Water Under the Bridge – By Kat

Part 1: The party

I watch her from across the room. She is talking to a man I don’t know. I feel jealous. I see her smiling at him and touching his arm. Dear God, I love this woman. I can’t let her slip away. I don’t function without her. I can’t sleep, eat or have a conversation with someone without constantly thinking about her. 

We have been separated for 4 months now, it feels like forever. Nothing matters when she is not in my life. She is the one who made the decision that she needed space. Her reason being my son, who has been putting ideas in her head that she, me, us are the cause of all of his troubles. 

I don’t blame her for leaving me. I’ve been a fool for not fighting for her, for us. So now, here we are at this hospital function, in the same room but not together. It’s not me who she is smiling her perfect brilliant smile at or who’s arm she is touching. She leans forward towards the man and I can almost smell her perfume. She is wearing a beautiful long red dress with a low cut neck, revealing her ripe breast. A thigh is showing through the long slit. It clings to her body perfectly leaving some to imagination. But I know what delicious pleasures hides underneath. This is torture and I should leave, but I can’t. I should man up and go to her, take her away from this competition and beg her to give me a chance to show her that I..we… are meant to be. That I am sorry for not being man enough, for making her doubt my feelings for her. For not standing up for what I know is true, which is that she was right all along. 

“Go to her” I hear Abe say, “ask her for a dance”!  My thoughts are interrupted by my best friend who knows what this situation is doing to me. Tearing my eyes away from her, I look at my friend and I see sympathy in his eyes. I smile and hesitate to answer. “She asked me to give her space and to stay away Abe” I say looking down at my hands like a shy boy. “She still loves you, you just need to make her remember what you had together and make an effort to show her what she means to you”. Looking at Abe I know he is right, his kind eyes gives me the courage to man up and go to her. I turn around and one step at a time I inch closer to her and the man who is making her smile and laugh. 

Here I am at this party talking to this nice doctor who just moved to Salem. I started the evening in a good mood, putting on this new dress and glamming myself for a night out. I met him while hanging my jacket and he offered me his arm while we entered the party. Taking a quick glance around I see Abe, Lexi, the Hortons and many of my colleagues. But no John. I don’t know how I feel about that. Releaf, disappointment, happy, sad…I tell myself to enjoy the company of my new friend and forget about John. His name is Mark, divorced, 2 kids who lives with him part time. I’m aware that he is flirting and so am I. I’m having a great time, really enjoying talking to Mark and getting reacquainted to being a single woman. That is until the hairs on my neck suddenly stand up and a chill travels through my body. 

HE is here, in the room staring at me. I can feel it. I always knew when he would enter a room, even before I would see him.

I try to stay calm and focus on Mark and what he is telling me. But my mind drifts and I struggle to not turn my head around and look for HIM. 

I feel him watching my every move, I try to ignore it, but I can’t help to give him something to look at. Maybe I want to make him jealous, I know for certain that seeing me with someone else is driving him crazy. I know it’s not fair play, but I want him to feel what he has lost. Want him to feel just some off the pain I felt when he chose to stand by his son and not me. Pitiful some may say, I don’t care because he hurt me deeply without hesitation. I catch myself touching Marks arm and in a split second I regret it because I know what it will do to John. He has this hold over me where I don’t know how to be myself without him. He has always been in my life even when we weren’t together. I don’t like not having him in my life and I don’t like hurting him. Mark says something and snaps me back to reality. I ask him to repeat his question, but I don’t hear it, feeling this energy coming towards me, totally consuming my body and mind. 

I’m nervous, my heart is beating hard and fast and my palms are sweating. I’m so close now that I can smell her perfume, oh I love her smell. Her back is still to me but I know for a fact that she is very much aware of presence. 

I eye the man beside her before I voice her name. “Marlena” I say with a shaking voice. It feels like an eternity before she turns around to look at me. I almost stumble backwards, stunned by her beauty, that I haven’t had the pleasure of looking at for way too long. 

I can smell his masculine cologne as I sense his nearness. I’m trying to stand tall but my knees are weakening just by the simple closeness of him. I’m anticipating what his next move will be. Mark is still talking but I still don’t hear a word. My only focus is trying to hold myself together and not crumble when I inevitably will turn around and look at Him. 

I hear my name fall from his lips. Those beautiful lips that can make my world spin and my body shatter into pieces. Oh my.. his lips have done things to my body that no other man ever could. In movies and books they try to portray that exquisite feeling of being so intimate with someone that nothing else matters but the feeling they bring to your body and soul. But they don’t come anywhere near the real feeling of being so consumed by the other half of your heart and soul. I know that now because John used to ignite those feelings. I miss it so much it hurts…I miss him.

I try my best to gather myself together as I turn around to look at him. 

Our eyes meet and lock and just like that, the room and people around us disappear. It’s just the two of us in this universe. We are drawn together like magnets, it’s always been that way even when we weren’t a couple. People have tried to tear us apart with great force but never managed, evil forces, Stefano, Roman the list goes on. Only one person succeeded in breaking that magnetic force and that was me… how could I let that happen. 

The spell is broken by the man next to her, whose arm has found its way to the small of her back. He looks at me and introduces himself as Mark. I give him a nod and turn my eyes back to my wife….…my heart and soul…my Marlena..my Doc. 

It feels like my knees are about to give in. His eyes too intense, too demanding, too possessive, too loving. But I can’t break away and break the spell that is cast around us. I hear a sound but still, my eyes are fixed on his. I feel something on my back but I don’t have to look to know what it is, I can see it in John’s eyes. The look of disapproval and jealousy. Mark is trying to mark his territory even though we barely know each other. I can’t speak, my heart is pounding so loud I can’t hear what is being said between the two men. For a second John looks away only to find my eyes again. I see his lips move and that beautiful smile of his. “Marlena you look very beautiful tonight” 

I whisper, barely audible,” thank you John” looking down because of fear of revealing myself to him. I don’t want him to see my reaction to him, to his nearness, to his compliment. He knows me so well, he will be able to read me within a split second and I’m not ready to give in to him yet. He always seems to know what I’m thinking or feeling, or he used to anyway. Maybe we lost that, when all this with our son went down. Suddenly I feel sad, I feel tears pressing  behind my eyes. I don’t want to cry in front of any of those two men, so I excuse myself, leaving them both behind. 

I thought for a second I saw love in her eyes, that she was happy to see me. I used to read her so well, knowing her thoughts and feelings, and being able to respond to them and her. I felt like that for a moment but then it was gone. Is she involved with Mark and that’s what made her hide her true feelings? She didn’t seem to mind him touching her and after that she didn’t want to look at me. Dear god what have I done… I need to go after her. 

I walk towards the restroom and wait outside the door. I need to make sure she is ok. 

I look at myself in the mirror and take a deep breath. Fixing the makeup under my eyes to hide the tears which have fallen. I don’t know why seeing John makes me upset, maybe because I thought I would be able to not be affected by his presence. I don’t want him to see how he affects me, how I still love him, how my desire for him makes my body so hot and moist between my legs. He lost the right to see that when he chose to let me walk away. Intent on continuing the evening with Mark l gather myself and walk out the door toward uncertainty. “Marlena please l…” I stumble to a stop hearing his voice behind me. 

“ I didn’t mean to upset you, I just wanted to let you know how beautiful you look tonight…you are so beautiful to me” his piercing blue eyes stir my soul. I meet his eyes.. “Thank you John, you look very handsome yourself”. It’s true, no one would disagree with him standing there in his tuxedo, his hair cut shot with a bit of gray starting to show. 

There is an awkward silence and I feel I need to say something before she turns away and walks back to Mark. I hear a very familiar song coming from the dance floor and before I know it, the words leave my mouth “ May I please have this dance?” I reach my open palm towards her, inviting her to take it and accept my proposal. I hold my breath, feeling sweat start to form on my upper lip. I can see her looking at my hand, contemplating whether to accept or politely decline. 

It feels like forever but suddenly she moves her hand towards mine. The second our hands touch I feel the electricity and heat shoot through my body. I bet she can see it in my face as I can’t stop the smile plastered to my lips. 

I would be lying if I said I don’t know why I took his hand and had him lead me to the dance floor. I do know why… I simply want to feel his arms around me, his body pressing tightly against mine, his hot breath in my ear. Just the thought makes me aroused. The moment I touch him, my desire for him makes its presence known between my legs. I know he can both see and smell it, I see it in his smug smile. 

He is leading me between people on the dance floor and stops when he finds the right spot. He still holds my hand and places it on his chest, on his heart. His other hand sneaks behind me and presses on my lower back, just inches above my ass. I drape my free arm around his board shoulder and rests my fingers at his hairline. We don’t speak, our bodies know this dance, this nonverbal communication. He is holding me so thigh, pressing our bodies flush together, not a single space of air between us. I feel him sniffing my hair and moan quietly. Memories come like a wave forcing my eyes to close. Memories of our life together, the day we met and shook hands for the fist time, our first short marriage filled with passion, fire and lightning, the pain of not being together for so long, unable to stop loving each other, giving in to the passion and sexual desire between us. Hot springs, dancing, making love at every opportunity. His body hovering above mine as his skilled lips kiss, suck and bite every inch of my naked body. His beautiful rock hard cock finding its way home, into my deep thigh canal. Sucking him deeper and deeper. Passion taking over for hours and hours until we both fall asleep from pure satisfaction and exhaustion. I shake my head lightly to banish this train of thoughts. It won’t do me any good, it will only make me fall into his orbit and forgive him for all that has happened. I’m not ready to do that.. I tell myself, even though my body tells me otherwise. 

