Whisper My Name (Rewrite) – By Ms. Goldie

Chapter 1

Christmas 1991

Caroline and Shawn Brady Residence

We lead two different lives

Just like two lines that never cross

And here we are together

Standing closer than we are…

~ Secret ~ Heart ~

John’s face fell when Sami turned around, laying the silver hairbrush and mirror on the pile of presents behind her. She barely made eye contact as she whispered, “Thank you, Daddy…” She glanced at Roman quickly, as if she were afraid, and said, “I mean, John.” 

Marlena’s heart ached. Sami was putting distance between herself and John, because she thought it would make Roman happy. Marlena could see it plainly. Roman seemed almost smug, and it made her angry. It was hard enough allowing him to have the time he was requesting so that he could bond with the twins, time without John’s involvement, it was another for him to feel pride at having pushed John out of their lives. 

John stood up quickly, refusing to make eye contact with anyone in the room, and he said in a rough voice, “I’m just going to step outside for some air.” He was overwhelmed. He’d thought that Sami would love the gift. Coming there was a mistake. Everything felt different. Everything was different. The family that had been central to his whole life for the past five years was suddenly not his any longer. Roman had swooped in, and laid claim to it all. 

Marlena and Isabella both moved, as if to go after him. Caroline reached out, stopping Isabella, saying softly, “Let Marlena talk to him. She has a way with him, and maybe she can help.” 

Isabella wanted to scream, watching helplessly as Marlena snatched up her coat, and left the house without another word. Roman barely seemed to notice, caught up in a moment of laughter with Bo and Kayla. Turning away from Caroline in frustration, she tried to school her features when her eyes caught with Kim’s. She tried to smile, but it was shaky at best. She felt it all slipping away from her. When she and John had returned to Salem from Mexico a couple weeks earlier, she’d been so confident. He’d made love to her on the beach, he’d said goodbye to Marlena, and they’d each flown home with their respective partners. She was supposed to be happy, right? John should be happy. 

She’d assumed that once John got over the shock of learning the truth, he would move on, but he hadn’t. He seemed fixated on the children. He was trying to help Abe with cases on the side, even though he was no longer on the police force. Anytime Marlena was near his eyes were glued to her, following her every move. Isabella was trying to be patient, but as she watched Marlena go after John, all she felt was bitterness.

A stiff breeze hit Marlena’s face as she stepped out into the cold evening. She saw John off in the distance, walking towards the pier, and she smiled softly. Knowing where he was going, she fastened her coat around her snugly, tying the belt at her waist, and she followed him. 

John was barely on the pier five minutes when he felt Marlena’s presence behind him. Without even glancing towards her, he said softly, “Doc, it’s cold out here. I just needed to get some air.”

“We both know you’re lying,” she told him, sidling up beside him.

John glanced down. The lamplight overhead shone off of her honey blonde hair, and he clenched his fist in an effort to stop himself from touching it. The gesture would be so natural. Brush her hair from her shoulder, and then gently trace along her jaw. Her lips would part, and she might whisper his name. She would stare up at him, eyes wide with anticipation…of what? They had nothing. He looked away again, moving closer to the water.

Marlena followed. She reached for his arm, her fingers sliding across his coat. The scent of him caught on the breeze. His musky cologne and the scent of leather. She felt John’s muscles tense at her touch, but she whispered anyway, “Sami’s confused.”

“She has every right to be, Doc. I’ve abandoned her. I walked away, and I left her with strangers.” John pulled his arm away. “You’ve been home barely three months! Roman is a man who showed up, and claimed to be her father, but she doesn’t know either of you!”

Marlena tensed. He was right, of course. John had been the one steady thing in Sami, Eric, and Carrie’s lives, and suddenly he was gone. She wouldn’t tell John about Eric’s nightmares where he woke in the night screaming, “Daddy, don’t leave me!” She wouldn’t tell him about Sami’s outbursts where she yelled at Roman, “You’re not my Daddy!” It would only upset John even further. She felt that she and Roman had made the wrong choice in having John walk away, but Roman continued to insist that the children would adjust.

“She’s been asking for that silver hair brush with the mirror for over a year, but I told her she couldn’t have it. I said she needed to be older, but I got for her anyway. I just wanted her to know that I remembered…that I care,” he told Marlena. “I know it’s extravagant for a seven year old. I sound pitiful. Fuck, I feel pitiful.”

“John,” she said softly, coming closer. He was miserable. So sad and lost looking. Stepping in front of him, she reached up, stroking her soft palm over his jaw, “John?”

He shivered, craving her touch like a drug. The simple whisper of his name on her lips, had him questioning the path their lives had taken. Stepping away from her he mumbled, “I’m fine, Doc. I’m fine.”

He wasn’t. That much was obvious, but she wouldn’t push it, if he didn’t want to discuss it. “You rushed out of the house so quickly,” she said. “Isabella’s probably worried.”

John scoffed, “Isabella will be fine.” He didn’t add that Isabella was clingy as hell. He didn’t add that he felt as if he hadn’t had a moment of peace in the twelve days since their return from Mexico. He was surprised that Isabella hadn’t been the one to follow him to the pier. 

Marlena knew there was more to the story than what John had said. She could sense it, but she said only, “I know you miss the children.”

John turned on her, stepping back, “Miss the children? They’re mine, Doc! Mine! I raised them! I’m the only parent they remember, and now in less than two weeks I’m a fucking stranger!”

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I didn’t…I didn’t realize it would hurt you so badly. I didn’t realize it would hurt the children, and Roman…Roman wanted time with them. Time to bond. He’s missed their whole lives.”

John laughed, thinking about how Roman had simply slid into his position at the Salem Police Department with no questions asked. He’d even kept John’s promotion as his own, while John was pushed out. “Seems to me, he spends an awful lot of time down at the cop shop when he should be at home bonding with his children.”

Marlena didn’t respond. She heard the bitterness in his voice. What could she say? John was right. 

“No response, Doc?” John asked sarcastically. He knew he was being hard on her, but he didn’t know what to do with the anger, or the sadness. “Look, I’m sorry. Okay? I’m sorry. I’m not handling any of this very well. Having you, and the children, and Kimmy, Kayla and Bo…Ma and Pop…I may not have remembered my past, but I knew I had one. Now, I have nothing. I’m John Black again. A man without a face or a past. A man with no family. But this time…this time it’s harder, because this time I remember what I’ve lost.”

“You have Isabella, and the new baby,” Marlena replied, even though she knew it was weak in comparison. Plus, there wasn’t any love lost between her and Isabella. Marlena had seen her for what she truly was when Isabella accused her of trying to keep hold of Roman and John simultaneously. It was an accusation made based on Isabella’s one sided viewpoint. She had no idea what Marlena was going through. To Isabella it had seemed so simple, Roman was home, and Marlena should let John go.

John whispered, “Yeah…yeah, and I should be grateful for that right? That’s what everyone seems to believe.”

An image of John’s hand holding Isabella’s assaulted her. Marlena’s eyes widened in surprise, “Aren’t you?”

“Doc!” he cried out in frustration. “I lost everything! I lost fucking everything! And I’m still trying to deal with that. It hasn’t even been two weeks!”

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, feeling tears fall from her eyes. “I’m sorry. I just thought…” Her mind went back to that morning in Mexico, when John walked into the Professor’s house hand in hand with Isabella. He’d seemed content. When they parted ways in her hut, he’d seemed so resolute. His mind was made up, and she’d assumed that he was happy with the outcome. There had been nothing to make her feel otherwise, all the while her heart was breaking.

He was confused. She’d thought what? That he’d move on with his life as if the past five years hadn’t been his whole heart? All he had of his past was a burnt out satchel, a broken locket, and hunk of gold that used to be a ring. How could she possibly think he’d be content with that?

 John finally took a moment to look at her, really look at her. She was fucking beautiful. The way her tears filled her eyes, and shone in the dim light. He clenched his fists again to stop himself from reaching for her. 

“It’s so natural, you know?” he said to her.

Something in the way he was looking at her, so intense, had her belly fluttering with want, and that wasn’t something she was allowed to feel. Not ever again. Still she said, “What is?”

“The way my body responds when you look at me that way. Your eyes wet with tears, and your lips slightly parted. It makes me remember, and I want to stroke your hair from your face, and wrap you up in my arms.” John made a rueful face, “It makes me want to comfort you…” He sighed, looking out over the water, saying with resignation, “But that’s not my job anymore is it, Doc?”

How had they grown so far apart in such a short amount of time? It was painful to watch. It was excruciating to feel. Marlena stepped closer, reaching for John’s hand. His fingers were clenched. Prying them apart, she laced hers through, and whispered, “John…”

His chest constricted, hearing the way she said in his name. It was breathy. It conjured memories of quiet times, when he didn’t have to hold back. 

“Don’t, Marlena. Don’t. ” He knew he should let go of her hand. He didn’t though. He allowed her to hold his, even for a brief moment. “When you whisper my name…it…just, don’t.”

She dropped his hand, looking away, feeling shame start to grow deep inside her. What would Roman think? She stepped back, giving him space, and stared at the river water, listening to it as it splashed against the pilings. She wanted to take away his pain, and ease some of his anguish. “I’ll speak with Roman, about you spending time with the twins. I think they need you too.”

He glanced at her sideways, feeling bitterness in his gut. I’ll speak with Roman. He had so much anger, and nowhere to turn it, except inward. “Yeah, you do that, but I don’t think much will change. He hates me, Doc. He certainly doesn’t trust me. Roman is not going to suddenly change his mind, and allow me to spend time with the twinners.”

“We’ll work it out,” she replied, although not convincingly.

John didn’t have the heart to shoot her down. “Sure. Sure. You talk to Roman.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Marlena and Roman Brady Residence

Roman stared at his wife in surprise. He’d come out of their bathroom with a towel wrapped around his hips, hoping to entice her. During his time in Stefano’s jail in the jungle, he had a lot of free time. His muscles rippled with every move he made. He knew his physique was much more defined than it had been, and Marlena had still been putting him off about making love. She’d barely let him kiss her.

Yet, instead of making love she was asking him to allow the twins to spend time with John. Incredulously he asked her, “What’s this, Doc? You and John have a heart to heart on the pier, and suddenly you’re asking me if he can spend time with Sami and Eric? What sad song and dance did he weave for you this time?”

Marlena felt her ire rising, “Roman, it’s not just for John. Eric’s nightmares are becoming more frequent–”

“–he’s seven! All kids have nightmares. Carrie used to have them,” he told her dismissively.

“Carrie had them when Anna left her,” Marlena replied softly. “She cried for her mother every night.”

“The point is, she got over it. She grew out of it. She’s not permanently scared because her mothers a flake,” he replied. “And don’t start with me about Sami’s so-called anger. She’s a Brady, Doc. She’s got the Irish temper. That’s all that is.” Stepping closer to her, he ran his palms gently over her shoulders, “They just need time to adjust. That’s all, and I don’t think bringing John back into the fray is going to help that. It’ll only confuse them.”

“They’re already confused, Roman. As a psychiatrist–”

“–who hasn’t practiced in nearly five years,” Roman said, cutting her off. “Just give it some time. That’s all I’m asking for. Some time.”

Marlena brushed his hands from her shoulders, and said in irritation, “Well, if that’s the case, why don’t you spend more time with them?”

Upset with being rebuffed, and offended at her insinuation, Roman told her loudly, “Doc! I’m just getting settled in at work. This isn’t easy, you know! The paperwork is different, and I’m stepping into John’s shoes. You know a lot of the officers and detectives…they don’t seem to trust me, and I blame John for that!”

He was blaming John for the fact that he’d taken over a job he hadn’t earned? Marlena wasn’t sure she liked this newer version of her husband. Before his death, he’d been arrogant, sure, but he’d never been one to blame others for his own failings. The fact that Roman didn’t understand that there would be people who saw him as the imposter was a little surprising to her. Roman came home to Salem, and lived his life as if John never had. He took over the mortgage, and he was reluctant to even allow John to empty the savings, even though John was willing to leave the balance where it stood five years earlier. Not one utterance of thanks for loving their children, for instilling them with respect and kindness. Marlena stared at Roman, unsure of what to say.

He reached for her, trying to pull her close. He considered the matter settled, but Marlena shoved at his chest, causing him to stumble back. “I’m checking on the twins,” she told him. “And then, I’m sleeping in the guest room.”

“Doc! The guest room? Why?”

“I don’t understand you, Roman. I want to connect with you. I’m trying, but you’re so apathetic towards John. To the plight of your own children. I don’t remember you being so selfish,” Marlena told him. “I feel like I don’t understand you at all.”

Roman watched her leave the bedroom, angry at the turn of events. He’d hoped to spend the night in her arms, making love to her like he used to. He hadn’t expected her to argue with him about allowing her ex-husband to play daddy to his children. He sat on the end of the bed sullenly. Nothing was going the way he’d planned. Nothing.

Chapter 2

New Years Day 1992

John’s Apartment

It hurts my heart so bad

Seeing you sigh and shake

Broken down so low, so sad

I can’t let you break

~ Cry to Me ~ Heart ~

Carrie stared at the apartment door in front of her. It wasn’t the safest neighborhood, but it was the address Anna had given her. Many would consider the fact that she referred to her mother by her given name as odd. It wasn’t odd to Carrie. Anna had left her with her father at the age of four. She’d gone off to live her life of adventure with her husband, Tony. Carrie had only reunited with Anna in the past year. She’d been struggling with her father’s…Carrie’s stream of thought stuttered to a grinding halt. Her father? It was laughable. She’d been struggling with the fact that John had been trying to control her life, although, admittedly, she’d had complete freedom with Anna, and it wasn’t what she’d expected. It was lonely.

Anna and Tony spent their evenings at fundraisers and galas. Carrie spent her evenings studying, and wishing she could suck up her pride and go back home to her family. She missed Sami and Eric. She missed pizza on Fridays, and pancakes on Sunday mornings. Maybe, she even missed her dad…John, being controlling and always in her personal business. Finding out that John wasn’t her father completely derailed her. Anna had left her with strangers. That’s what Roman and Marlena were to her from the moment she was dropped in Marlena’s office. They were strangers. 

When John came into her life, presumably her father with a new face, again her child’s brain at the age of seven, felt abandoned. It didn’t make sense. Her therapist in Paris told her it didn’t need to make sense. Anna told her less than a week ago that her father, Roman, was back, and that John was nothing more than an imposter. She felt tricked, lied to…and yet again, she’d felt abandoned. No one bothered to deliver the news themselves. She’d not heard from Marlena, or this newly returned from the dead father. She’d not heard from John. The one person who should have been the first to call her.

Lifting her small hand to give him a piece of her mind, Carrie rapped on the door loudly, waiting for a response. There was none. She knocked again, and still nothing. Sliding to the floor next to John’s door, Carrie started to cry. She’d never felt so alone in all of her thirteen years. She’d left Paris without even informing Anna. Carrie wiped the tears from her eyes as furiously as they fell, thinking about Anna. Her mother wouldn’t even notice she was gone in all likelihood. Her fashion shows and trips to the art galleries kept her out late, and often, Carrie was out the door before Anna even woke the following day. No, Anna wouldn’t notice for a while. 

Dropping her forehead onto her arms, where they rested on her knees, Carrie hiccupped, unable to stop the tears from falling. She didn’t know where she belonged, and the one place she wanted to be, with John, wasn’t even hers in the first place. He wasn’t her father. She belonged nowhere. She barely remembered Roman. When she thought about Marlena she felt a warmth in her heart, but still she was confused. Five years Marlena had been gone, and she didn’t understand any of it.

Down the hall, John shuffled the brown paper bag full of groceries into one arm while he fished for his keys in his pocket. Next to his apartment door, he nearly tripped over something, or from the grunt he heard, someone. Glancing down, all he saw was the tear streaked face of someone he loved with his whole heart. “Carrie! Oh, my G-d, Carrie! What are you doing here?”

He dropped his groceries near his feet, and moved to kneel down beside her, but she never gave him the chance. Jumping to her feet, sobbing, she threw herself into his arms, crying, “Daddy!”

“Hey! Whoa! Punkin’? What’s going on here?” John whispered, stroking his hand over her long blonde hair. “What’s going on?”

She couldn’t speak. She just continued to cry while John managed to get his key in the door, and tug her inside, along with his half crushed bag of groceries. Pulling her towards the couch, he sat down, holding her small body in his arms. He wasn’t sure how long he held her for, or how long she cried, but there came a point where there was less hiccuping, and the tears soaking his shirtfront grew cool. 

He smoothed his hand over her face, in that way he always did, and she felt safe. For the first time in months, she felt safe. 

“Carrie?” John asked her softly. “How did you get here?”

“I bought a plane ticket, and I flew here,” she told him, withholding the details on purpose.

“Does Anna know?” he asked her. 

“No,” she whispered, rubbing her face against the cotton of his shirt.

“Well, first things first, we’ve got to call your mother,” John said, shifting her to the side, and standing up. “She’s got to know where you are.”

“She probably hasn’t even noticed I’m gone,” Carrie muttered while sitting up. 

John stared at her for a moment, not doubting what she’d said. He could see sadness in her eyes. “We’ll give her a call, and then figure out the rest, okay?” Dialing the number for Anna’s apartment in Paris, John waited, finally hearing Anna’s sleepy voice come over the line.

“Whoever this is, I hope it’s important.” She glanced at the clock beside her bed, and whined, “It’s not even ten in the morning!”

John took a deep breath. He wasn’t Roman anymore, and he didn’t have a right to get frustrated with her. Trying to stay calm, he said, “Anna, it’s John…John Black.”

“John?” she asked, sitting up straighter and pushing her eye mask off of her head. Tossing it to the bed beside her, she asked, “Why are you calling?”

“I’m calling because I just found Carrie sitting on the floor outside of my apartment,” John told her.

“Carrie? No. That can’t be right. I just spoke with her yesterday,” she said. She was quiet for a moment, then said, “Or maybe it was the day before…”

Carrie looked at John, watching him get angry at something her mother said, and she sank back into the couch. She was so tired. She’d been flying for days, and she was too scared to sleep, plus there had been the four and a half hour layover at La Guardia. Yawning, she continued to watch John argue with her mother. She was warm, and she was safe, and before long, she was asleep.

John hung up the telephone after reassuring Anna that he would contact Roman. He had no intention of calling Roman only to be accused of somehow manipulating Carrie, or some other devious act. He stared at the phone for a moment, and lifted the receiver again.

Marlena stared at the photo of her and John at their wedding, remembering the outlandish headpiece Calliope had created. It was beautiful, and it made their photos look fabulous. She couldn’t help but smile remembering how many times she had caught John in the eye with one of those tassels that hung from her head. With a sigh of sadness she placed the picture frame on top of the pile of memories inside a cardboard hatbox she’d found in the attic. It was time to let go. She had to let go. Otherwise there would be no moving on in her relationship with Roman, and for the children, they needed this closure.

The telephone rang just as she was sitting the cover on. Marlena swept her fingertips across the printed flowers, and then walked towards the phone as it trilled loudly a second time. Lifting the receiver, she said softly, “Hello?”

“Doc, it’s John,” he said. Just the whispered word, hello, had his heart thumping. He hadn’t seen her since Christmas, and maybe that was for the best, but still he said, “Would you be able to come to my apartment? We’ve got a situation, and I really feel it would be best dealt with in person.”

“Your apartment?” she asked a little breathlessly. “I–I don’t know the address. I thought you were living at the loft with Isabella.”

He cleared his throat, “No, um, no…I’ll give you my address so you can write it down.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Marlena knocked on the door to John’s apartment twenty minutes later. She heard him faintly call, “Come in.” Stepping inside, she smiled at what she saw. John stood in front of a sink of dishes, wearing a kitchen apron that read, Kiss the Cook. He had a navy blue tea towel tossed over his shoulder, and his hair was due for a trim curling over the collar of his shirt. 

“Hey, Doc,” he said cheerily. “I’m just finishing up the dishes from lunch. Are you thirsty? I’ve got Coke, or seltzer.”

“Coke?” she asked. The sugary, spicy sweetness gliding down her throat sounded heavenly right then. “A Coke would be nice.”

“Coke it is,” John told her, drying his hands on a tea towel lying nearby. As he poured her drink, he said over his shoulder, “That, uh, situation I was telling you about? Well, it’s asleep on my bed.”

“What? John, why are you being so cryptic?”

He walked towards her, placing her drink on the counter, and then he reached for her hand, pulling her towards his bedroom. Marlena caught the musky scent of John’s cologne, and felt herself shiver. He opened the door to his bedroom, wincing at the loud squeak of the hinges. Marlena stared at the tiny girl laying in John’s bed, and then looked up at him in surprise, “Carrie?”

He closed the door, and, never releasing her hand, led her back towards the stool that sat near his kitchen counter. “When I came home with my groceries this morning, I found her outside in the hallway crying.”

“Does Anna know?” Marlena asked.

“She does now,” John replied. He didn’t even try to hide his anger. “She had no idea Carrie had been gone for three days. Carrie just took her passport, bought a plane ticket, and flew out of Paris. Anna didn’t even fucking know.”

“You could have called Roman,” Marlena told him.

“Carrie doesn’t know Roman! She called me Daddy when she saw me. She’s confused, and she’s sad. Wouldn’t you be?” John asked her. “Carrie knows me, and she remembers you. Roman is the guy who worked all the time, and visited her once in the hospital dressed like Santa Claus. That’s all Roman is to her.”

Marlena was shocked at Anna’s lack of appropriate care or supervision. “She traveled halfway around the world alone? John, anything could have happened to her!”

“You think I haven’t considered that? Doc, she’s thirteen, and Anna had no fucking idea she was even gone!” John ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. “Carrie, she’s so confused. She’s angry. She was mad at me, because she thought I had lied to her for years. She was angry at you for being gone, and she’s angry at Roman for coming back.”

“Did you speak with her? Explain the situation? Is she still angry?” Marlena asked him. “She has a right to be, afterall. She’s been through so much a child should never have to endure.”

“I explained everything, but I had to make a promise. I had to promise her that I will always be truthful with her…no matter what.”

“John…” Marlena whispered, glancing over at John’s closed bedroom door. “You’re not her father. You can’t make those promises.”

The anger inside him boiled up, as he leaned down, staring into Marlena’s wide hazel eyes. “You tell that to the little girl who sobbed in my arms for nearly an hour this morning, Doc. You tell her I’m not. I am her father. In every way that matters, I am her fucking father. Nothing you say will make me think otherwise. My daughter needed me today, and I made her some promises. I’m not going back on that.”

She was being torn down the middle of her soul. John was right, but then there was Roman, and what he wanted. There was also what Roman had lost. He didn’t choose to leave his family for seven years. He’d lost time with his siblings, his parents, his children…and her. Roman had lost things too. Roman was struggling to adjust, that was all. Things would fall into place. 

She could read the pain in John’s eyes, and so she replied softly, “I understand, John…I understand.” She was caught. She wasn’t sure how she could continue to placate Roman, and still walk a fine line of what was right for her children. She felt her anxiety go up simply thinking about how she was going to tell Roman that Carrie had come home, and gone straight to John.

“Where’s Roman now?”

She couldn’t make eye contact, so she mumbled, “At work.”

John ran his fingers through his hair again, and muttered, “Of course, he is.”

Chapter 3

January 7, 1992

Salem University Hospital / Marlena’s Office

In troubled times

It’s hard to get straight answers

Between the lines…

~ Allies ~ Heart ~

Marlena was nervous. She’d made John’s first therapy appointment before the holidays, practically begging him to allow her to treat him, but now she was thinking it might not be a good idea. Of course, it wasn’t a good idea. The transition of getting Carrie from John’s apartment and back to the house had been stressful on everyone. Carrie had been standoffish with Roman, and while she felt more comfortable with Marlena, the person she really wanted to be with was John. Roman refused to even consider it. Things in their home were tense. That was the only word to accurately describe it. 

It wasn’t just helping Carrie get adjusted to living with her new parents, there was something going on with Roman, and Marlena couldn’t pinpoint what it was. Every time she broached the subject with Roman, he blew her off. Just that morning she had walked in on him having a seemingly intense conversation with the twins.

“And now both of you, look at me. I’m being very serious now. When school is over today, I want you both to wait inside the building. Okay?” Roman said. “Now, Mabel will pick you up in there.”

Marlena heard Roman’s words as she came out of the kitchen with Sami and Eric’s lunch boxes. She stared at her husband curiously for a moment, before stepping forward. 

“How come? We always wait outside until Mabel comes,” Eric asked.

“Well, Mommy and I, we don’t want you catching anything,” Roman told them, lying easily. “Now there she is. Go give her a kiss.”

The twins turned to her, Sami rushing forward to hug her tightly. Marlena was confused. Roman hadn’t mentioned a change in the children’s routine. Her eyes caught his, but he looked away quickly. On their way out the door, Roman said to the twins, “One more thing. Just one more thing, no talking to strangers. You promise?”

“We promise,” Sami called as she slid into the backseat of Mabel’s car. 

Even as Eric rounded the car, Roman shouted, “Remember what else I told you. Stay inside the building after school!”

After the door closed, and the twins were safely tucked away in Mabel’s car, Marlena turned towards Roman, and said, “Now, I expect you to tell me what exactly that was about.”

Roman tried to act surprised, and make excuses, but she would have none of it. “Is this because of that case you’re working on with Bo and Abe?” she asked him. “The Raffi Torres case?”

He seemed caught off guard that Marlena knew anything about it. “Doc, I can’t discuss the specifics with you. You know that.”

“I know that if there’s a possibility that myself or the children could be in danger, you have a responsibility to tell me,” Marlena told him. “I won’t be kept in the dark.”

“Look, Doc. Everything is fine, okay. I need you to trust me on this,” he said. “I don’t have to share everything with you.”

Marlena couldn’t believe him. “If you lecture the twins on their way out the door for school, then yes, Roman Brady, you do have to share information with me!”

“I told you it’s nothing!”

Marlena thought back to when she was married to John. He would have told her. He would have been upfront and forthright with her. She’d almost forgotten how Roman was because of her time with John. 

Roman saw a look cross her face, and he said, “What? You got something more to say?”

“Keeping information from me, in a misogynist attempt to protect me, is unacceptable,” she told him firmly. 

“That’s not what I’m doing,” he yelled, obviously allowing his frustration to get the best of him.

“Then tell me why you decided it was necessary to change the twins’ routine, and have them wait inside after school? I will not be treated as anything less than an equal partner in this marriage, Roman!”

He stared at her as if he didn’t recognize her, and then a look of anger lit his eyes. “Is that what John did when you were married? He told you the details of all of the cases he was working?”

“No. But if we were in danger, he wouldn’t keep secrets from me!” Marlena told him loudly. 

Roman started walking towards the stairs to finish getting ready for work, “You need to trust me on this, Doc. I’ve got everything under control. I’m a cop. That’s what I do. I certainly don’t need you badgering me like a fish wife every time I change up the twins routine!”

The clock on the wall above her door told her that she didn’t have enough time to cancel John’s appointment. She stood up, rushing into her bathroom, so she could straighten her make-up, and get the tears off of her face before John arrived. She’d just turned the water on when she heard, “Doc? Hey, Doc? You in here?”

“I’ll be out in a moment, John,” she called. There was no way she could hide her swollen, red eyes. She’d just have to tell him it was allergies. She would also need to have a conversation with her receptionist about allowing John to see himself in.

John settled himself into Marlena’s couch, making sure to remove the dirty, wool peacoat he wore for work on the docks. He folded it inside out, and laid it over her ottoman. Her office was warm. John rolled up the sleeves to his flannel shirt, allowing the white thermal undershirt to stay put at his wrists. Realizing he still had a beanie on his head, he snatched it off, and laid it to the side. He shouldn’t be as nervous as he was. It was a therapy appointment. That was all. But it was a therapy appointment with his ex-wife. An ex-wife he still had feelings for, although that wasn’t a topic he allowed himself to think about. 

Marlena opened the door to her small bathroom, and stepped into her office, closing it softly behind her. John noticed she’d taken off her blazer. Her shoulders were exposed, a soft cream, dotted with freckles, and he looked away quickly, refusing to acknowledge the way it made him feel. After putting her jacket back on, she moved behind her desk, and shuffled some papers around before looking at John, but when she did, he immediately said, “You’re upset.”

“It’s nothing. Some allergies,” she replied.

“You don’t have allergies,” John said matter of factly, still watching her from where he sat on the couch.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

University Hospital, Staff Lounge

“Roman!” Bo exclaimed as his brother pulled him into the staff lounge. “What’s so important that we have to do this right now?”

“Hang on a sec,” Roman told him. He checked in the backroom, and pulled the door securely shut before he came back.

Bo asked him, “Roman, what’s going on?”

Roman held up his hand to silence him, and continued to check windows, and light fixtures to see if the room was bugged. Finally he said, “They found us, Bo.”

“Why they, and who us?” Bo asked him sarcastically, having no idea what Roman was talking about. 

“Remember I told you, we put a bug in Torres’ hospital room?”

“Yeah, what about it?”

“Well, just to be extra careful I moved the surveillance equipment from my office to a safehouse,” Roman said.

Bo sighed, staring at his brother, “It didn’t turn out to be too safe, huh?” He knew that things with Roman’s investigation weren’t going the way his brother planned. It was getting more and more dangerous.

“No,” Roman sighed. “Warren Tomkins, one of my officers, I left him to keep an eye on things. He’s now in the hospital.”

“Fuck…oh, man.” Bo suddenly found himself worried about Shawn D. He’d pick him up from school, instead of letting him take the bus. He’d have to rearrange his schedule, but given his profession as a private investigator, that wouldn’t be hard. What was hard was being a single parent. He was genuinely worried for his whole family. He looked at Roman, and he could see that Roman was feeling some trepidation, which was good. Maybe he wouldn’t dive head first into this thing. 

Roman ran his fingers through his hair, and then turned to pour himself some coffee, “Broken arm, internal injuries…”

“Well, do you know anything? Do you have any leads?” Bo wanted to know.

Roman sipped his coffee, “Yeah, we got leads, but no proof.”

“Shit, Roman! It’s the Torres family – you gotta be careful!” Bo said, walking to stand beside him. “What about–what about Marlena and the kids?”

Roman replied, “I’ve got plain clothed men watching them around the clock, although if Marlena knew she’d have my head for not telling her about all this. They’re watching the house, watching the kids, watching Marlena.”

“Well that’s a smart move, but you have got to be careful.”

“Yeah,” Roman sighed, tossing the last swill of coffee down before tossing his cup in the trash. “You gotta be safe too. That’s why I’m here telling you this. You need to keep your eyes open.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Main lobby near the Elevators, University Hospital, 6th Floor

Isabella was less than pleased to see John come around the corner with Marlena hanging on his arm. He’d told her he had a therapy appointment. He’d failed to mention who it was with. She stared at them with hard eyes. Sure, he’d come home with her from Mexico, but that meant nothing when he still mumbled, “Doc” in his sleep. It meant nothing when he refused to give up his apartment, and move into the loft with her. She placed her hand on her abdomen, excited for her ultrasound appointment. At least they had their baby. This upcoming ultrasound appointment was going to be the thing that solidified her relationship with John. He needed to see their baby on the screen, and listen to the baby’s heartbeat. He needed it to feel real.

Roman exited the staff lounge with Bo, less than pleased to see Marlena smiling up at John. She was helping him button the cuff on his brown flannel shirt. A gesture so intimate and so familiar, Roman felt himself getting angry. 

Bo got his attention, “Roman, it’s nothing. They’re just friends. They are always going to be friends.”

“Yeah? Well I’d appreciate it if Marlena’s friend took his hands off of my wife,” Roman grumbled.

Unaware that three sets of eyes were watching them, Marlena said softly, “Thank you. For listening to me.”

John stared at her for a moment, and pulled her into the shadows near a large potted ficus, “C’mere, Doc.”

Silence surrounded them. The muffled noise of the hospital seemed to exist somewhere outside of their bubble. John held her hand, rubbing the pad of his thumb over the sensitive skin near her knuckles. She wanted him to hold her. She craved his embrace, but John hadn’t held her in his arms since their goodbye in Mexico. Instead he looked at her with a mixture of sadness, and an emotion she couldn’t read. “Are you okay, Marlena?”

She pulled her eyes away from their entwined hands, and she said quietly, “I am. Thank you…” There was a pause followed by a wry smile, “Your next appointment, I’ll be helping you.”

“You did help me,” he told her, stepping away from her. He dropped her hand. Touching her made him want more, and that wasn’t possible. He needed to focus on his new life. “You told me about the twinners, and Carrie. That helps. I don’t feel so lost.”

Marlena stepped out of the shadows, and decided to change the subject, “Don’t you have a doctor’s appointment with Isabella this afternoon?”

“I do,” he told her with a smile. “It’s an ultrasound today actually. I’m going to see my baby, and hear the heartbeat. It’s going to be a new adventure. When you and I were together the twinners were…”

John’s voice trailed off, and Marlena felt that ache in her chest brought on by the memories, and the pain she knew John was feeling. “It’s exciting,” she said softly. “I’m happy for you.”

“Are you?” he wondered. “I’m glad. I’m really glad. These last few weeks have been hard, especially without the kids, but this new baby gives me…hope. My child…” He didn’t add that there was relief in knowing that no one would ever be able to take this child from him. 

Marlena started to reach out to touch his cheek, but she pulled back, “That’s all I want for you. I want you to be happy.” She couldn’t say more. There was a firm line between them. A line which had been drawn between them when they said their final I love you’s in Mexico. There was no way to cross back over it.

Isabella had seen enough. She straightened her shoulders, pulling them back proudly, and started walking towards them clearing her throat loudly. John and Marlena’s spell was broken, and John stepped back with a look of guilt on his face. He smiled at Isabella wanly, “I didn’t see you there.”

A snarky response sat on the tip of her tongue, when she heard Roman say loudly, “Doc! There you are!”

Marlena seemed just as surprised as John. Roman felt a bit smug at having interrupted him. There was no reason for Marlena to be having private conversations behind a fucking potted ficus in a dark hallway. Casually he looked up at the flickering fluorescent bulb, and said, “I suppose they need to be getting the maintenance crew to fix that, huh, Doc?”

Tearing her eyes away from John and Isabella, she reached for Roman’s arm, “Yes…yes, I believe Maggie made a call about that this morning.”

As Marlena walked one way with Roman, and Isabella led John the other, both of them felt feelings of loss they knew they shouldn’t. 

Chapter 4

**TRIGGER WARNING** Miscarriage**

January 16, 1992

Salem Police Department

A butterfly risin’ from the flame

You and me don’t need no chain…

~ Lighter Touch ~ Heart ~

Bo stormed into Roman’s office slamming the door behind him, “Roman!” He’d just heard from a source near Pier 14 that Roman had nearly been crushed by a falling shipping crate the night before. The rope had been intentionally cut. 

Not realizing Bo’s level of agitation, Roman barely looked up from the file in his hand, “Hey. What are you doing here little brother?” He placed the file on his desk, and reached for his car keys.

Bo replied, “I wanna talk to you–”

“–well, it’s gonna have to wait, I’m on my way out,” Roman told him, attempting to walk by.

Bo reached up, placing his palms on Roman’s chest for considerable force. “No. You’re gonna listen to me.”

“C’mon! What’s your problem?” Roman said, finally looking at Bo. He was obviously upset about something.

Was Roman really going to act like he didn’t know why he was upset? Staring his older brother down, Bo said, “I heard about what happened on the pier!”

Roman groaned as if Bo were overreacting, “What? Are you talking about that crate that almost fell on me? It was nothing.”

Leave it to Roman to try, and minimize something that could have been fatal. He’d always had a penchant for making light of the adrenaline rush that came with his flirting with death. Bo stared into his brother’s eyes, trying to get him to understand how upset he was, “I’m talking about that crate that almost killed you! Why didn’t you tell me about that?”

Roman tried to walk around Bo, “Well, I didn’t think it was worth telling you about that–”

“–that’s because you’re still working on that Raffi Torres case right?” Bo asked him with frustration. Roman was supposed to have dropped it, and he hadn’t. It’s the only reason he would hide something of this magnitude. “G-d dammit, Roman! What is the matter with you? You just get your life back, and now you’re wasting it! You’re throwing it away!”

Bo, Marlena…his family. None of them understood. In anger he yelled, “Maybe I can’t drop the Torres case because I just got my life back. I spent seven years in that damned dungeon of Stefano’s! You want to talk about wasting a life? Huh? The only thing I could think about was you guys! My family. All I had was my memories…of growing up here. How good it was, and how much I wanted to get back. But now that I’m back, I look around, and what is it? It’s all changed. Salem used to be a good, decent city! A place you felt you could raise your kids, and not worry about them! But now that’s all changed, and it’s changed because of this scum that’s taken over this city! Scum like Raffi Torres! Well, this is still my home, and I’m not about to let them take it over! I’m going to take it back!” Roman wouldn’t say out loud that work and the Raffi Torres case fulfilled him the way his marriage and his life weren’t. He wouldn’t admit that the life he’d returned to was lacking. It wasn’t what he dreamed of all those years he was imprisoned. Marlena no longer stared at him with stars in her eyes, and his children seemed to be more wary of him than idolizing. Weren’t children supposed to idolize their father? Life was complicated, work wasn’t.

Bo felt like Roman was taking it too far. He’d been told by the police commissioner to back off the case. Probably for good reason. Roman, in all of his stubbornness, wasn’t able to take on a crime syndicate by himself. “Samuels told you, Roman…he told you to back off.”

Roman replied, “So what if Samuels pulled me off the drug investigation? I’m not letting this go…not with Torres threatening me and you.”

“I don’t need protecting!” Bo told him. “If you’d back off and let other people handle it, I wouldn’t need protecting.”

“No, Bo! No! I’m not letting Samuels or Torres stop me!” Roman turned to leave, “I’ll see you later.”

Bo chased after his brother, snagging his fingers on his coat, and jerking him back to face him, “Roman! You can’t! What if Torres actually succeeds in killing you? What then?”

Roman smirked, “He’s not going to kill me, Bo.”

“You don’t know that! How is that going to affect Sami and Eric? Carrie just came home! Marlena …have you even considered Marlena in all of this?” Bo yelled at him in frustration. He remembered the pain in Marlena’s face when he’d told her about Roman’s death seven years earlier. Roman had no idea what his family had gone through, and here he was risking it all again with no regard for them.

Roman tried to push him away, “Doc knows my job, little brother. She respects what I do–”

“–but you haven’t told her about this, have you?” Bo asked him, stepping into Roman’s personal space.

Roman jerked his arm from Bo’s grasp, “You can mind your own fucking business, Bo. I’ve got mine under control.”

Bo watched him walk away, thinking that nothing had changed. Roman still charged through life like a bull thinking only of the outcomes he wanted. He was taking risks on some high moral ground, and refusing to even consider the way it would impact his family. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Pier 29

It was freezing, and John could hear the ice in the river hit the pilings with a slush and a clunk. He sat on a bench off to the side, out of the strongest winds. His peacoat was pulled tight around him, and his beanie was low over his ears. He should have gone home after work, or called Isabella to check on her. He’d been sitting there for too long. He knew that much. He should get up, walk home, and get some sleep. If he sat there much longer, he’d surely end up with hypothermia.

Marlena slammed her car door in the parking lot above the pier. A piercing cold wind lifted her hair from her neck, and she pulled her hood up, snapping her coat at her throat. She was looking for John. She eyed the rickety stairs with wariness. None of the family had seen him for nearly a week, and he’d missed his therapy appointment with her that afternoon. It was only when she ran into Isabella a couple hours earlier that she learned what had happened.

“Isabella!” Marlena said in surprise, almost bumping into her as she turned the corner. “I didn’t see you there.”

Isabella stared at her with open hostility, “I’m sure you didn’t. If you’ll excuse me.” She tried to step around Marlena. She’d never felt such loathing for any one person in her life, and Marlena’s continued caring facade disgusted her. It was fake. Everything about the woman was fake, and she hated her.

“How was your appointment?” Marlena asked her. She hadn’t seen John since the day he’d mentioned it, and she’d heard no news. “The one from last week? I know John was excited about it.”

Tears welled up in Isabella’s eyes, and the hatred she felt towards the woman in front of her swelled to epic proportions. “As if you don’t know!” she practically spit. “I’m sure everyone in this G-ddamned town knows already.”

Apprehension rose up inside Marlena’s belly. Something had happened. Marlena was confused, “I’m sorry… I don’t know what you’re talking about. Was there a problem at the appointment?”

Isabella looked at Marlena in disgust one last time, and walked away without another word. Marlena stood there quietly, unsure what had just transpired, and then she heard Alice Horton say behind her, “Isabella lost the baby. There was no heartbeat at her ultrasound appointment last week. She had to undergo a D&C the following day.”

Marlena gasped softly, her hand coming up to cover her mouth as tears filled her eyes, “Oh! G-d! Oh, no…oh…oh, John…” She had to find him. She had to be sure that he was okay.

She was careful where she stepped on her way towards the pier. The wood was icy, and the steps were steep. There was also the fact that her shoes weren’t designed for walking down rickety stairs in the winter time, but at the start of her day, she hadn’t known she would be down near the pier. Marlena remembered being down at the pier the night they received the results of the DNA test that proved John wasn’t Roman. That night she’d found John standing in the cold November rain, completely lost and destroyed. If John was anywhere near the wharf, this was where he would be.

John stared out over the inky, black water, lost in memories. It hurt. It still burned in his gut when he remembered the look on Dr. Bader’s face. He’d glanced at Isabella, smiling at the image on the screen completely unaware, but he knew something was wrong. 

Isabella smiled up at him, “Isn’t he beautiful?”

John stroked her brown curls back off of her shoulder, and he said with a smile, “He?”

“I think it’s a boy,” she whispered. “He’s going to have my brown hair, and your blue eyes.”

Dr. Bader was quiet, reaching for the fetal doppler. The baby on the screen was too small for a gestation of nearly five months. She was almost certain the fetus was deceased, but she needed to be sure. Placing gel on Isabella’s abdomen, she allowed the woman to continue to gush about her baby, but her eyes caught John’s and she could tell, he knew something was wrong, but he kept silent.

“I was thinking we could name him John,” Isabella said softly. “We could call him Johnny.”

“Isabella?” Dr. Bader said softly. “I’m sorry…but I’m not detecting a heartbeat.”

Isabella stared at the monitor, and then back to Dr. Bader, “You must be wrong. I–I felt him moving this morning.”

Dr. Bader hated her job at times like this, “I know this is difficult…but there is no heartbeat. The baby–”

“–no! No! I just saw you before I flew to Mexico. I just saw you, and you said the baby was healthy!” Isabella cried morosely.

“The measurements are the same. The fetus must have passed within a few days of that appointment. It’s why you’re not showing yet,” Dr. Bader replied.

John stared at Isabella’s flat belly. He’d wondered, but he’d never been with someone through their pregnancy. All he had to go on was thinking about Kimberly and Kayla, and they had been showing slightly at four months. He reached for Isabella’s hand, trying to comfort her, but she shook him off, struggling to sit up.

Isabella felt the tears falling from her eyes, fat and hot. She stared at the black monitor screen. Her baby. She looked at John. Their baby was gone. She’d been carrying its deceased body inside her womb for nearly a month. She’d sworn she felt it kick. She could have sworn her body was changing.

“Isabella,” Dr. Bader said gently. “We have to schedule a D&C as soon as possible.”

“An abortion?” Isabella sobbed. “You want to give me an abortion?”

“The fetal tissue needs to come out. The body hasn’t… there are complications that can arise when the body doesn’t–”

Isabella started to scramble from the examination table. “I can’t think about this right now. I can’t do this! John, I want to go home!”

Looking at John for assistance, Dr. Bader said, “I think the baby has been gone for at least three weeks. If she doesn’t have the procedure, she could end up with a uterine infection. The dead tissue–”

“–it’s not tissue!” Isabella screeched. “It’s my child!” She looked at John, sobbing uncontrollably, “It’s our child!”

He shook his head. It was too cold. Standing up to leave, John realized that he hadn’t even cried over the loss. He’d been in shock, and he’d been trying to support Isabella, but there was no sense of mourning their loss together. Isabella was mourning. John was frozen. His emotions were catatonic. There was nothing left to feel. His fists clenched and unclenched at his side, and he took a deep breath, allowing the cold air to burn his lungs. He knew sometime in the near future, he was going to lose control. He just didn’t know when.

Footsteps sounded on the stairs to his right. The soft click clack of high heels. The breeze changed direction, and John inhaled the soft scent of lavender and jasmine. Then he heard her soft voice, and that wall he had built around himself came crumbling down. 

“John?” Marlena said softly, wishing she had worn a warmer coat. “John, I’ve been looking for you.”

Bitterness laced his voice, “Well, here I am.”

She watched him for a moment. He was going to play it like that then. Marlena had seen him in moments like this before. Moments where he tried to cover his vulnerability with humor or sarcasm. When she realized he had amnesia, he had acted this way, and when she’d found him on the pier that night in the rain after the ISA did the DNA test. She stepped closer, “I was worried about you.”

“Aww, Doc. I’m tough, you know that. I’m John Black, man of mystery, I can handle anything,” he said with a rough voice, feigning humor.

“It’s me,” she said softly, reaching for his clenched fist. She wrapped her hands around it, feeling the cold in his skin. “You don’t ever have to hide what you’re really feeling with me.”

“Ah, Doc. That’s where you’re wrong. I can’t fucking hide what I’m feeling, because I feel nothing. I’m dead inside,” he said roughly. 

“I don’t believe that for one moment,” she told him. She felt John’s fingers relax in her hold, and she laced her fingers with his. She looked up at him, as he glanced down at her. Marlena whispered, “You missed your appointment today.”

He didn’t pull away. There was comfort in the warmth of her hands. John replied, “I’ve got a lot on my mind. I forgot to call.”

The fingers of Marlena’s other hand stroked the soft skin on the inside of John’s wrist. He glanced down at her again. She was holding his arm against her, staring out at the icy river. For the first time in a week, he felt a semblance of calm. He knew as soon as they parted ways all of the tension would return. Closing his eyes, he basked in the moment. 

Marlena rested her face on his shoulder, feeling the scratch of his wool coat against her skin. “I ran into Isabella…at the hospital.”

John knew where the conversation was going, and there was a tremble in his muscles. “So you know? About the baby?”

“Isabella didn’t tell me…she was too upset.” Marlena decided not to mention her animosity. She was in a lot of pain, and losing a baby was something Marlena knew too well. “Alice mentioned it.”

“Alice was a huge help to Isabella,” John said softly. His thumb brushed over Marlena’s palm gently. He wanted to pull her close, but he didn’t feel as if he had enough control. He was barely holding himself together. Marlena being so near, allowed him to let down some of the guards he always had in place around his emotions. Even with Isabella, he found himself holding back. “You know, Isabella…she’s taking this hard. She was convinced the baby was a boy. She wanted to name him Brady.”

“Brady is a wonderful name,” Marlena replied. “But, John…how are you handling it?”

John looked down at her with sadness in his deep blue eyes, “You want the truth, Doc? Or the socially acceptable answer?”

She hugged his arm, resting her palm on his chest, “With us…always the truth.”

He sighed softly, “I’m not sure what I’m feeling. I’m not letting myself feel much of anything. I’m thinking my emotions might be too much.”

“Too much?”

“These last few months…there’s been so much loss for me, you know? I had hoped that with Isabella and the baby, I could build something for myself, and it would dull the pain of losing the children…losing you…”

Marlena wasn’t sure what to make of that last comment. John had chosen Isabella. He’d walked away from any chance he might have had with Marlena. That wasn’t losing her, because he’d never really tried to keep her, but Marlena wasn’t going to have that conversation with him right then. Maybe they would never have that conversation. It was intimate, and they didn’t do intimate. After Mexico, they were firmly, irrevocably, in the friend zone.

John shivered, and Marlena looked up at him, “How long have you been out here, John?”

“I’m not sure…an hour, maybe two,” he said. Although he couldn’t be sure.

Concerned that his lips seemed to be more blue than pink, Marlena pulled him towards the stairs, “It’s time to go home, Sailor. Let’s go.”

“Sailor?” he asked her with a smirk.

Marlena shrugged with a smile, not having a response. She didn’t let go of his arm until they reached the top of the stairs. They were parked on opposite ends of the parking lot. John said, “I’ll watch you get into your car, Doc. Go ahead.”

“John, I’m fine, and you…you are freezing. Go. Get in the car,” she told him, releasing his arm. The left side of her body felt coolness rush in as she lost her connection to him.

He didn’t budge, “Marlena…go now. I’ll wait. Or…option two, I will walk you to your car, but then I will have to walk back to mine.”

She was struck by a feeling of love that ran so deep it almost took her breath away. Pushing the feeling down low, she laughed, “You are one stubborn man, John Black.”

His fingers brushed her chin, “And you are the most stubborn woman I’ve ever known,” he laughed. “Now, go.”

Chapter 5

January 22, 1992

Marlena and Roman Brady Residence

You step into the night

On your way back home

What a scene it was tonight

I’m so glad I’m not alone…

~ Rockin’ Heaven Down ~ Heart ~

Marlena came off of the bottom step, and stopped suddenly watching in shock and surprise as Roman fastened his watch to his wrist. She’d just woken Sami and Eric for school. She hadn’t been out of Roman’s sight longer than fifteen minutes, and already he was dressed and almost out the door. 

He poured himself a cup of coffee, sipping half of it down quickly, while shoving his car keys in his pocket. Roman nearly jumped out of his skin when Marlena asked, “Where are you going now?”

“Oh, back to work,” he told her, drinking the rest of the coffee quickly. 

“Roman!” she cried. “You just came in! You’ve been up all night–”

“–Doc! Once I find Bo, that’ll be plenty of time to sleep,” Roman told her, making sure he had his wallet. In his haste to catch Raffi Torres off-guard he’d failed to realize that his brother became a target. Torres was willing to do whatever he needed to do, in an attempt to push his drug shipment through Salem, and Bo was paying the price for helping him. 

Roman hadn’t even spared her a glance, and her ire was rising. “No! No! No! You’ve got to get some rest! And maybe you could spend some time with your family!”

“I can’t sleep, okay?” he told her, finally turning around and facing her. Marlena stood before him with her hands on her hips, wrapped in a soft pink robe. “It’s my fault that Bo’s in this mess in the first place! How do you expect me to sleep?”

Marlena stared at him, unsure of how to respond to the level of frustration and anger Roman was exhibiting. The doorbell rang before she could say anything.

Roman realized his mistake as Marlena stared at him with an expression that clearly said she was at a loss. He rubbed her shoulders, and sighed, saying more calmly, “Look, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Let me get that.”

She wasn’t sure what to do, but as Roman walked away from her, she murmured, “Why does every day start in the middle around here?”

Roman threw the door open to find Brian Schofield standing there with another officer, “Schofield! Alright, what did you come up with at the Cheatin’ Heart?”

“We got prints from the pay phone, and yes, they were Bo’s,” Schofield told him. A crisp breeze blew by, and Brian shivered. 

Roman didn’t even seem to notice, asking, “That means he was there that night?”

“Absolutely. We’ve got it all. Also a witness says they saw a car pulling out of the alley that night, tires screeching.”

“Good! Good!” Roman said in a haste, running back to grab his coat. “Did they get a license plate number?”

“Well, they got a make and model, and, uh, the color too,” Brian told him.

Marlena watched helplessly as her husband snatched up his coat, and walked right by her as if she weren’t in the room. Following him to the door, she was surprised that Roman even acknowledged her before he breezed out the door. “I’ll talk to you later!” he said. “Lock the door!” To Schofield, he said, “Let’s go! Let’s go! Move it!” As Marlena watched him almost run to the car, he shouted behind him one last time, “Lock the door!”

She’d never felt so lonely, as she closed the door behind him, and leaned against it with a frustrated sigh. Carrie came down the stairs, “He left again?”

“He had to go to work honey. He’ll be home later,” Marlena told her, pulling the girl into her arms. 

Carrie closed her eyes, allowing Marlena to love her for a moment. She’d missed affection while she was in Paris with Anna, and Roman was always going to work. He couldn’t be bothered to even be home for a meal, or to ask Carrie about her day. He didn’t know she was having a hard time adjusting to school. He didn’t know that she hated pre-Algebra. Roman didn’t know anything about her. She thought about Marlena, and she was glad she came home, but she missed John. Looking up, she asked, “Can I see John today? Maybe he could pick me up after school? Or maybe he could come over for dinner?”

Marlena hedged a bit, “Carrie, honey–”

She sighed, pulling away from Marlena, “I have to get ready for school.”

Watching Carrie walk up the stairs without another word, Marlena picked up the nearby telephone, dialing John’s number. When he answered she said, “John? It’s Marlena. The children and I were wondering if you might want to have dinner at the house with us tonight?”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Salem Police Department, Roman Brady’s Office

To say that Roman was surprised to find the Chief of the ISA standing in his office would have been an understatement. “Chief?” Roman said conversationally. “What brings you down to this neck of the woods?”

“I’m taking you off of the case of the missing Mayan artifacts,” the Chief replied. 

Roman tossed his jacket onto his desk, and turned around saying, “What is the ISA planning on taking over the investigation?”

“The Mexican government has launched an official protest with the State Department. It’s an international affair now.  Besides, with Bo missing you’ll be preoccupied.”

Roman stared at him for a moment, feeling that something was off, but all he said was, “Well, I’ll tell you one thing, I’ve got a pretty good idea of who nabbed Bo. Raffi Torres and his bad tempered little brother!”

“I wouldn’t be at all surprised.”

“Not that it matters. I can’t touch Torres. The commissioner has put him off limits,” Roman said in frustration, tossing his coat over the back of his chair. 

Chief Vaughn asked him, “You think somebody’s protecting him?”

“Exactly! His previous hearing was postponed. My boss has put a fucking leash on me! What else is that supposed to mean?” Roman replied loudly. 

“Well that means, you’ve guessed right,” Vaughn told him. “Raffi Torres does have an inside contact. The head of the ISA in fact.”

Roman stared at him, his mouth wide with surprise. John had warned him when he returned to Salem. Not everyone in the ISA could be trusted, but Roman had called him a liar to his face, choosing instead to distrust John. Now, the man in charge stood in front of him, telling him openly that he had a deal with Raffi Torres. Chief Vaughn was just as bad as John had warned. Roman whispered, “What?”

“I guarantee he stays out of jail, and he guarantees access to information I need to break up a crime syndicate in New York,” Vaughn replied in a detached manner.

Roman stepped forward, seething with anger, “Are you telling me that you cut a deal with that man?”

“You’re damned right, I did,” Chief Vaughn told him. “I need to break up the Corinthos organization, and you…you’re going to let this play out. Now, I don’t want to tell you this again. Keep your distance. You let it be.”

Chief Vaughn patted Roman on the shoulder, and he walked out of the office. Roman stood there, immobile for barely a second, before he muttered, “Let it be? Let it be?” His hand swept forward, shoving a stack of folders onto the floor, as he roared out his rage. He wasn’t supposed to feel this helpless, and this trapped. He could hear Stafenao’s laughter echoing in his mind, reminding him that no matter what he did, someone else always held the ace. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marlena and Roman Brady Residence

Carrie sat at the dining room table, staring dejectedly at her math book as if it would open up and swallow her. If John were there he would help her with it, and have her laughing in the process. Slamming the textbook shut she lifted it up, balancing it on top of her head. She closed her eyes. If she couldn’t learn the normal way, maybe osmosis would work. At that point she was willing to try anything. She barely heard the knock on the front door, instead focusing on balancing the book, and maybe trying to use the Jedi force to pull the unwelcoming information into her mind.

Marlena opened the door to find John standing there awkwardly, with his hands in his pockets, “Hey, Doc.”

Marlena smiled. She hadn’t told Carrie or the twins about her invitation for John to come to dinner. “Hey. I’ve been thinking about you.”

“That’s funny,” he said with a crooked smirk. “Because I’ve been thinking about you too.” He looked over to where Carrie was sitting quietly with a textbook balanced on her head, and he said, “As a matter of fact I’ve been thinking about all of you.”

Marlena glanced over at Carrie, and she said, “This morning, Carrie seemed so sad. She asked if you could pick her up after school, but something is going on with Roman. He won’t tell me what it is, but if he thinks I don’t notice plain clothed police officers following me everywhere, then he’s a fool.”

“He didn’t tell you anything?” John asked her, unzipping his black leather jacket.

“No. Why? Do you know something?” Marlena asked.

“I don’t want to overstep,” John said, hedging slightly.

“John Black!” Marlena hissed, leaning closer to him. “If we were still married, would you tell me? Or would you lie to me, and tell me to stop worrying? Would you tell me that you had everything under control?”

John sighed. Marlena already knew the answer to that question. He would talk to her. He would tell her as much as he could without getting himself into trouble at work. He knew what he was about to do was going to anger Roman, but he said anyway, “Look, Doc, there’s a crime syndicate–”

“–Raffi Torres,” she said quietly, making sure Carrie was still distracted. “I know about that. He was in the hospital for a while.”

“Roman thinks that Raffi Torres and his brother are the ones who kidnapped Bo. He’s trying to get leads, but it’s difficult. The Commissioner took him off the case.” John laid his hand on Marlena’s shoulder gently, “The plain clothes officers he’s got watching the house… he’s worried. He has a right to be worried about his family.”

“I want him to talk to me, John. I’m not fragile. Marriage is a partnership, and Roman is not playing fair,” Marlena told him. Roman had returned home after seven years and he immediately started treating her as if she were fragile. What he refused to acknowledge was that Marlena wasn’t the same woman she had been in 1984.

John couldn’t deny the truth in her words. Roman was doing a lot of things outside the book. He wanted to ask Marlena if Roman was like that before his death. Most of what John had witnessed, Roman Brady lived his life like a bull in a china shop. There was no stopping him when he felt he was right or justified, but often that left a lot of destruction burning in his wake. 

John glanced at Carrie again. She hadn’t moved for a solid two minutes. With a laugh, he asked, “What is she doing, Doc?”

Marlena smiled widely at him, “I have no idea. Pre-Algebra?”

Placing his finger at his lips, John winked at Marlena, and snuck up behind Carrie. He snatched the book off of her head, saying, “Hey, Punkin’ girl. Did you miss me?”

“Daddy!” Carrie shrieked, turning around she threw herself in his arms.

Upstairs, Marlena heard Eric call out, “Daddy? Which Daddy?”

“We only have one,” Sami said harshly, trying to get Eric to quiet down. “We can’t call John Daddy anymore, remember?”

Marlena saw the grin on John’s face fall a little, as he heard the children’s voices from the hallway upstairs, but when their eyes caught, he mouthed, “It’s okay.”

Footsteps thundered overhead, and then there was the steady thump, thump, thump, of little feet on their way down to the living room. Eric screeched for joy, running towards John, but Sami was more reserved.

“What are you doing here?” Sami asked softly. John held Eric and Carrie wrapped in his arms, and she wanted to be there. She wanted to be wrapped so tight she could barely breathe. She wanted to smell him, that spicy scent that always made her feel so safe, but still she held herself back.

Marlena scooped Sami up in her arms, telling her, “I invited John for dinner. I thought we could all catch up. Doesn’t that sound nice?”

Carrie looked at Marlena warily, “What’s for dinner?” Marlena’s cooking skills were limited to things that came from a box, and Carrie was concerned.

“I thought we’d let John cook,” Marlena said with a laugh.

Eric’s eyes got large, and he asked, “Homemade tomato soup?”

Sami fought to keep herself from saying anything, but the impulse was too strong. She eventually blurted out, “With grilled cheese?”

“What is this?” Marlena laughed, watching the byplay between John and the twins. Sami was fighting it, but ultimately, she couldn’t hold back, and it warmed Marlena’s heart. “Homemade tomato soup? John Black, when did these culinary skills come to be?”

John smirked, “Well, Doc, if you must know–”

“–we were out of canned soup one day, but Dad had way too many tomatoes from Mrs. Horton’s garden. We found a recipe in a cookbook,” Carrie told her.

“And from that point on, these little snobs wouldn’t accept canned soup,” John finished.

Sami laughed. She didn’t mean to. It was hard not to. She felt something inside herself that had been missing for so long. It felt warm, and it felt safe. Her eyes caught with John’s and he smiled at her. One minute she was in Marlena’s arms, and the next she was struggling free, and racing towards John as if her very soul depended on it. He picked her up, holding her close, and he whispered through her long blonde hair, “I missed you, Peanut.”

“I’m sorry,” she told him. “I’m sorry I got mad at you.”

Chapter 6

January 24, 1992

Salem Police Department, Roman Brady’s Office

We may still have time, we might still get by

Everytime I think about it, I wanna cry…

~ Crazy on You ~ Heart ~

Roman slammed his office door open with a loud boom as it hit the wall. He tossed the file onto his desk, and turned to face Chief Vaughn, a man he had seen barely three times since his return, but suddenly in the last few days, he couldn’t seem to get rid of. It didn’t help that he’d been pursuing the Torres case even after being told to let it go. Torres’s most recent threat was public, and Chief Vaughn was livid, “You know what he meant, Roman!”

Roman brushed him off, “Well he wasn’t exactly subtle.”

“Look, there’s an open season on you ever since Torres put his arms around you, and said, Have a nice life,” Vaughn said in frustration. 

Roman threw his hands up in exasperation, “I said, I understand! Alright?”

Chief Vaughn was losing his patience, “Do you understand that the threat extends to your entire family? All because you refuse to let this go?”

“Look Chief, I never asked you to come down here, and give me another warning! I got the message, okay? So, let’s get back to the business at hand. Bo is still alive. We’ve gotta make our move, and make it now. So, how do we deal with that?” Roman asked.

“We don’t deal with it, Roman!” Chief Vaughn roared. The man was stubborn, and refused to listen to reason. “You’re off the case, remember?”

Roman pointed his finger at Chief Vaughn, “I was off the case. There is no way you’re gonna keep me outta this now. I’m this close to nailing Raffi Torres, and getting my brother back!” Roman rounded his desk, slamming his fist on the corner in frustration. Bo had been gone for two weeks, and they still had no idea where he was. His mother was on edge, and it was taking a toll on the whole family. 

“Look, dammit, Roman, there is no point in any further conversation! Torres has a contract on you, and he comes from a family with a history of ritual assassination. He’s an expert at it! He’s even made a point of making this one public,” Vaughn told Roman. “Nobody can help you anymore. You stay on this case, you may just as well blow your own head off!”

Roman scoffed, “Alright. Fine. What am I supposed to do?”

Finally the man was listening. Chief Vaughn replied, “Well, there is one thing you can do, if you’re interested in staying alive.”

“What’s that?” Roman asked, only half listening.

“Disappear,” Vaughn said. Roman laughed, not realizing that the Chief was serious, until the man continued by saying, “The ISA will give you protection. I’ll move you to another town, city… another country for that matter. I’ll give you an entirely new identity.”

“Oh, come on,” Roman scoffed. He couldn’t leave his family, Marlena, his children. Not when he’d fought so hard to come home to them. Bo’s words echoed in his head, Have you considered Marlena in all of this? Guilt ran through him. He was in too far now, and Bo had been right.

Chief Vaughn watched as the realization dawned on Roman’s face. “It’s the only option you’ve got.”

This was ridiculous. There had to be another way. A way that didn’t involve him leaving Salem and his family behind. “You’re telling me, I should just go home, pack my suitcases, and walk away from my wife, and kids, and from Bo?” Roman yelled. The reality of the turn his life had taken was hitting him hard.

Vaughn stared at him, and said gravely, “You stay here, and you are a danger to all of your family. They are equally vulnerable, as long as the road leads to you. You have to leave Salem.” 

Roman shook his head, “No…no…there’s got to be another way. How the hell am I supposed to leave? What do you think…I can just turn around, and walk away from my-my wife and my kids? I just got back for cryin’ out loud!” Roman felt a sick inevitability. Even as he argued it, he knew what the end result would be. “I’ve just started my life over again. There’s no way I’m leaving.” 

Roman sat down at his desk, considering the argument finished, but in his gut, he knew it was nowhere near over, because Bo’s words continued to echo in his mind, Have you considered Marlena in all of this? He had been telling himself that he considered Marlena in everything, but had he? He wasn’t feeling so certain right then.

“Well, I’m sorry to hear that. Because it’s not only your life, and safety we have to be concerned about,” Chief Vaughn told him. “It’s the life and safety of your entire family.” 

Chief Vaughn’s parting words haunted Roman for the rest of the night. He’d brought this down upon his family, and he had to find some way to fix it. He should have listened to Bo. He should have backed off when Samuels pulled him from the case. Roman was going to watch his whole life fall apart, and the only person he had to blame was himself.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Isabella Toscano’s Loft

John woke suddenly, with the name Forrest on his lips. He felt like he was losing his mind. Since he’d started therapy with Marlena, the dreams were coming more frequently, and with more detail. The problem was, almost as soon as he woke, the details seemed to fade. He laid there breathing heavily, his eyes closed, as he struggled to memorize the images that were dissipating from his mind. The sudden touch of Isabella’s hand on his chest was a surprise, and a distraction. Instantly the images were gone. He sighed in frustration, trying to focus on them, even as they slipped away. He opened his eyes, seeing her beside him, and felt a sort of frustrated anger inside him.

“Who’s Forrest?” she asked him with curiosity. He’d been mumbling in his sleep, and seemed genuinely distraught.

John paused for a moment, trying to pull himself together. He couldn’t be angry with her over something that she didn’t mean to do. There was a part of himself that he held back from Isabella, because she didn’t understand, and because he knew she’d prefer it if he forgot. Disoriented, he shook his head, “What?”

“Forrest. You said it twice, don’t you remember?” Isabella asked him. “You were dreaming.”

“No,” was all he responded. What more was there to say? He couldn’t remember any of it, because as soon as she’d laid her palm on his chest the threads of memory had vanished.

“Does the name Forrest mean anything to you?” she asked him, still hoping he might remember something. He’d been spending a lot of time with Marlena, grasping at straws to remember his past. Was it possible that he was remembering? 

“No,” John said with increasing frustration. The images from his dream seemed to be gone, and he’d been unable to hold onto them. “No…I don’t know why I said that,” he told her, sitting up in bed. Forrest? Was it a name or was it a place?

“Maybe, it was part of the dream. What did you dream about?” she asked him.

Her continued questions were only agitating him even further. She was too close. Throwing his legs over the side of the bed in an attempt to get some space, he said, “You know, I don’t remember. Like I said, I don’t know what it was about.” He stared down at her, recognizing the hurt in her eyes, and he sighed, “I have to get to work.”

Isabella stared after him helplessly, finally getting off of the bed. She followed John across the room. He was holding a part of himself back. She knew he was, but she didn’t know how to fix what was happening between them. She was starting to feel like her pregnancy had been the only thing holding them together, and now that the baby was gone, she had nothing. “John, you seem upset.”

“I’m not upset. I’m fine,” he told her. But he wasn’t. He wasn’t fine when he had dreams that he knew were memories, and then lost them as soon as he woke. He was frustrated, and no amount of Isabella’s help was useful. He didn’t want to hurt her feelings, she’d been hurt enough recently, but he couldn’t continue to discuss it. 

“Well, I don’t believe you,” she said, reaching out, and running her fingers over his bicep slowly. No matter what he said, it was obvious that he was upset. He’d been upset while he was asleep, and it only seemed to carry over now. “I saw what that dream did to you.”

John felt his frustration rising. He didn’t want to discuss it with her. He was caged. He was in a box. Spending the night with Isabella had been her idea. She was dealing with the loss of their baby, and she didn’t want to be alone. He could understand that, but right then he felt trapped. “I’m fine. Really.”

“Why are you doing this?” she asked him softly. She felt a growing disconnect between them, and she blamed Marlena.

John turned to face her, “Doing what?”

“Why are you shutting me out? Come on, you promised you wouldn’t do that,” Isabella pleaded. 

He shrugged. He couldn’t have the conversation that he knew Isabella wanted to have. What she really wanted to discuss was why he was able to talk to Marlena about these things and not her? It was always the same, and it was exhausting. He stared at her for a moment, pulling his shirt on, “Look, I’m not shutting you out. Okay? It’s just…there’s nothing really to worry about.”

Isabella reached up, touching his face gently, “Tell me what you’re thinking, and then I won’t worry.”

He looked down momentarily, deciding to tell her what he knew she wanted to hear from him, even if he didn’t believe it. He would have to think about the why of it later, because he didn’t know why he was lying to her. Briefly it crossed his mind that he wouldn’t lie to Marlena, and maybe he was willing to lie to Isabella simply to get her to stop asking questions. Maybe it was because the guilt of knowing what she wanted, versus what he wanted was eating away at him. Lying was easier. “I’m thinking…I ought to maybe just forget about my past. Just…let it remain a mystery.”

Isabella’s eyes lit up with hope, and it nearly broke his heart. Where were they in life if she didn’t support him? She asked him, “Do you honestly mean that?”

John paused before saying, “Yeah…yeah, I’d like nothing better than to pretend that…I didn’t have any past to unravel.”

“Then don’t shut me out,” Isabella said softly. She was thinking about moving past his life with Marlena, Marlena’s children, and the Brady’s. They weren’t his family, but she could be. “Don’t let the past come between us. We need each other too much right now for that.”

John looked at her for a moment, unraveling the intent behind her words. He’d seen a flash of something in her eyes. “The past? You mean Marlena?”

Isabella was taken aback momentarily. Of course, that was what she meant, but she didn’t expect John to pick up on it so easily. She didn’t like laying her insecurities out for him to see. Lying easily, she said, “No. No, that’s not what I meant. I was just thinking that we need to focus on our future… together… getting married, maybe trying to have another baby someday. I mean, we lost this baby, but we can try for more, as soon as I’m healthy. You can… we can let the past go.”

John refused to let it go, “The past? I can’t ignore my time with Marlena, the kids…”

Her ire came out as she said, “Marlena is married to Roman…and the kids are—”

“—Roman’s too, right?” John said sardonically, feeling his own words cut like a knife. He stared at Isabella with a face bordering on disgust. He didn’t like being reminded of what he’d lost, when he lived everyday with the knowledge. “I believe I already know that. I gotta get to work. I’ll see you later, Izzy B.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Marlena and Roman Brady Residence

Carrie knew she’d messed up. As soon as she saw Marlena’s face when she walked in the front door, she knew. Her eyes were swollen as if she’d been crying, and Carrie couldn’t remember a time when she’d seen Marlena that angry. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I really am…I forgot and–and Amanda said it would be really fast…” Carrie’s voice trailed off. No amount of explanation was going to fix this, it was obvious from the look on Marlena’s face.

“Caroline Anna Brady!” Marlena shouted, feeling tears stream down her face yet again. “Two hours! For two hours after school, I had no idea where you were. Do you know how scared I’ve been? Your father had every free officer out looking for you. And John! John left work to look for you, he was so scared!”

Carrie sullenly dropped her schoolbag on the floor. She knew she was wrong, but she didn’t understand what was going on, and no one would explain it to her. She couldn’t play sports. She couldn’t do clubs. She had to be dropped off, and picked up every day. She slumped onto the couch, “I wish Dad was here. He’d tell me. At least he never treated me like a baby.”

It took Marlena a second to recognize that Carrie was referring to John and not Roman. She thought about John’s relationship with Carrie, and took a deep breath. Sitting next to her on the couch, Marlena said, “I’ll try to answer your questions, if I can.” She knew it would anger Roman, but after what had happened, she felt like Carrie needed to understand the seriousness of the situation. “Your father is working on a very dangerous case right now. It’s the reason we have officers watching the house.” Marlena paused for a moment, and said, “It’s the reason he has a police officer at your school.”

Carrie looked mortified, “He put a police officer at my school? No!”

“Carrie! Roman is worried about this family!” Marlena needed Carrie to understand the situation, and never disappear after school again. She needed to not be so frightened she thought her very heart was breaking.

“Does he?” Carrie asked with a sarcastic sneer. “I couldn’t tell. I don’t even remember the last time I saw him. He’s so worried about finding Bo.”

Marlena was surprised by Carrie’s anger, “Bo is his brother.”

“And, I’m his daughter, so is Sami. Eric is his son…you’re his wife,” Carrie said loudly. “But he’s left us to take care of ourselves, hasn’t he? I’ve been home three weeks, and we haven’t had one meal together, but I’ve had dinner with John!” 

Marlena didn’t miss Carrie’s emphasis on John’s name. 

Carrie stood up, getting angrier. Anna didn’t love her. Roman didn’t love her. She had no idea where she belonged, not really. “John came over for dinner, he cooked food, and he asked us about school, because he may not be our father, but he’s our Dad! He wouldn’t have done this…he would have explained things to me. He wouldn’t have let me feel so scared!”

Marlena scrambled for what to say. She had the full force of Carrie’s rage coming at her, and Marlena felt most of it was justified, but she still had to try and support her husband, even if she was just as confused about his recent choices as Carrie was. “Your father’s job–”

“–you weren’t here!” Carrie screamed. “You weren’t here! But John was. Every night! For dinner! To help with homework! When we were sick! He had the same job as Roman, but he was here almost every night for bedtime. Roman doesn’t care to be here, that’s the difference.”

Chapter 7

January 29, 1992

Salem Police Department, Roman’s Brady’s Office

The Dust is gathering where I stand

Now I know there’s a crack in this plan…

~ Break ~ Heart ~

“You’re right. There’s no other way. I’ve gotta leave,” Roman said dejectedly, slamming his hand into the filing cabinet in his office at the Salem Police Department. Even when Chief Vaughn had mentioned it a few days earlier, Roman had hoped that it wouldn’t come to this, but it had. There was a massive amount of guilt that came with that. Bo had warned him, but he’d raged ahead putting his whole family at risk. Leaving them behind to protect them would be his punishment.

Abe stared at him, his arms crossed over his chest, while he leaned on Roman’s desk. He found it hard to believe that Roman was really going to leave his family. With a sigh he asked, “So how are you going to tell Marlena?”

Roman looked over at his best friend, feeling shame burn like acid in his gut as he replied, “I’m not.” He wasn’t going to tell her anything. He couldn’t. She would beg, she would plead with him to stay, and he couldn’t do that. The only way to protect his family now was to take himself out of the equation. Raffi Torres was after him.

“Are you crazy? There’s no way in the world she’s going to let you walk out on her!” Abe stared at Roman with wide eyes. After everything they had been through in the last few months, he was simply going to disappear. Roman had no idea what that would do to Marlena. He would destroy her and effectively end his marriage in a single moment, because Marlena would never forgive him.

“When it happens, she’s not gonna know about it,” Roman said, refusing to make eye contact with Abe.

Abe was surprised, and disappointed, in his friend, “You’d actually do that? Keep her in the dark?”

Roman finally looked up, catching the look of disbelief on Abe’s face. Guilt slammed him. Bo had warned that it might come to this, and the way Abe was watching him only served to reinforce his shame. Roman felt himself becoming defensive. He was protecting his family for G-d’s sake! Couldn’t Abe understand that? “Come on, Abe, don’t look at me that way! What? Do you think I’ve got a choice in the matter?” 

Abe was quiet, still unbelieving that someone he called a friend would be willing to abandon his family by sneaking off in the night. He was upset because Roman had a choice. When Chief Vaughn took him off of the Torres case, when Bo had warned him that his persistence was problematic…Roman had the opportunity to make a choice that would take his family out of the line of fire, and allow the ISA to handle it, but he’d refused. Barely above a whisper, Abe said, “Marlena deserves to know the truth, Roman.”

“Believe me, I’d love to be able to tell her the truth, but if I did that, I’d be putting her in danger! Now, I’ve got to protect her! Her, and the kids!” Roman argued. Even as the words left his mouth, they didn’t ring true. The only reason she needed protecting was because he’d been too stubborn to admit he might be wrong. He’d been too stubborn to let someone else handle the Torres case.

“I don’t know,” Abe said. “This doesn’t feel good to me. Roman, Marlena is proud. She’s strong, and she’s going to be angry that you made a decision of this magnitude without her. She’s not the same woman she was in 1984.” In 1984 Marlena might have needed protection. She’d had several years where everything was unstable. Her sister Samantha had her committed to a mental hospital while taking over her life. She’d been raped by Kellam Chandler. Her first child had died a crib death, and then her husband Don had cheated on her. All of that she’d survived by being strong, until Jake Kostichek had stalked her for months, finally murdering her sister. Maybe when Roman first came into her life she had needed someone strong to make decisions for her, but that had all changed. Roman knew nothing of her life after his death. She hadn’t been that fragile woman anymore. On her own she had landed on her feet and built herself up again, and Roman had no idea.

Roman watched Abe for a moment, and then he thought of John Black. That’s what Abe was thinking about. He knew it, and he found himself getting angry all over again. While he’d been held prisoner by Stefano, John had lived his life. Abe, and everyone else in Salem accepted him. Of course she wasn’t the same woman she had been, but he wouldn’t allow other people to insinuate that he didn’t know his own wife. He looked at Abe, “I know my wife, Abe. She’ll be mad at first, but she’ll get over it. She will. She always does. She’ll understand eventually, because I’ll explain it.”

“How are you going to explain it, Roman? How? You don’t even know when, or if, you’re coming back! I’m not sure about this at all. You haven’t even been back from Mexico two months!” Abe said, hoping that Roman would slow down and think about the ramifications of what he was about to do. Marlena would never forgive him. Not this time. Things were so unstable, and if Roman was the one who left, leaving her and the children vulnerable, she wouldn’t have him back in her life. The trust would be shattered.

“My mind is made up, Abe. It’s the only way to protect Marlena, and the kids,” Roman told him. Marlena would understand…eventually. When all of this was over he would find a way to make her understand. He had to.

Abe couldn’t stop thinking about how much Marlena had changed in the year and a half after Roman’s supposed death. She went after Stefano on her own, shooting him in the rafters of the opera house. She went on trial for murder because of that. Then there was everything that had happened with Richard Cates. Plus, she and John were chased by the KGB through the forest in West Virginia. She’d been kidnapped by the ISA and Orpheus. Then there was her return last year, which was no less amazing. Abe stared at his friend, and realized that Roman did not know his wife at all. 

Roman continued speaking, “Now, Abe…I need you to follow my lead on this.”

“Roman, if you’re not in Salem…what if Raffi Torres decides to go after Marlena, or the kids, to get the leverage he wants? I mean, if you’re not here to target, he could do that,” Abe said. “You’re leaving them behind…well, they’ll be incredibly vulnerable.”

“He’s not going to do that, Abe. I’m the target! I’m the one he wants, that’s why I have to leave. Stop arguing with me about it, because I’ve already decided. I need you to support me here,” Roman said. “Torres has Bo. He’s going to kill him. We both know that. As soon as he gets the shipment of drugs through Salem, Bo’s gone. He’ll disappear! So, are you going to help me or not?”

Abe sighed, a sick feeling settling in his gut. He had a feeling it was all going to go south, but he said reluctantly, “Yeah, partner, I’m with you. The first thing we have to do is get in contact with the ISA.”

Roman smiled at Abe, “I’m already a step ahead of you.”

“You’ve already been in contact?” Abe asked him. “Roman, I’m not so sure…John believes the ISA–”

“–John lied to you and half of Salem for years, Abe!” Roman replied. “Are you going to believe him, or me?”

Abe tried again, “Shane believes–”

Roman looked at Abe with a stern line to his jaw, “The ISA has a new head, Chief Vaughn. He’s trustworthy. I’m telling you, Abe, I’ve got this under control.”

Abe wasn’t so sure, because no matter what Roman said, John and Shane had never steered him wrong.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Warehouse, Chicago

Shivering with cold, and unable to speak because of a gag in his mouth, Bo stared up at Raffi with hard eyes. If he could speak, or if he had control of his hands Bo would tear him to shreds. Instead he was gagged and tied to a fucking chair half dead from hypothermia.

“You’re brother doesn’t know when to back off, Brady,” Raffi said with a sneer. “I’ve given him so many chances, but he just doesn’t take a hint. I would have thought that knowing I had his baby brother would have slowed him down, but no…it seems to have pushed him on. I thought, maybe he’d think twice about who he was crossing, but no. It seems it has only made him more determined.”

Bo continued to stare. He wasn’t surprised by what Torres was telling him. He’d known the moment he was kidnapped from the alley behind the Cheatin’ Heart that Roman wouldn’t give up. He was too fucking stubborn, even if he accidentally got Bo and his family killed in the process. 

Bo wouldn’t look away, and he wouldn’t be bullied or tortured into submission, although it wasn’t as if the men who worked for Torres hadn’t tried. His body was riddled with electrical burns, and bruises. He was almost certain his ribs were cracked, if not completely broken, and he’d lost a significant amount of weight. They weren’t feeding him regularly, and water was something he only got when it was tossed over his head. He didn’t hold much hope that he would be found before they finally tired of their games, and killed him. 

The defiance staring back at him from Bo Brady’s eyes only served to piss Raffi off even more. He was done with him. He’d be dead soon enough. Raffi breathed out, watching the heat of his breath curl in the near freezing air. He turned with a smirk to walk out of the warehouse, saying carelessly over his shoulder, “Isn’t it a little warm in here? Brady must be thirsty. Another bucket of water for our friend.”

Bo’s body shivered relentlessly as its biological systems attempted to warm his muscles. He knew what was coming, and an unrecognizable sob sounded behind the gag in his mouth. His clothing was still damp from the last bucket of water they’d thrown over him. A man approached with a sick grin on his face. He took Bo’s gag off, because he liked to hear the man’s screams, and he said, “Boss says you’re looking a little thirsty.”

“Fuck you,” Bo replied, slurring his words. He was barely able to speak; he’d been punched so many times. He didn’t think his jaw was broken, although a couple teeth might have been. 

“You ain’t my type,” Jason sneered. He punched Bo in the gut as hard as he could, causing a sharp agonizing pain to rip through his abdomen. Grabbing Bo’s hair, he jerked his head back. “You got a cocky attitude for a man who’s gonna die soon.”

“Why don’t you just do it then, Jason? I know you want to,” Bo taunted him. He tried to sit up straighter, but the pain in his body had him curling on himself. Barely able to glance up, Bo muttered, “You haven’t done it because Raffi still thinks he can use me for leverage. Otherwise, I’d be dead already.”

Another one of Torres’ minions entered the room with a large bucket of ice water. Bo could hear the ice sloshing against the side of the container. He was going to die there in that warehouse. He could feel it in the depths of his soul. He watched his breath swirl through the frigid air as he exhaled, before quickly inhaling just as the other man lifted the bucket higher. 

Jason held Bo’s head back, and looked at the other man, “Douse him, Irv.”

The freezing water cascaded over his body, and every muscle immediately seized up. Bo screamed out in painful agony, as his ribs shot pain signals to his brain, and he struggled to breath. Irv laughed, and Jason leaned forward with a feral smile, asking “Still thirsty, Brady?”

Bo could imagine if he wasn’t freezing, and wet, and if his ribs weren’t screaming, that he would be able to fight this despondency that was slowly stealing his life, but the energy and the will to fight were all gone from him right then. He lifted his eyes to Jason’s and then he was gone, blissfully unconscious.

Irv watched Bo’s head fall forward as Jason released his hold on his hair, and he said to Jason with a laugh, “He ain’t very talkative tonight.”

“Tomorrow morning, if he’s still alive, douse him again,” Jason told him on his way out.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Marlena and Roman Brady Residence

Abe arrived at Marlena’s door, because she had called him and asked him to come by. He was no fool, and he knew she had questions. Questions he wasn’t allowed to answer, at least not truthfully. Marlena was one of the smartest people he knew. Roman might think that he was carrying out his plan taking her completely unawares, but she could feel that something wasn’t right, and Abe could hear it in her voice when she’d called. Taking a deep sigh, he knocked on the door. 

 As much as he wanted to be a friend to both of them, Abe knew that what Roman was about to do was very divisive. Helping Roman, meant lying to Marlena, and telling Marlena meant alienating Roman. Neither position was one he wanted to take, but ultimately, because of his job, he had to support Roman. He had no other option, because the ISA had already pulled him into this.

Marlena opened the front door, and gestured inside without a word. He followed her into the living room, not even bothering to remove his coat, and sat on the couch beside her. She started to make small talk, but Abe decided to try and steer the direction of the conversation. He reached out, touching her arm softly, “Marlena…you don’t have to pretend with me.”

She looked at him, and said softly, “Okay.”

“I know you’re worried about Bo,” Abe said. She was worried about more than Bo, but he could start there.

“Yes, I’m worried about Bo. I’m worried about Roman, too,” she said.

She went straight to the point, and he was immediately trying to go over the lies he’d rehearsed on the way over, “Why?”

Marlena paused, looking at the floor for a moment, before glancing back at Abe. She could trust Abe. He’d been her friend for years, and he’d never lied to her. Roman was keeping things from her, and she needed the truth. If she couldn’t get it from her own husband, maybe she could get it from her best friend. “Because he’s so…distant. I know him so well, and I can tell when he’s keeping something from me.”

Abe had known he was going to have to lie to her, but being faced with it made it seem that much more daunting. He had a flash of intense anger towards Roman for putting him in this predicament. Softly, he said, “Maybe he’s just preoccupied with Bo. You know how focused he is—”

“—No…I know, but I think it’s something more than that, this time.” Marlena studied Abe, realizing that he was hiding something from her. She could tell, and it hurt. It meant that she wasn’t going to get the answers that she’d hoped for. She considered Abe to be one of her best friends, and he was prepared to lie to her right then. She could see it in his eyes.

“Maybe you’re over analyzing?” he hedged.

Marlena was quiet for a long time, thinking about it. Was she over analyzing? Was she reading more into Roman’s recent behavior than she needed to? But she knew she wasn’t. Finally she said, “No…I don’t think so. I make a habit of not bringing my work home, so I don’t tend to treat my family as my patients.”

Abe said softly, “All I know is that he cares for you, and those kids more than anything else in this world.” He wondered if that was enough? It had to be, because he couldn’t tell her much more.

“I know. I know. As long as I know nothing will separate us…I don’t have to worry,” Marlena said, studying Abe. She needed Abe to tell her that everything was going to be alright. That the distance she felt growing wider between her and Roman, the distance that already existed upon his return, would resolve itself. “Right?”

Smiling with reassurance he didn’t feel, Abe said, “Right.”

As Abe left her house, she knew all was not right, but she couldn’t specifically pinpoint what was wrong. Someone she considered to be one of her dearest friends had looked her in the face and lied to her. That left her with more fear and anxiety than she knew what to do with.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Pier 14

Abe found John on the pier. He was at war with himself. Marlena was going to need support when Roman left her, and he had no doubt that Roman would leave her. He’d convinced himself that there were no other options, and once Roman’s mind was made up, there was no changing it. Once he left her, Marlena would lose all faith in him, and her trust, what little she had built in the last month and a half, would be shattered. Abe could be honest with himself and acknowledge that Roman hadn’t done much to try and reinforce, or build that trust with his wife. He was bossy, he worked long hours, and he seemed to be on the verge of letting her down almost constantly, yet he always had a reason, which he managed to justify, even if only to himself. 

Abe sighed heavily. He couldn’t be responsible for leaving Marlena with no support system, but he couldn’t ‘out’ Roman’s plan either, and so, he found himself carefully approaching John as he worked on the pier. Rolling his shoulders to ease some of the tension, he pasted a smile on his face as he descended the stairs, saying loudly with a wave, “John!” 

“Hey, Carver!” John said, surprised to see him. He’d heard that Abe was back in Salem trying to assist with finding Bo, but he wasn’t for certain. John and Abe hadn’t been as close as they once were. Not since Roman’s return. Not since Roman had created doubt not only in Abe, but in many other members of the Salem Police Department. “What the hell are you doing here? It’s good to see you again, man!”

Abe hugged John tightly, realizing just how much he’d missed him. “It’s good to see you again, buddy! I guess you heard I was back in town again helping on Bo’s case?”

John checked some items off on the clipboard, and moved onto the next shipping crate, “Yeah, everybody really appreciates it. So, what the hell are you doing here on the pier? I heard Torres’ shipment is supposed to be coming through in the next couple days?”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, not for a little while yet. I actually came here to see you,” Abe said with a big smile, smacking John on his arm. Keep it casual, he thought to himself. “You know, to keep you posted on the situation.” Abe stepped around the crate, and asked, “How’s Isabella, and the baby?”

