~~~~~

“John?” Kate said poking her head into John’s new penthouse suite. When he didn’t answer right away she figured he was still occupied. She called John from the car and demanded to know where he was. He had said that he was heading home, he felt horrible. All he could think of was jumping into the shower and she should let herself in. She had known that feeling. When life was such a nightmare all you wanted to do was wash it all away. And yet no amount of scrubbing or hot water could make the mind stop thinking…but it was worth a try.

The family had watched him leave the hospital. He looked more than just defeated; he seemed like an empty shell, like the life had gone out of him. He had resigned himself to losing Marlena before but after that kiss…well, Kate knew this latest news was the final straw. That and no one ever suspected that Marlena would ever consider leaving Salem. Kate could only imagine that John would stay stuck in denial about their relationship being over because he could still see her. As long as she was around, he wouldn’t give up. Now she was going, his life had not only come to a screeching halt but it was crumbling. No one knew better than those close to him how much he relied on Marlena to keep him steady.

Belle was scared; she wanted to go after him but needed to stay for Claire. Kate offered to go; she reassured her daughter-in-law she’d take good care of him. She was surprised that Belle’s worried look had deepened. Kate ignored the look since Phillip had encouraged her to go. She nodded at Phillip and tried to keep the resentful glare out of her eyes when she glanced at Belle before leaving. If anyone should have to worry about any emotional attachments forming, it was Belle starting to rely a little too much on Shawn Brady of late. If it didn’t stop soon, Kate would have to set that little girl straight.

Standing, half in and half out the penthouse door, she hadn’t actually looked around yet. Careful not to create too awkward a scene–but secretly hoping that John might give in a little–she didn’t wait for his answer and walked right in. In total surprise, she gave a shriek.

“Kate?!” she heard John’s voice distant and calling from somewhere behind her. Kate’s only response was:

“Have you seen this view?!!” John looked over the railing and down at her. He chuckled. Jeannie Frank had practically done and said the same thing when she came to do the interior walk to buy his furnishings. It had surprised him more when she did though because Jeannie was a top interior designer and had worked in San Francisco, Los Angeles and New York.

“You expect that from NY, LA and San Fran,” Jeannie had said with a smile. “But Salem? I didn’t know it had it in her…beautiful!”

“This is incredible John.” Kate began looking around at the furnishings. The floor was a high gloss cherry. The suit was long rather than wide. To her left, in front of her and all the way along the suite’s walls were ceiling to floor windows. At the door and on her right was the kitchen. The kitchen ran parallel to the windows with a long bar almost running the length of it. She noticed immediately the way the black marbled counter tops and stainless steel appliances shone in the various hidden spotlights, both in the ceiling and a few under the glass covered cabinets. Although the design seemed sever, she knew it was the ultra modern look good for a new bachelor like John Black. It almost looked like his office at work. Not surprising, Jeannie had done that too.

“It’s very contemporary,” she said looking up at him. “Marlena will hate it!”

“Kate…” He warned. Though he knew she was right. He shook it off and continued looking out at the view in front of him, a slight satisfied smile on his lips. And while he stared, she was stuck, mesmerized by him. He had just come out of the shower. His hair was slicked back, dark and shinny. She could see his angular handsome features and the way that, even in the dead of winter, he still had a bit of a dark hue to his skin. He had been naked except for the low slung thin cotton drawstring sweats he had on; the triangle of muscle that sloped down his pelvis and faded from the dark color of his belly to lighter color below his belt line drew her eyes immediately. She huffed.