I can feel her tense as we dance and I cling to her like my life depends on her. It does though. I really can’t live without her. I tried that for almost 5 years, when I thought she was dead. And …well… that didn’t go very well. 

The song is coming to an end and I become desperate to keep this thing going between us. It’s the closest we have been for months and I am not ready for it to end. My lips find the spot behind her ear where I caress her lightly. I hear her breathing change and stop for a second. By their own will my lips move across her cheek, slowly and lightly, towards their intended destination.. her mouth. Stopping when our lips are only an inch apart , our eyes lock, hazel to blue. With our eyes open, we both inch closer still looking deeply into each other’s soul. I sneak my tongue out and just as it touches her lower lip the spell is broken by Mark. He clears his throat and asks Marlena for this dance. We break apart abrupt never ending the silent conversation we were having. She turns around and takes Mark’s hand, letting him lead her on the dance floor. 

I feel flustered, disorientated, overwhelmed and a little disappointed. Mark stopping us was a blessing in disguise although my body disagrees. It feels different being in Mark’s arms, but not a bad different. I still feel John’s eyes burning a hole in my back, keeping an close eye on me and my every move. I give him a little extra to look at, when I sway my hips to the beat of the music. I’m tempted to look over my shoulder to see his reaction but I don’t need to look to know… I feel it. 

I’m startled when I feel a hand on my shoulder, interrupting my focus on the show Marlena is putting on for me. I know she is doing it on purpose, only for me and not for Mark. 

“Hey buddy I need your thoughts on this case I’m working on, would you care to join me at the bar”. Reluctantly I say yes and tear myself away from this beautiful sexual torture I like to expose myself to. Abe is telling me about his case and I’m listening and invested in giving him my thoughts. An hour must have passed when we finish our conversation and I turn to look for Marlena. I don’t see her or Mark anywhere, I don’t like it. So I make the decision to leave.

Part 2: The Inn 

Mark offered to drive me back to the Inn where I’m staying. I accepted, I didn’t want to take a taxi and I felt comfortable with him. At the entrance to the Inn Mark asked for my number and politely asked if he could call me and ask me for dinner one day. Again I accepted his sweet gesture and thanked him for a great evening. 

Now I sit here alone on the sofa in this very impersonal room, my feelings all over the place. It’s hard for me to explain what John does to me, my body, my soul, my heart and my head. I don’t think the words to describe even exist. 

I need a shower, to clean myself from the desire between my legs and to clear my head. Discharging all of my clothes I head for the shower, when I hear a knock on the door. Quickly I put on my robe as I walk towards the door, opening it without any thought of who might be on the other side. 

“John!!!”.. she is surprised to see me, was she expecting someone else.. Mark?? She is wearing her robe and I can see she’s naked underneath. I see her nipples erected, poking the light satin fabric. Immediately I grow hard in my pants, my eyes roaming her body. 

My plan was just to see if she was okay, but now I feel myself struggling to not grab her robe, rip it off her body and slam her against the wall while I ravish her body with my hands, mouth and cock. 

“What are you doing here”? I remove my eyes from her body and look her in the eyes. Her hair is pulled up in a loose ponytail leaving her neck long and open for my teeth to bite. I focus back on her question. 

I step closer to her, not thinking about my answer. “I just wanted your last thought of the night to be of me”! My hands grab her face and pull her lips to mine. 

John is staring at my body and I become very aware that my nipples reveal themselves underneath my robe. I try to calm my body down but fail miserably. I hold my breath, waiting for him to answer my question, feeling my cheeks flush under his intense stare. First his words, followed by his large hands framing my face, leaves me breathless, unable to move, I let him take my mouth with his hungry kisses. I feel his tongue begging for entrance, my mouth automatically opens up to his request. Our tongues battle and dance together in perfect sync. A dance we have practiced, improved and perfected over the years. I moan deep in my throat and I feel his response. His hands start to wander down my back to cup my ass. He squeezes hard making me gasp with want and desire. I feel his already hard cock against my lower belly and find myself grinding against him. 

She tastes like heaven.. no better than anything you could even imagine. Her tongue mating with mine makes me greedy and wanting more. Her moans give me the courage to let my hands continue the journey they are meant to be on. Finding one of their favorite parts of her body. Those perfectly sculpted ass cheeks, round, firm and soft at the same time. I squeeze hard and feel her grinding against me. Jesus what she does to me, I can’t even begin to describe. I have to stop her..stop myself, now before this goes any further. As much as I want her here and now, I know this is not what she wants, not before we talk things through. Reluctantly I pull away from her. Her lips are red and swollen from my hungry kisses, her eyes glazed with arousal. Taking a step back I look her in the eyes and give her a smile full of love, want and hope. Hope that we will find our way back to each other…soon very soon. I turn around and leave her standing there, speechless, beautiful, looking so fucking sexy it kills me inside. I turn my head and I wink at her before I enter the elevator. 

Oh my.. Mr Black Mr Black. You certainly haven’t lost your touch. My lips ache as do my pussy. I squeeze my thighs together to try and dull the ache. I’m still not able to move so I stand in the door looking at him as the doors to the elevator closes. Minutes go by before I close the door and enter the bathroom. A cold shower could really do right now, so I lose my robe and jump under the cold water. “What just happened” I say to myself out loud. We haven’t seen or spoken very much the last couple of months and now after being in the same room for a few hours everything has changed. I was finally starting to accept my new way of living and now after tonight everything is turned upside down. If I have to be honest with myself, this is what I have dreamed of since I walked out the door of our penthouse. That he would come for me, and all would be okay again. But he didn’t and now after 4 months, what am I to do?

I climb into bed and crawl under the covers, intent on getting a good night’s sleep. But I should know better…. He will haunt my dreams as he does my heart everyday. 

Part 3: The night 

I wake up to his hands sneaking under my cover, his fingers lightly caressing my legs. My back is against his chest, I feel his hot breath in my ear. He doesn’t know I’m awake, so I let his hands brush against my skin, letting him explore my body. I push my ass gently against his pelvis, waiting for his reaction. He grounths and I feel him grow hard from my little move. I can’t help but smile at his unawareness of my awakening state. His fingers move down my lower belly and sneak between my thighs. We are both naked from making love all night combined with wild raw sex. But his stamina is one for the Guinness world records. He says it’s my doing, it’s me who drives him crazy with want 24/7. I can say the same about him. I want him always…. All the ways. 

His fingers find my sensitive clit and flicks it gently and I can’t stop the sound that escapes my mouth. “Hmm good morning Sailor” I say, his fingers still massaging my clit. 

I can not resist her, knowing she I naked right next to me. I have to have her again even though my body is sore from last nights sexual activities. I close my eyes, while my hand finds its way under her cover. Flashes of sweet lovemaking and pure animalistic sex inter my mind. Our sex life has always been the very best a man could ever dream of, and it gets even better each time we are together that way. I like to dominate her, tell her what to do, but the truth is, she is the dominant one. She has all the power, all the time and I’m just her puppet. I don’t think she is aware of it, but she is the one who controls my every move, my every thought. It’s in the way she looks at me, the sounds she makes, the way her body moves, commanding my attention. I just follow her all that way, to the place where everything goes black and only stars appear. From the outside, my commands may seem dominant but it’s so far from the truth. 

Last night was one for the books. I was in the shower, washing off a long day of work. She entered and joined me, her hands starting to lather up the soap. Her hands started at my shoulders and made their way down my back, moving in circles, caressing all my sweet spots. She told me to turn around and she repeated her treatment down my chest and stomach, stopping just above my waist. My cock was already hard, standing tall. Before I knew it, she was on her knees, washing my cock and sack. I could see her lick her lips looking up at me with a mischievous look in her eyes. “Let me help you with this” her finger started pumping my cock slowly. Her lips took one of my balls, sucking it into her mouth. I struggled to keep my eyes open as my head fell back against the wall. I felt her tongue circling my tip, tasting my pre cum. I’m powerless, she has all the control, all I can do is just stand and let her pleasure me and herself. I placed my fingers in her golden curly locks, not to guide her, but to steady myself. She doesn’t need guidance, she knows just what she is doing. No woman but her can give me pleasure this way. Taking my cock in her sweet mouth, she started moving, finding her rhythm, sucking, licking. Twisting her tongue in a way you wouldn’t believe. I wouldn’t last long so I tried to stop her, but she looked at me, winked, shaking her head No, while my cock was still in her mouth. She is going to be the death of me… When she gently squeezed my balls, I lost it. Everything went black, sound disappeared, the only sign that I was still alive was the fast beating of my heart and the tickling feeling in my body. 

Now that he knows I’m awake, his fingers begin to explore my pussy. Massaging my clit and digging into my soft canal. He knows that part of my body very well. His skilled fingers know every nook, every corner and every spot that makes me whimper for more. I close my eyes, enjoying his sweet torture and think about last night.