John stared at the yellow forms on the clipboard in front of him, and said quietly, “Isabella lost the baby. Last week. It was…unexpected.”

Abe immediately regretted his words. He remembered Marlena’s heartbreak in Mexico, and thought about how John no longer had that tie holding him to Isabella. He pushed the thoughts away. He shouldn’t think like that, and besides John loved Isabella. The only question was, did he love her as much as he loved Marlena? 

Abe said, “I’m sorry, John. I had no idea. It was really careless of me–”

“–you didn’t know,” John said quickly, placing his clipboard on the crate next to him. He’d been struggling with his own emotions over the last week. Spending time with Marlena during his therapy session made him miss her. Isabella had become more clingy than usual, and as much as it bothered him, he felt bad for feeling boxed in. She was upset over their child, and he should be supportive. Wanting desperately to change the subject, he asked, “So what’s happening? Anything you can tell me?”

“No, nothing yet…the ISA have sort of closed ranks. Nobody can get through, not even Shane,” Abe told him. If John didn’t want to discuss Isabella or the child she’d lost, Abe could respect that. “Chief Vaughn is playing everything very close to the vest.”

“Do you trust him?” John asked. “This new Chief? I’m not familiar with him, but as you know there’s no love lost between myself and the ISA.”

“As far as I can tell, he’s playing everything by the book. He’s just not saying much about the details with Torres shipment…or about Bo,” Abe replied. “I won’t lie to you, partner, it makes me nervous.”

Leave it to the ISA to be keeping secrets. They wanted men to work for them, but they didn’t trust those men to carry out their jobs, holding directives until the last possible moment. “What the hell’s the matter with them? I thought…Commander…Brady had…a lead on something?” John asked. Commander Brady. He hated saying it. He used to be Roman Brady, and not being involved in this case and the search for Bo was incredibly frustrating, especially since he still felt like Bo was his brother, and he knew the Brady’s were suffering. If anything, he wanted to do it for Shawn and Caroline. John started to feel overwhelmed. He turned, picking up his discarded clipboard, and said, “You know, I wish I could help out right now, but I think my involvement might do more harm than good, you know?”

Abe dreaded having to tell John what was going on. He was going to be furious, but Abe knew he had to trust him. Roman’s constant disparaging remarks about John and his association with Stefano DiMera had planted a seed of doubt in Abe, but he had to go with his gut, and his gut said to trust John. “Well, that’s why I stopped by…”

John turned to Abe, noting a change in the man’s tone that indicated he was concerned about something, and despite feeling uneasy, he cared about Abe. “What’s going on?”

Abe was unsure of where to start. Hedging slightly, he started, “If I talk to you about this John, if I tell you what I’m about to tell you…I need your strictest confidence.”

John could tell it was serious, “Abe, it’s me, buddy. I’ll always keep what you tell me in confidence.”

Abe sighed, looking around to make sure no one was listening, “Roman’s been getting threats from Raffi Torres and—”

“—Abe! Has he told anyone?” John asked, suddenly worried. He started to panic as he thought of Marlena and the kids. Threats against Roman were, by extension, threats against his family. John remembered how hard he and Abe had worked to flush out the organized crime syndicates after Richard Cates’ death. Raffi Torres would be even harder to oust, and he wouldn’t hesitate to kill people who got in his way. Marlena and the children would be nothing to him but collateral damage. “Does Marlena know, Abe? Please tell me, he told Doc!”

Abe hated the words that fell from his lips. They sounded false. There was no conviction behind them at all. “Roman thinks he needs to leave town to protect her, and the children…” He felt as if he were betraying Roman simply by saying them aloud, not simply because he had promised Roman his silence, but also because he knew, better than anyone, how John was about to react. He would hate Roman.

John knew right then, why Abe was telling him this, and his gut sank. Roman wasn’t planning to tell Marlena, that’s the only reason Abe would have come to the pier looking for him with this information. John stared at Abe in shock and horror, “He’s not planning to tell her, is he? He’s just going to fucking leave town without telling her? Run out on her, and the kids?”

Abe tried to find a way to acknowledge the truth of John’s words in a way that wouldn’t look so damning for Roman, but it was impossible. Lamely he said, “He doesn’t see it that way, John. He thinks it’s the only way to protect them.”

“Which means you’re not planning to fucking tell her either, are you?” John accused. “She thinks of you as one of her best friends, and you’re going to break her heart when she finds out!”

“I can’t do anything, John! My hands are tied! That’s why it’s got to be you! You’re the one that’s going to have to help her through this.” Abe sighed heavily, “Look, when we were in Mexico, Marlena came to me…she was so distraught that she had to make a choice between the two of you. It was breaking her…but one thing I remember very clearly…she hated that I was able to love both you and Roman. Did you know that? It nearly destroyed her, and yet here I am caught between my friendship with Roman, my job, and my friendship with Marlena. So I need you to help me out here…I am begging you…even if you disagree with what Roman’s doing, do this for me.”

“Damn straight I fucking disagree with what he’s doing! He came back, Abe! He came back!” John felt himself losing control as the emotions he’d kept tightly reined in suddenly came spilling from his mouth, “He took my job! My family! My fucking house! Abe, he took my wife—” John stopped speaking suddenly, feeling sick to his stomach. Quietly he said, “He took everything from me, and now he’s going to leave it all behind? What if Torres decides that since Roman’s gone, Marlena and the children are good targets? Has he even considered that?”

Abe sighed heavily, feeling the weight of it all crushing him. “I tried. I tried to convince him not to do this, or at least – at least tell Marlena, but he thinks if he tells her, she’ll talk him out of it.”

John felt his heart breaking for Marlena all over again. He loved her, and he didn’t want this for her. “He’s going to destroy her, Abe! She’s never going to trust him again after this. You know what he did after the twins were born! They were barely a month old, and he left on an ISA mission, and was missing for seven years! We haven’t been back from Mexico for two months! Two fucking months! And he’s leaving again? She won’t forgive him, Abe. She won’t…not this time.”

Abe wasn’t going to argue. John was right, but he pleaded anyway, “I need you to promise me, John. You’ll be there for her, and the kids. I can’t change his mind, and I can’t tell Marlena without undermining the whole operation. Please? Can you do that for me, buddy?”

John watched Abe for a moment. If there was ever a time when he felt like Abe Carver had let him or his family down, this was it. John jerked his beanie off of his head, and ran his fingers roughly through his unkempt hair, “I would never leave her to deal with this on her own. That’s why you’re here, Abe, because you know that! I couldn’t. I lo—care about her too much.”

Abe knew better than most how John felt about Marlena. He was fairly certain she still felt very strong emotions for John. He didn’t believe she would have gotten over him in the span of several weeks, and Abe was certain, if she was going to trust anyone after Roman left, it would be John. Abe exhaled the breath he was holding, “That’s why I’m trusting you with this, partner, because when he leaves her…and he will leave, she’s going to call you first.”

John shook his head, “You don’t know that—”

“–I do, John. You didn’t see her face in Mexico when she spoke to me. She was so torn down. She’s going to call you first, and I need you to promise me…you’ll drop everything and get to her,” Abe said softly.

John could only imagine the way Abe felt in that moment, so he told him, “I will. Doc’s my family. Those kids are my family. I promise, Abraham. I won’t let her down.”

Chapter 8

February 3, 1992

Isabella Toscano’s Loft

Shattered dreams fallin’ like teardrops again

As you make me remember…

~ Strangers of the Heart ~ Heart ~

Marlena called John in a panic five days later. He was sitting with Isabella at the loft when the telephone rang, “Hello?”

His heart dropped when he heard Marlena’s panicked voice, “John! John! It’s me.” 

He tried to stay calm, “Hey, Doc.” But he knew exactly why she was calling. Roman had left.

“John, please! You’ve got to help me! He’s gone! Roman’s gone!” she cried. He lied to her. He’d look right into her eyes, and he’d lied to her. Marlena stared at the can of coffee she’d tossed on the couch, the one Roman claimed to have forgotten at the store. “He thinks he’s protecting us, but he’s not! You’ve got to stop him.”

“Stop him? You don’t even know where he is,” John said gently, hoping to somehow slow her down. She was terrified, he could feel it, even across town.

“You must know! You must know! Think, John! Just think! You were Roman, for heaven’s sake! You have his memories! You have his history! You do know!” John’s heart was hurting just from the pain in her voice. He saw Isabella watching him, and he rubbed his forehead. Turning so that Isabella couldn’t see his face, he listened as Marlena’s voice continued frantically, “You do know! Just stop, and think! If anybody can find him, you can! If anybody can stop him from doing this, you can!”

Glancing over at Isabella, John noticed her brow furrowed in frustration. There was nothing to be done for it. “All right, Doc. Air travel is the fastest way out of town. My guess would be, he’s at Salem International.”

“The airport!” she sobbed in relief. If she went then she might be able to catch him before he left. She might be able to get him to understand that they had other options, options that didn’t include him running away.

John was worried for her, “I’m sure he’s got something cooking with the ISA. Yeah, uh, he’s got a private jet, or something. I’m sure of it.”

“Okay,” she said, crying harder. “I’m going to go now!”

John instantly replied, “Doc, no! You can’t drive when you’re this upset.” Looking at Isabella again, John sighed in resignation, “I’m coming over. I’ll take you.” He heard Isabella squawk in dismay behind him.

“Hurry! Please, hurry,” Marlena said in a panic. “Just, hurry!”

“I’m on my way,” he said before hanging up. He saw the disappointment on Isabella’s face as soon as he turned around.

“You’re leaving,” she asked

“I have to,” John told her softly. He remembered his promise to Abe, but he knew, even without his promise, he would go to Marlena. Isabella’s frustration was simmering just under the surface, and she was trying to hold it back, but he couldn’t leave Marlena alone in this much pain, and he certainly didn’t trust her to drive herself to the airport in her current emotional state. The anguish in Marlena’s voice, had a part of him, the part that loved her more than anything in the world, screaming for him to go after her. He sat down beside Isabella, reaching for her hand, but she pulled it away from him roughly. John sighed, “Izzy B…Roman left Marlena, to go find Bo. He’s been getting threats from the Torres family, and he thinks leaving is best…but he didn’t discuss it with her. She’s desperate to stop him. So, I’m going to go pick her up, and check out the airport. We might be able to catch him before he leaves Salem.”

“I heard,” Isabella replied. “And, she had to call you? John, we just lost our baby. I need you here with me.”

Isabella had been extremely clingy since they’d learned about her miscarriage, and John could understand why she was so upset. He could, but he also had his heart pulling him in another direction. Marlena needed him more in that moment than Isabella did. Part of him felt like Isabella was simply trying to keep him away from Marlena. John didn’t respond. He couldn’t. He just went to get his coat, realizing that Abe had been right. Of all of the people in her life, Marlena had called him first. “She called me because I have Roman’s memories,” John told her flatly. “She thinks I could track him down.”

“I see,” was all she said in response. What could she say? If she argued or tried any harder to keep him there, she would look selfish and apathetic. She had to let him go.

John knew she was angry, and he knew that he was supposed to be trying to make a new life, and move on. A life without Marlena, and yet when she called, he was willing to drop everything, and go to her. “Look, this won’t take long. We’re just going to check out the airport, and see if he’s there. I’ll be back soon,” he said, leaning over to kiss her on the forehead. He walked out of the loft, refusing to look back.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Salem International Airport

Marlena had been a sobbing mess when he’d arrived at her home. She’d cried off and on all the way to the airport. Her emotions were running hot and cold between despondency and fury.  It didn’t take long for them both to realize that Roman was already gone. John watched helplessly as Marlena started crying, and then ran to the ticket counter asking for information on flights. He watched any remaining hope she had, leave her eyes when they told her she couldn’t see the plane’s manifest. 

In that instant, he hated Roman Brady more than anyone in the world. It was obvious that she was devastated. She was more than devastated. Roman joined the list with everyone else in her life who had failed her. Her sister Samantha. Her husband Don. Her friend Liz…and Richard Cates. It hurt John to see her in that much pain, and it hurt him to know that her pain was over losing Roman. John would have never hurt her that way. He would have found another solution, but he wouldn’t have abandoned his family when they needed him the most.

He watched as Abe rounded the corner, and approached Marlena. He started to step forward, playing interference, but then he stopped himself. Abe was just as responsible for the pain she was feeling as Roman was. John decided that he wouldn’t step in. Marlena had every right to feel what she was feeling. He would give her that grace. Not many people in her life did that. She was expected to be the calm one, the one with the answers, but Marlena could feel however she felt about all of this, and Abe would have to take the fall-out that came with it. She wasn’t a weak helpless woman, and this was her chance to find herself again. Besides, John never found her as beautiful as he did when she was lit up with fury.

“Marlena,” Abe said quietly, knowing the wrath he was about to face. She looked at him with tear stained cheeks, as he said, “It’s no use.” Roman’s plane had taken off less than ten minutes before. She’d missed him, and now it was out of Abe’s hands. He had no idea where the ISA was taking him, only that he was gone.

She looked at Abe, and whispered slowly, with disbelief, “You knew. You knew what he was going to do…That’s why you’re here.” She’d known Abe was lying when he’d assured her everything would be fine. He had sat in her home, and lied to her. Someone she considered one her dearest friends, has been a part of this, and kept it from her.

“Yes,” Abe replied, offering no excuses. The room was loud around them, filled with the sounds of travelers, but Marlena’s whisper carried to him like the boom of a cannon. She might never forgive him.

“Then he’s gone? He’s really gone?” she asked him, still in shock that any of this was happening. Roman, her husband, a man who claimed he’d spent seven years wishing he could be reunited with his family, had walked out on them.

“Yes, he is,” Abe said in defeat, knowing that he played a part in her current state of despair. “I’m sorry, Marlena. I know this hurts, but Roman felt like it was really for the bes–”

“–and he’s not coming back is he?” she interrupted.

Reluctantly he told her, “No. No, he’s not. I’m so sorry, Marlena. I don’t—I don’t even know how to tell you how sorry I am!” Abe reached for her, as if to walk her out of the airport, and she smacked his arm away harshly, turning away from him. He tried to get her to understand. He needed her to understand. “Marlena, Roman felt like he didn’t have a choice. He felt like this was the only thing he could do. He didn’t want to do this…he had to.”

“No.” Her rage was coming to the surface. Like a silent explosion, she said, “No, he didn’t.” John watched from where he stood. Abe’s eyes glanced down at his hands in shame.

This was going sideways fast. Glancing back up, Abe tried again, “If you’d just understand that—”

“—I-I don’t understand! And don’t you dare defend him to me!” Marlena said, finally allowing her rage to explode from her. Roman had done something that was unforgivable, and Abe had the nerve to stand there and justify it. Of all the people in her life, she’d never believed Abe would do this.

He had to get her to understand, “I’m telling you the truth. He did what he had to do. He did it for you—”

“—don’t you say he did this for my sake! Don’t you dare say that! It’s a lie, and I’m not buying it!” Marlena cried, barely noticing that people were slowing down as they walked by. She was making a scene, and she didn’t care. Her fury didn’t allow her to care.

Abe was growing more frustrated. There had to be a way to make her see it was for the best. “Why else would he go? Come on! You know, he would give up his life to keep you safe!” Abe was begging her to understand, begging her to try and see Roman’s perspective but it wasn’t working.

“Then maybe he did! He gave up his life with his family. His life with me! Just to keep us safe!” Marlena spat at him.

Abe felt lost. He was going nowhere, and Marlena wasn’t in any frame of mind to hear him. “I just really wish I could make you understand thi—”

“—well you can’t!” she interrupted. Tears flowed from her eyes, as her anger drained from her. She whispered softly, staring into Abe’s dark eyes, “You can’t”

Abe reached for her again, and she pulled away roughly, “Don’t you touch me, Abe! Don’t you dare touch me!”

“Marlena, there’s nothing you can do. He’s gone,” Abe said. “Let me take you home. You can’t drive like this.”

“I got her, Abe,” John said softly, stepping closer. He allowed Marlena to sense his presence behind her before he touched her softly on her shoulder, sliding his hand down to twine his fingers with hers, “C’mon, Doc, let me take you home.”

She looked up at John with tear filled eyes, “He left me. He left us…again.” She couldn’t lose complete control in public. She nodded her head once, feeling the tightness in her jaw. 

For Marlena it must feel like it did seven years ago. He’d left her on her own with the children. Fucking Roman Brady. John glanced at Abe, “You’re sure? He’s not coming back?”

“John, he can’t,” Abe told him, feeling so much shame he wished he could close his eyes. “He’s a marked man.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marlena and Roman Brady Residence

The car ride back to Marlena’s house was unnaturally quiet. John glanced over at her periodically, and she continued to stare out the window in silence, as hot, wet, tears tracked over the soft skin of her cheeks. Every once in a while she would swipe at them with the back of her hand, furiously, but she was silent. 

Finally, unable to take the silence any longer, John asked her gently, “Doc? Are you okay?”

“I’m not going to cry over him. I’m not going to let myself cry over that man,” she said clearly, wiping at her eyes roughly, even though her face was wet with tears. She didn’t know why she said that. She was already crying. She was a fool, that’s what she was. Allowing Roman back into her life, back into the children’s lives. What would this do to them? Marlena’s gut clenched…what would this do to Carrie?

“You cry, Doc. It’s okay,” he said, parking the car in front of her house. He couldn’t leave her like that, so he turned off the Jeep, and reached for her hand. Her fingers were clenched tightly. He stroked his index finger over the top of her hand, feeling the tension start to leave her. Marlena’s hand opened up to him, and he heard her choke on a sob.

She stared at his hand. Slowly, she spread out his fingers, lining them up with hers. As she studied their palms and the way they fitted together, she began to speak softly, “He left us…I can’t—” It was too overwhelming. She dropped his hand, “I need to go…”

She opened the car door, and moved to get out, with John following her, “Doc…are you okay?”

She looked at him softly, as he stepped around the car towards her, “No. No, I’m not okay.” There was nothing else she could say. 

“Do you want me to pick up the twinners, and bring them home?” he asked her gently, following her to the door. He couldn’t let her push him away, not right then.

“I might call Caroline and see if they can stay at the fish market with her and Shawn tonight. Eric was excited to watch Goonies, although I’m not certain it’s entirely appropriate for seven year olds, but Carrie assured me half of the plot will be over their heads,” Marlena told him, unlocking her front door. “Carrie is having a sleepover at Jaime Caldwell’s house. She said something about staying up late and giving each other pedicures.” Marlena entered the house, flipping on the light to the lamp. The room was cast in a soft glow, and she turned to face John, crying, “I don’t think I can—oh, G-d! Why did he do this, John?”

He reached for her, “I think, Doc, he honestly believes he’s protecting you.”

“From what?” she cried, pushing his arms away. She couldn’t fall into John’s arms right then. The rage she was feeling would seep right out of her, and she felt she needed it. It surrounded her like armor, and if she allowed herself to rely on him she would lose control of her own emotions. She felt like her rein on them at the moment was tenuous at best.

“He’d been getting threats…from Torres. Threats against him, possibly you. He thinks that by removing himself from the equation, he’s protecting you,” John told her, as he followed her in the house.

Marlena stared at him, “You knew?”

“I only knew what Abe told me, Doc, which was very little. It’s what I just told you,” He responded carefully. “Abe came to me on the pier last week, he asked me to make sure that when you called, I would be there for you.”

Marlena stared at John. She didn’t know what to make of what he just said. Abe knew she would call John? How?  She practically tore her coat off, tossing it over the back of the couch, “Roman was wrong, you know? He was dead wrong. He did something that he vowed he would never do…he walked out. There’s no excuse.”

John started to say, “He thinks he’s protecting you—”

“–no! I don’t need a hero! I needed him, but he left us. He left the children, and he left me. He chose his job over us! I don’t even care about what his reasons were anymore. The fact is, he’s gone. My children have no father, and I have no husband, but by G-d he’s got his job, doesn’t he?” she said, as she started crying again. She wiped her tears away quickly with the back of her hand, “He’s out there, day and night, protecting the world, but now he’s doing it without his family, without his wife, without his children…” She looked up at John thinking he would have never done something like this. He would have found a way. He would have had a plan, but he never would have left them behind.

“Doc,” John pulled her towards the couch. “Let it out. Rage. Scream. Cry. Throw things, but don’t bottle it up.” Her scent surrounded him as he settled onto the couch across from her. John marveled, wondering how the smell of her perfume had his heart racing. He reached forward, catching one of her tears on the tip of his finger. He stared at it for a moment.

Marlena’s breath caught. It was intimate, and they absolutely could not do intimate.  She tried to control her breathing, “What Roman did…he did knowingly, and willingly, and I can’t forgive him for that.” Her head tipped back to look at John, and her eyes blazed with anger, as she said, “I won’t.”

She was a contradiction, staring up at him with such sadness, but her words were laced with vehemence. He wished there was some way he could take the pain away from her. Some way that he could take away the obvious feelings of loss and abandonment she was feeling. But John knew that, ultimately, all he could do was allow her to go through this, and support her while she did.

Isabella was not going to be happy with this turn of events. Even though she hadn’t mentioned it, John knew Isabella was relieved that John and Marlena were barely in contact over the last two months. He also knew that she’d seen her pregnancy as a way to seal the deal. He didn’t believe she got pregnant on purpose, because she was pregnant already when Marlena returned in August, but John saw something in her eyes sometimes, as if she were keeping something from him.

The telephone rang, and Marlena stood up to get it. Softly, she said, “Brady residence.”

There was a long pause on the other end of the line before someone spoke, a voice she didn’t recognize, “Roman may be gone, but I always get what I want, Mrs. Brady. Keep those babies safe.” There was a click, and a dial tone. Marlena continued to stare at the receiver in her hand. Raffi Torres. It was Raffi Torres. She recognized his voice from the hospital. She’d spoken to him once, and it had left her with chills. The receiver fell from her fingers, landing with a clatter on the table, and she felt the muscles in her legs start to give way.

John watched as Marlena’s face slowly changed from confusion to abject fear, “Doc? Doc, who was that?”

Marlena collapsed to the floor with a deep moan, trying to process what had just happened. Roman leaving to protect them had done absolutely nothing. He had gone, and left his family open to violence. She choked on the air she tried to breathe in. This was Roman’s fault. He had left them and now she had no idea what to do.

John came around the sofa, and sank to his knees in front of her, “Doc, honey…Who was on the phone?” The tremble in her muscles had him scared as he tipped her face up to his. More firmly he asked, “Who was on the phone, Doc?”

“Raffi Torres,” she whispered helplessly. Her eyes were wide with fear. “Oh, G-d, John! It was Raffi Tores! Roman left to protect us, and all he succeeded in doing was angering the one person he claimed to be protecting us from!”

John felt panic rising up in him, “What did he say? I need to know exactly what he said. Word for word, Doc.” John’s brain was jumping around trying to make sure he had all of the information, “Tell me what he said!”

“He said, Roman may be gone, but I always get what I want, Mrs. Brady…” she stared at John, and said so softly it was barely audible, “… keep those babies safe.”

Chapter 9

Marlena and Roman Brady Residence

Darkness on the edge

Shadows where I stand

I search for the time

On a watch with no hands…

~These Dreams ~ Heart ~

Marlena screamed in a panic, “He’s coming after the children! John!” 

His mind went immediately into protection mode. He thought about everything he’d built, and all the plans he’d put in place over the years, hoping, praying that it never came to this point. Raffi Torres was coming after Marlena and the kids. Roman’s plan to protect them had failed miserably. He’d instead left them open to being targeted by an organized crime boss intent on getting his drug shipment through Salem. 

As he silently cursed Roman Brady, John gripped Marlena’s shoulders tightly, looking directly into her eyes, and said, “Pack bags for the children. Now.” He stood up, pulling Marlena to her feet, and very firmly, making sure what he said registered with her, he said, “Do you hear me, Doc? Bags for the children, and you. A week at least. Go!“

    Marlena stared at John for barely a split second. She trusted him with her life. That’s all she could think about as she turned, and ran up the stairs taking them two at a time. John had a plan. He would take care of them. In a blind panic she pulled a bag out of Sami’s closet, and began packing for the little girl, remembering at the last minute to throw in two Barbies, and a stuffed rabbit. She did the same in Eric’s room, with very little thought, except that she needed to move as quickly as possible, because Torres wanted her family dead. In Carrie’s room, she shoved clothing into a duffle bag, along with several novels. By the time she reached her own room, she was breathing heavily, and she glanced around sadly for the briefest moments. Roman had destroyed their lives without even consulting her. Marlena started throwing clothing into a bag, along with toiletries.

    Downstairs, John picked up the phone, dialing Victor Kiriakis. He had no other choice at the moment. He certainly didn’t have time to wait for the banks to open the following morning. When Victor answered John said quickly, “Victor, I need to borrow some money. A lot of money, and I need you not to ask me any questions. Can you do that?”

     Victor was confused about the odd request, but willing to comply, “Well, sure John, but—”

“—the less you know the better. I need it soon. Tonight,” John said quickly.

“Does this have to do with Torres? Did Roman leave town?” Victor asked him. 

John wasn’t sure how Victor had already heard about Roman leaving town, but he knew Victor had eyes and ears all over Salem. He sighed, “Yeah…look, Torres is coming after Doc, and the kids. I don’t have much time. Can you help me?”

“What about Isabella?” Victor asked, concerned about how this would affect his daughter.

“I need you to watch out for her,” John told him. Isabella couldn’t be pulled into this. His focus had to be on Marlena and the children. If Isabella got tangled in it, his focus would be split.

     Victor had a sinking feeling that Isabella’s whole relationship with John Black was about to go sideways, but he also had this deep rooted sense of guilt over his past dealings with John. His part in John’s life started when he’d won him in a game against Stefano DiMera as The Pawn. Victor never imagined they’d be where they were now. But, Victor had also changed a lot over the years. He’d mellowed, coming to terms with many of his choices, and the way those choices had negatively impacted others. John was one of those regrets. This was his chance to make it right, “Give me an hour, and then meet me on Pier 14.”

     “Can you bring it to the fish market?” John asked him. He needed to call Carrie, and have her come home immediately, and he needed to get up to Sami’s room. He was hiding something there. “I’m heading there to pick up the twins, and I’d rather handle everything at once.”

“I can,” Victor said calmly. He hung up the telephone, and called for the maid. “Janet, find Foster and tell him I need to go out.”

“Yes, sir, Mr. Kiriakis,” she said, walking away almost immediately.

Victor started up the stairs, heading for his personal safe that he hid behind the painting in his study. He would do this for John, and his debt would be repaid. He found a sense of personal peace in that.

  John heard the line go dead at the same time that Marlena came down the stairs carrying four separate duffle bags, one for her, and one for each of the children. John dialed Jamie Caldwell’s house next.

“Hello?” Jamie answered.

“Hey, Jamie. It’s John Black, is Carrie available?” he asked. 

“Yeah, Mr. Black, she’s right here,” Jamie said sweetly. “Hold on.”

Carrie gave her friend a look of surprise, but she took the phone from her. “John?”

“Hey, Punkin’,” John said, staring at Marlena. He tried to sound relaxed, “I need you to do something for me, and not ask any questions. Can you do that?”

“Sure Dad,” she said softly. She flashed back to a conversation she’d had with John years earlier. A conversation where he had once told there may come a time when he needed her to follow instructions, and not ask questions. 

“I need you to tell Jamie you have to leave because the twins have chickenpox. Tell Jamie and her parents that Marlena doesn’t want them to get sick,” John said in a rush. He hoped that Carrie would remember their conversation from years earlier. “Can you do it now, and meet me here at the house in five minutes, as soon as you can?”

Carrie heard the barely concealed fear in his voice, and felt a sense of urgency rising up in her. It reminded her of the years after they’d thought Marlena was dead. How tense he’d been, and how many secret trips he’d taken. Glancing at the clock she noticed that it was already past 9:00 pm. There was no way he would ask her to do this, unless he had a very valid reason. Carrie looked at Jamie, “Oh, no, John! Chickenpox? Yes…okay, I’ll tell Jamie now. I’ll come home right now.”

John smiled. She was a smart one, that Carrie Brady.  “Thank you, Carrie. Thank you for doing this,” John said. “I haven’t forgotten my promise. I’ll explain everything.” After hanging up, he walked briskly past Marlena, and took off running up the stairs. He had to get the documents he was hiding in Sami’s room. 

Marlena ran after him, in confusion, “John, what are you doing?” She followed him into Sami’s room, and watched in shock as he took a side panel out of Sami’s dollhouse, and withdrew a large manila envelope. What was going on? “John!”

After ruffling through the contents, and ensuring that everything was there and accounted for, he reached for Marlena’s hand as he left the room, pulling her behind him quickly, and descended the stairs at a run. Marlena barely had time to throw on her coat, while John took all four bags, and headed to his car. Carrie met them outside, quiet and reserved, but she didn’t make a fuss, and she didn’t ask questions.

Once they were on the road, Marlena turned to him, and asked him, “John? What’s in the envelope?”

John tossed it onto her lap, with his wallet, and said, “Switch out the ID’s, Doc. Mine and yours.”

Marlena opened the envelope and stared in astonishment at the documents that slid onto her lap, birth certificates, driver’s licenses, passports. “John…how long have you had these?”

Carrie sat in the backseat watching her parents with wide eyes. John had promised to tell her what was going on, but it seemed Marlena was just as confused as she was.

“The documents for me and the kids? A few years…ever since the ISA went bad. I had yours done almost as soon as you came back last August,” he responded, keeping his eyes on the road. When Marlena had returned to Salem, he’d gotten documents together as soon as he could. He’d had to do it in secret, so it was late nights in the basement. He’d never considered why he’d never made them for Isabella. It wasn’t something he had time to consider now.

“Were you ever going to tell me they were there?” she asked him softly. “John! You were hiding them in Sami’s dollhouse!”

Carrie’s eyes went wide as John’s blue eyes caught and held hers for a second in the rearview mirror. He said to Marlena, “Maybe? Eventually? I don’t know, Doc. The past few months…” His voice trailed off, unsure of what he’d intended to say.

“What about Isabella?” she asked him quietly. She stared at the driver’s licenses in her hands, wondering how he’d even managed it. “You can’t just disappear with me, and the children, John. It’ll break her heart.”

John could barely focus on her questions. They’d have to drive to Chicago. It was a big city, big enough to get lost in, which was what they needed at the moment. They might be able to catch a flight out of O’Hare. He glanced over at Marlena, “We don’t have time to stop, and discuss it, Doc. Victor will watch out for her. I already spoke with him.”

“Victor?” she asked him, confused over why he was involved.

John didn’t respond to the question in her voice. They would have time for that later. He pulled up in front of the fish market in record time. He turned to Marlena, saying, “Did you switch out the ID’s?”

“Yes,” she said quietly, handing him his wallet. Their fingers brushed, and she looked at him quickly, as a shiver ran through her. He was going to protect them. He was willing to give up his whole life for them. He was walking away from Isabella, and she’d just lost their baby. Marlena felt tears welling up in her eyes.

John felt the shock of his fingers trailing alongside hers as he took his wallet from her grasp. Her hazel eyes held him. They didn’t have time for this, so he said quickly, “Our new names are Charles and Maisie Wright. Sami is Sarah, Eric is Eli.” John turned around in his seat, saying, “Carrie you’re Casey, okay?”

Her voice shook as she nodded her head, saying “Daddy?”

“Well talk, Punkin’. I made a promise. We’ll talk, but right now I need you to go in with Maisie here, and pick up the twinners. Can you do that?”

“Yes,” Carrie said softly, climbing out of the Jeep.

     “Okay,” Marlena said, feeling the enormity of what they were about to do. She stared at John for a moment longer, realizing that she was willing to follow him anywhere, because she trusted him with her life. She trusted him with her children’s lives. She repeated, “Charles, Maisie, Sarah, Eli, and Casey.”

“That’s right, Doc.” John touched her face, tipping it up so she would look at him, “We’ll make it a game, if we can. I don’t want to frighten the twinners. Carrie will go along with what I say until I can find time to speak with her. I’m going to be up front with her about all of this. I promised her I would when she returned to Salem. I can’t go back on that promise.”

Marlena said, “It’s going to break her heart…that Roman left. She’s already suffered so much, John.”

“She’s got us, and we’ll get her through this. We will, but right now the first priority is getting out of Salem,” John said softly. Marlena’s eyes had him trapped, and he found himself unable to look away. They did not have time for this.

“Where are we going?” she whispered, watching Carrie knock on her grandparents door.

John knew Marlena had a thousand questions, “Colorado.”

Marlena gasped, “Where?”

“The mountains. I’ve got a place there. I got it years ago,” he said.

Marlena knew there was a story there, but she would have to be patient. He was right. They had to get the twins and get out of Salem. Marlena gave him the first smile she could spare in the last few hours, “John, you’re beginning to sound like a conspiracy theorist.”

“Our lives aren’t exactly normal, pretty lady,” John said, smiling back at her. “We need to get in and out, as quickly as possible. With as few questions as possible. Tell Caroline you had car trouble. Tell her you’ll catch up tomorrow. She’s going to have questions…about Roman.”

“Yes. Yes. Okay, let’s go,” she said, struggling to unbuckle her seatbelt with shaky fingers.

John reached for her hand, clicking the buckle for her. He held her hand steady and stared into her eyes, “I’m going to contact Shane. I won’t let anyone hurt you, or the children. You trust me?”

“More than anyone I know,” she whispered.

“Okay, let’s go,” John said, opening his car door and stepping out of the vehicle. “I’m hoping that Vic—”

“–I’m here, John,” Victor said, stepping out of the shadows. John felt the tension he’d been feeling release its hold on his body. They needed money, and they needed it badly.

John glanced at Marlena as she headed towards the front door, “Doc? Remember, as few questions as possible.” She nodded her head again, and she entered the house.

“I hope you know what you’re doing,” Victor said, coming closer. If John was willing to take Marlena and her children, disappearing in the night, Victor hoped he had a plan.

“Torres already got Bo, Victor. Roman was getting threats from Torres. He thought if he left, they’d be safe. Torres called Doc tonight,” John told him. “He can’t get Roman, so he’s coming after Roman’s family. Well, he’s not getting my family.”

Victor stared at John for a moment. He knew what it felt like to covet another man’s wife, and that type of longing didn’t go away easily. He had Bo as proof of that, and his love for Caroline would never die. Victor glanced towards the door of the house, before he said softly, “I understand.” He handed John a black duffle bag, “There’s $200,000 in there. If you need more contact me.”

John stared at him, “Victor, that’s too much.”

“You said you needed money. There it is,” Victor told him. “I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life, John. I’m only now realizing how many. Take the money, and we’ll call it even.”

John knew that Victor was referring to his time as The Pawn, and so he simply nodded his recognition for the gesture. “Can you watch over Isabella? I don’t want her pulled into this, and she’s going to want to search for me. Keep her away from my apartment, if you can. I have things there she doesn’t need access to. It’s dangerous.”

“You know I will,” Victor replied. 

John stared at Victor, trying to see if he could trust him, “I can’t have her in danger, Victor. The more she knows the more danger she’s in. I can’t have Torres going after Isabella, too.”

“It’s going to hurt her,” Victor said, matter of factly. “Keeping her from searching for you is going to be difficult. She can be…very stubborn.”

“I know. G-d, I know,” John said, running his fingers through his hair. “I’m going to try and get in contact with Shane, and hopefully get this figured out quickly. I don’t expect we’ll have to stay hidden for long.”

“I hope so. Good luck, John,” Victor said, before turning, and walking away, back into the shadows he’d walked out of.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Caroline and Shawn Brady Residence

“Marlena!” Caroline said jovially as Marlena walked into the house. “Carrie is upstairs getting the twins.”

“I’m sorry I’m late Caroline. I had some car trouble, and I wasn’t able to get to the phone,” Marlena said breathlessly. She could hear thumping upstairs followed by Sami and Eric’s laughter.

“Oh! You know you could have just left them here for the night,” Caroline told her with a smile. “I love having them over.” Another thump sounded on the ceiling, and she laughed, “We just finished a movie and popcorn. They are still fairly wound up.”

Carrie came into the room laughing, “They sure are! It’s perfect! I was hoping to have a sleepover with them tonight at the house.”

Marlena’s eyes caught Carrie’s, and she marveled at the girl’s ability to play along with their ruse. “Carrie, can you run back upstairs, and tell them to hurry up?” Another thump sounded, and Carrie laughed, running from the room. 

Caroline touched Marlena’s arm gently, “I heard that Roman left to search for Bo.”

Marlena wanted to laugh. “Roman left for a couple reasons. I’m sure one of them was to search for Bo,” Marlena replied softly.

“He’ll be back, Marlena. He will. He would never leave you, and the children. You know that,” Caroline said softly. It was obvious that Marlena was upset.

“Do I? I don’t know that I do, Caroline. How many times has he put his job before me, and the children?” Marlena asked her with steel in her voice.

Caroline knew what Marlena was referring to, and she tried to defend Roman, “I know it seems that way, but he’ll be back.”

Marlena didn’t say anything right away. Even if Roman did return, she wasn’t certain what he would be returning to. She refused to invest her heart in him again, if he treated it so carelessly. She had given him this chance, after Mexico. She had allowed him back into their lives, and barely two months later, he had chosen his job over them for the second time. Roman may or may not return, but Marlena didn’t think he would be returning to her.

Carrie came down the stairs, with an excited Sami and Eric. They were dressed, and ready to go. Marlena kneeled down, kissing each of them. “Tell your Grandma thank you, and let’s get going,” Marlena told them.

“Thank you, Grandma!” Sami said. “That Goonie movie was great!”

“Yeah! Hey you guys!” Eric seconded. “I want to search for pirate treasure!”

“But, not be chased by bad guys. I don’t ever want to be chased by bad guys,” Sami said with a scary face, and an exaggerated shiver.

Carrie looked at Marlena quickly when Sami made her last statement. Marlena nodded almost imperceptibly, and then Carrie took the twins’ hands, and left to go pile into the car.

Before Marlena could follow, Caroline said gently, “Everything will work out. You’ll see. I’ll call you tomorrow, Marlena. Maybe we can talk?”

“Sure, Caroline. That will be fine,” Marlena replied, knowing that if Caroline called, she, and the children would be nowhere to be found.

Outside, the twins were excited to see John waiting in the car. Eric climbed into the backseat, yelling, “Daddy!”

“We’re supposed to call him John now,” Sami said, watching John warily. She hadn’t seen him since their dinner the week before, but she suddenly felt nervous again.

“I don’t care!” Eric said angrily. “I don’t even like Mr. Patrick, Sami! He’s bossy, and grumpy.”

John noticed that Sami became very quiet. He turned around more fully, so that he could look Sami in the eyes, “You know what, Peanut? We’re going to go on a trip for a few days, so why don’t we just play a game?”

“A game?” Sami asked him. She felt so confused, because all she wanted to do was hug him, but her brain wouldn’t let her. 

“I love games!” Eric said excitedly, “What kind of game?”

“It’s a name game,” John told them with a grin. “Carrie’s name is going to be Casey. Sami’s name can be Sarah, and I think Eric’s name can be Eli.” 

“Do we get a prize?” Sami asked him, feeling herself start to get excited. She loved games, and she especially loved winning.

“Of course there’s a prize! What kind of game would it be without a prize?” John asked her in mock outrage.

Sami eyed John, “What’s your name gonna be?”

“Well, to make things easier you three can call me Daddy. No sense making it harder, since you already have to remember each other’s names…but your mommy has to call me Charles,” John says with a laugh.

“Charles?” Eric says with a giggle. “That’s an old man’s name! What’s Mama’s name?”

John leaned closer, and whispered conspiratorially, “Maisie.”

Sami burst into a fit of giggles, “Maisie! That’s an old lady’s name! This is going to be so much fun! We gotta do it for the whole trip?”

“We sure do,” John said, ruffling her hair. “Do you think you can handle it, Peanut?”

“What’s the prize?” Eric asked, his eyes lighting up. If this was a game and there was going to be a prize, he wanted to know what it was.

“A trip to Hawai’i,” John said. All three of the children in the backseat stared at him with their mouths open and their eyes wide, as if he had just offered them the world on a platter.

Carrie whispered, “Dad? Really? Like a vacation?”

John stared at her for a moment, allowing her to decide if she believed him or not, and then he told her, “Absolutely, Punkin’.”

That was when Carrie knew that whatever was happening, whatever was going on, it was much deeper than an impromptu family trip. Fake names, leaving in the night, and promises of a trip to Hawai’i to seal the deal? Plus, where was Roman in all of this? He was conspicuously absent. She felt fear grow deep in her belly, but one thing Carrie was certain of, John would give his life for them. 

She’d returned to Salem so angry by the turn of events after her father’s return. She remembered her initial inability to accept John as Roman, and how he had worked so hard to prove himself to her. Their bond had grown so strong that she’d thought nothing could break it, until Anna told her that Roman, the real Roman, was back. She’d felt her trust shattered into a million agonizing shards, and upon her return, her anger at John was evident. He had been working to gain it back, to reassure her of his love, even if he wasn’t her biological father.

Marlena opened the door to the car, and got inside with a look of sadness on her face.

John smiled, and said to the twins, “Eli? Sarah? Casey? You three ready to go?”

Eric started laughing, “We sure are Dad.”

“Yeah, Dad,” Sami said.

John grabbed Marlena’s hand, whispering, “Let the game begin.” And then more loudly, “Let’s go Maisie!” The twins started giggling again in the back seat.

“That’s a horrible name, John,” Marlena said with one of the most adorable frowns he’d ever seen.

Sami screamed from the backseat, “Mama lost the name game already!”

John smacked his forehead dramatically, while Eric and Sami continued to laugh in the backseat. “Listen, Maisie,” John said to Marlena. “The point of the game is to remember the names!”

“I’m sorry,” Marlena said, with a wry grin. “When I hear the name Charles, I think of an old English sailor who has a cocker spaniel named Lola.”

John felt a shiver run through his body, as he stared into Marlena’s hazel eyes, “You’ll get used to it, pretty lady.” The children started chatting away excitedly in the back, and John reached for Marlena’s hand, running his thumb over her palm, “You okay, Doc?”

“Do I have a choice?” she asked him quietly. She was scared. She was confused, and she was angry as hell at Roman.

“Not really, and I’m sorry for that,” he told her. “But know this…I will not let anything happen to you, or the children. I promise you that.”

She believed him with every part of her soul. “I know,” she said softly, and then with a grin she said, “Let’s get going, Charles.”

John didn’t know how long they were going to be hiding out, but he did know that living in close confines with Marlena and the children was going to be difficult. It was everything he wanted, but it was remembering the pain of losing them that just might break his heart forever.

Caroline stared out the window, watching John drive away with Marlena and the kids, and she knew something wasn’t right. Roman had left his family behind, and she had a feeling they were in danger. Why else would they be with John? And where was Isabella?

Chapter 10

February 4, 1992

Pier 14

And I can’t forget tomorrow when I think

Of all your sorrow – when I had you there

And then let you go…

~ Without You ~ Heart ~

It was just after midnight. The fog on the pier was dense when Raffi Torres stepped out into the lamplight to meet his enforcer, Enzo. He was hoping that Marlena Evans had been picked up. He could care less about her brats. Looking at Enzo he wasn’t so sure. “So? Did you get them or not?” he asked.

“They’re gone, Boss,” the man said nervously. “We sent men to the house but they’re gone.” Honestly, Enzo was relieved that they were gone. He didn’t like the idea of scaring kids.

“What do you mean gone?” Raffi asked. Enzo had one fucking job, and he’d screwed it up. “How?”

“Not sure, but it was fast. Within an hour of your call the whole family disappeared. I looked through the house. I mean, it’s obvious they left in a hurry, but they ain’t there,” Enzo told him.

“Fucking Brady must have had some sort of contingency plan regarding his family,” Raffi said in frustration. There was no other way they could have disappeared so quickly.

“I don’t think so. The house looks like they left in a hurry. The kitchen lights were on. The washing machine was in the fucking spin cycle for G-d’s sake! It didn’t seem organized at all. Like they just up, and disappeared, but truthfully, Boss, I didn’t feel right about threatening kids anyway, you know?” Enzo told him.

Raffi stared at Enzo. The man was supposed to be his enforcer, but he had a conscience when it came to kids? “I wasn’t actually going to hurt the kids!” Raffi yelled. “I don’t target kids. Now the wife? She was the one I really wanted. In order to get my hands on Brady, I need the wife! Can you try, and track them down?”

“We did try, boss, but once they left the Brady Fish Market, the trail went cold. Nothing after that,” Enzo told him. 

“So Marlena Brady is on the run, by herself, with three kids? C’mon, Enzo, it shouldn’t be that hard to track her,” Raffi mused. A mom on the run with three kids? She’d slip up at some point.

Enzo knew the next part was going to enrage Raffi, “Well, see…that’s just it, Boss, she ain’t alone.”

“Then who the fuck is with her?” Raffi screamed, wondering why Enzo didn’t tell him that to begin with.

Working up his courage, Enzo said, “John Black.”

“Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! John-fucking-Black! We’ll never get near her now! Shit!” Raffi said in rage. John Black, previously known as Roman Brady, was the only reason Raffi Torres had been unable to get a foothold in Salem. Once Black was off the force, it was easy enough for the Torres family to slide in. If Brady’s wife was with John Black, that just made things a whole lot more complicated. “Okay. Okay…new plan. Look at the rest of Brady’s family…check out Roman’s parents. We need leverage, and we need it now. Something to get Roman Brady back to Salem, because I swear to G-d, I will get that shipment when the boat arrives.”

Enzo hesitated, “Is it that important I go after his parents? We got Bo Brady. Roman’s on the run—”

“—what? You got a problem with threatening the elderly now too? Enzo, you either do the job, or I find someone else! I should kill Bo Brady myself! I should kill the bastard for this disappearing act Roman’s pulled,” Raffi said, before turning, and walking back into the shadows, away from the pier.

Enzo stood there for several moments after Raffi Torres stormed off, unsure of what to do next. He rolled his shoulders hearing the popping and cracking noises coming from his stiff joints. When he finally made his decision, it was with a ball of dread deep in his gut. He was going to have to break his cover, and contact Shane Donovan. He didn’t have any other options. He just had to figure out how to do it without getting caught.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The Drive to Chicago

John looked over his shoulder quickly, and then checked the rearview mirror before he spoke. He wanted to make sure the children were asleep before he and Marlena had the inevitable conversation that he knew was coming. He said softly, “They’re asleep.”

“That’s good,” Marlena said absently, glancing at him and then turning back to stare out the window. There were several things they were going to need to discuss, but Marlena wasn’t certain that she had the energy to do it right then. She was tired. Roman leaving, and Raffi’s threats had caused a spike in cortisol and adrenaline. She needed to sleep but she couldn’t. They’d been driving for three hours, and according to John they had an hour and fifteen minutes left before they reached Chicago. 

“I think we need to talk, Doc,” John said softly, touching her arm to get her attention. He felt her muscles tense under his fingers, and he withdrew his hand. He shouldn’t touch her anyway. Clenching his fist he pulled it back towards him, and placed it on the steering wheel.

  With an exhausted sigh, she said softly, “Yeah, I guess we do.” She turned to look at him, watching as the lights on the I-57 danced over his face. She was momentarily struck speechless. She could remember staring at his face in the darkness of their bedroom when they were married, thinking about how classically handsome John was. She glanced away quickly, refusing to allow herself to remember those times. She finally managed to find her voice, “I have a question.”

“Shoot,” he said, knowing that she probably had a million questions. Of course, she would. He’d been hiding counterfeit documents in Sami’s dollhouse, and he owned a fairly large piece of property in the mountains of Colorado…that no one knew anything about. There were going to be questions.

“How did you know how to fake documents? You did it when you first came to Salem, too. I remember, they were very convincing,” Marlena said, remembering the exact moment she’d realized that John had amnesia. 

John stared at the road, and then replied, “I know how to do a lot of things I shouldn’t know how to do. Forging documents is just one of those things. My life before I came to Salem is a blur, but even before Roman came back, I started having new memories. I assumed, at the time, that they were memories from my life as Roman. It’s hard to distinguish when you’re an amnesiac, but after Roman came home, I realized that the memories I was having were either my own…or someone else’s, because they weren’t Roman’s.”

“I never knew,” she said quietly. After Roman returned, after they returned from Mexico, there had been such a huge expanse between Marlena and John. Truthfully, there still was. They rarely touched. She’d felt there would never be a way to cross it.

“I didn’t realize it completely…until after Mexico. Once I saw Stefano alive, and realized that I was still a Pawn…that’s when I knew that those returning memories were not Roman’s. I have dreams all the time, Doc. I sometimes feel as if I’ve lived nine lives.” He glanced at her with a crooked grin, before turning back to the road in front of them. “I have memories I can’t explain. Nothing is chronological. I’ve dreamt of stealing art…performing surgeries. I’ve dreamt that I was arguing court cases, and teaching catechism. Tell me that’s not fucked up? Catechism?”

“Is it all dreams? Have you ever had memories while you were awake?” she asked him. The psychiatrist in her was interested in his mind, and his experiences with his memories, because she was naturally analytical, but the woman in her, the one who still loved him, worried about him. She worried that if he suddenly remembered his past it might affect him negatively in the long term.

“It comes in dreams mostly…dreams that are forgotten almost as soon as I wake. Sometimes daydreams, but they are gone as soon as I realize what’s happening.” The lights from traffic passing in the opposite direction would randomly flash across his face, and Marlena could see the tense line of his brows, and the clench of his jaw. “I’ve seen myself as a child, a priest, a surgeon…and a soldier for hire. At first, I thought the different personas, and the aliases, were part of the work that Roman might have done for the ISA. I didn’t understand that they weren’t my memories.” 

He was quiet for a while. Marlena wasn’t sure if he had anything left to say, until he said, “The worst part was, after we thought you’d died…you were just gone…I didn’t have you in my life anymore, and you were the one person who could have helped me understand what was happening. I didn’t trust anyone else.” Even knowing that this conversation was necessary, it hurt. John hadn’t allowed himself to think about Marlena’s death for years after she was gone. The pain was too much. Her return brought it all back up. “I did some hypnosis with Kimberly. I had a few appointments with Dr. Baker, but I couldn’t relax enough to benefit from it.”

He sighed, “The first time, when we thought you’d died in the house explosion. I mourned you. I can still remember having to tell Carrie. I barely had time to grapple with that loss, when Orpheus decided to taunt me with a video of you…very much alive.” John couldn’t help it, he reached for her hand, threading his fingers through hers, desperate for her touch in any form he could get it, because talking about that time caused a deep ache in his chest. “I was convinced, so fucking convinced, that I was going to find you, and bring you home…only to seemingly watch as your plane crashed into the ocean. I was lost after that, Doc. Completely lost. For months. I was having memories that I couldn’t explain, and I didn’t feel safe enough to tell anyone about any of it. Even now…I still don’t know who I am, but I know that I possess a very unique skill set that can’t be explained.”

She looked at him for a moment, overwhelmed by all of the information, “Have you talked to Isabella about it?”

“No. G-d, no,” John said quickly. Marlena watched his reaction to her question with open curiosity, not sure why he would be going through this on his own, and shutting out his main support system. John’s next words, answered her question. “Isabella…she—she’d rather that I give up this search for my past. You’re the only person—the only person that I have ever discussed any of this with, in any sort of depth.”

Marlena glanced down at their interwoven fingers, struggling with feeling the need to be closer to him while also wanting to pull away. If she wasn’t so scared about Torres, would she be feeling the same pull towards John? She was hurt by what Roman had done. If she wasn’t so upset about Roman abandoning them, would she be feeling so drawn to John? She was hurt by what Roman had done, and the predicament that they were in, and she didn’t trust her own emotions because of it. She was confused. She knew she was vulnerable, and John was such a comfort to her. He always had been. It would be so easy…

Letting go of his hand abruptly, she asked him, “John? The place in Colorado…how did you afford that?”

He hesitated before answering her, glancing in the rearview mirror again to make sure Carrie was asleep. “I have money…I have accounts. Three that I’ve found so far. Offshore accounts, with hundreds of thousands of dollars in each one. I’m sure there are more, but—”

“—John, how?” she asked him in shock.

“My dreams. A flash of a bank account number, or the name of a bank…I would write it down.  I would try to remember, but I couldn’t seem to keep hold of the threads. The harder I tried the faster they slipped away. I needed a way to try and organize them,” he told her. “So, I started keeping a notebook about six months after Orpheus took you. I remember, when I thought of it, thinking that you would be proud of me. Every time I remembered something, I wrote it down. As much as I could, I wrote it down, and eventually bits and pieces of information started creating a much bigger picture.”

“You must have been so confused,” she said quietly. She couldn’t imagine how he would feel going through all of that alone.

“I was surviving, Doc. That’s all I could focus on. I had the twinners and Carrie. I had my job. I couldn’t slow down and wallow in self-pity. So I kept going, one day at a time, one step at a time… I discovered the first bank account near the time that I realized the ISA could no longer be trusted. Losing you had torn out a piece of my heart. I didn’t trust anyone once the ISA went dark. I couldn’t. You were gone, and I had a fear growing inside me that was threatening to take over. The thought of losing the children almost had me in a panic.”

“But…why would you worry about the children?”

A look of agony came over his face. “Why wouldn’t I, Doc? You and I were happy once. I was able to wake up to your beautiful face every day…and then you were gone.” John snapped his fingers, “Just like that, Doc. The fear, the distrust…I was frozen with terror thinking it could happen again, and that thought consumed me.” He was quiet for a long time. John glanced at her, “You have to understand my state of mind at the time…I’ll admit, the first bank account, in the Cayman Islands…the amount of money was a huge surprise, but I needed a plan to keep my family safe,” he told her. “Morals? Values? All of that went out the window in the face of a fear that consumed me. So, I emptied the account, and moved the money.”

“That seems so out of character for you. You found the account…but did it have Roman’s name on it?” she asked him. “I need help understanding.”

“Doc!” he cried in frustration, slamming his palm on the steering wheel. “I don’t even understand! Yes, looking back now, I can see that it was definitely out of character. Taking the money wasn’t my initial intention. I simply traveled to the Cayman Islands to follow a hunch. The account…yes, it was an alias, but it was my face on the identification card. It was my handwriting on the signature card…” 

Marlena gasped, because the implication was much deeper than whether or not he had accounts he remembered. If those accounts had his face…he would have known he wasn’t Roman. “John?”

John knew immediately what she was thinking, and he sought to clarify. “I thought it was a trick of Stefano’s. Why wouldn’t I? I had Roman’s memories, and Stefano had been playing games with him for years. I was so firmly embedded in the idea that I was Roman Brady that I convinced myself it was a part of the plot. He gave me someone else’s face.”

“You really believed that?”

“Believing anything else would mean I was going to lose my whole life, Doc! Don’t you understand? I couldn’t believe anything else. I wouldn’t even allow myself to consider it. If I didn’t have the Brady’s I was no one!” He wasn’t sure how to make her understand, “The first year after you were taken from us…I grieved so fucking hard. It was like nothing was permanent in life, and no amount of love would ever be able to keep the people I cared about from dying. No amount of love would ever keep them safe. I couldn’t afford to even ponder whether or not I was Roman. And so, I was Roman. At the time, I think my grief, my desperation, and the slow deterioration of the ISA were all factors in why I took that money… and created the documents I hid in Sami’s room.”

The grief he must have felt, and what she knew from years of studying the human mind, allowed Marlena to understand with complete clarity the terror he must have felt at the thought of potentially losing Carrie or the twins. The fear that must have frozen him at even the hint that he might not be who he thought he was. If she had been there for him, to help him through… but she wasn’t. Her heart skipped as she came to realize that it was the same feeling John must have felt when Roman returned, and he lost them all. The same feeling he must have had that night Isabella found him on the beach.

“How did you even figure out that the bank accounts existed?” Marlena asked him with curiosity, while trying to stifle a yawn.

John noticed her fatigue, as he reached for her hand again, “I was going back through the notebook. I would do that sometimes, hoping to make connections. It rarely worked. That night though, I was staring at a group of numbers…on the following page was the name of a bank that I’d written down…and then three pages later, a name.”

John became quiet, and when he didn’t immediately continue, Marlena whispered, “And?”

Glancing over, he smiled at her in a defeated sort of way, “I took a few days off of work, left the kids with Ma and Pop, and went to the Cayman Islands to check up on it. I had a name, Father Julio Rober, the name of the bank, and an account number. It was a long shot that paid off.”

Marlena stared at him in shock, “A priest?”

“I was as surprised as you are. My whole life prior to coming to Salem is a blank, you know that, but at some point, maybe people believed I was a priest…or I was posing as a priest—fuck, maybe I was a priest.” He sighed, “Stefano was able to give me enough of Roman’s memories to allow me to live his life for five years.”

“No. No, I can’t imagine…” Marlena said trailing off at the end of her sentence. John was too passionate. The way he would kiss her. The way his fingers gripped her hips so tightly that she wore his marks for a week. She felt her core clench as images of their time together rolled through her mind. Imagining him as a priest was so alien. Celibacy was not something John would do well.

John could only imagine what she was thinking. It was probably near what he had thought, when he’d learned the information. A priest’s life was not something that would fit his personality. “The other two accounts were essentially the same. One was in Belize, and the other in Germany, both with different names,” he said. “I used the money in the Cayman Islands account to buy the property in Colorado,” John finished, as he glanced down at Marlena’s hands, tightly clenched in her lap. “I bought it under the name Charles Wright. I check on it periodically, but I never told anyone, Doc. No one could know that I had it, because I only intended to use it in an emergency situation.”

“Why Colorado?” she asked curiously. She wanted it to be because of her, even as she tried to rationalize there could be another reason. 

“Aww, c’mon, Doc,” he replied softly, stroking his thumb over the soft skin inside her wrist. “You know why.”

She stared at his face in the passing streetlight, “Because of me?”

“Is it weird that buying that property made me feel closer to you?” he asked.

“No…no, I understand.” It warmed her heart that he’d done it. “When I came back in August…you never said anything about it. Nothing at all.” 

John looked over at her with a sad expression. “Did we have time? Your return was so unexpected, and we immediately found ourselves trying to unravel where you’d been, and then we found Roman on San Cristobal.” John shrugged. “I guess, it wasn’t important at the time, and I thought we’d have more…” Time. He’d thought they would have more time.

John suddenly stopped speaking, as if what he had planned to say was something he was second guessing. “What?” she asked him, shifting in her seat to face him.

“It doesn’t matter, Doc.”

“It does!” she exclaimed. “It does.”

John sighed, “I thought we’d have time. I’d prove I was Roman, and we’d have time…that’s all.” He glanced over, and saw that Marlena’s hands were still clenched in her lap. “We didn’t get that.”

The air in the Jeep suddenly felt tense, and she knew why he hadn’t wanted to finish what he was saying. Marlena whispered, “Do you still keep a notebook?”

“I do. It’s the same one, actually. I keep it in the tire well, in the back of the SUV. I never wanted anyone to find it, and my search into my past bothers Isabella so much…I just decided to keep it hidden.”

Marlena couldn’t imagine having memories, disjointed and fragmented, and having no one to discuss it with. No one to help you put the pieces together. That must have been so hard on him, emotionally, psychologically. The fact that Isabella did that to him upset Marlena and made her angry. Her own heart hurt for him, realizing exactly how scary that likely was for him. She said to John softly, “Maybe, I could see it someday?”

“I can’t make heads or tails of most of it. Every once in a while, something clicks,” he told her with a wry shrug. He glanced at his watch quickly, “We’re about 30 minutes out from O’Hare.”

The Wright family would be flying to Colorado. Marlena yawned again, fighting the urge to sleep, “What did you do about the other accounts?”

“The one in Belize was under the name Ronald Culpepper. It was the same thing, my picture and my signature. The one in Germany was Milo Schmidt. Also the same. Both of them had nearly $500,000 in them,” John looked over and saw Marlena waiting for him to say more. Shadows played over her face. If they weren’t driving he might finally allow himself to embrace her. He hadn’t felt her warmth wrapped in his arms since their goodbye in Mexico. He had dreamt of it, he had fantasized about it…and there were times he’d even reached for her. His body and his mind craved her. 

Pushing the thoughts aside, he said, “I emptied them, and put the money into another account, which is in Switzerland…Lugano, specifically, under the name—”

“—Charles Wright,” Marlena finished for him. “I can’t…my G-d! John! I just can’t believe you never told me this!” She’d accepted his decision to move on with Isabella, but she hadn’t known he would shut her out completely. She didn’t think he would keep something like this from her. She was hurt, but she pushed it back. He had moved on with Isabella, and he had no obligations to her any longer.

John glanced over, and just as he passed under another lamp on the freeway, he saw the sadness cross Marlena’s face. “Doc…it didn’t matter. Everything in Mexico…it didn’t—it wasn’t your concern any more,” John told her. “You were trying to make it work with Roman, and I—”

“—chose Isabella,” Marlena whispered, sliding her hand away from his. She wished she could take back those two words as soon as they left her lips. John’s facial expression changed from one of sadness to one of confusion in the blink of an eye. She didn’t know why he was confused. He had chosen Isabella. He’d chosen Isabella the moment he slept with her.

“I chose Isabella?” he repeated, looking at her curiously, wondering what she meant. Did she truly believe that he chose Isabella over her? Is that how it seemed? But then John realized that, yes, that was exactly how it would seem. He’d slept with Isabella that night on the beach, and when they’d returned to the Professor’s home, he’d walked in with Isabella’s hand tightly clutched in his. 

“It doesn’t matter,” Marlena said quickly, wishing, hoping, praying, that John would forget what she’s just said, and let this go. “Are we almost there?  I—I need to use the restroom,” she said lamely. Marlena felt her chest constricting, feeling like she had to get away from him, but she was trapped in the Jeep. She was in no frame of mind, after everything that had happened with Roman, and the  situation with Torres. She could not handle this conversation.

“Oh, no. Not so fast,” John said. He glanced over, wishing he had the time to pull over and have this conversation. “You don’t get to say something like that to me right now, and then shut down as soon as it leaves your lips. No, Doc. What do you mean, I chose Isabella?”

“I shouldn’t have said that. I’m sorry,” she said, looking down. She was upset. She’d been upset for nearly two months.

“Do you remember how much emotional pain you were in while we were in Mexico? Do you? How much turmoil? Because I do. I do. Being torn between me and Roman was killing you slowly. I saw that. Every day I saw that!” he said, feeling the need to explain himself. He needed her to understand. “All I did was make the decision that you were too afraid to make, because you didn’t want to hurt me! You didn’t want to hurt the children. You were married to Roman. Ultimately, we both know that you were going to honor those vows. I just ended it for both of us, so it didn’t keep dragging on!”

Anger lit up her eyes, “I didn’t ask you to do that! I never asked you to do that!”

“It would have ended the same, Doc. You know that!” he said in frustration. He had to believe that, because if he was wrong, and she might have chosen him… he couldn’t even bear the thought. What was the point of having the what if conversation if the answer was always going to be, Roman?

Marlena shook her head, overwhelmed by her sudden flux in emotions. “No, I don’t know that! I don’t know that!” she said in a near panic, “Because you never gave me the chance!” 

John was at a loss for words.

Marlena spoke on a quiet sob, “You came back that morning—oh, G-d—and I knew. I knew you’d slept with her, I could see it on your face. You did that… so, don’t you tell me—don’t tell me you didn’t choose her, John Black… because you did.”

Marlena shifted in her seat, turning her body to face the window. John glanced over at her several times, but there was nothing he could do. What had just happened? He’d thought, at least at the time, that he’d been saving them both the heartbreak of a long drawn out, emotional, goodbye. Like ripping off a bandaid. Just make the inevitable decision, accept the outcome, and move on with their lives. It was supposed to hurt less. He loved Isabella. He could make a good life with her, but had he chosen her over Marlena? No. He didn’t, but Marlena thought he had.

In the seat behind him, Carrie turned her head towards the window, burrowing into her hooded sweatshirt even deeper than she had been, and allowed the tears to flow from her eyes in a silent path along her cheeks.

Chapter 11

The Road Trip to Kearney, Nebraska

Cold late night, so long ago

When I was not so strong, you know

A pretty man came to me

Never seen eyes so blue…

~ Magic Man ~ Heart ~

Upon arriving at Chicago O’Hare International Airport, an uneasy feeling had settled in John’s chest. It was a feeling that set him on edge and had him uncomfortable. Where he should have pulled off to the parking area, he instead drove through, while Marlena stared at him silently. Her eyes held a hundred questions, but she wouldn’t voice them because the children were awake in the backseat. John said jovially, “What do you guys think about a road trip?”

“Do we get McDonald’s for breakfast?” Sami piped from where she sat.

“We sure can,” John said. “But that means Eric can decide where we eat lunch.”

Sami glanced at Eric, who whispered, “Do you want Taco Bell for lunch?” She nodded vigorously.

Carrie rolled her eyes. Those two were little conspirators for sure. “I’m fine with a road trip, Dad, but can we get some snacks and maybe a book or two?”

“I was planning to make a stop at Target before we left town,” he told her. Glancing over at Marlena he said quietly, “We need a different car. We can’t travel with this one.”

Marlena whispered, “How are we going to manage that?”

“I’ve got cash. We can drop the Jeep, and take the city bus to a dealership. People don’t ask too many questions when you pay cash. Then we’ll grab some breakfast, stop at Target and start driving.” The concern was evident in her eyes, but she was silent. John knew she trusted him, and she wasn’t going to ask questions until they had a free moment. “We should be able to reach Nebraska in about ten hours.”

She was still upset with him, but he’d been driving all night. “John, that’s so much driving.”

“You can nap once we get on the road, and maybe we’ll switch off later.” John pulled into a nearby gas station. “Keep everyone in the Jeep.” She knew he wouldn’t switch off with driving. He was focused. and he had a plan. He wouldn’t allow himself to rest, even if he had just told her he would.

Inside the service station he purchased a road map, and got directions to the nearest bus depot. He was also given the name of a car dealership nearby. They would drop the Jeep at the bus depot, and take the city bus to the dealership. It would be much easier for John, Marlena, and the children to get lost in the thick of Chicago without a paper trail. Once they boarded the bus they were officially Charles, Maisie, Casey, Sarah, and Eli. Losing the Jeep and purchasing another vehicle under the alias of Charles Wright was the first step.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Chief Vaughn’s Office, ISA Headquarters

“Do you have Marlena Brady?” the deep voice asked over the telephone line.

Chief Vaughn didn’t need to make enemies of this man, and he knew he was about to make him very angry. “I’m working on it, but I don’t have her yet.”

“You told me that you would be able to get the job done, Vaughn,” the man replied. “I do not like being lied to.”

“There was an unexpected problem. I am working to remedy that as soon as possible,” Chief Vaughn said. He wiped the sweat from his brow in nervousness. “I will have her within my custody soon enough.”

“I expect her in less than 48 hours. If you fail to deliver her, I will take matters into my own hands, and the deal will be off,” the other man replied. “I lost her once because of incompetence, I won’t lose her again.”

Standing up, prepared to disconnect the line, Vaughn said, “I understand. It will be rectified soon.”

“It should be…I developed quite a fondness for my queen, and I want her back.”

Vaughn didn’t officially know who the mysterious man was, but he had his suspicions. Marlena’s death and subsequent kidnapping was well known among the ISA. The fact that Stefano DiMera was supposed to have died in Mexico two months prior was moot. Did Stefano DiMera ever really die? None of it mattered, not really. What mattered was what he would get in exchange for Marlena Brady. That was all that mattered, and if he had to give up Roman Brady to achieve it, he’d do it.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Country Inn & Suites, Kearney, Nebraska

Marlena stared at Eric and Sami in frustration, not sure how to frame her argument. At seven years old, adult explanations for things didn’t always make the most sense. Carrie laid on the rollaway bed with her nose buried in a book, but Marlena had caught her eyes once, and the girl had a smirk on her face. “Sarah, I need you to share a bed with me, and Eli can share a bed with Daddy.”

“I can sleep with Eli and you can sleep with Daddy,” Sami replied stubbornly. 

John came out of the bathroom wearing an unbuttoned pair of jeans, with no t-shirt. He was in the midst of brushing his teeth, when he mumbled, “What’s the argument?”

Marlena turned around, and her breath caught in her throat. Her eyes scanned over John’s bare chest for a moment before lifting to his face, and she caught him smirking at her with his toothbrush still in his mouth. She looked away quickly feeling heat rise along her neck in embarrassment.

“I wanna sleep with Eli and Mama said I gotta sleep with her,” Sami grumbled. 

John looked at Marlena. He knew exactly why she was trying to make Sami sleep with her. He shrugged his shoulders, and said with a grin, “Sarah, climb up in the bed with Eli. Daddy will sleep on the floor.”

Carrie sat up, suddenly finding the conversation between her family much more intriguing than reading another Cynthia Voigt novel, although this one was good. She watched Marlena’s eyes go wide as she exclaimed, “John!”

“Yay!” Sami yelled, scrambling into the large bed beside her brother. “A sleepover!”

“Mommy?” Eric asked softly.

Marlena stared at John for a moment longer, before turning to Eric, “Yes, baby?”

The little boy wanted everyone to be happy with their sleeping arrangements. “It’s okay if you and Daddy have a sleepover too.”

What could she say? She stood immobile, as Eric and Sami snuggled deeper into the bed, and Carrie, with an impertinent grin, picked up her novel, and started reading again. Marlena watched John turn around, and walk back into the bathroom, as if everything was suddenly solved. 

Stalking after him, Marlena pushed the door wide, and hissed, “Really John? Why couldn’t you back me up in there?”

He spit in the sink, and rinsed his toothbrush. Then he rinsed his mouth, all while watching her in the mirror. She was a beautiful mix of embarrassment, confusion, and fury. She was fucking gorgeous. Turning to finally answer her question, he said, “Look, Doc. It’s not a big deal. I can sleep on the floor.”

Her eyes narrowed as she became angrier, “You drove all night and all day. You are not sleeping on the floor!”

John leaned around her, pushing the bathroom door closed, and he said, “Are you sleeping on the floor?”

“Me? Uh…no…John! Why didn’t you tell Sami she had to sleep with me?” Marlena asked in frustration. “Then this wouldn’t be an issue.”

She was adorable. John shrugged, “I don’t see why it’s an issue now, Doc. I’ve slept in worse places than the floor. I’ll just call down to the front desk for an extra blanket. It’s not a problem.”

He was infuriating. She’d forgotten exactly how infuriating he could be. “You are absolutely the most stubborn man I’ve ever known.” She sighed in irritation, “Okay. Okay…We can share the bed. It’s not a big deal.”

John stepped closer, leaning towards her and placing his hand just over her head. Marlena tried to step back, feeling her spine thump against the door. His chest was mere inches from her, and she could feel the warmth of his skin. She stared up at him in a questioning surprise, “John?”

“I’ve got an idea,” he said in a cheeky, teasing tone. “We can put pillows down the middle of the bed so we don’t touch each other.”

Marlena couldn’t help it. She smiled, saying, “John, don’t be ridiculous.”

“Or I could sleep on top of the blankets,” he said, tipping his face down towards hers.

“No…no, that won’t be necessary. We’re adults. We can be mature about this.” But she wasn’t sure she could be. What if she turned to him in her sleep? What if she woke in the morning and found herself wrapped around him? She dreamed of him so frequently that it was a possibility. An embarrassing possibility. 

He could see the apprehension on her face, and he stepped back. “Look, I don’t mind sleeping on the flo–”

“–no. No, you’ve been driving for hours, and you’re going to be driving tomorrow. No, you need rest. It’s fine,” she said in a shaky voice. “It’s fine. We can share the bed.”

Marlena turned around to open the bathroom door, and John watched her go. A little more than twenty-four hours and he could cut the tension between them with a knife. He knew she was angry with him. She’d barely spoken to him after their conversation on the way to Chicago, but at least he wasn’t sleeping on the floor. 

He followed her into the room and noticed the twins already curled up together asleep. Carrie was putting her book on the floor beside the rollaway bed. She glanced up with sleepy eyes, “Goodnight Dad. Goodnight Marlena.”

John smiled, “Sleep well, Punkin’. We’ve got another long day tomorrow.”

“And when we get to Colorado…you’re going to explain all of this?” she asked him.

“I promised you I would, and I will,” he replied.

Marlena watched Carrie roll over to turn out the lamp. The room was cast in a soft glow from the one remaining lamp. Her eyes caught John’s for a moment, and she was overcome with an impulse to run. She quickly grabbed a pair of pajamas from her duffle bag, and scurried into the bathroom without another word. By the time she came back out, it seemed like everyone was asleep.

Breathing a sigh of relief, she turned off the lamp and slid into the bed. It was already warm from John’s body, and she felt her muscles tense. She rolled onto her side, and stared into the darkness. For the first time since Roman had abandoned them, Marlena had the silence she needed to fully process what he’d done. It was so selfish of him. So selfish of him to think he knew how the scenario would play out, and then leave them to fend for themselves. As angry as she was, was it really any different from the myriad of other decisions he’d made that impacted their lives? Decisions that he made without consulting her? 

Where would she and the children be right then if not for John? She felt a tear slip from her eye sliding onto the cotton pillowcase beneath her cheek. She wiped at her eyes quickly, trying not to jostle the bed. Two months. Less than two months after begging her for another chance in Mexico, Roman had run off trying to play hero, leaving his family to be targeted by an organized crime syndicate. Her chest tightened, and she felt a sob rising up inside her. Marlena threw back the covers, intent on hiding in the bathroom until she could calm herself down.

“Doc,” John said softly, reaching for her. His fingers wrapped around her wrist, keeping her from fleeing. “Doc, come here.” And for the first time since they’d said goodbye in a hut in Mexico, John pulled her close, and wrapped his arms around her. 

Marlena rolled into him, trying to hold back the sounds of crying because she didn’t want to scare the children. John’s arm slipped around her hips, and she tucked her face in his shoulder. 

“I know you’re scared,” he whispered. “I know you’re angry with Roman, and mad at me. We can discuss it all later, just let me hold you. You’re exhausted. Just relax… let me hold you, okay?”

Her hand slid over his bare chest, and she could feel the rough fabric of his blue jeans against her feet. He hadn’t packed any clothes at all; they’d left Salem so quickly, but he’d assured her, he had clothes in Colorado. She rubbed her cheek over his skin, breathing deeply.

John felt the exact moment she started to relax. The tension that she held in her body left her as she settled against him. Marlena whispered, “I shouldn’t let you hold me like this.”

“No one has to know,” he whispered back. Her soft hair brushed his face, and he smiled. “Get some sleep, Doc. We’ll have time to talk when we get to Colorado.”

Chapter 12

February 5, 1992

The Drive to Telluride, Colorado

Living on the edge, hangin’ by a thread

I’m watchin’ every move you make…”

~ If Looks Could Kill ~ Heart ~

As soon as they had woken up the following morning, Marlena had pushed out of John’s embrace. The emotional wall she had built the day before was firmly back in place with the light of a new day. The children were still asleep. John sat up in bed, pushing his dark hair off of his forehead. Sleeping with Marlena in his arms was a little piece of heaven. He hadn’t done that since the night before Roman found them in the jungle on San Cristobal. Less than a year ago, John had held her while she slept, fully believing that he would spend the rest of his life with her. 

He fell back against his pillow with a thump, throwing his arm over his forehead. He had no idea what time it was, but they were going to have to get on the road soon. He felt a tug on the down comforter, and then the scramble of little legs. John smiled, and asked with a growl, “Who’s in my bed?”

Sami screamed, and pounced on him, “It’s me!”

“And me too!” Eric’s voice called just before he fell onto John.

John snatched Sami up into his arms, and tossed her onto her back. Her blonde hair spread out around her face, and John growled, “Monsters don’t like children in their beds!”

“Oh, no! Eli! The monster’s gonna eat me! Save me!” Sami shrieked.

From across the room, Carrie’s sleepy voice piped up, “Are you serious? It’s 7:00 in the morning.”

“I think the monster wants a larger meal!” John roared, jumping from the bed.

Carrie sat up quickly, “No! Dad, no!” She scrambled from the rollaway bed, and jumped onto Eric and Sami’s bed, but it was too late. John caught Carrie around the waist, and yelled, “Nom! Nom! Nom!”

“I’ll save you, Casey!” Sami yelled, jumping over to the other bed. Eric followed her like a dutiful sidekick, both of them jumping on John.

When Marlena exited the bathroom it was to find John roaring in the middle of the room with Carrie wrapped in his arms and one twin hanging from each bicep. His eyes caught hers as he released Carrie, and growled, “An even bigger meal!”

Marlena screeched and tried to run back towards the bathroom, but he was too quick. Within seconds he had tossed her onto the bed while saying loudly, “Nom! Nom! Nom!”

“Oh, no! Oh, no!” Marlena cried out. John jokingly bit at her neck, and her body shivered. In the background she heard the twins giggling, and Carrie said something about being glad it wasn’t her. John pinned Marlena’s hands above her head with laughing blue eyes, and suddenly she was crying. She didn’t know why…or maybe she did. But it didn’t matter, she couldn’t stop the tears.

John looked over his shoulder, “Carrie, you and the twinners go brush your teeth.” He waited for Carrie to hustle Eric and Sami into the bathroom, and then he released Marlena, sitting up. “I’m sorry, Doc. I didn’t mean to–”

Marlena rolled to the side, brushing her hair from her face. “It’s fine. I’m fine.” But she wasn’t fine. She knew she wasn’t fine. She’d wanted this life. A life with John and the children. When she’d woken from her coma in San Cristobal it was all she’d dreamed of. It was what she’d fought her way home for, and John had walked away with Isabella.

“You’re not fine,” he whispered. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing is wrong, John. I was surprised, that’s all,” she told him, standing up. Searching for the pajamas she’d dropped, Marlena scooped them off the floor and shoved them into her duffle bag.

He sat on the edge of the bed watching her, “You’re lying to me.”

She glanced over at him, but didn’t respond. Instead she walked over to the twins’ duffle bags and pulled out clothes for them to wear. “What time are we leaving?”

“As soon as the kids get ready.” John stood up, walking over her, and he tipped her face up to his. “When we get a free moment in Colorado, you and I are talking about this. Do you understand?”

For a moment, Marlena forgot where she was. She stared up at John, and replied almost breathlessly, “Yes.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

ISA Safe House, Oak Park, Illinois

Roman stared out the window. He’d been waiting for more than 48 hours and still no sign of Chief Vaughn. It didn’t help that there were guards everywhere, and alarms on the windows. When he’d agreed to Vaughn’s plan it was on the premise that it was temporary. He was agreeing to leave Salem in order to keep his family safe. He wasn’t aware that he would be kept under lock and key like a criminal. 

In the two days he’d been there, he made some interesting observations. One of the most significant was that the house was soundproof. Another was that the windows were coated with something that gave them the appearance of a reflective surface, which meant on the outside no one could see him. The windows were also shatterproof. So even though he was in a house that was obviously sitting in the middle of a suburb, he was invisible to the outside world. Every new discovery left Roman feeling more uneasy. He went to the front door, furiously banging on it for the fourth time that day, getting no response. 

The guards around the house were under the guise of yard workers, and other types who wouldn’t rouse suspicion. Roman had been watching them from the window all day. With a roar of frustration, he turned around and stomped over to the couch. Snatching up the television remote, he resigned himself to a few more hours of boredom, but it would all be worth it, because his family was safe.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Raffi Torres Office, Undisclosed Location

Mike stood in front of his boss with a sheepish look on his face. “We were able to track them to Chicago, but we lost them.”

“You lost them?” Raffi asked him calmly, when they both knew he was anything but calm. Raffi Torres did not lose, and he certainly wouldn’t be made a fool of by John Black. He needed his shipment to get through Salem, and the only way that would happen was to get his hands on Marlena Brady. Chief Vaughn had promised to get Roman out of the way, and allow his shipment to pass untouched in exchange for Brady’s wife. A fair trade, and an easy bargain, if John hadn’t gotten involved. Raffi could care less what Vaughn wanted the Brady woman for. He’d get his shipment through, and Vaughn could have whatever he wanted.

“Francis is still looking around Chicago. He got a hit earlier…a convenience store that mentioned a man asking about the city bus and a car dealership. The car matches the description,” Mike told him. “We just gotta find it. That’s all.”

“That’s all?” Raffi asked, standing up. “That’s all? They’ve fucking dumped the car and disappeared into Chicago dumbass! Even if you find the fucking car, they are long gone! Shit! Forget the fucking car, Mike. I want Black’s girlfriend watched around the clock. She’s a weak link, that one. Nothing worse than a woman scorned.”

“Yes, boss. You want me to have Francis come back to Salem?”

“No. Leave him there for a while. Francis will just fuck things up, but I can’t get rid of him, ‘cause of Uncle Frankie and Aunt Bea.” Being a family business made getting rid of bad employees difficult, and Francis was a royal fuck-up. No, Francis could putter around Chicago looking for John’s Jeep for a few days.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Telluride, Colorado

They arrived in a mountain town called Telluride just after nightfall. They were all tired, even though they’d done nothing but drive all day. They needed supplies, and their final destination was about 15 miles outside of town. “Hey, Maise,” John said softly, reaching for Marlena’s hand. He’d parked outside of a grocery store, but he didn’t feel comfortable leaving Marlena and the children in the car. “We’re here.”

“Here?” she asked in a groggy voice, glancing around. The orange haze behind the mountains brought back memories of her childhood.

“Telluride,” he said. “We need to get some groceries, and anything else we might need for the next week or so.”

In the backseat, Sami got excited. “Daddy, the grocery store?”

Carrie groaned, “Dad! You know how she is in the grocery store. We’ll spend twenty minutes looking at soup. Can’t we wait in the car?” She watched John and Marlena exchange a look of concern, and then she unbuckled her seatbelt, “Never mind.”

Outside the Jeep, Marlena asked John, “Soup?”

He laughed, scooping Sami into his arms, “Our little Sarah here loves to try new soups. It makes her feel fancy. What’s your favorite one, Sarah?”

“Italian wedding soup,” she chirped. “It has meatballs.”

Marlena felt sad, “How did I not know that?”

“If you haven’t taken her grocery shopping you wouldn’t know, Doc.” John stood Sami on the sidewalk and said, “Grab Eli’s hand. Let’s try to do this quickly.”

Once they had stocked up on groceries, gotten several cans of soup, and other odds and ends, they were back on the road towards the cabin. The last time John had been out to check on the place was right before Marlena returned to Salem, although Charles Wright did have a property management company that checked the place once per month, paid directly from the account in Lugano.

Carrie felt the tension between John and Marlena, although Eric and Sami were oblivious. The conversation that she had overheard on the trip to Chicago had been full of details she didn’t fully understand. She was smart, but she knew there was a lot about adult relationships that she didn’t get, no matter how many novels she read. What she wanted to know most was why they were running off to the mountains of Colorado, and using fake names. She had plans, as soon as they got where they were going, to ask those questions, and she expected John to have answers, because a promise was a promise.

Marlena sat quietly in the passenger seat staring out at a very familiar landscape. The landscape of her childhood, although they were hundreds of miles from her parents. She turned to glance back to check on the children, “Carrie are you doing okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. I’ve got a lot of questions, but they can wait,” she said. She couldn’t ask questions and expect truthful answers in front of Eric and Sami.

“You’ve been a huge help, Punkin’. Keeping the twinners distracted and such. I want you to know that we appreciate that,” John said, looking at her in the rearview mirror.

Carrie glanced over at the twins caught up in an argument over whether DuckTales or Tailspin was a better cartoon. They weren’t paying attention. “It’s fine. I know something is going on. Something serious…,” she said. “Roman’s not here, so that’s something isn’t it?”

John and Marlena glanced at each other quickly, and Marlena said, “Yes. That is something, and nothing all at once.” She knew John was planning to tell Carrie as much of the truth as he could, and in all honesty, Carrie deserved the truth. At least as much of it as they could realistically tell her.

Carrie waited to see if Marlena would add anything, but she didn’t. “I forgot how beautiful Colorado is, although it’s freezing right now. Maybe this impromptu family trip might have been more fun in the summer.”

Marlena laughed, “I’m sure it would have.” Her eyes caught John’s, and she looked out the window. She was still hurt from their conversation the day before. He’d no right to make a choice of that magnitude without her. His assumption that she would choose Roman changed the whole trajectory of her life. Of all the people in her life, she never would have thought that he would be the one to rip the rug out from under her.

John knew he’d made a serious mistake. Other than a few sporadic conversations, Marlena was still barely speaking to him. He’d been going over their conversation the night before on the drive to Chicago, and the only conclusion he could reach was that losing Marlena, and the fear of losing his family had been a motivating factor in his life for the five years she’d been gone. When she returned to Salem, he had been gripped by a joy so profound, and a fear so deep, he didn’t know how to reconcile them. Maybe giving her up was less about her pain, and more about his.

Chapter 13

February 6, 1993

Salem Police Department, Abe Carver’s Office

All you women better listen good

I know it’s just a matter of time

Till one of you steps out of line…

~ This Man is Mine ~ Heart ~

With her curly chestnut hair flying behind her, Isabella stormed into Abe’s office, slamming the door. The look of fury in her light brown eyes had Abe staring at her with open shock. He couldn’t remember a single moment in the time he’d known her that Isabella had been this angry. 

She stared at him, and said, “You want to tell me where the hell John is?” John had left the loft three days earlier to go and help Marlena. She hadn’t seen him since. She’d left repeated messages at his apartment, as well as Marlena’s house, and gotten no response. When she called the fish market, Caroline said she hadn’t seen them since Marlena picked up the children the night Roman left town. 

Abe was momentarily confused, placing the file he was reading on his desk, “John? I haven’t seen John since a few days ago at the airport.”

“He was with me at the loft when Marlena called. He left me at home, to go help her… because, of course, she called him, when she needed help. I just had a miscarriage, and he left me to help her. So where is he? He never came home, Abe. I’ve called his apartment, I’ve called Marlena’s house, and I’ve called Caroline. So now, I need to know where he is!” she demanded.

Abe had thought that John drove Marlena home, and that was the end of it. “Isabella, I promise you, the last time I saw John, he was taking Marlena home. She was upset over Roman leaving town, and she was incredibly angry with me that night. I haven’t spoken to either of them.” Abe walked towards the coat rack, “Look, I’ll take a drive over to Marlena and Roman’s place, and see what’s going on, okay? I’ll call you when I know something.”

Shane rushed towards Abe’s office. John had called him that morning on the satellite phone. Prior to that, the only reason he had any inkling that John and Marlena had left town was because of Caroline’s telephone call the night Roman left, and John’s phone call earlier confirmed his and Caroline’s worst fears. Raffi Torres was after Marlena and the children. As Shane entered the office, he didn’t see Isabella standing just to the side of the filing cabinets. “Abe! We need to talk. John just called me on the ISA line in my—”

Abe’s eyes went wide, and he held up his hand, stopping Shane, nodding his head towards Isabella. Shane immediately pulled up short, and stopped speaking.

Stepping forward Isabella looked at Shane intently, “You know where John is?”

He glanced at Abe, before answering her in the vaguest way possible, “He’s safe. That’s all I can tell you. I can’t say any more.”

John had been gone for three days, and Isabella lost her patience, screaming, “All you can tell me? No! That’s not acceptable. Something’s going on and I want to know what it is! We’re engaged to be married, and I have a right to know!”

“I’m sorry, Isabella, but I can’t tell you anymore,” was Shane’s simple reply. He couldn’t tell her anymore because he didn’t know much more. John had made him promise not to tell Isabella about Raffi Torres. He was worried about her health, and he was worried about her doing something hasty and foolish in response. Glancing over at Abe, he said, “I need to speak with you…soon. I’ll be at my home. Meet me there as soon as you can.”

Abe was fairly certain he knew why. Torres had gone after Marlena and the children. If John knew, he would have immediately stepped in. Abe looked towards Isabella, pulling his coat on, “I have to go.”

She watched Abe walk out of his office with tears streaming down her cheeks. She knew, even without being told, that if John was gone, so were Marlena and the kids. But why? It had to be related somehow to Roman leaving town and the threat from Raffi Torres. Why else would John be calling Shane, only for Shane to be so secretive? 

