Reminiscences and Regrets
She walked up to the living-room window of her fairly new penthouse and looked at the million lights blinking against the dark background. The buildings, tall and imponent, seemed to comfort the troubled mind. Her right index drew different shapes against the lifeless glass. Slowly, very slowly. As if trying to become a part of that world on the otherside. Salem, her adopted city, the place where she”d lived the best and the worst hours of her life. She used to be one with the city, but that would never happen again. She wasn”t whole anymore to become one with anything or anyone. A man was responsible for that, the man she truly loved, the man she drove away, John Black.
“Oh, John!”, she sighed in anguish, “Why didn”t I stop you? Why did you have to go?” And then, again, she had to accept her huge responsibility in what had happened. From the moment she let him slip away to go back to Roman, she had made one mistake after the other. Yes, there was Isabella, but she knew better than that, she was no real opponent. It was her stupid decision to make things right, to do what was supposed to be done, to be fair to a man she had once loved, who was the father of her children, to follow her brain instead of her heart. A part of her would always love Roman, but her heart belonged to John from the minute she laid eyes on him and felt that electricity jolting her body. She loved him way before they assumed he was Roman. And it was to that Roman she returned from her five-years sleep; the memories they had built together were the ones she remembered the most without knowing why. She never asked herself why was it that whenever she would think about Roman (before Stefano took her away, and right after she woke up), she would always remember the times they spent together since he came back to Salem as amnesiac John Black, never before that. As if he were a different person. Then she knew. What use had it been? She didn”t even realize at the time the sacrifice she was making, she really thought she still loved Roman. And in a way she felt that she owed him, for making a new life for her and their children, for not knowing, for being happy without him. It was so confusing! She didn”t understand then the extent of her decision. John went back to Isabella, she tried to rebuild a life with Roman and the children, and they started denying what was so obvious, the love that was beating hard underneath the surface. But every time she would see him, or talk to him, she would go back home feeling down and blue. It was so hard to watch him with Isabella! But she had to keep silent, she had no right to complain. She convinced herself that he was better of without her, that he was happier that way, and she should be happy as well. She never could. Now it seemed so stupid to have even tried!
Then Brady was born, and she was truly happy for him. She knew how errible it was for him to give up the twins he had raised as his own, and he was such a wonderful father. God was making things right! “For a change…”, she slipped out and quickly regretted it”I”m sorry, Lord, I know it”s not your fault”, she added feeling guilty enough. And once again grief stricken John”s life, Isabella died. And he was left so sad, so alone. She could feel his pain as if it were her own, and she wanted to heal him more than anything. She couldn”t stand to see him suffering. That”s when she opened her heart again, without realizing that she would never be able to shut it down. First slowly, then flooding, the love she had buried underneath a million explanations emerged as strong as ever. The same happened to him. Soon enough they both knew what the other was feeling and while John had tried unsuccessfully to make her see his point, that they loved each other truly and completely and they should be together, she had denied it over and over, trying with all her might to believe it herself.
Guilt was a constant in her life, it seemed. Some thought about her as a compassionate
woman, but it wasn”t compassion, it was pure and simply that overpowering feeling of guilt she felt every time she saw Roman, his happiness and his unconditional love for her, and she remembered all those years that he missed, and all that went with it. She had experienced it herself, being away from her family, coming back to find another woman ready to take her place. She remembered how devastated she was, how her whole world seemed to fall apart in one second. She wasn”t ready to willingly make him go through that. And for that reason she had let him go after he openly declared his love and asked for her to do the same. She broke his heart, yes, but her heart was breaking, too, in a million pieces.
She remembered that night so well… He had been talking about going away, about taking Brady to live somewhere far from Salem, somewhere where he wouldn”t be forced to meet her, and pretend that they were just friends, where he wouldn”t have to see her knowing she belonged to another man. He had been pretty serious about it, specially since their last conversation. It occurred at their pier. She had gone there to find some peace of mind, to dream about a different and impossible reality. He had followed her, as he usually did lately. Once again he talk to her of their love, about not denying it anymore, about telling the truth to Roman. She had been so shocked by his determination, by the will in his eyes, that she couldn”t utter a word. Maybe because she knew that she would give in to him if she did. He was so close that her skin was on fire, but her mind kept repeating her one word “Roman”. Finally, he gathered her in his arms, and kissed her, stirring the passion she had locked inside. She gave in to that kiss she had longed since the moment she walked away from him to go with Roman. But when they parted, (John sure that he had won the battle, Marlena positively convinced that maybe there was a chance for them), a glimpse of the ring Roman had placed on her finger on their wedding day awoke her conscience. And out of nowhere her brain found the strength to say the only thing that would stop his quest. “I love Roman… more than I could ever love you”, the sadness that covered his deep-blue eyes tore at her core, but her head was in charge now, and it commanded her eyes to focus on his.
He knew she was telling the truth. She could never look him in the eyes, and tell a plain lie like that. The gentle grip of his hands on her arms subsided as he took a step back and stared at her in horror. Tears welling in his eyes rapidly started to flow. He tried to say something, but couldn”t find any words, his mouth wide open. He looked at her for another moment, as if expecting some reaction, a word from her telling him it was a mistake, and when it didn”t happen, he just turned around and left. She felt her knees weaken. The next second, she fell to the wooden floor and cried out loud, finally realizing what she had done. It was long after that she went back home, only to find Roman and Sami waiting eagerly with a surprise: Eric had come home. And that deluded reality made her think she had chosen the only possible outcome.
Of course, she regretted everything the next morning, and spent the day trying to figure out what to do. She decided to try to talk to him out of that crazy idea of leaving Salem, which she was positive he would carry out given the last events. She just couldn”t bear the thought of living without him, even if she couldn”t live with him. She freaked out when she arrived at the loft to find out that he was really gone. She found Victor”s note near the telephone, and rushed to the airport despite the stormy night, but the plane had taken off long ago.
It all happened so fast after that. She didn”t have a very clear recollection of what came next. The Anniversary party that she never showed up at, Roman sitting on the couch after a sleepless night, waiting for her, playing over and over John”s message. He was smart enough to make ends meet. She didn”t even try to deny it. He was angry, yes, but eventually he understood. She never had to make a decision, he was very clear on the matter, he didn”t want to spend one more day with her. It was all a mess. The children blaming her for breaking their family, the Bradys and the Hortons trying to stay partial, but having a hard time considering both Roman and Marlena were so much a part of their hearts, as well as John. She moved out of the house since the twins didn”t want her there, and ended in the penthouse John had offered her as a token of his love shortly after he started pursuing her. She wasn”t up to finding him during that time, she felt too torn.
When she finally came to her sense it was too late, noone knew where he was.
A sad smile appeared on her lovely face as she sunk into the couch lost in reminiscing.
Wondering if there was some way out, if there was still a chance for them. She didn”t care about anybody anymore, all she wanted was to find him and tell him how sorry she was, how much she loved him, to ask for one more chance…
“Oh, my love, where are you?”, she spoke out loud, “Does fate still hold a chance for us?”
A Change of Air
He was caressing her face, ever so tenderly, his eyes locked in hers, his outh moist and warm ready to drink from her opened lips. No words were needed, they both knew about their never-ending love, they both felt the total bliss of being together once more.
Her tongue drew the contour of her mouth in anticipation and he came even closer, but still not making contact. His breath sending shivers through her back, his hands descending slowly to her waist, her fingers tangled in his thick dark hair. Until they couldn”t hold back any longer and his lips traveled the small distance to her mouth, and just then the journey began…
She almost shouted when she woke up startled by the intensity of her dream, soon enough her excitement was replaced by tears that flowed down her blushed cheeks. She covered her mouth with her hand, slightly succeeding in refraining a mournful sob. Her heart pounding so hard she could hear it, waiting for it to break in pieces any moment.
She was still on the couch, but the sun was rising. She had obviously fallen asleep while thinking about her love, but then again, she always did.
She got up dismissing her sadness, angry at herself for going there over and over.
What for? It has been almost a year now. A year in which she hadn”t heard from him, noone had, not even his so called friends. He wasn”t bluffing, he had disappeared from the face of the earth. Not even Victor had been able to find him. They lost track of him when he landed in Portland to leave the jet and take another plane with unknown destination; his businesses were being taken care by some multi-national buffet. She couldn”t help but being angry at him too. It made no sense, but that”s how she felt. She was angry at him for leaving her after declaring over and over she was his life, for not fighting harder. But fight for what? For a woman who had confessed loving her husband more? Something she would regret for the rest of her life. But then again, she couldn”t keep on living by it.
She needed to move forward or she would end up crazy.
Laura had insisted over and over that she should make a short trip, get away from the memories to heel and regain her will for life. She had insinuated that she could fall in love again, but she knew better than that. There was no place in her heart for any other man than John, there never was. Still, a change of air maybe wasn”t such a bad idea. There were many things she had to mend, mainly her relationship with the kids. Even though they had come to accept the dissolution of their family (only because there was nothing else they could do about it), and had began speaking to her again, their relationship was shattered. She wanted to be a mother for them again, to have them confide in her, share this very important part of their lives, help them through all the changes from teenagers to adults. Yes, maybe going away for a while would help her recover some peace of mind, put things in perspective, leave the past behind and find some way to go on. She remembered her friend, Dr. Bader, offering their beach-house in Malibu when she and Roman split up. She and her husband went there now and then, escaping from the hectic city life. Maybe she could take up on her offer, if it wasn”t too late.
Once she made up her mind to go to sunny California, she called Jane Bader, who was delighted to help. After checking with the airline and booking a flight for the next morning, she went over to her old house to say good-bye to the twins. Roman wasn”t there, thankfully. He still hadn”t come to terms with the divorce, even though he was the one to file for it. That was the main reason why she had grown apart from the Bradys, it was almost impossible to be in the same room with him without noticing the reproach in his eyes. And if they exchanged the slightest phrases, he was always cold and distant, as if he didn”t care at all about her. Hoping for him to forgive her was too much, in his eyes, she would always be the one who betrayed his trust and his love. Sami and Eric were home, but they didn”t care much about what she did or where she went. They bid her farewell without much enthusiasm and she left feeling worst than she was when she came. That was it, she absolutely had to clear her head and the further the better. She made the necessary arrangements with her secretary and talked to Laura to let her into her plans. As usual, her friend was far more excited than she was. She packed her things and went to bed hoping to get through the night without crying herself to sleep.
The next morning she was flying to Los Angeles determined to find a way to get her life back on track.
The Lady and the Sea
So far, all she had done was a lot of thinking, taking long walks along the beach and staring into the blue ocean as if looking for an answer that wouldn”t come. It had helped, though, being away from Salem, from the pressure of her environment, from everything that reminded her of John Black. The memories seemed a little further, less painful. For the first time since her return to Salem, she felt as if there was a chance at being at peace.
Not happy maybe, but at ease with herself. Maybe she could get over the pain of losing
John for good, maybe she still had an opportunity to make something with her life. She looked around at the cozy Bader estate, and thought about her beautiful penthouse. Yes, she had a house of her own, but was it a home? Yes, she had plenty of money, a good job, a successful career… But what was so great about all that if she had noone to share it with? Not even her children. And almost laughed at Laura”s suggestion of getting her a dog. A dog was not company enough! She could talk to it and tell it about her problems, and then what? An “arf” and some barking? What on earth was wrong with her anyway?
Why couldn”t she be happy by herself? There were plenty of independent women out there to prove that one could be alone and happy at the same time… But maybe that was because they had never experienced the great love she had and they didn”t know what they were missing. She did.
The sky was cloudy, but she decided to go out anyway. She loved the feeling of the sand under her bare feet, the lullaby of the sea singing in her ears. No sunset today, but it was all right. She threw a thin jacket over her shoulders and went out in the semi-cold evening. She walked until she lost track of time, so deep in thought she was that she didn”t even notice the sky darken more with every passing hour. Not until little, thin drops began falling over her head and the skies had turned black from the clouds and the night.
She looked around in an effort to determine where she was. When she saw the big stone-house on top of the hill so close, she knew she was far away from home! She covered her head with the hood of her jacket in an attempt to fight the now freezing wind, turned around and began her way back. Fifteen minutes later, the tiny drops had become a thick water curtain and she was soaking wet, from head to toes. She could hardly tell if she was on the right track, but went on, shivering and so tired.
She fell down, once again, her face going right into the wet sand. But this time, when she was struggling to get on her feet despite the strong wind and heavy rain, she saw a light. Yes, it was a light, thank God! She walked towards it and soon distinguished the shape of a window, and a house. It wasn”t very late, the owners were probably up. She would be a stranger coming up to their door looking like a mess, all right, but what else could she do? She was freezing and beginning to get pretty scared, apart from being totally lost. With all the strengths she had left, she climbed up the stairs, which seemed to be endless. She finally reached the rear door. No bell, so she knocked as loud as she could for what seemed an eternity. Noises. Another light went on, the knob turned, and someone opened the door. She could not see very well because of the rain and the bright light against her eyes, but it was the shape of a man. “I”m sorry to bother you so late,” she started, “but I got lost and…” “Come on in”, he interrupted even though he could barely hear what she was saying due to the loud sound of the storm, but she was obviously in trouble and that was enough, and stepped aside to let her into the house. “Ugh! I”m freezing!”, she said blowing into her cold hands, her back turned to his savior. “Let me help you with your jacket”, the stranger offered and she froze at the sound of his voice.
She tried to talk, to turn around and face him, but she was so stunned that all she could do was drop her arms to the side and let him take her soggy jacket. “You”re soaking wet!”, he continued and now she was certain, it was him!, “I”ll fix you a nice cup of tea,” he added while taking her jacket “and get you some dry…”, then it stroke him.
He glanced at the woman infront of him. Even though all he could see was the back of a wet, trembling creature, he would recognize that shape among a million others. She knew too, and very slowly turned around to face him, her eyes shining from gratitude to the Lord, a small smile shyly lifting her mouth.
“John!”, was all she could utter.
“Doc!”, he said in bewilderment.
Ghosts And Other Spirits
There he stood, speechless, trying to believe his deep-blue eyes. There she stood, her heart threatening to jump out of her body, trembling at the sight of him. He was wearing blue jeans and a red and black flannel shirt, looking as handsome as ever, she thought.
She was out of her fancy suits, wet from head to heels, dripping rain and sand, and still her ravishing beauty was untouched, he told to himself. Both John and Marlena were frantically searching for something to say, but failed miserably as their feelings were overwhelming. She wanted to jump into his arms and kiss him to death, she felt like screaming, and crying, and laughing, all at once. But she didn”t know where to begin, how to start to ask for his forgiveness. At last she had found him! Oh, she loved him so! He was fighting the urge to grab her by the shoulders and plant a searing kiss on those quivering lips. But she wasn”t there for him, she didn”t come to tell him she had changed her mind; she was plain and simply lost. What was she doing so far away from home?
Oh, God, how could he not love her!
And they would have probably kept standing there in silence if it weren”t because the combination of chilly air and wet clothes sent her to shiver uncontrollably. His sweetheart was in trouble, that”s all it took to make him come to his senses. “Oh, Doc, you”re trembling!”, he was concerned, and before any of both could react, he had gathered her in his arms as if by holding her he could transfer his body heat to her soul.
She didn”t react at first, but then she felt his strong arms surrounding her, his big hands rubbing her back, and she was lost. She rested her head against the chest she knew so well and locked her hands firmly behind his back, she had never felt as comfortable as she did when she was in his arms. Soon the coldness subsided, but the trembling remained due to the cascade of sobs that followed. Tears streamed down her face, landing on John”s already soaked shirt, and she just cried relieving the pent-up tension of his absence, the joy of having him back.
“Shh, Doc, it”s OK…”, his soothing voice soft against her ear, “You”re safe now.
There”s nothing to worry about”, he couldn”t hide his concern for her, but there was also that ancient sadness in his voice, just the same as when he talked about leaving Salem.
“Oh, no! I have to tell him the truth! He doesn”t know how much I love him!”
She broke the embrace to look him in the eyes, a huge smile on her face.
“We have to get you out of those clothes”, she glowed at the “we”, “or you”ll catch a bad cold”, he said and disappeared to the living-room.
She followed him, determined to make him listen. Who cared about a cold at a time like this! He was at the front closet, getting a blanket and a towel. She waited rather impatiently in the middle of the living-room, knowing for a fact he wouldn”t pay her attention until he was sure she was all right. Finally he walked by to where she was standing.
“John…”, she started, but a noise at the top of the stairs caught her attention.
“Frank, honey, who was that at the door?”, asked a female voice as it made its way down the staircase, “Oh! I didn”t know we had company…”, she sounded surprised, but rapidly joined them.
She looked up to see a blond, skinny woman wearing the top of a man”s pjs under her blue robe. Why did she call him Frank?
“I… I got lost”, Marlena explained trying to bring her mind to what was happening, not very sure were she was standing, “Before I could manage my way home, the storm caught me”, trying to hide her despair.
“It certainly did!”, she noticed her dishelved appearance, “Why don”t you get near the fire?”, she guided a shocked Marlena to a rocking chair next to the roaring fire, placing the blanket over her legs, “Frank, darling, why don”t you fix her a cup of tea while I get her something of mine to wear?”, she took over the situation, “Oh, how rude of me! I”m Kristen.”, she offered her right hand, “I believe you”ve already met Frank…”
“Yes”, she managed to respond, not sure whether to just run away or try the polite way out, “I”m Marlena”, she refrained from telling her last name since she didn”t know how much she knew about John”s life.
Kristen didn”t give it a second thought so Marlena doubted very much that she would link her to John, if he had lied about his name it was likely that he would have done the same about his past. In the meantime, John had remained next to the kitchen door, not sure of what to do, much less what to say. He hadn”t had time to warn Doc about his change of identity or about the woman laying upstairs, and he wasn”t about to ask her to lie for him. So be it.
“But, please, don”t bother”, she wanted to get out of that place as soon as possible, “If you just let me call a cab, I”ll be out of here in a second.”
“Absolutely no! You need to get out of those wet clothes.”, she insisted, “Besides a cab will take ages to get here with this storm. I”ll be right back. In the meantime you can drink that nice cup of tea that my husband is fixing for you”, she looked over to John to command him to the kitchen, if not she would have noticed the look of utter devastation on Marlena”s face.
As suddenly as she had appeared, she was gone. Leaving Marlena in total havoc, a grief so intense she could hardly breathe. Now she really wanted to run through the door and never look back, it didn”t matter she couldn”t find her way back to the house. At that point, she could very well sit on the beach under the terrible storm or just take a plunge in the wild waters of a furious sea. And she would have done it if only her legs had responded her brain”s orders. But her body was numbed, forcing her to the most painful experience of her life: watching the man she loved gone with another woman, for the second time. Too much for a poor soul as hers to take.
Where Do We Go From Here?
She sat there for what seemed an eternity, cold to the bones, but not because of the wet clothes and the bare feet. Tears threatened to leave her eyes any minute, and she had to use all of her willpower to force them from spilling. She couldn”t cry, not infront of him and certainly not infront of her. She had never contemplated that possibility, that he could be with another woman; in her head, she always pictured him lonely and devastated for the loss of his one true love. OK, it was selfish, but it was easier that way. Thinking he felt as miserable as she did had always made it seem as if he was closer, as if they were still together, even though it was by sharing such intense grief, but their souls were still in sync. Now, all of a sudden, out of the blue, she found out he wasn”t. He had moved on with his life and was happy again, while she had stopped living and wasn”t sure how much worst she could feel. Well, she knew now. Why couldn”t she be happy for him?
Wasn”t true love supposed to be unselfish? It sure didn”t feel that way!
“OK, Marlena”, she told herself, “What are you gonna do now? You have to get out of this place. Fast. Concentrate!”
When she finally found the strength to stand up, not sure what her next move would be, John”s voice, ever so tender, reached her as a whip.
“Here”s your tea, Doc”, he said sounding casual, yet thinking of a million questions he wanted to ask her.
She grabbed the cup from his hands, her cold fingers stopping for a second on his warm ones, sending shivers to them both. She got back to her place infront of the fire, he sat down on a chair opposite to her. She wondered if he was feeling as awkward as she was. Why couldn”t she reach out to him, and speak to him with the familiarity she used to? She had always felt at ease in his presence, but now she felt like a stranger, knowing they where anything but strangers to each other; the distance between them seemed like an ocean.
“What”s that Frank affair?”, she asked, her voice a little shaky, as if she had no right.
“When I came here I wanted to start anew, leave the past behind me,” he explained, but refrained from showing the pain he had to endure in the process “that”s how I came up with Frank. I was never John Black, anyway” he shrugged his shoulders.
That hit her hard. She had known him as John Black, loved him that way, she knew how much that name meant to him. If he had given up on the name, he had given up on all the life he could remember!
“Thanks for not revealing my identity”, deep inside him he wished she had, “I haven”t told Kristen anything about my previous life.”
“Why does he sound as if he had died and reborn again?”, she thought, but instead said, “Your welcome.”
And that was it for a while. Again that heavy silence between them. They couldn”t even look at each other, afraid of what they would find in that look, not wanting to endure the pain of realizing the other had gone past their love, thus, not seeing the love boiling inside of them. They were even grateful when they heard Kristen coming down, a stack of clothes in her hands.
“I”m sorry I took so long, but I wanted to check on the baby…”, she was the only joyful spirit in the room, but never noticed.
Marlena”s eyes opened wide, and she grew pale. “They have a child! But he”s been only missing for a year, that means he got her pregnant almost as soon as he left Salem…”, her head was spinning fast and she felt nauseous, “How could he do that! He said he loved me more than he”s own life, how could he runaway and fall for the first woman he met!”, she was sick to her stomach, and she was so angry she would have slapped him right there if it wasn”t because she didn”t want him to notice. So deep into her own thoughts she was, that she almost didn”t get the next phrase Kristen spoke.
“Brady was having a bad dream,”, she told John with a compassionate smile, “You should see him! He”s an angel!”, she addressed Marlena, who”s face lit with a sincere smile.
“Brady!”, she sighed with relief, “What were you thinking, girl! Oh, God, I have to get out of here!”
“Here”, Kristen handed her a pair of jeans, a shirt, socks, and snickers, “I think this should fit you. You can change in the bathroom by the main door”, she pointed out.
“Thank you”, was all she said and rushed to the safety of the bathroom.
She sat on the floor, against the closed door, trying to decide her next move. She had to get rid of her clothes, she was freezing. So she had no other option than to change into Kristen”s outfit.
“Good for you! Not only you covet her husband, you also get to wear her clothes!”, she scowled herself, “What am I going to do?” She knew that the right thing to do was to thank her hostess, leave and never come back. But she had done the right thing already, and where did that take her! No. She had finally found what her heart had been aching for since the instant she broke his heart. She was at last face to face with the man she loved.
“He”s married, Marlena!”, her conscience shouted. “I was married, too!”, her heart was stronger now. “I have to talk to him. I have to tell him how I feel.”, she unsuccessfully tried to calm down.
After a while, she emerged from the bathroom, clean and dry, her still wet hair naturally curling up. He had never seen a more beautiful creature, he thought. But she looked so sad… Why? In spite of himself, he had to find out the reason. He couldn”t bear to see her like that. He had to find a way to talk to her.
“You look much better!”, Kristen praised.
“Why did she have to be so nice!?”
“Would you like something to eat?”, she offered, delighted to play the good Samaritan in front of Frank.
“No, thanks. I really have to go. So if I could use your phone to call a cab…”
“That”s not necessary”, John spoke, his voice full of confidence again, his manner in charge of the situation, “I”ll drive you. In this rain, I doubt you”ll find a taxi available”, he said as he put on his leather jacket, held her soaked one firm in his hand and grabbed the keys to his jeep.
“Thanks”, she didn”t try to refuse.
Kristen just stood there, oblivious to the whole situation, used to Frank”s good deeds.
She even rushed to the kitchen to get a plastic bag for Marlena to put her wet clothes in.
“I”ll be back soon”, was all he told her, before escorting Marlena to the door.
He reached in the front closet and produced another jacket.
“You better put this on”, he helped her into it, and she trembled slightly when she recognized his manly scent imprinted in the fabric.
Then the uninvited guest and the owner of the house walked out the door and into the dark, cold night. Uncertain of what the future held for them, but feeling deep inside their lives would never be the same from that moment on.
Follow Your Heart
He held the door open for her and extended his left hand to help her climb to the jeep, not quite looking at her. She placed her delicate, small hand in his, and rested it there for one more second when she was settled on the leather seat, absorbing his warmth, making sure he was not a figment of her imagination. A sudden lightning heightened her perfect features, she was a vision sitting before him, yet she was really there, her fingers pressed against his palm. He let go, and climbed to his driving position. After giving him some directions, she sunk further into the seat, huddling in his jacket, inhaling his scent in trance. He started the car and drove into the black night, under a heavy rain.
She was rapidly regaining her composure thanks to the dry clothes, the heating he immediately turned on for her benefit, and the object of all her fantasies sitting by her side. She could hear his even breathing, and surreptitiously glanced at the motion of his broad chest, savoring a memory flash of his tanned, hairy skin bristling under the touch of her fingers. She gulped, refraining herself from jumping to his lap that very second.
“Calm down, Marlena. You have to talk to him first, let him know how you feel.” “Be careful, you don”t want to end up hurting him again.”, that was her conscience talking, “He”s married now, he moved on with his life, he”s probably happy”. “He can”t be fully happy without me”, her heart took over, “He needs me, he wants me as much as I want him. He”s waiting for me to make his life right again. He could never stopped loving me…”
He was getting hot, but it wasn”t the heating. It was having her so near, after all the nights dreaming about her, after all the months craving for her presence, she was at the reach of his hand. She was even more pretty than the last time he had seen her. She sighed, and that reminded him of other sighs, sighs brought by his lips caressing her nape, by his hands descending down her hips. He cleared his throat and forced himself to focus on the road. “Cool down, man. You have to stop this, before you pull the car to the side and get lost in rapture. She”s married, she doesn”t love you, she didn”t come looking for you…”
Marlena moved her stare from the rain and looked to her side, but not straight at John.
Preparing herself to unveil her feelings, she opened her mouth as if searching for the best way to start.
“She seems nice, Kristen I mean”, her conscience took advantage of her hesitation, “Are you happy?”, her heart obviously out of practice, “Oh, man!”
“Sure”, was all he could say, almost matter of factly, “She”s great. And she”s been wonderful with Brady”, that was the best part of it and he smiled at the thought of his little boy.
“He smiles when she thinks of her”, she thought discouraged, “He used to smile at the sight of me…” She pressed her fingertips against her eyes, she wasn”t going to cry.
“What are you doing in California?”, he asked just because he couldn”t stand the silence between them “Are you here for a convention of something?”
“No, I took some time off from work”, she said, trying to find another way to handle this, “I needed to get away for a while. Jane Bader and her husband were kind enough to let me use their house here.”
She didn”t sound happy, and she didn”t give any indication of being with Roman, maybe there was trouble in Paradise? And he felt bad for hoping that, but asked anyway.
“Did Roman come with you?”, as casually as he could manage.
“I”m not married anymore”, she said almost triumphant and noticed his eyes widen and he almost gasped.
“Now we”re getting somewhere”, she smiled.
“You”re not?”, maybe he misunderstood.
“I”m not.”
And she would have told him more, but her residence came to view and she had to change the subject for the time being.
“That”s it.”, she pointed out, “Pull over to the right.”
He wanted to ask more, but he didn”t want to sound so anxious, so he did as she told him and parked the car next to the front door of a big, nice wooden house with high ceilings and wide windows.
“Do you have the keys?”, he asked politely and almost laughed at the surprised look that covered her features.
“I believe so…”, she hesitated, unlocking her seat belt, and fidgeting where she sat, “Oh, the jacket! Where”s my jacket?”, she was frantic and he couldn”t help the laughter any longer, that alone released the tension that had build between them.
“I think it”s on the back seat”, he said, still laughing at her rapidly building anger.
“Don”t you laugh at me, John Black!”, she scolded him teasingly and turned around to search the back of the jeep, her butt mere inches of his face, her shapely legs sprawled in a very sexy way.
“OK”, he let out a sigh.
“Here!”, he emerged holding up the keys in one hand and the bag with her wet clothes in the other.
“Good for you!”, he teased her and she spank him playfully on his upper arm, “Ouch!”
“You deserved that!”, she smiled, reliving the past, forgetting for a while the distance, the absence, and everything that had happened between them, “Do you want to come in?”,she invited only ready for one answer.
He wanted to, more than anything. The offer was so tempting, but he wasn”t sure if he could behave himself knowing she was all alone in the house. But she wasn”t with Roman anymore… “That doesn”t mean she loves you!” No it didn”t, and he couldn”t go through all that yet again, and he just couldn”t sit politely for a night cup and not want her, and he couldn”t just disappear for the night with Kristen and his son waiting at their home. “No, this is not right, John.”
“No, thanks”, he finally said, and she felt her heart break in a million pieces, “Kristen is probably waiting for me”, he excused himself without looking her in the eyes so she wouldn”t see his pain.
“Right”, was all she could manage to say, but couldn”t give it up just like that “John, I really would like to talk to you, it”s been so long…”, she was almost pleading and he had to make a big effort not to give in.
“I really can”t tonight”, he insisted.
“Well, what about tomorrow?”, she insisted.
“All right”, he consented after a very long pause, “I”ll come over and we can go for a walk”, he couldn”t be with her under the same roof, he knew it.
“John, it”s raining…”, she stifled a laugh, he was so serious!
“It”ll stop”, he wasn”t joking, it had to.
“Fine”, she said perplexed at his attitude, “I”ll be waiting, you come any time you want”, and without further farewell she stepped out of the vehicle and disappeared into the house.
He watched her go in, and stayed there a little while longer, just staring through the rain at her window. She gasped once she was safe inside her home, not sure what would she do next, laugh or cry, and then walked up to the window without turning the lights on, and stared at the car and through the windshield without knowing he was staring back at her.
I turn around on my way out,
You”re sitting still beneath the skies,
My eyes search for yours,
Your eyes search for mine.
No words, no smiles.
A painful tear hits the ground.
Is it yours or is it mine?
It”s over now.
You look away; I go my way.
No words, no smiles.
Mind vs. Heart
Several minutes later he was back on the road, deep in thought and long lost sensations, his body still reacting to her sudden reappearance in his life, to her nearness.
He had buried all of his emotions after he left Salem with Brady, for good. He went away almost as he had arrived there all those years ago, just a few clothes in a suitcase and no past. Only he had a son, and wonderful memories of his life with Isabella that he would always treasure; and he knew his real name, and owned a fortune, but his birth name had never meant much and he had never cared much about money either. What he considered his life, his being, the whole truth about who he was, belonged with Marlena; it started the moment he met that breathtaking psychiatrist Dr. Evans and it ended that fateful night The opened her heart to him to tell him she didn”t love him enough. That did it. The next morning he was on a plane to nowhere, Brady, some pictures of his mother and just the necessary clothing. He had left everything exactly as it was, his clothes hanging in his bedroom closet at the loft, the bed unmade, her picture on his nightstand. He didn”t even carry one single picture of her, he couldn”t bear it. Instead, he closed his heart and never looked back, because he knew that was the only thing that he could do if he wanted to give his son at least the image of a man for a father. So he put his memories, his feelings, his soul away, along with that name, John Black, for that was the only name he held as true.
He remembered those first months after arriving in California and finding a place to live. He never gave it much thought, but tonight he realized how strange it was that he had come to live by the beach when it was near the sea that he started to die inside.
Somehow it was a reminder of what didn”t belong to him. Once he had lost her to the sea, when her plane sunk into the water and he thought her dead. And when he was ready to embrace her back (only hesitating because he didn”t want to hurt Isabella, who had given so much hope to him), a beach was the surreal scenario where he had lost everything he held dear, everything he was. It was then when he had lost her. And he didn”t care much about not knowing his name, or his past or who he was, since she was who he was. She was the mother of his children and the keeper of his soul. And she was gone, not dead, but gone forever from his life without realizing that she had held his heart captive in the process.
So he ended up living by the beach, by the sea, so as to never forget what he couldn”t have. True love wasn”t meant for him. He didn”t feel any pain, though. It was as if his feelings were numbed for good, as if he was once again a stranger with no memories, only this time around he had inflicted himself the brainwashing. Several months later, he couldn”t tell how many, Kristen appeared in his life. He had met her at the market and immediately she had made a connection with Brady, maybe that”s what first got his attention. Being a single father was hard enough, and he always felt guilty for his little boy having to grow up without his mother. Yes, it was over for him, but Brady shouldn”t be paying for his mistakes. Although that”s not why he had let Kristen into his life, it was something to ponder. The truth is she reminded him of Isabella in certain ways. How she had eased her way into his daily routine, how she was kind, and tender, and unselfish, how she never pushed him to know more than he would tell, how she made his life lighter, his heart less lonely. Slowly she had made a place in his life, and more important, in Brady”s life. He had never expected to find the kind of love he once knew, so he settled for this warm feelings she stirred inside of him. He really thought they could be happy, and he knew he loved her as much as he could possibly love a woman, so he opened a part of his heart to her and decided to go on building this new life he had created.
And now she was back, yet again. Not just a woman, his soulmate, his one and only true love, his other half… “She”s not back, John. She wasn”t looking for you, remember?”
Right. And yet, when he had held her in his arms a tiny piece of the fortress he had built around him had fallen down; there was a leak in the damn and he wasn”t sure how to fix it. He had to stop thinking about her! As he approached his home, where his wife and son were waiting for him, he made a decision. He wasn”t going to see her the next day. He couldn”t.
She stayed infront of the window, with the lights turned off, until he pulled the car out of the driveway and got out of sight under the heavy rain curtain. She was shivering again, and knew it wasn”t just out of cold. The pent up tears finally found the way down her cheeks, melting into the precious fabric of his jacket, and she thought of the many times she had cried on his shoulders, feeling better just by having his arms around her; and she cried harder. But why? Why was she crying now that she had found him at last, after believing for so long she would never see him again, she would never be able to tell him how much she loved him, to ask for his forgiveness, to heal all the pain she had caused him and herself.
She felt so uneasy, so uncertain of what the future held in store for them. He was so distant, almost as if he didn”t care anymore, and still when he had held her in his arms, she felt his body tensed by the nearness of her, she knew he was feeling the same overpowering emotion she had experienced. And for a moment, when they were in the car, she was sure he was going to open up to her, and she felt the awkwardness disappear leaving place to that sense of comfort that they always felt being around each other. Her heart was beating so fast that she had to sit down. She wanted so much to have him back, to love him openly, to be the most important person in his life, to be worshipped by him like she once was. But it all came back to her. It was her fault if she didn”t have that anymore, and now it might be too late.
“He loves me, I know he loves me!”, she cried out trying to believe it. “But he”s married to another woman, and he said he”s happy with her, she”s a mother to his son and they have a beautiful home together”, lectured her conscience, “You gave that up, remember?
And now you pretend to have it all back, just like that! You don”t care about the family you”re planning to destroy, you don”t care about her, and Brady, and you don”t care about him; you”re only thinking about what”s best for you!”
She headed to the bathroom and turned on the shower, trying to dismiss those thoughts. “No, I”m not. He must love me. He will never be as happy with her as he was with me!” Carefully, she laid his jacket on her bed and discarded the rest of the clothes on her way to the bathroom. “You got that right, he was. Now he”s moved on with his life and he”s happy with it, you have no right to disrupt his existence just because you realized you want him back. He”s not your pawn, you know?” The hot water felt good against her trembling body, washing away her tears, the cold, the emptiness. “I want what”s best for him, and that”s me! Noone can love him as much as I do, we”re soulmates.” Slowly her skin regained its warmth and she felt a little stronger. “You should”ve remembered that when you chose Roman. Now you want to do to him the same thing you accused him of doing to you.”, her mind lowering the axe mercilessly as an executioner, “I was wrong!”, her heart breaking apart.
She felt slightly better after the shower. She put on her satin pjs and enveloped her figure in his jacket before getting under the covers, closing her eyes to absorb his scent, imagining he was with her, his arms holding her to sleep. What was she going to do?
She had gone through the hell of being torned between two loves; of being married to a kind, loving person and dreading to hurt her spouse; of having to choose between her family”s happiness and her own. Now she was experiencing the other side of the story, seeing the one person she loved more than herself slipping between her hands, loosing him to another love, and willing to do anything to hold on to him. She didn”t want to hurt him, but deep in her heart she knew he was still hurting, even though he didn”t know it or didn”t want to acknowledge it, and also knew she was the only one who could end his pain. She fell asleep in the mist of his presence, with one thought in her mind, telling him the truth whatever may come. Her heart won out.
The Morning After
He couldn”t get much sleep that night, his heart reliving the previous hours over and over in his head, his body still consumed by the yearning to hold her in his arms one more time. His resolve to never see her again faltering with the first morning rays. The storm had faded hours ago, the storm in his soul was only unleashing. So he focused on the woman sleeping peacefully beside him, trying to cement his resolution. She was waiting for him when he arrived home still shaking by the close encounter with his past; a cup of chocolate to warm him up in her hand, a sincere smile on her face. She had never suspected the turmoil that clenched his heart, the inevitable changes that stranger had brought upon their lives. After a while, he got up silently, so as not to wake her, and disappeared down the stairs, to his favorite thinking spot, the terrace overlooking the sea.
He sat there, in the cold air of the morning, staring at the ocean, deep in thought. He couldn”t go to their appointed date, but he couldn”t push her out of his mind.
She said he wanted to talk to him, probably to know how he was doing, how Brady was, how his life was going. She had always cared very much about him, that he never doubted. If only she had loved him as much as he did her… But that was just a dream.
Yet, she said Roman and her were divorced, but that didn”t mean anything, certainly not that she had feelings for him. She didn”t then, she didn”t now. And that fact tore at the very core of his soul. He had felt her overwhelming love, and that he could never forget; he had felt it for years, when they thought he was Roman and she expressed the love she felt for that man freely. Only he wasn”t. He would have given anything for things to remain that way, even though he had to live a life that didn”t belong to him, even though it wasn”t him who she truly loved. He would still have her and the wonderful illusion of her love for him.
It wasn”t meant to be. True love wasn”t meant for him, he had only been able to taste it as a thief of another man”s life, but it never was for him. He had been blessed by the magic of such overwhelming love, and that he didn”t regret. As hard as it was now, as tough as it was to deny his feelings, to accept his reality and the knowledge the best part of his life was gone forever, as excruciating as it was to live without the woman of his dreams, he knew it was all worth it for the joy of having had her if only for an instant. He wouldn”t trade that for the world. That”s why he couldn”t see her now, he had been struggling to find a way to go on without her and he had accomplished the task mildly. He couldn”t risk his fragile stability by being around her for a couple of hours. No. He had to concentrate on his life as it was, on his son and his wife.
There she was, ignorant to the thin thread that held her future together, happy to welcome home the man she loved more than anything, the man she had cherished since the first time she saw him, the man she had craved for from the moment she”d set eyes upon his picture rummaging through her father”s desk. He had been so angry at first, when unable to get him out of her head, she had confessed her wandering through his things and asked him about the man in the picture. But after a while, she couldn”t figure out why, he had changed his mind about the whole issue, and actually encouraged her to pursue him, even helping her with information about him (such as his name, his wealth, his likings, his bond with his son and his son”s mother, although not much about his past, his childhood or other women in his life), and even guiding her to where he was. She had fallen in love with his picture, all right, but when she saw him, she knew there was no way back. He stole her heart the moment his eyes met hers and that smile lit his handsome face. She was a little taken aback when he introduced himself as Frank Toscano, and then when he was so reluctant to talk about his past, but she didn”t care, allshe wanted was a future with him.
It hadn”t been easy at first, to get pass his defenses, but she had made her way to his heart, specially due to her strong bond with his son. She knew that was the key to his heart, and it proved real for months later he had proposed to her, and she was ecstatic.
The four months they had been married so far had been total bliss, even though she hadn”t succeed in her quest to have a child. She wanted a baby. But more than that, she wanted to have that kind of bond with him, as secure as she was about his love, she needed to be the mother of his child, she needed to have a link that would connect them forever. She didn”t doubt that he loved her, but she had seen his eyes sparkle when he spoke of his late wife, and wanted that for her too. But what was more unsettling were the times he would speak in his dreams and called out for someone named “Doc”. There was such despair in his voice, such passion in his plead for her to stay. She knew she was long ago gone from his life, probably dead for he would call out her name always in nightmares. From the pain in his voice for losing her, it was obvious he loved her very much, and he would have never let her go if she had been still alive, and for sure he wouldn”t love her that much if she had dumped him, so she was another one of his ghosts. But that was OK, better to deal with ghosts than with real people, she was a sure winner in that battle.
That”s why she wanted to give him a child so badly, to create that kind of bond, to give him that hope for life. She had watched him with Brady, how devoted he was to his son, and always felt he had been as devoted to his mother. As much as she loved that little boy, the presence of the other woman was always hanging around when father and son were together. A baby of their own would change that. So far, she hadn”t been able to convince him. He wasn”t ready to have another child she knew, even though most of his excuses were about spending some time alone before adding to their small family.
Without him knowing, she had stopped taking her birth-control pills, but it didn”t prove enough since he never failed to take his own precautions also. Sooner or later she would get what she wanted, as she always had. She stirred in bed only to find her husband gone.
He liked running in the mornings, so she didn”t give it much thought. She got up and went down to prepare breakfast. She was surprised to find him sitting out on the terrace, looking a million miles away.
She was dreaming of him when she woke up, and when his scent mixed with the images in her head she smiled and opened her eyes sure to find him there. Of course, he wasn”t. His jacket a poor reminder of the actual feeling of his body cuddled against hers.
Then she realized that this time around things were very different, she didn”t have to face the day waiting to fall asleep again to meet him. No, he was coming to see her today. For real. She jumped out of bed in pure excitement, forgetting about how tired she felt, about the strange feeling all over her body. She put her slippers on, grabbed a glass of orange juice and went ahead to her first chore: washing the clothes Kristen had lent her. She had to return those, and felt bad enough having them, considering she also planned to take away the man. Now, the jacket was a different matter, that, she wasn”t giving back. She was never giving up on him again, and holding on to a piece of his clothing was just a proof of it. He would never ask her to give it back, she wouldn”t offer.
Once the washing was on its way, she hurried back to the bedroom to get dressed.
They hadn”t arrange on any time, so she wanted to be ready for him. She chose a pair of faded jeans, a white T-shirt with a good cleavage, and a pale blue blouse to top that and tie at her waist. Perfect beach wear. Simple, but effective. She didn”t want him to think she was after him, not before making sure how he felt about her. Besides, she knew how much he adored that look on her. She carefully put on her make-up, she just couldn”t do without it, paying special attention to accentuate her eyes and her lips. She took a pill against that ugly head-ache that was threatening to take the best of her, and she was all set. He wouldn”t be long now. She sighed in contentment. Her heart was alive again.
Shattered Dreams and Strong Determination
As the day went by, her spirit languished and she began accepting the possibility that he might not come. After all, he had a family of his own, he was happy, he had moved on.
Maybe he didn”t care anymore. But she knew him so well, she couldn”t think that seriously. So she moved on to the more real explanation: he was still hurt. That she could understand. She had taken everything away from him, why would she expect him to come running to her side. He had every reason to be angry at her, she didn”t think he hated her, but he was probably still angry and hurt and wouldn”t fall back that easy. And then there was the fact that he didn”t know how much she loved him. If only she could talk to him…
She paced around the house, feeling weary and extremely tired. Later she tried to read a book, but couldn”t concentrate; TV didn”t work either. She considered going out to the beach, but couldn”t risk it, she had to be there in case he came. She didn”t feel like eating either, she never could when she was nervous. In a state of total chaos, she spent the day going from one couch to another, without being able to do anything else but think about him. She wished she had his phone number, but she didn”t even now what last name he was using so she couldn”t look it up. “Maybe I should go to his house… And then what? I would have to face his wife and ask to speak to her husband in private? No, I don”t think so.” And then again… It was almost sunset already, he wasn”t coming. What other choice did she have? She collected the dried, ironed clothes, grabbed the keys to her rental car, and left hoping to remember what the house looked like.
It was raining hard and she wasn”t exactly paying attention to it when she left his home on his jeep, but she was very well oriented, and after a short ride she”d located the place.
She took a deep breath and rang the doorbell. If only John would answer…
“Hi, there!”, Kristen greeted her cheerfully.
“Oh, well…”
“Hi! I just came to return this”, the perfect excuse, she smiled handing the other woman the stack of clothes, “Thank you so much.”
“You”re welcome”, she liked the stranger, there was something about her that intrigued her in a fancy way, “Would you like to come in for a cup of tea?”
“I”d love to”, she had to.
Kristen let her in and escorted her to the living-room before disappearing into the kitchen. Marlena sat there, wondering how she could get ahold of John. Was he even in the house? His jeep wasn”t at the driveway. She hated being there, having to talk to Kristen and drinking her tea, when all she was after was the other woman”s husband.
This wasn”t right at all. But what other option did she have? Shortly after, Kristen returned with two cups of English tea and some cookies. Why did she have to be so nice!
“I”m so glad to see you again”, she started, and Marlena felt awful, “I haven”t been here long enough to make friends, and it”s nice to have someone to talk to once in a while”, she didn”t stop for breath and Marlena was glad to let her do the talking, “Not that I complain. But I met Frank practically when I arrived here so I didn”t have much time to make friends with noone. You now how it is when you”re in love…”, ouch! that one hurt, “And suddenly becoming a mother and a wife all at the same time. We don”t go out much, anyway”, she took a sip of her tea.
“I see”, Marlena smiled, dreading the moment she had accepted her invitation, “Well, you seem to have done a pretty good job with this house and everything…”, she said politely.
“Not really. Frank set up this place, I just sum up to the picture later. And Brady is a darling, so that”s not hard either. I love children. I”ve always wanted a large family.”
OK, now she really had to leave, she couldn”t sit there hearing about John”s future children. “You have to find him first, Marlena!” Yes, right.
“That”s nice. Frank seems to be a really good man”, “lets get this done quickly”
“He”s amazing! But I”m in love with him so you won”t get anything but praise from me…”, she laughed, but Marlena knew for a fact that it was true, he was amazing, “He”s a terrific father. You see, Brady”s not really my son, that”s why I told you I became a mother and a wife at once.”
“Oh”, was all she could say, but Kristen didn”t seem to care, apparently all she wanted to do was talk, to anyone.
“He was a single parent before meeting me, his late wife passed away shortly after their son was born. So sad. He was a wreck when I met him, even though it had been a while”, Marlena”s eyes lit at that recollection that linked him so clearly to her.
“It must have been very hard for him”, she made her remark sound objective and distant, even though she had been around when Isabella died, and had felt his pain as if it had been her own.
“Yes. But then we found each other and I was able to help him get over it”, she didn”t know that for certain, but she was so thrilled about being able to show off her wonderful life, besides, Marlena would never know “Are you married?”
“Divorced”, she wasn”t getting into that.
“Any children?”, she continued the annoying small talk.
“Twins. Teenagers. They live in the Midwest with their father”, better give all the info at once, “And I have a step-daughter I love as my own”, she loved talking about her kids, but not right now and not with her.
She couldn”t stand this much longer. And on top of that, she was feeling really sick.
“By the way, is J… Frank here?”, she asked bluntly, “I want to install a security system for my house, and he mentioned yesterday he could help me make a choice if I needed”, she lied using her knowledge of John”s abilities to her favor.
“No, he went to the market with Brady”, Kristen wasn”t a bit suspicious since she knew her husband”s skills on the security area and was used to him helping everyone in need, “That”s to bad. But you can stay for dinner and he”ll fill you in”, she offered kindly.
The offer was really tempting, but she couldn”t do that to John. As much as she wanted to see him, she couldn”t impose herself over dinner with his wife. That would be going too far.
“That”s so kind of you, but I really can”t”, she purposely looked at her watch, “I should be going now, if you”ll excuse me”, she stood up and felt dizzy.
“Are you all right? You look so pale”, she worried.
“I”m OK”, she wasn”t, “Thanks so much for the clothes and for the tea”, she started to the door.
“You”re welcome. Would you like to leave me your number so Frank can call you about that security system?”, she wanted to see her again, it was so good to have a friend.
She couldn”t deny, although she knew he would never call. So she checked the number on her notebook and scribbled it on a paper. Then she left, hoping to make it home in one piece. She was feeling very, very sick.
Aid From Heaven
She decided that a hot bath might help her get rid of that horrible weariness. She took her clothes of and sunk into the bathtub, reaching for the Marine scented male shower gel that she carried with her everywhere she traveled. As she spread the foam along her arms, she remembered how she had made the change from sweet honeysuckle to manly marine.
It was right after she had realized he wasn”t coming back. She drove away from the airport, devastated and in shock, onto the only place she could go. The loft”s door was still open since she couldn”t lose a second to run after him, the lights were on. At first, she had let herself drop onto the couch and cried for hours. She had been so tired, her soul so shattered, that she had fallen asleep. She had woken up later, the night still young, feeling a thousand years old. She paced around the room, touching every spot he had touched, caressing every picture, and then slowly made her way up the stairs and to his bedroom.
She opened a drawer and pulled out one of his sweaters, absorbing his perfume as if holding on to dear life, and the river of tears again flooded down her cheeks. She looked around, trying to find some clue as were he could have gone, knowing she wouldn”t, and came across a photo album he kept in his nightstand. It was full of pictures of her, of them, of their children, of their wedding day, of a happy family that never knew what was coming. Her new reality slowly sinking in her brain, she walked into the bathroom.
He had taken most of his personal things, but his gel was still standing in the shower. She smiled at the sight of it, and remembered how he had always liked marine over the musk scent the real Roman used, his essence had been always there, despite the brainwashing and Stefano”s plotting. She had assumed that change without giving it much thought at the time, she loved that smell on him.
She remembered once, when she had been out of her own honeysuckle gel, and he had suggested that she used his.
“That wouldn”t be a very feminine fragrance”, she had winced, looking for her purse to go to the market even though it was pretty late.
“I don”t recall you complaining”, he had smiled mysteriously and come nearer, his hand firmly around her waist.
“Meaning?”, she played along, locking her hands behind his neck.
“You”ll end up smelling very marine anyway.”, he pointed out, his lips hovering over hers, tempting, his hands making their way to the tiny buttons of her silk blouse.
“You think…”, she challenged, losing her concentration as he lowered his mouth down her neck.
“I”ll show you…”, and there weren”t more words spoken.
True enough, the strong marine won over the delicate honeysuckle, and as she laid in his arms after their journey to eternity, she smiled a secretive smile that acknowledge his triumph.
That night at the loft, feeling utterly alone and hopeless, she had turned the shower on and covered herself with the marine foam, needing to smell his scent on her body once again, and at the same time realizing that would never ever happen. After a long time under the hot water, her sobs yet uncontrolled, she had put on his sweater and laid in his bed with the photo album in her hands. Sleep gave her some peace at last, and only when she had woken up the next morning, to the terrible realization that it wasn”t a nightmare, that he was really gone, she had recalled on Roman and their anniversary party. To late to be sorry. She had made up her mind anyway. She couldn”t live a lie anymore, and she couldn”t betray John and their love, more than she already had.
That”s how she had ended switching to the manly shower gel, holding on to that small piece of him, to that little piece of hope. She came out of the bathtub feeling slightly better, at least not that cold. She went up to the phone to check if the person who had called during her bath had left a message, inevitably hoping that would be John. But there was no message. Her head was still hurting and the dizziness remained. And short after she had put on her pjs and a thick robe, the shivering began.
He arrived at his home with some sense of peace after his ride to the market with Brady. He needed some air. Of course he was still thinking of her, but his son had helped him look further than that. He was his reason, his future, and John was ready to do whatever it took to ensure his son”s welfare. Kristen greeted them cheerfully, and Brady immediately stretched his little hands to her. The bond between them was incredible, and John was so grateful for that.
“So, did you have fun?”, she addressed her stepson who nodded happily.
“He tried the slide! Didn”t you, slugger?”, his proud dad spoke.
“Yeah, fun…”, he giggled.
“That”s wonderful! Now I think it”s time for your bath.”, she loved that part of the day.
John was about to add to the conversation when he saw the stack of clothes and froze on his tracks. Marlena had been there! And just then, he felt ashamed for not showing up.
He was a man of his word, and he had broken it to the one person who”s opinion he cared about the most. He was such a coward!
“What”s that?”, he tried to sound casual.
“My clothes. Marlena, that woman that showed up last night, brought them back.”, she replied as casual.
“What about my jacket?”, he asked curious, without minding a bit about it, but needing to have some more information.
“Oh, I guess she forgot about it!”, Kristen realized just then, “But she left her number, she said you offered to give her some advice on a security system,” Kristen pointed to the notepad beside the phone, “so you can call her and ask. But maybe not tonight, I don”t think she was doing very well.”
“What do you mean?”, was she that disappointed for his absence?
“She looked really sick, for a second I thought she was going to faint.”, Kristen reported on her way to the stairs with her precious cargo, “That”s why you better call her tomorrow, maybe she”s resting already”, and disappeared to the second floor.
John panicked, as every time he felt she was in some kind of physical danger. He had always reacted that way to her not being 100% fine. She had teased him unmercifully during their marriage, when he overreacted at a simple headache. He was so concerned about her health, and so careless about his own. Without even hesitating, he picked up the phone and dialed her number. No answer, only the machine.
He hung up feeling miserable. What if she was in trouble? What if she was so sick that she couldn”t come up to the phone? What if she had fainted? He had to check on her, make sure she was all right. He went upstairs, told Kristen there were some problems regarding a shipment that he had to take care of and would be gone for a while, and told her not to wait up for him, and to call him on his cellphone if something came up. She was used to his late meetings and sudden business trips, and shoved him a big smile, encouraging Brady to wave his daddy good-bye. Guilt following his steps, he rushed out the door and straight to his love.
Close Your Eyes, Make A Wish
“Oh, man, I”m a wreck!”, she complained silently as she made her way to the bedroom, longing for her bed. She felt so weak, inharmonious, cold and feverish. With an unsubsiding dizziness and chills running through her tired body, she laid in bed and tried to think positive. She was so alone, ill and far away from home, from her hostile children, and on top of that, she had found John and now was certain that she had lost him forever.
No, she couldn”t go there, or she would be lost. She couldn”t bear another bout of tears, her strong side was determined to get her through this. Yet, a part in her was ready to give into this state of calamity that she was in, and let herself go. As if she could stay in bed indefinitely, until her body surrendered completely to the illness and make her disappear into a better place. “Oh, John, I need you so much!”, she sighed closing her eyes, and almost missed the ringing bell.
He had practically jumped out of his jeep and locked it in a hurry to walk up to the front door. “Oh, Lord, please let her be fine…”, he prayed as he deepened his finger against the doorbell. After a few seconds, that seemed like hours to him, he stepped back to find some indication that she was home. Her car wasn”t on the driveway, but it could very well be in the garage. There were no lights on, except from the lights outside the house, but maybe she was resting, or there were other lights he couldn”t see from were he was standing. He tried the bell again, if she didn”t answer soon, he would go around the house and check the back entrance.
The bell again, this time with more insistence. She muttered under her breath, cursing whoever it was that was forcing her out of her solitude. She made an effort to get out of bed, and slowly walked the distance to the front of the house, it seemed such a long way in the state she was in. She turned the lights of the living area on, and opened the door without even caring to look through the peephole. She was taken aback when she saw him standing there, anguish written all over his face. “Oh, no! What happened to him?!”, she panicked.
His heart jumped when a light went on, seconds later, the door opened to reveal a very pale creature with beautiful hazel eyes full of fear. She had obviously been crying, and his heart went out to its other half. How could he have been so selfish to put his needs before hers? Even though she hadn”t been in love with him, that did not mean she didn”t love him, and care for him, that he never doubted. And out of his need to escape, he had left her in the lurch and now she probably thought he didn”t care enough to attend her request.
“John!”, she reacted, trying a smile that didn”t appear, “What are you doing here?”, this wasn”t about their “date”, she was sure of that.
“I came to check on you”, he explained, stepping into the house, “Kristen told me you weren”t looking very well.”
“I see…”, she fought her weariness at the mention of Kristen”s name, she would never get used to think about her John with another woman, and yet remembered he was, “Well, I”m fine”, she didn”t want his pity, but when she saw the look in his blue eyes, she realized he was really worried about her; that made her smile, “I am. I promise”, she couldn”t have him worrying about her, she loved him too much.
“You don”t seem fine to me”, he wanted to get closer, but couldn”t overcome the awkward distance that had settled between them.
“All I need is a good night sleep…”, she started, but couldn”t concentrate anymore as her head began to spin and her knees weaken, “John…”, she reached out for help moments before fainting.
As scared as he was for her, he reacted just on time to grab her before she hit the floor.
Immediately he crossed the short path to the sofa and laid her there. He checked for her pulse, which was slightly above normal, and removed some strands of golden hair from her serene face.
“Oh, Doc, you”re burning!”, he grew worried when his hand touched her feverish brow, “Please, baby, wake up for me”, knelt by her side, he caressed her cheeks.
He had to call a doctor, but couldn”t bear to leave her for one second. He needed to see her pretty eyes open as much as he needed breathing. With her unconscious, he didn”t know what could be wrong and that drove him crazy. Soon enough her long lashes fluttered and he sighed in relief.
“John?”, she slowly came to her senses, trying to absorb what had happened. She made an attempt to get up, but his strong arms stopped her from doing so.
“Oh, no, don”t even think about it. You stay right where you are”, he smiled at the sight of her never fading strength.
“Did I faint?”, she was still a bit disoriented, but comforted by his presence.
“Yeah”, concern returning to his features, “And you have a fever, so I”m gonna leave you for a couple of minutes to call a doctor.”
“No!”, she grabbed the sleeve of his leather jacket and pulled him down, “Don”t go, please…”, she pleaded spontaneously, she wanted that moment of togetherness to last forever, and was afraid it wouldn”t if he moved away.
“It”s OK…”, he calmed her, touched to see her so defenseless, her need for him stirring at the very core of his soul, “I”m right here, not going anywhere”, he reassured her holding her hands in his, “I”ll stay with you until you get well, but we need to call the doctor to tell us what”s wrong with you”, his caring words, along with the soothing sound of his voice, made her feel better at once.
“Thanks”, she said shyly, “But I don”t need a doctor, really. This is just the result of that storm I came across yesterday…”, she dismissed her symptoms, mainly because she didn”t want an outsider to intrude upon their tête-à-tête.
The image of his little lady rambling madly at the huge storm that dared to cross her way made him laugh, and she looked at him both puzzled and pleased. The intimacy was returning.
“Really, John,” she continued, hoping to lure him to her point of view, “this is probably just the flu. Nothing some rest and a couple of aspirins won”t heal.”, she felt sick indeed, and barely had any energy left to fight, but she was so ecstatic to have him there that she couldn”t let anything get in her way, certainly not a stupid cold.
“What about that faint?”, he eyed her, and suddenly it kicked him, “How long have you been without food?”, he asked, taking her by surprise.
She made a short recollection of the last couple of days and realized her last meal had been breakfast almost two days ago. She skipped lunch the day before and planned to have a plentiful dinner, but then had run into John and she hadn”t given solid food a second thought.
“Day and a half”, she confessed a little embarrassed, no wonder her dizziness!, “How did you know?”
“You never eat when you”re nervous”, he answered heartily, feeling responsible for her stress, and tears welled in her eyes as she smiled contentedly at his ability to recall all those intimate details about her personality.
“I”m cold…”, she voiced as another chill shook her slender body, no longer able to hide her weakness from him.
Immediately, he took of his jacket to cover her shoulders and before she could argue with him (not that she planned to) he lifted her in his arms.
“What are you doing?”, she steadied herself placing her arm over his broad shoulders.
“I”m gonna put you to bed, and then I”m gonna cook you one of my famous soups.” his half smile and raised eyebrows sent shivers down her spine, “Where”s the bedroom?”
She pointed and rested her head on his shoulder, closing her eyes and enjoying the glorious sensation of being in his arms for the too short ride. He laid her gently on the bed, took her slippers off, his hands hot against the soft skin of her cold feet. He glanced away, dismissing the million sensations that traveled through his body, she smiled and once again closed her eyes to relish the contact. If only she weren”t feeling so bad! He covered her with the blankets with such tenderness that she almost cried. Then he went out of the room, and came back sooner than she had expected with a big glass of water that he helped her drink, and a bowl of iced water and a wet cloth, that he placed over her feverish brow.
“Now. I want you to rest while I get that soup started, OK?”, too late he noticed his hand caressing her face, and nervously pulled it away.
She nodded and shoved him a tired thankful smile. When he disappeared past the door, she let some of the pent up tears roll down her cheeks, overwhelmed by the change of events. He was there at last, and he wasn”t going away at least for a while. He was concerned about her health, but she knew there was more to it. He still loved her, even if he didn”t want to admit it, and she was determined to awake those feelings. She had to take advantage of this situation fate had created for them, she might not have another chance after that one. If just her body were on her side…
He let out a loud sigh once he got to the haven provided by the kitchen. Being that close to her had totally shaken him. Now that he had cleared any real danger from his mind, his buried emotions began to dance wildly in his bruised heart. He knew that the longer he spent around her, the harder it would be to get away later. But there was no way he could leave her alone, not even if it meant that he would have to go through hell not to let his heart open again, to act on his need to put his arms around her trembling body to make the cold subside, to cover her with kisses and loving words until she felt better.
In Sickness And In Health…
As much as he regretted having to lie to her, the first thing he did was to call Kristen to inform her that he would be spending the night in LA so she wouldn”t wait for him. He certainly couldn”t tell her the truth, much less try an explanation over the phone, and he didn”t want her to worry. As far as he was concerned, he wasn”t doing anything wrong, just nursing on someone he cared about very much, someone from his past. He had made a choice coming to California and he would stick to it. Sooner than later Marlena would return to her life in Salem and his existence would return to normal, to a man named Frank Toscano.
Mixed emotions were shaking his grounds, the happiness to see her, the pain he had experienced by losing her, the fear of going through all that again, the desire to try to win her back once more, the undeniable love that he would always feel towards that wonderful woman named Marlena Evans. And a thousand questions threatening to make his brain explode. Why was she in California? Why did she divorce Roman Brady? Why did she looked so sad? Could there be another chance for them? Could she fall in love with him now that Roman was no longer a part of her life? Was he? The boiling soup rising in the pan saved him from going crazy. He prepared a tray with a bowl and plate, some bread and plenty of water, and went back to her side, praying to the Lord to aid him in his attempt to keep his true feelings were they laid buried.
She opened her eyes as soon as she heard his footsteps down the hall, and greeted him with her best smile when he came through the door.
“Hi, there”, she said instead of the “hi, darling” she was thinking of.
“Did you get some sleep?”, he had always loved her smile.
“You weren”t gone that long…”, he was so handsome, his tanning from a life by the sea making the perfect contrast with his clear eyes.
“Shame on me!”, she was so beautiful, even now, pale, and beaten as she was, “Here”, she sat against the pillows, and he placed the tray on her lap, “This should make you feel well at once”, he teased her.
“Show off!”, she smiled, “Then again, you always seemed to be a better cook than I…”, she admitted, recalling the many occasions he had prepared dinner for her and the children, “I used to think you were pampering me, but I wonder if you didn”t do it to keep me out of the kitchen.”
“Pampering”, he said half the truth, the flattering half.
“You were always a gentleman.”, she didn”t fall for it, but found it so amusing “Lets try this…”, she took the spoon to her mouth, knowing beforehand she would like it, “Yummy!”, she declared at his expectant gaze “Are you gonna let me eat alone? I bet you haven”t eaten, so why don”t you help yourself and come join me?”
“I will.”, he was hungry indeed, and smiled at her thoughtfulness, “But first I”m gonna find you a couple of aspirins”, he stood up and headed to the bathroom.
“First drawer to the right”, she directed, so happy to have him there that she had almost forgotten about her illness.
Shortly after, she had taken her medicine and he was sitting on the armchair by her bed eating a chicken sandwich. She had still half a bowl of soup and had barely nibbled on the bread when he had finished. He eyed her and before he could speak her mind, she answered.
“I”m not hungry…”, almost as a small girl that won”t eat her vegetables.
“Doc, you must eat in order to regain your strength. You”re a doctor, you should know that”, he scolded her, and stifled a laugh when she made a pouting face, “You look just like Sami when she was five”, he smiled.
“She was always such a smart girl…”, she tried her way out, she really didn”t feel like eating anymore, the cold had taken all of her appetite.
“Oh, no, you”re not getting away with this, pretty lady!”, she felt her cheeks flush at his term of endearment, “OK,” he lifted the tray from her lap, “Move a little”, she did as he ordered, “There we go”, he replaced the tray and sat down on the bed, before she could figure out what was happening, he was holding a spoonful of soup infront of her mouth, “Open up”, he knew he had won and shoved her a giant smile.
She could have held the spoon herself once she realized she was going to eat the rest of the food come rain or come sun, but she enjoyed feeling his body so next to her, the intimacy brought by his tender gesture, so without complaining a bit, she let him feed her.
She was exhausted both by the fever and general weakness, and by the tension she had been under during the last twenty-four hours, so she had fallen immediately asleep after completing the eating task, her mind full of images of her one and true love.
John found her in a peaceful slumber when he returned from washing the dishes, and, kicking off his shoes, sat on the armchair with a blanket to watch her sleep. She looked like the angel she was, he thought. When he had left Salem all that time ago, he would have never imagined that he could be in the same room with her and not feel totally devastated, but he gladly realized that he could. He had never held her responsible for his pain or for choosing Roman over him, that was his fault for not accepting the undeniable when they discovered the truth about his identity. And it was Stefano”s fault more than anybody else. But as much as he hated Stefano Dimmer, for taking away his past, for the hell he created for the three of them, and for the Bradys in general, he could be nothing but grateful for leading him to believe he was Roman Brady. If that hadn”t been the case, he would have missed the most wonderful moments of his life, and he would have never known the amazing love he got to share with the woman of his dreams. Even though she fell in love with him because they thought he was Roman Brady, even though that love was never truly his, he had experienced it, and that was something he would never regret.
He would live the rest of his life looking back to those few precious years, but it was worth it. He had taken another man”s life for a while, and as much as he wanted to, he could never be such man. He fell asleep thinking of her, as almost every single night.
For Better or For Worse
He was right infront of her, and she was so happy to have him by her side again, this time for ever. His deep blue eyes were locked in her hazel ones, but he was sad. She looked at him puzzled, still without comprehension of what was happening, but when Stefano appeared behind him with a gun aimed at his heart, she panicked. Before she could utter a word, a wicked smile covered the old man”s features and he fired the weapon. In horror, she looked on as John collapsed to the floor, unable to believe the obvious. She knelt by him, his blood covering her hands, that unsuccessfully tried to stop the flow. He looked at her, smiled and his lips formed a silent “I love you”, before closing his eyes forever.
He came out of his sleep confused by a voice of a woman calling out to him in utter devastation, it took him only a few seconds to realize it was Marlena”s voice, and a few more to completely open his eyes, subsiding his fear by the sight of her, unharmed, but stirring violently because of a nightmare.
“No! John, no!”, was all he could understand.
Without giving it a second thought, he climbed on the bed to wake her up. He held her swiftly in his arms, and caressed her sweaty face while calling out to her.
“Doc… Doc, wake up”, he whispered, “You”re having a nightmare, sweetheart…”, stroking her damped hair, “Wake up… Everything”s fine…”, remembering other nights, when they were married and she would be assaulted by endless nightmares usually linked to Stefano and his involvement in Roman”s death, “Come on, baby…”
Somehow his voice got through to her and she snatched from dreams to reality so suddenly that she opened her eyes still confused.
“John! You”re alive!”, she sighed at the sight of him and buried her tearful face to his chest, “But Stefano shot you…”, she couldn”t understand, but felt so relieved to have him by her side, safe and sound.
“No, he didn”t”, his hatred for the man stronger than ever every time he was the cause of her pain, “You were dreaming…”, he comforted her, his arms tightening around her.
“You”re all right?”, she asked with raspy voice, looking up at him, unable to get rid of his bloody image.
“Yeah, I”m OK”, he smiled at her, staring into her soulbearing eyes.
Slowly she began to make contact with reality, remembering where she was, and everything that had happened between them, but just couldn”t let go off that terrible sensation of lost. She was shivering again, both from cold and fear. He noticed her trembling and moved to pull up the blankets, but she restrained him from moving away, clenching her fists to his sleeves and uttering a tearful “hold me”; so he settled back close to her and pulled the covers over both of them in an attempt to isolate her from the chilly air of the winter night. And as those far away nights of his appearance in her life as the late Roman Brady, soon she had fallen back asleep in the security of his embrace. When he realized this, he tried to move away in favor of decency, but she wasn”t sound asleep and the moment he attempted to withdraw, she locked her arms around him and didn”t let him go. He smiled, as that was exactly what she used to do, and ceased in his attempt for at least a while. But he was also very tired, and before he knew it, he was sleeping peacefully too. Unknown to each other, they both dreamt of another time where they were together, ecstatic at being able to express their love openly; another time, not in the past, but in the future.
It was morning again, and the sun was filtering through the blinds of her bedroom, finally making her stir in her sleep to awakening. Her gentle movements against his body drove him back to consciousness. They opened their eyes in unison, like they have done so many times, and almost immediately closed them again, so the light wouldn”t disturb their peace. It was only a matter of endless seconds, before they reacted, during which they were transported back in time. Their minds played the trick on their bodies, and believing they were somewhere else, they just sighed contentedly knowing they were in each others arms, and smiled cuddled together, not even facing each other, tightening the embrace to enjoy that blissful minutes of loitering before facing the day. No words were spoken, just some guttural humming acknowledging the electricity that ran through their skins.
“Mmmh…”, she savored the contact of his hand caressing her belly over the soft silk of her pjs, and placed hers over his stroking his manly fingers with her delicate ones, rubbing her back against his chest.
This sent shivers down his spine and he came even closer, his face sinking in her golden hair, his lips reaching for the curve of her neck. And almost simultaneously, the reality of their lives dawned on them, and they snapped out of their shared dream. She wasn”t as eager as he was to let go, but he pulled apart so violently, that she couldn”t do much, other than glancing his way unable to hide the pain she felt at his rejection. He saw the look on her face, and misinterpreted it as her being shocked at his unproper behavior, he didn”t even stop to think it was her hand he had felt caressing his, her raspy throat making those very sensual sounds…
“Oh, Doc, I”m so sorry!”, he apologized jumping out of the bed, commanding his heart to stop the frantic beating, letting the cold morning air appease the rising sensations in his body, “I must have been dreaming…”, he tried to rationalize.
“It”s all right,” she said suppressing a tear, feeling the weariness of the flu returning all of a sudden, “Good morning.”, she said tenderly making an effort to change the mood, and with her smile released some of the tension that had again settled between them.
“Good morning”, he smiled in return, his heart melting at the sweet sound of her voice “How are you feeling?”
“Much better, thanks”, and she pushed the covers aside to get off the bed.
“No, no, no. You”re not getting up”, he stopped her, “You had a fever yesterday, you should stay in bed and rest at least a day.”
“I need to go to the bathroom”, she pointed out with the easiness of two people who know each other so intimately, and stifled a laugh when she realized he was actually blushing, “You will allow me that, won”t you?”, she added, just to make him feel uncomfortable, and thinking “He”s so funny”.
“I”ll make you breakfast while you”re at it…”, he spit out, and blushed even more when he realized what he”d just implied, and she couldn”t hold her laughter any longer.
“OK”, she smiled broadly, and he thought her laugh was the most beautiful sound in the world, “I won”t be long”, she mocked, and he swiftly disappeared down the hall.
“Oh, man, I can”t be this close to her and not want her!”, he was thinking.
“Oh, my, I need him so much!”, was her silent plead.
It wasn”t indeed long before he returned carrying a tray with a stack of blueberry pancakes for both of them, some tea and orange juice. He was glad to find her under the covers, knowing she would have teased him mercilessly otherwise. She shoved him her best smile, and pat the empty side of the bed, she was hungry after two days of barely no food, and now that she was actually feeling better, she craved for a good meal. She was delighted to try his pancakes after such a long time. He carefully placed the tray in between them and sat opposite her on the bed, he couldn”t get any closer, but he couldn”t pretend there wasn”t certain familiarity among them and sit politely on the armchair, that might hurt her feelings.
“This are as good as I remembered!”, she complimented him after the first bite.
“I”m glad you”ve developed an appetite, that”s a good sign”, he was more than pleased at the sight of her healthier resemblance.
“It”s amazing, but I feel as if that attempt at the flu never existed…”, she knew better than that, it was his presence that had made the miracle.
“Just don”t overdo it, OK, Doc?”, he knew her too well.
“I won”t”, she assured him taking another bite.
“Promise”, he demanded.
She looked at him aghast, as if shocked by his insinuation that he didn”t trust her, and smiled, because he still read her so well.
“I promise”, she gave in.
She wanted so much to tell him about her undying love for him, about how much she needed him to hold her, but she wanted to be in top shape for that conversation.
Besides, she still intended to find out what was his life about now, if he still cared that way for her.
She suspected he did, she could feel it in the air, in that magnificent awakening they shared. Oh, yeah, the magic was untainted! But she needed to consider his feelings in the first place, for a change; he deserved that much.
“Shouldn”t you be going home?”, she said, making sure that she didn”t sound like he was asking him out.
He looked at his watch, as guilt surfeit him. As much as he regretted to leave her side, he did have to return to his wife, to his son, to his home.
“Yeah, you”re right, I should”, he stood up to get his shoes, and she couldn”t help being a little bit disappointed.
He straightened his shirt, put on his jacket, and approached the bed to kiss her good-bye, only to remember he wasn”t supposed to do that, so he took her hand in his instead, and caressed her head with infinite tenderness.
“You keep your promise, OK?”, she nodded, unable to speak, for she knew she wouldn”t let him go if she did, “I”ll be back to check on you later.”
And he left feeling so wrong in doing so. He sat in the safety of his jeep for a few minutes, trying to pacify his heart rate, to settle his thoughts. How could it be that all those feelings he had worked so hard and for so long to put behind, had come back the second they met again, stronger than ever. He wanted desperately to go back into the house and tell her he still loved her, and ask her about Roman, and never let her go. But he couldn”t. He was married to a caring woman, who truly loved him. Besides, she was recovering from a bad cold, not waiting for yet another declaration of love. Before turning on the ignition, he made two phone calls. One to Kristen, to let her know he was on his way home. The other to the florist, to have them deliver a special bouquet.
Some Things Last Forever
A few minutes later, John was entering his house to be greeted by Kristen and his son.
He felt so guilty that he could barely look her in the eyes, not because of anything that happened (for in reality they didn”t do or say anything out of place), but because of the lies, and the hiding, and mainly because of the turmoil in his heart. After a rather short exchange of pleasantries, he went upstairs to take a shower. His mind again battling with his heart. Kristen thought he was acting a little strange, but blamed it to a lousy night of sleep and stressful work.
The water was hot against his skin, he didn”t even notice. He was miles away, watching a beautiful golden haired woman walking confidently towards him. His wife, the mother of his children, his only link to life, his one and only love. How could that have ended? How could life be so cruel to take away his past, and then his present and his future? What had he done so wrong? Something he couldn”t remember. And now he was married to a kind woman who loved him beyond words, and who had never asked for more than he could give. He had to be fair to her, even though it was beyond his power to command his heart. No matter how hard he tried, the other woman was always there, calling out to him. He was forever bewitched, he knew that much. But she was no longer a memory, she was back in his life, even if it was by sheer luck. She was so near. “Maybe you should stay home…”, that was his mind speaking. “You told her you were coming back, you”re going to break your word yet again?”, his heart retorted. No, he couldn”t do that to her. Besides, he had to make sure she was really all right.
As told, she stayed in bed after he left. Daydreaming about those precious seconds of awakening in his arms, of the obvious sexual energy that had flown between them. It lasted way too short. And then he was gone, back to his home, to his wife. Wife, that word cut her like a knife. She was his wife! She had given into that so much thinking…
They were married before God, even if his name wasn”t John Black, the love they swore to guard and keep was more than true. They hadn”t even gotten a divorce, they just pretended nothing had happened. She had. And she had witnessed as her husband married someone else. She had talked to a priest some time after she and Roman split up, without giving many details, and asked him about those marriage vows. He had said that God didn”t care about names, but about truths, and when two people get married, He”s not paying attention to a name, but seeing if the two souls standing before Him really love each other, and to that He gives His blessing: to Love, always to Love. She felt better when she heard that for she knew how strong their love was. So for as long as he was gone and lost, she kept remembering the fact that she was his wife and he was her husband. Their love was alive no matter how far away they might be, their love would live forever. She had never doubted that. Even though she had never actually told him, she had fallen for him the second their eyes met. And it wasn”t because a strange connection with Roman”s memories in his brain. Oh, no! It was the soul she had discovered in the blue depths of those eyes she had fallen in love with. And now that she had finally been reunited with her soulmate, he was married to someone else, just like she had once been…
The doorbell pulled her out of her wandering. She almost jumped out of bed. “That was fast!”, she smiled, her heart beating faster at once. She put her robe on and walked quickly to the door.
The boy was puzzled by the sudden change of her expression, from a smiling face to disappointment. Usually it was the other way around.
“Marlena Evans?”, he asked politely.
“Yes.”
“This are for you”, he handed her a big bouquet of fresh lilacs, “Would you please sign here?”
She obeyed, and asked him to wait a second.
“That won”t be necessary. My tip has been taken care of”, he explained before walking back to his truck.
She smelled the flowers, her smile returning quickly, and read the card. “Doc, I”m sorry if I didn”t show it, but I was really happy to see you again. I hope you get better soon, and find a way to forgive me for not coming to you sooner… Yours, John”. A lonesome tear trickled down her face. “Oh, baby! I have to tell you how I feel…” She found a basin for the precious gift and placed it on her dresser, before going back to bed. She would get her good health back, and then she would make things right between them, come what may.
Kristen was waiting for him with breakfast when he got out of the shower. She came up to him and wrapped her arms around his neck for a kiss. He felt good around her, she could always make a gray day look brighter. And he was absolutely crazy about her ways with his son, she cared about Brady so much that it made him love her more. A sudden bout of guilt overtook him, not for Kristen, but for Marlena. He couldn”t help to feel as if he was being unfaithful to her by being with Kristen. This had never occurred to him up to this moment. But now that Marlena was back in his life (for whatever reasons), he instinctively thought about her first. And as much as he loved Kristen (and he did), it could never be compared to the feelings Marlena inspired. That didn”t mean anything.
Marlena was not his, and even if she were, he wasn”t free to love her anymore. Only then did he realized how she must have felt when he pursued her despite her commitment to Roman; and he felt ashamed. Just the thought of doing something like that to Kristen disgusted him, and he had actually put Doc in that position. Even though she loved Roman better, it must have been like going through hell for her…
“I”m taking Brady to the nursery and then I have to run some errands”, Kristen”s voice snapped him back to reality, “Are you going to rest for a while?”
“Not really”, he hesitated, for he didn”t want to lie to her, but he couldn”t find it in himself to tell her the truth, “Tell you what… I”ll drop Brady, you go ahead with your plans”, he offered taking his son up in his arms, the one thing that could make him forget all his problems, “What do you say, slugger? Do you wanna have lunch with your old man after school?”
“Lunch… daddy!”, the almost two years-old boy giggled.
“Is that OK with you, sweetheart?”, he asked.
“Perfectly”, she was always glad to see Frank and Brady share some time alone together, “I have a pretty busy day, so I won”t be home at least until five”, she kissed Brady on the head, and brushed her lips against her husband”s, “You guys have fun!”, she shouted before exiting.
Some twenty minutes later, big Black and little Black followed her path out of the house.
Another World
Marlena smiled broadly when she heard the bell ringing for the second time that morning. She got up eagerly, and smelled the wonderful aroma of her bouquet on her way out of the bedroom. She didn”t bother to look, she knew exactly who it was, there was no room for doubt. Her smile widened even more when she saw John standing in the threshold with a “Get Well Soon” cream teddy bear. He had seen it when he dropped off Brady at the nursery and couldn”t help himself.
“Hello, again”, he grinned, handing her the gift, “Since you were acting so much like Sami last night, I thought you could use this…”, he mocked her, trying to downplay his tender gesture.
“Thanks!”, she answered playfully, not quite knowing what to make of it, “Are you coming in or do you want me to catch that cold back”, she retorted holding the door open for him.
He made his way in, a concerned expression threatening to cover his handsome face.
“All right, you”ve opened the door already, now you can go back to bed”, he almost ordered.
“John!”, she complained, she was feeling much better and she was so bored laying in bed, doing nothing.
“No arguments”, he was serious, but sometimes it was so hard to tell when he was being serious or just kidding.
“I feel fine! This didn”t even come to a simple cold!”, she tried to lure him to see her point, “I don”t even have a cough…”
“You were a mess less than 24 hours ago!”, he caught her distressed expression and quickly added, “Not that you weren”t less beautiful, of course”, he knew how concerned she had always been about her looks, specially when he was around.
“I guess that was just a combination of the wet clothes of the other night and the stress that I”ve been under lately…”, she cut herself short, not wanting to imply that he was the cause, “That”s the main reason why I came out here, to try and relax”, she finished.
“Doc, you had a pretty high fever last night…”, and seeing she wasn”t going to change her mind, he changed tactics, “Please, indulge me on this. I want to make sure you will be all right. All I”m asking of you is that you stay in bed for the rest of the day, if you don”t show any further symptoms I”ll let this go by tomorrow morning. Please?”, he gave her his best puppy face.
How could she resist that?
“Oh… All right.”, she pouted, “But what am I suppose to do all day?”
“I”ll keep you company for a while. How does that sound?”
She just smiled and placed her hand in his extended one to let him guide her back to her room. She placed the teddy bear by the basin when she went pass the dresser.
“Thanks for the flowers!”, she shoved her best smile at him, “They are beautiful.”
And he was ready to tell her “Not quite as beautiful as you are…” when he
remembered that would be totally out of place. She noticed him blushing and wondered why. An awkward silence fell upon them. So John stepped forward and held the sheets up, commanding her to get into bed. She passed swiftly by him, her scent sending shivers through his body, and went under the covers, trying to reach a comfortable sitting position. The caring gentleman he was, he hurriedly reached the pillows, and arranged them for her. His mind flashed back to that glorious day shortly after she had come out of the coma, when he had arranged the pillows of her hospital bed, getting ready for the romantic dinner that was to preside a marriage proposal. She laid down against the cushion of pillows, his hands instinctively going to the covers, to tuck her in. For a second their gazes locked and they both realized they were sharing the same memory.
“That was one of the happiest days of my life,” he finally confessed, sitting on the bed infront of her “knowing you were going to be OK, that you had come back to me…”, he stopped himself, afraid of his own feelings.
“I was so eager to be back!”, she sensed his discomfort, and avoided going deeper into it, as much as she wanted to confess her love to him, his well-being would always come first, “I was so eager to get out of that hospital room, and back to my life!”
“I remember that”, he chuckled, easing the tension a little, making her laugh, too.
“Do I really have to stay in bed?”, she pleaded like a child, hoping to take advantage of the light-hearted atmosphere.
“Doc!”, he scowled her, even though he was thinking she was so adorable and was ready to give into her charms any second, “You promised. Besides, you said you came here to relax, so it”s not like you have things to take care of…” he knew he had her now.
“OK”, she pouted, “But you will still owe me a walk on the beach…”
“As soon as I”m sure you will be fine, I promise.”
And again the silence, when he realized his little plan left them stuck in that room with nothing else to do but to talk to each other. She smiled to herself, feeling a bit sorry for him. But this was the perfect opportunity to find out where he really was in his life, and to begin to consider her next movement, and she was going to take full advantage of it.
“Can I get you anything? Some water…” he used that as an excuse to get up, and away from that enveloping closeness that was surrounding them.
“No, I”m fine, thanks”, she smiled broadly, sensing his nervousness.
He sat on the armchair facing the bed, his eyes wandering around the room, knowing that once he set his gaze upon her he wouldn”t be able to take it away.
“Tell me about Brady”, she asked, thinking that was an easy way to start, there were so many questions she wanted to ask…
“Oh, he”s great!”, the mention of his son was all he needed to start making contact again, she knew him so well, “He”s an energetic little boy. He”s growing up so fast! And he amazes me with something new every day. Just like the twins… Remember when they were about two and had started to talk, and they would come up with a new word almost every hour…”
“And we would look at them in awe, unable to say anything for we were so amazed by their progress, and they would look at us with a scowl, as if we weren”t getting what they were trying to say…”, her laugh filled the room, and his followed immediately.
“Well,” he said once his chuckling subsided, “same thing with Brady.”
“Oh, I would love to see him! I love that little guy so much!” the words slipped out of her mouth.
“You were there for him after Isabella died, you took care of him when I couldn”t even handle myself”, the love he felt for her at that time came back to him so strongly, “You were there for me…”, he stopped himself before saying something out of place, but she got the message none the less.
“I wouldn”t have had it any other way”, she replied softly, “I only wish…”
Now it was her turn to stop. She had made a point to find out where he was in his life before uttering the words that for sure would make his world stumble. Even if he had moved on and no longer loved her, he would be at least forced to reconsider his feelings and his decisions. She knew, she had been there, and that was why she had to be so careful. She had broken his heart once, she couldn”t do it twice.
“You only wish what?”, he encouraged her.
“I only wish you hadn”t left…”, she hesitated, even though that was true, what she was thinking was “I only wish I had the courage to face my love for you”.
His expression changed dramatically, she noticed, he was struggling with himself, trying to find the right words. She had gone too far, so she quickly added…
“I tried to picture Brady in my mind, imagining how he was growing up, how he would resemble his father more and more every day. To this day, whenever I go pass the children”s department in the store, I stop and browse through the boy”s outfits and in my head I chose what would look best on him, amazed at how the right size changes as the months go by.”
John felt his heartbeat going faster and then back to normal. For a moment he thought she was going to confess how she had made a mistake when she had told him of her love for Roman, for a moment he was ready to forgive and forget, to take her in his arms and never let her go. No, that was not it. And yet, he could never be disappointed with her, not when she was speaking of his son with so much love. She was such a caring woman, and he only loved her more because of that.
“I”m sorry”, was all he managed to say, “I”m sorry I took him away from you, and I”m sorry I deprived him from having you in his life. But I didn”t know better…”
“You did what you thought was best”, she reassured him, knowing they were walking on the ledge and were not ready for that, “It turned out pretty good, though”, but she needed to take advantage of every opportunity she had, “You found Kristen”, as much as she hated it, she had to bring the other woman into the scene, “She obviously is a good mother to Brady.”
“She is”, guilt raining on him again, “I”m not sure how I would have managed without her.”
And for an instant they were both out of words, all they could do was look into each others eyes, as if trying to read between the lines, as if trying to let their hearts speak what their minds would not allow.
Confessions
He knew that if he continued to look at her that way he would soon be lost in her eyes, diving into the depths of her soul, pouring his heart out. And he knew that was out of the question. He had to pull himself out of that direction, quickly. “What about the kids? How are they doing?”, he changed the subject, downplaying his emotions. “He still loves me”, she thought, a mysterious smile painted on her still pale face, “He has to love me…”
“They are all right”, she replied, pushing back the pain their rejection caused her, “Carrie is engaged to Austin Reed”, she was the only one who stood by her, despite the obvious reasons for her to side with Roman, she was the child of her heart, no doubt, “I don”t believe you met him, he”s very nice. Kate Robert”s son, by the way”, she captured his eyes widening, “Yes, it surprised us all. It”s a long story, but she was reunited with him and Billie, her daughter, shortly after you left Salem…”, she swallowed to keep the tears from filling her eyes like every time she thought about his departure, “Anyway, Carrie is happy as can be right now.” “And the twins?”, he saw the pain in her eyes and was immediately concerned, “What happened?” “They”re fine”, she reassured him, answering his unspoken question, their ability to read each other”s thoughts intact.
“What happened?”, he asked again, knowing the problem was with her. “They still blame me for the divorce”, she smiled, trying to downplay the extent of their reaction. “I would like to hear the whole story.” His soft request melted her heart. He was the one she could talk to about all that went on and would really understand, would really care. He was the only one who could truly feel the ordeal she had been going through, and the only one who could really comfort her. Everybody else in Salem seemed to be ambivalent about it, torn between their relationship to Roman or the Bradys and their friendship with her. She had been part of the Brady family for a long time, and even though they still cared, she no longer felt completely welcomed. John could relate to that so well… And he could relate to the feeling of being rejected by his own children, for they had done it to him, also, without allowing themselves to think how much of a father he had been to them.
Oh, if she could only reach out to him! “Doc?” That did it. The caring in his voice speaking her name like only he could… Suddenly the damn she had built around her heart fell apart, and there was no way to stop the flood. Her eyes filled with tears, that immediately started running down her cheeks. Before she could even ask for it, he was by her side, his arms surrounding her, his body protecting her, telling her she could
let go. For the first time she allowed herself that much, the feeling of her heart breaking in a million pieces without certainty that she could glue them back, the feeling of falling into an endless dark abyss… But she could do it now, because he was there to take care of her, and she could trust him with her soul. So she did. He felt her pain as if it was his own. And as it has always been, he stopped thinking about himself, his feelings, to be there entirely for her. He tightened his embrace, pulling her against his body, and let her cry all she needed, without questions. Her desperate moans striking his soul.
But he kept silent, for all she needed right now was to let go of the pain, to release her held agony. Soon his shirt was damped by her tears, as his own tears rolled down into her hair. For a long while they stayed like this. Until her sobbing subsided, and slowly she made it back to reality. Only because he was there for her, because his arms were the safe anchor she could hold onto. Her heartbeat returned to normal, and she no longer needed to gasp for air, even though the tears were still dripping from her hazel eyes. She felt the warmth of his chest beneath her cheek, the strength of his arms running along her back, the sweet caress of his face resting lightly against her head, his soul holding hers.
He sensed she was ready to talk now, so he moved a little to change the pace of the situation in that direction. Swiftly, he sat with his back against the headboard, and nestled her by his side, his arms never breaking their embrace. Gently, he lifted her chin towards him with his hand, and with the tip of his thumb dried away her non-stopping tears, with a soft smile that spoke volumes. “Tell me”, he encouraged her.
She remained silent for a couple of minutes, as if trying to find the right words to start, but without really thinking. Finally, she let her heart do the talking.
“As Roman, they expected me to pick up our lives right where he had left them… I guess I did, too… for a while. But then I realized I couldn”t live a lie… I couldn”t deny the past, and I couldn”t deny your presence in our lives.” “That was my fault”, as ashamed as he was, he held her gaze, “I should have never pursued you as I did. I should have left as soon as he came back…” “No!”, she tightened her grip on his arm, as if he were about to do so, “No”, she softened a little, “It was your life, too. Noone should have expected you to step aside as if nothing had happened. Specially me. That was my mistake, also. We were all ripped out of our lives without notice, but you were left with nothing. No past and no present. You did the best you could under the circumstances, and you put us all before yourself, like you had always done.” It was so reassuring to hear those words coming from her, easing his guilt. “And I can understand the children also. They felt torn between the love they felt for you and the devotion they were supposed to have for Roman. He left them when they were so small; all the memories they had of their father belonged to you. You raised them. And no matter how many times they deny it, I know in their hearts they feel you are their father. But then Roman came back, and I guess they suppressed those feelings in favor of logic. I should have never let that happen, for their own good; but I did it myself , and couldn”t see better…” “None of us did, Doc. The whole situation was so far fetched, we didn”t know how to deal with something like that.”
“But after you left…”, she cut herself, unsure of what was the right thing to say.