After I joined him in the shower and took care of him, we dried each other off. He carried me to our bed and laid me down gently. I was still so wet between my legs and my eyes revealed my burning desire, which was still to be taken care of. Laying in the middle of the bed, on

my back, naked, I saw him standing by the foot of it, eating me with his eyes, contemplating his next move. I bent my knees, opening myself to him, inviting him in. My hands moved to my breasts where my fingers pinched my nipples, keeping my eyes locked on him. I did it on purpose, knowing how he loves to watch me touch myself also knowing he wouldn’t be able to hold back much longer. “Stop…don’t move” he said. He bent his knees, his face nearing my pussy. I heard him breath in through his nose, smelling my arousal. My cheeks flushed instantly, it always made me shy when he did that. He started feasting on my pussy, biting my clit gently and digging his tongue inside my canal. Oh my, I was so ready to explode all over his tongue and face. He felt it and stopped…”Not yet Doc”. He continued only to stop each time I was nearing my breaking point. He spread my legs wider, crawling slowly up my body, leaving bite marks and kisses along the way. Reaching my mouth he kissed me with such an intensity I almost climaxed, leaving the taste of myself on my lips. He sat back on his knees and took my ankle, kissing it before dropping my leg over his shoulder. I lay paralyzed, anticipating his next move.  He was gentle, but I could feel he was holding back. Always afraid to cause me pain, to cross over some boundaries, but he has no need to worry about that. I will gladly take all he has to offer. I smiled at him and that was his cue to keep going. He entered me hard and fast. With my leg draped over his shoulder I felt him deep inside, hitting my secret spot, the one only he knows. He kept digging deeper, back and forth, one hand squeezing my breast, the other holding my leg. I kept saying his name over and over, struggling to catch my breath and keep our intense eye contact. I was almost there, I could feel it starting at my toes, burning in the pit of my stomach. He felt my inner walls starting to contract and then he stopped. Again robbing me from my sweet awaiting orgasm. His large hands grabbed my waist and flipped me over, leaving me on my hands and knees. I swayed my back making my ass poke up in the air, giving him a view to die for. His hands grabbed my but cheeks, spreading them while moaning deeply. Suddenly I felt his hand spanking one cheek and a whimper escaped my mouth. Oh God, I wanted him hard and fast. I wiggled my behind asking for more. Another smack to the other cheek. And then he entered me again. From this angle he hit my g-spot even better, but he kept his sweet torture, stopping each time he could feel my climax was near. I couldn’t handle it anymore, tears threatening to escape just by pure frustration from not being allowed to come all over his cock. I took action and pushed my behind hard against his pelvis, resulting in him falling and landing on his back. I was quick to jump up and straddle him before he could stop me. I lowered myself down onto his cock, my head falling back. His mouth went for my nipples, sucking and biting them, the pain exquisite. His hand grabbed my hips, steadied me and helping my movement. I could feel him nearing his breaking point too. My nails scratched his back, definitely leaving marks. Our movements became frantic, passionate, our sounds loud, calling out each other’s names. Clinging to each other for dear life, rocking wildly we prepared for the wild storm that was about to hit. 

John snaps me out of my memories from last night, when he makes his special move with his fingers inside me. John’s insistent fingers and the memories from last are making me so wet and close to climax. My hips move against his hand trying to speed up the process. I hear a sound… is my phone ringing??.. it becomes louder and louder. 

I wake up with a startle. I feel disoriented, hot, sweaty and aroused and then it hits me. John is not here, it was just a dream. I look at my phone, it’s Mark calling me. I don’t answer it, but put it back down and place a pillow over my head.

“Dad wake up, your phone is ringing”..my son yells at me, waking me from the most beautiful dream. I’m alone in my bed..our bed. Sadness overwhelms me, I can’t go on like this, I have to do everything in my power to get her back, back in my life, in our home and most definitely in our bed. 

Part 4: The days after

It’s been 42 hours since I left her standing in the door at the Inn looking sexy as hell. I wanted to go see her the day after, but Abe woke me up early asking me to come to the cop-shop and help him with his case. So here I am, still helping him, not having had a moment to even call her, let alone go see her. Even though I have been busy, my mind still wanders to her. Always present in my thoughts, dreams, fantasies. I wonder what she is doing. She must be mad at me for leaving her like that, and then didn’t hear anything from me. Panic hits me, when suddenly I remember Mark. He was clearly very interested in her and I have just given her a reason to turn to him, because of me ghosting her. Just the thought of her with any other man makes me sick with jealousy and brings out my very possessive side. She never liked that side of me. She has seen it before with Roman. What she doesn’t know is, that it is some sort of protection mechanism to hide my insecurities. I have always been afraid to lose her. Afraid that she will discover that I’m not enough for her and then leave me. I must sound pathetic, but she has no idea the effects she has on man. She has this way of getting under his skin. Leaving you wanting more and more. You can just ask Roman, Stefano, Tony. And now she has finally discovered that I wasn’t who she thought I was, and my greatest fear is now a reality. All thanks to myself..on one else but me. I need to go now and make amends. I tell Abe that I will call him later while I run out the door. 

I returned Mark’s call later during the day. I hadn’t heard a thing from John which left me furious and deeply sad. Mark asked me to go to the

movies the same night and I accepted. I had a great time at the movies. Mark is a very sweet and handsome man who any woman would be lucky to have by her side. My mind flirted with the thought of what it would be like to have sex with him. But I know that no man will ever compete with John, not in bed, not in life. When we said goodbye, I let him kiss my cheek. And then I went home to my lonely room at the Inn. 

Now it’s been almost 48 hours and still no word from John. I’m driving myself crazy. I’m so mad at him and I don’t know what to do with myself. He must not be aware of the effects he has on me or any woman, for that matter. He has been with many women between our 2 marriages and he left all of them wanting more, becoming crazy with jealousy and mistrust. He is a very handsome man, not only his looks but his soul is so beautiful it outshines his physique. He is a gentleman, strong but very gentle, loyal, loving, he would do anything for the people he loves. One time during a heated discussion he yelled at me in pure desperation “ Doc… don’t you know by now that I would walk through the gates of hell, just to spend one more day with you”!!  I believed him then and to some point, I still do. Who the hell does he think he is, leaving me standing at the door wanting more and then never call me or come to se me! I feel my anger towards him stir again, so I decide to go for a run, just to get this feisty mood out of my system. It’s early in the evening and not dark yet so I decide to run through the park. Some children are playing soccer and I can’t stop thinking about Brady. He used to be mommy’s boy, wanting me close all the time. I don’t know what suddenly changed between us. Maybe he doesn’t think I love him as much as my other children and his sudden hatred for me is to protect himself from such a horrible thought. But I do love him very much and I will talk to him and tell him over and over until he believes me. I run towards the pier. The sun is setting, leaving the sky orange and purple. This beautiful place where we share so many memories. Our reunion comes to mind, and 1 year later when we admitted that our feelings for each other were still very much alive and threatening to resurface with such an intensity we wouldn’t be able to control ourselves. 

I keep running, it’s almost dark now and I need to go back. Rounding a corner I don’t see where I’m going, I run into someone and fall to the ground. 

I suddenly fall to the ground, not knowing what or who hit me. It takes me a second to clear my mind and then it hits me….her smell. I look up and see her lying on the ground, crying from pain while grabbing her ankle. I get up quickly and go to her, reaching for her I say “God Doc, are you ok!” She looks at me baffled, with tears in her eyes. I can’t stand to see her in pain, not physical or emotional. I ask her if she can stand but trying to do so, she falls into my arms. 

Part 5: The hospital 

I hate hospitals, the sounds, the smell, the sharp lights. I don’t have one good memory of being in a hospital. It’s always pain and suffering, the feeling of hopelessness and not being able to do anything, but just wait for the doctor to come with news. I know she is going to be okay, it’s probably just a broken ankle but still I’m scared.

I remember when we just met and she fell from a balcony, resulting in months in a coma. I was falling apart, sitting by her side day and night, praying for her to open her beautiful hazel eyes. When she finally did, my whole world made sense again. We almost made love in her hospital bed, hmm okay so there is one good memory. 

I see doctors walking around, some are in a hurry getting to a loud beeping sound coming from an operating room. I don’t notice Mike approaching me, only when he speaks my name I register his presence. “Hey John, she is okay but she sprained her ankle badly. She needs to take it easy at least for a couple weeks and not put too much weight on it. You can go see her now” Mike pads my shoulder and leaves. 

I feel nervous as I approach her room. Through the half open door I see her. My heart beats fast. My instinct wants me to run to her and wrap my arms around her, to tell her she is okay and I will take care of her. But I’m not sure she wants that, so I hesitate and knock on the door before entering. 

My ankle hurts so bad. It’s funny how John, again, is the reason for my pain, this time physical. He lifted me in his arms and carried me inside the Inn where he called an ambulance. He always loved to carry me, telling me I’m light as a feather. Sometimes it’s a bit too much, his need for sweeping me in his arms, I do have 2 legs of my own. I know how he feels about hospitals, me being the main reason for the bad memories. We don’t have many happy memories from here, not even our baby girl was born here. 

Mike said I can’t walk on my foot and need to take it easy for a while. That’s just great… now I can just sit alone at the Inn and enjoy my own misery, no one to keep me company. This is going to be pure torture both for my mind but also not being able to physically move around. A knock on the door snaps me out of my self pity. John’s head appears and I can’t help but smile. He stayed… 

I’m feeling emotional and a tear leaves my left eye. John comes rushing to my side, probably afraid that I’m in pain. “Hey there Pretty Lady, don’t cry, you are okay, I got you” I start to cry even more because of his words. Words he has spoken so many times over the years, words that make me feel safe, loved and in love. 