She’d go check Roman and Marlena’s house herself, just to be sure. She still had the house key at the bottom of her purse somewhere. Hopefully they hadn’t changed the locks. She was running on hope. Hope that she was wrong. Hope that this wasn’t what it looked like. Hope that he hadn’t run off with Marlena and the kids, leaving her behind with no explanation. But the thing she hoped the most, was that Marlena wasn’t trying to steal John away from her when she needed him the most.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Charles Wright Cabin Outside Telluride

John walked into the kitchen where Marlena was making tea. Her back was to him, and his eyes scanned over her long, jean clad legs, and took in the way her hips filled out the fabric. He wished it were like it used to be. Those quiet moments when the children were busy doing their own things, and he could sidle up behind her. He would run his palms over her hips, and wrap his arms around her waist. He would hold her against his body, and breathe deeply of her hair. He’d had a brief taste of it the other night, but only because Marlena had been so vulnerable. He hadn’t been that close to her since.

Quietly, he said, “The twins are playing in the loft. Carrie’s reading in the back bedroom.” He came closer, leaning back on the kitchen counter beside her. Staring at her in that intense way he had about him. “You and I need to talk about what happened the other night.”

“I’m not sure that right now is a good time for that, John,” she said, stirring sugar into her tea. She’d been keeping him at a distance because she’d been feeling so unstable. It would be so easy to fall into him. She still loved him. Feelings like that didn’t disappear in the span of two months, but she was also incredibly hurt about what he’d done in Mexico. Taking that decision away from her. It wasn’t simply the decision, it was the autonomy he took with it. 

“I spoke with Shane, and told him what happened last night. I think he’s pulling Abe in on this,” John said.

Abe was the last person she wanted to talk about. “Okay,” she said, getting ready to walk by him, and exit the kitchen.

John stopped her, with a hand on her arm. Marlena looked up at him, and John silently took her tea out of her hand, placing it on the counter, “Doc, we need to talk about this.”

“No. We don’t. Not right now. We need to speak with Carrie. You promised,” she said.

“Carrie can wait. She knows we’re going to talk with her. You’ve barely spoken to me since the conversation on the drive to Chicago,” he said in a low voice.

John had no right to force her to have this conversation right then. He needed to back off and allow her some space. She could see the guilt in his eyes. That’s what this was really about. Marlena looked at him with a fierceness, “I have spent my life with men keeping me in the dark or making decisions on what they think is best for me. Don cheated on me, and then his marriage to Liz failed because he was so obsessed with protecting me from Jake Kostichek! Roman came into my life when I was scared and vulnerable, and when he came back he expected me to be the same way, and look what he’s done! He’d disappeared under the guise of protecting me! Don’t forget Richard, Orpheus, Stefano…you. You had no right, John. None.” She picked up her tea, and left him standing alone in the middle of the kitchen.

When Marlena entered the living room, Carrie was sitting on the floor in front of the fireplace, watching the flames dance. She had a book in her hand, which she seemed to have forgotten about.

Carrie smiled softly. The twins were excitedly chattering away in the loft. They had just managed to settle their argument about who got the top bunk, with a compromise of switching every other night. She looked up when she heard Marlena sit down near her. “So are you going to tell me where Dad is?”

Marlena knew that Carrie was going to take this hard, and she tried to start as gently as possible, but there was no easy way to have this conversation with a thirteen year old girl. “Well, honey, he’s gone. He went away.”

Carrie looked at Marlena in surprise, “What?”

Marlena moved to sit on the floor beside Carrie, “He thought that we were all in danger, and he thought that the only way to keep us safe…was for him to go away.”

“What does that mean?” Carrie asked, but she knew… he’d left again. It was just like the last time, disappearing and leaving his family behind. Maybe he’d left because of her. “Is it because I came home from Paris without telling him? Did he hate having me around that much?”

“Oh, honey, no! No. No. He loves you. He—he just—this was his way of protecting us, that’s all. He wanted to keep us safe!” Marlena said helplessly, trying to make excuses when there were none to be had. Roman had left them. Carrie was old enough to remember the first time. She saw it on Carrie’s face that what she was saying made no difference. To Carrie, her father had left her again.

“No. No. I don’t believe this. Keep us safe? Then why are we here?” she said, panic rising in her voice. She stood up, wrapping her arms around herself. The room was suddenly cold. “I was just starting to accept him—he, he can’t do that!”

Marlena stood up, rubbing her hands over Carries shoulders in a calming motion, “Carrie. Carrie, honey, I know you’re angry. I’m angry, too. But look, we have to keep it together right now. We’ve got to stay a family. We can do that. We’ve just got to—”

“—a family?” she said loudly, shoving off Marlena’s hands. She looked up at Marlena in fury, “He left us again! And why are we here? If he left to keep us safe, why are we here?”

Marlena suddenly felt as if the house were eerily quiet. The twins upstairs had gone silent, and when she turned, she saw John standing in the doorway to the kitchen with sadness in his blue eyes. She felt as if she had the weight of the world on her shoulders, “Your father was getting threats from Torres. He thought his leaving would draw the danger away from us. It didn’t.”

“Torres is coming after us?” Carrie whispered, glancing up towards the loft quickly. Roman had left them, and now Raffi Torres was after them. She wanted to rage, and scream, and cry, but she knew that Eric and Sami were listening.

Marlena nodded quickly, “The night your father left, Raffi Torres called the house. He made…threats, and we left within the hour. John had a plan in place—”

“—I heard you,” Carrie said, cutting her off.

“What?”

“On the drive to Chicago. I, um, I heard you and Daddy.”

Marlena stared at Carrie, with wide eyes, “Oh.”

Carrie stared sadly into the flickering flames in the hearth, “It’s fine. I don’t care. Roman’s a liar! He’s always talking about how happy he is to have me, and he’s the first one out the door.”

Marlena wanted Carrie to know that Roman did love her, “No, Carrie, he loves you more than anything—”

“Well, that didn’t keep him from leaving us, did it?” Carrie said quietly. “I need some air.”

Marlena watched helplessly as Carrie grabbed her coat off of the hook by the front door, and ran out of the cabin onto the front porch. Her eyes caught John’s, and he said softly, “I’ll get her, Doc. You sit down and drink your tea. Relax.”

Giving him a wane smile, she said, “Thank you, John.” Marlena let her body drop to the couch heavily, staring into the eaves of the vaulted ceiling. She closed her eyes for a moment, thinking to rest them, and fell into a deep sleep.

John was pulling his coat on as he exited the house following Carrie, when a gust of wind swept across his face. “Wow, the wind is really picking up, isn’t it Punkin’?”

She looked up at him from where she was leaning on the porch railing, “I didn’t notice.”

“You know,” John said softly. “Your dad–”

“–he’s not my dad!” she said vehemently. “He’s my father. You’re my dad.”

“Roman believed that leaving was the best way to protect his family. The threat from Torres was directed at him.” John sighed. The sky was clear, and the sun was just starting to drop behind the mountains. Every time he’d stayed in this cabin over the years, he’d thought of Marlena when he’d stared at the stars or watched the sun go down. 

“You don’t know what Roman believed,” Carrie muttered, tucking herself more deeply inside her coat.

“I think…” John wasn’t sure how Carrie would take what he was going to say next, but he pushed ahead. “I think…more than anybody else, I have an idea of what he was thinking. I have his memories implanted in my mind. He would feel scared, and he would feel panicked. He would want to do what was best for his family no matter how much it hurt him.”

Carrie turned to face him, furiously wiping the tears from her face, “But…you were him. For almost seven years you were Roman, and you had a plan! You had stuff hidden in Sami’s dollhouse. You had fake documents and names and stuff! Your plan wasn’t, when things get tough, leave my family behind!” 

She was right. John understood why Roman did what he did, but he’d never really thought that way himself. It was why they were standing on the porch of a cabin in Colorado, purchased under an alias. John would have never left them behind, and Carrie knew that. It’s part of the reason she was so angry. 

John reached for her, realizing that even though she was a little taller than she was when she’d left Salem, she was still such a small thing in his arms. His large hand smoothed over her long blonde hair, “You are allowed to be angry. So is Marlena. Hell, Punkin’, I’m angry too. Sure, Roman thought he was doing what was best, but it wasn’t best. Right now, though, you’re safe. You’re going to stay safe…the rest will work itself out. It will all work out.”

“What if they find us?” she asked, looking up at him. She needed reassurance. She acted like a small adult most of the time, but John would sometimes look into her eyes and remember she was still just a child.

“I won’t let anything happen to any of you, Carrie. I’d stake my life on that,” John whispered.

“I love you, Dad…I love you so much,” Carrie replied, burrowing her cold cheek against John’s jacket. “Now let’s get back in the cabin before we freeze to death.”

When John brought Carrie back in from outside, the first thing he saw was Marlena asleep on the couch. He had his arm around Carrie’s shoulders, and gave her a big squeeze before he let her go. He said to Carrie, “I’m going to take Marlena into her bedroom. Can you go check on the twinners for me?”

Marlena sighed, and a soft smile crossed her lips, causing Carrie to smile. “Sure, Dad.”

Stepping over to Marlena, John leaned over, brushing the hair from her face gently, staring at her for a moment. She was so beautiful. In the entirety of his life there would never be anyone that moved him the way she did. Scooping her up, John carried her towards her bedroom, while Carrie watched from the stairs. She was young, and she didn’t know much about life, but she knew that John still loved Marlena. That much was evident. She supposed, if her life had ever been normal, that she might feel some sense of outrage for her father, knowing another man was in love with his wife, but she found she didn’t. It seemed almost normal. Like Roman’s brief two month interruption into their family hadn’t had any impact at all. She thought she should feel guilty about that, but she struggled to find any guilt within herself. With a shrug of her small shoulders, she climbed the stairs to the loft to check on the twins. Once she reached the top she found them both asleep on the top bunk. Maybe an afternoon nap was in order for herself as well.

In Marlena’s bedroom, John gently laid her on the bed, and tried to extricate himself from her limbs without waking her. Her eyes fluttered open, as she gazed on him in drowsiness, “John?”

Sitting beside her on the bed, he brushed her hair back once again, whispering, “I didn’t mean to wake you. I was going to let you nap for a while, and then wake you before dinner.”

“I haven’t been sleeping very well,” she said, averting her gaze.

“I’ll let you sleep… I just… I need to say, I’m so sorry, Doc. I’m so sorry. I never wanted you to think I didn’t want you…I always wanted you. Maybe, I wanted you too much. When I thought you’d died… twice… fuck, I could barely get out of bed in the morning. It took me years to truly move on, and then you were back. You were back, and I was elated, and scared to death I’d lose you all over again. That was my fault. I held myself back. I couldn’t understand why I was doing it. Why I wouldn’t let you in, but now I think… I think it was because I wasn’t allowing myself to love you. I was pushing you away, because if I loved you the way I had, and lost you again, it might kill me…”

Marlena reached up, touching his face gently, “You don’t have to do this right now. We’re both tired. It can wait until tomorrow.”

“It can’t wait, Doc, because I took the decision away from you, without even realizing what I was doing, and for that, I am sorry.” He stared at her for a long moment, tracing his fingertips along her cheek. John leaned forward, kissing her forehead, and whispered, “I never want to take away your choice, and I did that in Mexico…because I was scared. I’m incredibly sorry.”

Chapter 14

Charles Wright Cabin Outside Telluride, Colorado

I know the women round here

Recognize something good

Even try to take it if they could…

~ This Man is Mine ~ Heart ~

Marlena lay awake for quite awhile after John left her bedroom, trying to process and understand what he had told her. There had been true grief in his words. Dr. Marlena Evans understood exactly why John had pushed her away when she returned from the dead. His fear. His grief. His loss. All of it. Marlena, the woman, was still hurt. She understood why he did it, but because John had always allowed her the freedom to make her own choices, and he had generally supported those choices, she was surprised by it. Her heart was at war with her mind. When John had decided for both of them, and walked away from her in Mexico, he had taken away her autonomy. That was something she would expect from Roman. She would never expect it from John.

She tried to imagine John as one of her patients, separating herself from the personal side of it. A man with no past. A man who’d lost his wife, whom he loved dearly, twice. The night he’d slept with Isabella in Mexico, was the day he knew for certain that he was not Roman Brady. That must have been a crushing blow. Marlena couldn’t imagine the sense of grief or loneliness he might have felt. He would have known that the Brady’s weren’t his family. The children weren’t his children. Marlena’s hand clapped over her mouth in a small gasping sob, as she realized he would have known at that point that he was going to lose his home…and his job. Of course, he felt it was inevitable that he would lose her, too. His wife. He would be consumed with grief thinking he was losing her for a third time. Even now, as she was angry with him for taking the decision away from her, she couldn’t say definitively what her final decision would have been. But she did know that instead of losing her for a third time, John had severed the connection himself. It was a classic grief and trauma response. Push something away before it can hurt you, and John knew, he knew, that he was about to have the rug pulled out from under him. It didn’t make what he did acceptable, but it made it understandable.

The problem was she’d been grieving him since she’d returned to Salem the previous August. All of her attempts to get him to open up had failed. She’d tried for months. Everytime she thought they had a breakthrough, or a moment where maybe they might connect, John would abruptly pull away, leaving her feeling cold and empty. When he’d kissed her on the beach in Miami, she’d thought they were finally making headway. When he’d held her close that night in San Cristobal, for the first time in five years, she’d felt as if the pieces were finally falling into place. When Roman had stumbled upon them in the jungle, John’s world was upended once again.

The more she thought about that night, the more she started to suspect Isabella. John had been incredibly vulnerable that night. It certainly wouldn’t have been the evening to be making life altering decisions. What part did Isabella play? Because Marlena was starting to believe it was much larger than she had anticipated.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marlena and Roman Brady Residence

Isabella let herself in the back door of Roman and Marlena’s house with the key she’d found buried in the side pocket of her purse. She hadn’t touched it since Marlena returned to Salem back in August. That was the day she’d left her engagement ring on the coffee table in front of the couch. She and John were engaged, but officially, he hadn’t put the ring back on her finger yet. They’d discussed it, but she knew he was trying to plan something special. She didn’t even know where the ring was.

 As she looked around, she noticed that everything downstairs seemed to be in order. Nothing was broken, or upended. Drawers were closed, and there didn’t seem to be any disruption. Upstairs, the children’s rooms had scattered clothing, and toys about. Isabella checked their closets, and noticed their duffle bags were missing. The ones they used for overnights with friends, or camping trips. Sami’s dollhouse seemed to have a panel missing in the wall, but Isabella wasn’t overly concerned with a broken dollhouse. Eric’s room had dresser drawers still hanging open, as well as his closet door, and Carrie’s room was the same. There were even books missing from her shelves. They were definitely gone, and they’d left in a hurry.

Stepping into Roman and Marlena’s room was a surreal feeling. Less than a year ago, she and John had lived here. They had made love on that bed. They had been planning a family. They were a family. Not anymore. Marlena had returned, her reappearance had destroyed everything. Not only had her reappearance ruined Isabella’s life, but she’d intentionally strung along Roman and John, refusing to commit to either one. If Isabella was honest, she would admit that she hated Marlena, but she certainly wouldn’t say it aloud. John would never marry her if she did.

She looked around, noting that Marlena’s closet was also open, and her drawers ruffled through. She turned to leave the room, when something sticking out of a drawer caught her eye. Opening the drawer in haste, a photograph fell to the floor. Isabella studied the picture, Marlena, with John behind her, his arms wrapped tightly around her shoulders. They were much younger, so it must have been from before she’d disappeared. Flipping it over, Isabella read: ‘John, my love’. Not Roman, but John. Rage boiled in her gut like acid, and she slammed the photo onto the top of the chest of drawers, and left the room. Fuck Marlena. John was hers.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Shane Donovan Residence

Abe arrived at Shane’s home, less than ten minutes after him. He wasn’t sure he needed to rush, but something in Shane’s eyes, when he first entered Abe’s office, had put a sense of urgency in him. Shane answered the door immediately, and Abe said, almost breathlessly, “I got here as fast as I could.”

“You’re fine. I just got here myself,” Shane told him. “Thank you for warning me of Isabella’s presence. John was very clear that she was not to be involved in this. He worried that if she’s in danger, he won’t be able to keep his focus where it should be.”

“Which I’m assuming is Marlena and the children?” Abe shrugged his jacket off. saying, “When did he call you?”

Shane moved into the interior of the large home, settling into a dark leather couch. “It was this morning. Rather unexpectedly actually, I heard the satellite phone ringing.”

“Satellite phone?” Abe asked him. “What is that?”

“It’s a new ISA prototype,” Shane told him. “Although I’m not sure how John got ahold of one. They haven’t been released to the mainstream population yet.”

“The last time I saw John was at the airport. Roman left town, you know?” Abe said. He didn’t add that Marlena was furious at him. He was feeling an enormous amount of guilt over the whole situation. He’d known as soon as Roman suggested it, that it was a bad idea. 

“I’ve been apprised of the situation with Roman by Chief Vaughn this afternoon. The rest of the story I received this morning through the phone call with John,” Shane said, moving to sit on the couch. “However, John was very clear that he would only be communicating with me, and using you as a possible liaison. Which means, I have information that I’m not at liberty to share with Chief Vaughn.”

Abe sat down on the sofa next to him, with a sigh, “So, Torres is after Marlena and the children?”

“That’s correct. She received a call almost as soon as she arrived home from the airport. John went into the house with her because she was so upset. He wasn’t comfortable leaving her alone as upset as she was. That’s when the call from Torres came in.” Shane sifted through the information John had given him, trying to determine how much he could tell Abe. “John already had a plan in place to move the family in case of an emergency, and decided to implement it. Apparently he’s had it for years, although he didn’t go into detail. He had Marlena and the children out of Salem within an hour of Torres’s phone call.”

“He did?” Abe said in shock. John was full of surprises. “He never mentioned anything of the sort to me.”

“John was one of the best agents we’ve had in the ISA. If he had a plan, no one would know about it.” Shane had seen John in action before. He was clear. He was decisive. If he said he had a plan, he did.

“Did he say where they are?”

“He did, but I’m not at liberty to share that information at this point,” Shane told him. “He doesn’t trust the ISA, and he certainly doesn’t trust Chief Vaughn. He’s scared, Abe. I think losing Marlena to Orpheus did something to him. There was a desperation in his voice I’ve not heard from him before…and an anger.”

Abe was curious, “What about Roman, does he know?”

“No. Roman is not to be involved. John was explicit about that. Which is why I only shared minimal information with Chief Vaughn. Roman will be told that Torres made a threat, and that Marlena and the children are in hiding with John. As far as you and I know, the ISA had every intention of giving Roman a new identity, and moving him far away from Salem. John doesn’t want Roman involved at all, and right now, he’s running the show,” Shane said.

Abe was dumbfounded. There were so many working pieces he didn’t understand. “How long are they going to be in hiding? How can John afford this? He’s got to be getting help from someone.”

“If he is, he didn’t tell me who.” Shane stood up to get himself a glass of water, saying over his shoulder, “I’m sure he’s planned for all possibilities. Like I said, John is one of the best ISA agents I have ever worked with. He tracked down Orpheus when no one else had an inkling of where his compound was. And Abe, John didn’t even leave me a way to contact him, so I can only wait until he contacts me again.”

The Satellite phone in Shane’s secret room began to ring, and he rushed in to answer it, hoping it was John. He was surprised to hear the person on the other end, “Enzo?”

Enzo looked around, paranoid that someone would see him on the pay phone. He’d intentionally driven nearly thirty miles outside of Salem just to make the call. “I’m sorry, sir. I had to find a way to contact you without breaking cover. Just two things quickly, Raffi was very angry that Roman left town. He’s threatened to kill Bo, but as of right now, he’s still alive.”

“Okay, that’s good,” Shane said. It wasn’t good in truth, but it meant that Bo was still alive. What worried Shane was the condition Bo might be in once they were able to retrieve him, if they were able to save him at all. The Torres family wasn’t known for being kind to their kidnap victims. Shane had a sinking feeling that as every day passed, Bo’s condition would continue to deteriorate. 

“Second, he threatened Marlena Brady and her children; however the children are not the real targets. She is. So the children should probably be moved so they don’t become collateral damage. Raffi wants me to see if Brady’s parents might be plausible targets.” Enzo glanced around one more time before he said, barely above a whisper, “Someone wants the Brady woman, and Raffi has promised to deliver.”

“Do we know who?” Shane asked him. 

“I don’t know. I’ve tried Captain. Raffi’s one paranoid son of a bitch. He’s got different people on different jobs, and none of them are allowed to communicate. He doesn’t trust anyone with too much information. I’m sorry.” Glancing around one more time, he said, “I have to go.”

Shane heard the line go dead, and felt a sense of immediacy. Hopefully John did as he said he would, and called him back that evening. If Marlena was the target, they had to relocate the children as soon as possible. Raffi Torres didn’t care about collateral damage. If he had a deal with an unknown, nothing could be predicted. The question became, who wanted Marlena, and what was Torres willing to do to get his hands on her?

Chapter 15

February 7, 1992

Warehouse, Chicago

Even you and me

We keep coming apart

And it’s a wrong thing…

~ (Love Me Like Music) I’ll Be Your Song ~ Heart ~

There was a chill that ran so deep into Bo’s bones he almost wished for death. His muscles trembled with the exertion of trying to keep himself warm. A constant shaking that would never stop. Jason entered the room staring him down at him for a moment. He’d never seen someone as strong as Bo Brady. The guy was a stubborn mule. Raised by an Irishman, but his father was The Greek. If there was anyone in the world that Jason feared more than Raffi Torres it was Victor Kiriakis. Finding out that Bo was Victor’s son had Jason rethinking his life choices, because when everything went down…and Jason had no doubt that it would, Victor Kiriakis was going to destroy everything in his path. Jason wasn’t sure he wanted to be standing in his path.

Bo glanced up, barely able to lift his head, and saw Jason watching him. He had no energy left to fight, but he could see the indecision in the other man’s eyes. Bo knew he might actually die there, but he’d let Jason know a few things the day before. If Raffi Torres succeeded in killing him, the wrath of Victor Kiriakis was a guarantee for anyone involved. From the looks of Jason that knowledge might just save Bo’s life. Bo had never been close to his father, but he knew family was important to Victor. No matter what, if Bo died as Raffi’s prisoner, Victor would burn the Torres Organization to the ground, and Bo would be laughing from the afterlife.

Walking out of the room, Jason looked at the guard, “Feed him. Give him water, too.”

The guard looked confused, “Raffi said–” 

Jason leaned close. “–that man in there,” he said pointing back towards Bo, “I just found out his father is Victor Kiraikis. What the fuck do you think that means for us if Bo Brady dies?”

The guard looked back into the large cavernous room, where Bo sat tied to a solitary chair on a concrete slab. He looked near death as it was. “You sure?”

“I do my fucking homework,” Jason growled low in his throat. “No more dousings. Feed him, and give him water. Not enough to gain strength and fight back, but enough so if this all goes to shit, we aren’t murdered by the Kiriakis Organization. Understand?” Jason walked away, and said nothing further.

“Shit,” the guard mumbled, going in search of food. “I ain’t dying for fucking Raffi Torres. That’s for sure.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Charles Wright Cabin, Outside Telluride, Colorado

“Eli! No! I wasn’t ready yet!” Sami yelled from the hallway closet. They’d been playing hide and seek for a long time, but it wasn’t any fun because Eric kept cheating. There was no way he was counting by alligators and she knew it.

“I counted to twenty, Sarah. S’not my fault you didn’t hide fast enough,” Eric told her laughing. Sami was such a cry baby sometimes. He counted. Sure he counted really fast, and sometimes he skipped numbers, but she was still a cry baby.

“Hey you two,” John called after them. “Go grab a book.” The noise, the arguments, and the complaining were getting on his last nerve. He knew that Sami wanted as much time as possible to hide and he knew that Eric counted so fast he skipped several numbers in a row. It was funny for a while…until it wasn’t.

“No,” they whined simultaneously, unwilling to give up the game. 

“Yes. Each of you grab a book, and go read for an hour. Time starts now,” he said. “I know I bought those Junie B. Jones books for you Sami, and Eric…I believe you asked for Tail Spin comics at the store in Telluride. Go read.”

Carrie smiled to herself in the kitchen as she trimmed the green beans. The sounds, the complaining, the fighting, all of it was so familiar. It used to drive her crazy, and make her feel angry, but then she’d gone to live with Anna, and the silence was deafening. She’d realized her family in Salem wasn’t as bad as she’d thought.

John walked into the kitchen, following the smell of beef and ginger. He knew what she was cooking, but he asked her anyway, “Whatcha’ cooking ‘Punkin?”

Carrie smiled up at him, “Those firecracker meatballs you used to like.” She dropped the green beans onto a roasting pan, and sprinkled them with salt and pepper, adding a drizzle of olive oil. John’s cooking skills were limited to a few things, mostly grilled cheese and tomato soup. Carrie had started cooking as soon as she was able to read, and follow cookbook directions. She’d also picked up several things by shadowing her grandmother in the kitchen at the fish market. Laying the beans out in a single layer, she slid them into the oven on the rack below the meatballs.

“Those meatballs were amazing. You know, I haven’t had them since you went to stay with your mother in Paris,” he said. Carrie had left the recipe. He could have made them, but it wasn’t the same without her there. The day Carrie left for Paris was one of the hardest for him. After losing Marlena, watching Carrie fly off to another country had been difficult. He’d felt as if he was losing another piece of his heart, and he’d held onto the twins even tighter. 

Carrie laughed, remembering how much John had loved the firecracker meatballs. He leaned against the counter watching her while she mixed mayonnaise, honey, soy sauce, and hot sauce together to make the firecracker sauce. “I figured. That’s why I’m making them.”

His mouth was watering, and standing in the kitchen wasn’t helping. John ran his hand softly over her blonde hair, and said softly, “I’m going to go call Shane, and check on Doc. I know she said she was reading, but it’s been a few hours, and I haven’t seen her.” John laughed, “I bet she fell asleep, and I don’t want her to be up all night.” John kissed Carrie on the top of her head before he left.

A few moments later, he was standing inside the doorway to Marlena’s bedroom. She was curled up in the middle of the bed, with a copy of Outlander laying beside her. She was softly snoring, although she would never admit it. John could hear the echo of her sweet voice in his ear, I don’t snore…I don’t snore! He went to the closet, and quietly pulled the bag with the satellite phone out. After setting up the components, he carefully closed Marlena’s bedroom door. Walking over to where she slept, John sat on the edge of the bed, running his fingers down her arm gently, brushing them over the open palm of her hand, “Hey Doc, it’s time to wake up.”

“No,” she murmured, turning, and shoving her face deeper into her pillow. She had slept horribly the night before. A restless sleep full of nightmares and anxiety. Truthfully it was more than that. It was knowing that John slept on an uncomfortable couch in the main living area. It was knowing that he was so near, and yet she couldn’t go to him for reassurance.

“Carrie’s making dinner, and the twinners are in the loft reading,” John said softly. At least he hoped they were, if they were following directions.

“Reading?” Marlena said, sitting up abruptly. How many times had she struggled with them over reading logs and homework? They fought her almost daily, and John made it sound so easy. “How did you get them to do that?”

“I told them to, and they did,” John said with a shrug. “How’s the book?”

Marlena stared at the discarded novel on the bed beside her. “Hmmm. I’m a little disappointed. Lexie made it sound amazing, but I find the protagonist to be rather annoying. She’s horribly stubborn, and she manages to continually rush into dangerous situations where she needs to be rescued. I fell asleep.”

“Stubborn, huh?” John chuckled.

“I may be stubborn, John Black, but I’m not dumb enough to run towards danger,” she told him. Almost immediately, she remembered when the ISA kidnapped her in Stockholm, and her escape. She’d been captured by Orpheus within an hour. John raised his eyebrow, and wanting to change the subject, Marlena saw the contraption on the floor, “What’s that?”

 There were moments when Marlena’s beauty surprised him, and this was one of them. He stared at her for a brief moment before saying, “Things were hectic last night, and I forgot to call Shane back. I was going to try again, but I need to do it without the kids overhearing. Are you okay if I do it here?”

“Yes,” she said, watching John move to sit on the colorful, oval rag rug in the center of the hardwood floor. He started to engage several buttons, and then she heard a dial tone. “Is that a telephone?”

Curiously, she slid from the bed to settle on the floor beside him. She sat closer than she should. She could feel the warmth of his body, and smell the fresh soap on his skin. She was too close, but she wouldn’t move away from him. 

John glanced down at her momentarily, and then pulled the antenna from the bag beside him, “A satellite phone. An ISA prototype.”

“How did you get it?” she asked him, leaning closer to get a better look.

John could feel her soft breath on his shoulder. If he turned his head, he knew their faces would be inches apart. A soft tremble started in his abdomen, and he had to force it down. He couldn’t be dealing with complicated emotions. His focus had to be on keeping his family safe. John smirked at her, saying “I have my ways, Doc.”

Marlena felt butterflies in her chest and stomach. Why did that comment sound like so much more than an answer about a telephone? He was so sexy when he looked at her like that. John was always sexy, but right then, when he was so close, and the room was so silent, it felt as if they were in their own world. Marlena was grateful that the children were with them. Carrie, Sami, and Eric were what kept her focused. They kept her from having too much time to ponder how she felt about John. She wasn’t sure what she would do if she and John were alone together. She had to remember, she was still frustrated with what he’d done in Mexico, and she was married to Roman. But, it didn’t stop her from finding him attractive. It didn’t stop her body from reacting in ways she had no control over. It didn’t stop her from loving him. She continued to watch him, as he finally attached an antenna. 

John dialed Shane’s ISA number and hoped he was home to answer. He almost sighed with relief when Shane answered, “It’s John.”

Shane was relieved, and frustrated, “John! You said you were going to call back last night! Is everything okay?”

“Yes, we’re fine, everything is fine,” John told him. “Things were hectic last night, and we were all exhausted. I think the stress has been getting to me and Doc, and the kids are picking up on it.”

“That’s understandable. Look, John, I got some information yesterday from an undercover agent inside the Torres Organization.” Shane didn’t want to scare John anymore than he already was, but he had to know what was happening, “It seems that Torres’ target was never the children. He intended to scare Marlena. He wanted her to run with the children, if only to make it easier to get to her. The children aren’t who he’s after. Marlena is–”

“–you’re sure?” John asked quickly, cutting Shane off. If the children weren’t the target, but Marlena was, that changed everything.

“Yes, but listen…Torres is after Marlena,” Shane told him quickly. “We haven’t determined why, but it seems there is another player in this.”

Another player? John said, “I’m confused Shane. Someone else is after Doc?”

“We don’t know who…but my contact believes that Torres is after Marlena for someone else,” Shane told him wishing he had more information. 

“And your contact is solid? Because you know I don’t have a lot of trust in the ISA, Shane.” John felt the tension coiling in his body. His eyes caught and held Marlena’s and he could see the fear in her eyes.

“I know, and at this point, I’m questioning some of Chief Vaughn’s decisions myself,” Shane replied. “I think the best decision at this point would be to remove the children to another location, and you keep Marlena safe with you.”

“…fuck!” John rubbed his palm over his face, trying to get rid of some of his frustration. She was scared, and even though she wasn’t able to hear Shane’s side of the conversation, she’d heard enough to know that she was the target. John watched her warily as he told Shane, “Okay. Okay. You’re right. I have an idea.”

Shane asked, “Can you tell me your location? Abe is willing to be the liaison. I spoke with him yesterday.”

“I’m not telling you our location. No. No…I can’t give you my location. It’s too risky. If Torres is after Doc, he’s having everyone close to her followed. I’m almost sure of it,” John said firmly. He would not be telling anyone where they were. “Abe will likely be followed. He’s got to be extra careful. I’ll talk to Doc now. Have Abe fly into Montrose Regional Airport in Montrose, Colorado.”

“I can get him there by midday,” Shane said. He’d use his own money to lease a private plane. It was the only way to keep the ISA from being aware of what they were doing. 

“Yeah, tomorrow afternoon,” John said, his mind whirling. He thought of the layout of Montrose. It was far enough away that if Abe was followed, it would still be hard to find the cabin. “There’s a bakery in town…The Daily Bread…We’ll be there tomorrow at 2:00 pm. I’ll–I’ll give Abe the plan then.”

Shane was feeling nervous. He didn’t like ending the call without a plan solidly in place, but he also knew that John would not be giving him any additional information. Reluctantly he said, “Okay. Tomorrow. Montrose, 2pm, at The Daily Bread.”

John sighed, “Thanks again, Shane.” He disconnected the call, and stared at the carpet on the floor. A rainbow of colors assaulted his mind as he tried to work out what they were going to do. The children would need to go to Denver. It was the only option. He’d keep Marlena safe. The problem was did they tell Martha and Frank Evans that Marlena was in trouble, or did they come up with a cover story?

Marlena looked at John with concern, “Something happened?”

He knew Marlena was going to panic. She was steadfast and calm when it was a danger posed to her, but if she thought Carrie or the twins had the potential to be hurt, she was very reactive. John reached for her hand, and started speaking softly, “Torres never intended to target the children. He wanted to scare you, which he did. The real target…is you. He’s– he’s after you. Maybe it was never about getting a drug shipment through Salem. Maybe he needed Roman out of the way so he could get to you. Shane says there’s someone else involved, but he hasn’t determined yet who it might be. Abe is coming–”

Marlena suddenly felt light headed, and weak, “–we have to get the children away from me! Oh, G-d! John! If something happens…if they get hurt…” She realized almost immediately, at her first struggle to get air, that she was having a panic attack. Her brain screamed at her body to pull air into her lungs, but she was frozen. She hadn’t had a panic attack since DJ died, and she started fighting to get air as fear took over.

“Doc!” John cried, brushing the hair off of her face as she struggled to breathe. 

Marlena looked up at him, unable to get her mind calm enough to do the proper breathing methods. She couldn’t even remember the proper breathing methods. 

“Doc, honey…baby…listen to me. Breathe in. Breathe in right now!” Marlena stared at him in panic, pulling a ragged gasp of air into her lungs. His fingers squeezed into her shoulders, as he leaned forward and stared into her eyes, “Hold it. Yes, just like that…Breathe out…that’s right. Do it again…in…and out…don’t stop…”

She felt lightheaded, and on the edge of a complete meltdown, but she continued to follow John as he led her in her breathing. As soon as she came back to herself, she realized that her nails were digging in John’s arms, and she tried to pull away. He held her there, still speaking to her in low tones, trying to help her catch her breath. She wanted to sink into him. Her safe space.

Roman had done this. It was all his fault, and she wasn’t sure how much more she could take. She stared up at John with helpless eyes, “It’s too much, John…”

John smiled at her as if she were the most precious thing in his life. His fingers tipped her chin up, “That’s what you’ve got me here for, pretty lady.”

Marlena’s heart was breaking. Roman had left them again, when they needed him the most, he’d left them, and now someone wanted her dead. Being near her children put them in danger. As much as Roman had promised her he wanted her, and their family, she felt discarded yet again, and now the children were in danger simply based on their proximity to her. Marlena gasped, “Oh, G-d!”

“We’re going to move them. The children will be moved. Tomorrow. We’ll make it part of the name game, but change it up a little. The twinners won’t know that anything is wrong at all. They’ll go to your parents, okay? We need to call Frank and Martha…can you do that for me?” Marlena nodded. John sighed in relief. She was calming down, which meant she was thinking clearly. “I think we might need to explain what’s happening, but we cannot–we cannot tell them where we are, or anything more specific. It would be dangerous to them, and the children.

“What about school?” she whispered, still breathing erratically. “They’re missing school.”

“They can enroll them in Denver…” John said. “We don’t know how long this is going to last, and they’ve already missed almost a week.”

“Oh, this is going to be so hard on Carrie! She’s only been in school in Salem for a few days.” Marlena worried about how it would all affect Carrie in the long term. At thirteen her life had already been so full of disruptions.

“Doc, I can’t be sure how long you and I will need to be on the run. This could be over in a few days, or it could be months. What I do know is that no one is going to touch you. No one will fucking touch you…the kids will be safe with your parents.” John took a deep breath, trying to calm the quivering in his belly. He felt on the verge of panic himself, but he had to hold it together for Marlena. “Nothing can happen to you or the kids. I don’t think I could survive that, Doc.”

Marlena stared at him, remembering his words earlier, honey, baby, pretty lady. Those were words she hadn’t heard in so long. He still cared. He cared much more than either of them had been willing to admit aloud. If the children went to Denver, she and John would be on the run…alone. Marlena pushed the thoughts away. She would have to deal with that later. 

“So, Abe is coming?” she asked him. “Is he the one who’s going to take the children to my parents?”

John released Marlena’s hand, suddenly feeling too close to her. He started picking at his cuticles as a distraction, “He’ll be here tomorrow afternoon.”

Marlena stood up from the floor, stretching her stiff legs, “I’m still angry with him, but I trust him to do this.”

“We don’t have a choice, Doc. Shane can’t leave Salem, and we don’t trust anyone else. Shane hasn’t even told his superiors about this. I know you’re angry with Abe, but he would die before he let anything happen to those kids,” John said, hoping she would concede. “You know that.”

“You’re right. You’re right. I know, you’re right,” she said breathlessly, still feeling as if she might start panicking again at any moment. “Okay, I’m ready,” she said, taking a long, deep breath. “Let’s call my parents.”

John dialed Marlena’s parents home, and handed her the phone. He watched as she pasted on a brave face. Ten minutes later, Martha and Frank Evans had enough information to understand that their daughter was in grave danger, and they were about to become surrogate parents to their grandchildren for an undetermined amount of time.

Marlena sat on the edge of the bed, and watched John hang up the telephone. She glanced down at her fists, where they sat clenched in her lap. Fear etched every muscle in her body, but she couldn’t panic again. She was scared. Scared for what could happen, and scared to reach for the one person who could make her feel safe. 

John saw her holding back, so he reached for her, uncoiling her fingers. She was frightened. He sat beside her, whispering, “Breath, Doc. C’mon, breathe for me, honey.”

He did it again. Honey. Soft whispered endearments weren’t going to help their situation. She looked at him wanting so much, but asking for nothing. 

John nearly started crying with the look of sadness that came into her eyes. Softly, she said, “Roman left us, John. He did this. Not intentionally, but he did this! He’s off being protected by the ISA, and I’m scared to death that a drug dealer is going to kill my children trying to get to me!”

She was entitled to her rage. It was even justified, but they could tackle those emotions later. Right then, Marlena needed reassurance. She needed to know that they were going to get through this. He knew she was holding herself back, and he knew why. John linked their fingers, lacing them together. “Torres is not after the children, Doc. We’ll get them to safety tomorrow. I know you’re upset with Abe, but he won’t allow anything to happen to them. We both know that,” he whispered, pushing her hair behind her ear with his free hand, before brushing the tears from her face. Leaning closer to her, he tipped her chin up so he could fall into her hazel eyes. “And, I won’t let Torres near you.”

“We need to speak with Carrie,” Marlena whispered, staring up at him. The flutters had started in her belly again, and she tried to ignore them. Deep indigo eyes stared through her into the deepest parts of her heart. There was safety there. There was stability, and that brought her more peace than words of reassurance.

“I’ll talk to Carrie,” he said. “I don’t want her to feel abandoned, or left behind. I’ll make sure she understands why we have to do this.” His thumb brushed across her chin, “Are you okay?”

“I don’t know…I don’t really have a choice, do I?” she said sadly. What she was most nervous about, being alone with John for an extended period of time, wasn’t something she felt she could discuss with him. Maybe he wasn’t feeling the same things that she was. Maybe their proximity wouldn’t even be an issue.

John wasn’t sure what made him do it, maybe it was how vulnerable she looked. Maybe it was the loneliness that seemed to have made a home in her eyes. It could have been the defeated way her shoulders hung. Whatever it was had him leaning forward, and brushing the hair from her cheek. Pushing the strand behind her ear, he kissed her softly on the lips. His lips gently tugged at hers. He pulled back, looking at her, and then went to stand up, and leave the room. Marlena stopped him, with a hand on his arm, staring at him with wide eyes. He hesitated for a moment, before leaning in to kiss her again, gently brushing his nose across hers, and threading his fingers into her hair to hold her in place for a brief moment. He felt the silken swipe of her tongue, and a soft moan into his mouth, before he released her, standing up quickly, and saying, “I’m going to talk to Carrie.”

Marlena watched John leave the room, and touched her lips with the tips of her fingers. His mouth felt like a hundred different memories trapped in a single moment. It was wrong. They shouldn’t have done it. Both of them were committed to other people. They couldn’t do it again. Where only seconds before she had wondered if her feelings were one sided, she now knew they weren’t. John was definitely feeling the same thing she was.

Chapter 16

Charles Wright Cabin, Outside Telluride, Colorado

Give me the truth who is running my show

Tell them I’m sorry but I just had to go

~ Break ~ Heart ~

Carrie noticed at dinner that the dynamics had changed between John and Marlena. She wasn’t surprised. She may be only thirteen, but she remembered that year when they were all a family. When everyone in Salem, including the Brady’s believed that John was her father. He and Marlena were so in love, that it had left her young heart in awe. She’d dreamed that someday she would find someone who loved her that much. Watching them at dinner, Carrie noticed Marlena’s shy sideways glances, or the way John’s fingers would graze hers as he passed the dishes. Smiling to herself, Carrie scooped another forkful of rice into her mouth. This was what she wanted. It was what she’d always wanted, and then Marlena had died.

Before dinner, John had come into the kitchen, just as she was washing the rice. He’d explained the situation as best he could, trying hard not to scare her. She’d smiled, said she understood and put on a brave face, but truthfully she was scared. Why wouldn’t she be? As angry as she was at Roman, he was still her father, and, even though Marlena wasn’t her mother, Carrie sometimes thought she loved her more than Anna. How many times had the people she’d trusted walked in and out of her life, whether on purpose or by accident? Anna. Tony. Roman. Marlena. Diana. Yvette. All of them loved, and all of them gone. Even Anna, who wasn’t truly gone, was emotionally unavailable. Carrie had learned at a young age that no one ever really stayed. Until John. His promises meant something. If he said this was temporary and it was for their safety, she didn’t doubt him. She would have doubted anyone else, but not John. Not her Dad. She was scared, but she trusted John more than anyone in the world.

“Twinners,” John said, clearing his throat. He was hoping that the twins would be excited. His conversation with Carrie had nearly broken his heart. He saw the immediate pain in her eyes, but as he’d talked, he also saw that she understood. For Carrie, the feelings of abandonment ran deep, and he’d spent a large part of their conversation reassuring her of how much he loved her. “I wanted to tell you that the name game is almost over…and I think you’ve won.”

Sami dropped her fork mid-bite, and asked with huge blue eyes, “We won?”

“We get to go to Hawai’i?” Eric screamed, hopping from his chair in excitement.

John glanced at Marlena, and then back to the twins, “I think you have …and, I’ve got some news I think you’re going to be very excited about.” Sami stared with wide blue eyes, and Eric looked as if he might explode from anticipation. He bounced from foot to foot trying to be patient.

“Daddy always has the best surprises!” Sami exclaimed, waving her fists, and squirming around in her seat with excitement. “What is it?”

John winked at Sami before he continued, “Well, Peanut, your mom and I spoke with your grandparents—”

“—We’re going to Denver!” Eric squealed. He hadn’t even allowed John to finish speaking before blurting it out. He hopped from one foot to the other, “Right, Daddy? We’re going to Denver?”

“I love Denver!” Sami said, nearly falling out of her chair in an attempt to get to her feet. “Thank you, Daddy! Thank you!” Sami started jumping around chanting, “Den-ver! Den-ver! Den-ver!”

Eric joined her, grabbing her hands, and dancing in a circle, “Den-ver! Den-ver!”

Marlena started laughing, as she watched the twins join hands, and start dancing. They had no idea what sort of danger they were in. Everything over the last few days had been one big adventure for them, and for that Marlena was grateful. “Okay, you two. Come on…finish eating, and you can celebrate after dinner.”

“When are we going, Mama?” Eric wanted to know, climbing back into his chair.

“Tomorrow,” Marlena replied softly. It was going to be hard saying goodbye to them. There was a very real possibility that she might not see them again. Torres was after her, and even though John had promised no one would get to her, memories of Orpheus and Stefano flashed through her mind. John wasn’t omnipotent. He couldn’t save her from everything.

Carrie saw the sadness in Marlena’s eyes, and she wanted to help. Leaning towards the twins conspiratorially, she whispered, “…and guess what?” 

The twins both stared at her, with big eyes, waiting anxiously, knowing there was more to come. 

“Uncle Abe’s going to take us,” she told them.

“Uncle Abe! I love Uncle Abe, too!” Sami screamed, as if she might explode from excitement. Uncle Abe was the most fun. He was like Uncle Bo. He was always fun. “Yay, Uncle Abe!”

“He gives us all of the candy!” Eric yelled, then he looked sideways at John and Marlena. “But, don’t tell him I said that though, cause then he won’t give us none no more.”

“Yeah, ’cause then he won’t do it no more,” Sami said with a sneaky grin.

Marlena grimaced at her children’s atrocious use of double negatives, but said nothing. They were seven, she could work on their grammar later.

This time John couldn’t hold back his laughter at their antics. Pulling Sami into his arms, he hugged her tightly, “I won’t, Peanut. Now both of you, finish your dinner. We have to get your stuff packed after you eat.” As he smelled the soft scent of her hair, his heart ached a little thinking that when all of this was over, he’d have to let them all go again. 

“I can help them pack, Dad,” Carrie said. Realizing that she called John ‘Dad’, she said, “I mean—I forgot…the name game is over…” The problem was, calling him John felt so wrong. A foreign name rolling off of her tongue leaving behind a hollow feeling in her chest. 

“It’s okay, ‘Punkin. I know what you meant,” John told her, feeling a heavy weight in his heart. The last few days had given him the chance to be their father again, even if it was part of a game, and it had him feeling so full in his heart. He gave her a small smile, “I still feel like your Dad.”

Carrie was quiet for a moment, staring into her empty plate, and listening to the chatter of the twins. Her stomach didn’t feel very hungry anymore. She twisted her fingers in her lap, summoning up the courage to say what was in her heart. Finally she looked up to find John watching her. He looked as sad as she felt. Softly she said, “I still feel like your daughter.”

Marlena leaned towards her, “Carrie, honey? Look at me please.” If any one of her children had been affected by what Stefano had done to their family, it was Carrie. He’d kidnapped the twins when she was barely five. She’d been kidnapped by Stefano herself. Adding in the complicated relationship she had with John and Roman was more than she should ever be expected to understand. How confusing it must be for her.

Carrie looked at the woman beside her. Someone who was more of a mother to her, than her own mother ever had been. She remembered her Daddy’s face when he’d told her Marlena was gone. She remembered how much it hurt. Carrie wiped the tears away quickly, and looked away. 

Marlena asked her, “What would you like to call him?” Roman be damned honestly. It wasn’t about him anymore. It was about Carrie feeling loved, and accepted. It was about Carrie feeling like she belonged to someone.

Carrie looked up, “I thought—”

“—No,” Marlena said, cutting her off gently. “No. I want to know, what would you like to call John?” 

John waited, watching the byplay between Marlena and Carrie with fascination. No matter what Carrie answered, she would always be his Punkin’ girl, she would always be his daughter, but a piece of him wanted her to say she was his daughter. Maybe that made him selfish, wanting to take what wasn’t his, but none of it mattered, because he loved her like his own.

After a pause, Carrie glanced over at John, and whispered, “Dad. He’s my Dad.”

Marlena smiled at her, taking her hand, and squeezing it quickly one time, before releasing it, “Then you call him Dad, Carrie. Okay? You call him Dad.”

Carrie started crying, getting out of her chair, and falling into Marlena’s arms. She wiped at her tears a second time, before looking at John, and saying, “Okay.”

Sami got out of her chair, and came over to Carrie. The little girl wrapped her arms around Carrie’s back, and whispered, “It’s okay… ’cause he’s our Daddy.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

ISA Safehouse, Oak Park, Illinois

Roman sat on the couch in the safe house, and stared at Chief Vaughn. He’d been confined there for four days. Four fucking days before Chief Vaughn even showed his face. Roman’s eyes flashed with fury, “How much longer are you going to keep me locked in here? This was never supposed to be permanent! I was just going to disappear for a while, and then go undercover to get to Torres. You knew that!”

“Well, I’m sorry, Roman, but there’s no way that’s happening. At least not right now. The plan is to keep you alive, with or without, your consent,” Chief Vaughn told him. He had to stall Roman for as long as possible. What he needed was for Torres to keep his end of the deal, and procure Marlena Brady. “Right now, that’s what you are. Alive. You leave here, you’ll be dead within 24 hours, and I’m fairly certain that wasn’t your plan when you left Salem.”

“Now, wait a minute! What’s that supposed to mean?” Roman yelled, standing up. “Of course, I didn’t leave Salem to die! I did it to protect my family, and save my brother! You knew that, and now you’ve got me locked up here like some common criminal!”

“You can cooperate or not, but you’re not going back to Salem right now,” Chief Vaughn said, standing up as well. He wiped the sweat off of his hands, onto the front of his pants. He was nervous. He’d made a deal with someone far more dangerous than Raffi Torres, and the clock was ticking. “You haven’t even been gone a week! Torres has his whole organization out looking for you. You know that don’t you?” Chief Vaughn glanced at the clock, and said, “Look, I’ve got to go. I’ll be back to see you tomorrow.”

Chief Vaughn wasn’t telling him anything. He was skirting the issue, and Roman could tell. It was the way his eyes darted about nervously, the sweaty palms, and the tremble in his leg. Vaughn started walking towards the door, but Roman ran after him, grabbing at his arm, “Wait! What about my family?”

He’d been hoping to get away without having to answer any of these types of questions. Mostly because he had only the barest information, which infuriated him. Captain Donovan had no right to withhold information. He was the one who should be in contact with John Black and Marlena Brady. Shane’s rank within the ISA, in comparison to his, didn’t allow him to withhold information, and yet he was. Vaughn sighed, shaking Roman’s hand off, “Torres has decided to target your wife. She’s safe. For now. The children are safe. That’s all I know.”

Roman was in momentary shock. Leaving Salem was supposed to ensure his family’s safety. It had been Chief Vaughn’s plan to begin with. Rubbing his hand over his face, he said, “I should have listened to Abe. He told me this was a possibility…fuck! I’ve got to get out of here!”

Vaughn was quick to say, “No. She’s safe. The children are safe. That’s the end of it, Roman. You’re staying here for now.” Besides, he was too close to achieving his goal. Torres wanted Roman out of the way, and he’d complied. He would have Marlena soon enough…if Torres followed through. That was the deal. 

Immediately suspicious, Roman asked, “Safe? Where is she? Where are my kids?”

“We don’t know exactly. We’re still working on that information. John Black has them, and according to Dovovan, he’s not giving up the information. What we do know is that Raffi Torres has no idea where they are either. Black has hidden them so well that even the ISA has no clue as to their whereabouts,” Chief Vaughn told him with frustration in his voice. 

“John Black? John Black!” Roman said in a low tone. “He has my family somewhere, and no one knows where? He was a trained mercenary for Stefano DiMera! One wrong move and the guy could flip! I’ve been saying that since I came back, and no one will fucking listen to me!”

“As I said, your family is with him. He was apparently with Marlena when Torres called her, and made threats. John had Marlena and the children out of Salem in less than an hour. Which means, he obviously already had a plan in place.” Chief Vaughn did not want to be having this conversation. The fact that John was ten steps ahead of everyone already had him fearing for his life.

“So John has my wife and my children at an undisclosed location, and I’m not supposed to be worried that he might revert to one of Stefano’s mercenaries?” Roman roared.

“They are safe. Shane has made contact,” Chief Vaughn told him. “As I said, Roman, this is all the information that I have.”

Roman was furious, “Did Shane speak with Doc? Did he? Because if Shane has only spoken with John, you can’t really be sure that my wife and kids are okay. Can you? He could have killed them and dumped their bodies somewhere for all you know!”

Chief Vaughn lost his patience. Roman Brady was infuriating. Turning on his heel, he left Roman standing in the middle of the living room. As the front door closed behind him, he heard Roman roar before the crashing sound of glass and wood hit his ears. Vaughn smiled, as he walked to his car. Once inside, he reached for the satellite phone, dialing Raffi Torres.

“You still got him?” Raffi said as a way of answering the call.

“Of course, I do. Have you located Marlena Brady?” Chief Vaughn asked.

“No. Although I’ve got people tracking Abe Carver right now. Hopefully, he will lead us directly to her.” Raffi glanced up, when Enzo knocked, and then opened the door to see if he was available.

“Listen Torres, I’m holding up my end of this. I’ve got Roman Brady under lock and key. I expect you to hold up your end…find the woman,” Chief Vaughn said in frustration.

Raffi Torres started laughing, “I make the rules here. Don’t forget that. I’ll be in touch.” Hanging up the telephone, Raffi finally acknowledged Enzo’s presence with a nod of his head.

“Francis got a seat on the same flight as Abe Carver…Flight #1327 to Montrose, Colorado,” Enzo said. He knew as soon as Francis’s name left his lips that Raffi was going to explode, and he knew why. Francis was a fuck up. He should never work alone, which was why Enzo made sure he went alone.

“Francis? Francis is a fucking idiot, Enzo! Shit! He’ll shoot first, and ask questions later,” Raffi said with frustration. “Why didn’t Mike go?”

“I heard he might be in Chicago checking on Bo,” Enzo said. 

Raffi’s eyes narrowed. Enzo wasn’t supposed to be on that side of things. Did he know the actual location within the city? Either way, Bo would need to be moved. “How do you know that’s where I’ve got Brady?”

Enzo kept his face placid, while he scrambled for an answer, finally saying, “Francis mentioned it the other day.” 

“Fucking Francis,” Raffi grumbled. “I swear if that fucker wasn’t family…

“He knows to keep a tight tail on Carver,” Enzo said quickly.

“Great! Fucking great! If he screws this up, I’ll shoot him myself.” Raffi took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. He felt like this whole deal was going sideways, and he was struggling to find a way to get everything back on track, “Any news on Brady’s parents?”

Another subject that made Enzo uncomfortable. He replied, “They’re under police guard, around the clock. Not ISA, but Salem PD.”

“We got a way in yet? I need men inside the PD now,” Raffi said, standing up from his desk to pour himself a brandy. He swirled the amber liquid in the glass, waiting for Enzo to answer him.

“Not yet. We’ve put out feelers, but there don’t seem to be any takers. The people in the department are loyal as fuck to Carver,” Enzo said, silently praying that they stayed that way. “These are people who used to be loyal as fuck to John Black…and now, with Carver out of town, Brian Schofield is running things.”

“Things were easier when Richard Cates was in charge,” Raffi mumbled. Those were the days when the Torres family held shipping lanes on the river, and went unchallenged, as long as Cates got a cut of the action. “Drugs ran in, and out of Salem like clockwork. No snag in the system, until Cates got cocky and wanted more. They always fucking want more.”

Chapter 17

February 8, 1992

Charles Wright Cabin, Outside Telluride

You’ve got to believe

And I don’t know, I don’t know

What I believe anymore

Or whether to leave, or whether to stay

Or what I can say…

~ How Deep It Goes ~ Heart ~

The following morning, John was rethinking the whole plan as he was helping the twins make sure they had everything they needed for the trip to see their grandparents. What if Abe was followed? It was possible, and that would add another layer of danger to this plan. What if one of the children were injured during the exchange? What if Abe was distracted, for even a moment? All of the old fears, the ones that had pushed him to make plans to begin with and left him with crippling anxiety late into the night, started to return. 

He’d climbed up to the loft and offered to assist with the packing because Marlena was becoming emotional. He couldn’t allow himself to get lost in those feelings. His intrusive thoughts about every possible way their plan could go wrong were not helping in that respect. The twins couldn’t know exactly how much danger they were all presently in. They were children. They couldn’t know how upset Marlena was going to be when she said goodbye to them. The idea was that they were taking a fun trip to see their grandparents, and explore the Denver area for a couple weeks.

Beside him, Eric lay on the bottom bunk bed, staring at Sami across the room, “Tail Spin is better because it has adventures and flying, plus all the characters from Jungle Book. DuckTales is boring and dumb.”

John smirked. The argument, as best as could be done between two seven-year-olds, had been going on for a couple of days. 

Sami stood up, her little fists sitting on her hips so reminiscent of her mother, “DuckTales had adventure! And they’re rich, so they can go swimming in their money!”

Eric rolled off the bed, “Tell her, Daddy! Tell her that adventure is better than money!”

John reached for the boy, wrapping his broad arm around his tiny body, and he pulled him close. “I think,” he said, ruffling Eric’s hair, “that you and your sisters are about to go on an adventure.”

Sami grinned. She loved her daddy so much, and even if she had another daddy, she loved the one in front of her the best.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Carrie knocked on Marlena’s bedroom door softly, and when she peeked into the room she found Marlena sitting on the bed. She watched her wipe the tears from her face quickly, with the back of her hand, as she turned and said, “You can come in.”

Carrie entered the room slowly, walking over to where Marlena sat on the edge of the bed. She sat down next to her, running her small hand over the colorful quilt that covered the mattress. “I know that you’re sad about me and the twins leaving,” Carrie said. “I’ll watch out for them. I promise. I wanted you to know that you’re one of the strongest, and bravest people I know.”

“Carrie,” Marlena said softly. She stroked the back of her fingers across Carrie’s cheek, still surprised at how much she had grown. She could see the pain in Carrie’s eyes, and even though Carrie sat there trying to put on a brave face, Marlena knew she had been through so much pain in her short life. “You are mature beyond your years. Don’t forget you’re still a child.”

“I know,” Carrie said, pushing a lock of long blonde hair behind her ear. “I just wanted you to know…because you and Daddy are dealing with a lot right now, but you’re not showing it.”

“I don’t feel strong or brave right now,” Marlena told her. “I’m worried, and I’m going to miss you all so badly, but I’m a danger to your safety right now.”

“I understand. Dad explained it all to me last night… Raffi Torres, he’s… after you. I wanted to tell you, I know I don’t call you Mom, but I…I consider you my mother,” the girl whispered. “The same way that I consider John my father. We were a family once.”

Marlena smiled softly, “We had good times didn’t we?” She could still remember Carrie’s face during their last conversation. Her long blonde hair, her cheeks still round with baby fat. She’d been so in love with her life then, so in love with John.

“Marlena?” Carrie asked her with apprehension. She wasn’t immune to the wistful look in Marlena’s eyes. “Can I ask you something?”

“Carrie, honey, you can ask me anything.” Marlena wasn’t sure she could be as truthful as John, but she could try.

Glancing down at her clenched hands, she asked, “Do you still love Dad…you know, do you still love John?”

Marlena was momentarily caught off guard, unsure of how to answer, but when she looked into Carrie’s eyes, she knew the girl already knew the answer. Marlena said, “I think…it’s very hard to stop loving someone in a few weeks. When I came home to Salem, I was returning to John, but we all believed it was your father. Finding out that Roman was still alive…it complicated things very much. Feelings are complicated, and I think…when you’re older it will be easier to understand.”

Carrie knew she hadn’t done anything more in her young life than read about complicated emotions, but she understood enough to know that her parents’ situation was more than complicated. She looked up at Marlena, and whispered, “I think you still love him… do you love Roman?”

“I love Roman too…” Marlena  hedged. She wasn’t lying, but she could admit, if only to herself, that it was a much different love than she had shared with John. “I loved Roman with all my heart when we thought he died. Then John came into our lives, and I…I loved him, thinking he was Roman, but he wasn’t. My love for John was deep… and then Roman came home… As I said, Carrie, it’s so complicated.”

Carrie scooted closer to Marlena, and rested her head on her shoulder, “I just want you to know, I know family isn’t always blood. You and Dad taught me that… and… and if you love him, you know, John, and you want to be with him… I won’t be angry. I won’t be bitter, because I see it. In just five days together… I see the love.”

Marlena wasn’t sure what to say, or even how to react. She covered her face with her hands, wondering how she was going to live with John without having the children there as a buffer between them. It had already been tense. She had no one to talk to and she knew Carrie was watching her intently. Marlena schooled her features, and lifted her head. She couldn’t think about it then. She had to wait.

Carrie reached over, hugging Marlena, and whispered, “I want my family back. The way it used to be, and if you and Dad lie about your feelings, more people will be hurt. I’ve read that enough times in a novel to know that’s how it always goes.”

“Carrie, novels aren’t real life,” Marlena said softly. But looking down into Carrie’s eyes, Marlena knew that no amount of deflection would help right then. Quietly, she asked her, “When did you grow up so fast?”

Carrie smiled shyly, “I just see things, and when I see you and Dad, I see love. The kind of love I want to have someday, and because of you, I won’t settle for less.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

John’s Apartment

Looking up and down the hallway outside of John’s apartment, Isabella pulled a lock-picking kit from her purse, and set to work. She was reminded of the fact that John had never gotten around to giving her a key. She’d ask him a few times, but he’d always managed to skirt the issue and give her some excuse. Now she was convinced it was because he was hiding something from her. 

Hearing the audible click in the lock, she pushed the door open, and stared around his drab apartment. She still struggled to understand why he would stay there when her loft was so much nicer. After they’d returned to Salem from Mexico Isabella had foolishly believed that John would immediately move in with her. Imagine her shock when he was distant the whole plane trip home and slept on the couch the first night. He told her he had an apartment the following day, as well as a job on the docks. She could still hear her own words ringing in her ears…

“The dock?” she cried. “John, you don’t have to work on the docks. I have money!”

He gave her a long, hard look, before he said, “I can work on the docks. The pay is good, and there’s no shame in a hard working job Isabella.” 

Her words came out stuttered and insecure, “I–I never said there was. I just meant…well, I meant that–”

“–I know what you meant,” he told her. “I need to do this. For myself. I need to work, and I need to forget.”

Bitterness filled her chest. He had her. Why was he still hanging onto Marlena and the children with such a tight grip? Why couldn’t he be happy with her and their baby?

Isabella pushed the memory away as her palm gently caressed her empty womb. She had to find John. He was hers. Hers. That meant something. He had come home to Salem with her, and she had to somehow convince him that being on the run with Marlena and the children was dangerous to their future. He was committing himself to the wrong family, and leaving her behind. She couldn’t lose him. With determination in her step, she walked towards John’s bedroom.

Less than a half hour later, Isabella found herself sitting on the end of John’s bed sobbing over a drawer full of memories that had nothing to do with her. Nothing at all. Hundreds of photos, mementos she didn’t understand, and love notes written on scraps of paper, cards, and official hospital stationary. All of it a declaration of love to and from one woman…Marlena. All of it tucked away in a tattered shoebox in the bottom of a chest of drawers. She held a white bandana decorated with black paisley clenched in her fist and she cried. It didn’t matter what it was from, only that John had saved it. Some sentimental scrap of cotton from a time long gone, and yet he kept it.

It wasn’t fair! None of it was fair! She loved him! She loved him with everything she had. She was the one who comforted him that night on the beach in Mexico when he lost everything. She was the one who reassured him, even as his world crashed around him, that she would always be there. She would be the one to help him pick up the pieces, and put his life back together. 

“Isabella,” John said with a rough voice. “I just…I need some space right now. I need to be alone…I need to think.”

She stood off to the side for a moment, and considered his request. The sound of the surf pounded against the shore. He was asking for time, and she knew…she knew, she should respect that, but a tiny voice inside her head told her he was thinking about Marlena. He was thinking about her and the children. If she left him there, it was only a matter of time before he sought Marlena out. He would go in search of her, and she could possibly lose him forever.

Isabella stepped closer, saying softly, “I don’t want you to be alone right now.”

“I’m asking to be alone,” he told her. She bristled. He didn’t even bother to look at her. He couldn’t even give her the courtesy of making eye contact.

Sinking to the sand beside him, she slid her palm along his curved back, “I think you feel like you’re losing everything right now–”

“I am losing everything!” he told her in a choked voice. “I’m losing everything, and it’s all my fault. It’s my fault!”

“John! No!” she said, feeling tears rise up. He was in so much pain, but she was there for him. She was there. “You have me. You may be losing the life you had, but I’m here.”

John looked at her, and said softly, “You’re here…”

“And I won’t leave you. I won’t abandon you. You have to let Marlena go…and the children,” she whispered, still caressing his back. “They belong to Roman now…but you have me, and I will always be here for you, because I love you.”

Isabella wiped the tears from her swollen face. She’d manipulated him that night. Played on his emotions to get what she wanted. After she’d mentioned Roman the deepest hurt had settled in John’s dark eyes. Telling him that Marlena and the children belonged to Roman had been the equivalent of running a knife through his heart, and twisting it for good measure. She’d done that with the sole intention of winning him, and she felt no guilt at all.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Abandoned Chicago Freight Tunnels

“Where the hell are we now?” Bo asked with his trademark sarcasm. A sharply cold waft of air blew up the length of his spine. Bo tried to glance behind him, but the ache in his muscles made it impossible. 

Jason laughed at the man’s nerve, “Like I’d fucking tell you.” Bo Brady was made of something Jason had never encountered before. Greek genetics and an Irish constitution made Bo a tough nut to crack. How many times had he watched men collapse, cry, and break, usually in less than a week? They’d been at this for weeks and still the man came back with sharp wit and snark almost as soon as he was punched in the gut.

Bo stared at Jason. The simple act of holding his head up was exhausting, but he wouldn’t be beaten down, unless he was truly beaten. Even malnourished and dehydrated, he had enough pride to look a man in the eyes while delivering a one-liner. “Well, it’s obvious you had to move me, so someone must have found out something. Otherwise you wouldn’t be in such a rush. Did you fuck up, Jason? Or was it Irv that fucked up?”

“Shut up,” Jason told him. “Boss said move you, so we moved you. I don’t ask questions. I just follow orders.”

Glancing around, Bo saw he was at a crossroads in a tunnel system. Old broken tracks ran through them. The cement curved over them on the ceiling above, and the track split three ways in front of him. He saw some abandoned barrels with rusting barrel hoops sitting in a cargo car off to the side. Cracking white paint spelled out Illinois Tunnel Company. He was still in Chicago. Of that he was almost certain. Shivering with cold, he asked, “So how long am I going to be down here, and is there a restroom?”

“For fucks sake, shut up!” Jason said loudly, punching Bo in the face. Jason watched as his head fell back, and he heard the satisfying thwak that came with a solid hit. This job was getting old fast. “I’m not taking off those handcuffs until Irv gets here.”

Bo rolled his shoulders, and forced himself to lift his head. He would not allow Jason to be the man who broke him. Opening and closing his jaw to alleviate some of the pain, he asked, “Where is Irv? I miss that guy. He hasn’t tossed water over my head in a couple of days, and I really thought we were bonding.”

Jason stared at Bo Brady, tied to a chair, weak, hungry…he had no power. He was powerless, and he should be breaking, but he wasn’t. Jason rubbed his throbbing hand through his closely cropped hair, “For fucks sake.”

Chapter 18

The Daily Bread, Montrose, Colorado

In this world so fast, nothing lasts

But I can feel it

We’re gonna make it together

~ Together Now ~ Heart ~

Carrie thought she would go crazy during the drive to Montrose. Sami and Eric’s argument about the superiority of DuckTales vs. Tail Spin was finally over. Instead she was forced to listen, for nearly an hour and a half, to the two of them singing the DuckTales theme song. It wouldn’t end, and Marlena and John were so scared and sad about what was coming that they allowed the circus in the backseat to play out like a horrible comedy.

Just when she thought it was over, Sami sang, “Life is like a hurricane, here in Duckburg!”

Which was followed by Eric chiming in, “Race cars, lasers, aeroplanes, it’s a duck-blur!”

Carrie was admittedly surprised when John sang, “Might solve a mystery.”

And she nearly lost her mind when Marlena finished, “Or rewrite history!”

Only for it to be followed by all of them in unison, “DuckTales! Woo-oo!

Everyday they’re out there making, DuckTales! Woo-oo!”

Jerking her hood up, and over her head, Carrie shoved her hands over her ears, and closed her eyes tightly. When would it end? She would never get the song out of her head. It would be stuck there forever on repeat. A snappy, catchy, jingle that would torture her until the end of time.

John glanced in the rearview mirror, and then tapped Marlena’s leg to get her attention. “I guess it’s a good thing we’re almost there. Carrie’s going to explode.”

Marlena looked over her shoulder, and smiled. She was going to miss them all so much. Doing what was best for them, and making sure they were safe, didn’t make letting them go any easier. Pasting a smile on her face, she said to Eric and Sami, “Are you guys ready to go? We’re almost there.”

John parked the car, and glanced around warily. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, but that didn’t take away his fear or slow the rate of his heart. He’d taken the tags off of the car before they left the cabin. Marlena was wearing a baseball cap, and sunglasses. He’d shaved his head the night before leaving nothing but the shortest dark hair to cover his head. He could still remember Eric and Sami’s reactions, a mixture of shock, and hysterical laughter. Carrie had smirked, and told him his head was shaped like a potato, but it was Marlena’s response that had his pulse pounding.

She came close, so close he could see flecks of brown and green in her hazel eyes. Her scent came off of her, warm and fragrant. Reaching up, she rubbed her palm over the short spikes of hair, and she whispered in his ear, “It looks good, Sailor.”

“John?” Marlena asked in confusion. She’d already said his name twice but he seemed to be daydreaming.

“What?” he asked in a distracted manner.

He was adorable. Marlena smiled at him indulgently, “I asked if you were ready? I see Abe.”

Looking around one last time, John replied, “Yeah. Let’s go. Out of the car kids.”

Marlena felt sick to her stomach, as Sami jumped from the backseat onto the sidewalk singing, “D-D-D-Danger! Watch behind you. There’s a stranger out to find you…” There was a sick sense of foreboding she never thought she would feel in relation to cartoon lyrics, but she did. There was also the fact that Sami and Eric had no idea how much danger they were really in. The danger all of them were in, and for that Marlena was grateful. 

Abe was waiting for them, outside The Daily Bread, when they arrived. He’d parked at an inn just outside of town to wait, and then arrived at the scheduled location just before John and Marlena. Sami and Eric were out of the car, and racing towards him, almost as soon as their feet hit the ground. Carrie followed behind them, laughing at their antics, while Marlena got their bags from the back of the SUV, and followed. John was ever watchful, glancing around quickly, scanning the area for possible threats. 

Abe could tell by the way Marlena glanced at him that she was very likely still upset with him, and he could understand why. Roman’s plan had been blown to hell before his plane landed at his final destination, wherever that was.

Their eyes met, and Abe asked, “You okay?”

“Do you mean, am I still angry with you?” Marlena asked him. That was a hard question to answer. She was, and she wasn’t. She could understand that Abe was in a complicated situation, torn between his job, his friendship with Roman, and his friendship with Marlena.

Abe gave her a half-hearted smile, and replied, “Yeah.”

“I’m angry at Roman. What he did is something I don’t think I can forgive…and you supported that, Abe. Even though you had misgivings, you supported it. I needed to know what was happening to keep my children safe. Roman…and you kept that from me.” She was quiet for a moment, then said, “You were with me after Roman was presumed dead. You know that I am no longer the same woman. He doesn’t know that…or maybe he’s just too stubborn to recognize it. Either way, you know, and you should have pushed him to be honest with me–”

“—Marlena—”

“—don’t, Abe,” she said, cutting him off. “Don’t defend what he did. You and I both know it was wrong, and it’s not the first time he’s done something like this.”

He looked at her for a moment, before sighing, “You’re right. I tried to talk sense into him. I did, but he refused to tell you, and I couldn’t compromise the case.”

“How’s that looking now?” she asked him sarcastically, with little remorse for Abe’s bruised ego. “Because from where I’m standing it was unsuccessful.”

The conversation between Marlena and Abe looked intense, but John didn’t interrupt right away. Marlena could hold her own. She always could, and that was the difference. He’d never known her any other way. She’d always been strong, confident, beautiful, and kind with the perfect amount of snark. He loved it. He loved her. John approached, catching Marlena’s last comment, and he smiled as he said, “You okay, Maisie?”

“I’m fine, Sailor,” she said with a sexy smirk. “Eli…Sarah…come say goodbye to Mama and Dad.” 

Sailor? Abe wasn’t sure what was going on between John and Marlena, but there was a spark of that old chemistry. Perhaps it wasn’t old at all. They’d only returned from Mexico two months earlier. Abe recalled Marlena’s anguish when she’d realized that John had made love to Isabella. Did a love like that simply disappear in such a short span of time? He didn’t think so.

Sami ran and jumped into John’s arms, kissing his cheek, “I know this was a game, but I love you like a real Daddy, okay?” She rubbed her face in his neck, and took a deep breath. The smell of her daddy made her happy inside, and it was a smell that made her feel safe. Safer than she ever felt before.

John’s heart felt as if it swelled to ten times its original size. He leaned towards her ear, and whispered, “Samantha Gene, I will always be your Daddy. I love you.”

“I love you too,” she whispered. She was excited to go see her grandparents, and she loved Denver, but there was a sadness she didn’t understand, as if she was saying more than goodbye. When John sat her down, she hugged him again around the waist one last time, and turned, running off towards her mother.

“Eli, get over here, and hug me!” John said, reaching for Eric and ruffling the boy’s hair. Grabbing Eric up in his arms, John whispered, “I love you, Slugger.”

The little boy smiled wide, saying, “I love you, too, Daddy!” His small hands cupped John’s face, and he said, “Maybe after Denver my other Daddy will let me come to your house and visit?”

John’s smile faltered slightly, as he replied, “He just might. We’ll have to ask him.” Setting Eric on his feet, he said, “Go say goodbye to your Mama.”

Eric ran to where Marlena was crouched down, with Sami cuddled up next to her. Reaching out, Marlena lifted one arm, and pulled Eric close to her. As much as she wanted to stay strong, she knew she was crying all over the twins.

Sami lifted her face, “Why are you crying?”

Marlena wasn’t sure what to say, and she was grateful when Carrie said in a joking way, “She’s jealous, because we get to go hang out with Nanny and Pop-Pop and she can’t go.”

Eric looked at his mom curiously, “You jealous?”

Marlena wiped her tears with the back of her hand, “A little, but mostly I’m going to miss you.”

“I’m going to miss you,” Sami said. 

Eric was starting to feel as if something was wrong, “How long are we going to be in Denver?”

“I’m not sure, honey, but John and I will come to get you as soon as we can. Don’t forget to keep an eye on your sisters for me,” Marlena told him. She whispered in his ear, “Especially Sami.”

Eric laughed. He loved his mama. Touching her face softly, he said, “You’re so funny.”

Marlena heard Abe’s voice behind her sounding slightly nervous, “We need to get on the road.” 

Marlena and John watched Abe herd the twins towards the car, and then turned to Carrie. Both of them wrapped her up in their love. Marlena whispered, “I love you Caroline Anna Brady. Don’t you forget that.”

John looked down at her, brushing the stray hair from her forehead, “I love you, Punkin’.”

“I love you too. Both of you.” Carrie wiped at her eyes, and turned to see Abe approaching.

Abe wasn’t comfortable standing out in the open, and he wanted to get the children out of the line of fire. Marlena stared at him for a moment, “I’m trusting you with my children, Abe. That says something.”

“I know, and I won’t let you down. I would die for those kids,” he told her. He was surprised when Marlena reached out and cupped his face. She let go quickly, leaving behind the warmth of her hand.

“Doc, we’ve got to let them go,” John whispered from her right side. 

“I know,” she whispered, wiping her tears again. She stood helpless watching Carrie climb into Abe’s vehicle with a sad wave of her hand over her shoulder. Marlena’s heart was breaking and still she forced herself to smile at Carrie.

“Take care of them Abe,” John said quietly. 

“I will,” he told them.

Marlena and John stood on the corner by their SUV and watched Abe start up the car with the three people who meant the most to them in the world inside. Reaching for her hand, John leaned against his vehicle, and glanced at Marlena, “You okay, Doc?”

“I thought it was Maisie?” she said, with a tear filled smile.

In a teasing voice he whispered, “You want me to call you Maisie?”

Marlena’s eyes went wide, “John!” How did he do that? His ability to make her body tremble with nothing more than a few whispered words was disconcerting. They were on their own now, and she knew it was only a matter of time before they crossed the line drawn in the sand when they left Mexico. 

“Trust me,” John said, rubbing his thumb over the palm of her hand. “No one is even paying attention to us.” He glanced around them, and said, “We should get going too.”

Just as he was about to say something else, a quick glint of sunlight off of metal caught his eye. Without thought, he grabbed Marlena, pulling her into him quickly, causing her to lose her balance. Her body rolled towards the Jeep with a slam, and John used his body to cover hers, but it was too late. A loud crack ruptured the silence of the early afternoon. People around them started screaming, and running for cover. Marlena cried out, the sound of her pain echoing in John’s soul. Everything around them dropped away. He couldn’t hear people crying. He couldn’t see people running. He was caught up in his mind, and the woman in his arms.

He saw the blood oozing through the shoulder of her jacket. Bright crimson, turning darker as it spread through the weave of the cloth. She’d been shot. John’s heart started beating so hard he could feel it in his neck. He could hear her short gasps, and feel her shallow pants across his skin. Marlena tipped her face up, looking at him, with shock and fear clearly written, and then she collapsed into his arms.

As he was driving away, Abe saw Carrie turn around in the back seat. He’d heard the gunshot. There was no mistaking it, but he couldn’t stop the car. He had one mission and that was to get the children safely to Denver. He heard Sami and Eric chattering, completely unaware of what had just transpired. Carrie turned around, and gasped, “Uncle Abe!”

Abe’s looked at her in the rearview mirror, “We can’t go back, Carrie. John will take care of Marlena, but we can’t go back.”

He glanced back to the road in front of him , and then he heard Sami sing, “D-D-D-Danger! Watch behind you. There’s a stranger out to find you…”

Chapter 19

Montrose, Colorado

So, this ain’t the end, I saw you again today

I had to turn my heart away

Smile like the sun, kisses for everyone

And tales, it never fails

~ Barracuda ~ Heart ~

John’s panic and fear made every decision for the next hour and a half. The cacophony around him in the growing crowd melted into nothingness as his sole focus became Marlena, and getting her to safety. A hospital would be a death sentence for her, and John knew that. He couldn’t even remember how he managed to get her in the truck, but he did remember leaning across her unconscious body to fasten her seatbelt. Later, after everything was said and done, he would marvel at what he could recall, and what he couldn’t. Marlena would tell him that the mind has a way of taking over in times of extreme stress, but John would be inclined to believe it had something to do with G-d.

As he sped away from the bakery front in Montrose, Colorado, he kept glancing behind them. They couldn’t be followed. Glancing over at Marlena furtively, memories assaulted him.

He watched Abe as he emerged from the smoky haze of his destroyed home, and he saw the look of sadness on his face. Refusing to accept it, he asked, “Abe? Abe? How is she?”

Abe replied, his voice choking with emotion, “Roman…”

“Maybe she’s still in the house?” he whispered. His heart was breaking. They had been through too much for it to end this way. It couldn’t end like this. He couldn’t lose her again.

Abe struggled to speak, “The, uh, the firemen… they’re cleaning up the last of the flames… they’re going to give the whole place a thorough once over…”

Hot tears slid down his cheeks, “You…you haven’t found her yet?” He waited for Abe to answer him, but he didn’t. Abe only continued to stare at him sadly, and in that silence there was a growing sense of dread he couldn’t accept. He started walking towards his home, “I’ll check the house myself.”

Abe reached for his arm, “Roman. Roman! Wait! There’s no point.”

“What?” he asked in a strangled voice.

“There’s no point,” Abe repeated in a voice choked with emotion. 

“Look partner, you got something to tell me, you just tell me. Okay?” he said roughly.

Abe replied, “We…uh…we found her remains…she’s dead. Marlena’s…dead.”

John shook his head, trying to clear the memory from it. Marlena wasn’t going to die. He wouldn’t let her. He continued to drive aggressively, taking multiple turns, and alternate routes, intent on making sure they weren’t followed. Glancing over at Marlena, John touched her hand, squeezing it, “Doc? Doc, are you with me?” Getting no response, he drove faster, panic racing through his system.

“Hey! Hey! Stop that flight! Stop that flight!” he screamed, running into the control room at the small island airport. The single air traffic controller stared at him, too stunned to do much more.

“I can’t. It’s too late,” the man replied in surprise. “There’s nothing I can do about that.”

“Do it right now!” he roared in a panic, reaching for the radio link.

The flight controller stared at him, his eyes wide with fear, “The plane is taxiing! There’s nothing I can do!”

He turned helplessly, watching the plane that carried Marlena as it sped up down the runway, and with each second that passed his fear grew. He would never see her again. He turned around, frantically yelling, “Get on that radio!”

The air traffic controller said, “There’s nothing I can do!”

“I am a police officer from the states!” he cried, pulling his badge from his pocket. “My wife’s been kidnapped and I believe that she’s on that flight!”

“I believe you, but it’s already taxied off! Can you see that?” The controller pointed towards the window. 

Everything moved in slow motion. He watched the plane take flight, getting further and further away. Within moments he heard a frantic radio call. “May-day! May-day!” and in the background the voice of Marlena screaming, “Oh my G-d!”

John had hit US 550 at well over the speed limit, and when he turned onto Highway 62 he could only pray that G-d was on his side, and he wouldn’t be stopped. The sixty five miles it took to get to the cabin were the longest of John’s life. Marlena hadn’t regained consciousness and her blood was spreading varying shades of crimson through the fabric of her jacket. He couldn’t stop. He couldn’t check her vitals, all he could do was drive as fast as possible and get her to the cabin, while hoping she was strong enough to hang on. Glancing behind him he was relieved that he’d lost whatever tail had been attempting to follow him.

Something in his gut was unsettled. Captain Brady? A woman outside of his home peering in the window… why wouldn’t she knock? A cryptic note on the door, and the handwriting… what was it about the handwriting? He knew. He was fooling himself to pretend he didn’t, but he couldn’t believe it. He would never allow himself to believe it, because, if he was wrong, it would destroy him… and yet… the strawberry at the bar. That one single strawberry had caused his muscles to tighten in anticipation. A single strawberry on the bar had his mind hoping… praying for something he knew was impossible.

“Shit,” he said softly. He ran his fingers through his hair as he leaned on the shipping crate down at Pier 29. “Shit. I have to get myself together.” He thought about Isabella, and his family, all waiting at home for his return. Whatever had a hold on him was foolish. He had to get back home. He shook his head to rid himself of the sensation that held him locked in that spot. He needed to leave. He should leave, but he’d been telling himself that for over twenty minutes, and still something indescribable held him firmly where he stood. 

The splash of the water against the pier, and the sound of the buoys reminded him of Marlena. Everything over the last few days had reminded him of Marlena. “She’s dead,” he said softly to himself. “She’s dead, and I need to get a fucking grip. Get yourself together, Roman.”

He wasn’t one to be overly religious or believe in fate, which was why he needed to go home, and move on with his life. These weren’t signs from Marlena, and he had to stop living in the past. “Go home to Isabella,” he told himself. “Start your life with her, and the kids.” He stood up straight, pushing himself away from the piling. Hearing footsteps behind him, he turned, and saw the shape of a woman backlit through the fog. He pivoted away, even as the urge to stay became that much stronger.

“Roman!”

He froze for a second, unable to turn around. That voice. It couldn’t be. His body trembled, as he glanced back with a look of awe and fear. A woman, her body outlined in the haze of the fog coming off of the river. It couldn’t be. It couldn’t be, and yet… he hoped. One last chance to touch her soft skin, one last chance to inhale her essence… one last chance to hold her body against his.

She stepped forward, small short steps that echoed as they sounded off of the thick wood of the pier, as if fate were pushing its way into his life, even if he didn’t believe. Still, he stared, unmoving, waiting as she stepped from the shadows. When the light of the pier reflected off of honey gold hair, his breath caught in his chest, and still he waited as the hope inside him grew in size and scope. It couldn’t be.

And then, she spoke again, “It’s Marlena.”

The spell on him was broken. He took the barest, almost imperceptible, steps toward her, saying, “No…”

Watching her come closer, step by step, her features, her body, her hair all became clearer until he could no longer deny the truth of what he was seeing. She looked up at him with tear filled eyes, and whispered, “Yes.”

In a rush of fear and anxiety, John found himself stumbling onto the large wrap around porch of the cabin, with Marlena in his arms. She hadn’t regained consciousness, and the passenger side of the car was coated in her blood. Had she lost too much? He couldn’t gauge it, and he felt so out of control. He kicked his boot out, forcing the door open, and walked inside. This wasn’t what was supposed to happen. He was supposed to protect her! He was supposed to keep her safe! 

“Fuck! Fuck!” he yelled in a helpless rage. He needed to calm down, or he wasn’t going to be any help to her. Placing her gently on the couch, he kneeled beside her. “Calm down!” he told himself, gripping his hair tightly. “Calm the fuck down!” Forcing himself to take deep, cleansing breaths, he tried to clear his mind.

He could barely stand the hurt in her eyes as she tried to cover her pain. The sound of a sob barely concealed as she said, “Oh, you know, I feel like I’ve been cooped up in here all day long.” 

She pulled away from him, the warmth of her body against his back disappearing, only to be replaced by the cool air from the open French doors. He reached for her, but her fingers slipped through his, just like everything else in his life. He leaned forward, rubbing his hands over his face in frustration. He wanted her. He wanted to hold her velvet skin against his, and sink into her warm heat so badly he was trembling, and yet fear held him back.

“I’ve been dying to take a walk on that beach, and it looks like the rain has already stopped,” she said quietly, staring out over the beach below.

In a panic he stood up, “No. Stop. You don’t have to go anywhere–”

“–Yeah, I think I do–”

“–no, I don’t want you walking out there by yourself,” he said, wrapping his hand around her upper arm. “G-d knows what could happen–”

Marlena shook his grip off, refusing to make eye contact with him, “Roman…if you and I stay in this room any longer… we are going to say or do something that we don’t want to say or do…” He turned helplessly watching her stride towards the door. “I’ll just go for a walk on the beach, no where else. You can watch from the window if you like.” She stared at him for a moment, her eyes scanning over his body, and lingering on his chest. Pulling the door open with more force than was necessary she finished, “Oh, and put on your shirt, you might catch cold.”

He stared at the closed door, hearing a dull thud come from the other side, and he could picture her leaning against it. He could see the tears in her eyes, and he could feel her pain, palpable through the heavy wood. He’d hurt her by pulling away, yet again. He was allowing his fear to dictate his choices, when all he wanted was the same thing she wanted. Why couldn’t he take that step? But as flashes of her plane crashing, Carrie’s face etched in pain, and his own sense of loss swam over him, he found himself rooted where he stood. He wanted to go after her. He wanted to reassure her of his love, instead he stood in the doorway of the French doors overlooking the beach, feeling the wash of cool air brush over his bare skin, and wishing it was the touch of Marlena’s soft hands.

Brushing Marlena’s face gently, he realized that he was crying. Hot tears trailed over his cheeks, and his hand trembled as he touched her. Still talking to himself John said, “You know what to do. I know it. I know it…” and suddenly he did. He knew exactly what to do, as if he had somehow willed the memories to come to him from the deepest recesses of his mind. Reaching forward, John removed Marlena’s coat carefully, slipping it free of her arms, and began unbuttoning her shirt. He spread the fabric open, glancing over her chest dotted with freckles. His fingers traced over them gingerly before he turned his focus to her gunshot wound. It was a clean shot, straight through the shoulder. “Okay, okay…no bullet to remove…clean it, and close it…clean it, and close it…” he said aloud to himself. “Clean it and close it.”

The barge horn sounded in the distance as rain pelted against Marlena’s umbrella. A myriad of sounds, but he was caught up in his own mind. He took the gun he’d just brandished, and tucked it into the waistband of his jeans, turning away from her as she asked him, “How did you know that I would come here?”

“It’s our place, ain’t it, Doc? It’s special for both of us… and I had a feeling you’d be here, if you still believed in me,” he said, still refusing to look at her. He was scared, and he could acknowledge that to himself. He was scared that possibly, he might not be Roman Brady after all. He was scared that he would lose his family, his livelihood… and Marlena. He might lose it all. 