“The truth”, he whispered, as if reading her mind, and her eyes welled with tears once more, “You can tell me anything”, she could. “After you left, I realized I couldn”t go on living a lie. Roman expected me to be the same woman he had left, as if what happened in those years he was gone was just a dream, as if the love we all felt for you was only a reflection of our love for him, something that we would never talk about, as if it never existed. Maybe the kids were able to pull that, I”m not so sure… I couldn”t… I couldn”t deny the best years of my life… I couldn”t pretend your love hadn”t changed me, or that the love I felt towards you wasn”t real…”, the words seemed to fall out of her mouth, so naturally, so right, she had finally allowed her heart to speak, and now there was no stopping it. He was speechless. He had longed to hear those words, and when he had lost all hope, here she was, uttering them, and with them, making his whole existence make sense. The tears returned to his eyes, and down his face. His heart was weeping out of joy, out of pain. She was blessing the love they had shared. It was real. Now it was real.
“I wasn”t the same woman Roman had known and love, and I would never be, because you were already a part of my heart, of my soul, a part of who I am”, she had never told him the truth, and he deserved it; no matter what the future held for them, it was her turn to give, “I didn”t love you because you were Roman, John. I loved you because of who you are, because of your heart, because of the way you touched my soul. Maybe I allowed myself to love you because we thought you were Roman, but the love I felt for you had nothing to do with what I felt for him. I thought that was due to all that had happened. It was because you were a different man, and I loved that man with every bit of my heart.” It was her turn to comfort him, to heal his deepest wounds. Instinctively, her hand reached for his face, and she rested her palm against his moist cheek.
“The love we shared was real, John. You were right. You tried to tell me, but I wouldn”t
listen because I was so afraid of what that meant. It was ours, not a fabrication of Stefano. I loved you solely and completely, because I knew your soul and you knew mine… And when we stood infront of God and made our vows, even though the name was wrong, every word was aimed to the man that stood before me; and throughout the whole ceremony, every memory I had of our life together was a memory you and I had created… The truth is that even though I was convinced you were Roman, whenever I would think of you, I would think of you. My thoughts were always with the man that came back. My heart was always with you.” “You were my life…”, it came out as a whisper, and it was all he could manage to say. “You were my life.”
A New Beginning
Their gazes locked through the mist of tears that felt silently down their faces, melting into a common pond, their eyes carrying the words of their hearts, words they knew so well. A language they had spoken so openly, so freely, at some point in their lives. For a moment it seemed as though they had been transported to an alternate reality, out of time; to a place without past, without future, with just enough space for the present. And the present were those two hearts that beat like one, those bodies yearning for contact, those souls linked together for all eternity. They looked deeply into each other”s eyes, unable to speak, unable to believe that instant was real, that they had found each other yet again. She softly dropped her hand from his face, as he slowly raised his to meet hers in mid-air. Even inches apart they could feel the overpowering energy circulating from one palm to the other. Their fingertips met for a brief moment before their fingers intertwined, and the two hands became one beating heart. Her smile lit her fabulous features, his smile followed shortly. They were blessing their past, their feelings, themselves. “When I first came to Salem I was a man without a past, without memories, without a life…”, he began softly, never leaving her eyes, “My soul was empty. And then you appeared before me, and all of a sudden everything fell into place. Nothing else mattered because I knew I had found my home. You filled my soul with your first smile, gave me a life when your voice spoke my name… And when you said “I love you”, I was a whole man again. You became my past, my present and my future, and that”s all I cared to know, because I needed nothing more.” She could feel the blood hurrying through her veins, her body trembling, her hand holding his as if it were the only thing that prevented her from losing control. She wanted to get closer, to reawaken the passion she had somehow managed to bury since Roman”s return; she wanted to show him just how true that love was. But in his eyes she saw his pain, his confusion, and as much as she wanted to ease that with gentle kisses and sweet caresses, she knew that would only made it worst. So she refrained, managing to control her impulses out of her concern for the man she loved the most.
“I felt the same way. I couldn”t even admit it to myself at that time, but from the moment I saw you I knew my soul was not mine anymore. I didn”t want to listen to what my heart was telling me, but even though in my mind I tried to deny it, I fell in love with you from the very beginning. It was as if my soul had suddenly found its other half, without even knowing it was missing, but I knew that from that moment on I would never be able to go without that other half.” The silent that fell upon them was not uncomfortable. They stared into each other”s eyes as if it was the first time, as if they could go on like that forever; so happy to be able to right what life”s circumstances had made wrong. Finally, John reached out to her, bringing her closer with his free hand, needing to hold her, to feel her. She melted into his embrace, even though she knew that came from the past, and rejoiced in the fact that at least now he knew half the truth, and with God”s help, soon she would find the best way to tell him the other half: that she loved him still. He still couldn”t believe what had happened. In the last few days he had not only recovered a life he thought was forever buried, but also the woman he had loved more than anyone else, his soulmate, his one and only true love. And now he discovered that all that had been real, not a fabrication of his deepest desires. She had loved him, just him, and with that simple truth, she had given him back his identity, the only identity he felt his own. He was once again John Black.
And she was there, trembling in his arms, and it was not another dream. He could hear her breathing, smell her sweet scent, feel the softness of her skin under the thin cloth of her pajama. His arms enveloping her figure, his hands softly caressing her waist and her hair. He wanted to raise her face to his and to dive into the depths of her mouth, to rediscover with his lips every inch of her beautiful body, to give into his hidden fantasy and make love to her again, becoming one with the woman he had always loved, to fill the emptiness he felt without her. But she had spoken of the past, not the present, he remembered; she hadn”t come looking for him; and what was more important, he was not free to do anything. He was committed to someone else, someone who loved him deeply, someone he had grown to love, even when that love would never resemble the love he was holding in his arms. She felt his unspoken hesitation, and smiled once more. Even though he couldn”t say it, she could feel his love. If only she could reach out to his heart, and show him that there was still a chance for them, even when she didn”t know how. But sometimes it is better not to know, and just take the risk and find out later… As if in slow motion, she lifted her head towards him, aiming to his eyes for she knew she could find the truth in them, and maybe he would be able to read her truth. He looked at that adorable creature he had recreated a million times in his mind since he had said good-bye, and was surprised to find exactly what he had imagined to find all those times: love pouring from her eyes. But this was real, not his imagination. He stared at her gaze, trying to decide whether he was making all this up or whether she was really infront of him, telling him what he had longed to hear. No smiles upon their faces, only the same, longing gaze, and an unspoken truth. As if on cue, they came closer, their faces inches apart, their lips parting, ready to quench the thirst of their hearts. Their minds were no longer working, for their souls had taken charge. Two hearts beating faster and faster, anticipating… The sound came out of nowhere, breaking that entangling reality their feelings had created, as if from another world, but strong enough to bring them back from the trance. Immediately, they put some distance between them, as if had been caught in fault, and the annoying sensation of discomfort reappeared. He reached for his jacket, that laid on the chair, using that as an excuse to leave her side, and answered his cell-phone failing in his attempt to make his voice sound normal. She covered herself with the blankets, suddenly feeling a little ashamed, exposed. “Hello?”, he turned her back to her, “Oh, hi, Kristen…” She buried her face in the pillow, hating herself, hating the whole situation, but unable to love him less. When he left the room, probably looking for some privacy, she pretended to ignore the pain it caused her. He stepped into the hall, trying to hide his shame from her, feeling so unfaithful, not to Kristen, but to her, and feeling confused for this fact. He cut the conversation short, but he knew before walking back into the bedroom that the spell had been broken. “I”m sorry”, he said, noticing she wasn”t looking at him. “That”s OK. I”m better now”, she faked a smile.
“I have to go pick up Brady”, he said even though it was not quite time for that yet, but he needed to get out, and didn”t want her to feel bad about it.“All right”, she replied coldly, “Thanks for dropping by”, she wasn”t trying to be rude, but she couldn”t understand what was going on with them, how could they be so close one second
and so distant the next one; and all of a sudden she felt so sad, the fear of losing him again pounding in her mind, the tears once again welling in her eyes, and softened her tone when she asked, “Am I going to see you again?” The pain in her voice pierced his heart. Despite that she didn”t love him, he never doubted how much she cared for him, and by leaving Salem without notice, he had hurt her deeply, he realized. How could he had caused her so much pain? How could he have been so blind, so selfish? No matter what happened to him, he vowed at that moment to never hurt her that way again.
Without even thinking, he crossed the distance between them, and sat on the bed by her side, taking her hand in his, and smiled broadly. “Thank you so much for telling me the truth, Doc”, he said softly, “It means so much to me to know that what we shared was real to you too. It gives sense to all my existence.” “You deserved the truth”, she answered, deeply touched by his change of behavior. “And don”t worry, you won”t get rid of me that easily.” He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it tenderly before leaving. She sat on the bed unsure of what she felt, ready to cry and to laugh at the same time; unsure of what would be the next step, but knowing that the war was far from over.
Family Ties
She hadn”t acknowledged how tired she was, but the truth is that not long after he left, she was drifting into a peaceful slumber. The sight of his gifts wishing her sweet dreams, his outspoken truth singing a lullaby in her ears, the feeling of his arms around her body still caressing her skin. She fell asleep with a soft smile drawn upon her features.
John drove for a while, finally deciding upon a secluded beach nearby. He parked the jeep and walked down to the lonely shore, his heart still beating faster than normal. His soul in deep confusion. His feelings reawakening with such force. He walked up to the ocean, staring into the blue immensity. The water usually brought him a sense of peace, today, however it did nothing for him. He could still feel her scent sending shivers through his body, his skin was still aroused by the nearness of her… And the words she had spoken were dancing madly in his mind. She had talked about true love, and about loving him, John Black, not John Black as Roman Brady. And more, he had felt that love surrounding them all over again as the words dripped from her sensuous lips. “No, that couldn”t be possible”, he reminded himself. And yet… it had been so real. “No, it”s just wishful thinking”, he stopped himself from going further into that land of dreams and hopes he had given up when he came to California. “You have to concentrate on what you have now”, he scowled himself, turning around, and going back on his steps. What he didn”t realize then was that his heart had always been stronger than his mind.
She turned around in bed, half awake, half asleep, not sure if the cheerful sounds came from her dreams or from reality; but when she felt the little bundle nestling against her figure and the tiny fingers caressing her cheek, she knew her reality was sweeter than dreams. She blinked her eyes a couple of times, trying to make focus on the smiling little boy that laid by her side as if that was where he belonged. John had gone straight to pick up Brady after he left the beach, even though it was still early. He thought that being with his son would root him into reality, but as soon as he and his little slugger were safely buckled in the car, the natural thing to do seemed to go to her. For some reason, he tried the door before ringing the bell. It was open. So he walked down the hall, straight to her room, with Brady in his arms. His heart melted when he saw her sleeping form, the semi smile on her lips, her beautiful angel face. So much so that his knees trembled, and he put Brady down, afraid to lose his balance any moment soon. That was when his boy had climbed onto the bed, straight to the arms that had cradled him to sleep so many times when he was too small to remember. But he seemed drawn to her, and before his father could realize what he was up to, he had reached the haven of her arms, and was waking her up between gentle touches and funny giggles. “Hi!”, she greeted her new visitor with a smile of genuine amazement. “Hello”, he replied, not at all inhibited by her presence. “You are so big…”, she uttered, trying to adjust the image she had created in her mind to the cute angel before her. “I big boy!”, Brady explained proudly.
“Yes, you are!”, she laughed, gathering him in her arms to hold him close, “I”ve missed you so…” And he stayed still and comfortable as she hugged him, building a bridge between the two adults in the room with his simple gesture. Marlena kissed her boy, absorbing the sweet baby fragrance with delight, and looked up to meet John”s gaze. John was too marveled by the scene before him to even bother to hide his pride, and his happiness. He held her gaze with a smile that spoke volumes. “We bring you lunch”, Brady explained excitedly, unconscious to what his conduct meant to them.
“Really?”, Marlena drove her attention back to the toddler, “Well, thank you! Are you hungry?” “Much…” The sound of her joyful laughter sent shivers down his spine, and John took it as his cue to leave for a second. “Why don”t the two of you wait here while I go to get the food I left in the car?” “I think we can do that”, she accepted looking for Brady”s approval. “Get food, daddy… Me angry”, a puzzled looked on his face when the two adults burst into laughter. “Yes, daddy, go get the food…”, she encouraged him, “Me angry, too!”, her hearty chuckle filling the air. And John left the room before his impulse to jump to bed and cover her with kisses took a toll on him. He was more calmed after spending some time in the kitchen arranging a tray with plates, cutlery, sodas, fries, burgers and salad. When he came back into the bedroom, Brady and Marlena
were deep in discussion about the Cookie Monster. He stood at the door for an instant, watching in awe the bond between these two, as if distance and time had been a mere concept. Marlena raised her gaze instinctively to where he was, reading in his eyes what was going through his mind, and waving at him a ravishing smile that invited him to join them. They spent the rest of the afternoon playing and talking, Brady”s presence easing the tension, allowing them to concentrate on something else, other than the reality of their feelings, that was screaming loudly to be acknowledged. Only when hours later Brady gave into his need to rest and fell asleep on Marlena”s lap, they were somehow face to face again, forced to address each other directly. “He”s so beautiful”, Marlena praised him while stroking the smooth black hair. “Yes, he”s a brave little boy”, said the proud father. “He looks just like you”, she added, unconscious of the compliment until John blushed, “He does”, she stated, “And I”m not only talking about looks, he has your cheerfulness, your yearn to go always a little further, your honesty, your sensibility…”, she stopped, noticing John was beginning to feel uncomfortable, and for a second she felt sad, remembering the time when all her compliments made him so proud. The ice wall was still standing between them. But somehow she would find a way to tear it down.
“Thanks for bringing him to me”, she subtly redirected the conversation to safer grounds.
“I knew it would make you happy… What I never imagined was that he would remember you, but he seems so at ease around you”, he confessed, joy in his voice. “What did you tell him?” “Only that we were going to go visit someone who knew him when he was a baby, and who loved him very, very much.” “I do”, she smiled at his thoughtfulness,
”Well, maybe in his unconscious mind something went on… And I”m grateful to whatever it was”, she stared at the bundle of sweetness nestled in her arms, “You”ve done such an amazing job with him, John.” He loved the way his name came out of her mouth, so special, so unique. He could get lost in the hazel depths of her eyes, in the calmness of her demeanor… “Thanks”, he answered promptly, cutting his train of thought, “Would you like to join me with a cup of tea?”, he wasn”t as subtle to change subjects. “That would be nice”, she managed to stifle a laugh at his lame attempt, and watched as he promptly disappeared to the kitchen. “Oh, John, if I could only tell you how I feel!”, she thought, wanting to hold to this small, borrowed family forever and ever. But she knew she had to be very careful in order to preserve the fragile steadiness that John had created for himself, and hence, for his son. She had put him in that position, and it was her call to win him back without hurting him further, if that were possible. Of one thing she was sure, deep within himself he was still John Black, and he still loved her.
A Perfect World
John gazed out of the kitchen window to the peaceful, blue ocean, but his mind was still in those beautiful hazel eyes he knew so well. He could swear he read love in them… but then again, that”s what he had thought a year ago, and was forced to face reality: Marlena only wanted him as a friend. Even though he was not ready to admit it, his heart was pleading with him to accept the truth, that his love for her was untainted, and as strong as ever. The sun was beginning to set down, pretty soon he would have to return home, before Kristen started to wonder where he was. And yet, he felt so much at home at that very moment, he thought while pouring the hot water into the mugs. He carried the tray to her bedroom, and again was struck by the perfect picture before his eyes. Brady was comfortably nestled on Marlena”s lap, and she was stroking his soft hair, humming the same lullaby they used to sing to put the twins to sleep. After a short while she sensed his presence, and looked up to the door. “Are you OK?”, she asked, being this the second time in the afternoon she had caught him like that. “Yes”, was as far as he could go without exposing himself, “Here”, he placed the tray on the dresser and handed her a cup, “with a drop of milk, two spoonfuls of honey and a touch of lemon.”
“You remember”, she was more flattered than amazed. “Of course”, his mind drifting to all those mornings when he had slipped earlier out of bed just to have her breakfast waiting by her side when she woke up. “Thank you”, she said more for the sake of old times than anything else. He sat on the chair, putting some distance between them. He couldn”t trust himself anymore. Again, they found themselves out of words, hiding their feelings in a sip of tea for completely different reasons. Luckily for them, Brady woke up and immediately filled the silence with his cheerful voice. As soon as she finished her drink, he stood up to leave.
“Time to say good-bye, son”, he commanded, noticing the sudden sadness that covered her features. “I want to stay…”, the little boy complained. “And I”d love for you to stay,” Marlena interceded kindly, “but it”s late, and you have to go back to your house. But if it”s OK with your daddy, you can come visit me some other day…”, they both looked up at John. “Yes, daddy?” “Of course, Brady”, his heart melting at the bond between his two loves, “But now you have to say good-bye to Marlena.” Instead of speaking, he opted for climbing onto her lap to reach her cheek, and kissed her adoringly, throwing his little arms around her neck. She hugged him back, too overwhelmed with emotion to utter any words, and kissed his forehead. Then he pulled away, as if sensing it was time for the grown-ups to bid farewell, and went onto the floor to pick up his toys. John instinctively sat on the bed, and it was too late to turn back when he realized he was heading to kiss her, so he slightly bent his face soon enough to kiss her cheek instead of her lips. She sensed his confusion, and couldn”t help but feeling that strange combination of sadness and happiness. “I”ll call you tomorrow”, he promised. “Please do.” “And I hate to take you out of bed, but I want you to come to the door with us and to lock it this time”, his protective side always ready. So she walked them to the door, Brady securely held in John”s arms. She kissed her little boy one last time, and casually caressed his father”s hand while she was at it, sending shivers throughout his body.
“Take care of yourself”, he insisted. “I promise”, she held his gaze, and kept on looking until his jeep was out of sight. When she crept back into bed she could still feel the wonderful sensation of that small family gathered around her, the undeniable love that hung between them, the perfect harmony of his son asleep on her lap. And with those memories she slowly drifted back to the land of dreams, where her world made perfect sense.
Kristen was already there when they crossed the main door, and he felt ashamed and guilty. But she didn”t seem to notice, for she went straight to greet them with a shining smile. John withdrew a bit when she reached for his mouth, but since Brady was squinting in his arms, she didn”t give the incident a second thought. Then she took her step-son in her arms, and squeezed him playfully. “So, did you and daddy have fun?”, she asked innocently, as John realized for the first time the dangerous situation he had placed himself into. “Yes”, Brady answered, restraining himself from giving any further details for a reason John couldn”t understand. “So what did you guys do?”, Kristen insisted, and John trembled. “We go see my angel mom”, Brady explained calmly to everyone”s surprise, unconscious of the silent that fell upon them. “Oh, that”s very nice…”, was all she could say, as she eyed her husband inquiringly, “Well, I think it”s time for your bath”, she dropped the subject for later, not wanting to confuse the little boy about his very spiritual experience, “Are you ready to play in the water?” She and Brady went up the stairs, leaving a numbed John standing in the middle of the living room, smiling, through his fear, at his son”s insight. Marlena had totally taken the role of mother after Isabella died. She had been there for Brady when he was still in shock over his wife”s death; she had made it her business to feed him, nurse him, give him his bath, put him to sleep, love him. She was the reason he had become a whole person again, able to look after his own son. But even after that happened she had kept that incredible bond with Brady, despite the fact she had a family of her own to look after. That was probably part of the reason things had gone bad with Roman. Marlena had always made it a point to give herself to those who needed her, placing her own needs behind. One of the many qualities he loved about her. And now Brady was bringing all that back in his own particular way, for somewhere inside of him she was the mother he remembered. Of course he would have to straighten that up at some point, for he wanted Brady to acknowledge the fact that Isabella was his mother, but to deny Marlena”s role in his young life would also be wrong. And he certainly couldn”t do that with Kristen around. The truth is that it was foolish of him to have taken Brady over to Marlena”s, but he couldn”t regret doing it nonetheless. He knew that sooner or later he would have to bring together his past and his present, and that would mean telling Kristen the whole story, something he was not ready to do. How could he, when he didn”t even know what was going on inside of him?
Later that night, when Brady was already sound asleep in his own bed, Kristen brought up the subject again. Mainly out of curiosity, for a dead wife was obviously not a threaten to her.“That was nice of you to take Brady to church to talk to him about Isabella”, she said matterof factly. “We shared a very special time, with a very special person”, he started after giving it some thought, “Someone I need to talk to you about”, it wasn”t in his nature to be deceitful.
The Mirror Has Two Faces
Marlena tossed and turned until she finally woke up, feeling uncertain and concerned. She felt a little relieved after realizing it was only a nightmare, but it had been so real… She was in a room she didn”t quite recognize, with John. She was telling him how much she loved him, and he was loving her back. But then Kristen came into the picture, she wasn”t mad, she didn”t even seemed to have heard the loving vows she and John had just exchanged; and somehow, she had managed to lure him back. It was then when Marlena realized this was going to be a clash of the titans between the two of them. Now that the images of the dream were fading, and reality began to sink into her, Marlena also had to face the fact that this woman was John”s wife, and had every right over him. She, on the other hand, had nothing else than the immensity of the love she felt for him. And even that was questionable. What right had she to destroy a marriage? Even when she was absolutely certain that John could only be truly happy by her side, was she capable of breaking a bond blessed by God? And yet, how could she deny him the joy of knowing how she truly felt? How could a love so strong, so pure, could be wrong? No, she wasn”t ready to give up without a fight. Not again.
Kristen looked at him puzzled. He had started talking about a truth she obviously ignored, and for a moment she could feel her knees weaken even though she was comfortably sitting on the couch; but then he had fell silent, and didn”t seem much eager to share any kind of shocking revelation with her. What should she do? Her curiosity was pushing her to find out; her heart was more cautious, and warned her of the unknown risks of doing so. Yet, she knew much more than he suspected and that gave her an upper hand that was somehow reassuring. John was struggling with himself over what was the right thing to do. He knew he had to do something about the whole situation. If he wanted to see Doc again (and he did), he had to do so with Kristen”s knowledge. He couldn”t keep sneaking out of the house like a thief, having to make up lies to cover his traces. It wasn”t like him. She had a right to know. On the other hand, how much of the truth could he tell her without making her uncomfortable? She had accepted him as Frank, and had never asked much about his past after he had told her he wanted to have a present, and a future, and forget completely about his past (not that he had been able to do so). What was the point of confusing her with his inner struggles if nothing would change for them anyway? No matter how much he loved Doc, she didn”t love him back. He was married to Kristen, who did love him, and he loved her, too; not at the same level as he loved Marlena, of
course, but he was committed to Kristen, and to their life together. “I know I said I wanted to forget about my past,” he started, and Kristen shivered, “but something happened that you have a right to know about.”, he waited for her to say something,
but realizing she wouldn”t, he continued, “Do you remember the woman that came with the storm the other night?” “Marlena?”, she spoke, feeling a sudden wave of hatred towards the friendly stranger. “Yes, Marlena”, he paused, trying to figure out the best way to present the facts, “Well, everything was so surprising for me that night that I couldn”t quite deal with it, that”s why I didn”t mention it then… but we already knew each other.” Kristen thought her heart was going to stop any second. What was he trying to say? Was this the end for them? Who was that woman, and why couldn”t he tell her right away that they knew each other? “I don”t understand”, she murmured, fear paralyzing her. “The reason I didn”t say anything is because it would have been too confusing for both of you. She is someone from my past, that past I worked so hard to leave behind, and when I saw her it was too confusing for me…” “So, why didn”t you tell me after?”, she inquired somewhat more relaxed, if this had to do with that past he seemed to hate so much, there was no need to worry. “I should have, I know”, he apologized, “But I didn”t know where to start, I guess…” “That”s all right, honey”, she could be the understanding wife once more, now that her role wasn”t in jeopardy, “You made it very clear when we met that you didn”t want to talk about your past, and I agreed with that. So you don”t have to”, she had other sources to find out, anyway. “I have to”, he was determined, but he took a few seconds, “My real name is not Frank”, he dropped the bomb. That much she knew, but she couldn”t let him be suspicious, and she was glad he was finally willing to open up to her. She tried to sound as surprised as she could. “What? I don”t get it… “ “I”m sorry I didn”t tell you before, but it”s true. I used to go by the name of John, John Black, even though I wasn”t born with that name either.” “So what would your real name be then?”, that she didn”t know. “Forrest Alamain. But that has nothing to do with what I want to tell you, or with me whatsoever. The reason I didn”t tell you my name is because when I came to California I was determined to cut all the ties that linked me to my past, and that included the name of John Black. I wanted to make a new beginning for myself and for Brady, and that included a name that wouldn”t remind me of everything I had left behind every time someone mentioned it.” “I can understand that”, Kristen said, caressing his arm, “And I suppose that”s the reason why you couldn”t introduce me to Marlena, because she knew you by John, and I knew you by Frank.” “Yes”, he was feeling more relieved now. “What I don”t get is why you feel you need to tell me this now? Not that I don”t appreciate it, I love that you”re letting me into your world.”
“I had to tell you to make things straight. Because when I heard from you that Marlena
seemed sick, I had to go and check on her.” “You”ve been seeing her?”, she didn”t know if she was mad or surprised, but being angry at him was out of the question, she knew better than that. “Yes. She was really sick”, he explained. “Who is she?”
“We used to be really good friends”, there was no need for her to know more, “The reason I don”t go by Forrest Alamain is because many years ago, for reasons unknown to me, I suffered amnesia. I couldn”t remember anything about my past, and as far as those years are concerned, I still can”t. John Black was the name I picked once I realized my situation. I was in a Midwest town called Salem. Marlena was one of the first persons I met, and someone who helped me a lot to deal with the fact that I had no previous life, no memories.” “I see”, she needed more information about this woman, “She still lives in Salem?” “Yes. She”s out here on vacation.” Kristen was pleased with this, because it meant that pretty soon she would be out of their lives again. No matter how good friends they were, a woman was always a threat. “I suppose you intend to see her again”, she was planning her moves carefully. “Yes. Now that we found each other, I can”t pretend she doesn”t exist. She”s always been good to me. I have no right to ignore her, that would hurt her so much.”, he was walking on ice here, thin ice. “Of course. Is she any better now?” “Yes.” “Then I would love to invite her over to dinner tomorrow”, she said as casually as she could while her mind was going a hundred miles per hour.
Coming To Terms With Reality
Marlena woke up enveloped by the sweet perfume of lilacs, and couldn”t help but smile at the sight of the teddy bear. She wished she could reach out to find John”s warm body laying beside her. The bed seemed so big, so lonely after having shared most of the last 24 hours together, after waking up to his touch the other morning, after finding comfort in his strong embrace… But the smile remained, for she was far better positioned than she had been for the past year: he was back in her life and she was determined to be back in his, for good.
All remains of a cold were gone. In fact, she was feeling stronger than ever. Why not? She had the best reasons. For those first moments after waking up all she could think about was the joy of having found her true love once more. She felt so happy, truly happy for the first time since that fateful day he stepped out of her life, disappearing without a trace. And now she had him back! Finally! No more sleepless nights, no more worries, no more wondering if he was OK, if he was alive. Until reality dawned on her, fading her happiness a little… He was married to someone else, and he was apparently content. What right did she have to break that union? How could she even think about threatening his vows? What was her excuse? Only her love for him; that deep, true feeling that bonded them together, that made them soulmates. And that was her only excuse, her only reason, the certainty that he could never be as happy as they once were, as
they could be. Of that she had no doubts. But how could she do it keeping him away from pain? Without making him go through hell over it? How could she, after blaming him for doing so all those months ago? And yet, something in her heart told her she could never let it go. For the first time she understood how John must have felt when he decided to leave Salem, cause there was
no way he could have been able to stay close without fighting for their love. If only she”d realized what her heart was screaming before it was too late… But now life was giving her a second chance.
That”s why, though hesitating, she accepted Kristen”s invitation to join them for dinner that very night. From what Kristen told her over the phone, she gathered that John had cleared the air with her, for Kristen said she knew about her and John being friends (even though she still called him Frank). Marlena asked Kristen if “Frank” was OK with her coming over before saying yes.
Kristen was a bit unsure when she hung up, but what was done was done. She still felt Frank hadn”t been completely honest about his relationship with Marlena, but it had obviously been very hard for him to open up to her and she didn”t want to push him further. Having them together would give her a chance to study their behavior, and having her close would also give her an opportunity to get to know a possible enemy. If only she had paid more attention to the tids and bits her father had given her before sending her to California with a mission: keep an eye
on John Black. Little did she know she would fall for him so hard. She had been eager to marry him, despite her father”s reluctance; that was part of the reason why they had drifted apart. She had tried to get more information about her future husband, but Stefano wouldn”t give in. He only warned her that if she ever mentioned her link to him any chance of a future with Frank would be lost. That gave her a clue, he still wanted her near and in control. So she played along
and kept silent, accepting him as Frank even though she knew better, and eventually gave in to the fact that he was committed to her and their life together.
But suddenly, a blast from the past was making her world tremble, putting her back on guard. The fact that he was willing to be honest about the whole thing was a good sign, but she couldn”t shake the feeling that he and Marlena had been more than friends. What if she was that special lady from his past that Stefano had mentioned once? The one that could jeopardize what she had? She had been trying to get ahold of her father all morning, but he was out of reach.
Well, she could handle this on her own. After all, Frank was obviously with her on this. Now she had to get this dinner going.
John tried to read the report for the tenth time, but he just couldn”t concentrate. Two scenes replayed in his mind over and over. One was the conversation he and Kristen had the previous evening, her support and her love for him. The other one was that of waking up to the sight of the most beautiful woman in the world, to the scent of her shampoo and the silky touch of her hair against his skin, to the wonderful sensation of her body in his arms, the warmth, the magic they had shared for a few seconds. He wanted to convince himself that that wasn”t real, just a flashback of a buried past, but he couldn”t deny his heart beat speeding at the mere thought of her, the tingling sensation running through his body, the cold sweat and the goose bumps on his skin whenever she was near. He knew that feeling so well. He had been fighting it from the day she turned him down.
He gave up on the reading, throwing the paper on his desk, and reached for the phone, but decided against it. Kristen”s dinner idea was driving him crazy. Not only because he was afraid of not being able to get through it, but also because it would put Marlena in a very awkward position. Maybe she wasn”t up to it in the first place and there was no need to worry, at least for the time being. He reached for the phone again, and dialed Kristen”s number.
“Oh, hi, honey!”, she cheerfully greeted him as soon as she recognized his voice, “I was about to call you. I just got off the phone with Marlena.”
“Oh…”, he slipped in, trying to be casual, “So? Are we still up for dinner?”
“She was delighted!”, Kristen said, despite the fact that she had clearly noticed the other woman”s hesitation to accept the invitation, “She”ll be here at 8:00, so if you could make it by 7:00, you”ll have time to get settled. It will be wonderful to actually get to know one of your friends!”, she noticed his silence, “Hello? Frank, are you still there?”
“I”m here”, at least part of him was, “Look, I have to leave you now; there”s something here that needs my attention. I”ll see you tonight.”
“Great! I love you.”
“I love you,” he responded almost mechanically, and as he put down the receiver he grew more and more concerned.
Again, he reached for the phone. Again, he retreated. He got up, grabbing his jacket as he did so, and on his way out he told his secretary that he wouldn”t be back for the rest of the day.
So immersed was she in her thoughts, that she never heard his footsteps on the wooden floor of the back porch. He saw that still figure, nestled in an oversized armchair, wearing a pink sweat jacket and the old, blue-jean overalls she would only wear around him and the kids, but never to the outside world; a blanket loosely covering her lap. Her expression serene, totally absorbed in that inner world he used to read so well, though her eyes were fixed and seemingly lost in the vast ocean that sang its lullaby to this beautiful siren stranded ashore. So he stood there transfixed by the sight of this earthly angel, unable to move any further.
The waves clashing against the sand played a rhythm that she couldn”t hear; the cool breeze touched her skin once and again, but she wasn”t bothered by the increasing cold; the overcastted sky displayed a portrait of loneliness and sadness that her eyes wouldn”t acknowledge. All of her senses were far away from the scene before her, surrendered to another time and place, to a scene
that was long gone, but still replayed in her mind”s eye powerfully enough to overshadow any reality. It was her wedding day, and she was standing before God, looking into the eyes of the man she loved as he spoke his vows “…from this day on, until death do us part, and beyond.” Her eyes filled with tears. Tears of joy at first, pain born tears when she recalled that that was no more than a memory. Only when her vision was so foggy from the stream falling from her eyes, and she instinctively raised her hand to wipe the moisture away, did she notice his presence.
She pulled the blanket towards her embarrassed, being caught of guard by the one person who could read her heart. At the same moment he reacted, noticing her tears, and feeling exactly like her, embarrassed and soul naked.
“How long have you been standing there?”, she tried a smile that died before time.
“I”m not sure”, he did too.
Sunset Beach
The sun came under the clouds for a brief while, enhancing the blue and green shades of the ocean, the pale brown of the sand, the wood of the porch, the golden in her hair, the life in their eyes.
“So?”, she said without breaking the spell.
“So what?”, he was confused, mostly because it was hard to think straight after the sweet sound of her voice had caressed his ears.
“So… what brings you here? I thought we were having dinner at your place tonight”, she tried not to act disappointed, but she couldn”t very well look forward to a night with John and his wife.
“I heard about that.”
“Is that why you”re here?”, she wasn”t mad, just curious.
“I suppose… Or maybe I wanted to see you.”
“Well, you still owe me a walk on the beach”, she tossed her hair, lifting her face to him with a childish smile.
“Let”s do it!”, he took her hand in his and pulled her up from the chair.
“Now? It looks like it might rain…”, not that she wasn”t willing to take the chance.
“Haven”t you heard? It never rains in Southern California!”
That did it. They walked down to the beach despite the clouds that had already hidden the previous sunlight. At first they just walked hand in hand, sharing the silence and each other”s company, as they have done so many times. But gradually, their reality began to dawn on them, making them to let go off the hand first, and to try and fill that awkwardness with words secondly.
“I talked to Kristen last night. About you”, he said, unsure of how to start the conversation.
“So she said”, she always felt uncomfortable whenever her name came into the picture, “How
much does she know?”, she went straight to the point, sensing that that was where he was heading.
“I told her about my identity, and that you were a close friend from my past.”
She tried to hide her pain from him, but he picked up on that immediately.
“I”m sorry… This just caught me so off guard that I don”t know how to handle it.”
“John, you don”t need to apologize to me. You just did what you thought was best.”
“No”, he stopped dead on his tracks, making her stop as well, gently placing his hands on her shoulders and looking intently into her hazel eyes, “I haven”t known what is best for a very long time. The truth is I don”t know why I couldn”t be totally honest with Kristen in the first place.
The truth is that saying that you were a close friend is disrespectful to you, to what we had. The truth is that you were my best friend, my wife, my love… And maybe I couldn”t tell her that because I didn”t want to hurt her too, or maybe I just couldn”t face the fact that I had all that and let it go…”
“It wasn”t you”, her voice came out as a whisper, “It was the circumstances that were wrong.”
“But I was the coward that couldn”t put up with those circumstances.”
“No, no, no…”, she wasn”t going to let him carry all the blame when it was her that was the real coward, “I won”t let you do this to yourself”, her voice became stronger, full of the passion that he ignited, “You did the best you could, both for you and for Brady, and I admire you for that. So I don”t ever want to hear you calling yourself a coward again. OK?”, she started moving forward, forcing him to resume their walk.
She had that ability to always make him feel better. He just wanted to grab her, and kiss her and never let her go.
“And I think you did the right thing with Kristen. There”s no point in overwhelming her with old information all together”, she continued once she was sure he was by her side, “You have all the time in the world ahead of you to fill her in with the details as you grow comfortable with that. I won”t blow your cover with her, if that”s what brought you here”, she almost sounded teasing.
“That”s not… Well, maybe that”s part of the reason”, he paused, “But I also wanted to see you”, and then he blushed like a teenager in love for the first time.
“So what exactly does Kristen know?”, she had mercy on him and decided to make it easier for him by going straight to the point.
“She knows the truth about my name, although it might take her a while to get used to it…”
“I can relate to that! I remember how odd it was at first to start calling you Roman, and strangely enough, it was even harder to go back to John, although not for the obvious reasons…
To me, at some level, you were always John, the man I fell in love with before you turned up to be my estranged husband, and that”s the name that comes up whenever I think about you. You are John Black and that makes you unique.”
The sweetness of her words made him quiver, his heart melting at this revelation, his mind struggling what to say next to cover his need to hold her tight.
“I know that eventually I will have to tell her the truth about you and me, but…”, he started.
“Maybe it”s best if I don”t come tonight, and you can talk to her”, she cut him off.
“No”, he concluded after some thinking,” That would make her feel uncomfortable once I tell her the whole story. I want her to realize that there”s nothing more than friendship between us…”, he tried to believe that himself.
“If that”s what you want…”, she accepted a little reluctantly, thinking more about his statement than about the dinner.
“It”s been a long time since I last knew what I wanted”, he felt silent for a moment, “How long will you be staying?”
“I don”t know.”
It was true, she had come to California to try to put her life back together, and since the rejection of her children there wasn”t much waiting for her back in Salem. After a lot of thinking she had come to the conclusion that maybe a little time away from her would be beneficial for all of them. She was distracted from that thought by a drop that fell right on her forehead, quickly followed by another one on her cheek. As if on cue, John and Marlena looked at each other, while the drops increased in size and intensity. She couldn”t help but smile at the esperate look on his face.
“So it wasn”t going to rain, ugh?”, she teased him changing direction back towards the house and speeding up the pace.
“Here, put this on”, he encouraged her offering his jacket, obviously concerned about her health, so she didn”t argue and allowed him to help her into it.
“I say we better start running!”, she laughed happily, racing freely though the empty beach.
Soon enough the drizzle had become a uniform curtain of rain, and realizing there was no way they could reach the house soon enough, John took her by the hand and guided her to the improvised shelter that provided the back porch of an obviously empty house. They were dripping by the time they got there. Looking at themselves, at the black sky and pouring rain, and at the look on his face, all she could do was laugh out loud, until it became so contagious that he was heartily laughing too.
“I”m sorry”, he finally said.
“I”m not”, she slapped his arm playfully, “Stop being so serious! That was actually quite fun.”
“You”re supposed to be recovering from a cold. Getting wet and freezing doesn”t sound like the best medicine.”
“You”re in worst shape than I am”, she opened his jacket to reveal her almost dry sweatshirt,
“See? Half of me is still dry, thanks to you”, she smiled capturing his heart in that simple gesture.
“And the other half is completely wet, thanks to me”, he tried the door to the house hoping to find it open, “No luck”, he unfolded his cell-phone, “I”m going to call a cab”.
She reached to his hand to stop him from doing so.
“There”s no need. We”re not that far away from the house”, she walked towards the sofa against the wall and uncovered it, “I think this will do”, she lifted the plastic cover triumphant,
“I”ll come by tomorrow and replace it. It”s big enough for both of us if you don”t mind sharing.”
He just stared at her, marveled by the ability of this wonderful creature of finding the silver lining to every situation, her capacity to find the most unexpected solution to any problem.
“What?”, she questioned him.
“Nothing”, he smiled broadly, “I think that”s a great idea”, he said, taking the cover from her hands to open it wide, “Zip up the jacket”, he talked as if she was a child.
She obeyed with a mischievous smile and joined him at the edge of the stairs. He lifted the plastic piece over their heads and she raised her arms to hold it too. After a nod of approval, they stepped back into the storm, onto the beach, and started running, laughing all the way to Marlena”s place. Not realizing that as they did so, the bond that had always existed between them was growing stronger and stronger, and soon it would be impossible for either of them to ignore it.
Outside The Rain Begins
Even though the improvised raincoat prevented them from more water, they were pretty wet already by the time they reached Marlena”s temporary home. He was soaked from head to toes; her torso was still half dry after the dripping from her hair down onto her neck. They took off their shoes, leaving them behind before entering the house. They were both shaking from the cold, that despite the race had settled in their bodies.
“I say we throw this clothes into the dryer and head for the shower”, she suggested, dropping his wet jacket on a kitchen chair.
Only when she noticed that he wasn”t moving and he had a puzzled expression on his face did she realize how that proposal must have sounded.
“You can use the shower in the guest”s room”, she explained as casually as she could, “Come on, I”ll show you”.
He followed her, silently blaming himself for having such thoughts, and worst, letting them show. She stopped at the hallway closet to hand him a big towel, where he slipped in a slight
“Thank you” before following her all the way into the guest”s room and to the bathroom.
“I”m sure you”ll find everything you need”, she said as she checked the place, “Oops! No soap!”
“That”s OK, don”t worry.”
“No, no. I”ll get you some. In the meantime, why don”t you get rid of those wet clothes so I can throw them in the dryer?”, it was more a command than a suggestion, and he loved that sense of belonging.
Before he could argue, she was gone. Uncertainly, he did as he was told, fighting the sensations running through his body, the thoughts assaulting his mind. He had the towel wrapped securely around his waist when she showed up a few minutes later and knocked on the door. He opened it to find her standing at the threshold in a white bath robe, her wet garments in one hand, a bar of soap in the other. The sight of him, half naked in the bath towel took her by surprise even
though it was to be expected; her body responding immediately to his strong persona.
“Shall we trade?”, she said playfully, disguising her reaction with her best smile.
He couldn”t articulate a word, so he just handed her the dripping load and accepted the soap feeling the caress of her skin against his hand in doing so.
“I”ll see you in a little while”, she saved the moment, heading back to the hall before losing her composure.
He looked so sexy wrapped in that towel. It stirred memories of a time when they were so close, of sensual foreplay and shared showers. The goose bumps breaking through her body weren”t precisely from the cold she”d been exposed to. A few minutes later, she stepped into the stream of hot water, her body grateful for the warmth it seeked, her mind some feet away, in the other shower running in the house. Instantly going back to those precious days when the
combination of the water, the soap and his hands used to drive her crazy.
There was only one image on his brain as he mechanically spread the soap along his chest, that of her naked body pressed against his, her wet skin sending shivers down his spine. Every pore was calling out for her, needing her. He closed the faucet, and stepped out of the shower, the heat rising more from within him than from the hot bath. Again, he wrapped the towel around his
waist, used a spare one to dry a bit his hair, arms and torso, and walked to the kitchen hoping his clothes would be ready, but knowing better.
She couldn”t take it anymore! So she cut the story short by turning the shower off, throwing the robe over her shoulders, her damp hair falling graciously onto the white cloth, and headed to the kitchen without really thinking about it.
In sync, they crossed the two different doors that led into the spotless kitchen.
They froze as the object of their imagination appeared infront of each other, mixing for a few seconds fantasy with reality. He looked as handsome as ever cladded only in the big white towel that made perfect contrast with his tanned, chiseled torso. She was breathtaking in the simple towel robe that covered her heavenly curves; her hair wet and wild, falling over her shoulders like a cascade
of golden rays. Their gazes locked and for a split second it seemed as they were going to allow themselves to get enraptured by the magic created by their being together.
“I came in to check on my clothes…”, he finally filled in a little uneasy.
“Too soon”, she smiled sweetly, “But I”m sure I saw a man”s bath-robe somewhere. Why don”t I go look for it while you put the kettle on for some tea?”
“You got yourself a deal, lady”, he winked at her.
As she was searching for the piece of clothing she thought about getting dressed herself, but decided against it considering it would make John feel a bit out of place. She finally found a gorgeous blue robe that was to be the perfect match for his amazing eyes. He was pouring the water into the mugs when she came back.
“Here”, she handed him the robe, “I”ll finish that.”
A few minutes later they were sitting on the living-room overlooking the unseen ocean in the midst of the storm, sharing tea and chocolate chip cookies. The house was warm from the heating, so they were comfortable in their atirements and with themselves.
“Cheers!”, she smiled raising her mug.
“Cheers!”, he responded with a similar gesture before letting the warm drink go down his throat.
They were sitting on the same couch, opposite to each other with their feet to the center covered by a blanket.
“So, tell me more about this place…”, she wasn”t going to let it go that easy, “I already know
it never rains”, she finished with a hearty chuckle.
“You”re going to milk this one good, aren”t you?”
“You bet I am”, she smiled with glee, and all of a sudden his expression changed to a more dreamy one, “What?”
“I still cannot believe you”re here”, he confessed.
“I know. The last thing I expected was to find you. Believe me”, she became serious.
“You regret it?”, he got worried.
“Not for a second”, her smile was all the reassurance he needed, “I”ve missed you every day you were not around”, it was a great opportunity for a little bit of honesty, “The strange thing is that now, even though it”s been a few days, I can”t imagine not having you in my life anymore.”
“It was a stupid thing to do. I”m so glad you found me! I didn”t allow myself to realize how much I needed you. Until now. I”ve missed my best friend too!”
And even though she wanted to shout the truth to him, that they were meant to be much more than just friends; she followed the voice in her head that advised her against it. Instead, she placed the mug on the table and crossed the distance to his arms, which were open and waiting for the embrace. He felt the need to hold her close just as bad, and if she hadn”t initiated the move, he would have done so. They had shared so much together, and through all the rough times, the one thing they could always count on had been the fact that there was that special person they could always trust, that one soul that would always understand the other, that unique creature that would always care.
“There were so many times when I felt like talking to someone, and yet wouldn”t, because I knew they could never truly understand me, not like you would”, he confessed, his face half buried in her hair.
“I felt the same way… So I would go down to the pier to stare into the water, somehow that would ease the emptiness… The problem was that when I left it behind, I would feel even more empty.”
“I know. I did that here, with the ocean…”, he reflected almost to himself, “All that is behind us now. You are back in my life, and there”s no way I”m letting you go again. No chance I”ll runaway again..”
“Promise?”, she lifted her eyes at him, almost pleading.
“Promise”, he answered staring back at her.
They were in an awkward position, kind of cuddled on one end of the couch, with only those robes on. Pretty soon their bodies picked up on the nearness, the closeness. They were aware of each other”s heart beats and breathing. Skin awakening skin, before their minds could react. His arms were locked around her waist, one hand stroking her back, the other her nape. Her cheek rested comfortably against his shoulder, one arm wrapped around his waistline, her hand gently caressing his arm. As she felt her own temperature rising, she became aware of his body reacting as well. Unsure of what to do next, she looked up at him to try to read the answer in his eyes, seeking his approval to go further. He could feel his body reacting strongly to hers, and almost panicked, for he knew that wasn”t supposed to be. He felt her moving slightly in his arms and
caught a glimpse of her face rising towards him. Afraid that she might find the yearning in his eyes, he swiftly looked away, trying to think of a way to avoid what was happening. He didn”t have to think much, for the timer on the dryer went off, coming to his rescue.
“Uh… I guess my clothes are ready”, he said as controlled as possible, trying to keep all the sensations awakening in his body away from his voice, succeeding mildly.
“I”ll go get them”, she volunteered coming to her senses and jumping from the sofa as if it was high voltage, suddenly feeling ashamed for letting her physical desire blur her judgement, yet also hurting from his rejection.
She rushed out of the room, leaving him time to regain his composure. She leaned heavily against the kitchen counter to steady herself, for her heart was beating fast, her blood rushing through her heated body, her eyes brimming with tears born out of frustration. She couldn”t help feeling angry. Angry at him for pulling back, but mostly angry with herself for pushing him in the same direction she had accused him of pushing her to a year ago. How could she be so blind?
Being now on the other end of the rope, she understood John”s requests so much better.
John sat perplexed on the couch, his body still reacting to their last encounter. He breathed deeply in and out, in an attempt to get rid of the images flooding into his mind, haunting him, images of her glorious body intertwined with his in passionate lovemaking. He wanted her so much. Time and distance seemed to have increased the intensity of his feelings towards the only woman who had always owned his heart as far as he could remember. After a couple of minutes,
having succeeded in regaining control over his body and his mind, he stood up and headed into the kitchen, foolishly hoping she hadn”t picked on what had happened, although he knew that was almost impossible. That part of him that knew she had noticed, was the same one telling him that it hadn”t been all on him, that there was as much going on with her as there was with him.
But he couldn”t give into the luxury of listening to his instincts, not anymore.
As soon as he opened the door and had a glimpse of her figure framed over the counter, he knew she knew. He was tempted to go up to her, put his arms around her and dig into her obvious silence until she opened up.
“Doc, are you OK?”, he asked from his position by the door.
“Yes”, she dismissed his concern after a brief pause, her hand wiping away a couple of tears before turning around to face him, “Let”s check those clothes”, she continued to the dryer and immediately made herself busy folding the warm laundry.
“I”m…”, he started.
“Please, don”t say anything”, she cut him off with an edge of roughness in her tone that she couldn”t conceal, placing his folded clothes on his hands, “There”s no need”, and having said that, she terminated the incident.
Truth is, the last think she wanted was to hear him apologize for almost expressing his feelings.
“Thanks”, he hesitated, “I better get changed.”
She was wearing her dry clothes when he saw her again. They didn”t say much, and soon enough he was out the door to his car, while she was left wondering about what was the right thing to do.
By 4:00 p.m., he came into his own house to be welcomed by a surprised Kristen.
“Hi, honey!” What are you doing home so early?”, she kissed him and winced at his lack of response.
“We need to talk.”
Those four words and the serious look on his face sent shivers down her spine.
The Turning Point
Kristen waited a few seconds, but seeing him hesitate, she decided to go ahead and ask him, sensin g the truth was about to pop up. She needed to know the whole story.
“What is it that you want to talk to me about?”
John paused for another moment before taking her by the hand to guide her towards the living room.
“Come here… Sit down”, he invited tenderly, sitting by her side, never letting go of her hand.
“I”m listening. You know you can tell me anything, darling”, she encouraged him with the best smile she could manage to get pass over her fears.
“I know”, he felt the tension easing a bit.
“Has this something to do with your past?”, she might as well help get it over with, “Does this have to do with Marlena?”, and she reflected on how in a matter of days a name that meant nothing to her suddenly was so much part of her life.
He was startled by her insight, but managed to speak.
“Both… You see, my past is a little bit more complicated than average… And I”ve been running from it so much that it”s really hard to talk about it. But you are my wife, and I think you deserve to know the whole story.”
“I would like that very much, honey”, she felt more relaxed after hearing him using that term to refer to her.
“And I don”t want you to feel threatened in any way, “cause that”s all in my past and you and Brady are my present, my future”, he continued.
“You”re making me nervous… Why don”t you tell me straight forward whatever it is that”s bothering you?”
“OK”, he took a deep breath and locked eyes with her, “It”s true Marlena and I were very close friends when I left Salem… But at one time, we were also together as a couple”.
Even though she had suspected that, it was quite a shock to hear it from him so bluntly.
“I”m sorry, Kristen, there”s no easy way to say something like this.”
“I understand. Please go on”, she was eager to find out everything she could in order to plan her next move.
“When I first showed up in Salem, years ago, I was amnesiac. I didn”t know who I was or where I came from. All the memories I have now start there, I don”t remember anything before that time. I met Doc… Marlena, at the hospital. She”s a psychiatrist, and she was helping me with my memory loss. She was a widow and had twin babies. One thing led to the other, and we were pushed to believe that I was her dead husband… All this was orchestrated by a very evil man,
who has hated the Bradys forever: Stefano Dimera.”
Kristen shivered at the mention of her father”s name.
“It seems I was under Stefano”s control for a while, and during that period he brainwashed me, erasing my own memories and implanting in my brain Roman Brady”s. He was Marlena”s late husband. That”s the man who”s identity I mistook as mine.”
A million questions were making a whirlwind in Kristen”s mind, she was shocked,
frightened, excited. Wanting to know more and wishing she didn”t know anything at all.
“And she bought it just like that?”, she asked suspiciously.
“I had scars from plastic surgery, so we couldn”t know what my real appearance was… The proof was conclusive”, he said without wanting to go further into the deep bond that had been already established between the two of them even before that confirmation, “I guess we both wanted it to be true.”
“Well, it makes sense…”, she misinterpreted, “You wanted an identity and she wanted her husband back.”
“Yes”, he agreed knowing it was so much more than that.
“So what happened after that? You moved in together, I suppose.”
“Yes. We tried to rebuild the life we believed had been stolen from us, to rebuild our family.”
“And it didn”t work out?”, since they didn”t stay together, logic told her they just didn”t get along.
“Oh, no!”, he couldn”t help smiling, but immediately suppressed the impulse, “It went well for some years…”, he paused, the pain evident on his features, “Until Stefano stroke back… He kidnapped Marlena, staging her death so we wouldn”t come looking after her”, something he would regret for as long as he lived, “He held her captive for 5 years. By the time she came back to us, I was involved with Isabella, Brady”s mother, and in a short period of time we also found out that I wasn”t really Roman and that he was indeed alive. So she went back to her real
husband”, he explained, aching with every word, “And I moved on with Isabella, who was already pregnant. We got married, and soon after Brady was born, she died, as you already know. That”s pretty much the whole story.”
Kristen remained silent for a while, absorbing the latest news, debating with herself to what was the best way to react. Even though her heart was filled with indescribable jealousy, she had always been proud of her ability to govern over her feelings, her mind ultimately in control. So after a couple of minutes she did as her mind told her and said as sweetly as possible…
“I”m glad you opened up to me, darling, and I”m so sorry for everything you had to go through. I understand why you couldn”t tell me all this before, it was too painful… But that doesn”t change the way I feel about you. I love you, and I don”t care what your name or your past are. I love you. And as you said, what we have together is what matters.”
“Thank you”, he felt relieved and gave into the embrace she promoted, “I love you too.”
For a few moments he was able to forget what was going on inside of him, the feelings that had been reawaken by Marlena”s reappearance; for a moment he relished in the security and firm ground that the life he had built with Kristen provided.
She stayed in his arms, feeling so much more sure than a few hours ago. Feeling the ghosts that had haunted her fading. Trying to forget who her father was, planning to never get in touch with him again if necessary. She felt in control, having the power over their lives. “I”d love to stay like this forever, but I need to get this dinner running”, she said cheerfully.
“Are you sure you”re up to it?”
“Of course! I”m glad you have one of your friends around. And I think it”s great that you were able to save the friendship after all you were put through. I wouldn”t want you to lose that twice”, the threat gone, she felt generous, “And I”d love to get to know her better too, for that matter… All I want is for you to be happy”, she added for a glorious finale before leaning in for a kiss and flying into the kitchen, her mind going a thousand miles per hour.
Marlena stood infront of the closet unable to decide what to wear for this very rare occasion. She was formally meeting John”s wife. She could hardly believe it. The last week had gone by like a dream, that sometimes turned into a nightmare. Salem seemed so far away right now. She had called the day before to check on the kids, but they were reluctant to talk to her, although Eric seemed a little more open than usual. For some reason, she didn”t mention John, not even to Carrie, who she knew would have been very pleased to hear about his whereabouts. Her mind went back to the clothes. She finally decided in favor of casual beige pants, a cream turtleneck, and a brown leather jacket, She pulled her hair in a pony tail and put on a light make-up.
It was 8:05 p.m. when she rang the bell at John and Kristen”s home.
An Odd Number
John was upstairs putting Brady to sleep when he heard the bell, followed by two female voices coming down the hallway. He stayed by his sleeping son a couple more minutes before going down the stairs to join the strange duet. His heart beat faster as he approached the living room and heard Marlena”s laughter filling the air. She sensed his presence even before he was at sight, and her face lit up when she finally spotted him.
Kristen turned around after noticing her reaction.
“John!”, Marlena greeted him, her first impulse to get near him, but not knowing how to behave infront of Kristen.
“Hello, Marlena”, he responded crossing the gap, putting his arms around her lightly and letting go after a few seconds, “It”s nice to have you here”, he continued, suddenly remembering the events that had occurred that afternoon.
“That”s exactly what I was telling her. Honey, why don”t you fix us something to drink? Please, sit down, Marlena”, Kristen directed her to one of the sofas, “I”m delighted to finally meet one of Frank”s friends… Although he mentioned that you two were an item at some point.”
Marlena was startled by this revelation, and instinctively looked up to John to meet his gaze, which confirmed what Kristen had just told her.
“I think it”s wonderful that you were able to save the friendship after all you had to go through”, she continued.
“I find it amazing that you”re taking it so well. It”s good to know John has found someone who”s so supportive”, she meant it, despite of herself.
“I love him. I want what”s best for him”, Kristen stated proudly, walking up to him, “Thanks, honey”, she grabbed the drink he offered, “I need to check on dinner, so if you both excuse me.”
She left them alone, and Marlena felt grateful, her constant talking was becoming annoying.
“I”m glad you were able to come clear with Kristen”, she said accepting the glass he brought to her, their fingers touching for a magical second.
“It was the right thing to do”, he sat across of her on the other sofa, his eyes
focused on her beautiful face, “I”m glad you decided to join us.”
“Whatever happened in the past, one thing I know for sure, and it is you belong in my life. The world is a better place to be knowing you”re there. Above all, you were my best friend, John; I needed you so much…”
“Leaving Salem was the hardest thing I”ve ever done after having to give up my life as Roman…”, he paused for a moment, the pain he felt at that time still haunting him, “When you showed up here, all the time I spent away seemed such a waste, such a dumb thing to do.”
“Well”, Marlena concluded touched by his remark, but concerned that Kristen might come back, “Let”s not dwell on the past any longer. The important thing is we”ve found each other again, and knowing what we know now, I”m sure we can work it out. I”m not ready to let you walk out of my life again.”
“That”s exactly what I was telling Frank earlier”, Kristen appeared from the kitchen and Marlena wondered if she was ever really gone, “Dinner will be ready in ten minutes”, she smiled broadly.
The rest of the evening went smoothly. They stayed away from anything too personal, and instead settled for a more social conversation. Kristen was an outgoing and pleasant woman, Marlena thought. She and John seemed very at ease with each other, something that bothered her inevitably, but she couldn”t help liking the other woman. Not that they were to become friends, she could never do that knowing how she felt towards John. So when the evening came to an end and she suggested that the two of them could get together for lunch during the week, Marlena kindly declined, saying that she had a lot of paperwork to catch up with, hiding her look from John so he wouldn”t read the lie in her eyes. She hated lying, but on the other hand, Kristen had been very kind and she didn”t want to be rude.
Kristen felt somewhat relieved by the denial, although she wanted to have her enemy as close as possible. If she wasn”t trying to get closer too, maybe it was because she really didn”t have much interest in John after all. At this point, they were at the door, John helping Marlena into her jacket.
“Thanks for a wonderful dinner”, Marlena addressed the hostess, wishing she
could have a moment alone to say good-bye to him.
“I”ll walk you to your car”, he said as if reading her mind, and she managed to keep the smile away from her lips as she went pass Kristen into the cold night air.
“Good night, Kristen.”
“Good night, Marlena. Thanks for coming over.”
“I”ll be right back”, John looked at his wife, his eyes dancing happily unbeknown to him.
“Take your time, honey”, she said generously, taking for granted that she was the object of his affection, “I”m going upstairs to check on Brady”, she closed the door after them.
She was now convinced that Marlena”s appearance in their lives was to be highly beneficial. Her husband had opened up to her and he seemed more alive than ever.
Marlena waited respectfully a few feet away until she heard the door closing, then she began to walk down the driveway to her car. She could feel his presence, following closely. It wasn”t raining anymore. The sky had cleared up and a half moon was shinning bright. They walked silently the short distance to her car, where she finally paused, turning around to face him.
“I think that went pretty well”, she said feeling a little uncomfortable.
“Yes. Thank you..”
“I didn”t have anything to do with it. I think it”s great that you were able to open up to her”, that wasn”t what she wanted to say at all, but she was out of words.
Suddenly she noticed that he wasn”t wearing a jacket, the chilly air already
making her shiver, so she hurried to find her keys, knowing he wouldn”t leave until she was securely fastened in her car.
“I had a good time”, she said showing him the keys before opening the door,
“Well, you better go inside. It”s freezing.”
“In a minute.”
She knew what he meant, so she stepped forward for a hug before climbing into the vehicle. He gathered her in his arms, the warmth of her body immediately sinking into his skin. Instinctively, she wrapped her arms around his waist and he tightened his grip around her slender figure, but as soon as the sensations ignited by their nearness became more evident, they both withdrew as if on cue.
“Good night, John”, she smiled at him as she sat on the driver”s seat.
“Good night, Doc”, he smiled back, his blue eyes fixed on the light of her hazel ones.
He started to close her door, but stopped half way, her look puzzled.
“I know there”s no such thing as paperwork holding you back…”, and seeing a hint of embarrassment on her lovely face, he quickly added, “And I understand perfectly well why you would rather not get involved with Kristen on a personal basis. It might feel kind of awkward.”
“Yes”, she admitted.
“Does that apply to me too?”, he asked almost shyly.
“Of course not!”, she was stunned, “You have my number…”, she added with a hint of playfulness, closing the door for him and starting the car.
Even though her intention was for him to go back in, he stood there for as long as he was able to see her tail lights driving into the night, a foolish grin on his face.
Three people went to bed that night with mixed thoughts in their minds. Marlena cuddled under the covers feeling cold despite the heating, longing for John”s warm body, feeling so alone, so confused as to what to do or not to do, but unable to give up on them.
She finally fell asleep, drifting into an imaginary world where they could be together.
John took as long as he could before going to bed. When he finally did, guilt
overwhelmed him when he realized that he hadn”t stopped thinking about Marlena since that joyous rainy night. Kristen immediately moved closer to him, half asleep, content as how the dinner had gone, about how closer she felt to the man she loved, her fears dissipating rapidly. John involuntarily flinched when he sensed her presence, and then again when he realized what his reaction had been. There he was lying by the woman he had promised to love and respect, his wife, while his heart yearned for the woman who had always filled him completely, his soulmate. He drifted into sleep already dreaming of her.
So that night, even though physically John and Kristen shared a bed while Marlena used another one, it was Kristen who slept alone, for John and Marlena were together in the perfect world of living fantasies.
Getting Closer
Kristen hummed as she flipped the French toast in the pan, preparing a late breakfast after having slept in that Wednesday morning. She had every reason to be happy, not only did she have a home and a family with a man she adored, but lately her husband had overwhelmed her with attention, flowers, romantic dinners and long lovemaking sessions. Since Marlena had come to dinner a little more than a week ago, she had found a side of Frank (now renamed John) that she hadn”t suspected was there, an even more sensible, caring man.
What she didn”t know, however, was that precisely that fateful night John had woken up from a very vivid dream, filled with love and desire for a woman that wasn”t the one sleeping beside him. And he was so freaked out by the intensity of his emotions and the fear of breaking his vows, even if it was in thoughts, that he had committed himself to make every effort to rekindle the passion that had led him to marry Kristen and to once and for all get over any idea of being romantically involved with Marlena. He knew very well she wasn”t in love with him, and he owed it to Kristen to make things work between them, even if she didn”t know her marriage was at risk. That was why, against the will of his heart, he hadn”t called Marlena in more than a week. But as the days went by, the more he denied that to himself, the more he felt the urge to talk to her.
Marlena stayed in bed till mid-morning and finally forced herself to get up.
Although she had promised that she wouldn”t rush things, that she wouldn”t let her hopes up, the last couple of days it had been very hard to remain positive. She hadn”t heard from John in nine days, and she was beginning to worry. She understood that it was a lot for him to take in, and she had vowed to give him time, but never had she expected it would take him so long. Against her will, she decided to wait a little more, but that decision made her so miserable. It was so hard to stay away from the blues. But he said he would call her, she had to believe in that. She went into the kitchen and turned on the kettle. She poured herself a glass of orange juice and walked into the living room, where she collapsed onto the couch, overlooking the ocean.
Immediately her mind went back to that rainy afternoon when they had sat on that same spot and something had began to happen. So absorbed was she in her thoughts, that she didn”t realize the telephone ringing until the kettle”s whistle broke the spell she was in. She rushed into the kitchen, dismissing the phone in the living-room, and in one motion she answered the phone and turned off the stove.
“Hello?”, she said almost out of breath.
“Doc?”, he was suddenly concerned, “Are you OK?”
“Yes”, she chuckled, making him feel better at once, “It”s a long story. Forget it”, suddenly she felt so happy, so alive, “I was hoping you”d call”, no need to pretend.
“I”m sorry”, the guilt he felt combined in his voice, “I should have called you
before, but…”
“No, no! You don”t need to explain”, all she wanted was to savor the moment, the familiar sound of his voice ringing in her ear, “So… How have you been?”
“Just all right. Are you up for lunch?”, he wanted to see her, now.
“Well, I”ve been to Nordstroms six times already so there”s not much for me to do around here…”, his laughter made her heart skip, “What are you up to?”
“Nothing much. Trying to get some work done.”
That was something she hadn”t seen much of, other than the time he was working as a cop. She used the same phrase she had used so often back then.
“Can you get out of it?”, she suggested, “Do we really have to wait till lunch
time?”, she was eager to see him.
“Not really”, he smiled at the childish tone of her request, which reminded him of those other times when she”d called him at the cop shop late at night, begging for him to rush home to her.
“Why don”t you come over then? We can order some food later, if we get hungry”, forget subtleness.
“I”m on my way”, he agreed, once again marveled by the synchronized way in which their minds worked.
Marlena rushed to the shower, the morning tea forever forgotten, a bright smile burying completely any trace of the sadness that had followed her around the last days. In record time she was dressed, casual, but elegant; her make-up subtle and natural; her golden locks falling gently over her shoulders. She had just finished putting on her lipstick when the bell rang. She rushed to the door, pausing only for a second before opening to take a deep breath, in an attempt to regain composure.
“Hi, John!”, her smile lit her features when she saw his gorgeous face and sparkling blue eyes.
“Hey, Doc!”, instinctively he drew her into an embrace, “It”s so good to see you”, he held her for as long as politically correct.
“I”m glad you called; come on in… I was about to make some tea when you did.
Would you like a cup?”
“Sounds great”, he followed her into the kitchen, transfixed by the subtle movements of her walking figure.
That was the first of many visits. In a matter of days, John was able to include Marlena in his present. And even though he still felt funny around her, he had finally concealed what he thought with what he felt, channeling that extra energy into his marriage, something that made Kristen not only happy, but more confident about their relationship.
Seeing these favorable changes in him, she urged him to rekindle his friendship with Marlena. That allowed him to do so without that sense of guilt. Kristen”s attempts to get Marlena to open up to her on a personal basis hadn”t been successful, however; although she did succeed in having her over to their place a few more times. She enjoyed her company, and when the three of them got together, she always felt closer to John and so generous to have been able to embrace his past with such devotion. She hadn”t talked to her father since she found out the truth, more for fear of being discovered than anything else. He didn”t seem to care to talk to her either, making things easier.
Marlena, on the other hand, was riding a see-saw of emotions. For one part, she was happier than she had been in years, having John in her life, without the burden of a marriage tinted with guilt. She was resting, enjoying the life by the beach with few worries in her mind. She had been talking with the kids on a regular basis, and lately they had begun to open up, distance being the perfect remedy for them to appreciate that special bond they had as a family. She had even spoken to Roman once, when he answered the phone by chance, and even he seemed to be a little less angry, less resentful.
Still she hadn”t mention John”s presence to anyone, for she felt that would jeopardize any chance of reconciliation, and besides, it wasn”t something she wished to break over the phone. In the month that had passed since she had left Salem, her life had changed so much that it was hard to believe it was only 4 weeks. She had taken a leave of absence from the hospital without a definite return date, and the only thing that might have taken her back to Salem was her concern for her children. Since they haven”t mentioned once anything about her coming back, she considered it was better to wait a little longer.
Not that she minded. Despite all the many wonders of this worry-free Californian lifestyle, she lived for the next time she was to see or talk to John. They have been seeing a lot of each other after his brief retreat. They talked on the phone at least twice a day and he always managed to make some time to meet with her three or four times a week, either over lunch, for a late breakfast or a short visit on his way home from work. Even though her desire to be with him was consuming, she had convinced herself that he was truly happy with Kristen and having him as her best friend was far more than what she had two months before. She still believed they were meant for each other, they were soulmates, but unlike her when she was married to Roman, he didn”t seem to doubt the strength of his marriage to Kristen. It wasn”t a topic either of them was prone to discuss, but whenever the topic would come up, he responded with kind thoughts and joy towards his new family.
What Marlena didn”t know was that ever since that close encounter on her couch, John had made a tremendous effort to convince himself that any romantic connection with Marlena was a residual effect of their intense past, and that if he wanted to have her at all in his life (which he obviously did), he was to focus on the present where he was a married man and she was his best friend, like she had always intended to be since Roman”s return. This time around he was determined to respect her will.
Love Takes It All
“I love this”, Marlena said one of those evenings when she and John sat in the porch overlooking the ocean to share a cup of tea on his way home from work.
The moon was full and bright hanging from a clear sky, the stars blinking like perfect cut diamonds on the blue surface. The sound of the waves crashing on the beach melting in perfect harmony with the wet sand and a chilly breeze. Two creatures sitting next to each other, so close and yet so far; each wrapped in an individual blanket, but sharing the same kind of thoughts. The distance between them created only in their minds by years of shared history and wrong decisions.
“When we were children, Sam and I used to spend the summer over at our grandparents” house in Florida”, she spoke in a soft, sweet voice, getting lost in the memory, “And we would spend the day playing at the beach. We didn”t have to worry about the UV rays back then, you know?”, he laughed as he pictured the fisty little girl she probably was, “We would build a huge castle and take turns being the princess to be rescued by the knight in shining armor. As we grew older, and the bucket and the pale were too small to make a good armor and sword, we would just linger under the sun and dream about the future. Sam wanted to be a doctor, like grandpa. I still wanted to find my Prince Charming and get married in a romantic ceremony on the beach… Funny how life plays with our plans”, she said, a sad smile on her lips, “What kind of ceremony did you and Kristen had?”, she asked, trying to get away from the pain caused by Sam”s early demise.
“I wouldn”t call what we did a ceremony”, he started, immediately getting her full attention, “We were in Las Vegas for the weekend, one thing led to another, and we ended infront of a Justice of the Peace that married us in about five minutes.”
“You mean you weren”t married by a priest?”, she was surprised, since he had always had a deep faith in God and the church.
“No”, was all he gave for an answer.
Truth is even at that time, as much as he loved Kristen, he couldn”t find within himself the strength to stand infront of God and make those vows when deep in his soul the memory of another love was still so much alive. He knew that the moment he set foot in the church, the memories of his wedding to Marlena would overshadow an actual wedding. It happened when he married Isabella. And things were different then, she was pregnant with his child, he was still battling to accept his true identity, and Doc had returned to Roman. Yet, all through the ceremony flashes of that other wedding, when he was a happy and complete man standing infront of God and his soulmate, had washed him once and again. Luckily, Brady decided to make his entrance to this world that day, vanishing for good all other thoughts than his tiny presence. Nevertheless, he had learned his lesson well, and would never again try to deceive neither God nor himself in that respect.
There was only one woman that could fill his heart and his soul, that woman was Marlena, the only woman he could commit to spend eternity with. Since he knew that was not a possibility, he had committed to Kristen and the promise of a family with her and Brady under the laws of men. He cared deeply about her, he loved her in many ways, he was sure this was the closest to happiness he could aspire in this life. If so many others could live with that, he could too. He knew that sharing your life with your soulmate was an experience reserved for a few. He was lucky enough to have had at least a taste of it.
Marlena blinked twice, absorbing the information, a subtle happy smile crawling to her lips. The fact that he wasn”t married by the church clearly meant something. She knew him well. John wasn”t the kind of man to runaway from commitment. Why hadn”t he married Kristen by God”s laws when he was a man of profound beliefs? There was only one possible explanation: he couldn”t betray his love for her. “Oh, John, you do love me!”, the thought sparkled in her hazel eyes.
“What?”, he questioned her, totally aware of the change she had undergone, although oblivious as to what had brought such a change.
“Nothing”, was her automatic response.
“Come on, Doc… Tell me”, he loved to get the truth out of her bit by bit, almost as much as he enjoyed being the object of her childish curiosity whenever she hinted there was a surprise on the way.
“I just had a memory of our wedding”, she gave in, it was only natural to be honest with him.
“That was something, uh?”, he recalled, a grin of merriment rapidly lighting his features.
“Yes, once you decided to show up”, she toyed with him.
“Oh, come on, Doc! After all these years you”re still holding that against me?!”, he was only half serious.
“No”, she concluded after a pause, “You totally made up for it afterwards”, she admitted remembering the lovingly way he had looked at, and spoke to, and cherished her throughout the ceremony.
For a moment they shared the same memory, looking deep into each other”s eyes as if transported to the past. Slowly the present crept into the equation and they began to take in the person that was infront, right there, right now. A powerful force washing over them, drawing them closer, bringing them near. She could feel his warm breath against her skin, his lips hovering over hers, the depth of his blue eyes piercing to her soul, her blood boiling inside, her body aching for his touch.
He swear he could listen to the fast beating of her heart, as loud as he felt his. She was so close, if only he could reach out to her… Her mouth opened like a rose, moist and inviting, her skin so soft, enticing. And her eyes… those beautiful hazel eyes that were looking directly into his, commanding him to take the next step. The deep and abiding love he felt for her clouding his judgment, making any other emotion vanish.
Suddenly the whole world disappeared, and there was no longer right or wrong, no more guilt, no more pain, no more darkness or loneliness. There wasn”t even space for doubts or fear. There was no more space for anything else but love. Only love. Just that pure, everlasting love that binded their souls together. He looked at her again and saw the desire, the longing shining in her eyes. Unable to control his feelings any longer, he uncertainly leaned forward, until his lips found the warmth of her mouth. She responded powerfully to his attempt, deepening the kiss, her tongue seeking his, her hands locking at the nape of his head to bring him even closer. The initial surprise rapidly being replaced by his strong desire to hold her in his arms, to be joined in body and soul with the woman he loved.
“I love you, Doc”, he confessed locking eyes with her when they parted the kiss to breathe, “I”m sorry, but I can”t help it”, unable to hold the truth any longer, “I never stopped loving you.”
“Oh, John!”, she smiled as tears of joy flooded down her cheeks, “You can”t imagine how much I longed to hear those words”, her hand caressing with infinite tenderness his flushed face, “I love you, John. The truth is I”ve never stopped loving you either.”
“But you said…”, he began before she placed her delicate fingers over his mouth to silence him.
“We can talk about that later”, she pleaded, as if knowing what the future held in store for them, “Right now I only want to be with you”, she stated before bringing her lips to his to savor the wonderful taste of his kiss.
“You love me?”, John asked, needing to make sure he wasn”t dreaming.
“More than life itself… I love you, honey, only you”, she confirmed, the temperature rising, desire filling her every word.
Unbreak My Heart
This time none of them iniciated the motion. His lips reached hers as in unison, both in the same rhythm, both surrendering to the magic tide of love. Oblivious to the obligations, the ties, the responsibilities. Heart, body and soul merged in the reality love had created for them. The blankets laying long forgotten on the wooden floor, clothes already overwhelming. His arms held her close as her hands traveled back and forth from the silkiness of his hair to the soft skin at the nape of his head. Marine enraptured by honeysuckle. Hazel on fire by blue.
Without any further explanations, John lifted her in his arms to take her inside.
She helped him with the sliding door, looking intently into his passion filled eyes. As he was making their way to the main bedroom, she gently placed her palm on his chest to feel the furious pounding of his strong heart, and smiled. He smiled back, still debating on whether he was dreaming or not, but when her lips parted his and he felt the warmth of her tongue intertwined with his, he knew this was oh, so real! His knees felt weak from the emotion, and he bearly managed to walk the rest of the way before collapsing onto the bed. Her eager laughter made him chuckle as tears rolled down his face.
“Honey…”, she became concerned, bringing her hand to the moisture on his
cheeks, “What”s wrong?”
“Nothing”s wrong”, he smiled broadly, “It”s just that I”ve longed so much for this to happen that I can hardly believe it”s true”, he opened up his heart to the one person who knew all his secrets.
“Oh, baby!”, she gathered him in her arms, planting butterfly kisses all over his handsome demeanor, “It is true, so true! Our love has always been true and it cannot be denied any longer”, she concluded claiming his mouth with a searing kiss that made words vanish into a whorlwind of sensations.
They looked into each other”s eyes when their mouths parted, silence speaking volumes. There was so much that needed to be spoken, they knew, but their bodies were talking the language of their hearts, the voice of love needing to be heard over any other. Tears flooding from their eyes from the release of emotions held back for years. Tears of happiness for finally being whole again.
In a swift movement, she got rid of the sweatshirt she had been wearing and seductively leaned forward to help him out of his shirt; her fingers working rapidly on the tiny buttons as his skin called out to her. His hands moved expertly under her blouse, reaching for the curves of her amazing body, making her shiver, his lips trailing down to the hollow of her neck. He disentangled his arms when he felt her hands pushing down the fabric of his office attire, only long enough to get free of it; and smiled almost childishly when he impatiently tore apart the silky cloth of her blouse. Soon enough, the remaining clothes followed. And as the moonlight cast silver shadows over the naked perfection of their bodies, they stood inches away, gazing into each other”s soul, prolonging for an instant the moment in which they would surrender their will to the keeper of their heart. Giving good judgment a second to interfere before it was too late.
“I love you”, her lips drew the words as she lifted her hand to meet his palm in mid-air. She felt the tender touch of his fingers climbing softly along her arm until his other hand reached the side of her face.
“I love you”, he spoke in a whisper before breaking the gap between them to reach the wet proposal written on her lips.
As the kiss deepened, their hands started a blinded exploration to those secret places they had discovered together. Passion mixing with tenderness, instincts going wild.
Without breaking contact, he gently guided her onto the bed; her slender figure imprisoned under his well built complexion, her moans enticing him, her body arching and responding eagerly to his devoted task of showing her exactly how much he loved her. He dwelled in the pleasure of discovering her inch by inch, kiss by kiss, touch by touch.
She didn”t stay behind, her sexy legs entangled around his at one point, rubbing the hairy skin of his lower extremities; her nails scratching his back as her mouth alternated bites with kisses from his neck down to his chest. The knowledge of their needs and likes coming back to them as if they”ve never been apart. A trail of wet kisses to be blown dry here, an unexpected turn and straddling there. A mixture of laughter and tears, desire commanding happiness, and gazes that met with smiles, extended the foreplay to its peak, until the perfect instant in which two bodies became one and the world disappeared completely on their joined trip to paradise. One beat of two hearts, one spirit of two souls, one made out of two.
The sound of the ocean mingled with the pale moonlight that poured through the glass doors were the first thing they noticed when their breathing slowly returned to normal, and they were able to hear further than the beating of their hearts. John laid on the pillows as he gathered Marlena in his arms while she nestled her body atop of his, her head resting on his chest. He buried his face in her hair as his hands paced slowly along the soft skin of her back; her lips caressed his chest, as her fingers traced an ineligible pattern on it. Both relishing on the spell their nearness cast upon them. When their eyes finally met again, words were no longer needed. He bent down to capture her mouth with his, bewitched by the sweetness of her breath.
“I never want to wake up from this dream”, she muttered, a glint of reality knocking on the back door of her mind.
“I want to hold you like this forever”, he smiled, not willing to go there.
But just as the truth of their love had broken through despite all efforts, the crudeness of reality was waiting to attack in a corner. They knew it, that”s way they couldn”t say anything else, afraid to call upon it. Soon her eyes filled with tears, and she was able to see her own pain reflected in his blue orbits. He brought his hand to her face, using the pad of his thumb to wipe the moisture.
“I love you, Doc. No matter how hard I tried, I”ve always loved you. I will never try to deny my love for you again”, he said, trying to reassure her, but unable to make any promises until he settled his situation straight.
She understood his silent plea.
“I was so wrong to try to deny it…”, tears choking her voice, “I love you so much!”, she couldn”t deal with reality right now.
He read so in her eyes.
“And it makes me so happy, Doc”, glee shining in his eyes, “Can you say it once more?”, he asked, determined to cast away her sadness.
He was rewarded with a broad smile, preceding the long awaited phrase.
“I love you”, she started softly, “I love you”, looking directly into his eyes, “I love you”, a soft kiss here, “I love…”, another kiss there, “…you. I LOVE YOU!”, her lips parting to welcome his mouth.
Before they could give it another thought, sadness was demolished by the increasing passion awakened by the heated exchange. Soon they were lost again in the labyrinth of a love so grand that was meant to survive each and every challenge life threw its way.
Show Me Love, Show Me Heaven
The moon was glowing to its fullest, soft, pale beams christening the king size bed were two figures laid naked in each other”s arms, sharing a peaceful sleep. The sea singing its constant lullaby; the cold winter breeze squeezing through the half open glass door, challenging the central heating, bringing the temperature in the room to a perfect balance of warmth with a hint of chill, making bodies to grow even closer if that was possible. It was that idea of perfection that got John to leave the bed despite his willingness to never again leave his soulmate”s side.
He opened his eyes after a short nap to find Marlena”s body cuddled against his, half covered by the satin sheet, a distent smile adorning her beautiful face. He took a deep breath, absorbing the sweet smell of her skin; his lips brushing gently her forehead, as his fingers ran against the silky surface of her uncovered waist. A shiver running down his spine at the mere thought of the effect her closeness had on his body. After watching her sleep for a little while, he decided to get up very carefully so as not to wake her. Partly because he wanted to prepare a little surprise for her, but mostly cause he wanted her to get some rest, and if he remained by her side, his desire would soon take ahold of him and there was no way he was going to be able to refrain from keeping his hands and every other part of him off of her.
He stepped out to the terrace through the open glass door, wearing the blue robe he had found hanging in the bathroom next to hers, taking a deep breath. The cold didn”t bother him, he was too busy counting his blessings. Still in shock from the change of events that had occurred over the last few hours. Not quite sure if it was a dream or reality, but rejoiced in the feeling that encompassed his heart, that feeling of unity, of being complete, of having found the way back to his most inner self. Slowly absorbing the fact that his love for her had been rewarded with her love for him. In a second all the sadness, the endless pain that had been his all time companion, had been whipped out.
Suddenly it seemed as if those lonely nights of longing for his lost love had never existed. She was back in his life and he was back in her heart, the way it was meant to be, he thought, as he raised his eyes to the stars above to raise a grateful prayer.
“Thank you, God, for giving her back to me. Thanks for giving me back my life.”
He brushed his lips against her golden hair before leaving the room after having lit the fireplace. After an acute search, he smiled contentedly at his findings: a chilled bottle of good chardonay, a whole tray of ripe strawberries, and a full bowl of whipped cream.
He added a couple of wine glasses, and started his way back to where the woman of his dreams awaited in peaceful slumber.
He heard the last ring of his cellphone as he stepped into the living-room, a wave of guilt washing over him at the thought of the other woman in his life. Both because she was his wife, and because until that second he had forgotten completely of her existence.
The pain of knowing how much he would hurt her punching him hard. Why was it that he always ended hurting those he cared the most about? He cared deeply about Kristen, but now that he knew that Marlena loved him, there was no doubt in his mind that he could not live without her. He had lost his true love too many times, and the moment he realized about Doc”s true feelings, he had vowed to himself never to let her go again. But that meant breaking an innocent woman”s heart, a woman who had given everything to him without ever asking for anything in return, and he dreaded that.
He placed the tray on a table and headed to his jacket to check his phone. There were three messages, all from Kristen. He couldn”t even bring himself to listen to them.
He checked the time as he dialed his home number. 9:30 p.m. What to him seemed as a glorious eternity, had been only a few hours. He had dropped by Marlena”s around 5:30, and it wasn”t long after that that the truth had crashed their little reunion, forever changing three destinies. Again, his mind drifted to that sacred moment in which her lips had spoken the words he had so longed to hear.
“John!”, Kristen”s voice sounded harsh next to his thoughts, bringing him back to the present, “Where are you?”, she probably read his number on the caller ID, but thankfully had no clue as from where he was calling.
“I”m sorry I didn”t call before…”, he started, his brain working overtime, debating on what to say next.
As much as he hated to lie to her, he couldn”t very well tell her the truth over the phone, she deserved better.
“I had a business meeting which ended in a dinner… and I lost track of time”, he said, feeling awfully bad, but not knowing what else to do.
“Well, I wished you”d called. I”ve been going crazy with worry”, she started letting go of her fear and transforming it to anger, “I called everywhere…”, but feeling so much better after hearing his voice, “So, are you on your way?”
“Not really”, he said after a pause, “I have a very early meeting tomorrow, and there”s still some paperwork I need to take care of…”, he couldn”t face her right now, “So I think I better stay over in the city…”, besides, he couldn”t leave Doc just like that, either.
“OK”, she said wearily, though she had gotten use to his eventual nights off at some LA hotel, she had always sensed it was more because of him needing some space than a working situation, “I”ll see you tomorrow, then”, she had learnt that giving him his space had always proved beneficial, besides, he had been extra devoted lately, so there was no reason for doubts, “Call me when you wake up, “kay?”, and she had never doubted his loyalty, he was not that kind of man.
“I will”, he sighed, “Goodnight.”
“Goodnight, honey.”
He swallowed a couple of times to get rid of the gulp in his throat, as he felt the tension creeping onto his neck and shoulders. A few seconds and some deep breaths later, he had regained his composure enough to grab the tray of goods and continue his way to the best medicine he could ask for. He heard her soft sobs as he approached the bedroom, and the pain he sensed in them made his stomach crumble. He hurried his pace and as he made his entrance, he caught sight of her half seated form, staring out through the window, tears rolling heavily down her cheeks, her hand clasped against her mouth trying to subdue the emotion.
“Doc?”, he asked worriedly as he once again set the tray aside, to rush to her side.
Her sudden change in mood took him by surprise, as well as the way in which she clinged to him as soon as his arms were protectively around her slender figure.
“John!”, she exclaimed bursting to laughter.
She lifted her face to him, traces of tears still on her rosy cheeks, and the confused look in his eyes made her laugh even more. He couldn”t help but smile at that sound, as he dried with the pads of his thumbs the moisture under her amazing hazel pools.
“Baby, are you OK?”, he asked unsure.
“I woke up, and you weren”t here…”, she started apologetically, kneeling on the middle of the bed, like he was, so close to her, “First I thought you were gone…, then I thought it had all been a dream…”, she explained, her palm cupping his cheek as if to make sure he was really there.
He traced her face with his finger, pushing to the sides some strays of hair, slowly bringing her chin up, his lips hovering over hers, making her mouth part with desire, pulling slightly away a couple of times as she reached forward to capture his mouth, until finally allowing her to have it. Her teeth biting gently his lower lip, as if punishing him, his body responding fervently to her actions. Her hands getting rid of the robe to run freely down his back to finally stopping firmly on his buttocks; as his lips merged with hers in a searing kiss and his arms wrapped both her shoulders and the back of her waist.
Before letting things go further, he forced her, as well as himself, to stop; placing his hands on her shoulders and looking intently into her eyes, wearing a mischievous smile that made her wonder.
“Did that feel real enough for you?”, he asked playfully, referring to her fears.
“Yes”, she smiled back, feeling happily foolish, following his gaze around the room, pointing at the clothes scattered here and there.
“Besides, how exactly did you picture me going anywhere without my pants on?”, he made fun of her childish frown.
“Shut up and kiss me, Black!”
He shoved his best smile at her before complying to her command.
A Twist Of Fate
The early morning sun crept through the window, the curtains wide open and forgotten in the whirlwind of passion of the night before. Two naked bodies tangled together, in peaceful slumber. The cold morning air finally succeeded in its attempt two settle in, making the lovers stir in their sleep seeking the warmth of the embrace, while making it back to reality. Marlena opened her eyes briefly to see John”s adoring gaze, and snuggled against him, knowing this time around it was for real, her hands stroking his torso, her lips kissing his chest. He tightened his arms around her, to bring her closer if that was possible, to reassure himself this was not a dream, bringing his head down to absorb the sweet smell of her skin, his cheek welcomed by the silky caress of her hair.
She raised her face to give him her best smile before reaching for his moist lips for a kiss that sooner than later increased in intensity.
“Morning”, she mumbled, her hazel orbs dancing under the thick long lashes.
“I love you”, so lost was he in her beauty.
Her response was to claim his mouth again in a searing kiss, her tongue clashing against his in delightful match.
“I love you”, she finally said, feeling the temperature rising yet again, “I”m glad you”re here”, she admitted, not quite ready to face the fact that he belonged somewhere else.
“Good to know!”, he teased her, not wanting to go in that direction either, but wanting to reassure her nonetheless, “Do you think I could leave without saying good-bye?”
He was half serious, but her expression was suddenly covered by a veil of sadness, her mind replaying that one time when he did so. She saw the concern in his eyes, and before he could say anything she slipped in her thoughts.
“You did once”, she was surprised by her statement for the last thing she wanted was to revisit their past, so she quickly added, “I”m sorry, I didn”t mean to say that.”
“Yes, you did”, he started lifting his hand to caress her face, “Doc, it”s OK”, he continued placing a finger lightly over her lips to prevent her from talking, “We both did things in the past that we regret and we can”t change that. But what matters is that we”re together now, and we”re going to get through this together”, the little smile she gave him told him he was on the right track, “I”ll promise you this: I will never again leave without saying good-bye. OK?”, he said kissing her lightly before looking in her face for an answer.
“You”ll never again leave. Period”, she smiled broadly, her fears already gone, and proceeded to kiss him fervently, igniting their desire in a matter of seconds.
“Your wish is my command, pretty lady”, he agreed, turning them over to capture her under his body, the joy of having her back pumping life into his features.
Kristen had woken up before the alarm that morning, a strange feeling set upon her, even though she couldn”t quite know what to make of it. She had told Brady”s nanny to be there at 7:00 so she could beat the traffic and be on time for her dentist appointment down in LA. She took a shower and as soon as she had made sure the household was running smoothly, she got behind the wheel of her blue BMW and hit the road. So into the song playing on the radio she was, that she would have missed the familiar jeep if it weren”t for the Catalina Island sticker on the back window. That was John”s car, but what was it doing there? She made a U turn and slowly drove by the pretty wooden house, still not sure of what she was doing. She checked the plate, yes, it was her husband”s car… and the one parked beside it looked like she had seen Marlena driving. She felt a cold shiver run through her body and her hands begin to sweat.
Carefully, she put reverse and went back past the house, stopping behind another car not to be spotted. Her mind was racing a thousand thoughts per second, her breath was caught in her throat. She knew Marlena was living on that road, though she hadn”t known exactly where until now. But what was John doing here? He said he was staying over in the city… why would he come by her house this early in the morning? Unless… She stepped out of her car and walked towards the jeep; it was still covered by the thin coat of water left by the morning mist. He had obviously spent the night there. She felt a bout of nausea rising up her stomach, the anger clouding her thoughts. Her first impulse was to ring the bell and confront them, but she stopped close of the door, her brain rapidly gaining control of the situation. She had her father”s analytical personality, and he had trained her well; she wasn”t supposed to let emotions guide her, she had to be in control. She walked back to her car and sat there, releasing her tears and frustration for a while. When she had cried enough, she turned on the engine and drove away, already planning her next move.
Marlena looked up at John from the spot of the carpet she had chosen to sit down to enjoy the huge breakfast that he had prepared, and noticed the sudden change of his expression, the deep turmoil written in his eyes. They were starving after all that activity, so soon after their last love-making session they had jumped out of bed and headed for the kitchen claded in their bathrobes. At his command, she had sat down on the counter while he made himself busy with some light cooking, every now and then coming back to where she sat to steal a kiss and feed her a small bite of something. They did so in silence, as if knowing that the moment they started talking they would have to face a reality too crude for the magical reunion they had shared. But when they came into the living-room in playful companionship and set the trays of food on the coffee-table, he had sat down on the couch and suddenly she had felt that sitting on his lap just wasn”t appropriate, so she opted to sit on the floor, right next to him, but not close enough. Now, looking at him, she realized her hunch had been right. So she reached for his hand, taking it in hers to squeeze it lightly, telling him that she understood. He looked at her embarrassed that she could read him so well, not able to hide the guilt he was feeling, ashamed for not being able to be with her a hundred percent, ashamed for being ashamed by the love they felt. He read in her face her understanding, and her generosity made him even weaker. He tried to hide his face from her when he felt the tears forming in his eyes, but she wouldn”t let him. In a second, she was kneeling by his side, her hands cupping his face, her voice like a balm.