I can’t bear to see her cry, it hurts my soul and brings tears to my own eyes. I have always been very protective of her, even when I met her for the first time. A gun was being pointed at her and all I could think was that I needed to save her, to make sure she would forever stay in my life. 

I take her hand and that familiar feeling of electricity and butterflies hits me. I have never been able to be near her and not feel that way. Touching her only intensifies those feelings and many more. Feelings of want, desire, love, happiness, arousal only to name a few. Her hand is cold between mine. She leans forward, putting her head against my chest while she sobs quietly. My hand is in her soft hair and I bring a string of it to my nose to inhale her scent. My lips linger at her forehead as I whisper to her “it’s okay hunny, it’s okay”. Our moment is interrupted when the door opens and Mark walks in. We part and act as if we have been caught doing something forbidden. Mark clears his throat before speaking. He says he was working and heard that she was hurt, so he wanted to see if she was okay. I don’t blame the fool for his concern. But I need to make him understand  that Marlena is forbidden territory, and he needs to back off. I give him a look of annoyance and I think he gets it. 

I don’t know what came over me. Must be everything that has happened the last 4 months. I’ve been pretending to be okay, but when John came rushing to me and talking my hand, I just lost it. Suddenly I didn’t feel so alone, I felt loved and protected again. As an independent woman I know my emotional wellbeing shouldn’t have to depend on anybody but myself, but that is easier said than done. The person who said that obviously doesn’t know what it means to have met your soulmate. And how your mind, body and soul melt together, and you are able to feel everything the other person is feeling. Now more than ever I feel the effects of not having John in my life and can’t live that way. So, as I feel his arms around me comforting me, loving me, telling me everything is gonna be okay, I decide that I need to let him back in my life, to forget our troubles and struggles. I feel John tense and move, I look up to see Mark in the room. I dry my eyes and smile at him when he tells me he came to cheek on me. I see John giving him a look I know all too well, a look he has given many men before, a look that says, back off she is mine. 

This whole situation is awkward and very uncomfortable and I need to remove myself from it. I guess Mark feels it too because he excuses himself saying he will call me. 

So here we are alone, the room is filled with silence, awkwardness and uncertainty. I’m conflicted, I want to thank him for staying but I’m also angry at him. Angry for what has happened between us and angry that he didn’t call after the other night at the Inn. The words fly from my mouth “ I didn’t think I would see you again so soon after the other night”, my tone is sarcastic with a hint of venom. I look down at my hands which are balled into small fists, tears threatening to burst. 

Oh she is mad and feisty. I know it’s very inappropriate right now given our situation and everything, but I can’t help but think she is so sexy when she is mad. But I know the venom in her voice portrays the sadness in her heart and that makes me sorry and sad. Now is my chance to make things right, make her believe in me again. She is still looking down and I know she is also scared, her small fists revealing her. I step closer to her and put a finger under her chin to tilt her head up, so I can look her in the eyes when I tell her. “I never meant to hurt you sweetheart, I have been a fool for letting you walk away and not standing by your side and most recently for not calling you after the other night..I’m so sorry honey ”. I wait for her reaction to my heartfelt apology before I continue. She averts her eyes not feeling comfortable with my intense stare but I silently demand her attention again. She is biting her lower lip, a sign that she is struggling to keep the tears from coming. “Doc you have every right to be angry at me but right now, but please let me take care of you and help you heal, both your ankle and your heart” 

His stare and words paralyze my body, but my emotions and thoughts move rapidly. So many questions run through my mind, it’s all so confusing. What exactly is he offering? I know what he wants but how can he fix me..us.. when nothing has changed between Brady and me. I take a deep breath, blowing the air out of my lungs slowly, trying to steady myself. “Okay… what do you have in mind?” I say, a bit cold. I haven’t even considered what he might suggest, so when he says he wants to take me to the Inn and we can take it from there, it surprises me a bit. I don’t know if I’m ready to let him take care of me and I’m not sure I trust myself and not give in to him immediately. We need to talk things through before we can make way for the future. But I know myself, I know us. We have never been able to be alone together without lust and desire taking over. That’s us in a nutshell and it’s gotten us into trouble more than once. That’s what made me break my wedding vows to Roman. Despite my ambivalent feelings toward his offer I say okay. 

Part 6: The Trouble 

Oh I’m in trouble…I see her through the half open door to the bathroom, getting undressed. She is struggling not to put weight on her foot, and I’m tempted to offer my help undressing her, 

but she is not aware of my spying eyes. I have always loved seeing her undress, unaware of me watching. She is so elegant and delicate. The way her fingers work, the way her body moves. I feel my pants start to tighten, and a moan leaves my lips. Her hair is pinned on top of her head in a loose ponytail. She is in the shower now and I move a little to get a better view of her rinsing the soap off her body. Again I find me self thinking, why do I keep exposing myself to the torture of watching and not being able to act. The pain in my pants is getting unbearable. I see her carefully coming out of the shower, droplets  moving slowly down her body, caressing her curves. I envy every single drop. I’m feeling dizzy, my blood has left my head and went straight to my groin. Shit.. She looks in the mirror and sees me staring back at her. 

I know he has been watching me, he always liked doing that. I have been pretending not to notice… if he could only see the moist between my legs, he would know. It’s not easy moving around with this ankle, but I try my best to moisturize my body, putting on pants seems like an obstacle that I’m not interested in taking upon me right now. So my robe will have to do. Realizing that the sofa is to far away for me to walk to, I take a deep breath and call for help. “John can you please help me to the sofa, I don’t think I’m able to hump all the way”. His answer doesn’t come as a surprise. “ Off cause honey, in just a minute”. I know his pants are probably very tight right now and he is not capable of moving. I can’t help but laugh out loud. 

She knows me too well and knows my reason for not jumping to her rescue right away. I have been caught and burst into laughter with her. I stand and walk towards her. She almost has a halo around her, and I get the feeling of what it must be like to walk towards the gates of heaven. Coming to stand in front of her, I give her a shy smile and ask if she is ready, before I sweep her in my arms and carry her to the sofa. She drapes her arm around my neck and holds on tight, my stomach flutters by her simple move. I lower her onto the sofa and sit by her side. Nothing is being said between us, only our bodies communicate. I lean back and so does she. She puts her feet in my lab and my hands immediately grab them and start to give her a gentle foot rub, careful not to put too much pressure on her bad foot. She sighs with satisfaction and closes her eyes. I do the same. This is just so familiar and it gives me peace, I feel whole again and for the first time in months I feel positive that we will be alright. 

I know we need to have “the talk” but right now his hands are working their magic. I feel so relaxed but the small voice in my head is keeping me from enjoying this too much. 

It started so innocently but after 10 minutes I feel his hands start to wander up my legs. I open my eyes, to give him a look of disapproval but his are still closed. “John…” I say with a small voice and he almost jumps from the sofa. He says he’s sorry and it’s just pure muscle memory. I know what he means by that. It’s our bodies not being able to be so close, it’s like they have a mind of their own, so acquainted with each other that they automatically seek and touch places we know will bring the other the most pleasure. I look at the clock and it’s past midnight. I tell John to help me to bed, which he does without any further questions. He tucks me in, kisses my forehead and leaves me. I’m tempted to stop him and have him sleep next to me but again I don’t trust our bodies to not gravitate towards each other and I’m certain that will only cause more trouble. 

I can’t sleep. She has been asleep for 2 hours now, but I have been tossing and turning on this uncomfortable sofa. A feeling is creeping in on me, a feeling I haven’t felt in years. I felt it when we lived together at the mansion, I was with Kristen and trying to hide my feelings for Marlena. I so desperately wanted to tell her how I felt, but I didn’t think she felt the same way about me. So I just watched her, dreamed about her and did everything possible to keep her close to me, to protect her. I would rather have her in my life as a friend, than not have her at all. And that’s what I’m doing now. I’m not gonna push her. I will just be here by her side, help her, show her that she can trust me not to turn my back on her again. I will stay through all the obstacles on our way back to each other, no matter how much she might fight me on it.

I fight the urge to go watch her sleep, another favorite thing of mine to do.

 I hear sounds coming from her…I think she is having a nightmare, so I go to her. Through the years nightmares have haunted her peaceful sleep. Nightmares about being taken by Stefano, being trapped in the pit by Stella, Orpheus and most recently being locked away inside a secret room by Kristen. My heart aches because of the fact that people have put her through such horrible things… no woman as good as her should ever have to experience those kinds of ordeals. I couldn’t protect her, even though I did my best. I still blame myself for the things she went through and that is why it hurt so much that I’m the reason for her current heartache. I crawl onto the bed and take her in my arms. That’s what I usually do when things come back to haunt her. Instinctively she snuggles close to me, laying her head in the crock of my neck. I say nothing, I just hold her and hope the nightmare stops. My eyes start to feel heavy, and soon sleep overcomes me. 

I wake up with a startle, and a bit confused about my surroundings. My foot hurts as does my head. I had another nightmare but this time it wasn’t about Stefano or the pit, it was about John. I remember bits and pieces from it but the feeling I wake up with is so horrifying and troubling that I start to feel panicked. A feeling of helplessness, heartbreak, sorrow and despair. I have had feelings like that before, but this time it seems so different. I close my eyes and try to remember what brought these gut wrecking feelings. I see John standing on a beach like the one in Mexico, he is staring at the ocean with this blank look in his eyes. Just that vision makes it feel like ice is running through my veins. I call his name but he doesn’t react. I start walking toward him but he keeps getting out of reach. My calls get more and more panicky and I start running but still I’m not able to reach him. Then he turns around and the look in his eyes is one I have never seen before in anyone. That’s when I woke up. 