“I do believe in you,” she said from behind him, shouting over the roaring of the rain. “I always have believed in you.”

He folded his arms across his chest, scared of looking into her eyes, because if he did, and he saw lies or fear, it would be the end of him. Behind him he heard her step closer.

“I know you’re a calm, rational man…that’s why I know you will turn yourself into the authorities, and come home with me.”

He scoffed, finally turning to face her, “And why would I want to do something like that?”

“Because you can’t keep on running like this,” she told him. She was right of course, but Marlena was always right. The voice of reason he needed when he was most afraid. “That isn’t who you are at all. You aren’t that kind of man.”

“And I’m not running either,” he told her. Rain ran freezing cold down his neck, and into the collar of his leather jacket. It pelted his face as he stared at Marlena, thinking that she was the most beautiful woman he’d ever known in his life. 

Thunder roared overhead as Marlena let her umbrella drop. She stepped closer to him, saying softly, “You are running.” She paused, watching him, and finally said, “I’ve got to tell you something.” She wiped rain from her face, “The family got together and… they’ve decided to begin calling you John again.”

Pain ripped through his chest so fiercely that his eyes closed for a brief second. He felt Marlena’s hand softly land on his chest as she moved closer to reassure him, “It has nothing to do with who you are, or how we feel about you, and being part of the family. It’s just… everybody… two Roman’s is hard on everybody… it’s very confusing.” Her fingers traced over his jaw, and he struggled to breath. All he could do was focus on the warm feel of her fingers on his skin. He heard her murmur, “I’m sorry.”

Bitterness etched his face, “What are you sorry about, Doc? Are you sorry that that’s the way you think of me? John Black? Or now that I know that’s how you think of me?”

“I don’t know how else to think of you,” she whispered. “Those tests were conclusive–”

“–those tests don’t prove a damn thing, Doc! Who took ‘em? The ISA! Haven’t I been telling you since you got back to Salem, what’s been going down with them over the years?”

“Well, yes, but–”

“–the company is not above mixing up some tissue tests to come up with any results they damn well please.” He walked towards the edge of the pier, folding his arms tightly as if that would keep him firmly grounded, because his life was falling apart before his eyes.

“Yes, but–”

“–what I’m saying, is what I’ve been saying all along,” he said, turning to face her quickly. “I might have a few glitches in my memory, but I’m Roman. I have been, and I always will be.” Even as he said it, he wasn’t certain. He’d known for years that he was very different from the loud, pushy, blustering man of his memories, but he couldn’t admit it, because admitting meant he was again, a man with no past.

Her face was inches from his. He stared into her eyes, feeling so lost and so confused. Quietly she said, “Then I think we’d better talk.”

“Damn right, we gotta talk. But not out here in the open,” he told her, lacing his fingers through hers. “Come with me.” He turned and led her from the pier. She didn’t question where they were going, and she didn’t seem afraid. She followed him the way she always did, and if there was anything he needed in that moment, it was her trust.

John touched Marlena’s face once more, and then he was running for the medical kit he had stashed in the kitchen, the one he had prayed he’d never have to use. Rushing back, he spilled its contents onto the floor next to the couch. Antiseptic, suture and a surgical needle, all still in their sterile packaging – everything he needed to close her gunshot wound. His mind continued to pull at memories that he knew were there buried in his mind. She wouldn’t die. He wouldn’t let her. Running back to the kitchen, John got the largest bowl he could find, filling it with hot water, and several towels.

His head rested in his hands as he sat on the beach. The roar of the waves against the sand was a welcome balm to his troubled mind. He was going to lose it all. As much as he wanted to try and convince himself that it wasn’t true, he was going to lose everything. Mixed with the sound of ocean waves, he heard Marlena’s voice, “John?” He stood up, wiping the sand from his hands along the back of his jeans. He watched her warily, as she asked, “What’s the matter?”

Everything. Everything was wrong, but he said, “Nothing… just doing some thinking.”

She was beautiful. The way the sun shone off of her golden hair. The way the breeze kissed her skin, giving her face a rose glow. She stared out over the water, “It’s a good place for that. Are you thinking about anything in particular?”

He was thinking about the children. He was thinking about his job. His family. His life. But he replied, “Not really. I just want this whole mess to be over, and done with so I can go home.” He was holding back. It was as if he was turning in on himself again. He was feeling the way he had when he’d first arrived in Salem. A man without a past. A man who could trust no one, especially himself. 

She was watching him intently. The way she did when she questioned the truth of his words, but she didn’t call him on his lies. She said softly, “I think we all do.”

Did she even want him in Salem, when all was said and done? Would she be able to live her life with him there, always in the shadows? “Do you have a problem with me going back to Salem?”

“No! Why would you ask?”

He was quiet briefly, and then he said, “I just thought it might be better for everyone concerned if I packed up, and moved on.” He glanced down, and then out over the ocean, finally saying, “I don’t think I can do that, Doc. Salem’s my home. I don’t care what anybody says. It’s where I belong.” They both knew he was referring to Roman.

Marlena stared at him with a small smile, “Well, if you’re looking for an argument, you won’t get one from me on that–”

“–are you serious?” Relief washed over him. The kind of relief that made his heart ache, and tears welled in his eyes.”

“No. I’m very serious,” she told him. He could see the truth of it in her eyes. She wanted him close by, and he felt his love for her swell in his heart. “I don’t know where you were before, but I know we made a life together. I know we made a home for each other.”

Tears washed over his face. He blinked his eyes rapidly trying to force them back, but as she spoke, it was useless. They flowed as freely as her words. “I can just imagine… how much you’re hurting right now. The thought of losing all that… I want you to know that I understand that. I should have said that before, I suppose, but it’s been so… complicated with everything.”

He smiled at her. She was so torn, and so confused, and still she’d sought him out, trying to offer him comfort. “I think you’re putting it mildly, Doc.”

“I know how much you’ve been hurting,” she told him. “I’ve been wanting to reach out to you… and… comfort you. I hope it’s not too late.”

There was something in her eyes. If he reached for her, if he pulled her close, and wrapped his arms around her, she wouldn’t stop him. As much as he wanted it, he held himself back. She stepped closer, softly placing her palm on his shoulder. She caressed him, and his fists clenched tightly in restraint. “I don’t want your pity, Doc.”

“I don’t pity you, Roman,” she said. “I just care so much about you, I can’t stand to see–” she stopped speaking as John smiled at her. Smiling back she asked, “What?”

Happiness welled inside him, “You called me, Roman.”

“I did?”

“Yes,” he said. He continued to watch her feeling happier than he had in weeks. She was confused, disconcerted, and absolutely beautiful. “It’s getting late, Doc. Why don’t you go home.”

“Are you coming?” she asked.

As much as he wanted to take her hand in his, and lead her back to where they were staying, he said, “No.”

“More thinking to do?” she asked him.

“No. The thinking parts all over. Now it’s time to find the answers.” And he would find the answers, although he also knew they would very likely destroy him.

Trying to think of every contingency, and fighting to pull memories forward, John cried out, “Infection…infection…shit! Antibiotics.” Setting all of the supplies he needed onto the towel he’d spread across the floor, he rummaged through the other materials scattered about, making sure he wasn’t forgetting something. “She’s allergic to penicillin… Okay, good! Doxycycline… ciprofloxacin… vancomycin…” He continued to talk to himself out loud. It helped ground him, and it helped him organize. John read the labels on the antibiotics, placing them to the side. “At least I was thorough,” he mumbled to himself, applying pressure to the wound. “Fuck, Doc, I’m gonna get you through this, because you absolutely do not have permission to die on me!”

Chapter 20

Raffi Torres’ Residence, Salem

We’d seen each other in a dream

Seemed like he knew me

He looked right through me…

~ Magic Man ~ Heart ~

Raffi was watching the flames dance in the fireplace when he was given the telephone by his butler. Without preamble, he said into the receiver, “Speak.”

“Hey, Boss. It’s Francis.”

Just the sound of Francis’ voice had Raffi in a near rage. “You better fucking tell me you got the Brady woman Francis,” Raffi said.

“I had a clear shot, but the sun must have glanced off of the barrel, because John Black caught sight of it,” Francis said nervously. “Black pulled her out of the way right as I fired, so I didn’t get the kill shot.”

“You fucking shot at her?” Raffi roared. He was about to blow, “I never said to shoot her! I said I needed her!” He was going to have Mike’s hide for allowing this shit to happen. “What happened?”

Francis was almost scared to respond. Raffi was angry. He could tell. They’d grown up side by side, and it was quite often that Raffi had lost his temper with him. He knew what was coming when he got home. Slowly, almost reluctantly, he said, “He…they got away, Boss… I tried to follow them, but John Black, he, uh, he knew what he was doing, and I lost them.”

“He used to be a fucking mercenary for Stefano DiMera, you dumbass! Of course, he got away. He was a fucking police officer for the Salem PD! G-d, Francis, you’re such a fucking moron! Did you actually shoot her?”

“Well, you see… she was hit. “Cause, you know, I didn’t know I wasn’t supposed to shoot her… There was a lot of blood on the street, but I don’t think she’s dead. Give me some time, Boss. I can track them down. I swear. I won’t mess up this time.”

“So John Black is somewhere in Colorado with an injured Marlena Brady, and you think he’s not going to double down on his efforts to keep her alive? You’ll never fucking find them!” Raffi roared. “You fucked up, Francis. You fucked up!”

Francis tried again, “Just let me… let me try and find them–”

“–shut up!” Raffi yelled. “Shut the fuck up, Francis. You will wait for Mike. Do you hear me?”

“Yeah, Boss–”

“–you will wait for Mike, and that is all you will do. Do you understand?” Raffi asked.

Francis sighed like a child, “Yeah, Boss. Yeah. I understand.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Pier 14

He’d been waiting for someone to approach him, so Chief Vaughn wasn’t surprised when a tall man stepped from the shadows. The fog was thick, glowing deep orange with the light cast from a nearby streetlamp. Their eyes met and held. Even without an introduction he knew it was the end. It had been the end for the last two days. He’d failed to procure Marlena Brady, and the man who wanted her didn’t make idle threats. 

“You were lucky my employer got distracted. He had a situation. It gave you two extra days, didn’t it?” The man in the dark suit circled Vaughn. “Do you have the woman?”

Vaughn was barely able to speak, as fear gripped him tightly. He stared at the light reflecting off the gun held in the other man’s hand. Almost stuttering, he said, “We–we’re close… I have someone working on it. I just need a few more days–”

“That’s a long 48 hours,” the man sneered. He laughed and it turned the blood in Vaughn’s veins cold. “We don’t wait.” 

He lifted the gun, already fitted with a silencer, and shot Chief Vaughn in the forehead. He watched the body fall back into the river. The perfect shot. He smirked. Glancing over the aged wood of the pier, he smiled. Nothing to clean up. To himself, he laughed lightly, “A fucking perfect shot, and no one here to see it. What a disappointment.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Charles Wright Cabin, Outside Telluride

John stared down the neat row of stiches as he finished sewing up her bullet wound. A clean shot some would say, but to John, the damage left behind was anything but clean. He sank onto his haunches with an exhausted sigh, glancing at the floor around him. Bloody towels, gauze, surgical devices. He looked at his hands, and thought he’d never be able to get the blood out from under his fingernails. In his frenzy to help her, he’d forgotten gloves. He’d remember to wash his hands and have sanitary tools, and he had somehow forgotten gloves. 

If he could, he would lie beside her and fall into a deep dreamless sleep. It had been hours. The sun had already set, but he had been meticulous. The wound was cleaned and stitched. He’d done her back first, because the damage was the worst on the exit. Her skin torn and fragmented, he’d worked diligently to piece it back together. Memories he hadn’t known he’d possessed came rushing back when he called them. Memories that, instead of leaving as soon as he recalled them, still lingered in his mind. 

He wiped his hands on his jeans, a mix of Marlena’s blood and his own sweat. It was done. He gathered the bloody items around him and walked them over to the large trash can in the kitchen. He stood before the sink, washing his hands again. As if in a trace, he washed the pink water slowly drain down, and he felt a sob catch in his throat. Not yet. He couldn’t lose control yet.

Walking back into the main living area, he reached for the gauze and surgical tape to cover the wound on the front of her shoulder. With a gentleness he didn’t know he had, he carefully placed the tape, and smoothed his fingers along her soft skin. With her arm crossed over her chest, he wrapped a large ACE bandage around her, stabilizing everything in case she woke and tried to move. He didn’t want her hurting herself anymore than she already was. 

Slowly, as if he were caring for a small child, he washed the blood spatter from her face. He washed gently along her neck, and her abdomen, where it had trailed and dried against her skin. His breath caught in his chest, and he stopped breathing for a moment. Not yet. 

Marlena’s eyes fluttered, and she gazed up at him, her eyes glazed over with pain. She didn’t speak, and John wasn’t even sure she was really with him. “Hey, baby,” he whispered. “I need you to take some medicine for me. Can you do that?”

Opening her mouth as if to speak, she closed it again. Her eyes closed tightly, and he could see the pain. Opening them again, she whispered, barely audible, “It hurts.”

“Fuck, I know, baby. I know. I’ve got some antibiotics and some pain medicine. The pain medicine will help you sleep,” he told her, reaching beside him for the glass of water, and the two pills he had ready. Placing them in Marlena’s mouth, he tipped her head up. Even when she cried out, he couldn’t stop, holding her high enough to allow her to drink, and then gently laying her back down. Reaching out, his fingertip swept up the tears trailing down her face, and he whispered, “I’m sorry, baby. I’m so fucking sorry. I was supposed to protect you…”

Marlena wanted to reassure him. She wanted to tell him it wasn’t his fault, but the darkness pulled her down again, and her eyes fluttered closed.

John knew it was for the best. Being awake right now would be nothing but agonizing pain for her. “Sleep, Doc. Sleep.”

He finished cleaning up, and then went to the bedroom she’d been using since they’d been there. It smelled like her, a mixture of lavender and lilac. Soft floral scents that would forever cause his body to shiver and his mind to crave. Pulling the quilt and the sheets back, he made a space to lay her, and then went back to the couch. She moaned low in her throat as he lifted her, but she didn’t wake. For that he was thankful. 

Walking slowly though the cabin, John could hear the wind picking up outside, and as he laid Marlena in bed, he happened to glance up and see snow falling outside. The moon was full, and lit up the room, and the falling snow seemed to muffle all sound, creating a soft bubble of silence. Watching Marlena asleep, he wanted nothing more than to fall into the bed beside her, but he couldn’t. He had to shower.

The stress of the day lay on his skin in a fine sheen of dried preparation and blood spatter. John pulled a pair of boxers from the drawer, and made his way into the bathroom. It was in the enclosed space of the shower where he finally allowed himself to release his pent up emotions. Collapsing to his knees as the hot spray beat down on him, he sobbed. He’d almost lost her. In the blink of an eye, she could have been gone. She wouldn’t have known how much he still loved her. It shouldn’t matter. Not really. And yet it did. The thought of losing her without being able to tell her how much she meant to him, had almost destroyed him. 

It was when the water started to cool, that John finally got to his feet again, and quickly washed himself clean. His hair still damp, he climbed into bed next to Marlena wearing only a pair of boxer shorts. He turned towards Marlena, watching her while she slept, lit up all silver and white in the moonlight. She was beautiful, and she was alive. He’d figure out the rest in the morning. Rolling towards her, he tucked his face into her neck on the left side, and gently rested his arm across her abdomen.

“John?” Marlena whispered softly.

He lifted his head, “Yeah, Doc?”

“What happened?”

“You were hurt, baby…but now it’s time to rest,” he whispered. His fingers traced lightly across her cheek, as he said, “You need to rest. I’ll be here tomorrow.”

“You’ll stay with me?” she asked.

“I wouldn’t be anywhere else,” he told her.

Her eyes drifted closed again as she sighed, “I’m glad.”

Chapter 21

February 9, 1992

Charles Wright Cabin, Outside Telluride, Colorado

All this aching love inside

One Word ain’t enough

Open your heart, I’ll open mine

How do you say Love?

~ One Word ~ Heart ~

Marlena woke in the early morning hours the following day. She was groggy. That feeling you have when you wake up after being given a high dose of painkillers. Even without moving, she knew she was badly injured. There was a deep ache in her shoulder, and she felt the throbbing with every beat of her heart. Gingerly she reached her hand up, touching her shoulder, only to find it heavily bandaged, and realize she wasn’t wearing a shirt. She had an ACE bandage wrapped tightly around her, stabilizing her shoulder, and protecting what little modesty it could. Turning her head to the side, she saw John asleep. She tried to speak, but found it difficult because she was so thirsty, so she reached her hand over, and found his fingers, squeezing gently.

He felt the gentle pressure on his hand pulling him from a deep sleep. Opening his eyes, he glanced over at Marlena beside him, seeing her hazel orbs staring right back, the most perfect blend of brown, green, and amber. She was beautiful, and she was alive… and he loved her. He was in love with her. He had never stopped. How could he? It had been barely two months since his life had been turned upside down, and a mere eight weeks would never be enough time to get over a love like he’d had with Marlena. Almost as if he could read her mind, he sat up, moving to get out of bed, “I bet you’re thirsty. Hold on…”

Marlena watched his muscles bunch and ripple as he climbed from the bed wearing nothing but a snug pair of boxer briefs. When they were married he’d worn boxer shorts. This new style was pleasing to the eyes. Glancing away quickly, she tried to focus on something other than his warm, muscular body next to her all night. It was impossible as she quickly turned back to stare at his retreating form walking towards the bathroom. It was even harder not to stare at the dark hair coating his chest as he walked back. 

He saw her staring, and he was familiar with the look of appreciation. Marlena had never been very good at hiding her thoughts. At least not in the bedroom. How many times during their marriage had she slipped up onto her knees, and waited at the edge of the bed for him, only to slide her palm up his abdomen with a low purr? He knew exactly what she was thinking. His cock twitched in his briefs, and he almost groaned.

With a shaky hand, he placed the water glass beside the bed, and reached for the vial of morphine and the syringe next to it. Carefully measuring he drew 15 milligrams into the needle.

“What is it?” she asked.

“Morphine,” he replied. She opened her mouth to argue, but he stopped her. “You need it for the pain, Doc. Without it you won’t be able to manage.”

She closed her mouth, gingerly reaching up to touch her shoulder, which was already starting to throb more deeply. Softly she said, “Okay…but only for a few days.”

John tore the paper to an alcohol wipe, while sitting on the edge of the bed. Gently, he swabbed over the skin of her upper arm. Their eyes caught and held, while John asked her softly, “You ready, Doc?”

She nodded her head slowly staring into his deep blue eyes. He’d saved her life. She knew what it must have required of him physically and emotionally to perform surgery on her. She trusted him with this as well.

All of his memories from the previous day were still fresh and raw. Looking at her then, allowing it to sink in that she really was alive, and going to make it through, zapped almost all the energy he had left. Waking up to those beautiful eyes after a restless night of checking her breathing – a restless night of waking at every sound she made – took it all out of him. She was going to be okay. He whispered in a choked voice, “I was so fucking scared, Doc. I thought I was going to lose you.”

“What happened?” she asked him, starting to feel woozy from the morphine. She remembered watching Abe drive away with the children, and she remembered resting her head on John’s shoulder. He’d shouted, and moved her suddenly, but then everything was blank. She didn’t remember anything else.

“We can talk about it later. You need to rest. But, I do need you to start taking these antibiotics,” he said, holding a pill in his hand.

“I’m confused…” she said, after swallowing the pill. “How did you…” She was barely able to keep her eyes open as fatigue washed over her. Her hand reached for him, gripping his forearm as if she were afraid to let go.

Gently, he cooed, “Rest, Baby. We’ll talk later.”

Fear and sleep both tugged at her mind, and as she drifted off to sleep, she whispered faintly, “Don’t leave me, John. Don’t ever leave me… I love you.”

Laying beside her on the bed, he smoothed the hair off of her forehead. Her long lashes rested against her skin, and she sighed softly, turning her sleeping face towards him. I love you. Three simple words that meant so much to him. In six days his world had flipped again. Rolling towards her, John wrapped his arm around her, and buried his face in her hair, whispering, “I love you, too.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

ISA Safe House, Oak Park, Illinois

Roman began to suspect that Chief Vaughn wasn’t on the right side of the law after he had been locked in the safe house for over a week. Every time he asked about his family he was put off. Every time he asked about his new identity, he was put off, and every time he asked when he would be allowed to leave, he was put off. He could tell that something wasn’t right. Then there was the fact that Vaughn was increasingly on edge, seemingly agitated about something. The one thing that kept coming to his mind was what John had said about the ISA. Roman had been gone seven years, and in that time John swore that the ISA had become corrupt, and couldn’t be trusted. Roman had assumed that John was the one who couldn’t be trusted. Maybe he was wrong.

He’d hated John on sight simply for what he represented. While Roman had been kidnapped, and locked in a cell on San Cristobal, his own family had taken John Black in. They had lived with John and loved him for seven years believing that John was him. They hadn’t missed him, or mourned him, because they thought he was with them. Roman felt betrayed, and if he was honest with himself, angry. He softly fingered the scars on his wrists, allowing his anger at his family to consume him once more. His wife had so readily accepted someone who was physically different from him in so many ways. Not just his facial features but hair, stature… Roman still couldn’t fathom it. 

John was a plant from Stefano Dimera, and in Roman’s eyes, all he represented was lies. Therefore, he couldn’t be trusted, and so, Roman had ignored all of John’s warnings about the ISA, and he had refused John’s help in the search for Bo. But, it was when the door to the safe house opened and a stranger walked in that Roman realized he may be in deeper trouble than he’d previously thought.

Roman watched the new man warily, “Who are you?”

Staring at Roman with condescension, he said, “I am the new Chief of the ISA. Vaughn has met an untimely end, it seems. Which has left me to tie up loose ends. One of those being your safety.”

“What I want, is to get the fuck out of this cage you’ve got me in, and go find my wife,” Roman said standing up. 

“While you are understandably angry, why don’t we have a seat to discuss what I know so far?” He gestured towards the sofa as if it were the most common place to move to in situations such as they were in. 

“I don’t want to sit. I want to leave.” Roman remained standing while the new ISA Chief made himself comfortable on the couch.

Resting his ankle on his knee, the man leaned back, “Chief Tarrington… I believe we missed introductions when I entered.” He watched Roman for a moment, and said, “It seems that Vaughn had fallen in with the wrong sorts of people. He was making some deals that got him killed. Most notably trading you for your wife.”

Roman’s eyes narrowed, “What are you talking about?”

“It seems Raffi Torres wants you, and Stefano DiMera wants your wife back. He’s not happy about her escape from San Cristobal. Vaughn convinced you to go on the run, leaving Marlena vulnerable, and therefore making it easy for Raffi Torres to kidnap her. There was meant to be an exchange. Raffi would take you, and Vaughn would sell Marlena to DiMera.” Tarrington watched Roman with intense blue eyes, which made Roman uncomfortable.

“But Vaughn is dead?” Roman asked. He felt foolish. He’d trusted Vaughn. He’d believed every word out of the lying snake’s mouth.

“DiMera doesn’t like to wait,” Tarrington said with little emotion. “Vaughn tried to make him wait.”

“Is Doc safe? What about my children?”

“Your children are now with their grandparents in Denver. We believe she is still with John Black, and safe.” Tarrington paused, and then he said, “Marlena’s whereabouts are still unknown. When the children were moved, Abe Carver was tailed to Montrose, Colorado. We’re fairly certain it was one of Torres’ men. There was an attempt on her life, and your wife was shot. We don’t know any more. The information we do have came from people standing in the vicinity.”

“Torres’ man shot my wife?” Roman yelled. “And he missed?”

“John Black must have seen him just before he fired. He pulled her out of the way. She was hit, but we think it wasn’t fatal,” Vaughn said. “Had it been, we would have heard something by now.”

“How do you fucking know that for sure?” Roman demanded stepping closer. His fists clenched at his sides, feeling a helpless rage pulse in his veins.

“We don’t. We only know that much, because our man inside the Torres organization told us. We don’t know if the shot was fatal… but we think it wasn’t, and we have no idea where John Black has taken your wife.”

“I want out of here,” Roman said, approaching the sofa where Chief Tarrington sat.

“I’ve told you before, Roman. I can’t let you do that.” Tarrington stood up. “The ISA has determined that you will be kept here until this is resolved.”

“I chose to come here! I can choose to leave,” Roman roared. “You can’t fucking do that!”

Chief Tarrington sighed deeply, wishing it hadn’t come down to this. He’d been vying for the ISA chief job since he’d started with the ISA, he didn’t realize it would involve babysitting details. He pulled out his gun, and aimed it at Roman, as he backed out the front door, “You may have chosen to come here, but you can’t leave. Not anymore.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Shane Donovan Residence

Shane had turned off all of his ISA tracking equipment, except for the satellite phone he used to maintain contact with John. Abe had just arrived. Shane looked at him, and said, “We’ve got a situation, and I’m not sure how we should handle it. I spoke with Enzo… Chief Vaughn was working with Torres. We think he’s dead… but if he is, the ISA is keeping it quiet.”

Abe rubbed his hand over his face roughly. This whole plan had seemed so simple, but it had gotten out of hand. “Shit. How does this affect Roman? Do we even know where the ISA is holding him?”

“Abe,” Shane said, looking serious, “We know nothing. Enzo is trying to get the information we need, but Torres is smart. He doesn’t allow his people to overlap in their jobs, and Enzo doesn’t get information on that side of things. Plus, he’s hitting a wall with the ISA too. He doesn’t even know if Bo is dead or alive.”

“Roman walked right into a trap,” Abe said in frustration. “I told him to think about it. I warned him not to just run off, and do this thing.” Abe walked towards the window looking out, “I had a bad feeling about the whole plan, but I let him call the shots because he was the one being threatened. Shane, it was Vaughn who came to him, and suggested he go into hiding because of the threats from Torres… and they were working together the whole time? Why? What was in it for him? What was the end result supposed to be?” Abe stared out onto the lawn, and second guessed everything he’d allowed to happen regarding this case. Not just that, but every decision he’d made since Roman returned. Allowing Roman back onto the force so quickly was the biggest mistake. The man had been gone, imprisoned for seven years, and he just walked back on the job, like he’d left only the week before. Roman was hot-tempered, obstinate, moody, and opinionated. He assumed he knew best, and everyone else was expected to fall in line. So many mistakes had been made. Abe glanced over at Shane, “I feel like this is all my fault.”

“I wouldn’t go that far, Abe. Mistakes were made, certainly, but they weren’t all made by you,” Shane said.

“So what do we do now, partner?” Abe said, turning back around. “What the hell do we do now?”

Chapter 22

February 10, 1992

Montrose Regional Airport, Montrose, Colorado

You’ve got to come lay down here

And say those things, those warm things

Right here in my ear

~ How Deep It Goes ~ Heart ~

It wasn’t difficult to follow a fluffy mop of chestnut curls through the small airport. The woman was completely oblivious to everything around her. The information Mike was given by Torres stated that she was a private detective. If she was, she must not be very good at it. Following her was the easiest job he’d had in years. He’d called ahead from the Salem airport to ensure that Francis would be there waiting, and if this woman was obvious, so too was Francis an idiot.

Mike continued to tail her as she lifted her luggage from the carousel, and walked to the one lone car rental counter in the whole airport. He glanced around for Francis, starting to get worried that he might lose her if the other man didn’t show up soon. Stepping closer, he heard her ask about lodging.

“Well, you see,” the clerk said, chewing his gum loudly. “Ski season is about to open up in Telluride in a few weeks, and people are already starting to filter in. Hotels are already starting to fill up. But, I know a place that might still have availability. It’s not cheap though. It’s about–”

“–money is no object,” Isabella said quickly, cutting him off. “I have the money.”

“Well, The Inn at Lost Creek in Mountain Village should still have space, I’m thinking,” he said, spitting his gum in a nearby trash can. “But like I said, it’s pretty fancy.”

Isabella forced herself not to crinkle her face in disgust. Chewing gum was such a gross habit. She could barely tolerate John’s gum chewing, let alone a stranger. “That will be just fine. Can you give me directions?”

The man pulled a folded brochure from a receptacle at the end of the counter, where it sat surrounded by hundreds of others, “Here you go. There’s a map on the back that should help.”

“Thank you,” she replied. “And the car?”

The man laughed from deep in his belly, making what Isabella was certain was a hairpiece, jiggle on the top of his head. She stared at him for a moment, before smiling brightly, “I don’t suppose there are many private residences in this area?”

“Well, there are, but some of them are older places that were never sold to developers. The rest of us mundane folks, well, we’re seasonal or we rent our places,” he said.

She continued undeterred, “If a person was interested in purchasing–”

“–you’ve got that kind of money, miss? Well good luck to ya, I say. There’s plenty a places, but the price is steep,” he said, looking behind her at the next customer.

“I see,” she mumbled, stepping away from the counter with the key to her rental in hand. If John was Charles Wright, as she suspected, how had he been able to afford property in this region of the country. What would even possess him to buy something in Colorado? Isabella had more questions than answers, and no direction to go other than Telluride. Once she got some rest, maybe she could piece the rest of the clues together, and find John and Marlena. Catching a red eye had left her exhausted, but she was going to find John, because he owed her some answers and she wasn’t leaving until she got them.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Charles Wright Cabin, Outside Telluride, Colorado

“Coffee…coffee,” Marlena mumbled, standing on the tips of her toes, and shuffling things around in the kitchen cabinet. “Where did Roman move the coffee?” The linoleum was cool on her feet, and she was immediately regretting that she’d left her slippers and robe behind in the bedroom. She could feel the heavy sway of her breasts as she leaned forward, and the rasp of cotton across her nipples. She would have been indecent, if anyone had been home, but the children had slept at Caroline and Shawn’s and Roman was on a stakeout. 

She set the can of ground coffee on the counter, and took a deep breath. She should not be aroused by the feel of her nightgown brushing across her nipples, and yet she was. It had been so long since she was touched. Since she had allowed someone to touch her. Roman wanted to. He tried nearly every day to kiss her, or stroke her. Anything to awaken her desire, and bring their relationship back to where it had been seven years earlier. But she couldn’t. She could barely even remember the time when Roman’s lips or hands elicited feelings of desire within her, because it was all overshadowed by John. John’s mouth on her, his fingers pulling at her breasts, his cock driving into her, and causing her such pleasure. 

Marlena’s hands slid up her abdomen, feeling the heat of her own body through the thin white cotton. If John were with her right then… if he were in front of her. She groaned, aching deep inside. Cupping her own breasts, she squeezed them roughly. Her hips pushed forward, pressing her aching mound into the edge of the kitchen counter. Frustrated with herself, and her life, her hands dropped to support her weight as her head fell forward.

“Don’t stop,” John said from behind her.

She spun quickly, leaning back on her hands. Her chest heaved as she tried to catch her breath, but it was difficult since her heart was thundering in her chest. “John! How did you… how did you get in here?”

“Does it matter?” he asked, stepping closer. His chest was bare, and his blue jeans had the top button unfastened in that way that had never failed to arouse her. “I’m here… don’t stop. Touch yourself…”

She glanced around, trying to figure out if her situation was real or imagined. Was she dreaming? In dreams she could do whatever she wanted. She asked him breathlessly, “Am I dreaming?”

He came one step closer, and asked her in a soft voice, “Do you want to be?”

Marlena smiled shyly, “Yes.”

“Touch yourself. Show me what you want,” he whispered. 

She glanced towards the kitchen door, worried that Roman might appear just as John had, without warning. Glancing back towards John, she felt the ripple of her skin, and the pucker of her nipples against the light fabric. Her breasts were tight, and aching. 

“Touch your breasts, baby,” he instructed her gently. “I want to watch.”

Her core clenched, and her eyes caught his. Slowly she placed her splayed palms against the rounded curve of her abdomen. She could feel the goosebumps along her skin underneath the almost sheer cotton. Pushing upwards, she cupped her own breasts, and watched as John’s mouth opened. He was staring at her with intense blue eyes, eyes that seemed to grow darker while his breathing picked up, and Marlena felt… she felt powerful. She felt desirable, and wanted. 

“Pinch them,” he breathed.

Plucking at her nipples, she felt the muscles in her legs begin to shake. John stepped forward, almost leaning over her, as he whispered, “How does it feel?”

“It–it hurts… and it feels, oh, it feels so good,” she sighed. Her head rolled back, and she saw that John’s face was so close that she could feel the heat of his mouth on her lips. In the moment she’d forgotten where she was. Glancing at the kitchen door, she whispered, “You shouldn’t be here.”

“Maybe, I’m not, Doc. Maybe, this is all in your imagination.” He flicked his tongue across her lower lip. “Maybe, you can do whatever you want, and no one would ever be the wiser.”

She continued to stare up at him. Was it true? Was what he was saying true? 

Allowing her breasts to fall heavily, she reached out, stopping herself just before the weight of her palm settled on his chest. He told her roughly, “Do it. Touch me. Do whatever you want to me… whatever you want.”

Her hand dropped to her side, “I can’t.”

John’s hand gripped the fabric of her nightgown at her hip, scrunching the cotton in his fist. His other hand slid slowly up her limp arm. The lightness of his touch made her wonder again, if she was really feeling anything at all. “Harder,” she whispered, wanting this to be real. 

“Touch me, baby. Touch me,” he whispered.  

Marlena’s palm landed on his chest, and slowly, ever so slowly she ran her fingers over his abdomen. She could feel his muscles ripple, and tremble in their wake. She stalled at the unfastened clasp of his jeans, and she heard a moan deep in his chest. He wanted her touch as much as she wanted his. Further down, she cupped the length of his cock, constricted behind the zip of the rough denim fabric.

John’s head rolled back, “Oh shit. Fuck, Doc… squeeze me.”

Marlena’s hand continued to rub over him gently, until she could hold back no longer. Pressing her body against him, she tightened her grip on him. “You feel so good,” she murmured. “I remember how you feel… it’s all I think about. It’s what I dream about.”

John was having the sexiest dream when he woke to the sensation of Marlena’s palm caressing his cock. His hips pushed into her hand with a deep moan. His cock throbbed, hard and wanting in the confines of his briefs. “Fuck,” he groaned. His eyes fluttered open, staring at the woman next to him. It was more than obvious she was still asleep, her eyes closed, as her palm continued to aggressively rub over him. Pushing into her hand one last time, he forced himself to move away from. He moved to the edge of the bed, watching her like a caged animal, as she gasped out soft mewling sounds that shot arousal straight to the base of his spine. John rubbed his hands over his face roughly, “Fuck.”

Marlena was still lost in her dream, whispering, “I miss you… the way you fill me up…”

“Oh, G-d,” John rasped. His cock was so hard it bordered on painful. John turned, reaching for her, intent on waking her up, but she was already waking. She stared up at him with wide eyes, her pupils dilated from the effects of the morphine. He tried to smile at her, reassuring her, but it was hard when all he saw reflected back at him was desire.

Marlena reached for him, whispering, “I want you.”

“No, Doc. No you don’t… that’s the morphine talking, baby.” Gently he pushed the hair back from her face gently. “Go back to sleep.”

“I feel like I’m floating.” Her palm slid up along his thigh, brushing against his engorged cock.

He sighed in pleasure. He knew he shouldn’t. He tried to scoot back, but she dug her nails into him.

“Don’t leave me,” she said. She was still lost in her dream, and it wasn’t real, right? She could say what she wanted, and feel what she wanted, because no one would know. Who would ever know? Softly tracing her fingers over his cock, she sighed, “You fill me up so well, John. So tight… so tight it borders on pain, and I–I crave it. I crave you.”

He needed to get away from her. He should leave her where she was. She would go back to sleep, but her words kept him there. Her words, words she’d never said aloud, but for some reason he was desperate to hear.

“Making love to you, Doc… making love to you was like no other,” he told her. 

She scraped her nails over the cotton covering his sensitive dick, and John almost roared when she whispered, “You took my soul, and melded it to yours… I am no good for anyone else because all I want is you. No one will ever compare…”

The words slipped from his lips before he could stop them, “You have Roman.”

“Roman?” Marlena seemed almost confused. “He doesn’t… oh, G-d… he can’t do to my body the things you do… you’ve ruined me for him.”

Her palm wrapped around his cock, pulling at it, and John’s body shook. If he allowed her to continue he would cum all over himself. Standing up quickly, he mumbled, “I have to use the restroom, Doc. Try to go back to sleep.”

She smiled up at him sexily, “Hmmm… maybe I’ll go back to my dream. I was going to let you fuck me in the kitchen.”

John moved with a quickness towards the bathroom when his dick jerked in his briefs. As soon as John closed the bathroom door, he tugged the waistband of his briefs below his cock. A few sharp, painful pulls later, and he was gripping the edge of the sink as his seed hit the floor by his feet. “Fuck! Oh, fuck!”

Chapter 23

February 11, 1992

Telluride Properties Office, Telluride, Colorado

And I am asking will you save a place for me

To rest beside your heart

And feel I’m free

Now what good does feeling strong do

When I am here without you?

~ Treat Me Well ~ Heart ~

Putting her hand out to shake the hand in front of her, Isabella said, “I’m so glad you could meet with me on such short notice Mr. Bower.”

“Call me Bob. All my friends do,” he said. “I must say, I was intrigued by your call. I’m not sure how I can help. You’re looking for a missing brother, you say?”

“I am, and I believe he may possibly have memory loss. My family, especially my father, is gravely concerned. I’ve been able to find a name, possibly an alias, and trace it to this area, but sadly, I’ve hit a wall… and I was hoping you might be able to help me,” she said. Isabella flashed her deep brown eyes at the man across the desk from her, and tried to be as convincing as possible. The lines of her face were lined with concern, “I was hoping to find out if maybe he’d purchased any property in this area under the name of Charles Wright?”

Bob sighed, leaning back in his chair. As much as he wanted to help her, he couldn’t. “Company policy won’t let me give you the information. At least not in the way you’re asking me. I could look up an address and tell you who owns it, but I can’t look up a name and give you the address. I can tell you that you might have more luck at city hall… property ownership is a matter of public record–”

“–I understand that, Bob, but you see, my situation is different. I only have a name,” Isabella implored. “I guess I was hoping, if I went to a private realtor…”

“As much as I’d like to help, all I can do is refer you to city hall.” He stood up as if the meeting was over, and Isabella knew she would get nothing more. “If you give them the name, you may be able to get them to search for properties under that name. I’ve never tried it. I won’t guarantee it, but sometimes if you get a clerk that’s willing…”

Isabella wanted to stomp her feet and demand the information, but she held back, instead placing a soft smile on her face. “I do appreciate you taking the time to meet with me.”

“I wish I could have helped you, but I was under the impression that you already had a property address. We’re not in the business of searching people up to be giving out addresses,” he told her, walking Isabella to the door.

Outside the office, Isabella took a deep breath. Glancing at her watch, she realized that she would not be getting any information on that day. City Hall was already closed. She would go back to the inn and maybe see about scheduling a massage and a spa treatment. If she was going to spend money on lavishness, she might as well enjoy it. Adjusting her purse strap on her shoulder, she turned to walk towards her car and ran into a large warm mass that she could only assume was another human. Looking up, their face was in shadow because of the setting sun behind them, “I’m sorry. I didn’t see you there.”

“Not a problem, ma’am,” Francis replied with a grin. “I wasn’t watchin’ where I was goin’.” He followed her with his eyes as she headed back towards her car, and he turned and slipped into the passenger side of the Bronco Mike was driving. “She didn’t get nothin’. The realtor said, he can’t give her property information with just a name. She’s gotta go to city hall, but I’m guessin’ they’re closed, cause she seemed mighty frustrated.”

“Well, shit. I guess we gotta spend another night in the lap of luxury,” Mike laughed, knowing that Raffi was paying the bill at the inn.

“I’m gonna order me those little cannaps,” Francis said, feeling his rather large belly rumble with hunger.

Mike steered the Bronco into traffic, heading back towards the inn, and he glanced over at Francis with a frown, “Canapés, you dumbass.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Charles Wright Cabin, Outside Telluride, Colorado

In her sleep, Marlena’s head rolled from side to side. Lost in another dream, this one less pleasant than the last few, Marlena moaned softly.

“Is anybody here?” she called into the empty, darkened street. “Help!” She pounded on the window of a closed business, “Is anybody in there? Help! Please, help!” She stepped back, realizing she was all alone, and still she cried out, “Help! Is anybody here? Help! I’m American! Please help me!”

Out of the shadows stepped a man dressed in dark gray. His eyes settled on her with an intensity that scared her, “You seem rather frightened. Are you alright? Are you lost?”

Gasping for air, she said, “Oh! Yes, I’m–I’m, oh–”

“Shhh. Shhh. Calm down. What is it?” he asked her with a soft voice.

“I need help,” she implored. “I need help, please. Can you help me? Oh, please help me.”

Instantly, in the blink of an eye, she was standing on another street. The lamplight barely lit the scene before her, the man behind her, who she now knew was Orpheus, was whispering in her ear, “Quiet…” His hand clasped over her mouth as Roman stepped into view. It was Roman, wasn’t it? Or was it John? She felt confused, but the overriding emotion was fear. Fear for herself, and fear for the man she loved.

She pulled at his arm, trying to remove it from her face, and still his words came, low and dark in her ear, “Well, well, look who’s here, and right on time too.” His hot breath wafted over her cheek, “You probably want to go to him, don’t you?”

He removed his hand, and Marlena whispered with a soft choke in her voice, “Will you let me go to him?”

He started walking her towards Roman, his arm around her, as if in kindness, but there was a dark, lingering evil behind it. “Do you remember, I told you if you do exactly what I said, that I would let you go, remember?”

Marlena nodded her head slowly, suddenly feeling the steel of his gun push into the fabric of her coat. As they got closer to Roman she became more scared. Orpheus wasn’t going to let her go. Or, maybe he was. Maybe, she wasn’t the target. Her eyes widened as she realized that she was the bait. 

“Will you be a good girl?” Orpheus asked her.

“Yes,” she replied, unable to take her eyes off of Roman. His fists were clenched, and his body was tight. He was afraid, and her heart was breaking. 

“Good,” he told her. “Since Roman and I are such good friends, I’m going to keep my word. I’m going to give you one chance to get away, and all you have to do… is run to him.”

Marlena looked up at him. Something wasn’t right, but all she could think about was reaching Roman. She would be safe in Roman’s arms, if she could get to him. Orpheus’ darkness was surrounding her like a fog, and all she needed was Roman’s light. 

“Run as fast as you can, and I won’t stop you,” he whispered.

“Is that a trick?” she asked him, knowing that no matter what his answer, it was most assuredly a trick.

He looked at her seriously, “Would you like to stay with me?”

“No,” she said quickly, looking away.

“Then do as I say,” he replied.

Marlena stared down the street where Roman stood. All she wanted, all she craved with his scent, and his warmth around her. She’d been scared and alone for so long. Roman stepped into the light, watching the scene before him, and Marlena shivered when Orpheus said with an air of awe, “Perfect.”

He turned her body, facing her towards Roman, and he said in low tones, “Okay, Mrs. Brady, go to your husband. Run to him. Run!”

Roman’s head shook, almost imperceptibly as realization washed over him. Marlena took one tentative step, finally free of Orpheus’ hands, and he screamed at her, “Run!”

Marlena cried out, “Roman! Roman!” She started running, thinking that maybe, just maybe, she could reach him before Orpheus fired his gun. 

“Marlena!” Roman roared just as a bullet went tearing like fire through her spine. She felt her body jerk forward, and she felt her body hit the cobblestone street… she felt the blood, and the life draining from her body. Slowly she lifted her hand to see crimson shining as it dripped from her fingers. 

Marlena’s body jerked in her bed, and she screamed out, “Roman!” Pain shot through her body centering at her shoulder, and she began to sob in confusion. Clutching at her shoulder she cried, “Roman! Oh, G-d! Roman!”

John heard her cry out as he was entering the cabin with another load of firewood. Dropping it by the doorway he ran to her, “Doc! Hey, Doc! I’m here. I’m here!”

“No!” she sobbed. “No, you can’t be. You can’t be, because I died. I died on the street. I saw my blood… I died!” John was confused, not understanding her entirely, until she said, “Orpheus shot me.”

“Oh, no. No, baby. No, he didn’t kill you. He didn’t.” Guilt washed over him. He should have protected her then. He should have protected her this time. John sat close to her where she lay in the bed, and he ran his hands over her head, and her face, softly over her shoulder, as he whispered, “You’re here with me, right now. You’re here. In this cabin. In Colorado.”

Still disoriented and afraid, she whispered, “Roman?”

His heart ached. Roman. No he wasn’t Roman anymore. So much had changed in their lives, and not being Roman was the one that hurt him the most. Not being Roman meant he’d lost the people he loved most. “No, Doc. Not Roman. John.”

“John? You’re John?” she asked, trying to slow her breathing even as her heart raced to an unknown finish line.

“Yeah, baby, I’m John,” he told her softly. “Look at me. Stockholm… Orpheus, that was a long time ago. Years ago.”

“Years ago… But, I was shot?” she asked, reaching for her shoulder again. 

“Take a deep breath, Marlena. Slow down your thoughts, and you’ll remember,” he whispered. His fingers continued to trace over her features as he stared down at her. He never thought it was possible to love her more than he did, but with every passing day he was falling deeper, and deeper into her. 

Her eyes closed, and she took a deep breath, finally saying, “I remember… I remember. Abe took the children. The children are safe?”

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked her.

“How much longer do I need to be on the morphine?” she whispered. “I don’t like the way it makes me feel. I’m confused… and I’m… nevermind.”

John knew the morphine was wearing off, and she was due for another dose in about an hour. He also knew exactly what nevermind really meant. She’d been having incredibly vivid, sexual dreams, which had him in the bathroom to take care of himself at least three times since the day before. His finger swept over her lips without thinking, and her eyes widened. 

Marlena’s lips parted on a breathy gasp, and John’s thumb pulled at her bottom lip. She was so absolutely gorgeous, but it was more. So much more. He was drawn to her like no other. He loved her like no other. As she started up at him with heavy amber eyes, he wanted to tell her what she meant to him. He wanted to remind her of what they could be together. Softly stroking over he cheek, John’s fingers lingered under her chin, “You are so fucking beautiful, Doc.”

Marlena smiled, and she felt butterflies break free of her heart and swirl in her belly. Remembering their kiss mere days earlier, she wanted another. “John?” she asked softly.

He felt his fingers tighten on her chin, “Yeah, Doc?”

“Kiss me again?” she breathed.

Leaning forward, he placed his lips over hers, sucking lightly on her bottom lip before pulling away. She stared up at him through her lashes, and his abdomen clenched in desire. Barely there, almost imperceptible brush of their lips, and he was lost again. He allowed his hand to drop from where he held her chin, knowing that she was basically drugged and nowhere near able to consent. With all the love he had inside him, he asked her in a soft whisper, “Are you hungry?”

The effects of the morphine were affecting her, but not enough that she didn’t notice John pulling back. Something was happening between them. It was possible that it wasn’t new, but rather it felt like a resurgence. Something they’d suppressed coming back stronger. 

John was standing over her, patiently waiting for an answer. She was hungry, but not for what he was offering. “More soup?”

John laughed, “More soup, baby.”

“I’m sick of soup… and when can I have my shirt back?” she asked with a frown. She felt exposed, and the way John’s eyes skirted over her at times only added to her constant state of arousal.

“We are limited in our clothing options, but I could put one of my sweatshirts over your bandage. However, that arm stays put. No movement.” 

The room spun around her, and she closed her eyes, “Did I tell you I feel like I’m floating?”

John watched her, again struck by how much he loved her. “Pretty lady, you have told me a lot of things over the last couple of days,” he replied with a laugh. 

Marlena felt the color rising in her cheeks, “I have? Oh, G-d! John! What have I said?”

He stood up with a grin, and kissed her forehead, “I might tell you someday, but not today. Now, Italian Wedding soup or beef with barley?”

She wrinkled her nose in distaste, “Really? Those are my options?”

“With crackers,” he teased. “Don’t forget the saltines.”

John walked from the room laughing as Marlena yelled after him, “I swear, John Black, I will never eat soup again.”

Chapter 24

February 12, 1992

You lock up your feelings – nobody’s fool

You’re facing the world

With your fist clenched tight…

Don`t forget to remember

She`s coming up in back

Even you surrender

Surrender to her sweet attack

~ Ambush ~ Heart ~

Marlena was floating on a cloud. She knew she was with John, in a cabin in Colorado… but maybe that was on a cloud. She lay in a half filled tub of water oblivious to her own nudity, and her head rolled towards John. He was beautiful. Shirtless and muscly. She giggled. Her thoughts were jumbled. His hands felt like heaven, and his lips looked like sin. 

He seemed focused, his face lined with determination as he washed her skin in a brisk fashion. She could feel the rough scrub of the washrag over her. She was swimming in a sensation of lightness. It was possible that his hands weren’t being rough. Marlena sighed softly, closing her eyes. She allowed herself to feel the buoyancy that came with the morphine. It dulled the pain of her gunshot wound, leaving nothing but a throbbing ache in its wake, but it dulled everything else as well. Her mind was adrift. It was possible… possible… she was floating on a sea. Her eyes started to close, and then she heard John, “Keep those eyes open, baby. No sleeping in the bathtub.”

His hands swept across her body in delicious waves. Opening her eyes slowly, she stared up at him half-lidded, and she smiled, “I love you, you know.”

“You’ve told me that a lot lately,” he replied softly. He was almost done washing her. He’d decided to dose her with morphine, and then wait an hour. Once it was in full effect it would be easier to move her to the tub, and if he moved quickly enough, he could get her back to bed without much pain. Her gunshot wound was healing nicely, and it was with great relief that he noticed no signs of infection. The new skin growth was a soft shade of pink around the edges and there was no heat to it. The more difficult issue was the occasional way Marlena purred or sighed when he touched her. The way she was arching into his hands. As fast as he tried to bathe her, it was absolute torture trying to stay focused when her eyes and her body were calling to him.

“I never told you that,” she said, her words slightly slurred. “I… I never told you I love you… not when I should have… may-maybe if I told you, you would have picked me. You would have picked me… and not Isabella. But you didn’t pick me. You didn’t… She’s–she doesn’t deserve you. I deserved you… but I don’t think you wanted me.”

John noticed tears slipping from the corners of Marlena’s eyes. “Hey… what’s this? Why are you crying?”

She continued to cry softly, “I wanted you, but you didn’t want me.” She closed her eyes, and allowed her head to roll to the side. It was too heavy. She cried softly, “I’m selfish… I’m so selfish. Isabella said so. She said I was…”

“Doc, no.” He brushed the tears from her face, and set the washcloth aside. Using a cup from the kitchen, he rinsed her soft skin, refusing to allow himself even a few seconds to admire what he saw. She was high, higher than usual since he’d added 5 milligrams to her morphine dosage. It didn’t mean that he was immune to the way her breasts floated in the water, or the way her legs parted with a soft gasp as he washed her skin. He sighed, “You are the kindest, most giving soul I know. Isabella is angry, and jealous, but you are not selfish. Never you.”

“I love you,” she whispered. She couldn’t remember if she’d told him, everything was so hazy. “Did I tell you that?”

He smiled softly, trailing his fingers across her forehead lovingly, “I believe you did.”

Marlena’s brow wrinkled in concentration, as if something had just occurred to her. “Where are the children?”

It was the fourth time she’d ask him in the last forty minutes. “With your parents in Denver. They’re safe. We checked on them yesterday. Do you remember?” Pulling the plug from the tub, John watched the water drain slowly, exposing more and more of her body as it went. Standing up he reached for a large bath towel. He draped it over her, and as he lifted her, he tucked it around her. Marlena whined softly, because there was no way to avoid the pain entirely. John murmured in her ear in a soft coo, “I’m sorry, baby. I’m sorry.”

Her mind was all over the place. Marlena would grasp at a thread, and it would slip from her as fast as she tugged. The only constant was John. His strength. His scent. Those eyes. She felt herself floating into the bedroom, and she tucked her face into John’s neck with a soft giggle. 

John shivered, feeling the heat of her breath across his bare skin. “What’s so funny?”

“I’m floating again.” Her whispered words brushed over him, and John couldn’t help the way his body started to react. After Mexico the distance between them had been so great. Both of them, even without a conversation, each went to their side of the ring and stayed there. But over the span of two months they’d slowly drifted into each other’s orbit. Soft caresses across the hand, embraces lasting seconds longer than was proper, and eye contact that spoke volumes with no words at all. Even as he tried to push his desires down, he knew he would be back in the bathroom later if she kept this up.

Setting her on the bed, he reached for the other towel he’d laid out earlier. He’d bathed the twins when they were little, but he’d never bathed Marlena this way. As he rubbed the towel over her, he found his fingers lingering over her delicate skin, and he knew he shouldn’t. She wasn’t fully present, but then she stared up at him with arousal blown eyes of moss, and she moaned. Those eyes were begging for more. He saw visions of taking her breast in his mouth as she arched forward. He could see himself kneeling before her, cupping her flesh in his hands like a gift from the gods. His hand dropped quickly, and he reached for the clean bandages, immediately back to business, even as he shifted uncomfortably because his jeans were constricting.

Marlena watched him with heavy eyes. He was so gentle. His fingers were so soft. She stared at his lips thinking she could kiss him forever, and never worry about taking a breath. “John?”

“Yeah, Doc?” he replied, still focused on affixing the tape to the back of her shoulder.

“Do you love me?” she whispered.

He stilled in his movements, and stared at her with intense blue eyes. “I have never, and will never, love anyone the way I love you.”

“I don’t love Roman,” she murmured. Her eyes closed again. Her head felt so heavy. “When he makes love to me… sometimes I close my eyes, and I imagine it’s you.”

She had been doing this more and more. Sharing her deepest secrets with him. Things he knew she would never say aloud, if she wasn’t on the morphine. Finding out she imagined him while her husband made love to her was a stroke to his ego for sure, but her words pulled at him. They pulled at the parts of him that burned for her so brightly he thought he might suddenly obliterate himself. The desire to kiss her, stroke her, and dig his fingers into the flesh of her thighs was growing harder to resist by the day. Softly, mostly to himself, he mumbled, “Three more days… just three more days.”

Still lost in her own thoughts, she said in a breathy tone, “Roman touches my body, and I–I pretend it’s you… and when he’s licking up the inside of my thigh, I wish it was you. He doesn’t… Roman doesn’t know my body the way you do…”

John’s gut clenched. The last thing he wanted was images in his mind of Roman making love to Marlena. But, did he truly believe they hadn’t made love? He’d made love to Isabella regularly, to expect that Marlena hadn’t was unrealistic. He said nothing, instead reaching for the ACE bandage. Folding her arm against her chest gently, he whispered, “Hold your arm in this position, Doc. Don’t move.”

She shivered as his fingers brushed over her skin, and her nipples tightened. She wanted more, trying to push into his hands. Another soft moan escaped her, and her head fell back.

John was going to lose his mind. She was so fucking gorgeous, all soft blonde curls still damp from her bath. She smelled like soap, and skin, and sex. His hand accidentally brushed over her breast as he bound her tightly, and her response was the most alluring, natural thing. She called to him like a siren, and she had no idea she was even doing it. Not really. Moving more quickly, he pulled the sweatshirt over her head, tugging her functioning arm through.

Marlena giggled inside the cotton fabric, and mumbled with a light laugh, “It’s dark.”

As if her childlike innocence had broken through the tension in the room, laughter burst forth from him, as he finished pulling it over her head. “You, my pretty lady, are high as a kite.”

“Because, I’m floating?”

“Yes, baby girl, because you’re floating, and soon… soon you will be sleeping, after we brush those teeth.”

“Teeth,” she said, staring up at him. “Teeth… teeth… teeth. That’s a funny word. Don’t you think that’s a funny word? Teeth.”

“Any word is funny if you say it enough, Doc.” John sat beside her, toothbrush in hand. “Are you ready?”

“Teeth,” she giggled. “Say it John. Say teeth.”

“Teeth,” he laughed. “Now open up.” 

Marlena obediently opened her mouth, and sat still while John brushed her teeth. He’d attempted to allow her to do it herself the night before but she’d dropped the toothbrush on the floor, and then laughed about it for nearly ten minutes. Doing it himself was much easier. Handing her a cup he said, “Spit… now rinse, and spit.”

Sitting on the edge of the bed, she watched him walk towards the bathroom. He’d brushed her teeth for her. He’d bathed her, and washed her hair. She was floating, but on some level she understood the enormity of what he was doing. In the entirety of her life, no one had ever cared for that way, except for her mother. When John returned, he helped her stand, and she leaned against him, resting her face on his bare chest. Her fingers laced through the hair  there, and she lightly scraped her nails across him. Safe. She was so safe. She sighed when she felt his arm tighten around her, holding her steady, as he pulled back the blankets on the bed. Lifting her heavy head, she stared at him for a moment, “John?”

“Hmmm?”

“I wish… I wish I’d had our child. A baby for us. A baby with dark curls, and beautiful indigo eyes. Maybe twins… little girls. Oh, how you would have loved two little girls.” Her eyes closed, and she allowed her cheek to rest against him again.

John felt her tears as they fell against his skin, hot and wet. He could picture the twins she’d described so clearly, and his chest ached with the same pain he knew Marlena was feeling. They’d missed their chance. It was stolen by the ISA, and Orpheus, and Stefano… and even Roman. Helping her into bed, John whispered softly, “They would have been beautiful, Doc, and you’re right, I would have loved them so.”

He started to move away from her, but her hand caught his, pulling him back. “Stay with me?”

“I’ll be back after I straighten up the kitchen and shower. I won’t be long.”

“Just until I fall asleep…lay with me,” she begged. “I don’t feel like I’m floating when you hold me.”

He knew if he allowed himself to slide in beside her, they would both sleep until morning. Dinner would be forgotten, and he would drift into a deep sleep with the women he loved beside him. Staring into her beckoning eyes, he couldn’t refuse her. “Yeah,” he said quietly. “Yeah, Doc. I’ll lay with you.”

He rounded the bed, and slowly stripped himself of his jeans. He could shower in the morning. Slipping into bed, the cool cotton of the sheets felt wonderful against his fevered skin. As he settled his head against the pillow, Marlena whispered, “Kiss me.”

His muscles rippled, and his abdomen clenched. Rolling towards her, he softly brushed his lips across hers, and unable to stop himself, he licked across her bottom lip. Marlena sighed, saying softly, “You kiss so much better than Roman.”

John fell asleep with a satisfied smirk on his face.

Chapter 25

February 13, 1992

Charles Wright Cabin, Outside Telluride, Colorado

White skin in linen

Perfume on my wrist

And the full moon that hangs over

These dreams in the mist

~ These Dreams ~ Heart ~

For the third time, John woke to find Marlena’s soft hand caressing his cock while he slept. He moaned trying to pull himself to wakefulness, afraid that he would come in his sleep. He bucked into her hand before he could stop himself, reveling in the feel of small hand. Groaning again, he rolled from the bed quickly. He was swollen and painful, and watching her writhe on the mattress lost in her own pleasure was not helping his situation. Digging for a new set of clean clothes, he tossed them on the end of the bed, and shuffled into the bathroom to shower with plans to take care of his current situation, leaving Marlena to her dreams. Just as he was closing the door, she whispered seductively, “I’m your wife. Please? I want you.”

Fuck,” he groaned, closing the door behind him. He rested his forehead against the wood, and gripped his dick through the cotton of his boxers. Pushing on his length, he was  hoping to get some modicum of relief. It didn’t work. Giving himself another hard squeeze, he turned to start the shower, hurriedly stripping himself of his boxers as he walked.

Marlena reached for John in the bed, whimpering, “I need you… I need you…”

John’s hands pushed the white linen nightgown up and over her hips, as he murmured, “I want to taste you. I haven’t tasted you in years.” 

She lifted her arms, watching the way his muscles rippled in the light of the moon. A soft breeze blew in through the open window, and across her bared skin. She started to sit up, wanting to touch his skin and feel the fire within, but he told her, “Stay there, baby. Stay right there.” 

She writhed on the cool cotton sheets, feeling the way the fabric brushed across the skin of her back. A soft moan escaped her, a sigh, “Please, John…”

He lay down with his head near her feet, and wrapped his large hands around her thighs, tugging her closer. Whispered words reached her ears, “C’mere, Doc..c’mere.”

Marlena cried out when she felt his finger softly slip through her swollen folds. Her fists grappled with the sheets beside her, grasping them like a lifeline. He pulled her leg over his shoulder, as he leaned forward staring at her sex, murmuring, “You’re so wet, baby. So wet, and so pretty. So fucking pretty.”

Her hips bucked, “Roman!” She could feel arousal seeping from her body, the stickiness that coated her inner thighs. She wanted him, and she wanted him badly. Pushing her body further down the bed, her head fell back and rolled to the side as she sighed. His breath was brushing over her wet heat like the softest flutter of butterfly wings. “Oh, G-d!” she cried.

“Slow down. Slow down,” he whispered. His hands smoothed over her skin in a repetitive soothing motion that only seemed to arouse her further. 

His moist breath slid along the inside of her thighs, and she felt his cock brush against her cheek as he pulled her closer. Marlena moaned deep in her chest. His soft touch, and whispered words tugged at her heart. Fingers caressed her, squeezing her flesh. He was playing her like a fine instrument.

It was when she felt the slide of his tongue along the soft sensitive skin, that her hips bucked towards him. A bite, a glide of fingernails. Marlena arched, reaching for his cock, while crying out, “Fuck!”

He gently parted her, slipping a finger inside with a moan of his own. Unable to resist, his arm wrapped around her thigh as he rolled on his side to lick along her velvet skin. His palm lay flat on her abdomen, keeping her on her back with gentle pressure. “You taste so good,” he told her, sliding another finger inside. Her hips rolled, and her soft kitten-like sounds pulled at distant memories. “G-d, Doc… I missed the taste of you.” 

Wanting more she pushed up into his mouth. She whined, and she begged, sobbing for more as she found herself right at the edge of an orgasm that she knew would destroy her, and she wanted to be destroyed. More than anything. She pulled Roman’s cock toward her mouth, brushing his velvet tip across her lips, and she smiled as she heard his roughly muttered, “Fuck, Doc. Suck me…please…”

Marlena’s eyes flew open, and she cried out into the empty bedroom. She glanced around in confusion, momentarily lost in time and space. It was Roman, but it had been John. She closed her eyes briefly in confusion, trying to remember the details of the dream. Moonlight streaming through the window, a pink satin robe lay scattered on the floor, and a white linen nightgown with cap sleeves. The night she came home. She was dreaming about what could have happened the night she returned to Salem. A tear made a track down her cheek as she lay there thinking about what should have been. 

Their reunion should have been soft words, and rough hands. It should have been pushing her willing body into the mattress, while she begged him for more. It should have been a melding of souls, because she felt, had it been, they would have never been willing to part. They would have clung to each other. Marlena felt another tear escape her eye, even as a deep throb in her pussy caused her to audibly moan. 

The sound of the running shower in the other room caught her attention as she considered how much time she might have before John emerged. Closing her eyes again, she thought about her dream…

Roman’s fingers lifted a strand of her hair, staring at it in wonder. He pushed it back behind her shoulder, and allowed his finger to trace over the delicate line of her collarbone. “I forgot how beautiful you are.”

She held her breath, silently willing him to come closer. He didn’t. He seemed scared, unsure of himself. She placed her hand on the doorway, allowing her body to move forward slightly. Close enough that she could close her eyes and remember the scent of his body at the end of a long day. Her mouth almost watered for him. Allowing her palm to slide up his bare chest, she whispered, “I missed you.”

A low moan sounded in his throat, “Doc…”

Marlena’s eyes opened when she heard her own soft moan escape her chest. Glancing at the bathroom door, she pulled up the hem of the sweatshirt she was wearing, and slid her hand into her soft cotton panties. She remembered packing her duffle bag in haste, and reaching for these particular panties. The soft cotton ones, with eyelet fabric and tiny bows. The panties that she knew would drive John mad. The only reason she’d purchased them was because she was thinking of John at the time. She’d felt guilty when she brought them home. She’d felt guilty halfway to Kearney for even having the notion to bring them along, but it was too late then. Now the thought of sliding her small hand into those panties, and thinking of John Black, had her wetting the gusset with her desire.

“The way you kissed me on the pier,” she whispered, sliding her hand down his chest slowly. “The way you tasted, the way your lips took mine…Roman, you love me.”

“Of course I love you… I will always love you,” he rasped in a rough voice.

Her hazel eyes flashed, capturing his blue ones in a vise, “Touch me.”

“Doc… I want to, but…”

“No, buts… no. Do you want to touch me?” she asked him, tracing her finger around his navel. “Do you want to touch me the way you’re letting me touch you?”

“Yes…” His breath felt heated across the skin of her shoulders as he leaned into her. Her eyes closed briefly, opening when she felt the tip of his nose along her skin. She sighed when she felt his gentle kiss, barely perceptible, just under her ear. His palm settled on her hip tentatively, almost as if touching her scared him. “Oh, G-d, yes…”

Marlena brushed her lips across his softly furred chest, “Then touch me, Roman. Touch me…” She was tempting him. She knew she was, but he was her husband. Her husband. Before G-d they’d made vows, and right then she wanted her husband. She smiled to herself, when his hand slid down the back of her thigh. Bunching the linen fabric in his fist he started pulling it up, trailing his fingers behind it. She shivered, finally leaning against him. Softly, barely audible, she sighed, “Oh, touch me…”

“Soft,” he whispered. “So fucking soft, baby.”

Marlena’s fingers slid into her swollen, heated folds, and brushed over her clit. Her hips rolled, and she sighed, “Oh… my… G-d…”

It felt like heaven. It would feel better if it were John’s fingers. She glanced at the bathroom door. The water in the shower had stopped. She should stop, but something inside her had her swirling her fingers around her clit with more pressure. Instead of stopping, she kicked the blanket free of her legs, feeling the cool air in the room breeze over her fevered skin. John could open the door at any moment, and she knew she should stop, but there was something inside her that wanted him to catch her. Something that pulled at the taboo tendencies she had and only shared with him. 

Roman’s finger pulled the satin ribbon at her bodice, watching with awe as her chest rose and fell in anticipation. “So fucking beautiful.” With his index finger he softly drew across her sternum, pushing the loosened fabric to the side. One by one his fingers pulled at the strands, finally allowing the fabric to fall open, revealing the curve of her breasts. “I should stop,” he whispered.

Marlena knew he was thinking of Isabella. She stared up at him, “Look at me.”

Blue eyes, blown with arousal, flicked down to hers. “You are my husband,” she whispered. “You can touch my skin. You can kiss my lips. You can fuck me…”

“Doc!” he cried as if he were anguished. Maybe he was, but she wasn’t going to stop. She was going to push him. She was going to make him realize what he wanted, and what he wanted was her. 

Reaching up she started to push the cap sleeve of her nightgown off of her shoulder, and Roman’s rough voice said, “Stop…” His breath was coming heavy, aroused… wanting. “Stop…”

He pushed the fabric over the curve of her shoulder, watching in rapt fascination as her nipple pebbled under his gaze. “Fucking beautiful,” he mumbled, running his finger over her sensitive tip. 

“Taste me,” she begged softly. “Lick me. I want your lips on me. I want you to remember the flavor of my skin.”

Her fingers laced through his hair, guiding his head down to her breast. Marlena cried out softly, feeling the tentative swipe of his tongue across her flesh. “More,” she whispered, tightening her hold on his hair…”

Her dream had been her innermost desires. It still was. It was what she’d wanted that night he’d brought her home. Pushing two fingers into her dark heat, her hips bucked, and she rubbed the pad of her thumb over her clit roughly, closing her eyes again with a soft moan.

In the bathroom, John finished towel drying his hair, and carelessly tossed the towel aside. He ran his fingers over his chest roughly, and felt a twinge in his cock. Even though he just brought himself to completion in the shower imagining Marlena’s heated lips on his dick, he still craved more. He craved her. He couldn’t do anything about it though. Marlena on morphine was honest, refreshing, and uninhibited. She was sexual. She was practically begging him to make love to her. Hell, she had. She had begged him, in a morphine induced haze with her hand on his cock, she had begged him to make love to her. 

With a heavy sigh, he opened the door quietly, hoping she was still asleep. She wasn’t, and his cock was filling with blood within seconds of his eyes landing on her in the bed. A vision burned in his mind forever. Her tiny hand buried inside soft pink cotton panties, the blankets tossed to the side. Long, curvy legs exposed to his eyes, and all he wanted was to stride across the room and push those thighs wide. He imagined pushing the gusset aside, and burying his length deep inside her.

Marlena moaned, just as a soft sound of pain escaped John. Her eyes opened quickly, and locked on the man standing in the doorway to the bathroom. In a rough voice, he choked, “Don’t stop…”

Her hips bucked up, and she pushed her fingers deeper, rubbing her clit furiously with her thumb. John’s eyes on her body, the slow rising of his cock as it peeked from underneath the towel at his hips… the way he watched her with such intensity. She was lost, falling over the edge into oblivion in a matter of seconds, all while locked onto the bluest eyes – eyes that literally owned her soul. Crying out softly, she gasped, “Oh, G-d! John!”

Marlena’s body shuddered, and shook. Her legs jerked, and all he could do was watch her fingers still moving, hidden beneath a pair of soft cotton panties with a pink bow.

Chapter 26

February 14, 1992

Charles Wright Cabin, Outside Telluride, Colorado

Then your innocent distractions

Hit me so hard

My emotional reaction

Caught me off guard

~ Nothin’ At All ~ Heart ~

A soft moan escaped her when John withdrew the needle from her vein. “I cut your dosage in half, Doc. It’s time to start weaning you off of the morphine.” Opening his palm he handed her two pills, with an exaggerated bow. “Your antibiotic and painkiller.”

Marlena giggled, already feeling the effects of the morphine. With glazed eyes, she smiled, “I guess this gunshot is about to start hurting a lot more.”

Her laugh sounded like a balm to his soul; bright sunshine wrapping him in warmth. “Not too much,” he told her gently, sitting on the edge of the bed beside her. “It’s going to be sore for quite a while.” Making sure the bed sheet covered her nudity, his finger traced over the new, soft, pink flesh on her shoulder. “The stitches need to stay in place for at least another week though.”

Reaching behind him for the gauze and the surgical tape, he was distracted when he felt Marlena’s small hand slink up under the hem of his sweater. A shiver ran the length of his spine as her fingers traced over his skin. 

“I remember, in West Virginia…” she paused for a second as she tried to hang onto the thread of her thoughts. “What was the name of that place we stayed at?” she asked quietly, stroking his soft skin. He felt so warm, and she sighed softly.

“The Blue Bird Bungalows, Doc.” He turned around prepared to cover her wound, and get out of reach of those sinful hands, but her fingers continued their path. She had a small smile on her face, and she seemed to be lost in a memory. Once he faced her she pushed her palm higher up his abdomen, brushing her fingers through his chest hair, causing his muscles to ripple and clench.

Gazing around the bedroom, she stared at the vaulted ceiling. The evening stars shone brightly through the skylight, and she turned her head slowly to watch John’s fingers place the tape over her. “How did we get here?”

He knew the morphine was taking effect, and she was disoriented. “We’re at the cabin in Colorado.”

“Colorado?” 

John smiled at her question. She was adorable, and beautiful. Touching her face softly, he told her gently, “Yes, baby, Colorado.”

Her fingers gently touched her gunshot wound on her shoulder, “They shot through the window… I remember. You were going to kiss me… I wanted you to kiss me, and then someone shot through the window.”

“That was a long time ago, pretty lady.” John reached for the ACE bandage, tucking her arm close to her body. “Hold still,” he told her.

“I wanted to shower with you,” she whispered seductively, trailing the fingers of her free hand over his forearm. “I wanted to follow you in the bathroom, and watch the water trail down your back… I wanted you to make love to me.”

John reached forward, slipping his arm under her back. Lifting her gently, he murmured, “Hold your arm still, baby.” Slowly he slid the sheet down to her waist, and started wrapping her up. 

Marlena asked him, “You have a tattoo?” She giggled, “Or did I dream that?”

“I have a tattoo,” he told her. “On my shoulder. A phoenix.”

Her eyes went wide, as if she were scared, “Are you Stefano?”

“I’m not. I’m John Black. Remember?” He knew she would fall asleep soon, but in the meantime, he could answer her questions, and make sure she was comfortable.

“I love you,” she whispered. “I love you, and it feels so soon after Roman’s death, but I can’t help it. I love you… I fell in love with you, and it’s such a surprise.”

She was thinking that they were in West Virginia, at the bungalows. Reaching for his old Salem PD sweatshirt, he held her against him while slipping it over her head. Marlena’s pupils were dilated as she stared up at him, “I think about you all the time. In my office, when I’m sleeping… and I wonder how I fell in love with you so quickly… John Black. My mysterious, frustrating, stubborn friend.”

“You’re tired,” John said, slipping Marlena’s arm into the sweatshirt and settling the rest over her torso. “Lay back.”

He lowered her to the pillows, and she knew he was going to let her go. She wanted to stay in his arms. Tangling her fingers into his hair, she softly begged him, “Kiss me. I want to– have we kissed before?”

“Hundreds of kisses, Doc. Hundreds,” he murmured, staring down at her.

“Hmmm. I don’t remember,” her voice trailed off at the end, and she licked over her lips slowly. “Kiss me… maybe that will jog my memory,” she giggled.

The soft pink tip of her tongue darted out, and John almost moaned. Once she was off of the morphine he would kiss her as much as she wanted, but currently her constant begging was a distraction. Closing his eyes, he could almost taste her on his lips. Trying to keep himself busy, he lifted her panties from the bed, and said gruffly, “We have to get these on you before you go to sleep, and then I also need to run the towel over your hair once more.”

“My hair is wet?” she asked with another giggle, reaching up to touch it. “When did that happen?”

“When I washed it,” he laughed. He tried to avert his eyes as he helped her clumsily slide her long legs into her cotton panties. But he couldn’t stop himself from sliding his hands along her smooth skin, or keep himself from brushing his fingers over her hips while he settled the lace at her waist. Quickly shifting focus, he lifted the soft towel, rubbing it over the strands of honey colored hair that still dripped onto her shoulders, and he murmured softly, “Get comfortable. It’s time to sleep.”

Her eyes were heavy as she tried to keep them open, “I want to stay awake. I’m afraid… what if I sleep, and I wake up alone? What if when I wake up, you’re gone?”

He leaned close to her, stroking his fingers gently across her brow, “I won’t be gone, Doc. I won’t leave you. I’m going to shower, and then I will be right here beside you for the rest of the night.” 

“You promise?”

“Oh, yeah, Doc. I promise.” He stood up, kissing her on the forehead quickly, and went into the bathroom, leaving the door ajar.

Marlena stared after him, listening as the water in the shower turned on. She looked around the room again. Where was she? Shifting her body she felt an ache in her shoulder, and realized she couldn’t move her arm. The room was cast in a soft glow from the lamp in the corner, and she slowly sat up, sliding her legs over the edge of the bed. Walking towards the window, she stared in awe watching soft, fluffy flakes of snow fall from the sky. Scrunching her face in confusion she said, “I thought it was summer.”

The cabin looked different. Was she in West Virginia? It was different. Turning in a circle, she stopped, facing the bathroom. John asked her if she wanted to shower. Didn’t he? Shuffling towards the bathroom, she pushed the door wider. Steam billowed out, and she froze in place watching him covered in soap. 

John glanced up at the feeling of cool air, and found Marlena standing dazed in the doorway to the bathroom. “Doc, baby… you’re supposed to be in bed.”

Her eyebrows crinkled, and she said, “I’m confused.”

John rinsed his hair, and his body quickly, saying, “Hold on. I’ll get you settled.”

Spinning on his heel, he turned off the tap, and heard Marlena gasp behind him. She’d seen the tattoo. “Shit,” he mumbled. Reaching for the towel, he wrapped it around his hips, and got out quickly. Approaching Marlena, he watched her back up warily. “Doc, hey, Doc? Look at me baby.”

Her eyes lifted. It was John. It was John… but it was also Stefano. Maybe it was Roman?

“I’m not Stefano,” he told her gently. “Remember? I’m John Black.”

“But… John Black doesn’t know who he is,” she said in a child-like voice. “So John Black could be Stefano?”

Smiling at her, he tipped his face down to hers, “Do you think I’m Stefano?”

Marlena stared at him for a moment, before saying, “No?”

John laughed, reaching for her hand, “That didn’t sound very convincing, baby, but we need to get you back to bed. Come on.”

“You have a phoenix on your back,” she said, following behind him willingly. 

John shivered as the water cooled on his skin. Marlena continued to stare at him as if she were disoriented. “I do, but remember… Stefano put that on me. I’m not Stefano.”

Stepping closer, she whispered, “Are you Roman?”

Another smile, “No, I’m John.”

“Oh,” she said softly. A memory of a wedding came to her. “Do you… do you love me?” She reached out, touching his chest, even as he tried to steer her back towards the bed. “You married me.” Her eyes got very wide, and she stopped moving. Leaning forward she whispered as if she were telling a secret, “I’m your wife.”

John groaned. The heat of her palm against his skin made him want to push against her, but she couldn’t even remember who he was. Trying to reason with her wasn’t working, so he replied, “Yes, Doc. You’re my wife.”

Stepping closer she rested her face against his moist skin, “I love you.”

Unable to resist any longer, he wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her against him gently, “I love you too.”

Hazel eyes looked up at him, almost pleadingly. “Kiss your wife.”

“My wife needs to get into bed, before she gets sick,” he told her, thinking of her long, shapely legs. His fists clenched as he remembered the feel of her skin under his palms earlier. “C’mon. Bed. Now.”

Marlena pouted, “One kiss?”

“One kiss?” he repeated. 

“Just one,” she whispered, sliding her palm over his nipple. She watched his muscles ripple with desire, and she smiled seductively.

Leaning forward, he brushed his lips over hers gently, tugging on her bottom lip with a soft suck. Pulling back he carefully rubbed his nose against hers with a groan. “Now bed.”

“Okay,” she sighed. “You’ll lay with me?”

“As soon as I put on some sweatpants.” He wanted to roar in frustration. There were only so many secret bathroom sessions he could put himself through. As frustrated as he was, it wouldn’t be happening that night. Turning away from her, John left her sitting on the edge of the bed.

Marlena didn’t take her eyes off of him, as he dropped his towel to the floor, and slipped his legs into a pair of sweatpants. When he came back around the side of the bed, she reached out, tracing the tip of her finger over his hip bone. He shivered under her touch, and reaching for her hand, pulled it away. “Come one, baby. Time for sleep.”

“One more kiss?”

Leaning down, John kissed her again, more firmly. When Marlena sighed, and her breath wafted over his lips, when she bit at the corner of his mouth, he thought that getting her off of the morphine was the only way to save his sanity. Licking over her bottom lip with a groan, he cupped her shoulders and steered her back towards the pillow. 

Chapter 27

February 15, 1992

Ooh, I can’t help thinkin’

When I look in your eyes

How much I need you, 

It’s so hard to hide

~ Secret ~ Heart ~

John sat on the bed, beside Marlena, scooping soup into her mouth. “You know, Doc, I should thank Sami for making me buy all of that soup,” he said with a laugh. “Her fascination with all things soup related has come in handy.”

Marlena moaned dramatically, “When do you think I might get some real food?”

John’s hand stilled mid-air. “Tomorrow,” he told her with a teasing wink.

He was beautiful. There was no other way to describe him. Twelve days earlier she had been focusing on her marriage to Roman, and trying to get her life in order. She’d been working hard to help the children adjust, and forget her confusing feelings for John. Now she realized she was more deeply in love with him than she had been previously. His tender touch, and his care for her over the last week had solidified those feelings. He grinned at her, and her stomach rolled with that pleasant fluttery feeling. Her heart skipped a beat, as she smiled shyly. 

Marlena had seen her sutures for the first time that morning, since she’d been drugged sleeping for the last seven days. They were neat, professional, and clean, with no sign of infection. They were so well done, they looked as if they were done by a surgeon, and John was not a surgeon. She looked up at him, asking softly, “How did you know what to do… with the sutures?”

He thought for a moment. Her question was the same one he’d been asking himself since she was shot. “I don’t really know, Doc. I was panicking. I mean really panicking, but there were flashes of memories… images that were assaulting my mind. I couldn’t… I was trying to slow them down… get them to stay, you know? It was like the dreams I have. The threads were there but they kept slipping from my fingers.” He stroked his fingers across her cheek gently, “ I had you laying on the couch, and I remember collapsing on the floor beside you, pulling at my hair, and screaming at myself to remember… and something happened. I was able to remember…”

Her heart started to beat quickly, racing in her chest, as she whispered, “Remember what?”

The images that he’d recalled seven days earlier, now refused to leave. John wasn’t sure whether that was a curse or a blessing. He closed his eyes briefly, “I was… a surgeon. In Grenada… I remembered that, Doc.”

“You remembered? All of it?” she asked him in wonder.

“Enough to take care of you. Enough to clean your wound, excise the dead skin around the edges, remove the bullet, and sew you up… enough to matter,” he said, placing the empty soup bowl, and the spoon off to the side. He didn’t tell her that he also remembered the sounds of men screaming for their mothers, or the sight of dead soldiers swollen on the battlefield.

Marlena thought for a moment, “Do you have the notebook… the one you mentioned on the plane?”

He knew she was worried he might forget what he’d recalled, and he’d had the same fear. “I wrote everything down, if that’s what you’re wondering. I even drew pictures,” he told her. He’d drawn sketches of scalpels, suture types, and knots. Things he didn’t understand. He wrote down names he was unfamiliar with.  “For the things I didn’t understand.”

Touching her newly bandaged shoulder, she said quietly, “You did a wonderful job on my sutures. As well as any surgeon in a pinch.”

“I was only concerned with one thing… you. I couldn’t lose you again. The children can’t lose you again,” he said, standing up. Leaning over her, he said, “It’s time for you to rest.”

“John, I’ve been resting for a week!” she said in protest.

“You almost died, Marlena, and that is an image I will never be free of. Humor me,” he told her.  “Please?”

She nodded, allowing John to get her settled back against the pillows. “You know,” he said, “I felt myself shutting down. The images of you in my arms in Montrose, bleeding in the car, lying on the couch… they randomly come to me when the cabin is quiet… or in my dreams, and I keep feeling the same emotions I had when your plane went down, and I lost you for five years. Desperation, loss, panic… and emptiness. The kind of emptiness that makes you wonder if you’ll even be able to draw another breath. I find myself coming into the bedroom to watch you sleep, or waking in the night to touch you, just to be sure that you are real.” 

Marlena felt tears well in her eyes, “John…”

“All of it was coming at me in waves, forcing me down into this emotional abyss.” He knelt down beside the bed, reaching for her hand, threading his fingers through hers, and he whispered, “I started talking to myself.”

Marlena smiled, blinking her tears away, “You do that when you’re stressed. I remember.”

John laughed, “Well, this time I had a whole conversation, Doc. I started talking out loud. Telling myself to calm down. Ordering myself to calm down. Telling myself to remember things… talking to you… anything… and it calmed me down enough to focus on what I needed to do, and that was save your life.”

“Thank you,” she whispered, tracing her fingers through the dark hair on his forearm. “For everything. I don’t remember much over the last week, but I… I feel things.”

John knew he was crying, and he wiped at his nose as it started to run, but there was no shame in showing Marlena his emotions. There never had been. “They were trying to kill you, Doc.”

“I know, but you got me out of the way. If you hadn’t moved me, I’d be dead, John.” She was in love with him, there was no escaping that. Her fuzzy memories of the last week involved warm baths, and soft kisses. Marlena stared into his eyes, “Can you lay with me for a little while?”

Now that Marlena was only using the morphine at bedtime, he felt safe to allow himself the closeness he craved. John slowly rose to his feet, and walked around to the other side of the bed. He knew Marlena was watching him as he unbuttoned his jeans, and slid them down his legs, “I can’t—I can’t even think about what I’d do if I lost you.” He pulled his shirt over his head tossing it on the floor beside his jeans, before he slid under the quilt with her, rolling towards her. Marlena immediately stretched her feet out to touch his legs. 

“Come closer, John,” she whispered. “I want to feel you.”

A shiver raced through his body at the sound of his whispered name on her lips. Her hazel eyes stared into his, a mixture of forest and honey. John touched her face softly. “The other night… as you were falling asleep, you said you loved me,” John told her.

I thought I was dreaming,” she said softly. She felt his gentle breath across her skin as he slipped his arm underneath her, gently pulling her body closer. Her eyes stared into his, “You said, you love me.”

John smiled, leaning down to kiss her forehead, “I did, didn’t I?”

“What do we do with that?” she whispered, touching his fingers softly with hers, and threading them together.

John smiled gently, brushing the fingertips of his other hand, over her cheek softly, “We’ll figure it out, pretty lady.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marlena woke just as the sun was setting, to feel John’s body twitching next to her. His skin was hot, and a fine sheen of sweat covered his face. Awkwardly, she tried to turn, whispering, “John?” But he was lost in a dream.

He could  feel his body lying against a cold metal table, and while he was unable to move, he could hear everything around him. The room was cold, as manufactured air washed over his skin. Even as he tried, his muscles would not respond to the commands his mind was giving them. He heard the voice of a man, deep, resonant, foreboding, “Are you telling me Rolf, that you can make a super soldier? A mercenary for hire that would do my bidding?”

The doctor’s heavily accented voice rose in excitement, “Yes! Stefano, I can take the memories of the individuals I have mapped, multiple individuals, and place them all in one man!”

“That is amazing! How does it work?” the man John now knew to be Stefano replied.

“I download the memories onto a microchip, and implant the chip into the specimen’s nervous system,” Rolf said excitedly. “It’s purely theoretical right now, but I am almost certain it will work.”

Stefano’s excitement waned, “Almost certain? Rolf, I need you to be completely certain. I did not have my men scour the planet for the perfect subject, and kidnap him from the middle of the conflict in Grenada, only for you to be almost certain.” John suddenly felt a hand run along his abdomen, almost caressing him, and his mind cowered in disgust. Stefano’s boxy fingers traced along his hip, “He is perfect isn’t he?”

“He is Stefano… absolutely perfect,” Rolf replied. “And strong. He will be strong enough for what I have planned.”

“And if he is not?” Stefano inquired, already feeling a connection to the man lying on the table. He really was the perfect specimen. 

Rolf started feeling nervous, “He will be… I have no doubt.”

Stefano watched Rolf for a few seconds, trying to gauge whether the man was being dishonest or not, “This microchip… how does it work?”

Rolf’s eyes became large, as excitement washed over him. “I will have access through a satellite, so that I might alter his consciousness when it is necessary, depending on your needs, or what skill set is necessary. It will allow us to give him free will when necessary, and when we need to regain control, we can do so… simply with the flip of a switch, as long as we have a satellite connection.”

Stefano gave Rolf a feral smile, “Excellent, Rolf. With a soldier like this, my plan to destroy Roman Brady, and the whole Brady clan, can go forward. Which memories do you have in mind to use as a test?”

Rolf grinned widely, “The priest…Rober—”

“Ah, Rober, such a pious man, and a worthy adversary,” Stefano mused. Glancing where John lay immobile on the stainless steel table, Stefano asked, “Can he keep the traits he currently possesses? I wouldn’t want him to lose the skills he has…”

“Yes! Yes!” Rolf said, getting more excited. “If Rober’s memories work as a test… I also wanted to use the memories from Culpepper… remember him? The surgeon we took from Vietnam? And later, the art thief.”

“The one who worked with Gina?” Stefano asked Rolf. “I anticipate the final result, Rolf. If this works, can you imagine the force I could create? When can this be done?”

Rolf was almost giddy with his eagerness, “Is the final plan to still have him believe he is Roman Brady?”

Stefano laughed, “Of course, Rolf! That’s what we’ve been working towards.”

Walking towards the man on the table, Rolf started into John’s unblinking eyes, “Good. Good. Then, the sooner you have Roman Brady, and I can map his mind, the sooner we can move forward.”