“It”s all right that you feel this way, honey…”, she whispered before gathering him in her arms to embrace him, his head resting on her chest, her cheek on his hair.
“I”m sorry”, he murmured, still trying to hold it back, not wanting to show his weakness to her.
“John, you feel bad about doing this to Kristen, and it”s perfectly understandable”, she wasn”t going to let him hurt more than necessary, “John, honey, look at me…”, she pleaded, and he lifted his eyes to hers, “You feel what we did wasn”t right…”, he couldn”t deny it, “…and it wasn”t. We should have waited…”, she started to feel the repercussions of their acts as well, “I”m the one who”s sorry”, her defenses coming down as well, “I shouldn”t have let this happen”, she recognized, “not after being on the other end of the rope, not after knowing what it feels like to be torn between two loves…”, the fact that she was blaming herself immediately brought him back from his self commiseration, his body raising up to protect her, his arms bringing her closer, “I just wanted you to love me so much that I didn”t stop to think about what was best for you…”, she rested her head on his shoulder, again feeling vulnerable.
“Oh, baby, don”t even think that!”, he said passionately, using his hand to bring her face up, “Your love is the best thing that ever happened to me”, he smiled at her smile, “It”s only…”, why did it have to be so complicated.
“Shh… I understand. We shouldn”t have acted on those feelings… I know that now you feel bad about it…”, she started and finished before he could interrupt her, “and I also know that it doesn”t mean that you love me any less”, his shy smile told her she was right.
“I love you so much!”
“I know”, her smile was filled with happiness, “I love you so much!”
“And, as guilty as I feel, I don”t regret what happened. I wanted it as much as you did, so don”t you blame yourself”, he needed to make sure of that, never again was he going to hurt her, in any way.
“We”ll get through this, together”, she repeated his words, “Now”, she was determined to change the mood, “What do you say we eat? I”m sure we”ll think clearer on a full stomach.”
“You read my mind”, he pleased her, bringing a piece of melon to her mouth.
Long Winding Road”
The first thing Kristen did was to call her dentist’s office to cancel her appointment. She couldn’t bring herself to go there, but she didn’t want them to call her home and leave a message. Even though she still hadn’t come up with a plan, she knew she couldn’t go back to the house without one. Knowing John, she was sure the moment he saw her he was going to blurt out the truth and ask her for a divorce. Then again, she obviously didn’t know John as well as she thought. Not in a million years would she have thought that he was capable of cheating on her. She remembered her father’s word about that mysterious woman who could be a threat to her marriage. Her name was Marlena Evans, and she had found it out in the worst possible way. But she was not one to surrender that easy, she was determined to fight for her husband, and she was determined to win. She drove her car into the parking lot of a local hotel and made two more calls before going in. One to the house, to make sure everything was okay with Brady and to ask the nanny if she could stay over for a couple of days; she said yes. The other one was to John’s cell phone. Even though deep in her heart she had hoped he would answer and give her a reasonable explanation, she wasn’t surprised to get through to his voice-mail. With great effort, she suppressed the anger from her voice and spoke as sweetly as she possibly could.
“Hi, honey, it’s me! I was hoping I could talk to you in person, but oh, well… I need to go out of town for a couple of days to attend a family emergency. Don’t worry, it’s nothing serious, but I really need to be there. I’ll tell you all about it when we talk… I’ve already arranged with Anna to stay with Brady. I love you”, she concluded feeling sick to her stomach.
She could picture her husband and Marlena together having the time of their lives. That bitch! She was going to take care of her, but first things first. She stepped into the lobby and asked for a room.
The phone in John’s jacket rang unnoticed in the kitchen, where John had left it the night before after talking to his wife. In the living room, John and Marlena were so lost in each other’s eyes that they wouldn’t have heard a bomb if it landed right next to them. They had taken turns feeding each other, and now lied relaxed and content on one end of the sofa. Marlena waited a prudential time before bringing up the subject, relishing in being in his arms, listening to his even breathing, feeling his heartbeat right beneath her ear.
“What now?” she finally asked, locking her hands behind his neck as if that would keep him by her forever.
He looked down at her, leaning for a kiss before answering, lingering in the sweet contact for as long as possible.
“Now we’re going to take a shower and get dressed…” he joked, not wanting to deal with reality, “Or maybe we can skip the getting dressed part and just start exploring other possibilities…”
“No, really…” she punched him, so wanting to give in to his fantasies.
“Really!” his voice hoarse, his smile wide…
“John…” she couldn’t let it go, for his sake as much as hers.
“Now…” he changed gears, seeing she was serious, the burden of what he was about to face sinking into his soul, “Now I’m going to go home and talk to Kristen” he read the fear in her expression, “It’s going to be painful, but it’s the only thing to do.
That’s what I am going to do…” and he dreaded every second of it, “You, my love, are going to relax, and start planning our future together” he was going to do everything in his power to keep her away from all the awful aspects of their current situation.
She almost slipped a ‘yeah, right’, for she knew her heart wouldn’t be at ease until he came back to her, for good, but changed her mind immediately, realizing the last thing John needed was to be concerned about her feelings, so she changed the subject into another direction, one that would give him peace of mind.
“Well, speaking of our future, you mentioned something about a shower…” his features lit in a flash, “A couple of weeks ago you were here in this house clad in a sexy white towel and I haven’t been able to get rid of that picture every time I step into the bathroom. You don’t know how close you were to being ravished…” she confessed in a whisper that aroused his every sense.
“As close as you were, I assure you” he smiled, remembering his reaction when she had shown in her bathrobe with a bar of soap for him.
“You mind playing along this little fantasy of mine?” her fingers slipping under his robe to rub his chest.
“Which requires…?” he gamed, placing his hands on her buttocks and bringing her closer, her lips capturing his in a searing kiss.
“It requires that you get in a towel while I turn the shower on!”
She laughed merrily jumping off the couch to run to the main bathroom, leaving him panting with desire.
He ran after her, catching her just as she was about to turn into the bathroom, seizing her by the waist and cornering her against the wall, pinning her arms up her head with one hand, and opening her robe with the other to run a finger slowly from her neck down to her belly. Bringing his mouth to hers, yet holding back the contact, making her ache for it.
“You just wait and see” he whispered before turning away without ever touching her lips.
Marlena just stood there, her knees weakening and her heart bouncing rapidly in her chest. It took all of her strength to walk into the shower and get the water running, her mind drawing pictures of what was coming. He was already there when she turned around to go look for him, as handsome as ever with that towel firmly tucked around his waist and a mischievous look in his eyes.
“Is this what you had in mind?” he asked happy to comply.
“Very much, yeah…” she responded walking seductively towards him.
She stood before him for a second, to take in the magnificent view of his sculpted body. Then she gave one more step, until she was mere inches from him, and ran her fingers through his hair, down his neck, onto his torso, till they reached the soft cotton surface. She leaned forward to place a wet kiss on the curve of his neck, her tongue reaching out to capture his earlobe, and after looking at him and finding the longing in his eyes she blew the moist trail dry, sending shivers through his body, his skin breaking to bumps all over. He wanted to touch her so bad, to grab her and kiss her, and have her, but he let her play along,
surrendering to her wishes. Finally, in a swift movement, she got rid of the towel, pressing herself against him, feeling the consequences of her actions as her hands massaged his now bare buttocks. Once again she looked at him, letting him know it was time for him to take command. He lifted her up, until her legs were wrapped around his waist, and helped her out of her robe as his hands traveled down her back and his mouth explored the roundness of her breasts.
“Oh, John!” she exclaimed, her breathing ragged; her heavy moans stimulating him to go further “John…” she started, almost unable to utter a word, “… Baby… the shower…” she reminded him.
He drew his face up to hers with a boyish grin of delight.
“Oh, yes… the shower” his mouth colliding with hers while he made their way towards their final destination.
The stream of warm water clashed against their bodies as their love flowed freely and uncensored. The heat ignited by their passionate exchange competing against the steam that was quickly covering mirrors and walls.
Kristen paced back and forth in her hotel room carefully planning her next move. She played in her mind the scene that was about to take place, changing the words, trying different moods. When she was satisfied with what she got, or perhaps gave up on finding a right way to do it, she sat down, calm as ever, and picked up the phone, praying the person on the other end of the line would answer. After an agonizing minute, she heard the click and the silence preceding a rather rude greeting.
“Hello, father. It’s me…” a smile of triumph creeping to her lips.
The Trap
The sun was shining as bright as ever that morning, and looking out of her hotel window Kristen wondered how everything still seemed so much the same when her world had crumbled mere hours ago. Still, she hadn’t shed a tear, and she wouldn’t, she was too much in control to let herself give in to her emotions. What she did feel was anger, never in her life had she felt so much hatred towards someone. Now every time Marlena’s presence crept into her mind her body turned into a boiling pit, revenge just a sedative to the overwhelming desire to kill that she experienced.
She felt much more confident after talking to Stefano. He sounded genuinely pleased to hear from her after all those months of silence. But after the initial surprise over hearing the news she gave had faded, the anger she felt in his voice could very well match hers. The thought of his “Queen of the Night” together again with the man he despised the most was as repulsive to him as it was to Kristen. Immediately, he took the matter in his own hands and told his daughter not to worry, threat lingering on every word. He instructed her to stay put and wait till she heard from him before attempting anything.
Confident that her father would once again provide her with what she wanted, she sat in her room as calmly as she could, trying to decipher her feelings towards her husband. As much as she wanted to, she couldn’t love him any less. Yes, she was furious at him for falling for that woman, but she was sure it was Marlena’s doing. Yes, she was disappointed in him for not living up to his so called moral values, but she was positive he had fell victim to Marlena’s tricks. Yes, she was hurt, but she was also determined to make him realize who his true love was.
John waited patiently in the living room while Marlena got dressed. Reluctantly, he had agreed to go to the guest room to get changed after their very intimate shower, letting her do so in her room, both knowing that unless they put some distance between them there would be no way they were going to get the task done. As much as they both dreaded it, they had to let go so he could face Kristen with the bitter truth. Marlena appeared from the hallway, a smile lighting up her features, but not quite concealing the sadness in her eyes. He walked the distance to gather her in his arms.
“It’s going to be okay” he reassured her.
“I’m sorry, honey” she apologized lifting her chin from his chest to look at him,
“I’m the one who should be encouraging you and look at me!”
“You look beautiful” he teased her meaning every word.
“Really!” She smiled broadly, punching him playfully, “I know how hard this is for you…” she continued with regained seriousness, “I wish there was something I could do to make it any easier.”
“There is” he said leaning in for the sweetest kiss, “Knowing that you love me makes a world of difference.”
“I do, with all my heart” she confirmed, reaching out for his mouth again.
As the kiss deepened, they felt the intensity rising and instinctively withdre
w at the same time knowing it was now or never, the same shy smile on both their faces.
“I better get going…” his actions didn’t follow his words for he stood there without being able to leave her.
“Take your time. This will be even harder for her than it will be for you, so take all the time you need” she acknowledge, her heart breaking for him, “I don’t want to cause any added trouble, so I won’t call you…” just the thought of not hearing from him for who knew how long was heart wrenching, but she had to give him as much space and time as he might need, “You take your time, and come back when you’re ready… I’ll be waiting.”
He drew her close, his arms locked around her, her generosity melting his heart. How he could ever live without her, he wondered.
“I love you, Doc” he spoke into her hair, “There’s nothing I want more than to start our life together.”
Without ever leaving her gaze he stepped slowly out of the room. When she heard the front door close, she collapsed onto the couch, a sudden wave of fear washing upon her as she buried her face in her hands while tears streamed down her now pale cheeks.
John felt that wave of fear too as he climbed into his jeep, but accounted it to what he was about to do. Telling Kristen that their life was over was going to be one of the hardest things he had ever done; but he belonged with Marlena and he knew that there was no other way he could go on other than with her by his side. This time, he was going to make things right.
The first thing John noticed as he approached his house was the absence of Kristen’s car. He felt relieved and disappointed at the same time. He was a man with a mission, one he dreaded, but one he had to get done.
“Hello!” he called out as he crossed the threshold, being rewarded by Brady’s happy cheer.
“Daddy! Daddy, you’re home!” his bouncing little frame aiming at his arms.
“Hi, buddy!” all his worries disappearing as he swirled his son up in the air,
“Hello, Anna” he addressed the nanny who had followed soon after the running child.
“Hi, Mr. Toscano” the girl answered totally unaware of the many changes that had occurred in the past few weeks.
“Do you know where Kristen is?”
“She called earlier and asked me if I could stay over for a couple of days, but that’s all she said” the young woman informed hoping he would provide her with some more details.
“Oh…” was all he said, not fully understanding the meaning of the information he had just received, “So what are you up to, slugger?” he changed the topic determined to find out what was going on.
“Making car Legos!” he stated proudly.
“Wow!” John smiled, amazed at how fast he was growing up, “You know what?
I have to make a quick phone call, but why don’t you go up with Anna to finish that car and I’ll come up in a little while to play with you?”
“Yeah” he said satisfied as his dad put him down on the floor.
“That’s my boy!” John added before they were out of sight.
Immediately, he reached for his cell phone and, as he had anticipated, saw the New Voicemail sign on the screen. He couldn’t help but feel disappointed again, as well as a little worried even though Kristen had made it clear there was no reason to be. It did strike him odd that precisely that day she had to go out of town in an emergency, but she had made a couple of brief trips in the past to attend some family matters, and was as discreet about those as he had been about his past, so he had never pressured her for more than she was willing to tell. Quickly he dialed her number and waited for an answer.
Kristen was startled by the sound of the phone, but rapidly regained her composure before reaching for it. She picked it up and looked at the small screen. She took a deep breath and put on a big smile before answering.
“Hi, honey!” she said cheerfully, “Did you hear my message?”
“Yes. Hi” guilt encompassing his ability to talk, “What happened? Where are you?”
“I’m at the airport, about to board” she lied “My brother was in a car accident. He’s all right, just a broken leg, but I wanted to see him and make sure, you know” she finished in one breath.
“Well, of course. I’m so sorry… Is there anything I can do?”
“No, no. I already spoke to Anna and she can stay over to be with Brady, so there’s nothing for you to worry about.”
“When are you coming back?” he felt bad for asking.
“In a couple of days I think… I’m not sure. I’ll call you as soon as I know. I just want Peter to feel that I’m there for him.”
“Of, course. You take your time” he said, again out of words.
“Baby, I have to leave now. We’re boarding. I’ll call you soon.”
“All right. Have a safe trip. I hope everything’s okay with your brother.”
“Me too. I love you.”
“Ditto” was the best he could do, feeling like a total jerk.
An Unexpected Gift
After regaining composure over John’s departure, Marlena tried her best to keep herself busy knowing John’s uncertain return was going to drive her crazy. As happy as she was about being reunited with him in body and soul, she wasn’t going to be at peace until he was back in her arms for good. He was coming back, she had no doubts about that, it was the waiting that was unbearable, knowing that he had to face such a bitter situation and that she couldn’t be there for him. Then again, the memory of their time together was still freshly imprinted on her body, and that was enough to bring a smile to her face.
She had just come out of the bathroom after reapplying her make-up, which had run down with her earlier sorrow, when she heard the phone ringing. Too soon for John to call, she wondered who it could be.
“Hello?” her voice puzzled.
“Hey, beautiful” he could almost see the bright smile appearing on her lips.
“John?” she questioned, still unable to believe her good luck.
“How many men do you have calling you beautiful?” he teased her, being rewarded by her heartfelt laughter.
“What’s going on?” she knew there had to be something.
“Kristen had to leave town for a couple of days…” he knew she was probably disappointed, “so I’m stranded. Her brother had an accident and she wanted to check on him.”
“How bad is it?” she asked concerned about the stranger while fighting the sadness that started to settle upon her.
“A broken leg only. I reached her on the cell when she was at the airport; she said she was coming back in a couple of days.”
“I see” she tried to disguise her fear, “How are you?” focusing on him would help.
“Well, to tell you the truth, I’m not looking forward to this talk, but I was hoping to do it today… Now I have to wait till she gets back… We have to wait” he concluded sadly.
“As long as there’s a ‘we’…” she saw the silver lining.
“There’s always been a ‘we’” he pointed out in his husky voice, making her heart skip, “Doc, I can’t wait to be with you, forever.”
“Me too, baby” she said fighting the tears of joy that came to her eyes, “We still have so many things to talk about…” she said, almost to herself, recalling that they had been so busy with each other that they had hardly discussed what the future was going to be like.
“Yes we do… I was thinking about taking Brady to the park, maybe you could come along and we can start talking about that future. What do you think?” he asked, not willing to spend more time than necessary away from her.
“I would love that” she almost whispered.
“I’ll pick you up in about half an hour then. But, Doc, I can tell you this already, as long as I have you by my side nothing else matters to me.”
“I love you” she forced the words beyond the gulp in her throat, “I’ll see you soon, then.”
“Very soon, my love.”
Kristen took a couple of sleeping pills with the cup of tea the room service had delivered earlier. She just couldn’t deal with the world any longer; she needed to get away for a couple of hours. Stefano wouldn’t be there at least till the end of the day and she couldn’t spend that time locked up in that room without going insane. Over and over she reproached herself for buying into that “we are close friends” lie that John had delivered. Why didn’t she see it coming? Why did it happen? He had been so tender lately, so romantic, and she had fell for it, thinking it was because of her, because of the important role she played in his life… but it had been because of Marlena. And all that pantomime of being lost in the storm! She probably had it all planned to appear as the damsel in distress and have him all mushy over her. That bitch had come to steal her husband. Now she was going to pay for it. Soon the room became a blur, her thoughts scattered. The pills were working. She dozed off with murderous intentions dancing in front of her eyes.
John’s heart melted at the picture displayed in front of him, a proud smile drawn on his face. Marlena was setting Brady in the sandbox, making sure he made contact with the other kids, laughing with him as if she was a child again; such tenderness pouring from her eyes for the little boy she loved as her own. Once Brady was deep in baby talk with a cute little girl almost his age, both working hard on the sand with their shovels, Marlena withdrew a few feet, coming to sit on the park bench next to his father. John draped his arm over her shoulders, bringing her close, her eyes locked with his for a few seconds.
“I haven’t been this happy for ages” she sighed with content, resting her head on his shoulder, resisting the need to kiss him, knowing that wouldn’t be appropriate on a public place and in front of Brady, not until things were cleared.
“I have to agree with that” he said, rubbing his hand down the length of her arm, inhaling the intoxicating scent of her perfume, “Suddenly my life makes sense again” he admitted.
“I know what you mean.”
They were distracted from their trail of thoughts by the chirpy voice of the happy boy in the sandbox.
“Mommy, Daddy!” Brady called out to them, smiling and waving at them before returning his attention to his sand tools, as if wanting to make sure they were really there.
“You’ll have to talk to him about that, honey” Marlena whispered, her eyes filling with tears at the term of endearment he had used for her.
“I know” John conveyed, bringing her a little closer, sensing her emotion, “I just don’t want to confuse him further having to explain to him about Isabella being his birth mother, and you not being it, and then about Kristen not being it, to you being it again…
That didn’t make sense, did it?” he felt confused himself.
“It did” she stifled a laugh.
“I mean, eventually you will end up being his mother anyway, so what’s the point in discouraging him about what he already feels in his heart to be true” he felt her light tremble under his arm, and expected to see the tears when he turned her face to him,
“He’s way smarter than his father in admitting his true feelings” he smiled, wiping the moisture away with the pad of his thumb.
“How did I get to be so lucky?”
“That’s what I keep asking myself.”
Kristen woke up by the consistent knocking on the door. It took her a moment to realize where she was and to remember why, hoping for an instant it had all been a bad dream. It wasn’t, she was in a strange bed and the knocking became louder and louder. Grumbling under her breath, she stood up and went to the door, her dress creased, her hair a mess. The man on the other side looked at her quizzically. Quickly a smile replaced the frown and she felt at peace again. She plunged into his arms and chuckled, making him fear for her sanity.
“I’m so glad you’re here, father.”
Lights and Shadows
They decided to stop for lunch after the park. The Reel In was a fun seafood restaurant, not at all fancy. Dark wood, aquariums, nets and other fishing accessories completed the decoration. It was a sunny day, so after placing their order and getting their drinks they opted for a table outside, on the wooden deck, the escort of a portable heater making it the perfect spot. Brady refused to use a high chair, rushing to climb on Marlena’s lap to be able to reach the table. John looked at her, ready to command his son to do as he was told, but the spark in Marlena’s eyes told him she was very pleased with Brady’s choice. He remembered how they had done just the same with the twins, one for each.
The three of them had a joyous lunch before heading to Marlena’s place to put Brady down for a nap. Even though John had dismissed Anna for the day, telling her that he wanted to spend some quality time with Brady while Kristen was gone, he didn’t feel comfortable taking Marlena to the house he shared with Kristen, in part because there was always the remote possibility that she could return sooner than anticipated and it wouldn’t be fair for her to find Marlena there, in part because he felt it wouldn’t be comfortable for Marlena to be in that house under the present circumstances, and mostly because he felt so at home at the Bader’s estate while he couldn’t get that feeling about his own place after finding his way back to the love of his life. All he had to do was suggest it, and Marlena agreed at once. Brady was already fast asleep when his father pulled the jeep up the driveway.
“I still can’t believe how much he’s grown!” she smiled following John to the living room after laying Brady down on the bed in the guest room, leaving the door open to be able to hear him if needed.
John sat down on the big couch overlooking the ocean and pulled her down so that she ended on his lap, her laughter filling the air. He captured her mouth in a kiss, which she eagerly returned, her hands caressing his face in doing so.
“I’ve missed you” he whispered when their lips parted.
“The hour you were gone felt like a week to me” she smiled, relishing in being in his arms, her fingers diving into his dark hair.
“I wish I could have talked to Kristen. I’m sorry.”
“Honey, it’s not your fault that she was gone…”
“Yeah, I know. It’s just that I want to shout it to the world, to let everyone know you love me!” he almost shouted and Marlena quickly placed her palm over his mouth.
“Shhhh” she reminded him of his sleeping son with a gesture of her head and burst to laughter when she felt his tongue crashing against her hand, to what she responded by leaning down to kiss him fiercely.
“We shouldn’t be doing this” she felt a little guilty.
“I won’t tell anybody” John murmured, his mouth traveling down her neck, so lost in sensation.
“John…” she insisted, knowing she wouldn’t be able to resist much longer,
“Honey, please…” as much as she wanted him, she was aware of Brady’s presence and didn’t want to risk him waking up in the middle of their heated exchange, on top of the fact that they still had to deal with John’s commitment to Kristen, “We can’t…” a hint of pain in her voice that startled him.
“I’m sorry, baby…” he apologized, uncertain of what had happened, “It’s just that I love you so much!” he excused himself, almost blushing.
“Oh!” her smile worked wonders on him, “I love you so much!” she declared kissing him softly, “I just don’t think it’s a good idea to get carried away with Brady so close…”
“You’re right” he reluctantly agreed, “He’s not much of a napper.”
“Unlike his father…”
“I’m not a napper!” he laughed, wondering why she’d assumed that.
“Oh, really?” a mischievous grin on her lips, “I remember a time when any excuse was good for a nap…” she revealed, going back to the years they were happily married and John would sneak her to the bedroom in the middle of the day.
“Oh, well that was different” he smiled in remembrance, “cause you were there too and there wasn’t much sleeping involved” cupping her face with his hands to kiss her ever so gently.
Kristen had been listening to Stefano’s plans for an hour, nodding in approval and adding some scheming of her own. Despite the months of silence and lack of communication, in a matter of minutes they were reacquainted and enjoying each other’s company. Even though they weren’t biologically related, they thought alike and shared the same kind of twisted obsession towards their object of affection. Like father, like daughter, Stefano’s evil ways were deeply implanted in Kristen’s psyche.
“So when are these people coming?” she asked, eager to set the plan in motion.
“They will be here first thing in the morning” he confided proud of his fast net of dishonest contacts, “By tomorrow night both you and I will have what we deserve. But first, there’s one thing you have to do.”
“Just tell me.”
“I want you to call John and tell him that you’re coming back tomorrow. A gentleman that he is, he will offer to pick you up at the airport; that will give us the time we need to put our plan in motion. Here are the flight details” he said handing her a piece of paper, “He will think you’re coming back from Chicago, and he will never know what hit him.”
“You’re brilliant, father!” Kristen was glowing in anticipation, “I knew I could count on you.”
“Anything for my children” the older man said, placing a kiss on her forehead.
“What’s the time in Chicago?” Kristen asked picking up her cell phone.
John watched as Marlena came back from the kitchen bringing a tray with two cups of tea and a plate of cookies. She caught him staring at her and smiled, knowing exactly what was going through his head. Placing the tray on the coffee table, she grabbed the cups, handing him one while snuggling against him, his arm resting on her shoulders. He brought the cup up to hers.
“To us” he toasted.
“To our future” she followed.
“Speaking of future, did you make any plans yet?”
She was about to answer when his cell phone interrupted. He frowned, apologizing, and leaned to kiss her lips as he was getting up.
“Hold on to that thought” he whispered, making her smile, “Hello?”
“Hi, honey!”
Marlena was immediately aware of his change of expression and the tension creeping to his shoulders, knowing who was on the other end of the line even before he said so.
“Kristen” guilt making him flinch, instinctively turning his back towards
Marlena, as if to protect her, “How’s your brother?”
“He’s just fine. It was a minor injury, but I’m still glad I came. How’s everything there?”
“Okay. I told Anna to go home so I could spend some time with Brady” John said glad to be able to tell her the truth for a change.
“That’s great!” she tried to sound convincing, when in her head she was thinking
‘So that bitch also wants to take my son from me’, “Look, darling, I can’t be long. I just wanted to let you know that I’ll be coming back tomorrow evening. Can you pick me up?” better to get it over with.
“Of course. Let me grab a pen” he motioned for the pad and pen that sat by
Marlena’s telephone, “Shoot” he wrote down what she was dictating, “See you tomorrow then.”
“I can’t wait. I love you, John.”
“Yeah, me too” he mumbled embarrassed, “Have a safe flight, okay?” turning the phone off, “She’s coming back tomorrow” he explained turning around to face Marlena, just in time to see her hide her face from him so he would not see her sadness, “Oh, baby!” he rushed to her side, forcing her to look at him, “I’m sorry.”
“Quit saying that!” Marlena exclaimed a bit annoyed, “It’s not your fault! This is a mess and we’re both caught in the middle. I should know how to control myself better…” angry at her own weakness.
“Come here” he gathered her in his arms, his warmth instantly making her feel better, “Tomorrow this will be over, and we will be free to start our new life” he sounded so sure that she had no doubts, he felt her give in to the embrace and smiled as she locked her slender arms around his waist.
Wishing and Hoping
Kristen had barely touched the food Stefano had ordered for her, his plate, on the other hand, was empty. He was talking and laughing almost with himself since Kristen only added a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’ here and there. Her mind was on one of the last nights she had spent with John. They had made love and laid silently in each other’s arms. She could tell he was quieter than normal, but blamed it on some complication at work and didn’t give it much thought. Now she regretted it… If only she had figured it out maybe she could have done something, anything. Taking him away on a trip till Marlena left town, or throwing a tantrum and asking him to stop seeing her, or even confronting him about his feelings. Too late. She had believed in her, she bought that stupid story of being lost in the storm, she even liked her and tried to be friendly, and all along the other woman was planning to steal her husband from her. She hated her, more than she had ever hated anyone, and the rage she felt towards her was so not a part of her character that it frightened her a little. Then again, she had never been confronted with this kind of situation before. Of one thing she was sure of, she was going to get John back and she didn’t care who went down in the process. A malicious smile crept slowly to her lips as she came back to the present time to hear Stefano’s ramblings about his ‘Queen of the Night’. ‘Whatever’ she thought.
“I will let you get some rest now, my dear” he announced standing up, ready to leave, “The experts will be here first thing in the morning, we’ll go on from there. But you don’t have to worry about anything.”
“Will you call me when they get here?”
“You bet” he leaned down to place a kiss on her forehead, “Try and sleep, okay?”
“I will. Thanks, father” she smiled again, scheming and planning in her head, wishing things hadn’t gone so far.
They had headed for the zoo after Brady woke up from his short nap, spending the rest of the afternoon laughing and having fun as a family; so captivated in their own happiness that the cloud of reality couldn’t reach them. John and Marlena walked hand in hand behind the stroller, exchanging smiles and gazes and very little talk, enjoying each other’s company as well as the magical bond they had with Brady. Only at the diner where they had stopped for supper on the way back to Malibu, while they where waiting for the check, did they realize they were living a fantasy, sadness overcoming them at the thought of having to be apart. As much as he wanted to, John knew he couldn’t ask Marlena to come home with him; on the other hand, he couldn’t drag his son to her place and out of his habitat for his own selfish reasons. Marlena felt that way too, even when they hadn’t discussed the matter. So once again they climbed into the jeep and continued their journey, the shadow of reality weighing upon them.
Marlena was chatting with Brady, who was still fighting sleep in an attempt to not miss on the fun, when John pulled up the driveway, a grim expression on his face.
Marlena looked at him, wanting to say so much, and yet refraining herself for Brady’s sake; the gulp in her throat making her choke on the words.
“Can you call me when you get home?” she asked, unable to go further.
“You bet” he smiled sadly, pulling her in for a hug, “Everything’s going to be fine, Doc” whispering in her ear, holding her there for a few more seconds.
“Okay, Brady, I have to say goodbye now…” she turned around to face the child only to find John’s same sad expression in a smaller version.
“No, Mommy!” Brady said firmly, “You don’t go…” he pleaded.
“Honey, it’s late” she explained, deeply touched, “It’s time for you to go to bed.”
“I go bed in your house” he stated, very determined.
Marlena couldn’t hide a smile; there was hope in her eyes when she looked over to John questioning him. He took the key off the ignition and her smile grew brighter.
“Well, slugger, if that’s what you want I think we can arrange it” he looked at his son, who beamed with happiness, “Right, Doc?”
“Right” she grinned, hopping to the ground to take Brady out of his car seat, while John grabbed the baby-bag with clothes and toys that he always carried along.
The trio then headed inside, not even suspecting what fate had in store for them.
Kristen was going crazy with anxiety. She had taken another sleeping pill, but couldn’t bring herself to sleep. Every time she closed her eyes she could see them together, cursing herself for letting it happen. She had listened to Stefano’s plans, but still wasn’t sure it would work, and even if it did, it was going to be very hard to win John’s love back. Even if he couldn’t be with Marlena, that didn’t guarantee he would be willing to get back with her. The fact that she supposedly didn’t know they weren’t an item anymore played to her advantage. Then again, she was going to be very patient, and play her cards correctly, she was going to be understanding and forgiving. She wanted him so badly that she was willing to do anything. Before meeting him, she could have never imagined needing someone so much, loving someone so unconditionally. She had always been pretty independent, even though she had had her fare share of lovers and boyfriends, but she had always been in control. This time was different, love was consuming her, driving her to insanity, and though she couldn’t quite admit it, making her lose her identity.
Brady had fallen asleep almost as soon as his head hit the pillow, a smile on his face. Marlena had put him to bed, at his request, and had told him that if he needed anything all he had to do was call and they would hear through the baby monitor that belonged to the Bader’s and that she had placed on the night stand. But John assured her that he usually slept through the night, squeezing her hand on their way out.
“Do you want a cup of tea?” she offered, getting ahead of him to go to the kitchen.
In one motion he stopped her march and pulled her to his arms. A little taken aback, she looked up at him a quizzical smile on her face.
“I want you” he answered before his mouth claimed hers in a kiss that contained all the desire he had been holding through the day.
“Yummy” she whispered when they parted, “John…”
“What?” he asked distracted by her scent as he placed light kisses on the curve of her neck.
“Oh…” she almost surrendered, “Honey…” but couldn’t, “We need to talk.”
He looked down at her, curious at the seriousness in her voice, and found her expression was just as serious.
“Did I miss something?”
“No” she softened her tone, the edges of her mouth curling up, “It’s just that there are certain things that we need to discuss… and if we start with the kissing there’s no way we’re gonna get to it” she whispered almost embarrassed.
“I’ll make some tea” he gave in, sensing her need for a down to earth conversation, and guided her to the kitchen closing his big hand over hers.
They settled down on the couch out in the terrace, the sound of the waves immediately sinking into their souls, a thick blanket protecting them from the cold air, the mugs with tea warming their hands. They sat there in silence for a while, absorbing the beauty of the clear night, relishing on the feeling of their bodies so close to each other. John bent his face, reaching for her mouth, and she allowed him to have it, savoring the slow movements of his lips working on hers, welcoming his tongue as it caught hers in a long, sweet kiss. Finally they let go, lost in each other’s eyes for an instant.
“Start talking” he urged her, hinting she had to if she wanted him to stop.
“All right, all right!” she laughed and took a sip of tea while gathering her thoughts, “What are we going to do? After you solve the situation with Kristen I mean.”
“Live happily ever after” he said, straightening the collar of her blouse.
“Other than that” she scolded him.
“Meaning?”
“Well, first of all, I don’t live here, I have to go back to Salem at some point. You, on the other hand…”
“I, on the other hand, don’t care where I live as long as it’s by your side” he stated, making her heart beam with pride, “I wouldn’t ask you to leave Salem, Doc. The children are there, our friends are there…” he continued, secretly hoping he’d find some friends upon his return, “All I have to do is transfer the offices back to Salem and problem solved.” he paused, sensing there was a lot more to it “Are you worried about how the family will react to us being together?” he asked softly.
“I would be lying to myself if I weren’t…” she confessed, “Specially the children.
But that’s something we’ll have to work out” she said confidently, never leaving his gaze, “As long as we are together, we can work everything out.”
“That’s a fact.”
“I know Abe and Lexie will be so happy to see you!” she went on a happy note,
“Bo too, he was really disappointed when you disappeared, as well as everybody else” she revealed, “I know it will be hard for them to accept that we are together, but the fact is that they all care very much about you, and they love you whatever your name is… Just like I do” she whispered, leaving her mug behind to cup his face with her hands before kissing him passionately.
“Never like you do…” he reflected once they parted from the kiss, “Oh, Doc, I’m so happy!”
“Me too” she agreed, lingering in the embrace, “This seems like a dream.”
“It’s our dream” he looked at her filled with love, “Are we done talking?” he asked playfully.
“Hum…” she made him suffer a bit, “I guess so… at least for now” before kissing him with such passion that any other thought besides lovemaking vanished from their minds.
They fell asleep in each other’s arms, glowing in love, lost in the magic sensation of their bodies so near, dreaming of their future, of the family they were going to build together. John’s even breathing matched hers as he slept peacefully, empowered by the woman he held in his arms, every fiber of his self forever surrendered to the love he felt for her. Marlena stirred in her sleep, her body accommodating to the curve of his, her head resting on his arm, while his other arm surrounded her with its warmth, his hand resting on her belly, as if protecting the tiny life that, unknown to them, was already beating in her womb.
Before the Darkness
The sound from the monitor came strong and clear, slowly penetrating the fog of slumber that enveloped them, making them stir in their sleep first, instinctively reaching for the one beside them, fighting the need to awake with the urge to stay cuddled together forever. Marlena turned around in his arms as he brought her body closer, her hands roaming up his chest and biceps. She found two perfect pools of blue staring at her when she finally opened her eyes, blinking repeatedly before completing the task. His smile so inviting that she reached up for a moist kiss that was interrupted by the laughter that followed the voice coming from the monitor. John and Marlena stifled their laugh and lingered in the embrace as they listened merrily to Brady talking to himself.
“It seems someone has an imaginary friend, uh?” she smiled, looking at the alarm clock; it was 6:20 a.m.
“Oh, yeah!” he chuckled, and stopped her as she tried to get up.
“We should go check on him…” she explained, still sleepy.
“I’ll go check on him” he offered, sitting up on the bed and pulling her for one last kiss, “You rest a little longer and wait here for breakfast” he determined hopping to the floor and covering himself with the blue robe, “Here” picking her discarded nightgown from the floor and handing it to her.
“What” she teased him, “you don’t like my outfit?”
Before she could react, he was on top of her, holding her wrists above her head, his face an inch away from hers. She smiled and he planted a searing kiss on her lips that left her panting.
“Okay, I deserved that” she chuckled reaching for the piece of clothing as he made his way out.
Only when she was alone did she remember what the day held in store for them, and about their situation, a cold chill running down her spine. The uncertainty of what was to come like a shadow in the horizon. She closed her eyes for a moment to say a prayer.
“Please, God, let us be together.”
Kristen practically jumped off the bed when Stefano called her to tell her the experts were there. She threw on the dress she had bought at the hotel boutique the day before and rushed to the room down the hall. Her father greeted her warmly, despite the early hour, he seemed to have been up and ready for a long time. He introduced the three men that were there, enjoying a cup of coffee and some fruit that was displayed on a small table by the couch. Two of them were quite good looking and in their thirties, the other was a semi bald, small-eyed, thin man, well into his fifties with a foreign accent.
As Stefano explained, Paul and Jerome would help with the writing and the voice, Dr. Rolf was there for a more clinical reason that he didn’t reveal to Kristen.
Stefano asked everyone to sit down and had Kristen answer the questions the young men had for her to complete the profile on the situation. They had been working for Stefano for some time, they knew their subject inside and out; their boss had been preparing them for whenever the opportunity might present itself. They just had to polish the last details before going into action. Kristen’s eyes glowed in anticipation as she provided the last bits of information. This was the day she would get Frank back and get rid of Marlena for good.
Marlena couldn’t help but smile at the sight of John carrying a tray of food on one arm and Brady on the other.
“Good morning, princess” he beamed, setting his son on the bed.
“Good morning to you two” she responded opening her arms to receive Brady,
“Did you sleep well?” planting butterfly kisses on his rosy cheeks.
“Yes. We do you breakfast…” he explained very proud of having helped his daddy in doing so.
“Thank you!” she said running her hand through his soft, dark hair, and sharing a knowing look with his father, “Are you hungry?” she asked as she reached for the tray that John had placed right in the middle of the bed before sitting down on the other side.
“Pancakes” Brady stated, making them laugh.
“Then pancakes it is!” Marlena agreed, accommodating him on her lap before handing him a plate with some blueberry pancake that she cut for him.
“We need some syrup on that, too!” John observed, pouring some over the hot food, using his thumb to stop the last drop from dripping on the sheets.
Since Brady was concentrated on catching the small pieces with his tiny fingers, he used the opportunity to bring his sticky finger to Marlena’s mouth. Never leaving his gaze she wrapped her lips around it, sucking the sweet mixture with her tongue, enjoying the immediate response in John’s body. ‘I love you’, he mouthed and so did she.
“Good stuff, uh?” he said, changing the mood before getting too carried away.
“I think you are two amazing cooks!” she praised them, accepting the piece of pancake that Brady was holding for her to eat, “Mmh… yummy!”
Once they were done with breakfast, Marlena stayed playing with Brady while John took a shower and got dressed. Then it was Marlena’s turn. She couldn’t stop smiling, she was so happy it was still hard for her to believe her life had changed so completely so quickly. Coming to California was the smartest decision she had ever made. Now it was only a matter of hours before she could spend the rest of her life with the man she loved. She thought about how her children might react when they learned the news; it would probably be hard for them to accept the fact that John was not only back in their lives, but also with her. She was confident that in time they would give into the love they had once have for the man they thought of as their father, she was sure that love was still somewhere inside of them, past the anger, past the resentment, and sooner or later it would resurface.
“Penny for your thoughts…” John startled her as he came up behind her, planting a soft kiss on her cheek.
“Hey, you…” she smiled looking at their reflection on the dresser mirror before letting her head fall back to rest on his shoulder, “I was just thinking about how happy I am to know that when I return to Salem it will be with you.”
“Only as happy as I am. And if I didn’t know you better, I wouldn’t be sure you could imagine how incredible it feels to have you back in my arms” he whispered, straddling the bench she was sitting on to wrap his arms around her.
“I know” she was elated “I haven’t felt this happy since that night I found you on the pier, when I returned to Salem” she shared leaning back against him, caressing the arms that enveloped her waist.
“That was one of the most incredible moments of my life!” he remembered.
“Dad… Mommy… ” Brady’s voice was soon followed by his presence as he came into the bedroom looking for them “Brady play” he demanded, coming up to them, a dinosaur in one hand.
“Oh, come here, sweet boy” Marlena said lifting him up to sit him on her lap, John’s arms unfolding to hug both his loves “How would you like to go with me to the mall and help me pick a camera so we can take lots of pictures together? Would you help me?” Brady nodded.
“You want to go to the mall?” John looked at her defeated; that was the last place he would have chosen to visit.
“John, I need a camera!” she was adamant “I have to take pictures. I want to have mementos to remember this wonderful days, to show our children many years from now, and our grandchildren…”
“Anything you want” he loved to hear the excitement in her voice “Son, I guess we are going to the mall…”
They did, and stopped at the toy store when she spotted a big red truck for Brady to drive around in. John was delighted to see her that happy, so full of life, making plans for their future. He got carried away by her enthusiasm not only getting the camera Marlena wanted and about ten rolls of film, but also a video camera that he started using as soon as they got back to the house and charged the batteries.
It was a cold winter day, so they decided to stay in for lunch, enjoying the fire that John built in the living room fireplace and ordering lunch over the phone. They built Brady’s truck and soon he was driving it around, propelled by his little feet, amazed by the many sounds that came from the various buttons on the dashboard. They had enjoyed themselves so much that the hours flew by, and before they could realize it was 3:00 pm. Time for John to take Brady back to his house, where Anna was already waiting.
He came out of the kitchen with his jacket and car keys, ready to leave. He found his love and child sprawled on the living room floor with Brady’s toys. He stood beneath the archway for a few moments, absorbing the picture, letting their laughter sink into his soul, cherishing that instant and imprinting it in his mind. Marlena caught sight of him from the corner of her eye, a heavy weight setting on her heart for no apparent reason, tears suddenly choking her. She turned to Brady before standing up.
“You keep working on that truck, I’ll be right back, okay?” waiting for his nod to walk away.
She walked past John and he followed her a few feet, until they were behind the wall that divided the hall and the living room, close enough to keep an eye on Brady and hidden enough to have some privacy. Without a word, she sank into his arms and let him hug her tight, swallowing her fears with a weak smile. Eventually, John eased the pressure a little in order to be able to look her in the eyes.
“There’s nothing for you to worry about. Everything’s going to be fine. Okay?” she managed to nod, but not convincingly enough, “Okay?” he insisted.
“Okay” she whispered.
“I will be back before you have a chance to miss me.”
“That I doubt” she said, but there was assurance in her voice.
“Just remember, Doc, I love you and that will never change.”
“I love you” she repeated.
“Come here” he requested, taking her face in his hands to kiss her ever so tenderly.
Without further comment, he stepped back into the living room and commanded Brady to pick up his toys. Between the three of them, the task was done in a matter of seconds. Marlena knelt by the child to hug him tight.
“I love you, sweetie” she told him.
“Love you” he responded showing his white teeth through his smile.
With that said, they were gone. She followed the jeep through the window until it disappeared down the road; she then headed for the living room where she sat in front of the fire, trying to get warm, getting lost in the flickering flames. She couldn’t figure out why she had this dreading feeling or why she couldn’t get rid of it. Soon John and she would be together, to share their love as it was meant to be. Trying to keep that thought in mind, she drifted into a light sleep.
Walking On Ice
The moment John left Marlena he felt weary, the weight of his actions bringing a sense of guilt that he couldn’t shake off. Not that he intended to, he deserved it for being such a fool in walking away from the most important person in his life, for committing to someone else when his heart was not entirely his to give away, for hurting so many people in the process. As much as he loved Marlena and wanted to be with her, the prospect of causing Kristen such pain was consuming him. She had been nothing but selflessly good to him, now he was going to break her heart. He blamed himself for doing so, yes, but there was no other option, hurting Marlena again was simply out of the question. As expected, Anna was waiting for them at the house, and she immediately engaged Brady in some game. John disappeared into his room to change clothes. Somehow it didn’t feel like home anymore, and that startled him, how in such a short time things could change so dramatically. Not wanting to be around more than necessary, somewhat eager to get it over with, he jumped back on his jeep to head to the airport. Kristen’s plane wasn’t due for at least two hours, so when he came pass the wooden house on the beach that held some of his most precious memories he stopped the car, needing to see her once more.
She woke up from her nap, stretching lazily on the couch, lingering in the memory of the two previous nights, when she had finally become one with the man of her dreams; thoughts that made her smile, erasing every fear she might have had. So secure she was in their love that it was all she needed for strength. She conjured thoughts of their future, of waking up in his arms in the early hours of day, of holding his hand as she strolled through Salem place, of coming home from work to find him there, of endless conversations by the fireplace, of nights of passion, of holidays and celebrations spent together, and she even dared to dream about the children welcoming John back into their lives as well, of being a family again… She was completely absorbed in those images when the bell startled her. She looked at her watch, believing for a moment that time had fled and John was already back. She discarded that possibility immediately, so the look of surprise when she opened the door and found him standing there with a grin on his face was genuine.
“John, what are you doing here?”
“You’re glowing…” he noticed, her perfect skin was shining and there was a spark in her eyes.
“I was just thinking about you” she blushed, leaning on the frame of the door.
“May I come in?” he said joking, full of pride for making her feel that way.
“Sorry” she moved to let him in, “You didn’t answer my question.”
“I wanted to see you…”
“John?” she noticed the tension that formed in his jaw, “Are you having doubts?” she dared to ask.
“No” conviction dripping from his assessment, “Never” he smiled, but his attempt to hide the turmoil inside him was unsuccessful.
“Please talk to me” she pleaded softly, running her hand up his arm.
“I wanted to see you, it’s the truth” he insisted.
“And I believe you… But I would like to know what’s going through your mind” she did too.
He hesitated, not wanting to burden her with his own contradictions. Marlena took his hand in hers and guided him to the loveseat; after a few seconds of looking intently into his eyes trying to find the best words, she spoke.
“Honey, you are an honorable man, and this must be very hard for you… You have feelings for Kristen and it hurts you to cause her any pain, I understand that, but I can’t help you unless you tell me how you feel…” she could see the pain in his eyes, and could sense that he was giving up, so she went a bit further, “I know you love me, as much as I love you, there’s nothing you can say that would hurt me even one bit. I promise” she finished softly, the most welcoming smile on her lips.
“What did I do to deserve you?” he asked bringing her closer, needing to feel her heart beating next to his.
“I don’t know, but we must have done something” she said completely satisfied, “because this love is surely a gift from heaven” letting him drive the strength he needed from that embrace, “Now” she disengaged herself from his arms to look at him, “Will you tell me?”
“It’s exactly what you said” he conveyed, “Kristen has done nothing but love me, and now I’m about to break her heart… I hate myself for it…” he wasn’t looking for compassion, but it felt good to share this with her.
“Unfortunately, we can’t control our hearts…” she said after some consideration,
“And as much as we can try, we can’t go against our feelings because sooner or later someone’s bound to get hurt. We made that mistake, but we cannot live with guilt for the rest of our lives, or live a lie for the sake of I don’t know what… Kristen deserves to have someone who loves her completely, and that’s not going to happen unless she’s free to find that man. Even if you stayed with her, I don’t think she could be truly happy with you when your heart is somewhere else…” his smile told her that she was the owner of his soul, she smiled back “We all deserve someone who loves us completely. And we have to learn to forgive ourselves, too” tracing his cheek with a slender finger.
“I know that’s true” he agreed, softly kissing her palm.
“I’m not pretending that it’s going to be easy… but eventually we’ll be able to get pass the pain and have the happiness we deserve” she was convinced of that, “I’ll be there for you.”
“That’s why I know it’ll be all right” he confessed getting lost in her hazel eyes.
“You better get going” she suggested, knowing that the longer he stayed the harder it would be, so she stood up and held her hand out to help him up, she walked back to the door, his hand in hers, “Call me when it’s over.”
“I’ll tell you in person” he smiled, surrounding her waist with his arm to bring her closer, leaning down to catch her mouth, chewing softly on her lower lip before deepening the kiss as her tongue searched for his, “I love you” was the last thing he said.
“I love you” were the last words she spoke.
Kristen read the finished letter and nodded, she couldn’t tell if that was or not
Marlena’s handwriting for she had never seen it, but the content of the message was accurate and served right to her purposes. Stefano took a final look and congratulated the counterfeiter, he knew very well what Marlena’s writing looked like and this was going to do the trick. In a matter of hours he was finally going to have what he’d always wanted, his ‘Queen of the Night’ and John Black was going to be a thing of the past.
“It’s time for you to go, Kristen. The car is waiting for you downstairs”, he urged her.
“Yes, yes. You’re sure everything’s under control?” she insisted.
“You go do your part as planned; I’ll take care of the rest. Tonight, Marlena will be history. Now go” he ordered.
She left, relief streaming through her veins, mentally repeating the scenario she and her father had planned. Yes, everything was going to be all right.
Stefano turned to look at Rolf, an unspoken question in his eyes, and the old man nodded. He then proceeded to the other room, where the third man was ready to do his part. Stefano sat down on the couch by him, a phone resting in front of them on the coffee table, a pad of paper and a pencil next to it. Stefano took a small phone book from the inner pocket of his suit, dialed the number and handed the receiver to Paul.
Lost In Love
Kristen was humming a tune under her breath as the car that would take her to the airport left the hotel driveway. When her cell phone rang showing a Private Call, she took a few seconds to answer it, not able to imagine who it could be.
“Hello?”
“Hi, Kristen.”
“John! Hi, honey! What’s up?” she answered, her palms suddenly starting to sweat as she realized there was no way she could be answering the phone from the plane.
“I just wanted to make sure your flight was on time”, the voice on the other end said.
“Yes”, her heart was pounding fast, a million thoughts going through her mind, not knowing which direction to run.
“You fool!” her heart skipped a beat, feeling both scared and relieved.
“Stefano!” she exclaimed, “What was that all about? You scared me there for a second”, a nervous laugh following.
“Turn the damn phone off!” he screamed, “Do you want to ruin everything?”
“No, no. I’ll turn it off, don’t worry” she answered irritated, “He’s really good!”
“Know I’m sure”, he said before hanging up on her.
6:05 p.m. – John pulled into the first parking space available, turning off the engine but sitting in the car for a while, gathering his thoughts. If only there was some way to prevent Kristen from getting hurt… but there wasn’t and he knew it. Releasing some of the tension in a big sigh, he locked the jeep and headed inside. There were people coming out from every corner from the various different flights. He headed towards the screens to check if the plane was on time. Before he could reach the nearest television set, someone tugged at his jacket.
“Hi, baby!” Kristen was smiling at him when he turned around, and threw her arms around his neck to kiss him on the mouth.
“Hi, Kristen” he greeted, every muscle tensing under his clothes, “How was your flight?”
“Perfect! We were even a little early.”
“Do you have any luggage?” he wanted to get out of there as soon as possible.
“Just this” she said pointing at the carry-on suitcase by her side.
“Let’s go” he escorted her out, carrying the piece of luggage.
“How’s Brady?” she asked, knowing that he would wait to have the serious conversation till they got home.
“He’s fine. Anna is with him” this was going to be harder than he thought.
“Maybe we could pick him up and go out for dinner…” she suggested innocently.
“No. There’s something I need to discuss with you.”
“What is it?” she was pushing his buttons.
“I’d rather wait till we get home” he requested.
“Fine.”
She followed him silently to the car, and vaguely uttered a word during the whole drive. He didn’t seem to mind, or pretended not to notice the silence that had settled between them, so she didn’t push him. It was better that way in any case.
6:45 p.m. – Marlena heard the phone ringing from the terrace, where she had been sitting since John’s departure, trying to hold herself together, praying for him, and concentrating on the wonderful bliss they had shared the last few days in an effort to keep her sanity.
“Hello?” she answered almost out of breath.
“Hey, Doc!”
“John?” she was startled, she hadn’t expect to hear from him so soon, maybe the plane was running late, “Where are you?”
“I’m at the airport” he sounded a bit cold, she thought.
“Is the plane delayed?”
“No. Actually it got here a bit earlier.”
“Where’s Kristen?” she asked since he didn’t seem eager to talk.
“She’s in the ladies room” the coldness in his voice sent a shiver down her spine, there was something seriously wrong with him, but she couldn’t put her finger on what it was, “Listen, Doc, I don’t know how to tell you this…”
“Just tell me!” she pleaded, growing nervous by the second.
“I… I can’t do this.”
“Honey, I know it’s hard, but you need to talk to Kristen…” she started thinking she finally understood where he was coming from.
“I did” there was silence on her part, so he proceeded, “I talked to Kristen and she was devastated. She said she understood why we did what we did… and she asked me for another chance…” he continued.
“What?” Marlena managed to talk through the gulp in her throat, tears already streaming down her cheeks.
“She wants us to try to work things out…”
“John…” she couldn’t bring herself to ask, she felt her world collapsing, and yet there was something else bothering her, something that went beyond that.
“I’m sorry, Doc, but I owe it to her”, she didn’t stop to think that there wasn’t one ounce of remorse in his voice.
“No, John, you can’t do this… Honey, it’s not right… You love me…” it was so difficult to put her thoughts together; everything was spinning like a nightmare in her head.
“I can’t do this to her…” he continued, “She’s my wife; she’s always been there for me…” the man read the phrase that Stefano had written down on the piece of paper, “She has never lied to me about her feelings…”
“That hurt” Marlena gasped for air, “John, please don’t do this…” she cried, “I love you and you love me… We can work things out, Kristen will have to understand…” this couldn’t be happening.
“I’m sorry, Doc, I really am. I thought I could do it, but I can’t.”
“Honey, please, you’re upset, you’re not thinking clearly… Let’s discuss this in person…”
“No, it’s better if we don’t. This is something I have to do, Marlena, please don’t make it harder.”
“But, baby…”
“It would be better for everyone if you returned to Salem” he was final “I’m sorry, Doc”, and then the line went dead.
With the receiver still in her hand, Marlena collapsed onto the couch as her knees gave up under her, sobbing uncontrollably. How could things have gone so wrong? That just wasn’t like John. She had heard him say the words, and yet she could not believe it. There was something wrong, something she wasn’t getting. It was as if a train had hit her, head on, as if the world had crumbled under her feet. She couldn’t think clearly, she couldn’t speak, she couldn’t believe what was going on. She had to see him, make him understand. She wiped the tears from her face and took a couple of deep breaths. She couldn’t give into grief. She had to fight for them, if he wasn’t strong enough to do it she was going to fight for both. She thought about calling him back, but changed her mind before dialing. A phone call wasn’t good. She had to see him face to face, he wouldn’t be able to look into her eyes and deny his feelings for her. He loved her, she was sure of that. He was confused, that was it. He was an honorable man and he was fighting with his conscience, but she would make him see the truth. This time she wasn’t going to let him go so easily.
She was so absorbed in these thoughts that she went to answer the door like a robot when the bell rang. It took her an instant to realize what was happening, but it was already too late.
“Hello, Marlena” she saw Stefano standing at the other side of the door, a grin on his lips.
Before she could close the door on his face another man grabbed her, placing a cloth damped with ether over her face. In a matter of seconds she succumbed to darkness.
Lui Non Sta Con Te
7:38 p.m. – John noticed Marlena’s car wasn’t on the driveway when they drove past her house, but didn’t give it much thought since she didn’t expect to hear from him for at least a few more hours. She was probably going crazy, cooped up waiting for news, and needed to go for a ride. Soon he was going to make all her fears disappear, he was going to put a smile on her beautiful face and keep it there. He glanced over to the woman next to him. Kristen was staring out of the window. She had been extremely quiet all the way, and John thought that maybe she suspected something, but was grateful that she hadn’t engaged him in conversation. He felt his heartbeat race as he approached their home.
‘This is it, man’, he thought as he opened the door for her, following her inside.
He noticed the white envelope lying on the hall floor a few feet away from the entrance, as if someone had pushed it under the door. Kristen did, too, picking it up to see what it was, pretending, for she knew exactly what was inside.
“For you… You must have dropped it ” she handed it to John and he immediately recognized his name scribbled down in Marlena’s handwriting, “What is it?” she waited a second before adding “Anyway, I would like to freshen up”, Kristen said and noticed he wasn’t paying her full attention, “We can talk in a few minutes, if that’s all right with you.”
“Yes”, he answered vaguely, “of course.”
He walked out to the terrace as she climbed the stairs hiding a smile of satisfaction; the plan was working. His hand was shaking as he ripped the envelope open and unfolded the single sheet of paper.
Dear John,
I will be gone by the time you read this. I gave it a lot of thought after you left, and realized how wrong what we did was. You are committed to an honest, loving woman and you owe it to her to make things work. I was in your situation once, and chose what I thought was better at the time; though things didn’t work between Roman and I, I still believe I made the right decision.
We wouldn’t be able to live with ourselves if we did this, we wouldn’t be happy. I couldn’t live with myself knowing that I purposely ruined someone’s life and neither could you. We were placed together by the maniac thinking of a mad man; our relationship was always based on lies and deceptions. Now is the time to make things right.
I care deeply about you, John, but the truth is we weren’t meant to be. I have confidence that you will remember us fondly and be able to build with Kristen the happy life you deserve.
Your friend,
Marlena
PS: I’m going back to my children, were I belong. Please don’t make things harder by coming after me.
John had to read it twice to fully understand the meaning of that message, his head pounding as loud as his heart. No, this couldn’t be possible. Marlena couldn’t be saying goodbye. She couldn’t just leave after all they’d been through, after all the plans they’d made. Only hours ago she was talking about how right they were together, how they were fulfilling their destiny… And now she was running away from him! No. Something was very wrong with this picture. He wasn’t going to let her go that easily. He threw the letter into his pocket and turned on his feet to rush out the door in such a hurry that he didn’t notice Kristen staring down from the top of the stairs.
“Go, John…” she muttered disgusted, “Go see by yourself that she’s really gone…”
8:09 p.m. – In less than five minutes he pushed the brakes in front of the beach house. He didn’t bother to lock the car before gluing his finger to the doorbell. Realizing she wasn’t going to answer even if she was there, he went around the house, trying every window to let himself in. He did it, through the glass door that connected the balcony to the main bedroom. The closet was empty, as well as the bathroom. There was no sign of her anywhere. It was true… she was gone. He felt a mix of anger, pain, impotence, sadness, rage. Unable to control himself any longer he slumped down on a couch letting out a loud cry.
“Why? Why did you do it, Doc? Why didn’t you trust our love?”
He stayed there for a long time, not knowing what to do, how to go on after his heart had been ripped off. He couldn’t believe she was gone. It seemed as if it had all been a dream, the sweetest dream, and now he had woken up to a nightmare. How could she do that to him? How could she break his heart yet again? He felt the crumpled piece of paper in his pocket and took the letter out, reading it again to see if he could find a clue, something that would tell him that this wasn’t happening. But there wasn’t. He shredded the letter into pieces before heading back to his car.
9:25 p.m. – John had been gone too long and Kristen was beginning to worry.
What if something had gone wrong and Stefano hadn’t been able to carry out his part of the plan? What if John had found Marlena? But as soon as she heard the front door open and saw the grim expression on John’s face, she knew she had the winning hand. She hesitated, but decided to go down to meet him.
“Honey, where have you been? You stormed out without a word earlier… Is everything okay?” she acted concerned, bringing her hand to his shoulder.
He looked at her for an instant, fighting the fog that had formed in his mind.
“I’m sorry, Kristen” he paused as if trying to find the words, “Come, I need to talk to you” he asked indicating the sofa.
Kristen complied. Though she had hoped he would just drop the idea once he realized there was no future for him and Marlena, she was prepared to play her part to convince him he did have a future… with her. She sat down by his side and waited patiently for him to talk.
“This is really hard for me… I don’t know how to say it, but something’s been going on that has affected my commitment to you…” he started trying to do the right thing despite the circumstances.
“I’ve noticed you’ve been acting a little strange lately, if that’s what you’re talking about…” she tried to sound supportive and confident.
“Yes…” he admitted, taking a deep breath before going on, “I’ve told you about how Marlena and I were married at one time, how we split when her husband came back from the dead…”
“Has this something to do with Marlena?”
“Yes… Well… The thing is…” he struggled with what to say next “I thought my feelings for her were resolved, but I realized I had been smothering them…” he looked at her, hurting inside for causing her such pain “Kristen, I wish there was an easy way to say this to you, without hurting you, but I’m afraid there isn’t…”
“Are you trying to tell me that you still have feelings for her?” she did not have to pretend, the pain in her voice was real.
John nodded.
“Well… I’m glad you’re telling me this” she jumped to conclusions, the speech rehearsed over and over whirling in her mind “We can work things out, honey, as long as we’re honest with each other…” she placed a hand on his face, but he retreated.
“I’m afraid it is too late for that…” he felt so ashamed.
“John…” she was walking on dangerous territory here “Does Marlena know about this? I mean about your feelings for her?”
“Yes. I’m so sorry, Kristen.”
“I don’t understand” she was determined to make him confess, the least he could do was suffer a bit for the hell he was putting her through “What do you mean?”
“Marlena and I…” how could he be so cruel “We realized we still love each other…”
“Did you sleep with her?” Kristen was pale, it was one thing to know it, but to actually hear him say it was much worse “John, were you unfaithful to me?”
“I’m really very sorry, Kristen” he said with only a thread of voice.
“How could you do that?” at last she was free to unleash her fury, “How could you do this to me? Didn’t I give you everything? Wasn’t I always honest with you? Why couldn’t you warn me, discuss what was going on with me?”
“You’re right, you’re right…” he was so lost, “We didn’t mean for it to happen…”
“That’s a lame excuse” she shouted, “I can’t believe you actually lied to me, smiled at me as I tried to befriend your lover!” her hand swept across the coffee table, the centerpiece smashing against the fireplace wall, this wasn’t an act anymore, she was out of control, “Ugh! This is so disgusting!” tears streaming down her face, “So what do you expect me to say? What is it that you want from me?” tears born out of frustration, hatred, loss.
“I don’t know” every tear she shed was like a dagger sinking into his heart, he felt rotten and ashamed to every extent, “I hate that it has come down to this. If there was anything in my power to make it different, believe me, I would do it…”
“Oh, no!” she pleaded, “You’re not walking out on me just like that! Honey, we need to discuss this… We just need to settle down and work things out…”
“It’s over, Kristen, don’t you see?” his voice full of sadness.
“No, no, no… You can’t give up on us! The least you can do is give us a chance, you owe me that much…” her words sounded so much like Marlena’s on that letter that it pierced his soul.
“There’s nothing I can do to change what I feel, Kristen… I care about you deeply, but what I feel for Marlena is something different… I love her more than I will ever be able to love anyone else, I’ve always loved her, and no matter how hard I try to deny it that will never change. You deserve someone better than me, someone who can love you with his whole heart.”
“You can’t tell me what is best for me! I love you, John! You think it’s that easy?
You think that you can just go ‘Goodbye, Kristen – Hello, Marlena’ and everything will be fine? Well, it doesn’t work that way” anger taking over again, “You can’t discard me like an old toy and go be happy with her…”
“That’s not going to happen…” he revealed remorsefully, “Marlena thinks like you do. She’s gone…”
“She is?” that calmed her down, “Then it’s like I said” she smiled through her tears, getting back to the original plan “We just have to work things out and be a family again.”
“I can’t” he insisted, standing up to take some distance from her, “I can’t go on living a lie.”
“And what exactly do you plan to do, be miserable and lonely for the rest of your life?” why did he have to be so stubborn.
“I don’t know, but I won’t make the same mistake twice. This time I’m not running away.”
‘I’m going after her’, he thought, but stopped himself from saying it out loud for Kristen’s sake.
Cuts like a Knife
Stefano had his jet plane waiting and ready to leave when the dark-glassed limo carrying him, Rolf and Marlena arrived at the private airfield just out of town. She was profoundly asleep, and according to Rolf she would remain that way long enough for them to get to their final destination and apply the procedure that was going to make her forget any possibility of being reunited with John. She seemed so peaceful, her head resting on his lap, and his heart beamed with pride. At last his ‘Queen of the Night’ was where she belonged: in his arms. Soon enough she would surrender to his love, making true his every fantasy.
Kristen had followed John to their bedroom and looked dumbfounded as he packed some of his clothes into a suitcase. Things were getting out of hand; she had to think of something fast. She approached him, tears still brimming in her blue eyes, closing her hands around his wrists to stop his action.
“Please, don’t do this…” her voice cracked with emotion.
“Kristen…” the sadness so evident on his features, “I wish there was something I could do” he apologized.
“Please, John, please, give us a chance” she begged.
“It would be no use… I’ve been fighting against what I feel for years and it was no use…”
“What about me? What am I supposed to do?”
“You’ll be better off without me, believe me…” he sighed, running a finger along her jaw, “I’ll talk to my lawyers and make sure you have everything you need.”
“That’s impossible” she laughed at the irony, “I don’t need your money, anyway” she rejected his offer, knowing Stefano would always provide for her well being and hoping it would look good in John’s eyes.
She retreated to the other side of the bed, where she sat down, analyzing her options. She couldn’t lash out at him; and it was obvious that making him feel sorry for her wasn’t working either. Maybe if she gave him some space, letting him realize that there really wasn’t a chance for him and Marlena, acting supportive and caring, it would make it easier to win him back.
“So where are you going?” a little bit of information would come handy.
“Salem. It’s time I face my demons…” he answered, feeling relieved that she was starting to understand.
“I see… What if she doesn’t want anything to do with you?” she made it sound as candid as possible.
“I don’t know” he said, refraining for Kristen’s sake the ‘She will’ that lingered in his mind.
“What about Brady?”
“I’ll take him with me of course” he hadn’t really thought about what this sudden change would mean to his son.
“Of course” she paused, “Would you let me see him now and then?” she really loved the boy; she also knew he could be the easiest way to reach out to his father.
“We’ll arrange it if that’s what you want” it was the least he could do for her, he was aware of the strong bond between the two.
He stopped what he was doing to walk up to where she was, sitting on the bed by her side taking her hands in his.
“Listen, Kristen… I truly believed I was over her when I made my commitment to you. You were never meant to be a replacement… you need to know that. I do have deep feelings for you, but I can’t deny what I feel for her anymore. I didn’t face it when I should have… If I let it happen again, you will never have a complete man by your side; we would be living a lie. This is something I need to do.”
“I understand, John” she whispered sinking into his arms, “It hurts, but I understand.”
Stefano watched Marlena from the door of the bedroom he had prepared for her.
She was still unconscious. Rolf had assured him that the serum he administered her as soon as they had arrived to his estate on the outskirts of Salem would make her short term memory disappear, so she wouldn’t have any idea about what had gone on with John, plus she would be confused and vulnerable enough for Stefano to imprint in her brain whatever reality he chose to feed her with. He had asked Stefano why they couldn’t brainwash her and solve the problem altogether, but Stefano was adamant about that, he didn’t want her that way, he wanted her to choose him… even if he had to play a little with her psyche to achieve so.
He had chosen to bring her back to Salem despite the obvious danger of being discovered. He wanted to keep an eye on the Bradys and he also wanted to provide her with a scenario as believable as possible. If his plan turned as he wanted it to, and he was sure it would, that house would become their home. Marlena would have to feel as comfortable as possible until eventually the reality he was creating for her would become so much a part of herself that she would choose it on her own terms.
Marlena stirred in her sleep, but didn’t wake up. Stefano smiled. He had enjoyed having her in his arms as he carried her to bed, and taking her clothes off, the perfect chance to admire her beautiful body. Only after he had dressed her in a silk nightgown Rolf had been aloud to come in with a syringe to complete the task. Stefano approached her sleeping form once more, caressing the soft skin of her cheek as he fantasized of their future together. After a few minutes, he took off his clothes, put on a pajama and climbed into bed with her. He hadn’t felt this happy in ages, he reflected.
John looked at the clouds lingering outside the small window, lost in his own thoughts. Brady was sleeping on the seat next to him. He had called the pilot to have the jet ready before going into Brady’s room to pack as much of his things as he could manage, thinking that it would help his son adjust better if he had his toys and as many of his things with him. Kristen had insisted on going with him to the airport, but he refused, arguing it would make things harder for all of them. He had sat with his son on the terrace that morning, and explained to him that they were going away on a trip to look for Marlena. He asked where his Mommy was, making it obvious they were talking about the same woman, to what John answered that she was in a place called Salem, where he had been born. That seemed to satisfy Brady, who apparently had fallen as hard for Marlena as his father.
“I’m coming, Doc” he said out loud as he stroked Brady’s hair, “I’m not letting you give up on us. I’m going to show you that we are meant to be. This time our love will win. I’m coming home, my love.”
Unison
The early morning sun crept through the semi open curtains of the suite at the Salem Inn, but John was already awake, laying in the king size bed after a night of very little sleep and lots of tossing and turning. It was too late to go by the pent-house after he had checked them in at the hotel, not to mention finding a baby-sitter for Brady at that time of the night, but it was a new day and nothing could stop him from completing his mission. He hopped out of bed, checked on Brady, and since he was sound asleep, jumped into the shower. He was excessively happy for a man who had been dumped less than twenty-four hours ago, but the notion that he was in the same city as her, and the certainty that once he talked to her they would be back together was all the stimuli he needed.
The clerk found a baby-sitter for them while John and Brady shared breakfast in their room. A warm looking girl showed up shortly after they were done. John stayed with them long enough to make sure Brady was comfortable with her, and after saying goodbye to his son, climbed into the rented SUV, a huge smile on his face. Even though he had been gone for a year, the scenery seemed just the same, utterly familiar, making him feel right at home. He had only been at the penthouse once (that’s all it took for him to know that it would be perfect for Marlena), yet he made his way to her building easily, cruising through the streets as if he had never ceased in doing so. When he finally came to the visitors parking his heart ran faster in anticipation. He went straight for the elevator, pressing number 14 with a trembling finger.
Marlena stirred in the bed, feeling extremely tired, her body heavy and numb. It took her a while to gather the strength to open her eyes, only to shut them again immediately. The room seemed to be whirling around her. She tried to focus, making an effort to put at least one thought together, but it proved to be a major task. Dazed and confused, she remained still for a moment before trying again. The first real image to hit her brain was that of the cream ceiling, but since she couldn’t remember where she was before falling asleep that didn’t help much. Neither did the wooden posts of the canopy bed, or the antique vanity to her right. The real shock came when she turned lightly to her left and found a man sleeping next to her. The first thing that came to her mind was John, although she could tell by looking at his back that it wasn’t him, and then she remembered how much she missed him, and again wondered where he could be, like she did every morning. But this was a man that was not John, in a bed that was not hers, in a room she could not recognize. It made her nauseous and scared. Then she thought that maybe she had drunk too much, hence the drowsy feeling, and had ended going to bed with a stranger, even when that did not sound like her at all, but she looked down at herself and saw the nightgown, and concluded she would not have one if this had been a one night stand. She panicked. Still too weak from the effects of the drugs she didn’t know where in her system, she made an effort to sit up, taking an instant to gather her wits, and leaned over to take a look at his face. The scream that came out of her mouth startled Stefano, who woke up suddenly.
“You woke up!” he smiled despite the tears that formed in her eyes, “I’ve been worrying sick about you” he said, lifting his hand to her cheek.
Marlena retreated violently, jumping off the bed as a bout of nausea took over her.
She rushed to a door that seemed to lead to the bathroom and fell on her knees by the toilet in the nick of time. She was crying when she finished throwing up, shaking violently, not knowing what to make of it.
“You’re going to be all right, darling” Stefano had followed her, handing her a damp cloth to clean her mouth and leaning to help her up, “The doctor said you had a concussion after that fall you took off that horse and that it would be normal for you to be a little confused” he continued, walking with her to the sink so she could wash off the taste of bile, “but as long as you’d wake up in the next few hours you were going to be okay. Maybe I should have let him take you to the hospital, but I know how much you hate that.”
Maybe it was his constant chatting, or just the whole damn situation that was giving her such a headache. She was trying to put a phrase together, but it was so hard to think clearly.
“Where am I?” was all she could manage as Stefano guided her back to the bed, she was so tired and lost that she complied.
“At home” he looked perplexed, “Marlena, don’t you remember what happened?”
“No” she wasn’t answering his question, “No, this can’t be… This is wrong…” she mumbled.
“What are you talking about?”
“I don’t understand” she cried, if only she could get up, but her body wasn’t responding to her will.
“It’s all right” he comforted her, taking such pleasure in doing so, “You took a big fall, it’s only logical that you’re a little confused.”
“What have you done to me?”
“Calm down, darling. You’re not well; I’m going to call the doctor.”
With that he left, leaving her in a state of complete despair. She couldn’t figure out what was going on, but she knew it had to be another of the mad man’s machinations. She trembled as she realized she was once again under his control, tears streaming endlessly down her pale face.
John stood at the door for a long time, both knocking on it and ringing the bell, but there was no response. She definitely wasn’t there. He hadn’t thought of that possibility. It was early, but not too early… Maybe she had gone to the hospital, it sounded a bit farfetched since she had just come back, but knowing Marlena it was likely that she would try to bury herself in work. Not a bit disheartened, he stepped back into the elevator.
He felt funny as he walked along the halls at University Hospital, everything seemed so familiar and yet so distant, not like the city had that morning. He saw the young woman outside of Marlena’s office, probably a new secretary.
“May I help you?” she offered before he could speak.
“Yes. I would like to see Dr. Evans…” he explained.
“I’m afraid Dr. Evans is out of town” she smiled warmly, “But I can book you with Dr. Horton, she’s covering for her.”
“No, thanks. Do you know when Dr. Evans is coming back?”
“She’s on a leave of absence without a definite return date. I’m sorry, sir.”
“Thank you” he said turning back on his steps.
Where was she? The note said she was coming home, and he had been to the beach house, it was empty. She wasn’t at work nor was she at home… He was beginning to worry, not knowing where to go next.
“John?” he felt relief when he heard that voice from the past.
“Hi, Laura” he smiled; she was the one person who could help him.
“What are you doing here?” she didn’t hide her surprise.
“I’m looking for Marlena” he said plainly.
“Well, she’s not here” Laura answered still dumbfounded.
“Look, I know she doesn’t want to speak to me, Laura, but I really need to see her. Please?” he would beg her if necessary.
“John, she’s not in Salem. She took some time off and went to California” no point in playing games with him, she had always believed they belonged together and was happy that he had finally realized that.
“She came back” he explained, “She found me in California, but yesterday she flew back to Salem.”
“She found you?” she felt happy for her friend “Well, she hasn’t contacted me yet… Did you try the penthouse?”
“She wasn’t there. Do you know where she can be?”
The One That You Love
John was beginning to be concerned as he drove back to the penthouse considering that maybe Marlena had taken a sleeping pill and that was why she hadn’t heard the bell. Laura had no idea where she could be. She told him that she had spoken with her about a week ago, and was pleased to hear her sound so positive, though she didn’t know it was because of John since Marlena hadn’t mentioned it, but there was an obvious change in her behavior. But that was the last time she had heard from her, and she couldn’t think of any other place her friend would have gone to besides her home. She gave John Marlena’s home phone number and asked him to call her if he needed anything, adding it was really nice to see him again.
John stood at the door for a few minutes, but again there was no response. No one answered the phone either. Where could she be? He went down to talk to the doorman, but he hadn’t seen her in a long time. At his insistence, the man called the night doorman, who in a sleepy voice assured them that Dr. Evans hadn’t returned from her trip. John could feel his blood pumping furiously through his veins, his chest tightening. He was now convinced that something was very wrong with.
‘Where are you, Doc?’ he silently asked, fearing for her wellbeing.
There was only one thing to do now.
Marlena was still crying when a thin man in a doctor’s apron came in carrying a medical bag, followed closely by Stefano. She noticed the strong accent when he introduced himself as Dr. Rolf. Stefano announced he would give them some privacy and asked to be called when he was done with the examination. Marlena didn’t argue when he took her wrist to check her pulse, or when he examined her pupils.
“You seem to be fine” he informed, “Do you have any headaches, dizziness?”
“A little of both” she answered, “And I can’t remember anything from before the accident.”
“That’s normal. You took a great fall, you’re lucky there weren’t any broken bones” he reached for his briefcase and produced a bottle of pills, “One of these will take care of that headache” he prescribed, pouring a glass of water and offering her a pill.
“Thanks” she took the medicine, needing to get rid of the pain in her head, “What about my memory?”
“Well, it’s hard to tell… My guess is it will probably come back as you relax and settle back into your routine. There’s virtually no swelling on your head, so I wouldn’t worry about a concussion. What’s the last thing you remember?” it was a great opportunity to do a little research.
“Being in my office with a patient, being at home… But I don’t know how long ago that was…” tears forming in her eyes again, “What am I doing here?” maybe this man could help her.
“As far as I know, you live here” he smiled.
“Am I a prisoner?”
“Why would you say something like that?” he pretended it to be a joke, but seeing the despair in her face added, “Look, the last time I was here it was you who called me. Mr. Dimera wasn’t feeling too good and you were awfully concerned about him.”
Marlena looked at him in horror. This couldn’t be true. She and Stefano living together? No, this man was lying. She would never do that. What was going on?
“Now, my recommendation is that you stay in bed and rest for a day or two. You should be as good as new by then. If the headaches continue or you fill any other anomaly, you give me a call” he gave his speech.
She nodded. Realizing she wouldn’t utter another word, the doctor said his goodbye and left her alone. Stefano was waiting for him in the study.
“So?” he asked after closing the door behind him.
“It worked” Rolf announced triumphant, “But Stefano, what makes you think she will be willing to stay even with no memory of her reunion with John? Are you going to retain her against her will?” he had done it before.
“No. She will want to stay. As soon as she realizes this is her best choice… with a bit of help from me that is” Stefano smiled mischievously.
“What do you mean?”
“My experts prepared some things that will prove to her that what I say is true, I left them for her to find. After seeing the evidence, there will be no doubt in her mind that she belongs with me.”
“I’m afraid to ask.”
Stefano made no further comments, just let out a hideous laugh that sent chills through Rolf’s body. As much as he admired his boss, he was also aware of how dangerous it would be to ever betray him.
Abe was going through some files when he heard the knock on the door. Without looking up he commanded the visitor to come in. It was like flying back in time when he heard the familiar voice.
“Hey, partner.”
“John! Wow, buddy, this is a surprise!” he gave him a strong hug, “It’s so good to see you! When did you get back?”
“Last night.”
“Are you back for good or is this just a visit? Where have you been anyway?” he motioned for him to sit down.
“Yeah, I’m back to stay.”
“Hey, what’s going on? Why do you look so grim?” his friend noticed.
“I came to look for Marlena, but I can’t find her anywhere.”
“That’s because she’s on vacation, she flew to California to get some rest. A lot happened after you left town…” Abe began to fill him in.
“I know” that startled his friend, “I was with her in California, but she left yesterday, supposedly to come here…”
“Did you try the hospital?” was all he could manage, trying to absorb the news.
“She never showed up there, and the doorman said she hasn’t gone back to the penthouse. I’m afraid something’s happened to her, partner.”
“Don’t worry, pal, we’ll find her. Why don’t you tell me everything you know over a cup of coffee?”
“Sounds good; thanks, Abe.”
“Anytime” he slapped him gently on the back, “I’m so glad you’re back, man.”
Accepting the Lie
The headache was beginning to fade away, but the turmoil in her heart hadn’t diminished at all. Despite the fact that her recent past seemed like a blur, she couldn’t understand what she was doing there, how it could be possible that she had ended living with Stefano, having him in her bed. To her, it was all part of a wicked plan that he had orchestrated, but since she couldn’t make sense of anything, it was hard to tell what was true and what was a lie. The doctor had mentioned that she was there by her own will, wherever there was, that meant she could be free to leave any time she wanted. She was feeling too weak to try it at the moment, but knowing she wouldn’t be able to fall asleep, she decided to start by exploring her surroundings and maybe find some clue to what was going on. She thought of John as she got out of bed, a sad smile painted on her lips as she remembered how much she missed him, the pain of his sudden disappearance still haunting her.
She wandered around the room. The things she found in her nightstand’s drawer were hers: a nail file, her prayer book, the golden cross John had given her soon after they got married, among other things. The other nightstand was full of Stefano’s belongings, she assumed, a bout of nausea threatening again. She opened the door to the walk-in closet, recognizing her clothes, shoes and handbags on one side, male clothing on the other. Her eyes brimming with tears, her heart choking on the reality that was dawning on her, she walked over to the dresser. Again, some drawers were filled with his stuff, others with hers. She ran her hand through the items of lingerie, disgusted at the thought of wearing those for Stefano, and stopped cold when she found a book with leather covers hidden under the silk items. She picked it up and ran quickly through the pages, recognizing her handwriting. A journal. She couldn’t remember having one. As she was going through the pages, a piece of paper slipped to the floor. She gasped as she recognized John’s handwriting when she picked it up, and backed to sit on an armchair when her knees gave in. She had to wipe off the tears from her eyes in order to read.
Dear Marlena,
First of all, I should apologize for leaving without saying goodbye. I was too distressed to think clearly after realizing what I felt for you wasn’t the same as what you felt for me. I’m a stubborn man, as you know, and I couldn’t accept the idea of having you only as a friend. So I walked away.
As it turned out, you were right all along, as usual. I found myself; I came to terms with my reality. Now that I’m living my life, not someone else’s, I feel complete and happy. I’m so glad you didn’t give in to my crazy requests, for I would have never found the real me, the life I have now. I even found someone… Her name is Kristen and we’re happily married. I didn’t know this kind of peace of mind was possible or that life could be so simple and yet so grand. And it’s all because of you. You have always been a true friend to me.
The purpose of this letter is to thank you, Doc, and to let you know that I found what I always yearned for, being whole. All along you were asking me to give you your life back, what I didn’t realize was that in doing so, you gave me my life back, too. I hope you’re not mad at me for being out of touch for so long. Maybe now we can really be the friends we were meant to be.
Yours Always,
John
She was sobbing uncontrollably by the time she was done reading, the pain in her heart so acute that she thought she was going to die. John married? No, that couldn’t be! How did that happen? When did her life crumble like that? She went back to the journal, and opened it on the first page, as if looking for some explanation. There was no date on the first entry, but it was clear that it was the same time she had received that fateful letter. Tears continued to flow as she read what she had written.
I don’t think I’ve kept a journal since I was a teenager, but as my world crumbles around me and I find no one to turn to, I think this is the only way I can escape from going insane, or maybe not. After months of waiting, looking and yearning, after ending my marriage and being outcast by my own children, I received a letter from John telling me he’s moved on without me. I can’t even bring myself to write it down, the truth crashing every hope I had left… He’s married. He’s happy. And even though I should be glad to know that, all I can feel is anger, betrayal. I’m lost in a place so dark that I can’t see any way out. I don’t have the strength to go on. I don’t want to.
It ended there. Seeing it in her handwriting was even worst, making the truth so hard to deny. She turned the pages, wanting to know more, hoping that maybe it would all be vindicated in the next few lines. One of the entries confirmed her worse fears.
As I find myself more secluded and rejected every day by those I considered my friends and family, I’ve found a beacon of light in the last few weeks. Something I’d never expected even in my wildest dreams, someone I despised to the bone and has now proven to be a strong anchor to hang on to… Stefano. Yes, it sounds ridiculous, I know. He found me on the pier the night after I received John’s letter, I guess I was so devastated by the news that I didn’t have the strength to fight him off… So I let him speak to me, and eventually his words provided some sort of comfort, he understood of unrequited love. He didn’t try any of his old tricks, he wasn’t coming on to me, and he seemed genuinely concerned and willing to listen. It’s strange, but I look forward to talking to him.
Again, that was all there was to it. She couldn’t understand the change she had undergone, so apparent in those few pages, but then again, she couldn’t understand how John could be forever gone from her life. As she went on reading, she found herself writing about how Stefano had become a part of her routine, how he hadn’t asked for anything in return, but just to be given the chance to prove himself as a man who was sorry for his past actions. She read about how she had warmed up to him and found a friend and a solace. She felt dizzy when she read about her children’s rejection and how Stefano had asked for an opportunity to show the depths of his love for her. She felt nauseous again when she read about how she had given in to his affection, agreeing to live with him as man and wife, though she didn’t read anything about getting married.
Finally her vision was so blurred that she could read no more. What for anyway?
It was obvious she had committed the greatest mistake of her life. No, that was when she had told John she didn’t love him enough. She deserved all the rest, she thought as she sunk her face in her hands.
“Oh, Lord, what have I done?”
Someone Else’s Dream
Abe had listened carefully to the whole story as they sat at the small coffee shop across from the police station, his face lighting up with the news of his two best friends finally realizing what to him had always been so obvious. His first task was to make sure John didn’t blame himself (he had a tendency to do that). Then he asked him where he was staying, ready to offer him a place with him and Lexie, but John informed him that as soon as he had it cleaned up and hired a nanny for Brady, he was moving back to the loft.
“So what do you think, partner?” John asked, not wanting to drift away from the main issue.
“Well, buddy, I’ve seen Marlena’s spirit extinguish before everyone’s eyes this past year because she missed you so much” he smiled seeing the tenderness that appeared in John’s face, “To me it just doesn’t sound real that she would leave you after you declared her your love. She wouldn’t do it.”
“It’s hard for me to believe it also. But where is she then?” John was beginning to get desperate, “You don’t think Stefano has her, do you?” the fear showing in his voice.
“I hope not… Look, first we have to make sure she is really missing. You said she was staying at the Bader’s house, right?”
“Yes.”
“Then if she left, she probably informed them about it. Why don’t you go see Jane at the hospital and I go talk to Roman? I’m sure she called her children to let them know where she would be” he was also sure that was a visit John couldn’t make.
“Thanks, Abe” he said getting up.
“Hey, don’t even mention it. She’s my friend. Give me a call if you have any news. And make sure you bring Brady over to the house for dinner tonight, Lex and I would love to see him.”
After that, John left to go back to the hospital, while Abe went back into the precinct, having someone locate Roman for him and send him to his office. He didn’t want to scare John with his suspicions, but he had a very bad feeling about all this.
The crying, added to the state of confusion she was in, had left her exhausted. Before she knew it, she had fallen asleep on the cream colored bed in the cream colored bedroom that Stefano had provided for her. Her dreams were scattered and didn’t make much sense, but they were all the same topic: she was with John, happy and in love, there was a beautiful wooden house here, a beach there, they were walking along the ocean in this one, they were making love by the fireplace in that one. Stefano found a half smile on her lips when he came in to check on her, the journal clasped in her hands. He was pleased, he was confident.
The clouds had darkened the sky when she woke up, last strides of a long winter.
Still submerged in the reality her heart had been whispering, she reached out, hoping to find the warmth of John’s body by her in the bed, but as her hand fell over the empty space she remembered where she was and with whom. Suddenly all the information she had gathered from the journal came rushing to her mind, a loud, anguished sigh escaping from her core. What she read still sounded so unreal, and yet she had written it. Her own writing mocking her as she read on about lying to her friends, to her own children about going to California when instead she was going to live with Stefano and give them a try.
It all seemed like storytelling to her, a horror story. The newest memories she could retrieve where from the last summer, and even when she didn’t know the date it was clear to her that the summer was long over. She crawled out of bed, put her robe on and walked out of the bedroom, determined to get some answers.
She wandered around the second floor, entering many rooms, most of them exquisitely decorated bedrooms without personality as if no one had ever inhabited them, which was probably the case. She admired the view of a green garden abundant in trees, but she couldn’t tell where she was from that sight. She walked along the hardwood floors until she reached the banister overlooking the living room, and followed it to the top of the stairs. Nothing looked familiar at all, a strange feeling of living someone else’s life washing upon her. She found several frames scattered around the living room, mostly portraits of her, though there were a couple of her and Stefano together, the look of love on her face stunning her.
Finally she came to the study. Stefano smiled at her fondly when she opened the door to peak in.
“I’m sorry”, she apologized ready to turn around “I didn’t know there was someone here.”
“Oh, please, come on in, Marlena”, he stood up to approach her, taking her hand in his, “I see you are getting reacquainted with your home” kissing the back of her palm,
“Do you feel any better?”
“Yes, thank you”, she said, pulling her hand back very discreetly.
“Sit down, darling” he guided her to the leather sofa, “Would you like some tea?”
“I’m fine, thanks” she just felt so out of place.
“Dr. Rolf tells me you’re going to be okay” he sat by her, “Aside for the memory loss, that is. I’m so sorry, sweetheart. But he tells me it is most likely temporary.”
“What have you done to me?” tears welling in her hazel eyes.
“Done to you?” he put on the best puzzled expression he could manage, “What are you talking about, Marlena?”
“This entire charade about living together…” she didn’t hide her disgust, “I would have never willingly accepted this.”
“You offend me with that statement, Marlena…” pain showing on his features at his command “But I understand your confusion… What’s the last thing you remember?” he asked tenderly.
“Summer… Having lunch with Laura at Salem Place… What month is this?”
“End of March, spring should be here already, but it seems to be taking its time. Look, darling, you need to take it slowly. I’m sure eventually things will start to come back to you and you won’t feel so awkward. You’re going to be all right and I’ll be right by your side every step of the way” he said bringing his hand to her cheek, she flinched involuntarily “Oh, Marlena…” he said sadly, “If only you remembered what we had… You were so happy lately…”
She remembered the journal, the pictures in the living room…
“How long have we been living together?”
“Almost two months.”
“Are we married?” she dreaded to ask.
“Not yet” he smiled warmly, seeing the first signs of his triumph, “You weren’t ready for that step yet, and as I told you, I’m ready to wait as long as necessary” again he brought her hand to his lips, this time she let him hold it there “Are you hungry?”
She nodded glad to change the subject.
“Good. I’ll have lunch served in the green room, that’s your favorite spot.”
John called Abe as soon as he finished talking to Jane Bader. She hadn’t heard from Marlena in weeks, as long as she was concerned she was still at the beach house. She promised John to let him know if Marlena contacted her and asked him to do the same. As he passed the information on to his friend, he sensed Abe couldn’t talk, that meant he was with someone, probably Roman. Abe promised to get back to him as soon as possible with more details, so he headed to the Salem Inn to check on Brady and get some work done on the loft and the nanny search, even though his mind wouldn’t stop thinking about her.
Abe hung up the phone on his desk and looked back to the man sitting across of him, another good friend and a great officer. Roman looked quizzically at his Commander, wondering why he had been summoned in such a hurry.
“So what’s so important that you had me leave surveillance?” Roman asked not having a clue.
“When was the last time you heard from Marlena?” Abe asked bluntly.
“What?” Abe knew how uncomfortable the sole mention of her name made him feel so this had to be important; yet he had to admit some of the animosity had disappeared the last time they had been on the phone, and he was beginning to warm up to her again, but no one knew that piece of information.
“This is important, Roman” Abe insisted, as if reading his mind.
“Maybe two weeks ago… She called from California to speak with the kids.
Why?”
“Do you know if she went somewhere else? Did the kids mention anything about her coming home?”
“No” he was getting concerned, “Abe, what’s going on?”
“I don’t know, partner, but there is a possibility that Marlena might be missing.
She’s not in California any longer… It would be really useful if you could ask Sami and
Eric if they know anything about her whereabouts.”
“Okay, but first you’re going to tell me what the hell is going on” his instincts to protect her kicking in immediately.
No More I Love You’s
Since Brady was entertained with Lexie’s stories, Abe seized the opportunity to motion John outside and feed him the latest news before sitting down to dinner. It was clear in his friend’s face the concern that was eating him up; by now it was safe to assume that Stefano indeed had Marlena and John knew that, even without having all the details.
“We’re going to find her, pal” Abe comforted him patting his back, “I promise I won’t give up until we do.”