Even though I’m a psychiatrist, my specialty is not dream interpretation. I am not even sure I want to know what my subconscious is trying to tell me……Oh he is in my bed. I haven’t even noticed before now, being so shaken up by my nightmare. I smile at him…he must have comforted me while I was sleeping. I lay back down and snuggle close to him as I fall into a peaceful sleep.

—————————————

As I open my eyes the sun is shining through the window, blinding me. I turn around and put the covers over my head. I notice John is not next to me..he probably went back on the sofa. The nightmare is still very fresh in my mind, but I try to shake it off. I hear the door open and hear someone walking towards me. I know it’s John. I can smell him. His scent is so masculine, especially after a morning run. I feel him hovering over me, watching and waiting for me to acknowledge his presence. “Good morning sunshine “ he says a bit too fresh this early in the morning. I have never been a morning person whereas John wakes up early, goes for a run, makes me breakfast before waking me up. Sometimes I can be persuaded to wake up early if he wakes me up “the John Black way”. Morning sex where our bodies are still sore from the night before, and we make slow, sensual and very tender love. Gosh my thoughts always wander to times of intimacy when he is near. I have learned to deal with it and not always act on the desire to rip his close off, but it’s not easy trying to ignore the craving I feel when I see him walk into a room, when I smell him, when our bodies touch just briefly, when he says my name. I just realized that he is my addiction… I’m addicted to John Black it’s as simple as that. He is my obsession. 

The darkness disappears when he lifts the cover away from my head. I close my eyes and wrinkles my nose..he laughs at the sight of my childish gesture. I smell croissants and coffee and my heart just melts. 

I woke up early and went for a morning run, just to get a good start for the day but also to get away from her and that bed. If I had stayed I would have woken her up. Her ass was pressed against my morning hard on, which was desperate to gain access between her thighs. I’m surprised she didn’t wake up when my hips softly grinded her behind and my hands rested on her hips. So a run was the smart choice. 

I brought us coffee and croissants on my way back. I knew she would still be asleep when I got back. Now I can’t help but laugh at her cute face as I move the cover away from her. 

“Breakfast awaits you sleep beauty” I say as I remove a string of hair from her face. She stretches and yawns and I just can’t stop smiling. She sits up and moves her legs over the side of the bed. I find her robe and help her put it on. I bent down in front of her, taking her woolen socks. I take her foot, rubbing my hands around it gently massaging while I look her in the eyes making sure this is ok for me to do. I bring her foot to my lips where I place kisses on her toes. Her eyes are half open as she watches me, begging me not to stop. I take her hurt foot and give it the same loving treatment only for me to continue moving my hands and lips further up her legs. Her skin is soft like the most expensive silk and at the same time it’s burning me. I reach her inner thighs where I kiss her gently and nipple at her tender skin. I feel her moving, afraid that I have gone too far, I stop and hold my breath. Suddenly I feel her hands combing through my hair  and the sound of want and lust  fills my ears. I’m so close to her I can smell her arousal and see the glistening wetness through her panties. I kiss her through her panties… she tastes like sweet honey and strawberries. Her hands keep my head in place as I sneak my tongue out and eat her like a starving man. I need more so I hook my fingers inside her panties and slide them down her legs to give me full access to her heaven. God..I can’t get enough of her. I can’t stop now, even if the building was burning, I wouldn’t care…I want her and I need her. She is panting my name. I love that I’m the man giving her such pleasure and the reason she is moaning and shaking with lust. I ignore my own very hard desire because right now is about her and her needs. Her need to be loved and feel connected to us again. I know we need to talk but we have always been way better at communicating through our bodies and our hearts.  Nonverbal communication she calls it. 

I slit a finger inside her pussy, while my tongue is working her clit. She is so warm and slick my dick twitches with envy. Her breathing is becoming faster and I feel her muscles contracting around my finger. She is near so I decide to give her another finger, but then I hear her phone. I want to continue and ignore the damn thing but I feel her getting distracted so I stop what I’m about to do. 

I’m so close I can’t hold on any longer. I feel the warmth spreading through my limps, blood rushing to my clit and my muscles start to shake. My head falls back as my hold on John’s head tightens, holding on for dear life. I’m in pure ecstasy. And then it happens…my phone starts to ring. I try to ignore it but I can’t and I’m starting to lose my momentum. I can’t believe this is happening, it’s like a curse. We have a history of getting interrupted when it’s the most inconvenient. Where did I store the “Do not disturb” sight Calliope once gave us. 

John stops working his magic tongue and fingers. I look around for my phone but before I find it John stands and grabs it. He answers it and says “This is Mr Marlena Evans Black” with annoyance and possessiveness. I roll my eyes at him and know who is calling me. I reach for my phone which he reluctantly hands me. It’s Mark calling to hear how I’m doing. I tell him I’m okay and thank him for calling. I know I should tell him that there is no possibility for him and I to get involved romantically but now is not the time. John is looking at me like he expects me to tell him too. I hang up and suddenly feel a little shy thinking about what was happening 3 minutes ago. I feel my cheeks blush and my hands start to fiddle with my robe. I really want to continue where we left off before the phone interrupted us. My panties are soaking wet and my thighs sticky from my arousal. I see John cock poking his pants and know he wants it too. But I need to be rational, even though I have never been able to think straight when John is near me, especially when the sexual tension is as thick as it is now. I try to stand up, to put some distance between us but he is quickly by my side, steadying me and guiding me to the sofa. He must know what I’m thinking, because after I sit down he goes to grab the coffee and croissants. “John we need to talk”…. 

Part 7: Water under the Bridge 

Forgiveness….it’s a strange thing…so easy to ask for but so hard to give. I have asked to be forgiven plenty of times, both by the people I love but also by God. And I have had to forgive myself. 

Forgiveness is easier said than done, but when you love someone so much that life without them is not even an option, you have to learn to forgive. We are only human, we can’t go through life being perfect all the time, and we can’t keep punishing the people we love for the mistakes they have made. We are both a perfect example of that…if we weren’t so damn human, our affair never would have happened and our sweet Belle never would’ve been born. That is why I forgive John, because I need him in my life as my husband, my friend, my confidant as my lover. And I forgive myself for not believing in us. For leaving him and our lives when things got tough. Sometimes our instincts and impulses take over, leaving you with guilt and regrets, and it’s just easier to run away from it than to face the mistakes you have made, and the people you have hurt. 

I clear my throat to prepare what I’m about to say. But before I even begin he sits down next to me and takes my hands in his, as he starts to speak. 

“Marlena…I don’t remember much of my life before I met you sweetheart, but I have spent the rest of it loving you. And I will keep loving you till the end of my days.” I need to tell her how I feel, what she means to me, to try and make her understand that we are meant for each other. By some miraculous way I found my way to Salem and to her. She is my first memory from my arrival here and since that first time, I have only truly loved her. We have both been with other people but it was always her. When we weren’t together it always felt like something was missing in my life…a piece of my heart and soul. 

She doesn’t say anything, but I see her tears trying to escape her eyes so I continue. “ We have been apart before, but we always find our way back to each other. And when we aren’t together I’m just a shell off the man you know. I walk around like a zombie just trying to get through life. The fact is I need you a whole lot more than you need me.…I need your back in my life. These months have been hell for me. I know I’m to blame, but I hope you will find it in your heart to forgive me for being such a fool and not be man enough to fight for you, for us. I can’t bear it if I ever lost you again and that’s a fact. Doc… You are everything to me, everything.” 

I pause to take a deep breath and to try and read her. What is going on in that pretty head of hers.? 

He moves me so.. this big strong manly man is the most caring and loving man you will ever find. His words go straight to my heart. And I can’t hold my tears any longer. I love this man, I have loved him since the first time we met. He didn’t know who he was but I didn’t care, I just loved him. And when we were torn apart by horrible circumstances, I still loved him. I simply never stopped. He is right, by some mysterious way we always find our way back to each other. 

With everything we have been through, the obstacles, the pain and sorrow, the people and life circumstances which have kept us apart, it’s all Water Under The Bridge. It doesn’t matter because we are together now and forever… for eternity. 