John woke in a cold sweat, breathing great gasps of air. He felt Marlena’s hand reach for his in the dimming light, and her soft voice calling his name, “John?” The sound of his name on the soft whisper of her voice was instantly calming, helping him slowly ground himself. He was in Colorado. He was with Marlena.

“I’m okay, Doc. It was a dream… just a dream…” he said, pulling his mind out of the dreamlike quagmire he found himself in. His name was John Black. Stefano was dead.

“Do you want to talk about it?” she said quietly, stroking her palm over his bare chest. “Physically I can’t do much, but my mind is sharp.”

“I—I… fuck, Doc, I don’t even know where to start,” John said staring at the ceiling, as his mind replayed his dream in images and sounds. He ran his fingers through his hair, roughly pulling at the strands in an attempt to calm his panic.

“I don’t have much to do right now,” she said softly, continuing to caress his skin gently.

“I think… before I was with Stefano… I was a soldier. I was a soldier, but… somehow Stefano had me kidnapped from Grenada. That would fit, you know…if he took me in October of 1983. The Invasion of Grenada…” John was trying to work the timeline out in his head, “…And he took Roman the following year… it would fit.”

Marlena was making her own connections, “Grenada? That’s in the Caribbean, too, isn’t it? Just like San Cristobal?”

“My dream… Well, actually I think it was a memory. I—I heard Stefano and Rolf discussing their plans for me,” John said, squeezing Marlena’s fingers as he tried to process everything. He released her hand quickly, rolling out of bed, “I need the notebook.” His voice was panicked as he said, “I’m going to forget all of this, if I don’t write it down…” John started pulling items out of his disorganized duffle bag, “Shit where is it?”

Unable to do more than offer suggestions, Marlena told him softly, “You said you wrote in it the other night… after I was shot.”

“The kitchen! Hold on, Doc. I’ll be back,” John said, rushing from the room.

Marlena chuckled quietly, and said to herself, “It’s not like I’m going anywhere.” When John returned with the notebook, and settled onto the bed beside her, she asked, “John, honey? Do you think we need to revisit the idea of hypnosis?”

He was scribbling furiously on the paper in front of him, and paused. Turning to stare at her for a moment before saying softly, “I think you’re right.”

Chapter 28 

February 16, 1992

Abe Carver’s Office, Salem Police Department

You made my mind

Now I’m stronger, I’m comin’ through

Straight on, straight on for you

~ Straight On ~ Heart ~

Shane walked into Abe’s office briskly, closing the door behind him, “We’ve got a serious problem.”

Anytime Shane Donovan looked frazzled or said there was a problem, Abe got nervous. Putting the file he was reading to the side, he asked, “What kind of problem are we talking about.”

“Roman is gone. Taken from the ISA safe house. We don’t know exactly when. The agents assigned there hadn’t checked in for a day or so, and we sent another couple agents to recon. We’ve got five ISA agents dead, and Roman is nowhere to be found,” Shane told him. “Tarrington is bloody furious, and he’s not talking. He’s playing this one close to the vest.”

Abe leaned back in his chair with a frown, “So that’s all we know then?”

“That’s all. How do I tell Caroline and Shawn that not only is Bo missing, but now the ISA has lost Roman as well?” Shane paced Abe’s office in frustration. “This is going to destroy them, Abe.”

“Can we trust Tarrington?” Abe asked. “I mean, after what Vaughn did… can we trust the ISA at all?”

“I wish I knew,” Shane said slowly. “I turn off all of my ISA equipment everytime I expect communication from John, because I simply do not know.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

The Saloon at The Western, Ouray, Colorado

Isabella sat across from Daniel Pierce with a smile pasted onto her face. Daniel worked at City Hall in Telluride. He was a small man, with sparse hair that he attempted to comb over to give the illusion of having more hair than he actually did. His eyes were kind, a soft brown that made you think of a sad puppy. She felt only slightly guilty for playing with his heart to get what she was after, but she ultimately had no choice. She’d been playing at this seduction for days, and felt she was finally getting somewhere. 

Caressing the top of his hand with the tips of her fingers, Isabella whispered, “I’m so glad I could see you again. I was–I was missing you last night.”

Daniel’s eyes lit up, “You–you did?” Betsy Barron was beautiful. He’d never seen a woman so beautiful in his life, and the fact that he turned her head was a miracle. No one ever paid him any mind. He was easily overlooked. His mother always said that one day the right woman would come along. A woman who would recognize his worth and love him for who he truly was. As he stared into Besty’s dark brown eyes, he felt himself falling hard.

“I did,” Isabella purred. “I think… I can’t think of anything more exhilarating than a game of Dungeons and Dragons… and you, Daniel, are the sexiest dragon master I’ve ever met.”

Daniel felt the heat rise in his pale skin as he looked around the restaurant in embarrassment, “Betsy…”

“Watching you cast a spell last night in your mothers garage had me so hot,” Isabella whispered with a giggle. “I was up half the night.”

“I–I brought you something,” Daniel whispered. He wanted her to know how much he cared about her… what he would do for her. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a folded piece of paper. If anyone at his job knew what he’d done, he’d be fired immediately, but for Betsy he would walk through the flames of hell. Sliding the paper across the table, he smiled as Betsy’s eyes lit up.

Isabella almost screamed with joy as Daniel slid her the paper. Finally. What she’d been working towards for the last week. “Daniel, is it–”

“–don’t open it here, Betsy Boo!” Daniel nearly cried. “Wait until we’re outside!”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Charles Wright Cabin, Outside Telluride, Colorado

John took care of Marlena as if she was the most precious thing in his life, because she was the most precious thing in his life. Now that they had admitted their love for one another, they were going to have to tackle very real issues once this whole ordeal was over. Within eight days of being shot, Marlena was up and moving around with limited mobility in her arm. John still kept her arm immobilized, and fussed after her, but he allowed her out of bed. He fussed over her, even as she reassured him that she was a doctor and knew her limitations. 

They had been on the run for nearly two weeks, and what they knew of the goings on in Salem, and with Roman did not bode well. Raffi Torres had gotten his drug shipment, and was laying low for the time being, but Bo was still missing. As far as John and Marlena knew, Roman was tucked away somewhere in an ISA safehouse. 

Marlena sat on the couch, watching the light of the fire in the hearth as it danced over John’s face. Men were generally considered handsome, but JOhn Black was gorgeous. There was no other way to describe him. She sighed softly watching him. She knew that John was planning another phone call to Shane in a few minutes, and she was praying for more detailed information than what they currently had.

John turned around to ask Marlena something, and caught her looking at his ass. A wide grin spread across his face, as he asked her with a smirk, “You like what you see, Doc?”

Marlena blushed, looking away with embarrassment. Looking towards the mountains outside the window, she murmured, “I think we’re going to get more snow. I can tell from the sky.”

“You can?” he replied, allowing her to change the subject. He stood up, brushing his hands off on his jeans, and walked towards the window.

“We should bring in some more wood, in case the electricity goes out,” she said. “Do you have a generator?”

“No. That’s one thing I didn’t think of. I managed to stock a whole surgical kit, and have all the right medications, but no generator. I’ll bring in some more wood, after the call to Shane. You ready?” he asked her. Marlena nodded, and smiled. John leaned down, gently slipping his arm around her, and lifted her from the couch gently. Pulling Marlena to her feet they walked to the bedroom, their fingers still linked, and John pulled out the satellite phone.

It rang several times before Shane picked up. “Hey, Shane. Any news?” John asked.

“I do, but it’s not good news. I was hoping to avoid telling you, but it can’t wait any longer,” Shane replied. 

John motioned for Marlena to come closer, so they could both hear. Tucking their faces together, John said, “Okay, go ahead, Doc’s listening in.”

“Chief Vaughn’s body was found in the river a few days back. We knew he was working with Torres, but since Torres got his shipment—”

“—Torres was working with Chief Vaughn? How long have you known that Shane?” John asked, with frustration rising up in him.

“We’ve known for a few days, but, John, you were dealing with Marlena, and we were hoping to handle it on our end, but now…Vaughn’s dead, and we have lost track of Torres,” Shane said. “We know that he has men in the area of Montrose, Colorado searching for you.”

Marlena gasped softly, and John said, “Fuck, Shane! Could Torres be in Colorado?”

“We don’t know where Torres is. He’s completely off grid. We still haven’t located Bo. Now, with Vaughn’s body being retrieved from the river…and…”

John sensed Shane’s hesitation, “And what?”

“The ISA safehouse was raided. Roman’s gone… we’ve got five agents dead. It’s best if you and Marlena stay hidden for now,” Shane said. “We can’t guarantee anything right now, and I don’t even trust the ISA at this juncture.”

John was quiet for a moment, and then asked, “How did Vaughn die?”

Shane replied, “A shot to the head. I need to know, John… is there a chance that Torres, or one of his men could find you?”

“There’s always the possibility, Shane, but I’ll handle things on my end. No one is getting near Doc. No one.”

“Are you in Montrose?” Shane was beyond worried, and John’s continued refusal to give him their location made him even more frightened. How could he get to them or help them if they needed it?

“Shane, we’ve been over this…I’m not giving you our location,” John said with a sigh, running his free hand over his jaw roughly.

“I could track your position using the satellite phone, John, if I felt it necessary,” Shane told him. “If something goes wrong, I need to know how to get to you—”

“—no. The only way this works is if you don’t know where we are. If Torres gets ahold of you or Abe, you have deniability. I’m not telling you,” John told him. “I’ll take care of Doc. You just work on locating Bo and Roman.”

“At this point, we’re certain that Torres has Roman, as well as still having Bo,” Shane said reluctantly.

John heard Marlena’s breathing change in pattern, and knew she was crying. He decided to end the call, “I’ll call back in a couple days. Same time. Thanks for the info.”

“Before you go…how’s Marlena?” Shane asked in concern.

“She’s fine. She’s healing just fine, Shane.” John replied. He heard Marlena’s stifled sob, and said quickly, “I’ll talk to you later.”

“Bye, John,” Shane said, just before John disconnected the line.

John tossed the phone onto the storage bag on the floor, and turned, pulling Marlena into his arms, allowing her to cry into his neck. Her wet tears dampened the cotton neckline of his t-shirt, and her hands gripped the fabric along his back. “This is such a mess, John,” she said softly. “I’m so conflicted. I’m angry with Abe. I’m angry with Roman, and now Torres has him. How can I stay mad at him when he could die?”

“I’m not the shrink, Doc, but I do know this,” John said, wiping the tears from her face. “You’re allowed to be angry, and feel let down. You’re allowed to be worried about Roman, while still being angry with him. You’re allowed to feel whatever you need to feel.”

“He left when the twins were barely a month old! He left, and then disappeared for seven years. Now he’s back, not even two months, and he chose to leave us again. As scared as I feel for his safety, his choices… he keeps picking his job over his family. It’s not fair to me, or the children.” Marlena stood up, and walked over to the window. She watched the first snow flakes start to fall from the sky, and she smiled, turning to John, “I told you.”

Walking over to stand behind her, John casually wrapped his arms around her waist, and pulled her back against him. She allowed her head to fall back on his shoulder, as they stood in companionable silence, and continued to watch the snow fall. As much as John wanted to stay there in that moment with her, holding her, he knew that he needed to bring in more firewood. From the looks of things, he needed to bring in a lot of firewood. “You want to hang out with me, while I bring in the firewood?”

Looking up at him, her face inches from his, she says, “Hang out with you?”

John could feel his heart rate pick up, as the feel of her breath wafted over his lips. He paused, and glanced down at her lips, before saying, “Sure, Doc. You hang out on the porch while I make several trips in and out of the cabin to get more firewood. You know, keep me company.” Marlena’s soft laugh vibrated through his body, causing him to shiver.

“Sure. I’ll hang out with you,” she said, standing up straighter, intending to step away from him.

John momentarily stilled her movement, realizing he wasn’t quite ready to let her go. Leaning down, running his nose along the length of Marlena’s neck, he said, “You smell so good.”

Marlena moaned, relaxing back against him. The feel of his warmth against her, his moist breath on her neck, all of it could make her mad with wanting him, but she knew they needed to talk. A serious talk, because, as it stood, they were both technically committed to other people. Their situation was anything but standard. “John,” she whispered in a husky voice, barely able to speak.

John marveled at how quickly they had gone from friendly, to much more than friendly. He felt a tingle in his cock, and his heart rate increased. She did this to him. A whisper of his name, and he wanted to take her, right there on the floor. “Fuck, Doc,” he groaned against the nape of her neck, “the way you whisper my name…”

She felt like a schoolgirl. Her belly flopped, her heart fluttered, and her core clenched, at the sound of need in his voice, “John, I…” Her voice trailed off when his hands moved to her hips, and turned her to face him. Staring up into his eyes, all thought of having a rational, civilized, conversation, to discuss what they meant to each other, was gone. She continued to stare up at him, breathing harshly, and then she whispered, “John…kiss me…”

Chapter 29

Charles Wright Cabin, Outside Telluride, Colorado

Call it bad timing

But I call it destiny

It wouldn’t have happened

If it wasn’t meant to be

~ I Want Your World To Turn ~ Heart ~

Bright hazel eyes stared up at him, almost pleading, and Marlena’s words still echoed in his mind. “John… kiss me…”

Unable to stop himself, he groaned, “Fuck, yes,” while wrapping one arm around her waist, and weaving the other one tightly into her hair. Being careful not to jar her shoulder too much, his mouth consumed her, licking over her lips, and biting at the soft pillowy flesh. For days he’d wanted to kiss her like this. All the times she’d stroked his skin, or begged him in a morphine haze to make love to her, he’d held back, refusing to allow himself to cross that line. Pushing closer to her, he slowly turned her so that her spine was flush against the wall next to the window. Out of the corner of his eye he saw the brightness of the moon, and the lazy fall of thick snow. The cabin was ensconced in silence, as if a blanket was thrown over it, and only he and Marlena existed.

Marlena whimpered, arching against him. She didn’t recall a lot of details over the last week, but what she did recall was the constant ache for him. She recalled the throbbing in her body as she begged for his touch, and his soft words telling her to rest or go to sleep. She recalled her frustration. Her free hand gripped his shoulder, digging into his muscle with soft cries of desire. Tearing her lips away from his, she gasped, “Make love to me… please… I need you so badly.”

He stared down into her eyes. The truth was there. She wanted him, and there was no denying that he wanted her, but they had to consider Roman, and Isabella. “Doc,” he whispered, resting his forehead on hers. “We have to think about this. We have to consider what happens when we go home.”

“I don’t want to consider anything,” she whispered. Her fingers traced over the scruff of his face, reveling in the feel of the soft beard that had begun to grow. “I don’t want to think about any of it… just you, and me… here.”

John groaned, “Doc… baby…” Her words were pulling at him. It would be so easy to make love to her, to bury himself in her wet heat and cry out her name with passion. But what would come later? Would he be able to let her go? Would she want him to let her go? Marlena laced her fingers into his dark hair, and tipped her mouth to his with a soft gasp, and he was lost. Her breathy pants drove him further.  Wrapping his arm around her hips, he lifted her body close to him, and walked her towards the bed, carefully laying her down. For a moment, he stared down at her. It always amazed him how drawn he was to her, no matter where they were, no matter what she was wearing. She stared up at him, her long legs hanging off the side of the bed. His old Salem PD sweatshirt draped off of her shoulder, and the hem rode up revealing the smooth skin of her thighs. Honey blonde hair curled around her face like a halo, and he almost groaned with the amount of love he felt. 

“If we do this… if I make love to you… it might kill me to let you go.” He stood above her, unable to move, feeling only the echo of the pain he might feel at having to watch her walk away with Roman again. He couldn’t do it. He would rather suffer the pain of wanting her, than to have her, and give her up again. 

Marlena could feel the pain she saw in his eyes. It was the same ache and longing that would overtake her soul, and drown her if she had to say goodbye again. She reached for him, whispering, “Then don’t… don’t ever let me go, and I–I won’t let you go. I want to feel your skin against mine. I want to hear your whispered words… I want all of it, and I want you.”

He stepped closer, standing over her in the vee of her legs. He leaned forward resting the weight on his body on either side of her. “Doc…” he moaned, brushing his lips across hers softly. “Baby…you are so amazing…” Another soft brush of his lips across her jaw, “I love you so much it fucking hurts…”

Marlena arched against him, rolling her hips in an attempt to get as close as she could. Her fingers pulled at his hair, as she lifted her mouth to his, “Please…John, please…” She couldn’t think about anything except his mouth on hers. The need to bring in more firewood was all but forgotten. The conversation she knew they should have, was forgotten, and all she could do was beg him for more. 

Slowly John’s deft fingers lifted the hem of the sweatshirt Marlena was wearing, revealing her creamy soft skin inch by inch. John’s cock jerked when she rolled her hips, bucking towards him, and he couldn’t take his eyes off of the lace edged eyelet cotton that hugged her hips. “You are so fucking beautiful, Marlena. So fucking beautiful.”

Marlena lifted her head, allowing him to pull the sweatshirt off of her, and she lay before him, feeling the scorch of his eyes as they took her in. Her breath caught in her chest when he reached out, tracing his fingertip over the curve of her hip, as he whispered, “So fucking beautiful.” She felt the wavy tremble in her muscles as his words. John was the only man who had ever made her feel like she could come simply from foreplay. Wetness seeped from her core soaking the gusset of her panties as she moaned.

“You are so receptive to my touch,” he murmured, reaching for the clasp that held the ACE bandage in place. He watched Marlena shiver as he started to unwind it, slipping his arm behind her, and lifting her body slowly.

“Oh,” she moaned, closing her eyes. “You smell so good.” Memories assaulted her. The smell of his skin near the river in West Virginia, making love on their wedding day, the scent of him as she’d woken from her coma, the musk of him after their lovemaking in Stockholm. Marlena felt her pussy quiver again, as more arousal seeped from her body. She groaned and rolled her hips, trying to seek him out in unbridled want.

Tugging the bandage away from her, he tossed it carelessly to the floor, and moaned at the feel of her naked breasts brushing across his chest. “Fuck, baby, I’ve missed you so much,” he groaned, burying his face in her neck and breathing deeply. Slowly he lowered her body back to the bed, and once he was gazing on the creamy, freckled skin of her breasts, he knew he wouldn’t be able to stop. Cupping one breast in his hand, he lifted it, rolling the nipple between his fingers. Her eyes fluttered, and he heard a guttural moan, as he lowered his head to suck on her tender skin. John closed his eyes, brushing his nose across her flesh as he took great gulps of her, and held it in his lungs. Her tight nipple brushed along his cheek, pushing him further in his desire. He rubbed his cheek along her soft skin, and murmured, “Absolutely fucking amazing.”

“John!” Marlena gasped, arching her back, and then gasping again, this time in pain, as her shoulder strained. She fell back to the bed, seemingly unable to reconcile her bodies wants to the limitations of her injury.

John lifted his head, staring up into her arousal blown hazel eyes, “Lay still, Doc.” His breath whispered along the skin of her abdomen. His fingers trailed down her ribs, tracing the curve of her hips, as he whispered,  “Don’t move, baby… just let me love you… let me love you like I’ve dreamed of loving you for years.” He licked across her navel once, making his way to kneel on the floor before her. He gripped her knees, squeezing her skin before pushing his flat palms up the length of her thighs. Pushing her thighs wide, he could smell her arousal, and almost lost his mind. He dipped forward, kissing the damp skin of her inner thigh, and felt the sharp tug in his cock. It occurred to John that they should wait. They hadn’t yet discussed anything, aside from the fact that they were in love. He didn’t want her to regret this, “Maybe we should—”

“—No. No, no, no. I know what you’re thinking. I know, and I won’t… I won’t regret this, honey…” she whispered, tugging at his arm. “I swear, John. I won’t regret this.”

John’s fingers fumbled in the elastic to her panties, tugging them over her hips roughly with one hand while holding her still with the other. Groaning at the sight of her, spread out before him, he studied her  – pink, swollen, moist. He felt his cock surge in his sweatpants, pulsing, and making him increasingly uncomfortable. He pressed his swollen length against the side of the bed, and licked over the moist skin on the inside of her thigh with a groan.

Marlena’s pussy throbbed, as she watched him in the moonlight. The silver light streaming in through the window lit up his bronze skin, and the snow outside added its own glow to the dark room. She reached for him, “I want to feel you. I want to feel your body next to mine… your skin on mine… come here…”

Softly he blew on her sex, before whispering, “I want to taste you so bad, Doc. I want to feel the heat of you in my mouth… I want to slide my tongue over you–”

“–oh, G-d!” she cried, inflamed by his dirty words.

“Stay still, baby. Don’t move… just let me make love to you with my mouth,” he whispered, parting the swollen folds of her pussy. He leaned forward, licking a long path from the bottom to the top of her, flicking the tip of his tongue over her clit.

She arched again, “John!”

“You like that, baby? Do you like my mouth on you?” he asked her in a rough voice, lapping at her slowly. He stared up the length of her body, “You taste like fucking honey, and desire, and sex… fuck, I want you so bad.”

He stood slowly, and Marlena stared at him with wide eyes as he reached for the tie of his sweatpants, pulling at it aggressively. His cock bobbed, swollen and long against his abdomen, and Marlena reached for him, “John…”

John leaned forward, gently sliding Marlena’s body around and up the length of the bed. As he laid next to her, his body rubbing against hers, they both sighed in relief, and arousal. John’s head dipped to her breast, bumping her turgid nipple with the tip of his nose before sucking into his mouth. Again, Marlena’s body bucked involuntarily, and she gasped in pain. John’s hand splayed open low on her belly holding her down, and whispered, “Let me love you…”

“I can’t, John,” she whined. “I need you so badly… I want you… please…”

He was afraid of hurting her, of being too rough, when his body wanted to slam into her. Knowing what waited, knowing how much her heat would burn, and how tight she’d be were enough to make him lose his mind, but he had to be gentle, and he knew, this first time, she wasn’t going to have patience for foreplay. Using his fingers to push her swollen folds apart, he used his thumb to gauge her readiness. He encountered slick hot velvet flesh. He flicked her clit roughly, and then pressed the pad of his thumb into her, rubbing over her clit roughly. “You are so wet, baby… so fucking wet…” he said, teasing her with his thumb.

“John, please!” she cried, trying to buck her hips again.

“As much as I love to hear you beg for me… we need to slow down, pretty lady. I’ll get you there,” John whispered, biting her ear, and licking over her ear lobe. “I’ll spend the whole fucking night getting you there. Believe me… I’m not going to stop.” Pulling his hand away from her sex, he lifted his fingers to his mouth slowly, licking them clean. His wet fingers trailed down her abdomen, a mere whisper across her skin, and then he pushed her thighs wide. Looking down at her moist, swollen, center John audibly groaned in desire, “You are so gorgeous. I want to lick you, and suck at you… I want to drive you mad.” Licking the underside of her breast he whispered, “I want to lick all of you…”

“I need you, John…stop making me beg…please…”

A sexy smirk lined his face as he leaned closer to her ear, and whispered, “Fuck, I love it when you beg, Doc.” His body moved into the vee of her thighs, and his cock nudged her opening, causing her to gasp in pleasure. John slipped one arm underneath her shoulders, cradling her body against his, and he slid the other underneath her lower back, telling her, “I love you. I want you to know that… I will always love you.” He kissed her, knowing that she could taste her own arousal on his lips, and then he began to slowly push inside her welcoming body.

Marlena felt as if she left this world, and came back in a single instant, throwing her head back, and crying out, “John! Oh, G-d, John!” The pull and stretch of him sliding into her left her feeling so full. She rolled her hips, trying to seat him more deeply, and found herself getting frustrated by her physical limitations. She bit the flesh of his shoulder roughly, moaning, “Deeper. Oh, fuck, John! Deeper!”

Holding her tightly, so she couldn’t move, John slowly, almost languidly, made love to her body. She wanted to buck, she wanted to ravage him, but he held her tight, rolling his hips, and allowing her orgasm to slowly build. The hair on his chest rubbed over her swollen breasts, abrading her nipples in the most delicious friction. He absorbed her gasps, and pants, her breathy moans, and her mewling sounds. He pushed into her, pulling out with frustrating slowness, and she could feel the build of her climax. 

“Aw, fuck, baby,” he moaned into her mouth. “You feel… you feel like heaven. Fucking heaven, Marlena. My heaven.”  And when their sensory symphony reached its peak, they exploded into color, the melding of two souls that should have never been torn apart. 

Chapter 30

February 18, 1992

Charles Wright Cabin, Outside Telluride, Colorado

You don’t have to go nowhere

To get where you should be

You don’t have to look around

Just you look at me, look at me, look at me

~ All Eyes ~ Heart ~

Marlena stood on the wide wooden back porch overlooking the mountains wearing John’s sweatshirt, a pair of his boots, and wrapped in a blanket. As he traipsed back and forth through the thick snow from the wood pile, his arms laden down with kindling and logs, she watched him in awe. Every once in a while he would stop, and kiss her slowly, licking over her bottom lip with a moan like it was candy. She alternated between laughing at his antics, and moaning as he drove her mad with want. After dropping the last load of wood inside the house, he joined her outside as she watched the snow fall as it continued to fall. 

“How much more do you think we’ll get?” he asked her softly, coming up behind her, and tugging her into his arms.

Resting her head back against his shoulder, she sighed, “It should be stopping soon. The stars are bright and the sky is clear.” She took a deep breath of the cleanest air she’d ever known. “It’s so peaceful here,” she whispered. “The snow seems to muffle all the normal sounds, and it’s so silent. When I was a child this was my favorite part about snow. The way it blanketed the earth and seemed to muffle all sound, making the planet so much quieter.”

“It is beautiful here. I was thinking about you when I bought it,” John said, kissing the top of her head. His cool finger tips traced her jaw, and he nuzzled the side of her face. “I know I shouldn’t say this… given our current situation, but, Doc, I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else right now.”

“Me either,” she said, softly running her fingers over his arm wrapped around her. A perfect would would have her, John and the children secluded forever. It would have Sami and Eric growing up feeling loved, and experiencing joy daily. It would have Carrie coming to realize that she was enough. She would always be enough. “I wouldn’t trade this time with you for anything… absolutely nothing.”

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, kissing her temple gently. 

She tipped her face up to his with a confused look, “For what? What could you possibly have to be sorry for?”

Brushing his lips softly over her forehead, he told her, “I’m sorry, I was so scared to lose you, that I walked away. In Mexico… I shouldn’t have done that. No matter how it would have turned out… I should have believed in you enough, and trusted you enough – to allow you to make your choice, and to respect your decision when you did. Instead, I acted out of fear…and loneliness, and I took away your autonomy. I didn’t intend to do that, but I did, and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Marlena turned in his arms, touching his bearded face with her fingertips as if he were the most precious thing in her life. “That time… it hurts to think about it. I’ve pushed it away ever since we came home, refusing myself the right to think about it, because it hurt so much. I understand pain. I understand fear. It can be immobilizing, and it can prevent us from doing the things we want most… it can prevent us from reaching for the people we want most. I almost want to say it’s okay, and move on from it, because talking about hurts more sometimes… but I have to say this, or it will forever hang between us. That morning, when you showed up with Isabella…I knew. I knew what you’d done, and it felt like you’d—it felt like you’d cheated on me – even though nothing was settled, and you hadn’t committed to me. Even though we hadn’t shared more than a couple fleeting kisses, in my heart, you were mine, and Roman coming home changed nothing. You broke my heart in a matter of seconds walking through that door holding her hand. It was as if a part of me died, it hurt that much… I was confused, because it was sudden, John. It was unexpected, and I’d had such hope, so much hope…” Her voice choked on the raw emotion she was feeling as she recalled the way her whole body had rebelled against her in that moment. “I–I felt like when we were in San Cristobal… it had felt as if your decision was me, even if you didn’t say it right then. When you kissed me on the beach in Miami, my heart opened to you and it was yours. It would always be yours. In San Cristobal, I slept in your arms and for the first time in months the nightmares were gone. I… had really thought it would be me, and maybe that’s my fault for not pushing you–” “

“—Doc! It was you!” he said vehemently, holding her face in his hands. “It was, and I fucked everything up, by not trusting you… by not trusting us. I was losing everything. Everything. My parents, my children, my job, my house, and I was convinced I was going to lose you. There was a fucking war in my head, Doc. Part of me wanted to run to you… to find out what you were thinking, because I was so G-d damned confused, and the other part of me… it told me I was nothing. I was no one, and you? You were fucking everything, and I wasn’t good enough. I would never be good enough. I think if I’d been left alone, if Isabella had allowed me the space I needed to process. But fuck, you know me, Doc. How many times have you pulled me back when I’m in a panic?” 

He rested his forehead on her, and Marlena felt as one of his tears splashed down on her cheek. Tipping her chin up, she brushed her lips over his jaw, and rubbed her face alongside his.

“Isabella was there. She just appeared out of the darkness. I’m not even sure how she found me, but she… she was promising me she would always be there for me. Even if I lost everything, even thought I would lose you… she kept saying she would be there for me. I wasn’t thinking. It hurt. G-d the emotional pain was as if you’d died again, as if the twins had died… as if Carrie had died, and I know it’s no excuse. I know that…Fuck!” John stepped back, feeling so guilty it stole his breath. He couldn’t touch her. He didn’t deserve to touch her. He stood by the porch railing, leaning against it taking gasps of air. 

Marlena watched him for a long time, and she waited. This conversation between them needed to happen. IF not for them to move forward then at least for them to gain insight into the deep wrenching pain that had their lives in a deathgrip. 

John faced away from her, staring out at the mountains as they started to glow with the sunrise, and finally whispered, so quietly she could barely hear him, “So, I walked away from everything, and that was wrong. So fucking wrong. When I saw your face that morning – instantly, I knew what I’d done, and it nearly ripped my heart out. Your pain was so clear, and I knew I was the cause. I tried to justify my decision, of course. How else would I be able to handle what I’d done? But, the guilt hit me hard, and just as you felt like I’d cheated on you, so did I.” Turning to face her, John said, “You weren’t imagining that.” 

With one large step, he was back in front of her. Grabbing her face in his hands again. He kissed her eyes, as he murmured, “I will spend my life making sure I never see that pain in your eyes again.” His lips pressed against her cheeks, “I will spend my life doing everything I can to watch you smile.” Kissing her lips again, he whispered “I will spend the rest of my life making love to you, and proving how much you mean to me.”

Marlena’s emotions were tied up in knots, because John’s words had her heart soaring, but then there was the dread of facing Roman, and the family. “What do we do now? Because now that we’ve made love… we’re the cheaters. We’re the cheaters, but I can’t let you go. I won’t.”

John laced his fingers through her soft curls, and laid her head on his chest, holding her tightly. “I don’t know, but I’m not letting you go again either. I won’t, and I’m not walking away this time, Doc, because you’re mine, and I’m yours. I will fight for you. I will turn the world upside down to have you in my life walking beside me… and in my bed. Always in my bed.”

A shiver rocked her body, and they both knew it wasn’t from the cold. John stared down at her upturned face, and slowly drew the tip of his index finger down the column of her neck, and across her exposed collarbone. Marlena shuddered, feeling a quiver deep inside her, “Okay.”

“Have I ever told you how fucking sexy you look in my clothes?” he asked her in a husky voice. His palm slid underneath the blanket she was holding, and the coolness of his skin caused her to gasp. Reaching around to the back of her thigh, he pushed up underneath the hem of the sweatshirt she was wearing, and groaned. Looking down at her with dark blue eyes, he whispered, “You’ve been standing out here this whole time with no underwear?” John squeezed the flesh of her thigh just below her ass, as he leaned towards her ear, “You dirty girl.”

She closed her eyes, and clumsily shuffled her feet, opening her stance as she rested against him. A soft moan escaped her when the cold fingers of his land slipped between her legs, and ran along the line of her sex. “John…” she breathed, pushing back against his palm. His fingers pushed forward, bumping her clit from behind, and she almost lost control of her legs as his finger circled that bundle of nerves.

“You know,” he whispered. “When I bought that rug in front of the fireplace, all thick white fur and softness, I imagined you spread out across it naked. Even though I thought you were gone… there was a part of me that couldn’t move on.” He bit at the tender flesh of her neck, sucking so hard she felt the sting of blood rising to the surface. “I want that…I want to spread you out naked before the fireplace and watch the light of the flames dance over your body. I want to pluck at your nipples, and lick your pussy as the heat suffuses your skin.”

Her hips rocked over his palm as he continued to caress and rub over her swollen core. Marlena could feel moisture leaking from her body, and she could hear the wet suction of her flesh trying to pull him in. “John… I’m going to come… I’m–I’m so close… so close….”

“You come on my hand, baby. Come on my fingers, and then… I’m going to drag you inside the house, and make love to you in front of the fire,” he whispered, biting at her earlobe.

“Kiss me… kiss me… I’m so close,” she whispered frantically, pushing her pelvis forward and riding his hand. Her fingernails scraped at the nape of his neck, tugging on his hair, and pulling his mouth to hers.

He held back slightly, allowing his lips to whisper over hers, but not kissing her. “You want me to kiss you?” He flicked her clit, lifting her up onto her tiptoes using his grip on her backside. 

Marlena groaned, feeling the pressure behind, and aching so deep she found herself craving the darker things he could do to her body. John smiled against her lips, pulling his hand back slightly, he pushed his thumb against the pucker between her rounded cheeks. “Oh, G-d!” she cried, pushing back against him, lost in sensation. “John!”

A frigid breeze blew down from the mountains, and still they were lost in the moment. The pink haze of sunrise cast a glow over their bodies, as he pushed her against the wall of the cabin near the front door. Marlena’s head feel back with a dull thud, staring up into John’s deep blue eyes, and his thumb pushed into her from behind. She saw stars, crying out her pleasure into the early morning. With his other hand, he pushed at her thighs, “Open those legs, baby. Open them wide.”

His dirty words had her teetering on the edge of sensory assault. “More… more, John… more…”

With a smile, he nipped at her skin, roughly whispering, “You’re so hot and wet… “ Her undulating hips rocked his body, and John felt himself teetering on the edge of his own climax. “Ride my hand. Yeah, yeah, just like that.” John licked over her swollen mouth, murmuring, “Just thinking of sinking into you has me on the edge.”

“I love you,” she gasped. “Only you… only you do this to me…oh, G-d, John!” 

He felt the precise moment that her body took control, the waves and rolls of her pussy squeezing his fingers as he continued to rub forcefully over her clit. Marlena fell against him in exhaustion, and all he could do was order her roughly, “In the house. Now.”

Chapter 31

Charles Wright Cabin, Outside Telluride, Colorado

And it could happen any day

Everything goes astray

~ Under the Sky – Heart ~

When Marlena woke later in the next morning, John was nowhere to be found. She reached out for him, and found the bed beside her cold and empty. She started to panic almost immediately. Had Torres found them? Was John gone? Or was he fighting for his life somewhere the way Roman and Bo were? With little regard for her modesty, she wrapped herself in the quilt that had been laying over the bed, and went in search of him. After finding the cabin empty, she ran towards the door in a gripping fear, calling out, “John?” She shoved her feet clumsily into a pair of his boots near the front door, and she stepped out onto the front porch to look for him, shouting again, “John!”

She stopped short, her eyes landing several feet down the drive where she saw him standing next to a vehicle she didn’t recognize. Isabella stood next to him, bundled in a coat with her scarf high on her neck. She wore a beanie, with her wild halo of curls peeking out. She cut her eyes to give Marlena a harsh stare. John turned to look at her, fear and anxiety lining his face. His voice laced with near panic, he told her harshly, “Doc, go inside, and pack everything. Now. We’ve got to go.”

She knew immediately why. It was the same reason why John had been refusing to tell Shane or Abe about their location. In case they were found by the Torres family, and if Isabella had found them, then Torres would find them. He probably had people following Isabella even then. It was only a matter of time. Marlena turned on her heel quickly, running into the house, kicking off John’s boots. Running towards the bedroom, she started pulling items from the dresser with her only functional hand feeling as if she were moving in slow motion. Once the drawers were empty, she started shoving clothes into their duffle bags with little concern about what went where or whether it was tidy.

Outside, John turned back to Isabella, telling her in a firm voice, “I need you to leave.”

She stared up at him in disbelief with sad, broken hearted eyes, “No! Absolutely not! John, I came all this way to try, and figure out what’s going on. You left me, with no word… no communication! I feel like you… at the very least, you owe me an explanation!”

John ran his fingers through his hair, pulling it at the roots in frustration, “You’re right, Izzy-B. You’re right. I do, but not right now. It’s too dangerous! Fuck, you shouldn’t even be here!” John stared at her in complete disbelief, unable to fathom what she was thinking. “Do you even realize what you’ve done? Do you care? Do you?”

She started crying, reaching out for his arm, but he shrugged her off roughly, “You left me! You left me to run off with Marlena! No explanation, not even a message from Abe or Shane to deliver to me. Am I worth so little to you? And my father! You pulled Victor into it, intentionally having him distract me! I did nothing wrong, John! Nothing! All I did was track you down! All I did was want answers!”

In a terror fueled rage, John shouted, “I don’t have time for this! You need to leave!”

“Make time!” she yelled, grabbing at his arm again. “You make time for me, because you are always making time for her!”

John heard the front door, and turned to see Marlena dragging their bags out the front door with one hand. Completely forgetting Isabella, he screamed, running towards her, “Get back in the house, Doc! Please! Get back in the house!” 

His fear that Isabella had been followed was taking over. All he could see was the flash of a gun, and Marlena’s bloody body falling against him in Montrose. He couldn’t go through something like that again. He couldn’t. And the potential was real that Marlena would be shot again, because of Isabella’s carelessness. Sprinting to the front porch of the cabin, he took the bags from her, tossing them into the snow. “Please, Doc,” John begged her. “Go in the house. Get dressed. But stay inside until I get you…I–I can’t lose you again.”

He was petrified and he was panicking. She’d been with him at other times when he was like this. After she’d seen his tattoo in West Virginia, when he was first adjusting to being Roman, and on the pier after the DNA proved he wasn’t Roman. She nodded her head once, and touched his arm gently, before she turned, and went into the house. John picked up the discarded bags, and walked them to the Jeep, throwing them in the hatchback, then he stalked back over to where Isabella was standing, “Isabella, we can talk about this later, when I get back to Salem, but right now, Doc and I have to go. I don’t know if you’ve been followed, but it’s almost certain that you have. Please leave. For your own safety, leave now.”

Isabella’s mind was reeling. She’d seen the panic on his face, the way he’d run towards Marlena, shouting in fear for her. She’d seen Marlena wearing John’s boots, and the bare skin of her thigh peeking from under the quilt she held tightly around her. And, she’d seen the way Marlena looked at John, touching his arm in intimate silent communication. Her eyes filled with tears of betrayal, looking up at John, “You slept with her.”

John had always appreciated that Isabella was so direct, but he didn’t expect to hear her say that. He had no response at first. He didn’t have the time to break down how he had changed over the last two weeks, and he certainly didn’t have time to discuss his love for Marlena. He didn’t want to hurt Isabella, but he also wouldn’t lie to her. He was not going to deny it, so he simply nodded, saying, “I’m sorry I hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you.”

Bitterness settled in her gut like acid, “You’re sorry? For hurting me, but not for fucking her?”

John flinched at the harshness of her words, and her acerbic tone, “I’m sorry for hurting you. I never wanted to hurt you, Izzy-B.”

She stared up at him with rage, “You chose me. Why would you do that if you didn’t mean it? I was the one that was there for you when your whole world was falling apart! Not Marlena! Me! After everything I did to make you love me.” Isabella opened the door to her rental car, and slid into the driver’s seat. “I was there for you when you found out that you weren’t Roman. Do you remember that? I was there. Not Marlena. When you knew you were going to lose everything, it was me.”

John studied her for a moment, wondering how much of a role she might have played in his decision to walk away from Marlena that night in Mexico. He wanted to ask her how she knew where he was that night. He wanted to ask her why she wouldn’t give him the space he’d asked for. Why had she insisted on staying by his side, only to constantly remind him of what he was losing? Obviously, he had made the final decision, but had Isabella somehow influenced him? Would he have done something different, if he had been allowed to work through his emotions on his own? 

He gave her a hard stare, “Doc and I are leaving. We can’t stay here anymore since this location has been compromised. You need to go home, Isabella. Go back to Salem.” 

She slammed the door closed without another word, glaring at him through the glass of the window. Turning around in the driveway, her tires spun, spewing snow, rock and gravel behind her as she sped away. John didn’t wait to watch her car disappear, he was moving towards the cabin before she was even on the main road. Isabella watched him from the rearview mirror, tears and fury streaming down her face, and knew she had lost him. Nearly a mile down the road, through a haze of her tears, she saw a black SUV speeding recklessly through the snow towards her. They were in the middle of the road, driving erratically, giving her no leeway. She honked her horn in desperation, hoping they would slow down, or move to the side. It was only when they were close enough to see their eyes, that she knew they weren’t going to move. Swerving her vehicle roughly to the side of the road, Isabella’s car hit a ditch, flipping onto its side, coming to a rest in a snowbank. She sat in her car dazed, realizing that John had been right. She’d brought danger right to his doorstep.

Mike turned around, staring at the car in the ditch behind them, “Fuck, Francis! She ain’t the one we’re after!” Staring at the man driving, he could see why Raffi wanted someone with him. Francis was a loose cannon, acting with little regard to those around him, making decisions based on his own irrational emotional impulses. 

Francis sneered, and replied with venom, “I’m just pissed that little bitch left the hotel early, and we had to search her through her trash to find out where she was going. We’ve already followed her around for the last fucking week while she took her damned time figuring out where to go next.”

“Dumbass,” Mike muttered, thinking that he was going to have to find a way to have Raffi call Francis home or the whole operation would be shot. Afterall, Francis was the one who’d almost killed the Brady woman in the first place. “She did all the fucking leg work while your fat, hairy ass sat in the jacuzzi.”

At the cabin, John pulled the duffle bag with the money, along with the satellite phone out of the closet and tossed them near the front door. Walking briskly back into the bedroom, he reached for Marlena’s jeans, and said, “Sit down, baby. Let’s get you dressed.”

“Are they coming for me?” she asked him, sitting on the edge of the bed and lifting her legs, one after the other, to slide into her pants. 

Standing up, she watched his face, and knew he was scared. He kissed her softly, fastening the button at her waist, and he said, “I think so. I can’t imagine that Raffi didn’t have someone tailing her.” 

He tugged a sweater over her head, and helped her pull her arm through. Marlena followed behind him quickly, slipping her feet into her shoes without even worrying about socks. They had to go, and they had to go now. He gripped her hand, “Do you trust me?”

“With my life,” she whispered emphatically. “I trust you with my life.”

After tossing the phone and the money into the back of the SUV, John hurriedly got Marlena settled in the front seat. She stared at him in confusion when he handed her another manila envelope. The one he’d taken from Sami’s dollhouse had been much thinner. This one was bulky, but she asked no questions. Marlena’s eyes went wide when John pulled a pistol out of the glove compartment, he told her, “Scoot down.”

“John? A gun?” she said. She hadn’t even known he had a gun. “What are you going to do?”

He started the Jeep, and had them out of the driveway and on the road in seconds, “Whatever I have to do, Doc. I put the gun in here this morning. I had it in the cabin.” He glanced over at her quickly, “Put on your seatbelt, and then scoot down. My job is to keep us alive,” he told her. John placed the pistol on the dashboard, so he could grab it quickly if he needed to. “I’m not taking chances. Not this time. I’m not losing you.”

Marlena stared at him for a second, and then slouched down in her seat, whispering, “You think Isabella was followed?”

“I’m almost certain she was followed. She probably led them right to us,” John replied, picking up speed. She glanced at the odometer, and realized John was driving nearly 90 mph. 

Almost as soon as his last words left his mouth, he saw a black SUV in the distance. It was going too fast to be a local, and the positioning in the middle of the road was a dead giveaway.  Picking up the pistol, he said to Marlena, “Stay down!” Without even slowing down, he took aim, and fired once. One shot was all he would need to take out the driver, another shot for the wheel. He heard Marlena shriek, but he couldn’t allow himself to be distracted. 

Francis didn’t even know what hit him. He was dead as soon as the bullet entered his forehead. In the next instant, Mike felt the vehicle lurch as a second shot took out the tire, and the truck spun out into a ditch. There was nothing he could do, as he watched John Black speed by. The fact that Raffi was going to be pissed, was all he could think about, as he wiped the blood spatter from his face, but he had to admit a begrudging respect for John Black. 

In the car, Marlena whispered, “What did you do?”

“What needed to be done,” John said softly, flicking the safety and dropping the pistol back onto the dashboard. He continued to speed down the road, noticing that Isabella’s SUV had been run off the road further up. His eyes met hers as he sped by, but he couldn’t stop to check on her. His only thought was Marlena, and keeping her alive. Keeping her with him. “I meant what I said, I’m not losing you again, Doc. I’m not. “

Marlena watched him, and finally came to terms with what her death had truly done to him. He’d been a man, with no memories of his own, and the one person who’d known him since the beginning. The one person who had been his constant, was simply gone. Had he ever truly dealt with her death? Had he ever found someone to open up to about his resurging memories, or the lack of? Or had he pushed it to the side, and forced himself to carry on, carrying the weight of the Brady clan on his shoulders? 

Marlena was almost certain that John had just killed someone. There was a somberness to him that spoke of what he’d done, and she could sense the regret, even knowing he wouldn’t change what he’d done. 

After nearly an hour of silence, she reached for his hand, saying softly, “John, where are we going?”

“Right now?” he asked her. “I have no idea. I’m just trying to get us as far from Colorado as I can. Any suggestions, Doc?”

Marlena smiled, “Anywhere?”

He loved her so much. Their situation was dire, and still she had the most beautiful innocence and light about her. “Anywhere you want to go. Pick somewhere you’ve always wanted to see, but never got the chance.”

She was silent for a moment, running her options through her head, and then she remembered begging her parents to go to Niagara Falls as a child. She’d found a brochure in a travel office, and been completely fascinated. Then she’d read a story about a man who went over the falls in a barrel, and knew that the photos didn’t do it justice. With a childlike smile, she asked shyly,”Niagara Falls?”

John was surprised, “Really?”

“It always looked so pretty,” she said softly, staring at their joined hands. “And when I was small I begged my parents, but we never went… you know, though, I’ll follow you anywhere.”

“Let’s go to Niagara Falls,” he said, lifting her hand, and kissing her fingers. “It’s the perfect place to get lost, and as you know… I’ll follow you anywhere.”

Chapter 32

Hotel Fort Des Moines, Des Moines, Iowa

When you don’t expect it

That’s when she appears

Whisper your fancy – licking your ear

~ Ambush ~ Heart ~

The sun was going down when Marlena woke, and realized they were still on the road. John had been driving for hours, stopping only for food, and gas. “John?” she said softly.

“Yeah, Doc?” he replied, glancing over at her with tired eyes. 

“We’re nearing Des Moines… maybe we could stop for the night?” she asked.

He sighed, blinking his dry eyes a few times, “You’re right.” He rolled his shoulders and tipped his head from side to side listening to the crack in his joints. “Yeah.. we can stop.”

Forty-five minutes later, John pulled the Jeep into a parking garage at an upscale hotel. “Can you hand me the envelope I gave you earlier? I think you put it down by your feet.” 

Marlena lifted the bulky package, and handed it to him, only to watch him rummage through it, and pull out another envelope with additional sets of identification. She stared at him in surprise, realizing that there were probably more secrets to be had from John Black. “John, when did you get these?”

He raised his eyebrow, and smirked at her, “I had a lot of free time when you were recovering, Doc.”

“But where? You couldn’t hide the equipment you would need to do this in the cabin,” she said, trying to think where he might have hid the technology for this type of work.

“The shed,” he replied, with a shrug of his shoulders. He’d spent hours out there as Marlena slept, creating several sets of documents. A talent he possessed, but still had no recollection of how.

“Hmmm, I guess that’s why there was no generator?” she asked him with a hint of humor.

John smiled like a child, and gave a short laugh, “It wouldn’t fit. Besides, baby, we kept each other warm enough.” With a wink, he handed her a new driver’s license, this one for the state of California, saying, “Your new name is Kathryn Andrews. I’m Matthew.” John threw open his car door, saying, “So Kitty Kat, let’s get a fancy room, and get some sleep.”

“Kitty Kat?” Marlena laughed.

He slid out of the Jeep, and walked around, helping her out carefully. Leaning forward, he rubbed his face against the column of her neck, breathing her in like a fine wine. He growled softly, “Oh, yeah…Doc. My own fucking little Kitty Kat.”

Marlena was so aroused when they entered the hotel lobby she thought she was shaking with it. They carried everything they currently possessed with them, and checked in as Mr. and Mrs. Matthew Andrews, paying cash for the room.

As they made their way to the tenth floor, Marlena asked, “The presidential suite, John?”

“It’s more private,” he told her. “Torres is looking for us, and the less interaction we have with the outside world, the better.”

Her eyes went wide, “So? Room service?”

John leaned down, his whispered breath causing her skin to prickle, “With strawberries, and whipped cream, and you naked, with your legs spread wide across the bed? That’s a fact.”

As much as she wanted what he was offering, it was obvious to Marlena that a full day of driving, nearly fourteen hours total, had taken a toll on John. The elevator doors opened, and Marlena took his hand, lacing her fingers through his. “I have something else in mind.”

“You do?”

“I do,” she replied, entering the room behind him. “I’m going to run you a bath, and you’re going to shave, and then get some sleep.”

“That’s no fun,” he muttered, dropping the duffle bags on the floor near the bed.

“Maybe I’ll wash your back,” she told him, trailing her fingers across his shoulder as she walked around him in a circle.

John’s body shook, “My back?”

The fingers of Marlena’s free hand tugged at his belt, pulling it loose, and tossing it near their feet. “But first, we need to get you undressed.”

John groaned, watching her fingers pull the button on his jeans loose. He could feel the blood rushing to his cock, as the throb of want started pulsing. “Doc…Doc, we need to… we need to call Shane.”

“Tomorrow,” she whispered, slipping her hand inside his boxers. She could tell that John was going to need something else before he took a relaxing bath. Wrapping her hand around him, she said, “Call him tomorrow. Tonight… I want you, in my mouth.”

John’s abdomen tightened, and rippled as she fell to her knees in front of him. Her fingernails scraped down his cotton t-shirt, and over his denim covered thighs. He could feel his cock lengthen so fast it was almost painful, as the blood rushed into it. His fingers laced into her hair, tugging it, “Fuck, Doc.”

She stared up at him, “Take your shirt off.” She stared up at him with a smile as she whispered, “The pants too.” She couldn’t think of anything sexier in the moment, then her, fully clothed on her knees while John stood naked and trembling before her. He’d done the same thing to her so many times during their marriage, leaving her bare and vulnerable, while arousal seeped from her core. It was his turn, and she was going to enjoy every minute of it. 

The rasp of his zipper had his legs quaking, as he stared down at her. Her seduction was nothing less than perfect. Those wide hazel eyes staring up at him, as she smiled, opening her mouth as she slipped the waistband of his boxers beneath his balls, and then she was licking over his tip like it was a fucking lollipop. His fingers were already back in her hair, tugging her head back so he could watch her face, as he said, “As much as I want this… you don’t have to.”

“I want this,” she whispered. “John, I’ve dreamed about this… I’ve imagined it when–”

She stopped speaking, and his abdomen clenched, knowing what she was about to say. “Do you think about me when Roman is making love to you?” There was something about the idea of her fantasizing about him, while Roman pounded into her that made him feel vindicated. As if she had gone home with Roman, but never really gave him a chance… because in truth, the two of them were always end game.  

Marlena felt a wave of guilt wash through her, but still she nodded her head in the affirmative. How many times had Roman pushed into her body, as she had closed her eyes, and pictured John’s head thrown back in ecstasy? How many times had she bit her own lip to keep from crying out John’s name?

Opening her mouth she allowed John to guide her forward, slipping his length between her lips as she moaned. The taste of him erupted over her tongue, sweet and musky, causing her to groan, and lap over him. John’s hips pushed forward, and he asked her, “Did you imagine it was my cock in your mouth?”

Wetness leaked from her body soaking her panties, and she rolled her hips clenching her pelvic muscles as the ache inside her grew at his words. John tugged her hair, pulling her mouth off of him with a slight pop, and he asked her, “Did you imagine my mouth on your breasts?”

“Yes!” she gasped, staring up at him in awe. “Always… yes.”

He allowed her to take his length back into the recesses of her mouth, and his head fell back with a heavy groan. “I imagined you, Doc. I would close my eyes as I slid into Isabella and it would be you… and I know that’s so fucked up, but I wanted it so badly. I would dream of you – dream of fucking you on the desk in your office during a therapy session, or fucking you against the sink in your bathroom.”

Marlena smiled, allowing her teeth to gently scrape along his length, and John shouted, “Fuck!” Pumping his hips forward, he whispered, “I would make you place your palms on the sink, and spread your legs wide… oh, G-d, baby, that feels so fucking good…”

He started to feel the pull at the base of his spine, and the tightness in his balls that signaled his impending orgasm, and he used his grip on her hair to pull him off of his cock. Marlena’s lips were wet, glistening with a combination of her saliva and his arousal, and as much as he wanted to slide back into those puffy lips, he rasped out roughly, “Stand up.”

Taking the hand he offered her, Marlena rose to her feet slowly, never breaking eye contact. She slid her fingers through his chest hair, whispering, “I want you.”

John tipped her chin up to him, leaning forward to kiss her. He licked over her mouth, tasting his essence on her lips, and he groaned. It turned him on so much to taste himself on her. As his mouth played over her, his fingers fumbled with the button of her jeans, finally pushing them roughly over her hips. She stood there, her jeans pinning her legs together, and she nearly passed out from pleasure when he tugged her sweatshirt up over her hips, and reached between her legs from behind, tugging her forward. 

Thick fingers sank into her swollen heat, and Marlena cried out, “Oh, G-d! John!” He rubbed over her clit furiously, giving her no time to adjust to his intrusion, and it was less than a minute before she was coming on his hand with a keening cry.

Staring down at her with dark blue arousal blown eyes, he asked her, “Does that feel better?”

She stood on shaky legs, as John finished removing the rest of her clothes, telling her, “We may not have strawberries and whipped cream, but I am going to lay you out like a feast across the bed.”

And he did. He lapped over her swollen folds with fervor, moaning at every burst of her essence across his tongue. He nipped at her lips, and licked along her inner thigh, watching her body quiver. Blackness and stars burst behind her eyelids when his mouth latched onto her clit, sucking on her repeatedly until she exploded with light. 

It was when John thought he might come simply from the taste of her that he finally pushed into her tight, welcoming pussy with a roar, “Oh! Fuck!”

Marlena wanted to scream in frustration. He was being so gentle, moving as if he might break her in his attempts not to jostle her, but she needed more, “John… oh, please, harder.”

He pushed deeper, rolling his hips so that his coarse pubic hair rubbed her clit, and she started coming again, pulling him with her in her wake. He threw his head back, roaring, “Marlena!” as he continued to push into her body, pulsing into her every drop of seed he had. He fell to the side, breathing roughly, while mumbling, “Fuck… fuck…oh, fuck…”

Marlena smiled, completely relaxed, and unable to move. She felt John’s arm reach underneath her, pulling her against him, and she sighed softly, “I adore you.”

“I love you,” he told her. He loved her so much that he was having a hard time reconciling his decisions in Mexico with the gift of having her to himself in the last few days. How could he have given her up? Did he really forget how much he loved her, or was it something else? All day he’d been going over the choices he’d made in Mexico. Fourteen hours of driving, and he knew that Marlena had noticed his silence, but so far she hadn’t said anything. Kissing her forehead he whispered, “I love you so much, baby.”

She was quiet for a long time, listening to the sound of John’s heart. Finally, she whispered, “Do you want to talk about whatever’s bothering you?”

He sighed, enveloping her in his arms, pulling her body even closer. Burying his face in her neck, he whispered, “I thought you’d noticed.”

“You don’t have to talk about it. I don’t want you to feel pressured… but I’m here, and willing to listen if you need me. Always,” she told him, rubbing her palm over his chest gently.

“Isabella said something this morning, that’s all. It had me thinking about Mexico, again,” John told her. “I know we already discussed this, but… it has me wondering if I really made the decision in Mexico… or if the decision was made for me – by Isabella. Although, it won’t change anything either way. I still did what I did.”

“But if it’s on your mind… John, I want you to know I’m here. We– we did talk about this, and I’m– I don’t want us to hide from it anymore. I don’t want you to keep your feelings from me.” 

“I don’t want to hurt you– Doc, I never want to hurt you again.”

“I don’t think you will. Not intentionally,” she said softly. “You’ve never intentionally hurt me. Never. Never. Never.”

“Isabella made a comment about being there for me in Mexico, after I found out the truth, and she mentioned everything she had done to make me love her… nothing in particular, but I’ve been playing that night on the beach in Mexico over, and over in my head, and Doc…  maybe– maybe, I wouldn’t have made the same decision if I’d been alone.”

She rubbed her cheek on his shoulder, and then lifted her face to his, “What do you mean?”

“That night, she kept saying things that made me feel so awful inside… she said she would never leave me, but she kept emphasizing that you would. She reminded me several times in subtle ways that I had essentially lost everything. She mentioned that you were with Roman because legally he was your husband.” John’s eyes started to fill with tears as he remembered that night. “She said that you were so honest and moral that you would stand by your husband, because you took vows, and you were the type of woman who honored her promises.” 

“I made vows to you, too,” Marlena whispered. “And much more recently.”

“I know… but for some reason… it was the way she did it, as if losing everything I knew was inevitable, but she kept adding that I had her… at least I had her. She kept insisting that I no longer had you, because you were married to Roman. I felt like the choice was taken from me. I was so lost emotionally, I really felt like I was losing my whole world, and she made me feel like the only constant was her,” John whispered, feeling manipulated. “If she hadn’t been with me– if she hadn’t sought me out, and spent so much time that night reminding me of what I was going to lose, and what I could have with her… maybe I wouldn’t have made the choices I did. I don’t know. There’s nothing I can do about it now, except apologize.”

“I find it concerning that she might have so blatantly manipulated you. I can’t imagine what you were going through that night. It was a very difficult night,” Marlena murmured. “For both of us.”

John hesitated for a moment, looking over at her. He had never asked her what she had been doing that fateful night, always assuming she was with Roman, discussing their future. Maybe that wasn’t the case. “That night in Mexico… what were you doing?”

Marlena rubbed her cheek against his heated skin, “I was in my hut, hoping you would find your way to me. Roman came instead. He felt that since we had positive confirmation that he was Roman Brady, everything would fall into place. He would get everything he had lost back, including me… I told him no. I couldn’t make a decision like that so quickly.”

John felt as if he been hit, with the power of that one word. “No? You told him no?”

Her eyes closed, “I said that things would not go back to the way they were before he left, because you had been in my life. Because I had loved you. You had been in the children’s lives… I told him that I needed to find you, and speak with you, but I didn’t know where you were. I remember telling him that I– I still loved you. I didn’t even know him anymore. I couldn’t simply jump back into a marriage with a stranger, when I was in love with you! He raged, he roared, in typical Roman Brady fashion.” She paused for a moment, and then glanced up at him, “I’d forgotten he could do that, you know? Because you never did. You never blustered, and roared until you got what you wanted… and I guess, I’d forgotten that Roman did.”

John closed his eyes, knowing how the story went, “And the next morning—”

“—I was going to talk to you. I needed to know where we stood. I got up early, and went to the professor’s house to wait, knowing that you would arrive for coffee. And then– you walked in holding Isabella’s hand… and I knew. I knew exactly where we stood…”

John’s gut wrenched, “So you went with Roman.”

“It’s like I told you last night… I felt like you’d chosen Isabella, and Roman had been gone for seven years… and since I’d already lost you – that much was evident. I decided to give him a chance, but I never let him in. Not really.” She closed her eyes, breathing in the scent of his skin, “Roman had expectations, and I couldn’t live up to those. He worked all the time. Funny, I’d gotten so used to you, that I’d forgotten that part too.”

“What do you mean he had expectations?”

“He thought the children would immediately bond with him. He didn’t like the house rules you had set for the children… especially Carrie, and struggled with not being able to change them all right away.” Marlena paused before she continued, softly, “And then there was me. He told me I was argumentative. He asked me to cut back on my work hours to focus more on the house, and the children. He wanted a housewife. I think when he married me, maybe he was hoping I would eventually give up my practice.” She laughed, “But you and I–  we both know, I am not a housewife. Besides, my heart wasn’t giving you up so easily. I dreamt of you, the sound of your voice unexpectedly in a room would set my heart to beating… I went through the motions of trying to make it work with Roman, but my heart was still yours.”

John rolled over on his side, staring at her with the ocean blue eyes, intense with emotion, “I swear, Doc. I swear, my heart belongs to you, and I will be sorry for the way things fell out in Mexico, until the end of my days. I will spend our lives together trying to prove to you how sorry I am!”

“Don’t,” she told him, touching his bearded face. “Don’t. I want to forget about it. I want to spend the rest of my life loving you, and I want you to spend the rest of your life loving me. That’s all I want, John. You.”

Chapter 33

February 19, 1992

Shane Donovan Residence

Shane had been deep in sleep on his couch, when a pounding on his front door woke him. He’d been waiting on John’s call, but it had never come. A storm was raging outside, and he could hear the rain, mixed with snow, pelting his window. Opening his front door, a gust of wind caught him off guard, and then he felt a wet palm push against his chest, shoving him to the side. Enzo and Roman pushed their way into the foyer, soaked to the bone, while supporting the frail body of Bo Brady. No one said a word as the men shuffled into the living room, placing Bo on the couch. Enzo had obviously broken his cover, which meant Torres would be after him.

Enzo spoke first, almost gasping from the exertion of dragging Bo Brady around for half of the night. “They killed the guard, Shane. I barely made it in time. I had finally learned the location where Raffi was having them kept. I arrived just as shots rang out. Bo was unconscious, and Roman was attempting to drag him out of the old Chicago rail tunnels on his own.”

Shane rushed towards the telephone, and dialed quickly. “Marcus! I’m sorry to call so late… I need help, and it’s got to stay quiet… I know you helped Steve with Kayla once, and kept quiet– yes, at my house… it’s an emergency. Thank you.”

Turning to the three men, Shane noted that Roman hadn’t said a word. He sat on the arm rest at the end of the couch where they had laid Bo, and he stared at his hands. Shane noticed what looked like blood on his fingernails. “Enzo, run into the closet in the back, near the maid’s quarters, and grab as many blankets as you can. You’ve all got to get out of those wet clothes.” 

As Enzo ran to get the blankets, Shane started pulling the clothing off of Bo. It was filthy, he smelled, and it was obvious that he had been beaten from head to toe based on the bruises lining his body. Gazing over at Roman, he said softly, “Roman?”

Roman lifted his head slowly, turning to look at Shane, “I’m fine, Shane. I’m fine. Bo’s not. Marcus is on the way?”

“He’s coming right now,” Shane told him. “Enzo said you killed the guard?”

“I didn’t have a choice. Torres had sent in the order to kill Bo. He had a plan, I have no idea what the fuck it was, but something went wrong. He no longer needed Bo for leverage,” Roman said with obvious fatigue. 

Shane was silent for several seconds, before he whispered, “But he needed you?”

Roman pulled his shirt over his head, groaning in pain, and Shane noted that Roman’s body was also riddled with bruises as well. Roman rolled his shoulders, trying to release some of the tension, “Do you have word on Marlena?”

“We know that Chief Vaughn had plans to exchange you for Marlena. It was Torres’ idea to get you out of the way, to make Marlena vulnerable. Torres would kidnap Marlena, and then exchange her for you. Vaughn wanted Marlena for someone. We’re still trying to work out who. That’s why Torres was after her,” Shane said, still trying to work it out in his head. “Are we certain… are we certain that Stefano DiMera died in Mexico?”

“Shane, we watched him fall into the fire! How could he have survived?” Roman asked, and yet… the DiMera family crest was the phoenix rising from the ashes. Was it possible?

Shane asked him, “Who else would want her… besides the man who kept her for five years, and then lost her?”

“I mean, it’s possible. It’s possible… do we know where Doc is now?” Roman stood up, unbuttoning his pants as Enzo ran back into the room with a pile of blankets.

After tucking several blankets around Bo, Shane went to add wood to the fire in the hearth. “John was supposed to call me earlier, but he didn’t. What we know isn’t good, Roman. One of Torres’ men followed Abe to Colorado, Francis Estrada. Marlena was shot, but John saved her life.”

“I knew that part,” Roman said, kicking his wet blue jeans to the side, and reaching for a blanket. He moved closer to the fireplace. “Chief Vaughn told me, and that’s when I realized something was off about the whole thing. I demanded to leave, and he refused to let me go.”

 “I learned yesterday that Isabella had tracked them down, and we know she was followed. By another one of Torres’ guys, Mike Castellaño. She was run off the road as she was leaving the location where John had Marlena.” He paused for a moment, deciding not to tell Roman they’d been in Colorado. “Further up the road, an SUV without tags was found overturned in a ditch. The driver was Francis Estrada. Raffi Torres’ cousin. As far as the ISA knows, John and Marlena are on the run again.”

“Why the fuck would Isabella do that? Risk their lives like that? Didn’t she know what that would do?” Roman said.

“In her defense, she wasn’t given any information. All she knew was that you left town, and Marlena called John in a panic–”

“She’s not an idiot, Shane!” Roman rolled his shoulders again, trying to work out the kinks. “She was jealous. That’s the only reason.”

Shane was quiet for a moment, “Isabella didn’t know anything. The less she knew the better, but you’re right about one thing, her curiosity almost got them killed. Now we’ve got Francis Estrada dead with one straight, clean, shot to the head, and I’ll give you one guess who did it.”

“John,” Roman said. “It had to be. He’s a trained mercenary and the SPD used him as a sniper whenever one was needed.”

“That’s an almost impossible shot on land… John did it while driving, and now, Mike Castellaño has disappeared again.”

Roman sneered, “Are you surprised? I told you John was dangerous. I’ve been saying that since I came home.”

“He’s dangerous,” Shane agreed. “But not to Marlena, and not to the people you care about.”

Roman refused to even acknowledge what Shane was saying, “So you have no idea where they are now?” He was angry that Marlena was still with John over two weeks later. He was home now, and so John should bring her back.

“He won’t tell me, and honestly, and that’s probably best, Roman,” Shane replied. “He checks in regularly, and he’d die before he let someone near her.”

“But, I’m home now.”

“Torres is still a threat, and John will protect her. John will keep her alive,” Shane stressed.

“Yeah, he’ll keep her alive alright…” Roman muttered, knowing that when they returned she very likely wouldn’t be his anymore. He’d lost her to John Black a long time ago, and having barely gotten her back, he’d likely lost her again. 

It was less than an hour later when Bo was transported to the hospital, and admitted with Marcus Hunter as his primary doctor. Marcus had determined that Bo had several broken ribs, along with burns and cuts over much of his body. He had pushed for admitting Roman to the hospital as well but Roman had refused. He was determined to stay with Shane until John phoned it, because, no matter what, he was going to talk to his wife. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Niagara Falls, New York

Matthew and Kathryn Andrews were lucky enough to find a vacation rental that was secluded, and willing to take cash as payment. The owner charged double because they were paying cash, but John was willing. They settled into a small two bedroom cottage with the lightest gray, shiplap walls that Marlena loved. There were fireplaces in the living room, and the bedroom. In the backyard there was a chimenea settled inside a cushioned seating area. The bedroom held a king sized bed with wide French doors that opened onto a large patio. Marlena trailed her fingers over the soft bed cover wishing she could sink into bed right then. Another day of driving had left both John and Marlena exhausted, but he’d missed his call with Shane the day before because they’d left Colorado so unexpectedly. He had to call just to check in.

John sat their duffle bags on the floor, and then pulled her against him, kissing her gently on the side of her neck. She whispered softly, “I’m so tired.”

Running his hands down her back slowly, John gripped her hips possessively, tugging her closer, “Let me call Shane, and then we’ll shower.”

“Together?” she asked him, staring up with heavy lids. 

His fingers squeezed her flesh, “Together… definitely together. I want to hold you, and feel your soft skin against mine. I need that. I think you need that.”

“I do.” Her fingers gripped the back of his shirt in her fists, “Do you think we were followed?” 

“I don’t think so. We switched vehicles, we switched ID’s. They’re looking for us, but it’s going to take them at least a week to even get a lead,” he told her. “Relax. We’ll stay a few days, and then go somewhere else.”

“Ok,” she whispered, rubbing her cheek across his shirt front. They were safe, for now. She had to trust in John. He had kept her alive so far. “Let’s call Shane.”

John pulled out the satellite phone, and they settled on the bed. The line rang once, and was immediately picked up. John said tiredly, “Hey Shane.”

“John! Thank goodness you called. You had Abe and I worried,” Shane told him.

John started to explain, “Things happened, and we had to leave Colorado. Isabella found us, and we were compromised.”

Shane sighed, “Isabella called Abe.”

John looked over at Marlena, and patted the bed next to him. She scooted closer. “So, you know then?” Marlena leaned against him, wrapping her arms around his, and rested her head on his shoulder. He brushed his fingers across her jaw. He knew she was tired.

“Yes. ISA agents went in yesterday. They took over the investigation from local law enforcement… I’m assuming you’re the one who shot Francis Estrada?” Shane saw Roman enter the living room out of the corner of his eye, and knew he was going to demand to speak with Marlena as soon as he realized who Shane was speaking to.

John took a deep breath, feeling his chest constrict. “Was that his name? Look, I’m sorry about that Shane, but they were coming after Doc, and they’d already tried to kill her once–”

“–I’m not blaming you,” Shane told him. “It’s been dealt with. We can go into the particulars when you get back to Salem.”

“Did you find Torres?” John asked.

“No, but we have Roman and Bo.” Shane glanced over at Roman, and knew by the way he was watching him, that he’d figured out John was on the line. “Roman killed one of Torres’ guards, another was injured. One of our guys got them out. Bo’s in bad shape, and currently in the hospital. Roman’s bruised up. He’s staying with me right now,” Shane said, watching Roman stand up from where he was sitting on the couch, walking towards the bar. 

John immediately knew why Roman would be staying with Shane. He had enough of Roman’s memories to remember that the man was incredibly jealous, and possessive, although John had never been the jealous type. With a sigh, he asked warily, “Is he with you right now?”

“Yes,” was all Shane replied, watching Roman come around the bar. “How is Marlena?”

“Her gunshot has begun healing over without any signs of infection, and she’s regaining mobility in it. It’s still achy, and sometimes it pulls or pinches, but that’s to be expected. I’m keeping it immobilized for now, but I’m going to probably start having her do some physical therapy on it in a few days. Honestly, I was worried that all of the driving might aggravate it,” John said, looking down at Marlena, “but she seems to be okay.”

Marlena sat beside him, her arms still wrapped around his, completely unaware of the turn in the conversation. Her eyes were blurry, and she could feel herself starting to drift off. Contentment was all she felt, because she loved him… because she felt so safe with him.

Roman stood in the doorway to Shane’s secret room. He cleared his throat, saying, “I wanna talk to Doc.”

“Roman would like to speak with Marlena,” Shane said tentatively. 

John was quiet for a moment, finally saying, “Hold on. I have to check with Marlena.”

Marlena lifted her head up, looking at John questioningly, when he said, “Roman and Bo are safe. Roman is with Shane right now, and would like to speak with you. Do you want to talk to him?”

“No. No… no,” she said, shaking her head. “No.” She stood up, shaking her head again. She couldn’t fully explain why she wasn’t ready to speak with him, but she started crying, and whispered, “No.”

John did know why. Marlena was feeling vulnerable. Roman’s decision to leave Salem, and leave his family had left them all vulnerable, and that had made them targets. He wouldn’t push the issue. If she didn’t want to speak to him, she didn’t have to. “Shane, um, she’s not really up to speaking with him right right now,” John said, watching her retreat to the bathroom.

“I see, I’ll let him know,” Shane said. It was going to be a fight. He could already sense it as Roman watched him with narrowed eyes.

John heard a muffled conversation taking place, and then suddenly Roman’s voice came over the line, “I want to talk to my wife, John!”

“I’m not in the habit of forcing people to do things they don’t want to do, Roman,” John said. Marlena was watching him from the doorway of the bathroom, and he could hear the water running in the bathtub. She took the hair band from her ponytail, and shook her hair loose. “And right now, she has plainly stated that she doesn’t wish to speak to you.”

“I’m her husband, dammit! Put her on!” Roman roared. He knew what John was doing, and he wasn’t going to let him get away with it. “I’m her husband, and you need to get that through your head!”

“You should have acted like one then. You abandoned them. You left Marlena behind to deal with your feud with Torres and she and the children suffered for it. I will not force her to speak with you,” John told him, watching Marlena start to use her one free hand to unbutton the shirt she was wearing. His shirt. His abdominal muscles rippled as he scanned over her. “Put Shane on the line. Now.”

As soon as Shane came back on, John said, “We’re safe for now. The next time I call in, I don’t want him around, Shane. I will not put her through this every time. I will stop calling. Marlena’s upset, and Roman is acting as if he owns her.” John kicked his shoes off, and bent forward to remove his socks. 

“I understand,” Shane told him before hanging up. Once the line was disconnected, Shane closed the panel to his secret room, and turned to face Roman, “What the hell was that, Roman?”

“She’s my wife! And she wouldn’t even speak to me? Or, maybe, John Black wouldn’t let her speak to me?” Roman said accusingly. “How do we even know she’s okay? Have you spoken with her?”

Shane ran his fingers through his hair, “I haven’t, but I have full faith in John. I always have.”

“Well, I don’t. You don’t know what he’s capable of! Nobody does!” Roman cried. 

Shane sighed for what felt like the fourth time, and finally said, as bluntly as he could, “I have known John for nearly eight years. I know exactly what he’s capable of. I consider you a friend, Roman, but when you chose to leave your family to escape Torres, John stepped in, and saved their lives. I’m not about to start questioning his methods now. Marlena was shot! He saved her life… So, no, I’m not questioning him, and I trust him implicitly.”

Roman blustered in outrage, “I didn’t have a choice! I had to leave them! Torres was after me! I thought that if —”

“—you thought wrong, Roman! And right now, you’re not in any position to make demands,” Shane told him. “John Black would die for that woman. He would die for your children, and you have done nothing but make accusations against him since you came home. What I haven’t heard you do is thank him.”

John had dropped his shirt on the floor halfway to the bathroom, and he was unbuttoning his jeans when he crossed the threshold. Marlena stood before him, her shirt open to reveal her soft breasts. She stared up at him, “I need help.”

Stepping forward, he traced his fingers down her sternum, “I think I can do that.” He used his index finger to flip her shirt open, exposing the soft rounded flesh of one of her breasts. Gently, he ran the pad of his finger around her nipple. “I can definitely do that.”

Chapter 34

February 20, 1992

Niagara Falls, New York

I want your fire to burn just for me

Like the moon affects the tide and the sea

I want your world to turn just for me

~ I Want Your World to Turn ~ Heart ~

It had been a wonderful day. A day filled with long talks, soft touches, and laughter. They’d returned to the cottage with soggy hair, and damp clothes, shivering from the cold, but the smiles on their faces said it all. Marlena had spent the day marveling at the vastness of the falls, and the beauty of the world. Seeing it with John allowed her, for a few hours, to forget the danger they were actually in. Without admitting it aloud, she felt like she was on a honeymoon or a vacation. Occasionally she would be struck by guilt over what she was doing to Roman, but she pushed the thoughts away as quickly as they came. She allowed herself to believe that it was just her and John, in love, spending time together, and on vacation. But she knew that wasn’t the case. 

John watched Marlena enter the cottage, her damp hair hanging in soft curls around her face, and her eyes shining with joy. The bottom half of her jeans were wet, and he knew the clothing she wore under her thin plastic parka was damp, because his were. 

Marlena turned to look at him, and he found himself thinking that being with her right then – no matter what the circumstances – getting the chance to love her again had changed the whole trajectory of his life. There would be no going back for John Black, not unless Marlena was by his side. Closing the door behind them softly, he reached for her hand, tugging her close. When he wrapped his arms around her to kiss her neck, she laughed, as her head rolled back, “John! Let me get this wet parka off!”

“Do you know how much I love you?” he asked her, pushing wet tendrils of hair back from her forehead. “Seriously, woman, do you have any idea?”

“When you look at me like you are now… with every emotion pouring from your eyes, I think I have a pretty fair idea,” she told him, reaching out to touch his face. He’d stopped shaving in Colorado, partly because he’d been so worried about her recovery, and partly because it would help to make him less recognizable. Threading her fingers through the hair along his jaw, she whispered, “And I, love you so much my heart aches with it.”

“Let’s get the parka off, baby.” John reached down, lifting the edge of it, helping her pull it over her head while being careful not to jostle her injured shoulder. Once it was off, he placed his hand on her sternum and gently backed her up against the wall with a dull thud, staring down at her with intense blue eyes. “You are so beautiful, Doc.” Reaching for his own parka, he roughly tugged it off, dropping it onto the floor next to hers. “Let’s get you out of these wet clothes.”

They hadn’t been in the house for three minutes, and already her body was starting to ache for him. Only John could do that to her. His softly whispered words telling her she was beautiful, and the way he stared at her, as if she were the most precious person in his life. Breathlessly she asked him, “What about you?”

“Not yet,” he whispered, reaching for the buttons of her cardigan. “You first.” His heart fluttered when she looked up at him silently, nodding her head once. Eyes shot with green and amber, streaks of blue and gray, the most amazing eyes staring up at him. They stole his soul. It belonged to her, and if she hadn’t stolen it… he would have gladly given it to her, and begged her to take it, because without her, what was it worth? Gently, his fingers trailed over the cool damp skin at her collarbone, watching the way she shivered underneath his touch. He started releasing the buttons of her sweater one by one, agonizingly slow. Her reactions aroused him even further. The way Marlena’s breath hitched, and her eyes took on a heavy look as she stared up at him, almost dazed with lust.  

Placing her palm on his chest, she whispered, “Thank you.”

“For what?” He slowly pushed the sweater off of her good shoulder, before lifting her other hand, and carefully removing it from her injured one.

“For taking care of me. For being so gentle with me… for loving me.” She gently cupped his jaw, “You saved my life.”

John leaned forward, kissing her lips softly. He could feel the chill in her skin, and was growing concerned. “You never have to thank me for that.”

She whispered gently, “But I want to. You saved my life. You got me, and the children out of town so quickly… you had a plan hidden in Sami’s dollhouse even before I returned. The fact that you love my children like your own–”

“–Doc, they were mine… in my heart, they still are. If anything happened to any of you… G-d would fear my wrath. I saved you for me. I want you to understand that. It was the most selfish thing I’ve ever done in my life.” Even after a long day, both of them exhausted, he wanted her. He wanted to make love to her, and fall asleep beside her. John rubbed his face alongside hers, before whispering, “Fuck, baby… your skin is so soft.”

Marlena felt the barely there whisper of his fingers across her abdomen causing her to shiver. They dipped into her navel, tracing over the soft swell of her stomach, before gripping the edge of her tank top in his fist, as if he was barely able to restrain the desire running through him. She helped him disengage her arm as he gently lifted the damp cotton from her body. John’s eyes roamed over her naked torso, entranced with the rapid rise and fall of her breasts as she stared up at him with parted lips. Wrapped in pink satin, her breasts slightly overfilling the cups, John thought he might go crazy right then.

Unable to resist the impulse, he reached out, running his fingers over the soft edge of her bra watching her skin ripple underneath his touch. Breathing deeply he ran his nose up the path between her breasts. He smiled, feeling the sting in his scalp as she tugged at his hair. Cool to the touch, her skin mesmerized him, but again, he had a growing concern that she might need to warm up. She shivered again, and he told her, “I think you’d better get in the shower before this goes any further.”

“You could warm me up.” Marlena arched her body towards him, running her fingertips along the column of his throat. John’s fingers dug into the soft skin of her back, and the ache inside her grew. “As a matter of fact, I think I would prefer that.”

“Oh no… not this time,” he said roughly. As much as he wanted to, her skin was bordering on cold, and her lips had lost that pink color that made him want to bite at her flesh. “You are freezing. Go take a shower, and I’ll make dinner.”

“John…” she said in a soft voice that sounded almost pleading.

G-d how he loved it when she begged.

“Now,” he laughed. Marlena pouted, but pushed past him intent on heading into the bedroom. One sway of those amazing hips, and on impulse, John turned quickly smacking her ass with a quick swat. She stopped immediately, frozen in her path, almost combusting with desire. 

It was several beats before she finally looked over her shoulder, with eyes that seemed to beg for more, “Why are you teasing me?”

John came closer, pressing himself against her bottom, watching shivers wrack her body when the damp fabric of his shirt came into contact with the bare skin of her back. His palm slid across her abdomen, holding her firmly against him, as he said in her ear, “Tease you? Do you think I’m teasing?” 

He released her, and allowed enough room to smack her bottom again, so hard that the soft sting left by his hand had her core clenching in desire. It was so familiar, and she wanted more. 

Reaching out, John trailed his fingers along her waist as he stepped around her, staring down into her doe-like hazel eyes. Smoothing his palm over her hip, he slid his hand back, and cupped her ass, squeezing it hard. Marlena continued to stare up at him, helpless in her want. She moaned, causing him to smile. His voice was almost choked when he asked her, “You like that, baby?”

“You know I do,” she whispered in a shaky voice. She felt an ache that bordered on pain, but the pleasure he was giving her was even more powerful. The sting where his fingernails abraded her skin had her craving more. John pulled his hand back, smacking her rounded bottom again with more force, and she felt her legs become weak, moaning, “Oh, G-d…John!”

“Fuck, Doc.” She was beautiful in her surrender – everything he could desire, the way she let go, the way she trusted him. His fingers fumbled with the clasp at the back of her bra, “Fuck… I want to make your bottom so red. I want to feel the heat of your pink flesh under my palm… I want to pound into you while I tease your ass… but we can’t. We can’t, because you’re still healing, and I would never take the chance.” 

She wanted it as badly as he did, and the ache inside her grew. John was right, and she knew the time would come when they would both get what they wanted, but tonight wasn’t the night. The restraint he showed was demonstrative of his love for her. Shrugging out of her bra, she shivered violently watching John gently trace his finger around her erect nipple.

“Make love to me,” she begged, pressing herself against him.  “Please. I need you.”

He pulled her with him as he led her through to the bedroom. Inside, he backed them up towards the bed, fumbling with the button of her jeans. Roughly pushing the denim over her hips, he kissed her bare shoulder, nipping at the soft skin. He kissed her collarbone, and her neck. He slid his tongue over her bottom lip, groaning in want when she opened her mouth to him. “Doc, you drive me mad. You were supposed to shower while I made dinner. That was the plan, and instead… I’m so fucking hard right now, I’m in pain. I can’t think straight… I want you so much.”

Marlena felt a certain amount of satisfaction knowing that John was as turned on as she was. “I want you,” she whispered, watching him already working to discard his own jeans. His cock was hard, barely constrained in the snug black boxer briefs he was wearing. Marlena stared at him for a moment, and then ran her hand over his cock gently, cupping his heated flesh. She looked up at him, squeezing him hard, and whispered, “Take them off.”

John pushed his cock into her hand once more, moaning, “Aww fuck… Marlena…” 

His damp sweater, and his briefs joined the growing pile of clothing on the floor. She wanted him. She wanted his rough hands on her, she wanted his lips on her, and his tongue licking her flesh. Marlena’s pussy clenched when he reached for her, pulling her against him so quickly that his ice cold skin was a shock to her quickly heating body. John’s fingers wrapped themselves in the elastic of her pink satin panties, tugging them aggressively. He drew them down her long legs, repeating what she had just said to him, “Take them off.”

Satin slithered over her calves, and Marlena kicked them away, standing completely bare while staring up at him. The end of the bed sank with his weight. He sat, looking up at her with awe, and then told her roughly, “Get over here, Doc.”

Nothing would stop her. He had leaned back on his palms, and his erect cock sat against his abdomen practically weeping for her. In three steps she stood before him. Marlena reached out, sliding her palm up his stomach and over his chest. Balancing herself against him, her eyes continued to hold his as she carefully lifted her leg to straddle his lap. John cried out as she slid her swollen, moist heat along his length. Her slick heat was enough to make him cum right then. Holding back, John’s eyes closed, and his head rolled, as he groaned loudly, “Awww, fuck, Doc!”

Marlena smiled in satisfaction, and wrapped one arm around his shoulder for stability as she rolled her hips, wetting his cock with her arousal. Her eyes met his, and as if through silent communication, she rose up on her feet. 

He knew what she was waiting on, and John wanted to whine in pleasure as he gripped his cock in his fist, lining the tip up with her entrance. Reminding himself to be gentle, and remember that she was still healing, he waited, allowing her to lead the way. When Marlena lowered herself onto him with a sigh, his fingers gripped her hips, digging into her rounded softness with such force he knew she would have bruises the next day. Hell, he wanted her to have marks the following day.

How was it possible to feel that good? Marlena leaned forward, licking along the column of his neck with a soft hum of happiness. The salty taste of him burst on her tongue, as she breathed him in, mumbling, “You smell so good.”

John wrapped an arm around her waist holding her against him firmly, while leaning back on his other arm. He pulled out of her slowly, pushing back in quickly. Marlena’s back arched, and her head rolled to the side. She felt so full, and he was so deep, but she wanted him deeper. In a choked voice, she begged, “More.”

“Oh, baby,” he whispered. “Oh, Doc…” Again, he withdrew, but when he pushed back into her. He pulled her body down forcefully causing her to cry out in a combination of pain and pleasure. He could feel his cock bump her cervix, and his eyes closed as electrical impulses shot throughout his body. Every nerve was on fire. Where they had been chilled before, they were now almost feverish, their flesh slick with a fine sheen of sweat. Marlena’s fingernails scraped at his neck, urging him on, and John whispered, “You feel so good, baby. So G-d damned good.”

Repeatedly he pushed into her, holding her against him as her breasts rubbed across his chest. All she could feel was the friction of their bodies as warmth spread through her. Marlena fell forward, sucking on his neck, her lips pulling at his flesh. He was hers. He would always be hers, and she would mark him as such.

John could feel the sting in his skin, and knowing that she was physically claiming him, he pushed even deeper, lifting his hips from the bed. He was lost in a world of sensation. Her touch, the feel of her skin sliding against his, her scent. “You’re so hot… so tight…” he groaned. “I swear, Doc, when I’m with you I lose myself.” He kissed her, sliding his tongue alongside hers with a deep groan. “I become a part of you.”

“John… John…” she gasped, feeling her body slowly climb toward her climax. Everytime he thrust into her he would roll his hips, rubbing against her clit while pushing as deeply as he could. She dug her fingernails into his shoulder, crying out, “John!”

Biting her bottom lip, he rasped, “Fuck, baby… I can feel your pussy fluttering around my cock. You’re close. You’re so close. Tell me you are because I’m about to lose myself.” 

“More!” she gasped. “More!” He lifted her slightly, and started to thrust up into her wet heat, and Marlena screamed out her orgasm, pulling at his hair, “John!”

Her center tightened around his length, fluttering and rolling, pulling him along with her into a mindless oblivion. His eyes closed as pitch blackness with bursts of stars flashed behind his eyelids. “Marlena! Oh, G-d! Marlena.”

His hips continued thrusting until he was completely spent. Marlena collapsed against him, breathing heavily. Her fingers stroked his hair, and softly caressed over his cooling skin. Both of them were exhausted, but John somehow managed to get them up the bed, where Marlena curled into him, tracing her fingers through the hair on his chest. “I love you,” she whispered.

“I love you, Doc. I have always loved you,” he said softly. 

She couldn’t be certain how long they laid there, but once John finally spoke again, her body was beginning to feel chilled.

“You okay?” he asked her. Everytime he made love to her, he worried that he would jar her, or accidentally cause her harm. Even though he tried to be careful, he was naturally an aggressive lover. She was still healing, and while he tried to be as gentle as possible, John knew that there was potential to hurt her accidentally in the heat of the moment.

“I’m fine,” she told him, reaching up to wrap her hand around his neck. “I’m tired, but I’m fine. It was a wonderful day.”