“We have to, Abe. What else did you hear?”
“Well, Roman spoke to the kids as discreetly as possible, he didn’t want them to worry, but they knew as much as he does, according to them Marlena is still in California.”
“Damn!” John punched his fist against a wooden pillar “What about Stefano?”
“We haven’t heard from him in months, he’s probably hidden somewhere. The last we knew was that he had flown to Italy in the summer, but he can very well be anywhere.”
“I can’t believe I let this happen…” John commiserated.
“Hey, how could you know? Besides, we still have no proof that she is with Stefano. She could have gone somewhere else. I have people checking all the flights that went out of Los Angeles yesterday, but that will take a while.”
“He has her, I know it!”
“I’m still hoping you’re wrong…”
“Yeah, me too, partner.”
“What about the letter she wrote to you?”
“He probably threatened her…” he hated that man.
They heard Lexie’s voice calling them to the table.
“Keep up the faith, John” Abe said escorting him inside.
Marlena’s lunch date with Stefano turned out better than she expected. He hadn’t pursued her nor tried to play any of those psychological games he liked so much. As he had anticipated, she found the green room soothing and appealing, the sight of the various beautiful plants calming her jittery nerves. She didn’t feel like talking and he had respected that. She had a million questions for him, but asking them would mean giving in, and she wasn’t ready to do so. Before they brought in the dessert she had excused herself to go back to her room and get some rest. Truth is she felt extremely tired and it didn’t take much for her to fall asleep.
It was dark outside by the time she woke up again, the clock on the nightstand indicated 7:15. She sat in bed and pondered her options. She didn’t feel like running into Stefano, so going out of the bedroom was out of the question. She reached for the journal hidden in the drawer, but it had tormented her enough for one day. So she lied down on the pillows to do some serious soul talk. The reminder of John’s letter choked in her throat. It was so painful to accept that he had moved on, that he was in love with someone else, that he had made her his wife… Every bit of her heart belonged to him, and no matter how much she tried, that would never change. If only she had spoken in time. No wonder she was living with Stefano. What was left for her after her soul mate and her own children denied her, her very existence had no sense. She still couldn’t understand why she would turn to Stefano, no matter what, but thinking about it, it was be the perfect punishment… Still, she had to admit that she had never seen the side of Stefano that had welcomed her to this life she had no memories of. And then there was the journal, and the doctor, and the pictures… Yet, she longed for another face to greet her in the morning, another arms to hold her at night, those of her love, her John. How could she possibly learn to live without him, without those deep blue eyes reflecting her soul, without her best friend, without her heart and her soul, with no more ‘I love you’s’ that could heal her deepest wounds and fly her to unbelievable heights. She felt so empty, so lonely. She stopped the ranting when she heard the knock on the door, wiping a few tears from her face. She wasn’t surprised to see Stefano.
“Are you feeling better, sweetheart?” he inquired sitting on the edge of the bed.
“Yes, thank you.”
“Good. I came to check what you would like to have for dinner” he smiled broadly.
“I’m not hungry.”
“Ah, no, no. You nibbled on your lunch, you have to eat.”
“Whatever you want is fine with me” she didn’t want to argue with him, “But I would like to ask you a few things” she needed some answers.
“Whatever you want to know, I will tell you… But remember, the doctor said you should take it easy” she frowned, “Tell you what, I’ll run to the kitchen to have a word with the chef and I’ll be back to answer all of your questions” he caressed the soft skin of her shoulder.
One way or the other she was going to find out what was really going on, and once she did, she planned to regain control of her life again.
It didn’t take long for Stefano to come back, carrying a tray with a cup of chamomile tea for Marlena, which she accepted willingly. He sat down on an armchair that he had brought to her bedside and looked at her for a moment as she took a sip of the warm beverage. He was extremely satisfied with the way his plan was working, before she knew it, she would accept him into her life.
“So, what do you want to know?” he asked sweetly, ready to lie.
“Hum…” she hesitated, searching for a starting point, “How long have we been living together?”
“Five weeks, the best five weeks of my life I might add” he fed her in, “You see, we had been seeing each other for quite some time, in secret of course, you know the twisted image the people of Salem have about me. But I always knew you were different,
Marlena, you were capable of finding the good in me. It’s a common say, but you do bring out the best in me, my darling.”
“Go on” she encouraged him; she needed to hear the whole story.
“Well, as sure as I am of my love for you, you’ve always had your reservations. I understand that. It was very hard for you to accept the fact that John had married someone else, that the love you felt for him wasn’t as strong as the love he felt for you… And to be honest, I also know that you didn’t love me that way. But my love seemed to be enough for both of us, and you were beginning to be happy again. When I asked you to marry me, you suggested that we moved in together and give it a try first. I would do anything for you…”
“What about my family?” so far his side was pretty much what she had read on her journal, and it still sounded too farfetched.
“You told them you were going to California. You thought that it was best. Once you were completely sure of what you wanted, you would come out with the truth or not.”
“Am I?”
“That’s for you to tell…” he let a shadow of sadness dawn upon his features, “I thought you were, but now…”
“Now I know nothing…” she finished.
“You don’t remember anything about us, do you?”
“I don’t, and it’s hard to believe it, but I’m so confused right now that I couldn’t tell right from wrong if they hit me on the head” she smiled at the irony.
“I won’t pressure you. I trust that eventually you will start to remember. In the meantime I plan to do everything as easy for you as possible. That’s why I decided to move to the room next door” he saw the look of surprise on her face and knew he had done the right thing, “I know how awkward this must be for you, and I’m willing to wait as long as necessary.”
“Thank you” she didn’t know what else to say, the Stefano she knew would have never passed an opportunity like this and it disconcerted her.
“I’ll send one of the maids to transfer my things, and I’ll have them bring your dinner to bed when it’s ready” he said as he stood up to leave.
“Stefano” she stopped him, “Where are we?”
“In Salem, of course” he said plain and simple, and the news shocked her.
John stood out on the balcony of his suite at the Salem Inn overlooking the city, facing the darkness of the night with a weary heart. He was so sure that Stefano had something to do with Marlena’s disappearance that he felt like choking the man, if only he knew where to find him; but there was a little voice in his head that kept repeating the words of her letter, that kept whispering that maybe she had made the decision to leave him, that maybe she regretted what happened. He was so absorbed in the memories he held so precious that he didn’t notice the tears falling down his cheeks as he prayed to God to let him find her, to let them be together. Maybe this was a punishment for being so stubborn, for not fighting for their love when it was time, for giving up on them, for settling for second best. How could he go on without her, the woman of his dreams, the woman who owned his heart? How could he survive one more day without losing himself in those hazel eyes, without the sweet taste of her mouth, with no more ‘I love you’s’ whispered in her angelic voice? He couldn’t, not again, not ever again.
An Alert Call
Marlena woke up with the first morning rays. She felt strong and a little more centered, even though her memory was still like the black lagoon. She remembered Stefano’s last word: Salem. She was living with Stefano in Salem, probably on the outskirts from looking at the view. And if she was not a prisoner, she could come and go as she pleased. According to the evidence, everyone thought she was in California. Maybe it was time to pay a visit to her children. She missed them all right. She decided to take a shower, grab a bite to eat and ask Stefano if there was someone who could take her to town, if not, she could always drive, though she didn’t quite feel up to the task. As she rose from bed, a bout of nausea overcame her, forcing a quick beeline to the bathroom.
Stefano paced back and forth in the other end of the house. He had been up all night thinking about which was the best way to go. On some level, he had hoped that Marlena would buy the lie so completely that he would have her in his arms by the end of the first day. When that didn’t happen he started to plan ahead. At least he had the door open for him to prove his love for her; that was a great start. He picked up the phone after the third ring and growled an unwelcoming ‘hello’.
“Father, at last I find you!” Kristen said in a cracked voice, it was clear she’d been crying.
“What’s the matter?” sometimes she could be very exasperating.
“John’s gone. I need your help” she dropped the news.
“What? How could you let that happen?” he was infuriated, “Where did he go?”
“I tried to stop him, I begged him to stay, but it was impossible. He said he had to go after that bitch!” she almost laughed, “He flew to Salem last night.”
“Damn it!” this wasn’t good.
“What are we going to do now?” Kristen asked desperately.
“Shut up!” he silenced her, “I need to think” the silence that preceded was full of tension, “I want you to take the first plane to West Virginia, I’ll have someone waiting for you there with specific instructions.”
“What’s in West Virginia?”
“My lab. I’ll have Rolf meet you there to perform the procedure” he informed.
“What procedure?”
“Just do as you are told” he said harshly, “You will be filled in with the details when you get there.”
“Where will you be?”
“Making sure John doesn’t find Marlena until she’s mine.”
“I trust you’ll know what to do. Thank you, father.”
“You’re welcome, darling. I’ll see you in a few weeks.”
“Who was that?” he heard Marlena’s voice after he hung up the phone.
She was waiting at the door, beautiful in a blue tailor dress, but there were no traces of her ravishing smile on her luscious lips.
“I didn’t mean to interrupt” she apologized, “I’m sorry.”
“You can interrupt me anytime” he assured walking up to her, “Good morning, my darling” he greeted her kissing her cheek, which did not feel one bit comfortable telling from her expression.
“You didn’t answer my question” she didn’t sound mad, just curious.
“That was my daughter.”
“I didn’t know you had a daughter” she was genuinely surprised.
“Yes, an adopted daughter. But let’s not talk about her” better to stop before she started asking questions, “How are you this morning?”
“I feel fine. Thank you” his kindness still surprised her, but she was determined to find out the truth, she was still not buying what was going on, no matter how much evidence there was to prove it.
“Are you up for a little trip?”
“A trip where?” why did all had to be so confusing.
“I don’t think you’ve ever been to Buenos Aires…” her eyes opened wide, the last thing she wanted was to go away with Stefano to some remote location, “I have some business to attend there and I thought you might enjoy it.”
“I was hoping to go see my children…” she didn’t know how to deal with Stefano, not when he was acting so out of character.
He thought his answer carefully for a few seconds.
“Oh, darling, I’m not sure that’s such a good idea” he had to play his cards right,
“I don’t want you to get upset and they will probably reject you again…” he could read the suspicion in her eyes, “But if you really want to do this… I can have the chauffeur drive you there this afternoon and tomorrow morning we can leave for Argentina.”
“That sounds good…” she said uncertain of what was good or not any longer; but all she cared about was getting out of there, then she could think about the next step.
“Wonderful! I hope you will join me for breakfast now” he said offering his arm.
The report Abe gave him that morning wasn’t very promising. So far, there were no signs of either Stefano or Marlena. There was no register of her on any of the passenger lists from the many planes that had left Los Angeles two days ago and no one had seen her or heard from her in more than a week. As if she had disappeared from the face of the earth. This left them with no clues as to where to look next and a feeling of helplessness that competed with the fear that was rising by the hour in John’s heart. He spent the morning with Brady, interviewing nannies. Both of them agreed immediately the minute a woman in her thirties with a pure look and a sweet smile crossed through the door, her name was Chelsea Naughton and she agreed to start the next morning at the loft. John checked her references after she left and was very pleased with what he heard from her former employers. The task was done by noon, so after a quick lunch at the restaurant downstairs, he strapped Brady into the car seat and took off to do what he had to do.
The first stop was at the marina. Abe had told him that Bo had the day off, so he took Brady in his arms and walked up to one of the many boats anchored along the deck. He spotted the Fancy Face and the man working on it. His heart warmed up at the sight of the man he still considered his little brother. He was struggling with a rope that was stuck under one of the seats.
“You need a hand with that?” John asked, hoping for a good response.
“John!” Bo flashed a big smile at him as he jumped off the boat to greet him,
“Abe told me you were back in town, man! It’s so good to see you!” he said hugging him and squeezing Brady in the process, who started giggling, “And you must be a very grown Brady” he smiled at the little boy, messing his hair with one big hand, “You don’t remember me, but I’m your uncle Bo” he continued and John was touched by the warm welcome.
“How are you doing, little bro?” John allowed himself to show his feelings for his surrogate family, “I heard you are finally settling down to become a family man” he smiled broadly.
“Yeah! Hope’s inside, she’ll be delighted to see you both. Come on up!” he invited them on board, “Hey, Fancy Face, guess who’s here!” he called out to his wife.
“What’s all the commotion about, Brady?” a very pregnant Hope came out of the main cabin, “John! Oh, my God, John, you’re back!” she screamed merrily throwing her arms at him as Bo grabbed Brady, who surveyed the scene with interest.
“You didn’t think I would miss the arrival of that little fellow, did you?” he joked staring at her belly.
“Hello, Brady!” she scooped him in her arms, he didn’t seem to mind, “I’m your aunt Hope. Would you like a cookie?”
The little boy nodded, his eyes shining in anticipation.
“Come on down then” she motioned to the two adults.
As they made their decent to the cabin, John knew he had done the right thing in returning to Salem. Now he had to find Doc and everything would fall into place.
Thin Line between Love and Hate
Stefano was sitting behind his desk, writing down the details of what he had prepared for Kristen to give Rolf before he left for West Virginia, but his mind was drifting. Marlena should be near the Brady’s home by now. It was a big risk he was taking by allowing her to go there, but he needed to gain her trust, and he had to make sure John dropped any ideas he had that she might be missing. He was betting all his chips on the knowledge he had of these two. For one, he knew the situation between the children and their mother was rough enough as it was; she would never mention her connection to him. On the other hand, allowing her to see them would eventually come to John’s ears, so he would know that she was in town and that would take care of any suspicions he might have about his involvement in Marlena’s disappearance, plus John would be force to accept that the letter she had left for him was the truth. Soon after that Kristen would be thrown back into the picture and he would have the winning hand. It was an all or nothing bet, and he was convinced the odds were in his favor. Still, he wouldn’t be able to breathe normal until Marlena was back under his roof.
Marlena felt her heart racing faster and faster as the car approached the house that used to be her home. The car finally came to a halt a few feet away from the house and the driver told her he would be waiting for her there. Her hand trembled as she stepped out of the car. Uncertain, she walked up to the front door and rang the bell saying a prayer in the process. It was almost five o’clock, with any luck the kids would be there. She heard the lock turning after a few seconds and an instant later the door opened to reveal a not the least surprised Sami.
“Hello, Sami” her voice came out a bit shaky.
“You’re back” the hostility very evident, even when she hadn’t planned for it.
“Can I come in?” she pleaded.
“Of course” Sami stepped aside to let Marlena in and followed her into the living room, “So how was California?” she wanted so desperate to reach out to her mother, but she had no clue about how to do that.
“It was fine” she hated to lie to her daughter, but she felt it was safer, “How are you?”
“I’m good” why couldn’t she warm up to her, Sami wondered.
“How’s school going?” it was so hard to reach out to her own daughter, there was a thick wall standing between them and she didn’t know how to bring it down.
“OK” she couldn’t forget the pain in her father’s eyes, the things he had said about her mother when he was talking to her uncle Bo, thinking they couldn’t listen.
“Is Eric home?”
“Yes. He’s in his room. Do you want me to go get him?” that wasn’t so hard.
“I would like that, thank you” she said as sweetly as possible and noticed how eager Sami was to leave the room, “Sami” she called out, making her stop before she reached the stairs, “I’ve missed you.”
Sami absorbed the words, but didn’t answer, instead she continued her way leaving her mother with a gap in her heart she wasn’t able to close. She didn’t notice when Marlena wiped her cheeks to hide the tears. She walked up to the second door down the hall and poked her head in.
“Mom’s here” she said to her brother, who was fixed on the computer screen,
“She wants to see you” she added, thankful to have him by her side.
Eric stood up without saying a word and followed his sister back to where their mother awaited. He had missed her and his heart filled with joy when he heard his sister announce her, but it was so difficult to show his feelings, especially when his father was around. Marlena stood when she heard them coming down and smiled at the sight of her beloved children, a smile so full of love that forced one on Eric’s lips, too, making his mom so happy. She opened her arms to him, holding back the tears so as not to upset them. He approached her and let her hug him, making Sami jealous. If only she could be like him…
“Hi, Mom” he greeted her, kissing her cheek as he withdraw from the embrace, not allowing himself to stay in her arms as long as he wanted.
“Hi, sweetie” she cupped his face with her hands, taking in the handsome young man that was her son, “How are you?”
“I’m fine” he answered sitting down by his sister on the same couch as Marlena,
“How was California?”
“It was fine” she lied again, “I’ve missed you guys” she said, it was so hard to communicate with them, not adding the lapse in her memory to the equation, but she couldn’t burden them with that now, things were hard enough as they were, and she wouldn’t be able to answer their questions if she did open up, “So school is almost over now, uh?”
“Another three months is far from over” Sami replied harshly.
“But the last month will fly so fast that it will be over before we know” Eric slipped in, not wanting his mother to hurt.
“What are your plans for the summer?”
“Dad promised we would go to Hawaii for two weeks!” Sami volunteered the information very excited.
“Yeah, I’ll get a chance to use my surfing board!” Eric joined her.
“Hawaii sounds great!” Marlena was glad to finally see some of their real selves,
“Maybe we can go somewhere together too…” she suggested shyly.
Before they could answer they heard someone at the door, the three of them got rigid for they knew who the third person with keys to the house was. Roman found them staring at him and he didn’t hide his surprise to find Marlena there.
“Hello, Marlena” he said coldly.
“Roman” she greeted back.
“Hi, Dad!” Sami seized the opportunity to jump off the couch and go to hug her father, the obvious bond between these two painful for Marlena, who longed for the same.
“Hi, pumpkin! How was your day? Did you get the note on your Lit paper?”
“An A” she said proudly.
“That’s my girl!”
To Marlena it was so obvious how much she was missing and she hurt inside as she tried to keep the smile on her face.
“Hello, Eric.”
“Hi, Dad” there was some distance between father and son that was also evident.
“What about your day?”
“Fine” he said a little reluctant to talk about it.
“So, Marlena, how was California?”
“It was good” she lied for the third time in the past half hour.
An awkward silence fell upon them, and Marlena knew it was time for her to leave. It was obvious nothing had changed in the lapse that was missing from her memory. It had been very hard for Roman to be in the same room as her, and it still was. She stood up and looked at her kids.
“I should leave now” no one argued it, “I’ll call you, okay?”
Eric nodded for both and walked the few steps between them to lean in for a kiss.
Sami stayed safely by her father’s side, giving her a pale smile.
“It was really good seeing you” she said before stepping out, “You both look great.”
She had to put her hand over her mouth to repress a cry as she walked back to the car. It was so painful to not be able to reach out to her children. Her heart felt so empty. All the people she loved were so far away from her. She sunk into the back seat of the car and cried silently all the way back. When Stefano received her so warmly, evidently happy to see her, she couldn’t help but feel grateful towards him. ‘When you have been beaten down so hard the slightest touch can seem like a myriad of love’ she thought.
Revelations
The moment Stefano saw Marlena’s tear stained face coming out of the car, he knew he had made the right decision in letting her go to town. He opened the front door and went out to meet her. For a moment Marlena thought about putting a brave front and excuse herself to bed, but the pain was so deep that the temptation of having someone to lean on was overwhelming. When Stefano had abided her visit to the children that morning, she had realized that all she had read on her journal was true. And as much as part of her longed to be a prisoner of his rather than admitting that she had willingly invited him into her life, there were no more doubts. Truth was that after the memory loss, John’s letter announcing his marriage to another woman and her own confessions written on paper, her mind was far from working clearly. She stopped a few feet away from him and looked hesitantly.
“Oh, darling!” he used his most comforting tone, “It didn’t go well, did it?” opening his arms for her.
After an instant of almost backing up, she nodded and allowed him to hug her, feeling comfort in the warmth of those arms around her, even though she did not hug him back. Stefano held her for an instant, relishing in being so close to the woman he loved.
“Let’s get you inside” he placed an arm around her waist and guided her towards the house, “A cup of tea will make you feel better.”
By the time Marlena went to bed that night, she had agreed to leave with him early in the morning. She had opened up to him, talked about her pain, her insecurities and her fears, and he had listened to every word with undivided attention. He had not even showed any sign of anger when she confessed to him that she was very confused as to how she had come to live with him, and how she felt awkward about it. Again, he was patient and caring, reassuring her that she would soon remember and that he would not pressure her in any way. Finally he had escorted her to her bedroom and kissed her lightly on the cheek before saying good night.
The shower felt good, releasing some of the tension on her back, allowing her ten minutes of freedom from a life she couldn’t embrace as hers. She packed some clothes into a suitcase someone had brought up for her and slipped into bed, hoping sleep would claim her soon. When it didn’t happen and reading was too hard a task to concentrate on, her mind started wandering again, taking her where it always did, to the memory of a tall, handsome, blue-eyed man. Her heart ached for him. It was his arms she longed to feel around her, comforting her. It was his heart that could really understand the pain the rejection of her children caused her. It was his voice that could soothe her mind to rest. It was his presence that could make any problem vanish. It was his smile that could make her happy, and it was his stare that could make her forget anything other the mad desire to make love to him. But he wasn’t there and the emptiness she felt was devastating.
An afternoon with Bo and Hope was all it took for them to convince John to go to the Pub with them to visit Shawn and Caroline. So as soon as the sun went down and the night breeze swept over the city, they climbed onto their cars and headed for the Brady Pub. John couldn’t help but feel anxious as he parked in front of the building that he had helped to create. Bo had to come and tap on his window for further reassurance, so he helped Brady out of his car seat and the four of them aimed for the door.
The Pub was boiling with activity, many of Salem regulars having stopped for dinner and a good time in the family establishment that was famous for its great food and better atmosphere. Hope and Bo entered first, followed closely by John and Brady, who was already savoring the smell of cooking. Hope spotted Caroline behind the bar and called out for her, she immediately looked up from what she was doing recognizing the voice of her daughter in law. Her breath caught in her throat when she realized who was with them, tears coming to her eyes. Despite everything that had happened between Roman and Marlena, both Shawn and Caroline had felt very bad after John left town, having to admit to themselves that ever since Roman’s return they had neglected John, as if to amend the fact that they had never questioned his identity as their son. But when John left Salem, they had to admit that what they felt in their hearts wasn’t something they could erase; too late they realized that no matter what, he would always be the son of their hearts.
“John!” Caroline shouted, rushing to get to him, “You’re back!”
Hope was quick enough to grab Brady before he was squeezed into yet another embrace, just in time for Caroline to wrap her arms tightly around John.
“Oh, son, it’s so good to see you!” she exclaimed, her voice muffled against his chest.
“I’ve missed you” was all he could say as the emotion choked his words.
“John, is that you?” Shawn had come out of the kitchen when he heard the commotion outside.
“Hi, Shawn!” he greeted him extending one arm to include him in the embrace while the other remained safely around the only mother he remembered.
“This is a dream come true!” the old man said in a joyful chuckle.
“Mom, Pop” Bo called their attention, signaling to Brady.
They looked at the little boy and then back at his father, smiling all the way, and before they could say anything, Brady intervened.
“Brady angwy” and though he couldn’t understand why everyone burst into laughter he laughed too.
“What do you say you take a seat on that booth and Grandma brings you some delicious food?” she suggested taking him in her arms.
“You my granma?” he asked delighted.
“Yes” she replied, “And this here” she pointed to Shawn, “is your Grandpa.”
His smile grew bigger as he turned to his father with the news.
“Daddy” he informed proudly, “I found granma and granpa.”
“You sure did, slugger” John smiled, so grateful for the turn of events.
“Come, son, you take a seat” Shawn directed everyone to an empty booth, “I’m sure you can use some of my chowder, uh?”
“Music to my ears!” John grinned as he followed Bo and Hope to their seats.
“I have to go back to the kitchen now, but you will stay so we can talk, right?”
“Of course” he answered giving him one last hug, “It’s so good to be home.”
They were finishing with dessert when John heard a voice he would have recognized among millions calling out his name. He stood up, turning around to receive the newcomer with a big hug.
“Pumpkin!” he squeezed her tight.
“I’m so glad you decided to come back, John” Carrie said with tears in her eyes,
“I’ve missed you so much!”
“I’ve missed you so much, too, sweetheart.”
“Are you back for good?” she asked full of hope, looking up to him, her eyes full of love for the man she still considered her dad.
“I am” he admitted, knowing he would never have the guts to leave again, caressing her cheek with his thumb.
“Hello, darling” Caroline came back to join the group, since the crowd had dimmed as the evening ran out and she was able to delegate her chores on one of the waitresses.
“Hi, Grandma” she stepped forward to greet her, “Hi, everyone”, she said towards the table, “Oh, my!” she noticed Brady who was taking in everything with avid attention,
“Hi, Brady!”
Hope scooted over so she could sit down, as Bo did the same thing on the other side to leave room for his mother and John.
“Hi!” he definitely had no problems socializing.
“You know, you were this big the last time I saw you” she used her hands to show him and he smiled at her, “So do you like it here so far?”
He nodded, liking the new stranger very much.
“So what magic made you come back?” Caroline questioned John, wanting to know what had been of his life for the past year and so.
“We come find Mommy” Brady quickly informed the shocked crowd, as everyone looked stunned first at him, then at John.
“Marlena found us in California” John explained after a short silence, “And I guess Brady somehow remembered her cause he went straight to her and called her that”, he said, trying not to give out some information that would confuse his son further.
They all remembered how she had taken care of Brady with such devotion after
Isabella had died, and understood what John was talking about. It didn’t take much for them to comprehend what John’s return involved. As hard as it had been, even Shawn and Caroline came to understand the abiding love that bonded these two, and even though they hadn’t succeeded in opening up to Marlena after hers and Roman’s divorce, they certainly didn’t blame her in any way. They had witnessed what she and John had, and once they came to accept their own feelings towards this stranger they had embraced as one of their own, they ended up understanding her as well.
“I heard she was back in town” Carrie said, breaking the silence.
“What? When?” John asked, trying to mask his anxiety.
“Dad told me she stopped by the house earlier to see us. Eric and Sami where there, but I missed her” she said sadly.
It took all he had to pretend that nothing had happened as he managed to keep up with the conversation that rapidly changed topic, finally using Brady’s sleepy eyes as an excuse to leave. After promising to come by the next day to do some catching up, he said his farewell and climbed into his rented car to drive straight to the penthouse.
Again, he knocked and called, but got no answer. Again he questioned the doorman as to Marlena’s whereabouts, and again he swore he had not seen her. Defeated and sad, John made his way back to the hotel. So it was true. She was in Salem and she probably was so sure he would come after her that she had made it a point to stay somewhere else. Even though he would never admit it, a tiny part of him had hoped that this was another of Stefano’s scams. But now, as tears streamed down his flushed face, he had to accept that Marlena had meant every word she had written on that letter.
A Face in the Crowd
John had to make a point to get out of bed that morning, not for his but for Brady’s sake. He had hardly slept more than an hour the night before after going crazy thinking about Marlena, trying to absorb the fact that she really felt they couldn’t be together. But he wasn’t one to give up easily and he had vowed to her and to himself that this time around he would not allow anything to come between them, and he intended to keep his promise. All he had to do was find her; once they were face to face she would not be able to deny the force of their love. If she did, he would live the rest of his life trying to prove her wrong.
“You love me, Doc” he said aloud as he finished shaving, “I know that and you know that.”
So after checking out of the Salem Inn, he drove over to the loft where Chelsea was already waiting for them. Carrie had offered to come by mid-morning to stay for a few hours since Brady seemed so comfortable in her presence, that way he would not be completely alone on the first day at a new place with a new nanny, and at the same time she could make sure Chelsea would really work for them. Though John had checked her references thoroughly it was always good to have someone else’s opinion, and he trusted Carrie was the right person. In any case, Brady was delighted with their new home and gave Chelsea a warm welcome. Again, John wondered if his son could really have such a strong memory of the first year of his life for him to feel so at ease in Salem and with its inhabitants. After they finished settling in, John left to go to a dealer Abe had recommended to check out a new jeep.
Around 11:30 am he was already driving his brand new black SUV and on the phone with the rental company to let them know where to pick up their car, while planning to call home to check on Brady and let Chelsea know that he would be back after stopping by the market to get some groceries. The traffic was pretty heavy so he was forced to stop and go every few feet. He checked his home number on the pocket phone book he carried on him, dialed it on his cell and lifted his head while he waited for someone on the other end to pick up the receiver. He was staring aimlessly out of the window when he came upon the most beautiful set of hazel eyes he had ever seen. He had to blink a couple of times, as if to make sure it was not a vision.
“Doc” he whispered in awe, as tears of joy filled his eyes and a smile crept to his mouth.
Marlena was sitting on the back seat of a car that was going on the opposite direction, staring at him without moving, her eyes full of tears that quickly poured down her cheeks, the sadness John read on them broke his heart. As if in slow motion, he watched as she raised her delicate palm to press it against the window, as if to trying to touch him.
“Hello! Hello… John is that you?” Carrie’s voice eventually got through his brain, diverting his attention for a split second as he focused on the road ahead of him where an empty gap between his car and the car in front told him he had to keep moving.
When he looked back to his left, he caught only a glimpse of the car Marlena was in and as he turned around to figure out what make and color it was he also noticed the shape of a man sitting close beside her.
“Hello…” Carrie insisted.
“Yes, pumpkin, it’s me, but I’ll have to call you back. I’m sorry” John said in one breath, hanging up on her as he moved forward, anxious to get to the next exit to make a
U turn.
“Come on! Come on!” he shouted anxiously, as if that would make the other cars move faster.
Marlena had almost missed him, as she was so absorbed in her thoughts while they drove to the airport, her eyes aiming at the window but not really looking. Suddenly, out of nowhere, there he was the one she was thinking about. Even when he was partially looking down, his head slightly turned towards the passenger seat, she had recognized him in a wink. She was about to say his name, but the words caught in her throat as she felt the tears blurring her vision. Then he turned his face towards her and for an instant their eyes met. She saw the smile that appeared on his lips and in spite of herself she felt sad because he seemed so happy, sad that he could be happy without her. She brought her palm to the window, not really knowing what to do, unable to speak or put two thoughts together, and before she knew it, he had turned his face back to the road as the car she was in moved in opposite direction to the car he was driving. She turned around, hoping to get one more glimpse of him, but froze as she heard Stefano ask what the matter was. She almost told him, but immediately decided against it, the primal fear she felt where John and Stefano were concerned advising her to keep silent. So she wiped her tears before turning to her companion and dismissed his curiosity with a disinterested “Nothing”.
John finally found a place to turn, and hurried back in the direction he had seen the blue car go, but as much as he tried, he couldn’t beat the traffic, and after half an hour of frantic search he had to accept it was an impossible quest. He stepped off the road and slammed his fists against the steering wheel, cursing his fate and wondering who that man sitting next to Marlena was. He took some deep breaths before going back in the direction of his originally intended destination. He had been so close! If only he had been faster, if only he had opened his window and talked to her, if only he had written down the plate number, if only… But at least he knew for sure that she was in Salem, now it was only a matter of time before he found her. And he wouldn’t stop until he did.
The car finally stopped at the private hangar at Salem’s airport, and while Stefano’s personnel took care of the luggage and last details, he escorted Marlena onto his jet. She sat silently on the big couch, thinking in which turn her life had gone so wrong; and as the plane rumbled through the clouds she vowed to herself to undo her mistakes and start anew. She would use this trip as a time to do some serious soul searching and upon her return to Salem she was going to put her life in order. No matter how much she remembered or the decisions she had taken in the past, she knew at her core that living with Stefano was not what she really wanted. If John had been able to start his life over, she would be too. She was going to take control of the things she could decide upon, she was going to regain the closeness she used to have with her children and once she found herself again she was going to build a new life for them all.
To Love and Feel
Two weeks had passed since he had spotted Marlena in the back seat of a car and that was the last John, or anybody else, had seen or heard from her. As he frantically continued to search for her, spending hours driving around hoping to bump into her, calling the penthouse day and night to check if she had decided to go back, he had also finished settling in. He had a decorator come in to refurnish Brady’s room; he had also taken his son to buy a new wardrobe since most of their things had remained in California and he hadn’t had the energy or courage to call Kristen and ask her to forward them. He had his lawyers try to contact her to no avail; she had never returned their calls. John could understand that, and was willing to give her as much time as she needed before working out the details of a divorce. He had decided to leave her the house they had shared, along with a juicy allowance.
He had also gotten reacquainted with his old friends, happy to offer Brady some sense of a family. Shawn and Caroline had insisted on having them over regularly, and after their initial reunion, they had sat down to openly discuss everything that had gone down. Both parts felt there was no need to apologize, doing it anyway, and they had assured John that he would always be a part of their lives and that they still considered him their son. He had to confess to them that he was still in love with Marlena, and that she was the reason he was back. They empathized with him, telling him that after the initial shock of Roman’s return, they had realized that the bond between him and Marlena would always be there no matter how hard the three of them tried to deny it, and even then they had foreseen that he and Marlena would end up together. When he questioned them about Roman, they told him they were confident that eventually he would also come to terms with it and hopefully find someone to share his life with. It was an emotional night that ended in hugs and laughter.
Abe, Lexie, Bo and Hope where by his side from the start, and they made it a point to force him out of his solitude, specially during the weekends, when they made sure he and Brady joined one or the two couples for a spring barbecue in the Carver’s backyard or a day out sailing on the Fancy Face. Both Bo and Abe were doing everything in their hands to help him find Marlena, having him over at the cop shop many evenings, discussing what the next step would be.
Carrie was simply a gift from heaven. From the very beginning she had professed her unconditional support to the man she still loved as a father, and was usually over at the loft to spend time with Brady while John was gone, though Chelsea had proved to be the perfect nanny. She was also there to encourage him when his faith faltered, reassuring him about what she felt was meant to be, that he and Marlena belonged together. Despite the love she felt for Roman, unlike her siblings, she had allowed herself to feel the bond she had with both John and Marlena. Marlena was there since she was four, being more of a mother than her real one, and John had come to her life when she was around nine, becoming her father through the end of her childhood, and most of her teenage years, he was there when they faced the devastation of losing Marlena as a family, and she had seen him mourn her every day she was gone, even when he thought he was doing a good job at keeping his pain from the children. She was almost an adult when Roman returned, turning their lives upside down. Her feelings for her “adoptive” parents already had strong foundations in her heart. She had never quite understood how Sami and Eric were able to deny so many years of their lives so easily, though she had a feeling it cost them dearly. Now they were seventeen and almost out of high school, and she feared for how her brother and sister were going to face the reality of growing up when they were so inclined into denying the obvious. John was grateful for the openness with which his eldest daughter had welcomed him back into her life. It was through Carrie that he knew Marlena hadn’t been in contact with her children for two weeks, which sounded very strange to him.
He hadn’t yet run into Roman or the twins, though he knew that Caroline had informed them of his return. He didn’t want to put any pressure on Sami and Eric, so he always checked with Caroline that they were not around when he stopped by the Pub. And he had managed to do the same at the cop shop in regards to Roman. He wasn’t intending to hide from them; he just wasn’t ready to deal with that much. Before facing anything else he had to find Marlena, and then he would start playing it by ear. That night, as he crawled into bed with images of her haunting him as every other night, he found that for the first time since his return, he was filled with hope and certainty. He had this feeling that he was finally about to find her. He could almost feel her presence and it was overwhelming. For the first time in weeks he had no trouble falling asleep, drifting to dreams of happiness and togetherness with the love of his life.
Marlena felt strange coming back to Stefano’s house, yearning that feeling of relief for being back home that she had always had when coming back from a vacation. Instead she felt empty and incomplete. The two weeks in Buenos Aires had served her well, helping to settle her mind down and take some distance from her situation. She had been as honest as possible with Stefano about her feelings and perceptions, and he had been extremely respectful and attentive, gaining for himself some of her respect. He rented the Alvear Mansion at the Hyatt Hotel, a beautiful turn of the century building that had been home to some of Argentina’s most prominent citizens until the international hotel chain bought it to convert it into one of the most exclusive accommodations in the world. Stefano had treated her to delicious dinners; long, silent walks by the river, and some sightseeing of the city that was charming and perfectly warm with the colors of the beginning of autumn. He had also disappeared for long hours to attend his business affairs, leaving her to her much needed solitude. Despite her initial resistance, she had come to trust him a little bit after he had proved over and over that he only had her best interest in mind.
She had began to let her guard down one night on the second week of their stay, when after coming back from sharing dinner on the waterfront they had sat down by the fire to share a cup of tea and she had openly, courageously and helplessly confessed to him what she had found in her journal. She had told him about John’s letter and about the love she still felt for him. She had spoken about her suspicion that she had agreed to be with him out of despair. She had confessed to him that she could not understand what had brought her to him and that she had no feelings whatsoever for him other than fear and despise. She felt relieved being able to take off her chest all her contradicting emotions. When he asked her what she felt for him now, she admitted that she found this side of him very intriguing and had to admit that she was beginning to feel comfortable in his presence.
Then she had asked him to fill her in with what he knew. She listened attentively and perplexed as he narrated how he had been there for her the night she had received John’s letter, how she had allowed him to comfort her, and how she had agreed to let him visit her the next day, how one visit led to another eventually forging a friendship that evolved into a relationship after a night he had dropped her off at her penthouse after having dinner and she had allowed him to kiss her. She heard his tale as if he was talking about someone else’s life how they had slowly allowed themselves to get carried away to the point of becoming lovers. When she questioned him about her feelings, he admitted that he was in love with her while she was more in need of him; he explained that he had accepted that she cared about him, but would probably never love him as she loved John. She winced at the mention of John’s name, knowing that was out of the question and feeling guilty without a reason. He told her that he was willing to live with that, saying his love was big enough for them both. He finished telling her about how she had come to live with him in secret, to see if she could really live like that before breaking the news to her family, and filled her in with details of their life together for the past four weeks up to her unfortunate fall.
It was during that same conversation that she told him that she very much doubted she could bring herself to living like that again, and that she intended to return to the penthouse once they got back. He agreed with her after having her promise that she would at least give him a chance to prove his love to her, having him still be a part of her every day life. What Marlena didn’t know was that Stefano’s apparent generosity and understanding came from the fact that he was closer to her than he had ever been in his life, and that gave him confidence that playing his cards right he could become even closer.
So as she lay in bed for the last time under Stefano’s roof, Marlena felt much more confident and sure than when she left Salem weeks ago. She didn’t know what life held in store for her, but she was at peace with herself, feeling that for once she was going to respect what she felt and act accordingly. When the sun came up the next day she would regain control of her life for good.
Honesty And Deceit
When Kristen set foot on Salem for the first time in her life, something told her this was a place she was going to like. She was still sleepy from the quick airplane ride so early in the morning, but Stefano’s voice had that tinge of alarm when he called her the night before to give her instructions. He knew through Rolf that the plan was running smoothly, now it was Kristen’s turn to come into action. He told her about their trip to South America, and that it was only a matter of time before John and Marlena crossed paths again. That was all Kristen needed to get going. As she packed her suitcase, she wondered when she had become so mischievous, but dismissed the thought before it started nagging her.
She felt her knees weaken as she knocked on the loft’s door and waited anxiously until it finally opened to reveal a half awake, unshaved, John. He blinked as if to make sure his eyes weren’t deceiving him.
“Kristen”, it sounded like a question and she was glad she heard more surprise than disappointment in his voice.
“Hi, John”, she half smiled, “May I come in?”
“Of course”, he stepped aside to let her in, “I’m sorry. Please, have a seat”, he pointed to the couch, “Would you like something to drink?”
“No, thanks”, she replied as she sat down, her eyes following him to the kitchen.
“I need a cup of coffee”, he excused himself, still trying to figure out what was happening.
A minute later he was sitting down on the armchair across of her, sipping the
strong beverage to wake up.
“I’ve been trying to contact you…”, he started, still guilty over what he had done to her.
“I needed to get away… You understand”, she was going to make good use of his guilt.
“Yes… Look, Kristen, I’m really very sorry that things had to end like this…”
“John”, she stopped him, “Please… I didn’t come here to talk about the past.”
“Then…”
“There’s something you need to know”, she paused, but he didn’t ask, “I’m
pregnant.”
For the first time since his return all thought about Marlena erased from John’s mind.
Marlena refused when Stefano insisted to accompany her back to the pent-house arguing it was something she needed to do by herself and assuring him she was going to be OK. The moment she opened the door and stepped into her home, she knew she had made the right decision. The driver left her suitcases on her bed following his boss’ orders before leaving her alone. She paced around as if she had been gone for ages, which was almost the case since her last memory of being there was from months ago, getting reacquainted with her realm. John smiled at her from one of the pictures on the mantel and instinctively she looked down at the journal she was clenching with her hands, a tear escaping her eyes before she could stop it. She still couldn’t understand how her John could have married someone else.
“Stop it, Marlena!”, she scolded herself, remembering her promise to start her life anew.
She had other things to concentrate on, which were just as important. Her children. It was time she made amends with them and started acting like the mother they needed. She looked at her watch. Sami and Eric were at school. So she climbed the stairs to start unpacking. Again, tears flooded to her eyes when she stepped inside her bedroom, a feeling of loneliness taking the best of her. So many nights she had spent laying in that bed dreaming about the day when she and John would make love again. To realize that would never happen was too overwhelming. She thought about calling Laura, but
changed her mind, not wanting to have to explain to her friend what she had been doing and not wanting to lie to her either. Enough of lies. From now on, she was going to start telling the truth for a change. Slowly, she began arranging her clothes back in her closet, thinking about what she was going to say to her children and to her friends when they found out what she had been up to.
It was as if time had frozen the second John heard Kristen pronounce the words.
As if in a dream state, he participated of the events that followed only in flesh, his mind crushed by the new piece of information to have any clear thoughts. From the fog he was in, he heard the bell and greeted Chelsea that was reporting to work, he saw Brady come out from his room and watched as he ran into Kristen’s arms, truly glad to see her again.
And as he watched the scene unfold before him, he thought about how lucky children were to be able to love so freely and undividedly, immediately cursing himself for that thought, as if by wishing to be able to give to Kristen the support she deserved he was betraying Marlena. Under a spell he said good morning to Brady and explained that Kristen had come to visit when he asked about her presence. He asked Chelsea to go with Brady to his room, and heard as Kristen promised Brady the three of them could go out for lunch later if he allowed the grown-ups to talk first.
“I don’t understand”, was the first thing that came out of his mouth when they were alone again, “I’m sorry”, he regretted immediately, “It’s just that this is something I would have ever expected.”
“It’s all right, John”, she played along, “I was as shocked as you when I found out, believe me… We were so careful…”, she said alluding to their birth control, which she had secretly stopped months ago to no avail since he had always insisted on his own precautions, “I guess we were in the small percent this time”, she joked, but he wasn’t up to laughing, “I know things have been rough lately”, she continued coming close enough to place her hand on his arm, “But maybe a baby is exactly what we need to work things out…”
“Oh, Kristen…”, despair dripping from every word, he wanted to tell her that it was over, but one thing was to turn from her when it was just her, now she was carrying his child, “I… don’t know what to say…”, he confessed.
“You don’t have to say anything…”, she lifted up his chin and smiled at him so tenderly, “A baby is always a blessing and I know you are going to love this child as much as I already do…”
“Of course I will”, there was no doubt in his mind about that.
“Then I say we have a good start already”, she made a long pause, “John, I’m not in denial. I remember why you left. But that was weeks ago, and if I’m correct, you’re still alone”, he nodded slightly, “All I’m asking for is a chance to be a family, to see what happens… I will be the first one to call it off if I realize we can’t make it”, he still wasn’t giving in, “John, we are still married, you promised to stand by me come better or worse, I’m carrying your child… All I ask is that you give us a chance”, she said dramatically placing her hands over her flat stomach.
“I will”, he whispered, crushed by guilt, allowing her to wrap her arms around him.
“Thanks, sweety”, Kristen said, tears of joy coming to her eyes, “You won’t regret it”, she promised, cupping his face in with her hands to kiss him on the lips.
He could swear she was wrong, regret already biting his toes.
Take Me To The River
It had been two days since Kristen appeared at his door to tell him the shocking news, two days in which John allowed himself to focus on the matter at hand and forget about his dreams, to try and make sense of what was going on and figure out a way to cope with this reality. Kristen seemed happy, having made the loft her new home and showing extreme patience when John argued he wasn’t ready to be intimate with her yet.
She attuned to his needs and just asked to have his arms around her while she fell asleep.
John had been thinking non stop about what should he do, and always the fact that he was married to her and she was carrying his child convinced him that his duty was to honor that commitment despite the cries of his heart. He concluded that maybe that was the reason why he wasn’t able to find Marlena before, because life had other plans for them.
And although he couldn’t deny he loved her with every fiber of his body, he had stopped in his attempts to locate her. One look at Kristen and guilt washed over him. He still loved this woman, though in a different way, and he couldn’t turn away from his responsibility as a father either. So he resigned to what he believed was his fate and settled for his end of the bargain. Brady seemed all right with Kristen being back in their lives, though that morning, while she was still sleeping, he had asked John about his
angel Mommy. Feeling it was only fair to set the record straight, he had produced a picture of Isabella and the one of Marlena he carried in his wallet, and as simply as possible he had explained to his son that Isabella was his angel mother, who looked after him from heaven and that she loved him very much. With the words choking in his throat, he explained how Marlena had become a mother to him after Isabella went to heaven and how she, too, loved him so much.
“She live with us…”, he pleaded, causing tears to form in his father’s eyes.
“She can’t, son. Kristen is my wife and she has to live with us, and she loves you very much, too… And you love Kristen too, don’t you?”, he finished, unable to refer to her as his mother.
“Yes”, he smiled, making John feel better, “But I want Mommy”, but not resigning.
“I know, son”, he admitted, seeing his own feelings reflecting in him, “But you can still see Marlena whenever you want…”, he compromised knowing it was best for everyone if Brady would stop referring to her in such endearing term.
“Today?”, he beamed.
“Soon… Very soon, I promise”, was the best he could say.
He had stopped his calls to her penthouse for Kristen’s benefit, but he was
confident that sooner or later they would run into each other. After two days of reflection and seclusion, he needed some air. So as soon as Chelsea came in, and after promising Kristen to pick them up lunch, he stepped out, heading for a place that would give him some solace.
Marlena spent the first day back home resting, jet lag starting to settle. Truth is she hadn’t been feeling all too well, specially in the mornings, when nausea and dizziness usually overcame, but nothing had been normal in the past weeks so she didn’t give it much thought, hoping that some real rest would do the trick. She slept most of the day and used the moments awake to trace a plan to begin her life as an independent and happy woman.
Stefano had told her that she was on a leave of absence from the hospital, so the first thing she did on her second day was call Tom Horton to let him know she was ready to resume her practice. Later that day, she ran by his office to meet with him and discuss all the necessary details for her comeback before stopping by her office to get acquainted with her files. She tried to reach Laura, but she was out of town in a conference till the end of the week. Again, she had to politely lie to everyone who asked about California, making her feel utterly uncomfortable and pushing her to collect her files and review them at home. She called Sami and Eric in the evening and tried to come by the house to see them, but they made up some excuse about having too much to study for finals and she decided not to force them, pain cutting through her heart. Sami told her about Carrie having moved out to her own apartment and provided her with the new number. Carrie wasn’t home, so she left a message on her answering machine asking if she would like to meet with her for lunch the next day. Again, that night she went to bed with a mixture of pleasure for getting her life back on track and emptiness for how lonely of a life it seemed to be.
That strange combination of feelings was stronger when she awoke the next
morning, forcing a sigh that came from the very core of her soul, tears immediately flooding her eyes. It was a Friday and she wasn’t due to come back to work until Monday, so, dismissing the bout of nausea that threatened to arise, she got dressed and headed for a place where she could find some peace of mind.
Marlena settled herself on the empty bench overlooking Salem River, snuggling in her coat to fight the cold morning air of Salem’s early Spring. The sound of the wires from the boats anchored along the pier mixing with that of the water crashing against the wooden bodies, sounds that soothed her like no other, her mind drifting to that magical moment when she came back to Salem after five years of absence and let herself be guided by some powerful force to this very spot, to find the one person she was longing to see. The man she still believed to be her husband, they still believed to be Roman.
Tears fell down her cheeks as she recalled those emotions, the overpowering happiness that she felt when he spoke her name, the love that flowed from his eyes when they came close enough to touch the face of the one they had ached for every moment of the day, that electricity that rushed through her body the instant his fingers made contact with her skin.
So absorbed she was in her memories, that she never heard the steps that stopped a few feet away from her, and when she heard that voice from her past call her name so sweetly, she was jolted.
“Doc!”, John’s voice broke in like lightning, breaking down her last defenses.
He had parked his jeep far enough to have a nice walk along the waterfront, letting himself go to a time when his life had suddenly become perfect, to an instant in which he felt as if he was being born again, when all the sadness and darkness of years of loneliness had been swept away by a vision that would have seemed a dream hadn’t she called his name in such sweet voice. To the second when his heart began beating again as he saw that vision walking up to him and he realized all of his prayers had been answered, as impossible as it seemed. A smile crept to his face as his body recalled the jolt of happiness that had overcome him when he stretched his hand and touched the soft skin of her perfect face, the realization dawning upon him when his fingers felt the moist of her tears, the electricity that he felt when his lips reached down and found hers waiting, responding… So deep in thought he was that it took him a few seconds to realize that the image in front of him wasn’t in the past but in the present. He felt his heart skip a beat as he walked the short distance to the spot where the star of all his fantasies sat, seemingly away in another dimension. He had to force the voice out of his mouth to call her attention, his own amazement clouding his judgment.
“Doc!”, he heard himself say as he watched her face slowly changing expression and those beautiful eyes looking up to him.
Face To Face
The soft breeze blew the golden strays of hair away from her face as she focused her eyes on the man standing before her. As if emerged directly from the memory she was creating, he gazed down at her, his blue eyes brighter than ever. Only there was no fog and the sun sneaked behind the clouds this time around. She felt the words caught in her throat as she opened her mouth to speak, all she could come out with was a very soft murmur.
“John?”, still not believing her eyes, “John!”, a smile creeping to her trembling lips as she stood up to plunge into his arms as her heart pleaded with her to do. And she would have probably done so if a dizzy spell hadn’t get the best of her. As if low motion, John watched the beautiful smile that appeared on her face as she attempted to stand up, and for a moment he thought her intention was to fall in his arms, which she did after he realized her body lose balance as she tried to rise from her sitting position, feeling her slight tremble as he steadied them both to their feet.
“I got you!”, he whispered for her to relax, his body responding to her nearness, her hands clutching the lapels of his leather jacket, “Doc, are you OK?”, he asked concerned as she let out a loud sigh.
“Yes”, a nervous laugh escaping her chest, “Hi!”, she smiled giddily at him.
“Hi!”, he responded, his heart jumping in his chest when he recognized the joy in her eyes, “What was that about?”, but not letting go of his concern for her, melting as she looked up at him with childish shame, “You forgot to have breakfast…”, he concluded wisely.
“Mmh…”, she nodded, marveled at the way he could still read her, thinking what an odd way this was to greet each other after such a long time.
“We’re gonna solve that then”, he said firmly, taking her hand in his as if they had never been apart.
“Where are you taking me?”, she asked, more than willing to follow him.
“Java’s Cafe sounds good enough?”, he shoved his best smile at her, making a silent promise to find a way for them to be together despite the mess he had turned their lives into.
“But my car…”, she argued without much enthusiasm.
“I’ll drive your car and then you can drop me back here later… when you are actually strong enough to drive!”, he concluded, remembering his jeep was to far to make her walk there.
She smiled, content to have him by her side and still a bit confused to make conversation. She guided him to where she had parked, handing him the keys and letting him open the passenger door for her. She wasn’t sure if it was all a dream, but as they drove away from the pier she realized it was oh, so true, the warmth of that reality settling into her body.
“So how long have you been back?”, she asked, sure she would remember something as important as his comeback if she had known.
“About three weeks…”, he answered, dazzled by the easiness with which she was behaving, having expected her to at least be angry at him for coming after her despite the stern words of her letter.
She wanted to ask him so many questions, but was afraid to answer his, knowing she wouldn’t be able to lie to him and not wanting him to know about her relationship with Stefano. Suddenly she felt ashamed and disgusted by the thought of having shared herself with the other man. At which point she recalled John’s letter, telling her about his new wife, anger quickly rising inside her.
“Did Kristen come with you?”, she asked again, this time there was an edge in her voice that he didn’t miss.
“She’s here…”, he said plainly, not ready to discuss the painful truth with her yet.
“Does that mean you’re back for good?”, she couldn’t help but feel happy about that.
“Yes, this is my home”, he answered confidently, relieved to see the parking lot of Salem Place close ahead.
“How’s Brady?”, she decided to change to a lighter topic.
“He’s delighted to have so many people who care about him… He’s so happy to have a family!”, he saw his smile reflected on her face as he spoke proudly of his little boy, “Everyone has been so kind to us, specially Shawn and Caroline, who welcomed him as a grandson…”, he wanted to share this with her, but noticed she winced at the mention of her in-laws, “We’re here”, he changed the subject, jumping of the car to get her door.
Silence fell upon them once more as they made their way to the open cafe so popular among Salem’s finest. John spotted a free table and escorted her to it, moving the high chair for her to sit. Instead, she turned around to face him, her eyes looking deep into his. She remembered the promise she had made herself a few days ago, about starting anew, facing the truth instead of hiding from it.
“I’m so glad you decided to come back, John”, she said, a spark of electricity running through his body as he heard those words, “I’ve missed you”, she spoke in a whisper, instinctively reaching out for him to put his arms around her, sighing with relief as she felt his warm embrace.
“Oh, Doc!”, he said almost choking by the emotion of having her back in his arms, “I’ve missed you too!”, searching for the right words to tell her just how much.
“I heard you were back in town.”
The strong voice behind them startled them both, causing them to disengage abruptly from their embrace, unable to fight the shame that washed over them for being caught in such a compromising position by the one person who could make them feel the most guilty.
“Roman!”, John raised his voice involuntarily, turning around to face the other man, only to be confronted by the utter disdain that his face spoke.
Roman had made a stop at Salem Place to pick up some breakfast before heading to the station after a night of surveillance. He was hungry, tired and disappointed at having wasted a sleepless night in his car for nothing. The sight of his ex wife in the arms of her ex lover was the last thing he needed.
“Hello, Marlena”, the coldness in his voice sent a chill through her spine.
“Roman…”, she responded, wanting to duck her head under the ground and at the same time feeling angry at herself for letting him make her feel that way, “John and I just met…”, she mumbled, “I had no idea he was back in town”, feeling stupid as she tried to explain herself to him.
“I heard you were missing for a while”, the sarcasm in his voice was evident, “That the children don’t want to speak to you doesn’t mean that they don’t deserve to know where their mother is”, it came out harsher than he intended.
John had to contain himself not to punch him for being so insensitive, Marlena’s pain obvious to everyone. He noticed how she tried to hide it, trembling slightly before gathering her wits to respond.
“That was a mistake”, she said sternly, holding back the tears, “But I’m back now, and I intend to do everything I have to be close to them again. I hope you don’t plan to interfere with that”, it wasn’t a threat, but she wasn’t pleading.
“I just want what’s best for my children”, he stated.
“So do I”, she held her position.
An awkward silence fell upon them as each one of them pondered the same: how hard it was going to be to live in the same town with the two others. To John it was obvious that Roman was still in love with Marlena and held too much anger towards him, and he wasn’t so sure if it was really over between these two after the way she had abruptly left him weeks ago. Roman was sure that John and Marlena were back together, one look at them hugging enough proof for him, that idea bringing back too many painful memories, facing him with feelings he thought already gone. Marlena had wanted John
back so much, and now that he was actually here she didn’t quite know if it was for the best; he was married to someone else and his presence not only would be unbearable for Roman and their children, but really hard for her to resist. Could she really have him only as a friend? Could she and Roman ever become friends?
Building The Wall
There they stood, not knowing what to say next, the three people who’s lives would be forever linked by the hand of a mad man who one day had decided to play God with them. Somewhere along the way, however, they had regained control of their destinies, making severe mistakes in the process. Now they were face with the truth each of them had helped to create, a truth that neither of them could quite overcome. And unknown to them, the demi-god had began to fool around with the players again.
“I have to get going”, Roman finally spoke, too uncomfortable to remain there.
John nodded slightly trying to make the best out of the feelings he had towards this man: guilt, jealousy, anger, shame.
“I’m back at the pent-house…”, Marlena addressed her ex husband, “Just so that you know.”
“Whatever”, he replied harshly, heading back to his car, to sick to his stomach to think about eating.
Again they fell silent, as they watched the other man go. Finally John motioned for her to sit down, wishing he could spill his guts right then and there, but being forced to consider carefully what he was going to say since his situation had changed so much in
the past days.
“What can I get you?”, he asked, buying some time.
“Coffee will be OK”, she replied, not feeling up to grab a bite with the unsettling sensation in her stomach.
“Marlena, you have to eat something”, he remarked sternly.
“No…”, she complained.
“I’ll bring you some fruit”, he determined before making his way to the counter. Marlena observed him while he ordered and waited for their food, her heart hoping between the joy of finally seeing him again and the sadness of knowing him unattainable. She considered her options, deciding that talking about her feelings would only place him in a difficult and uncomfortable position.
“Hello, there!”
A woman’s voice snapped her back to the present and as she stared at the figure in front of her, she tried to figure out who she was while feeling she already knew it. As she began to speak again, she remembered where she had seen her… the photograph that John had sent along with his letter.
“Marlena?”, Kristen pretended astonishment, all the while giving thanks to his father for keeping such a close eye on his precious queen and alerting her to come find them before it was too late, “I’m Kristen, John’s wife… You do remember me”, she stated
knowing that would increase her confusion.
“Of course…”, Marlena lied, wondering how was it possible that she had met her
if she had been gone for as long as they had been back in Salem, and pondering the
possibility that maybe she had found John some time ago.
“Kristen!”, the edge in John’s voice didn’t pass inadvertedly to any of them, “What are you doing here?”, he tried to soften his tone, feeling the sweat that had broken all over his body.
“I thought I could use some fresh air, and Chelsea told me about this place…”, she explained calmly, wasting no time in getting close to her husband to kiss him on the cheek, almost causing him to drop the tray he was carrying, “I was surprised to see
Marlena… and I’m more surprised to see you”, she finished intentionally making him feel
guilty.
“We ran into each other…”, he started, not wanting to give any details.
“So…”, Kristen regained control of the conversation taking advantage of the shock that the other two were still in, “Did you tell her the good news?”
Marlena looked at John inquisitively while he stared at Kristen in horror, trying to find the words to stop her before it was too late.
“We’re going to have a baby!”, she almost screamed it, seizing the moment, enjoying the way in which Marlena’s jaw dropped, but oblivious to the pain in John’s eyes as he looked at her.
Marlena felt her stomach turn, a new bout of nausea threatening to take the best of her. Placing a hand over her belly and bringing the other to her mouth, she excused herself and ran to the restroom.
“Did you have to do that?”, John asked angrily.
“Do what?”, Kristen feigned innocence.
“You know damn well what I’m talking about!”, his eyes spiting fire towards her before turning around to follow Marlena, leaving Kristen biting her lower lip to contain the hatred she felt.
He stopped short when he got to the door to the ladies room, leaning against its frame and wishing he could go in as a woman opened it to come out. He could listen to Marlena as she loosed the contents of her bowels followed by her faint crying. Unable to
contain himself, he stomped into the lavatory area. A quick glance told him there was no
one else there. He knocked lightly on the close door.
“Doc, how are you?”, he asked softly.
“I’m OK…”, she answered muffling her cries, “Please, go away…”
“I’m not going anywhere until you come out”, he vowed, stepping towards the lavatories to damp some paper towels.
She realized what he was doing. Deciding it would be best to just go with it. and not really up to fighting, she opened the door, accepting the towels without even looking at him. She looked so vulnerable, her pale face streaked by tears. She walked to the faucet to wash up, wishing he would just leave and at the same time grateful for his presence.
“John, I’m all right. Really”, she said a bit more composed, “You can go now.”
“What’s wrong with you?”, he asked concerned for her health.
“I’m not feeling well, that’s all…”, she answered vaguely, straightening her clothes and fixing her hair, but still avoiding his look.
“I’m sorry about what happened…”, he couldn’t believe it was happening.
“John, you’re having a baby”, she tried to smile unsuccessfully, “There’s nothing to be sorry about.”
“I should have told you, not Kristen”, he regretted, feeling there was so much to be spoken, yet unable to do it.
“Well, I’m sorry I ran away like that…”, she excused herself, “I guess congratulations are in order”, she managed a faint smile as she headed back to Salem’s court.
“Doc, please…”, he followed her, “We need to talk…”, his words faded as he saw Kristen waiting for them on the other side of the door, a scowling expression on her face.
“Marlena”, she feigned concern, “Are you all right?”
“I’m fine”, she was getting tired of repeating it, “I’m sorry about that”, she addressed Kristen, “Now I can give you my congratulations”, she smiled at her, “I’m sure you must be very happy.”
“Delighted”, she answered for herself, not wanting to push her luck with John.
“I’m glad. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go to work”, she turned around to face John, ignoring what his eyes were saying, “My I have my keys?”
“You shouldn’t be driving”, he almost pleaded, knowing that as much as he wanted to he couldn’t offer to drive her with Kristen there, he had already been rude enough earlier and she didn’t deserve it.
“John, please”, she commanded, “I told you I’m fine”, her eyes telling him to drop the subject, “Thank you”, she clasped her keys in her palm, “It was nice seeing you, and again, congratulations on the baby”, she said making her exit without waiting for a response.
When she reached her car, she collapsed on the seat, and for a while, all she could do was cry, as if her heart had been broken into so many pieces that it would be impossible to put it back together. The confusion in her head growing bigger by the minute, it was so hard for her to discern what had been going on in the last few months, so hard to digest the truth. The last thing she would have expected was for John to have a child. It was already bad enough to know that he was married. A baby simply pushed him further away from her, and the pain was unbearable.
Considerations
It had been a couple of days since they had met “by chance” on the pier, the same time since she had found out about the baby John was expecting with Kristen. She didn’t recall for how long she had cried after finally getting to the safety of her house. Carrie called her when she didn’t show up for their lunch appointment and she had to make up some excuse about not feeling well, which in essence was true, and having lost track of time. Carrie offered to come over, but Marlena kindly refused, stating all she needed was some rest. Her daughter told her that she and Austin were going away for the weekend, but that she planned to catch up with her as soon as she came back. Marlena was grateful for Carrie’s support and said a silent prayer to thank for having her in herlife and asking for forgiveness for having to lie to her. But she needed the time alone. She just couldn’t make sense of what had transpired. First finding out John was back in Salem, then that he was going to be a father and that they had apparently met not long ago, so much so that she was friendly with his wife. Too much too soon. She spent all day trying to put the pieces together to no avail. By the time Stefano showed at her door she was way over her head. She felt somewhat better after talking to him, but even then, his explanation about how she had met with John during a real trip she had made to California some months before to attend a conference, and how they agreed to try and build a friendship didn’t sound convincing enough. Of course, she was oblivious to Stefano’s attempt to cover all the bases, knowing that an encounter with John was inevitable. Exhausted as she was after all the soul search, she welcomed Stefano’s lead to leave, the prospect of her bed the perfect way to escape her reality for a few hours.
That Saturday she managed to put aside all the troublesome thoughts to convince Sami and Eric to come over for lunch. It was challenging for the three of them, but after an hour or so, they began to fall into the natural need they had for each other and slowly the masks began to chip, giving way to bits and pieces of a wholesome conversation.
The fact that they were in Marlena’s house and not Roman’s proved beneficial, easing the guilt they all felt for completely different reasons. They talked about the end of school, summer jobs, college applications, vacations. They shared a few laughs and allowed themselves to open their hearts to the love that had always been there. When Marlena hugged Sami before they left, she could feel her daughter was warming up to her, and she had to hold back the tears that rushed to her eyes. Eric kissed her tenderly on the cheek and she captured the spark that had reappeared in his eyes as a very positive sign. She thanked them so much for coming over and asked them to consider the option of going away for a week with her to a place they chose. Her heart felt lighter when she closed the door behind them. It gave her hope, and that was more than she had been getting lately.
So by Sunday, she was feeling better and more sure of how to handle herself from now on. She declined Stefano’s invitation to come over to his estate to have lunch with him and instead she fixed herself something to eat and sat down on the couch with the pile of hospital files in front of her.
Not far away, John was climbing his jeep determined to do what was right for once in his life. He had had a heated discussion with Kristen Friday afternoon, when attempts of reconciliation drove him over the edge. He couldn’t deal with the guilt any longer, the guilt from the pain he had seen in Marlena’s eyes, the guilt of his broken commitment to his wife, the guilt of not being true to himself, the guilt of letting Marlena down by not standing up for their love. To the point where so much guilt made him so sick that he had began to turn some of it into anger in an unconscious attempt to hold himself together. The first evidence of such change in his behavior appeared when he burst in anger at Kristen. She had come over to him on the couch where he was pondering the best way to deal with the havoc he had made of his life, and had tried to arouse him by wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him insistently.
“Stop it!”, John snapped at her, “Don’t you realize I’m not up to this, Kristen?”
“Oh, come on, sweety, just relax…”, she insisted.
“God! This is not going to work!”, he admitted more to himself than to her.
“What are you talking about?”, Kristen asked with tears forming in her eyes, the fear on the pit of her stomach.
“This. Us… I can’t do it…”
“Don’t say that”, she panicked, “Please, don’t say that. It’s my fault… I shouldn’t have pressured you… I’m sorry…”, she was so helpless that it tortured him.
“No, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I got you involved in the mess that is my life… You deserve so much better”, he apologized, bringing his hand to her cheek to wipe the tears that were now streaming down.
“But I chose you…”, she pleaded her case, “And I choose you now… I know that you love Marlena, but I also know that you love me, and you love this baby”, she stressed bringing his hand to her flat belly, “I’m gonna help you forget her… You just have to concentrate on our family, and we’ll get through this…”
“Oh, Kristen… I wish I could, but I’m afraid that will never happen…”
“John”, she quickly changed tactics, “I can’t go through this without you…”, she had regained her composure and was now looking sternly at him, “I don’t want to go through this without you…”
He had been afraid to ask, but he had a pretty good idea of what she was implying. So he had agreed to give it a try, promising that they would go through it together and asking her to grant him some time to sort out his feelings. He was as honest as he could manage as he explained to Kristen that he couldn’t be intimate with her they way she wanted him to be when he was still so confused about his feelings. Knowing that it was a much better bargain than what she had to start with, she concealed her hatred and tried her best to sound convincing when she promised she would not put pressure on him. So far, she had kept her promise. But John knew better. He knew that no matter how hard he tried, there was no way he could erase Marlena from his heart, from his thoughts, from his life, specially after what they had shared only weeks ago. He could never deny his love for her again, because denying that would be the same as denying himself. He also understood that he had to be very careful in his choices, and that despite what he wished, he did have a commitment to Kristen that was made in full awareness and she deserved at least that much respect from him. If she wanted to stay with him after what had happened, he owed her at least to try. There was also that veiled threat she had made, and at some level he feared for his child’s safety, determined to do whatever he had to make sure that child came safely into the world.
After receiving a call around noon that Sunday, Kristen had told John that there was a friend she wanted to meet with, reserving to herself that the friend’s name was Stefano and that he had summoned her to his house to go over some details of their plan to keep Marlena and John apart. He viewed this as the opportunity he was waiting for to have some hours to himself, so he didn’t ask much after he declined his offer to drive her over there. He called Caroline, who was delighted to watch over Brady. So after dropping his son at the pub, he made his way to Marlena’s pent-house. One thing he was sure of, they still owed each other a conversation.
Here In My Heart
As much as she tried, she was having difficulty concentrating, after an hour and a half she had only gone through mid way of the first file. But every time she tried to focus on what the black print said, her train of thought would wander to the various concerns she was dealing with in her life. She was recalling the unpleasant encounter with John the other morning when she was startled by the door bell. Her surprise spread across her features when she found the object of her wandering standing on the other side, his leather jacket casually thrown over his shoulder as he leaned on his arm against the
threshold as if he planned to wait for a long while. Of course, she didn’t know how many times before he had done the same thing getting no answer.
“John!”, she noticed he was taken aback by her.
“Hi, Doc”, he grinned, composing himself after he had been creating in his mind a different scenario, one in which she opened the door to fall into his arms.
“What are you doing here?”, she asked debating on whether she was still angry at him or she was delighted to see him.
“I wanted to talk to you… May I come in?”, he asked uncertain.
“Of course”, she stepped aside to let him in, following him with her eyes as he made his way to the center of the room.
“Catching up?”, he referred to the pile of folders as he laid his jacket loosely on a couch.
“Trying… Can I offer you something?”, she couldn’t shake that uncomfortable feeling that the self imposed distance between them created.
“No, thanks. I’m fine.”
“So…”, she decided to sit down, urging him to do the same, “What was it that you wanted to talk to me about?”
He seemed to be searching for the words as he looked at her, entranced by her beauty and the sweetness of her voice.
“First, I wanted to apologize for what happened with Kristen the other morning…”, he started, unsure.
“No need to apologize, John”, she said it more out of courtesy than anything else.
“I should have been the one to tell you, but I only found out a couple of days before and I’m still trying to absorb the news…”, he explained and she wondered why did he act as if he really owed her an explanation.
“Well, we didn’t really have a chance to talk before she showed up”, she relieved him, “I’m sorry if I wasn’t as expressive as I should have been”, she started an apology herself, “But now that I’m a little bit more composed I can tell you how happy I am for you”, she forced the words out along with a smile.
“How can you say that?”, John questioned her, knowing that in part she was being sincere.
“What?”, she was startled by his bluntness.
“You can’t really mean it”, he said, knowing she couldn’t have dismissed what had happened between them so easily.
Though the wasn’t harshness in his statement, she felt hurt. And as her eyes welled with tears, she fought the gulp in her throat to talk.
“Why are you attacking me like that? I’m trying to be nice about your new baby and you lash at me like I was wishing you bad!”, there was a hint of anger in her voice, but mostly pain.
He immediately regretted his words as she saw her standing up to get away, her back turned to him.
“I’m sorry, Marlena”, he followed her, “I really didn’t mean it the way it sounded”, until he was standing mere inches behind her, “But I can’t believe that you can take it so ightly… I mean, I expected you to be mad, hurt, angry…”, he trailed off while she wondered what he was talking about, “After everything that happened, the least I expected was that you would pretend to be happy…”, he sounded as if he was speaking to himself.
“I really don’t understand you”, she was growing more confused by the minute. The fell silent. She was trying to make sense out of the insane dialogue they just had. He was battling his need to talk straight from his heart with the knowledge that no matter what he said he was bounded by the circumstances and could make no promises. She was getting anxious feeling him so close to her, so she slowly made her way back to the couch, where she sat down.
“Well…”, she continued, knowing that one of them would have to give in if they wanted to carry a conversation at all, “I don’t know why you doubt me, but I hope that you believe me when I tell you that I wish nothing but good things for your baby…”, she almost whispered, still having a hard time accepting that he had moved on without her.
“Oh, Doc!”, he felt so guilty, “Of course I don’t doubt your sincerity. You’re the most selfless woman I’ve ever met”, he came back to sit in front of her and it took only one look at the hazel reflection of his soul to crack his determination, “but…”
“But what?”, she was getting frustrated by his hidden agenda, “But what, John?”
“But no matter what you say or what you do, I also know you love me”, he finished, letting his heart win out, “And I know this must be ripping you apart.”
His blunt sincerity about her feelings took her completely off guard, a million and one thoughts storming into her brain, as she felt her face red in blush at her secret revealed and her heart pumped a hundred times faster. She instinctively brought a hand to her mouth to cover a cry that mixed with a gasp. He could see the whirlwind that was going on inside of her, his heart melting at what he took as the reaction preceding her acceptance of what they both knew. He was in the process of reaching out to her, when he saw her try to talk and the moment after lose control of her body as she passed out. He was only quick enough to grab her as before she hit herself against the coffee table.
“Oh my God!”, he panicked as he gathered her limp form in his arms and tried to bring her back, “Doc?”, he shook her gently, “Doc, please talk to me, baby”, he insisted. Not willing to wait any longer, he reached for his jacket where his car keys were, and lifted her up in his arms, walking as fast as he could to get her to his jeep and take her to the hospital.
Kristen paced nervously in her father’s study as she informed Stefano of the last events. When she was done, she let herself fall on an armchair, looking at him as if he held the answer for every unsolved mystery.
“I see this will be harder than what we expected…”, he mustered, “But things are going fine. John is accepting his responsibility towards you and the baby, and that’s where we have to focus our energy. He won’t do anything that will jeopardize that creature’s safety. From what you tell me, he’s finally facing his feelings for Marlena. Up to now, he never really stood up to what he felt, he always let circumstances govern his decisions…”, he briefed her with his knowledge of the man.
“So what are we going to do then?”, she grew worried.
“You’ll have to emphasize the point of not willing to go through this pregnancy alone. He will never leave you if he fears for the safety of his child”, he concluded.
“But I want him to be with me because he loves me!”, she complained, tears coming to her eyes as she realized how much she had lost already.
“Darling,” Stefano tried to calm her, “you have to take this one step at a time. If you play your cards right, by the time this baby is born, John will be committed to you for good. But for that to happen, you have to make sure he fears losing that child at the same time that you give him enough freedom to resolve his feelings for Marlena. Once he realizes he cannot have both, he will commit to you. I know John, he will prioritize his responsibilities over his feelings in the end.”
“What about her”, she didn’t even want to speak her name.
“She’s already warming up to me. Once she realizes there’s no chance for her and John, she’ll come back to me”, he said confidently, gazing at a picture that he had taken of them during their trip to South America.
Truths Revealed
John was already on the road, trying to stay focus on his driving beyond his concern for Marlena, when she started coming around. Taking a deep breath and stretching as if she was waking up, she was startled when she felt the pressure of the seat belt preventing her from moving freely.
“What…?”, she mustered, immediately calling John’s attention.
“Hi, there”, he said casually, relieved to see her eyes open.
“Did I faint?”, she asked, trying to recall the images lingering in her mind.
“Yeah… You scared the hell out of me”, he smiled, bringing his palm to cup her cheek, as if to make sure she was really OK, “How do you feel?”
“I’m fine, I think”, she responded to his touch, a shy smile covering the tingling sensation running through her body, “Why are we in the car?”, she questioned him, knowing what the answer would be.
“I’m taking you to the hospital”, he said firmly, returning his hand to the steering wheel.
“Oh, John!”, she whimpered, “There’s no need! Look, I’m sorry I scared you, but I’m fine. I don’t need to go to the hospital”, she tried to sound as collected as possible.
“Oh, no, you’re not getting out of this one…”, he scolded her, “I saw you get sick twice the other day, now you fainted, there’s no way I’m letting this go.”
She had no arguments against that. She thought about telling him about the fall she had, but that would mean she had to tell him about her relationship with Stefano and she was too ashamed to confess what she knew would disgust him. So she nodded
passively, sinking further into the passenger seat, trying to recall what had happened
before she fainted. She remembered John coming to her door, the heated argument hey had about her feelings towards the baby… Suddenly it hit her! He had mentioned her feelings towards him… John knew she still loved him! She gasped for air as it dawned on her.
“What is it?”, he asked worried, as the hospital entrance came into view.
“Nothing”, she dismissed his concern, “Really”, she stressed her point, deciding this was not the place nor the time to bring that up.
She waited for him to come around the jeep to help her out, accepting his hand to climb onto the ground.
“This is stupid”, she eyed him, “I’m perfectly fine”, trying one last time to persuade him to drop the whole check up idea; one look at her was all it took to convey her to do it, “All right, all right…”, she threw her hands up in the air, “If that’s what’ll take to get you off my case”, she complied.
“That’s my girl”, he smiled, placing his arm over her shoulders and stirring all kind of emotions in the process.
Soon enough, John found out Mike Horton was on duty that day, it only took of him to outline the situation before the young doctor took the matter in his hands assuring his friends that he would have the lab process the blood work as soon as they did the tests on Marlena. Knowing there was no chance of wining over these two, Marlena complied
and followed a nurse to the exam booth while John was left to wait in the hall.
Once alone, Mike eyed Marlena, expecting an answer of what was going on, sensing she knew more than she was telling.
“To be honest with you, Mike”, she started, “I took a bad fall a few weeks ago.
Hit my head. I suspect this could be related…”, she shrugged, “I didn’t tell John cause
there’s no sense in worrying him.”
“Did you have it examined?”, Mike asked concerned, specially due to the time factor.
“A doctor came over and said that everything was fine”, she dismissed his concern and concealed the part about the memory loss, “But I’ve been under a lot of stress lately…”
“Lets take a look”, Mike said helping her onto the gurney before reaching for her skull, “No bumps.”
He examined her pulse, her eyes and her ears and again came out with nothing. He
then had a nurse draw some blood.
“We’ll have the results in about an hour. If everything is normal, then I think we can blame it on the stress. If not, I’ll probably have you take a scan, OK?”
“Sounds fair”, she smiled at his candor, “I’ll go wait in my office. There’s no way I’ll convince John to take me home until we know…”, she shrugged.
“He cares about you”, Mike agreed, “It’s good to have him back, uh? I’m glad to see you worked things out.”
“Yeah, he’s a good friend”, she sighed.
“I’ll let you know as soon as I have those results back”, Mike smiled as he made his exit.
Not even ten seconds had passed when she heard John’s voice asking to come in.
She smiled as she let him in.
“So?”, he peaked his head in.
“So far so good. We’ll have those tests back in an hour, so Mike suggested that I wait in my office”, she accepted his hand to climb down of the gurney, “You can go, now. I’ll grab a cab when I’m done”, she offered.
“I’m not leaving till I know you’re all right”, he stated firmly.
“I figured”, she said stepping into the hall, “That’s fine. There’s something I want to talk with you about anyway”, she finished heading for her office, determined to find out what was really going on between them.
John glanced at her from his position on the couch, waiting for her to open up. She had chosen to seat on the armchair behind her desk, and was obviously working up the courage to say whatever she needed to clear up. They had been through similar instances so many times when they were married. Every time she had something worrying her, she would come to him ready to spill it out, but before she could put words to it, she always withdrew for a little while. John had learned that the best way to help her was to let her process her thoughts and wait till she was ready to address him, eventually, she always ended saying the first word with some difficulty and as soon as she realized she could tell him anything the rest came easily. He smiled at her as he recalled this and instantly she picked up what he was thinking.
“Fine!”, she gave up, standing from her chair to come sit next to him on the couch, “Just before I fainted…”, she started uneasy, “you said something…”
“That I know you love me”, he finished triumphant, sensing that this was the breakthrough he had been looking for.
“You do?”, she asked in a whisper.
“Oh, Doc, of course I do! I told you I would never doubt our love again, no matter how much you try to deny it, it will always be there”, he said passionately, coming close to her, stroking her cheek with the tip of his fingers, “You love me as much as I love you”, he finished his statement willing for her to admit it.
“You do?”, she asked, choking on her emotions as she felt tears of happiness rolling freely down her flushed cheeks.
“Of course I do!”, he smiled as he felt his own tears wet on his face, finally able to reach out to her, “I love you with all my heart”, he declared, cupping her face in his hands, “And I know this whole deal with Kristen is not what we were counting on, but we’ll make it through, I promise.
“You love me?”, she cried, still unable to believe it, all her dreams coming true in that perfect moment.
“I LOVE YOU”, John stressed, sensing Marlena’s insecurity, “I love you”, he whispered before bringing his lips to hers, conveying in his kiss all the pent up emotions that he had been piling since he realized she was gone.
She let herself go, wrapping her arms around his neck to bring him even closer, drawing into her kiss all the years of yearning, the passion that had consumed her ever since he walked away from her. They drank in the sweet moisture of their mouths, their tongues colliding in passionate search, their love exploding throughout their bodies, into their hearts.
“I love you”, she cried, relieved to finally say it.
“I love you”, he responded in between the frantic dancing of their lips.
Suddenly forgetting everything, the love they shared the only truth, the only reality.
Truths Revealed (part II)
Marlena looked up to him, her arms still hooked behind his head, her face stained with tears that he wiped out with the pad of his thumbs, as he saw the most beautiful smile draw upon her flushed lips.
“You love me”, she repeated, as a new bout of tears arose and his chuckle filled the air.
“Yes, sweetheart, I love you”, he reassured her, still trying to figure out where all her insecurity came from.
She pulled him closer, until his face was almost touching hers, her gaze deep in his.
“I…”, she nibbled on his lower lip, “love…”, then on his upper lip, driving him crazy, “you…”, parting his mouth with her tongue to kiss him ever so gently, ever so slowly, totally aware of the sensations that she created in his body.
She felt his hands clash against her back, smashing her against him, as one hand traveled to her hair and the other down her spine, her body reacting to the heat that they were creating together. So intense was the exchange, that she felt dizzy when they finally parted, having to steady herself placing a hand on his shoulder and the other on the back of the couch.
“Whoa…”, she tried to disguise the dizziness to no avail.
“Shh…”, he picked up on it to the second, bringing her down to the safe haven of his arms, “Take it easy… Breathe”, he heard her do so, as his lips sunk into the silk softness of her golden locks, “There you go”, he felt her relax in his embrace, “I’m sorry, baby…”
“Don’t say that”, her light laughter lifted his spirits, and she rounded him with her slender arms, “I’m fine… Now I’m fine”, she concluded, so happy.
He withdrew only enough to look down at her, tilting her chin with his fingers to gaze into her eyes, the fabulous smile she shoved at him reflecting on his face. And they stayed like that for a few minutes, enjoying the peaceful silence that they could now share. Until her thoughts drove her back to the unsettling encounter at Salem Place, her body tensing involuntarily. He picked up on the sudden change.
“What?”, he eyed her.
“You’re married and your wife is pregnant…”, she feed him her worries.
“Yeah…”, he sighed, “I still don’t understand… We were always so careful…”, dismissing those thoughts when he realized it wasn’t going to help to regret that now, “This really makes things a lot more complicated”, no need in hiding the truth from her.
“I understand”, she said sadly, withdrawing from his embrace and turning her face so he couldn’t see the tears that had started flowing once more.
“You don’t…”, he stopped her retreat, forcing her to look his way, “I want us to be together”, he said with all the confidence he was capable of, “Kristen knows how I feel about you…”
“She does?”, this got Marlena’s attention.
“Yes… but then she told me about the baby and about giving her another chance, and I thought you didn’t really love me… and…”
“I love you”, she interrupted him, feeling so free to finally be able to express it.
“Now I’m sure”, he smiled, caressing her soft cheek, “And I hope that eventually Kristen will understand it…”, he was afraid to continue.
“Go on…”, she encouraged him.
“She hinted that she wasn’t willing to go on with this pregnancy if I wasn’t there…”, he confessed, sad and ashamed that he had brought them to such instance.
Marlena gasped, never such a thought would have crossed her mind.
“You know what you have to do then”, she said it as softly as possible, not wanting to make him feel worse than he already did.
“I know…”, he just wasn’t ready to accept it.
“We can’t put this baby in danger”, Marlena continued, her more practical part in command of the situation, “I’m just so happy to know that you love me”, she reassured him, cupping his face in her hands to make him hold her stare, “That’s gonna have to do it until we figure out what to do…”
“I can’t be with her knowing that you love me as much as I love you…”, he resisted, knowing were she was going.
“I do”, she replied sweetly, “And our love will be there long after your baby is born. At least until she’s far enough into her pregnancy, you have to do whatever it takes to protect your child. You know that…”, she insisted.
“I know that”, he accepted and he was going to start arguing again when the phone interrupted them.
“I better get that”, she whispered, stopping briefly to place a soft kiss on his mouth, “Dr. Evans here”, she answered as cheerfully as she could manage, “Thanks Mike. I’ll be right up”, she hung up the receiver and extended her hand to him, “We’ll deal with this later, OK? Now I have to get a clean bill of health”, she said positively, relieved to have something to distract him from his grim state.
He grabbed her hand as he stood up, but stopped her before she could reach the door, pulling her back till she was securely in his arms.
“I love you”, his words worshipping her.
“I love you”, she repeated, leaning in for one last kiss, “Mike’s waiting”, she reminded him, wiping the traces of lipstick from his face.
Mike opened the door to his office to find Marlena with John standing close behind. He questioned her with his eyes, letting her know that it would be best if she came in alone, and as he did so, she could feel John tensing at the prospect of being left out. From the look on Mike’s face, Marlena knew that not everything was normal, and for a brief moment considered it might be a good idea to follow the fellow doctor’s hint and deal with the news alone. But after the open exchange she and John had shared in her office, she thought it would be worst for him if she shut him out, and whatever this was
about, she much rather have him there.
“You can say whatever you have to say in front of John, Mike”, she let both men know her decision as she stepped into her colleague’s office and sat on one of the two chairs facing his desk.
John sat nervously on the other as Mike occupied his place and handled the sheets of papers scattered on the table. By now, everyone in the room was aware that something was going on.
“What is it, Mike?”, John asked, unable to control his concern any longer, and felt slightly better when he felt Marlena’s hand covering his Mike fidget in his chair a minute longer, uncertain on how to drop the news, not knowing how they would take it. He had been around enough to know that Marlena had led a very solitary life for the past year, and was also aware that John had only been back in town for a few weeks, married and with a baby on the way. He had no idea that he and Marlena had met in California, and certainly had no idea of what was going on between them now. Marlena’s anxious look urging him to talk.
“Well, you see, everything came back normal, except for one thing…”, he realized the two people in front of him were unable to utter a word, “I’m not sure if you were expecting this at all, Marlena, but you’re pregnant”, he delivered the news.
Twists And Turns
Mike looked uncertain from one to the other, while John’s face had suddenly lit up with the brightest of smiles, Marlena’s was shadowed beyond expression, pain and guilt written all over. She let go of John’s hand with horror, covering her face as she started shaking and sobbing uncontrollably. When John reached her shoulder in an attempt to comfort her, she withdrew violently, forcing the words out of her mouth.
“I’m… so… sorry”, she cried, before turning away and disappearing through the door.
Mike looked at John questioningly, and the other man shrugged his shoulders and shook his head as bewildered as him. John signaled to the door, trying to speak his
intentions.
“Go, go”, Mike encouraged him, knowing if someone could help Marlena, that would be John.
John went straight to her office, sure that he would find her there. He could hear her desperate sobs from the other side of the door, so after knocking a couple of times and
getting no answer, he decided to go in anyway. He found her curled on the floor, by the
sofa, her head hidden between her knees, her arms wrapped protectively around her legs, her body trembling with every painful cry. It broke his heart to see her in such state. He couldn’t understand why something that made him so happy could make her so sad. He kneeled beside her, stroking her hair tentatively, when she didn’t reject him, he wrapped his arms around her shaking form, feeling her tense before letting go and turning to him, resting her head on his chest.
“It’s OK, honey, it’s OK…”, he comforted her, his shirt already damp with her tears.
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…”, she kept saying over and over.
“Why do you say that?”, he questioned her with a grin, “We’ll work things out… It’s going to be fine…”, he repeated confidently, thinking she was alluding to the fact that he was now expecting babies with two different women.
“If only I knew…”, she started with remorse, “If only I knew you still loved me… then maybe this baby could be yours”, she finished, crying so hard that she didn’t notice his muscles tensing.
“What?”, he asked dumbfounded, “Are you saying this baby is not mine?”
“I’m so sorry… I wish this baby was yours…”, she continued, his voice never reaching her in her state of grief.
He had to use all his will power to keep from running away, but he couldn’t help unfolding his arms from her. This time she noticed his reaction, totally understanding it,
she looked up at him, tears still falling freely down her face.
“I’m sorry”, she said once more, the pain and guilt he saw in her eyes touching his soul.
So many emotions struck him at once. Rage for feeling betrayed; anger for letting her go; jealousy for not being the only man in her life, at which point he remembered the
man sitting by her on that car when he first saw her back in Salem; guilt for feeling all
those things when he himself had a pregnant wife at home; sadness at seeing his whole
world crumble before his eyes; frustration for not being able to make her pain go away;
and love, the empowering love that he felt for this amazing creature that was meant to
break through any other feelings. He loved her, he would always love her, he had let that love flow back into his heart when she found him in California and there was no way he could ever shut it out again. I would always be there.
“It’s OK”, he finally said, more calmly, pulling her back to him, kissing the top of her head, allowing himself to give in to the woman that held his heart, “We can work this
out…”
She raised her eyes to him unable to speak, pleading forgiveness. He was so touched by her vulnerability that it melted his heart to see her so defenseless. He placed his hands on both sides of her face, looking deeply into her soul.
“I love you”, he declared, to wash away any doubts, “And we are going to get through this together”, bringing his lips to hers, kissing her with all the love he was capable of.
She cried harder at his demonstration of love, making him laugh so heartily that quickly became contagious and she ended up laughing along, slapping him playfully for making fun of her, silently giving thanks for his endless support.
“Please take me home”, she asked after their laughter subsided and the tears dried. He helped her up, stopping her on her tracks as she went for her purse.
“I just need to ask you one question”, he said softly and she knew what was coming, “Who’s the father?”
She trembled, never leaving his gaze as fresh tears blurred her vision.
“I can’t…”, she pleaded, “Please don’t make me tell you…”
Again the guilt for causing her so much pain hit him hard. As much as he wanted to know, he decided to let it go for the time being, gathering in his arms once more to whisper loving words in her ears.
“Shhh… It’s all right… You don’t have to…”, wiping her tears away, forcing her to smile, “Come on, lets get you home.”
Kristen looked at Stefano suspiciously, daring him to tell him what he knew. He had received a phone call from one of his men informing him of John’s visit to the pent-house, and his later escapade with an unconscious Marlena to the hospital, and he was wearing a worried look on his face from not knowing what could possibly be wrong with his Queen of the Night. He had yelled an order for them to find out what was going on before retreating to a silent contemplation of her portrait.
“Are you going to clue me in?”, Kristen asked irritated.
“John went to visit Marlena”, he informed her, not caring how blunt it might have sounded.
“So?”, Kristen grew paler as she feared the worst.
“So what?”, he was in a bad mood, “This was bound to happen, you knew it. Now we have to trust that his sense of responsibility is stronger than his feelings for her. I want
you to go home and wait for him. Of course, you will pretend you know nothing and ask
for no explanations”, he warned her, “But once again you’ll stress the point of not willing
to go through with this pregnancy unless he’s by your side. Capito?”
“What are you going to do?”, she lashed out.
“That depends on the information my associates are gathering for me…”, was all he revealed.
Sensing that she wouldn’t get much more out of her old man, she said her good-byes and headed back to the city, praying that John would see her point and give up for good on his obsession with the other woman.
Surfacing
John followed Marlena into the pent-house wanting to break the silence that had settled between them the moment they left her office. He wished to just hold her in his arms and make all the pain disappear, but there were so many things standing in the middle… His marriage to Kristen, his baby, and now the baby Marlena was expecting from another man. As much as he tried, he couldn’t get rid of the jealousy and the feeling of betrayal lingering in his heart. He loved her so, and he felt so hurt thinking that so soon after their breakup she had been with someone else. It didn’t matter that he was the one who couldn’t commit fully to her at that time, it didn’t matter that he was expecting a baby of his own with another woman. He hadn’t been intimate with Kristen since the night they had let their true feelings flow. To know that she had, tore him to pieces. How he wished that could be his baby! But Marlena had crushed that illusion with just one phrase, she obviously knew better.
He looked at her from his position by the door. She had collapsed on the couch, her back turned to him, letting go off the tension as she stared absently at the patterns of the fabric, her face sad and distant. She looked so vulnerable, in need of him.
Dismissing his reservations, he began his approach, ready to give into the soul deep love he felt for this woman. As he slowly walked towards her, an image crashed his mind, making him tremble. He had been trying to figure out who the father of this baby could be without finding one suitable candidate, but omitting the most obvious one. His stomach turned as the thought invaded his heart, bringing tears to his eyes. Uncertainly, he crossed the distance between them, kneeling on the floor in front of her. Taking her hand in his with infinite tenderness, he got her attention.