His arms looking like thick strong cables as he easily rested his hands on the stainless rail. He slowly moved until he leaned on his arms and clutched his hands in front of him. It irritated her, the thought was suddenly in her head as she watched muscles ripple across his body the way they always did when he moved, Marlena had been the last to touch that gorgeous chest. Just to let it go, just like that. And here she was, nearly passing out with wanting to get her hands and lips all over him and no way of getting an inch closer. She suddenly thought about bashing Dr Marlena Evans-NORTH over the head herself just to teach her a lesson. Then again, that might give her her memory back and John would really be gone. She shrugged.

“What?” He asked staring at her from over head. She was caught off guard but thought quickly.

“How did you get up there? And WHAT is up there?”

“It’s the bedroom and the stairs are around the corner once you get to the end of the kitchen.”

This she had to see. She walked past a long cherry dining table, on her left, that was immaculately dressed. Beyond the table against one of the bay windows, low black cabinets that began as soon as the table ended, were also very modern.

“You know, it’s not my taste but I love it…” She said her hand running over the cabinet’s glossy top and to the shelf that also ran floor to ceiling at the end of the suit. She stopped since the room had dead ended into a set of folding doors.

“What this?”

“The den or guest room, whichever.” Passing the room she pointed to another set of doors.

“The guest bath. There is another way into that bathroom through the bedroom.” She kept moving and now she was out of his eyeshot. Although the bedroom loft was open on two sides; one, out to the living and dining room, over where she entered. The other was just a half wall, to about the where the guest bathroom door started. He heard her shoes coming up the ascending hallway-like stairs.

“These seem kind of steep.” she commented, climbing the entombed flight. It was a little close but felt safe considering how steep the stairs seemed.

“I think that is why they are enclosed; you have two handles that way.” Looking to her right, at the top step, she smiled at him as he began to stand. She looked to her left and that was where his bed was. She had to wonder how someone changed if the bedroom had no walls opening out into two common areas. But in actuality, the room was set deep in the suite. There was, in fact, a whole seating area before you even got to the bed, in between where John stood and the foot of the bed. The bed sat in the middle of the whole room. The headboard doubled as decorative storage for the bed and cabinet for the home office area behind it.

“My God…!” she said stunned. “This..is…”

“I know, incredible.”

The bed was king sized and was all of one thick layer. She gave it a quizzical look.

“It’s that new air mattress, wrapped around that memory foam stuff. You wouldn’t believe how I sleep now. My back feels a 100 times better.”

“I’ll have to try it out,” she said with a wink and she walked into his office area. She looked at the cabinet/headboard. A few feet further, was the modern desk, to the left, floor to ceiling shelving of which she immediately noticed a small bar for drinks and an up-to-date stereo system. Besides that, the focal point was another set of floor to ceiling windows. Only these were divided into smaller windows by black panes and a couple of doors.

“Don’t you feel over exposed?”

“I kinda’ did at first. There are the drapes…” he said and she did see the floor length decorative drapes that slid across a long unobtrusive bar. “But that backyard area is blocked on three sides. I’m one and the brick walls, one to the right and the one in front.”

“You stare at a brick wall?”

“Actually there is a pretty good size garden out there. Obviously you can see it better in the daylight; it gets pretty dark once the sun goes down. You can actually see some stars out there too. In the morning, I can have breakfast delivered if I wanted from the café downstairs.”

“What??”

“Yep! There is steel door leading to the main building and other apartments, you just can’t see it from here.”

“Security?” She raised her eyebrows at him; he was the king of lockdown.

“I have to let you in.” He winked at her.

“Ah,” she said continuing toward an open door.

“Bath,” he said simply. “The light is on the outside, yea, that’s it…its kinda small…”

“Finally something not so majestic.”