I need to respond to his words, completely forgetting what I wanted to say when he stopped me. “ John..our love has always been complicated, but it has always been pure. We have overcome more than anybody I know and here we are. You once told me that what we share is so special, that one would be so lucky if they got to experience it just once in a lifetime. I know what you meant by that, even though I didn’t want to acknowledge it at the time. You told me that it was inevitable, that we would be together and you were so right. I tried my best to push you away and make myself believe that I didn’t love you…well we both know how that went” I give him a little smile and continue. “Truth is I have loved you since I first laid my eyes on you, even when I thought you might be Stafano. People think I fell in love with you because I thought you were Roman. But they couldn’t be more wrong. I loved you simply because of you…the man that you were and are. The best father, a great and loving man and one amazing lover. When Roman came back I tried with all my might to forget our love but I never could, because you were never out of my thoughts..you were never out of my heart. I love you”. I need to kiss him right now, so I lean forward towards his awaiting lips. I lightly brush my lips against his before I capture his mouth with all the emotions that the memories of the past have brought back. It’s a passionate and tender kiss, not filled with hunger. We both take our time exploring each other’s mouths. It’s a beautiful thing, to be able to express what’s in our hearts through this intimate gesture. When we break apart, only stop to catch our breath, our foreheads rest against each other. Pure love fills my heart and the air around us. Staying this way I whisper “John…I hope you can forgive me too. We haven’t handled this situation perfectly, but I know in my heart that this was just a bump in the road through our amazing love story…. I love you so much it’s just ridiculous” I can’t help but laugh, because it really is ridiculous, it’s like a teenage crush that just keeps going, way into my forties. “I don’t know what I was thinking when I left the penthouse, clearly I wasn’t thinking straight because I know that when we are together we can overcome anything in our way. No evil or obstacle is a match for our love.  We have always been a team. Nothing or nobody ever could, or never will tear us apart. You have saved me so many times over the years, I don’t even know how to thank you. You have sacrificed your own life for me countless times. You even offered 100,000$ just to dance with me” I smile as I remember that night so clearly. I had just broken my marriage vows to Roman. I was trying so hard to forget my love for John and forget what happened on the plane. And then he showed up and told me he wanted me again. He would take me on whatever terms I asked, but I wasn’t ready to take the leap. Even though I knew he would be there to catch me. 

I can’t help but laugh thinking back at my endless pursuit of her. I must have been quite annoying but I just couldn’t help myself. But as I have said so many times before, she just makes me crazy and I can’t think straight when she is in my orbit. 

I still have things I need to tell her. I move my hand to her face and my thumb gently wipes away her tears. “ Honey.. you don’t need to ask for my forgiveness, there is nothing to forgive. You have always believed in me even during times when I didn’t even believe in myself. You have saved me countless times. When Roman came back I lost everything. I was so close to putting a gun to my head but it was your love that stopped me. I often think to myself that I don’t deserve you, you are way over my league. But the truth is, you make me complete.” I pause for a second. “I’m so sorry for the last couple of months and I will spend the rest of my life trying to make up for it…if you know what I mean” I give her a flirtatious wink. “ I love you so much baby..” I put my hand under her chin and tilts her head up, so I can look at her angelic face. Her eyes are red from her tears, her hair is a morning mess but she has never looked more beautiful than in this moment. It’s been an eventful and emotional morning so I start to think about what I can do for her, to make up for everything and to make a new beginning.

“ Listen, I’m gonna have a quick shower, so why don’t you stay here and enjoy your croissant and now cold coffee”. She starts to laugh, her smile reaching her eyes for the first time in months, and then I realize that even if she wanted to, she couldn’t do anything but stay put, due to her bad foot. I join her laughing and walk towards the bathroom, stopping by the bed to discharge my clothes. It’s just so normal for me to undress in front of her, I don’t give it another thought until I hear her say “ Take it slow and let me enjoy” followed by the laughter of a seductress. Her wish is my command, so I put on a little strip show, just for her. I look over my shoulder, before entering the bathroom, and see her lust filled, smiling face. 

Part 8: The reunion 

Before I jump in the shower I fill the bathtub, my plan is to pamper her all day, starting with giving her a nice bath and a massage. I add some bathing salt and watch as bubbles start to form. In the shower I wash myself using her soap which smells of lilacs, it’s the scent of her. When we all lived at the DiMera mansion I would often use her soap, it made me feel close to her…, I just always liked smelling like her. Quickly I dry myself and then realize that I don’t have any clean clothes to wear. I went for a run in the clothes I wore yesterday and it’s all sweaty. Well the towel will have to do then. Fastening the towel around my waist, I turn off the water to the tub. Looking in the cabinets I find some scented candles which I arrange around the tub. Taking one last glance around the bathroom I feel satisfied with what I had to work with. Turning off the light I walk back to her. 

I wonder what he is doing, it’s taking a long time for him to shower and I hear him rumbling around in there. I feel exhausted but in a good way, our talk was long overdue and I feel like I can finally relax. My mind is brighter and I feel hopeful for us and our future. I even feel positive about facing Brady and I feel confident that I will get through to him and then we can put all this behind us. 

I catch myself smiling and it just gets bigger when John comes out from the bathroom only wearing a towel. His hair is tousled and his chest is still wet. I lick my lips as my eyes roam over his body. Oh my, this man is built like a statue of a Greek god. His abs are so defined, his shoulders board and his arms so delicious and strong. He seems even more beautiful than ever. Maybe it’s because it’s been so long since I last saw him naked. I have seen him in my dreams but they don’t do him justice. My body hasn’t forgotten what he did earlier this morning and it’s still begging for the release it was robbed. Wetness is starting to form at my center, yet again. He starts to walk towards me and I hold my breath. I know he has a plan, I can see this determined look in his eyes. 

I stride across the room with determined steps as I look at her. She is aroused again but she will have to be patient. I’m gonna take my time to pamper her before I’m going to take her and fuck her all day long. That’s my plan anyway, I just hope I can trust myself and not go straight to the fucking part.  

I lift her in my arms and walk to the bathroom. 

A romantic sigh meets my eyes as we enter the bathroom. So that is what took him so long. I can’t help it as I kiss his neck, right at one off his pleasure spots. I feel him hold onto me tighter as I do so. He stops at the bathtub which is full of bubbles and a scent of lilac and candles fill the room. He is such a romantic, always has been. Even when he couldn’t remember anything he always instinctively knew how to treat a woman. It’s just in his genes. I think it pleases him and makes him feel worthy of my love. He lowers me to the floor where I have to lean my weight on one foot, my other still hurting. “I’m going to take care of you baby, first off is a nice warm bath combined with a massage. I know you must be exhausted and your body sore from your fall so this should be nice and relaxing for you” I smile at him, always so tuned in on what I need. Often he knows my needs before I do. That’s the privilege of being with your best friend and soulmate. As I stand he loosens the knot on my robe revealing my naked body underneath. He slowly pushes it off my shoulders, sliding his hands along my arms, feather light. The temperature is rising quickly not only in the room but in my body. You can cut the sexual tension with a deaf knive. He tenderly guides me into the bathtub, carefully lowering me into the hot water. It feels heavenly soaking in the water, feeling the effects on my sore muscles. John sits at the edge. “Aren’t you going to join me big fella?” I say while smiling. 

It’s very difficult to resist temptation when she is giving me that look and smile. But I will try to stick to my plan as long as physically possible. She sure does make it very hard…my cock that is…

“Not now honey, this is just for you” She looks like a disappointed little girl when she pouts her mouth, splashing some water my way.  I grab the washing sponge and some soap. I walk behind her and start at her neck and shoulders. Running the sponge along her skin. Down her arms. I repeat this path a couple of times before I start to gently massage her shoulders. I can feel her relax under my fingers, a sigh leaves her along with some quiet moans. When there aren’t any knots left to massage I decide to move on. I take the shampoo and softly start to massage her hair and scalp. She moans louder saying my hands are magic. I can’t tell you how much I enjoy giving her this kind of love ,attention and affection. It’s rare that we have time for this during our busy lives. I take a mental note to remember to treasure her this way more often. I rinse the shampoo out of her hair, moving to my next destination….her breasts. Taking the sponge again I dip it into the water. I’m still kneeling behind her on the hard floor, my knees are starting to hurt a bit, but I don’t care, so I continue. I bring the sponge to her right breast, following the outline of it. Her nipple gets erect immediately even though the water is warm. I wash around it on purpose, waiting to touch it. I move to her left breast and to the same. She is quiet but I hear her breathing heavily. 

His hands are magic, massaging away all of the tension that’s been gathering up throughout the last couple of months. I feel so relaxed that I’m afraid I might fall asleep. Well that’s my mind thinking, my body could never sleep through his touches, even though they aren’t supposed to be erotic, my body sure thinks otherwise. He is now at my breasts, trying not to touch what is so obviously begging for his attention, sticking out of the water so sensitive and erect. I need him closer so I raise my hands out of the water and lift them over my head to grab him. I find his neck and bring him closer. I can feel his hot breath in my ear now. He kisses my neck with an open mouth and I feel his tongue tasting my skin. I turn my head towards him and capture his mouth with mine. Our tongues immediately meet and dance along each other. We continue kissing for several minutes. I suck on his lower lip which makes him lose his control. He grabs both of my breasts in his hands, massaging, squeezing and pinching my nipples. Suddenly he breaks away and without a word he picks up the sponge and continues his way down my body. 

I need to keep going and keep my instincts at bay. I nearly lost it before when she kissed me like that. But I will stay focused on my task. I move the sponge down her perfect belly, moving closer to her center. I feel her tense under my touch probably anticipating my next destination. But I disappoint her when I move past her throbbing pussy, and go to her feet instead. Sitting at the other end of the bathtub I wash her feet gently. She tries to pull her foot to her when I hit a ticklish spot, but I hold on, not letting her go. After taking care of her cute feet I move up her long legs that seem to go on forever. I move myself along the bathtub and find the perfect place to sit for my final destination… her pussy. I know this must be torture for her, having in mind what I put her through earlier. She must be losing her mind with lust and pent up sexual frustration..I know I am. Her eyes are half open as she stares at me. Silently begging my to touch her, to take her now. I move my hand under the water and slide it slowly down her pubic bone to her awaiting lips. I palm her pussy, putting pressure on her clit. Her moan is loud, sounding like she is in pain. “John please…” dear god I can’t keep it together when she begs. 