“It was,” he said softly. He hesitated for a moment, before he said, “I was wondering… about last night… about you refusing to speak with Roman. You haven’t said anything about it–”

“–I was angry,” she said softly. “I’m still angry.”

“I want you to know, you didn’t need to speak with him. I would never make you. I was concerned because you spent the day acting as if it had never happened. I was a little worried,” he said, pulling her closer.

“What Roman did was so careless,” she told him. It still hurt to think about it. “Sixteen days ago feels like another lifetime, doesn’t it? Sixteen days ago I was as unhappy as I’ve ever been. And I guess, I’d accepted that was going to be my life… or maybe I thought things would improve with time But, what Roman did… it was so inconsiderate, and so self centered. How could he not even consider that Torres might come after me…or the children? But I’ve been asking myself, why am I so surprised? He’s the same man who left me with the twins barely a month old to chase after Stefano DiMera. He’s the same man. How could he be any different? He was taken, and kept in a cell for seven years. He had no chance to experience life, or to change and grow as a person. So, we find ourselves where we are.”

“Abe had mentioned to Roman that Torres targeting you and the children was a possibility, and Roman disagreed at the time. He was certain that with him out of the way, Torres would leave you and the children alone,” John said. “He was certain that you and the children would be safe.”

“But we weren’t, were we? So, because he didn’t intentionally bring harm to us, that makes it better?” she asked.

John was quick to say, “No, absolutely not. It doesn’t make it better at all… but we both know it wasn’t malicious.”

“It never is with Roman, but he still manages to hurt the people he claims to love the most, every single time,” she whispered. “I’ve made my choice, John, and it’s you… if you’ll have me. It’s always been you.”

“If I’ll have you?” he asked, propping himself up on his elbow as he stared down into her amber eyes. “That’s not even a question. The moment I made love to you in Colorado… baby you were mine. I’m not giving that up. Never again.”

Chapter 35

February 20, 1992

Niagara Falls, New York

He don’t know you’ve been coming around

He don’t know that we’ve been out of bounds

Things we do are better left unsaid

‘Cause you and me can never keep our heads

~ What He Don’t Know ~ Heart ~

It had been another long day. They returned to the cottage less wet, but still very chilled. John had insisted that Marlena shower while he made them a light dinner of Caprese salad, and some crusty Italian bread. They had been stopped for groceries on the way home, but finding the energy to cook a full meal was something neither of them would have tonight. John rinsed the Romaine, and drained it before chopping it into bite sized pieces. He’d chosen burrata since the texture was much creamier, and Marlena loved it. Slicing the tomatoes, he smiled when Marlena exited the bedroom in a dark blue bathrobe with her hair curling around her shoulders. 

She couldn’t take her eyes off of him. The muscles in his back rippled as he moved, and her mouth practically watered. Coming up behind him, she trailed her fingers across his phoenix tattoo, and whispered, “You’ve warmed up.”

John scattered cubed tomatoes over the lettuce, and started dropping bits of burrata onto the salad. He didn’t realize his lack of a shirt would be such a distraction to her. “How’s your shoulder feeling, Doc?”

“Stiff. The skin feels tight, but that’s because it’s healing,” she told him, leaning against his back, and resting her cheek on his shoulder.

“We’re going to take those stitches out in the morning,” he said. Marlena smiled at the rumble she felt in his chest. “Then we start with some slow exercises, and rub lots of lotion into the skin.”

“How do you know all of this?” she asked him.

“I wish I knew,” he told her. Shaking a mixture of balsamic vinegar and olive oil, he dressed both salads. “It’s just another one of those things I’ll likely never know.”

“I’m so tired,” she whispered.

“Well,” John said, lifting the plates from the counter top, and turning to walk towards the glass topped dining room table. “You will eat first, and then sleep.”

Marlena lifted the bowl that contained the bread John had sliced, and followed him. “The salad looks amazing. I can’t decide if I’m hungry or tired. Plus, after two days of activity, my leg muscles are so sore.”

John sat in his seat, and pulled Marlena towards him. “Come sit with me,” he told her softly. She settled onto his lap, and opened her mouth as he fed her small bites in between feeding himself. When she’d finished, and her belly was full, she allowed her head to drop onto John’s shoulder with a sigh.

“I love you,” she said with a small yawn. “I love you so.”

John pushed his empty plate to the side, and gripped her waist firmly, lifting her to her feet. “Come here, Doc.” 

Scooting his chair back slightly, he lifted Marlena onto the edge of the table sitting her in front of him. He reached for her foot, setting it on his thigh, “Do you remember those foot rubs I used to give you at the end of a long day? How I would knead out those tight muscles?”

Marlena smiled shyly, and then moaned as she felt his smart fingers start to work their way across her skin, “I do…oh! Although I think your fascination with my feet in stockings had something to do with that as well.” Leaning back on her palm, she closed her eyes with a soft moan.

John couldn’t spend any amount of time fantasizing about Marlena in a pair of pantyhose. Things would escalate entirely too quickly. 

“You used to sleep so well,” he murmured, pushing his thumb along the bottom of her foot. “Just allow yourself to relax.”

His hands swept over her feet, her ankles, and her toes, pushing and kneading, turning her whole body into butter. Pushing her robe to the side, he gave himself access to massage her calves, running his warm hands over her skin languidly, and rolling her muscle through his palms. It felt like heaven, and when his fingers reached behind her knees, he pulled her towards the edge of the table, and allowed his hands to move upward toward her thighs.

Marlena felt her body begin to respond to this slow seduction. The rough calluses on his palms scraped lightly over her sensitive skin. His strong hands released tension as kneaded her muscles and moved higher. 

Over the tops of her thighs, he rubbed her skin, and when their eyes met, Marlena whispered, “John…that feels so good.”

“Are you still feeling sleepy?” he asked her with heavy, arousal filled eyes. 

“I’m starting to feel something else,” she whispered.

He shivered, as he swept his splayed hands over her thighs, squeezing her flesh. His fingers dug into her sensitive skin, and using slight pressure John pushed Marlena’s legs wide. Allowing his palms to push even higher, he slipped underneath her robe, cupping her hips. Leaning forward he kissed first one knee, and then the other, whispering, “You are so beautiful.” 

He could see the cleft at the vee of her thighs, and his breathing started to pick up in anticipation. Running his nose along her soft skin, he took a deep breath smelling the soft floral scent of her soap, and that musky scent of her arousal that seemed to turn him on so quickly. His tongue licked over the soft skin of her thigh as he groaned. “I know you’re tired, baby… but I want you so bad.”

Her head fell back, as she reveled in the feel of his hands on her body, “John…”

Every time she whispered his name, his body reacted. What he wanted was to hear her call out for him. He wanted Marlena to scream for him, to beg for him. He wanted to know that she craved him. His hands moved to the belt at her waist, stalling on the knot, and he asked her, “What do you want, Doc?”

“You know what I want, John,” she said, looking down at him through half-lidded eyes. Her core was already starting to ache and throb.

Licking along the inside of her knee, he told her again, “Tell me, baby… tell me what you want…”

She knew he was playing with her. She knew what he wanted. It had been years, but she knew. This little game he played, where he wouldn’t move or act, until she specifically asked for him to do so. He wanted to hear her dirty words, and even though it made her shy, the ache inside her grew more intense, as she told him softly, “Open my robe, John.”

John smiled up at her, excited to have her playing along, “That’s right, Doc…tell me…” 

His hands pushed her robe open, baring her breasts, and he watched her nipples tighten into luscious rose colored nibs that he wanted to bite at and lick over. He wanted her breasts in his mouth, and he wanted to lick along the line underneath them. Her body was a temple, partially hidden in the massive folds of her robe, and yet so bare, and so close to him…so open. It was a fucking temple and he wanted to wreck it in the most glorious ways.

Groaning deep in his chest, he had to push his palm down on his cock, because it was so hard, throbbing with every beat of his heart. Pushing his hands up to where her thighs met her hips, John pushed his thumbs into her flesh, squeezing her. He smiled up at her, a feral smile, when she moaned softly, and he pulled her right to the edge of the table. The scent of her arousal, mixed with the scent of soap, had him groaning as he patiently waited for her.

She felt so shy, and she shouldn’t. She had done things with John that she had never considered with any other man in her life. Staring down into his indigo blue eyes, she knew he wouldn’t move forward without direction. He wanted her to tell him where to touch her, and how to touch her. As much as it embarrassed her, it turned him on. And even though she was shy, he knew it made her hotter than she had ever been. Marlena knew what she wanted, she knew what she was craving, but asking for it was so out of character. However, her pussy throbbed, and in her mind, she could envision his dark head nestled between her legs. Finally, she gasped out, so softly it was barely audible, “Lick my pussy.”

“Fuck yes,” he rasped, quickly dipping his head to lick along the open lips of swollen sex. Looking up at her briefly, he rasped, “Lay back, pretty lady, I’m about to have dessert.”

His filthy words caused her body to clench, and fluid slid down the crack of her ass, as Marlena nearly fell back on the table, crying out, “Oh, G-d!”

Sliding her almost completly off of the table, John placed her legs over his shoulders, and licked the moisture from her skin. He supported her weight with his hands, and he laved his tongue over her, murmuring into her hot flesh, “You taste so fucking good, baby…it’s been so long…” 

Marlena cried out, her head falling back onto the table with a thud. From that point on, she just felt. Her back arched as he held her, and she cried out his name over and over again. His hot breath latched onto her swollen clit, pushing her over the edge, and she was lost, falling over the edge into oblivion. As she lay there, panting heavily, feeling her orgasm continue to throb through her own body, she heard the sound of John undoing the zipper on his jeans. 

His hand shook as he roughly spread the denim, and pulled his engorged length out. A groan of relief escaped him. Squeezing himself, he roughly stroked his cock with a few rapid pulls in an attempt to get some relief, but it wasn’t enough. Desperate to be inside her, John leaned forward, biting the tender flesh of her thigh, and inhaled her scent once more. “I want you so fucking back, Doc. I don’t want to hurt you, but I’m feeling almost out of control.”

She pulsed with want, knowing that just the barest touch would have her coming again. His words inflamed her.

John could barely speak, but the game wasn’t over yet, “What do you want, Doc?”

She arched up, trying to press her pussy back against his lips, but he leaned back. In frustration she cried out, “Oh, G-d, John! You know! You know!”

“I want you to tell me… it makes me so fucking hard to hear you ask for it,” he whispered, licking her clit again roughly, and then biting the sensitive skin of her inner thigh. She bucked against his face. With his lips directly against her pussy, he whispered, “I want you to beg me to fuck you.”

She couldn’t think clearly. Her body shook. He was driving her mad with want, and her thoughts were becoming more, and more scattered, “John, I want you… I need you… please!”

“Say it!” he demanded. “Tell me what you want me to do!”

“Fuck me,” she cried out. “Oh, my G-d! Please John, please! Fuck me!”

His cock bobbed so hard, John grunted. He hurriedly moved her legs from his shoulders, and pulled her limp body down. Without preamble, he pushed into her warm, swollen, folds with a sharp cry, “Oh, fuck! Marlena!”

His mouth took hers in a bruising kiss, her essence on his tongue, causing her body to wrack with desire. She started coming again immediately, the anticipation too much. John pulled out, pushing back into her with a tight grip in her hips. Marlena’s body fell forward against him. She was too tired to continue, and holding her still he lifted her, and pulled her down again, pushing as deeply as he could. The tight, pulsing of her core was his undoing, and just the heat of her, that hot, tight heat, had him coming. He held her hips so tightly he knew he would leave marks, and roared out, “Fuck! Oh, fuck!” As everything around him went black for a moment.

Marlena sagged against John, her head resting on his shoulder, and her arms hanging limply as her sides. The dark blue bathrobe hung from one of her shoulders. John held her tightly, still breathing hard, and unable to speak. All he could do was place soft kisses against the freckles of her exposed shoulder, and try to regain control of his breathing. In the silence of the cottage, all he heard her say was, “Oh, my…”

Chapter 36

February 27, 1992

Pier 14, Salem

Why do people lie to each other

Hiding like children behind pretty words – and walls

Time after time you come to find

Children play too rough

~ One Word ~ Heart ~

The sun was just slipping below the horizon, and Roman found himself staring out at the water of the Salem River as he stood on the pier. He remembered coming here with Marlena years ago. Those were obviously happier times. All he felt now was bitterness, anger, and frustration. His wife was somewhere shacked up with John Black after shipping their children off to Denver. How fucking convenient. Every time John checked in with Shane it was the same, Marlena didn’t want to speak with him. She wouldn’t even allow him the opportunity to explain himself. The only way he knew that John wasn’t fooling them all was because Shane had spoken to her. He’d heard her voice and assured Roman that she was alive, and sounded well. It wasn’t enough, but it was all he had at the moment. The problem was, it wasn’t enough. Nightmares plagued him. Images assaulted his mind. Pictures of Marlena’s head thrown back in ecstasy while crying out John’s name. Visions of John’s sneer as he said, “You didn’t protect her or the children, because you’re weak, Roman! Weak!” Sleep was something that was nearly impossible to come by.

The click of footsteps across the wooden planks came to his ears, causing him to turn and locate the source. When Isabella stepped out of the shadows, her curly hair a halo around her head, Roman sighed and gazed back towards the water. She was the last person he wanted to see. He was still frustrated after hearing about the stunt she’d pulled in Colorado. She’d nearly gotten Marlena killed. 

Isabella stopped walking momentarily, when she realized Roman was standing there alone on the edge of the pier. She wiped the tears from her face quickly, trying to hide the evidence of her sadness, but it was too late. He’d already seen her, although he didn’t seem much interested. “I didn’t realize anyone was down here,” she said softly, stepping off to the side. 

“There usually isn’t, when it’s this late,” he told her, watching her carefully. Coming down to the pier to cry was almost as pathetic as him coming down to the pier to sulk. Weren’t they a pair?

Isabella took a deep breath, “So, you’re back. Does that mean Torres has been caught?”

“No. He’s still out there somewhere,” Roman muttered. “The Salem PD is looking for him. The ISA is looking for him. He’ll be caught eventually.” There was no way that rat could hide forever. It was only a matter of time, but time wasn’t something Roman had on his side, with Marlena off somewhere rediscovering her love for her ex-husband. 

“Then I guess that means John won’t be back anytime soon,” she said bitterly, knowing he wouldn’t return until Marlena was out of danger. She thought about the protective way he’d acted towards Marlena at the cabin in Colorado. As much as she wanted to deny it, there was no mistaking the way he’d reacted. There was also no mistaking the guilt in his eyes as she’d asked him about his relationship with Marlena. His paltry apology was worthless. “Not that it matters, I guess.”

Roman eyed her warily, “What do you mean?”

Isabella scoffed, “Come on, Roman! Are you serious right now? I don’t know you that well, but you’re not stupid,” she said, wiping the tears from her face, as they started to flow again. “They’ve been gone for weeks. Weeks! The day you left Salem they were gone!”

Still refusing to accept what he already suspected, he asked her in a rough voice, “What exactly are you implying, Isabella?”

She laughed with derision, “Implying? I hardly think implying is the word I’d use. I tracked them down, Roman. I saw them with my own eyes!”

“You nearly killed them, is what you did!” Roman yelled.

Unswayed, she said, “I wanted to talk to John! He’s the one who decided to leave, and help Marlena that night! He certainly never bothered to come home! I wanted answers. I deserved answers!”

Irritated at her ignorance, Roman replied, “Didn’t you even stop to consider why he would do that? As I said, you could have gotten them killed.” 

“I didn’t know that!” Isabella cried in frustration. “No one would tell me what was going on, so I tracked them down myself. Maybe, if everyone around here wasn’t so damned secretive, I wouldn’t have had to do that.”

Roman stared at her wondering if this was how she always functioned – making stupid decisions and then blaming others?

“Of course, John was in a panic that I’d been followed,” she said. “Turned out he had a right to be. I’d been followed. Those men must have been following me for days and I–I didn’t even notice, I was so caught up in my investigation. Me and my car ended up in a ditch by the side of the road, while John drove off in a panic, worried about his precious Marlena.”

Roman wasn’t sure if Isabella was aggressively stubborn or dim-witted. As angry as he was that John and Marlena were off somewhere, he could still appreciate the fact that John had saved Marlena’s life. He was angry that John was now in a position to seduce his wife, and he was angry that John’s brainwashing could be triggered at any moment, but he wasn’t upset that his wife and children were safe. “He was trying to keep her alive.”

“That’s true, but there was more to it… I could see it. I saw it in the way he yelled at her to get back in the cabin. The blind panic in his eyes, and the way he ran to her when she stepped outside. I saw it in the way she touched him, a soft caress of her fingers along his forearm before she went back inside. The way she looked at him. But, there was one thing that was more significant than anything else. I’m not blind. She came out onto the porch wrapped in nothing but a quilt taken from their bed. Does your wife usually sleep in the nude, Roman?”

“Maybe you’re just making assumptions,” he hedged, trying to think of a reason why Marlena had been wearing nothing but a quilt, but unable to come up with anything logical reason.

“Am I?” Isabella wanted to know. “You see, I didn’t think I was making assumptions, so I asked him. I asked him to his face if he had slept with her.”

“And?” Roman asked.

“Did he admit it?” she said, walking closer to the edge of the pier. Now that the sun had gone down the sky was a hazy purplish gray color reflecting off of the water. The street lamps clicked on as she told him, “Not at first. He gave me some song and dance about not wanting to hurt me. Actually, he said he was sorry for hurting me… but he didn’t apologize for fucking your wife, I guess. He wasn’t sorry for that.”

Roman stared at her briefly. It was obvious she was angry, and hurt. He should be too, but all Isabella had done was confirm what he already suspected. In the month and a half he had spent with Marlena before he’d left, she had consistently held him at arms length. Sure, she allowed him into their bed, but the emotional connection was missing. As much as he wanted her to be with him, fully engaged, he’d felt like she was holding back, and he’d always known why. 

In her sleep, Marlena would call out for John, as if she were desperate. She would beg for him to help her, or hold her. She would cry out, asking him why, and Roman didn’t understand it. In his attempts to console her, she would push him away, telling him she needed space. 

Marlena had never been a silent sleeper, but then again, it wasn’t as if she’d lied to him either. She’d told him in Mexico that she was in love with John. She had told him that she’d been separated from him for so long, she didn’t know if they could ever get back to where they had been. Roman knew that, and still he pressured her, and pushed forward with trying to make their marriage work. Looking back, it was obvious that what he’d done was unfair, and still he had no remorse. 

Quietly, he said, “I’m not surprised, honestly. Of course, John would take the first opportunity he could to pull her back into his bed. He waited until she was alone, and vulnerable, and then he seduced her.”

Isabella laughed wryly, “And you think she’s an innocent victim in all of this? You really believe that she didn’t play the helpless victim card to its full benefit? Every time something went wrong in her life she called John. Why didn’t she call you?”

Roman turned to stare at her intently, “What do you mean?”

“Oh, come on Roman! She can’t pick up the twins because she has to work late… she called John. She had a flat tire… she called John. Why wasn’t she calling you?” she asked him, her voice rising with her level of frustration. “He was mine! She should have been calling her husband!”

Roman looked at Isabella curiously, wondering if he sounded so possessive when he talked about Marlena. Was she right? Did Marlena do that? The worst part was knowing that Marlena had called him, and he’d brushed her off. All of the times he’d told her to call Pop or call Bo when she needed help because he was too busy at work. Finding out he’d been the one pushing her towards John was infuriating. If only he’d not taken her for granted, assuming she would always be in his life. The frustrating part was that even after seven years of wanting nothing more than his family, he’d gone and fucked it all up again. “I didn’t—I didn’t even know she did that,” he replied.

“I can be angry at Marlena, and I can be angry at John… but ultimately, it’s my fault,” Isabella said quietly, swiping tears from her cheeks again. She knew that the position she now found herself in was entirely her own making. “I knew John loved her. I knew as soon as Marlena returned home to Salem, but I was so desperate to keep him, to hold onto him… as if he were a possession. I cried, I begged, I pressured him… all in an effort to hold onto him. I didn’t care, and when he found out he wasn’t Roman Brady… I felt like that was my opportunity. I pushed even harder, reminding him of what might lose, while promising to always be by his side.” Isabella stopped speaking for a moment, ashamed to admit out loud what she had done, but deciding to say it anyway, she continued, “He was so vulnerable. He was losing his whole world… and–and I knew that. I knew he was devastated over the idea of losing his family, and his job… over losing Marlena, although he’d never openly admitted that he still loved her. I knew all of that, and instead of being a comfort, I used it to my advantage. I did to him what you and I are accusing John and Marlena of. I took advantage of him.”

Roman couldn’t believe that she was standing there admitting that to him out loud, “Why are you telling me this?”

“Why not? We’re both in the same situation, aren’t we? We both knew that the person we wanted was in love with someone else,” she said. “And we both tried to hang onto them anyway.” 

Roman stumbled over his words, “I-I knew she loved John, b-but she chose me. She was willing to try with me!”

Isabella, in her bitterness, wasn’t past trying to make Roman hurt as much as she did in that moment, “Did she? Did she really choose you? Maybe you missed that look of devastation she had on her face the morning after I seduced John on that beach in Mexico.”

“No!” Roman said in exasperation. “No! She chose me.”

“Don’t you remember,” she asked him. “I walked in holding John’s hand, and she knew… she knew what we’d done, and it broke her heart.”

“She chose me!” Roman yelled, but looking at Isabella’s face, he wasn’t so sure.

Isabella stepped closer, trying to read Roman’s face in the dimming light. She knew she was pushing him, forcing him to admit things he’d likely never even thought about. “So that night, the night everyone learned the truth, Marlena told you she wanted to be with you?”

Roman continued to stare at Isabella, all the sweetness and innocence stripped away from her, and he found himself staring at an angry, bitter woman. The sound of the buoys clanged in the distance, as he came to realize that Isabella had manipulated them all. “What did you do?”

“I did what I needed to do to hold onto him,” she said without remorse. Logically, she knew she should feel guilty. Maybe a childhood and early adulthood spent with Ernesto Toscano had done more damage than she’d been aware of. “I knew as soon as Marlena realized he’d slept with me, she would walk away from him. She would be hurt, and devastated, and she would believe that things really had changed so much that they could never get their love back… and I was right.”

Roman remembered finding Marlena in her hut. She was sitting on the cot, weeping into her hands, completely incoherent. Listening to Isabella’s words, he was realizing that it was over John, because of what Isabella had done. He’d never known why she was so upset. In his haste to get her to consider him, he hadn’t even asked her. Once the conversation had turned towards her agreeing to give him a chance, Roman had completely forgotten the incident. He had done the same thing Isabella had done. He’d found Marlena in a moment of weakness, when she was so distraught over losing John, and he had inadvertently manipulated her into giving him a chance. He was no better than Isabella.

“I found her after that,” he said. “She was in her hut, crying… sobbing, actually. At first… I tried to find out why she was so upset, but she didn’t want to talk about it. I should have pushed, but I didn’t. I was so concerned with making my point, and getting her to accept me… that I didn’t even care. I can see why she was so upset. I essentially did the same thing.” Roman sighed, feeling a heavy weight land on his chest, “I took advantage of her weakness. Her vulnerability. I pushed her, when she was obviously upset about something. I ignored that, and I pushed her to make a decision.” With a shrug of his shoulders, he told Isabella, “I guess I’m no better than you in that respect.”

Chapter 37

March 8, 1992

Niagara Falls, New York

I could get addicted

To your energy

The way you take me over

Pulling on me

~ How Can I Refuse ~ Heart ~

It was barely 6:00 am, when Marlena woke to the feeling of John’s lips kissing along the line of her neck. The barest hint of warmth drifting across her warm skin. He bit at her ear lobe with a deep groan, and she felt his hardening cock pressing against her bottom. She pushed back against him, hearing his soft moan, and she smiled. She started giggling as the hair of his beard dragged across her skin. With a soft hum of contentment, she whispered, “John, you are insatiable.”

“I always want you,” he murmured, biting at her skin, and sliding his open palm over her hip. Settling his hand over the warm skin of her abdomen, he murmured, “I can’t help it. I wake up, with this soft, fragrant body next to me… and all I want to do is make love to you.”

Marlena’s eyes closed. She focused on the feel of his leg hair along her calves. She breathed in the scent of him, as she pulled his mouth to hers. Rolling to face him, she smiled, and said, “I’m sure it’s helpful that I’m already naked.”

“Being nude is certainly helpful. I would keep you naked if I could,” he replied softly. “I would keep you naked, and make love to you everytime the mood struck.” John’s palm slid lower, slipping through the soft hair at her center. His cock throbbed as he imagined pushing her up against the kitchen counter, or leaning her over the back of the couch. He pictured pushing her back against the shower glass, and lifting her leg only to slide into her heated depths.

Arching towards him, she gasped, “Oh…” His fingers slid into her already wet core, and Marlena’s muscles trembled around his fingers when John groaned. He wanted her. He always wanted her, and it made her feel like the sexiest woman alive. Lifting her leg over his, she cried out, when he pushed his fingers deep inside her. “John!”

“Come closer, Doc. I want to have my way with you.” A deep rumble sounded in his chest when her warm velvet skin slid across his, and her fingernails scraped at the skin of his neck. “You’re so wet, and knowing why… fuck that turns me on. It turns me on so much.”

They’d fallen asleep the night before after making love in the shower, and sometime after midnight, Marlena had woken John reaching for him again, while whispering, “I need you.” 

“You turn me on,” she purred, rolling her pelvis against his hand. He could make her come so easily with a few simple strokes of his fingers. It had always been that way between them. Explosive one moment, and slow and sultry the next. His fingertip stroked lightly over her clit, and she moaned, “You make me feel so good.”

John lifted her leg higher, pulling her body closer, and laid it over his hip. She could feel his cock throbbing, waiting to enter her. His tip was bumping that bundle of nerves just right, as she was unable to hold back another moan of ecstasy. John saw the way her pupils dilated, and her breathing became more ragged, “This is going to be long and slow, baby. I want to be inside you forever.”

Marlena slowly slid her arms up around John’s neck, pulling his lips to hers, she mumbled, “Make love to me John.”

He pushed her onto her back, and pinned her good arm over her head, groaning, “That’s my good girl.” His hips rolled, pushing his cock into her hip to get some relief. Shae stared up at him, her hazel eyes pulling him in with deep shades of green and brown. He watched the rapid rise, and fall of her chest. Leaning forward, he nipped at the soft skin along her collarbone, and told her, “When you’re fully healed, baby… there are so many things I want to do to this delectable body. Things we used to do.”

John’s fingernails scraped up the long line of her thigh with just enough pressure to make it sting a little and then he tugged her leg up around his hip, and smacked her ass soundly with a rough growl. Marlena sighed, “When I was on the morphine… I would dream about our time together.”

The scent of her skin filled his lungs, as he rubbed his nose along the soft column of her neck, “I know. It was fucking torture.” He licked across the rounded curve of her breast, “I would wake up to the softest, sweetest cries. You would beg me to touch you…” He pushed the length of his cock against her hip again. “But I couldn’t… I couldn’t let myself touch you.”

She stared up at him, whispering, “You can touch me now.”

“I love you,” he rasped, barely able to control the arousal raging within him. “I love you so much.” Gripping her other leg, he pushed her thighs wide, momentarily staring down at her swollen sex before effortlessly sliding into her body. “G-d…” he gasped, feeling her tight heat around his length. The pleasure exploded behind his eyes, as John gasped, “Oh, G-d, Doc!”

She arched up against him, feeling the course scratch of his chest hair across her nipples. Looping her arm around his neck, she smiled against his ear, biting at it gently. “I love you. I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone, John Black.”

That was all he needed to hear. Rolling back onto his side he tugged her body up, lifting Marlena’s thigh high over his hip, gripping the rounded curve of her ass in his palm. He held her close. As close as they could be, and he pulled out, pushing his aching cock back into her slowly.

“Oh, G-d!” Marlena cried, feeling the pull on her clit. She couldn’t imagine loving anyone the way she loved the man holding her in his arms. John was her everything, and even as she had the faintest feeling of guilt, it was gone in a fleeting instant, when John breath wafted over across her cheek. The sting of his fingers digging into the soft flesh of her hip, pulling her closer, had her crying out to all the gods in the heavens. He was her everything, and how her life had changed so profoundly in a month would never cease to amaze her. Gasping against his neck, she tipped her face up to his, “I’m so close… oh, oh… I’m so close.”

“I want to feel it, baby,” he whispered over her lips, pushing into her again. He knew his slow pace was set to have her explode, and he wanted to feel the pull of her pussy. He wanted to feel the tightness, and the rolling of her body as he spilled himself inside her, laying claim to what was his, what would always be his. With every thrust he rolled his hips, pushing himself into her clit, living for Marlena’s soft pants and mewling cries.

She was thrown over the precipice when John pushed into her so deep that he bumped her cervix, and then held her body tightly to his. Her orgasm exploded over her, as John bit her shoulder roughly, growling as he came deep inside of her. As his body continued to pulse and throb, his mouth took hers, kissing her deeply in between their gasping breaths.

There was no way he could ever let her go. Roman be damned. Isabella be damned. Marlena was his. His arms relaxed slightly, and his breathing slowed. “When this is all over, Doc, we’ll figure it out, but I’m not letting you go.”

She was quiet for a long moment, before she whispered, “I might be pregnant.”

John hadn’t really considered it. Of course, pregnancy was always a possibility, but he’d been so caught up in staying one step ahead of Torres and taking care of Marlena that he hadn’t even thought about it. But, as the words slipped from Marlena’s mouth as a soft, gentle whisper, he’d felt hope and joy rise up inside him like a swell of love. Quietly, he said, “Would that be so bad?”

“No,” she replied, running her palm gently over his chest. “I–I didn’t think about it too much at the time, but the first time we made love… in Colorado… I think I was ovulating.”

“That night in the cabin?” he asked. “When the snow was softly falling on the ground, and the moonlight lit up the bedroom?”

John’s description was so poetic. Marlena smiled against his warm skin, “Yes.”

“That… I think, Doc… that night was one of the most magical nights of my life.” He kissed her lips softly. “If we made a child that night, it would be a manifestation of that magic.”

“It would also… complicate things,” she said quietly, staring up at him nervously.

Looking down, he kissed her again. “I don’t mind complications. I would welcome that complication. I think when I found out that I wasn’t Roman… one of things I struggled with the most was realizing that you and I no longer had that connection. The connection that comes with having a child together. Knowing that there is a life in the world that exists because it was part of you and part of me. It broke my heart that the twins weren’t mine. I love them, I love them and Carrie as if they were my own… but losing that connection to you. That was so difficult, and saying it out loud sounds ridiculous–”

“–I understand,” she said, slightly choked up. “I felt the same way, and I can’t fully explain it, but I mourned that connection to you… I mourned it. At Christmas… watching the way Sami was pulling away from you, Eric’s distance… it nearly destroyed me.”

“This experience brought us all back together. I think Roman leaving had unintended consequences,” John murmured. “But I meant what I said, Marlena. I won’t let you go. I love you too much.”

“This past month… it feels like a lifetime together,” she whispered. “It feels as if we’ve never been apart.”

“It wasn’t that long if you think about it. You came home in August. We found Roman in October. We weren’t even home from Mexico for two months and… Roman left.” John was quiet for a moment, and then he said, “I couldn’t fully commit to Isabella, because something in my heart was crying out for you.”

“What?” Marlena lifted her head and stared at John. He’d wanted her, even after what had happened in Mexico he’d wanted her. “I–I wondered, when Carrie came back to Salem, I was so surprised to learn that you weren’t living with Isabela, and I’ll admit, it was almost a relief.”

John smiled, kissing Marlena’s forehead. “It was inevitable,” he told her. “This… us… no matter what, we would have found our way back to each other. Whether it happened now, or months from now… maybe next year, but it would have happened, and maybe, at that point we would have hurt a lot more people. But one thing I am absolutely sure of, Doc, a baby with you, a life with you… and the twinners, Carrie, it’s what my dreams are made of.”

Kissing his shoulder where her head rested, Marlena whispered, “I want that so much, John.”

“Then we’ll figure it out, baby. That’s all we need to concern ourselves with right now. We’ll figure it out.” 

Marlena thought about the few days they’d spent in the cabin with the children. Those days had been some of the happiest of her life. “You know, the children are going to expect a vacation in Hawai’i for winning your little game,” Marlena told him. “And I think it needs to be a long trip, at least two weeks.”

“Two weeks?” he asked her with a laugh. “And how are we going to afford that?”

“We’ll figure it out.” she told him. “I don’t care if we camp out in your living room eating fried Spam and rice, and call it a luau. As long as we’re together.”

“Doc,” John said with a light chuckle. “That sounds like a blast. I could put up a tent in the middle of the living room. We could roast pineapple chunks over candles. Sami and Eric would love it, and Carrie would be curled up on the couch with another Cynthia Voight novel in her hand.”

“She is such an avid reader. How did you manage that?” she asked.

John felt a well of joy rise up inside of him as he remembered, “Anytime Carrie said she was bored, I said, go grab a book.”

Marlena could imagine it. She could hear John saying it, and imagine Carrie’s frustrated groans at the age of nine or ten years old. 

“Eventually she stopped complaining, and then she started coming home from the library with books like Are You There G-d? It’s Me, Margaret, Sweet Valley Twins books, and then she moved on to Cynthia Voight novels.”

“I don’t know if I ever thanked you,” Marlena whispered, stroking across his chest. His skin felt warm under her palm, and she realized how absolutely comfortable, and at home she felt in his arms. 

“Thank me?” John asked her. “For getting you and the kids out of Salem?”

“For raising them. For teaching them right from wrong. For loving them, and for still loving them,” she said softly. “Sami, Eric, and Carrie… they are amazing children John, and that’s because of you. When Roman and I were gone, you were the parent in their lives, and that needs to be acknowledged. How wonderful they are… that’s because of you. I should have said it sooner.”

“I would do anything for those kids. Anything.” John turned, and raised up on his elbow. “I would do anything for you.”

“Anything?” she asked him with a teasing smile.

John’s abdominal muscles rippled, as he told her, “Absolutely anything.”

“I might need some help in the shower. I can’t reach my back, you know.”

“Help washing your back?” he asked with a cocked eyebrow, watching as she tossed the covers off and sat up, dropping her legs over the side of the bed. Reaching out he eyed her bare flesh appreciatively, and ran his fingers along her spine. “Just your back?”

“Oh, I might need help washing… other things,” she tossed over her shoulder.

John raced to follow her as she disappeared into the bathroom, “I like the sound of that.” He stopped in the doorway, watching her adjust the water in the shower. Her body was all smooth curves, and soft skin. With a groan, he walked up behind her, and cupped one of her breasts with his hands, pulling at her nipple gently. “I can help you clean up.”

“I bet you can, Mr. Black,” Marlena purred. “And I can tell you, I am utterly filthy.”

Chapter 38

March 9, 1992

Niagara Falls, New York

We live on faith

In the hands of those who guide us

And tear the page

On the fear we left behind.

~ Allies ~ Heart ~

Raffi Torres listened with excitement as Mike updated him on the search for Marlena Brady, “And you’re sure?”

“I’m sure boss. I tracked them to Niagara Falls. They’re renting a cottage under the alias’ of Matthew and Kathryn Andrews,” Mike told him. “It’s them. What would you like me to do?”

“Nothing,” Raffi said with a low growl. “Absolutely nothing. Francis fucked up twice, and got himself killed. You keep an eye on them, but I’m handling this. I’ll be there in a few hours.” It was no longer business, it was personal. As irritating and difficult Francis was, he was still family, and Raffi refused to allow his death to go unpunished. John Black would die, and he would die at the end of Raffi’s gun. No one else’s. 

“You sure? I could take care of them both right now,” Mike whispered hurriedly. “They’re sleeping. They wouldn’t even know what hit them.”

With a frustrated sigh, Raffi said, “And what about cleaning up, Mike? You gonna handle that by yourself? Think! No. You wait for me, and a clean up crew, you hear me? We’re gonna get this done, and it’s gonna be done right. All you gotta do right now is make sure they don’t know we found them, you hear me?”

“Yeah. I hear you,” Mike said. He stared in frustration at the small cottage that stood less than a hundred feet away from him. Nestled inside were John Black and Marlena Brady. It would be so easy to take them out while they slept, but Mike knew  that if he fucked this up, Raffi wouldn’t hesitate to kill him.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marlena reached her hand out, softly caressing the face of her son, “You’re beautiful, D.J.” He looked so much like Don, but then she’d always known that he would have. A halo of brown curls sat atop his head, and he smiled at her with such kind eyes. Glancing around Marlena whispered, “But I don’t understand, why are we here?”

“This place is special to you,” D.J. replied as if that answered everything.

Marlena looked around the cabin. She was back in Colorado, standing on the back porch. The snow was falling softly, and she was wrapped in a blanket, the quilt from the bed, while everything around them was lit with the light of a full moon. John had been right, it really was a magical night. “Yes,” she said softly. “Yes, this place is special to me.”

“A baby is coming,” D.J. whispered with a smile, leaning toward her in a childlike manner, as if he were telling her a secret. In reality he would have been about twelve years old, but the version standing before her was barely eight it seemed.

“I wondered… I thought it was possible.” Marlena’s palm smoothed over her abdomen. Her period was a few days late, and she knew that pregnancy was a very real possibility. She sighed softly, “John’s baby. Our baby together.”

D.J. leaned closer, grinning widely, cupping his mouth gently, he said softly, “I’m getting another chance.” 

The child’s eyes flashed with excitement, and Marlena stared at him for a moment. He was getting another chance. Did that mean that her baby with John was… Marlena stumbled over her next words, “H-how? How is that possible?”

D.J. shrugged his shoulders as if the why and the how didn’t matter. “I’m getting another chance, and I wanted it to be with you,” he told her. With a giggle he covered his mouth and said, “I wanted to be with you, but I have to be a girl this time.”

“A girl?” Marlena looked around again, feeling as if this all must be a dream. Her analytical mind scrambled to try and frame what he was saying in her own reality, and she was struggling. “How–how is that possible?”

D.J. started to fade away, “Anything is possible.”

“But how will I know?” Marlena cried out, reaching for him. “How will I know it’s you?”

“I’ll have a birthmark on my chest, right over my heart,” he whispered. “Now it’s time to wake up, mama. It’s time to wake up.”

As D.J. faded away, Marlena stood in the falling snow awash in confusion. John stepped out of the back door, reaching for her, “Wake up, Doc. It’s time to go.”

“Time to go?” she asked softly. “I don’t understand.”

“Doc? Baby? Come on, wake up,” John said urgently, shaking her slightly. His hands frantically smoothed over her face. “Please wake up! We gotta go. Now.”

Marlena was disoriented, as she sat up, watching as John threw their meager belongings in their bags. She stared at him, trying to shake off the dream she’d been buried in, but it took less than five seconds for her to realize they had been found, otherwise, John wouldn’t be in such a hurry. She pulled a sweatshirt awkwardly over her head, and reached for a pair of sweatpants, “How?”

“I’m not sure, but I was doing a perimeter check, the way I do every morning, and there are footprints outside the bedroom window in the mud. Fresh ones. I’m not taking chances. We need to go.” John held his hand out to her, while holding the other bags tightly in his opposite fist, “You ready for another adventure, Doc?”

“Adventure?” she asked him, feeling more fear and apprehension. “Is that what we’re calling this?”

“Sure,” he told her, pulling her towards the door. Glancing outside, he said, “Wait here. I’m going to put the bags in the car, and come back for you. Wait here.”

“Wait here,” she whispered. She watched John run towards the car, and toss the bags in the backseat. Reaching behind him, he pulled a gun from the waistband of his jeans, and Marlena watched as he cocked it, and ran back towards her. 

Flipping the safety, he reached for her hand, pulling her out of the cottage. They ran towards the car, and John said roughly, “Get in, and get down.” Climbing into the car quickly, Marlena hunched down as far as she could. Just as John was getting into the car, she heard one gunshot, as someone shouted, “Fuck!”

John was in the car as fast as he could be, starting it up, and spinning out as he drove away, leaving the man he’d shot in the mud behind them. He’d had them in the car, and on the road in less than seven minutes. Marlena waited nearly a half an hour before she said, “You shot someone didn’t you?”

“I shot their firing hand,” he told her. “They won’t die.”

She stared at his stone cold face for a moment, realizing that he was still very much in that mode he would slip into when they were in danger, almost as if he were a mercenary again… a mixture of John and Stefano’s mercenary. “John?” she whispered, reaching out to touch his arms softly. “John… we’re on the road now. You can relax.”

“What if there were others with him?” he said, his breathing elevated. Glancing in the rearview mirror he said, “I can’t relax until we’re further away. We have to switch out identification again, and ditch this car.”

She laced her fingers through his, asking, “Where are we going?”

With a sigh, he replied, “I think it’s time to go back to where it all started. For you, for Roman, and for me. San Cristobal. I’ve been having dreams, a lot of dreams, and I’m thinking maybe we need to go someplace, and work on what you were saying…”

Marlena was silent for a moment. She was still reeling from her dream, and trying to process their hasty flight from the cottage. She couldn’t recall what John was referring to. “What did I say?”

John laughed, reaching for her hand, “You tired, Doc?”

She jokingly slapped his arm, “It’s your fault! Waking me up at all hours of the night.”

“I believe,” he said with a sexy grin, “that I wasn’t the only one waking people up. I distinctly remember waking up the other night with you wrapped around my leg… not that I mind waking up to you rubbing her clit up and down my thigh.”

Marlena blushed, and said softly, “I was dreaming.”

“I don’t mind. Don’t ever think that I mind, because I most definitely don’t.” He smirked at her, and then quickly put his eyes back on the road. “The simple fact that in your sleep you still crave me… well it’s quite the ego boost.”

Marlena didn’t respond, but John noticed the way she shifted in her seat. He noticed her thighs clench together, and he marveled at how easily aroused she was. A whispered phrase in her ear, a glance across the room, and she would react to him. He’d seen it even when they were living separate lives. He would watch her enter a room, or they would be having a session in her office, and he might say something accidentally, and she would react. It was involuntary. Once after scheduling a session, he’d dragged his palm across her hip, and whispered, good girl, before he even considered that he shouldn’t. Marlena’s eyes had closed, and her breath had caught in her chest. Both of them had been frozen in place, until he removed his hand, and stepped away from her. 

Clearing his throat, John said, “I was talking about what you said a few days ago. That I might need to start doing hypnosis again, to get to the bottom of all of this. To learn about my past. I think I’m ready.”

“I did say that. And these mysterious dreams are taking us back to San Cristobal?” she asked. The idea of going back there was full of mixed emotions. She felt like San Cristobal was where they were the closest to coming back together, and then Roman had found them. Finding Roman had changed everything, but, then again, maybe Isabella’s pregnancy had changed everything.

“Yeah, Doc. Isla San Cristobal is where we’re going to start finding the real answers,” John said. “And Doc, I need answers… we both need answers.”

Marlena’s face took on a serious expression, “How do you know they’re in San Cristobal? What is it about your dreams that’s pulling you back there?”

“I’m not sure…but I feel it. That’s where some of my answers are,” John told her. “You ready for some intrigue, Doc?”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Raffi Torres looked at his companion, Roy, and then down at Mike’s dead form on the ground. The forest around them was momentarily silent, after the crash of the gunshot. Minutes later, the birds were chirping, as if a man didn’t lie dead at Raffi’s feet, with a bullet through his forehead. Mike had already been shot once before Raffi and Roy had arrived. They’d found him lying on the ground less than fifty feet from the cottage, cradling his right hand in his lap as he bled all over himself.  Raffi had shot him point blank in a rage. Mike had fucked up. 

Glancing at the body lying in front of him, he told Roy, “Tie him up, and toss him in the car. Wait until nightfall, and then throw him over the falls. I’m done wasting my time on trash.”

“You still want me to search for the woman?” Roy asked him. “Since her and John Black have run off again?”

“Who the fuck is John Black anyway? Who is he really?” Raffi asked in frustration. He pushed his fingers through his hair, and stared at Roy. “Does anyone even know? Why the fuck does he keep getting in my way?”

“I hear, he doesn’t even know who he is. Amnesia, or some shit like that. Brando said his past is somehow tied up with Stefano DiMera.” Roy wasn’t the one who wanted to be delivering this news to Raffi, but he also wasn’t going to be dumb enough to withhold possible information either.

Raffi looked at Roy in silence for a moment. He wanted nothing to do with Stefano DiMera, even if the man was said to be dead. The breadth and scale of that man’s empire was something that a low key drug smuggler, trying to build his own empire, wasn’t equipped to tackle. Last he’d heard Stefano’s son Tony was trying to turn the organization straight… unless Stefano was actually alive, and it was all a ruse. Afterall, why was Vaughn so desperate to get his hands on Marlena Brady? It was all suspect.

“DiMera?” Raffi asked. “You sure?”

Roy was wary when he replied, “That’s what I heard. You still want to go after John Black and that Brady woman? ‘Cause Brando said the rumor is DiMera’s not dead, and if he ain’t dead–””

“–did Brando say where he heard that?” Brando wasn’t known for his information being reliable sometimes. It was hit or miss with that guy, but he was an excellent shot, and had no qualms about some of the darker methods they used to get information out of people.

Roy shrugged his shoulders carelessly, as he started to drag Mike’s body towards the vehicle, “Nah, could be he’s just shittin’ me. Brando runs his mouth a lot.”

“One thing I learned a long time ago, Roy… usually if someone’s hearing stuff, there’s some truth to it,” Raffi told him. He watched Roy struggle to heft Mike’s large frame into the back of the SUV. “We’re going back to Salem… I want to see Brando myself… because if John Black’s all tied up with DiMera, I’m done with that shit. Going after Brady’s wife ain’t worth dying for, besides, I was only getting her for Vaughn to trade for Roman Brady. Let Black and Marlena Brady go.” Raffi gave Roy a feral smile, “Now, Roman Brady? He’s going to get his.”

Chapter 39

March 15, 1992

San Cristobal, Galápagos Archipelago

And I’m asking you to save a place for me

To rest beside your heart

And feel I’m free

Now what good does feeling strong do

When I am here without you?

~ Treat Me Well ~ Heart ~

Camron and Molly MacDonald drove from Niagara Falls to Cincinnati, Ohio. After resting for the night, the following day Mark and Karen Johnson drove to Birmingham, Alabama. It was Frank and Susana Hoffsteader that flew out of New Orleans destined for the island of Santa Cruz in Ecuador. From there, the happy newlyweds took a ferry to the island of San Cristobal. To everyone around them they were nature lovers looking for adventure, who had planned a romantic trip that involved birdwatching. John’s beard had grown thicker, and even though it was barely tolerable in the heat, he refused to shave. Marlena had kept her hair pulled back, and she’d worn sunglasses and a baseball cap for most of the trip.

They settled into a bungalow with a private beach, miles away from everything, and immediately got to work with John’s hypnosis sessions. Marlena used John’s notebook to guide many of them. She spent their time adding additional information as they went along, careful to document as much information as possible. What they discovered, astounded them, and in many cases, continued to confound them. None of it was making sense, and none of it was connecting until their third day.

Marlena watched John with warm, caring eyes, and continued to speak in a calm reassuring voice, “John, I’d like you to see if you can go back further, before Stefano had you taken from Grenada. Can you do that for me?”

“Yes,” he replied softly, drifting in his mind back even further. A soft look came over his face, followed by a frown.

“Where are you?” she asked him kindly. “Can you tell me?”

“My high school graduation… my mother is angry…” he said softly. 

“Why is your mother angry, John?” Marlena quickly wrote, high school – graduation – mother in the notebook.

“I joined the military a few days ago. I didn’t tell her. I knew she would try to stop me. She wanted me to go into the family business… she’s angry, because she is surprised.” John smiled mischievously. “She doesn’t like to be surprised.”

Hoping to get a name, Marlena asked him, “Do you have your diploma with you?”

In his mind he looked down at the square folio in his hand. “Yes,” he whispered.

Softly she asked, “Can you read it? What does the name say?” Marlena watches as John’s face scrunches in concentration. 

“Forrest…” he said. “My diploma says Forrest.”

Still hoping for more information, she pressed, “Is there a last name on the diploma?”

“…Alamain…” he said. Marlena was surprised for a brief moment. Alamain wasn’t a common name, and she was almost certain that a businessman by that same surname had recently moved to Salem. He wasn’t well liked by Bo, she knew that much. John continued speaking quietly, “My mother… she’s yelling at me… but I keep telling her it’s my life. It’s my life!”

“Is it possible that she’s afraid for you?” Marlena asked. John went silent for a moment, as if he were thinking, but he didn’t respond. She scribbled very quickly in her notebook, Forrest Alamain. 

Realizing that he was becoming slightly more agitated, she said, “Remember, this is a memory. Take a deep breath for me. Can you do that?”

He inhaled deeply, releasing the air slowly. She watched him, studying every line of his body, and every twitch of his muscles, making sure that there were no signs of stress or anxiety. “How are you feeling?” she asked.

“Tired,” he said with a soft sigh. “My mother can be very tiring. She is so afraid of losing me, that she’s trying to control me. She knows that is why I did this. To escape.”

In a soft, soothing voice, Marlena inquired, “Which branch of the military did you join?”

“Army,” he replied in a voice lacking emotion. “I signed up to go to airborne school. I think jumping out of helicopters sounds exciting.”

She smiled. His voice was still John, but he sounded so young, so immature. Of course he would be if he had regressed to the age of eighteen. Airborne – Army she wrote quickly. “Can we go back further, perhaps to a childhood memory?”

John took a deep breath, smiling wide, “I’m so excited!”

He sounded young. “How old are you, John? Do you know?”

He laughed, looking around the room with blind eyes, “It’s my birthday! My mother surprised me with a party. All my friends are here. All of them!”

He must have been an endearing child. His eyes were alight with excitement. “Who are your favorite people at your party?”

John’s laugh sounded childlike, as he responded, “Well, my mom, of course! But also my best friend, Katarina. Katarina is here! She’s a lot of fun. She’s not like regular girls. She’s not scared of falling out of a tree or getting dirt on her.” He was quiet for a moment, and then he said, “You know most girls are scared of mud? That’s so dumb.”

“Who else is at your party?” Marlena asked absently as she scrawled Katarina – best friend – mom.

John groaned as if he were frustrated, “Just my friends, and my dumb cousin Lawrence. I don’t like Lawrence…”

“Why don’t you like Lawrence?” she asked, watching him closely. Lawrence Alamain?

“He’s mean. He’s a bully, and I–I hate him. Mom says I’m not supposed to,” John whispered. “But I do anyway, I just don’t tell her.”

“Do you know your mothers name? You speak of her quite frequently.” Marlena waited for a moment, but John remained quiet. “Think for a moment, John… can you remember your mother’s name?”

“My mother’s name… I’m not sure. I just call her mom, but Lawrence calls her Aunt Viv, but that’s not her name. Aunt Viv isn’t her name.” His face was twisted in concentration, and Marlena couldn’t help but chuckle at him.

“Could Viv be part of her name? Like Vivica, or possibly Vivian?” She watched as John’s face brightened. 

“Vivian!” he yelled excitedly. “That’s my moms name… but don’t tell her I told you her name was mom. That’s dumb.”

Smiling at him, she touched his arm in a light reassuring manner, “I promise. I won’t… So, is this party a happy memory for you?”

“Yes,” he said. “Because Katarina got brave. She was brave, and that made me happy.”

“How did Katarina become brave?” As she waited for John’s reply, she wrote Vivian Alamain?

“Lawrence pulled Katarina’s hair…” John said, going quiet for a moment with a small smile on his face. Marlena waited for him to continue, knowing that since this was the memory of a ten-year-old, anything was possible. She smiled when John finished, saying, “She punched him in the face.”

“And you find this humorous?” she asked him with a teasing tone.

He laughed loudly, “Yes. She bloodied his nose, and he deserved it. He’s always picking on her, and it’s not nice. She’s younger than us. It’s not nice. My mom said it wasn’t civilized, and ladies shouldn’t punch people, but I told Katarina it was the best birthday present ever, and I think ladies can punch people.”

She wrote Katarina punched Lawrence – 10th birthday, as she asked John, “Do you remember any other birthdays, John?”

“My sixteenth,” he said with a frown picturing the library in his home.

“Do you want to talk about what happened on your sixteenth birthday?” she asked him softly. His body positioning had become more tense, and she wanted to keep him as stress free as possible. If he got upset, she would pull him out of the hypnosis.

He sounded older, more mature, but that was to be expected since he was sixteen in this memory. “I found Lawrence in the library with Katarina… she was crying, telling him to let her go…” John said. “I pulled him away from her. He’s nineteen! She’s only fifteen. He shouldn’t be bothering her! He ran out… she was crying a lot, but she wouldn’t say what happened… her dress was torn…”

Marlena told him gently, “That must make you very sad.”

“Lawrence is a prig,” John said, sounding like himself again. “I think I know what he was trying to do, but Katarina lied for him.”

Glancing at her watch Marlena realized that they had been at this for a while, so she said softly, “I’m going to count backwards from five, John. When you wake up, you will remember everything we’ve talked about, and you will feel relaxed and calm… five, four, three, two, one… you can open your eyes now.” She watched him blink, and look around quickly as if he were momentarily disoriented. “How do you feel? Are you tense or anxious?”

“Relaxed,” he said, listening to the sounds of the waves on the beach. “I feel relaxed.”

Touching his face gently, she whispered, “Do you remember what we discussed?”

John looked at her, “I do. I remember it all. For now…” Reaching for the notebook, he started writing things down quickly, because he knew, even though Marlena said he would remember, he wouldn’t. He was surprised to see the amount of information she’d written during this session. Pages and pages of her elegant handwriting across the page. 

“How do you feel about what you remembered?” she asked him, moving closer.

The weight of Marlena leaning against him was calming, and he sighed, “It’s odd, I recognize them as family, my mother and my cousin, and I know there’s a connection, but the emotional side of it is missing. I’m surprised to know I’m related to Lawrence Alamian. That’s not something I expected. I already know Larry, and he’s a fucking prig. But, you see, those are John’s emotions. I can’t feel Forrest’s emotions. It’s as if they’re gone. I’m thinking that probably has more to do with what Stefano did to me, and the microchip.”

She sat up straight, her mouth agape. She was absolutely confused, “Microchip? John, you have never said anything about a microchip.”

John had thought he’d told her about that, but based on the confusion on her face, he realized he hadn’t, “Stefano and his doctor, Rolf, I think his name was… they implanted a computer chip in my nervous system.” He reached back under his hairline, trying to find the small ridge where the incision had been. “I had a dream about it a few weeks ago. I wrote it down, but I forgot about it. I only know, because I read about it again yesterday.”

“Let me read what you wrote,” she demanded, holding her hand out for the notebook. “A microchip could be the thing holding back all of your memories. Are you certain?” She felt her anxiety rising, scrolling through John’s messy scrawl. “John! If this is true, it can’t stay in there! Do you have any idea how it works?”

“Not really,” he told her. “C’mon Doc! It’s a little scary to think that I might have something foreign wired into my nervous system. Stefano is outrageous, but is he capable of that?”

“If there is something there,” she told him, feeling scared, “it has to come out.”

John had never been scared of death. Not truely until that moment. And death only scared him, because it meant losing Marlena. “It’s in my nervous system… what if it can’t come out? What if taking it out could kill me?”

“We’ll call Shane. Tonight. He can get an ISA doctor here,” Marlena said urgently.

“No. Absolutely not. Doc, I’m not risking your life, for something that might not even be there! I had a dream. Lots of people have dreams–”

“–but not you! Your dreams are memories! We know that!” she cried, hoping he would understand her urgency.

“Maybe,” he said, standing up. He walked to the veranda doors, throwing them wide to allow the evening breeze in, while watching the ocean waves beat against the shore. The sun was going down, and the air was cooling. It was his favorite time of day.

“If you don’t call him, John… I will,” she said, standing up, and following him.

“No, Doc. Please think about this, if Shane sends someone here, and they’re followed… no. I’m not risking your life,” he told her. Taking even the smallest risk could mean death for her, and he wasn’t going to allow it.

She stared up at him, her eyes flashing with determination, “I’ll wait. I’ll wait until you’re asleep, and I’ll call Shane myself. You know I will.”

He stared down at her, and that stubbornness that had always attracted him to her was his undoing. He could either jump on board, or she would do it without him. “Has anyone ever told you, you’re a stubborn woman?”

“Yes,” she said with a smile. “I think I’ve heard that once or twice. They also told me it was incredibly sexy.”

“Did they?” John stepped closer to her, pushing the loose curls back from her face. He stared down into her hazel eyes, and he said in a rough tone, “I love your hair like this.”

“My hair is a mess, John. No hair dryer, the salty air, and now I walk around with sheep dog hair,” she told him with a laugh.

He groaned, lacing his fingers into it, while tugging slightly. “When your hair is curly, and your face is fresh… you are so fucking sexy it kills me, Doc.” He ran the pad of his thumb over her bottom lip watching the way it bounced back. These past few weeks, he’d become so used to her face without make-up, that he found he preferred her that way. She was amazing no matter what, but like this, she was a siren. “So fucking sexy,” he said kissing her lips softly.

As much as she wanted to see where this might lead, there was a bigger issue at hand. If John did have a microchip wired into his nervous system, it needed to come out. The capabilities, and the possibilities, scared her. Especially knowing that he held Roman’s memories, that he had performed surgery on her in Colorado, and he had memories of possibly being an art thief, and a priest. In order to differentiate which memories were his, and which weren’t, it needed to come out. She also felt like it could be suppressing his emotional response to Forrest Alamain’s memories, and those were the memories that she suspected were actually his. “We have to do this,” she told him, cupping her jaw to make sure he was looking at her. “Deep down, you know we do.”

“I can’t lose you,” he said softly.

“We have to do this, she repeated. They had garnered enough information through their hypnosis sessions to determine that Ronald Culpepper was the surgeon whose memories John possessed. Father Julio Rober was likely the priest. They had still been unable to get a name for the art thief, although they were fairly certain that the art thief had worked with a woman who called herself Princess Gina. Marlena had been incredibly surprised to learn that Princess Gina bore a striking resemblance to Hope Brady, at least according to John.

“Okay,” he agreed reluctantly. “Okay.” Just as John was about to pull her in for another kiss, Marlena put her hands on his chest, pushing him back slightly. He moaned in frustration, “Doc…”

“No kissing. Call Shane. Now,” she said.

“Then kissing?” he asked her with a raised eyebrow, while running his hands over the swell of her ass.

“There will most certainly be kissing. Now, call Shane,” she told him, stepping back.

Chapter 40

March 22, 1992

Santa Cruz, Ecuador

Cry to me, cry to me

You better not hide it

Let it come, let it bleed

~ Cry to Me ~ Heart ~

They entered the small clinic in Santa Cruz on high alert. Marlena had watched that morning as John had reloaded his weapon, and tucked it into the waistband of his jeans underneath his jacket. He’d been tense, and anxious ever since their phone call with Shane. Marlena didn’t feel guilty over pushing the issue, because while John was worried for her safety, she was petrified for his. After reading what he’d written in his notebook, she was incredibly concerned. The intricacy, and the risk involved in attempting to wire a microchip into someone’s nervous system was incredibly dangerous. It was unheard of. She knew she wouldn’t be okay until she knew that whatever was in John’s neck was removed.

They met Shane outside the clinic. He was in a disguise so elaborate they wouldn’t have recognized him for who he was without him approaching them first. He was wearing a suit that made him look portly, and he had a hairpiece that was slightly longer in the back, while appearing to have hair loss on the top. The facial prosthetic aged him almost twenty years, and John had to admit that the cane was a stroke of genius. He hadn’t recognized Shane at all as the slightly obese, older gentleman had approached them.

Holding out his hand, he said in low tones, “Hello John.”

Marlena’s eyes went wide, as she recognized Shane’s distinctive voice, and then she looked around to see if anyone was watching. John gripped Shane’s hand with a wide grin, impressed with the disguise. “Hey there. Are we ready to do this?”

“Everything is arranged.” Quietly Shane steered them both towards the rear door, “I would ask to see if you’re ready for this, John?”

Glancing at Marlena, John squeezed her hand. “We are. I have to know if there’s something there, and we both know… I can’t move on with my life until it’s gone.”

“Dr. Castillo is ready. This clinic is usually closed on Sundays, so there won’t be any interruption,” Shane told them. 

John and Marlena entered the waiting room of the clinic, and then walked through to the exam room. Noticing the state of the art medical equipment, and John released a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. Dr. Castillo was a small woman, with short black hair that curled around her neck and her ears. Turning to face them, she smiled, saying, “You can call me Isabel. Dr. Castillo is so formal. I took the liberty of closing the clinic for the whole week. Shane has informed me of your… predicament, and if it is as complicated as I believe it is… you may need to stay for a few days following surgery.”

“We weren’t planning to stay that long,” John told her. “There are individuals trying to track us down… and we don’t want to draw attention.”

“We have ISA agents all around the island. No one is going to get to Marlena,” Shane told him. “We have people watching the ports, and at the airports. You are checked in under a pseudonym.” Shane saw the apprehension in John’s eyes, and then glanced over at Marlena. John was holding onto her like a lifeline. Shane said quietly, “I need you to trust me, John.”

“I can’t lose her,” John said to Shane. He glanced down at Marlena to find her staring up at him, and he whispered, “I can’t.”

Marlena stroked her thumb over the top of John’s hand, “You won’t.”

Dr. Castillo could feel the tension in the room, but there was nothing to be done for it. It was a tense, high stress situation. All she could do was proceed with empathy, so she said gently, “If you’re ready, John, I’d like to start with an CT scan. I have a hospital gown ready for you… and Marlena can stay with you, if you’d like.”

John took another deep breath, but stood immobile. Marlena stepped in front of him, touching his face lightly, “I’m not going anywhere, John. I’ll stay with you the whole time.”

Lifting Marlena’s hands to his mouth, he whispered, “I’m not scared for me, Doc.”

“I know, but right now, the focus is you,” she said. “I’ll be with you, and you have to trust that Shane will protect us both.”

Shane watched them, recognizing how close the two of them had become. They were as much in love then, as he’d ever seen them when they were married. Roman had told Shane about his conversation with Isbabella on the pier, but Roman’s retelling had painted Isabella as jealous and possessive. He hadn’t given any validity to her claims. What Shane was seeing was verification of what Isabella had told Roman. As much as Roman wanted to deny it, it was obvious. 

Reaching for the hospital gown, John told everyone, “Let’s get this show on the road.” Less than two hours later, Isabel pointed to the mass situated at the base of John’s skull on the right hand side. “There is definitely something there, and from the details, it could be a computer chip. Not just because of the size, but because the CT scan is able to differentiate between the plastic and the metal.”

“Will you be able to remove it?” Marlena asked with a quiver in her voice. She hated Stefano. She hated him for everything he’d done to her and her family, but she especially hated him for what he’d done to John. 

Glancing at the CT scan again, Dr. Castillo replied, “I think so. I specialize in cranial nerve disorders. It will be minimally invasive. I can follow the pattern of the last incision, but truthfully… I won’t know what I’m facing until I’m in there and looking at it.” She turned towards Shane, “I’m going to need to call in a surgical nurse, and an anesthesiologist. John will be awake for the procedure, but he’ll need someone to administer the medication for conscious sedation.”

“He’ll be awake for the procedure?” Marlena asked in surprise.

John thought about what he’d written in his notebook, and he said, “Why not? I was awake when they put the damned thing in.”

“They probably did that to be certain that it worked the way they expected it to,” Dr. Castillo told them. She was still in shock that she was involved in this at all. It was groundbreaking, and in her field, completely unheard of. “After I’ve removed it, I’ll turn the object over to the ISA, but as I stated Shane, I would like a report on it for my own research.”

Shane had made the agreement with her to get her onboard, but in that moment he was flabbergasted. How was it even possible? A microchip wired into someone’s nervous system was leaps and bounds ahead of anything the ISA was doing. “I understand.” 

Four hours later, Dr. Castillo came out of the surgical room, and said, “It’s done.”

Marlena stood up quickly from the magazine she was ready, and she was overwhelmed with dizziness. Shane reached out, holding her steady, and still she swayed slightly on her feet. 

“I’m sorry,” she told them, holding her arms out to help herself regain her balance. “I’m not sure what–” Marlena stopped midway through her excuses. She didn’t usually get so lightheaded, and she knew it was just another symptom of a possible pregnancy. Instead of continuing, she glanced between Shane and Dr. Castillo. Isabel had a knowing look on her face, and Shane seemed embarrassed. It wasn’t as if Shane had been through this before with Kimberly. Realizing she couldn’t cover, and too tired to attempt to try, she sighed, “I think I need a pregnancy test.”

Reaching for Marlena’s hand, Isabel said gently, “We can do that. John is in recovery right now, so we can do the test while we wait for him to wake.”

Shane noticed that Marlena refused to meet his gaze as she was led from the room. It was clear that if she was pregnant, it was John’s child. Shane sat down heavily. It wasn’t any of his business, and yet he knew that he would be facing Roman when he returned to Salem, and dealing with Roman had become increasingly frustrating. The fact that Shane had disappeared in the middle of the night would have Roman irate. What Shane realized he needed to do, was send Roman to his own home, and set some firm boundaries. What he wouldn’t do was tell Roman that Marlena was pregnant.

Less than fifteen minutes later, in the small lab at the back of the clinic Marlena stared at the positive pregnancy test with a mixture of trepidation, and joy. “I’m pregnant,” she said softly.

Having her suspicions confirmed brought her relief, and for John, she knew he would be elated. It was the worst timing. She’d hoped that she wasn’t pregnant. She’d wanted to go back to Salem, and speak with Roman, and explain that their marriage was never going to work without the added complication of being with child. Even being as angry as she was at Roman, she hadn’t wanted to hurt him. Her palm caressed her abdomen, and she thought about the life inside her. She couldn’t help but smile. Unexpected, to be sure, but loved… there was no doubt.

Isabel asked her, “How do you feel about this?”

“Scared,” Marlena whispered. “I’m standing here playing out in my mind how I’m going to ask my husband for a divorce… this is an added complication.”

“But a joy,” Dr. Castillo replied. “No matter how they arrive, babies are always a blessing.”

Marlena turned to face her, her eyes welling with tears. “They are. When I say the baby is a complication, I don’t mean it’s not wanted. This child is very much wanted.” Marlena sighed, glancing down at the pregnancy test, “If John and I had truly wanted to prevent this, we would have used protection.” 

That was a truth that said the most. How many times had they made love? Pregnancy would have been inevitable. They hadn’t gone one single day without coming together, and as a medical professional, she knew that sperm could survive inside a woman’s womb for five days. She smiled softly, and looked at Dr. Castillo, “I’m having a baby. John’s baby… and you’re right. It’s an absolute blessing, and something I’ve… I’ve always wanted.”

Isabel smiled, “Then the rest will work itself out. If we do a quick ultrasound we can work out the due date.”

“November 16,” Marlena told her. “I already know the due date, it’s November 16.”

Dr. Castillo started walking towards the door to the lab, “Then, let’s go check on the father to be, and see if he’s awake yet.”

John was still confused and disoriented when Marlena entered the room, but when he saw her, he got a lopsided smile and reached for her, “Hey, Doc.”

Taking his hand in hers, Marlena whispered, “Hey, Sailor.”

“John,” Isabel said gently. “We’re going to take your IV out, and then I’ll leave you alone with Marlena for a while.”

“I love being alone with Marlena,” John said groggily as the IV was slowly taken from his arm. Smiling at the women he loved so much, he said, “I would keep her naked all day if I could.”

Marlena felt the heat start to rise in her neck. People said lots of surprising things when they were coming out of anesthesia, but that didn’t make it any less embarrassing.

Isabel cleared her throat with a laugh, and said, “I’ll leave you two alone.”

John looked up at Marlena, “You know that, Doc? If I could make love to you all day… I would, you know? I’d have you naked, and I’d be naked… and whenever the mood struck…”

As the door pulled closed behind the doctor, Marlena knew she heard her chuckle softly. Marlena leaned close to him, “John, you can’t say things like that out loud.”

“Why?” he asked her with a look of confusion. “I’m not supposed to say that? I like your skin… and the way you smell. You smell like flowers, and sunshine, and love… and all I want to do is make love to you all the time–”

“–John!” Marlena whispered. She gasped softly, when his hand reached behind her sliding up the back of her leg. “John!” Marlena swatted at his hand, “John, stop that!”

“Come here, Marlena,” he said in a husky voice, pulling her closer with pressure on the back of her thigh. He still felt very drowsy, but he wanted to touch her. Pushing at the hem of her dress, he slipped his hand underneath. “Just let me touch you, baby.”

“You are coming out of anesthesia, and you just had surgery,” she hissed, still fighting off the advances of John’s meandering palm.

His hand cupped her ass where it joined the top of her thigh, and he squeezed, watching Marlena’s eyes close for a moment. “I fucking love your ass,” he growled. He groaned with arousal, “I love to fuck your ass.”

“Oh my G-d,” she whispered, pulling away from his grasp. She stepped away from him, watching his hand fall, and disappointment shine in his eyes. “John… you have no idea what you’re doing or what you’re saying, and this,” she said gesturing around the clinic room, “is not the place.”

John looked around the room with confusion, as if he only realized he wasn’t at home, “Where am I?’

“See! That’s what I mean! We’re at a clinic in Santa Cruz. You’ve just had surgery to remove a microchip from your neck.” Marlena came back to stand at his side. She softly feathered the back of her hand across John’s cheek, and she whispered, “How are you feeling?”

“I’m feeling pretty good,” he said, snaking his hand up along the back of her thigh again. He smiled, “Pretty fucking good.”

Chapter 41

March 23, 1992

San Cristobal, Galápagos Archipelago

Ain’t it strange how love put things together?

One like you, someone like me

But no one ever moved me like the way you do

~ Lighter Touch ~ Heart ~

As they stepped from the ferry they’d taken from Santa Cruz, Marlena took comfort in having John’s fingers laced in hers, and feeling the warmth of his skin against hers. A windward breeze blew briskly off of the Pacific Ocean, pushing Marlena’s hair back, and bringing a rose hue to her cheeks. She looked amazing. John stopped walking, caught up in her, and she smiled softly, asking him, “Are you okay?”

“I am. My neck’s a little stiff, but I feel fine,” he said smiling down at her. There was something about the feeling of the ocean air across his skin that was pulling at his mind. His hand squeezed Marlena’s as he whispered, “I feel as if everything is about to change, Doc. As if having that chip removed is going to be the turning point in my life.”

“I’ll be with you,” she told him. “We’ll stay here for awhile, continue with your hypnosis sessions, and–” John’s face took on a faraway look, and Marlena said softly, “John?”

John closed his eyes. There was something there. He concentrated on the air brushing across his bearded face. He took a deep breath of the salty air, and then he was lost in a memory so strong it was as if he were in another time and place. 

“Come here, my beautiful boy,” Vivian said, pulling him into her lap. Her delicate hands pushed his sweaty hair back from his forehead. Leaning close to his ear, she asked him, “Do you feel that air on your skin? Do you smell the salt in the air? Don’t forget it, Forrest. I want you to remember to live life to its fullest. Every day is a gift. Every single day.”

A large man, with broad sun-kissed shoulders laughed loudly, “Vivian, the boy is eight. He doesn’t have a clue as to what you’re talking about. You’re waxing poetic about life, and he’s not old enough to understand the significance.”

“Someday he will, Bradley,” she said loudly. “He will remember this moment, and he will smile. Just a boy and his mother having deep, philosophical conversations about the joy we can find in life. Besides, my son is smart, and whether he understands what I’m saying now, or not… someday he will.” She kissed his cheek, smoothing her hand over his hair. “Forrest is a bright boy, aren’t you?”

“John?” Marlena whispered, making sure to keep the trepidation she was feeling out of her voice. Glancing around she was relieved to find that no one was paying them any mind. Her fingertips softly caressed his forearm, “John, honey… come back to me.”

He shook his head, his unfocused eyes suddenly glancing down at her with newly realized surprise. He was momentarily confused, as he stared at Marlena in wonder. Resting his forehead on hers, he released a breath. He felt himself vibrating inside as he said quietly, “I remembered something. I remembered my mother…Vivian. Doc… things are going to come back to me. I think you were right. I think that microchip was suppressing everything, and now–now, it’s all going to come back to me. Perhaps much faster than I’m ready for.”

Threading her fingers through his, Marlena smiled at him gently, “Let’s get you home.”

“Home?” he asked her with a teasing glint in his eye.

Tugging at his hand, she told him, “Anywhere I go with you, Sailor, is home.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Pier 54, Salem

Lightning flashed across the sky, followed by a crash of thunder a few seconds later. A storm was moving in, pushing dark gray clouds across the sky. The water pushed against the pilings with loud splashes as Raffi Torres stood there in momentary awe at the power of nature. He wished he had that type of power. The power to mold and shape his environment to his will. He was tired of being in hiding because the ISA and the Salem PD were after him. He was tired of coming out under cover of darkness, but that had become his world. He wouldn’t leave Salem until Roman Brady was dead.

He had no reason to still want Roman dead, other than spite and vindictiveness, Raffi still found himself consumed with it. The need for revenge. The need to prove to the world that no one made him look like a fool. Yes, he’d gotten his shipment of drugs through Salem, but the hassle, the loss of good employees, whether at the hands of John Black or Raffi’s own… all of it was Roman Brady’s fault. At least it was in Raffi’s eyes. He’d had men following Roman for days, waiting for the perfect opportunity, and yet it never seemed to arise until that night. When he was contacted, and told that Roman Brady was alone on the pier, he knew he was about to get what he wanted – Roman dead. He wasn’t going to let one of his men fuck it up this time. He was going to do it himself. And yet, he’d found the pier empty. With a sigh of frustration, he tucked his gun back inside his jacket.

Another flash of light shone across the sky. Raffi waited to hear the thunder roar, but all he heard were heavy footsteps across the thick wood of the pier. Stepping into the shadows, he hid himself. In his line of work a person had to be adept at doing things from the darkest corners. A feral smile creeped over his face when Roman stepped into the lamplight. Reaching for his weapon he started towards him.

When Roman heard footsteps along the wooden planks, he assumed it was Isabella, since they’d run into each other, in this exact spot just days earlier. It seemed that they both used this pier as a place of refuge for their tortured minds. When they saw each other, they never said much, a few words here and there, but he’d come to expect to see her there. In the silence, Roman realized that the footsteps were too heavy, and then he heard the click of a gun safety being turned off. Before he even faced whoever stood behind him, Roman knew it was Torres. He couldn’t say how he knew, only that an icy chill washed over him.

Raffi stepped out of the fog, with a smug sneer on his face, and a pistol clenched in his hand. It was obvious that Roman wasn’t armed. He’d left his weapon at home, and he’d gotten careless. Raffi saw the fear on Roman’s face when he pointed his gun at him, “It was only a matter of time before I got to you, you know.”

“What’s the point, Torres? You got what you wanted. You had millions of dollars worth of drugs delivered to your hands, because you got Vaughn to help you get me out of the way,” Roman said. “That little deal you had with him? Yeah, I know about that.”

“But you see, Roman… you pissed me off. You and John Black made everything so much fucking harder than it needed to be,” Raffi replied, walking around Roman slowly. “It should have been simple. Vaughn would get you out of the way, and he’d hand you over to me. A simple trade. All I had to do was get your wife for him… and I have to admit that you leaving her defenseless made that easy–”

“–except you weren’t expecting John Black, hero and savior of his ex-wife to step in?” Roman’s face held a sneer. He was feeling a mixture of gratefulness on John’s part, and disgust as well, because, of course, John stepped in to save Marlena. “What I want to know is who the hell Vaughn was trying to deliver my wife to.”

Torres laughed, “That wasn’t something I concerned myself with.”

“You just work the revenge angle, huh, Torres?” Roman turned, following Raffi with his eyes, always keeping his gun in sight. “The thing I don’t understand is… you got what you wanted. You got your fucking drug shipment down our river, and through our city, so why are you still trying to kill me?”

“You, Brady, have been a thorn in my side since I came to this town.” Raffi smiled, happy that he’d gotten Roman to the point that his back faced the river. One shot would have him falling into the storm tossed waters of the Salem River, and any blood spatter would be washed away with the incoming rain. 

“So it’s pettiness?” Roman snorted, feeling the first fat drops of rain against his neck as lightning lit up the sky. He was past accepting that his life would end there. He had no way to protect himself, and decided that derision and sarcasm were the way to go.

“I call it revenge,” Torres said with a grin. “It’s got a much nicer ring to it, and it feels so good.” He cocked the gun, and leveled his shot right at Roman’s chest.

Roman closed his eyes briefly, and listened to the ringing of the bells on the fishing vessels as they bobbed in the water.  Heavy rain splashed against his proud face as he stared at Torres waiting for him to fire. He heard the clang of the buoys, and the lapping of the water against the pilings as the wind picked up. Taking one last deep breath of river air, he caught hints of algae and fish. If he was going to die, he wanted to take the pier and the river with him. The place where he’d grown up. The place that felt like home. Just as Torres pulled the trigger, another shot rang out of the fog, and both Roman Brady and Raffi Torres fell back into the Salem River. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

March 24, 1992

San Cristobal, Galápagos Archipelago

“Memorize the map, John!” Stefano roared, stepping towards him in a threatening manner. John sneered up at him, almost daring him to step closer than he already was. He knew how to strangle a man with one arm, and he had a wonderful myriad of murderous images swimming in his mind. He was handcuffed to a metal table, seated in a dank stone room. Stefano’s sour breath wafted over John’s skin as he yelled, “You will need to have it memorized if you ever hope to find your way back to the compound!”

John stared at Stefano with fierce hatred. He knew his name wasn’t John. It wasn’t John… but what was it? He couldn’t remember anything. His whole past was a mystery. Everything was a mystery. What he did know was that the information currently housed in his head didn’t belong to him. His memories, none of them were his. He did know that. He looked up when Rolf entered the room. 

He hated that man too. Tall and skinny with an accent that grated on his nerves. John stared at the man warily. He was sick and tired of being that Rolf’s lab rat.

“Have you fixed it yet?” Stefano said in frustration, looking at Rolf.

“I am still working on it, Stefano! I told you that the microchip was still experimental!” Dr. Rolf replied. “I told you that when we began, and still you insisted.”

“John is not compliant enough, Rolf! He fights me at every turn!” Stefano told him, pacing the room in frustration. “I can see it in his eyes. Look at him! I need him to follow my commands without question.”

John watched them both, angry that they were discussing him, like he wasn’t even in the room. He might be confused. He might have no idea who he was, but they talked about him as if he wasn’t a person, as if he had no sense. “Fuck you!” he roared, standing up so quickly his chair fell over with a ringing clang onto the concrete floor, and the table dragged on his arm. “Fuck you!”

Stefano gestured towards him in frustration, as if he were a child, “Do you see? Do you see this, Rolf? I cannot work with this! I need you to fix this mess!”

“I know. I’m trying to isolate the skills, and tamper down the emotion, but it’s all trial and error! I told you this before we started. It takes time!” Rolf told him, almost whining.

“I do not have time! Fix it, Rolf,” Stefano said, turning back to John. Pointing to the discarded chair, and the table hanging from the handcuff on John’s wrists, he said, “Pick those up, and sit back down, John.”

John wanted to refuse. He wanted to fight, resist – anything to prove that his life wasn’t completely out of his hands, but something stopped him. He didn’t know what it was. Maybe it was the fear of the unknown. Maybe whatever Rolf had been talking about was starting to work. He flipped the table upright, and slowly picked up his chair, sliding it across the stone floor, so that the metal feet screeched purposefully. Never breaking eye contact with Stefano, he sat down slowly, almost arrogantly. He might comply, but it wasn’t going to be without making these men miserable in the process. Stefano handed him the paper again, and as he pulled the topographic map of San Cristobal back across the table, he studied it, learning the route to the entrance of the compound hidden deep in the jungle.

John awoke in a sweat. The pillow beneath his head was saturated with it. He felt his hair plastered to his forehead, as he struggled to catch his breath, and he felt rage. A barely contained rage, that he didn’t know what to do with. He wanted to punch, break, or destroy something… anything. Rolling out of bed, he glanced down at Marlena. She was beautiful in the moonlight with her blonde hair strewn across the pillow. Taking a deep breath, he turned away from her, and stepped over to the veranda doors. 

The breeze rolling in off of the ocean, cooled his skin, causing him to shiver violently. He didn’t want to wake Marlena, but he could feel the tension in his body. He felt the urge to fight, his muscles coiled, and ready to spring. He shivered again, shaking his head, trying with all of his might to get his mind right. Dr. Castillo had said that as his memories came back, his emotions would be strong, even overwhelming at times, but this was so much more than he had anticipated. The memory was so fresh, he felt as if he had just been in that dank room. John rubbed at his wrist, still feeling the sting of the metal as it grated against his skin. He could hear Stefano’s deep, echoing words demanding that he memorize that map. He felt his fists clench and unclench, while the rage flowed through his veins heavily like syrup.

Marlena watched from the bed, as John leaned inside the door frame, his forehead resting on the wood. Slipping from the bed silently, she placed her bare feet on the cool hard wood, and tread towards where he stood. “Are you okay?”

“If I said I was, you would know I was lying,” he replied, continuing to press his forehead against the solid wood of the doorframe. His palm gripped the trim around it as if to hold himself in place, as he reached out his arm trying to find her hand.

“You’re right, I would, but, I still thought I should ask,” she said, stepping up behind him. She could feel the heat leaving his body, and she pressed her naked skin against his in the moonlight. “Another memory?”

Shaking his head yes, he whispered, “It was, and I felt so helpless. I didn’t know who I was or where I was, but I knew I wasn’t John. Stefano kept calling me John, and even though I knew it wasn’t my name, I couldn’t remember what my name was. That feeling… it was so… shit, Doc, I felt so lost. I was trapped,” he said, turning to stare out at the ocean water lapping against the shore. He found himself getting lost in the way the moonlight reflected off of the waves on the beach. “I do know that this island isn’t the only place he took me to.”

Marlena stepped in front of him, smoothing her palms over his muscular chest slowly, trying to calm his nervous system as he processed what he’d remembered. “Where else did he take you?”

He looked down at her, finally able to focus on her soft hands against his skin, “New Orleans.”

She rested her cheek on his chest, listening to his calming heart, “What significance does San Cristobal hold for you?”

John was silent for a long moment, skimming his hands over her silken skin. He cupped her hips in his palms, pulling her closer, and then sighed as he rested his head on hers, whispering, “It’s where I began. It’s where John Black was created.”

Chapter 42

San Cristobal, Galápagos Archipelago

March 25, 1992

Marlena rolled over in bed during the early morning reaching for John only to find the bed beside her cool. She smiled to herself. Every morning John woke early to trek around their bungalow looking for signs that someone might have been there. Since their time in Niagara Falls he was especially diligent about it. If he’d learned anything from being a trained mercenary for Stefano DiMera, it was to have a sharp eye, and after finding the muddy footprints outside of their cabin in Niagara Falls, John was checking around the bungalow three times a day. 

She stretched languidly, and rolled to his side of the bed so she could bury her face in his pillow. Tugging the soft sheet up over her naked body, she took a deep breath. The cotton linen smelled like John. She wanted to wrap herself in his scent, and carry it around with her always. 

Outside John took deep breaths of the salty ocean air. It was beautiful, and he found the type of serenity that he never wanted to lose. Returning to Salem would bring with it so many expectations, and he and Marlena would have to stay strong to make their way forward. Once the front of the bungalow was clear, John rounded the back. Checking the ground near the windows, he saw nothing remiss. He was due to check in with Shane at some point that morning. They had agreed to that when Dr. Castillo was reluctant to release John from the clinic. John had insisted on leaving, and Shane had insisted on a follow-up phone call to ensure that John was healthy. Coming around to the front of the building, he entered the bungalow, and was surprised to see Marlena already awake staring up at him with a sleepy smile from his side of the bed. The sheet had slipped down, revealing the curve of her hip, although her breasts were obscured by her arm, which was curled up in front of her. She was absolutely, fucking, gorgeous.

“And, what are you so happy about, Doc?” he asked her, stepping in through the veranda doors. She had a glow about her, a blush to her cheeks, and a light in her eyes. It was so different from how she’d been looking before everything started. When they were in Salem, Marlena had looked perpetually exhausted. She’d carried this air of sadness around her, even when she was smiling. But since they’d been together, even though it was one of the most stressful experiences of their lives, she’d changed. She’d brightened, she laughed, and she’d gained weight. Weight she’d needed to gain back after too many skipped meals because of forgetfulness or stress. Sitting up, the sheet fell from her naked body, and John could help but marvel at her beauty. The early morning light kissed her skin, and she was such a temptation.

“The other day,” she started, “when you had your surgery… I took a pregnancy test. I waited to tell you, because I wanted you to be stable, and doing well.” She glanced down at her hands where they tangled in the bed sheet that had fallen around her waist, and then she glanced back up at him again, and whispered, “It was positive. I’m pregnant.”

“Pregnant?” was all he could think to say, because, of course she was. They had discussed the possibility. Afterall, they hadn’t been using any protection, and they had been together nearly every day, sometimes several times a day, for weeks. Stepping closer, a smile began to take over his face, as he said, “A baby? Our baby?”

Even though she was happy, the guilt she had been pushing away seemed to come at her full force. What she’d done to Roman. What John had done to Isabella. While she and John had been living the last few weeks isolated in their own private world, the rest of Salem, including Roman and Isabella, would be shocked at this development. John could read the guilt etched on Marlena’s face.

“Yes… but, John… I’m married, and then… there’s Isabella,” she whispered. 

He didn’t want her to feel guilt. He didn’t want her to question this gift. “Hey, Doc… we’ll figure this out, baby. We will.” He fell onto the bed next to her, and pulled her into his arms. She could hear the humor in his voice when he said, “Besides, you won’t be married for long.”

“John!” she gasped in surprise, scrambling away from him. She smacked at his arm lightly, “This isn’t funny! Someone wants me dead or kidnapped… we don’t even know, and we’re on the run, I cheated on my husband, you cheated on Isabella, and– and  now I’m pregnant!” John laughed, and she stared at him, exclaiming, “Why are you laughing?”

John leaned over, and caught her by her legs, dragging her body across the bed towards him. Burying his face in her neck, he mumbled, “Because I’m happy. No matter what is to come, right now I am with you, and I am happy. This baby is not something I’m going to feel guilt about, and I’m not going to allow you to either.”

“You’re happy?” she asked him, with a small grin staring up into his beautiful blue eyes, realizing that his joy was infectious.

“Fuck, yes! I’m happy, Doc,” John said, leaning back and balancing his head on his hand. He softly splayed his open palm over her abdomen staring at the place where their child grew. Glancing back up into Marlena’s gorgeous hazel eyes, he said, “This is messy as hell. We both know that, and when we get home we are going to have to face Roman and Isabella… the Brady’s too, but you’re having my baby. You’re having our baby, and I’m elated. Nothing is going to put a damper on that.” He leaned forward, brushing his moist lips over her navel, whispering softly to the gentle swell of her belly, “Hey there, little guy… or gal. I’m your Daddy.”

Marlena started crying, watching his lips kiss over the skin of her stomach, as she threaded her fingers through his hair softly, “You’re right. It’s messy… but, I’m happy, too, and I keep thinking about a dream I had. A dream where I saw D.J. and he told me that our baby would be a girl… and he was getting another chance, because he–he chose me.”

“Doc, you are an amazing mother, and if D.J. was given another chance… it should be with you.” He kissed her softly on her shoulder, and traced his fingers along her neck. “I can’t wait to run my hands over your body, your abdomen rounded with my child… fuck, Doc… that’s something I’ve dreamed about.”

Smiling softly, she whispered, “Me too.”

He stared at their hands, where he had laced their fingers together. Kissing her lips softly, he told her, “So, for right now… let’s enjoy it. Let’s focus on this time we have together.”

Marlena snuggled into the bed, “Okay.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

“Shane, it’s John,” he said into the satellite phone, later that morning. Marlena was napping, beside him on the bed. The curls of her blonde hair fell in waves around her, and the lines of her face were relaxed. The sheet on the bed barely covered her bare hip, and just glancing over her body had him wanting her all over again. Whether right or wrong, John had appreciated every moment he and Marlena had spent together over the last few weeks.