He chuckled. The bath may not be as “majestic” as the windows or as luxurious as the cherry wood, impressive as the stainless steel, or classy as the glass cabinetry but…

“AWWWWWW! A claw foot tub!!” Women LOVED the claw foot tub. The bathroom had been done in white, high gloss walls on two sides. The paned windowed wall from the bedroom continued into this room as well and again, decorative curtains to cover. The accents of the tub were in a buffed gold/brass color. The tub was on her right with the porcelain and buffed bronze fixtures coming out of the wall. Immediately to her left her was a sink that looked like something out of an old country house. It was just the sink and nothing below it, white and long, enough for two people to stand at. Though the basin itself was rectangular and there was plenty of space to set something on either side of it. There was a curved buffed bronze antique toothbrush holder and cup mounted above the sink and a square gold framed mirror. It was straddled by two round light fixtures. Besides them were two doors, with tiny hand pulls, built into the wall. She assumed these were medicine cabinets. She turned to her right again, having thoroughly appreciated the sink and mirror.

“Of course, glass enclosed shower, rounded! How luxurious. You are TOO spoiled Mr. Black. Although…still a bit exposed.”

“The shower casing goes opaque.”

“You’re kidding?!”

“Nope…they thought of everything.”

“Well, except for the …Oohp! Never mind, found it!” He heard here shut the folding door to the little alcove where the toilet was kept

“At least the toilet wasn’t made of gold…” she said to him mockingly. “AND there is no place for towels. Other than the racks you have next to the shower.” She quickly made her way back into the bedroom.

“I keep the linens in the closet,” he had his legs splayed a bit and one arm folded across his chest. The other he used to hold his chin, though at the moment, he was pointing to the set of cabinetry directly in front of him. Kate walked the length of the bed (and then some) until she got to about the middle of what she could guess was a closet. She saw the indented pulls, placed her fingers in them, giving a gentle tug, they came out towards her. Automatically every foot or so they began to bend inward, like an accordion the doors folded back. John walked over and helped her slide the right side open.

“John…” she said breathlessly.

“I know…a woman’s haven.”

“This closet is as big as my living room…” she said standing in it.

“Nahhh…”

“Yeeeess,” she hissed out with a firm nod. It had shelving, a vanity, hanging space, shoe space, a rack for ties, drawers, overhead storage; she found ALL of his linens. It was something out of a closet organizer’s bible.

“Check this out,” he said with a bit of a giggle like a little kid with a new toy he shouldn’t have had. He pulled a lever where his suit jackets and pants hung, one row on top of another. She jumped back when the pants disappeared, followed by the jackets and another set of pants dropped down fallowed by another set of jackets.

“These racks are for office wear and these,” he walked over another couple of feet to another rack just like the one with the suits. “Are for the casuals that need to be hung up,” he pulled the switch and the same trick happened. Sweaters and dress slacks, turned into polos and jeans or khakis.

“I’ve seen enough…you’re going to make me cry.” After grabbing a t-shirt he followed Kate. They began to march around the bed. It was at the stair way she turned and pointed a finger. “I just have a closet. ONE in my bedroom, 2 x 8, I can barely get my daywear in it.”

“Move…” he said simply.

“Yea, well, when I get to be the owner/president of a mega-corp, I will!”

Downstairs they sat in the living room area just on the other side of the short wall next to the front door. Both had been entranced by the view, listening to the local easy jazz station. It seemed safe and soothing enough. Kate had a glass of red whine balanced on her hip, her arm resting on the back of the couch. He had a brandy, neat; he was now running between his palms. They had been chatting softly about news around the office. Carefully, but awkwardly, avoiding what happened at the hospital a few hours ago.

She watched him carefully; a song had caught his attention…

Here I am, in broken wings
Quite thoughts, unspoken dreams
Here I am, alone again
I need her now to hold my hand

She’s all, she’s all I ever had
She’s the air I breath