She looked up to find the profound sadness that welled in his blue orbs, her heart breaking for this man that she loved beyond explanation. She was aware of the subtle tension that had haunted them all the way from the hospital, feeling responsible for it.
The turmoil of emotions that swirled inside of her made it harder to get through to him. She was overjoyed by the fact that John still loved her, but the news of her pregnancy had hit her hard. The guilt of betrayal sinking under her skin, even when she had no way of knowing that he was going to come back while she was involved with Stefano. How could she tell him that the baby she was expecting was fathered by the man he despised the most, what would John think of her. Then there was the guilt she felt for wishing she wasn’t pregnant. All she wanted was for him to wrap his arms around her and hold her there forever, but she couldn’t work up the courage to ask for that. She trembled as she saw his mouth open to form a question, not knowing what to expect.
John looked her in the eyes, forming the words in his mouth, knowing that he was going against her request, but desperately needing to know the truth that would set him free or crush his every hope of a future with her. He had to ask.
“Doc…”, the ease her name provoked in him spreading through his body, “I know that you don’t want to talk about it, but I need to know…”, he read the question in her hazel eyes, “Is this baby Roman’s?”, his heart piercing with the pain of such thought.
Tears welled in her eyes as she brought her hand to her mouth to subside a cry born from the knowledge of the chaos that the truth would bring. In doing so, she noticed John wince with pain, realizing what he was thinking. So letting the tears flow freely, she reached his cheek with the tip of her fingers, a tentative caress that she consumed as she utter the word that would erase his sorrow.
“No”, a smile creeping to her lips at the absurd of that idea, “Roman is not the father.”
He crumbled as the tension disappeared, unable to control his own tears. The assurance that it was really over between Roman and Marlena washing the last remains of his composure. Unable to speak through the knot in his throat, he manage to climb to the couch, his arms reaching out to bring her close, his heart warming as she melted against him. Both realizing that they could get through anything as long as they were together.
“Oh, God! I love you so!”, his passionate plea being all she needed to survive.
“I love you, John”, she whispered shyly as she let go off her apprehensions, searching blindly for his mouth.
Finally their lips met, joining them in the sweet dance of a lingering kiss. Surrendered to the slow motion of their tongues as they unveiled their feelings for each other. Coming alive through the feelings created by their hearts beating in unison, by the sense of security invoked by the arms holding each other so close. Tears of joy melding with those of sorrow.
“I am so sorry…”, Marlena finally said as their lips parted, touched by the selfless way in which he was accepting their new reality, ashamed for not having been able to be faithful to herself and the love she had always felt for him.
He hushed her promptly placing his fingers over her mouth with infinite tenderness while shaking his head.
“I don’t want you to think about that…”, using the pads of his thumbs to wipe away her tears, “We are going to take things as they are and find our way from here”, he declared both for her benefit as for his, knowing he had to do so in order to survive.
“We can’t ignore the past…”, her clinical reasoning knowing better.
“We’ll deal with it… just not right now”, he consented, “Too much has happened today already”, wanting to forget about everything but their love, “Please…”, begging with her to do the same.
“I guess you’re right”, she agreed, cupping his face in her hands, relishing in having him with her.
The ring of his cell-phone broke through the spell they had woven around them.
She looked at him expectantly as he continued to run his fingers through the moothness of her hair. He knew who it was, and he didn’t want to bring Kristen into their world, so he decided to ignore it while he realized that he couldn’t stay much longer as much as he wanted to. Too much was going on to play the fool, besides, he knew that there were certain issues to resolve before he and Marlena could really be together, issues they needed to discuss together as well as issues they had to resolve separately.
“How are you feeling?”, he asked once the disturbing noise subsided.
“I’m fine”, she answered heartily from her comfortable position in his arms.
“Are you hungry?”, it felt so right to hold her in his embrace.
“Not really… I’m just tired”, she slipped in, regretting it as soon as it came out of her mouth, knowing what would come next.
Without warning, he stood up, scooping her in his arms as she let out a chuckle that brought him so much peace.
“What do you think you’re doing?”, she teased him.
“Putting you down for a nap”, he played along as he climbed the stairs to her bedroom, taking in every detail of the home she had made out of his gift, finding her signature in every corner, her presence in every inch.
Even though he had been there once, a long time ago, he knew perfectly well where to go. So many nights he had spent imagining her living there, fantasizing of sharing it with her. Once he got to the main bedroom, he set her delicately on the bed, resisting the urge to follow his impulse of making love to her. Instead, he proceeded to take off her shoes and lift the covers so she could slip under, sweats and all. She followed his lead, acknowledging the tiredness that swept her body after so powerful revelations, fighting to keep her eyes open as she sunk into the softness of the pillows. She smiled as John tucked her in, holding her gaze for an instant.
“You have to leave?”, she asked, wishing a different answer than the one she was going to get.
“Yeah”, he replied sadly, “But I promise to call you later”, he compromised in an attempt to make it easier for both of them, “You need some rest, anyway…”, leaning to caress her face.
“Can you stay till I fall asleep?”, he had heard the same request from Sami so many times while she was a little girl that believed he was her father and smiled at the memory.
Instead of voicing his answer, he leaned down to capture her lips in a tender kiss before kicking off his shoes to lay down next to her over the covers, filled with overwhelming care towards this creature sent from heaven to brighten his life. She smiled contentedly as she felt the warmth of his body along hers, giving into slumber with a feeling of protection and security that she hadn’t felt in years.
Drifting Apart
Two days had passed since the last time he had seen her, partly because it was hard to get away with Kristen watching his every movement, but mostly because he still couldn’t come to grips with the latest revelation. The fact that Marlena was pregnant with another man’s child so soon after leaving him behind was at the least very unsettling, and as much as John tried to deny it, that notion was eating him alive. On top of that, he had to deal with Kristen. She had been expecting him when he made his entrance on Sunday evening after his visit with Marlena, and the fact that she hadn’t question him about his whereabouts didn’t diminish the obvious reproach he read in her eyes. He had tried to broach the subject of their relationship with her, but as soon as she realized where he was headed, she had brought up again the fact that she wasn’t willing to go along with her pregnancy without her husband by her side. So John had to play along with her delusion of being a happy family, for there was nothing in the world that would make him jeopardize the safety of his unborn child. Though he was still able to convince Kristen to give him some time to sort his feelings out, she wouldn’t let him out of her sight for one minute. He had hope to be able to call Marlena after she fell asleep, but, as if she suspected something, she had remained awake until John drifted to sleep in the bed they shared.
He had finally reached Marlena at work on Monday morning while Kristen was in the shower, but she was in between patients and couldn’t talk much. Fortunately, she wasn’t too mad at him for failing to keep his promise, but he could hear the fear of losing him underlying in her words. And as much as he wanted to reassure her, at this point, it was hard for him to swear that they would be able to work things out when he wasn’t sure himself. Still, he was very careful not to let her know his doubts or guess the disappointment that he was experiencing. He knew that sooner or later they would have to talk about it, but it wouldn’t be over the phone, and it wouldn’t be at all if he managed to resolve it on his own. He was about to explain his situation with Kristen when she came out of the bathroom, forcing him to cut the phone call short.
Marlena had been dealing with doubts and fears of her own as well. Starting when she woke up alone in bed when Sunday was becoming Monday, realizing John hadn’t call. Tears flooded to her eyes as sadness crept back to occupy it’s usual place in her heart. She wasn’t angry at him. How could she? She remembered how she had felt after finding out about Kristen’s pregnancy. He was probably feeling the same way towards her now. And how could she blame him? It was hard enough for her to accept the fact that she was carrying Stefano’s baby, how would John react to the news? Should she tell him? Should she tell Stefano? The idea made her nauseous, forcing her to the bathroom in a rush. Now that she knew how John felt about her, it was even harder to accept what had happened between her and Stefano. She felt so dirty, so undeserving of John’s love. What would he think of her once he knew? Would he ever be able to forgive her? A million questions whirled in her mind as she balanced herself against the sink, washing her mouth, wishing she could wash away the past as well. If only she could remember how it had happened, maybe it would be easier to explain. She laughed at herself, here she was, devastated because she had no memories of a few months of her life while John had no recollection of more than half of his. She could understand his despair so much better now, his frustration, his uncertainty. And yet, he had managed to put all that behind, to make a new life for himself. She admired him for his strength, for his spirit, for his willpower, for so much more… She couldn’t remember those five years when she was missing, but she had been asleep all along. Or hadn’t she? Dismissing those thoughts, she concentrated on the immediate present. The happiness of having John back mixed with the fear of losing him again due to her stupidity. How could she been able to fall for Stefano of all men? And worst of all, to get pregnant with his child! Instinctively, her hands went to cover her stomach, as if to protect her baby from her own thoughts.
“I’m sorry, baby”, she whispered, choking on her tears, “It’s not your fault…”
Going back to work the next morning helped some. And when her secretary announced that John was on the line, she was so grateful to hear his voice, that any trace of anger was quickly forgotten. Though she felt hurt when he had to dismiss her abruptly, probably because of Kristen. She had assured him that it was all right, that she understood, but the truth was that her mind did, her heart didn’t.
Mike stopped by her office later in the afternoon, still worried after she had fled from his office the day before. She assured him that everything was OK and promised to stop by to see Dr. Bader that week, wishing she could tell him everything that was going on, but unable to bring herself to open her heart to him. Having dealt with too many patients in distraught in his young life, Mike was able to read between the lines, and it was no coincidence when Laura showed up to visit her friend shortly after her son had left Marlena’s office.
“Your secretary says you’re done for today…”, Laura stepped in with a friendly smile.
“I’m glad you’re here”, Marlena greeted her with a mixture of happiness and relief, welcoming her open arms.
“Oh, dear! You look like you could use a friend…”
Marlena nodded, following her lead to sit on the couch. And in a matter of minutes she had filled Laura in with the latest events in her life, omitting any reference linked to Stefano that is. But she felt better after being able to get it out of her chest.
“You’re pregnant!”, Laura exclaimed, displaying a level of joy that Marlena wished she could experience, “John must be so…”
“It’s not John’s…”, Marlena announced almost shyly, reading the disappointment in Laura’s face before she could cover it.
“Oh…”, she was about to ask who the father was, but realized soon enough it wasn’t something her friend was willing to discuss, “Well, honey, a baby is always a blessing”, she finished as means of showing her support, “But you said John and you are back together?”
“It looks like it…”, Marlena ducked her head down, “If we can make it through this…”, and was grateful when she felt Laura’s arms around her.
“The love you share is enough to overcome anything”, she said positively.
It felt good to open up to someone, and Marlena returned home feeling somewhat better, but when John failed to call for yet a second time, her hopes for the future began dimming again. Was their love really strong enough? Was it meant to be? Was it even worth fighting for when they were both expecting a child with someone else? Could God bless their love under such circumstances? These and a million more questions lingered in her mind as she finally surrendered to slumber in the midst of tears and confusion. Similar questions plagued John’s mind as he laid quietly beside Kristen, pretending to sleep while the image of the woman he loved above all settled deeper in his soul. He felt so guilty for having deceived a woman who loved him selflessly, for having deceived himself believing he could have a life away from Marlena. He didn’t know about fate, about God, about the future, but of one thing he was sure, he couldn’t breathe without her and no matter what, he was going to make sure that the love they had nursed in their hearts for so long would see the light someday. His life depended on it.
Close Together
Marlena was surprised to see Stefano walk through the door after her secretary announced her next patient, but was quick enough to hide the shiver that ran down her spine as she walked from behind her desk to greet him with a smile.
“What are you doing here?”, she asked nonchalantly while her heart beat sped up.
“I had to make an appointment to see you”, he said graciously kissing her on the cheek, running his hands down her arms, “since you’re so busy that you can’t even take my calls… That or you are avoiding me.”
“I’ve been rather busy taking up my practice again…”, she avoided him gesturing at the couch as she occupied her “doctor” chair a few feet away.
“So how’s that going?”
“It’s going well”, she was feeling uncomfortable in his presence, but after the kindness he had showed towards her lately it was hard to dismiss him just like that, and there was the matter of the baby on the other hand.
“And how are you?”, he insisted, sensing there was something different about her, wondering if she had started to remember.
“A little tired, but other than that I’m OK”, here she was, making small talk with her worst enemy, carrying his baby, like taken out from a scary movie, “Listen, I would like to sit and talk, but I have a million things to do…”, she started, getting up.
“I’m paying for your time”, he reminded her gently.
“No, you are not”, she corrected him, pausing as she gathered her words, “I know that you want us to be friends… but the truth is I still don’t feel comfortable with that idea, maybe because I can’t remember anything that happened between you and I”, she refused to use an “us” regarding him, “And I’m sorry if it sounds rude, but I can’t help the way I feel. Please don’t make it harder than it is…”, she finally spoke up.
“It is not my intention to force you to anything, dear…”, he conceded.
He was surprised by her ability to speak her feelings, something she hadn’t done in quite a while; but it was a quality that endeared her more to him, so he was pleased with her change of attitude, happy to see again some of the fisty and combative side of her personality, some of the fiercely passionate woman that he had fallen in love with years ago.
“Then I’m sure you will understand if I ask you to leave”, she said as sweetly as possible.
She stood in place as he approached her again to kiss her good-bye, tapping her chin with his finger in an act of possessiveness that disgusted her, all the aversion she felt for this man slapping her on the face.
“I’ll see you around. Take care”, were his final words.
As soon as the door closed behind him, she collapsed on the couch, trembling as her hands went protectively to her stomach, that was turning in disgust. How could she willingly given herself to this man? It was more than her soul could bear.
John had convinced Kristen to go by herself to check out some houses, explaining that he had a lot of work to do to transfer his business headquarters from California back to Salem. And though she wasn’t keen on being apart of him for too long, his suggestion of looking for a house more adequate than the loft now that a baby was on the way, freed some of the nagging fears that had been haunting her ever since she had learned the truth. She trusted her father when he urged her to accept the artificial insemination, stating that it was the only way to get John back. She was starting to see the signs of her success, and that made her confident. She realized there was still a long road ahead of them to regain what they once shared, but a house seemed a good a place to start as any. So she smiled as she kissed him good-bye when he dropped her at the real estate office, promising to keep his cell-phone on in case she needed him.
Guilt was eating him alive as he saw his wife’s demise, but he couldn’t go another day without seeing Marlena. The love he felt for her was stronger than his sense of responsibility, stronger than anything. Like a magic spell that compelled him to her side in thought, in presence, at all times. No matter how much he tried to deny it, how much he fought it, it would always be there. He had learned his lesson by now.
He stepped out of the elevator, his heart beating faster in anticipation as he made his way down the hall towards his office. He almost missed the figure that turned around the corner going in opposite direction, but a glimpse was enough to send alarm bells going inside his head. He could recognize Stefano among a crowd, so strong was his sense of survival. He panicked, sweat beads rapidly covering his entire body, hesitating a second between going after him or running to her, time enough for Stefano disappearing from view and for John to start speeding towards Marlena’s office. A thousand different scenarios playing in his mind, one worse than the other. He never acknowledge the secretary that called after him when he practically threw himself to the door that separated him from his final destination, never heard her insistent pleas as she followed him close behind. All his focus was on the creature sitting loosely on the couch, shaking uncontrollably. The commotion of his entrance startling her, Marlena didn’t think twice about standing up to rush to the safe haven of John’s arms, hiding her head in his chest and letting out a sigh of relief, Stefano long forgotten the moment she focused on his handsome face. Understanding her presence was obviously not required, the secretary retreated to her counter outside, closing the battered door in the process.
“Are you all right? Did he hurt you?”, the anxiety obvious in his voice.
“Who?”, Marlena looked at him, lost in the million sensations that ran through her body for having him near, washed by the happiness that overwhelmed her to know that it was true, that John really loved her.
“Stefano”, John looked down at her, concern painted on his eyes, “I just saw him and I thought…”, confused by her reaction.
“He was here…”, she explained, wishing they didn’t have to talk about him at all, “He stopped by to see me”, knowing that it wouldn’t be that easy to drop the subject.
“What did he want?”, there was so much anger in John’s voice that it made her tremble.
“Nothing really… you know Stefano”, how would he react if she told him the truth, “I’m so glad you’re here!”, better to change the subject quickly, “I haven’t heard from you since Monday morning, I was starting to be concerned…”, she didn’t mean to make it sound like a reproach.
“I’m sorry. It’s been a little crazy with Kristen following me all the time and…”, how crazy was this, “I’m sorry, sweetheart, I should have called”, there were really no good excuses.
“I understand”, sort of, but she didn’t want to get into that at the moment, “I’ve missed you, that’s all”, she smiled weakly, needing his reassurance that everything was OK between them.
“I’ve done nothing else but to think about you”, he whispered, tilting her chin up to have better access to her mouth as his lips searched for hers.
She let go of her doubts the instant she felt the warmth of his kiss, recognizing the tremendous love that flowed between them. Wrapping her arms behind his neck to bring him even closer as her mouth parted under his, feeling his strong arms closed around her waist, her body boiling with the sensations that his nearness created. His love. That was all she needed to survive.
Heaven And Earth
If only that was all it took, a kiss to make the obstacles disappear. If only they could relish in the love they felt for each other, with nothing else to consider. If only they were free to love. If only… But the truth was to heavy to be ignored, and they both acknowledged it as they parted from the searing exchange, almost unable to look into each other’s eyes for fear of such confirmation. John tenderly cupped her cheek with his hand, hers immediately covering it, pressing her face against the warmth of his palm.
“What’s to become of us?”, she asked not the least eager to hear the answer.
“I don’t know…”, he said softly after a long pause, unable to lie to her, and was ready to continue if her fingers hadn’t stopped his intent.
“We need to discuss it, but my next patient will arrive soon…”, she explained.
“When?”, it was urgent that they talked, they both knew it.
“Being my first week I have a light load… I have two more patients and then I’m free till three o’clock.”
John looked at his watch, it was 9:45. He quickly did the math. Forty-five minutes per session, plus fifteen minutes in between…
“Shall we say I pick you up at a quarter to twelve?”
“Sounds perfect”, she agreed after checking her watch, “But we still have fifteen minutes till my next patient…”, she pointed sitting on the couch and bringing him down with her, “so in the meantime, I would like to show you just how much I’ve missed you, if you don’t mind…”, she finished seductively, wanting to forget about their problems at least for a while and simply enjoy each other’s company.
“I won’t object to that”, he smiled, lifting her slightly to place her on his lap, getting lost in the depths of her hazel eyes.
“I love you so much…”, she whispered, never parting from his gaze, tears spilling over her thick lashes.
“Oh, baby!”, her silent plea overwhelming his heart as he closed his arms around her slender figure to cradle her with infinite tenderness, her head resting against his shoulder, the beating of his heart singing a peaceful lullaby to her ear, “I love you with all that I am, my heart belongs to you, never doubt that…”
They spent the precious minutes they had left exactly like that, holding each other, content to just be there. Breathing in the certainty that whatever the future held in store for them, it would be fine because they were going to face it together.
It didn’t take John long to prepare his little surprise for the lady that held his heart.
He was determined to outcast the sadness he had seen in her eyes ever since their return to Salem and if they were going to discuss very serious matters, he was going to make sure she knew just how much she meant to him before they did so. So when Kristen called him at mid morning to tell him that she was going to be searching for a house for the rest of the day and the Realtor would drive her home once they were done, it came as a blessing.
Marlena decided to make an appointment with Dr. Bader later in the week while she waited for John, who was running a few minutes late. She hadn’t been willing to think much about the baby growing in her womb, mainly because it meant thinking about it’s father, but every now and then during the day her hand would instinctively go to her stomach and a smile would creep to her lips as she thought of herself with a tiny baby nestled in her arms. She was doing precisely that when John came through the door carrying a bouquet of fresh lilacs in one hand and a hanger with a Ballistix cover on the other. He froze at the image displayed before him, the glow on Marlena’s face beaming even more beauty if that was possible. He ached as once again he remembered that could have been their baby, but hide the pain behind a smile as she looked up to see who had entered her office without knocking. Her smile widened as she saw him, flowers and all.
“Are those for me?”, she asked merrily as she crossed the room towards him.
“Depends… what do I get?”, he teased her, bringing his hand up to keep the bouquet out of her reach.
She leaned forward, locking her hands behind his neck and coming dangerously close, her lips almost touching his, her breath caressing his skin as she spoke softly.
“You might find out if you hand them to me…”, releasing her grip enough to back a couple of steps and leave him longing.
Her eyes beamed as he brought the flowers down and to her level, offering them endearingly for her to take, which she did.
“They are beautiful…”, she thanked him, still lingering from the sweet scent.
Next, she replaced her free hand on the nape of his head, her lips hovering over his for an instant before her mouth claimed his in a moist, long kiss.
“You’re late”, she scowled him playfully when they parted.
“Five minutes”, he shrugged.
“Too long”, she explained before capturing his lips again, her tongue sliding easily in search of his.
“What do you have there?”, she inquired, having caught sight of the bag, cutting the kiss short in favor of her curiosity.
“This”, he said lifting the plastic cover to reveal a gorgeous light yellow sun-dress with small white petals flowers, with green stems and dark yellow center, “is something for you to wear, more appropriate than that suit for where I’m taking you.”
“Where?”, she beamed like a child, running the soft fabric of the dress through her fingers, and eyeing the label to discover he remembered her size all too well.
“Not telling…”, he laughed, knowing just what that would do to her.
“Oh, come on…”, she started, ready fight for an answer before she decided it didn’t matter, as long as he was there.
In a swift movement, she took the hanger from his fingers, flashed him her best smile and headed for the bathroom.
“I’ll be right back”, she added calmly, leaving him totally puzzled with that reaction.
A few minutes later, she emerged looking positively ravishing, her slightly tanned skin contrasting perfectly against the pale yellow dress, her golden curls falling graciously over her bare shoulders. John looked her way, entranced by the vision before him, his heart pounding hard with pride and love. She placed the flowers in the vase filled with water that she had brought from the bathroom, hung her purse from her shoulder and extended her hand to take his, ready to follow him till the end of the world if requested.
“I’m all yours”, she announced, buzzing with excitement over what would be their first real date in years according to her limited memory.
“That you are”, he whispered, bringing her close to kiss her lips lightly.
With regret, she let go of his hand as soon as they trespassed the door, realizing decorum was in order. After instructing her secretary to call her on her cell-phone if needed and announcing she would be back before her 3:00 p.m. appointment, she followed John through the corridors of University Hospital and into the elevator, hoping no one would notice them. She felt better once they got to his jeep and relaxed as he drove them to their final destination. Her heart beating fast, happiness overflowing her soul.
Another Chance
The ride was made in considerable silence, too much to be said to pretend otherwise. Marlena relaxed and enjoyed the view as they left the city behind, John’s company all she needed to feel completely satisfied. John on the other hand, was eager to please her, to show her the depth of his love for her, to make her understand that he lived for her, something he had failed to do back in California, since she had enough doubts to leave him and even hook up with someone else. That was another matter all together, but he wasn’t sure how to broach the subject without risking losing her again. Though to the common eye there weren’t yet any signs of a pregnancy, he knew her body too well not to notice the extra glow of her skin, the swelling of her breasts that filled the cleavage of the thin sun-dress with strong roundness. To John, this was a side of her beauty that he’d never seen, one that stirred his senses, despite the fact that the baby wasn’t his. As hard as it was, he was determined to overcome the sense of betrayal he felt every time he thought of her being with another man, for her sake as well as his. Catching sight of his glance, Marlena reached for his hand, enveloping it with her fingers to bring it to rest on her thigh, capturing his heart in that simple gesture.
After a twenty minute ride, they came to an unpaved, almost hidden path that started at one side of the road and went deeper into the woods. In a short while, every sign of civilization left behind, they arrived to their intended destination, a green spot surrounded by tall trees through which the warm sun filtered to create a beautiful display of lights and shadows. As John helped her out of the jeep, Marlena heard the birds singing and the sound of running water which indicated some sort of creek nearby. An ample smile painted upon her face as the scents of spring washed upon her.
“This is perfect…”, she complimented him as the cold April breeze caused goose bumps to form on her arms.
Without a word, John went to the back of the vehicle, returning with a gorgeous knitted yellow shawl made with delicate silk thread that obviously matched her sun-dress, and which he placed tenderly over her shoulders.
“Is that better?”, he asked, entranced by the sparks in her hazel eyes.
“More than better…”, she whispered, caressing his cheek with the tips of her slender fingers before leaning forward to capture his mouth in an ethereal kiss, “You never cease to amaze me”, basking in his bright smile and the bluest pair of eyes.
“I hope you’re hungry!”, he let go of the spell, knowing better, and busying himself with the various props he had brought along.
“What do you have there?”, Marlena followed him to the back of the jeep, attempting to help.
“No, no…”, he intercepted her, ready to forbid her from any physical effort due to her condition, but reading in her eyes a stern reproach, he quickly changed tactics, “You’re job is to find the perfect spot for a picnic!”, he explained placing his hands on her shoulders, turning her towards the woods and sending her off with a playful slap on the butt.
She turned around, a broad smile on her open mouth, but decided against scowling him and resumed her path, enjoying every second of their time together. In less than no time, John had arranged a huge blanket, half a dozen comfortable pillows to lay on, a display of all kinds of salads, quiches, cold meats, cheeses, breads and fresh fruit, a bucket of ice with water and lemonade, and even a vase with another set of fresh lilacs.
“I thought about some music, but nothing could beat this…”, he concluded referring to the harmonious sounds of nature.
“You’re amazing! But I told you that already, haven’t I?”
“That’s all right”, he teased her, helping her down to the floor, “Ready to eat?”
“I’m famished!”
They took turns feeding each other, enjoying the freedom to express their feelings, absorbing the peace that surrounded them. For a while, all traces of the world beyond those trees seemed to vanish. They were in heaven and couldn’t get enough of it. It was a glorious feeling to share such simple pleasures as eating and talking without the pressures of their present situation. John was overjoyed for having her back, for feeling her so close and so sure of her commitment to him. But he had felt that when she first returned to his life and suddenly she was gone, so there was still some lingering fear that it could happen again. He had to find out exactly what had happened to prevent it from reoccurring, but he had to be very careful not to scare her away.
Marlena couldn’t quite absorb the latest events yet. In a matter of days her life had turned upside down and then over again. Without warning, the man she loved and thought forever lost had stomped back into her life, reclaiming his place in her heart with a blunt declaration of love that left her speechless. How he had brought himself to throw away his former life and do that was still a mystery, and from bits and pieces of their conversations, she gathered there was at least one or two encounters missing from her memory. At some point, John had returned to Salem and they had met, and obviously there must have been some connection there that made him risk everything by opening his heart to her. It was also clear that neither he or anyone else knew about her relationship with Stefano, which was another issue in itself. There were so many links missing to put the puzzle together, but how could she search for answers without uncovering her secret?
“So how do you like being back to work?”, John’s question snapped her out of her reverie.
“I like it…”, she smiled, opening her mouth to accept the piece of mango he offered, “Mmmh…”, leaking the excess juice that dripped down her lips, “But to be perfectly honest, I much rather spend my days like this.”
“Sounds dreamy.”
He drew her closer, absorbing the scent of her perfume as his mouth traveled from her neck up to her mouth. Kissing her delicately first, dwelling in the moist dance of their lips, the exchange rapidly mounting in intensity with unbridled desire. Her hands instinctively reaching to his hair to pull him to her as their tongues collided in an outburst of passion. Slowly, he laid her against the chenille pillows, the shawl quickly discarded in favor of the softness of her skin and the warmth of his body pressed against hers. She felt his hands roaming over her exposed skin, sending searing sensations through her body; his mouth nibbling at her ear, making its descent to the hollow of her neck, driving her crazy. Her hands frantically tugging his shirt out of his pants, clashing against the taut skin of his chest, turning to fire the paths she drew with her fingers.
“I’ve missed you so…”, he whispered before she claimed his mouth again.
His hands continued to roam through her body, her fast breathing and moans of pleasure as he awakened her senses arousing him by the second. He was ready to act on the overwhelming love he felt for this woman, but as his fingers reached the curves of her breasts, he suddenly remembered the fact that someone else had touched her like that, and the idea of her moaning in response to another man cut through his heart. He tried not to pull back, but he flinched imperceptibly, without noticing that she was doing the same.
Suddenly she had felt to overwhelmed by the situation, too much between them to forget about it and get carried away. He had only been back in her life for a few days and they hadn’t shared more than some unfinished conversations. She loved him beyond measure, but too much was at stake to act irresponsibly and threw away their one chance to happiness. They needed to be sure of what they were about to do. As much as she wanted to make love to him, they couldn’t use that as an excuse to avoid the real issues.
“John, honey…”, she used all of her will power to pull back, “…we have to talk first”, her breathing slowly returning to normal.
He looked into her eyes, acknowledging what she was saying as true, and pulled back also, a hint of sadness unveiled on his face.
“You’re right”, he accepted, sitting up and offering his hand to her to do the same.
She brought her fingers to his cheek, as if saying how much he wanted to just be with him and forget about everything. He captured her hand and kissed her palm sweetly, as if saying he felt the same way. And then she smiled, mending his heart in the rocess. He was going to give her the world and he was going to make things right for her, no matter what.
Tracing The Way
When John told her about Brady and how much he wanted to see her, she wondered if indeed there had been an encounter she didn’t recall, and was tempted to tell him about her memory loss, but since that would mean having to talk about her relationship with Stefano and his paternity over her child, she decided against it. John caught the change in her expression, the tension on her forehead.
“What’s the matter?”, he asked kindly, tucking a stray of golden hair behind her ear.
“Nothing’s the matter…”, she dismissed him, stretching her arms before leaning down to rest her head on his lap, “I love this place”, changing the subject in hope he would let it go.
“What were you thinking just now?”, he insisted, looking down at her, running his fingers through her silky hair.
“That I wish we could stay like this forever”, she lied, though meaning every word, “Do you think there’s still a chance for us?”, she finally asked, looking directly into the depth of his soul bearing eyes.
“Every chance”, he reassured her, “I’m sure that eventually Kristen will understand and let me go…”
“What if she doesn’t?”
“Then she’ll have to accept it anyway”, he said sadly, wishing the situation was different and no one had to get hurt, “After the third or fourth month she won’t be able to have an abortion even if she wants to,” the sole idea made his stomach churn, “and I’ll talk to her and make her see that getting a divorce is the best thing for everyone.”
She could see how painful it was for him to be speaking about the woman who was his wife in those terms, how guilty it made him feel. But she also knew that the love they felt was meant to be and that alone could make everything right.
“Still the stress of a separation could be harmful for the baby…”, she offered her medical opinion, “I don’t know Kristen, but if she’s going to such lengths to retain you, she could very well get depressed, stop eating or who knows what else to make you feel guilty. I think the safest thing for the baby is that you stay with her until the birth”, she didn’t want him to, but she knew it was the right thing to do if the situation got out of hand.
“That’s planning too far in advance”, John argued, not wanting to consider that possibility, “I’ll talk to her in a couple of months and see how she reacts… Gosh, I feel like a creep planning like this! Leading her on when I know I’ll get off the train as soon as I get a chance…”, he was venting off some steam, without realizing the effect his words had on Marlena until he saw the tears trickling down her cheeks as she lifted herself to a sitting position, her back turned to him.
Immediately he wrapped her in his arms, kissing the moisture away.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart, I know how hard this is for you too”, he whispered in her ear, “But we can’t pretend that we don’t feel what we feel, and eventually Kristen will be able to have a second chance to be truly happy, too.”
“I know. I just wish we didn’t have to deceive her this way, but you can’t let an innocent child pay for its parent’s mistakes…”, she trailed off, thinking about her own situation.
“Everything will be well once the baby’s born, you’ll see…”, he assured her, tightening his arms around her to bring her even closer, “In the meantime, we’ll just have to be careful not to raise her suspicions. I refuse to let you go, that’s a given…”, he declared.
“We could wait until you clear things with her”, she suggested for the sake of decorum, “But I don’t think I can last long without seeing you…”
“Forget it”, he discarded the option, wondering why she was suddenly so concerned about doing the right thing when she had so openly accepted him only a month or so ago, “There’s no way I’m letting you go, I told you.”
“I don’t want that either, believe me”, she turned in his arms to face him, “I love you and I want you in my life now, we’ve wasted so much time already… It’s just that I’m so confused…”, more than he could imagine.
He just held her, not knowing what to do or say to make her feel better, conscious of the many obstacles rising in between them. After sensing she was calmer, he worked up the courage to ask the obvious.
“Doc”, he started uneasy, lifting her face up to his so he could read her expression, “I know you said you don’t want to discuss it, but what about the father of your baby? What’s his take on all this?”, he felt the trembling on her jaw and saw the tears spilling from her eyes like waterfalls, making him regret he had even asked.
“He doesn’t know”, she said at last, “And I don’t want him to know…”, she continued obviously distressed, “I know I have no right to hide this from him, but I really don’t want him to know…”
John wanted to comfort her, but it was hard not knowing what the real situation was, and it was harder having to talk with her about the other man in her life.
“It’s up to you. He doesn’t have to know unless you decide to tell him and if you feel it’s best that he doesn’t know… Do you love him?”, the question came out of his mouth before he could even consider it.
“Not at all”, she was quick to respond.
“Marlena, did he force you?”, it hadn’t occurred to him until he saw the disgust on her face.
“No”, it came out as a whisper, and John cursed himself for wishing for a different answer.
“Well, he doesn’t have to know until you’re ready to tell him”, he said not at all concerned about the other man’s rights.
“It’ll be hard not to in a couple of months…”, she said sadly.
“In that case”, he started with assurance after a long pause, “if you still decide is best not to tell him, we can say it’s mine”, surprise written all over her face, “I don’t know what the story is with this guy, and you don’t have to tell me until you’re ready”, he continued, as it was obvious she couldn’t speak, “but the family and friends will ask questions and I think it will be easier for you if we say I’m the father…”, he finished his suggestion, not at all sure if it was the right thing to do.
“You would do that?”, she asked dumbfounded, deeply touched by his selfless gesture.
“I would do anything for you. I thought you knew that by now”, he smiled warmly, before giving her the sweetest of kisses.
She wondered what Kristen would say, what Stefano would do when he found out, how everyone would react to the news. It would be so perfect to have John assume the paternity of her baby, so easy, but she had to think about his welfare too. As generous and loving as he was, she had to consider what that would mean for him, and what it would mean for the baby, too.
“We’ll see…”, she said when they parted from the kiss, “I love you for suggesting it”, she said cupping his face in her hands, “I love you so much.”
Not longer after that, they packed things up to return to the hospital, having cleared some of the air and having agreed on being very discreet at least until Kristen came to her senses. Marlena would call John always on his cell-phone, and he would drop by the hospital to see her every now and then, and by her pent-house whenever he could.
They settled on not telling anybody that they were back together until things were cleared.
Marlena would talk to Mike and Laura and ask them to keep the secret, being obvious that they knew.
Saying good-bye at the underground parking lot of University Hospital was the hardest thing to do. They didn’t know when they would get a chance to see each other and there was still so much that needed to be said. Counting on the dark glasses of John’s jeep to grant them some privacy, they embraced for long minutes, Marlena fighting to remain in control, John wishing he never had to let her go. Finally, knowing that she had to leave to get to her practice any second, he placed his hands on each side of her face and kissed her passionately.
“I will be thinking about you every second”, he declared gazing into her eyes, “I love you with all my heart.”
She was too overwhelmed to speak, she just nodded her head, biting her lower lip to retain the tears, placed three fingers over his mouth for a brief moment, and turned around to leave. John watched her retreating form until she disappeared into the elevator, his heart pounding furiously as he refrained from running after her. Marlena walked straight into her office, collapsing on the couch after closing the door behind her. This was going to be harder than she had imagined.
Lessons To Be Learned
As Marlena got ready to head up to the third floor for her appointment with Dr. Bader, she wondered what she was going to say when her friend naturally asked who was the father of her child. And as she did so, more serious questions raised in her mind: was she going to tell Stefano he was going to have a child or was she going to accept John’s suggestion and present him as the father? And how would Kristen react if they did so? As far as she knew, Kristen was aware of John’s feelings towards her, but what would happen if she believed they had actually acted on those feelings. As things were now, Kristen was dealing with her husband having feelings for another woman, but having decided to stay by her side and make things work. How would the knowledge of him fathering not one but two babies affect her? Could she risk John’s child in order to protect her own? That was out of question. So she would have to deal with Stefano in her own terms.
At least she had John back in her life, and that made all the difference in the world. A smile crowned her face as she recalled their glorious picnic, the short visits he had paid her, the long phone calls while he drove around in his car or whenever he could get away from Kristen in the last two days. Just the last night, for example, he had called her right before she fell asleep to wish her good night and tell her how much he loved her.
When she asked how did he manage to call her so late, he told her he was supposedly taking a shower and held the cell-phone close to the stream of running water for her to hear, making her laugh. As if on cue, the phone on her desk began to ring.
“Dr. Evans speaking”, he answered switching to her doctor mode.
“Hey, babe!”, his husky voice made her heart skip a beat, “What are you doing?”
“I’m on my way up to see Dr. Bader. What are you doing?”, she loved playing with him on the phone.
“I’m on my way to pick up my tux for tomorrow night”, he said referring to the benefit to be held at Titan to raise funds for the Pediatric Ward of University Hospital, “You’re going, right?”
“Yes, I’m going. Laura is picking me up, we’ll keep each other company”, she didn’t say it, but it was obvious she was thinking about Kristen coming along with him.
“I can’t wait to see you. It won’t be hard to find you, you’ll be the prettiest girl in the room”, he said to cheer her up.
“Yeah, yeah… I can’t wait to see you in your monkey suit”, she chuckled, “Listen, honey, I really have to go now, I don’t want to keep Jane waiting.”
“I’ll call you later. I love you.”
“Love you”, she finished.
Kristen paced the shops at Salem Place anxiously waiting for Stefano to show up. He hadn’t been to thrilled about meeting her there, but after refusing to drive all the way to his hideaway, she hadn’t leave him much choice. The many bags hanging from her arms were starting to bother her. She was tired and wanted to head home to bed. Though she had skipped the morning sickness, she hadn’t escape the tiredness and the swing moods. She was sleepy all day long. She was happy to be pregnant, motherhood being one of her childhood dreams, but it hadn’t succeed in bringing John back. Yes, he had committed to her and the baby, he even spoke with pride and hope about the child he thought his, but he hadn’t shown any signs of wanting to be closer to her. She had tried to get him to be intimate with her, but he came up with excuses, saying they needed time, that they couldn’t pretend as if nothing had happened. The ghost of Marlena still interfering in her plans. What if it never disappeared? Then she would have to deal with Marlena in her own way and forget her father’s tactics.
As she watched Stefano approach, she decided to push those thoughts out of her mind for the time being, concentrating on the more serious matters at hand.
Putting aside professional manners, Jane Bader stood up to hug her friend and colleague as she entered the examination room where Marlena was waiting in a hospital gown. She hadn’t seen her since she stopped by to collect the keys to the beach house before leaving to California and Jane still thought it was very strange that she hadn’t contact her since her return to Salem. Yes, she had thanked her profusely before the trip and even called her a couple of times from Malibu to say how grateful she was, but the fact that she hadn’t approached her since was definitely out of character.
“It’s so good to see you”, Jane greeted her, “I heard about the great news”, she continued referring to the baby, leaving the matter of concern for later.
“Yes, I’m still shocked”, Marlena offered as an excuse for her lack of enthusiasm as she hoped to the examining table.
“How far are you?”
“To tell you the truth, I’m not sure. Probably about 4 or 6 weeks…”
“When was your last period?”, the doctor asked, surprised by Marlena’s lack of precision, specially since she had always been so detailed oriented.
“I don’t remember…”, that was such a meek excuse, “So much has been going on that I hadn’t been keeping proper track…”, she hoped her friend would buy it.
Dr. Bader proceeded to do a general check-up, sensing Marlena wasn’t very keen on discussing anything, she did so in silence, planning to ask the questions later. After several minutes, she smiled and announced her findings.
“Everything seems fine. I would like you to schedule a sonogram as soon as possible, I’ll do it myself. Then we’ll be able to establish more accurately how far you are”, she finished her medical assessment as she helped Marlena down to the floor, “In the meantime, why don’t you get changed and meet me in my office so we can talk more comfortably”, she suggested ready to confront her about her odd behavior, sensing there was much more than what she was telling.
In a short while Marlena joined her in the office, completely unprepared for what Jane had to say. She sat down on the empty chair by Jane’s side, refused her offer of juice or water and waited for her friend to speak.
“I’m not speaking as your doctor here, but as your friend”, she started, putting Marlena on alert that something was about to happen, “I’m concerned about you, Marlena… You don’t seem thrilled about being pregnant, you can’t remember your dates, and you haven’t been acting much as yourself lately. What’s going on?”
“What do you mean I haven’t been acting as myself? We haven’t seen each other for a while now…”, she smiled a bit nervous.
“That’s what I mean. Normally you would have come up to me and tell me about your stay in California, hand me the keys to the house… I don’t know”, there was no reproach in her tone, only genuine concern for her friend.
“The keys to the house?”, she repeated as she tried to tie the ends of the story. She remembered about the house the Bader’s had in California, and she also remembered Laura suggesting she spent some time there some months after John had disappeared. Maybe in her attempt to make everyone believe she was going to California when in reality she was pursuing an affair with Stefano she had taken the keys to the house and since she had forgotten about that, never returned them. Guilt slapped her on the face as she realized how she had been letting her friends on.
“Oh, Jane, I’m so terribly sorry!”, she began, wanting to get out of there as soon as possible, “This week since I’ve been back has been extremely chaotic, finding about the baby and all… I completely forgot about the keys!”
“Oh, honey, that’s all right, please”, Jane calmed her, “I didn’t mean to make you feel bad, I’m just concerned about you. Of course I understand…”, suddenly realizing that the baby was probably the result of a casual affair, making Marlena’s distress totally understandable, “I just want you to know that I’m here if you need a friend to talk to”, she concluded, letting her off the hook.
“Thanks. I know”, she sighed, seizing the opportunity to stand up, “I really have to go now. I promise to get those keys to you as soon as possible”, she hugged her friend good-bye.
“Don’t worry about it.”
Marlena left the office feeling more confused and guilty than ever. The things she had done made her feel like a stranger even to herself. How could she have deceived all her good friends? How could she have fallen so low to turn to her worst enemy for comfort? Would she ever be able to face the truth of what she had done? That sort of questions lingered in her mind as she headed for the safety of her home, ready to hide herself from the world and all her demons.
Dancing In The Dark
Marlena clutched Laura’s hand as they entered the 10th floor of the Titan building, where the party was already in progress. She hadn’t seen most of her friends in quite a while according to what she had gathered from conversations with Stefano and Laura, and they were all aware of her erratic behavior in the past weeks since Roman’s tales hadn’t favored her on the least. On top of that, she was very nervous about Kristen being there with John. It was going to be awkward for the three of them, to put it mildly.
Mike was the first to spot them, coming immediately to greet them and guiding them towards the table they had assigned, making the transition a lot easier. Marlena was grateful when she spotted Alice Horton sitting there, along with other members of the staff. She surveyed the room in search of John as they made their way to the table, but there was no sign of him. She stopped several times to greet friends and colleagues, such as Victor and Kate, Carrie and Austin, Lexi and Abe, the Baders and even Shawn and Caroline, who hugged her warmly despite the differences between her and their son. The stress slowly disappeared as she eased into the festive atmosphere. She let herself enjoy the conversation as they served the first course, constantly checking the entrance out of the corner of her eye.
“Dear, are you all right?”, Alice asked after she stopped in mid-sentence, the colors leaving her face.
Truth is her blood had frozen when she saw Stefano coming into the room. He had told her about the pardon he had been granted, and how he was trying to become a model citizen, mingling among Salem’s best, but she never expected to find him there. What if he decided to approach her, what would her friends think if they found out the truth about them.
“Please excuse me”, she stood up hiding her anxiety, “I need to freshen up.”
“I’ll come with you”, Laura offered, sensing Marlena could use a friend. She made a beeline for the bathroom, Laura following close, but Stefano was quicker and caught up with them.
“Hello, Marlena”, he said, taking her hand in his to kiss it.
“Stefano”, she responded coldly, which didn’t go unnoticed by the man.
“Have you been trying to avoid me?”, he asked bluntly, never acknowledging Laura, who stood some feet away.
“No”, she answered short of a good excuse.
“I think we need to talk”, he looked at her intently, a smirk on his lips, “What do you say you reserve the first dance for me?”
“Fine”, she gave up, feeling he owed him at least that much considering the important news she was hiding from him, “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need some air”, she finished the exchange.
Changing her path towards the terrace, she never noticed another pair of eyes following her every move. John had caught sight of the vision in blue the second he stepped out of the elevator. She was wearing a breathtaking strapless gown made of many layers of blue gauze, ethereal as the creature wearing it; a thin shawl of the same material draped over her bare shoulders, her golden tresses up in a curly hairdo, tiny diamond stars spread here and there. He also noticed who she was addressing to, and it took a huge effort on his part not to run to her aide, but Kristen’s chattering remind him of his
position. What he didn’t count on was that Laura had taken in the whole picture, and as soon as Marlena left Stefano behind, she approached the newcomers with her brightest smile.
“Hello, John!”, she greeted him exaggerating a little, as if telling him she had a plan.
“Hi, Laura”, he said, his focus on the other end of the room where Marlena had disappeared to.
“And this must be your lovely wife Kristen”, she continued, “I’m Laura Horton”, shaking hands with Kristen, who was more than excited to be so well accepted.
“Nice to meet you”, she was too excited to notice what had just happened.
“It must be very hard to be new in town”, she stressed, realizing she had Kristen eating from her hand, “But we’re going to solve that right this minute. John, if you’ll excuse us, I’m going to introduce Kristen to the ladies.”
Kristen looked at him for approval and he smiled gratefully at Laura, understanding what she was doing.
“You go along. I’ll join you shortly, there’s someone I need to talk to”, he said, watching them leave before heading in opposite direction.
He found her alone in the terrace, the cold night air playing with the skirt of her dress. She had her arms folded in front of her and she was trembling lightly. He approached her silently. She was startled by the sound of his voice and the arms that enveloped her from behind.
“I wish I could make him disappear…”, he whispered, kissing her cheek after.
“I’m so glad you’re here!”, she turned around, her eyes shimmering under the moonlight, “I was beginning to wonder if maybe you’ve changed your mind about coming.”
“And miss the chance to see you in that outfit?”, he arched his eyebrows and was rewarded by her beautiful smile.
“Where’s Kristen?”, she remembered the reason they weren’t there together.
“Laura is introducing her to everyone”, it was enough for Marlena to get the whole picture.
“She’s a sweetheart”, she chuckled at her friend’s perfect timing.
“What did Stefano want?”, he inquired, his arms securely around her waist.
“The first dance… He’s trying to prove he’s a changed man”, she explained as she noticed the tension forming on John’s brow, “Better to give him what he wants and get it over with”, she concluded, filling him in about her decision, “Why don’t we go in”, she changed the subject, avoiding a discussion she wasn’t ready to have, “I’m sure Kristen is wondering where you are”, disengaging from the embrace gracefully and leading the way.
She waited a few minutes after John had walked in to do the same, not wanting to arise suspicions. Once she saw him meeting with Kristen and walking her to their table, she headed to her place feeling slightly jealous.
They swayed to the music, the scent of her perfume calling him closer, the softness of her skin making his blood boil. He leaned in closer, she forced her arms between them to prevent him from doing so.
“What’s the matter?”, his thick accent drawling on the words.
“I’ve already told you I’m not interested in that kind of relationship”, Marlena cut him off, she was starting to get tired of his advances.
“What happened that made you change so drastically?”, his frustration sounded a lot like anger, “It was a few weeks ago that you were pleading me to join you in bed”, he played with her mind.
“Well, I don’t feel that way anymore”, he was exasperating and his words reminded her of how much she hated herself for giving in to him, “and I would appreciate it if you leave me alone in the future”, she walked away, leaving him standing in the middle of the dance floor.
John hadn’t heard the verbal exchange from where he danced with Kristen, but had read the turmoil Marlena was going through. Again it was Laura that came to her rescue, easing his heart a little. While his concentration was elsewhere, Kristen had all her attention focused on her father, who was signaling his need to speak to her.
“Honey, would you excuse me for a second”, she pleaded walking towards the ladies room.
John seized the opportunity to walk up to Marlena’s table with the excuse of saying hello to Alice. They exchanged glances, his asking if she was OK, hers telling him she was. As soon as Kristen returned, not one trace of joy upon her demeanor, he excused himself to go meet her, trying to avoid any possible encounter between the two ladies. He had envisioned another scenario for that night, which was turning out to be disastrous. How were they going to keep this charade going was beyond his comprehension.
Dancing In The Light
Marlena watched as John and Kristen returned to their table after a brief conversation to pick up her things, her gaze following them as they made their way out of the ballroom. Sad that the evening was cut short and that he hadn’t even tried to approach her to say good-bye, she was grateful for the distraction when Mike asked her to the dance floor. He and Laura were aware of the situation, and were going to great lengths to keep her happy. Their efforts didn’t go astray from Marlena, who showed her appreciation giving herself to the rhythm of the music.
“So how have you been feeling lately?”, Mike asked, since they hadn’t had a chance to really talk since he delivered the news about her pregnancy.
“Are you asking as a doctor or as a friend?”, Marlena sighed, welcoming the opportunity to talk to someone.
“Both”, his smile indicated that he was more than willing to lend her a shoulder.
“I still have some morning sickness now and then, but other than that I feel fine”, she started with the easy part.
“So the patient is fine. How about the woman?”, he pursued as they continued to sway to a soft melody.
“It’s been hard…”, she considered the possibility of covering up, but the weight on her heart was so heavy that she felt compelled to give him the whole story, “The good part is that John and I are in love, something I thought would never happen again”, she couldn’t help a smile, “The complicated part is that Kristen is pregnant and refuses to let John go… and I can understand that.”
“You’re pregnant too”, Mike pointed out, unaware of the circumstances, “I’m sure John will be a wonderful father to both babies, but he has a right to choose who’s the woman he wants to be with…”, he defended their case, knowing as well as everyone else in Salem how deep and abiding was the love John and Marlena shared.
“John is not the father of my baby”, she confessed in a whisper, looking down to avoid meeting his gaze.
His silence was born out of surprise, his lack of words was due to the fact that he was trying to find something to say that would make her feel better, but to Marlena it all sounded too much like a reproach and she flinched involuntarily. Mike was about to speak when his eyes opened wide and a broad smile appeared on his face. Marlena looked at him perplexed as he disengaged from her, and didn’t grasp the core of the situation until she saw John taking his place. Her face lit up instantly as Mike mouthed a “we’ll talk later” on his way out of the dance floor.
“Would you do me the honor of dancing with me?”, John asked, enjoying the effect he was having on her.
Her first impulse was to hug him tight, but as she was leaning forward a thought came to her mind and she retreated slightly, eyeing the room discretely.
“Where’s Kristen?”, the phrase was becoming uncomfortably familiar.
“She wasn’t feeling too well and decided to go home”, he responded more concerned on the beauty before him than on his wife.
“Why didn’t you go with her?”, Marlena eyed him.
“I offered to, but she insisted on taking a cab saying the party was just getting started and I should be here as one of the members of the board and contributors… She was more tired than anything else, she’s been very sleepy lately”, he explained his lack of concern, “How do you feel?”, he asked, figuring maybe she was undergoing the same symptoms.
“I must look really sick cause I’ve been asked the same question too many times tonight”, she joked.
“You look absolutely beautiful”, he murmured, bringing her a little closer.
“That’s because I feel so fine when I’m in your arms…”, she trailed off, enjoying the warmth of his body next to hers.
“Do you realize that we have the rest of the evening to ourselves?”, his words caressing her ear the way he wished his lips could do.
“Are you sure I’m not dreaming?”, her eyes dancing with delight.
“Does that feel real enough?”, he teased her taking advantage of the fact that they were surrounded by other couples to draw his hands down her spine and squeeze her buttocks.
“John…”, her eyes wide open as she realized what he was doing, her hands slipping backwards to bring his wandering hands back to her waist.
“Did I tell you I’m crazy about you?”
“Did I tell you that I live for the moments you’re near?”, she smiled sheepishly.
“Do you think we can ditch this party?”, he suggested getting carried away by the sweet sound of her voice.
“What will the members of the board say?”, she teased him.
“We’ll have to apologize by saying you’re not feeling well and being the gentleman that I am I offered to take you home”, he declared as if he had just come up with the brightest idea.
“You think they’ll buy that?”, she continued playfully, not caring anymore what anyone could think.
“You’ll have to help me by quitting to smile like that and acting somewhat sick…”, he coiled her.
“I’m a doctor, I guess I know a little about that”, she said, her expression changing completely in the next second, if John didn’t know better he would have been concerned, “But you have to promise you’ll dance with me a little more once you get me home…”, she asked, not wanting to let go of the moment so quickly.
“You have my word”, he promised escorting her towards the tables, “and my heart…”, he continued to whisper as they made their way to where their friends sat, “and my soul…”, making it almost impossible for her to keep up the sick front, “and my future…”
“Would you stop that!”, she turned around scowling him sternly and looked away when he bit his lips not to laugh, for fear to do the same.
It wasn’t long before they said their good-byes and once they where safely away from curious looks inside the elevator, they burst into laughter.
“You got me worried out there…”, he chuckled, “for a second I thought you were going to faint!”
“I’m good, uh?”, she smiled proudly.
“You are sooo good”, he finished grabbing her by the waist to kiss her passionately.
She locked her arms behind his head as his body pressed her against the elevator wall. So into it they were, that they barely noticed when the metal doors opened. Again they burst into laughter as they realized how close they could have been to get caught, but the parking lot was empty of human presence and their laughs filled the air as they ran hand in hand towards John’s jeep.
Anything and Everything
Marlena felt giddy and tipsy as if she had been drinking, but the adrenaline from having the man of her dreams escorting her into the privacy of her home was the sole culprit of her state. All thoughts of Kristen and the problems that stood in the way of them being together had been relegated to the back of their minds, being that their hearts had taken full charge from the moment they had entered the elevator to leave the party behind. John watched her as she walked towards the center of the living-room, admiring her fabulous curves clad in light blue gauze, her bare shoulders, her slender arms, the slight tan of her silky skin igniting one and a million fantasies. She turned around, her beaming smile like the morning sun, her eyes sparking mischievously. The soft chuckle born from the depths of her soul stirred his senses, a laugh filled with joy and the promise of heaven. Dropping her purse and shawl carelessly over the piano, she hummed a saucy tune, moving her body sensuously to the rhythm of salsa, approaching him in slow, tropical heated steps.
“Suavemente… besame…”, she sang, captivating him with her sexy dance, laughing louder at the odd expression he bore, a mixture of amazement and fascination, “ que quiero sentir tus labios… besandome otra vez”, she finished mere inches from him.
“Since when do you speak Spanish?”, he asked puzzled, his heart racing as his desire for her increased every passing second.
“I have my secrets”, she provoked him, remembering how the catchy song had stuck in her mind after a few salsa classes she took at the hotel gym during her stay in Buenos Aires, and glad she had found out the meaning of the words for some future she could only dream about at that point, “But if you’re real nice, I might let you uncover one or two”, her voice dropping to a whisper that caressed his jaw and sent goose bumps all over his body.
Before he could capture her in his arms, she backed off playfully, repeating the little act as she returned with swaying movements to the center of the room, fueling his lust with every soft spoken word.
“Will you at least tell me what you’re saying?”, he pleaded happy to follow her little game.
“I might… but you promised to dance with me, remember?”, she prolonged the mystery as she stepped up to the CD player to choose some slow tune.
As the melody filled the air with longing lyrics and violins, she allowed him to come closer. She was enjoying being in control, and he played along, delighted to give her such childish pleasure. He stopped when his body felt the warmth emanating from hers, waiting for her to make the next move, his azure orbs fixed on hazel ones. Her hands reached out to his, first one, then the other, bringing them exactly to where she wanted them. His warm palm open against the small of her back, her small one caressing the short hair at the nape of his head; his fingers intertwined with hers where her hand rested over his heart, his beats synchronized with hers. Her head falling slightly backwards to give her better view of his face, curly tresses loosely framing her perfect features, his mouth draped over hers, their breaths mingling into one sweet symphony of pending passion. He pressed the hand on her back, gluing her to him as their feet moved to the swift melody.
“What were you singing?”, he asked, having guessed the translation would be worth hearing.’
“Kiss me…”, her lips began forming the words in a husky whisper, the melody long forgotten, “gently…”, John using all of his willpower to hold himself back, “…that I want…”, her own desire growing at the sound of his labored breathing, her lips brushing his “…to feel your lips…”, her teeth nibbling softly on his lower lip, “…kissing me again”, her lips melding her feelings as her tongue explored the wet depths of his mouth. A slow, moist, long kiss that sent the temperature escalating quickly and left them panting when they parted, their hands all over each other.
“So much for dancing”, John commented making Marlena laugh whole heartily.
He read the desire in her eyes, luring him to finish what he’d started, her beauty entrancing, her voice casting a spell over his heart that would last for all eternity.
“Make love to me”, no room for doubts.
Without further notice, he scooped her in his arms, their mouths locking in one last kiss before heading for the stairs.
“I’ve dreamed so much of this day…”, she murmured in his ear as he ascended slowly with his precious cargo.
The drapes of her bedroom were wide open, the full moon being all the light they needed. Marlena kicked her high heels before he set her down by the bed, her fingers entangled with his hair to bring his face closer for another kiss, her tongue drawing the contour of his mouth before allowing him to capture her lips. She was in ecstasy for finally having John back, for being able to share herself with him after all those years of yearning.
His fingers descended down her bare shoulders to unzip her dress, his searing touch on her exposed flesh sending shivers down her back. He looked into the sparkling hazel eyes that seemed to smile at him, his white teeth revealing through his ample grin as he felt her frustration at not being able to unbutton his shirt any faster. Grateful when his hands came to aide her in the task, she traveled down to undo his pants. Soon the clothes were just a memory as they stood face to face in glorious nakedness. His hands roamed along the smooth skin of her back as she pressed herself against him, the contact fueling their growing passion. His mouth leaving a wet trail as it traveled from her earlobe to the hollow of her neck, Marlena tossing her head back to give him better access to one of her favorite pleasure points. At last together, at last making rights of all wrongs. He picked her up as she entangled her legs around his waist and his lips found their way to her breasts. Everything came back so easily, as if the years apart were only a dream. They knew each other so well. As he steadied her against the wall and continued to arouse her with his mouth, she had a flash of being with him like this, almost like a memory, she didn’t recognize the place, but the sensation was exactly the same, a release of lust, energy and held back love so powerful to drive her crazy.
“I love you”, she whispered as she felt herself losing control, her mouth searching for his.
“I love you, Doc”, he responded, walking them over to the bed without breaking the contact.
He stared at her beauty as he laid her tenderly against the pillows. For an instant they stopped everything they were doing and just stared into each other’s eyes, transferring into that glance all the love, all the feelings. She smiled when he leaned forward to kiss the tip of her elegant nose, and biting his chin sent them back to the unleashed exchange they had been building. Electricity running through their bodies like thunder storm as they shared themselves without holding anything back, as the world began and ended with every kiss and they captured the magic of heaven and the essence of the earth with each touch. Creating a different reality were anything was possible, were everything that mattered was the man, the woman, the love.
Anything and Everything (part II)
She trembled in response to his mouth kissing its way up the length of her smooth leg, leaking, biting, savoring the sweet taste of her skin, sending her back to memories of other days when their sexual rendevouz had been a common occurrence, a time when they had shared themselves as husband and wife, unaware of what a great gift the freedom to express their love for each other was. Destiny had torn them apart too many times, but somehow they had emerged from the wreckage and life seemed to be giving them another chance. She moaned as his fingers caressed her thighs and his lips awaken the soft skin of her stomach before traveling up to her breasts, her nails raking his back, history fueling their searing passion. Enjoying the moans and groans he was provoking in her, his body fully aroused by the perfect combination of sounds, touch and sight, he was surprised when she grabbed his face in her hands, forcing him further up until he was symmetrically atop of her, his eyes coming to focus on hazel pools of tears. For an instant he thought she was in pain, until he recognize the fire in her eyes shaking with released emotion as she spoke in a husky whisper…
“I love you, John”, his heart overwhelmed with her exact feelings as his tears mingled with hers on flushed cheeks, “I need you… Come with me…”, she pleaded, kissing him passionately before opening her eyes to glance into his for the rest of the journey.
“I love you, Doc”, his being the last words spoken as he joined her, their bodies melding, moving to the same rhythm as they burnt as one in heaven.
John laid against the pillows, his breathing slowly returning to normal, cradling Marlena in his arms as she rested her back against his chest, her head tossed back upon his shoulder, her legs entangled with his, her hands caressing his forearms as they folded tenderly around her waist.
“That was incredible”, she sighed, turning her face sideways to see his profile, reaching up to lightly kiss his jaw.
“Amazing…”, he supported, burying his face in her golden mane, the scent of her shampoo mixed with that of their lovemaking.
“Supernatural…”, she giggled, playing along.
“Fantastic…”, their laughter filling their souls.
“Even better than I remembered it”, she concluded, more seriously, “I just wished you didn’t have to leave…”, sadly glancing at the clock on her nightstand that marked 10:20 p.m.
“I know, sweetheart”, the sadness present in his voice as he tightened his grip on her, pressing his lips against her hair, “I don’t want to leave you”, he stated firmly, hoping for a miracle, “I’m going to talk with Kristen again, maybe she’ll understand…”, he trailed of, not at all sure.
“It’s enough to know you love me…”, not quite, but she didn’t want to dampen their reunion with sad thoughts.
“With all my heart”, he read her mind, turning her around in his arms so that she was facing him.
A huge smile spread on her face as prelude to the kiss that was coming, his arms closing over the small of her back as his lips parted hers to reach the secret recesses of her mouth, her breasts pressed against his torso, her slender arms tugging at his neck.
“How soon do you have to leave”, Marlena asked with a sexy murmur roaming through her words, ready for round two, all traces of sadness forgotten under the more immediate sensations he was evoking in her.
“I say we have time for a shower… You game?”, he grinned, the ecstasy of having her back in his arms flooding his senses.
“With you… always”, she smiled back allowing John to scoop her up in his arms.
They basked in the splendor of their nude bodies, as they regarded each other under the bright lights of the bathroom, shamelessly appreciating the beauty of the other as they allowed themselves to be taken in by the eyes of their beloved one. She appraised his muscled frame as he turned around to turn on the water and set it to a comfortable temperature, and smiled as he turned once more, nodding in approval as he surveyed the curves of her toned, tantalizing figure. She stepped closer, grabbing the hand he extended for her as her free hand reached out to touch his sculpted torso and his landed on her firm buttocks.
“Hello, handsome”, she looked up at him, calling him with juicy lips.
“Hi, beautiful”, he leaned forward to capture her tempting mouth, hovering over it a few seconds before actually reaching her lips, teasing her mercilessly until gradually surrendering to the spell she created with her tongue.
“Lets get wet…”, she said pulling him under the stream of water with her, warm pellets dripping over them, their bodies gliding easily in steamy exchange.
When she grabbed for the shower gel to pour on the sponge and create enough foam to cover his body, John noticed it was the one he used.
“What happened to honeysuckle?”, he asked touched by the discovery as he held her gently by the wrist to get her attention.
“It vanished along with my marine scented sailor”, she explained trying to keep the pain at bay, succeeding mildly.
“I’m sorry”, his voice caught in his throat as he realized of what a fool he had been for ever trying to walk away from this amazing creature.
“Shhh…”, she silenced him, a slim finger over his trembling lips, “You’re back and that’s all that matters”, starting the task of lathering his tanned self, not wanting any regrets to ruin their first time together.
Slowly luring him into a different state of mind, her nails raking slightly his skin along with the circular motions of her hand holding the sponge. Taking control of the situation, alternating caresses with kisses, until the white, fragrant trail covered him completely. Only then did she allowed him to take charge, quickly surrendering to the magic he worked as he used his bare hands to spread the bubbly gel all over her. Their desire mounting as each forgot their needs in order to please the other, taking delight in giving without reservation as the happiness of the other became the most wonderful reward. Soon their bodies clashed in another whirlwind of passion that drove them to frenzy as they forsake their selves to ride as one into eternity.
No words could convey the dimension of a love so grand as they drunk in the mellow warmth created by the contact of their skin, a longing look filled with pure devotion as they shared one last wet kiss before stepping out of the shower. The water dripping from their bodies onto the tile floor, as they prolonged the bliss in each others arms a little longer. John carelessly wrapped a towel around his waist hurrying to take the one Marlena held in her hands.
“Allow me…”, he asked, drying her with gentle strokes, starting with her legs, stopping when his hands came in contact with her flat belly and he was reminded of the tiny life growing inside, flinching with pain, as he hid it from her turning his face down for a second or two before standing up to wrap the towel around her shoulders and holding her against him long enough to get rid of the troublesome thought.
Marlena was still in another world, too happy to notice his minimal reaction, glowing merrily after having shared herself completely with the man who held her heart. He welcomed his mouth as he cupped her face to kiss her, her hand in his as they made their way back to the bedroom. Eleven thirty-six mocking them in red numbers from the alarm clock. He reached under the pillows for her nightgown, helping her into it before going for the pieces of his tuxedo that were spread all over the room. She slipped into a silk robe, watching silently as he got dressed, avoiding her eyes, her heart tearing apart at the thought of going to bed alone after being so close. Knowing he was probably feeling the same way, she fought the tears from her eyes, biting her lower lip as she put a brave front.
“Please don’t say goodbye”, she requested as her hands arranged his bow-tie.
“I won’t”, the knot in his throat muffling his words, “I love you, Marlena”, he whispered, brushing her cheek with the back of his hand as he stole one last kiss from her lips.
“And I you, my love”, she responded as a lonely tear escaped her fluttering lashes.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, I promise.”
With that, he exited into the hall, never glancing back, knowing if he did he wouldn’t have the strength to keep going. She stood still until she heard the front door shutting, only then did she curled under the covers, letting the exhaustion of their lovemaking drift her into slumber, his scent easing swiftly into her soul as she held on tightly to one of the pillows, already dreaming of him.
Playing With Fire
John sat on the floor surrounded by Brady’s toys, watching as his son built a tower with his toy cars, his mind drifting to the hours spent with Marlena. He was relieved when he found Kristen asleep when he came home the night before. But this morning he was determined to talk to him and hopefully make her understand their situation. He hated the pain he was putting her through, he hated to betray his marriage vows, he hated to be so unfair to someone who had been so loyal to him, he hated not to be there for their child as he should have been, he hated having changed his mind about loving her after promising to do so forever. He hated his behavior, yes, but most of all, he hated the look on Marlena’s eyes when he left her alone after making the most wonderful love. The pain in those beautiful hazel eyes was more than he could bear, and knowing that he was responsible for it made it even worse. His heart belonged to her, he breathed for her, he lived just because she existed, he was the man he was because her lips had once formed his name, every memory was linked to her, his life started the moment she had smiled at him as she introduced herself and asked for a name he couldn’t remember.
Kristen came down the stairs deep in thought about the conversation she and Stefano had shared after leaving the party. He had given her the keys to what was to become their new home, a place she could feel safe and he could keep an eye on John, he had said without giving to many details. Not that it mattered, all she wanted was to start anew with the man she loved. And the way she saw it, she was playing with a full deck, she had a house for them and she was giving him a child, enough to hold him close until he came to his senses and forget about his affair with Marlena. She was going to make sure that happened soon, as she was going to make sure he loved her like he once did.
“There you are!”, she greeted him with her best smile, ignoring the serious look on his face, “I never heard you coming last night, I was so tired that I fell asleep as soon as I hit the bed”, she continued leaning forward to plant a kiss on his lips, “Morning, Brady. Nice tower! Did you guys have breakfast yet?”
“Actually we did”, John focused on the task at hand, “But I would like to talk to you. Let me get Chelsea and I’ll take you to Salem Place for breakfast, okay?”, he said as he disappeared to find the nanny, who was busy tidying up Brady’s room.
“Great! I have a surprise for you…”, she trailed off, determined to get her will, no matter what.
Marlena stirred lazily in bed, memories of the night before flooding her mind as she reached for her lover only to find the bed cold and empty. A deep sigh escaping her lungs as the realization hit her. Her flushed body the only indication that she hadn’t been dreaming. She knew the sensations running through her skin, knew them all too well, all indications of his presence that she remembered from so many other nights of lovemaking as husband and wife. A smile curling the corners of her mouth despite her loneliness.
They had been reunited, after years of yearning, after endless nights of longing for him, he had been hers again, he was hers… Yes, there was the matter of his present situation, but he said he was going to talk to Kristen and after that, they were going to be free to be together again. No, a miracle had occurred in her life, and she was not going to damp it with sad thoughts, not today. She jumped out of bed, ready to start her life anew, invigorated by the happiness that overflowed her soul. She felt strong and secure enough to face the world. John loved her, what could possibly go wrong knowing that? She headed for the bathroom humming a merry tune as she planned her next move. It was going to be a day of big changes.
John asked for a coffee after Kristen completed her order, and waited for the waitress to leave before attempting to speak. But Kristen was bursting with excitement and cut him off before he could even open his mouth.
“Are you ready for the big news?”
“Kristen…”, he tried to interrupt her to no avail.
“I found our house!”, she exclaimed overjoyed, “It’s a few minutes away from here, in a nice part of town and it’s just perfect for us…”
“It won’t work”, he almost whispered, hating to be the bearer of bad news.
“Oh, no, honey, it will! And the price is very affordable too, even though you said that I didn’t have to worry about the price…”, she continued, more determined than ever.
“Kristen, I’m sorry”, he spoke firmly, “but I can’t do this. I can’t pretend that nothing happened and move on. It just doesn’t work that way”, there was sadness in his eyes and she knew he was dead serious.
“John, you promised…”, she argued, “You promised to give it a try, and you haven’t even made the effort! I didn’t force you to marry me, I didn’t make you promise that I could count on you”, she lashed out at him, “I trusted you, I believed in your words, in your love. I built my life around you… and now you want me to accept that it’s over.
You are the one who wants to pretend that nothing happened and just walk away!”, she continued as tears rolled down her cheeks born of desperation, “You can’t do this to me!
You can’t destroy my life like that! What entitles you to put your happiness over mine? why should I lose everything so that you can run off and live happily ever after?”, the truth of her words cutting through his heart, “I didn’t do anything to deserve this! You knew how you felt when you decided to make me your wife, I didn’t, so what right do you have to ask me to forget?! You made your choice, you had a choice…”
“I’m sorry, Kristen…”, was all he could say, tears forming in his eyes at the pain he was provoking, “But you deserve better than a man who can’t love you completely… Don’t do this to yourself…”, was all he could argue, knowing that everything she had said was true to the dot.
“I want you”, she reached for his hand, “I don’t care if you can’t love me right now, I want you”, she pleaded passionately, “I want the father of my child to be by my side, I want to share that with you, if only that’s all we can share… I want you to give me a chance, the choice you didn’t give me when you made me believe I was the only woman in your life…”
He was speechless. His mind told him she was right, she deserved that chance, he owed it to her, even if he knew it wouldn’t work out. It was the right thing to do, he was committed to her. It was selfish of him to put his happiness before hers when he was the one guilty of taking that happiness away in the first place. But his heart spoke a different story. What about Marlena? Was he going to be the one responsible for her pain? Was he able to walk away from her and ignore how she would feel? And then again, was he the man she deserved? A man who couldn’t stand by his word, a man who was capable of causing so much pain… Was he ever going to live up to her standards? He was already guilty of the failure of her marriage, he was the one to blame for her distance with the children, he was the one who had entered her life at one time and ripped it apart.
Kristen saw the uncertainty in his eyes, and as desperate as she was, as confused as she was about the whole thing, she knew she had the upper hand. She could make him doubt, and eventually she could make him change his mind completely. She had to take advantage of his present state and push him just a little further.
“Look, John, you are entitled to make your decision”, she said calming down enough for him to take her seriously, but still teary enough to play with his guilt, “I’m just asking you to think it over from my point of view, and as I’ve already told you, I’m not willing to get through this pregnancy alone, that’s also a decision I’m entitled to make…”, she could see his heart sinking in his eyes, “I’m going to leave you alone so you can meditate on what we just talked”, she finished picking up her things, obviously ready to take a cab.
Marlena stood tall as she waited for someone to open the door. She was going to straight out the mess that was his life and she was going to do it today. No longer could she allowed herself to run with the flow, she had to take control of her life, and finally she was confident enough to do it. Love was an empowering feeling, one that made things easier and clearer. It was time for her to start making her own decisions for a change, and it was time she stopped letting others walk over her as if it was all right.
Starting Over
Just when she thought there was no one home and was about to turn away, the door opened. Marlena looked down at the young girl in front of her, her smile widening as she absorbed the image of beauty that was her daughter. She couldn’t help but feel proud every time she looked at her, or Eric for that matter. They were her children, a part of her, and no matter how hard it was, she would make things right with them. She was their mother, and she was going to use her rights as such.
“Hello, Sami”, she said leaning to hug her without hesitation, she had been playing it safe, respecting her children’s desire to keep their distance, it was time she followed her instincts.
“Hi, Mom”, Sami was caught of guard by her mother’s affection and found herself responding before she could think twice about it; it felt good to have her arms around her.
“May I come in?”
Sami stepped aside to let her in, following her into the living-room.
“What were you up to?”, she asked, sitting comfortably on the couch.
“Nothing really…”, she was so intrigued by her mother’s new attitude that she didn’t even try to make up a lie.
“Good! Is Eric home?”, Sami nodded, “Why don’t you go get him, I’m taking you two out to lunch”, it wasn’t a suggestion.
It seemed to work, since Sami promptly disappeared up the stairs in search of her brother. After all, Marlena was still her mother, and when given an order, she reacted as any normal child, respecting the authority figure it had come from. Besides, deep inside, she liked the fact that her mom had decided to claim her territory. As much as she had rejected and lashed out at her, she had never stopped needing her.
Eric reacted much in the same manner as his sister, surprised and slightly flattered, presenting no resistance to his mother’s request.
After wandering around for what seemed like hours, John ended at the pier, sitting down on the same bench where he had found Marlena only weeks before. Kristen’s words still ringing true in his ears. Making him wonder what kind of man he had become, what kind of man he had always been.
Invariably, his thoughts came to Marlena, since his life as he could remember it began with her. It was unsettling to not have a past, the insecurity of not knowing who he really was. Yet, she had given him a life by trusting him, she had given him an identity by loving him, and even when that was taken away from him and the truth was finally revealed, the man he had learned to be by her side was the man that he would be for the rest of his existence. Yes, he had made mistakes, so many of them, starting with running away from what he knew was true. He had been wrong by thinking he could start anew and ignore the past, he had been wrong in committing to Kristen when he was not free to give his heart away, when he still loved another woman and would forever even if she never loved him back. Yes, Kristen had accepted him as he presented himself, a man without a past, a man willing to forget something he wouldn’t share; but she had never known what she was playing against, and he should have warned her. Too late for that. Now he was faced with the result of his own mistakes and he had to make a decision as what to do next. Certainly, he couldn’t give up on his child, who was an innocent victim trapped between its parents wishes, so leaving Kristen for good was out of the options since that would mean the end of that child. He couldn’t pretend nothing had happened and move on with her, forgetting about Marlena, about the love they had shared, about the promises made. Marlena had been as much a victim as he had been in the web of deceit put up by Stefano. She had given herself to him completely, she had trusted him with her life only to be whisked away by the mad man over and over again, and finally, she had lost everything, first when she came back to find him in love with someone else and he hadn’t had the strength and the courage to stand up for her, for their love, and then when Roman came back and she was left with no choice but to be thrown into his arms by John’s own confusion, by his lack of determination in fighting for what they had, by the pressure the family had put her under. Now history seemed to repeat itself as they found their way back together only to be torned apart once more. But no matter how much Kristen hurt, he couldn’t go on pretending anymore, maybe it wouldn’t be fair for her, although he truly believed in the end she would be better off without him; this time around he was going to put Marlena’s needs before all other. Knowing honesty was the best option, he headed in search of the owner of his heart.
It was almost four o’clock by the time he reached the pent-house, praying to find her there. He repeated to himself that he was doing the right thing, and indeed felt in his soul he was. A smile creeping to his face as the elevator door opened and the promise of seeing her became more tangible. Memories of their night together flooding his mind, warming his heart. He rang the bell with utter determination.
She appeared shortly after, bearing an expression of fulfillment that he hadn’t seen in years.
“Hi!”, she said almost bouncing as she reached for his hand to pull him in and close the door behind him, throwing her arms around his neck and locking her lips with his before he had time to respond, “Hi…”, she repeated more mellow after the sweet exchange.
“Hi, yourself”, he couldn’t help but smile, love filling him completely.
“I missed you this morning”, she whispered sated, caressing his cheek, not an ounce of reproach in her voice.
“I missed you all day”, he confessed, admiring the sparks in her eyes.
“I have the best news!”, she changed the subject, leading him to sit on the couch, sitting down beside him, her pant clad legs quickly landing on his lap, “I went to lunch with Sami and Eric, and we talked, and we laughed…”, the signs of happiness painted all over her face, “Oh, John, it felt so good! They told me about their plans for the summer, what they’ve been up to lately… They started to open up to me again!”
“Those are great news, honey!”, he said truly happy for her, so enraptured by her cheery mood that his concerns vanished for a moment.
“Yes!”, she trailed off, liking the feel of his arms around her, “Everything is becoming so perfect… Starting with the wonderful night we had”, she leaned forward to capture his mouth, never forgetting where her new found strength had come from, “It seems that all I need is your love and my life suddenly makes sense again”, she sighed content, but didn’t miss the worry that for a moment crossed his eyes, “What? Tell me?”
He hesitated, not wanting to burst her bubble so soon, wishing to preserve her from the slightest pain, but realizing that it was best to discuss it, he finally spoke.
“I talked to Kristen”, at the mention of her name, she disengaged from the embrace and found a comfortable position on the spot next to him, sensing a serious conversation laid ahead, “I tried to explain to her that there’s no future for us…”
“She didn’t agree…”, she guessed, dreading what was coming as John shook his head.
“She reminded me how I had made a commitment with her, how it was not her fault that I kept the truth from her, how she had trusted me…”, he saw her wince with every statement, wanting to reach out to her, but feeling so unfit as he was the one hurting her, yet again, “And I understand her reasons, but I can’t deny my love for you anymore, never again…”, he stated, noticing Marlena relaxed a bit.
“There’s more…”, she encouraged him, feeling more secure after his last words.
“She insists she’s not willing to carry on with the pregnancy unless I’m there with her”, he finished, ducking his head in shame.
“John”, she called his name firmly, “John, look at me”, grabbing his chin to force him to face her, “Don’t blame yourself for this”, there was fierceness determination in her eyes, “You’re dealing with this the best you can. Yes, you made mistakes, but you’ve had a very hard life and sometimes things are not as clear for us to make the right choice. You didn’t mean to hurt her… eventually she’ll come to understand it.”
“I’m worried about you…”, he said, forgetting about himself to concentrate on what mattered the most, “I don’t won’t to hurt you…”, he was passionate about that, “But I can’t give up on the baby either…”
“I would never let you do that!”, she interrupted him, not a doubt in her mind about that, “We’re going to deal with this. John, as long as we’re together we can deal with anything”, she whispered in his ear as he hugged him with all the love she had for him.
Choices
He let the warmth of the embrace wash over him, allowing her to comfort him, letting her love seep into his battered heart to renew it’s force and instill the hope it needed to face the obstacles laying ahead. God, he loved this woman so much! She caressed his face with infinite tenderness, the love she felt present in her eyes, as she withdrew slightly, sensing the conversation was far from over. John captured her retreating hand, holding it against his lips just a moment longer. So much he wanted to say, yet the words escaped his mind as he got lost in her hazel glance.
“So I guess the next step is to find a house for you to move in…”, she continued, knowing that Kristen had been looking around for a new place.
“It seems she already found one”, he winced, hating to be talking about this with
Marlena, knowing the effort she was doing to not be affected, “But, yes, I guess that’s the next step… I’m sorry.”
“I don’t want to hear you say that again”, she admonished him sternly, “We didn’t plan for any of this to happen, so we’ll deal with the circumstances the best we can.”
“We will”, a faint smile painted on his lips, “I’m assuming that in three or four months the threat of an abortion will be gone, and maybe by then I’ll be able to reason with her differently…”, he wanted to say more, but stopped for her benefit.
“What?”
“Nothing…”, realizing she wouldn’t let it go, he continued, “It’s just that I feel bad about lying to her like this, pretending I’m gonna be there when I’m waiting for the first chance to flee. I mean, she says she doesn’t want to go through this pregnancy alone and I’m deceiving her in making her believe she won’t”, and cursed himself for telling this to
Marlena.
“But you will be there”, no doubt in her words, “You might not be there the way she wants you to, but you will be there for your child. And John, you’re doing it to spare your baby’s life!”, she said passionately, “You have every right to do so.”
“You always manage to make things seem better, did you know that?”, he said, cupping her face in his hands, an adoring look on his eyes, a shy smile on her lips as she accepted his compliment, “What about us?”, he finally asked what he had been wanting
to know all along.
“What about us?”, she repeated slightly confused.
“Doc, you know how much I love you”, he declared, “and God knows how much I need you, but I don’t want you to be in a clandestine relationship, having to sneak around to be together, having to hide your feelings. You deserve a love that’s free, not ashamed…”
“I would never be ashamed of our love”, she stated wholeheartedly, “Are you asking me if I’d rather wait till this situation with Kristen is over for us to be together?”
“It’s up to you”, he meant it, he wouldn’t think twice about having her in his life from that second, but he respected her too much to put her in such uncomfortable position.
“We should wait”, she said after a long pause, “That would be the right thing to do. I know that, you know that. But if I have to be completely honest… I’ve tried to do the right thing before and ended empty handed”, she revealed, lacing her fingers with his, “We’ve lost so much time already; I don’t want to lose any more. I don’t know what will happen tomorrow and I don’t want to regret what I didn’t do”, her new found confidence standing out, “For once in my life I want to think about what I want. And I want you. I want you now, I love you now… we’ve already proved that”, a mischievous grin on her face, “I don’t care if we have to be careful, if we have to pretend, I’m not giving up on my happiness for one more second”, she finished, brushing his lips with hers before claiming his mouth.
His hands roaming her back as he drew her closer, his tongue capturing hers as it explored the confines of her mouth. He could feel her passion and her happiness in her
kiss and that lifted his spirits more than anything else. She had an assurance about her, a willingness to fight for their love that was new to him, that reminded him of those first
months of their relationship when they were ready to fight against anything, even against themselves, in order to be together, before assuming he was Roman. He had played it safe when she returned to him after a five years absence, she had played it safe after Isabella died. Now once again they were on the same pace, ready to face the world as one, not letting go.
“Do you have any idea of how much I love you?”, she asked lingering from the sensations provoked by their closeness.
“Are you kidding me?”, he smiled, pulling a couple of golden tresses away from her face, “I know exactly how you’re feeling, because my heart is bursting as much as yours.”
“What do we do now?”, she wanted to stay like that forever, but it was late and he had to return home.
“I don’t know!”, he sighed, tugging her to him, her head resting on his shoulder as he closed his arms around her, “There’s something we haven’t discussed yet…”, he dreaded to bring it up, but since they were being honest it was time they talked it over.
“What…”, she asked, relaxing in his arms.
“Your baby”, he felt her stiffen under his touch, and tightened his grip so she wouldn’t try to escape.
“We’ve already talked about that”, she argued, hoping with all her might he would let it go.
“Not really… I know you said you didn’t love the father of your baby”, talking about it was barely impossible, but he knew they had to do it.
“I don’t”, she said firmly, “John, please, just let it go…”, she tried again, squirming in his embrace until she was free to look at him.
“I can’t, Doc”, his hands firmly on her shoulders, “For your own sake, I can’t. You said you didn’t want him to know, but maybe he should… As much as I don’t won’t him around you, I don’t want you to regret it later. I mean, he’s the father, he has a right to know…”, he spoke from his point of view, hurting as soon as her eyes welled with tears, but he couldn’t let that stop him this time, they had to get to the bottom of it. “I told you, I don’t want him to know!”, she said forcefully, shaking his hands away to stand up and put some distance, angry tears falling freely down her cheeks, “I don’t want him around, I don’t want him near my baby!”, she had made up her mind and there was no changing it.
“Why? Why did you have to go to him in the first place?”, he finally asked what he had been wondering since the second he found out it wasn’t his baby, bewilderment in his voice.
“I don’t know”, she said after a long pause, her back away from him so he wouldn’t see the shame in her face, “I don’t know…”, remembering the fragments of truth read from her journal, “I guess I was confused… lonely… My world was shattered… You were married to someone else…”, she sobbed, regretting her weakness.
“Why didn’t you trust our love? Why didn’t you trust me?”, it just didn’t make sense.
“How, John?”, she turned around angry, “How on earth was I supposed to do that when you were thousands of miles away, married to another woman?”
“Oh, for God’s sake, Marlena, you knew I loved you!”, his anger matching hers as her lame excuse hit him, “All you had to do was give me a day, not even that, to solve my
situation… But no, you couldn’t wait! You couldn’t trust our love enough to do that! You
had to run away and sleep with the first man you found!”, he lashed out at her.
His words rang in her ears as she tried to process the information to no avail.
Nothing made sense when she had no memory at all of how it had happened.
Confusion clouding her judgment as she tried to come up with a reasonable explanation, with a phrase to fight him back.
“I don’t know!”, she shouted again, furious at him, furious at herself, “I don’t know…”, desperation smoldering her ire, “I can’t…”, she gave up, not able to keep up her front anymore, tired of all the lies, “I can’t do this anymore…”, her voice a whisper as she
prepared herself to tell the truth.
One Of Us
John watched her closely from his position on the couch as she paced the living-room, waiting for her to calm down, controlling his own frustration. The last thing he wanted was to upset her, but they had to get to the bottom of this issue if they wanted to move on. When Marlena didn’t speak, he decided to take the lead.“You can’t do what, Doc?”, he asked much calmer, “Please, baby, talk to me…”, standing up to meet her, lifting her chin so he could read her eyes, the tears flowing from them quickly running down his hand, “I can help you get through this, but you have to talk to me…”, he pleaded once more.
“I’m so ashamed!”, she started slowly, trying to control her sobbing, “I really don’t know why I went to him… I don’t know how it happened…”, wanting to be strong, but finding it very hard, his searing blue eyes piercing through her soul, “John, I wish I could tell you, but I…”, the love shining from them giving her the courage she needed, “…I don’t remember”, finally, she felt a weight lifting from her heart as the confession came out.
“What?”, it took a few seconds for the statement to hit him, “What do you mean you don’t remember?”
“I don’t…”, she used the back of her hand to wipe the tears away, feeling more composed, “I fell down and I hit my head”, she started retelling what she had been told, “… and when I came around my memory was a blur…”
John was dumbfounded, his arms hanging loosely to his side, his mouth wide open as he tried to put his thoughts together, a frown of confusion on his face.
“You’re suffering from amnesia?”, he asked, still unable to believe it.
“Well, yes… partial amnesia, anyway”, she was more concerned about him than about herself as she took in his reaction.
“Oh, God!”, a stifled laughter shaking his core as the tingling sensation of a huge breakthrough spread through his body, “Doc, what exactly do you remember? This memory lapse where is it framed?”, he asked, almost overwhelming her with his anxiety.
“My last memories are from the summer I think…”, she answered, trying to recall, wondering why this was of such importance to him, grateful he was focusing on the amnesia and not on the other man in her life anymore, “And then, everything after the fall I remember…”, she recapitulated.
“And this fall was when?”, he said with such intensity that almost threw her off.
“I don’t know the exact date… I mean, I was unconscious for a short time…”
“Please, Doc”, he insisted, placing his hands on her shoulders and looking directly into her eyes, his heart beating so fast that he thought it was going to explode any second, “…this is extremely important.”
The seconds she paused while she searched in her mind seemed like weeks to John, who’s breathing was on hold along with everything else, his future hanging from a thread, his hopes returning with full force.
“Sometime in the beginning of March…”, she finally answered, unaware of what was really going on, “I’m sorry, but I can’t remember exactly…”, she stopped as John’s reaction sunk into her.
He had collapsed onto his knees, laughing and sobbing, hugging her legs as he pressed himself against her, speaking incoherently as he thanked her and then God and he trembled with the force of all the emotions running through him.
“John, honey…”, she started worried, her hand stroking his head until his next movement left her completely numb.
He had unbuttoned her pants, lifted her shirt, and was kissing her flat stomach with devotion, caressing the smooth skin as tears of joy continued to run down his flushed cheeks.
“You’re having my baby!”, he whispered as another bout of laughter took over him, “You’re having my baby!”, suddenly standing up and scooping her in his arms, “You’re having my baby!”, screaming with joy as he covered her with kisses.
Marlena was in the midst of all this, startled, utterly confused, having lost his train of thought, but getting carried away by his unexpected reaction, chuckling as she tried to figure out what had gotten into him. When he put her down, she grabbed his face to pull him away gently as he continued to kiss her. She stared at him with a perplexed smile, wondering if what he was saying could possibly be true.
“Care to fill me in?”, she asked softly, his happiness contagious despite her ignorance.
“We’re having a baby”, he announced, proud of being the one bearing the news, “Oh, I love you so much!”, he exclaimed overjoyed as he leaned forward to kiss her yet again, before sinking on his knees for the second time to kiss her belly, “Doc, you’re carrying my baby”, he explained, his palm hot against her exposed skin, “I’m the father.”
She just laughed, still unable to believe what he was saying, yet knowing he was saying the truth. Sliding down to level with him, she threw her arms around his neck as his locked behind her back.
“Is that possible?”, a whisper in his ear as she snuggled against him, feeling the rapid beat of his heart pumping against her chest.
“Doc, last February you were in California taking a break from it all, you found me there… We made love”, he recalled with fondness, never letting go of her, “and then, when I went to tell Kristen that it was over between us, you disappeared”, he gave her the briefed version, “I couldn’t understand what had happened”, too overwhelmed to realize it still didn’t make sense, “And now… we’re having a baby!”, he yelled dizzy with happiness.
“We’re having a baby…”, she repeated entranced, standing up, taking a second to absorb it, “You’re the father of my baby?”, turning in his direction, still unable to believe it.
“Guilty of charge”, his smile broad as he followed her, watching as her glance fell on her disheveled clothes, her hand caressing the flesh that protected their child.
“I… I don’t know what to say.”
“That you’re happy?”, he teased her, thinking it wasn’t possible to feel happier than he felt at that moment.
“I think that’s an understatement”, she smiled calmly, as if the news had put all her worries at ease, “You know? Usually it’s the mother who breaks this sort of news”, she joked as he enveloped her from behind, her head falling back to rest on his shoulder, his lips pressed against her scented hair.
“I always thought that was utterly unfair”, he teased her, “Oh, sweetheart, you’ve made me so happy!”, he sighed in ecstasy.
“I think it was the other way around”, her laughter filling the air as she turned in his arms, “Congratulations, Daddy”, she beamed.
“Congratulations, Mommy”, he replied before his lips met hers, melding into a long, sweet kiss.
Shattered Dreams
Slowly it began to penetrate, the words spoken starting to make sense inside her head, as she put the pieces together and a new reality began to appear. What she had as certain turning into a lie, her weak foundations collapsing. She trembled as she realized
the extent of what had been going on, shaking involuntarily as the realization that Stefano had once again played god with her life hit her with full force. The change didn’t go unnoticed by John, who slightly withdrew to be able to look at her, finding the terror
painted in her pale brown eyes.