“Hey John. How are you doing?” Shane asked, slightly breathless from running to answer the call. 

“Dr. Castillo was right,” he said softly, trying to make sure that he didn’t wake Marlena. “The memories are coming back Shane, so whatever Stefano had put into my head was suppressing everything.”

“That’s good… that’s good…” Shane replied. “I wanted to let you know… Torres is dead. He cornered Roman on the pier the other night, and shot him. Roman survived, he was shot in the thigh.”

“Torres missed?” John was confused because Raffi Torres was known for being an excellent shot. He didn’t miss. 

“Roman is only alive because Bo happened to be there, and managed to shoot Torres at the same time he fired at Roman.” Shane sighed, “It was sheer luck, John. Nothing else. If Bo hadn’t been walking to see Shawn and Caroline–”

“–Roman would have died,” John said softly. And if Roman had died, Marlena would never be able to forgive herself. He glanced over at Marlena, still asleep, “How is he?”

“He’s alive. He’ll be released from the hospital in a few days. His doctor, Dr. Manning, is refusing to release him until she’s sure there are no signs of infection. She currently has him on IV antibiotics. Roman is fighting her every step of the way.” Shane sighed, “But that’s not a surprise.”

“So, Bo shot Torres?” John said in shock. “Doc will be relieved. She’s angry with Roman, but if he’d died, well… she would have struggled with that in more ways than just the obvious.”

“I know. I don’t have any more specifics right now, but the Salem PD isn’t pressing charges against Bo. He hasn’t been reinstated to the force yet, because he’s still recovering from when Torres kidnapped him… but, Abe said they’re calling the Torres shooting necessary to save a life, and likely closing the case. I was planning to go to the hospital later to check on Roman myself.”

John was quiet for a moment, and then said softly, “I guess, Doc and I could come home now.” He should be elated. Torres was dead. It was over. He could bring Marlena home, and reunite with the children, and yet, he was feeling sadness at not having Marlena to himself for a little longer. He knew it was irrational, but he wanted a few more days of waking up to the feeling of her thigh slung over his hip. He wanted time to solidify what he felt they were finding together. But he also had to consider, she had a job, and a family that missed her. She needed to wrap up her life with Roman, and he needed to wrap up the disaster he had made of his relationship with Isabella. It was going to be difficult over the next few weeks, and John wasn’t sure he was ready to face it just yet.

Shane smiled to himself, “Do I detect some reluctance in your voice, John?” 

“Yeah… I know it’s wrong, but… this time with Doc has been amazing.” John realized that what he was saying probably sounded insane. “I know we were running from death, and she’s Roman’s wife… and I’m sorry about what this might do to the family, but I love her, Shane. I love her. I never stopped loving her.”

“I think,” Shane told him carefully, “that it’s better that this has happened now… than later.”

“Because you think we would have had an affair later?” John asked him quietly.

“I think… from what I saw at the clinic, yes. That’s a fair estimation,” Shane told him. “And realizing it now, so soon after coming home from Mexico, is much better for everyone involved than to realize it a year from now.”

John sighed. Shane was right. John had told Marlena as much before. They were inevitable. But currently, he was on the run with another man’s wife, and he was engaged to marry another woman. John ran his palm roughly over his face, “Coming home is going to be difficult.”

“I understand that… and without involving myself too much in your personal life, I’m fairly certain that Roman and Isabella already have an idea about where they stand with you and Marlena. Maybe it won’t be as difficult as you think?”

“Marlena’s pregnant, Shane. She just told me,” John said quietly. “Roman and Isabella are already going to be hurt so much by what we’ve done, but a baby… that just makes the pain so much worse, especially since Isabella lost Brady. And–and this baby with Doc, it’s amazing, and wonderful… but it’s also messy… and yet… fuck, we are both so happy. We are so damned happy, and I want to stay in this bubble for a few more days, that’s all.”

“Do it,” Shane said quietly.

“What?” John asked him in surprise.

“Do it. Stay in San Cristobal for a few more days. Torres was only shot two nights ago. The ISA and the Salem PD are still working out the connection between Chief Vaughn and Torres, and we don’t know for certain that the mark on Roman has been canceled yet. He may still be a target, making Marlena and the children vulnerable. You can call me back in a few days,” Shane said, thinking about all of the times he and Kimberly might have been able to make things right in their relationship if they had just been given some time. John staying in San Cristobal with Marlena for another few days was not going to make much difference, and knowing Torres was dead would allow them to focus on how they were going to handle the stress of coming home. “Call me back Sunday morning.”

John smiled, reaching over to stroke his fingers softly over Marlena’s cheek as she slept. “Thank you, Shane. Doc and I– we have to talk about us, and about the children…”

“I understand. I do. I only wish someone had given Kimberly and I that same grace. I know you love Marlena. I saw that in Santa Cruz. Take the time you need, and call me Saturday. I’ll hold off Roman and Isabella until then,” Shane told him.

“Thank you so much, Shane. Seriously, thank you.” John disconnected the call, removing the antenna, and placing the satellite phone back into the bag. The ISA still hadn’t selected a replacement for Chief Vaughn. Until they did, John and Marlena had decided to keep the information that he had learned during hypnosis, as well as the new information he was remembering daily, to themselves. They hadn’t even told Shane, whom they trusted completely. Shane had an independent forensics team looking into the microchip just to keep the information garnered out of the hands of the ISA, because he knew that John’s distrust of the ISA ran deep, and John was scared of what they might find.

The last betrayal by Chief Vaughn was simply another notch in the stick of wrongdoings that added to John’s distrust of the ISA. Vaughn had intentionally lured Roman out of town, and then imprisoned him in a safe house. Once word reached him that Torres was going after Marlena, he put his plan into action. Vaughn had offered Roman in exchange for Marlena, and that was the part that no one could seem to figure out. What was the connection? Why would Chief Vaughn want Marlena Brady, especially after he lured Roman away from Salem?

John stood up, walking to the open veranda doors, and watched the waves roll onto the shore. The sounds of birds and the sounds of the water helped him relax his mind. Why would Vaughn do that? He kept going over it, trying to find a motive. “Vaughn lured Roman out of Salem, and confined him to a safe house… leaving Marlena vulnerable, and he did it on purpose, but to what end?” John mumbled to himself. “Raffi immediately went after Marlena, which was to be expected, and yet Vaughn didn’t expect that… unless he did, and Torres played right into his hands. But, neither one of them expected me.”

John knew that Marlena was Chief Vaughn’s primary target, hence luring Roman out of Salem. She was Torres’ secondary target, because he was furious that Roman was gone. Vaughn had ruined Torres’ plan to kill Roman. John had ruined Vaughn’s plan to take Marlena, by getting her and the children out of town so quickly. John’s fist clenched, and then he hit the doorframe with the flat of his palm saying, “That’s why Vaughn contacted Torres, and asked for an exchange! He would give up Roman, if Torres could produce Marlena… but why?”

John felt the heat of Marlena’s hand, as she slid it up his arm, and onto his shoulder. As soon as he felt her near him, his agitation started to wane. She was like a balm to his soul. She pressed her naked body against his back, and rested her cheek against him, saying, “I think someone else is involved.”

He looked down at her hand, resting softly against his abdomen, and he gently tugged her around to face him, “Someone else?”

“Possibly. If I was the one Chief Vaughn wanted, and obviously taking Roman out of the equation left me vulnerable,” Marlena said, shrugging her shoulders. “I feel like Vaughn was working for someone else, because he wouldn’t personally have anything to gain from taking me, but someone else might.”

“Who? That’s what I can’t figure out, Doc. I can’t think of any reason someone might target you,” John said in exasperation.

Marlena was wary of telling him what she thought, because she knew that John had a tendency to come down on himself hard, if she was involved. There was also a trembling fear inside her. Thinking about the five years she’d lost scared her to the point of panic. That was five years in which she recalled nothing, but knew in her heart that there must be something, and if John felt like he might be the cause of someone trying to get at her, it would only serve to upset him more, so she paused, unwilling to answer him.

His fingers gripped her chin, tipping her face up to his, “Doc! What are you thinking? We agreed to be honest with each other, remember? I need to know what you’re thinking, baby.”

She sighed deeply, “It’s probably nothing.”

He stared at her intently, and said in the softest voice, “But it might be something.”

“If Chief Vaughn was working for someone else, and I was the target… maybe it was to get to you?” she said with a tremble in her voice. “Maybe I was the thing that someone wanted… but it had nothing to do with Roman. Yes, Torres wanted Roman… but I’m afraid that someone wanted me to get to you.”

John’s gut clenched in fear, and the palm that was resting on her hip squeezed her soft flesh. “Me? That doesn’t make sense, Doc! You were with Roman. I was with Isabella. If the goal was to use someone I loved to control me, or get to me, why wouldn’t they go after Isabella?”

“They might… if they looked at the surface,” she said, touching his face lightly. 

“The surface?”

“One thing that you, and I both know is that we never stopped loving each other. Can you think of anyone who might know that your love for me ran so deep that they could use me to manipulate you?” Marlena felt a shiver race down her spine, because as much as she wanted to believe that she was wrong, something told her she wasn’t.

John stared at her for several seconds, unease racing along every nerve. He finally whispered, “Stefano… but why?”

Marlena replied, “That’s the real question, isn’t it? Do we know for sure that he really died in Mexico? How many times has he done this John – faked his own death only to rise again? What does he want with you now, and why is he so desperate to insure you comply, that he would come after me?”

Chapter 43

March 27, 1992

Maison Blanche, New Orleans, Louisiana

You’re a bright light girl

In a disbelieving world

~ Bright Light Girl ~ Heart ~

Stefano DiMera paced around the living area of his home in restless frustration. To the world at large, he was dead. He had supposedly died in Mexico a year earlier, but Stefano never truly died. He was a phoenix rising from the ashes. Leaning against the marble mantle above the fireplace, he sighed, swirling his brandy in the glass he held. He stopped his movement momentarily as he stared into the flames dancing across the brick. Where was John? He had been waiting for days, and still there was no sign of John gracing his doorstep, he knew something was wrong. He turned towards the sound of footsteps, saying, “You had better have an explanation for me Rolf. Where is he?”

Rolf eyed him warily.  “I aligned the signal with the satellite, and I sent the signal, Stefano. Several days ago. I sent it again yesterday. I’m not sure why it isn’t working. By all accounts he should have immediately been reprogrammed and returned here to Maison Blanche.”

“And you are certain that you canceled out the personality that he’s been living with for the last seven years?” Stefano set his empty brandy glass on the drink cart, and slowly approached Rolf, “He should be my mercenary again, correct?”

“I’m not sure what happened! But, Stefano, you must remember that particular microchip was a prototype. You know that!” Rolf said. When Stefano became angry like that Rolf genuinely feared for his own life. “It might not work.”

“Do we have a location for him at all?” Stefano asked in growing frustration. He wanted to break something. “There must be a way to track him if the chip is not working.”

“According to my satellite readings he’s in Oshkosh, Wisconsin,” Rolf said, with a shrug of his shoulders. He had checked it several time. It didn’t make sense. “But I don’t understand! What’s in Wisconsin?”

Stefano felt like while there were times that Rolf was a mad genius, there were others when the man was a complete imbecile. “He is on the run with Marlena, you fool! He could be anywhere. Do you have the coordinates?”

Rolf stared at him with wide eyes, “I do, but what are you planning to do?”

“I am sending people after him. They will bring him back to me, by force if necessary. I want Marlena, too, if I can. I have a feeling that she is still the only way that I can bring him fully under my control,” Stefano smiled, “He will most certainly be more cooperative if I threaten the woman he loves.”

“Do we really need him for this next part of your plan, if we have Gina?” Rolf asked him. If they had Gina to complete the forgeries, she could carry out the heists as well. They didn’t need John. 

Idiocy. Why did he have to explain everything? Stefano almost roared, “Of course, I need him! Milo and Gina always worked together. They worked together so flawlessly, and they never failed me.” Stefano needed John to keep Gina compliant. “I need John!”

Rolf snickered, “Only because Milo fell from the ceiling in the Louvre, and broke his neck.”

“Ah, yes, what a tragedy that was. Gina mourned him so deeply, she was lost to me, but, now… now Rolf, I have a new Gina… and as soon as we get John back, you can make him Milo again,” Stefano said with a smile.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marlena and Roman Brady Residence

Bo and Isabella helped Roman into the house the day he was released from the hospital. Raffi Torres was dead, and the surgery to repair the damage in Roman’s leg was straightforward, making his hospital stay brief. Roman leaned against him heavily, and Bo felt the ache deep in his own body. He was still recovering from the weeks of torture at the hands of men who worked for Torres. 

Bo smiled at Roman, “We’re a pair, aren’t we?”

Roman started laughing once the door was closed, “Give me my crutches, Bo, and go home, and get some rest, will you?”

“You’re still bossing me around, “Bo grunted.

“You don’t listen,” Roman replied, glancing at Bo’s exhausted face. “Go home. Rest.”

“Do you two always bicker this much?” Isabella asked, placing Roman’s bag on the floor by the front door. 

Bo shrugged nonchalantly, “Normally. Roman thinks he knows everything, and he’s always right, and I think Roman’s an insufferable know it all, and a pain in my ass.”

“When’s your follow-up with the new doctor?” Roman asked him, allowing his tired body to fall to the couch heavily.

“She has a name,” Isabella cut in. “It’s Carly Manning.”

Bo glanced at his sister, and groaned, “Speaking of insufferable know it all’s…”

Isabella smiled, slapping Bo’s shoulder, “She’s not that bad, Bo. She’s trying to do her job, and you’re both terrible patients. You both make it harder for her.”

Bo smirked, “She’s bossy.” She was also gorgeous, and funny, and she had these amazing green eyes that reminded him too much of his dead wife. 

Isabella said, “You’re a brat.” She turned to Roman, “Do you need anything before we go? Do you need help upstairs?”

“No. No, I’m fine,” Roman said, looking around the house. Balancing on his crutches, he made his way towards the couch, sinking into it with a heavy sigh. “You guys go, I’m just going to get some sleep.”

“Okay,” Bo said, watching his brother for a brief moment. Opening the front door, he said, “If you’re sure?”

Roman sighed, “Yeah, little brother. I’m sure. I’ll see you tomorrow, maybe.”

Isabella stood there awkwardly as Bo left the house, “Are you sure, Roman? I could make you dinner or something.”

“I’m fine, Isabella. I think… I just need some time alone… to process all of this, you know?” He looked at her, and he knew she understood. With a nod of her head she was gone.

Hefting himself off the couch, Roman used his crutches to awkwardly maneuver the stairs, pausing outside the door to the master bedroom. A room Marlena used to share with John. Opening the door, he went inside, looking around, and took a deep breath. Even with her gone the scent of her permeated the air. 

“Fuck, Doc,” Roman sighed. “Maybe now that Torres is dead, you can come home. Maybe… maybe we can fix this marriage.”

He glanced around, his eyes landing on a photograph awkwardly sitting on the edge of Marlena’s chest of drawers. Balancing on his crutches, Roman stretched his arm out, grasping it in his fingertips. It was a photo of Marlena and John, taken years ago it seemed. Her hair was styled differently, and they looked younger. They looked happy, and he immediately hated it. Roman struggled when he was confronted with that time of her life. Staring at the photo he saw Marlena sitting with John behind her, his arms wrapped around her. Flipping it over to see if she had written anything, he was disgusted to see she had written John, my love. The anger boiled up inside him. She’d written fucking John. He could possibly ignore it if it had said, Roman…but it didn’t. She’d written, John. 

His fists clenched where he balanced on the crutches, and he found himself wondering what his wife was hiding. Hobbling towards her dresser, he saw that the top drawer was partially opened. Pulling it open, he stared into the contents, and what he found inside did nothing to reassure him that he could fix his marriage. Pushing aside a pile of lacy silken panties, he saw that buried beneath were several more photos of her and John, some of him with the children. She had small boxes containing jewelry he didn’t recognize, probably gifts from John, and a man’s wedding band… also not belonging to him. Roman sneered. She had John’s fucking wedding band in her underwear drawer.

He could fix this? Right? Roman’s hope to save his marriage wasn’t permanently diminished, but it certainly wasn’t shining as brightly as it had been. He slammed the drawer shut, and stared at the dresser breathing heavily. What else was she hiding? They had slept in this room together, and the whole time she’d had mementos to her relationship with John less than five feet away. Roman turned, and stared at their bedroom closet. The door was closed but inside, he could clearly picture the lock box she kept on the top shelf tucked in the corner. More fucking secrets, and he was tired of secrets. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

San Cristobal, Galápagos Archipelago

The moonlight shone over Marlena’s small body curled up in the doorway of the veranda wrapped in a light colored cotton sheet. John watched her from the bed where he’d just woken up. She seemed completely lost in her thoughts.

“So this is goodbye?” she whispered softly, staring up in John’s deep blue eyes. She wanted him to tell her no. She wanted him to say this was a mistake. She wanted to hear him say that this was a mistake.

Instead he said, “Not goodbye, Doc. Never goodbye… this is… see you later.” He stared down at his wedding ring where it sat on his finger, and then glanced back down at her.

Marlena couldn’t help the sob that tore free of her chest as she watched him remove the ring he’d put back on when she’d returned to Salem. It was coming off, and this time it was forever. He stared at the simple gold band held between his fingertips, and he asked her, “Why does this hurt so much?

“You know why,” she cried softly. “You know why…”

John slipped from bed quietly, pulling on a pair of sweatpants. The gentle crash of ocean waves against the beach combined with the moonlight made it the perfect time to sit, and contemplate. “Doc?” he whispered.

Marlena smiled up at him, “John.”

Lowering himself to the floor next to her, he asked her, “You got a lot on your mind, baby?”

“I couldn’t sleep,” she said softly, staring out at the abandoned beach. “I was dreaming about the shooting in Montrose… and then when I was on the morphine, those memories were odd and convoluted. I’m not sure what is true, and what isn’t. I didn’t want to wake you.”

“My body, and my mind know when you are missing from my bed,” he told her. “Are you okay?”

“I was thinking about Mexico,” she told him sadly. “When we said goodbye. When you took off your wedding ring, and I–I–”

“–when you asked me for it,” he finished. It was something he hadn’t wanted to part with, but when she’d asked him there was something in her eyes. He didn’t understand it at the time, but he did now. She wanted a piece of what they were. Her wedding ring had long been lost, and John’s ring was all that was left. She’d believed that he’d chosen Isabella. What would he need or want that ring for? John was quiet for a moment, but then he asked her in a voice laced with apprehension, “Do you still have it?”

She smiled softly, still staring at the water, “I do.”

And that was all he needed to hear. Slipping his arm around her waist, he sighed softly when Marlena’s head fell back to rest on his shoulder. “I’d wondered. So many times I wondered,” he told her. 

“I would never get rid of it, John. That ring… no matter who we thought you were when I married you, that ring is a symbol of our love, and I couldn’t let that go.” She tipped her face up to his, “I could never let that go.”

“I had such a difficult time letting you have it,” he told her softly, remembering how it felt to drop it into her open palm.

“I realize that now. At the time… well, at the time, I worried that you might discard it. I assumed you choosing Isabella meant that you were moving on from what we had. Your wedding band was my last connection to you.” Marlena turned slightly; she pulled the sheet with her, leaning her right side fully against him as she pulled her legs up to her chest. “Sometimes while Roman was sleeping, I would be wide awake thinking about you, and I would… I would pull it from my dresser drawer, and hold it against my heart.”

“I love you,” he whispered. His hand slowly caressed her bare shoulder, running the length of her arm before brushing back upwards. “I love you, and when we go home to Salem, I want you with me.”

Marlena was wary, “John… I worry about Roman, the family…and how this all looks–”

He stared at her, saying fiercely, “I don’t care how it looks, Doc! You’re having my baby. I want you with me.” He was quiet for several beats, and then he said, “I lost two months with you after that fiasco in Mexico. I miss you. I miss the kids… I want you with me.”

Marlena felt happiness fill every dark space in her heart, and she smiled gently. Staring up at him, she said, “Okay.”

Wanting to be sure, he tipped his face down to hers and repeated, “Okay?”

“Okay… yes. I want to be with you.” She couldn’t imagine returning to her home with Roman, either with or without Roman. That was not her home anymore. “Where will we go?”

“We’ll get a house. A house with a fireplace, so I can make love to you in front of it when the kids are away.” Kissing her forehead softly, he asked her, “How does that sound?”

She caressed his face, slipping her fingers through his beard, “With you? Anywhere with you, John, no matter where we are, it will always be home.”

Chapter 44

March 29, 1992

San Cristobal, Galápagos Archipelago

Take me out under the sky

Counting Diamonds all through the night

And the moon in the morning light

Out under the sky

~ Under the Sky ~ Heart ~

The sunset was a beautiful golden orange color that seemed to melt into the sea. Marlena sighed, resting on her palms as she leaned back staring out over the water. The soft cotton blanket she had found in a closet was spread out over the sand, and she almost moaned with contentment as the salty breeze brushed over her skin. Closing her eyes, she started thinking about going home, afterall, they could go home now, and for some reason that was bittersweet. As much as she wanted to go home, this time with John had changed the trajectory of her life. At least they had a few extra days. She was excited to return to some sense of normalcy – her work, and the children; however, she did not look forward to the inevitable conversation with Roman, and likely, the vitriol she would receive from Isabella.

She was pulled from her reveries as she felt the soft caress of John’s fingers over the top of her hand, “What are you thinking about, Doc?”

“I’m usually the one asking those questions, aren’t I?” she responded with a laugh, looking over at him, and finding herself caught in his deep indigo gaze. “I’m thinking about the chaos we’re walking back into once we get to Salem. I have to talk to Roman, you have to talk to Isabella… and then the likely confrontations as Isabella seeks me out, or Roman decides to take his ire out on you.”

“It’s inevitable. That’s why I’m glad we have this time.” He rolled towards her, resting his head in her lap as he stared up at her. “How do you want to handle it?”

“I want to be with you. I don’t want to wait to start our lives together,” she said, looking down at him. “It might seem sudden to our families, and… it might – no, it will hurt Roman and Isabella that we’re moving so quickly, but I don’t feel like I can help it. Not after all of this time with you… it only solidifies what I want. I want to have a home with you, and the children.”

John rubbed his face over her soft cotton dress, and kissed her abdomen softly, “We’re going to have to find a place to live as soon as we get there. We can rent a place temporarily. My apartment was barely large enough for me, and Roman’s probably still at the house.”

“I hadn’t even thought of that. I want the children with me, with us, but we don’t have a place to bring them to.” She reached out, softly stroking John’s dark hair. “I’ll have to work out a custody arrangement with Roman, but they barely know him, so I’m thinking it’s going to have to be gradual. They are really most comfortable with you and Carrie. I would say my bond with them is still fragile.”

John sat up, leaning across her lap, balancing on his palm, and stared at her as if she were precious, “We can stay at the Salem Inn for a few days, and look for a place… go get the children in Denver once we find one?”

Marlena sighed, “I think that’s the best plan. I’d like us to handle the situations with Roman and Isabella before the children come home anyway. I don’t want them to be exposed to any of that. It could get ugly,” Marlena said. She remembered the hatred she saw in Isabella’s eyes at the cabin in Colorado. She would never want Sami or Eric to experience that. They wouldn’t understand. Ultimately all they wanted was to repair their fractured family – and for Sami and Eric, that meant Marlena with John. With a small smile, she added, “I also need to schedule an appointment with Dr. Bader.” She placed her hands on the soft swell of her abdomen, saying, “After we returned from Mexico… sometimes I would lie in bed at night, and fantasize about having your baby. Roman would be sleeping beside me, and I was wishing that I was the one pregnant with your child.”

John touched her cheek softly, brushing his fingers over her jawline. “When we were married… I wanted to get you pregnant. I had only the vaguest memories of the pregnancy with the twinners, and I wanted the chance to watch your belly grow round with our baby. After we thought you’d died, I would have dreams that you were pregnant, and when I’d wake up my heart would break all over again, just from knowing that it would never happen.” He leaned down to softly kiss her lips. “Then we found out I’m not even your husband. I fucked up in Mexico, Doc, but I want you to know… I’m choosing you. Right now, and forever, I’m choosing you.” Lying down beside her on the blanket, John pulled Marlena into his arms, kissing her again.

“The way we communicate is so different… from how Roman communicates with me, and I don’t know why I never really considered it before. When I’m with you, I feel seen… I feel heard. From now on, John… we talk,” she said, touching his cheek gently. “We don’t do what we did in Mexico. I never want another miscommunication like that. No more assumptions. Even if it hurts, we have to be honest with each other.”

“I promise. I promise, because I don’t ever want to lose you again. This is our second chance,” John told her, sweeping the hair back from her face, and staring into her hazel eyes. “Our second chance at a life together, and I’m not going to mess it up.”

“Good. Now kiss me, Sailor,” she whispered across John’s lips. “Kiss me like I’m the last woman you will ever kiss.”

“Oh, baby,” John breathed against her mouth. “You are the only woman I want to kiss.” John’s body shivered with want. While Marlena calling him Sailor had started as a joke, every time it left her lips in the last few weeks, it had put a fire in his blood causing an aching want inside him. Sliding his hand down over her waist and the curve of her hip, John groaned, as his lips took hers. He licked across her mouth, gripping her rounded bottom and rolled her body so that she was flush with him. “I swear woman, I will kiss you forever.”

“Mmm,” Marlena sighed softly. “I think I like the sound of that.” The sun was going down on the horizon, and the air coming off of the ocean was slightly cooler. Marlena’s leg bent at the knee as she rolled towards him, causing her dress to slip up, and John groaned. He pulled back from their kiss staring down at her, and Marlena whispered, “I want you so badly.”

His fingertips played with the hem of her dress, lifting the fabric up and over her abdomen, baring her navel. He groaned again as her soft pink cotton panties came into view, “I swear to G-d, Doc, these panties will be the end of me.”

Marlena laughed, “John, they’re awful. I was packing for functionality… I didn’t realize they would turn you on.”

“Oh, no, baby,” he rasped while leaning over to nibble on her ear. He pushed his turgid cock against her, seeking relief for the deep ache sitting there. “These little cotton panties with the tiny bow make me so hard. When we get home to Salem… I want you to buy more of them,” he told her, pushing his hips into her for emphasis. Slipping his fingers under the elastic at the leg he whispered, “They look so sweet and so innocent, but underneath them you are fire and heat.”

His finger slipped further inside her panties, seeking that slick wetness he knew was waiting for him. He stroked along the seam of her pussy, and Marlena arched into his palm with a gasp, “John!” 

Her hands gripped his arms tightly, and with a look of awe his finger continued to play along her cotton covered center. She was beautiful, the dimming light dancing over the shadows of her face. He groaned imagining how good it would feel to push into her heat, and as he softly rubbed over her clit, he could feel the pulse of her muscles as more moisture seeped from her body. 

Marlena gripped his shoulder, “We…we need to go inside…”

“There’s no one around for miles, Doc. The sun is down, and I want you,” he said, biting the skin of her neck. Her arousal had soaked the gusset of her panties becoming slippery under his fingers. John’s teeth nipped at her swollen lips, “Don’t make me wait. Open your legs… open them wide, baby.”

Marlena’s legs fell open at his command, with a whimper of want. The smooth pad of his finger grazed over her folds so softly that his touch was barely there, yet it lit a fire inside of her. She could feel the cool ocean breeze washing over her wet folds, and making her body shiver. Allowing John to spread her open for his eyes, for his hands, while they lay on a deserted beach was more arousing than she could have imagined. The sky had darkened enough that the stars were becoming visible, and the soft moonlight cast a glow over their bodies.

John buried his face in her hair with another groan, “I know I keep saying this Marlena, but when we go back to Salem… you are mine… your body is mine, your soul is mine, Doc… all of it…”

Her breathing picked up, as did her pulse, at the simple claim of his words. She wanted to be his. She’d wanted to be his since that first handshake in Shenanigan’s, so she whispered softly, “I understand… I will give myself to you…” She bit his shoulder, causing a sharp pain to jolt along John’s spine, as she whispered, “And you are mine…”

“You fucking own me,” he said, kissing across her chest, as he slipped his finger under the thin strap of her dress, pulling it down slowly. He released a breath he didn’t realize he was holding as her breasts were exposed to the moonlight. Unable to hold back, his head dropped forward, and his tongue lapped over one amazing nipple. John watched as the soft breeze caused it to pucker, and then he licked it once more. Pulling the other strap down, he helped Marlena remove her arm, and he licked over her other breast. He tugged at her nipple with his teeth, causing her to arch into him, and cry out. He practically growled, “This dress is fucking amazing, Doc. You should wear it more often.”

Marlena hadn’t even considered it when she’d bought it in Santa Cruz. A simple cotton jersey, flowered dress. It was cheap, and it wasn’t prone to wrinkling. The fabric was comfortable, and able to move with her body. She hadn’t expected that John would find it fascinating for its elasticity. He tugged the other strap down, freeing her arm, and he nudged her breast with his nose, licking along the underside with a long moan. “You taste like sun, and salt, and… sex.”

Marlena was so close to an orgasm she thought she might come just from hearing his filthy words. His fingers still played over her clit, sliding through the moisture of her pussy –  a soft, slick glide only to slip back up, and flick at her clit or pinch her in the most divine way. John pushed her dress roughly to her waist desperate to touch her skin, while continuing to lick across her body. Scratching at his scalp, Marlena arched into his mouth screaming, “John! I’m so close. Rub me harder… I need more!”

He released her, looping the elastic of her panties in his fist. Marlena felt the fabric drag across her skin as he tugged them down over her hips and thighs, tossing them into the sand beside them. Next was her dress. A gruff, “Lift yourself up, baby,” was all she heard in her aroused state. John had pushed himself to his knees between her thighs, and sat on his haunches staring down at her body in the moonlight. She felt wanton, feeling the moisture continue to seep from her body as it cooled on her wet thighs. John could see it glistening on her skin, and pulled his finger through it again bringing it to his mouth. He leaned over her, whispering in a soft growl, “I could taste you all day. Bury my mouth on your sex, and lick you until you scream.”

His dirty, filthy words pushed her on, “Oh, G-d! John… John, I want you now… please!”

His fingers trembled as he began to unfasten his jeans. They shook so violently he was certain he would be able to get them open. Marlena reached for him, stalling his progress, “Let me do it,” she whispered. “Come closer… I want to taste you.”

Coming around her, he kneeled by her head. His cock was so hard he was in agony, and he watched with hooded eyes as Marlena’s small fingers gently worked the button on his jeans. His head fell back when he felt her fingers wrap around his length, “Awww, fuck, Doc!” 

While her small hand pulled his cock from his jeans, John pushed his pants over his hips, giving her full access. He was so warm and so soft. Pumping his length several times, she watched him start to lose control, and there was power in knowing she had that much sway over him. That she had the ability to make him react as if he might lose himself to her ministrations. Tipping her head closer, she licked over the tip, lapping up the liquid gathering there. John’s head fell back momentarily, “Doc… please… oh, yes… just like that…”

Long, and soft soft… his salty musk burst over her tongue, and she wanted more. She licked the length of him, swirling her tongue over the head. She started sucking on him softly, and John watched her as if he were worshiping her. His eyes never left hers, and she was staring into him. There was nothing he could hide from her. His hips started to pump slowly into her mouth as he gasped quietly, “More… oh, Marlena… more.” His hands laced into her hair, guiding her mouth over him, in long, agonizingly slow strokes, making sure not to go too deep. It was sensual, and it was maddening. He wanted more. He felt the pull at the base of his spine, he felt himself getting so close, he pulled her mouth off of him when he was teetering on the edge. Looking into her eyes, he said with a gasp, “You’re mine.”

Marlena smiled back. Her lips were swollen and glistening in the moonlight. “I’m yours.”

John fell to the blanket beside her, kicking the jeans free of his legs. Gripping her wrists in his hands, he held them over her head, pushing them into the sand, and he slid into the devastating slick heat of her body in one swift motion. He filled her up. Marlena gasped at his abrupt intrusion. It was pain, it was bliss, it was heaven all combined, and she groaned low and deep in her chest, “Mine.”

To which John replied, “Yours.“

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Maison Blanche, New Orleans, Louisiana

Stefano looked at Bart with fury in every line of his face, “What do you mean you could not find him?”

“Well, you see Boss, it’s like I said. John Black and Marlena Brady, they weren’t there, and that place Rolfie boy sent me to? That was just some lab,” Bart replied as if his boss was stupid. He’d already told him this, but if Stefano needed him to say it again at a slower pace he could. 

Stefano wanted to kill Rolf, and Bart along with him. How could the two of them make such a disaster out of such a simple task. “Did you look around for him?”

Bart was relieved that they’d moved on, “Oh, yeah, yeah, we broke in… looked around the place a little bit, just like you asked us to, Boss, but John, and that lady, they must be somewhere else.”

“You must be mistaken! Those were the exact coordinates for his location!” Stefano roared. “Rolf used his satellite to track the microchip!”

“If you don’t mind me asking, Boss… how do you know that?” Bart leaned closer to Stefano. “Do you really trust ole’ Rolfie that much?”

“John has a microchip in his neck, Bart! That is how I know! Rolf tracked him using the satellite. It gave him the exact coordinates.” Stefano was quickly losing his patience.

Bart shrugged carelessly, “I don’t know… maybe he took it out, but he wasn’t there. And, ya gotta admit Stefano… if those coordinates were correct then how come John Black ain’t moved from that position in days?”

Stefano stared at the other man for a moment, realizing he might not be a complete idiot, and turned on his heel, leaving to find Rolf. Bart stood there for a moment, shrugged his shoulders again, and walked out. If Stefano needed him, he’d call, in the meantime a pastrami on rye and a cherry flavored Clearly Canadian sounded like heaven.

Stefano stormed down the stairs into the basement, and made his way down a long stone lined hallway. After entering the code on the keypad, he wrenched open the door to Rolf’s lab, causing the man to jump when he entered, “Stefano!”

Stefano said with barely concealed anger, “Could John have had the chip removed?”

Rolf looked at him for a moment, fear causing him to stumble over his words, “I-I suppose if-if he knew of its presence, but Stefano, I don’t know how he would know it was there!”

“Bart just returned… and John was not at the location you provided. He was not at those coordinates!” Stefano said, stepping menacingly closer.

“Then the chip is out?” Rolf asked as if Stefano knew the answer.

“He was not at the location you provided!” Stefano stepped even closer, “So, I am asking you… could he have survived having the microchip removed?”

Rolf started to panic, “Oh, no! No! This is not good. Not good at all!” He paced the room, ignoring Stefano. He was caught up in a what if scenario, and it frightened him.

“Rolf, what nonsense are you prattling on about? Speak!”

Staring at Stefano with wide frightened eyes, Rolf told him, “He may… if the chip is removed, he may remember who he is… John would possibly remember everything. All of it.”

“I have lost him then? There is no way to control him without the chip?” Stefano felt defeated. Everything he had been working towards, and it all might be gone because of Rolf’s blunder.

Rolf realized that Stefano didn’t fully realize to what extent this was a problem. Stefano thought he was only losing a mercenary. Rolf was in a blind panic, “It’s not just that, Stefano! He could remember everything!”

Pausing, Stefano looked at him, “Explain. Now.”

“He could not only remember who he is, but everything else as well. He could remember each of the individuals who’s memories were implanted. He would know where all of your compounds are, how to access them, all of the criminal activities… and he could give that information over to the ISA!”

Stefano stared at the doctor as he threw himself into his desk chair in exasperation. Unable to speak for a moment, Stefano finally whispered, “Why did you not warn me of this possibility?”

Staring up at Stefano from where he sat in front of the computer monitor, Rolf was in shock. “I tried! I tried to warn you, but—”

“—but what!” Stefano shouted, spittle flying from his mouth in rage.

“You just kept pushing me! Pushing me to complete the project, and every time I tried to warn you, that the system wasn’t perfect, and there could be problems…” Rolf laid his head on the desk in front of him, mumbling, “You just told me to stop making excuses, and get it done.” Lifting his head, he looked at Stefano, “So, I got it done. I got it done.”

Although he would never admit it, Stefano knew that the situation he now found himself in was of his own making. He had rushed Rolf all those years ago to finish the project, and he had overlooked the man’s warnings time, and time again. Stefano would never admit it, but every time his plans failed, it was the direct result of his own arrogance and impatience. 

Chapter 45

March 31, 1992

Isabella Toscano Loft

I can tell your eyes are just about

To give you away

‘Cause there’s the girl that

You were after

Feel your heart

Beatin’ faster now

There’s the girl that

You were after

Can you say that

You don’t want her anymore?

~There’s the Girl ~ Heart ~ 

John and Marlena had arrived back in Salem late the night before. Shane had used his own private jet, because they were all still wary of Chief Vaughn’s involvement in everything that had happened. Their trust was thin, and they felt it best to keep everything between John, Marlena, Abe, and Shane. He stood outside of Isabella’s loft, and took a deep breath. He knew she was home. He’d seen her car parked on the street in front of the building. This was going to be painful, for both of them, but John couldn’t be a coward. He’d hurt Isabella, and he owed her some answers. Taking another deep breath, John knocked on the loft door. After several seconds the door slid open, and he found himself staring down into Isabella’s surprised face.

She was quiet for a few moments, staring at him blankly, and then she finally said, “You’re back.” He looked different. She’d never seen him with a full beard before, and his skin was darker, as if he’d been on a beach vacation. Perhaps he had been. 

“We — I just got back last night… well, early this morning.” He waited a moment, and then he said softly, “I was hoping we could talk.”

Isabella continued to stare at him blankly, “What is there to talk about, John? I’m pretty sure our relationship ended in Colorado. It ended with you driving by, and leaving me in a ditch.”

“I know you’re angry, and you’re hurt, and you have every right to be, but if you’d let me explain,” John told her. He waited. “Are you going to let me in, Isabella, or do I have to have this conversation with you standing in the hallway?”

She reluctantly stepped back, saying, “There’s not much to explain is there? Marlena called, and you ran to her rescue, like usual, only this time… you didn’t come back. You always run to her when she needs you. No matter how hard I tried to get you to love me, it was always her!” She walked into the living room, and then turned to face him in a flurry of brown curly hair, “And the worst part is… you wanted her to call you. Every single time. You wanted her to need you!”

John studied her for a moment. There was truth in what she was saying. He craved time with Marlena, and when she called him, it was an undeniable excuse to go to her. He asked her softly, “Are you surprised? I don’t think you are. I think after Mexico… and based on what you said to me in Colorado, you already knew what I wanted, and you manipulated me anyway.”

She stared at him in surprise, feeling apprehension make its way up her spine, “What? What do you mean by that?”

John stepped closer to her, staring down into her lying brown eyes, “In Mexico… you knew that I was as low as I could possibly be. I was losing everything, Isabella. Every fucking thing I knew. Don’t you understand that? I didn’t know anything else. My job, my house, my family, my children… and my wife. You knew that… and you took advantage of that. You took advantage of my devastation.”

She continued to stare at him, without saying anything for a long moment, finally whispering with an air of defiance, “You chose me.”

John wanted to laugh as he asked her, “Did I? I’m not sure I did. While I loved you, it wasn’t the same, and you knew that. Marlena was my greatest love, and as long as she was dead you didn’t have to compete with that. I feel like when I was at my lowest, when I needed support, because I was about to lose my whole life, you — you took advantage of that, and I never thought you were that kind of person.” His voice cracked with emotion, “That night on the beach, I was in so much pain, and I wasn’t in any frame of mind to be making life changing decisions. I wasn’t, and still you pushed the issue. You kept reminding me of what I was losing. Over and over again, what I was losing… all under the guise of empathy, and understanding!”

“John, you love me!” she cried. She was the one who had been there for him that night, and now he was throwing accusations. “I just needed time to prove it to you, but I never got it. We were engaged, and then Marlena came back, and even after we left Mexico… every time I turned around she needed help with the children, or her car would break down. She had Roman! Why was she calling you? And then, the night you left town with them, she needed help because Roman was gone. What about us? I had just lost our baby!”

“That’s why you wanted to leave Salem?” he whispered as he realized her motives. He hadn’t realized how devious, and manipulative she had been. “It was why you kept mentioning that we should move to Italy. That’s why you kept wanting to start a family… pushing me to get pregnant again immediately after losing Brady. You were trying to get me away from Doc?”

Isabella started sobbing, “I was trying to get you to focus on me, to focus on us, John! But it was always about her! You’re precious, helpless, Marlena!”

John took a deep breath. She had manipulated him, but he didn’t want to hurt her, even though it was unavoidable. “I’m sorry I hurt you. It was never my intention to do that,” John said, sighing softly in frustration.

“You cheated on me, you know,” she said with bitterness. “We are engaged. We were supposed to be married, and instead you ran off with Marlena and her kids, and then fucked her.”

“I was… unfaithful, and I didn’t mean for you to find out that way. You and I both made mistakes, Isabella. Both of us,” John told her. He paused before he said, “I never intended to hurt you. The engagement is over. I’ll move my things out—”

“—don’t bother. I already packed your things,” she said bitterly, gesturing to the corner where several boxes, as well as luggage sat. She remembered the mementos to Marlena she’d found in his lock box, she said, “I had hoped, after Colorado, that maybe there was a chance for us, but as I packed your things… I realized that it was over.”

John watched her eyes dart away, “What do you mean?”

“It’s amazing the story that a person’s personal belongings can tell.” She walked over to the kitchen, turning on the tap to get herself a glass of water. “Some of it made no sense by itself, a matchbook from Shenanigan’s, a hospital sign-in sheet with Marlena’s signature, some pressed flowers in an envelope labeled West Virginia, and a bandana, some poetry… but interspersed within all of those nonsensical items were photos of Marlena. Candids that you must have taken when you were married. Photos of her laughing, or with the children… one of her sleeping.” Isabella stared at him with deep rooted rage, “You kept a photo of her sleeping?”

He should have known. How else had she tracked them to Colorado? She had gone through his lock box. The key had been tucked away in his sock drawer. She was standing there in front of him, outraged and indignant, and she was the one who had gone through his things. “You went through my private belongings?” He felt the anger inside him well up, anger that she had breached his privacy in such a way.

Isabella shrugged as if it didn’t matter to her at all, “Are you angry? How do you think I felt when Marlena ran out onto the porch wrapped in a quilt in Colorado?”

John refused to react to her baiting him. It seemed like that was what she wanted. Isabella wanted John to scream, or yell. She wanted to know that she had hurt him, and she wanted his outrage. He wouldn’t give it to her. No matter how things stood between them right then, he had loved her once. “Again, I’m sorry that you were hurt by all of this. It was never my intention to do that, Isabella.” He started walking towards the boxes, intending to grab a couple, and start taking them down to his vehicle. 

The venom in Isabella’s voice stopped him in his tracks. “Where’s Doc, now?”

John replied, “She’s speaking with Roman. We both decided we needed to be upfront and honest with the two of you.”

“He already knows… I told him. I told him that you slept with his wife.” She wanted him to punch something. She wanted him to react, instead of this calm, empathetic lie he was giving her. “I told him on the pier one night.”

Turning to face her, he said softly, “You know, Izzy-B, I never thought you would intentionally try to control, or hurt people. I know you’re hurting, but I never considered you spiteful. Maybe, I never knew you at all.” 

Isabella watched in disappointed silence as John lifted two boxes into his arms, and walked out of the loft. When he came back for the rest, he found it sitting in the hallway.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marlena and Roman Brady Residence

Marlena entered the house looking around for Roman. His car was parked in the driveway, so he had to be in the house somewhere. She was placing her coat on the coat rack when he stepped out of the kitchen, using one crutch to balance himself, and holding a mug of steaming black coffee in his free hand. He stopped short when he saw her standing there. His expression was unreadable. 

Marlena said softly, “Hello, Roman.”

“Doc. I see you’re back,” he said, sipping his coffee, and continuing to stand there, leaning on his crutch, watching her blandly. Marlena walking in the front door was the last thing he’d expected that morning, although with Torres dead, he knew she’d be home eventually. 

“Shane told us that you were shot… and that Bo killed Torres,” she said, stepping closer. “We decided it was safe to come home, once we knew there was no longer a mark on me. The children are still in Denver.”

“Yeah, Bo saved my life,” he said, setting his coffee on the table, coming closer to her. He had so much to apologize for. Placing her and the children in danger was number one. “Look, I want you to know, I’m sorry. I didn’t think that Torres would go after you, or the kids. I was his target—”

“—that’s just it, isn’t it?” she asked softly. He expected to apologize and that would be the end of it.  Just as she had done the last time. She was no longer consumed with guilt over what Stefano had put him through. Roman was no longer her responsibility. “You were the target… until you weren’t.”

Roman was confused, “What do you mean?”

“You never once considered the possibility that you would be leaving us vulnerable. You never considered that Torres would make us targets.” She stared at him for a moment, and then said, “I know this, because Abe said he tried to stop you.”

He just needed to explain. She didn’t understand. It was an accident. “Doc—”

“—no.” she said firmly. “Abe tried to tell you that it was possible that Torres would turn on me, and you didn’t listen. You left us. You left me, and you left your children. Again. I thought — I thought that after what happened before with Stefano all those years ago when the twins were babies, that—” Marlena found herself getting choked up, and emotional, the anger taking over her voice. “I really thought you had learned.”

Guilt almost overwhelmed him, “I know. I know, you’re right. Abe did warn me, and I didn’t listen, but, Doc, you gotta believe me, I didn’t intend—”

“—you left me when the twins weren’t even a month old, and you were gone for seven years! Seven years, Roman! This time? You didn’t even make two months before you abandoned us again,” she said, with her rage boiling over. “In total you have spent less than four months of their lives with them. You always have an excuse, or a reason… and it’s not enough anymore. It’s simply not enough.”

Roman was quickly realizing that garnering her forgiveness wouldn’t be as easy as he’d envisioned, “I didn’t abandon you, I was trying—”

“—you fucking abandoned us, Roman! You abandoned us! Don’t lie to me!” she screamed, allowing all of the hurt, and rage she had been feeling since going on the run to come out. It was everything she had repressed, and pushed down, simply so she and John could focus on survival.

Roman stared at her in shock. He was surprised at her anger, and stunned at her language. He barely recognized the woman standing in front of him with the flashing hazel eyes. He tried again, “Doc…”

Marlena wiped at her eyes fiercely, “I shouldn’t be surprised though. It’s usually your job first. It’s a pattern with you. Back in 1984 you said you had to go after Bo, even after you told me you would let someone else handle it. I begged you. Do you remember? I begged you to let Abe go after Bo… you went anyway. This time… this time…” Marlena found herself laughing at her own idiocy, “…you had me snowed this time, Roman. The bait and switch over the coffee as you lied to my face, and snuck out of the house? It was genius.”

“That’s not what happened,” he said lamely. But he knew it was. He’d been a coward, and instead of facing her, telling her he was leaving again, he’d lied to her. 

“That’s exactly what happened, Roman Brady! Don’t lie to me! It’s always your job first!” she cried. He stepped closer, trying to reach for her, but she shook off his hand, “Don’t touch me!”

Roman felt a deep ache in his leg, and sank into the couch heavily, “I’m a cop, Doc. Sometimes I’m going to miss things, because of my job.”

“John didn’t,” she said without thinking, realizing how true it actually was. “John didn’t miss things because of work. He always found a way to be there for the kids… for me. When we were married… he was home for dinner. He took Carrie roller skating, he attended school functions. He took me to dinner…” Marlena said with a soft look in her eyes. Looking at Roman she repeated herself, “John made time for his family, Roman.”

He found himself getting angry at her. She wasn’t listening to him. She wasn’t even giving him a chance to explain. “So, because John somehow managed to be the perfect version of me, I’m not good enough?”

“That’s not what I’m saying!” she started to say, but she paused, because that’s exactly what she was saying. “I feel like your work has always taken precedence over your family. Every single time.”

Roman felt backed into a corner. He felt defensive. It was always his mistakes. Things he could do differently, but he wasn’t the one who had betrayed his marriage vows. She was. He stared at Marlena with hard eyes, “Isabella said you slept with John.”

Marlena was silent for a moment, sitting on the edge of the couch on the opposite end. She’d come there to be honest with Roman, and she wasn’t going to lie to him. “I did.”

He was surprised at her honesty, “I thought we were trying to make this marriage work. How am I supposed to overlook that?”

“You’re not. I know what I did, and I’m not making excuses for it. I’m sorry, Roman. I’m sorry that it hurts you,” she told him. “I can’t stay married to you, when I’m in love with John. It isn’t fair to you.”

She watched Roman struggle to stand up from the couch. Watching him stand there, awkwardly balanced on his crutch, she said gently, “Shouldn’t you sit down? You’re still recovering.”

Roman’s eyes narrowed, “I don’t want to fucking sit down, Doc! You’re sorry for hurting me… are you sorry for sleeping with him?”

Marlena stood up, needing to be on equal footing for this conversation. She whispered softly, “No. No, I’m not sorry for that. I can’t be sorry about that.” She thought about the child she carried and knew she would never be sorry for that.

He was too far gone, finding his inability to control the situation taking over. “Was it just once? Did you only fuck him once?”

“No,” she said softly. “I love him.”

“Great. Fucking great,” Roman said, running his fingers though his hair. “How do we fix this, Doc? I’m not going to continue to stay married to you if—”

“—I know,” she interrupted. “I don’t expect to fix our marriage. I knew that when I walked through the front door, Roman. I can’t be with you when I don’t trust you. When I can’t depend on you to be there for me… and for the children. I can’t stay married to you… when I love John.”

“Love John? You chose me!” Roman roared, almost losing his balance in the process. He stepped closer, and Marlena stepped back warily.

Her voice trembled slightly as she said, “I made a mistake in Mexico. I wasn’t ready to make that type of decision. I was upset over John making love to Isabella, and I needed time—”

“— right,” Roman sneered. “Isabella told me what she did.”

Marlena’s head shot up, looking at him intently. Had Isabella admitted what Marlena and John suspected her of? Marlena’s hazel eyes watched Roman intently, “What do you mean?”

Roman immediately regretted bringing it up, “Never mind. It certainly doesn’t matter now.”

“It matters to me… that night when John made love to her… she did it on purpose, didn’t she? She must have, if she told you about it. She was probably trying to hurt you, too, by telling you. She wanted to hurt me. She went to John when his very soul was being torn to shreds, and she manipulated him.” Marlena stared at Roman intently, “She manipulated me… and she manipulated John.”

Roman was defeated as he told her, “Like I said, Doc… it doesn’t matter now, does it? You get John. John still gets you. It’s all the same in the end, isn’t it? Whether you left Mexico with him or not… that’s who you’re choosing now.”

“It’s not that easy, Roman. You can’t dismiss what I’ve been through over these weeks. What the children went through!” Marlena cried. “How can you bring that experience down to such simplistic terms?”

“What you’ve been through? You’ve been gone for less than two months, running around with John Black while my children were shipped off to Denver! What do you think you’ve been through?” Roman raged. “You spent all of that time fucking him, when you’re married to me, and you want me to feel bad about it?”

Marlena stared at him incredulously for a moment, failing to understand his apathy. She knew he was aware that she’d been shot, and he still managed to focus on himself. There was nothing she could do to change his personality. Softly she said, “I just came by to get a few of my things.”

Marlena turned on her heel, and headed for the stairs, with Roman hobbling behind her, continuing to lament his own woes, “I was shot, Doc. Shot! I’m probably going to have a limp for the rest of my life! I left that night because I was trying to save you. I was trying to keep my family safe!”

His excuses were maddening, and wearing thin on patience that was barely there as it was. Marlena reached the landing, turning to face him with a face full of rage. He’d never seen her so angry, that he almost fell backward. In a steely tone, she said, “You didn’t keep us safe, Roman! You didn’t! John did, and it wasn’t even his responsibility!” As she continued up the stairs, Roman stared at her in complete, and utter shock. Her anger, and her fury, were fueling her right now, and he knew then, that he had absolutely lost her for good. It was over.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

John Black’s Apartment

John pulled the door open before Marlena even turned the key in the lock. Her face was red, and her eyes were swollen. No words were spoken as she fell into his arms with a deep, soul wracking sob. Kicking the door shut with his foot, he lifted her limp body in his arms, and carried her towards the bedroom, whispering, “You’re mine.”

Marlena cried softly, “I’m yours.”

Chapter 46

Salem University Hospital Parking Garage

Sometimes I’m not so strong

And even now I could be wrong

But if you love me like music

I’ll be your song

~ (Love Me Like Music) I’ll Be Your Song ~ Heart ~

Marlena had fallen asleep in John’s arms after crying over her horrible interaction with Roman. John’s conversation with Isabella hadn’t gone much better. He glanced over at her as they drove to the hospital for Marlena’s appointment with Dr. Bader. Reaching for her hand, he asked her softly, “Are you okay, Doc?”

“I shouldn’t be surprised,” she said, still feeling overwhelmed. She kept replaying her conversation with Roman at the house that morning. His refusal to acknowledge how he’d hurt her was the most problematic. “Ever since he’s returned he’s not the same… his time with Stefano changed him. He was loud, and opinionated before, but it was never spite filled. It was never controlling. If he loses control, he becomes so mean.”

“He’s different,” John replied. He’d been thinking that ever since they encountered Roman in the jungle of San Cristobal. The man John met there, was not the Roman Brady he held in his memories. “Even with the microchip gone, I still have his memories. I have all of their memories. Roman’s time with Stefano made him bitter, and now that I have my own memories coming back, I know what he went through. A lot of Roman’s current behaviors are protective behaviors… he doesn’t recognize them for that though. By trying to control you, and the children, even his environment, he’s trying to protect himself.”

“I recommended therapy, when he first came home. I should have insisted on it.” She was silent for a moment, staring out the window watching the trees whiz by, and then she said, “He spent so much time alone in those years, with all of these fantasies about what his life would be like when he came home. He has dreams at night where he wakes up screaming, and would refuse to talk about them. Seven years was a long time to live under Stefano DiMera’s tortuous machinations.”

John knew what he had been through while he was with Stefano. Long nights hanging from a ceiling in chains, loud arias with flashing lights, and the drugs – the drugs were the worst part. “Has he ever talked about it?”

“He won’t discuss it. He won’t discuss his time with Stefano, and he won’t discuss what happened in Salem while he was gone… maybe if we had, we wouldn’t find ourselves hurting Isabella and Roman. If I had forced him to have a real conversation, if I had looked at my own feelings for you without feeling guilty for them, we might have made different choices.” Marlena looked over at John, and felt the squeeze of his hand. 

She was right, but there was nothing they could do but focus on each other going forward. John smiled, glancing over at her before putting his eyes back on the road, “Open communication now, Doc. Isn’t that what we agreed on?”

“Open communication,” she said.

John pulled the Jeep into the parking garage of the hospital, feeling excitement over the prospect of this new life Marlena was carrying. Putting the vehicle in park, he exited, and rounded the vehicle, holding his hand to help her out. “Are you ready for this?”

Marlena stood in front of him, staring up, and she said, “I am, but I also know that this baby is going to hurt Roman and Isabella. I didn’t tell Roman. I couldn’t bring myself to be that honest with him about this. Not yet.”

“I didn’t tell Isabella either.” John laced his fingers through hers, and closed the door to the Jeep. “After losing Brady… finding out about this baby will make her more bitter, but Doc,” he said, stopping to stare down at her with intensity. Marlena looked down, and John said, “Look at me, baby.” Her eyes lifted, and he told her, “I also don’t want us to feel guilty about this gift. When you’re further along… a few weeks more, we can tell the family. It’s still so early.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Dr. Bader’s Exam Room, University Hospital

John and Marlena stared at the ultrasound monitor in the dimly lit room, watching as Dr. Bader tried to get a clear picture of their child. The screen was lit with a hazy, grainy image constantly moving as Dr. Bader tried to get the right angle with the wand in her hand. It slid over Marlena’s skin, until finally, Dr. Bader’s hand stopped moving, and she smiled at Marlena. Pointing at the monitor, she said softly, “There they are.”

There were two of them. Twin images in the shape of small peanuts. John glanced between the screen and Marlena with wide eyes, trying to make sure that what he thought he was seeing was true. Marlena’s face held a look of awe. She stared at the monitor in a mix of joy and shock, “Karen… I’m having twins again?”

“They do run in families, Marlena, and given that you are a twin, and you’ve already had a set of twins… it’s not surprising that we see two more on the monitor,” Dr. Bader told her with a smile. She glanced at John quickly, but then focused back on Marlena. The paperwork Marlena had filled out indicated that John Black was the father. It was surprising, but it wasn’t her job to concern herself with her patients’ personal lives. John seemed happy, and attentive. Marlena was smiling. That’s all that mattered. 

“Twins? Another set of twinners?” John said in amazement, with a huge smile on his face. “Doc, this is absolutely amazing. Two babies… G-d! Doc, I’m so happy!”

Marlena realized she was holding his hand tightly, and released her grip slightly. They were having two babies. She didn’t know why she was so surprised. “Are you sure you’re happy, John?” She so badly wanted him to be happy about this.

“I’m beyond happy, Doc. We’re going to have two babies! The twinners are going to be so excited. Carrie is going to be jumping for joy.” He leaned down, kissing her softly. His eyes held warmth and happiness, and Marlena felt for the first time in months, that she might get the life she dreamed of. A life with John. 

“Looks like, based on their size, your due date would be around the second week of November, although, as you know, twins tend to come early,” Dr. Bader said. “We are going to have to schedule extra visits, and I’ll want you checking your blood pressure at home.”

“I will. I will,” Marlena replied excitedly.

“Doc, these babies are going to join us right before Thanksgiving,” John said with a teasing grin. He could imagine having Thanksgiving with the kids running around, and two new babies to take care of. A family. It was all he’d ever wanted since meeting Marlena. To be with her, and to love her.”

“Is a November due date going to lead to turkey and pumpkin jokes?” she asked him with a laugh.

“Possibly. I can’t say it won’t…because it might.” John smirked at her. Just the thought of her growing soft, and round with his babies, had him wanting to kiss her, wanting to trail his fingers across her soft skin, and wonder at the life growing within.

Dr. Bader printed a strip of photos, handing them to Marlena with a smile. “You’re going to be very busy come November, Marlena, but babies always bring such joy.”

“They do,” Marlena said softly, staring at the black and white photos in her hand.

Karen stood up from her stool, “I’ll leave, and let you get cleaned up. There are tissues on the counter. Don’t forget to make another appointment before you leave? I’d like to see you again in two weeks.” Dr. Bader threw her gloves in the rubbish can. Before she left the room, she saw John stroke the back of his fingers softly over Marlena’s cheek, and she wanted to sigh. It was obvious how much he loved Marlena. Someone would have to be blind not to see it.

“We’re having two babies,” John whispered across her mouth just before he kissed her. His hand splayed over her belly. He couldn’t believe it. “We’re having twins, Doc. Twins! I’m still trying to wrap my head around it.”

“That’s four children under the age of ten, John,” she said with a soft smile. Her fingers threaded through his beard. “You know, we’re going to be exhausted.”

“Exhausted in the best way,” he said, taking her hand in his. After helping her sit up, he reached for some tissues, and started gently wiping the gel from her abdomen. “We’re going to need that house we talked about… and soon.”

As Marlena got dressed, John prattled on in his excitement, talking about how he’d never dealt with babies before, and how old the twins were when they met, causing Marlena to smile to herself, and revel in this newfound happiness she’d found. They were really going to do it. They were going to get a house, and settle down. They were going to be a family. 

John’s fingers laced through Marlena’s as he led her from the exam room, hand in hand. He smiled down at her, lost in his own happiness, not even aware that he was going to collide with a doctor heading in the other direction. He looked up in surprise hearing a distinctly feminine voice cry out, “Oh, I’m sorry!”

John checked on Marlena, and then turned to see who he’d bumped into. He found himself transfixed, and staring into the most familiar set of green eyes. He recognized her immediately. Katarina. She was older, but there was no mistaking her face. His chest tightened, and he took in a stuttered breath. He wasn’t prepared for this. It couldn’t be. He hadn’t seen her in years, but then, who else could it be?

Marlena noticed John’s physical reaction – fear – and she reached out, touching the woman’s arm softly, “I’m sorry. We weren’t looking where we were—”

“–Katarina?” John cut in, looking at the woman with open-mouthed surprise. The woman standing before him was the girl from his childhood. He was certain of it. She had the same face that was burned into his memory. He hadn’t seen her since the day he’d left for basic training. He’d held her in his arms as she cried, and told her to stay away from Lawrence.

Marlena noticed immediately that the doctor was uncomfortable. Softly the woman said to John, “It’s Carly, actually. Dr. Carly Manning. I’m sorry, do I— do I know you?” She stared at him. His eyes were so familiar, a deep blue caught somewhere between royal and violet, but with a full beard she couldn’t say if she knew him or not, and yet, to call her Katarina, he had to know her from before, and that was a time she would rather not remember at all.

“I don’t… I don’t know,” he stumbled, continuing to stare at her, wondering to himself if she was Katarina, or if maybe he was confused. He didn’t trust his own memories. They were still too unclear. “I haven’t seen Katarina in so long. I’m not sure.” He glanced over at Marlena helplessly. He hadn’t expected to have to deal with his past so soon. 

Marlena touched his face lightly, “John? How do you want to handle this?” She wanted to follow his lead, and she refused to tell his story to a complete stranger without his permission.

Marlena’s touch calmed him enough to say to the doctor in front of him, “I had… I have memory loss.” He felt awkward, unsure of where to start. “But, I have been slowly remembering things… I have memories of a young girl who looked just like you. Her name was Katarina.”

“Your name is John?” Carly kept staring into his eyes, they were familiar, but anyone from her past was suspect. She’d already run into Lawrence, after running from him for years. This man and woman seemed kind enough, if not misguided. “I didn’t know anyone named John when I was younger. I’m sorry you may have me mixed up with someone else.” She prepared to walk away, but something stopped her. He was familiar. It was something about his eyes.

John hurried with his words, hoping to get her to stay, “It wasn’t John then. My name wasn’t John.” While he was remembering some things about his past, he hadn’t remembered everything, and he really hoped he wasn’t wrong for thinking the doctor in front of him was Katarina. If the woman standing in front of him was her, she might know how to find his mother. Could it be so simple?

Marlena caressed his arm, and whispered, “Do you want me to help you? I know you’re confused right now.”

He just nodded as he continued to stare at Dr. Carly Manning, almost positive that she was Katarina. Marlena said gently to Carly, “Would you mind coming back inside the exam room with us? I don’t think we should have this conversation out here.”

Carly looked around quickly, and followed them into the dimly lit exam room. As soon as the door closed, Marlena held her hand out saying, “Dr. Marlena Evans… I’m a doctor here on staff in psychiatry.”

Carly’s eyes widened, “The one who was hiding from the Torres organization? Roman Brady’s wife?”

Marlena sighed softly, “It’s… complicated, but, yes.”

Carly had heard the whole story one night at the Cheatin’ Heart when she, and a gaggle of other doctors had gone out for drinks. Dr. Marlena Evans, Roman Brady, and John Black were a story that one only ever saw in television dramas. She glanced at John, and realized that he must be the infamous John Black. 

Marlena looked at John, waiting for him to tell her to continue. He gave her a nod, and took a deep breath. Marlena told Carly, “John’s memory is returning in small pieces. None of it is in order, but he remembers a young girl, Katarina. She attended some of his birthday parties. He remembers her at his tenth birthday, I believe… and his sixteenth. They were friends. Right, John?”

“Yeah,” he said roughly. “She was my best friend.”

“We know there is more than that, but his memories are coming back slowly. We certainly didn’t expect to run into you today.” Marlena could tell Carly was wary. John calling her Katarina seemed to have distressed her.

Carly looked at John again feeling like those eyes were the key, “Your name isn’t John?”

“It wasn’t when I was taken…” John rubbed his hands over his face in frustration. How did one even go about trying to tell a story as outrageous as his. “Stefano… he changed it.”

“Do you remember your name? That might help me.” Carly’s voice was calm, and John was certain she was Katarina.

His throat was so dry he could barely speak, so he rasped, “Forrest. It was Forrest Alamain.”

Carly’s heart started pounding in her chest, as her eyes narrowed, and she stared at him. He was slightly taller, his shoulders were broader, and he was more muscular, but his eyes were that same shade of blue, and his hair was dark as the night sky. She backed up slightly, too scared to even hope it was true. “Forrest? No, that can’t be right. Forrest died… he – no, they said— they said he died in Grenada.”

Marlena sighed. It was Katarina. She wouldn’t have known about Grenada, and John’s disappearance otherwise. Marlena was relieved. “It’s complicated. So very complicated, and obviously not something we can discuss in great detail right now.”

Carly felt tears welling in her eyes. Losing Forrest had been a turning point in her life. Without him, Lawrence had weaseled his way into her life, and she’d felt so lost and alone. To escape him, she’d run, and she’d changed her name. She was no longer a princess. She was a doctor. Stepping closer, she cried softly, “Forrest?”

“Yeah,” John said, his voice choked with emotion. One moment they were staring at each other, and the next, Carly had run into John’s arms with a gasp. As he held her, listening to her choked sobs, he remembered punching Lawrence in the library when he was sixteen, he remembered stealing his mother’s yacht so he and Katarina could go swimming, he remembered camping out in the horse barn with her. They really had been the best of friends.

Carly pulled back, staring up at him. All of a sudden her eyes went wide, and she gasped, “Your mother!”

“My mother? Do you know how to get a hold of my mother?” John could picture her in his mind. Bossy, loud, opinionated, loving, and fierce. Her dark brown eyes, and her deep brown curls, and the most amazing smile.

“I do,” Carly said with apprehension. Calling Vivian would mean reaching into her past, and she wasn’t sure that she was ready to do that. She’d already been struggling to avoid Lawrence, and remembering her relationship with him brought her nothing but pain. Softly she asked, “Do you remember anyone else?”

John grimaced slightly, “If you’re asking about Lawrence. Yeah, I remember him. He pulled your hair. You punched him in the face. I think I punched him in the face once.”

“Lawrence is in Salem,” Carly said quietly, with a smile.

John noticed that she didn’t add any additional information. He told her with a smirk, “I’m in no rush to see him… I think he was a prig when I was younger, if my limited memory serves me correctly, but I’d like to see Vivian.”

It was weird hearing Forrest call his mother Vivian, but Carly was certain that John’s amnesia had been something he’d been living with since he was lost in U.S. Invasion of Grenada back in 1983. John saying that Lawrence was a prig sounded exactly like something Forrest would say. Carly smiled at him gently, and said, “I can call her… if you want me to do that. I haven’t spoken to her in years, but I could call her for you.”

Chapter 47

April 1, 1992

Maison Blanche, New Orleans, Louisiana

Darkness was my bane

Suddenly, a sunbeam arch

Thrilled me to my weary heart

It was the prettiest thing I’d ever seen

~ Love Alive ~ Heart ~

Stefano had confirmation that John Black and Marlena Brady were back in Salem, and yet the registered coordinates for the microchip, that should be in John’s neck, was still Oshkosh, Wisconsin. Stefano had lost his control over John Black, and now lived with the very real fear that all of his secrets, those known by Ronald Culpepper, Milo Schmidt, and Father Julio Rober… as well as everything known by Forrest Alamain, were all going to be his downfall. It was obvious that the microchip had been removed, and once Bart had reported back to him about the lab in Osh Kosh, Stefano truly began to fear the end. John’s microchip was in an ISA lab. There was nothing he could do to bring his mercenary back. The man was lost to him without the microchip to control him. Stefano’s only option would be to kill John, and what a waste that would be.

Sighing deeply, he walked towards the veranda doors, looking out over his garden inhaling the deep rich scent of magnolias. He watched for several moments as Gina sat beneath a tree on a blanket singing to a child she believed belonged to Milo Schmidt, her lover who broke his neck falling from the Louvre. In truth it was the child of Bo Brady. She’d been pregnant during her accident with Ernesto Toscano. Stefano hadn’t known until nearly four months later. She had no idea who she really was, or who’s baby she rocked in her arms. She was no use to him without a partner, and with the child in tow, she was practically worthless. Rubbing his hand over his face in frustration, he mumbled, “I am getting too old for this.” Making up his mind, he turned to go, and find Rolf. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Dr. Carly Manning’s Apartment

Carly held the telephone nervously in her hand. This was not a phone call she wanted to make. She hadn’t spoken to Vivian in nearly ten years, ever since Forrest had been lost in Grenada, and calling her now felt incredibly awkward. But then she remembered his eyes, and his voice. She didn’t doubt him. He was who he said he was. Vivian would probably think she’d lost her mind, but she had told Marlena and John that she would do this. She would reach out to his mother for him. The telephone rang, and a voice on the other end said, “Alamain residence.”

Clearing her throat, Carly nervously said, “Hello. Can I speak with Vivian Alamain, please?”

“May I ask who’s calling?” the man responded in a voice lacking emotion.

She sighed, recognizing who he was, and said softly, “Ivan, it’s Katarina Von Leuschner.”

“Katarina?” the man asked her hesitantly, a hint of surprise sneaking into his voice.

“Yes. Is Vivian home?” she asked. Her stomach was swirling, and she wanted nothing more than to hang up the telephone, and be done with it, but again, John’s blue eyes reminded her of what she had to do.

Losing all sense of professionalism, Ivan asked in shock, “Where have you been?”

She sighed heavily. “I need to speak with Vivian, and it’s rather important.”

Clearing his throat, Ivan straightened up, and said, “Of course, yes…hold on…”

She heard shuffling, and muffled conversation, as if Ivan were covering the receiver, and speaking to someone else. Very likely it was Vivian. A voice came on the line, confident, feminine, and clear. “Katarina? Is that you?”

As nervous as she had been, Vivian’s voice was a welcome one. Softly, Carly said, “Hello, Vivian.”

“We’ve been so worried! Your parents—” Vivian began. She knew why Katarina had left, and she didn’t fault her for it. Katarina’s father was a harsh man, and her mother was quite passive. It had made for Katarina and her brother having a miserable childhood, but that didn’t take away the fact that her parents worried.

“—I only called because… because someone asked me to do them a favor. Someone we both knew a long time ago,” Carly said softly. She paused, uncertain how to proceed, and decided to just plow forward, “I saw Forrest today. I saw him…he has amnesia, and he goes by the name John—”

Vivian’s mind immediately rebelled. In a steely voice, she replied, “–Forrest is dead, Katarina–”

“–please just hear me out, Vivian! I know how upsetting this must be for you, but I wouldn’t call, and cause you this type of pain if I weren’t certain. There is a man here. I ran into him today, and he recognized me immediately. I didn’t recognize him at first, because he had a thick beard. He’s been suffering from amnesia for years, but his memory is returning. His story is long, and quite complicated… but he knows things, Vivian.” Carly was quiet for a moment, and then she said softly, “He knows things, and he’s remembering more every day.”

Vivian could feel the pain of losing Forrest ache in her chest yet again, but this time there was hope. “What things does he know?”

“He remembered me. He was walking down the hall with his… with a woman named Marlena. She’s a psychiatrist. He bumped into me, and he knew me, Vivian. I swear. He called me Katarina. No one here knows my real name. He remembered birthday parties, and he remembered Lawrence. He asked me to contact you… his mother, he said.”

Vivian felt her heart rate pick up. Forrest had been listed missing in action since the U.S. Invasion of Grenada in 1983. She was almost afraid to dream that he might be alive. “How can you be sure?”

“His eyes… they were Forrest’s eyes, and his voice, and he—he called Lawrence a prig,” she said with a soft smile on her face. “Forrest always called Lawrence a prig.”

Vivian smiled to herself. Lawrence was a prig. He was family, but Philomena had never put her foot down with that boy, and it showed. She needed to see this man who claimed to be her son. She refused to allow herself to even believe it was possible until she saw him for herself. Clearing her throat, Vivian said, “I’m due for a little trip I believe. Where are you?” Carly sighed, aware that the small world she had created for herself was about to get smaller, “A town in the American midwest called Salem.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Salem Inn, Salem

Marlena lay with her head on John’s chest later that evening. They had settled into the Salem Inn, and had plans to look at homes the following day. He had been quiet since their accidental meeting with Dr. Manning the day before. As much as he wanted to learn more about his past, possibly even who his father was, she knew he was worried that things were moving too fast. 

She felt herself falling asleep when the rumble of John’s gentle voice got her attention, “Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“Are you regretting it?” she asked him, running her fingers through the hair of his chest. “It’s understandable if you are. We’ve just gotten home, and we’re trying to figure everything out. I know you weren’t expecting to encounter your past here in Salem.”

“You’re right, we’re already dealing with a lot, and maybe waiting might have been better? I was so surprised to see her that I didn’t even consider the ramifications. I don’t know. I still have to talk to Shane about all of the information I have on Stefano now that I remember all of my alias, that will take days to sift through, and I’m worried that Stefano might come after you again,” he said softly. “I guess I’m worried that this newfound happiness I’ve found with you, will be taken away from me.”

“We can’t live like that, John. That’s how we ended up apart after Mexico. You with Isabella and me with Roman. It was fear that did that. We can’t live life worried about how much we have going on, or who might be after us. I don’t want to live like that. Carly is a doctor at the hospital. She was Bo’s doctor, and she was Roman’s too. I work at that hospital. Running into her was inevitable. If not her, then Lawrence. Maybe getting it out in the open now is better?” she told him, touching his face lightly.

“Running into Katarina first was probably best.” John closed his eyes, enjoying the feel of her palm on his freshly shaven jaw, “You’re right, Doc. I know you’re right.”

When John had shaved earlier she had giggled at first realizing that his skin was lighter where his beard had been. Now she was simply enjoying the feel of his skin. Marlena smiled against his chest, “Of course, I’m right.”

“Smug tonight, are you, Doc?” John said, rolling her onto her back, and pinning her arms beside her head. “Do you know what happens to little girls who are smug?”

Marlena’s breathing picked up, surprised by his sudden forceful motion. She could think of a plethora of things he could do to her if she was naughty. Her body shivered just from wanting it. She smirked at him, and said, “I’m not too smug.”

He looked down at her, taking note of the way her eyes had changed, and her fingers were pulling at his chest hair. With a deep rumble he leaned down, so that his lips brushed the shell of her ear, and he asked with a soft growl, “Have you been bad, Doc?”

It had been years since they’d played this game. She stared up at him with wide hazel eyes, and she remembered John laying her across his lap in Stockholm. The way his fingers had danced up the back of her legs, and the rough way he tugged her panties over her bottom. She’d cried out as he swatted her soft flesh over and over again. Then there was the way he’d softly caressed her tender skin, randomly squeezing it to cause a delightful stinging pain. Unable to speak, she nodded yes. G-d, yes. She had been so naughty.

John released her hands, holding his body above hers, he whispered, “What do you want?”

“What we did in Stockholm,” she replied softly. Her center started to flutter, and she said, “I want it so bad.”

John leaned forward, kissing her. Soft, slow, and sensual. He pulled her bottom lip into his mouth, and sucked briefly, before releasing it with a pop. Smoothing his hand over her hip with a tight squeeze, he groaned, “You will be the death of me, pretty lady.”

His cock was already half hard thinking about bending her bare ass over his lap. Slipping out of bed, he stared down at her, and held out his hand. Marlena took it, and silently went to him. Wrapping his arm around her waist, he tugged her close, bending her slightly as he devoured her mouth. He licked across her lips, and bit at her pillowy flesh with a groan. 

Pulling his mouth from hers, he stepped back, and pushed his boxers to the floor, telling her with a rough voice, “Take the nightgown off, Doc. I want to be able to see every single inch of that lucious skin.”

Her arms shook in anticipation as she drew the satin fabric up, and over her body. Standing before him she felt beautiful, and sexy, and what they were about to do made her feel wanton. Taboo. She wanted it, and looking at John, she knew that he understood.

John reached out, tracing his fingers over her abdomen softly. “You’re starting to show,” he said softly. “My babies are in there.”

She stepped closer, whispering, “They are.”

“I love you,” he told her, staring up at her. His fingertip continued to trace over her. Her navel, her nipples, around her heavy breasts. “You are so fucking beautiful.”

“You know what I want,” she whispered. 

“I do,” John murmured. His cock bobbed at the mere thought of having her naked body laying over his lap. His palm itched with desire, aching to feel the sting in his skin. But what he wanted most were those mewling kitten-like sounds that begged him for more. “C’mere baby.”

Marlena stared at him for a moment. She wanted it so badly, but letting go of the control was difficult. Stepping closer, his hand grasped hers, lacing their fingers together, as he whispered, “I’m going to make you feel so good.”

And he did. His palm slapped at her soft skin over and over again. His fingers scraped across her tender, red flesh, and she cried out for more. His hand squeezed her, kneading her already sensitized bottom. And when Marlena felt like she couldn’t take any more, his fingers slipped between her legs with a deep groan feeling how hot, and wet, and swollen she was. A few strokes of his fingers over he clit, and she was lost to an orgasm so strong she felt like her soul lifted from the planet momentarily only to slam back into herself. John lifted her limp body, settling her in his lap facing him, and he slipped his cock inside her with a growl. “I love you, Doc. I love you.” 

John’s fingernails scraped across her soft, tender skin, and Marlena arched into him, her breasts lifting. “Oh–oh, G-d!… John, I love you. I have always loved you,” she cried into his shoulder just as another climax shook her body. “John… John!”

She bit his skin, and then whispered. “Always. Always…John, always.”

And there it was again. The way she whispered his name. Something he never thought would be his again. The right to want her. The right to love her. He held her body close to his as he thrust into her several more times, and then stars exploded behind his eyelids, and he came back to earth with her in his arms. Holding her against him he thought he could stay like that forever.

Chapter 48

April 7, 1992

Salem University Hospital

We’re getting older the world’s getting colder

For the life of me I don’t know the reason why

Maybe it’s livin’ making us give in

Hearts rolling in taken back on the tide

We’re balanced together ocean upon the sky

~ Dog & Butterfly ~ Heart ~

Isabella hadn’t told anyone she was sick. It had started with fatigue, and unexplained bruises. Assuming she was anemic she finally went to the doctor, only to find out what she had was much worse. No one had known except her doctor, and finally, Victor and Bo. She’d only told them because she needed to see if one of them could potentially be a bone marrow donor for her, but that likely wouldn’t save her. She was already in the last stages of leukemia, and she knew nothing, except a miracle, could save her now. She sat in Dr. Manning’s exam room, holding Victor’s hand in hers, and she waited for the results to see if her father or her brother were potential matches.

Carly paused outside the door, unsure how to proceed. The news wasn’t good, and in this case it would be doubly upsetting. Bo and Victor weren’t even related to Isabella, and Carly felt that the news would only cause further detriment to Isabella’s health. Taking a deep breath, she knocked twice, and then entered the room. Isabella was already looking wane, with a purple hue under her eyes, and a yellowish tinge to her skin, but she still looked up with hope in her eyes, and it broke Carly’s heart to tell her that there was no hope. “I have the results of the blood tests, Isabella.”

“I know it’s a long shot, Carly. Parents and half-siblings aren’t usually a match. Don’t try to be nice about it. I can handle whatever it is you need to tell me,” Isabella said, trying to sound strong, but with an obvious quiver to her voice. She felt anything but strong. She was dying, and she knew it. 

“I’m sorry, but neither Victor, nor Bo are matches,” Carly told her softly.

“Surely there’s something you can do!” Victor said, as Isabella started crying. He couldn’t simply stand by and watch his daughter die.

“I—I need to speak with Isabella privately,” Carly said to Victor.

“No. No, Carly. My father can stay. Whatever needs to be said, he can be here for it,” Isabella said, wiping her eyes.

Carly wavered, “Are you sure?”

“Yes. I’m sure,” Isabella said firmly. If she was dying, which she was almost certain she was, she needed someone she loved by her side. 

Carly paused, and finally said, “Based on these blood test results…there’s no way you could be related to Victor…or Bo.”

“What?” Isabella asked her. She glanced up at Victor, and then back to Carly in confusion. “Victor’s not my father? No, wait. That can’t be right. My mother’s diary, and Ernesto’s revenge…”

Carly was quiet for a moment, and then she said carefully, “There was a match in the system, though. Isabella, you had a paternal match with someone within the hospital system—”

“I’m not her father?” Victor asked in momentary shock. Was it another trick of Ernesto’s? He saw the heartbreak on Isabella’s face, and he touched her cheek softly, “It doesn’t matter. I want you to know that. It doesn’t matter.” Victor looked at Carly hopefully, saying, “She had a paternal match to someone? So you know who her father is?”

How in the world was she supposed to deliver this news? Carly said slowly, “We do, but as far as everyone knows…”

Isabella lost her patience, “What, Carly? Just spit it out!”

“As far as we know, he’s dead. The person who came up as your father is deceased,” Carly told her. “As far as anyone knows he died in Mexico.”

Victor looked at Carly, his eyes alert, “Who? Because if there’s a chance the man is alive… or someone from his family, I will find him. I’m going to do everything in my power to help my daughter.”

Carly looked up from the report. She’d heard of the man, and she knew that there were many in Salem who feared him. Softly, she whispered, “Stefano DiMera.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

April 8, 1992

Victor Kiriakis Mansion

John’s emotions were conflicted after speaking with Bo. Isabella was dying, probably within the week, and her father… well, her father wasn’t Victor Kiriakis. He had to wrap his head around that concept. Bo told him that Victor was searching for Stefano. He had every man working for him out looking for the bastard. John could only hope he was really dead. According to the doctors, Isabella’s cancer was far too advanced to save her now. John had given Bo information on every single compound Stefano owned, including hand drawn maps when necessary, but he had a sinking feeling they wouldn’t find the man. Not if he didn’t want to be found.

The day before, he’d spent hours with Shane. When the ISA first tried to question him, he’d refused. He had no faith or trust in the ISA. But a few days earlier, Shane Donovan had been named the new ISA Chief. No longer Agent Donovan, he was now Chief Donovan. Since Shane had been his contact throughout the Torres incident, John was willing to give his statement. It took more than eight hours. John gave him every detail, of every life he could remember. He detailed the actions of Ronald Culpepper, Father Julio Rober, and Milo Schmidt. After eight hours, and over 1000 pages of testimony, John had finally finished by placing his signature on the last page. He wanted to move on with his life, and wash his hands of it all, but he couldn’t. He wasn’t done yet.

Standing in front of Victor’s door, with a black duffle bag full of money, John waited for someone to answer the door. He was surprised when it was Victor. He’d come to see Victor, but he’d never known the man to answer his own door. “Hey Vic, I was hoping I could speak with you?”

“Sure John. Come in. I was relieved to hear that you and Marlena came to no harm… well, almost no harm. It must have been very upsetting when she was shot,” Victor said, ushering him inside the house. 

John felt awkward, “It was. I’m sorry… about Isabella. I’m sorry that it—”

“—I know she followed you, John. I should have kept a closer eye on her, and I apologize for that. I didn’t think she would go to those lengths to find you. Bo told me what she did.” Victor was quiet for a moment, and he finally said, “I had a feeling before you left Salem that your relationship with her would likely end there.” Victor turned and started walking towards his living room, knowing that John would follow.

John didn’t understand, “Then why did you help us?”

“Why did I help you?” Victor thought about the man he used to be, and the man he’d become since having Isabella in his life. “When I was younger, I made a lot of reckless choices without thought as to how those choices affected other people. You were one of the people who got hurt. My dealings with Stefano, and using your life as if it were a game… I needed to somehow make amends for that. I owed you, so I helped you.”

Because of Victor’s role in John’s life when he was The Pawn there would always be a certain level of distrust. Victor, Stefano, and Petrov had played with his life as if it were a game. To them it was a game. The only difference was that Victor had had time to learn who John was as a man. Maybe that was the difference. Had Victor not known him, maybe he would have felt no remorse at all. 

“I appreciate it. Without the money, I’m not sure if we would have survived.” John set the black duffle bag on the floor near Victor’s desk. “I brought the rest of the money,” John told him. “I can pay back what we used, but most of it is still there.”

“I’d like you to keep it,” Victor told him.

“I can’t. I’ll be forever grateful that you helped me when Doc, and the kids needed it the most. That more than makes up for whatever you’ve done to me in the past.” John glanced towards the stairs, “How is Isabella?” 

“She’s sleeping most of the time, and she’s on several different pain medications,” Victor said. “Dr. Manning says that her cancer has progressed to the point that it’s about pain management right now.”

John was still trying to understand how Isabella had allowed it to get as far as she did. It seemed so sudden, but Bo said she’d known for weeks and told no one. “I was hoping I could see her. I—I need to see her,” John said softly.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

John opened the door to Isabella’s room slowly, looking around. The last time he had been in this room was nearly ten years ago. He was there under the guise of working on Victor’s security system, when in reality he’d been snooping for information on The Pawn. Isabella was small, laying in the bed in front of him. She seemed to have lost so much since he’d seen her last. Had she known she was sick then when they’d argued in the loft? John approached her slowly, saying, “Hey, Izzy-B.”

Her eyes fluttered open, staring at him for a moment before she said, “John.”

He sat beside her on the edge of the bed, taking her hand in his, and he tried to smile at her with tears shining in his eyes, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry we ended the way we did. I’m sorry you’re sick.”

She couldn’t afford to be angry and bitter anymore. She was dying. She could feel it in every cell of her body. Needing to fix what she had broken, she whispered, “You were right, you know. I pushed you… in Mexico. I knew it wasn’t fair. I knew I should stop, and I knew… you needed space to think. I didn’t give you that. I knew, if I left you, you would somehow make your way to Marlena, and that scared me so much. The thought of living without you. The thought of raising our baby without you… I wanted you so badly…” she started coughing, and John reached to help her with drinking water. “And then, I lost the baby.”

“It’s past, Isabella. It’s in the past,” John told her, smoothing her hair back off of her forehead.

“I’m dying, John… it all matters. I knew I was dying when I came after you in Colorado. That’s why I was so desperate.” Isabella coughed again. “I found out right after you left Salem with Marlena and the kids.”

“You should have told me,” he said. The guilt washed over him, but as he thought about it, he wasn’t sure it would have changed anything. He still would have had to get Marlena out of Colorado.

“No. It wouldn’t have changed anything, and it would have made things so much harder on you… maybe if I hadn’t pressured you in Mexico, Torres wouldn’t have come after Marlena… because she would have been with you,” Isabella whispered.

“You can’t think like that, Izzy-B. We don’t know what would have happened. The outcome could have been the same,” John told her. He was believing more and more that Stefano was alive, and that Stefano was the one after Marlena, because of him. 

“It wouldn’t have been the same. I saw it. In the brief interaction between the two of you on the porch…I saw it,” she said softly. “I saw the looks between you in Mexico, and I didn’t care. I’m just as conniving as my father.”

John reached out, forcing her to look at him, “No. No, you’re nothing like Stefano. I promise you that.” He brushed her hair from her face, “We all… we all made mistakes in Mexico. You pressured me, I gave up without a fight, Doc… she withdrew inside of herself, and Roman… he pushed her to make a decision when she wasn’t ready. We all could have done things differently. We all made mistakes, but it certainly wasn’t you alone.”

Isabella’s eyes fluttered with fatigue. “I’m so tired…can you sit with me? Until I fall asleep?” 

“Yeah, just rest now, Izzy-B,” John replied, watching her eyes close, while he pondered how short life was, how fleeting life was. He wasn’t going to waste the time he had with Marlena, or their children. He wasn’t going to waste any of it. Isabella was going to die, and it made no sense to let her go with his anger, and her guilt. He forgave her right then, and he forgave himself too.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Maison Blanche, New Orleans, Louisiana

Bart knocked on the door to Stefano’s study waiting for him to respond. When he heard the other man’s deep baritone say, “What do you want?” That was Bart’s cue to enter.

“Hey Boss, I got some news,” Bart said with his characteristic upbeat attitude.

Stefano was in a horrible mood. Every joint in his body was aching. The doctor told him it was arthritis, and no amount of pain medicine seemed to take away the ache. “So get on with it, Bart! I do not have all day,” Stefano said, having already lost his patience with this conversation. The house was quiet since Gina had gone. He no longer heard her soft voice singing to her child. He no longer heard her daughter’s soft sounds of joy, and everything seemed to make him angry.