I can’t stand it any longer. I need him to take me right now. I don’t care about romancing and pampering, I need him to fuck me hard. So I beg him, knowing what it does to him. His hand is massaging my clit, I’m so close to exploding and I’ll be damned if he stops now. I put my hand over his and guide his movements on my pussy, while my hips grind involuntarily. I can feel the fire starting at my toes and travel through my body. My heart is pounding hard in my chest and my breathing is short and quick. “Come for me baby” he says and then everything goes black as my body spasms against our hands. 

I’m in awe of her. Sitting here, getting a front row seat of this beautiful sight. Nothing is more satisfying to me than watching her orgasem. And I’m the one giving her such pleasure. I can’t help but feel kind of proud. I keep my hand buried between her thighs, stroking her softly, never removing my eyes from her pleasure filled face. She opens her eyes slowly with an almost drunk glam to them. I smile at her, just happy to see her this way again after so many months apart. 

“We need to get you out of this water” I tell her and remove my hand from her center. 

I can’t really think straight right now. I’m too caught up in the after effects of my orgasm. So I don’t protest when he reaches for me and helps me get out of the tub. I’m not really sure how I ended up sitting on top of the sink counter, but I come to my senses when John puts a towel around my shoulders. I place my hands on each side of his face and look him deeply in his eyes. His pupils are dilated from pure arousal. He needs to stop being the perfect gentleman and just take me. I pull his lips to mine, spreading my legs to make him stand between them. The kiss quickly turns into an erotic and hungry one which leaves us both panting. I feel his hard cock at my center, the towel around his waist, being the only obstacle for its entrance to its inevitable destination. While we kiss, I slide my hands down his muscled chest and stop when I reach the towel. And with one swift move it lands at the floor, leaving him standing naked in front of me. His lips leave mine and he starts kissing my neck, across my collarbone ending at my jaw, where he sinks his teeth into my flesh. I start pumping his cock slowly with one hand while I drape the other around his neck. My nails digging into his flesh. He bends his head down, his mouth lashing onto my breast, sucking and twirling his tongue around my nipple. I feel my head fall back against the mirror behind me. 

I imagine what we must look like in this very private and intimate moment. I’m actually wishing there was a mirror I could see us in. The thought makes me ever more turned on and I feel my juices flow from my center. His hands firmly grab my ass and pull me to the edge of the counter, our pelvis so close together without connecting. His eyes look serious when he says

 “ No more playing”. 

I’m done with the pampering, I can’t control myself any longer, the need for her is so strong and overwhelming that I can’t think of anything but fucking her right here, right now. Our bodies are so close, my cock pressing against her pussy, sliding up and down between her lips, her wetness and my precum the perfect lubricant. This so not going to be slow and gentle lovemaking and I don’t think she will want that. She is too far gone as am I. Her hand guides my cock, placing the tip of it at her entrance. Our forehead rests against each other, both of us looking down between us. She grabs my ass and slowly presses me further inside her pussy. I hold my breath. The pressure from her tight canal too much for me to handle so I stop her. I need a minute to control myself or this will be over before we even get started. “Don’t move” I tell her. She is so tight, and I know she also needs a minute to adapt to my size. I take her lips in a slow kiss to help us both to calm down a bit before we let loose. I feel her relax around me so I push my cock all the way to the hilt. We both moan and gasp at the exquisite feeling of finally being joined again. We fit together perfectly in all possible ways. I start to pump into her in long slow strokes. Almost slipping all the way out of her and then back in. We both look down again to watch how I disappear inside of her. Both of us panting, sharing the same air. 

I find it very erotic to watch how his cock slides into me, so hard and thick, covered in both our juices. I’m amazed that I’m capable of taking him, considering his size. He starts out slowly to get my walls to relax and it’s working. I’m taking him with no resistance now. My hips start to move, to meet his thrusts, as I lean back on my hands, exposing my naked body to him. He has one hand on my hip, keeping me in place, the other is squeezing my breast, playing with my nipple. Oh God this feels so good, I’m so caught up in the moment, the sexual air around us, that I don’t feel anything but the pure bliss he is bringing my body. I move one hand slowly down my stomach, stopping at my clit where I start moving in slow circles. Not that I need to be more aroused, I don’t think that’s possible, but I can’t help myself. John brings out this sexy vixen that nobody would ever know exists. I massage myself not only for my own pleasure but also for John. I know he absolutely loses control when he sees me touch myself. I bite my lower lips as I stare him deeply in the eyes and can’t help the small noises I make. Staring back at me John picks up his pace, pounding into my body faster and harder, making my breast bounce. “I love you, oh god I love you” I whisper between my moans. 

Her touching herself is my undoing and she is definitely doing it to make me lose control. My movements become frantic. I just can’t get enough of her, I can’t get in deep enough. I just want this feeling to last as long as possible but she is making it very hard, the touching, the way she moves her hips against me, her moans, the sexy look in her eyes, her lips red and swollen from my kisses. She is the pure image of sex, passion and love. I feel this familiar feeling starting at my toes and I know I need to do something, or else this will be over soon. “Get on your feet” I tell her, completely forgetting she has a sprained ankle. I help her down from the counter and turn her around so that she is facing the mirror. We look at each other in the mirror as my arms wrap around her, one hand grabbing her breast and the other cupping her pussy. Both hands start massaging. Her head falls back on my shoulder, giving me access to her neck where my tongue licks her and my teeth scrape her skin. “Look at us”. I want her to watch. Our eyes lock in the mirror and I am overcome by how erotic and beautiful we both look. 

I feel his hard cock just above my ass, as I look at us in the mirror. I was wrong, I could get even more aroused than I already was. Never before have I seen us in this very intimate position. It’s both very erotic but also very vulnerable being this exposed. My ass grinds against his cock, to the movement of his hand on my pussy. I completely forgot about my foot, so caught up in him…in us. It’s starting to hurt so I lean a little forward bringing my knee up to rest on the sink counter, while I stand on one leg. I hear John growl at the sight I’m giving him. Opening myself to him…to his cock. I feel his hips pressing against my ass, his cock sliding between my wet folds. I brace myself for what’s about to happen. 

I look at her from this position and think I must be the luckiest man in the world. My hands firmly grab her ass, my fingers digging into her flesh as I spread her cheeks. My cock finds its way to her folds where it easily slides between her lips. It’s too much for me to handle. With one hard move I enter her with ease. This position makes it possible to go even deeper inside her canal and hit her sweet spot. She tightens around my cock which tells me that I found the secret spot. She once told me that before me, she didn’t even know that spot existed, the one that makes her scream for more. I pound into her hard and fast, not able to go slow. I search for her eyes in the mirror to see if I’m too rough. But all I see is her beautiful face, eyes closed and her mouth formed in an O shape. That is all I need to see to continue. I bite her shoulder to keep myself from making too much sound, leaving a mark there. Then I hear her…”Harder John, I need to feel you deep and hard”. All rational thoughts leave me as a caveman takes over my body. My hands are everywhere on her body, pinching, pulling, spanking, squeezing. My tongue licks, my teeth bite and my mouth kisses her everywhere. 

I feel him all over me and inside of me. And still I need to feel more of him. So I reach behind and grab his ass. I catch a glimpse of us in the mirror and that’s when I lose my willpower to fight the orgasm that has been threatening to explode since the last one ended. The muscles in my pussy clench around his cock, my arm gives in as I lower myself to the counter and I feel my knee start to give in. Everything goes black as I fall into the abyss of sex and love. 

Her pussy has a tight hold on my cock, signaling that she is very near. “Baby I love you..oh God!” I shout. I can’t hold it any longer so I explode into her at the exact same moment as her. Her pussy squeezing and milking every single drop of my cum. My knees feel weak and my instinct is to just fall down but I feel her struggling to stay on her feet. So I take her in my arms and hold her tight, my cock still buried deep inside of her. We stay this way until our bodies have calmed down a bit. Reluctantly I remove myself from inside of her as I take her in my arms and lift her to the bed. 

Part 9: The reconciliation 

We have been locked up inside this room for 2 days now, making love, fucking like crazy, talking, just enjoying each other. But reality awaits. We both need to get back to our jobs and our children. Shutting out the world has been just what we needed, getting reacquainted with each other’s mind and body. Even though the last 4 months have been hell, I think it actually has done us some good. We both agree that we will never take each other for granted and we have to trust in our love…always.. no matter what or who is trying to convince us otherwise. 

I need to get back to our penthouse and fix things with Brady. I want us to be a family again and I’m going to do everything it takes for him to feel loved and wanted. John called Brady and Belle and told them that we were at the Inn together and we would come home today. I’m feeling nervous. I hope with all of my heart that we can make things right.

I look at John, he is on the phone with Abe, talking about the case. During the last 2 days John has been more romantic and more emotional than ever before. He has been so attentive, hovering around me, pampering me just making me feel like the luckiest woman in the world. I will have to figure out a special way to thank him. 

He turns around, still on the phone, and smiles his handsome smile at me. He is still wearing only a towel, clothes have not been needed the last 2 days. There is a knock on the door, it’s the maid with John clothes, washed and dried. I get up and head for the bathroom to get ready to leave this love nest behind and enter our real lives. 