“What’s wrong?”, he freaked out.
“You don’t know the whole truth”, her head falling down as she tried to stop the tears, wishing she could bask in the bliss that had enveloped them a moment earlier.
“Tell me”, he demanded almost out of breath.
“We better sit down”, she suggested as she walked towards the couch, John following closely.
“Doc, you’re scaring me…”, he had started his own recount of her story and almost simultaneously realized that there were missing pieces, “You said you had a fall, but that doesn’t explain why you were in Malibu one moment and weren’t the next, why you suddenly backed off when you were so sure of what we had decided just hours before… something must have happened in between…”, he speculated, sitting next to her, her face telling him she knew the answer to that, “What happened to you?”
“Stefano”, she could see the hatred escaping from his cobalt eyes the second the name left her lips, “I think he kidnapped me again.”
“No”, almost a faint whisper as a chill run through his soul, “That bastard!”, he would have jumped off the couch to run after him if Marlena hadn’t placed her hands on his shoulders, forcing him to focus on her, to take her in his arms, her reaction pacifying his rising anger for the time being “I should have been there…”, he blamed himself as he
crushed her against him in a protective manner.
“Don’t do that”, she pleaded, relaxing under his touch, “Don’t blame yourself, please”, wondering if it was indeed a good idea to tell him the whole story.
“Tell me… I need to know”, he asked as if reading her mind, disengaging from the embrace as she composed herself to talk.
“I don’t know exactly how it happened, since there’s this gap in my memory…”, she began, slightly frustrated, his hand enveloping hers to give her confidence, “Now I doubt there was ever a fall, he probably drugged me or something to erase my most recent
memories… so I wouldn’t remember you”, she continued, her hand reaching for his cheek as her eyes lingered on his and a smile appeared on her lips, “He made me believe I had turned to him after finding out you had married Kristen”, she confessed, ashamed to have fall into his game so easily, “He made me believe we had a relationship”, this startled John, who retreated on instinct, his muscles tensing, the fire in his eyes intensifying. “And you believed that?”, he asked shocked, fearing the worst, unable to bare the thought of her with him.
“I…”, she shrugged helplessly, thinking he was reproaching her conduct, and not knowing how to react to that.
“Honey”, he calmed her worries, realizing what she was thinking, caressing her face with the tip of his fingers, “I’m not blaming you for any of this. I’m just surprised that given your history with Stefano you would fall for something like that so easily…”
“I didn’t… There was a part of me that kept refusing to believe it, but I found your letter, and what I wrote on my journal, and somehow it made sense…”
“What letter?”, he interrupted furious at what Stefano had done to her, “I didn’t write you a letter!”
“Now I’m beginning to think it was all made up by him…”, she said standing up to get the evidence, “but it was your handwriting, my handwriting, and…” unable to make sense of it all, “Come”, she extended her hand to help him up, “I’ll show you”, and guided him upstairs.
John sat on the bed as Marlena searched her dresser for what now seemed the proof of Stefano’s madness. First she handed him the letter and the photo of him and Kristen, sitting by his side as he surveyed the message. His frown an indication of the confusion and the anger he was experiencing. Without a word, he tossed the material aside to take the book from her hands, rapidly going through the neatly written pages. One thing was to find his handwriting on something he was certain he had never written, however, even when he knew this was part of the trick, it was hard to see her handwriting describing a manufactured relationship with his worst enemy.
“Damn him!”, he exploded, tossing the journal across the room, “He made all this up! He was playing with your mind!”, he roamed until he caught sight of her distraught expression, “It’s not your fault, baby!”, taking her in his arms, her trembling cutting through his heart, “He forged a letter for me, too, you know, with your handwriting, saying that it was over, that you couldn’t go through with our plans, that you were coming back to Salem”, he explained, happy to finally made sense of it all, “But it doesn’t matter now”, thinking about the latest events, wanting her to focus on the positive side, “We’re together and all his manipulations were for nothing…”, his voice calming her like a soothing balm, “The game is over. He lost.”
“Maybe not”, she was finally able to get the words out, painfully looking up at him to reveal the truth, “John…”, but it was so hard to say it.
“Doc?”, he lifted her chin as the tears spilled from big, scared, hazel eyes, “Tell me…”, he braced himself, vowing that no matter what she said, his priority was to support her, to make her feel safe.
“The first thing I remember clearly…”, she started unsure, “When I came around I was in a room in Stefano’s house here in Salem…”, the lump in her throat making it difficult for her to speak, “John… I was naked in bed… and he was there with me”, she finished at the same time as his mind filled the spaces.
He let go off her, turning away to violently wipe off all the items from the nightstand, the lamp crashing into a million pieces against a wall, running his hands through his hair as he paced back and forth like a caged tiger, trying to make her last statement disappear from his head. Once again the monster messing with their lives, once again Marlena in danger for her liaison to him, once again his own inability to protect her put under evidence.
Marlena remained seated, sobbing softly under her breath, wishing she could reach out to him, but feeling unfit to do so. It took John a few minutes to calm down enough to react, but eventually he went back to her, making her stand as he locked his arms around her to hold her close. Her arms surrounding his waist as she collapsed on his chest.
“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry”, she repeated insistently.
“Shh… Baby, it’s gonna be okay… But you have to stop blaming yourself…”, he pleaded, unable to do so himself, feeling responsible for every tear she shed, feeling he had failed her for not being there to prevent it, “I’m here, now… We’re together…”, he reinforced the only certainty he had, “It’s going to be okay…”, wishing with all his might
he could believe that.
But it was all Marlena needed to know. Whatever fate had in store for her, she knew she could face it if he was by her side. The security that notion gave her was enough to bring her back from the sorrow. The love she felt for this man awakening strengths she
didn’t know she had. Yes, they were going to make sense of the madness. Yes, it was
going to be okay.
Here I Am
John felt the tension melting away as her breathing slowed down becoming even and smooth. What a relief it was to know the truth, to know that she had not run away from him, to know her love for him had never flickered. Yet, there was that other truth, the one that spoke of danger, of treason and deceit, the one that had threatened him for as long as he could remember. Stefano Dimera, a name he wished he could forget. He buried his face in her hair, letting her sweet scent take him away of those thoughts, reminding him of how lucky he was for having her in his life once more.
“John…”, she brought herself to whisper once she regained control again, never unlocking her arms from around his waist, “we have to consider the possibility of Stefano being the father of this baby…”, they had to face it, whether they liked it or not.
“No!”, he said forcefully, drifting slightly to place his hand possessively over her stomach, “This baby is mine”, not willing to consider any other option, “I doubt Stefano would force himself on you”, he cut her off before she could argue, “it’s not his style.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure”, she objected anyway, “He’s crazy, John; he’s evil. Who knows what he’s capable of doing given the proper circumstances”, shivering at the mere thought of it.
“It’s my baby”, he insisted, forcing a smile to his lips in order to convince her, which he did, seeing the gesture repeated on her face, “And even in the very unlikely scenario that it’s Stefano’s, there’s no way I’m going to let him get near you or the baby… so this baby is mine, and that’s the end of it”, he declared protectively, winning her heart in his selfless statement.
Unable to argue with him, wanting his positive thinking to rub on her, she leaned forward to hug him, using the warmth of his body to vanish her fears.
“At least now I can hope…”, she gave in, liking the feel of his cheek resting against her head, “Knowing that this could be your baby…”, sighing in anticipation, “Oh, John, that would be so perfect!”, her perspective already changed.
“It will be”, he smiled, realizing he was winning, “Trust me on this one… We’re having a baby, sweetheart”, he finished sweetly, before her smiling mouth came searching for his, his lips parting at the touch of her tongue.
“Please, stay with me tonight”, she asked from the bottom of her heart, “I need you with me”, looking up at him with pleading eyes, the many reasons why he shouldn’t not dawning on her until she was done, “Of course, I’ll understand if you can’t…”, she added softly, not wanting to impose, yet not willing to surrender.
“There’s nothing I’d like more”, his heartfelt response as he caressed her cheek with the back of his fingers, “I’ll tell you what…”, he compromised glancing at his watch, “Let me go to the loft so I can spend an hour with Brady before he goes down”, he suggested, aware of the fact that he hadn’t been around all day, “I’ll tell Kristen that I need some time to think about what we talked this morning and I’ll be back here before you have a chance to miss me.”
“No, you won’t”, she smiled, “But that sounds like a good plan to me”, disengaging from the embrace to go pick up the phone, clock and other items that had flown to the floor as a result of John’s ire.
“Let me do that.”
He assisted her and everything was back in place in a wink, except for the lamp, but John was quicker than her in picking up the pieces, which were large and clean enough to haven’t made a mess.
“I’ll put this in the trash on my way out”, he said with his hands full, leaning down to kiss her lips as he walked towards the door, “Wait for me, okay?”
“Mmmh… okay”, she joked, happy once again as she hooked her fingers on the belt straps of his jeans to follow him downstairs.
Just when he thought the fun was over, feeling her release him as he reached the living-room, she used the height advantage given by the steps to jump on his back, almost throwing him of balance as she wrapped her legs around his stomach, securing herself with her arms on his shoulders, laughing hysterically at his surprised gasp.
“Doc…”, he chuckled, thrilled by her mood change.
“I’ll see you to the door”, she whispered in his ear before planting a kiss on his cheek, “Don’t forget your jacket”, she reminded him merrily, enjoying the ride over to the couch and reaching for it since his hands were full, “Got it!”, finally getting to the door, which she opened, giggling along with him, “I changed my mind”, planting feathery kisses along his jawbone, “I better walk you to the elevator.”
“I think it’s the other way around…”, he observed, delighted to play along.
She pressed the button and used the wait to continue the kissing, that was slowly but surely driving him crazy. Luckily for him, the elevator door opened, and she jumped to the floor, sliding in front of him and smiling impishly.
“Don’t be long”, she requested before cupping his face firmly in her hands to kiss him on the lips.
“I won’t”, he promised breathless, tempted to not leave at all.
John felt like a new man when he sat behind the wheel of his jeep to make the ride to the loft. Life was smiling at him, he thought as he recounted the latest events. He was going to be a father, Marlena was having his baby. His baby, he was sure of that. A broad grin pasted on his face as he imagined sharing all the stages of the pregnancy with her, as he pictured himself cradling the tiny creature in his arms, watching her breast feeding their child. A dream he had have so many times while he thought he was Roman, a dream they had shared together before their lives were ripped apart by the evil hand of Stefano. But this time it was going to happen. Marlena was pregnant with his child, there wasn’t a doubt in his mind about that, and the happiness he felt was overwhelming. So much so, that he had forgotten all about Kristen for a while, wondering why he didn’t feel at all connected to the baby he had created with her. Not surprised for he knew the depths of his love for Doc, but still stunned and ashamed by the lack of sentiment he had for his other child. That nagging guilt was what made a creak on his fantasy, making his insecurities resurface, making him question himself and his place in Marlena’s life. A part of him feeling undeserving of her, but his heart denying to give her up. It was the love he felt that forced him to go on, knowing something so pure and true could never be so wrong, and above all, knowing that walking away from her would hurt her more than anything else, cause it was the kind of hurt he knew, the kind of hurt he would experience if she ever left him.
As expected, he found Kristen waiting for him, demanding an answer with her eyes, but not giving that away in words. Promising to talk to her later, he went directly to find his son, the sight of him immediately setting his soul at peace. He stayed playing with Brady for a while, before giving him a bath and putting him to bed with a story.
When he came back down, Kristen was busy cooking dinner. He asked her to sit down for a minute and she complied, hiding her fear from him, trying hard to remain calm.
“I still need to think about what we discussed this morning…”, he told her, wishing there was a way to avoid hurting her, “There’s no doubt in my mind about wanting that baby”, he said passionately, knowing he would do anything to protect his children, “and I’m going to do whatever’s necessary to ensure its safety”, a stern reproach underneath his words, “but I need to clear my mind in respect to us, Kristen. That’s why I’m going over to the Salem Inn”, he saw the change in her expression and hurried to finish before being interrupted, “I just need a couple of days to settle down, to be by myself. I’m sure you can grant me that…”, no alternative left in his tone.
“I understand”, Kristen replied almost unaffected, knowing that was her best chance at ever having him back.
“Thank you”, he spoke feeling he was talking to a complete stranger, his guilt increasing as he realized he had virtually no feelings for this woman, “I’m sorry things turned out like this…”, he added softly.
“You already said that”, she answered back, not sure she could stand the situation much longer.
“I’ll go pack a few things”, he stood up, “I can take Brady with me if you prefer…”
“No, it’s okay, really”, she meant it, plus she knew that having Brady with her meant she would see him sooner.
That being said, John gathered some of his clothes, reminded her she could reach him on his cell-phone and left, his heart heavy from the lies, and yet beating in anticipation of being with Marlena again. He went by the Salem Inn to check in, just in case Kristen decided to call there. Then headed to his next stop.
Take A Chance On Me
Marlena ran after hearing the door bell. The hours John had been gone had passed dreadfully slowly despite her attempts to focus on something else, but the moment he had made his presence known, all of that seemed irrelevant, her smile returning as bright as ever to her lips. She didn’t bother to check before she opened the door using the apron she was wearing over pants and blouse to keep her dripping hands from the knob. She laughed at the image before her.
“I thought you could use a couple of these”, John explained holding the two lamps he had stopped to buy at the antique shop to replace the one he had smashed. “Great! Now we’ll have an extra one next time you need to vent some steam…”, she teased him, taking the lamps delicately by the top to put them down on the floor, “Come here!”, pulling him against her in the process, her wrists curled around his neck to prevent her filthy hands from touching his dark T-shirt, his arms locking behind her back.
“I’m glad you appreciate my effort”, he joked, feigning hurt.
“Sorry, you were gone too long”, she giggled.
“I must have for you to venture into the kitchen”, he pointed out, noticing the flour covering her face and clothes along with a couple of unidentified stains.
“I was trying to fix us something to eat!”, she protested, knowing where he was headed.
“Please, tell me you couldn’t!”, he chuckled, joyful anger rising in her amber eyes as she opened her mouth in protest.
With a mischievous grin, she pulled first one hand and then the other, having them land in the middle of his chest, turning them around and against his shirt to clean off the remnants of flour and egg yolk.
“I couldn’t…”, she mocked him, turning around to escape from his reach.
But he was faster than her, and before she could say no, he had thrown her over his shoulder to carry her over to the couch, where he dropped her carefully before landing on top. He stared into her eyes, which grew wider in anticipation, and finally leaned down to capture her lips in a sensuous kiss.
“Mmmh… I should make you mad more often”, she sighed content as his mouth traveled down her neck, “Oh… that feels good…”, allowing herself to get lost under his touch, “Honey… we better close the door…”
That said, he jumped off of the couch, leaving Marlena wanting and wondering.
She sat up, her arm draped over the back of the sofa, looking quizzically as John disappeared to the hall.
“Close your eyes!”, she heard him yell, obeying his order until her curiosity forced her to take a peak, “And keep them close!”, his voice came soon after, as if he were looking at her.
She waited impatiently and just when she was beginning to wonder if he was still around, she heard him said: “You can open them now.”
First came the sight, then the smell of the bouquet of lilacs and jasmine John was offering her. She took it in her hands, letting the summery scent wash upon her, rewarding him with a ravishing smile. Before she could thank him, he reached behind the couch and produced a huge bag with a big white ribbon, a gift box with delicate designs and a small velvet one.
“Very impressive for such a short time!”, she giggled delighted to be the object of such lavish attention, “Where do I start?”, she asked putting the flowers aside for the moment.
“Wherever you like…”, he answered, totally enraptured by the beauty before him.
“Here”, with that, she leaned forward and kissed him with infinite tenderness.
“No argument there”, he smiled, handing her the bag before they got carried away and forgot about the presents.
As soon as she lifted the ribbon, she saw the cream fur of a cuddly stuffed bunny with long ears and pink nose, obviously intended for the baby.
“Ahh… this is too cute!”, she smiled at his thoughtfulness, clutching it against her, the soft material caressing her cheek.
Without saying a word, John handed her the bigger box eager to see her reaction. She passed him the bunny and without much complication opened the second gift. Resting between silk paper, she found a beautiful porcelain angel, the size of a man’s hand, a silver rattle with a pattern of little hearts, and a CD of water sounds. Lifting the figure for better appreciation, she looked at him perplexed, awaiting his explanation.
“The hearts on the rattle are a symbol of the love that created this child and of the love that will always surround our baby…”, he explained as Marlena felt the emotion welling in her eyes, overcome with tenderness towards this wonderful man, “The angel is for protection, a guardian angel. And water seems to be the element that brings us together, so I thought it would be an appropriate lullaby… after all, we made this baby to the melody of the sea”, he smiled, his thoughts taking him back to the magical night in which they had declared their love.
“I wish I could remember that…”, she said sadly, making John’s heart ache for her.
“I’m sorry, honey…”, he apologized, feeling guilty for not taking her memory lapse in consideration, “I…”
“You are the most romantic and amazing guy on the face of this Earth”, she smiled broadly, crossing the distance between them to cuddle against him, “And I’m glad I have you in my life to fill me in on all those precious details”, she finished sincerely, letting his warmth take away the momentary sadness.
“I will devote my life to make you happy…”, he vowed, crushing her against him, the feelings she inspired in him overwhelming his heart.
“Do I smell Chinese?”, she changed the subject abruptly, the aroma getting to her as her change of position got her closer to the bags John had left behind.
“I’m declaring my love for you and you’re thinking about food…”, he teased her, “Baby, you must be hungry!”, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear as she beamed a childish grin.
“Hey, I’m eating for two, remember!?”
“That’s why I brought all your favorites”, he chuckled reaching for the brown paper bags and placing them on the coffee table, his arm still around her slender body, “Fortune cookies and all!”
“I don’t need a cookie for that…”, she declared placing her fingers on her temples and closing her eyes pretending to connect with some spiritual force, “Mmh… I see a handsome dark haired man in my future who’s gonna make all my dreams come true”, she whispered, opening her eyes to look at him.
“You’re good!”, he went along.
“I’m very good”, she added proudly, a sexy hint in her words, her lips hovering above his, her tongue tracing the outline of his mouth, “I also see a velvet case waiting for me…”, she teased him unmercifully as she pulled away to grab the black box, “May I?”, she asked for approval and John nodded with a mixture of resignation and delight at being the one responsible for her cheerful state.
Laying inside, she found a bracelet made of white and yellow gold, two bands intertwined in an exquisite pattern.
“I wish I could give you a ring”, he said regretfully, “But until I’m free to ask you to marry me, I want you to wear this, which is also an unending circle, made of precious metal, and a symbol of two souls bind together for all eternity”, he explained taking the piece of jewelry to place it on her wrist.
“That’s all I’ll ever need… your love”, she sighed contentedly as she came closer to finish what she had started moments before.
“You’ve always had that”, he reminded her once their mouths parted, moist and swollen in anticipation for what the night promised ahead, “I have one more thing before I feed your hungry stomach”, he said light heartily, producing another velvet box form the pocket of his jacket.
“John!”, she scowled him from showering her with what she considered too many presents.
“Well, all the other gifts were for the baby, it’s only fair that the mother gets something, too”, she lifted her hand to signal the bracelet, “That was for the love of my life”, he pointed out and she would have knocked him down with a kiss at that moment if she wouldn’t want to spoil his last surprise, “This is for the mother…”, he finished opening the case for her, revealing a breathtaking diamond necklace.
“Oh, John!”, she exclaimed when she finally found the words that had escaped along with the air from her lungs, “It’s so beautiful! But look at all of this…”, she said in reference to the numerous items that he had produced, “…it’s too much! And I don’t even have a meal to offer you…”, she pouted, remembering her failed attempt at the kitchen.
“Doc, you’re giving me the most precious gift of all”, he reminded her, and soon read in her eyes what her mouth was afraid to say, the doubt still nagging in her head, “A baby. My baby”, reinforcing his belief, unwilling to let go of his certainty even for a second.
“Well, in that case”, she compromised, holding on to his sureness for the time being, “you are responsible for it, too, so I’m still a gift behind…”
“I’ll take this back if…”, he dared her, her hand quickly getting ahold of his to stop him, “I thought so…”, he smiled triumphantly.
“I love you so much!”, she declared with a sexy laughter, finally giving in to her initial impulse, pushing him against the couch as her tongue explored the depths of his mouth and her still dirty hands roamed through his hair, all objects forgotten in favor of the one thing that could always outshine all the riches of the world.
Back To You
“How did it go with Kristen?”, Marlena asked as John spread around the various boxes of Chinese food; she didn’t feel comfortable talking about the other woman, but it was part of his life, of their lives, and she couldn’t just ignore it.
“She wasn’t too pleased, of course, but she understood… I checked in at the Salem Inn before coming over”, he was dealing with opening the sauce, hence the sudden change on Marlena’s demeanor went unnoticed by him.
“Oh…”, she asked faintly, “You’re not staying over?”, trying to disguise her disappointment.
“What?”, he swirled around, instantly noticing the sadness in her eyes, wasting no time in reaching the couch to envelope her in his arms, “Of course I’m staying!”, he laughed at the absurdity of her reasoning, “You’re not getting rid of me that easily, you know?”, feeling her tension disappear, “But I asked Kristen to give me a few days to think about what we talked and I don’t want her to start getting suspicious if she calls the Salem Inn and finds out my name is not on their guests list”, he calmed her fears.
“You’re staying a few days?”, her smile growing wider with every word as she looked up at his blue orbs.
“If you can put up with me…”, he managed to say before she silenced him with a kiss.
“I can”, she replied, licking her lips as she savored the aftertaste of his mouth over hers and was going to add something else before her stomach growled so loud that sent them both laughing, “I’m hungry…”, she confessed a little embarrassed.
“Well, I don’t want people saying I don’t take care of my family, so we better do something about it”, he joked reaching for a set of chopsticks and a bowl of chow mein.
Picking a bite, he brought it close to place it in her open mouth before reaching for the steamed vegetables to continue to feed her in a succession of small bites. She let him do that for a while and then proceeded to grab another set of chopsticks to repay the favor.
Marlena shook her head, a hand reinforcing the gesture, the other laying lazily over her stomach.
“No more, please…”, she begged him as John offered her another egg roll.
“That’s all you’re going to eat?”, he wondered, considering how hungry she had been and how little she had eaten.
“It’s enough, really”, she pleaded, “Besides, now that my hunger’s been satisfied I can think of much more interesting things to do with my time…”, she lured him into another direction, discarding the piece of food he held and bringing her bare foot to run along his thigh, “Unless you want to eat some more, that is…”
“Not a chance”, he smiled, taking her hint and grabbing her foot in his hands to massage it with strong hands.
“Mmmhh…”, she sighed, leaning back against the pillows and letting him work his magic, wasting no time in pulling her remaining foot onto his lap, “You are so good at that…”
“I’m good at lots of other things, too, you know?”, he replied, his hand traveling up her leg underneath her pants, causing her breath to catch in her throat.
“Oh, yes… you are…”, she lingered under his touch, wanting so much more, yet enjoying to take things slowly.
He smiled to himself, loving the way she was letting go, how she surrendered to him, enjoying to be the one who was closest to her, to be her friend, her lover, the father of her child. The thought of the baby brought another smile and a desire to cherish her, to protect her, to smother her with attention, to hold her in his arms and never let go, the love he felt for her overflowed with tenderness.
“What?”, she inquired opening her eyes when she felt the pressure on her feet disappear, finding him with a dreamy expression and a silly look on his face, “What?”, she asked again, guessing what that was about.
“I was just thinking about how lucky I am…”, he said, focusing on her face as he deepened the pressure on her feet, “How suddenly my life makes sense again and I have you, a baby on the way…”, she smiled at him, the peace his words brought to her soul reflecting on her amber eyes, “It’s so perfect that I have to remind myself it’s not one of those sweet dreams I used to have. I always wanted to have a baby with you… Back when we thought I was Roman and I moved in with you, I remember cradling the twins to sleep and feeling so complete… and then, I would wake up and find you tending to one or the other in the middle of the night, and I remember wishing we had another baby so that I could relive all those memories I didn’t have, so I could take care of you as our child grew strong inside your womb, so I could see that glow on your face, that pride and that love, so I could share with you the birth, all those little miracles that I couldn’t remember about the twins… I wanted to remember so badly…”, there was no pain in his words, only the smooth touch of old memories, and as Marlena listened to him, her heart was overcome with so much love, with pride and happiness for being the one to make his dream come true, a dream she had so many times, “And then, after we thought you dead and you came back to me… after you came in to live in the house, I would watch you with Sami and Eric, who were older and still so young, and I’d wish we could shut out the world and start anew, just you, the children and I… and I’d go to sleep into the guest room and dream about being across the hall with you, about tearing that room down to build up a nursery for a new baby…”
“I used to dream about that, too”, she spoke softly, “It was so hard to go to bed alone, knowing that you were so close… I wanted to be with you so badly, to feel your body against mine when I woke up in the middle of the night, to have you make love to me again…”, the only reason those weren’t painful memories was because he was there with her right now.
“And then Isabella announced she was pregnant…”, he continued, “And as happy as I was, there was a part of me that wished that it was you, not her…”
“I almost died when I found out… I wanted to be the one to give you a child, I wanted to be her…”, she revealed shyly.
“I hated Roman so much then… I resented him for taking away my life, my children… but most of all, I resented him for taking away my wife, my love… I prayed so much for all of that to be a mistake, I prayed so much to be the real Roman Brady…”, he said, feeling the lump in his throat all over again.
“I know… I prayed for that, too”, she whispered, “I can’t imagine how hard it must have been for you to lose all the life you could remember in a matter of hours, to have no memories of your past and then to be told that everything you held dear didn’t belong to you…”, a few tears escaping from her eyes as his pain became hers, “Here I am, complaining because I can’t remember how this baby was conceived when you have more than half your life as a blank…”
“But you’re right”, he stopped her, “Because I may not remember anything about my childhood, about my twenties, but I remember every single hour I spent with you and I wouldn’t trade that for anything. I don’t even care to remember those years, ‘cause how good can they be when you were not in them?”, the certainty in his tone conveying how seriously he meant that.
“Oh, honey…”, she was going to refute that.
“You’re my everything”, he confessed, “I don’t know how I managed to live without you until now…”, lifting her foot to kiss the tip of her toes, “Every thought, every breath I take, is full of you. You’re my reason, my beginning and my ending”, he declared in awe, almost as if he was realizing it for the first time, “You’re so much I can’t even begin to explain what it feels…”
“You don’t have to”, she whispered as she shifted position to get closer, crawling the distance to sit on his lap, her legs entangled around his waist, her arms surrounding his broad shoulders, “I know. I feel it, too”, her breath caressing his skin, announcing the arrival of her lips, “You love me”, she explained calmly, “the same way I love you”, she finished sealing her statement with a soul searching kiss.
“I do…”, his thoughts trailing off due to the sensations she was creating with her tongue against his ear.
Knocking On Heaven’s Door
Her fingers played with the short hairs at the base of his head as her lips hovered over his mouth making him yearn for the next second that would bring them closer, the warmth of her legs wrapped against his back, the weight of her body making pressure on his thighs. His glance pleading with her to let him kiss her, her eyes telling he’ll have to wait a bit longer still; his hands reaching under her silk blouse to come in contact with her even softer skin, quickly finding the snap of her bra, making her gasp in anticipation. Her tongue tracing the outline of his lips, daring him to resist, tempting him to no end. His muscles tensing under her, his fingers tightening around the curves of her body.
She leaned forward another inch, pressing herself against his chest, preventing his hands to wander to her front and make her lose what little control she still had left, throwing her head slightly backwards so that her mouth wouldn’t touch his face just yet. She didn’t count on him taking advantage of that movement to lower his mouth to her neck, tracing a moist path as his lips traveled to the hollow of her neck.
“Foul play…”, she murmured arching back to give him better access, unintentionally providing him with enough space to draw one of his hands to her chest as the other remained on her back for support; soon she had forgotten all about being in charge, lost in a sea of sensations.
He felt his temperature rising, his body tensing and relaxing in response to the myriad of emotions created by her. The feel of her skin against his palm, under his mouth, the ound of her heavy breathing, soft moans of pleasure, her touch as she rubbed her thighs against his sides, as her hands clung to him with desperate need… the ombination was driving him crazy. Finally she was able to recoup, cupping his face, she reached for his mouth, eager to taste him, nibbling on his lower lip before allowing his tongue to enter her mouth to tango with hers, pulling her legs to his sides, kneeling for level as she pushed him down against the cushions, kissing him hard and steady until they were both out of breath.
“Hi…”, she breathed, looking down at him, shoving him a childish smile.
“Hi, yourself”, he chuckled before pulling her down to him to lock in another kiss.
She could feel his heart beating as furiously as hers, pumping against her flesh, desire drumming in her blood as he started to unbutton her blouse. Unable to hold back any longer, she shoved her hands under his T-shirt and in a blink pulled it over his head, raking her nails along his broad chest, her mouth following immediately.
“Take me upstairs, love…”, she asked panting, sensing things would soon be way out of hand.
Without another word, he scooped her effortlessly in his arms, a confident grin on his face. She smiled back, locking her arms behind his neck and leaning down slightly for a new kiss before he headed for the stairs. It was a dream come true, having him there, having his love back, and it felt better than she had imagined it would. She said a silent prayer to thank for such amazing gift as she admired his rough features, her head resting comfortably on his shoulder, thinking she could stay like that forever.
Her hand coming to caress his cheek as he laid her gently on the bed after pulling away the covers, a soft ‘I love you’ blessing her landing. Her fingers trailing down to his chest as his finished with the task of unbuttoning her blouse, taking his time to admire her beauty as he completely divested her from the silky items that stood between her skin and his touch. Reaching down to kiss her ever so sweetly. In a wake of kisses and caresses, he made his way to her flat stomach, stopping to worship the unexpected gift of this new life they had created together, he brushed the tip of his fingers against the soft surface, kissing the place his hand had outlined, resting his cheek there for a moment as so much happiness caused a lump to form in his throat. Marlena felt a couple stray tears escaping her eyes as she was overcome with emotion, her hand reaching down to John, burying her fingers in his thick dark mane as she stroked his hair. He lifted his head, catching her wrist in his grip, their gazes locked as he alternated kissing, licking, sucking the tips of her delicate fingers, his free hand dealing expertly with the zipper of her pants as hers tried unsuccessfully to untie his belt. He chuckled when she let out an exasperated groan, assisting her in the process.
Soon they were free of any restraints, able to gloat in the sight of each other, nothing between love and desire. Again ready to share the most sacred of experiences, to join in that journey they could only enjoy together, entering paradise in each other’s arms.
It was still dark when she woke up, slowly coming out of a pleasant dream… or was it? Panic startling her for as long as it took her to reach out and come across John’s body, a sigh of relief escaping her lungs as she realized everything had been oh, so real.
He stirred in his sleep, as if sensing her sudden discomfort, mumbling her name, ighting the weariness to open his eyes.
“Shhh, go back to sleep, my love…”, she whispered, molding herself against him, folding his arms around her, covering them with hers as she entwined their fingers, “Everything’s fine”, smiling as his warmth permeated her body.
“Good…”, he said half asleep, nuzzling his face against her hair, his chin resting on the curve of her shoulder, his leg mounting her hip, “…love you…”, he managed to utter as he drifted back to sleep.
“Love you, too, baby…”, she sighed contentedly as his breath caressed her ear, “I love you, too”, allowing herself to relax under the notion that being with him, she had nothing to be afraid of, a smile spread across her face as she joined him in peaceful slumber.
Soft beams of light filtered through the blinds, announcing a sunny day. As John stretched in bed, his body completely relaxed, memories of their lovemaking freshly imprinted in his mind, he let out a sigh of content as he fought to keep his eyes open, trying to make focus. His arm reached out, searching for Marlena, but finding her side empty. He turned around, ready to get up, his eyes wide open by now, and found her sitting on the floor, her arms resting over the mattress, her face leaning on them gracefully. At first he thought there was something wrong for the first thing he noticed were the tears striking down her cheeks, but then his eyes fell upon her smile and he was totally confused.
“Doc?”, he inquired sitting up in bed, stretching his hand out to her.
She placed her small hand in his as she climbed into bed with him. “I had a dream last night…”, she started as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders to bring her closer, wiping her tears with his thumb, “Only I don’t think it was a dream. I woke up early and as I recalled it, I realized it was a memory”, she beamed, “John, I remembered… running with you on the beach, it was raining…”, her smile growing wider when she saw him nod, “…we had a piece of plastic over our heads and we came into a beach-house… and you were all concerned I was going to catch a cold!”, she laughed as more memories break through while she was trying to recall the images from her dream, “… I got you some soap and you had a towel around your waist…”, she felt herself blushing as the emotions came back to her.
“I think I was more embarrassed than you were”, John joked, remembering the scene so well.
“And then I remember being with you on the couch…”, she said, still confused since it was mostly fragments that she had, “… wanting to kiss you so badly… but we couldn’t…”, she looked up at him, searching for an explanation as that was the last memory she could recall.
“That was before we came out clear…”, he explained, holding her tight as he kissed her forehead, “Honey, that’s great! But don’t pressure yourself… the important thing is that you are remembering, and I’m sure slowly all the memories will come back”, he said with joy, knowing from experience how hard it was to have a blank in one’s past.
“It feels good…”, she sighed, “Oh! And it feels so good to wake up this Sunday morning with you by my side!”, she finished leaning in for a good morning kiss.
Remembering the past was good all right, but nothing compared to being then and there, with the man she loved loving her back.
A Starting Point
John was all dressed and talking on his cell-phone when she came out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped around her body, tiny droplets falling from her damp hair onto her shoulders. Though she tried to cover, John caught the look of disappointment painted briefly on her face as he turned around. He stared at her, admiring her natural beauty for a few seconds before walking up to her, wrapping his arms around her waist, putting in jeopardy the grip of the towel. Without saying a word, he leaned down to capture her moist lips in a luscious kiss that left them wanting more when they finally parted.
“I thought you were going to stay with me today…”, she kept the reproach from her tone, but he could read her sadness between the lines; her hands firmly entwined behind his neck as if that would prevent him from leaving.
“I have to see Brady…”, he explained, without giving away more than he had to.
“I’m sorry…”, she interrupted, hiding her face against his shoulder as her arms drew him closer, there was shame in her voice, “I’m being selfish, putting my need for you before your own needs…”, she apologized; there was no need for her to tell him how well she understood his desire to be with his son, John knew it, and he also knew that was not what she had implied.
“Doc…”, his soft voice caressed her ear as he lifted up her chin using the side of his index finger, “My need for you is endless”, he stated, happy to see the smile that timidly started to break on her mouth, “I would love to stay here with you forever, you know that…”, she nodded slightly, “I just don’t feel comfortable leaving Brady with Kristen under the circumstances, so I talked to Shawn and Caroline and they are delighted to have him over for a couple of days…”, he revealed, “So I’m gonna pick him up and head for the pub. I thought maybe you’d like to meet me there in about an hour? I know Brady would love to see you, if that’s all right with you…”
“All right? I’m dying to see him!”, she said excitedly, “If I didn’t mention it before was because I didn’t want to make it harder on him or you…”
“Well, as much as I wanted to bring him over to visit with you, I thought it would be too confusing for him, you’re right… But I don’t think it will be awkward if you meet at the pub”, her smile repeated on his face, as he contemplated having his two loves together under the same roof, “We can have lunch together and then the two of us can move on to what I have planned for later”, he laughed as a spark of curiosity ignited in her hazel eyes.
“And what that might be…?”, she inquired, excitement growing at the prospect of a surprise as well as at the enticing game of trying to get it out of him.
“Not telling”, he grinned as she stood on the tip of her feet to reach his jawline with her mouth.
“Oh, come on…”, she whispered as a trail of kisses marked the way of her lips to his ear, “You know I can’t stand to be left out…”, his blood boiling as the tip of her tongue played with his earlobe.
“Mmh, Doc, you’re not playing fair…”, he groaned as his hands tightened around her and he started to feel the effects she had on his body, “Besides, you shouldn’t feel left out… it’s all about you”, his hoarse whisper rough against her neck.
“Fine”, she conceded, pulling away in a swift movement, not trusting herself to be that close to him and remain in control, “I’ll see you later then”, she finished rearranging her towel in a manner that gave him a glimpse of what he would be missing, “Ah, ah…”, her hand halting him midway as he attempted to get near, “Go! Go get that surprise ready”, she teased him, muting a giggle.
“Next time you won’t get rid of me that easily”, he warned her, a sigh of frustration preceding his retreat.
“I will hold you to that”, the sexy murmur going after him.
John was relieved to find Chelsea alone with Brady. The woman explained Kristen had asked her to stay there on her day off since she had to run some errands. John dismissed her gratefully after paying her, wondering what kind of errands would Kristen have to run on a Sunday. Brady was rejoiced to see his father, which made John feel guilty for the lack of time he had been spending with him lately. As he vowed to make things good for all of them soon, he explained to Brady that his grandparents were eager to have him with them for a little while. Brady squealed in delight, having fallen for his
adoptive family as quickly as they had fallen for him. John was eager to have them be an active part of their lives again; he had missed them more than he had allowed himself to admit. And it would be much easier to be with his son in the next few days without having to deal with Kristen every time. A new bout of guilt washed over him as he noticed how detached he had grown from her. He didn’t even feel close to the baby she was carrying, his child. And he cursed himself for being so insensitive, for having brought such misery upon a woman that had given him nothing but unconditional love.
He knew he had to sort things out with her very soon, for her sake as well as Marlena’s, but before facing whatever life had in store for them, he wanted to enjoy his reunion with Marlena; he wanted to be with her, freely and completely, without worries, the way they should be, at least for a few stolen days. From his last conversations with Kristen, he was afraid peace wouldn’t last too long.
Shawn and Caroline welcomed their “son” with open arms, delighted to have Brady with them for as long as they could. The boy had grown close to them with such ease that it seemed only right that he should stay there. Carrie was visiting with her grandparents too, and after sharing a while together, John seized the opportunity when she suggested she and Brady could go check the room the Bradys had designated for their grandchildren. Though he hadn’t checked with Marlena, he felt they had a right to know what was going on, if only because they were still Roman’s parents and might feel betrayed if they found out later.
“You can talk now”, Caroline said softly after making sure that Carrie and Brady were out of earshot.
John looked up at her, surprised and touched she could read him so well.
“Well…”, he started uncertainly, not knowing how to make the complicated situation as understandable as possible, “You’ve already met Kristen”, he started, remembering she had been formally introduced to all of them at the Hospital benefit, “And by now you probably know she’s pregnant…”, there was no joy in their faces, as if they understood what he was going through.
“Son”, Shawn spoke in his deep Irish accent, a hand firmly placed over John’s as he stressed how he felt about the man, “you don’t need to explain. I don’t know what’s going on between Kristen and you, but a few weeks back you came into town alone, looking for Marlena…”, he could read in the young man’s eyes that he was right on track, “So I guess Kristen followed you with the news that she was pregnant”, John nodded, “You were in California, Marlena was there for a while…”, no need to go any further, “And from the way you two looked at each other the other night at the dance, it’s pretty obvious you’re still in love…”, he concluded, much to John’s surprise, who was convinced they had done an excellent job at hiding their feelings.
“Whatever’s going on”, Caroline took the lead, “you can count on us.”
“Thanks!”, it came out from his soul, showing in his features as he looked lovingly at the only parents his heart recognized, “I talked to Kristen about my feelings for Doc after she found me in California”, he cleared the details for them, “I had no idea that she was pregnant when I came back to Salem… And now…”, he was about to tell them about Marlena’s pregnancy, but changed his mind, not wanting to overstep his boundaries, “And now she refuses to let go…”, he said going back to Kristen, “She threatened to get rid of the baby if I leave her”, he hung his head ashamed of the whole situation as he heard the gasp that escaped from Caroline’s throat.
“I’m sure you’ll do the right thing…”, Shawn said, trying to be reassuring, “We know how deep the love between you and Marlena is”, he added, “We’ve known it for quite some time…”
As if on cue, Marlena entered the pub, freezing for a moment, her smile disappearing as she saw them gathered together with serious looks upon their faces.
Secrets Shared
Marlena felt herself blush as the trio sitting at the corner booth looked up at her, as if sensing she had been the topic of conversation. The place was busy with lunch customers chatting unaware of what was going on beyond the borders of their tables, with waitresses going back and forth from the kitchen. Shawn lost no time in getting up to greet her. In a few wide steps he had come up to her, a warm grin on his face, and gathered Marlena in a firm hug.
“Hi, Lass”, he said gently, “It’s good to see you.”
“Thanks, Shawn”, he walked her towards the table, where Caroline was already on her feet waiting her turn to embrace her, “It’s nice to be here”, she said sincerely, trying to recall when was the last time she had felt this at home at the pub, “Hi, Caroline”, she concentrated on her mother-in-law, conscious that she was avoiding John’s gaze, afraid she would give away her feelings in front of everyone if she did so.
What was she supposed to say? They hadn’t settled on how they were going to handle it. Were they going to play it as a casual encounter? Was it okay to let them know John was expecting her? And what if Roman showed up? Or one of the children? All this questions hit her suddenly as she heard Caroline’s welcome. She didn’t realize John was about to stand up when Shawn encouraged her to take a sit with them, as he and his wife sat back on the bench. She slid down into the empty space by John and for the first time since she came in, their looks crossed. She felt herself relax a little as she recognized the love that shone in his blue eyes, a smile telling her it was all right as his hand slipped under the table to take hers reassuringly.
“We were just telling John here”, Shawn began his speech as head of the family, “that he can count on us… you both can”, he said, telling her all she needed to know with that statement, “You will always be a part of this family and we’ll always be here for both of you.”
“Thanks, Shawn, Caroline”, she felt the tears welling in her eyes as she reached out to take the hand the older woman offered her.
“Marlena, dear,” she said warmly, “John told us about the situation with Kristen… We hope you can solve that soon, but in the meantime, if you need anything”, she continued, her gaze going from one to the other to stress her point, “just ask. You’ve waited long enough to be together already and you’ve put everyone else’s needs before your own way too many times…”
“We didn’t….”, Marlena replied, “we don’t want to hurt anyone”, her gaze falling down as she thought about the family and how they might react, “specially Roman and the children…”, the lump in her throat making her stop.
“Roman has had enough time to come to terms with this”, his mother stated, “and though I wish I could prevent him from hurting, he’ll have to understand one way or the other”, her pain for her son evident in her voice, “But I think deep in his heart he knows, he always knew, that it was over between the two of you even before he came back…”, she took a deep breath, “As for the children… they’ll have to accept it. I know Carrie will be thrilled, she loves you both so deeply”, her smile reflecting on everyone’s face at the mention of the child they loved, “Sami and Eric love you, too, both of you, and sooner or later they will come to grips with that fact… Don’t worry”, she finished, looking intently into the younger woman’s eyes.
“There’s one more thing…”, John intervened before the conversation ended and they went back to their chores, looking briefly over to Marlena to get her approval, her slight nod telling him she knew what he was going to say, “Only Mike and Laura know this and for the time being I think it’s best if we keep it a secret”, he continued having their undivided attention as the seriousness of his tone reeled them in, “Doc’s pregnant”, he shared, taking her hand firmly in his as his parents looked over at them open-mouthed for an instant, “We’re having a baby”, he added proudly, and Marlena silently prayed for him to be right.
“That’s…”, Shawn stuttered, trying to get the words out through the shock, “that’s wonderful!”, realizing he was raising his voice and showing too much enthusiasm, “That’s great news”, he whispered, happy to share in the secret, not even thinking about the complications that piece of information entitled.
“A baby!”, Caroline whispered in awe, her hand reaching out to caress John’s cheek, his pride replayed in her mother’s heart.
She would have said more, but she noticed the change in Marlena’s demeanor and followed her gaze towards the door through which Carrie had just appeared carrying Brady in her arms. Marlena gasped as she saw Brady for what to her was the first time since they had flown away from her life, tears streaming down her cheeks unnoticed by her. Brady squealed in Carrie’s arms, eager to be let down after realizing who was there.
Marlena left the booth as Brady run awkwardly in her direction and she kneeled to receive him in her arms. This time, almost every person in the establishment had stopped what they were doing, drawn by the commotion, glued to the tender scene displayed before them, the beautiful image of mother and son. Marlena was completely oblivious to what was going on around her as she held the little boy close and his sweet voice climbed to her ears as he called his ‘Mommy’ excitedly.
Eventually the customers returned to their meals, the employees to their chores, and the murmur of conversations muted the previous silence. Shawn and Caroline enjoyed the picture for a little while before returning to attend their business leaving the members of their extended family to get properly reacquainted. Carrie cuddled against John as he placed his arm protectively around her shoulders, both of them smiling as they took in the exchange between Marlena and Brady. She had put Brady back on his feet and was looking him over, trying to match the young child to the baby she had seen last, her hand fondly caressing his soft hair as she listened attentively at what he had to say.
“Why Mommy cwying?”, he asked as his little hand reached up to her stained cheeks.
“Because I’m happy”, her smile reassuring him immediately, “so happy to see you again!”
“You play with Brady now?”, he asked, not a hint of bitterness towards her unexplained absence.
“I’d like that, yes!”, she sighed as she realized the extent of his feelings for her, recalling how many times while holding him as a tiny baby she had dreamed he was really hers, “But first we’re going to have lunch with Daddy and Carrie, okay?”, she suggested picking him up in her arms as she stood and turned to face the smiling pair before her.
“Brady hungwy!”, he confessed as he pulled his arms around her neck and looked at her as if making sure she wasn’t going anywhere.
“Me too!”, her eyes opening extra wide to convey her point; then she looked up at John, shoving him a smile that spoke volumes.
They sat down at the booth, Brady insisting to be seated next to Marlena. Carrie and John shared more than one glance during that meal, surprised at how at ease Brady was with Marlena, how he was so clear about where his heart belonged. There was no way John was going to attempt against a bond so pure and natural, not for Kristen’s sake or for the sake of appearances. His son had made his choice, more wisely and maturely than all of them, and Marlena seemed more than okay with it, so there would be no arguing with that. If only he could solve his relationships as easy… That would take more effort, and probably a lot of suffering, too. But that would have to wait another couple of days. For the time being, he was going to relax and enjoy of this oasis of allowed freedom he had almost unconsciously created for the two of them.
Voglio Restare Cosi
Carrie said her good-byes soon after lunch was over, promising Brady she would come play with him the next day. Though Carrie was pretty sure that there was a lot more going on between her adoptive parents than an old friendship, they didn’t mention anything and she didn’t ask, knowing what the situation was with John and Kristen and sensing eventually all would come out in the clear. To her, it was enough to have them both back in Salem, knowing that they still cared for each other. After she left John followed his son’s lead suggesting they moved into the Brady’s private quarters to play.
He followed Marlena closely as she carried their child up the stairs, pride and joy playing a well matched duel in his heart. It just felt so perfect, to be in this place and feel so at home, to be part of this family and above all, to have Brady and Marlena with him feeling that strongly towards each on top of a baby on the way, a baby they had created together. He knew Marlena still had her doubts about the paternity of that child, maybe because of the blank in her memory, but he was as certain as he was Brady’s father. After all the battles he had fought against Stefano he knew his opponent well enough to know his modus operandi, and as much as he wanted Marlena, he would have never forced on her, it wasn’t his style.
They stayed with Brady for a couple of hours, Marlena sitting by his bed as he went down for his nap with the promise that he would see her again very, very soon. John slipped away for a while to take care of the last details of his surprise, one of many he had been conjuring up for his lady love. Marlena found him sitting at the bar, engaged in conversation with Shawn. The place was empty except for a couple having their after lunch coffee at one of the tables on the other end of the pub; a new crowd would fill the diner in a few hours when the afternoon turned into evening. Taking advantage of the safe environment, she came up behind John and wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her chin on his shoulder, his forearms closing over hers.
“He’s asleep”, she shared with them in complicity.
“I guess that’s our cue to go, then”, he winked at Shawn, who had been let in to the plan.
“Go where?”, Marlena tried to be casual, the gesture between the men not going unnoticed.
“You’ll see…”, John brushed her off, containing a chuckle that dissolved the moment he heard the front door open and saw Sami coming in.
Lucky for them, she missed the loving exchange and by the time her gaze fell upon them, they were almost at opposite sides of the counter. A rare mixture of love and hatred flashed through her eyes as she walked up towards them, her look falling on the safer figure of her grandpa as her heart doubled its beat.
“Sami!”, Marlena smiled widely after realizing her daughter hadn’t seen her hugging John, “I was on my way home from the mall and decided to stop by to visit with your grandparents…”, she explained coming close, “What a nice surprise is to find you here!”, grateful Sami didn’t back off as she drew her arms around her.
“I came by to pick up Eric’s jacket”, she said trying to fight the feeling of warmth that washed upon her when as her mother held her, “He forgot it earlier…”
“It’s up in the living-room”, Shawn intervened, “I’ll go get it and tell your grandma you’re here…”
“I can’t stay, though”, she argued as she withdrew from the embrace and looked towards John, “Lucas is waiting for me outside…”, she finished as her grandfather left them alone.
“Hello, Samantha”, John said, his gaze locked with her as a timid smile appeared on his lips and he fought the urge to hug the girl he loved as his own.
“Hi, John”, it was still awkward to call him by his name, “Carrie mentioned you were back in Salem…”, a smile began to draw on her face, but she quickly erased it biting her lower lip nervously.
“You look great”, he said at loss of the right words.
“Thanks”, she said shyly, she wanted to ask what he was doing there, if they had come in together or if they had just met by chance, but she didn’t dare, unsure of how well she could handle their answers, unsure of what she would like their answers to be. She had heard about his new wife, and she had found herself feeling jealous when she heard the news, deep inside still wanting him to be a part of her life, still wanting to be his little girl.
Shawn was smart enough to quickly return with the missing item, avoiding telling his wife about their granddaughter’s presence to prevent anything from prolonging an already uncomfortable situation. Sami was fast to say her good-byes, dropping an encouraging ‘See you’ when she turned to Marlena before leaving to meet the awaitingLucas. A sigh of relief filling the air following her departure. Marlena looked at John, pleading with him not to talk about it just yet.
“Lets go say bye to Caroline”, he suggested instead, not daring to take her hand as he was inclined to do, “We’ll see you in a moment”, he addressed Shawn.
But as soon as they disappeared up the stairs and the older man thought everything would be fine, his jaw dropped as he saw the next person who walked through the entrance, making the chimes ring. Kristen surveyed the area as she made her way towards the counter, taking in the charming place the Brady’s had as a gathering point. She had to call for directions after finding John’s note saying he was taking Brady to visit with his parents for a few days. The whole thing seemed not only sudden, but strange. Having Brady with her was a warranty that John would be coming back to her soon, this new development made her slightly unease. She had left Stefano’s house rather reassured that afternoon, but her confidence had come crashing down when she came to an empty loft.
“Hi, there!”, she greeted as kindly as she could manage, “Shawn, right?”, her hand extended for a shake, “I’m Kristen, John’s wife, we met the other night.”
“Yes, of course!”, like he could forget.
“John left a note saying he was bringing Brady over…”, she said trying to find a good excuse to take him back with her but finding none.
“Yes, yes”, Shawn said trying to keep his nervousness at bay, “He was here earlier. He finally gave in to our pleas to have our grandson visit for a couple of days”, he managed to say rather convincingly, “We’ve missed that little lad a whole bunch!”, that was true, “He’s having his nap now, but why don’t you sit down and I’ll go call my wife… I know Caroline would be delighted to talk to you and share a cup of tea”, he almost didn’t leave her time to refuse as he headed for the stairs, having convinced Kristen there was nothing to worry about.
Just in time. For when he reached the top of the staircase, Shawn saw John and Marlena coming down the hall. With a gesture, he lured them back inside, where Caroline was busy doing some cleaning. They looked at him inquiringly. He only spoke after making sure the door was securely closed, and yet he kept himself to a whisper.
“Kristen’s downstairs”, he explained as the color left Marlena’s cheeks, “I told her I would get Caroline… So why don’t you go ahead and keep her busy, dear”, he instructed his wife, “I’ll walk the kids out the side door…”
Per Amore
Shawn had seen them safely to John’s jeep, leaving Marlena’s car behind. Good thing it was too new for Kristen to take notice of it as she made her way to the Brady Pub. They rode in silence for a while, the tension slowly fading the further they went. Marlena was still rather pale, her thoughts returning to the moment Shawn had announced Kristen’s presence. She felt bad having to sneak away to be with the other woman’s husband, she hated being in the middle of such a compromising situation. What kind of example would she be giving their children if they found out? Or worse, when they found out. With a baby on the way and the definite possibility of John being the father, sooner or later everyone in Salem would know what she had been up to during her self imposed retreat. Obviously she hadn’t been thinking when she allowed that to happen, at least not about the consequences, not about her children… Heck! If only she could remember it would be easier to berate herself! And what about now? What was she doing now? Allowing the situation to go on with a barely guilty conscience…
“Are you okay, sweetie?”, John asked taking her cold hand in his; she nodded, but he knew better.
Oh, and there was John! The answer to all her questions in the four letters of his name. It was because he was John that she had allowed herself to slip, because her heart didn’t understand
about any other principles but the ones of true love. Because it wasn’t about choosing. She didn’t
have a choice, not when it came to him, it was beyond herself. Because denying that love again
would have been like denying herself to breathe, like denying herself… Her free hand went to
cover her stomach, as if protecting the result of that love. If this baby was indeed John’s, and she
prayed with all her will it was, it wouldn’t come to the world bearing the stamp of an illicit affair. She would never allow that. Somehow, her children would have to understand that sometimes life doesn’t play with the right cards, but it doesn’t make the outcome any less valid, any less worthy of compassion and understanding, any less truthful and real. A smile settled on her lips as she brought his big hand up to kiss the back of his palm endearingly.
“I’ll be all right”, she confided much more reassuringly, looking around as John parked the car, “The pier?”, a half smile framing her features as she tried to figure out what he was up to. “Not exactly…”, he smiled teasingly as he rushed around the vehicle to open her door, “But you’re close”, he leaned in to kiss her adoringly, “…very close”, and then proceeded to the back door to take out a bag, a basket and a small suitcase that Marlena recognized as hers.
She was tempted to ask more, but decided against it, following in silence as he guided her towards the deck, until it finally hit her.
“Smith Island!”, she almost shouted, causing him to stop on his tracks to look at her with a winning grin, “The Hortons’ Cabin…”
“I confess… I had a heart to heart talk with Alice the other day”, he chuckled as they approached the ferry which was boarding another load of visitors.
“But, honey”, she protested as he handed their bags to a member of the crew to help her up, “I can’t stay overnight! Unlike you, I have to work in the morning…”
“Hey!”, he teased her, pretending to be hurt in his pride, “Don’t take it out on my working habits! Besides, since I was already visiting with Alice, I took the liberty of extending my requests to other members of the Horton family and had Mike prescribe some rest for you and convinced Laura to take over your patients for another day…”, her jaw dropped and a flare of anger reached her hazel orbs, for a moment John thought he wouldn’t get away with it this time. “You didn’t!”, her mouth open as she debated whether to take it out on him or dropping an argument she wasn’t inclined to win, after all, she was as eager to be with him on this stolen honeymoon as he was, wanting to extend their reunion as much as possible, “Oh, Lord!”, she sighed throwing her hands in the air in mock exasperation, “What am I going to do with you?!”
“I can give you a couple of suggestions…”, he said arching his eyebrows as he pulled her down with him to one of the cushioned seats that lined the sides of the ferry boat. “Oh, I’m sure you can…”, she half smiled, still playing angry.
The ride over to the island went smoothly as they enjoyed the view of the bay, the fresh breeze and the slow pace of a lazy Sunday afternoon from their semi covered spot, exchanging longing looks, but refraining from offering a public display of affection that would have been rather risky under the circumstances. Instead, when the urge to be closer to him grew unbearable, Marlena casually draped one of the complimentary blankets over her legs, as if guarding against the cold, but making sure it covered part of John’s thigh as well as the empty space between them, to where she slid her hand to meet with his, his fingers entwined with hers in companionable retreat.
Finally, the cabin came into view after a short stroll, John walking a few steps behind, his pace slowed by his insistence of carrying all the luggage. The sun was beginning to set, casting an incredible spectrum of pinks and reds over the spaced clouds. A content sigh escaped her lungs as Marlena stopped to admire the sight before her, John quickly catching with her, scattering around the items he’d been carrying to draw her into his arms. She rested her back against his broad chest, her head against his shoulder, her arms closing over his, his warmth rapidly making her body forget the results of the cold air.
“I was with you the last time I came here…”, she recalled fondly.
“I remember”, he smiled, burying his face in her hair, the scent of her perfume working its magic, “Tom and Alice threw a picnic to celebrate that you had made it out safely from the warehouse”, a flashback of John coming to her rescue came to mind and she cuddled closer, “Everyone was here… Bo, Hope, Abe, Lexie, the Hortons, the Bradys…”
“Not everyone”, she corrected, “Roman was on duty… and somehow you managed to be there every time I turned around”, at the time it had been very frustrating, since she was fighting her feelings for him and John was pursuing her relentlessly.
“I was pretty annoying, uh?”, he asked, slightly ashamed.
“Pretty much, yes… though now I would call it persistent”, she smiled.
“Obviously not enough…”, he observed.
“Oh, I wouldn’t say so… I almost kissed you when you coaxed me towards the beach while everyone else was cleaning up, and I would have if Eric’s voice hadn’t lured me back to my senses”, she could laugh about it now, but she was relieved she hadn’t given in then knowing that would have been devastating for Roman, “Anyway, I couldn’t bring myself to come back here without you…”
“Too many memories?”, they were freshly imprinted in his mind, weekends with the twins, with their friends, weekends alone as a married couple and even an anniversary celebration. “Yeah”, she sighed, turning around in his arms to change the mood, “But you being here with me now rights all the wrongs”, her smile lighting up her face as she placed her hands behind his head to bring his mouth closer.
“Lets make it all the way right then!”, he said scooping her in his arms in a swift movement to walk her through the threshold.
Her laughter filled the air as he carried her inside the small cabin, gently setting her on her feet, sharing a long, sweet kiss before going out again for the discarded luggage, happiness thumping in his veins as the beauty of his reality settled in. Marlena was back in his life for good and she loved him. Now he had her all too himself in a secluded paradise for a day and a half, and if the storm he had spotted to the East worked its way fast and furiously enough, even for more than that. Marlena smiled as she heard him whistle, watching him through the open window and wondering what had brought the extra grin to his face.
Rhapsody
While John prepared his surprise somewhere outside of the cabin, Marlena busied herself making the bed with clean sheets she found in the linen closet, and taking their clothes out of the bags. She smiled as she discovered what John had packed for her… her pink silk and lace night gown, a matching negligee, a pair of jeans, a white tank top, a yellow shirt, a blue turtle-neck, a sweater, another pair of beige pants, 4 pairs of socks, way too many panties and bras (as if he couldn’t decide which he liked better), sneakers, shoes, sandals, a bathing-suit, the sun-dress and shawl he had given her not so long ago, a smashed hat, a bag of toiletries including her brush, but no sign of a hair dryer of course… She was giggling hysterically when he came in through the door ready to take her along. “What’s so funny?”, he asked confused as he saw the mess of spread clothes all over the bed.
“Just how many times do you think I can change clothes in 24 hours?”, she chuckled as she walked towards the center of the room to meet him, his hands coming to rest on her waist.
“I didn’t know what you would feel like wearing… or what the weather would be like here…”, he defended himself, “If it was up to me, you wouldn’t even need clothes”, he winked as she slapped him on the chest, “Are you ready for my surprise?”
“Let me just finish with this…”, she requested walking back to the bed until his grip on her wrist stopped her way.
She looked at him as he shook his head disapprovingly.
“Not gonna happen”, he simply said with a half smile.
“But John…”, her practical side coming out, before she allowed herself to let go, “Fine. Where are you taking me now?”, she conceded, giving the display on the bed one last glance.
“You’ll see”, he said taking her hand in his to guide her outside.
She followed him in silence, letting the surroundings get to her. The night had settled in with its cold air, a soft breeze coming from the waterfront. There was a full moon and a few stars shining through the ghostly clouds. Soon they came to the reduced, secluded beach that was part of the property. There was a small bonfire burning by a huge blanket spread over the sand, covered with goods and flowers, the water playing its lullaby as it crashed smoothly against the shore.
“Just perfect”, Marlena sighed as she surveyed the area before sitting down on the blanket and offering her hand so John would follow.
“I’m glad you like it”, he said humbly, entranced by the way the fire played on her eyes and hair, “I hope you’re hungry cause I got all your favorites…”
“True”, she whispered coming closer, “You have…”, brushing her mouth lightly over his eye lids, “…all…”, kissing the tip of his nose, “…my favorites”, and his lips, glad he had lured her into this little adventure.
“Oh, honey”, he murmured as his hands closed tightly against her back to bring her as close to him as humanly possible, “you taste so good!”
“You, too”, she responded in a husky voice, “Thanks for bringing me here. I love it”, her lips claiming his one more time.
The meal forgotten for a while as their bodies expressed the voice of their hearts. John produced a couple of extra blankets that he laid aside so they would have enough room to roam freely, every detail having been thought ahead of time. Marlena had worked herself to kneel behind him as he completed the task and was swiftly unbuttoning his shirt, the feel of her slender arms circling him already driving John crazy. Soon she had managed to get rid of the piece of clothing, her arms closed over his stomach as she pressed herself against his back, peaking over his shoulder as he finished the layout. The cold night air starting to chill his exposed skin, John wasted no time in turning the tables on her. Before she knew what was happening, Marlena was lying on her back, the sand providing a soft mattress, as John pinned her arms over her head with one hand and worked on the buttons of her blouse with the other, his mouth kissing the curve of her neck in the process, making her forget about everything other than the sensations erupting throughout her body. The rest of the clothes disappeared in a dance of kisses and caresses, the heat of their intertwined bodies competing with that of the fire as the flames and the moonlight cast a spell of lights and shadows over the loving couple. It was as if no matter how close they got, how much they shared, it was never enough, the need, the desire, the want only increasing with each wet kiss, with each touch. Needing, giving, taking, giving again, as they reached the peak of their love. Only then would the escalating passion seem to find its match, in a place held away from time and space in which they became one in
an explosion of desire, where there was no more longing, where they were finally close, one in each other. A piece of heaven, a taste of paradise that seemed to prolong into eternity.
John wrapped his arms around her after pulling the blanket over their sweaty bodies, kissing her hard and long, his tongue caressing hers, their legs still entwined, their hearts beating fast, in unison, as they gradually returned to the world. He laid on his back, pulling her on top, her head resting on his chest as she opened her eyes to admire his sculpted profile, a sly smile on her swollen lips, her hand reaching up to caress his cheek as his slid down to the small of her back to hold her in place. They stayed like that for a while, sharing in silence, enjoying the sounds of nature washing upon them,
relishing in their love. After a while, when their bodies, minds and hearts begun to connect with the rest of the world, the extent of their physical exchange showed its signs as the tiredness of relaxed muscles claimed for rest and the hours of going without food sounded in their stomachs.
“You hungry?”, John’s voice came as a murmur, not wanting to break the spell, but concerned about the groan that came from her belly.
“How can you tell?”, she giggled, not the least embarrassed, hating to disengage from the embrace, but longing for a bite.
“I have a master in reading you, my love”, he joked as he sat up to take care of the problem.
The second their bodies parted, the chilly breeze reminded them that the summer was still far away. John reached for his shirt, that was thick and warm, helping Marlena into it, taking his time in buttoning it as he admired the curves beneath. He kissed her lovingly before pulling on his discarded boxers and jeans, handing over her panties as he busied himself with the task of dinner. Smoked salmon, cheese, crackers, her favorite chips and a bottle of cider that had been sitting in an bucket of ice. Marlena quickly joined him, sitting between his legs, his broad chest serving as support for her back as they took turns feeding each other. There was a halo around the silver moon, a perfect circle that to anyone with a minimum knowledge of meteorology would have indicated the coming of rain, to Marlena it just signified another detail of a beautiful spectacle, another wonder to add to an already wonderful night spent in the arms of the man she loved.
Bless The Thunder
It wasn’t long before the breeze had turned into wind, the moon now almost completely covered by thick clouds, the air carrying the smell of up coming rain with it. Marlena pulled on her pants, slid into her shoes and gathered the remaining food and items into the basket as John put out the bonfire with the water that had become of the melted ice and handfuls of sand. He noticed Marlena’s body shiver under his shirt and in one quick movement had a blanket wrapped securely around her, keeping his embrace on her for a few precious seconds. Picking up the basket and other blankets, he drew her
close with his free arm and kissed her sweetly on the lips before they started the walk back to the cabin. It was drizzling by the time they hit the house, rushing inside in the midst of laughter. Water dripping down his chest, John’s first concern was to make sure Marlena was dry. He confirmed it as she unwrapped the blanket and used it to dry him off. She looked amazing, he thought, her damp hair cascading over her shoulders, her flushed cheeks, her sparkling hazel orbs showing extra strips of golden, her smile made of love bruised lips. He had never seen a more beautiful sight.
“That was fun, uh?”, he asked looking down at her with mischievous eyes.
“Mhmmhh”, was her muted nod as she ran her fingers through the hair on his chest, ready to reignite his desire in a few moments, “How long have you known about the storm?”, she asked casually, knowing perfectly well it hadn’t gone unnoticed by John’s outdoor skills.
“Oh”, he dismissed her accusation, loving the feel of her nails raking his skin, “I had a slight idea it might happen while we were riding on the ferry…”
“Slight… Might…”, she whispered as she kissed his torso, “You’re such a bad liar…”, other thoughts already filling her mind.
“Are you mad?”, he asked not a bit concerned, closing his eyes to absorb the sensations she was creating on him.
“Oh”, a soft moan as the yearn quickly raised inside her, “Let me show you just how mad…”, parting his mouth with her tongue, chewing on his lower lip in playful anger.
“Uh, baby!”, his hoarse whisper as he picked her up to level their mouths, her long legs instinctively wrapping around his waist, her mouth pushing down against his.
With his hands firmly placed on her buttocks, John walked them towards the bed until he realized it was quite full. Noting him hesitate, Marlena stopped what she was doing with her mouth on his neck to see what had halted him so suddenly. Her laughter filling the air as she followed the direction of his gaze.
“Told you I had to finish unpacking…”, she teased him.
“No problem”, he shrugged the momentary hiatus changing his course towards the thick rug in front of the fireplace, promoting another bout of laughter from her as she praised his quick thinking.
Landing her softly upon it, he reached out for some cushions from the couch, placing them beneath her head and shoulders, kissing her one last time before parting to start the flames in the fireplace.
“Hold on to that thought”, he coached.
While he was busy with his back to her, she rapidly got rid of her clothes and wrapped a chenille throw around her, making sure it was well draped to give a full view of her bare shoulders and a glimpse of her cleavage. Her skin aching for his touch. It was amazing how they couldn’t get enough of each other. Then again, they had been wanting and waiting to be together for way too many years, and although she couldn’t recall five of them, her body seemed to. Outside, the rain was already falling strong and steady, playing an enchanting tune against the roof tiles. She smiled at the thought of having to stay over more than expected, away from the problems, away from the world.
“Wow, Doc!”, John’s gasp of surprise brought her attention back to the present, “There should be a law against being so beautiful…”, he whispered crossing the distance between them to take her in his arms, “You’re a menace to a healthy heart”, his sweet talk caressing her ear as she arched her head backwards to give him full access to her neck, the throw falling to their feet as she drew her hands to wrap them around his neck.
“Oh, John”, she moaned as he worked his magic on her, bringing her fingers down to untie his pants, “I love you so much”, pulling him down with her onto the pillows, her foot running up and down his leg as she fueled his desire.
“I love you so much, Marlena”, his hoarse whisper mixing with his quick breathing, “I’ve always loved you…”
Almost no other words were spoken as their mouths occupied themselves in more urgent matters. Sweet surrender of wills as they dueled to please each other, swimming in a sea of lust, passion, love; reaching where no other could, mingling their souls together, rediscovering, remembering, reawakening. Finding themselves in each other’s eyes, blue lost in hazel, hazel born in blue. Living and breathing for the next kiss, the next touch. Quivering lips. A shared groan as they joined together. Trembling limbs climbing towards ecstasy, teary eyes shining in anticipation. A love so deep that made them complete as nothing else could.
The flickering flames providing the dim lightning as their own fire kept them warm. They laid in each others arms, oblivious to the passing hours or to the storm developing outside, coming in and out of slumber to share a kiss, a thought, a word of love. Just before sleep claimed them for good, John gathered Marlena in his arms, throw and all, to take her to the more comfortable spot of the bed. With one certain movement, he shook the covers, making everything on it fly off to the floor. After carefully placing his precious cargo on the mattress, he threw a couple of fresh logs to keep the fire burning
for the rest of the night and then joined her under the covers. She scooted towards him, her naked body snuggled securely against his, a peaceful smile painted on her lips. He slid an arm through the arc of her neck and placed the other along her side, under hers, his hand coming to rest on her belly, a sigh escaping his lungs as he thought about the life growing inside.
He felt as if life was giving him some sort of undeserved reward, as if some higher power was making up for all the suffering he had endured. But if that had been the price to be were he was right now, it had been more than worth it. As much as he hated the guy, he felt a sense of gratitude towards Dimera, because if it wasn’t for his machinations, he would have never experienced the kind of joy he now had, he would have never known what it meant to find his soulmate. He couldn’t imagine his life without Marlena, without loving her. It was that love that made him who he was, it was her love that gave him a sense of being, his reason to exist. Finally, John gave in to the tiredness that had
overcome his body, and surrendered to sleep, his soul overflowed with happiness, his mind completely at ease. Their hearts pumping to the same beat, their breathing even together.
The flash of lightning that cut through the darkness was quickly followed by a loud thunder that made Marlena stir in her sleep, half awake, she reached out for John, bringing him even closer before sailing back to her dreams as he mumbled something about her being safe. Unbeknown to them, the rain pouring furiously against the small cabin predicted a long seclusion.
The Storm Within
The heavy rain, combined with the thick gray clouds, hid the morning light making the scene look almost as if it was still dark night. Marlena woke up rested and relaxed, smiling as the sounds of the storm penetrated through her sleepy state mingling with memories of the previous evening. A content sigh preceding the stretch that shook off the remaining numbness. Beside her, John laid in peaceful slumber, no signs of him coming around any time soon. She slipped out of bed careful not to wake him up, suppressing a giggle as she looked at her belongings spread around in chaos. She opted for John’s oversized shirt to cover herself and headed for the kitchen area to find something to calm her growling stomach. After turning on the gas to boil water to make some tea, she opted for a glass of orange juice and a slice of plain wheat bread from the supplies John had brought along. She fed another log to the fireplace and sat on the couch to watch the flames. It surely was a dream come true to be there with John, when only weeks ago she doubted if she was ever going to see him again. Now here she was, with the man she loved and a baby on the way, certainly a sweet and welcomed change. Another smile crept to her lips as she pictured herself at home, watching John as he brought a tiny baby for her to feed, as she imagined him with that look of pure joy on his face, the one she had seen on him when Brady was born, the one she had longed to see on him all those nights as she laid alone in a hotel room after waking up from the coma, creating scenes in her head of what their reunion would be.
She had thought about him running towards her, about his sheer happiness from finding her alive… She had pictured a welcome home with open arms, her children smiling at her as if she had never left, her husband holding her tight to never let her go… She had dreamed a whole new beginning for all of them as she reclaimed her place as a mother and a wife. She had dreamed of her husband making love to her on their first night together, the memory of the last night they’d shared still freshly imprinted in her mind… And she had fantasized about having another baby that would add the last and perfect touch… But things not always went as planned, and she had come home to face the crude reality of finding her place already taken, a picture and a memory all that remained of her passing through their lives. No fanfare, no open arms, no warm welcome as she hid in the shadows trying to process the shocking news of watching another woman tending to her children, in her husband’s arms.
She had cried for hours as she realized all that was left for her was the hope of becoming a mother to a couple of children that hardly remembered her, hoping they would allow her to be a part of their lives. No chance of being a family again, no place for her in John’s (then Roman) heart. The new day had brought some clarity and renewed hope that maybe it wasn’t all lost. It took a lot of courage from her to finally come face to face with him, and for a few minutes, as he kissed her and held her, she had thought there was indeed nothing to be afraid of. But he agreed to easily for her to stay in that shabby hotel room, and as happy as he seemed to be about her being alive, it had taken a lot of demanding until he finally agreed to show her around, as if she was some kind of menace or something. She felt the insecurities rushing back, the old anger rising within her, so absorbed in her thoughts that she didn’t notice the tears trickling down her cheeks or the whistle of the kettle cutting through the humming silence. The old questions coming to haunt her… How could he forget the love they shared? How a love she always thought was indestructible had died after some years of absence? Wasn’t it so strong, so deep, that it could overcome anything and everything? Hadn’t he promised to love her for the rest of their lives and beyond? How could his heart ever replace her? What kind of love was that?
John woke up suddenly, the sound from the kettle cutting abruptly through his sleep. He surveyed the bed in a glance and realized it was empty, catching a glimpse of her profile as he jumped to the floor and paced towards the stove, reaching down for his pants that were laying along the way as his voice carried a gentle good morning that came unanswered, probably unheard under the disturbing noise, he thought. He poured the water into the mug that was waiting on the counter, a tea bag and honey already in it, and headed towards the couch, a grin pasted on his face. But the smile disappeared in favor of an expression of fear the moment her tear streaked face came into view. In an instant he remembered the previous morning, when she had recalled part of her lost memories, but there was no trace of happiness this time around. His heart thumped furiously as sweat beads broke on his temples in response to a terrible thought… Was there something wrong with the baby? He almost dropped the tea as he laid it on a side table before sitting by her on the couch, his hand coming to rest on her forearms that were firmly hugging her knees.
“Honey?”, he asked gently, getting no answer, “Baby, what’s wrong?”
His voice broke through the fog of memories as she lifted her head, slowly focusing on his blue eyes as she spoke in a whisper what her mind was screaming…
“Why?”, he shook his head, not getting her point, “Why did you let me down?”, she finished, leaving him more confused.
“What are you talking about?”, he didn’t understand what she meant, but there was fear in his voice at the possibility of having caused her any kind of pain, “Marlena, talk to me…”, he pleaded with her.
“When I came back from the coma, why didn’t you want me back?”, it was a blunt blow that hit him with full force.
“Doc I…”, a whirlwind of emotions as his mind adjusted from the bliss of their lovemaking to the heartfelt accusation.
“You promised to love me forever and when it was time for you to prove so you let me down!”, she wasn’t screaming, but the pain and the anger in her voice were twice as powerful. “I did love you, but…”
“Ugh!”, she uttered disgusted, standing up to put some distance between them, part of her was telling her to drop it, to leave the past behind were it belonged, but she had opened a door that had been closed for too long and now she needed to take it off her chest, there was no going back, “If you loved me as much as you made me believe, you would have shown it!”, her tone quickly escalating as she vented her ire, “You wouldn’t have acted as if you were ashamed of me, asking me to stay in the shadows while you did who knows what!”
“Oh, come on, Marlena”, he felt the anger rising inside him as he stood up to try to reach her, “You know that’s not fair! And why on earth do you have to bring this up now of all times, when we’re finally past all the pain?”, he was angry at him for not finding the right answers, angry at her for dwelling on the mistakes they had both made.
“Maybe you are, but I’m not!”, she yelled as tears of frustration ran down her cheeks, “I need some answers… but no, you won’t deal with this, cause it would disturb your peace of mine”, she mocked him, “What about mine?”, she demanded, “You praise yourself about loving me so much, but every time I need that love to come through for me, for us, there’s always a reason to prevent it…”
“Oh, don’t pull that on me!”, he yelled back, “You are the one who decided I wasn’t enough for you and turned to Roman!”, words spoken in anger that came out in the wrong way.
“You dare accuse me of that after you chose Isabella over me? After you turned your back on me when I needed you the most?”, he tried to reach her, but she pulled away violently.
“It was a very confusing situation, you know that! And if you felt so strongly about it, why didn’t you say something then, instead of acting all understanding?!”, he lashed back, “Besides, we’ve already been through this”, he said annoyed.
“Well”, she answered sarcastically, “forgive me if I don’t remember”, realizing he was referring to the time they had shared in California.
“Please, Doc”, he approached her, bringing his tone down, “Just drop it…”
“Don’t touch me!”, she hissed, not ready to let that happen, “If you’re not willing to discuss something that’s important for me just because it makes you uncomfortable, because it disrupts the harmony of your perfect little world…”, she continued, venom dripping from her words, “Then I don’t want you anywhere near!”
“Well”, he said in response to her attack, closing his hands on her upper arms, “I have news for you, lady, with the weather as it is, it looks like you’re stuck with me for a while!” “That’s what you think!”, there was fierceness in her eyes as she shook him off and headed for the door.
Before he could react, she had walked decisively into the pouring rain, leaving him dumbfounded in the middle of the cabin.
Make Me Believe
It took a while for it to sink in as John stood petrified in the middle of the small cabin, his eyes glued to the open door through which Marlena had just escaped into the dark storm, her angry words still drumming in his ears, hurting him with the truth they carried. After a momentary hesitation, John launched after her, barefoot as she was, calling her name in a desperate attempt to lure her back. He ran blindly under the dark sky for a couple of minutes before he saw the moving figure straight ahead. Doubling his pace, soon he caught up with her, who had lowered her pace to a quick stroll, either due to exhaustion or because she thought she was out of reach.
She had run away in an impulse, out of frustration for not being able to get through to him, angry at herself for not being capable of handling the situation any better. But it felt good to be out in the open, away from the oppressive air that had filled the cabin instants ago. The rain washing her tears and even relaxing her tensed muscles to an extent. The thunder of his voice calling her name made her aware of his presence. She considered running some more, but realizing that wasn’t a viable option, she turned around to face him, anger still flaring in her eyes with such force that stopped John dead on his tracks.
“Leave me alone!”, she yelled over the loud sound of the falling rain.
“Forget it!”, he yelled back, “Come on, Marlena, be reasonable, lets go back to the house…”, he pleaded, she was soaking wet, the shirt that covered her was now a damp cloth that stuck against her skin, probably adding to the coldness of the air and the water, he could feel his own body reacting to it, goose bumps breaking through his skin; she was shivering, but didn’t seem tonotice, anger taking the most of her.
“I’m not going anywhere!”, she screamed determined.
“Stop this nonsense now!”, he was angry and frustrated, but at the same time afraid to overstep his boundaries more than he already had, “I’ll answer all your questions, I promise, but, please, come back to the house”, he could feel the fear rising in him.
“I said no! I’m sick of the lies…”, she cried furiously, starting to loose the thread of the conversation as the trembling of her body reminded her of its need for shelter, “I’m sick of being patronized! No one is going to tell me what to do!”, but she was not ready to give in. “Then I won’t”, John stated firmly as he stepped forward.
Before she could react to what was happening, he hunched his back, placed his arm behind her knees and threw her effortlessly over his shoulder.
“I’m sorry, Doc”, he apologized as she punched and kicked to no avail, “But if you can’t think straight, then I will… I’m not gonna let you endanger our baby just because you’re mad at me”, he finished, doubting she was listening over her screaming.
But his words had reached her loud and clear, getting the expected reaction. He was right about that, being out in the rain wasn’t a bright idea in her condition, as strong as she considered herself, they were barely out of the winter season and it was way too cold for a stroll under the rain. The last thing she needed was to catch a flu without the advantage of antibiotics working in her favor.
“You’re a beast!”, she lashed out, her anger still intact even though she had given up on her efforts to get loose, “You think you can solve anything by force… but you’re not getting away with it this time, John Black”, she warned him as he continued imperturbable.
Soon enough, they made it to the cabin. After locking the door and hiding the key in his pocket just to be sure, he put her down without ceremony. He didn’t see the slap coming, though he should have expected it, and though it merely affected his flesh, it did hurt his pride. “How dare you?”, she argued, “What do you think I am? Some doll you can move back and forth?”
“You know that’s not true!”, this was getting out of hand, “I told you I was sorry, Marlena, but you left me no choice…”
She opened her mouth to speak, but didn’t. They stood in silence for a moment, staring intently at each other as if considering the options, which path to take, which was the one that would let them find their way back to each other. Though there was water covering her from head to toes, there were no traces of tears, those having been washed away by the rage. In his case, the tears stayed at bay as he got pass the lump in his throat to speak from his heart. “I know I let you down…”, he admitted, silencing her for a while with that statement, “It’s been haunting me ever since that night I found you at the pier and I am so sorry… I don’t know why I let my brain rule over my heart… maybe because my heart died the day I lost you…”, it was not sweet talk, he meant every word, she could see it in his eyes, “My instincts told me it was wrong to leave you behind, all I wanted to do was stay with you and never let you go, and I think I would have if I hadn’t talked to Isabella and remembered I had a lot of people that depended on me.. I don’t know… It was so strange, having you back when in my mind you had been dead… It was like a dream, a dream I was having a hard time accepting, cause I’ve had so many of those, where you would come back to me only to wake up and discover it wasn’t true…”, he had opened the dam, and in a sense it felt good to let the truth flow, “I loved you, as much as always, I just couldn’t come to grips with having you back… and I felt bad for having committed myself to Isabella, I felt bad in front of you, in front of her, and I felt so guilty for suddenly forgetting all
my feelings for her, as if she had been a means for me to hang on to something while my heart was forever broken… But I owed it to you to take you back without hesitation, I owed it to us, to our love, and I didn’t… as much as I wanted, I didn’t… and I have no excuse for that…”
She wasn’t ready to speak, her mind still absorbing his confession, her heart still in turmoil over what had gone between them moments earlier, but she managed to make the slightest nod, letting him know it would be okay, they would brace the storm. He knew they had a long talk ahead of them, but for the time being, he needed to concentrate on making sure she would be all right and the pool that was forming at her feet plus the acute shaking of her body indicated the contrary.
“You can ask me anything you want, I promise to answer all your questions as truthfully as I can”, he declared in one last plea, “I’ll do anything to prove to you how much I love you, Doc, but, please, let me take care of you… You need to get dry and into warm clothes.”
This time the nod was more obvious. She stood there unable to stop the trembling, unwilling to move for that matter, not sure of how she felt at this point or what she wanted, while he produced a big towel. She attempted to work on the buttons of the shirt that by now was as cold as ice against her skin, but her strengths drained and the shaking of her fingers clearly indicated it would be a difficult task. Not wanting to loose any more time, John placed his hands on the lapels and after exchanging a brief look to get her approval, he ripped the shirt open. In seconds he had the towel wrapped over her shoulders as he rubbed her numb limbs vigorously to produce some heat.
“Lets get you close to the fire”, he said gently as he guided her towards the fireplace. Throwing a pair of pillows over the rug to make a more comfortable seat, he assisted her as she sat as close to the flames as possible. He brought over a smaller towel which he used to take the excess water from her hair, and added an extra log before kneeling down behind her to continue rubbing her back until the trembling subsided. Only then his heart slowed its pace a beat and he started breathing normally. He could feel the warmth from the fire starting to dry his own skin, feeling more confident about leaving her for a little bit.
“I’m gonna boil some pots of water so we can fill the tub in the bathroom and you can take a sponge bath”, he informed her, still unsure of what the future held for them, but willing to do everything in his power to make her feel better.
“Sounds good…”, she whispered through a dry mouth, adding for his benefit and hers, “Don’t be gone long.”
Heart To Heart
The noise of pots and water running as John went through the kitchen cabinets barely reached her. The external cold was mostly gone, but the one that had settled in her heart would be harder to melt away. Why had she reacted that way towards John? Why after so many years did this issue come up? Why now, when everything seemed to be going so perfectly? It wasn’t like she had carried this grudge against him for years, she had never blamed him or even think about it in that way. At the time it had hurt her deeply, yes, but she had understood, she had accepted it as part of the game. So where were all these feelings coming from? She had hurt John deeply with her accusations, she
knew it and now it pained her. It had come out of nowhere and was gone as soon as the words had left her mouth. She wanted to close the breach that stood between them, she wanted to feel his arms around her, to feel as close to him as she had only hours ago… but was that possible? At the moment, she felt him miles away, almost as strangers trying to relate to each other. The sadness in her eyes was a meek reflection of that in her soul.
John was relieved when he found an extra large, a large and two medium size pots inside the cupboards. He filled them with water, setting them on high flames. His brain was still processing what had happened. Marlena’s furious accusations had come without warning, he had never suspected she felt that way. She had been so understanding about the whole situation, pushing him to do the right thing, reminding him about Isabella, urging him to take his time, while inside she was suffering all along. Again he found himself responsible of her pain, again he had hurt those who loved him the most. What kind of man was he that he couldn’t see beyond himself? Not only he was incapable of
looking after the ones he loved, over and over he was the one who would hurt them. Once again, he had managed to blow his chance to be with the woman he loved, the woman who held his heart, his one and only soulmate. She was so angry at him. If only he could reach out to her, hold her in his arms and make the pain go away. But she seemed so distant that he wondered if he would ever be able to make things right. His practical side kicking in, he pushed his own feelings back to concentrate on more urgent matters. She had been exposed to the storm far too long and it was terribly cold out there, his wet pants soggy around his legs reminding him of that. Drying her off wouldn’t be enough, he had to make sure they got rid of all traces of the cold that had reached her bones. The water in the kettle was still hot, it seemed like ages since he had jumped out of bed to turn it off, but it hadn’t been more than half an hour. He prepared another mug of tea with two
teaspoons of honey and walked cautiously to where she sat in silent reverie. His hand holding the cup was the first she saw of him as he sat across from her, his hair still dripping, his eyes unable to hide the pain.
“This will make you feel better”, he said softly, almost asking.
Her fingers brushed the back of his hand as she took the mug from him. The warm liquid felt good as it ran down her throat. She wanted to apologize, but failed to find the right words.
“You should take those pants off…”, she said instead, and he noticed that the anger had slipped from her tone.
Without adding another word, he did as he was told. The towel that he had used on her hair served to dry off his legs before slipping into a pair of black jeans he took out of his travel bag. She sniffed away the rest of tears that hung between her eyes and nose, setting his alarms off. The towel that covered her was damp from the moist tendrils of hair that laid beyond the base of her neck. Again, the chenille throw became handy. “That towel is damp”, he observed without hiding his concern.
She could feel the cold seeping at her back despite of the fire. John held the throw wide open as she stood up, her back turned to him, letting the towel fall to the floor, the smoothness of her golden skin making him long to be closer. It was the touch of his hands through the silky material that warmed her the most.
“I’m so sorry…”, it was a barely audible whisper that escaped her lips as she fixed her eyes on the flames ahead.
“No. I’m the one who’s sorry…”, he felt the pressure on his chest release as the words came out.
“I shouldn’t have screamed at you like that”, she remained in the same position and he stood still behind her, wanting to touch her, but afraid of going too far.
“I deserved it… I’ve hurt you so much…”, he wasn’t sure if the lump in his throat was a residual of pain or born from the excitement of seeing a light at the end of the tunnel.
“Not more than I’ve hurt you…”, she pointed sadly, “But it wasn’t right to say the things I said”, she wanted to tell him she hadn’t meant them, but she wasn’t sure of that.
“Doc”, he took the plunge, bringing his hands to rest on her shoulders, slowly turning her around to face him, “we should have dealt with this years ago, but we might as well do it now”, she raised her head to look at him with glossy eyes, “You deserve some answers and I’m gonna do my best to provide them, but you have to know something… I love you, I’ve always loved you, you have to believe me… please”, there was fear and determination as his voice trembled a little and he unconsciously tightened the grip he had on her upper arms.
“I do”, two little words that carried such promise as a smile attempted to break unsuccessfully on her lips, “I know”, as their love rose from the ashes untainted. As if he knew what her body was pleading, she felt his arms enveloping her, crushing her against him, a rush of electricity crossing through them as he buried his face along with a muffled ‘thank you’ in her hair and she let herself relax against his chest. They stayed like that for a few minutes, drawing strength from the love they created, having already gone further than they had dared to imagine instants before. Finally, they withdrew from the embrace, though not completely. John pulled them down onto the pillows, settling her comfortably on his lap as he resumed the task of rubbing her arms, though much more gently this time around.
“How do you feel?”, the coldness of her cheek against his shoulder had him worried.
“I’m all right”, she reassured him, tired and drained, wanting nothing more than to stay right where she was.
“I love you so much, Doc, that if anything was to happen to you I…”
“I’ll be fine”, she insisted, touched by the panic in his tone, “I promise…”, he nodded, not quite convinced.
“There’s so much that I need to tell you… that I don’t know where to begin”, he was determined to make things right with her, even though he had no idea how that would come around.
“No”, she interrupted him with a sigh, “Not now… I agree, we owe ourselves to have this conversation, but I’m too tired for that right now”, she explained bringing her arms from under the blanket to circle his waist and snuggle closer, “I just need you to hold me for a while”, she whispered, closing her eyes as his warmth washed upon her and the rhythmical beat of his heart played its melody under her ear.
He was more than happy to comply. He cradled her as her even breathing calmed his fears, shooing away any other thoughts but those of loving her forever and ever. Again, their love would stand tall against the tempest, winning yet another battle. But this had been a call of attention that wouldn’t pass unnoticed. They had relied on their love far too much without taking the time to clear the closet from all those old skeletons that remained as witnesses of their complicated past. Not for long.
Some twenty minutes later, John left Marlena to attend to the water that had started to boil. He went back and forth from the kitchen to the bathroom until the tub was half full of warm, scented substance. He prepared a couple of fresh towels, a sponge and a glass, before going back to get Marlena, who didn’t complain when he scooped her in his arms. She was too tired to try to lure him to join her, but he didn’t seem to mind. John was delighted for being allowed to take care of her, he loved the look on her face as his hands traveled along her body, the way she seemed so relaxed and content. She enjoyed as John alternated the sponge with the glass to make sure the warmth of the water covered
her all. She felt treasured, special. And she was, for in his eyes there wasn’t a more beautiful creature roaming the face of the earth.
“Okay”, he announced when he sensed the temperature of the bath had dropped considerably, “Lets get you out of there before you get cold again and we have to start all over”, pulling the tap and offering his hand to steady her as she stood up in glorious nakedness.
“Oh, that sounds rather tempting, you know?”, she smiled drowsily.
“If only we had running hot water”, he chuckled as she stood on the matt waiting for him to dry her off, “Oh, I see, you’re gonna let me do all the hard work, aren’t you”, he was loving every bit of it.
She nodded as she leaned against him aiming for his mouth, finding him more than happy to comply as his lips baptized hers in a moist, tender kiss. “Mmmh… this is what I would call full service”, she smiled as he finished with the towel and carried her back to the main room.
She aimed for her nightgown that was hidden beneath the bed, but John produced a pair of silk pajamas from his bag that were far more appealing. She slid into the oversized garments, loving the way they were impregnated with his scent. “Now what?”, she asked thoroughly entertained.
“I think you could use a nap”, he said, noticing the way she could hardly keep her eyes open.
Truth is she was extremely tired, maybe from the run under the rain, the draining discussion, the little sleep they had managed to get the night before, or a combination of all of those. But a nap sounded rather appealing even this early in the morning. “Only if you lie down with me”, she conceded, not wanting to admit how much she needed the rest.
“Deal”, he smiled broadly as he pulled the mattress from the bed as Marlena looked at him eyes wide open, “Lets mess this place up a little more”, he laughed as he dropped it in front of the fireplace, clearing the pillows from under it before offering his hand for Marlena to join him.
“You have the brightest ideas, did you know that?”, she giggled as she slipped under the covers feeling like a child in summer camp.
“Only when my muse is around”, he wrapped her in his arms as they let themselves be enchanted by the perfect scenery provided by the fire, the soft mattress and the perfect company.
