John was standing on the roof of his loft, thinking about, who else, Marlena. After Romans return, she had no option than to choose to be with her family. The family he still felt was his. He was happy for the Brady’s that Roman had returned but couldn’t help resenting that fact at the same time. Marlena made clear she had to stay with Roman and that there was no place for John anymore. Anyway that’s what John thought she was saying. She told him to move on without her and to make a life and family of his own.
Oh, I’m trying to leave the memories behind me.
But you are always on my mind to remind me.
I know my mission is to learn to live without you.
But still I wish I had you here to wake up to.
He had a hard time not to think about her, their life together. He felt robbed. She was his anchor in life, his lifeline. He tried to avoid her as much as possible but the harder he tried, the more he bumped into her. At Salem Place, the pub, even earlier this evening at a party. He was so sure she wouldn’t be there so he went, trying to have a good time without her. He did the best he could but he remained sad and lonely. That is until she came in, looking radiant as ever. His heart ached to be with her.
And as tonight I saw you slowly walking thru’ that door,
Never in my life I wanted anything more.
His heart jumped at the sight of her. She was looking spectacular. She was smiling and looked almost happier than he had ever seen her. He couldn’t tell if she missed him as much as he did her. That is until she looked at him. Her smile disappeared and the pain was obvious in her beautiful hazel eyes. He saw more pain than he could bare. He tried to act nonchalant but failed. He couldn’t help but stare at her.
Oh why, why are you so beautiful,
And why, did you have to look that way.
O tell me why, are you so beautiful,
More than a million girls in the world,
And I just had to fall in love with you.
He had to get out of there as well as for his own sake as for hers. If he could only move a muscle. They stared at each other for what seemed an eternity. He was feeling the love she felt for him, a love that would never die. A love that couldn’t be denied and yet it was. He remembered everything at the same time, from the moment he met her and instantly fell in love with her till the time she said goodbye. He never would have thought they would have to face the fact to live without each other. How could he? She gave him his life, she was his reason to live.
Well, I don’t even know how this has started,
And how was I to know you’d leave me broken hearted.
Oh maybe I should try to never see your face again,
‘cos in so many ways you changed my life.
I’m a different man.
How could he have ever thought she could live with a man with no memories, with no past. He should have known better. He didn’t blame her. She loved Roman and even though she loved him too, she wouldn’t abandon her family, HIS family. Or at least the one he thought was his.
And I should know by now I’ll never be the one for you.
And every other thought is bound to make my brown eyes blue.
Her eyes were filled with all sorts of emotions. Love, pain, regrets and forgiveness. He wanted to hold her, make all the pain and regrets go away so that the only thing that remained was love. Her love for him. They would be the only two people on the face of this earth. No, he couldn’t wish that, it was selfish but still…
Oh why, why are you so beautiful,
And why, did you have to look that way,
Oh tell me why, why are you so beautiful,
Of all the girls that I could get,
I fell in love with the one I’ll never have.
He knew he would never give up on her. They were meant to be. One day… they will be together for ever and always. It was foolish to think that way, he knew that. He couldn’t help himself and if he saw it right, she was feeling the same way. She didn’t have to say it, he could see it clearly in her eyes. Her eyes, those amazing eyes, they would haunt him forever… and always.
I’m no exception to the rule,
Where there is beauty, there always is a fool.
Where there is beauty, there always is a fool.
The Jarlena Journal 