She’s all, she’s all I ever had, ooh

That’s the way she makes me feel
It’s the only thing that’s real
It’s the way she understands
She’s my lover, she’s my friend
When I look into her eyes
It’s the way I feel inside
Like the man I want to be
She’s all I’ll ever need

Listening to the lyrics, his face changed from curious, to terror. He quickly took a large swallow of brandy. Kate, taking a swig of wine, hated to bring up a sore subject but she felt she had to know and get him through this. She had to convince him, somehow, that life wasn’t ending. Certainly to distract him from the lyrics he seemed to be latching onto.

“How are you?”

“Okay,” he said simply and too quickly.

“John…” she said in that warning tone of hers.

“What else do you want me to say, Kate? Yea, the place is great; it reminds me that life begins anew. Every day the sun will rise…” He stopped when the words caught in his throat. He had been looking at her when he responded but as soon as he couldn’t speak any longer and his lips began to quiver, he sat forward in a sudden rush and set his drink in front of him. Resting his arms on his bent thighs, he talked to the floor. “I’d give it all up…every bit of it…just to have her back…”

“I know. And I can’t help but want to tell you John—“

“I know what you’re going to say Kate and I can’t!”

“John! She’s married to him. She wants to fulfill her vows.”

“She doesn’t even remember him!”

“She doesn’t remember you either. But she had to make a choice.”

“Why him?”

“I…” and she heaved a sigh. “Who knows…All I know is …you’re going to end up alone. And you don’t deserve that.”

He could almost acquiesced to that…

A haunting melody of a cello and violin stings filled the air. The synthesizers began and Kate had the feeling she was on the water. She smiled to herself, she remembered this song. Suddenly she looked up at John.

I’d say love was a magical thing
I’d say love would keep us from pain
Had I knew then, had I knew then

I would promise you all of my life
But to lose you would cut like a knife
So I don’t dare, no I don’t dare

‘Cause I’ve never come close in all of these years
You are the only one to stop my tears
And I’m so scared, I’m so scared

He heard it too…felt it like a hot searing cold panic running up his chest. Then the shakes began. He took a deep breath and held it like Mina had tried to instruct him when she first tried to convince him to see her for therapy. He let it out slowly and it kept the dizziness at bay, the fear at bay, the panic from taking over.

“John…are you alright?” Kate asked getting closer. He took the last swallow of brandy before shaking his head.

“I can’t describe it at times,” he said huffing, small beads of sweat began to form on his forehead. “My chest, my heart..,” he gasped.

“It’s a panic attack…” She tried to sooth.

“No, no…” he said breathlessly. “It’s painful,” he choked and the tears began. “My heart,” he beat gently on his chest to get the words out and stop the stinging pain. “Is being taken from me. It hurts so much. I can’t breathe. My life is being taken…” gasping he got up. He needed to walk. He headed to the bay windows. She followed. Resting her hands gently on either shoulder she rubbed his back. As he rested his head against the cold window, the song went on. He shut his eyes, willing the fire in his chest to stop.

Take me back in time maybe I can forget
Turn a different corner and we never would have met
Would you care

I don’t understand it, for you it’s a breeze
Little by little you’ve brought me to my knees
Don’t you care

No I’ve never come close in all of these years
You are the only one to stop my tears
I’m so scared of this love

And if all that there is, is this fear of being used
I should go back to being lonely and confused
If I could, I would, I swear

Oh, I swear

John found himself, agreeing. Kate found that he was loosing his balance and sliding.

“I would,” he said in a harsh whisper. “I’d take it all back if I could.” Kate got the feeling he was somewhere else, in a different time. “I should have left, all those years ago. I should have gone, taken Brady and never turned back.”

“John,” Kate implored. “You don’t mean it…”

“I can’t do this,” he cried and he gently and finally fell in a crumpled mess at her feet. “I can’t live like this…I don’t want to live like this…Kate…I’ll never … live….like…this.” Wracked with sobs, she held him best as she could.