Pure And Simple
The aroma of bacon, eggs and fresh coffee reached her as she opened her eyes after a good rest. The rain was pouring heavily, with no signs of ending any time soon. She could hear John cooking, but made no attempt at getting his attention. Instead, she snuggled against the pillows, her glance fixed on the fireplace as she gathered her thoughts together. The awful distance between them had faded along with her uneasiness. She felt better after having voiced a weight she had been unconsciously carrying around for so long. And she was grateful for the freedom of being able to breakdown and be weak in front of John, for having someone with whom she could be ultimately and
completely true to herself without jeopardizing the relationship. They were meant for each other, no doubt. She felt strong enough to carry on that belated conversation that was bound to happen any moment now. This time, she was going to speak with the truth, from her heart, she owed that to both of them.
“How’s my Sleeping Beauty?”, there was some caution in his tone; he had come over to check on her and found her wide awake and silent.
“Much better, actually”, she smiled sincerely as she stretched and climbed on the couch, “What are you making?”
“Scrambled eggs, toast and bacon… Care for some?”
John fed the fire before joining her on the couch after an uneventful breakfast. It was now time to deal with the issue that had been pressing since their early morning encounter. They both knew it, they were both somewhat ready for it, but neither of them knew how to broach the subject. Marlena settled on one end of the sofa, a blanket over her knees, a cup of warm tea between her hands, as John sat down opposite to her, a few feet apart. She held his gaze as a nervous smile appeared on his face. A deep sigh preceding his words.
“This is even harder than I thought it would be…”, he felt his pulse accelerating.
“I know”, she said softly, feeling alike, “But there’s nothing to be afraid of really… we love each other, nothing will change that fact”, drawing courage from her own statement, she decided to take the lead, “I said some awfully harsh things this morning, some I meant and some that didn’t come out quite as clear”, the look in her eyes asking not to be interrupted, “but in no way did I mean to make you feel guilty for loving Isabella. I don’t hold the fact that you moved on after believing I was dead against you. I mean that”, she finished with determination, “Was I hurt when I realized you were with
her? Yes I was. But I understood it.”
“Doc… I meant it when I promised to love you forever, and I never broke that promise. I fell in love with you the moment I saw you and I’ve loved you ever since. I didn’t love you any less after you “died”, the pain in his voice was palpable, “As a matter of fact, a part of me died that day, too, I felt my heart had been literally ripped off my chest and the only thing that kept me going was that I had to be a father to our children. I missed you every second you were gone, that pain didn’t stop until you came back to me. Isabella didn’t fill your place in my heart… Truth is I don’t think I had a heart back then”, a wry smile creeping to his lips, “But she came around when I needed desperately Someone to hang on to, someone to lean on… She helped me put myself back together in a sense, and I grew to love her, the same way you grow to love a friend, a companion. With her it was something that happened, with you it was love at first sight, the kind of love that was meant to be, a love that began even before we entered this world. I loved her, yes, with a kind of love that had nothing to do with the way I feel about you. I love you with my soul, with every beat of my heart, I love you with all that I am and all that I have…”, his words came right from his soul, she could feel it as they touched her at her
core, making her shiver with emotion.
“Then why…”, she wanted to ask, but felt so selfish for demanding an answer from him.
“I don’t know”, he said sadly, guessing perfectly well what she wanted to know, “I was overwhelmed when I found out you hadn’t died. I felt so many different things… anger for all the years we had lost, shame for not keep looking for you, for moving on with my life while you…”, the lump in his throat threatening to stop his confession any second, “Happiness, so much happiness for having you back. Oh! I don’t think I’ve ever felt happier than the second I touched you and realized you were indeed alive! But it was all so strange, so surreal, that it took a while for it to sink in… and I was feeling so unfit, so undeserving of your love after failing you in such way”, she was about to intercede, but he stopped her, “And I was feeling guilty towards Isabella, because the love I felt for you had resurfaced with such force that my feelings for her seemed so fragile, that I was feeling like I had used her and couldn’t bring myself to accept that all I wanted to do was take you home and pretend like nothing had happened, like nothing else mattered… I was ready to take you back with no hesitation and forget about Isabella; that frightened me the most, ‘cause what kind of man I would be if I did so… So I couldn’t commit to you and I couldn’t break my commitment to her… And I guess at some level I was also afraid that maybe you wouldn’t want me…”
“But I told you over and over how much I needed you, how much I wanted you, how I felt as if we have never been apart…”, she said in disbelief.
“And you kept telling me to take it easy, to take it slowly, that you understood my feelings for Isabella and…”, he let out a mute chuckle of regret, “As usual, you were putting everyone else’s feelings before yours…”
“I was scared, John”, she confessed softly, “When I came back and realized my life was a thing of the past for all of you I was crushed. When I learned you were engaged to someone else I was so afraid you had stopped loving me…”
“How could I?”, he whispered in awe.
“I was terrified it was too late for us”, she continued, a tear escaping from hurt hazel orbs, “I was scared that if I pushed you too much, you would come back to me out of duty, or worst, that you would tell me it was over for us…”
“I was too worried about myself to realize what you were going through”, he chastised himself, “And then when I thought there was finally a chance for us, when I was ready to…”, he cut himself as a memory broke into his mind, “Remember that kiss on the beach after you ran out on me?”, she smiled nodding, “There were so many times I had wanted to kiss you before that… So many times! After you came back to the house, I couldn’t sleep at night thinking you were right across the hall, wanting you so badly…”
“I know”, she sighed heavily, “I was going through the same. So many times I came up to your door and failed to open it…”
“Me too”, he revealed with a grin, “And when I kissed you that day on the beach I realized I couldn’t let you go. I was so convinced that our trip to the island was going to mark a new beginning for us… And then Roman appeared and Isabella announced she was pregnant, and it seemed that fate had made the decision for us… I cursed myself so much for not acting on my impulses, for not making love to you when I could, for not making you mine again before it was too late… If only I hadn’t hesitated, I thought you could still be mine.”
“I would have…”, she murmured, “I wished so much for Roman not to be Roman”, tears welling in her eyes as she opened her heart to him, “I dreamed of being with you, of being the one pregnant with your child so there would have been no turning back. I wanted so much to be the one you loved…”
“You were”, he said firmly, past the gulp in his throat, “You are”, his hand reaching out to caress her cheek, wiping the tears away, “I am so sorry, honey! I’m sorry for not coming through for you… I’m sorry for letting you down.”
It was all she needed to hear. The weight had been lifted from her heart for good. They weren’t going to have this conversation again, it was a closed matter. A huge smile spread on her beautiful face as she leaned forward to land in his arms.
“It’s all right”, this time it was, “I understand”, she brushed her lips against his, “We’re finally together, loving each other, and soon we’re going to be a family. That’s all I’ve ever dreamed of”, who cared about anything else but that.
Starting Over
“Let’s call the Pub and talk to Brady”, Marlena suggested holding his cellphone as John came out from the bathroom, “I’ve already spoken to Laura, she’s gonna take care of my patients until we can get out of here. By the way, when do you think that will be?”,she asked staring at the dense curtain of rain outside the window.
“Are you in a hurry?”, he asked resting his arms on her shoulders and smiling down at her.
“No…”, she hesitated between a smile and a frown, “But I have to go back to work, and…”, she stopped herself before getting carried away by her responsibilities, “…and there’s not much we can do around here if we can’t get out of the house…”, she said seductively, sure that he would get the hint.
“On the contrary… a couple of hundred ideas pop to mind…”, his face mere inches from hers.
“Oh, really?”, her eyes fixed on his.
“Really”, he whispered before his mouth found hers.
The intensity of the kiss rapidly escalating, until they were interrupted by the intrusive ringing of John’s cellphone. They looked at each other disappointed as Marlena instinctively flipped the phone open to bring it to her ear. Thankfully she remembered it wasn’t hers before speaking into it, a shiver running through her body when she realized how close she had been of making a big mistake. John joined her in that thought almost at the same time, quickly grabbing the phone that Marlena almost dropped in his hand.
“John Black here”, he said doing a good job at hiding his nervousness.
“I expected you to at least call me to tell me about the plans you had for Brady…”, she went right to the point, still angry at him for disappearing so easily from her life despite all her efforts.
“I’m sorry. I assume you did see the note, though…”, he said uncomfortably, slightly moving away from Marlena, who didn’t notice being occupied in making herself busy as she was.
“I did, but I think I deserved a call at least… Where are you? I went by the Salem Inn to talk to you about this, but they said you weren’t in…”
“I’m in Chicago, I had to come out of the blue to attend some business, that’s why I didn’t call you right away…”, he tried to be convincing, “And Shawn and Caroline had been begging to have Brady over since we came back so I thought it was a good opportunity… How are you?”, he asked, remembering her condition.
“I’m okay”, she said edgy, “As okay as you can expect me to be under the circumstances.”
“Listen, Kristen, I know we have to sit down and talk”, he s aid pushing away the guilt he felt, “And we’ll do that as soon as I get back. I promise. I’ll be back in a couple of days…”
“Fine…”, she agreed, sensing there wasn’t much more she could do about it, “Call me when you get back”, she said softening her tone, “And, honey, take care, please…”
“I will; you, too”, he finished the conversation, a sigh of relief as he pressed the End button, his glance quickly surveying the room in search of Marlena.
He spotted her at the kitchen sink, drying off the breakfast utensils. She sensed him as he approached her from behind and lifted her elbows so he could draw his arms around her waist, leaning her head on his chest as she let out a sigh of her own.
“Sorry about that”, his lips caressing her hair in the process.
“It’s okay”, she meant it, she had made up her mind about not letting herself get carried away by what they couldn’t control, “Don’t worry about it.”
“But I do”, his voice above a whisper as he tightened his grip on her, “I worry about you, I don’t want to hurt you anymore than I have…”
“You would if you weren’t with me… but we’re together now, that’s all I care about”, she said turning around in his arms and placing her hands on both sides of his face, “I haven’t been this happy in a very long time”, she emphasized before claming his mouth with a kiss, “Now, let’s call Brady”, she coached taking the phone from him.
“Wait”, he stopped her hand in mid-air, her eyes looking questioningly up at him, “I love you”, the smile that spread across his face quickly found its place on hers.
“I love you”, her lips brushing his, “More than you will ever know…”
“Oh, I know… I feel it, too.”
Brady was excited to talk to them, eager to tell them about all the fun things he had been doing with his new found grandparents. To John, it was still surprising how fast he had adjusted to the people and the life in Salem, it was obvious that the first year of his life had left a deep mark in his psyche. Caroline and Shawn informed the couple that Brady was as good as he sounded, and that they were delighted to have him for as long as they could. Once again, they expressed their support, and told John and Marlena how happy they were for them. Certainly, life had threw some hard balls their way, but it seemed that it was now repaying them handsomely. They had a family that despite the lack of relation had opened their arms to both of them to embrace them as their own.
They had good friends, that were there unconditionally; they had their children, children they had raised together, and now a new one on the way; and they had each other, despite the problems that still stood in their way, they were together. Never again would they have to face life alone, they had the person who filled their soul to lean on, to share with, to love.
As he held Marlena in his arms, John felt complete. He had never felt this way other than with her. The time they had shared as a married couple had been the best years of his life, he hadn’t needed anything else back then, he didn’t need it now. Marlena filled his heart like nothing else did. To have her back was nothing short of a miracle, he knew it, and he was going to make sure nothing and no one came in between them this time around. As much as he wanted to make things right with Kristen, as much as he felt the need to be fair to her, his first priority was Marlena. He had put her needs aside far too many times for the sake of fairness, from now on, she would come first, he owed her that much. So as soon as they got back to Salem, he would sort things out with Kristen, for better or for worse.
When Marlena woke up in the middle of the night, cuddled by John’s arms, still in the midst of their lovemaking, she realized the rhythmic sound of water pouring was gone. The storm had passed, they would be able to return to civilization in the morning. She felt disappointed. As much as she had complained, she would have eagerly taken a week of retreat; of stolen time with the man she loved; of that perfect scenario taken out of time where they could be together and happy, with nothing else to think about but pleasing each other. Life didn’t wait for lovers, however, and they had to jump back in. Yet, it was all right, because she had him, after all these years, she had him back. The circumstances under which that had happened didn’t really matter, they were just that, circumstances.
Facing The World
The trip back on the ferry was made almost in silence as the morning sun mingled with a light breeze and the scent of water creating the perfect picture to fly away with the memories they had created in the past days. Marlena slipped her hand into John’s, sighing as she leaned her head on his shoulder. It was hard to let go after being so close. He pressed his lips against her golden mane, closing his eyes for an instant to absorb her enchanting scent. She deserved so much more than stolen moments with the man she loved, she deserved the world, and he was determined to give it to her. She tensed a little as the coastline came into view, releasing her grip on him and straightening up on the seat. He reached for her hand, bringing it up to his lips, before aiming for hers, his gaze immediately lost in hers, conveying the words he was about to speak.
“It’s gonna be all right”, he whispered, “I promise”, he refrained from telling her about his plans, but he meant every word.
She just smiled that sweet smile of hers that could always melt his heart, allowing her hand to rest in his for a little while longer. If only they didn’t have to part ways once on the mainland…
He carried her bag, following her as they entered the pent-house. She went straight to the small armoire that contained the sound system and reaching into an inner drawer she produced a key.
“What’s this?”, John asked after she handed him the item.
“You already have the key to my heart”, she smiled broadly, throwing her arms around his neck, “… might as well have the key to my home”, she finished before his mouth captured hers in a long awaited kiss.
“Why don’t you check your messages”, John suggested pointing to the blinking red light on her answering machine, “while I take your things upstairs?”
She was going up to get him as John approached the top of the stairs, a funny expression on her face that told him something had happened.
“Doc?”, he asked, knowing from her expression it was nothing bad.
“That was Caroline… Bo took Hope to the hospital early today, the baby’s coming”, she shared the news, inevitably thinking about how that moment would play when their turn came, the smile repeating on his face telling her they were sharing the same thoughts.
“Lets go then”, he said cheerfully making his way down until he realized she wasn’t following, “What’s the matter?”
“Well, of course I wanna be there, but maybe it isn’t such a good idea…”
“Doc”, he interrupted, “if Caroline called it’s because they’re expecting you to be there…”
“I meant that maybe it’s not a good idea to show up together…”, she finished her train of thought.
“Come here”, John said taking her hand to walk the last few steps and cupping her face once the reached the living room floor, “How long do you think you can hide the fact that you’re pregnant?”, she didn’t have an answer, casting her eyes down to avoid his look, “Honey, we’ll have to come forward pretty soon”, his voice tender as he lifted her chin up, “They might as well get used to the idea of seeing us together, don’t you agree?”
“Yeah…”, she said faintly, her eyes welling with tears at the thought of how her children would react to the news.
“I’m not saying we have to tell them today, but I think it would be a good idea if they start seeing me around. Now, if you don’t want me to go… then I’ll just drive you there and will start with my showing up some other day”, he added for her benefit. She shook her head as her palm came to rest on his cheek.
“No… You’re right, it’s not gonna be easier any other time, so we might as well start today. Besides, Caroline has Brady with them and she said they were expecting us both”, she smiled grateful for having them on their side, “Do you think it will play against us? Considering Kristen and all…”, it was so hard to mention the other woman. “No, she’s not gonna be there”, then, caressing her face with infinite tenderness he added, “I’m gonna solve this situation very soon, my love, I promise.”
“I love you”, she agreed, trusting him with her life.
Bradys and Hortons had taken over the small waiting room adjacent to the maternity ward. Alice Horton, deep in conversation with Caroline and Julie, Jennifer, who had left Jack behind at the station taking care of business, Shawn and Doug, that were deeply entertained with Brady’s antics, Carrie, Roman and the twins, who had skipped school, anxious to meet the new member of the family, a baby that would add the family bond to the long lasting friendship between the two clans. When Marlena came through the door all faces shifted in her direction, hoping it would be a nurse carrying the happy news, none the less, she was greeted with big smiles, some of which faded as soon as John followed her entrance. Sami and Eric exchanged an odd glance as they guessed it was more than just coincidence that they had arrived together. Roman didn’t have any doubts about what that meant and hid his displeasure quickly making a bee-line for the coffee machine. Caroline and Alice immediately turned to welcome the newcomers, but Brady was faster as he ran eagerly in their direction.
“Daddy!”, he called out unaware of the tension that was rapidly escalating among the adults, “Mommy!”, completely oblivious at the way Sami and Eric winced when they heard the term of endearment he had just used, not because of the little boy, but because of the implication that it carried.
This didn’t go unnoticed by neither John nor Marlena, they certainly hadn’t thought about Brady’s reaction towards them. Marlena felt the color leaving her cheeks and the tension spread through her body as she kneeled to hug the little boy she loved so dearly. She made no attempt to hide the connection between them, though it might have helped to ease the shock of some of the witnesses, but it wasn’t in her nature to put her needs before that of a child. She just prayed that he wouldn’t bring up the fact that he had talked to both of them the day before. Thankfully, he didn’t, and before they were confronted with some other awkward moments, Bo came in to announce he was the proud father of a healthy boy named Shawn-Douglas Brady.
Later, after Hope had settled in her room with her son, the whole of the family agreed to visit with her shortly before heading for a celebration lunch at the Brady Pub, leaving the brand new parents some time to rest before the afternoon visits. It was a small room for too many people, so as they went in, John and Marlena instinctively stayed behind with Brady to give them some space, but specially to avoid the tension that had settled between them, Roman, Eric and Sami to ruin a special moment for the rest of the family. They kept their distance as they played with Brady waiting for their turn to say hello, but it was obvious to Marlena’s children when they followed everyone outside the room that there was much more going on between these two than what they were saying. They muttered a brief good-bye as they followed their father to the car, not ready for a confrontation just yet. Shawn and Caroline insisted they would be welcomed for lunch, but understood their denial.
“May we come in?”, Marlena asked peeking through the open door, feeling a bit unsure after the rather cold exchange with her children.
“Of course!”, Bo’s warm voice quickly reminding her of his huge heart, he had been the only one to never turn his back on John, the one that throughout the years had always been there for her to count on.
“Oh, my! Look at you!”, she beamed looking at Hope, glowing with the infant nestled in her arms, “Look at him! He’s so cute!”, she said kissing her friend and admiring her beautiful baby.
“Congratulations to you two!”, John said hugging his brother as Brady smiled in his arms.
“Hi, slugger!”, Bo messed his hair, feeling very fatherly that morning.
“How do you feel?”, Marlena asked, knowing from experience what going through labor entailed.
“Happy”, Hope sighed, “Tired, but so happy. Hi, Brady! Do you want to see your cousin?”, she asked as John approached her bed with a very curious Brady, guiding his son’s hand to lightly stroke the baby’s head.
“He is tiny…”, Brady observed sending the grown ups laughing.
“Well, I remember you being as tiny as him when you where born”, Bo told his nephew, being rewarded with a confused look from Brady.
“He’s so beautiful…”, Marlena said unable to stop looking at him.
“Do you want to hold him?”, Hope offered, lifting her arms to her so Marlena could grab the baby.
“Oh!”, was all she could say as she lowered her face to kiss Shawn’s forehead, absorbing that baby scent that was so special.
“I’m so glad you’re finally together”, Hope said, aware of the loving way in which John was taking in the image of Marlena and the baby.
Marlena lifted her head in confusion. It was obvious Bo and Hope knew about her and John, even though there had been no official announcement, but John had told her about his frantic search for her and how he had turned to Bo and Hope for help. It was pretty clear they had put the pieces together after seeing them come in together. “It feels really good”, John said as Marlena smiled shyly, “We still have to work out a few things, mainly my situation with Kristen”, he had talked with Bo about it, so they knew what he was talking about, “But we’re on the way of becoming a family”, he added, looking up to meet Marlena’s gaze, his smile widening at the sight of her, “In a few months, little Shawn is gonna have a friend to play with…”, he revealed, and everyone knew he wasn’t talking about Kristen’s baby.
Hidden Enemies
John dreaded the encounter that was about to happen as he approached the loft with Brady on one arm and their bags on the other. Marlena had insisted on staying at the hospital to catch up with work, so after a short visit with Bo and Hope and an even shorter good-bye, he had headed to complete the task he had set himself up to. Luckily, Brady had dozed off on the drive there, so he would be able to talk with Kristen without interruptions. He had no idea what he was going to say or how it was going to turn out, but he was sure of one thing, he couldn’t stay with Kristen while Marlena needed him by her side, and from the time they had shared together, it was pretty obvious she needed him as much as he needed her. She had tried to hide her vulnerability from him, but he knew her too well not to notice just how vulnerable she felt after everything she had been through… being abducted by Stefano yet again, the children’s rejection, being pregnant under the present circumstances. It was way more than she should carry on her shoulders and certainly she shouldn’t be carrying the burden alone. He was not going to add to her load the fact that the man she loved was married to someone else who was also pregnant. He had the power to fix part of that mess by at least being married to the right woman. What he didn’t count with was finding Kristen laying on the couch looking far from good when he pulled the door open.
Kristen let out a groan of pain as she heard the sound of the door, an arm draped over her eyes as she pretended she hadn’t notice John’s presence. She had been planning it since John announced he was leaving for a few days. After she realized there was no way her love for him could bring him back, she had decided to use his guilt to retain him until she could think of a better way to do so, or until she could make him realize he wouldn’t be better with anyone else. She understood John’s personality well enough to know that the next step after the distance he had forced between them would be a formal separation. Whether or not he was back with Marlena, his heart wasn’t hers any longer, and that meant he wouldn’t be able to recommit to her as she wanted. He was a man who followed his heart and he wouldn’t stick around unless she did something drastic. So until she could figure out what that would be, she would use his sense of duty to keep him close. That’s why as soon as she heard him coming, she had thrown herself on the couch to play ill. He wouldn’t dare to leave her while she was down.
“John, honey, is that you?”, she asked in a weak whisper.
“Yeah”, he said alarmed to see her in such state, “What’s wrong with you?”, guilty for not being there for her.
“It seems that this pregnancy has decided to take its toll on me”, she faked, being that she had never felt better, “Hopefully it’ll go away in a few months…”, she added some pretended resignation, “How was your trip? Why don’t you come and sit with me for a while, that will make me feel better…”
“Of course”, he sighed, “Just let me put Brady down and I’ll be right back”, there was no way he was going to have that talk now, not while Kristen was suffering the effects of a pregnancy they both had a part in, he would have to wait till she felt better and that was that.
John waited till Kristen was in the shower and Brady was with Chelsea having breakfast to call Marlena. Last night had been a fiasco. Kristen was too sick to have a serious conversation, and in the morning she hadn’t looked a lot better. According to what she said, it had been like that since the beginning, he just hadn’t been around much to notice. Though she did mention before heading for the bathroom that she wanted them to sit down and talk, so it wasn’t as if she was trying to avoid the issue, but he couldn’t bring himself to leave her cold when she wasn’t feeling well. He waited as the hospital recording allowed him to punch Marlena’s extension number, the cheery voice of her secretary greeted him.
“Good morning”, he answered back, not familiar enough with the girl to use her first name, “I would like to speak to Dr. Evans, please.”
“She’s not in, sir”, she informed in the same detached tone, “May I take the message?”
“What time are you expecting her?”, he asked instead, considering if it was better to reach her at home or on her cell-phone.
“I’m sorry, sir, but she called in sick today. Dr. Horton is covering for her. Did you have an appointment?”, she finished, but John wasn’t listening any longer. He scribbled a few words on a paper for Kristen before rushing out the front door, his heart beating twice as fast. The lack of response on both Marlena’s home and cell-phone only fueled his fears as he sped through Salem’s streets. Marlena was as stubborn about her work as she was about his personal life and it took more than a cold to keep her away from the office. John practically threw his jeep upon arrival at the visitor’s parking lot, running to catch the elevator that had just been vacated by a couple of residents heading for work. The ride up to the last floor seemed eternal, and as soon as the steel doors opened John aimed directly for the lock, grateful for the key he had been given the day before. The living room was in complete silent, as the rest of the house, the only sign of life was a cup of tea that was already cold and a plate with half a toast left on the coffee table. He climbed the stairs hoping to find her in the master bedroom as he called out her name.
She heard his voice in the distance, just as she had heard the phone ringing earlier, but couldn’t bring herself to answer. She had found a position in bed in which the nausea and the dull headache seemed to recede a bit and the thought of leaving it wasn’t even an option. It had started right in the middle of breakfast, that awful feeling of dizziness combined with the lump in her throat threatening to make her run for the bathroom any second. When she realized she couldn’t even lie without the room spinning around, she had called her secretary. In a haze, she heard John’s voice approaching before seeing him appear through the door, a terrible look of concern painted on his handsome face. She failed in her attempt to smile as she opened her eyes to let him know she was awake.
“Doc!”, she was very pale and looked so fragile as she clutched a pillow between her slender arms, “Oh, baby!”, he whispered as he kneeled by her side and caressed her cheek, a sigh escaping his lungs as he realized she didn’t have a fever, “Are you nauseous?”, he guessed as she nodded slightly, “I’ll call doctor Bader”, he announced as his hand aimed for the phone.
“No”, it took some effort to bring her hand out to stop him and she clung to him for support, “I just need some rest…”
“I’m gonna prepare you a damp cloth”, he said kindly as she nodded her approval. In a few minutes, he returned with a bowl of cold water and a small towel that he wrung before laying over her eyes.
“That should help”, he whispered taking her hand in his.
Before she could utter the request, he kicked off his shoes, laying down beside her, his arms enfolding her as his warmth seeped through her back, “You’re going to be okay…”, he murmured as he softly kissed the side of her face, and she knew he was right. It was larger than life the love they shared, no matter how hard others tried to keep them apart or how much they fought it, it would always find a way to bring them together, the way it was supposed to be.
For You
His arms protectively around her, her body snuggled against his, his breath a warm caress on her neck. Even though the symptoms were still with her, she did feel much better having John by her side. He shifted an inch, and she felt his lips moving against her ear.
“I’m gonna make you some tea”, he said gently, attempting to disengage his arms from her form, they had been lying like that for quite a while and he felt the need to do something to make her feel better.
A soft whimper told him she didn’t agree as she pressed her arms over his to prevent him from leaving. He succeeded in getting his right arm loose to lift the damp cloth from her eyes, pulling some stray hairs away from her face. Long lashes fluttered as she looked up at him with hazel intensity.
“It’ll be good for you, it will settle your stomach”, he tried to convince her, “Can’t argue that, you’re the one who taught me the trick…”, his long fingers tracing the contour of her lips until a faint smile appeared on them.
“Don’t be gone long”, she asked releasing the pressure so he could get up.
“I’ll be right back”, he promised as he once again wrung the cloth in cold water to place it back on her eyes, kissing her lips ever so tenderly as he did so. It felt right to have him there, sharing in the good times and bad, it felt nice… If only it could last. But she already had more than she had dared to dream. A heavy sigh escaped her lungs as she repositioned herself on the bed. Out of nowhere, an image struck her, a memory of a room that spun around, dizziness clouding her vision as she tried to
locate the place. Cold running along her naked back as she sat up in bed, the satin sheets sliding onto her lap, revealing her bare breasts. Sweat trickling down as she realized the man dosing by her side bore the name of her enemy. Terror numbing her as a scream died in her throat. The same terror that now washed over her as she rushed for the bathroom. John found her on her knees in front of the toilet having followed the painful sounds after finding the room empty, a cup of tea still brewing in his hand that he quickly set aside to aide her. Tears streaked her flushed cheeks, horror painted in her eyes, indicating that there was more to it than the discomfort of throwing up. He didn’t even try to talk to her as he placed his hands firmly on her upper arms to help her up, guiding her towards the faucet so she could clean herself. The cold water helped to clear her senses, reality reconnecting as John’s arms closed around her, allowing her to release pent up cries. He waited patiently until the cries subsided and she lifted her face to him as she forced a weak smile, his thumbs gently erasing the traces of tears. He placed an arm around her waist as he escorted her back to the bedroom, grabbing the cup on their way out.
“Wanna talk about it?”, he asked gently after she took a couple of sips of the warm beverage, “Please, Doc”, he insisted when he got no answer, “What was it that you remembered?”, he hinted, knowing from experience what could have caused such a strong reaction.
She opened her mouth to speak, but the words didn’t come out. How could she tell him? It would break his heart, it would make him furious…
“Baby, you can tell me anything…”, he encouraged her, knowing where her thoughts were trailing, making a vow to focus on her no matter what she revealed, “Please, trust in me”, just the right words to bring down her wall.
“I do”, at first it was a whisper, “Oh, I do”, that quickly became more powerful with the strength of that statement, “John…”, and to a whisper again as she fought to bring herself to open up to him, “I was naked in bed when I came around…”, complete trust, “Stefano was there with me…”, new born tears streaming down, “It’s very possible… that he took advantage of me…”, words becoming thorns, “I could be carrying his child…”, invisible wounds that might never stop bleeding.
“No”, he shook his head forcefully, as if with that gesture he could erase the damage, “No”, forcing himself to keep calm as the adrenaline run through his body urging him to go after the man, “He wouldn’t do that”, at a loss of good arguments, “I’m the father of that baby”, his future laying frail in God’s hands.
“I want to believe that”, she smiled meekly, “…with all my heart”, detaching from her pain to attend his, “But we have to face that other possibility.”
“What if he is?”, his gaze plunging into the depth of her eyes, “He’s never going to find out… He won’t have any power over you or this child.”
“What about you? You have a right to know, too”, her hand coming to rest on his face as her love deepened further into his heart.
“I don’t need to know”, he was determined, “I don’t want to know”, determined to do what was best for her, which ultimately would be best for him, “I’m going to be the father of this baby one way or the other.”
“You’re doing it for me…”, her voice was a gentle whisper, “John… maybe I need to know”, leaving him speechless with her honesty.
She wasn’t sure, but as much as a part of her wanted to hide the sun with a finger, pretending it was not an issue, raising her baby without wondering if indeed her child shared Dimera’s genes, another part needed to know. Not because it would make a difference in how she would relate to the child, but because she needed to find out if she had been raped or if by some miracle she could feel clean and whole again. Maybe for John it would be easier to assume this was his child if he didn’t have the facts to prove him wrong, but what if he was indeed the father? What about the joy of certainty? Maybe he could live with never knowing for sure, but to her the truth meant more than DNA.
How could she deny herself the possibility to find out she hadn’t been violated in more ways than the kidnapping itself?
She gently lifted his chin with her slender fingers, forcing him to look at her as she gave him a smile of recognition, of companionship. He knew what her decision was and was going to stand by it.
“Get dressed”, he conceded tenderly, “I’ll call Dr. Bader’s office to see if she can squeeze us in.”
“Thanks”, a heartfelt statement that warmed his heart.
“All I want is for you to be happy…”, he said in terms of an apology for trying to force his point of view.
“I am… because I know you love me”, she could feel it all over her body.
“I do”, almost a confession.
She leaned in to melt into his arms, bringing him as physically close to her as she felt him in her heart. She loved him beyond words, beyond explanations, with a love so strong that she knew would never end. A love big and generous, that understood and supported, that was willing to sacrifice for the sake of the other. A love that she had never known before John and would never know without him. A love that would always help them find themselves in the world and each other. As she felt John’s heart beating against her, she knew that no matter the outcome, they would embrace it together.
A Ray Of Hope
Marlena slipped her hand into John’s as they walked in silence through the halls of University Hospital towards Dr. Bader’s office, her heart thumping in her chest as she dwelled between the uncertainty of not knowing and the fear of finding out the truth. The secretary greeted her when they crossed the door into the waiting room; a couple of pregnant ladies sitting on the comfortable chairs, the same peaceful expression etched on both their faces. There were no signs of neither peace nor pregnancy on Marlena’s slender body and worried hazel eyes, the internal struggle not marring her beauty in any other aspect. The young woman sitting behind the desk told them Dr. Bader was expecting her and that they would go in as soon as she was done with her current patient. Marlena looked guiltily at the other expectant mothers as she sat next to John, but neither showed evidence of discomfort for being forced to prolong their wait. Soon, doctor and patient came out the door, Jane’s glance immediately finding Marlena. As she made excuses for the delay to the other women, she crossed the distance to hug her friend.
“I was wondering when you would come to see me again”, Jane said once they were safely inside her office; the last time she had seen Marlena not only she had left in a hurry, but she had never made an appointment for an ultrasound, “I’m glad you’re here”, she added, not wanting to make her friend uncomfortable, glancing over to John trying to find what was his take on all this, “Sit down, please.”
“Thanks, Jane”, Marlena gathered the courage to speak, “Before anything else, I owe you an apology for my behavior the last time we met, and an explanation…”
“I was hoping you would open up to me, Marlena”, Jane said as her hand went across the desk to pat her friend’s, “I’ve known there was something wrong since then, but I didn’t want to push you. Does this has to do with your pregnancy?”, Jane asked softly, imagining that was the reason John was there and wondering if it had to do with Marlena not wanting the baby.
“Mostly, yes, but there’s a lot more to it”, she sighed, trying to find the way to start, “You see, Stefano kidnapped me again while I was in California…”, she revealed causing Jane to gasp and John to flinch at the thought of not having been able to prevent it, “He obviously used some kind of drug to erase my short term memory, and made me believe I had been having a relationship with him all along”, the empathy in her friend’s eyes encouraged her to go on, “I had no idea about this until recently, that’s why I’ve been acting so strange lately…”
“Oh, honey, you don’t have to apologize!”, Jane exclaimed, “I’m so sorry! What that monster has put you through…”, she stopped herself, pity was not going to be of any help here, “Of course I understand why you wouldn’t want to keep the baby…”
“Oh, no!”, Marlena was shocked by the assumption, the mere idea sending chills down her spine, “I could never do something like that…”, she added quietly as she felt John’s protective hand stroking her back, “You see… I can’t remember anything, but while I was in California, I ran into John”, if it was so hard to provide an explanation to her doctor/friend, she wondered how she would find a way to explain it to her family. “It didn’t take much for us to realize that we would always be in love with each
other”, John interceded , “I thought it was over between us when I left Salem, but the moment I saw Doc I realized I had been fooling myself all along.”
Jane Bader nodded, silently putting together the rest. She had learned about John and Kristen’s marriage the night of the charity party at the Penthouse Grill. Now she wondered why he had moved back to Salem with his wife if he and Marlena where back together.
“Stefano orchestrated things in a way to make me believe Marlena didn’t want me and to make Doc believe they had been having an affair”, he answered the unspoken question, the thought of Stefano with Marlena making his stomach turn.
“When I came around”, Marlena took over, going straight to the point, “the first thing I can remember is waking up in bed, naked, with Stefano by my side…”, it came out as a whisper, “I know I wasn’t intimate with him from that point on, but I don’t know if he…”, she choked on the words as John came closer, drawing her protectively into his arms.
“Oh, Marlena…”, was all the fellow doctor could say as she left her seat to come around and kneel by her friend, “Do you know how long it was between you and John were together and the time you came around?”, she asked, looking at John for an answer.
“It can’t be more than a few days…”, he filled her in, “And I don’t think Stefano would dare…”, he started, leaving the thought incomplete.
“We can’t be certain”, Marlena said, gaining her composure as she sat straight.
“Well, we can do an amniocentesis…”, the hint of doubt in her voice sent off alarms in John’s head.
“But what? Are there any risks?”, he asked concerned.
“Do you know what kind of drugs Stefano used on you?”, Jane asked as she stood up.
“The blood work Mike ordered didn’t show any signs of anything abnormal… But it had been a while, they probably wore off by the time I had that done.”
“With an amniocentesis there’s always a small risk of abortion…”, she could see from John’s expression that he had already made up his mind on the subject, “And I don’t know if the drugs that were used on you could affect that in any way at this point, but…” “Forget it!”, he said, looking for Marlena’s approval, “Doc, we can’t take that risk…”, he pleaded.
“I know”, Marlena finally agreed, making him sigh with relief.
“Thank you”, he gathered her in his arms, gratefully kissing her cheek. “However, I would like to take a look at that baby and order some more blood work…”
“Of course”, Marlena smiled weakly, defeated by the outcome.
“I have two other patients and then I have some free time”, Jane offered, “If you want, I’ll have my secretary call you to your office and we can do that ultrasound…”
“We’ll be waiting”, John answered for both.
It wasn’t long before Marlena was lying on her back, the cold gel spread over her belly, as Jane drew circles with the metal surface and John held her hand as they looked into the small screen searching for a clear picture. Finally, Dr. Bader pointed to a tiny figure floating smoothly against the dark background, the sight of it causing the proud parents to laugh with joy.
“John, can you tell me how far along she should be?”, Jane asked gently, trying to carefully handle the delicate situation.
“Eight to nine weeks”, he didn’t hesitate, having done the math over and over in his head from the moment they had found out about the pregnancy.
“There’s something wrong with this picture!”, Marlena joked alluding to the exchange between doctor and father instead of doctor and mother, easing the tension as the three broke into laughter.
“Well, I’m taking some measurements, but from what I’m seeing, this looks like a healthy nine weeks baby…”, she announced, “Look, I don’t want to give you any false hope, but considering the lack of time and the stress your body must have been under while Stefano had you, and guessing you and John made love a couple of times at least…”
“A lot more than a couple”, John blurted out, only thinking about increasing his chances of being the father as he did, but realizing the indiscretion as Marlena’s cheeks quickly turned beet red.
“Okay…”, Jane smiled, suppressing a laugh, “Well, considering ALL of that”, she teased them, “I would say John has a far better chance of being the father of this baby”, the smile on John’s face grew even wider as she finished her sentence.
The Other Woman
Kristen knew by the look on John’s face that there were no antics that would save her this time around. She sat silently on the couch as he suggested and stared at him, afraid to talk. After the events earlier that morning, John had made up his mind about where he should be, and although he didn’t mean to hurt Kristen, he knew it was inevitable. He and Marlena had lost way too much time already for the sake of others, and it hadn’t made the pain any less in the end. He owed it to Kristen to be honest, if that meant she would stick to her decision of not having the baby, he would have to accept it, as hard as it might be. But he had already broken the promise of a life together, he couldn’t lie to her, making her believe he would stick around only to find in a few months that she was on her own. Although he would always be there for the baby, that wasn’t the case about Kristen, and she deserved to know it. He swallowed, trying to dissolve the knot that had formed in his throat.
“I know I asked you for a few days to think things over, and you were hoping I would change my mind about us…”, he started, making an effort to look at her in the eyes, “But my mind has no say in this matter, and I think you know it already. I’m sorry, Kristen. I am so sorry…”
“What about the baby?”, she asked, hoping that by some twist of fate he would change his mind.
“I want you to have this baby… but I can’t be with you the way you want me to be. I will be there for the baby always, and will always provide for both of you of course, but I can’t force you to do something you don’t want to, though I hope you will reconsider.”
“I have…”, she finally said, making John sigh with relief, “I love you, John… this baby is a part of that love, I could never do anything to harm it”, she knew that as long as she had the baby, she would have him to some degree, and she wasn’t about to give that up, even if it wasn’t his baby.
“Thanks”, he smiled weakly, thinking of how brave she was, what a wonderful woman she was and what a creep he was for hurting her so.
“I have only one request…”
“Yes…”
“I had some money saved that my father left me and I bought the house I told you about…”
“You didn’t have to do that! I told you I would take care of that”, he felt bad, he had been so absorbed in his own life that he had completely put her aside.
“It’s okay, really”, she said calmly, it had taken Stefano long hours to convince her that was the best course of action, and it was hard for her not to start screaming at John for letting her down, but it seemed to be working, “It’s ready for me to move in as soon as I pick up the furniture, and I was wondering if you could move in with me the first couple of weeks to help me with all that… The doctor said I should take it easy, and…”
“Of course”, he said as soon as he heard about the doctor’s orders.
“Only for a week or two, just until everything is in place and I can find a housekeeper.”
“It’s fine”, it was going too easy, and he had a strange feeling about it, but as far as he was concerned, Kristen was a very reasonable and practical woman, so her reaction didn’t surprised him that much.
“I’ll work on the details today… It’s okay if I stay here for a couple of days, right?”
“You know it is”, he looked at her, amazed at how well she was taking it, “I’m really, really sorry…”
“Me too”, she said sadly, making he ache for her, “But I know you didn’t do it on purpose…”, she stood up, ready to start working on furnishing the house Stefano had provided for her, “What about her?”, she asked at the last second, hoping for a different answer than the one she was going to get; John looked at her, not wanting to answer, “Are you…”
“Yes.”
Kristen froze right before turning the corner as she heard the female voices, her heart almost stopping at what she thought she heard. She had gone to the hospital for her check-up and was heading for the stairs after getting tired of waiting at the elevator. She was in a hurry to get to Salem Place to pick-up Brady’s present before heading for the Brady Pub where they would be throwing a little celebration for his second birthday. With John and his son living at the house, it wasn’t hard to be invited. Things had been going smoothly between them, even though John left for hours every day, usually in the evening after Brady went down, presumably to be with Marlena, but at least he always came back to sleep there. She knew he was doing it out of respect, but at least she had him near and he would be for another week. She had no idea what would happen then, or how she would manage to get him back for good, but it was important to have as smooth a relationship as possible in the meantime. She knew what kind of a father he was, and she was positive that once the baby was born it would only be a matter of time before she could convince him to become a family again. Or at least she thought so until she heard the women talking…
“… it’s Brady’s birthday, I have to get to the Pub soon”, were the words that convinced her to hide and listen.
“Oh, that’s fine! I didn’t know…”, she heard the other woman say, “Are Sami and Eric going to be there?”
“I don’t know… Caroline talked to them, but you know how they are around John.”
“You haven’t told them yet…”, there was a pause before the woman continued,
“Marlena, you have to tell them… and you have to tell them about the baby”, that was the last Kristen heard for a while since her mind went to a blur for what seemed like an eternity as she processed the information.
“… so complicated. It will be hard enough for them to know that we are back together, but the fact that we are having a baby… I don’t know how they will react to that…”
The rest was a bit more of the same, until the women exchanged their good-byes and Kristen heard Marlena say she had to leave. She ducked as Laura Horton passed by her and soon realized Marlena would be heading the same way she was. She wasted no time locating the tall blond as she went through the exit door towards the stairs that led to the parking lot. So absorbed was she trying to find the car keys in her purse that she didn’t hear the door opening behind her, or the almost silent footsteps that followed. Before she could figure out what was happening, she took the blow as someone pushed her hard. There was nothing she could do not to lose balance and fall down the flight of stairs towards the first floor.
Intermission
Darkness. The deafening silence of an empty hallway filled with distant footsteps and muted voices. Blood flowing in and out of a beating heart. Blood slowly making its red presence known under the limp body. The contents of a purse scattered around, a cell-phone ringing that didn’t disturb the morbid peace of the surrounding scene. From the even breathing it looked as if the woman laid at the foot of the stairs had fallen asleep, but the awkward position of her left arm denounced something different.
Nurse Barbara Adams headed towards the exit leading to the stairs after parking her car, ready to start her night shift. She had a strong aversion to closed spaces, and elevators definitely fell in the “to avoid” category. She was used to the short work-out provided by the four flights of stairs that led to her work place, and preferred that anytime than waiting endlessly for a usually crowded elevator. That night didn’t seem any different from all the others as she opened the door that led to the stairs, but her heart almost stopped as her gaze fell upon the unexpected sight of the stiff form lying at her feet.
John put the cell-phone back in his pocket after finishing the conversation, Brady demanding his attention as he showed his father the cookies he had helped Caroline make. Shawn came in behind them, carrying a tray of goodies that he displayed along the counter. The Brady Pub was fully decorated for a birthday celebration and the guests that had started to arrive further increased the festive mood. Being Brady’s first official birthday in Salem, all members of his self-proclaimed family had made a point to attend. Victor, Kate and Philip Kiriakis were already there, as well as Bo, Hope and Shawn-D, along with Doug and Julie who were in town visiting their new grandson. Lexie came in bearing presents and excuses for Abe, who had been caught up with police business.
Alice Horton showed up with Jack and Jennifer and their small daughter Abby, who had made friends easily with Brady the moment the two toddlers had met. Austin and Carrie were talking in a corner. Caroline had called her grandchildren to invite them over, but as eager as Carrie was to say yes, Sami and Eric had sounded evasive about showing up. The celebration was in full process and John was wondering what was keeping Marlena. He put his son down and was going to dial her number when Brady’s face lit up at someone who had just come through the door. John couldn’t hide his disappointment when he turned around and found Kristen walking towards them. She kneeled down to hug Brady as she handed a gift to John. Before she could drag him into a conversation he wasn’t keen on having, Caroline came to the rescue and scooted Kristen away to say hello to the other guests. Finally, John dialed Marlena’s number, but again, got no answer. It wasn’t like her at all to be so late and out of reach. He tried her office, but her secretary informed him she wasn’t there. He had the same luck when he tried the pent-house. Maybe she was caught up in a medical emergency, but she would have called if that was the case. He was beginning to feel nervous. The door chime rang again as another set of guests came in. John was pleasantly surprised to see Sami, escorted by Lucas and Eric. He heard as Shawn greeted them, telling he didn’t really expect to see them there, but he was glad they could make it.
“Somehow Mom convinced Eric that we should be here and he insisted that I came…”, Sami said reluctantly, she had nothing against Brady, but it was still hard for her to be around John and not feel uncomfortable, for many different reasons.
“Well, however it came to be, I’m very glad you are here”, John said approaching the group, “It’s good to see you two again.”
There was an awkward silence as they decided whether or not they should hug, kiss, shake hands or something. They didn’t do anything and the moment passed. “Glad you could make it, too, Lucas”, John said, as he looked up to see Laura coming through the door, “Please, excuse me.”
“Hi, John!”, Laura greeted him, “This is for Brady”, she said handing him a present.
“Thanks, Laura. Did you come from the hospital?”
“Yes. I ran into Marlena earlier, she said it was okay if I came…”
“Of course”, he was quick to say.
“Where is she?”, she interrupted.
“I thought you could tell me. She’s not here yet…”, he explained, worry painted in his eyes.
“That’s weird… she was leaving when I saw her.”
“How long ago?”
“I don’t know”, she looked at her watch, “Two hours maybe…”, she said matter of factly, not finding a huge cause of concern.
“Do you think she might have been called into an emergency?”
“Could be…”, she couldn’t find any other explanation.
In no time, John talked to Shawn and Caroline and explained the situation, saying he needed to ride over to the hospital just to make sure everything was okay since he had this weird feeling in the pit of the stomach. Brady was having fun with Abby and Philip, and didn’t seem to mind when his father assured him he had to leave for a little while, but would be back shortly. John grabbed his jacket and jumped to his jeep, trying to remain calm as he rushed through the traffic.
John looked distractedly around as he walked into the Emergency Room of University Hospital, doctors and nurses crossing everywhere, patients sitting in the impersonal waiting area, beeps and metallic sounds from various machines, phones ringing and a general sense of controlled chaos. Without paying any attention in particular, he followed the path of a gurney being pushed into an examining room as doctor and nurses interacted around it. John identified Mike as he saw the young practitioner following behind, concern written all over his face, but he didn’t think twice about it since he had already located the admission desk and was waiting for the woman behind it to hang up the phone.
“Good evening”, he said once he had her full attention, “I’m trying to locate Dr. Marlena Evans…”
The woman looked at him surprised, wondering how he had managed to arrive so soon when she had just entered the information on that patient only minutes ago. “She’s in Exam Room number 4, they just brought her in.”
It didn’t dawn on him. He was wondering how could it be that they had just called her being that she was already hours late in the first place and he couldn’t locate her. “Do you think I can talk to her?”, he asked innocently, making the woman cautious.
“You can take a sit over there”, she said pointing to the waiting area, “A doctor will be out shortly to give you an update on her condition”, that sent a shiver down John’s spine as the smell of danger alerted his senses, “Are you a relative?”
“Yes”, he said without hesitation, going from calmed to panicked in a matter of seconds, shocking the admittance nurse with the sudden transformation, “I’m… I’m her husband”, he stressed, “What happened? Is she all right?”, starting to understand the reason of her delay.
“I don’t know”, she answered, still not sure if she could trust the man, but it was clear that he was going insane with uncertainty, “They found her at the bottom of the staircase, she took a fall apparently…”
John didn’t wait for the rest, he turned on his heels and headed down the hall. He knew now the reason of Mike’s expression, he knew where to go. He was weak in the knees as he managed to walk the distance, his concern for Marlena taking the best of him. He used the wall for support as he approached the door to Exam 4 and peeked through the glass. Marlena lied unconscious on a gurney, cables attached to her body, her face pale and ashen aside from the red trail of blood on her right temple.
“Mike…”, John called once inside the room.
A nurse was about to escort him outside when the doctor interfered.
“John…”
“How is she?”, he asked despite the fear.
“It doesn’t look that bad”, Mike assured him as he walked back to his patient, encouraging John to follow, “She’s gonna need a few stitches, but it looks like a superficial cut, as long as she doesn’t remain unconscious much longer I think we’re gonna be safe…”
“Hey, Doc”, John leaned closer to caress her cheek as he held her hand in his, “You’re gonna be okay, honey…”, he whispered, as the nurses looked upon, knowing this was a special case, “What about the baby, Mike?”, John asked pleading with his friend to put him at ease about that, too.
Marlena’s deep breath intake got their attention, and both men smiled as she fluttered her eyes open, fighting off the dizziness.
“John”, she whispered his name, thinking she had heard his voice, but still unable to focus.
“I’m here, baby”, he smiled down at her, thanking God that she seemed all right, “I’m right here”, finally her gaze fell upon him, and she smiled relieved as his hot fingers brushed her cold face and the love reflected in his eyes warmed her soul.
Miracles Granted
She recognized it first in his eyes before she could gather her thoughts enough to think clearly… the fear, the hint of sadness. She panicked, as her eyes welled with tears and her breathing quickened. She clutched onto John’s hand as she attempted to speak, the room still spinning around her, a dull headache numbing her senses.
“The baby…?”, she muttered, her eyes fixed on John’s.
It was obvious from John’s expression that he knew as much as she did, and though he was trying to hold up a strong front for her, he was just as scared. “Mike…”, she whispered, unable to complete the thought.
“Calm down, Marlena”, he pleaded, “Listen to me”, he’s soothing tone achieved its purpose as she seemed to relax a bit, “A fall doesn’t necessarily mean a miscarriage… there’s no visible bleeding and that’s a good sign. They’re bringing an ultrasound machine as we speak, so we’ll know for sure soon.”
Marlena tried to speak, but the words didn’t get pass the lump in her throat. She was scared, there was no denying it. She had freaked out when she found about the baby, and now she could loose it forever. In her mind, she knew God wasn’t revengeful, but she couldn’t think clearly, and she was afraid. The tears flowed freely down her face. She didn’t notice when Mike signaled for John to talk to her, but she did hear his comforting voice and the light pressure of his hand against her face.
“Come on, Doc, it’s gonna be okay…”, he spoke softly, overcoming his own apprehension for her sake, “We have to stay positive, honey; you need to calm down…
Please… The baby is gonna be all right, you’ll see. She’s a fighter, just like her mother…”, that brought a small smile to Marlena’s lips, “Yeah, that’s right. That a girl…”
An aide came in with the machine, and as they prepared it for operation, Mike tore Marlena’s skirt further down, opening her blouse to expose her stomach. She flinched as he applied the cold gel with an apology, and the room fell silent for a moment as the screen filled with the hazy white images. Every person there let out a sigh as the quick and steady heartbeat invaded the room, awaiting anxiously for the doctor’s verdict. Two long minutes passed until Mike finally uttered the words they were all expecting. “Looks like we have a healthy and lucky baby in there…”, he said with an ease
born from his own relief.
“Thank you, God”, John said as Marlena let out a hearty chuckle.
“I would like to keep you overnight so you can get some rest and we can monitor you for 24 hours…”
“That’s fine”, John answered for her, before she could think it twice and start arguing.
“Now, let’s take care of that wound…”
“Can John stay with me?”, Marlena asked gently, totally content with the news. “I’m not crazy enough to try to get him away from you”, the doctor teased them, laughter releasing the last vestiges of tension.
Marlena smiled as John played with her fingers, sitting at the edge of her hospital bed. Now that the scare had passed, she felt tired and her body was beginning to ache everywhere from the fall. She dreaded the next morning when she certainly would find bruises everywhere. Her right arm was in a restraint and it was hurting, too, as well as her head, that bore a bandage covering a couple of stitches. She had refuse to take even the mildest pain killer, and the herbal tea one of the nurses had provided helped little to ease the pain. She had been lucky none the less, a small cut and a sprang arm the more visible consequences. And the baby was safe, that in itself seemed like a miracle considering she had fallen a whole flight of stairs. Or had she? The images were hazy in her mind, but she could distinctly remember the sensation of being pushed.
“What’s the matter?”, John asked noticing the sudden change in her expression.
“I was just thinking that you should go back to the Pub”, she covered, not wanting to burden him with further worries, “Brady’s probably wondering where you are…”
“I’m not leaving you”, he refused without a moment hesitation.
“John, you’re his father, you have to be there…”, she insisted, knowing well enough that he would split in half if he could to be with both of them, “Besides, I could use some sleep…”, she knew he was doubting now, so she pushed a little more, “You can always sneak after visiting hours once you put Brady to bed and come back for your goodnight kiss…”, and to drive her point home, she let out a mild yawn that John didn’t buy for a second.
“All right, all right”, he agreed, knowing she was right, “If you’re so eager to get rid of me, I’ll go”, he smiled at her, “I’ll be back before you can miss me”, and leaned over to brush her lips lightly, deepening the kiss a bit as she held her free hand against the nape of her head.
His timing couldn’t have been more perfect since he came in just when everyone was gathering around a clown shaped cake. Brady forgot about blowing the candles the moment he saw his father, climbing down of the chair to run to him. John scooped him in his arms, avoiding the questioning gazes of everyone present. He sat his son on his lap and for a few minutes, they all returned their attention to the task at hand, singing Happy Birthday, taking pictures and laughing when Brady decided to cut the first piece of cake with his hand. As Lexi took him to the back to clean him up before opening the presents, Shawn, Caroline and Laura, gathered around John to find out the reason why Marlena wasn’t with him.
“Doc is in the hospital”, he said keeping his voice down so he wouldn’t be overheard.
But Caroline’s gasp didn’t go unnoticed by her grandson, who stood close behind trying to find out what was going on. Kristen wasn’t exactly an innocent spectator as she approached the counter with the excuse of getting some food, but coming close enough to try and get some information. She was pretty sure John didn’t know about Marlena, since he had come back, and she was speculating that he was probably trying to find out her whereabouts.
“What happened?”, Shawn asked.
“Is she all right?”, Laura’s question overlapped.
“She fell down the stairs”, John informed them, “Mike says she’s going to be okay, but he wants to keep her overnight just to be on the safe side.”
“Oh, Lord!”, Caroline gasped again, “How could that happen?”
“I don’t know, but we were really lucky… She needed a couple of stitches cause she cut her forehead and she sprang her right arm, but other than that, she’s fine”, he said, not wanting to talk about the baby surrounded by so many people, but they got the message loud and clear.
“She’s gonna be hurting everywhere tomorrow…”
“Yeah”, John sighed, frustrated for not being able to spare her that, “She refused to take any medication…”, her strength only increasing his admiration, “She insisted that I came back to be with Brady, but I would like to go back to the hospital as soon as possible and spend the night.”
“Brady can stay here”, Caroline offered gladly, “He’s gonna be ready for bed as soon as he finishes opening all those presents.”
“Thanks, Caroline, Shawn.”
“Don’t mention it, son”, Shawn dismissed him, warming John’s heart with his statement.
None of them noticed how Eric silently left the Pub, or Kristen’s grim expression after she realized her plan had failed. Though she had regretted what she had done the moment she saw Marlena rolling down the stairs, having acted out of nothing more than an impulse, after coming to terms with her actions, she had hoped that at least it would be worth it, that the problem would go away and she would have John to herself again. If the other woman was also pregnant with his child, her chances were less than slim, and she knew it. If only that child didn’t exist… Stefano, she had to tell Stefano about the latest news. He would know what to do. Of course, she would have to leave out the fact that she was responsible for Marlena’s fall, her father wouldn’t approve of that. But with his help, she was sure they could push Marlena out of the way, not literally this time around.
Starting To Heal
She was almost asleep when she heard the door open. The pain had woken her up earlier and finally she was feeling her eyelids close again, wanting nothing more than to let herself go into the numb peace of dream land. But she forced her eyes open, wanting even more to see John’s face, knowing of the soothing effects his presence had on her, longing for his smile. She turned her head as she whispered his name, searching for his eyes, and was shocked when she found the pair of pale blue eyes looking back at her, an unreadable expression painted on them.
“Hi, Mom”, his lips curled up as he spoke her name.
“Eric!”, surprise giving in to joy and fear rapidly interceding as she realized her mistake, “I didn’t… What are you doing here?”
“I heard about your accident”, he explained calmly, bringing his hand to her cheek in a tender gesture, “I had to make sure you were indeed all right…”
“I am”, she reassured him, “How did you find out?”, she was more concerned about exactly how much he knew.
“No, John didn’t tell us…”, he guessed where her mind was going, “but I overheard him as he talked to Grandpa and Grandma”, Marlena opened her mouth to say something, but couldn’t come up with anything good, so he continued, “Are you two back together?”, there wasn’t anger in his voice, simply curiosity, and a mixed feeling of happiness and guilt.
“Well…”, she sighed, pondering what would be better, truth or lie, “It’s quite a long story, but the bottom line is yes, we are”, she admitted shyly, “I’m sorry, sweetheart,
I know how hard this is for you…”, she apologized covering his hand with hers.
“To tell you the truth, I thought this should have happened a lot sooner…”, he admitted, opening his heart to the one person who had always understood him. Tears formed in Marlena’s eyes as she stared at her grown-up son, feeling that sense of easiness they had around each other that they have shared up until John disappeared and her marriage to Roman had broken to pieces. Now she could feel it again, the strong bond between mother and son unmarred.
“Oh, honey…”, she was deeply moved by her son’s admission, “I thought…”
“I was angry”, he cut her, “Angry at John for leaving, angry at you for letting him go… and guilty for being angry at Dad for coming back… We were a family up till then, but after he returned…”, it was hard to talk about it, since he had never allowed himself to speak his mind, hiding behind Sami’s outspoken hatred, though he knew well enough that that was her way of hiding, “I felt obligated to love a man I could hardly remember and forget all about the man who raised me, you did it when you chose to be with Roman because it was the right thing to do, and we thought we had to do the same…”, he wasn’t blaming her, but she felt guilty just the same.
“Oh, Eric”, the words choked up with tears as she realized just how wrong she had been, “I’m so sorry!”
“Why? Why did you, Mom? Did you really love Roman that much? Did you not love Dad anymore?”, it was strange to be talking to her like this, so openly, so freely; but it also felt right to be having an adult conversation with his mother.
“I’ve always loved, John”, she allowed herself to confess to him, sensing he was not only ready to hear the truth, but also willing, “But it was so confusing… He was with Isabella when I came back and I thought maybe he didn’t love me like that anymore, and then we found your father, and Isabella announced she was pregnant and it looked like the only sensible thing to do was to give your father back the family that had been so unrighteously stolen from him and let John have a real family with Isabella…”, she said through her tears.
“Is that what he wanted? Is that how he felt about us?”
“Of course not…”
They were both startled by John’s voice and found him standing by the door as they lifted their eyes in the direction of the sound. He was choked up with emotion himself as he approached them, smiling at Marlena and placing his hands on Eric’s shoulders in a paternal gesture.
“I never thought I could survive the pain I felt when I found out I was not Roman Brady, when I realized I had no identity, but worst of all, I had no claim over the family I thought was my own. To give up my life as Roman Brady, to give up my wife and my children with no other explanation than a DNA test… that was the hardest thing I ever had to do.”
“Why didn’t you fight for us?”, there was so much pain in Eric’s eyes that it broke his heart all over again.
“I tried… until I realized I couldn’t deprive you of your father just because I loved you as my own. I thought your mother had fallen in love with me because she thought I was someone I wasn’t, and I believed she was following her heart when she chose to go back to Roman… I didn’t know who I was, I had nothing to offer…”
“We just wanted you”, Eric said, standing up to level with him, “We wanted the father we knew, the man who raised us, the dad we loved.”
They looked at each other for several seconds after all words were said. Slowly, Eric reached out and soon they were holding each other in a strong embrace that spoke volumes. Marlena looked at the image in awe, wondering what she had done right to have that miracle granted.
“You will always be my father”, Eric admitted, his voice muffled against John’s jacket.
“I love you, son.”
“Can you spare any of that love for me, big boys?”, Marlena chuckled before the moment turned too mushy for her men to handle.
They exchanged a glance before aiming at her as if they were going to crush her in a hug, knowing well enough her body wasn’t up to it. It made her squeal none the less, as they stopped just close enough to kiss her face lightly. Eric caressed her left hand in his as John brushed his lips against hers, wiping away some stray tears.
“How are you feeling, gorgeous?”
“With the two men I love most in this world in the same room with me? Just wonderful…”, she sighed contentedly as John brought up a second chair to sit at the other side of the bed, “I can’t tell you how happy it makes me that you guys made up!”
“We can tell from your face!”, Eric joked, “It feels good to be a family again…”, he said more seriously.
“Real good”, John smiled, his gaze going back and forth from Marlena to Eric, as he felt a heavy weight lift from his heart.
“Wait a minute!”, Eric’s expression changed from one of glee to a much somber one, “If you two are back together, why is John still married to Kristen? And isn’t she pregnant?”, as much as he loved John, he still was his mother’s boy and it was his duty to stand up for her.
John and Marlena exchanged glances as they came up with the best way to explain the situation to Eric, agreeing with a silent nod that the truth was the only possible outlet. “John was married to Kristen when I found him in California”, Marlena started,
“But as soon as he realized I still loved him, he talked to her to end the marriage, but she followed John to Salem and announced she was pregnant”, she said trying to keep the pain that caused her away from her voice, “At first, she didn’t feel she wanted to go along with the pregnancy alone, so John and I decided to give her some time to come to terms with it before having John move out”, she explained, purposely leaving out any connection to Stefano’s little stunt to keep them apart, “She’s accepted John’s decision however, and he’s only living with her until she gets settled into her new home. She didn’t ask for any of this, honey, she’s been dragged into a very unpleasant situation and both John and I wanted to make it as easy as possible for her…”
John felt so overflowed by love for this amazing and compassionate woman he was soon going to make his wife. Caressing her cheek as he tucked a loose stray of golden hair behind her ear, he said softly.
“Not anymore, I’m not. As soon as you’re released, I’m coming home to take care of you”, he announced, putting a smile on Eric’s face.
“But, John…”
“No buts”, he admonished her, and she decided she didn’t want to fight him anyway, “Now, are you going to tell Eric the other part of this story?”, he encouraged her, feeling this was as right a moment as any to spill the beans about the baby. “What else?”, Eric asked intrigued.
“I’m pregnant”, Marlena finally said after debating for a few moments.
Eric’s eyes opened wide as the words sunk in, his smile spreading as the realization hit him. It was a lot to take in at once, but it made him happy. And seeing his mother smiling like that again definitely made him more than happy.
“Wow!”, was all he could say for a minute, sending John and Marlena laughing.
“I know, it’s quite a shock…”, Marlena empathized.
“You are gonna marry her”, it was more of a statement he made as he looked sternly at John.
“Yes, sir”, he teased him, “I’m not letting her go this time, kiddo.”
Dreams Speak Volumes
Marlena’s laughter filled the room after she realized there was no way she was going to be able to change his mind. Being patronized was one of the few things that could blow her otherwise calm nature, but she had to admit that after all the time spent alone, longing for the man she loved, it almost felt good. It was a small price to pay for having John back in her life. She knew it wasn’t his intention to patronize her, he was just truly concerned for her well-being, only because he loved her so much. She giggled as she aimed for the dresser to get a silk pajama, while John looked at her from the other end of the room utterly confused after her demeanor had gone from a frown to pure joy without further explanation.
“What?”, he asked, checking himself out to see if there was something wrong with him.
“I’m so in love with you”, she started in a husky voice, walking towards him, “that I’m crazy about you even when you’re completely obnoxious”, throwing her pajama bottoms around his neck to bring him close enough to catch his lips in a kiss.
“And I have to take that as a compliment, I presume…”, he smiled back, locking his hands behind her back to pull her closer.
She nodded, before allowing his mouth to capture hers.
“And I assume that means you’re going to humor me and get in bed?”
She nodded again, a mischievous spark in her eyes as she reached for another kiss, their tongues quickly joining the game, the temperature rising fast.
“Okay…”, John said catching his breath as he disentangled from her, knowing that any further ado would leave him in a position where he would be totally at her mercy, and as much as he wanted it, he was convinced it was to soon for that, “Why don’t you go change and I’ll make you something to eat?”
“I already have what I want for lunch…”, she enticed him, running her hands across his chest as she nibbled on his neck.
“Play fair, Doc…”, he pleaded, forcing himself to break the embrace as he felt the effects of her seduction starting to break through his body, “You need the rest”, he pleaded with her, staring straight into her eyes, “Let me take care of you…”
“Fine”, she sighed reluctantly, though she knew he was right, her body still aching badly on various spots to account for it, “But if I do as you say today, you have to promise you’ll do what I want tomorrow”, she settled, giving him a look that left no doubts about what it was that she wanted.
“You got yourself a deal, lady”, he winked, hurrying to the door before he followed his impulse to crush her in a passionate embrace.
He was madly in love with this woman and each one of her gestures ignited the passion only she could conjure.
Life was being generous with them. They were back together, expecting a child created from the most pure love, and in the road to recovering the family they had once shared. Eric had not only understood, but blessed their union, and though the three of them had agreed on keeping the news from Sami until the right moment, eventually she would come to terms with it, too. The rest of the family was being as supportive and loving as if they really were blood related, despite the fact that Roman might always resent them for doing that. They had a lot to be grateful for, and once the divorce was settled between him and Kristen, they would be free to get married again, this time forever. He had told Kristen before leaving the pub that Brady would stay over at the Bradys and that he couldn’t go home that night. She hadn’t asked for reasons and he hadn’t given any, wanting to lose no time in going back to the hospital. But he knew she deserved an explanation, and he was going to deal with her that same day. So before going back upstairs with Marlena’s lunch, he made a couple of phone calls to arrange the next few hours.
Marlena was peacefully asleep when he came back up, still tired from the restless night she had spent at the hospital, the pain having woken her up ever so often as she refused to take anything that would make her feel a little more comfortable for the sake of the baby. That, added to all the stress and the fear of losing their child, had surely worn her out. He placed the tray on the dresser before kneeling by the bed to kiss her forehead lightly. He took off his shoes, and settled on the small couch at one side of the bedroom, not wanting to take the chance of waking her up by laying on the empty side of the bed. He hadn’t rested much himself concerned as he was for Marlena. He had refused to leave her side and had finally given into her plea to share her hospital bed after spending half the night nodding off on the armchair. Contrary to what he thought, she seemed to be quite comfortable despite the reduced space and had been able to sleep through a couple of hours in his arms until the morning nurse came in to check on her and sternly asked him to leave. Obviously a new nurse who didn’t know she was dealing with a senior staff and a board of directors members, but he understood she was doing her job and complied, only to sneak back into the room as soon as he saw her leave; but Marlena had woken up by then and hadn’t been able to fall back to sleep after that. His muscles relaxed against the soft cushions, his eyes slowly closed and soon his breathing had become even as he succumbed to slumber.
First, he confused the whimpering with that of a puppy, thinking he was dreaming, but as the scared voice mingled with soft moans and whimpers, he immediately came out of his sleeping state, jumping to a sitting position as he focused his vision on the trembling form in the bed.
“No… no… don’t…”, the words tainted with almost childish cries, “don’t… push me…”, John froze before reaching her side as the statement hit him, “don’t… my baby…”
“Doc”, he spoke softly, running his hands along her arms and caressing her face in his attempt to wake her up without jolting her, “You’re having a nightmare, sweetheart… Wake up…”
Finally, he got her to react, sighing with relief as she blinked her eyes open. “There…”, he smiled as she drank in the sight of him. “John…”, the fear still patent in her voice as she made sense of what was real and what wasn’t.
“I’m here, baby…”, he soothed her, scooting her over to sit on the bed and wrap his arms around her shaking body, “You’re safe”, kissing the top of her head as he put his own fear at bay, “You were having a nightmare”, hoping that was all it was.
“Yes…”, she agreed, starting to recall the images from her dreams, realizing how much reality there was to them, wrapping her arms around John’s waist as she allowed his presence to calm her down.
“Are you hungry?”, John asked after a while, sensing she was already over her fears, “I brought you a cream of asparagus…”
“I’m famished”, she smiled as he got up to check the soup that laid in a covered recipient.
“Lucky you, it’s still warm”, he smiled, planning to let her eat before asking her about the disturbing words she had mumbled.
“Lucky me, I have my very own personal chef…”, she teased him as he laid the tray on the bed table, bringing a spoonful of pottage to her mouth, “Mmmh… and quite a good one, I might add”, she smiled, the nightmare completely forgotten as she leaned forward for a yummy kiss.
Spoken Truth
Marlena patted the mattress as John turned to face her after laying the tray back on the dresser. His smile broad as he read the request written in the hazel orbs. Dressed as he was, he slipped under the covers, carefully drawing her to his arms as he kissed her cheek tenderly. “Feel any better?”
“Mmmhh…”, was her satisfied response as she leaned against his chest, eyes closed.
“Good. Then you can answer a question for me…”
She lifted her eyes to him, puzzled as she found such a serious expression painted on his face.
“Before, when you were dreaming, you were pleading someone not to push you…”, he said softly, the mere idea of her being in such danger sending a chill down his spine.
“It was a nightmare”, she answered, avoiding his gaze as she tried to distract him by slipping her slender fingers under his shirt, through the holes between the buttons. “Was it?”, he insisted, enjoying the feeling of her nails raking his skin, “Or is there something you haven’t told me?”, holding her by the wrist to stop her hand from working more of its enticing magic, forcing her to look at him, “Doc?”, after she cast her eyes down again, he knew his suspicions were painfully right.
“I didn’t fall”, she whispered, pressing herself against him, knowing his first impulse would be to jump out of bed and fight some imaginary enemy, but needing his comfort instead; as expected, she felt his muscles tense under her, till finally his arms engulfed her in a protective circle as he rubbed his hands up and down her arm and back. “Tell me more…”
“I was walking to the parking lot”, she recalled the fuzzy images from both the dream and that fateful moment, “…and suddenly I felt a shove… the next I knew, I was rolling down the stairs…”, it was still weird thinking someone would actually do something like that.
“Oh, God!”, John felt his adrenaline rushing as he coped with the boiling desire of punching something, or better yet, someone, “Do you know who it was?”
Marlena shook her face before resting her head back against his shoulder, rubbing his chest with her hand, soothing him as she intended.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”, he wasn’t mad, just devastated for not being able to protect her.
“Because I didn’t want you to worry, as you are doing now…”, she pointed out,
“Maybe it was someone who was in a rush and didn’t see me…”, she suggested.
“Come on, Doc! You believe that as much as I do… If that was the case, the person would have stayed and help you, or called someone, for God’s sake!”
“Besides, if I have told you earlier, you would have set an armed guard outside my door and would have never gone back to your son’s birthday party…”, she finished, “I know you, Black.”
“Damn well I would!”, he said frustrated, “Doc, this is serious… Someone tried to kill you!”, he emphasized as he reached for the phone.
“What do you think you’re doing?”, she asked grabbing the receiver from him before he could dial.
“I’m making sure you have around the clock protection, and…”
“John, John…”, she raised her voice, trying to get through to him, “This is exactly what I wanted to avoid. Honey, it was a freak accident, probably someone running away from something, a random act from a crazy person… Why would someone want to hurt me?”, he gave her that look, and she shook her head, “Stefano would never do such a thing, we both know that… I have no other enemies”, she pushed her point. “Remember Stella Lombard?”, he reminded her.
“I haven’t been dealing with long term patients for a while now…”, she tried to convince him, “Please, the last thing I need is to be all tensed up cause I have some dummy following me around…”, she begged.
“I’m sorry, babe, won’t work”, he dismissed her tactics, “I’m not taking any risks were you and our child are concerned”, he was so protective it was almost cute, “But I’ll compromise with you…”, he waited till the disappointment in her eyes was changed by hope, “I’ll ask Abe to come over, take your statement, and we’ll go with whatever he thinks is best”, he offered, “Deal?”
“Deal”, she sighed reluctantly, secretly hoping she would be able to talk her old pal into forgetting about the whole deal, “Who can that be?”, she snapped out of her dismay as she heard the door bell, “John?”, noticing he wasn’t a bit surprised. “I was planning to go talk to Kristen this afternoon, tell her about me moving out, get the divorce going…”, he explained, already having changed his mind after their recent conversation.
“So you got someone to baby-sit me?”, she scolded him, “John, I’m not a child! I can take care of myself, you have to stop treating me like one!”, she was upset and not even his handsome smile would do the trick this time.
“Why don’t you wait and see who’s at the door?”, he tried to smooth her temper.
“I don’t care! That’s not the issue here… the point is you don’t think I’m capable of taking care of myself, when I’d been doing just fine until I happened to bump into you again!”, she huffed, crossing her arms, not giving in an inch.
“Sweetheart, you were in so much pain last night that you had tears running down your cheeks, remember? You need to let your body rest to heal… I didn’t want you having to go up and down those stairs to get a cup of tea or something to eat”, he explained as humbly as possible, her expression smoothing lightly until the bell rang again.
“Just go answer that door, will you?”, she ordered sternly, not ready to admit she could understand his reasoning.
The ice in her gaze was still there when Eric appeared at the door, melting her coldness with one smile, having been warned by John about the little argument that had delayed him from getting to the door.
“Hi, Mom!”, Eric greeted her playfully, climbing on the bed to kiss her, “Are you going to cut this guy some slack?”, he teased them, “Or you’re not up to spend some quality time with your favorite son?”
“Oh, shut up!”, a smile breaking through her tough armor, “Okay, since Eric’s here, you can go on and do as you planned…”, she talked to John, the harshness in her voice only a mask, “You might even be forgiven by the time you get back…”, still not willing to let him win.
Knowing better than to try to argue with her in that state, he raised his eyebrows to Eric, as if warning him about what he would have to put up with if he fell in love, put his shoes back on, and picked up the tray to take it to the kitchen on his way out. “Good luck, kiddo!”, he joked.
He went out the door only to come back a second later, a wink and a smile delivered before his exit line.
“I forgot… Stubborn and all, I still love you, Doc”, he said, rushing out before the cushion she threw across the room got him.
Making Amends
His conversation with Kristen was fresh in John’s head as he walked into the precinct. It had been disturbing at best… As he sat in her living-room, trying to choose the best words to broach the subject to her, he realized just how unprepared Kristen was to face reality. She had greeted him with a bright smile, as if he was returning home from a business trip, as if they were still a couple, and that threw him off. Had he given her any reason to believe there was still a chance for them? He didn’t think so, but apparently she did. The guilt very present as he looked her in the eyes and told her she was already settled and he was moving out.
“Why? Aren’t you comfortable here?”, she had asked.
“Kristen, you knew when I agreed to move in that it was only temporary”, he said softly, “I’m sorry if you misinterpreted it…”
“Where will you go?”, she wanted to hear him say it, her hatred for Marlena growing every second.
“I’m moving into Marlena’s”, he hesitated about telling her, but she deserved the truth, “She took a bad fall yesterday, and she needs some bed rest, I want to be around…”,
it was so hard to talk to her, knowing how much hearing that was probably hurting her, but she seemed to be eager to listen, so he continued, “Kristen… there’s something you’ll find out sooner or later, and I think it’s best if you hear it from me… Marlena’s pregnant”, he expected her to gasp, or yell, but she sat there, staring at him as if he hadn’t spoken.
“Oh”, she whispered after a few seconds; knowing the news beforehand, she thought it wouldn’t hit her so hard, but hearing John say it felt like a bucket of iced water in a winter day, “I see… So I guess this is it? Goodbye, I mean”, why wasn’t she doing something, why couldn’t she fight to get him back, what was wrong with her… John nodded, looking at her sadly, wishing he could take back all the pain he had brought into her life.
“I’m sorry.”
“You said that already”, Kristen said rather coldly, standing up to see him to the door, “I’ll have Eliana pack your things. You can pick them up anytime after tomorrow.”
“Kristen, I…”
“No, John, please don’t say more”, she wasn’t upset, “You’re having a child with me also, so we’ll be in touch; but right now, I need to be alone.”
He left without another word, feeling lower than low, wandering why he had allowed himself to deceive her into thinking they could have a future together, why he had allowed himself to believe he could have a life without Marlena.
“Hey, buddy!”, Abe slapped him on the back as he found him standing in the corridor, a thousand miles away, “What are you doing here?”
“Abe!”, he snapped out of it, “You’re just the person I was looking for…”
Eric had been browsing through a magazine when John and Abe came in. After some arguing, Marlena had agreed to take a nap, falling asleep the second she closed her eyes. She had been sleeping steadily for a few hours. Not wanting to alarm Eric, John explained he had ran into Abe, who had insisted on paying his friend a visit. He excused himself to go check on her, with the firm intention of waking her up if necessary, not wanting to delay protection any more than they already had. But walking into her room, admiring the sleeping beauty that laid serene in the bed, all he could do was stare at her in awe for a few moments. He kneeled by her side, bringing his finger to delicately outline the bruise that stained her perfect skin, wanting to take in all her pain. Leaning down, he planted butterfly kisses on her cheeks, until she finally fluttered her eyes open, smiling at the sight of him and wasting no time in returning the favor.
“Hi, handsome!”, she greeted him in a sleepy voice.
“Sorry to wake you up…”, he whispered, smiling down at her as he caressed her face adoringly.
“You can kiss me awake anytime you want, sailor…”, her voice husky and sensual as she licked her lips slowly.
“I gather you’re not mad at me any more…”, John observed as her finger paced along his lips.
“You’re such a good guesser…”, a sexy whisper as she drew him closer, her tongue sliding into his mouth as she captured his lips in a searing kiss, “Where’s Eric?”, she asked, suddenly breaking all contact, remembering they might not be alone; relieved after peaking around the room to find it empty.
“Downstairs”, John laughed, “With someone else who’s here to see you…”, and before she could inquire, he had fled out of the room, only to return a few minutes later with the other two.
“Don’t look so thrilled to see me, Marlena!”, Abe chuckled, having been forewarned by John about her reluctance to take matters to the police.
“I’m sorry”, she softened up, “Of course I’m happy to see you, Abe.”
“I don’t know what’s the deal between you two”, Eric smiled as he approached the bed to kiss his mother, “But I’ll take it as my cue to leave. I have some homework to catch up with…”, he added so no one would feel bad.
“Thanks for stopping by, sweetie”, Marlena smiled as she held her son’s face between her hands, “I love you.”
“Love you, too, Mom. I’ll see you tomorrow…”, he stopped to hug John briefly.
“Thanks for your help, son.”
“Bye, Abe.”
“Good to see you, Eric.”
They waited until they heard the front door shut before anyone spoke. As Abe sat on one corner of the bed, John climbed up to sit by Marlena, drawing her to his arms as she prepared herself to make the most convincing protection-free speech to their friend.
“…the next thing I remember is waking up in the ER”, she finished, as matter of factly as she could manage, “See? It was just a freak accident, nothing to be so concerned about, don’t you agree?”
“Mmhhh…”, Abe hesitated, causing Marlena to frown in anticipation, “I’m not so sure about that, Marlena. It’s attempt of manslaughter in the mildest of cases…”, John nodding his approval, “I agree with you when you say it’s not Stefano’s style, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t someone else set out to hurt you”, her eyes growing darker with a mixture of fear and disappointment, “I tell you what…”, he settled, “I’ll have my men do a little asking around, find out if there were any lost patients that might have been dangerous, and all that, but if everything is clear in that department, I’ll go with John’s suggestion of police protection. At least for a few weeks, until we can be sure there’s not a real threat.”
“Is there anything I can do to change your mind?”, she asked hopeless.
“If there’s someone out there set to hurt you, chances are he’ll try again once he realizes you’re all right”, Abe admonished her, “Do you really want to take that risk?”
She shook her head slightly, all she could do after being defeated. They had a point, and as much as she hated the idea of being monitored, she didn’t want to risk herself and by doing so, risk her baby. If only for that, she would have to go along with them.
“But no uniforms”, she warned them both.
“No uniforms, I promise”, Abe smiled broadly, her fighting spirit one of the qualities he admired the most about her.
“And they’ll take a break when John’s around”, she added, the idea of having witnesses to their love affair not exactly appealing.
“I don’t think anyone can take better care of you than him”, Abe conceded, suppressing a chuckle.
“He’s pretty good at that, though he can get mighty possessive…”, she agreed, totally absorbed in her conversation with Abe.
“He gets a little carried away where you are concerned, yeah”, Abe smiled, catching a glimpse of John’s expression.
“There they go again, speaking about me as if I wasn’t here!”, he went off unable to keep himself from laughing, remembering all the times they had done the same thing while he and Marlena were still married.
Lies and Threats
Things were looking better for the blond psychiatrist that relished in the warmth of the hot chocolate she sipped calmly on that rather cold evening as she waited for her friend to join her. She was fully recovered from her fall, only a few fainting bruises here and there to account for it; her baby was safe and growing stronger each day. She had convinced Abe and John to drop the police protection after not having any evidence of further attempts a couple of weeks after the attack. She and Eric had grown closer than ever in the last two weeks, his love and concern for his mother obvious to anyone. Sami had started to open up to her, probably feeling left out by all the time her twin brother spent visiting their mother, wanting some of that maternal love for herself. After John and Brady moved in with her, and she was released from the bed rest suggested by Mike, Marlena had gone to see her daughter to tell her the news in person. Sami had heard about the fall from Eric, and she gasped at the sight of the light purple bruise that decorated Marlena’s cheek, caught of guard and unable to mask her concern. They had talked for a while, mostly about school, boys and what was going on in her life; when Marlena finally told her about John, she was feeling that sense of comfort around her mother that she had had years ago, and though she was disappointed, she was too glad from being able to talk like that to her mom again to jeopardize that newly gained easiness by making a scene. As Eric, she loved John deeply, and it was hard to think about him as something other than her father, so a part of her was happy that things were as they used to be, Mom and Dad together; but she couldn’t forget about her loyalty to Roman. She had grown to love him as well, and she knew that he wasn’t going to take the news lightly. She had to be there for him, show her support. So she gave her mother a subdued smile, saying she understood, but not much more; stopping Marlena from breaking the news about the baby, considering it was better to take one step at a time. But all in all, things were a lot better between the two, and that was something to be grateful for. Marlena was absorbed in these thoughts, and didn’t notice the person approaching her table until she heard his voice.
“Hello, Marlena”, he greeted in that deep, slurring tone that sent chills down her spine.
“Stefano”, she replied, clearly upset by his presence, “I’m meeting someone”, she added, hoping that would send him away.
“This won’t take long”, he wasn’t being friendly and it frightened her, “I heard about the baby”, he said going straight to the point, “When were you planning to tell me?”, he had been outraged when Kristen told him the news, but after some deliberation, he realized he could still use the situation to his advantage, “Or were you planning to deny me my child?”
She was frozen. Of course, she had considered that possibility, but she had allowed John’s positive thinking to persuade her, allowing herself to believe there was nothing to worry about, that it wasn’t Stefano’s style to have taken advantage of her like that. But she had dreaded their next encounter exactly for the same reason, because her fears could be confirmed. And now it was happening, her worst nightmare coming true. “This is not your baby”, she whispered, her jaw trembling as she fought the tears that threatened to spill from her eyes.
“Are you sure?”, he gave her that sly smile that she despised so much, the one that acknowledged he had the upper hand, “Because I don’t think you can be… According to my sources, that baby was conceived around the time that you and I…”
“This is John’s baby”, she cut him, keeping her voice down so no one would overhear them, “And in the unlikely event that it wasn’t, there is no way you are going to get near it”, she said drawing strength from her hatred.
“You can’t prevent me from seeing my child, Marlena”, he warned her.
“If this is your baby, it’s because you raped me, Stefano”, she fought back, not allowing herself to break down in front of him, “I don’t think there’s a court in this world that would allow you anywhere near my child.”
“Are you sure? Do you remember any of it?”, he played with her mind, “Rape is a very strong word, my dear, and from what I remember you were more than willing…”
“Marlena?”, Laura’s voice came from behind him as she raced to her side, noticing immediately what was going on, “What do you think you’re doing, Stefano?”, she hissed, hating the man every bit as much as her friend did.
“Marlena and I were just exchanging some thoughts, that’s all”, he said unnerved, “But I don’t want to interrupt your meeting, so if you’ll excuse me… We’ll see each other soon, Marlena.”
“Laura, take me out of here”, she trembled, using the support of Laura’s arms to stand steady.
Marlena took the cup of tea that Laura offered as she sank against the couch. Laura had driven them to her place, knowing her friend needed a safe haven to calm down as well as someone to talk to. Marlena sighed as the warm liquid ran down her throat, soothing her nerves, a small smile appearing on her face as she looked at Laura, grateful for having her as a friend.
“I feel better now…”, she replied to the unspoken question, “Thanks”
“Don’t even mention it”, Laura smiled, taking her hand, “What did he want?”
“To remind me that the baby could be his…”, emotion threatening to choke her again.
“What? How did he find out?”
“I have no idea”, Marlena said defeated.
“Honey, don’t let him get to you…”, Laura tried to encourage her, “This baby will be John’s no matter what, he said so himself.”
“I know”, she smiled being reminded of his generous heart, “But what if Stefano does something to prevent it? What if he tries to take the baby from me?”
“Don’t think about that, it will drive you insane…”, she pleaded knowing it was a lot to ask for, “He won’t take your baby, and it will be John’s”, she stated, hoping to get through to her, “But you should tell John about this, he’ll know what to say better than anyone”, Laura suggested, bracing herself for the answer.
“No! No, John mustn’t know about this”, she noticed Laura’s expression, she was hiding something, “What?”
“He’s on his way”, she confessed, “I called him from the kitchen. I didn’t tell him anything, just asked him if he could stop by, but I really think it will help if you talk to him.”
“Oh, Laura!”, she scowled her, though part of her wanted so much to have him wash her worries away as he held her in his arms.
“Marlena, he loves you, he wants to be there for you, and you’re in this together.
What’s the point of trying to be brave by yourself when you can brace the storm with him?”
“There’s nothing he can do. He’ll go frantic, he will want to go after Stefano, and then I will have to worry about him also”, she tried to reason with her.
“Haven’t you learned by now that hiding the truth can cause more damage than good?”
She didn’t have time to reply as the bell interrupted them. Laura looked at her for an instant before answering the door. As expected, she saw John’s smiling face looking down at her.
“That was fast!”
“I was at the Pub when you called”, he explained, “How can I be of service?”
Laura moved aside to let him in, and as he did so, he spotted Marlena sitting on the couch, her back turned to him. He didn’t know she was there, he hadn’t seen her car parked outside either, so it was quite a surprise. He knew something was wrong, if not, why have Laura called him instead of Marlena?
“Doc?”
Love Will See Us Through
John’s eyes traveled back and forth from Marlena to Laura, who shrugged her shoulders and smiled sympathetically. Slowly, Marlena rose from the couch and turned around to face him, a smile pasted on her lips as she gave him a look that was intended to show how glad she was to see him. But his gaze told her that he wouldn’t be fooled and the moment that realization hit her, her knees gave out slightly as her whole body began trembling. For an instant, they just stood there.
“I have to go back to work”, Laura broke the silence, “Just lock the door when you leave.”
John nodded her way and she was gone. He walked the distance with open arms as Marlena gave two uncertain steps before landing in the safety of his embrace, clinging to him with fierce determination, taking deep breaths to drown the sobs that fought to break through the knot in her throat, thick tears seeping under her lashes. He engulfed her with his arms, stroking her back, kissing her hair as he rocked her tenderly. As much as he wanted to know, he felt she needed to feel secure before attempting to talk. She would have probably stormed this crisis alone if Laura hadn’t called him, wanting to spare him the worry. He had seen it when she first faced him. Luckily, she had opened up, now it was a matter of time before she told him the story. Carefully, he guided her towards the couch, placing her on his lap as they sat down. After he felt her muscles relax a little and her breathing return to normal, he lifted her chin towards him, washing away some stray
tears that insisted on coming down.
“I’m right here”, he said softly, “You’re safe, baby.”
She looked up at him, amazed at his ability to read her so well, and smiled. “Wanna talk about it?”, he encouraged her, almost as he did with Sami when she was a child and she woke up from a nightmare.
“I saw Stefano at Salem Place today…”, she started in a very audible voice, “He warned me not to try and keep him away from the baby…”
“Doc, I promise you, I won’t let him get anywhere near this child”, he reassured her, tightening his arms around her.
“He did it…”, she whispered sadly, a new bout of tears springing from her eyes as she disengaged herself from his arms to get her statement through, “John… he raped me”, the words hitting him hard as he realized the extent of what she was dealing with.
There was such sadness in her eyes that it silenced all the anger he felt, replacing it with a desperate need to protect her, to make her feel totally loved, to overtake her pain and give her his strength instead. It broke his heart to know that he couldn’t take it away, that he couldn’t change places with her so she wouldn’t have to go through that hell. Tears brimming in his eyes as he looked into those hazel pools plagued by sorrow and fear. He cupped her face in his hands to caress her soft skin as he drew her closer. “I’m sorry, baby”, he held her as if he was never gonna let go, “I’m so sorry…”
It was all she needed to hear, not the words, but that voice filled with love that could get right through her soul. The warmth of his body telling her she would never be alone. The safety of his embrace to know that there was a place where she would always feel secure. His heart, beating under her ear, whispering its need of her to survive. His love for her, that always managed to make her pain disappear, that gave her a reason to believe there could be paradise on earth.
“I love you”, a smile brightening her tear stained face.
“I love you so much”, he said looking straight into her soul, “You’ll be okay…”
“I will”, she agreed, resting her head back on his shoulder.
They stayed like that for a long time, until Marlena finally gathered the strength and decided it was time to get up and jump back to the speeding train that was her life lately. She extended her hand to help him up, pulling him to her for a slow, sweet kiss. Identical smiles on reddened lips as they parted.
“I have to go get my car…”, she told him, sliding her thumb over his mouth to erase the traces of lipstick.
“Nah…”, he informed her, reaching for her purse and closing his arm around her waist to walk her out the door as she looked at him puzzled, “The last thing you need is to go back there and be driving all by yourself.”
“Honey, I’m gonna need my car in the morning”, she reminded him, laughing at his tenderness, that never ceased to amaze her.
“Fine”, he conceded, before adding just when she thought he had changed his mind, “But now I’m taking you home. Brady can keep you company while Chelsea and I go get your car”, he finished triumphant.
“Oh, so now a two year old is baby-sitting me?”, she joked, reminding him she had just been released from police protection that morning and he still had to pay for it. But he was right, she would much rather enjoy the company of her little boy than dealing with getting the car back. As usual, John was quick to think about what was best for her before anything else, and she loved him so for that.
Late that night, as she laid in John’s arms, basking in the warmth of their flushed bodies after making love, she allowed herself to believe things could indeed be all right for them. She needed so much to believe it… John shifted under her, laying her against the soft bed of pillows as he descended down the length of her body, stopping at her swollen belly. At three months along, the pregnancy was beginning to show, if not to the common eye, certainly to the expert sight of her lover, who knew every inch of her to perfection. He stroked his palm against the delicate skin of her stomach, placing his lips where his hand had been moments later. She sighed with a mix of pleasure and content, reaching out to run her fingers through his hair as he continued to draw patterns over the small mount that denounced their child.
“I’ll have to tell Sami soon”, she said, the words trailing as his touch was creating a tingling sensation that was rapidly spreading through her body.