“I heard from my contact in Salem that Victor Kiriakis is looking for you,” Bart said.

Stefano sighed in frustration, “I am dead, Bart. No one should be looking for me.”

“That’s what I thought too, boss, but you see, you’ve been dead a lot, and you’ve come back a lot, so, maybe, he’s just thinking it’s like that. Cause, I mean, here you are…not dead,” Bart replied.

It was true. Stefano had faked his death and risen from the ashes more times than he could remember, but he did not need Bart prattling on about it. “You are an idiot, Bart! You interrupted me to tell me that someone is looking for me. Did you hear anything else? Like maybe why Victor Kiriakis is trying to find me?”

“Yeah, seems Victor’s daughter, ain’t his daughter. Go figure. She’s your daughter… and she’s dying of cancer, or something. I’m guessing he thinks you might be able to save her,” Bart finished with a shrug. “But my source is saying it’s probably too late already.”

Stefano stared at Bart, attempting to decipher the nonsense that seemed to spew forth from his mouth. “Victor Kiriakis thought this woman was his daughter, but she is mine? I don’t have a daughter besides Kristen. What is this woman’s name?”

Bart shrugged nonchalantly, “Isabella Toscano.”

“Toscano?” Stefano tried to wrack his brain. He’d made love to many beautiful women in his lifetime. It was possible he may have a child he did not know about. Toscano? And then in his mind’s eye, he saw a woman, with gorgeous brown eyes, and wavy long mahogany hair. A woman he’d had an illicit affair with under the guise of Rudolpho Meradi. He’d only found out later that she was the wife of Ernesto Toscano. “Loretta Toscano…I remember, but she never told me there was a child.”

“I think the girl was raised by Ernesto, Boss, but then a couple years ago they figured she was Victor’s kid. So maybe that Loretta didn’t know who the baby’s daddy was.”

Stefano stared at Bart with hard eyes, “And why do they believe she is mine now?”

“My guy says that Victor and Bo were tested as potential bone marrow donors, but they weren’t a match for her, but apparently the dead Stefano DiMera was,” Bart said with a grin.

“What does she need?” Stefano asked Bart, suddenly more concerned. His family was everything. His family was his legacy. 

“Bone marrow, but it’s too late now, Boss. She’s gonna die soon, a couple of days at the most, the cancer… it’s gone too far.”

“Get Rolf in here… now!” Stefano roared, rising from his desk. He had just managed to un-complicate his life by offloading Gina, and sending her back to Salem with her brat, and now this.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Riverside Hostel, Salem

Hope Brady awoke in a hotel room by the riverfront, with a baby in her arms. She was confused, scared, and disoriented. She didn’t know where she was. Closing her eyes, she saw flashes of a metal cage, and she could hear Ernesto’s laugh, and Bo’s screams. Her breathing picked up and she opened her eyes, rolling to the side of the bed she was laying on. How did she get there, and where the baby had come from? She felt herself start to panic, her heart slammed in her chest, but then, the baby cried and she knew. She knew that cry. She didn’t know how, but she did. She felt it in her soul. That was her baby, but the last thing she could remember was professing her love for Bo, right before the cage fell. That’s all she could remember. Picking up the baby girl, she stared at her for a moment. Those eyes. She knew those eyes, and she felt relief flood her body. Her daughter had Bo’s eyes. Picking up the phone, she dialed the number that she prayed still belonged to her husband. She knew from looking at her daughter that she’d lost at least 18 months of time. Probably more. But she was home now. She was home.

Chapter 49

April 12, 1992

Victor Kiriakis Mansion

Words like punches – things we said

Under the belt and in the head

Down for the count in a cold cold bed

Beat by jealousy

~ (Beat By) Jealousy ~ Heart ~

Shane glanced at John warily. He wasn’t sure that this plan would work, but John had assured him, there was no way that it would fail. Shane believed him. If there was someone who knew Stefano DiMera better than anyone else on earth, it was John Black. That could be ascertained simply by the breadth of the testimony he’d delivered. If John said that Stefano Dimera wouldn’t be able to curb his narcissistic tendencies, thereby sneaking into the Kirakis estate to see Isabella, then Shane was going to trust him. Isabella’s room had been fitted with three separate video cameras, as well as recording equipment, because John was also fairly certain that Stefano was going to wax poetic about his many (or not so many) achievements.

Victor’s house had several points of entry, all of them usually being guarded by a strict security detail. Shane and John had arranged for Victor’s security detail to be replaced by undercover ISA officers. This was the third night they’d been stationed there. John was certain that all they needed was patience. Stefano would come, and when he did, the plan was to allow him in, so that he could see Isabella. She had insisted on being a part of it. Even in the end, she was determined to be part of the plan, and John had to admire that.

Shane’s earpiece crackled with static, and then he heard, “I have confirmation of a sighting, Chief. The south west entry point.”

Shane looked at John, in surprise, and said, “Well, Mr. Black, you were right.” Both of them turned towards the monitors in the back of the surveillance vehicle.

“I knew that self righteous bastard couldn’t stay away,” John said, glancing quickly at Shane with a grin.

Stefano entered Isabella’s room quietly, and closed the door behind him with a soft snick. He thought himself sneaky having not been caught. His arrogance would be his downfall. Isabella’s eyes fluttered open, as she stared at him in feigned surprise. He was dressed as a gardener, wearing overalls, and a thick fake mustache with a hat pulled low over his eyes. She wasn’t sure why a disguise of that nature would be useful at this time of night, the people who worked in the gardens would have left before dinner. “How did you get in here?” she asked him, knowing full well that Shane’s men had allowed him inside.

Stefano stared at her for a moment. Her small emaciated frame was settled in the center of the large bed. Stefano was struck by her features, because she was the vision of his mother, although her hair was that of Loretta. Those deep eyes, and delicate chin, along with the shape of her jaw. Just like his own mother. He’d never had a moment in his life where he was struck speechless until now. Stepping closer, he finally said roughly, “I needed to see you.”

Isabella eyed him warily from where she sat in her bed, “Why? Did you know you were my father?”

Stefano shook his head, “I did not know. I never knew until… until I was informed just a few days ago.”

“It doesn’t matter. I’m dying anyway, so none of it matters,” she said softly. He seemed genuinely upset over having found out so late. 

“It matters to me,” he said. He thought about Megan, Renee, and Benjy. He thought about Kristen and Peter, and what he’d done to their mother. He had spent his life walking over others to gain his own desires. “I have made so many mistakes in my life. I needed to see you.”

“Is this your confession? Are you trying to unburden your soul?” she wondered. The effort to speak caused her to cough, and she weakly reached for the water beside her. “I’m probably going to be dead in a few hours… I can… I can feel myself dying as I sit here. Isn’t that odd?”

Stefano wasn’t sure how to react to the depleted woman in front of him. He took a seat beside her bed heavily, saying, “I am sorry. If I had only known…”

“What would you have done?” she whispered, barely audible. “Did you raise any of your children? Or did you spend your life trying to destroy everyone around you?”

She was right. Was that not why he had been thinking of his children? He knew the truth of it. He had realized it the other day as he watched Hope Brady. She believed that she was Gina, as she sat under a magnolia tree, singing to her baby. He had destroyed everything he touched, and all of his plans… all of his life, he had spent hell-bent on destroying others… what had he ultimately accomplished? “I know,” he said softly. “I realize now that I am too old to continue this way.”

Isabella stared at him in disbelief, “I find that hard to believe.”

“I took revenge too far. I became obsessed with it. I let it control me. I let it manipulate me, and I used it to manipulate those around me, even my children. Renee is dead because her mother hid her existence from me. I could have protected her. Megan is as well… because I was careless, and arrogant… and now? Now I am a shell of who I could have been, because I wanted to destroy the Brady’s,” Stefano said, with regret lacing his words. 

In the surveillance vehicle John looked at Shane in confusion. They hadn’t expected Stefano to discuss his vendetta against the Brady family. John had expected him to brag about the things he had done. He certainly hadn’t expected to hear regret. “I don’t understand. Is he about to tell her why he—” John immediately stopped speaking when he heard Stefano start speaking.

“I loved a woman once,” Stefano began, feeling that age-old ache in his chest. It had all gone wrong because of his love for her. “We were both young, incredibly young, but I loved her. She was vibrant, with an inner light constantly radiating from her. A spark of joy that drew me towards her. I had lived a life of expectations, never quite being what my father wanted, and never being able to impress my mother. But with her, she loved me unconditionally.” He was quiet for a moment, wondering why he would confess this to his daughter as she lay dying. Maybe it felt safer to unburden his soul to her. It certainly lacked the same vulnerability. He sighed, “If only I had loved her the same way she loved me. Instead, my demands drove her away. I realize that now. I was just like my father, demanding perfection when in truth humans lack perfection. She had this hair that was pure fire, and these light brown eyes that would capture a man’s soul if he stared into them for too long. Her laugh was contagious, and her ability to get into trouble infectious. She should have been enough for me, and yet she was not.”

“I don’t understand,” Isabella said weakly, trying to keep him talking. Trying to understand what could have happened to make him hate the Brady’s so badly. “This woman, and your love for her, drove you to hate Roman Brady?”

“Roman Brady?” Stefano asked in surprise. “This is about much more than Roman Brady. This is about betrayal, Isabella. She left me! She went on a tour of Europe, and she never came back to me,” he told her. “She was never enough for me, and yet I could not allow someone else to love her! I see that now, but I doubt that I have changed. I made demands, and she complied… every time, but then, just as my father had done with me, I would raise the bar higher, and still higher, to a level she would never attain and still find happiness. How could she? I was never happy. I would never be happy. How could I expect so much from her?”

Isabella was still confused about how this was connected to the Brady’s but she’d done PI work long enough to know that she should let him speak. He would ultimately bury himself. “You never saw her again?”

“Not that she knew, but I never let her go. She was mine. She is mine, even now,” Stefano whispered, obviously lost in another time, another place. “She moved on with her life, and I should have let her go, but my father… my father created a beast in me. A beast of want. A beast of possession. I could not lose her, and I could not fail.”

Suddenly, Isabella felt a darkness surrounding her. Stefano’s eyes seemed to narrow in determination as he recalled a life long past. “What did you do?” she asked faintly.

He ignored her question, by this point lost in his own past. Stafano sighed, and gazed around the room, forgetting for a moment where he was. That seemed to happen more and more frequently. Staring at his dying daughter he told her, “She had an affair, on her European tour, and ended up pregnant.”

Isabella tried to lead him further in the conversation, “How did you know? If you weren’t with her… and if you weren’t in contact?”

“I do not lose!” Stefano said fiercely, standing up quickly. He paced the room several times, finally coming to stand near her window. Glancing out over the back garden, he said,  “I will not lose. She tried to tell her lover about the child in a letter. I had her mail intercepted, and he never received it. There were several more attempts. One by one, as she pleaded with him to contact her. Eventually, she stopped trying.”

Isabella stared at Stefano in momentary shock, before she whispered, “You kept her child from knowing his father? You allowed her to believe that he didn’t care? That is cruel.” She was scared to know, but if this vendetta against the Brady’s stemmed from this lost child, she had to know. The Brady’s had to know. Stefano had hurt almost every member of the Brady family in some form.

Stefano stared into the eyes of his daughter. She was right. It was cruel. At the time he rationalized it as just punishment for his lover’s lying treachery, but more recently, as his mind started to leave him, and he found himself getting more and more disoriented, he realized that he was the one who was damaged. He stared at Isabella, and felt guilt wash through him. It was almost as if he was speaking to his own mother. She was ashamed of him, and his actions. It made him almost ashamed of himself. “I vowed to never love again. I wanted to destroy her life, but I could not bring myself to do it. I still loved her. So, I turned that rage towards the man she had been with. I turned that rage towards her child.”

“No!” Isabella gasped, thinking about how tortured that was. “That doesn’t make sense. You know that, right?” It was irrational.

Stefano turned from the window, and looked at her with sharp eyes, refusing to acknowledge out loud the truth in her words. He walked back towards her bedside. He was confused again. Had he told her why he did it? He said, “I could not hurt her… so I set out to hurt the man she had been with. The man whose child she would bear.”

Isabella was trying to work out how this related to the Brady’s, but she started coughing again, reaching for her water, as Stefano sank back into the chair beside her. He seemed confused as he looked around. Suddenly she realized how it all tied together. She whispered, “It was Shawn. The baby’s father was Shawn Brady.” Stefano continued to stare at her without a word, his eyes seemingly glazed without focus. He didn’t need to answer her, she knew it was true. Softly, she said, “You wanted to destroy him… destroy his family, and you didn’t even know him. He wouldn’t even know why! Don’t you know how wrong that is?”

Stefano stared at her, forgetting for a moment that he wasn’t speaking to his mother. It was his daughter. His daughter Isabella. Shaking his head slightly, he said, “As I said, I have made many mistakes in my lifetime. My hatred of the Brady family being part of that. It started with Shawn, and the anger and the rage that were born of that, grew and evolved over the years, until it nearly consumed me. I cannot change that now,” his deep voice said.

“You have to stop,” she said softly. “You have to stop hurting people.”

Stefano sighed. His dementia was getting worse. He closed his eyes, and struggled to hold onto his lucidity. “I returned Hope Brady, and her child,” he said, as if that made up for every wrong deed in his pitiful life.

John and Shane looked at each other in fear and confusion. Hope was dead. She died nearly two years ago at the hands of Ernesto Toscano. 

“Stefano… Hope is… she’s dead,” Isabella said, struggling to find her voice. “She died almost two years ago.”

“Do you need water?” Stefano asked her, reaching for the glass next to her bed, and placing the straw near her mouth. He watched as she weakly sipped the water, staring up at him, wide eyed. Placing the glass back on her bedside table, he told her, “Hope is alive. Of course, I had to have her memory wiped. She knew too much to be left with that information. This hatred inside of me… it is slowly destroying me, eating me from the inside out like caustic acid. My mind is… my mind is leaving me.”

Desperate for information, Isabella gasped, “Where is she?”

“She is likely confused right now. In a hotel room near the river, but she will find her way home. Eventually,” he said.

“It’s still happening. You say it is over, but if Hope is alive… why play this game?” She didn’t understand how he could one moment be so regretful, and the next discuss what he’d done with absolutely no remorse. Was he confused?

Stefano sighed deeply, rubbing his hands over his face. He stood up again, and walked to the window, “You are right. I could do that. A better man would do that. Sometimes, especially recently, I would like to be a better man.”

“If she is alive, you should know that a better man wouldn’t have had her to begin with,” Isabella said quietly. “Bo has suffered for years!”

Turning to face her with a smirk, he said, “You are right, of course. By returning her, I felt like I was letting go… but you are correct, knowing that Shawn Brady’s grandchild is being kept from him, that his son still mourns the wife who died nearly two years ago… I still find bitter satisfaction in that.”

“She’s probably so scared,” Isabella said with a soft plea. “She’s probably so confused.”

“Your empathy shames me,” he said softly, sitting back down. “I find it even more unbearable considering your likeness to my mother. She was a hard woman, but you, my dear Isabella, you have a kindness she never possessed.”

“My empathy should shame you,” she whispered. “Where is Hope?”

“A hostel on the riverfront. I cannot be certain,” he said with a wave of his hand. “I had Bart take care of her. She is alive, and she has Bo’s daughter.” He stared at Isabella for a long moment, her eyes stared back at him, fierce and unwavering. He was awed, “Even near death, your strength astounds me.”

Trying to pull him back to the subject of Shawn Brady, she said, “I don’t understand how your hatred of Shawn manifested into what it became.”

“I became my father. Nothing was good enough. No one was ever perfect enough. She left me, and I became everything I hated growing up. Maybe I was already… before she left. Everything I despised in my father… I am now.”

“What happened to the baby? I know you know. You wouldn’t have had this much hatred in you, enough to want revenge on a whole bloodline, and not kept track of that baby. Shawn Brady’s baby,” Isabella said softly. “I know enough about your machinations to know that.”

John was impressed that she was remaining so strong, when it was obvious that she was exhausted. He worried about her health, but she would kill him in her last act of vengeance if he interrupted her now. He stared at the radio in shock. Shawn had a child. A child he never knew existed. A child that was the antecedent of Stefano’s compulsive need for revenge. It was heartbreaking. For Shawn. For the child. For the child’s mother.

“Ah, yes,” Stefano said. “The baby. She was an excellent mother, and she loved the boy. She doted on him. I had staff in her home send me reports. His nanny was sent by me. I even sent someone to woo her romantically, all under the guise of watching, and waiting. The boy looked nothing like Shawn Brady, except the eyes. He had his fathers eyes, a deep blue, but he looked like her father, his grandfather. The dark hair, and the olive skin.”

John started to feel sick to his stomach. Blue eyes. Olive skin. Dark hair. It couldn’t be, and yet, he felt he knew where this was leading. 

“What did you do to him, Stefano? The child, because I know, I can see it… you did something to him.” Isabella was desperate to get the information, but she could feel her strength leaving her.

Stefano’s deep voice rumbled, “Alas, I ended up hurting her anyway, even though I had vowed I would avoid it at all costs. My need for revenge was too great.” 

Isabella watched him. He wasn’t as she had expected. John had always described Stefano as heartless, evil, ruthless. The man before her was those things, but he also seemed to be tired, and slightly confused at moments.

He looked at his daughter, and he said, “I took her son. I stole him away, and I made him into something else.” Staring at Isabella he felt his confusion start to take hold. He was slowly slipping away. 

Isabella watched Stefano for a moment, his eyes seemed to unfocus, and then settle on her again. She realized with sinking dread what he meant, and who he meant. Her eyes were large, hoping against hope that she was wrong, “No.”

“Ah, yes. The ultimate revenge would you not agree?” Stefano smiled to himself, obviously still pleased with himself, even after saying that he was letting his need for revenge go. “I took him from the jungles of Grenada. His mother mourned, and I made him into the ultimate weapon. It was the epitome of revenge.”

Shane looked at John. His hands shook as he started pulling at the neckline of his t-shirt. His breathing had grown panicked, and his eyes were wide. Barely audible, Shane heard him breath, “It can’t be.”

But Shane knew from John’s testimony what this meant. John had been taken from Grenada in 1983. Stefano’s need for revenge had more than just destroyed the Brady’s, he had done his best to destroy Shawn Brady’s son. Shane reached out, trying to get John’s attention, hoping to stop what seemed to be a panic attack, “John? Look at me, please.”

“He’s a fucking mad man, Shane,” John said, still breathing heavily, and trying to come to terms with everything he had just learned. Stefano had just divulged everything to his dying daughter, and now John could do nothing but try to understand it all, and move on with his life.

Stefano’s voice drew John’s attention back to the monitor, as he told Isabella, “I took Forrest Alamain, and I created John Black.”

Chapter 50

April 13, 1992

Victor Kiriakis Mansion

I can see you in the shadows

I can hear you in the wind

Think of you and I can feel my world closing in

~ Cruel Nights ~ Heart ~

Stefano DiMera walked right into the hands of the ISA and was taken into custody as soon as he descended the stairs onto the first floor. He’d known as he left his daughters room that the fight was over. His memory was fading, and very often when it came back to him it came with overwhelming feelings of guilt and sadness that he didn’t understand. Call it dementia, call it Alzheimers, he didn’t have a name for it because he had refused to tell anyone, and he had refused to see a physician. As he walked down the main staircase, he was not surprised to see John and Shane waiting for him. His eyes connected with John’s. He had known that if John’s memory returned to him the ISA would come looking for him. Giving up Hope, and seeing Isabella were his last attempts to redeem himself. When he was completely lucid, his need for revenge coursed through him like a lifeforce, but when he wasn’t it simply left him morose. He was tired. Tired of the game, tired of the rage, tired of it all. As he was being placed in handcuffs, he watched as John made his way towards the stairs, calling after him, “Even after abandoning her for Marlena Brady, you think you have the right to be with her.”

John turned on the stairs, facing the man he hated with every fiber of his body, “She is dying, and I won’t leave her to die alone. No one should die alone.”

Stefano watched him go, coming to terms with who John really was. He had tried to destroy the caring, kind, empathetic man who was Forrest Alamain. He had tried to take every bit of Vivian and Shawn out of him, and obliterate it completely. He had done everything in his power to create a cold, heartless, mercenary, but he had failed. There had always been something in John’s eyes, even if he didn’t say it out loud. Something in his eyes that said he didn’t understand, or he didn’t agree with what Stefano was having him do. That failure had simply fueled him, because Stefano did not fail. Yet, John Black remained kind, caring, and empathetic to Isabella… a woman who had done things to hurt him, and earn his mistrust. There was a begrudging respect for the man who wouldn’t allow his daughter to die alone.

Shane studied Stefano for a moment, watching him as he stared after John, finally saying, “It’s time to go.”

Stefano nodded once, placing his hands behind his back as Shane said, “You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney…”

Upstairs, John opened the door to Isabella’s room, and approached her bedside. She was so frail, and her breathing was shallow. Her eyes fluttered, and she looked up at him. John could feel her fear. His feet shuffled across the thick carpeting as he came to sit beside her. Reaching for him, she said softly, “John. You came back…”

He held her hand, brushing his thumb over the top, “Hey, Izzy-B. You know… you did your last PI job like a champ.” He tried to smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes. She knew he was trying to keep it light, but death was coming for her whether she wanted it to or not. She could feel it coming for her even as she laid there trying to fight it.

She smiled at him, “We still make a great team.”

“Shane is very impressed,” he told her. His free hand cupped her face gently, “I think he’d hire you as an ISA agent if you were interested.”

She coughed softly, and tried to smile as she said, “Isabella Toscano, ISA agent.”

Her breaths were becoming stuttered, and she seemed to grimace momentarily, as if she were in pain. John leaned closer, brushing her soft brown curls from her face. She was leaving this world, and she’d barely had a chance to live. “It’s okay… to let go,” John whispered, feeling the tears leave wet paths over his cheeks. “It’s okay, Isabella. If the pain is too much, just let go.”

“I’m tired,” she said, so softly he could barely hear her. She kept thinking about the time he’d gotten drunk and danced with her singing the song Drive by the Cars. “Can you sing to me?”

“Sing?” John said with a smile. “You know I’m not much of a singer, and I believe the last time I sang to you I was inebriated.” Isabella smiled at him, and he asked her, “What would you like to hear?”

“Drive,” she whispered. “The same song you sang last time.”

He hadn’t realized that being with her in her last moments would be this difficult. He swallowed thickly, and he cleared his throat. The words started to come. They were soft, barely more than a whisper, but he leaned close to her, and she closed her eyes. “Who’s gonna tell you when it’s too late? Who’s gonna tell you things aren’t so great? You can’t go on… thinking, nothing’s wrong, oh oh…Who’s gonna drive you home… tonight?” John watched as her eyes remained closed, and her breathing became more shallow. The lines of pain that he had previously seen in her face relaxed, and he continued to sing. “Who’s gonna pick you up when you fall? Who’s gonna hang it up when you call? Who’s gonna pay attention to your dreams? Yeah, who’s gonna plug their ears… when you scream? You can’t go on… thinking nothing’s wrong, oh oh…Who’s gonna drive you home, tonight?” He felt the hot tears streaming down his face, as her hand, which had previously been gripping his arm, fell to the mattress. The rise and fall of her chest stuttered to a stop, and her head dipped to the side. She was gone, and all that remained was her beautiful face with a soft smile on her lips.

John sat with her for several moments, before he pulled the sheet up to her chest, and stood up whispering, “I hope you’re at rest Izzy-B. I hope you find peace, and I hope our little Brady is waiting for you.

When John descended the stairs, Shane and Victor were waiting in the living room. Shane knew from John’s features that she was gone. John looked at him, with eyes that were red and swollen from crying. The tightness in his chest only seemed to be getting worse, as he said, “I need… I need to go to Doc.” Realizing that he would be returning to the Salem Inn, he rubbed his hands roughly over his face, and he said, “G-d, we need our own place to live… I just… there’s so much to do, and I can’t seem to pull it together. Plus, we want the children home with us.”

Victor could read the pain, and the way John was trying to remain strong, while obviously needing the safety of Marlena before he fully allowed himself to mourn. Softly, he asked, “Isabella is gone isn’t she?”

John looked at the man he had hated for so long, and he saw a companion in pain. “Yeah, Vic… she’s gone.”

Victor nodded once, and stepped past John, making his way up the wide staircase towards his daughters room, because in Victor’s heart, Isabella would always be his daughter.  Opening the door to her bedroom, his first thought was that she looked so peaceful, with a small smile on her lips. A smile. Victor was again confronted with his own choices. His regrets where John was concerned flooded him with remorse. However he had treated John, however many mistakes Isabella had made or how she had hurt John, she had died with a smile on her face. If only for the kindness he had consistently shown Isabella and those around him, Victor regretted his previous actions against John.

John stood downstairs, looking helpless and overwhelmed, when an idea occurred to Shane. “I have a place. A house. It’s near the lake. I’ve used it when family visits, but it’s been empty for years… ever since Drew died.” 

John yawned, unable to get his head on straight. “You have a house?”

“You could stay there. I suppose, if you like it you could buy it.” Shane knew that John hadn’t had much sleep over the last few days, but he said anyway, “Would you like to see it? Stefano is in custody, and I know it’s late… but we could look at it quickly. You seem… you seem so overwhelmed, and I’d like to help if I could.”

John looked at his watch, noting that it was nearly 3:00 am. With another yawn, he asked, “Isn’t it an odd time to go house viewing?”

Shane shrugged, “It’s near here. We’re up. I’ve got the keys. Why not?”

John felt relief wash over him, even though he hadn’t even seen the home, he knew it would work. Tension that had been living in him for the past week slowly started to dissipate. He would look at the house with Shane, and then he would go to Marlena. The house would work out. Shane wouldn’t have offered if it wouldn’t. With relief etching his face, John sighed, and said, “Yeah, partner, let’s go check it out.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Salem Inn

John slid into bed beside Marlena, and pulled her sleeping body against his, burying his face in her hair. Isabella was gone. He’d walked through the house with Shane, and every few moments, he would remember. He would become distracted, and then be assaulted with the memory of her prone body lying emaciated in her bed. She was gone from this world, and while he’d been angry at her, he’d never wish death upon her. He felt the hot tears falling from his eyes, even before he’d fully realized he was crying again. 

The loss of Isabella hurt him. It hurt badly, but it didn’t compare to the loss he’d felt when he thought Marlena had died. He’d held himself back from that kind of love. He’d been in relationships during the five years Marlena was gone, but John had always held part of himself back, even with Isabella. He felt her loss, but it was different. Now, holding Marlena in his arms while he cried, he realized that as much as he was crying over Isabella’s death, he was crying over his fear that he might one day lose Marlena again. That pain had fueled and directed all of his decisions for the last five and a half years.

The first sensation she had was wetness, sliding along the back up her neck underneath her hair. The second was the soft shake of John’s body, combined with muffled sobs. Marlena turned, facing him. She softly touched his tear streaked face, “Isabella has gone?”

He couldn’t speak. He could only nod his head, and take in deep breaths, while trying to get himself under control. He held Marlena closer, burying his face in her neck, “It wasn’t supposed to be this way for her.”

“Look at me, John,” she said in a quiet, commanding voice. “It’s okay to mourn her. I don’t want you to think that you have to hide that.”

“I know. I know that… it’s more than just Isabella—it’s more. I’m—I’m coming to terms with how much your death affected me in the last five and a half years. How I held myself back…from love. From a true deep love, because of my fear of feeling the pain I felt when I lost you. Yeah, I’m mourning Isabella… but it’s nothing. Nothing, compared to the pain of losing you.”

Marlena stretched herself along the length of John’s body, sliding her toes along his calf. She whispered gently, “Is Isabella’s death bringing that back up for you?”

“I think so.” He kissed her neck softly. “I’m still so scared of losing you again, that I wonder if I’m holding back from you even now?”

“It’s possible. I haven’t even been back a year, John. I understand.” She stretched up, kissing his lips. “But I think Isabella’s death might bring up a lot of guilt for you too, and that… I just don’t want you to hold onto that.”

“There’s something else… tonight, Stefano came. Just as I predicted, and he’s in ISA custody.” John sighed, “But it’s what he said, Doc. What he told Isabella, about why he hates the Brady’s… and why I was The Pawn. It’s all too much.”

“John,” she whispered. “What did he say?”

“He claims that he hates the Brady’s because of an ill fated love affair he had with my mother. She fell in love with someone else, and I was born.” John rubbed his nose along Marlena’s neck, taking a deep breath. He was so unsettled, and her scent seemed to ground him. 

“How do the Brady’s fit into it all?” she asked him.

“Because, according to Stefano, my father is Shawn Brady.”

Marlena lifted herself up on her elbow, staring down at him in surprise, “Shawn is your father?”

“I can’t be sure, until a DNA test is done… and truthfully, Doc… I don’t even have the strength to think about it right now. I’ve barely slept in three days, and Isabella’s death… I just want to immerse myself in you, to the point that it almost feels obsessive,” he said, biting her ear. “All I could think about was getting back to you. Feeling your skin. Holding you in my arms.”

When John was first in Salem, struggling with his amnesia he’d had moments like this. Just after finding out that he was Roman. Moments when he was overwhelmed, and nearing a complete meltdown. He would reach for her, practically begging her to turn her body over to him. She felt it now, his need to control her, to have her. He needed her, and that desperation that he emitted, a need for only her, made her muscles quiver. Shivers wracked her body, as his lips dragged across her collarbone. The sharpness of his teeth drew a long moan from the back of her throat as he bit her sensitive skin. She arched into him whispering, “John… what do you need? John… John…”

He groaned, tugging her hair, and pulling her head back so she was forced to stare into his deep blue eyes, “Fuck, baby…when you whisper my name…”

She smiled at him teasingly, pushing her aching center against his thigh, “What? What does it do to you?”

“It makes my soul tremble. I want to somehow meld myself to you, the desire is so strong,” he told her, pulling her closer. “I want to push my cock inside you, and burn in your heat.”

She could feel the line of his burgeoning cock, against her hip. Feeling the heat of his skin through her satin nightgown, her eyes widened in surprise, “Are you naked, Sailor?”

“All I could think about on the drive back was wanting you, Doc. Needing you. I can’t ever remember needing you so much.”

But Marlena could remember, and she burned for it as much as he did. 

“I need to feel you, Doc. Your body against mine. The softness of your skin…” he moaned. “I need to hear your soft kitten cries in my ears… I want to feel the scrape of your fingernails across my skin… all of you right now.”

“John, I’m yours… you know I’m yours,” she said, pushing him onto his back, and slowly straddling his body. Reaching down she pulled her satin nightgown up, so that it pooled at her hips riding high on her thighs. John watched her breasts sway, barely held by the thin straps along her shoulders. He needed to see all of her.

John glanced down at the apex of her legs, feeling hot moist skin sitting against his, and cast in shadows. He needed to see her. He groaned, tugging at the delicate fabric, “Take it off, Doc.”

He watched as she pulled her nightgown up over her head, baring her naked body to the early morning sunlight. She settled the lips of her swollen pussy over his cock, pressing his length flat against his abdomen, and he growled. The soft pink haze of dawn cast a soft glow over her skin, and he watched while his own hands reached up and over her bare shoulders, threading their way into her hair. He pulled her mouth to his. “I love you,” he said. “I love you so much that just the thought of losing you scares me… it petrifies me.” He licked over the pillowy softness of her lips, before delving into the recesses of her mouth with a deep moan.

“I’m yours. I will always be yours,” she whispered between his aggressive kisses. “I feel like my soul, and your soul are one.”

He felt the tension in his body coiled tightly. He needed release, and he needed her, but the feeling was so strong he was afraid to hurt her. His muscles trembled, and he knew his fingers were holding onto her so tightly it had to be hurting her, but he couldn’t let go. It was the same desperation that used to grip him all of those years ago. He was afraid that if he truly allowed himself to give everything he was feeling to her, it would be too much. He was afraid to hurt her. “Fuck, Doc… I need…”

She pushed herself up, balancing her slim arms on his chest, and she stared down into his deep blue eyes, “What do you need from me? I’ll give it to you, because, John, you are my everything… everything. Do you understand?”

“I don’t… I don’t want to hurt you,” he said, nearly gasping for air. He felt his fingers clench as they held onto her rounded hip, barely controlling the willpower it took to hold himself back from ravaging her.

Marlena felt her pussy quiver. He would take what he needed because she would give herself over completely. She asked him again, “What do you need, John?”

“I need to devour you,” he groaned almost as if he were in pain. “I need to consume you… I need to somehow make you a part of me, just to prove that we are one.” 

Her breath caught in her throat at his words, and her core clenched, flooding John’s cock with her arousal. He felt the wet, slippery heat of her wash over him as her arousal seeped from her, and his hands gripped her hips so tightly that his fingers dug into her flesh with the force of his self restraint.

“Do it,” she said softly. “Do it, John… destroy me…” She leaned forward, slowly running her tongue over his partially open lips. His hands gripped her hips even tighter. His hips bucked against her, causing the engorged length of his cock to slide through her wet folds, and she whispered, her lips barely touching his, “I want you to destroy me, Sailor… and then… then, I want you to put me back together.”

He wrapped one arm tightly around her waist, pulling her tighter against him, and he flipped her onto her back so quickly, she lost her breath for a moment. Staring up into his eyes, she gave him an almost feral smile, and then he pushed against her once more. Her eyes closed and she felt her pussy flutter.

John was barely able to formulate a coherent thought, when he rasped out roughly, “You’re sure, baby? You’re sure? Because I don’t think I can stop this train wreck now…”

Pushing him even further into his sex fueled madness, she whispered, “John, fuck me.”

His hands shook, and she felt the sharpness of his fingernails as he pushed her thighs wide, staring down at her dripping, swollen sex. “You are fucking gorgeous, Doc. And I have to taste you… I have to.” Holding her open, he slid down the bed, and Marlena screamed his name, when he fell forward, sucking her clit into his mouth almost viciously. Her hips bucked, seeking more of his aggressive mouth, but his hands gripped her legs, pinning her to the bed. His assault brought forth her first climax in less than a minute, but still he made love to her pussy with his mouth as if he couldn’t stop. 

Pulling his mouth off of her, he stared up at her, his chin glistening, and he said, “Mine! You hear me, baby? You’re mine.”

“Oh, G-d, yes!” she said, when his lips and his tongue pulled her swollen clit back into his mouth. He sucked hard, almost violently, his tongue swirling around her, over and over again. Marlena’s second orgasm came hard and fast, rocking her so powerfully, that she lost time and space, but he didn’t let up. He didn’t stop, and she gasped. Loud breathy pants, and mewling sounds, as she begged him to stop, while praying he didn’t at the same time, because she wanted more.

He couldn’t wait any longer. His own cock, long and engorged, pressed against the mattress painfully. Sliding up her body, John quickly pushed three fingers into her warm recesses, using his thumb to continue the assault on her clit. She screamed again, at his mercy for the things he was doing to her body. Hooking his fingers inside her, pushing into her g-spot, he roared, “Again, Doc! I want you to come again!”

“I can’t!” she cried helplessly. “I can’t!”

“You can,” he growled. “You will!” He pushed against her clit even harder, pushing deeply in circles over it and around it. 

His words, and the forcefulness behind them, broke her, and she started coming on his hand again, crying his name. Weeping his name. “John, oh, G-d! John.”

His fingers were soaked with the evidence of her body’s arousal. He pulled them from her, and sucked them into his mouth, his eyes rolling back into his head at the taste of her. She tasted like heaven. “That was good, baby, but you’re going to do it again…” he said breathlessly in her ear, while pushing his fingers back into her body, and curling them into her. Thrusting roughly, he ordered, “Doc… come again,” 

She was delirious, her head rolling back and forth on the pillow. Tears fell from her eyes, and she sobbed, “I can’t…oh, G-d, I can’t.”

“You will,” he whispered, pushing his thumb against her clit hard. The downward pressure was excruciating, and it was bliss personified. Tipping his head down, he licked roughly over her breast, and then bit her sensitive flesh, hard. His teeth tugged, nipping at her skin, and then they latched into her nipple lifting her breast.

It was the sweetest pain, and Marlena’s hips bucked upward, as she screamed, “Fuck!” and started coming again, her body shaking uncontrollably. When she thought she couldn’t take anymore, he pushed her legs wide again, slamming his turgid cock into her. There was no resistance, he fit inside her like she was made for him.

“Fuck!” he roared, as everything went black for a moment. He grabbed Marlena’s arms roughly, placing them above her head, so she could grab at the rail of the headboard, and he growled, “Don’t fucking let go, baby. Do not let go!”

She could barely do more than sob, “I won’t. I won’t. I won’t.” Pulling his hips back, he slammed his length back into her, repeatedly, rocking the bed with the force of his thrusts, and even when she thought she had nothing left to give, they both exploded into ecstasy. John had done it. He’d destroyed her, and somehow he’d put her back together. Rolling them onto their sides, keeping their bodies connected for as long as he could, he wrapped his arms around her tightly, and they drifted into a dreamless sleep.

Chapter 51

April 20, 1992

John and Marlena’s Lakehouse

You never lost your magic vision

Always in your sight

Special intuition

Telling you, it’s gonna be alright

~ Bright Light Girl ~ Heart ~

Within a week of John telling Marlena about Stefano DiMera’s lifelong revenge against Shawn Brady, they had settled into the lake house with the twins, and temporarily, Carrie. The house had five bedrooms upstairs, with a master suite downstairs, and attached nursery. It was perfect. Marlena had never lived in a house so big, but having the ability to have her family with her, made it wonderful. The downstairs was an open concept. There were high vaulted ceilings, and a large stone fireplace. The back doors opened onto a large deck overlooking the lake. It was beautiful, and Marlena enjoyed standing in the cool morning air with a cup of coffee and breathing in the fresh air.

When they had first moved in, John worried that there wouldn’t be a way for Carrie to stay with them. She was still underage, and neither Marlena nor John were her biological parents. Marlena had called Roman and left several messages for him at home, and at work, informing him that the children would be coming back. He hadn’t returned her calls or come by. She wasn’t sure what to make of it, the whole family had made him aware of the children’s location. Carrie was hurt more than she was saying. That much was obvious. She had shut down where it concerned Roman. She refused to even discuss him, sometimes standing up, and leaving the room when he was mentioned. She called John Dad, and because the twins had spent so little time with Roman to begin with, they barely seemed to notice Roman’s absence from their lives. They were just happy to have their Daddy back. Marlena had tried to have them return to calling John by his first name, but they couldn’t seem to remember. She had given up a few days earlier, and she had started referring to Roman as their Poppa. The twins took to it easily, and John was Daddy again.

John stood on the deck, leaning against the railing, and he stared out over the lake. The first leaves of spring were showing, since winter had lingered longer than normal. He took a deep breath, thinking about his call with Shawn earlier. Shane had run the DNA test, and Shawn Brady was John’s father. He wouldn’t know exactly how Shawn had known Vivian Alamain until he spoke with him. So, he’d called Shawn at the fish market, and asked him to come over. It was time to talk, and there was no way the conversation would be easy. He’d imagined it several different ways, but ultimately they all seemed outlandish. 

“Shawn, you’re my dad.” 

“I just found out you’re my father.” 

“Shane did a DNA test and guess what?” 

Marlena had promised to stay by John’s side, and help him, when needed, because Shawn Brady was about to find out his oldest son was not Roman, it was John. That would be nothing less than shocking.

From where he stood outside, John heard Shawn enter the house in his usual jovial manner. He came in, setting his coffee cup on the table, and then closed the doors behind him. Shawn was carrying a plate of chocolate chip cookies. Handing Marlena the plate he said, “Now Caroline wouldn’t let me come over if’n I didn’t bring the cookies.”

Marlena set the plate down on the table with a laugh, hugging Shawn tightly, “Thank you for coming… and thank you for—”

“—I’ll hear none of it, missy. None. The situation with you, John, and Roman… well, that’s not of your making is it?” Shawn said, making sure Marlena was looking at him when he told her. “What Stefano did wasn’t yer fault, and I can’t be blaming ye for how ye feel about each other. Understand?”

John’s eyes lit up when they landed on the plate of cookies Marlena had set to the side. He said excitedly, “Ma sent cookies?”

Knowing that those cookies were John’s absolute favorite, Shawn laughed, and said, “That she did, Johnny boy. Something about them bein’ yer favorites?”

Marlena took Shawn’s hand in hers, and led him towards the couch. Looking around the house, he said, “This is a nice place. You got it from Shane, Kimmy said. I didn’t even know he had a house out this way, but it was mighty lucky.”

“We’re renting it now,” Marlena said, “but Shane said we could buy it from him. Have you heard from Roman? About Carrie?”

“I spoke with Abe, and Abe said Roman’s on an undercover assignment.” Shawn saw the pain in Marlena’s eyes, “Don’t ye worry. Carrie is safe here.”

“That’s not my concern,” Marlena said softly. “Carrie will always be welcome in out home. In fact, we would prefer it that way if I were honest, but… she’s hurt. She’s hurt that he left, and she’s hurt that Roman hasn’t called her since he’s been home.”

“I don’t know what’s wrong with that boy’s head, I don’t,” Shawn told them. “But me and Caroline, the rest of the family… we know you both love those children. That’s what they need most. That love the two of ye have to share.”

Marlena sighed, “You’re right. I know you’re right, but Roman should be more involved. He’s their father.”

“That he should be, but Roman’s a grown man. He be makin’ his own choices, and he’s got to be dealin’ with what comes from that,” Shawn said, glancing around the house as if he were distracted. “I’m not trying to pry, but a house like this. That’s a lot of money.”

John sighed. He knew it might come up. How was a dock worker going to buy this house? “Pop?” he said, sitting down on the coffee table in front of Shawn. “We need to talk, and honestly, I don’t even know how to begin.”

Shawn smiled at him reassuringly. Whatever John had to say seemed serious, but it wouldn’t change anything. Shawn would always consider John family. No matter what he’d always be his son. “Just tell it, son. That’s the easiest.” 

“The night Isabella died, Stefano visited her. Shane and I had a plan worked out with Isabella,  because I knew he wouldn’t be able to stay away from her once he found out she was his daughter. Isabella, even though she was incredibly ill, insisted on being part of the plan, and I was reluctant, but we agreed,” John said. “She wanted so badly to be a part of ending Stefano’s reign of terror. Against me, against the Brady’s, and so we allowed it. That night, as he knew she lay dying in her bed, he told her why he hated the Brady family so much, and Pop… it all started with you.”

“Me?” Shawn asked, leaning forward. “I don’t understand. We always thought it started with Roman, but we couldn’t work out the why of it. Yer sayin’ Stefano’s grudge is against me?”

John paused for a moment, before saying, “Stefano was in love with Vivian Alamain. Do you remember her?”

Shawn looked at if he stopped breathing momentarily. His world stopped. In his minds eye he saw flaming curls of auburn, and the prettiest amber brown eyes. He could hear her laugh, and remember the feel of her skin. He stared at John with wide blue eyes, and he said roughly, “I do.”

“Can you tell what you remember?” John asked him gently.

“I met her in the summer of 1952. She was young. We was both young. She was seventeen, nearly eighteen. I was nearing twenty five.” Shawn sat there, processing what John had said, “When she left to go home, she never answered the letters I sent. I just assumed… ye say Stefano loved her?”

“He did. At least, he thought he did, but I don’t believe that Stefano has the capacity to ever truly love anyone. That lousy bastard never made much sense anyway, Pop. You know that. He saw you, and Vivian’s failure to return to him, as reason enough for a lifelong vendetta,” John said, leaning back to stretch his spine. Glancing over he saw Marlena quietly sitting there. It was reassuring.

“But that’s foolish! It makes no sense!” Shawn said, standing up in frustration. He stood there a moment, and then immediately sat back down. “Me and Vivian… we barely knew each other for two months! It was a summer thing, we spent one night together, and then she was gone. I never heard from her again. I wrote her… because I cared for her. I wanted to see if we might make a go of things, ye know? But she never wrote back… and I moved on.”

“She wrote to you,” Marlena said softly. “Several times, if what Stefano told Isabella is true, but Stefano being the evil man that he is, intercepted the letters. He made sure you never received them, and he ensured that she didn’t receive yours.”

“She wrote to me?” Shawn asked, with a soft look coming over his features. He’d been so angry those first months after she went home. Angry that what he’d thought meant something, meant so little to her. “I was half in love with her that summer. She was beautiful, and the way her red hair shined like copper in the sun. It would take any young man’s breath away. She wasn’t like any of the girls I ever met before. She was fun loving, vibrant, and always ready to get into some trouble.”

“She gave birth to your son in February of 1953,” John said softly. “He was a month premature, and weighed 4 lbs. 2 oz.”

The smile that had been on Shawn’s face slipped away, as he stared at John blankly. Shawn’s heart was beating so hard, he felt lightheaded. “No. No, she would have told me that. She wouldn’t have kept that from me.”

“She did. She wrote to you on at least three occasions, but you never responded,” John said. “So, she assumed you wanted nothing to do with her or the child, and she stopped writing. She didn’t respond to your letter… so you stopped writing.”

The dawning horror came over Shawn’s face, as he whispered, “Because Stefano took the letters.”

“Yes,” John said. “At least that’s how Stefano told it to Isabella.”

“I have another son?” Shawn whispered, standing up restlessly. He walked towards the fireplace staring into the empty hearth. “I need to… I don’t even know where to begin. He hated me because of Vivian, and he nearly destroyed me whole family over this!”

“Pop, there’s more you need to know,” John said softly. Shawn came back slowly, sitting on the sofa in front of John, looking lost and confused. John reached for Shawn’s shaky hand, realizing how much he’d seemed to age over the last few years. “Your son, Vivian named him Forrest. She doted on him, and was by all accounts an amazing mother. Initially Stefano had decided to leave Vivian alone. He didn’t seem to have the ability to take his wrath out on her. At least that was until he suddenly did.”

Shawn’s eyes lifted, meeting John’s instantly. Even without John saying it, he knew that Stefano had done something, either to Vivian or Forrest, possibly both. He’d hurt them somehow, the same way he’d been hurting Shawn’s family for years. Shawn waited for John to say whatever he was about to say, with a growing sense of dread.

“Your son was involved in a military campaign in Grenada in 1983. That is where Stefano took him from. Vivian mourned her son as if he were dead. He was officially declared missing in action,” John said. “He’s been listed as MIA ever since.”

Shawn’s eyes began to well up with tears at the futility of it all, “We was kids! Vivian and me, we was kids! He made it his life’s work to destroy me, her, our son, and me whole family… because she and I… we was nothing but kids!”

Marlena rose from the chair she was sitting in, and moved to kneel beside Shawn, “He’s a mad man, Shawn. It can’t be explained. None of it. He’s evil.”

“I just… I don’t understand that kind of hatred. What he’s done to this family, all of us, and poor Bo and Hope! Hope’s memory is missing nearly two years of time!” Shawn said in anger. “What did he do with me boy?”

John squeezed his father’s hand, desperate to see his reaction, because rejection at this point might break him completely, “He turned him into a mercenary. He implanted his mind with skills, and memories. He took Forrest Alamain from the jungles of Grenada, and he created… John Black.”

Shawn stared at John, at first unable to process what the man had just said to him. Vivian had given birth to his son. Stefano had taken Forrest Alamain… his son, and turned him into… and then he understood what John was saying. His hand shook, and he felt himself being pulled into the depths of John’s blue eyes, “You’re me boy?”

“I am. I received DNA confirmation from Shane this morning,” John said softly, unsure of what to do.

Shawn smiled, “There has always been a connection between you and me. You know? You know that, right?”

John felt the tears welling up in his eyes, “I do. I felt it when I first met you at the fish market, you remember?”

“That fight with the dock workers over Bo?” Shawn said with a smile. “Bo was always in some type of trouble. I remember. I trusted you as soon as I set me eyes on you. When Marlena said ye was Roman, it was easy enough to believe, because I’d already felt something there with ye.”

“I thought the same, Pop. How could I have felt that kind of connection, if you weren’t my family?” John glanced to where Marlena had moved, sitting next to Shawn. “I felt it the moment I met you, Pop.”

Still in awe, Shawn reached out, wrapping his burly arms around John, pulling him towards him. John tried to wipe the tears from his eyes, as he said jokingly, “So, you really are my Pop.”

“I told ye, John, just because ye weren’t Roman, I never stopped loving you. Ye know that, don’t ye?” Shawn needed to know that.

“I do.” John let go of Shawn, and then reached for Marlena’s hand. “Marlena and I have got news, too.”

Marlena smiled at John, and then looked at Shawn with a shy smile, “I’m pregnant, and… it’s twins again.”

Shawn started laughing loudly. More grandchildren was always a reason to celebrate. He reached for Marlena with a huge smile, and gave her a warm embrace, “Marlena, ye certainly don’t do anything halfway do ye?”

“You’re the first person we’ve told. We were planning to tell the kids tonight,” Marlena said. “I’m just so nervous.”

“Can I tell Caroline?” Shawn asked them. “About the baby… and about John? I won’t be able to keep this news to meself.”

“We wouldn’t ask you to keep this from her, Shawn,” Marlena told him, softly touching his arm. “But I also know you might need some time to process all of the information, and we would understand if you didn’t want to tell her right away.”

Shawn looked at John with a huge grin. He’d never been so happy. Something about finding out John was biologically his felt right. There was no other way to describe it. It was right. “I’m not ashamed of ye. I’m surprised, but I’m not ashamed.”

It was almost an hour later, when John walked Shawn to the front door, “I’m sorry that Stefano used me against you. I know that thinking I was Roman for seven years, and then finding out I wasn’t was hard on the whole family… now this.”

“That wasn’t your doing. He used you as a pawn in his sick game,” Shawn said.

John flinched, but tried not to respond to his father’s use of words. The man didn’t even know how close to the truth he actually was. John had been nothing more than a pawn, but he was finally taking control of his life. “I wanted you to know. There is someone in Salem who knows my mother, and she’s reaching out to her. I haven’t heard anything from them in awhile. Maybe they can’t locate her… or maybe Vivian believes it’s all a hoax. I don’t know. But I wanted you to know so you’re not blindsided,” John told him.

Shawn wasn’t sure what he would say or do if he saw Vivian again. It had been forty years, and she was no longer a seventeen years old girl. Although, he was no longer a twenty five year old man. One thing he did know, he needed to apologize. Even if his letters were intercepted, he should have tried harder. He allowed his pride to rule him back then, and he would need to make amends for that. He would apologize for not knowing, for not being there, and for the fact that she had raised their son alone.

Stepping out onto the wide front porch with Shawn, John didn’t notice the pristinely dressed woman and her companion ascending their front steps at first. It was only when Marlena cleared her throat, causing both John and Shawn to turn, that he saw her. The woman looked first at Shawn in shock, and then turned to look at John. Seconds later she passed out into the arms of the man behind her.

“Vivian,” Shawn whispered. She looked the same, and he would have recognized her anywhere.

John looked at Marlena, and said, so faintly she could barely hear him, “It’s my mother.”

Chapter 52

John and Marlena’s Lakehouse

And it could happen any day

Everything could go astray

~ Under the Sky ~ Heart ~

Vivian Alamain awoke disoriented on a long soft couch, as four faces hovered over her, but it was her son’s face that almost had her fainting a second time. Staring at him helplessly, unsure of herself, and unsure of him, she said, “Forrest?”

While she was unconscious, John had been bombarded with hundreds of memories of his mother, solidifying that the woman before him was indeed her. It was the way her hair felt between his fingers, and the smell of her perfume. The disconnect he had felt when the microchip was in place was gone, and all he felt was relief, and love. A single moment in time, but that disconnect was gone in an instant. Kneeling down beside her, John said, with a soft teasing smile, “Hey, Mom.”

She started crying. She didn’t know what else to do. It was helpless sobs as she struggled to sit up. She reached for John as if she were in a dream. “We thought you were gone. Everyone thought you had died in Grenada.”

“It’s a long story, and it’s going to take awhile to get through,” he told her, taking her hand in his. He couldn’t take his eyes off of her. Softly he said, “But if you’re willing to listen…”

Vivian reached for him, touching his face softly, before throwing herself into his arms. Nearly ten years she’d mourned him, and there he was in front of her. “This can’t be happening. I can’t believe you’re here. I want to know. I want to know everything.”

“Would you like some water? Or some tea?” Marlena asked her. Vivian turned to see a blonde woman, with striking hazel eyes, trying to understand the role she played in everything. Where did one even begin to unravel a situation like this?

John sighed softly. He smiled at Marlena with an expression of absolute adoration, and Vivian’s question was answered. He loved Marlena. She studied her son, as he said softly, “Yeah, Doc. Some tea would be nice. Do we have any Earl Grey?”

Marlena returned John’s smile, placing her small hand on his arm, “We do. I’ll get it.”

Shawn still stood there, nearly dumbstruck, unsure of what to say or do. Vivian looked at him with sharp brown eyes, and said with stark bluntness, “What are you doing here, Shawn Brady? I don’t even know how he knows about you.”

Shawn stumbled over his words, unsure of how to respond, “Viv, you see there was some misunderstanding on my part–”

John cut him off gently, “Hey, Pop? Let me explain everything, because out of all of this mess… you and my mother are the victims.”

Vivian snorted, throwing her legs over the side of the couch haughtily, while looking at Shawn with murderous intentions, “Shawn Brady a victim? I don’t see how. He left me to raise his son with no care in the world, and now I find him here with you… playing father of the year. I was seventeen Shawn Brady! My father nearly disowned me!”

“It wasn’t his fault,” John said softly. “Mom, did you ever know a man named Stefano DiMera?”

Vivian gasped slightly. Everyone knew Stefano DiMera. If they didn’t know him, they knew of him. She had spent her life trying to forget him. She looked at John with eyes that were surprised, and then she glanced at Shawn who simply nodded. Answering her son she said, “I knew him years ago. Briefly… but I was very young, and… he became obsessive. My father sent me on a holiday to put distance between us, because I was afraid.” Looking sideways at Shawn, she said with her characteristic snark, “That’s when I met you. Which I’m not certain is much better.”

“Vivian,” Shawn said quietly. “This all starts with Stefano. All of it.” And so began over an hour of questions, and explanations that blew Vivian’s mind. By the end of it, the anger she had held against Shawn for forty years was waning, and she had an unyielding hatred of Stefano, but the part that was amazing, and felt surreal, was her son. Her boy. The child she had nursed, and changed diapers for. The son who held her hand as he fell asleep, and said, “I love you the bestest mommy” every night, laughing when she corrected his grammar. Her son… and Shawn’s son. She couldn’t hate Shawn, even when she thought she did. Shawn had given her the most precious gift of her life. She had been in an emotional void for nearly ten years, and she now had him back. His life was complicated, to be sure, but she had him back, and that was all that mattered.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The Brady Fish Market

Roman was about to enter the dining area of the fish market when he heard his father say, “Marlena says Roman hasn’t called or come by to see the children. Carrie, she’s hurtin’ really bad, Caroline.”

“He told me he had,” Caroline said, sounding confused. Roman’s decision since his return had been confusing to the whole family. “Why would he lie to me?”

Roman couldn’t say why he’d lied to his mother. He’d driven to the address, but as soon as he’d seen the large house with John’s SUV parked next to Marlena’s car, he’d turned around and driven away. He couldn’t fully explain it. He’d spent seven years building the perfect family in his mind, and he had returned home to something he’d never expected. One thing Roman was certain of, he hated John Black with every fiber of his being. He didn’t trust the man, and saw him as nothing more than a ticking time bomb. The problem was, no one else seemed to agree with him. Listening again, Roman heard his mother say to his father, “Are we going to talk about why John called you over there today?”

“Ah, Caroline, I don’t even know where to begin,” Shawn said. “Ye know how we always thought that Stefano’s obsession with the Brady’s started with Roman? How we always figured it was somehow connected to his working with the ISA?”

Caroline sighed, “What else could it be Shawn? Everything Stefano did seemed to be hinged on this odd obsession he had with Roman.”

“It’s me,” Shawn said so softly that Roman almost missed it. “Stefano’s obsession is about his hatred towards me… and I didn’t even know it.”

“Are you sure?” Caroline said.

“I think ye need to have a seat for this Caroline, because it’s about me past… and I know I don’t tell ye much about me life in Ireland before I came to Salem, but that is where this story starts.”

“Shawn, honey, you’re making me nervous.”

“I don’t mean to be upsettin’ ye, Caroline, but I won’t be keepin’ secrets from ye either.” He sat across from her at the small round table that sat in front of the fish counter, and he reached for her hand. “It was back in 1952, before I came here from Ireland…” Shawn began. Roman listened on the other side of the door for the next fifteen minutes as his father explained a brief relationship he’d had with a young girl named Vivian. A girl who at seventeen had borne his son, and then he explained Stefano’s part in it all. Roman had an older brother. He wanted to rage. Seven years he’d been kept, tortured, and nearly lost his mind… all because of his father’s indiscretions. 

“I don’t understand, Shawn,” Roman heard his mother say softly. “How does John know all of this? How does John know any of this?”

“He and Shane had a plan to trap Stefano. They lured him in usin’ Isabella.” Shawn told her. “Stefano confessed it all to Isabella. It was a trap of course, Stefano was arrested as soon as he walked out of her room. But they had everything he’d said recorded.”

She was quiet for a moment, and then she asked, “You have another son?”

Shawn leaned forward, holding onto Caroline’s hand, telling her, “I do. Stefano…  he kidnapped him, used him as a way to hurt me, to hurt his mother… and to hurt this family. His hatred of me drove him to take Roman for all those years, and to steal Hope… and Marlena. Then there’s me son–”

“–Shawn, for heaven’s sake, just spit it out!” Caroline exclaimed. “You’re not telling me something for a reason. Is your son still alive?” Her concern for her husband’s child was growing. Caroline wasn’t angry about Shawn having another child. It happened before she even knew him, and he hadn’t kept it from her, she just wanted to know if Shawn’s child was okay.

Shawn smiled at his wife. A wide grin, full of joy. He knew she was going to be happy. He had no doubt. “Well, ye see Caroline… he is, but he goes by the name John Black now,” Shawn said softly.

Caroline couldn’t believe what Shawn was telling her, and her shock came out in one word, “What?”

“It’s John, Caroline. He’s me boy. The one Stefano took from the jungles of Grenada, and then he used him to hurt me… to hurt our family,” Shawn told her with tears in his eyes. “John Black is me son. Shane’s done the DNA test already and it proves it.”

Roman leaned against the wall, in the entryway. His emotions were complicated. He had an older brother, and that brother was John. If that information did anything for Roman, it only served to make him more angry, and more bitter. Stefano had tortured his family, made them all suffer, because of John. He didn’t blame his father… he blamed the son. If it was possible, he despised the man even more.

His ears perked up when he heard his father say, “There’s something else, too, Caroline… John and Marlena, they told me Marlena’s pregnant. They’ll be having twins.”

“Twins!” Caroline exclaimed in joy, clapping her hands together. “Oh Eric, Sami, and Carrie are going to be so excited.” She got quiet for a moment, and then she said, “Oh, but this is going to upset Roman…”

Roman couldn’t hold back anymore. He roared with rage, unsure of what to do or where to go. His fist slammed into the wall beside him, crashing through the drywall. He was slamming his way out the front door of the house before his parents were able to catch him and stop him. “Go after him, Shawn. Please! I’ll call Marlena,” Caroline said.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Pier 29, Salem

John stood behind Marlena with his arms wrapped around her waist on the pier, both of them breathing in the smell of the river water, and enjoying the quiet of the night. They had gotten the twins settled for the night, and left Carrie rewatching Goonies on the television, to take some time for themselves. John whispered, “I want to marry you.”

She giggled, “I think I knew that.”

“Soon,” he murmured, kissing her neck softly. “I want to make you my wife soon.”

They heard heavy footsteps coming down the stairs, and were surprised to see Bo. He’d been looking for them, and headed straight to the pier after Carrie had told him she thought they were walking down there. “John! Just the person I wanted to see,” Bo said. “I have a question about Hope.”

“I’ll help if I can,” John told him. In truth he wanted to be done with Stefano DiMera and his machinations, but John had a feeling he would always be pulled back when he least expected it. At times like this, when all he wanted was time with Marlena, and the chance to forget the past.

“I was talking to Marcus, and her memory seems blocked. I know that Stefano can brainwash people, and shit like that, but this seems different. Even under hypnosis she can’t seem to recall anything. She remembers everything up to being in the cage with Ernesto, but nothing after that… until she woke up here in Salem with the baby, and I’m—”

“—take her back to the hospital, and have Marcus do a scan of her head,” John said firmly. Even without the brain scan, John knew what Hope’s problem was. “It sounds very similar to what happened to me and I had—I had a G-d damned microchip wired into my nervous system.”

“What the fuck, John! Is it still in there?” Bo wanted to know. All he wanted was his wife back, and even though he had her, there was a piece missing.

“No. Shane was able to find a neurologist willing to do the surgery required to remove it. It’s out, but I have a feeling, if she has a chip in her head, once it’s removed, she’ll start remembering things,” John said. “I did.”

Marlena watched the relief that came over Bo’s features. She asked him, “How is she… and the baby?”

“They are fine physically. Hope’s upset a lot. She cries, because she can’t remember where she was, or who she was with, although I’ve told her. She’s upset that she doesn’t remember what she named our daughter, and has been referring to her as ‘the baby’. I told her… I told her we need to name the baby, but she’s determined to remember…”

“She sounds like she’s having a hard time adjusting,” Marlena said.

“Wouldn’t you?” Bo asked her. “I want to help her, and I feel so G-d damned helpless.”

“I would. I most certainly would. I could come by to see her if you’d like? Maybe talk to her?”

“I think—I think she’d like that, but first thing tomorrow we’re going to the hospital. I’m going to take your advice, John,” Bo told them. “If it’s in there, it’s coming out.”

“Call Shane,” John said. “Call Shane, and have him get the doctor from Santa Cruz involved. My recovery was three days, and she’s very kind.”

“Why wasn’t I invited to the family meeting?” Roman said harshly, stepping onto the pier. He watched as Marlena’s body stiffened, and John watched him warily. Looking at John, he said, “I overheard Pop telling Ma an interesting story tonight.”

“Roman, now isn’t the time,” John said. Apprehension rippled up his spine as he watched Roman.

“It isn’t? You fucking bastard, everything this family has gone through has been your fault!” Roman roared. “Stefano hated the Brady’s. He hated the whole family, because of you!”

Marlena started to say, “Roman, you know that’s not—”

“Yes, it is! Do you think Stefano would have come after this family, if John hadn’t existed?” Roman yelled.

“Roman Brady!” Shawn yelled, descending the stairs. Fury laced his words. “You were listenin’ at the door the whole time, weren’t ye?”

Bo glanced around realizing that something was going on that he wasn’t aware of. “I’m so fucking confused, right now. Can someone tell me what the hell is going on?”

“John here, dear baby brother, is our father’s oldest son. Isn’t that right, Pop?” Roman said with venom. “You went and knocked up some girl in Ireland, and that kid has ruined all of our lives. Stefano hates all of us because of John.”

Shawn sighed, looking at Bo he said, “I found out today I had a son, before I met your mother. I didn’t know. It’s a long story, and I was plannin’ on tellin’ ye,” Shawn said. “And Stefano, he used us all… especially John.”

Bo’s face lit up as if none of the specifics mattered. He looked towards John, “So, you’re still my brother?”

John smirked at the childlike joy on Bo’s face, and responded, “Yeah. I’m still your brother, brat.”

Roman found himself even angrier at Bo’s easy acceptance, “If it weren’t for John—”

Shawn lost what little patience he had left. He was tired, and overwhelmed. He was still coming to terms with seeing Vivian after all of those years, and trying to wrap his head around Stefano’s insanity. “—Roman, ye be shuttin’ yer mouth now! Ye hear me? John had nothing to do with this. Ye want someone to blame, ye blame me.. .or the one that truly deserves it, Stefano DiMera.”

Chapter 53

July 27, 1992

John and Marlena’s Lakehouse

Johnny you, I can pretend with

You’re the only one I can really bend with

Take me across the river Styx

Fill my eyes with fire tricks

~ Johnny Moon ~ Heart ~

John stared at the vaulted ceiling of the bedroom, as he thought about what had taken place over the last three months. Roman had never come to see the children. He never even called. He’d simply contacted Shane, since he was now ISA Chief, and requested an overseas ISA assignment. Shane had tried to talk him out of it. None of it mattered. He was gone within a week of the argument on the pier. 

Sami and Eric went about their lives as if nothing significant had happened. To them, their Daddy was the man who shared the room downstairs with their Mommy. Carrie was the one who struggled more. Her abandonment issues came to the forefront again. All John and Marlena could do for her was continue to be the best parents they could be. John especially. He intentionally spent extra time with Carrie. He’d signed up to be her softball coach, and he took her rollerblading, since, according to Carrie, roller skates were out now. John smiled to himself. She lived with him and Marlena, and he would be comfortable with her anywhere else. He and Marlena would continue to attend therapy sessions with her, and he would always be there for his daughter.

John rolled over in the early morning light, and lay there watching Marlena sleep. They were still waiting for her divorce to go through, even though she had filed nearly a month ago, citing irreconcilable differences. Mickey said it was harder to divorce someone who couldn’t be located, but it wasn’t impossible. 

John brushed his fingers through the loose strands of her hair at her shoulder, and wondered at the softness of her features as she slept. Her abdomen was softly rounded with their babies, and the whole experience only made him love her more. She was the sexiest woman alive, and she was his woman.

Vivian had decided to stay in Salem. She had the money to stay wherever she wanted. According to her, so did John. He also had the money from the account in Lugano, and through the process of regaining his memories, and his hypnosis sessions with Marlena, he’d learned that the money in that account, was originally part of Forrest Alamain’s trust fund. Stefano had taken the money, and placed it into separate accounts, each one under the name of one of John’s alias’. He’d spent years thinking that he had stolen that money, not that stealing from Stefano was a great drain on his morality, only to realize that he hadn’t. It was his to begin with.

This new life with Marlena was all he’d ever wanted. He’d wanted to be surrounded by family, with his children. And when the twins had asked John what they should call Vivian, he had jokingly replied, “She’d love it if you called her Granny Viv.”

The name had stuck, much to his chagrin, and his mother’s irritation. As it stood, Vivian had meshed well with the twins, and many times, while John stood off to the side, her interactions with them would trigger memories for him of happier times. Although the people of Salem knew him as John, Vivian still referred to him as Forrest. It didn’t bother him, and he found a certain amount of comfort in it. It felt right for her to call him that.

Marlena felt the softness of John’s fingers trail along her neck, and she sighed in pleasure at the heat and sensation that bloomed in their wake. “Hmmmmm. Good morning,” she whispered softly. He could look at her across the room, and she would want to make love. She didn’t remember being so sensitive when she was pregnant with her other children, but with John every touch was foreplay. “That feels good, Sailor.”

“I can make you feel better,” he murmured, using gentle pressure as he moved his hand up, and over her hip. “I can make you feel so much better,” he told her, gently lifting the thin strap of her nightgown, and moving it to the side. He licked a slow, moist path from her shoulder to her collarbone, causing her to moan. Marlena was always receptive to his advances, but with this pregnancy, she was combustible.

“Oh!” she exclaimed, with a smile on her face. The babies were kicking. Reaching for John’s hand she placed his palm on her belly, just as she felt another small thump from inside.

John’s face lit up in wonder, “Is that the babies?” He’d been waiting, hoping it would happen soon.

“Yes. It’s just been flutters and butterflies until now,” she said, looking down at John’s hand still splayed out on her stomach. “I guess my excitement, and increased heart rate woke them up.” John had tears in his eyes as he stared at his own hand, and Marlena asked him, “Are you okay?”

“I was always so—I never thought that I would get this with you,” he said. “After Mexico, I truly thought I would never be able to hold you like this again, and now…” He took a deep breath, burying his face in her hair. “…now I’m the luckiest man alive.”

Marlena watched him lift his head, as a tear escaped his eye, and made its way down his cheek. “When I realized I might be pregnant…there was a part of me that worried you might regret being with me.”

“No. Doc, No,” he said softly. He kissed her cheek softly, allowing his lips to linger, as he whispered, “Never.”

“I worried that our proximity, and the stress we were under might have influenced your decision to be with me… and I–I kept thinking about Mexico.”

“Our proximity helped, but it wasn’t the reason… even before we left, the thought of being alone with you… fuck, I knew it was dangerous. That night on the pier when I was upset about the children’s reactions to me… do you remember? It was last Christmas?” he asked her.

“I remember,” Marlena replied.

“I had to fight myself from reaching out and kissing you. You would whisper my name, and my mind would scream mine. I knew being with you was going to be impossible. I knew what I was doing when I told you we were leaving town,” he whispered against her ear. John’s hand’s began to slowly roam over the curves of her body. “In the hotel in Kearney… I kept wondering how I was going to keep my hands off of you, because I knew that living with you in the cabin was going to be a true test of my ability to restrain myself. And while we were there, with the children, and Carrie… fuck, Doc, it felt like we were a real family. I found myself having to pause, and remember that we weren’t, forcing myself to hold back, and I couldn’t do it. I was afraid that when Torres was caught, or killed, you and the kids would go back to Roman. You would go back to Roman and I would lose you again. Within two days, I knew I couldn’t accept that, and losing you again would hurt so badly.”

Marlena rolled towards him, “Do you remember the morning we sent the children to Denver with Abe?”

“I do,” he replied, settling his hand on her ribs, directly beneath her breasts.

“Carrie came to speak with me. She asked me if I still loved you, because, John, it was that obvious,” Marlena said, watching her own hand, while her fingers brushed through the hair on John’s chest. Intentionally scratching him with her fingernails, she dragged them down softly, scraping the sensitive flesh of his nipple. “I was afraid to be alone with you,” she told him, staring up into his eyes. He could feel the sting in his skin from her fingernails, and felt his cock begin to grow when she said, “…because I wanted you, and I knew it was wrong. I knew what was going to happen if you let it. I knew that, because I wasn’t going to stop it from happening. So when I realized I was pregnant… I worried that maybe you weren’t ready.”

“You… having our babies… Doc, that’s everything I thought I’d never get,” he whispered, drawing the strap to her nightgown over her shoulder. “I can never get enough of you, baby,” he told her, sliding his finger under the beige satin, and freeing one of her breasts. Touching the pebbled tip softly with the end of his finger, John smiled, at Marlena’s small gasp, as he watched her reaction play over her skin. Leaning forward, and slowly licking over her dusky nipple, he rasped, “I can never get enough of you.”

Marlena threaded her fingers through his dark hair, holding his face close to her while he continued to suck, and lick over her breast. She moaned softly, arching into him. The sensations started to become more intense when his hand cupped her, squeezing her breast hard, while lifting it higher into his mouth. His hips rolled onto her, and he groaned deeply.

“Oh, G-d, John,” she panted, attempting to pull him closer. She felt his hand start pinching and rolling her nipple, tugging at it, with just enough pressure to make her start to quiver inside, and then he pulled her nightgown down on the other side, effectively trapping her arms. But she wanted to be trapped. She wanted to be at his mercy, while he drove her body insane with want.

“I will never get tired of the taste of your skin. The feel of it under my tongue,” he said, licking her neck. “Fuck, Doc… I love every inch of you,” he told her as his hands splayed over her ribs, holding her in place as he rose up over her. Pushing the fabric to her hips, he groaned as the swell of her stomach was revealed. For a moment, he cupped his children in his hands, and he groaned with how sexy he found her changing body. “You are so fucking gorgeous, Doc. I could worship your body for the rest of my life, and still never get enough of you.”

His hands caressed her belly, smoothing over the skin softly, and John smiled when he felt the thump against his palm from a baby within. John lay beside her, and kicked off his pajama bottoms. He slowly removed her nightgown, sliding the satin down her legs. After laying on his back, he reached for her, pulling her body over him. Marlena settled her core over his throbbing cock, and both of them sighed. He marveled at her body, the fuller breasts, the extra fullness around her hips and her ass. He stared up at her like she was a goddess, running his palms languidly over her skin in slow and deliberate circles. The fingers of one hand eventually threaded into her hair and while the other slid along her nape of her. Pulling her down for a kiss, he groaned when Marlena’s nose ran the length of his neck, and she whispered, “Oh… you smell so good.”

His fingers tightened in her hair as he held her mouth to his, “I want you to ride me, baby… so I can watch your breasts sway, and feel your hips roll.”

Marlena felt her core clench. Her arousal started to seep out, and she slowly slid back and forth feeling the slick heat of him. Her body pinned his cock against his abdomen, and she stared down at him watching his eyes flutter with desire. She had that power. The power to make him beg, “Like this?”

“You feel so wet… and so hot. It’s like bliss, and agony at the same time,” he whispered. “I need to be inside you. I need to feel you surrounding me.” Using his hands on her hips to lift her, he slid into her. John felt like he could passout right then, “Fuck, baby, you’re so tight…”

She ground herself down onto him, seating him as deep as he could go. The feel of his pubic hair, roughly brushing her clit had her ready to orgasm, and she rolled her hips a few times, just enjoying the friction. John’s hands on her hips stalled her, slowing her down, and frustrating her. “John…” she groaned.

“Not today, Doc. We’re not going to rush this today,” he told her, running his hands over her hips softly, and around to her buttocks. He squeezed her flesh, “You can come as much as you want, baby… but I’m enjoying this… so we’re going to slow down…”

Marlena rolled her hips again, and felt the sensations begin to build. It was so easy when she was pregnant, because she was so sensitive. “Oh,” she whimpered. John thrust up slightly, pushing into her deeply, and Marlena started panting with her desire, placing her palms on his chest, and leaning forward so he could hit that spot deep inside of her. She saw him watching the heavy sway of her breasts.

“You like it, don’t you, Doc? I fucking love it,” he told her, watching her body rock along his length. “You’re so tight, and hot. Fuck… you feel so good.”

His words pushed her onward, and she crashed into her first orgasm, still rolling her hips, and grinding her clit into him. “John,” she whispered. “I need more…please…”

Sitting up, he wrapped his arms around her tightly, bracing her against him. He could feel her burgeoning abdomen between and and thought she’d never been so sexy. He bit her neck roughly, pushing into her again, “You want more?”

“Yes,” she whispered, looping her arms around his neck. He pushed in again, hitting something inside her that felt electric. Her head fell back, her golden hair cascading over his arms, as she cried, “Yes!”

Slow? Had he said he wanted to go slow? He felt his own orgasm coming at the speed of a freight train. Lifting her with him, John kneeled on the bed, their bodies still connected, as he slid his hands underneath her, grabbing her ass, and pulling her closer, “Lay back. Lay all the way back, baby.”

Her shoulders touched the mattress, but still he held her hips higher. She stared up at him, watching as he pulled her lower body even higher, burying himself deep inside of her. He began to thrust, long, slow, and deep. She could feel herself building towards another orgasm. Every thrust of his hips had his cock hitting that sweet spot deep within her. “John,” she panted, rising higher. Her fingers wrenched at the sheets around her. “Oh, John!” she cried, as John pummeled her body, and she crashed over the precipice again.

He pushed into her, “I love watching you when you come.” Another thrust, “I used to dream about it when you were gone. I dreamed about you for years. I would be in awe of your face as an orgasm took over your body… and then I’d wake up alone.” He continued pushing into her, and he said softly, “I’d wake up, and I’d be so fucking hard for you, only to realize you weren’t there.”

His hips thrust forward again, and he slowly allowed her hips to fall. Leaning over her he kissed her, pushing his cock deep. Marlena cried out, wrapping her legs around his hips, and she pulled at his chest hair, “Kiss me, again.”

“I love you so much,” he said, pulling out slowly, and sliding back into her body. His mouth took her with a heavy rumbled moan in his chest. He pushed deep, holding himself there, as he bit the tender skin of her lips. Lifting his head to stare down into her amber eyes, he whispered, “I can’t imagine my life without you.”

“More,” she begged. He was making music with her body, but she wanted chaos. She wanted it hard, and fast. “Please, John… I need more of you.”

“You do?” he asked her with a sexy grin, while he thrust his hips into her one time. His eyes flashed with humor, as he pulled out so slowly she thought she might die from the torture. He stared at her for a moment, and then pushed against her so hard and so deep it took her breath away.

“G-d!” she screamed, barely able to gather her thoughts. Arching against him, she panted harshly, “Please, John! Please! Again!”

He thrust forcefully once more, watching as her eyes rolled back briefly. It was getting harder, and harder to hold back his own climax. Her body, her words, her reactions, were all pushing him closer to the edge. “Fuck, Doc, I just want to ravage you,” he groaned, resting his forehead on her shoulder.

She begged him, almost sobbing, “John, please! Please. Just do it!”

“You want that? Don’t you, baby?” he asked her, with the question in his eyes. His hands soothed her, caressing over her skin. His words were calming, but she knew it was an act. John was anything but calm, “You want me to pound into you… because fuck, that sounds like heaven.”

She gasped, “I love you. I love you… but right now, I don’t need slow and sexy.”

“Hard and fast, Doc?” John asked her roughly, biting the skin where her neck met her shoulder. 

“Oh, G-d, yes… please… yes,” she moaned softly.

John quickly looped his arms under hers, and reached for her shoulders, bracing them together tightly. With a rough groan, he told her, “Fuck, yes, baby… yes…” He roared as his hips began to pound into her, and all she could do was lie there, rising higher and higher, until she exploded into space and time for the third time that morning.

When John’s orgasm hit him, he was lost in Marlena. There was nothing else, except the feel of her, the smell of her, and her warmth, as it surrounded him. She was love, light, and life all rolled into one. She was his other half.

Chapter 54

November 5, 1992

Salem University Hospital

Painted across the sky

This moment is yours and mine

Gentle like we’d breathe

Sacred, like we’d bleed

~ One Word ~ Heart ~

Dr. Bader looked at the monitor with concern checking all of the angles she could, and then back to Marlena, saying, “One of the babies is breech, and I’m concerned about your blood pressure.”

“I’ve been resting, and eating right. I know I need to stay pregnant for as long as possible to give them the best chance,” Marlena said. “Do you think there’s a chance that the baby might turn?”

“Your due date is in about two weeks. You’ve done better than most twin pregnancies, and all of your previous children were born early. I think we should go ahead and schedule—” Dr. Bader was interrupted when the door flew open, and a very frazzled and soaking wet John was standing there. 

Water dripped from his hair into his eyes, and he gasped, “Am I late?”

Marlena thought he looked as if he’d been through a hurricane, “John!”

He rushed to her side, “I’m so sorry, Doc. There was a car accident, and then I couldn’t find parking, plus the rain. I’m sorry. Did I miss anything?”

“One of the babies is breech, and my blood pressure is still high,” Marlena told him, catching him up quickly. “Baby B is cooperating, and Baby A has decided that she prefers to kick my bladder.”

“I’ve been making her rest, Dr. Bader,” John said. “It’s not helping?”

Dr. Bader smiled, “Sometimes taking it easy isn’t enough, but since her blood pressure is elevated, and Baby A is breech, I think we should go ahead, and schedule a cesarean section. It would be the safest route.”

John was worried. He’d never been through this before, “But her due date—”

Marlena found it endearing that he worried about her so much, “John, it’s okay. I’m close enough to my due date that it won’t matter.” She turned to Dr. Bader, “When were you thinking about scheduling it?”

Karen knew that Marlena wasn’t going to like her answer. “Honestly? I’d like to get you admitted now, and do the surgery this afternoon.”

“This afternoon?” Marlena asked in shock. “I’m not ready! My bags not packed, I have to have someone watch the children–”

Karena cut her off, “–your blood pressure is concerning, and with the risk of preeclampsia, I would feel much better doing it as soon as possible.”

John leaned over, kissing Marlena on the forehead, and said, “Looks like we’re having some babies, baby.”

“Real funny,” she said with a smirk. Marlena started formulating a plan in her head. She obviously wasn’t going anywhere. With a sigh she asked John, “Can you call your mother, and see if she can check on Carrie and the twins?”

“I sure can, pretty lady. I’ll be right back,” he said, kissing her again, and leaving the room. “Don’t go anywhere.”

“As if I could,” Marlena muttered with a grin. When John had closed the door behind himself, she looked at Dr. Bader, and asked her, “Why are you rushing this?”

“Your blood pressure has been elevated for weeks, Marlena. With preeclampsia there is a risk of seizures. You know that. I’d simply like to err on the side of caution,” Dr. Bader told her.

“You’re sure?” Marlena asked.

“I wouldn’t lie to you. The babies are developed enough to deliver, Baby A is breech, and yes, I am worried that if the high blood pressure continues you could have seizures.” Dr. Bader was more than a little concerned about Marlena’s blood pressure, but as a professional, she couldn’t allow that fear to show. 

“Ok. Ok, I guess we’re about to have some babies,” Marlena sighed with relief. She had been feeling more lethargic, and the dizzy spells were more frequent. She was supposed to be resting, but she also knew she was still over doing it. Taking the babies now would be the best.

Karen smiled at Marlena with reassurance, “I’ll leave you to get changed, and go make a call to admissions.”

After Dr. Bader had closed the door behind her, Marlena went to get up from the exam table. She was immediately dizzy, at first thinking that maybe she had stood up too fast, but then she was also nauseous, and realized her vision was blurry. It was too late. She tried to get down from the small step, and felt as if the room was spinning. It was too late, her balance was off, her hands flew out to catch her, but she fell to the floor, and all she could hear was John’s voice screaming, “Doc! Wake up, Doc!”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

John sat beside Marlena, holding her hand in his, and running his thumb over her palm, hoping that the sensation and the sound of his voice would bring her back to him. He’d found her seizing three hours earlier on the exam room floor, and Dr. Bader had taken her into surgery as soon as she’d stabilized her. Now, they were waiting for her to wake up. He desperately needed her to wake up.

“Hey, Doc, we have two of the prettiest babies in Salem. Both of them are healthy. I can’t wait for you to meet them, and we still have that little issue of naming them, you know,” he said softly. “They’re beautiful, Doc. Absolutely beautiful. I was surprised, I’ll be honest. They got my eyes, but the hair…well, you’ll see when you open those beautiful hazel eyes what their hair looks like. You know, Dr. Bader thinks they might be identical. She’s running a test to determine if they are.” He paused watching her prone form lying in the bed, and silently willed her to open her eyes. Looking down at where his hand held hers, he said, “I ran into Pop last night on the pier, and I started thinking about my name. John Black is a name that I will forever associate with Stefano. I’m not sure I want to live like that, and Pop said…well, he said I was a Brady, and he wanted me to be a Brady—” Marlena’s fingers twitched, “Doc? Baby? Can you hear me?”

Marlena’s eyes opened slowly, trying to adjust to the harsh fluorescent lighting in the room. John rushed to shut off the lights, and went back to her side. She stared at him for a moment, and then tried to speak, but her throat was so dry. For the second time, he rushed to assist her. “I got you, Doc. Hold on,” John said, bringing her a cup of water with a straw, and holding it so she could sip.

“Where are the babies?” she asked him, glancing around the room. “I want to see them.”

“The babies are resting. They had quite the adventure, a little bit of a rough start, and they need to be monitored for a little while that’s all,” he told her, sweeping her hair back off of her face. He didn’t tell her that Baby B needed help breathing, or that Baby A was tangled in her umbilical cord. He didn’t tell her that for a moment he thought he was losing everything.

Marlena stared at him with concern, “And they’re okay?”

“They are absolutely okay,” he told her.

She smiled at him, “So they look like you?”

“They have my eyes, and they are the cutest babies in Salem, Doc,” John said with a grin.

“When can I see them?” she wanted to know.

There was a knock on the door, and a nurse poked her head in, rolling a bassinet in front of her. “I have the babies if you’re ready for them.”

John took the bassinet from the nurse, gently rolling the twins towards Marlena. He grinned, noticing the hats they wore. He glanced up at Marlena, and said, “Talk about convenience.”

She tried to sit up higher, and winced in pain, forgetting that she’d just had surgery. John held her shoulders gently, pulling her up a little, and said, “Let me help you. Don’t try and do it yourself just yet.”

Once Marlena and John each had a baby in their arms, he said, “You’ve given me the greatest gift of my life, Doc.”

“We need to figure out what we were going to name them,” she said softly, touching the baby’s cheek softly.

Another knock at the door had them looking up, as Dr. Bader entered with a wide smile, “It’s official, you have identical twins.”

“Really?” Marlena asked with tears in her eyes, thinking about her sister Samantha.

“Identical girls,” John said softly, running his hand gently over his daughter’s head. “Eric and I are outnumbered.”

Dr. Bader smiled conspiratorially at John, “Has she seen their hair yet?”

“Their hair?” Marlena asked, tugging the knit hat off of her daughter’s head. She laughed loudly, “Oh, my!” The baby in her arms had the most gorgeous auburn curls she’d ever seen. They glowed like flames in the bright light of the room. She looked up at John, “Both of them?”

“They’re identical,” he told her. “I guess between my mother, and my father it was bound to happen.”

Marlena laughed again, stroking her fingers through her child’s hair. She stared at the baby in John’s arms, “Let me see.”

He smiled indulgently, and removed the other baby’s hat, and Marlena’s grin got even wider. “They’re perfect. Absolutely perfect.”

Dr. Bader checked Marlena’s incision, and her vitals, “Everything looks good. I’m going to keep you for a few days longer than I normally would just to keep an eye on the blood pressure.”

“But it should be fine now,” Marlena said. 

“It should be, but I’d like to keep you just to be certain,” Karen said before leaving the room.

“John?” Marlena said quietly.

“Yeah, Doc?”

“I heard what you were saying before I woke up. Shawn is right. You’re his son. You are a Brady, and if he wants you to take the Brady name… I think it would be good for you. It would break that connection to Stefano, and finally allow you to claim who you really are.”

He was silent for a moment, before he said, “When I thought I was Roman, I felt like such a part of that family, and then it was all torn away from me. I don’t know. I worry that I can’t get that feeling back.”

“They all love you, John. They all want you,” she said. John looked at her, raising his eyebrow in question, and she said, “Roman has left, and when it comes to this… his opinion doesn’t matter. Shawn, Caroline, Kayla, Kimberly, and Bo all want you.”

“So, John Brady, huh?” He wanted it so badly.

“I was thinking, John Forrest Brady,” Marlena said with a smile.

His heart was so full when he heard her say it out loud, “Yeah. Yeah. I like that. That would make you Marlena Evans Brady again, once you marry me.”

Reaching for his hand, and threading their fingers together, she whispered, “The happiest days of my life were when I was married to you, and my name was Marlena Brady.”

“And what about these babies, Doc?” he asked her, bouncing his daughter in his arms.  “People are going to start visiting, and we need names. I know you’ve got something going on in that genius mind of yours. I can almost see the wheels turning.”

“I wanted to name them after you,” she said softly.

“After me?” he asked. “How do you plan on doing that?”

Marlena suddenly found herself feeling nervous, “It sounded great when I thought of it, but now I think it might be corny.”

He loved her so much. With a teasing grin he said, “Why don’t you tell me, woman, and I’ll tell you what I think.”

“Willow and Aspen…because your name was Forrest,” she said softly, staring down at her daughter.

John looked at the baby asleep in the bassinet, and his other daughter held tightly in Marlena’s arms, “Willow and Aspen are very fitting and beautiful names, Doc. These two little girls are very special babies.”

“I’m so happy with you, with our children, with our family. A year ago—I never thought I could have this with you,” she whispered. “I never thought that my dreams, and my fantasies could never come true.”

“There’s just one more thing we gotta do,” John told her. “To make this permanent… you’re going to have to marry me.”

She studied his face, thinking that she would never tire of looking at him, and said, “Any day of the week. You just tell me when, and I’ll be there.”

He kissed her softly, stroking his hands over her face gently, “Next week Friday?”

“Next week?” she asked in surprise. “You want to get married next week?”

He stared at her for a moment. He couldn’t think of anything in that moment that would make him happier. “That’s a fact, Doc. Next week… on Friday. Will you do it?”

“Yes,” Marlena whispered, looking into John’s deep blue eyes. “I will follow you anywhere, Sailor. Anywhere.”