~~~~~

“Oh John…”

Marlena sighed in bed. She turned; the pain in her chest was sharp…

“Doc..I guess what I’m trying to say is, don’t you think that sometimes…certain memories are best left in the past were they belong…”

“No I don’t. Memories…should stay with us. Memories…are what make us who we are. And I will always have mine with me.”

She gasped out, spinning…but she couldn’t wake up. He was leaving. He was leaving her.

“…besssT. Damn it I don’t know why I’m saying its best, it’s not best!” He turned from her in frustration.

“What is it?” she challenged. He was slipping, he was faltering on his decision. She could get him. He was weakening.

“I’m so scared…” it flashed before her, she spun again. They argued, he insisted, she implored some logic.

“And this is the adult thing to do, trust me…”

“Running away isn’t…no, no… running away is not adult…you and I can live in the same town…we can–!”

“And, and, and do what? And do what? Just see each other at functions say hello maybe do a little kiss on the cheek at arms length we’ll engage in some sort of trivial chit chat? Ooooh I don’t THINK SO.”

She was losing, things were slipping away…somehow…and she tossed again. What could she say…then she gave a little, so he had to leave. He was right, he was right about everything. He had to go. Let him go, her head said…he’ll be back…soon…and her heart cried…

“Alright…How long will you be gone..?” He didn’t answer at first, shaking his head.

“I don’t know,” he whispered out in avoidance, really. “Weeks…?” She could live with weeks. He avoided her eyes. He couldn’t mean… “Months…?” He turned even more away from her. He really meant it; he planned on not coming back. The pain was searing…so much it burned all over…

“John…You’re wrong. If you think you are doing this for me you’re wrong…I can’t even imagine my life without you…I don’t want to imagine my life without you. I want you…in my life…I need you…”

He was refusing. He didn’t care. Here she was, loving him and loving her husband…she heard it like a whisper her own words surrounding her… “But then you came along and…and it just happened…it just happened. I-I couldn’t help it. Oh God that is so pathetic. It didn’t have to happen, I wanted it to happen. I really wanted to love you…and now I am driving you away…” she cried out…. “No…!” she said in her sleep. But still…the memories came…

“You are so much a part of my life…I don’t know what I…I don’t’ know what I would do if you weren’t…”

Spinning again…she pulled a pillow close. “John…” she cried out.

That’s when it happened. He had her by the coat front, pulling her close. His entire mouth swallowing her cries and gasps. It was like a shock of cold water being thrown over her. Finally when he pulled away she was surprised. This was it. This was the point of no return and she wasn’t going to stop him. Then, pushing her away, a sudden fear dropped over her, he could stop. That could have been it, their last touch, their last kiss, she wanted to scream “NO!” That is until he grabbed her coat and yanked in from her shoulders…she gasped…but not from being afraid but by the hungry desire that was about to let loose. It bubbled up from deep inside her, threatened to break like the rolling thunder outside that warned of a sudden lighting strike. He took her by the shoulders and hoisted her up onto the cabin couch. It was rough, it was ardent, and it was wanton. She kissed him back in kind, matching his need, not stopping to think about the consequences, there were no other alternatives, he needed her…she needed him…they needed each other…asking them to stop would have been like asking them to not breathe.

~~~~~

Mina lay on her belly; out in the night, on the balcony ledge outside her bedroom. She looked down the hill at Salem laid out before her. The snow had stopped a couple of hours ago. She had said goodnight to Eddie even earlier than that. She couldn’t sleep though. She had built a fire out of anxiousness. When she had gotten too hot, minutes later, she scrapped aside a little place for her to look out onto the world. Slowly like the Cheshire tabby curled up on the small of her back, her eyes drifted closed. As a person who was perpetually warm…the cold was lulling. Her mind began to close but windows of her past began to open…

The sound of his voice began ringing in her ears. “Devina! I see you…”

“He doesn’t see you…it’s a trick…!” Lollie whispered from the trunk. She hated her hiding place. She had picked the trunk but Lollie had pulled her out of it. She was small enough to hide anywhere was his excuse. It wasn’t fair she got all the best places because she was so little in bone and stature. The curtain was good enough for her.

“EVERBODY hides behind the curtains!”

“Not everybody!” he coaxed

“Well you do! It will be the first place he’ll look!”

“You’re such a baby!” He continued to climb in the trunk.

“I am not!”

“Ready or not…!” the other boy yelled.

“He’s coming—hide! I swear if you give us both away…I’ll sock you!”

“You will not!”

“Will too!”

“I’ll tell!”

“Now you’re a snitch.”

“Not if it’s Jinx I tell.”

~~~~~

John lay on his back looking through the skylight. Without moving more than his hand he picked up the cell phone he had laid next to him in debate. Just do it John! He told himself a dozen times. This time he didn’t think about it. He found the name in his index and pressed the button.

It rang a couple of times before he herd her light smooth voice. She always sounded younger that she was at least he suspected so.

“This is Mina…”

INCOMPLETE