“Yeap”, he smiled proudly, climbing up to capture her lips in a searing kiss, “I think she’s gonna take it well… I mean, who could resist you in maternity clothes?”, he teased her.
“You’ve never seen me in maternity clothes”, she laughed.
“But I’ve dreamt of you like that…”, he revealed, pressing his lips at the curve of her neck.
“You have?”, she was really surprised, lifting his face up to her to read the truth in his eyes.
“Mmhh…”, he sighed, his white-teethed smile as a witness, “And you looked so cute”, capturing her mouth before she could reply, “As a matter of fact, I’ve never seen an expectant mother look so sexy…”, he purred as his tongue found her earlobe.
“Oh, you!”, she aimed to slap him on the chest, but settled for running her hand against his taut muscles, as she fell under the spell he was casting upon her, “Oh, honey…”, a moan escaping her lungs as she laced her leg with his to bring him even closer.
“Do you have…”, he started again, trailing a path of soft kisses from her jaw to the base of her neck, “any idea… of how many times I’ve dreamt of you having my child?”
“Me too…”, she gasped, emotion taking over, “But what if…”
“No, Doc…”, he stopped for a moment, bringing his hand to her face as he brushed his lips against hers, “I believe it”, coaxing her to get lost in the depth of his love, “You have to believe it, too.”
“I do”, she smiled, nibbling on his lower lip before allowing his tongue to enter her mouth, as the weight of his body against hers forced any other thoughts to vanish, his love for her engulfing her heart.
Yeah, paradise on earth was right.
Change of Plans
Darkness. Fear. A scream born from the depths of herself, dying before ever leaving her lips. A dirty hand pressed against her mouth, hot, sticky. The weight of his body over her, preventing her from moving. Frustration. Tears of anger, tears of fear, trickling down her flushed cheeks. Loneliness. Somebody, please, help! But there’s no one to protect her. Struggle. Tensed muscles rejecting the intrussion. Pain. The look of delight in those heartless eyes. His short breaths drilling her ears. One… two… three… digging, hurting. Shame. His hand roaming freely against her breasts, his body oblivious to the pounding of clenched fists. 165, 168, 170… her heart beating frantic, her mind trying to escape. And suddenly, another man as the agressor… His face taking the features of the other, his deep, despising voice speaking words of adoration… Disgust.
The movement finally waking him up, John fought to keep his eyes open through the haze of slumber as he felt Marlena trashing by his side. Another nightmare, he sighed sadly, wishing he could make them stop, wondering when she would have some peace of mind. For weeks, she had been waking up sweating in the middle of the night, terror painted in her eyes. Sometimes sobbing uncontrollably; sometimes withdrawing from his touch until his tender words could draw her into the comfort of his arms; sometimes apologizing for disturbing him, not realizing he would rather die before not being there for her; sometimes feeling ashamed for not being able to control the dreams… Always needing him, always grateful to feel his arms around her as he finally rocked her back to sleep. He reached out to touch her, placing his hands firmly against her shoulders to stop the cycle, tenderly bringing her back with soft, soothing words.
“Doc, it’s okay… You’re safe… I’m here… Come on, baby, open your eyes…”
Hazel pools making focus as her breathing became more even.
“Good girl!”
Strong arms gathering her shaking form as she sat up in bed, trying to discern the images that had just haunted her, struggling to find out what was imagined and what was real. No, Stefano hadn’t been there…
“Oh, John…”, a terrified whisper muffled against his shoulder, “What if I remember?”
“You won’t”, he assured her, forcing himself to believe what he was saying, “He was playing with your mind, Doc… He doesn’t operate like that, he wouldn’t do it.”
“You don’t know that!”, she slashed at him, angry at his constant denial, “You don’t…”, wishing with all her heart he did, “I’m sorry! I’m sorry!”, looking up at him pleading forgiveness, wondering why did she have to take it out on him, the one who loved her the most.
“Hey, sweetheart”, his smile comforting her, “it’s all right…”, his hands cupping her face as if they were cradling her soul, “You’ve been through hell…”
“You have done nothing but love me, I have no right to…”
“I love you”, he said firmly, “for better or for worse, remember?”, a tiny smile told him she did, “so you can use me to vent, scream at, punch or whatever you need”, she opened her mouth to argue, “No buts about it”, he admonished sternly before leaning down to brush his lips against hers.
Her teeth capturing his lower lip as her hand rushed to the nape of his head to keep him there, deepening the kiss as she let go of her anger, her fears and anything that didn’t relate to the feelings he evoked in her.
“I love you”, almost a confession as they parted , “I love you so”, a sweet thank you for being alive.
“There you go”, he smiled broadly, “Now you’re on the right track”, her laughter the best reward he could ask for.
She seemed much calmer when he woke up the next morning to find her standing in the balcony, her eyes lost in the city below. He climbed down from bed without disturbing her, and even before he slipped his arms around her waist and her body leaned back against his, he knew she had made a decision. Now he was hoping she would be willing to share it with him.
“Morning”, his mouth buried in her hair, “Did you get some rest?”
She leaned back even further, turning her face slightly, a smile on her lips as she reached to kiss his jaw. Her eyes slowly going back to the sight before them, a sigh escaping her lungs as she crossed her arms over his, pressing herself against him. He knew it was coming, but gave her the time she needed. Finally, she spoke, not an ounce of doubt in her voice.
“I’m going to take the test. I can’t live like this any more. I need to know.” Silence, and the warmth of their bodies witnessing the mute agreement.
Kristen paced around the study furiously. Wondering how her father could be so calm when all their plans were crashing down like a crystal tower. She had come to see him despite his request for her to avoid any contact. He had been mad when he had first seen her there, but his paternal side made him give in quickly, hugging her warmly after admiring her swollen abdomen for an instant. He had plans for her, too, but she couldn’t know about them, at least not yet. First he had to make sure she would not turn around, and for that, he would have to play his cards wisely.
“Sit down, my dear”, he asked politely, her constant wandering starting to irritate him.
“I don’t get it!”, she hissed, “All our efforts have failed! They are stuck together like flesh and nail! For heavens sake, she’s pregnant with his child!”, she shouted on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
“So are you…”, he reminded her.
“Yeah, sure”, she mocked him, “John barely gives me the time of day… He calls me, and as soon as I tell him everything’s fine with the baby, he hurries to end the conversation…”
“Maybe you’re not playing it right, Kristen”, he hinted, her eyes wide open as her own words dawned on her.
“Of course! It worked before…”, she analyzed, “At least if he thinks there’s something wrong with this child, he’ll show his face around more often”, she knew him well enough, “I need a new doctor… One that you can order around”, she concluded as her father smiled proudly.
“Finally you’re making sense”, he congratulated her, “I’ll arrange it. That, and the rest of it…”
“What rest?”, she inquired, “What are you going to do? Please, tell me… I need to know that there’s hope”, she pleaded, “And I might even be able to help you…”
“Maybe…”, Stefano pondered the possibilities of Kristen being close to John and Marlena as a great source of information, “Sit down, we need to make some plans…”, he invited, his eyes gleaming as they posed on a picture of Marlena, “Yes, my Queen, soon we’ll be together forever.”
Transitions
She knew it was going to happen soon, but she hadn’t planned for it to be so soon. She had wanted to think up the best way to tell her, to prepare her daughter for what she knew would be a shocking piece of information, but as everything else lately, it just happened. She had arrange for Sami to come by her office to go out for lunch. Marlena was enjoying so much this new found relationship with her daughter, building bridges of communication, sharing some quality time together, having Sami confide in her like she used to before the divorce. She liked it, she really liked it. Sami had seemed to accept quite well the fact that she and John were back together, she had softened around him,
and tho ugh she was still siding with her father, probably because in her young eyes he had no one else to lean on, she had even agreed to a couple of dinners with Eric and the two of them. The bond was still fragile, however, and Marlena feared that the truth about the baby would drift them apart again. There was no way back now.
They had been crossing through the reception when an acute pain in her abdomen had caused Marlena to bend over. She might have even succeeded to brush it off if Mike hadn’t been around, rushing to aide her, and ordering her to go into Exam 4. It hadn’t been more than a cramp, probably due to the stress she had been under lately, and both Mike and Dr. Bader, who had been called in consult, agreed that there shouldn’t be cause for alarm unless it repeated itself.
“Mom!”, Sami hurried to her side the moment she came out the door, “Are you all right?”, there was something deeply disturbing about seeing one of her parents in physical distress, a basic sense of security being violated.
“I’m fine, sweetie!”, she calmed her, placing an arm around her shoulders as they walked to the elevator, “You know Mike, he’s overprotective…”, she said, hoping that would put Sami’s worries to rest.
Sami complied, letting the relief of knowing her mother was okay take over her suspicions. But as they rode in relative silence, Marlena trying to make conversation as Sami repeated the scene in her mind over and over, the pieces of the puzzle began to fit. She waited until they were seated at one of the outside tables of the little Italian restaurant before she voiced her conclusion.
“Mom, are you pregnant?”
It took her by surprise, and for a minute she didn’t know what to say. To Sami, the answer was obvious, but she had expected it after putting the pieces together… The episode at the hospital, the day Marlena had taken her shopping and had that dizzy spell, the loose summer dresses that her mother seemed so keen on wearing, the way she had refused to try the salmon she had just ordered the night they had been having dinner together, the concern in John’s eyes, the way he and Eric had treated her… And Eric. He knew!
“Oh, honey, this wasn’t suppose to come out like this!”, Marlena regretted.
“So you are…”, Sami said softly, and it was hard to read exactly how she felt about it.
“Yes”, her mother finally admitted, waiting to see her reaction before jumping to conclusions.
“And Eric knew…”, she observed, a little hurt for having been left out.
“He found out a few weeks ago”, she shrugged, wanting nothing more than to see a smile form on her little girl’s face, “I was planning to tell you. I just didn’t know how you would react, and I didn’t want to upset you…”, she paused, looking at her for a moment, “Are you? Upset, I mean…”
“I don’t know”, she spoke softly, “It’s so strange, it doesn’t seem real”, no, upset wasn’t the right word, “I mean, it all happened so fast… One minute John is gone, then you’re gone, then he’s back, then you’re together…”, everything starting to make sense,
“Wait a minute! Is that why you left, to go after John?”, it wasn’t an accusation, but it sounded like one.
“No”, she answered as calmly as possible, feeling honesty was the best way to reach out to her, “I had no idea John was in California when I decided to go over there, but we ran into each other then, yes”, no sense in trying to hide the obvious, everyone would be able to do the math once the baby was born.
Something inside herself told Sami she really didn’t want to know the details, her train of thought rapidly wandering in another direction.
“Are you gonna get married?”, still debating whether to be happy or sad.
“Eventually”, a smile that came across.
“So John and Kristen are getting a divorce…”
“Yes”, somehow this same conversation had been a lot easier with her son, “Sami, this is not the perfect situation, and I don’t want you to think that what’s happening here is okay”, she wished she didn’t have to be having this discussion with her teenage daughter, but she had to make sure Sami understood that sometimes adults make mistakes and it doesn’t mean it is all right to behave a certain way, “Everything is so complicated!”, she felt ashamed and so unfit as a mother sometimes, “John and I made a lot of mistakes, from the moment I came back till now, and as much as we would like to, we can’t take that back. We let our feelings rule over reason, and that wasn’t good…”
“But you’ve always said that it’s bad to hide your feelings…”, Sami challenged her.
“Yes, but that doesn’t give you the right to act on them and hurt other people”, she tried to reason, “When I came back, and then your Daddy came back, there was a lot of confusion, and we weren’t honest with ourselves, we weren’t honest about what we were feeling. Maybe because it hurt so much, we all tried to pretend like nothing had happened, like all those years that we lived together as a family didn’t exist, and that was wrong… We should have faced those feelings, and deal with what was going on.”
“It was just so hard…”, Sami remembered, still feeling torned to some degree,
“But if that was wrong, how can you say that it was also wrong to admit your feelings for each other when you were in California?”, she had never felt so adult as she did having that conversation with her mother.
“Admitting our feelings wasn’t wrong, but acting on them was because John was married to Kristen…”, she confessed.
“Well, you were married to Dad…”, Sami pointed out, and for a moment she wasn’t sure if she meant John or Roman.
“But that was different, because Roman and John and I were all dragged into the same situation, Kristen had nothing to do with it, and she got the worst part of it…”, she still felt bad every time she thought about it.
They both fell silent for an instant, until Sami said softly…
“I still remember the day you and John got married…”, a shy smile as she looked at her mother’s teary eyes, “You looked so beautiful, just like one of the characters from the bed-time stories you used to read to me, and I was so proud… and so happy.”
“I remember”, she giggled delighted, “You were the cutest flower girl, and you just hated so much having to wear a dress!”
“Mom, what I’m getting at”, Sami continued, the previous tension seemingly forgotten, “…is that you and John were also married, and you didn’t choose to end that marriage, and after everything that Stefano has put you through, you can’t blame yourself for not dealing with the circumstances as rationally as you’d have wished”, she finished reaching out to take her mother’s hand, “I understand that what happened wasn’t right, and I’m not so sure it could be helped…”, Marlena was about to argue, so she hurried to add, “But don’t worry about me, I’m not gonna get involved with a married man.”
“At which point did you become so mature exactly?”, Marlena smiled amazed at the young woman her daughter had become, “I’m supposed to be the adult here!”, she laughed, taking Sami’s hand to press it against her cheek.
Again, it seemed that things were going to be okay, and she fervently needed to believe that. She felt so blessed by this second chance at happiness, with the man she loved and a renewed relationship with the children she adored. Now, if only that test would put her fear to rest, life would be just perfect.
Stepping Forward
Since Sami had arranged to meet with Alice Horton to discuss some volunteering work, they drove back to the hospital, and were hugging goodbye outside Marlena’s office when a new thought crossed Sami’s mind.
“Mom”, she asked worried, “What happened earlier… does it mean there’s something wrong with the baby? Are you all right? What did Mike said?”
None of them noticed there was someone else waiting for an answer. John had come to meet with Marlena to be with her during the amnio, which was set to take place that afternoon, but as he turned the corner and saw the beautiful image of mother and daughter hugging, he had stopped on his tracks, enjoying the sight and afraid his presence might disrupt the harmony that seemed to have settled between the two. However the moment he heard Sami’s concerned words, he had rushed to catch up with them, startling Marlena, who screamed as he walked behind her and placed his hands on her upper arms. “What happened? Are you all right?”, he asked frantic, not even noticing Sami’s amused smile.
“John!”, Marlena slapped him on the chest, “You almost gave me a heart attack!”,not sure if she wanted to laugh or be upset, “I’m fine!”, she said with a sigh, her eyes going from John to Sami, “It was just a cramp”, and back to John, “And there’s nothing to be worried about. So I don’t want you fussing all over me like I was sick, okay?”, she admonished them sternly, laughing again as they both let out a sigh in unison.
“I have to go”, Sami said, leaning for one last hug, “You know… I think I’m starting to like the idea of having a baby around”, she confessed sweetly, “Bye, John”, she said casually before leaving.
“Wow!”, John exclaimed as they watched her leave, “Is it me or our little girl is not so little any more?”, his heart beaming with pride.
“I know”, Marlena smiled contentedly, closing his arms around her waist to lean back on his chest, “She’s grown up so much!”
“Yeah…”, he pressed his cheek against the silk cushion of her hair, as his hands roamed the round contour of Marlena’s stomach, barely noticeable under the yellow summer dress, “Now, what exactly happened this morning?”
“Nothing”, she sighed, wishing he would drop it, but still not ready to leave the comfort of his embrace, “Really… Both Mike and Jane agreed that there’s no reason to be concerned”, she added, hoping that would ease his fears.
“Maybe it’s not such a great idea to do this today…”, he suggested as tenderly as possible, “Maybe it’s better if we wait…”
“No!”, she freed herself in one movement, facing him with sparks of anger flashing against the hazel background of her eyes, “I need to know”, she stressed each word, trying to remain calm, “I’m taking this test today… with or without you.”
“Hey”, he controlled himself, wanting to lash back at her, but knowing that would make matters worse, reminding himself to step in her shoes as he searched for the words, “I just want what’s best for you…”, speaking softly, trying to break through the wall she had built in an instant, “I understand. I just don’t want anything bad to happen to either of you…”, reaching out with his hand to touch her face, hoping she wouldn’t reject him. “I know…”, a whisper as she cursed herself for being so selfish, “I’m sorry.”
“Let’s go see Dr. Bader…”, he smiled, dropping the subject as he escorted her towards the elevator.
Though never letting go of her hand, he had to look away as the doctor approached Marlena’s abdomen with the huge syringe. She flinched as the needle deepened through the skin, taking a deep breath as she tightened her grip on John’s arm. But as she looked up at him, and so him flinching even more, shrugged shoulders and tightly closed eyes, she couldn’t help but smile.
“Hey!”, she stifled a laugh, “It’s over…”, that came right through when John blushed after feeling Marlena’s and Dr. Bader’s eyes right on him.
“Are you sure you want him in the delivery room?”, Jane Bader laughed heartily.
“Even if I have to strap him to a chair!”, Marlena joined her, sitting up on the exam table and tugging at the lapels of his shirt to pull him closer, “Don’t worry, honey, you’re still my hero!”, brushing her lips against his to get her point through.
“Very funny!”
“You can get dressed, Marlena”, Dr. Bader said, “I’d like you to go home and rest for the remain of the day. If there’s anything that doesn’t feel normal, give me a call. But you should be fine. We’ll have the results in a few days.”
“Thanks, Jane”, she wished they didn’t have to wait that much, “Are you sure you’re okay to drive?”, she teased John a little more, taking her mind off any negative thoughts.
“Oh, stop it!”, he pleaded as the room filled with laughter again.
Marlena relaxed against the cushions as John’s hands transported her to another dimension. She had forgotten all about the incident with Sami, her visit to the doctor, the anxiety of waiting for the results. Life was too perfect at the moment as his fingers worked wonders against her skin. She closed her eyes, letting herself go…
“Mmh, honey, that feels so good…”, she purred and he smiled, “Ouch!”, she yelled, as she opened her eyes to question him.
“Sorry”, he apologized, with a childish smile, “Did I hit a nerve?”, softening the pressure of his fingers against the sole of one small foot, before moving to massage the other.
“Oh, you’re getting back at me for making fun of you at the doctor’s office…”, she observed with a sexy gleam in her eyes, as she rubbed her free foot against his thigh.
“Me? No!”, he said with feigned innocence, “I have other much more interesting methods to get back at you if I wanted to…”, he smiled, loving what she was doing to him.
“Really?”, she dared him playfully, sliding down the couch so her foot could reach his chest, her toes slipping under his shirt, “Care to show me?”
His hand traveling under her dress slowly, very slowly, as he leaned forward to get on top of her. His lips almost touching hers, his hand pinning her wrists above her head. “Are you sure?”, he teased her with a husky voice.
“Yes…”, almost a moan as she failed in her attempt to capture his mouth.
“Too bad”, he laughed, using all his will power to get away from her as the ringing of his cell-phone presented him with the perfect excuse to make her wait.
Her upset groan eliciting a chuckle that he barely suppressed as he flipped the phone open.
“John Black here…”
“John! It’s Kristen”, the woman said, making sure there was a hint of panic in her voice, “I just wanted to let you know a doctor is coming over to the house right now… I think there’s something wrong with the baby”, dropping the bomb with perfect timing. “What?”, his heart racing as he realized in that second how much he cared for that baby, “Kristen, what happened?”, turning his back to the couch, afraid to see Marlena’s hurt expression at the mention of the other woman.
“I’m not sure… Suddenly I had this terrible cramping. I’m really scared, John”, she feigned as she could feel she was reeling him in.
“I’m on my way”, he said before hanging up the phone.
Marlena had gone back to a sitting position, a grim expression on her face as he turned around.
“I have to go…”, he said, unable to think clearly through the fear for his unborn child.
“What’s wrong?”, she asked standing up, really concerned.
“I don’t know. I have to go…”, he repeated as he brushed her cheek with the back of his hand absently as his eyes roamed the room in search of his car keys, “I’ll call you…”, brushing pass her without a second glance.
She stood in the middle of the living room for a few instants after he left, feeling numb and empty. Suddenly realizing he would never be completely hers, and feeling bad for having those thoughts when his baby was at risk. It wasn’t that she doubted his love for her, or that she didn’t understand his reason to be scared. But the truth was that she felt sad and lonely and scared… and she couldn’t help it.
Home To You
Why did she feel that way? Was it jealousy? Didn’t she feel secure enough about John’s love for her? Sure she did. And more than jealousy it felt like possessiveness, as if the fact that she didn’t have John’s undivided attention bothered her… or was it the fact the there was someone else giving him the precious gift of a new life? She wanted to be the only one doing that, she wanted to share with him that very special time alone… but there was another woman doing exactly the same and it didn’t seem so special anymore. Or was she mad because after so many years and so much struggle, when they had finally found their way back together, they weren’t alone to enjoy it… and they would never be.
He would always have to go to his other family, she would always have to share him… and then they would have the child over, and her child would never have his father exclusively encouraging his first steps… Oh! Why was she having these thoughts! She was being so selfish! And she was underestimating John’s capacity to love! Why?! When did she become this awful person?! What was all this about? Would she have felt the same way had Isabella lived? She loved Brady dearly, already as her own… would she feel that way if he still had his mother? Could she love Kristen’s child as she loved Brady? Ugh! Why couldn’t she vanish the questions from her mind? She and John were together and expecting a baby… why not concentrate on that and be happy? Maybe because it was already dark outside and she was alone, while he was tending to another woman… Maybe because there was still the possibility that her baby wasn’t John’s. What would happen then? How would he feel about having to live away from his baby while having to raise Stefano’s? Why did Kristen get to bore John’s child and she didn’t? So she was jealous after all. It was so frustrating!
He had to smile at the image that greeted him as he came in through the door. She had that annoyed expression of a child that didn’t get what she wants as she approached the top of the staircase, eyes cast down, Brady’s teddy bear hanging languidly from her hand. As if sensing his eyes on her, she looked up, trying to paste a smile on her lips upon meeting his tired semblance.
“He’s asleep”, she informed, slightly lifting Mr. Bear, “How’s the baby?”, she asked as she walked down the stairs, scolding herself for not asking also about the mother.
“So far, everything’s under control”, John explained with a tired sigh as he dropped his jacket on a chair along with his car keys, “But apparently this situation has been taking more of a toll on Kristen than she let on, and all that stress isn’t helping. The doctor said that if they hadn’t been able to stop the contractions before I got there, she could have lost the baby…”, he finished gathering Marlena in his arms and taking comfort from that.
“Oh, John!”, the news made her feel even worse, after having all those horrible thoughts about Kristen and the baby.
“The baby is smaller than it should be”, he repeated what the doctor had told him, not knowing that the difference between Kristen and Marlena’s pregnancy was that Kristen was almost a month behind.
“Is she at the hospital?”
“She didn’t want to go”, he said as they walked towards the couch, “and the doctor said she would be okay as long as she rested and tried to relax. Poor Kristen! She’s been through so much and has had no one to lean on…”, drawing her close to him as he leaned against the cushions, pulling her legs up to rest on his lap.
“She’ll have you from now on…”, Marlena said despite of her apprehensions, forcing herself to put her feelings aside.
“Yeah”, he agreed, kissing the mane of golden hair, “How are you?”, he lifted her face up to him, relishing in her beauty; he had been thinking about her every time the doctor mentioned the baby, every time he glanced at Kristen’s not so swollen belly. “I’m fine”, she smiled, “You don’t have to worry about me…”, resting her head on his shoulder, hoping his warmth would cast away the cold she still felt inside.
“Sure I do!”, he laughed softly, “I love you…”, suddenly remembering the grim expression she had as he walked in, knowing where that had probably come from, “I’m sorry I checked out on you like that earlier”, he apologized, as his hands caressed her back, instinctively warming her up, “But when Kristen called and said the baby might not be all right… I don’t know, it just struck me. For some reason, I never felt this baby as mine until tonight… and I felt so guilty when I realized I could loose him without him ever feeling how much his dad loves him…”, the words coming out of his mouth without completely making sense.
“I’m sorry”, Marlena whispered, bringing her hand to caress his cheek, “That’s my fault”, suddenly putting herself in his shoes, “You’ve been so absorbed with my problems that…”
“Honey”, he interrupted her, “Your problems are my problems, remember?”, eliciting a small smile, “Besides, I have some responsibility for what’s going on in there”, he said pointing at her belly, “So give me some credit!”, making her laugh, “Oh! Come here!”, cupping her face in his hands to kiss her long and hard.
“Yummy…”, she licked her lips, her eyes dancing.
“Nothing is going to take me away from you, got it?”, she nodded, “I’ll be there for Kristen, yes, but that doesn’t mean that I won’t be there for you…”, she nodded again, needing so desperately to hear him say it, “Or that I will love you and our daughter any less than with all my heart… Understood?”, she nodded a third time, a huge smile painted on her lips.
“John…”, she murmured as her finger drew the outline of his jaw, “Why do you keep referring to the baby as a girl?”
“Because I’m sure of it!”, he beamed, “She’s gonna be a precious little girl just as beautiful as her mother…”, he dreamed.
“With her daddy’s eyes…”, she allowed herself to follow him as her lips brushed his until their mouths were locked in moist exchange.
“Are we hungry?!”, John chuckled after the loud groan from Marlena’s stomach interrupted them.
“I guess…”, she admitted quite amused.
“Let’s see what we can find in the kitchen”, he declared standing up, extending his hand to pull her up.
“Pizza”, she stated, stopping him dead on his tracks.
“What?”, he looked over at her, suppressing a chuckle.
“I have a craving for pizza”, she explained gaily as she handed him the cordless phone.
“Pizza…”, he repeated, still shocked, “Whoa, Doc, you are so pregnant!”, loving the look of pure joy in her eyes.
“Mushrooms and tomato”, she instructed as she pulled him back to the couch with her.
“If you say so…”, he laughed, dialing Information.
“And extra cheese…”, her husky breath against his ear as her hands roamed under his shirt.
One on One
She blinked her eyes open with a subdued laugh as his lips tickled her bare back, her naked body comfortably pressed against the mattress. She didn’t move, in a few weeks laying on her stomach would turn impossible so she might as well take advantage of it while she could, plus she liked the feeling of John’s body warm against hers as his mouth traveled the length of her spine, eliciting a moan as he reached the base of her neck. “Good morning, beautiful”, he whispered close to her ear as he made his way to her lips for a sweet morning kiss.
“Hi, handsome”, she smiled content, bringing a hand from under the pillow to caress his face as he laid by her side, adoration in his eyes.
“Come here”, he demanded when he could take no more, pulling her on top of him to lock his mouth with hers, relishing on the feel of her body so close to his.
“Mmh…”, she savored the kiss, her tongue licking her lips as memories of the past night flooded her mind, “Who could have guessed pizza could be so sexy…”, a sly smile crowning her prefect features.
“I think it has been terribly underrated”, he laughed, “We’ll have to make a point to have pizza delivered more often…”, chewing on her lower lip as his hands roamed the path his mouth had done earlier.
“No, no, no…”, she tried to brake the embrace as she felt her body quickly arousing under his touch, “Honey, it’s late…”, his mouth interrupting her train of thought, “I have to get ready for work…”, she pleaded with husky voice.
“You don’t really have to go”, he coaxed her, tightening his grip on her as he rolled on top of her.
“John…”, she begged, her blood yearning for him, her mind reminding her of her duties, “Please, don’t make this harder than it is.”
“Come on, Doc…”, he insisted, his desire for her already out of control, “You can be a little late…”
She gave in for a second, raking her nails along his back as she captured his mouth in one swift movement, only to use the momentary distraction to free herself from his hold and jump to the floor. He looked up at her completely disappointed as she reached for her robe before heading for the bathroom.
“No you won’t”, she warned him with a cold glare, a touch of anger in her words,
“You’ve always taken my career lightly, John. You seem to think that I’m supposed to be at your disposition at the drop of a hat, and forget about my practice”, she wasn’t yelling, but she was dead serious, “You may be able to pretend you don’t have a job, you may not even need one… but I’ve worked very hard to get where I am and I’m not about to let it go to waste because you feel like it!”, with that said, she turned around and headed for the bathroom, locking the door behind her.
What was wrong with her? She questioned herself as the hot water ran down on her. Why did she have to lash at John that way? Why had she reacted like that when a moment earlier everything seemed to be just perfect between them? Where did that come from? John had been there for her every step of the way, he had gone beyond himself to show her how much he loved her. Of course she understood where he was coming from… they were finally together and he wanted to be with her, the same way she wanted to be with him. But she felt responsible for her patients and the hospital, specially after all those interruptions since her return. She had been trained to take responsibility, and she couldn’t deny the call of duty even if she’d rather stay home with John… Now she felt awful, and guilty, and sad. Pregnancy mood swings, no doubt. She had suffered them while carrying DJ, and the twins, and now they were back with full force it seemed. She turned the water off, pulled a bath robe on, and rushed out to find the man she loved. After taking a cold shower in the guest room, John had gone back to the master bedroom to get dressed. A hundred thoughts rushing through his mind. Marlena was right, he had taken her work lightly, even though that hadn’t been his intention. He was so happy to have her back that all he wanted was to be with her all the time, he himself hadn’t thought twice about his business since returning to Salem. And he was worried about her pregnancy which seemed to be a much more delicate one than the one Isabella had while carrying Brady. But if he stopped for a moment and saw things her way, he could understand why she felt that strongly about it. First, Stefano’s abduction had prevented her from returning to the hospital when she was supposed to; then the whole deal with finding out she was pregnant and their reunion had posed another interval; then again it happened when she had the fall… And now that her life was slowly coming back to normal, he was pushing her against it. Not anymore.
She opened the door as he was about to knock on it, his fist still in the air as their eyes locked and twin shy smiles appeared on their faces.
“I’m sorry”, they said in unison.
“I’m sorry”, she repeated, reaching out to wrap her arms around his waist.
“No, I’m sorry”, he whispered, bringing her even closer as his arms locked behind her back, “I didn’t mean to take your job lightly…”
“I shouldn’t have lashed at you like I did”, love washing away the pain.
“You were right… I can’t expect you to give up everything because I want you with me”, he agreed, feeling relieved for having her forgiveness.
“I would…”, she confessed looking up at him, smiling at the irony.
“I know”, he smiled back, “But I would never ask you to; I know how important your career is to you, and it makes me very proud”, he finished saying right before her lips found his, “You were right about something, though…”
“I was?”, her eyes sparkled in delight.
“I haven’t paid much attention to business lately, and I should start doing so… I might not love it as much as you love yours, but it will keep me occupied while I wait to see you again”, he teased her.
“That might be a good idea…”, she agreed, sighing as she left the comfort of his arms to get dressed, “After all, we want to set a good example for our children, don’t we?”
“You mean staying in bed day and night isn’t?”, he joked, reaching out to slap her butt.
Her laughter filling the room, making things perfect once again. Yeah, it felt great to be with the one who owned one’s heart…
They shared breakfast with Brady before Marlena left for work. John waited for her to leave before leaving himself, sensing she wouldn’t like to know where he was headed. Not that he intended to hide things from her, but being that he would have to periodically check on Kristen, he felt it wasn’t necessary to inform Marlena every time. It was hard enough for her to know he was expecting a child with someone else, she didn’t need to be reminded every other day. He loved Kristen’s baby, but he wished things hadn’t turned out that way. Life rarely turned out the way one wanted, he had learned that by now. So he better make the best out of what he had, and right now he had more than he had dared to dream for. Marlena back in his life and a baby on the way. Then there was Kristen and their baby. He had neglected them, but after the warning they had the day before, he was going to do everything in his power to make sure things went as smoothly as possible for them also.
Spring Break
She clung onto him as if to never let go, their lips locked in a fierce kiss. John laughed as he met the disappointment in her eyes after he broke the embrace. She looked totally adorable in her pink nightgown giving him her best puppy dog pout.
“Doc, you’re gonna be late! The other day you warned me about that”, he reminded her, “I told you I would respect your job, and I intend to keep my word”, he said placing his hands on her shoulders to guide her towards the dressing room as she grunted her dismay.
She had woken up with an insatiable need for him, despite the fact that they had made love twice the night before. Hormones obviously kicking in a different direction this time around. She would have gladly call in sick to have a few more hours of him, but he seemed relentless in his quest to respect her previous wishes.
“Would you at least help me get dressed?”, she pleaded, hoping to change his mind in the process.
“What’s gotten into you, Doc?”, he chuckled, definitely liking this aspect of pregnancy symptoms, but still determined to do what was right, for he knew she would feel guilty later if she purposely skipped the office.
“Please…”, she purred, her breath tickling his skin, making it very hard to deny.
“All right”, he agreed taking a step back to keep some distance and clear his thoughts, “I’ll help you get dressed if you agree to have lunch with me today”, he set his little plan in motion.
“Deal!”, she glowed, sure she would have him way before lunch.
“You stay there then”, he ordered as he opened the closet doors, “I’ll do all the work”, taking a deep breath and commanding himself to get through the task without a glitch. In no time, he had set aside her electric blue ensemble of sleveless dress and V neck jacket plus matching shoes. He changed the contents from one purse to the other, putting it aside on the dresser as he opened her lingerie drawer. He returned with a few chosen items, and her breath caught in her throat as his fingers brushed her skin in the process of pulling down the straps of her nightgown, that fell effortlessly to the floor. She looked down at him as he lifted first one foot and then the other from the floor to put on the lacy underwear garment, but he didn’t look up, knowing that if he did, he would be lost.
Instead, he pulled her panties up slowly, tracing the way with his fingertips, conscious of the fact that he was driving her wild. Her smile grew wider in anticipation as his gaze finally met hers when he stood up and reached for her arm to proceed with her bra, there was no way he could do that without being tempted, she thought. But as he turned her around to work on the clasp, she could feel his lips moving dangerously close to her neck as he whispered…
“You thought I couldn’t do this, didn’t you?”
She leaned against him, her head arching backwards to rest on his shoulder, his hands trapped between his chest and her back, her scent invading his senses, taking all of his self control to resist her.
“Play fair, Doc”, he warned her, setting her back on her feet, lightly biting her jaw as he did, a loud sigh escaping her lungs as she realized he wasn’t ready to give in just yet. “I need stockings…”, she teased him playfully as he was aiming for the dress. “Of course you do…”, he sighed as her hearty laughter followed him.
The task of running his hands along her silky skin, up her shapely legs without giving in was as hard for him as it was for Marlena to feel his strong hands all over and yet not be able to have him. But he was teaching her a lesson, and she was going to be a good disciple, for she liked the sexy game he was playing and she was waiting to see just how far he could go without breaking. Unfortunately, he seemed to have a lot more self control than she suspected, for he zipped her dress and finally slipped on her jacket with no more than a subdued groan. Of course, her back to him as it was, she missed the way he was biting his lip to distract himself from the call of her curves.
“You’re all set!”, he announced triumphant, handing her the purse.
“You know you’re gonna pay for this, don’t you?”, she warned him with her best smile.
“I’m counting on that. But you better get going now…”, he reminded her, knowing that if she didn’t leave soon, she wouldn’t leave at all.
“You mean I don’t even get a goodbye kiss?”, she dared him, stopping inches from his mouth.
“Have a nice day, dear”, he said after barely brushing his lips against hers.
Before he could react, she had her hand firmly pressed against his neck as she pulled him in for a more worthy kiss. Her tongue wrapping enticingly around his until she knew she had him exactly where she wanted him… wanting her as bad as he had made her want him.
“See you at lunch, darling”, she finished with a dazzling smile before making her exit. Leaving him wondering exactly who had been the one in control after all.
As pleased as Kristen was by John’s visit, she felt betrayed the moment he announced he had to go, declining her invitation to have lunch together. He didn’t say it, but there was only one possible reason to prevent him from staying: Marlena. That woman had irrupted out of the blue to tear her world apart, and she was going to pay for it. It wouldn’t be long till she started getting what she deserved though.
“Yeah, go to her John”, she muttered to herself as she picked up the phone, “Enjoy her while you can…”, the voice on the other end of the line interrupting her train of thought, “Hi, father!”
“Hello, darling, how are you doing?”
“I’m just fine, but I’d be much better if you tell me when will the bomb be dropped…”
“I think it’s safe to say it won’t be longer than 24 hours”, he stifled a laugh at the visual provided by his daughter.
“Good. I’m sick of waiting…”
“It’s a good thing you got hold of that interesting piece of information when you did.”
“Yes, that was a stroke of luck, no doubt”, she mocked him, not able to see anything positive about the mess she was in.
“I’m sure they’ll get the news very soon. Wait 3 or 4 days and then you know what you have to do, right?”
“Word by word, believe me! All I want is to have John back as soon as possible…”
“You will, dear. And I will have my queen…”
Marlena smiled as she heard the light knock on the door. Being that she had already seen her secretary off to a prolonged lunch, there was only one person who could possibly be at the other side of the door.
“Come in”, she called, putting away the last files.
“Hi, Doc”, John greeted her as he closed the door behind him, “Are you ready to leave?”, before noticing the two paper bags resting on her desk, the aroma of warm food obvious, “What’s that?”
“Chinese”, she smiled, walking the distance to throw her arms around his neck, “You didn’t think we were actually going to spend my lunch hour in a public place, did you?”, kissing him passionately as she had been longing to do all morning.
“We’re not?”, he was pleasantly surprised to say the least.
“It’s your fault”, he looked at her quizzically, “After that little stunt you pulled on me this morning, all I could think of all day was you… how it feels when you touch me, how much I like it when you kiss me, the way you make love to me…”, she trailed her words in a sexy whisper as she planted light kisses along his jawbone, “I had a really hard time concentrating on what my patients were saying…”, she blamed him.
“I guess I’m gonna have to make it up to you, then”, he smiled peeling her jacket off, and leaning to kiss her bare shoulders.
“You bet”, she sighed in delight as a wave of cold air hit her bare back as the zipper of her dress went down along with John’s hands.
“You have any idea how hard it was to keep my hands to myself as I put this on you today?”, he winked at her as the dress joined the jacket on the floor.
“Not as hard as it was to restrain myself from jumping on you”, she met his mouth as it trailed up her neck, chewing on his lip before allowing his tongue to join with hers, “I believe you’re a little overdressed for the occasion, Mr. Black…”, she pointed out once they parted from the kiss, her fingers already fumbling with the buttons of his light blue shirt.
“Care to give me a hand?”, he inched her closer, his hands firmly placed on her buttocks.
“Two..”, covering his exposed skin with kisses as she got the job done, yanking the piece of clothing off before aiming for his belt.
“I can’t!”, her blond curls sliding down her tanned shoulders as she lifted her face with an exasperated look; a white-teethed smile rewarding him as he unbuckled and freed the belt from the loops in one swift movement, “Mmh… much better”, pulling him down for another kiss before proceeding to undo his jeans.
John lifted her up in his arms, crushing her against him as her legs wrapped around his waist, her hands firmly locked behind his head, her mouth drowning in an all consuming kiss.
“I want you so much, John”, her voice hoarse with passion as he walked them over to the couch, leaning her carefully against the pillows before getting rid of his pants and climbing atop of her.
“Oh, Marlena, you are so beautiful…”, his raspy whisper as he reached underneath her to unclasp the bra that he had placed on her hours earlier.
Her flesh tantalizing him as her moans encouraged the expert touch of his hands against her skin.
“I love you so…”, she whimpered, her body arching against his, needing him desperately, needing him closer.
A groan escaping his lips as her teeth took a bite of his flesh and her feet expertly rid him of his boxers in one same motion. His actions eliciting a loud moan from her as his hands slid down the small of her back and onto the length of her legs along with the last pieces of underwear.
“Closer…”, she pleaded with ragged breathing, “I… need… you now”
The last words uttered as they rode together towards ecstasy, as only they knew how, to a place they could only reach with one another. The world outside a mere illusion, the love they shared encompassing them forever and always, despite the million threats that still laid ahead. They shared the bliss of being one again, totally unaware of the storm that was brewing so close in their future.
The Blow
Marlena leaned forward across her desk, her mouth open to capture the steamed vegetables that John held for her with a pair of chopsticks, a disheveled mass of golden locks framing blushed cheeks and rosy lips, her body carelessly covered by John’s shirt, her eyes dancing with added spark. She was happy. She could only recall one other period in time when she had felt so much happiness… the months immediately following hers and John’s wedding. Those were great times, not a care in the world and together to enjoy their love, totally unaware of the complications inherent to their situation. She was more conscious now, but the joy felt just as intense. She laughed after finally capturing the elusive bite, juice dripping to her chin. John rose from his chair with an amused smile, his tongue quickly solving the problem before his lips landed on her mouth, her hands reaching for support against his bare chest as they were overcome by another bout of laughter. Yes, life was definitely sweet for these two lovers.
Marlena took the chopsticks from his fingers, being her turn to feed him, trying unsuccessfully to capture a slippery shred of Mongolian beef, her continuous laughter making the task even harder. She eventually gave up on trying it the traditional way. Climbing onto the previously cleared surface of her desk to shorten the distance, she found a much more comfortable position as she sat on the edge of the table, her legs hanging along each side of John’s, before sliding three fingers into the cardboard box that carried their findings into her lover’s mouth.
“Much better”, she smiled with glee as he licked the remnants of food from her fingers.
She stroked a foot against his jean clad leg as she fed him another piece, her yearning for him still intact even after the highly physical lovemaking session they had endured. John chuckled when she looked down at him with the innocence of a child who’s pleading for one more candy, and delicately brought her to sit on his lap, as he kissed her with the overwhelming love he felt for her at that moment.
“Doc, baby”, he laughed as she continued to kiss his neck with utter determination, “I’m not sure I can keep up with you and this phase you’re going through…”
“Of course you can…”, she smiled devilishly as she played with the short hair at the nape of his neck, “Remember Smith Island?”, she said referring to their stormy weekend at the Horton Cabin.
“What happened to the usual cravings?”, he teased her, his arms engulfing her slender figure, “You know… chocolate, cherries…”
“Too boring”, she whispered aiming once again for his tempting lips, only to be stopped by a loud knock.
They froze for a second, their eyes locking questioningly, but when a second knock was heard, they knew they hadn’t imagined it.
“Please, tell me you locked the door”, Marlena giggled with a mixture of excitement and terror painted in her hazel orbs, that became astonishment when John shook his head, “Oh, gosh!”, she tried not to panic, wishing whoever was at the other side would simply go away.
Another loud knock that propelled her off John’s lap as a chill ran down her spine. She couldn’t risk having someone peek inside, so she said as loud as she could manage… “One moment, please”, as she got rid of John’s shirt and grabbed the pile of clothes that he had already picked up for her.
“Marlena, are you in there?”, they heard Maggie’s voice.
“Yes, Maggie!”, she yelled, “I’ll be just one second…”, making a beeline for the bathroom.
“Marlena, are you okay?”, Maggie’s voice was as loud and clear as the imminent disaster, “Marlena…”, worry audible in her tone.
Somehow John managed to button two thirds of his shirt and tug it in before the knob started turning. He opened the door at once, greeting the visitor with his best smile. “Hello, Maggie.”
“John!”, surprise etched on her face as a pale shade of pink spread on her cheeks, “I didn’t know you were here…”, grasping the whole scenario as she noticed John’s bare feet, “I was at the hospital visiting with Alice and I thought I’d come by to see how Marlena was doing…”, words blurting out of her mouth as she tried to diminish her embarrassment, “I’m sorry if I interrupted…”
“Not at all”, they heard Marlena’s voice preceding her as she came out of the adjoining bathroom, “John and I were just having lunch”, all smiles and propriety. “Sure”, almost a sigh as Maggie’s eyes unconsciously went to the pile of stockings and high heels half hidden by the couch, and immediately back to her friend as she realized what she had just done.
“I’ll let you two ladies talk”, John said as he finished putting on his boots, quite amused by the different shades of red that Maggie’s and Marlena’s faces were displaying. “Thanks”, Marlena said welcoming the distraction to recompose herself, “I’ll walk you out… Maggie, I’ll be right back”, she added before following John outside her office. “Take your time”, her friend assured her, grateful to have a few moments to recover when Marlena closed the door behind her as she escorted John out to the hall.
“It’s not funny”, she scolded him in a low voice, slapping his chest when he wouldn’t stop laughing, finding it difficult to remain serious herself, “What on earth were you thinking leaving the door unlocked?”
“Hey!”, he reminded her, sliding his arms around her waist to bring her closer, “Don’t forget that I was the one who came in to take you out to lunch and you were the one who came on to me… Do you really think I can remember about locking a door when you’re kissing me like that?”
“Oh!”, finding herself without valid arguments, “Get out of here!”, she giggled, kissing him one last time before shoving him away.
John paced the living room for the umpteenth time as he listened to what Maggie was saying. Chelsea came down the stairs after tugging Brady in, giving him a sympathetic glance as he shook his head indicating there were no news. The woman stood at the base of the stairs, waiting for him to finish his call, guessing he would be needing to talk to her.
“… she seemed all right when I left her, John”, Maggie reassured him, “I haven’t seen her this happy in a long time. I’m telling you, she probably got caught up somewhere and forgot to turn her cell back on…”
“Yeah, that’s probably it”, he reluctantly agreed, knowing Marlena always turned her phone off during sessions, “It’s just that after everything that’s happened lately I’m a bit on guard, and when I couldn’t reach her at the office, or her cell-phone, or the Pub, or over at the kids’… But you’re right, I guess I’m overreacting. Thank you, Maggie.”
“No problem. And call me if you need anything, okay?”
“I will. Thanks”, he said before hanging up and turning to Chelsea, “I’m going to go by the hospital anyway, Chelsea, if Marlena comes back, please, tell her I’ll be home soon.”
“I will, Mr. Black. Don’t worry, I’m sure she’s fine”, the woman reassured him.
There was hardly any movement around the fifth floor as John made his way through the empty halls, doctors office hours already over. Obviously the mainstream of activity during the night concentrated on the ER located on the first floor and the ORs and patient wards that covered the second, third and fourth floors. A man with a cleaning cart that didn’t look up from his mopping as John passed by was the only remainder of human activity. Everything seemed normal as John approached Hillary’s vacant desk, aiming straight to Marlena’s office.
“Doc?”, he asked after knocking twice.
He tried the knob and his heart raced when he noticed the door wasn’t locked. He peeked in only to find the room totally dark and apparently deserted. A million questions rushing through his mind… Where was she? Why wasn’t she answering her phone? What would have make her leave the office without locking it? Fear rising as he reached blindly for the light switch in order to check the room out in search of any clue that would give him an indication as to Marlena’s whereabouts. A different kind of fear overcoming him when a distinct cry cut through the darkness.
Hold My Heart
John slapped his hand against the wall frantically in a futile attempt to locate the light switch, the cry he had heard ripping his heart apart.
“Doc?”
The sound of his voice breaking her defenses as she found herself unable to hold it anymore, another bout of crying already shaking her to the core.
“Doc, baby, talk to me…”, he pleaded trying to adjust his eyes to the darkness, the dim light from the hall barely doing any good.
His desperate need to reach her numbing his thoughts; the loud, painful sobs hitting him like a hammer. Finally, his fingers found the distinct border and the next second the room came into view. He was stunned by the image revealed before him. Marlena was sitting on her armchair, her eyes bloodshot, an expression of utter devastation printed on her face. She looked at him for an instant, almost as if she didn’t see him, and then buried her face in her hands as a cascade of blond curls drew the final curtain. She had been under that state for hours, that much was clear. John rushed around the desk, until he was kneeling by her side, his hands reaching out to her.
“Doc, honey…”, he barely whispered, fear drowning his words, “What’s wrong?”
She didn’t answer. She didn’t even move. She just continued crying, as if she could go on forever. He tried to make her face him, but as his fingers touched her hands they became rigid, refusing to let go.
“Doc, please, talk to me…”, he begged her, and yet nothing, “Baby, you’re really scaring me”, a whisper that seemed to go unnoticed until her hands abruptly fell on her lap, allowing the river of tears to flow freely, “Okay… that’s better”, John encouraged her, covering her hands with one of his and bringing the other to her trembling face, slowly lifting her chin up, the look he found in her eyes nearly killing him, “Come here”, he said drawing her to his arms as she slid from the chair and onto the floor by his side.
The warmth of his embrace sending shivers through her body, reminding her of all the things she would no longer have. Her chest literally aching as if someone had ripped her heart out. So many emotions dancing inside that it was hard to make distinctions, a thousand dreams shattered among them. She cried harder as her head came in contact with his chest, his arms holding her together as she clung to him for dear life.
“Oh, baby”, he muttered, anguish eating him as he failed in making her pain disappear, “what’s going on…”
But the silence was only cut by the heartbroken cries. It went on for several minutes. Questions flooding his mind as he scattered around his thoughts in an attempt to find the right words. Had Stefano been to talk to her? Usually that was met with as much fear as anger… There was nothing wrong with the baby since she would have been under supervision in one of the hospital rooms if that was the case… And suddenly it hit him as he looked around the room and saw a torn envelope and a few sheets loosely laying on her desk. He hadn’t even considered that possibility, first because it was something that they were supposed to do together, second because he had been so certain about the outcome. His heart sank as the situation dawned on him, a brief moment of weakness that almost found him crying if he hadn’t gotten himself together in order to do what was right for Marlena. The pain he could feel about the whole scenario was nothing compared to the pain he felt when feeling her pain. To him, the only thing that really mattered was her happiness, that now had been whisked away. He was going to do everything in his power to restore it.
“It’s okay…”, he soothed her, stroking her back and kissing her head, “It’s gonna be all right…”, rocking her back and forth, “We’re together, and I love you with all my heart… that’s the only thing that really matters”, hoping his words would get through to her.
Apparently they did, for after a while the crying subsided to a soft whimpering and, after just resting her head against his shoulder for some time, she gathered the courage to look up to him, reading in his eyes that he already knew.
“…”, she tried to speak, but the words never came out, “…Jane…”, she tried once more, “…she came by as I was about to leave… she had the test results back… and I was so anxious to hear the good news…”, a fresh wave of tears christening her cheeks, her hand instinctively covering her mouth, as if what she was about to say was not supposed to be spoken, “…I asked her to read them to me… and she said that everything seemed fine with the baby… and… and then…”, unable to go on.
“It’s okay”, he drew her closer, “Baby, it’s okay…”
“I wanted so much for this baby to be yours…”, she cried looking up at him, “I’m sorry… I’m so sorry…”, guilt and shame already dancing in her tired eyes.
“Shh… don’t say that! It’s not your fault…”, he insisted cupping her face in his hands and looking her straight in the eyes, “Doc… it is not your fault”, blaming himself above all for allowing Stefano to take her away, “Do you understand?”, he needed to make sure, “Doc?”, and he was going to see it through.
She nodded before breaking down again. She had needed him. From the moment she heard the news she had needed his forgiveness, she had needed to hear him tell her that he still loved her, she had desperately needed him to reassure her that they would still be together. Even though she knew it. The tension on her shoulders slightly fading as his words set her free.
“I love you so much!”, her words muffled by his shirt.
“Oh, baby”, he almost had to laugh as he realized where she was coming from, and his love for her was pretty much obvious, and invincible, “I love you so much… I always have and I always will. That will never change, Marlena”, he swore, drying away her tears with the pads of his thumbs, “Come on”, he encouraged her, kneeling to help her up, “Lets get you home so you can get some rest…”
Her car forgotten in the personal space at the hospital’s parking lot, she settled inside John’s jeep, occasional tears still streaming from her exhausted eyes. The trip was made in almost complete silence, only broken when shortly after starting the drive back home John reached out for her, and with the most tender “come here”, he softly pulled her to him. As she rested her head on his lap, his right arm protectively draped along her side, he thought about the day he had acquired the jeep thinking the extended seat instead of the traditional two individual ones would be perfect for all those weekend escapades in which they would drive for hours enjoying each other’s company. The stress of the previous hours had obviously taken quite a toll on Marlena, who had drifted into a somewhat peaceful slumber by the time they reached the penthouse. As careful as he was while scooping her in his arms, her eyes blinked open as she instinctively tightened the grip of her arms around his neck.
“I can walk…”, she purred as John walked them into the elevator.
“I know that”, he smiled, glad to see her fighting spirit returning, “But I like holding you in my arms.”
She returned his smile as she tried to keep her eyes open, but sleep was much more appealing than reality at that moment, and hard to resist. She woke up again when he laid her on the bed, having taken her jacket off and ready to proceed with the rest of her clothes to make her more comfortable.
“John…”, she called out softly, slightly opening her eyes.
“I’m right here, sweetheart”, he reassured her as he got rid of her second shoe, his hands roaming up to help her out of the blue dress that seemed to be destined to end in his fingers, “I’m just gonna go get your nightgown”, he said, before going ahead with the dress.
“No!”, she pleaded in a weak voice, her hand shooting out to grab him by the arm, “Just hold me”, the warmth of new tears threatening to spill again.
“Okay”, he agreed as he quickly rid himself of his clothes before sliding under the covers to snuggle her against him, “Just try to get some sleep, all right?”, feeling her nod against his shoulder, “I love you, Doc”, the words that never failed to soothe her soul.
Making It Right
Marlena woke up with a jolt early the next morning, and for a split second, thought it all had been another nightmare, but the pounding of her head, the stinging in her eyes and the fact that she was still half dressed told her otherwise. John stirred as he felt her moving, his arms still firmly locked around her, and before she could prevent it, he had woken up. She turned around slowly, almost afraid to look at him, but as her eyes set upon his adoring smile, she felt safe again. God, she loved him so much!
“How are you feeling?”, he asked in a hushed voice.
“My head hurts”, she confessed trying to concentrate on the physical pain rather than the spiritual.
“You need some more rest and a wet cloth”, he determined, planning to get it for her, but not willing to leave her just yet.
“John…”, barely a whisper, “What are we going to do?”, keeping her tears at bay already a monumental task.
“About what?”, he asked casually.
“You know what…”, a thread of voice passing the lump in her throat.
“Doc”, he started, totally sure about what he had to say, “This doesn’t change anything. This is gonna be my baby and that’s the end of it.”
“John”, she was touched by his selfless attitude, but it was not that easy, “It’s not that simple. We need to talk about this…”
“And we will. I promise”, he conceded caressing her face with infinite tenderness,
“But now you need to rest. You had a really rough time yesterday and you need to recover and be strong for our baby”, she was about to protest, but he silenced her with a kiss, “No buts, lady. I’m going to go down to prepare you a nice cup of tea, a wet cloth and something to eat… In the meantime, you try and sleep a little more. Deal?”, he said as he slipped into a robe.
She nodded half convinced as he tugged her in.
“You know how much I love you, don’t you?”, he whispered mere inches from her face.
“Yes.”
“Good”, brushing his lips softly against hers.
He wouldn’t have answered the call had he bothered to check the caller ID. Too late to avoid it now.
“I’m sorry, Kristen, but I won’t be able to make it…”, he said, declining her invitation to be there for her OB appointment and then have lunch.
“I thought you said you wanted to be an active part of our baby’s life from the get go”, she reminded him, hoping to trigger his guilty conscience.
“And I do”, he agreed, “But I can’t come over today.”
“John, if you’re going to start making up excuses, you might as well come out straight and tell me not to waste my time calling you”, she spit her vile.
“It’s not like that at all, Kristen”, he was starting to get tired of her constant demands, “I’ve told you I intend to be there for my child…”
“The road to hell is plagued by good intentions, John…”
“Look”, he said, ready to put an end to the conversation before saying something he would later regret, “I can’t be there today. Marlena is not feeling well, I need to stay home with her”, there was a long pause on the other end of the line, “I have to go now. I’ll call you later to know what the doctor said”, with a sigh, he switched the phone off and slid it in his pocket before grabbing the tray to go back upstairs.
“You don’t have to stay”, the voice startled him so much that he almost dropped the food as he turned around to find Marlena standing at the door.
“Doc! What are you doing out of bed?”
“I missed you”, she admitted matter of factly, “But don’t change the subject on me”, she was detached, almost as if she had gone into doctor mode all of a sudden, “The point is that you have to go to Kristen”, there was no reproach in her voice, no pain at all.
“No”, he stated placing the tray back on the table as he walked up to her, “The point is that you need me and I’m gonna be here for you”, standing right in front of her, yet not making contact.
“John, I’m okay…”, pause, “You need to be there for your child”, she determined, trying to keep at bay the tears that she felt rushing to her eyes; she was so tired of crying… “Come here”, he said as he gently took her hand to pull her down to sit on the kitchen bench with him, cuddling her small hands in one of his while the other reached out to caress her cheek, “You are not okay”, his index finger softly covering her mouth as she tried to protest, “And I can’t be okay unless you are”, he smiled, “But what’s more important, and I want you to pay attention to this and never forget…”, saying that, he
lowered his palm until it was resting on the rounded curve that was her stomach, his eyes fixed on her sad hazel ones, “This is my baby, too, and she needs me more right now than Kristen’s. And nothing will prevent me from being here for my daughter.”
She thought about arguing, but her urge to hug him won over as she threw her arms around him and held him tightly, John instantly reacting the same way. There were no tears this time, just an incredible sense of gratefulness towards whoever had granted them the blessing of being together.
“You still think it’s a girl?”, she asked after a while, needing to lighten the mood.
“I’m positive!”, he smiled broadly, “Now, how about my two girls get something to eat?”, he directed, reaching over to lift the lid he had placed on the plate he was planning to take up to her, “How do you feel about strawberry pancakes?”
The rest of the weekend seemed to slowly help bring things back to normal. They took Brady to the zoo, and visited with Tom and Alice before picking up Sami and Eric to take them out for dinner. Sunday found them out at the park watching as Brady made friends with every kid in the sandbox. The sun was high and warm despite the cool spring breeze that blew in from the waterfront. A light cardigan draped over the thin summer dress, Marlena snuggled closer to John as they relaxed on one of the benches. His arm closed around her shoulders, her head comfortably laid back against his chest, his lips buried in the scented maze of golden hair.
“Mommy, Daddy… Look!”, Brady called out, showing off the dubious sand castle that he and his friend had built.
“It’s beautiful, honey!”, Marlena spoke out loud as they both smiled with pride.
“Doc…”, John said as she resettled in his arms.
“Mmh…”, she murmured totally at ease.
“There’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you…”
“What’s that?”, she whispered with no other concern than to enjoy that perfect moment.
“You don’t have to answer right away, but I would like you to consider it”, he continued.
“John, just say it!”, she giggled, looking up at him.
“You know how much I love you”, nothing but devotion in his voice.
“I love you, too”, she said content, kissing him softly.
“And you know how much Brady loves you…”
“Not more than I love him”, she pointed looking over at the little boy who resembled his father so much.
“It won’t be long before we can get married, and since we’re going to be a family soon, I thought that if you’re up to it, we could ask the lawyers to arrange everything so you can adopt Brady and…”
“Oh, John!”, she interrupted him, sitting up to plant a juicy kiss on his lips, her slender arms locked behind his neck as her heart poured from her gaze, “Nothing would make me happier! I couldn’t love Brady more if he was my own…”, she paused as another thought entered her mind, “Do you think Isabella would approve?”
“Yes”, he smiled, “After all, she did ask you to look after him before she died”, he recalled sadly, “She would want what’s best for her son, and having you as his mom is certainly best for him.”
“Do you have any idea how happy I feel right now?”
“About as happy as I do?”, he answered leaning down to capture her mouth in a searing kiss, until the insistent tugging of Brady’s little hands on both their clothes forced them apart with a laughter as they found their son looking at them questioningly, wondering why he wasn’t included in the fun.
“Come here, slugger”, John scooped him in the air.
He landed on their laps to be squeezed in a big family hug as his childish laughter mixed with theirs.
Bed Of Roses
John strolled around Salem Place, completely satisfied with the end result of his morning errand, as he saw a bouquet of fresh lilacs over at the florist’s cart that Marlena would love. He could have them delivered to her office by lunch, he was thinking when he spotted a familiar shadow out of the corner of his eye.
“It’s been a while, John”, Stefano’s deep tone resounding in his ears.
It all came back to him in a flash… Marlena’s kidnapping, his endless manipulations to keep them apart, and worst of all, the knowledge that he had forced himself on her, getting her pregnant. Before the older man could react, he lifted a fist in the air and delivered a right hand punch that knocked him down. A couple of passerby’s hurried to restrain John, who was already launching over his fallen enemy, as someone was kneeling down to aid Stefano, asking if he was all right.
“No harm done”, he assured the gathered crowd getting back on his feet, “My friend here got a little carried away.”
John rid himself from the grip that the two guys had on him, letting them know with a gesture that he had calmed down.
“What was that for?”, Stefano inquired as he caressed his reddened jaw.
John gave him a nasty look, tempted to lash out at him about all the suffering he had inflicted upon Marlena, but after considering it for a second, he backed off. That would have meant revealing the truth about the baby’s paternity, not only putting Doc and the baby in greater danger, but admitting Stefano’s involvement in their lives and risking it in their future.
“I’m not wasting my breath on you”, John decided, giving him a last warning glance. Stefano dialed the number on his cell phone as he watched John leave.
“Hello!”, Kristen’s voice greeted him.
“They took the bait”, he simply said, “The plan is already in motion. You know what to do next”, and without further ado, he hung up.
Marlena let out a sigh as she turned her key in the lock, grateful to be back home after a long day at the hospital. The stress she had been under after getting the DNA tests back adding to the tiredness that came along with being pregnant. Her back was a little sore, too, and she was already dreaming of a nice, hot bath. She rubbed her hand in circles around her belly, liking the soft curve that appeared underneath the silk blouse. She had to buy a pair of new skirts already, not being able to squeeze into her regular size any longer. The music was the first thing to catch her attention, a soft piano melody mixed with violins and cellos. As she lifted her head, dozens of lit candles came into view, along with a path of rose petals leading to a beautifully decorated table that held a delicious variety of cold treats.
“What…?”, an amused whisper as her eyes roamed the room in search of the culprit, her lips curled up in a sweet, wide smile.
“Hey, gorgeous”, she heard him say as she cast her glance upon the man of her dreams, who was descending the stairs, “You’re home early…”, he teased her. “I can come back later if you want…”, she took his lead, turning around to aim for the door.
“No way!”, his arms closing around her as his lips dived into the curve of her neck before turning her around to capture her mouth, “Welcome home.”
“Thanks”, she kissed him back with added passion, “Are we alone?”
“Yes. Brady is sleeping over at Shawn and Caroline’s, and I gave Chelsea the night off.”
“Smart…”, the pad of her thumb erasing the traces of her lipstick on his face.
“How was your day?”, he asked as he helped her out of the light coat.
“It suddenly turned wonderful when I saw you…”, she said leaning back against his chest to kiss his jaw.
“Flattery will get you anything…”, he smiled.
“I hope so”, she declared turning on her feet to face him with a sexy grin.
“There’s a warm bath waiting for you upstairs…”, he revealed, explaining where he was coming from earlier.
“Did you read my mind?”, her fingers going to the top button of his shirt.
“I have a doctorate on that subject”, he bragged, catching her wrists between his thumb and index fingers, “But I’ll tell you more after you have your bath…”
“Me?”, she frowned, “Aren’t you gonna join me?”, utterly disappointed.
“There’s something I have to do in the meantime”, he knew he had picked her curiosity.
“You realize I’ll be cashing this raincheck later tonight, don’t you?”, she purred as her fingers played with his hair and her mouth moved dangerously close to his.
“I expect you to…”, John realized what she was doing, and let her play.
“Or maybe I could coax you to tell me what can be so important to prevent you from washing my back”, she continued, outlining the contour of his lips with the tip of her tongue, “and I can convince you that it’s not really that important…”, a triumphant smile as she felt his muscles tense.
“Nah… you’d have to agree with me that it is very important”, he concluded, making an effort to keep his hands to himself, “and the surprise would be spoiled”, his index finger tapping her nose, “Nice try though.”
“Would you at least escort me upstairs?”, she begged making a pout.
“I’ll do more than that!”, he laughed as he lifted her in his arms.
“Oh, John!”, she was very touched when she saw the many candles and flowers spread around the bathroom, “You are simply amazing”, she smiled as she inched close enough to kiss him.
“You inspire me…”, he confessed, placing her back on her feet.
“No, no, no…”, she stopped him, her hands holding his shirt firmly when he attempted to leave, “Don’t go…”, starting to work on the tiny buttons once again.
“Doc…”, he pleaded.
“Please?”, the puppy look in her eyes melting his determination in an instant, “I’ve missed you all day…”, she started, “And I have a sore back, I really need a deep massage… I promise I will take really long to get dressed afterwards so you have enough time to prepare whatever it is that you need to prepare”, and to drive her point home, she parted her lips and started a wet trail of sensuous kisses from his neck down to his torso. “How can I refuse such a tempting offer?”, he smiled down at her, defeated, as his shirt fell down to the floor.
“Good boy…”, she said pleased, slowly unbuttoning her blouse, “Get in there”, she ordered with a nod of her head.
He obeyed, and after sinking in the hot tub, he delighted himself in watching her get undressed. She did it slowly and deliberately, for his pleasure. When she was done, she accepted the hand that he offered her, carefully joining him as the water enveloped her body with its relaxing warmth. John helped her settle down in front of him as he started with a shoulder massage that made her sigh.
“Feels good?”, his husky voice caressing her ear.
“So good…”, the words trailed as she closed her eyes and relaxed under his touch, “You know, no matter how wonderful that surprise you wanted to prepare is, I doubt it could be any better than this…”
“Oh, I wouldn’t be so sure”, he dared her, loving how she couldn’t let it go, she had to know what it was about.
“John”, she said turning around to face him, “there’s nothing you could possibly do that would make me happier than having you right here, right now”, taking his face in her hands to kiss him.
“Honey, you will be surprised”, he assured her once their lips parted, “And there’s nothing you can do that will make me tell you what I have planned…”, he added to her dismay.
“You know what?”, she decided returning to her original position and leaning against him, his arms instinctively wrapping around her, “I’m not even gonna think about it, cause I have everything I need this very moment.”
“That’s a piece of truth I won’t argue”, he agreed loving the feeling of having her so close, “I love you”, he whispered as his hands crawled down to her belly, “I love you both…”
It was still a sensitive subject, and his devotion caused a tear escape from her eye. It was as if he knew exactly what to say to calm her fears. It had always been that way. As if he could read her like an open book and then have the precise words to ease her worries, or fill her heart. He was doing both now, and it meant more than she could possibly express. He had refused to even consider the fact that the baby not being his could upset him. He had given himself totally and openly without one trace of doubt. All because of her, and she knew it. And as much as she loved him even more for doing that, she wished he could open up his heart and speak his mind, for she was sure that deep inside he was hurting, and deep inside there had to be an ounce or two of regret and anger that he wasn’t allowing himself to express. She had let it pass for now, for she wasn’t emotionally strong enough to have that confrontation yet, but she loved him too much to allow that to go on for too long. Sooner or later, they would have to deal with that situation, she was sure of it.
To John there couldn’t be a more accurate statement. It was true. He loved that baby with his whole heart, and the fact that it wasn’t biologically his was a mere detail. Maybe because he had already bonded with the baby from the second he realized it could be his; maybe because he hadn’t allowed himself to bond with it before that and that made his bond even stronger; maybe because he loved its mother so deeply; maybe out of duty, because he was the only alternative of a father the baby could possibly have; maybe for all of those reasons… It didn’t really matter, cause he didn’t question it, the love was there in his heart, and it was there to stay.
Bed Of Roses Part II
She locked her arms around his waist, the velvety texture of her bathrobe pressed against his bare back, her fingers playing with the hem of the towel wrapped around his lower body as she planted soft kisses over his shoulder blade.
“So… do you think sharing my bath was a bad idea?”, a hoarse whisper that tickled his ear.
“Oh, no!”, he chuckled, covering her small hands with his, pressing them against his abdomen to prevent her from succeeding in getting him started on something he wanted to save for later, “Definitely a good idea…”
“I thought so”, she smiled content as she rested her cheek against his warm skin, “I’ll stick to my part of the deal now… What should I wear?”
“Oh, I have something for you”, he confessed, aiming to walk back to the bedroom. John laughed as he realized she wasn’t about to let go and continued his pace none the less, Marlena simply tagging along still glued to his back.
“I thought it would be best to be comfortable”, he explained, handing her a box that he took out of the closet, “You get dressed”, he said as he slipped into the black silk pajama bottoms and matching robe, “…and I’ll come back to get you when everything is set”, he finished, brushing a kiss against her lips before leaving.
Going straight to the box, Marlena gasped when she saw the beautiful burgundy, silk and lace nightgown and robe. She put them on, brushed her hair, applied a touch of make-up, a dash of perfume… Since there was no sign of John coming back any time soon, she decided to lie down for a few minutes. The warm bath had vanished all traces of tension from her body, but now that the excitement born from John’s presence had melted down, the sleepiness had returned. She remembered having experienced some of those zombie days with both DJ and the twins, that overwhelming need to close her eyes and doze off…
John sighed when he opened the door. A smile creeping to his lips upon the sight of Marlena’s sleeping form, breathing evenly, a peaceful expression etched on her features. He climbed on the bed carefully, tracing the contour of her face with his index finger before planting a series of light kisses as he whispered her name. She finally blinked her eyes half open.
“Hey, sleepy head”, he greeted her.
She smiled, not succeeding in keeping her eyes open, and rolled till she was snuggled against John, a happy sigh as she felt the warmth of his body, reaching for his arm to wrap it around her.
“No, no, no, baby”, he chuckled, trying to get up, but her grip on him was strong, “It’s not bedtime yet. We’re going to have dinner, remember?”
“I’m tired…”, she moaned, her body totally relaxed, her desire to go back to sleep absorbing any other thoughts.
“Come on, Doc”, he pleaded, certainly amused by her behavior, “I have everything set down there, and you can’t go to bed on an empty stomach.
“I’m sorry, honey”, she was able to keep her eyelids up as she turned around to face him, “I really am tired… can we do this some other time?”, the idea of leaving the comfort of the bed not at all appealing.
“Actually, no”, he said tenderly, “This is not an ordinary dinner I have planned, and I don’t want to postpone it. Humor me… Please? I promise it won’t take long”, he asked, sitting up on the bed and encouraging her to do the same.
“Oh, John…”, she stifled a yawn, half convinced.
“Come on, Doc. You won’t regret it”, he insisted, getting down to the floor and pulling her with him.
She stretched her arms out to him, like a child looking for love. He indulged her, scooping her in his arms to carry her down. She was almost fully awake by the time he laid her down on the couch. A huge smile crowning her demeanor as she took in once again the flowers, the candles, the music, the delicious feast.
“I love my nightgown”, she thanked him, looking up at him with hazel sprinkled adoration.
“I love you”, he smiled back, sitting down next to her, “So… what are you in the
mood for? We have all your favorites… smoked salmon, wheat crackers, antipasto, a variety of cheeses, mango, watermelon, pineapple, chips, grape juice and sparkling cider.” “Oh, I don’t know!”, she laughed, “You choose!”
They had nibbled on a bit of everything a while later, including each other. Marlena was wide awake as John led her to the improvised dance floor. It felt good to be in his arms like that. She closed her eyes as she rested her cheek on his shoulder and they swayed to the rhythm. No words spoken, just the pleasure of each other’s company to make things perfect.
“Baby”, she heard his voice from far away, “You still here?”, the contact of his lips against her forehead a distant touch.
“Mmh?”, she mumbled, too lazy to even try to look up.
“Oh, honey!”, he let out a heartfelt chuckle, “I think we have to get you to bed soon!”
“I’m sorry”, she said, fluttering her eyelashes and focusing on his gorgeous face.
“This pregnancy is really taking a toll on you”, he observed, his arm firmly placed around her waist as he walked her back to the couch.
“I thought we were going to bed…”, she pointed out as she realized where he was aiming.
“In a minute. There’s one more thing left.”
Having said that, he disappeared to the kitchen. Marlena had to make a real effort not to give into temptation and lean down against the cushions. John had gone through so much trouble to romance her that she didn’t want to disappoint him, even though by then she knew any kind of romantic expectations would end the moment her head hit the pillow. Truth is that when she saw him come back in the room with the tray of fresh strawberries she was torn between laughter and protest.
“Oh, love! You know I adore you, but I really can’t take one more bite…”, she argued. “It’s okay”, he’s determination undaunted, “All I ask is that you feed me one…”, he requested, placing the platter on the coffee table.
“I can do that”, she conceded, reaching for the strawberry at the top of the pile, her jaw dropping as she realized what it was all about, “Oh, John!”, her voice muffled by emotion, her eyes brimming with tears.
He reached for the diamond ring that shined in solitaire perfection against the red background, falling on his knees as he took Marlena’s trembling hand in his. They gazed deeply into each other’s eyes, conveying all the love they felt in that look, twin smiles reflected on their lips.
“My lawyers served Kristen with the divorce papers this morning, and I couldn’t let one more day go by without asking you the question I should have asked years ago… I love you with everything I am. My heart started beating again the instant you walked in my back door looking for shelter from the storm; and when you said you loved me, my soul felt complete again. You are the reason I’m alive, and there’s nothing in this world that could make me happier than having you as my wife. Doc, will you marry me?”
“I love you”, she whispered as she threw her arms around him to tell him in a kiss everything she felt, her mouth joining in perfect union with his, as their lips spoke the words of their hearts, “I love you”, all she could say, all he needed.
Kiss Me In The Morning
Marlena stirred in a haze of dreams and reality as she woke up from a repairing sleep. The images mixed in her mind, truth and fantasy apparently sewn together. Until she peeked over at her ring clad hand, confirming that indeed, reality had surpassed her wildest dreams. Bits and pieces of the previous night playing in her head. The bath, the dance, and John kneeling in front of her declaring his love. She recalled him taking her upstairs, to bed, his hands roaming all over her body, her mouth lingering in a searing kiss, the laughter that followed his perplexed expression as she informed him they couldn’t go further and sent him back down to blow out the many candles. She reached out to him, a serene smile etched on her lips as she crawled on top of him, her kisses quickly accomplishing the task of waking him up, a content sigh filling the air. “Well, look who’s awake!”, he smiled at the sight of her.
“Good morning, handsome”, she greeted him with a soft, long kiss, “What happened last night?”
“You mean other than the fact that you made me the happiest man alive when you agreed to marry me?”, he beamed, his hands sliding down her back.
“I mean after I sent you away just when you were ready to make me the happiest woman alive…”, she whispered in a hoarse voice.
“Oh!”, his body shook as a hearty chuckle filled the air, Marlena shaking along as the happy sound sent shivers down her spine.
“Did I fall asleep?”, she inquired, hiding her shame with the raking of her nails against his skin.
“And what a beautiful sight you were”, he murmured, kissing the tip of her nose.
“I’m sorry”, she blushed, resting her head on his chest and taking notice of the red numbers on the alarm clock that read 7:14 am, “You know…”, her voice trailing with a sexy innuendo that immediately sent John yearning, “My first patient isn’t due till 10:30…”
“Really? And what do you suggest we do with all of that free time, doctor?”
“I don’t know about you, monsieur Black, but I plan on ravishing my fiancé!”, a husky confession as she straddled his form, leaning down to nibble on his neck.
“Oh, you’re engaged?”, his muscles tensing under her touch, his body temperature rising in mere seconds.
“Very”, she smiled before her mouth captured his bottom lip, her fingers tangled in the layers of black hair.
“Lucky guy!”, he loved playing with her, “So, what’s he like?”, his hands massaging their way down to her buttocks, her gasp confirming he was on the right track.
“Well, for starters, he’s amazingly handsome…”, her lips leaving a wet trail as they reached his jaw, “…very sexy”, her tongue playing enticingly with his ear, “… an all around great guy,” her right foot trailing up and down his calf, “…and an excellent lover,” her raspy voice alone capable of driving him crazy.
“He sounds like a very generous man”, he smiled, aroused and ready to take matters in his own hands.
“Very generous”, she smiled as she saw the desire in his eyes, rubbing herself against him to drive him a little further over the edge.
“So he probably won’t mind…”, he continued, having a hard time putting the words together, “…if I make…”, sweat beads breaking all over his body, “…passionate love to you…”
“Nah…”, she giggled in anticipation as he let out a loud groan, “He’s not really the jealous kind…”
Before she could react, John had turned the tables on her and had her on her back, her arms pinned above her head, as his warm breath caressed her skin, his eyes dark with passion, his tone dead serious.
“That’s were you’re wrong”, he declared leaning even closer allowing her to feel his desire for her, “I’m Othello when it comes to you!”, his mouth plunging ferociously into the hollow of her neck, “Sorry would be he”, he spoke between kisses, “…who dares take a second glance…”
“Mmh… I like a possessive lover”, she whispered loving the feel of his hands underneath the flimsy material of her nightgown.
“You’re mine, baby!”, he declared making her tremble when he found one of her pleasure points.
“Prove it…”
Still lingering in his arms, completely satiated from their lovemaking, she stared at the ring that shone on her finger, then lifted her eyes to look at him. He smiled in a drowsy haze, his hands deftly caressing her bare back while he enjoyed the feel of her legs still intertwined with his and the presence of their child pressing against his side. He had already embraced that baby as his own, his heart had opened to it and there was no way back, even if someone else was the biological father. He had what he had always wanted, the woman of his dreams laying in his arms… nothing else mattered.
“You know what?”, she spoke, pacing her fingers along his chest.
“What?”, he asked content.
“I don’t think we should announce our engagement just yet”, she said it almost as a passing thought.
“And why not? Did you change your mind?”, he teased her, knowing for certain that wasn’t the case.
“No”, she smiled, before getting serious again, “Because it wouldn’t be fair to Kristen…”, she admitted, “She already has to deal with the fact of going through a divorce while being pregnant… I mean, this whole situation is very hard as it is. We don’t need to add to her pain by telling the world we’re engaged.”
“But we are… and you’re also pregnant”, she opened her mouth to protest, but he cut her off, “…with my child”, giving her a stern look, “And I don’t want to hear any arguments in that respect. So it’s only natural that we’d want to get married”, he concluded his reasoning.
“Yes, but we don’t need to brag about it”, she insisted, seriously placing herself in the other woman’s shoes, “After the divorce is final, we can tell everyone. It’s not like we can get married before that happens anyway”, she could see in his eyes that he still wasn’t convinced, “Honey, I have the best part of the deal here: YOU. Kristen has nothing. The least we can do is have a little compassion”, she begged, giving him her best pout. “You’re amazing”, he sighed, bringing her even closer as he placed a soft kiss on her forehead, his heart beaming with pride.
She smiled, reaching for the ring and changing it to the opposite finger, under his puzzled gaze.
“I’ll wear it on my other hand, and if someone asks, I’ll tell them it’s a present. Being the generous man that you are, no one will be surprised”, she explained, stretching to reach his mouth to give him a rewarding kiss.
Oh, how she loved him… She loved his big heart, his devotion, the way he cared so deeply about her feelings and was always interested in her thoughts. She loved his goofy sense of humor, how he always managed to make her laugh. She loved his compassion and generosity towards those less fortunate. She loved what an incredible father he was to Brady, and his undying love for her other children. She had always admired how well he handled Sami and Eric and Carrie all those years he had been their dad. And at that very moment, she loved the way his naked body felt against hers, his warmth seeping under her skin, his scent enveloping her senses, his touch still eliciting goosebumps as his fingers swept her flesh, the beating of his heart so close to hers causing butterflies in her stomach. God, how she loved this man!
Unexpected Surprises
If someone had told her that what felt like the happiest day of her life was about to become her worst nightmare, Marlena would have laughed. That is why she carelessly carried a tune as she rummaged through her files searching for some information on a particular case, a permanent smile sketched on her lips born from the warm, peaceful feeling that flooded her heart.
“Yes, Hillary,” she chirped holding down the TALK button on the intercom. “There’s a woman asking to speak with you, Dr. Evans”, the voice came out loud and clear. “She doesn’t have an appointment, but she says it’s urgent.”
Marlena glanced at her watch, 12:45 p.m. Her next patient wasn’t due till 1:30 p.m., and she wasn’t planning on going out to lunch anyway, having had a late breakfast with John after their morning lovemaking session.
“Please, Hillary, send her in,” she agreed, closing the filing cabinet for the time being, aware of the door opening behind her, “Kristen!” she almost gasped, the woman standing before her the last person she had expected to see. “What are you doing here?” She said, it being the first thing that came to her mind, though the question was asked gently, none of the internal shock apparent in her tone.
“I came to see you,” she said, her eyes drifting to the small bulge hidden by Marlena’s suit jacket. “We need to talk,” her hand landing on her own flat stomach, as if protecting it from prying looks.
“Sit down,” Marlena offered, even though she would have rather avoided the conversation. “Can I offer you a glass of water?”
Kristen shook her head, then sat on the empty side of the couch. Marlena hadn’t missed Kristen’s surveillance of her body, or how the woman’s hand had fled to cover her own abdomen. No signs of the pregnancy yet… in part because of her body structure, Marlena thought. She was tall and thin, but surely the stress she had been under had a lot to account for it. She let out a sigh, while Kristen’s gaze stayed fixed on her. “You have to believe me when I tell you that I’m awfully sorry for what you’re going through….” she started, hoping to somehow break the ice. Whether she liked it or not,
Kristen would always be a part of John’s life by the child they shared together, hence, a part of hers.
“I believe you,” Kristen said cautiously, “And that’s why I know you will agree with me about what I came to discuss with you,” she spoke seriously, sending shivers down Marlena’s spine.
“Kristen, I never intended to turn your life upside down…” she apologized, “… but you have to understand that John and I shared a history together, and we had some unresolved issues when he left Salem.” This wasn’t going the way she intended, but it was so tough to put into words what she was feeling. “What happened between John and I in California wasn’t right,” she admitted even though she couldn’t quite remember the details. “But I think it was unavoidable. Unfortunately, you were caught in the middle.” Kristen had kept her stare glued on her since the moment she had come into the office, and it was beginning to make her uncomfortable.
“Well, obviously you fought for what you believed was right,” Kristen said with an eerie calmness. “I can understand that, and I think you will understand my position, too.”
“I’m listening,” Marlena said, bracing herself for the blow that she knew was coming.
“As you probably know, John filed for divorce,” she paused to take a breath, not noticing how Marlena slyly turned the engagement ring on her right hand around so it was facing down. “I don’t want a divorce”, she announced determined.
“Certainly that is something you should discuss with John, not me,” Marlena reasoned, somewhat relieved that the topic wasn’t her motives, integrity, or such subjects that she was already feeling guilty about.
“That’s where you are wrong. You see, the reason John is trying to divorce me is because you decided to appear.”
“That’s not how it happened…”, she argued, her shaky certainty relying solely on what John had told her about that time.
“I’m not finished”, Kristen cut her off, pausing again for effect as she straightened her posture before leaning slightly forward in an intimidating manner. “The fact is John and I would still be happily married if you hadn’t showed up, and we would be welcoming this baby as a family,” she stated without ever raising her voice, her hand returning to her stomach for emphasis. “I still want that,” her cold stare piercing Marlena.
“I don’t think there is anything left for us to discuss,” Marlena said firmly, standing up to indicate the conversation was over.
“I think we do,” Kristen insisted, remaining seated. “I want John back in my life.”
“Then,” Marlena sighed, frustration starting to get the best of her, “as I said before, you should be having this conversation with John. But, for the record, I didn’t ask anything from him; John is the one that made the decision. He wants to be with me.” She wasn’t trying to be cruel, but she couldn’t think of anything else to say that would help Kristen face reality.
“Fine,” there was anger in Kristen’s voice and a gleam of delight shone in her eyes,
“Let’s talk about what John wants”, she knew her point had made it home when she saw Marlena sitting back down. “John wants to be a father to our baby, but he’s afraid it will upset you,” she revealed.
“That’s ridiculous!” Marlena almost had to laugh at the enormity of such a lie.
“Has he told you that he comes to see me every other day?”, Kristen fired back with a subdued smile. “Or that he never misses a doctor’s appointment? Unless you’re around, that is…”
It came as a shock and she couldn’t quite hide her surprise from the other woman. And then she remembered that day she overheard him on the phone with Kristen, telling her he couldn’t make it to the doctor’s cause he had to take care of her. If she knew John, and she did, he had probably made those visits over to Kristen’s that she mentioned, and just as probably kept her from knowing about them for her own sake…
“That’s only natural,” she finally uttered. “John is a very dedicated father”, she wasn’t about to admit to Kristen that she didn’t know about John’s whereabouts.
“So how would he feel not knowing where his child is? Having his child growing up away from him?” She dared her.
“What are you implying?” She barely knew Kristen, but it was pretty obvious she wasn’t bluffing.
“I didn’t get pregnant to raise my baby alone. I’m married and I want my husband by my side all the way.”
“Kristen…,” the argument was getting old and she was getting tired of her little threatening games.
“Look, Marlena, I’m not the kind to go around minding other people’s lives. I like peace and quiet as much as anyone else, but when it comes to my family, I’m not about to get ran over without a fight.”
Certainly Marlena could relate to that, and as ready as she was to hold her front, she couldn’t help but empathize with Kristen. Placed in the same situation, she might very well react the same way…
“If John doesn’t come back to me, I’m going to disappear and he is never going to hear from me or this child again,” Kristen finished her threat.
“You wouldn’t do that,” and as she said so, Marlena understood that she would.
“I will do whatever I have to do to bring my family together, Marlena.”
“If you love John…”
“If you loved John,” Kristen was getting tired and didn’t hesitate as she dropped the final blow, “…you wouldn’t keep him away from his child, forcing him to raise yours as his own.”
The color drained from Marlena’s face and she felt her body grow weak and all the air seemed to leave her lungs at once, as if Kristen had physically punched her in the stomach. The blow was just as effective.
Unexpected Surprises Part II
It took Marlena a few seconds to recover from the shock, her eyes cast down, as if that would make Kristen’s presence any less real. Her hand rushing to cover her stomach, as though that would protect her baby from the offensive words, and immediately returning to her lap after realizing what she had just done, not wanting to give Kristen the advantage of knowing she had won the round. Not that Kristen didn’t know…. An amused smile decorated her lips while she enjoyed seeing her opponent wanting to run and hide. There was no place to hide, however, and Marlena wasn’t one to run away from a confrontation.
“What did you just say?” She finally asked, lifting her chin up as she cast aside the feeling of shame, part of her still hoping she had misunderstood Kristen’s words, hoping it was nothing more than a bluff.
“I shouldn’t tell you this,” Kristen started, biting her lower lip to hide her smile, “John confided in me…”
“Speak up,” Marlena was still as pale as a ghost, but there was fire in her eyes as she whispered the order with as much force as a hurricane.
“John is torn, Marlena,” Kristen started after fumbling an instant with the hem of her jacket, “He wants to be there for our baby, but he feels obliged to be a father to yours. He’s having a very hard time dealing with the fact that you’re pregnant with someone else’s child….”
A wave of emotions washed over Marlena as she took a deep breath to keep the tears from flooding her eyes. It was true, Kristen knew, and the fact that John had shared something so private with her made her angry. There was also the shame she felt, even though she knew it wasn’t her fault that Stefano had taken advantage of her. She was ashamed of being exposed like that, specially by the woman who was indeed carrying John’s child. And most of all, she felt guilty for not having sensed John’s pain, for being so insensitive as to believe that he had no issues with raising her child as his own, with being with her despite the fact that she was pregnant with his enemy’s child. How could
she?
“But as you said,” Kristen’s voice snapped her back to reality, “he loves you, and he can’t let you down. He doesn’t know what to do,” she continued, knowing she had Marlena right where she wanted, “He was devastated when he told me. He didn’t want to, but he looked so depressed, so sad… I finally got him to open up to me.”
She paused, giving Marlena the opportunity to speak her mind if she wanted to, but to Kristen’s delight, she was speechless.
“I know you love him, and I know he loves you,” she admitted, certain that denying it would only work against her, “but he loved me also. What kind of life will he have living with you and your child knowing his is out there somewhere? Wondering what he looks like, how he is growing up without his father…. He can be happy with me and our baby. It will be hard at first, but it’s what would be best for us all… you, YOUR child, MY child, and especially John.”
“You wouldn’t do that,” Marlena spoke, trying to keep her anger at bay, “You wouldn’t deprive your child from his father just because you can’t have him,” such thought was inconceivable for someone like her.
“Wanna bet?” Kristen dared her, her look as cold as ice, “I told you, I would do anything in order to have my family back. Anything.”
“John will never agree to go back to you,” Marlena said, knowing that for a fact, but already having her doubts about whether that was good or bad.
“Then you will have to convince him.”
“What makes you think I would want to do that?”
“Because you love him,” she stated the truth, “because you want what’s best for him. Think about it, Marlena,” she said standing up, “I’m sure you will agree with me.”
And without further farewell, she left the office, leaving Marlena more devastated than she thought she could be.
She barely made it through her 1:30 p.m. appointment, having a very hard time concentrating on what was being said, her mind wandering back to the conversation with Kristen. By 4:30, with a clear schedule ahead of her and a banging headache threatening to become a migraine, she decided to get some fresh air. After instructing her secretary to take the messages and letting her know that she would be back shortly, Marlena hopped in her car and drove around for a while before settling for Salem Place. Hoping not to run into any familiar faces, she got a cup of tea and sat at one of the corner tables at the Java Cafe. She didn’t really want to think about it, but she couldn’t help it. Kristen’s words seemed determined to come back and haunt her. Her cell-phone rang, and after recognizing John’s number on the screen, she turned the power off. She wasn’t ready to speak with him, not yet. It wasn’t so much that she was mad at him for telling Kristen the truth, but she couldn’t handle the fact that he had been lying to her, stating over and over that he was okay with her pregnancy, that he was indeed looking forward to fathering her baby. And it wasn’t the lie in itself that bothered her either, she could totally understand where he was coming from, his need to protect her, his immense love for her making him deny his own wishes for her own sake. It was the fact that once again she was the source of John’s pain, and that, she couldn’t handle.
Her blood froze as the too familiar voice crept behind her, almost causing her to drop the cup of tea she held in her hand.
“What do you want?” She asked as calm as possible without even turning around.
“Is that how you greet old friends?” Stefano pushed her buttons as he came around the table to take the empty seat in front of her.
“I’m waiting for someone, so if you don’t mind….” she wanted to avoid a confrontation by all means, and she wanted him out of her life.
“Really? John perhaps?” Stefano smiled, almost certain that she was bluffing.
“No, my son, actually,” she lied again, not wanting Stefano to hang around in the hopes of running into John.
“Ah! Speaking of children,” his words lingering in the air as he paused for effect, and she knew exactly what would follow, “I heard the good news, but you should have at least told me yourself.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she denied the implication, feeling her heart racing and bringing her palms to her lap to stop the sweating.
“You’re smarter than that, Marlena,” he shook his head, fixing his dark eyes on her, “I know you’re pregnant, and according to my sources, there’s a very good chance that the baby is mine.” He unveiled his game.
“If that were the case it would be because you raped me,” Marlena struck back in a low voice, fiercely protective of her unborn child, who seemed to be the target of the day. “Are you so sure of that? Because the way I recall it, you were more than willing, and if that is my baby, I intend to enforce my parental rights.”
“This is John’s baby,” she said trying her best to remain calmed, “and I have nothing further to discuss with you, so if you’ll excuse me,” she said standing to leave as he grabbed her arm to stop her.
“Ah, Marlena, I was hoping you would reason with me, but if push comes to shove, I can always get a court order for a DNA test once the baby is born and we would know for certain, wouldn’t we?”
“What do you want from me?” Her eyes traveling from his hand to his face.
“You know what I want,” his smile broadening as he read the disgust in her look,
“Since it’s obvious you’re not ready for that, I’ll compromise…. I want John out of your life.”
“Unlike what you think, you are not God, Stefano; you can’t control our lives,” with that being said, she left him there, shaking inside as she walked in fast pace to her car.
The Jarlena Journal 
is there a second part to this story?!
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Unfortunately, this is all I have. I’m sorry!
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