Abe is telling me about the progress they have made on the case. He is asking me to come with him to Washington to brief the ISA. I turn around and look at Marlena, and I can’t give him the answer he wants. I can’t and won’t leave her right now. She needs me. Not only for physical support but also emotional support. I’m not letting her fix this thing with Brady on her own. I’m going to stand firmly by her side, ready to catch her if she falls. She has been tossing in her sleep, having nightmares again. She hasn’t told me about them, saying she doesn’t remember. I don’t believe her. She is trying to protect me because she knows I don’t do well if I know something is upsetting her. Maybe it’s “just” the old nightmares from before that hunts her, but I feel like something is different this time. 

My clean clothes have arrived so I say goodbye to Abe. It’s time to get back to our lives even though it’s quite difficult leaving this little bubble we have created here. 

John opens the door for me and lets me walk into our penthouse first. The smell is so familiar, it makes me so happy and safe. Everything looks the same, not a single thing has changed during the last 4 months. On my crutches I walk around the living room, touching the many photo frames that hold so many memories of our whole family. Happy times with all of our children, and sweet memories from our weddings. I turn around and look at John with tears in my eyes, happy tears. “It’s so good to be home” I tell him as he wraps his arms around me and gives me one of his famous bear hugs. His embrace is so warm and loving and I feel my body melting into his. I hear the door open and Belle walks in, her face one big smile. She runs towards me and falls into my arms. She tells me how happy she is to have us all under the same roof again and I can only agree. 

I am so content and grateful to have her back. Seeing her and our daughter sit together on the sofa watching their favorite show makes my heart swell with love. This is just what she needs, what we all need. I don’t know where Brady is and I can’t help but feel a little nervous about the possibility of a confrontation when he comes home. I don’t want that for her or him for that matter. And certainly I don’t want that for Belle, she doesn’t need to be in the middle of this, having to choose sides or having to defend her mother or brother. But I don’t want to think about that right now, so I join my favorite girls on the sofa and just enjoy this moment. 

It’s getting late as I look at Marlena sleeping peacefully on the sofa together with Belle. After I made them dinner, we watched a movie and ate popcorn. They both fell asleep in the middle, leaving me to finish the romantic horror called “The Notebook”. I can see why they love that movie but if I compare it to the love story that is Marlena and I, that movie would pale in comparison. The story of Us is one of the greatest of all time. It has everything that makes a great love story and we haven’t even gotten to the end yet but I know for sure that it will be a happy ending…that’s a fact.

First I carry Belle to her room, she wakes up halfway and laughs at me, telling me that I could just have woken her up and that she isn’t a little girl anymore. I know that, but I like it when I get to treat her as the sweet little 6 year old girl she used to be. I kiss her forehead and tell her goodnight. Next up is her mother. I carry her upstairs to our bedroom and gently place her in our bed. She must be exhausted and overwhelmed because she doesn’t even wake up when I start to undress her. I crawl underneath the covers and she snuggles close to me, laying her head in the crock of my neck, and soon I join her in our dreams. 

I wake up early with a big smile on my face. Waking up with her again in our house and our bed it’s just a blessing. I squeeze her tightly and inhale her scent. As difficult as it may be I have to leave this bed and her. I told Abe that I would come by the station and talk to him again about this case. Hopefully I will be home before she wakes up and realizes that I have been gone. I carefully remove myself from the bed, careful not to wake her. Before I leave I write her a quick note saying where I am and that I will be home soon. I let my fingers caress her peaceful face and kiss her gently on her nose and then her forehead. I take a minute to just stand and look at her before I walk out the room. 

I wake up stretching my lazy body, feeling completely well rested and happy. I reach for John but to my disappointment his side of the bed is empty. I call for him but get no answer. I look at the time, 11am…Jesus no wonder he got up already. I don’t remember going to bed or getting out of my clothes, I must have fallen asleep during the movie. I’m very impressed by John’s skills, getting me undressed without waking me and taking me. He must have known that I needed a good night’s sleep. I find a note from him on the nightstand saying he will be home soon. I lay back down and feel butterflies in my stomach, I can hardly believe that I’m really here and everything is gonna be alright. Now I just need to talk to Brady. I get up and take a shower. Looking at myself in the mirror I recognize the woman staring back at me. I haven seen her in over 4 months. My body is covered in lovebite from John’s hungry mouth, and there are small bruises from his firm hands on my waist, breasts and ass. I see myself blush at the thought of how they got there. Images of us in front of the mirror, in the bed, against the wall. Jesus.. I can never get enough of him. 

After getting dressed I start to make my way downstairs, supported by my crutches. It’s not easy going down the stairs so I take my time. Only 3 steps to go….. suddenly I lose my balance. Panic sets in, I put my sprained ankle down but I’m not able to put weight on it..and then it happens..I feel myself falling and hitting the bottom of the steps with a loud bang. 

I hear a loud ringing, my sight is blurred, someone is saying my name and stroking my cheek. “Marlena..Marlena… oh my God…Marlena are you alright?” I hear Brady’s voice, full of panic. I sit up and grab my head, a bit confused about what happened. “Brady!! What happened” I ask. “I heard a loud noise and came down to find you laying here at the bottom of the stairs. Are you okay, are you hurt?” He is speaking fast and looking at me with examining eyes. He helps me stand up and guides me to the sofa. Thankfully I’m not hurt, just a bit shaken up and shocked. “I’m okay, I’m okay. Thank you darling, I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t been home” I smile at him, taking his hand in mine. We both look at our hands and become silent. I’m hoping this moment won’t end so I take a deep breath. But before I start to say anything he stands up, saying he is gonna get me a glass of water. He comes back and hands me the water, I thank him and take a sip. Placing the glass on the table I start this way overdue conversation. 

“ Brady..I know things between us haven’t been easy during the last 6 months, and I want to apologize for that. I really don’t know what went wrong but I hope you will tell me what I have done to make you hate me. I would never deliberately do anything to hurt you or make you feel unloved. But if I have done anything I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me” I look at him with compassionate eyes hoping he will accept my apology. “I have loved you since the day you were born and I have never stopped loving you. You have always been my sweet boy. I don’t just love you because you are your father’s son. I love you simply because you are my son, my child, just as much as my other children. If I have done anything to make you feel any less I am so so sorry” I let out a long breath, letting go of my nerves. I have said what I needed to. So I wait for him to respond. 

“No..No..please stop it Marlena. Please don’t… I have been horrible to you, you never deserve that. All you ever did was love me, I know that. I guess I have been dealing with insecurities and doubts, but you were never the reason. I don’t know why I have been such an idiot towards you. I hope you can forgive me. You have taken care of me, comforted me and loved me since I was born and for that I’m ever grateful. You are the only mother I have ever known.” I look into his eyes which are just as bright and blue as his father’s. I can’t help my tears falling but this sweet boy means the world to me. “When I came down and found you laying there on the floor, I got so scared thinking something bad had happened to you. All my problems suddenly seem irrelevant, and I realized that you are not to blame……I love you Mom”. I through my arms around him and hug him as hard as I can. Projecting all my love for him so that he can physically feel it. “ Jesus Mom, are you trying to squeeze me to death” he says while laughing. I join him laughing as we just sit hugging for a while. I’m tempted to ask him what it is that is troubling him so much but I resist, not wanting to push him too much. We have made a lot of progress today and I don’t want to blow it. Instead I say “If you ever need someone to talk to, you just come to me. I will love you no matter what and I will not judge you, do you hear me?” He hears the seriousness in my voice and looks at me nodding his head, silently saying okay. 

It’s 3pm now, 8 hours since I left the comfort of her arms wrapped around me. Abe told me this would be quick but something caught my eye when I read through the case again. Something feels off, I can’t exactly put my finger on it. Abe still wants me to come to Washington with him. If I say yes we will leave in 2 days. I’m conflicted, I don’t want to leave my family now that we are finally all back together but at the same time, I feel like it’s important that I go with Abe. I can’t explain it. 

I need to call Doc and let her know that this is taking longer than expected. I smile when I hear her voice. “ Hey Pretty Lady.. I’m still stuck at the station. I miss you sweetheart”. I can almost hear her pouting her lips in disappointment and that makes me smile even more. “ What are you doing and more importantly what are you wearing?” Abe rolls his eyes at me so I leave the room to find some privacy. She tells me that she talked to Brady, she sounds happy and hopeful. I tell her that I love her and I will be home in a few hours. 

Walking back to Abe I make a decision. I’m going to go to Washington with him. It will be a quick trip lasting only 3 days and then I will be back home. Still I get this nagging feeling that I can’t shake off. Something about this whole thing seems off, making me feel uneasy, again I can’t put my finger on it. 

I come home finding her asleep on the sofa, her glasses still on and a book is laying on her stomach. She looks adorable. I sit next to her and gently place a tender kiss on her cheek, my hands softly rubbing her arms. She moans and begins to wake up, looking at me with sleepy eyes. 

John wakes me, interrupting yet another strange and unpleasant dream. I must have fallen asleep while reading. “You’re home” I say smiling at him. I start to tell him about my conversation with Brady but I don’t tell him about my fall from the stairs. I don’t want him to worry and fuss over me. Nothing serious happened so no need for him to worry. 

We sit on the sofa and I tell him about Brady. He is so happy that things are getting back to what it used to be. 

I feel better leaving her, knowing that Brady will be there to keep her safe and I won’t have to worry about that anymore. Now I just have to find the right moment to tell her about my trip. Seeing her sitting there with her glasses on, telling me about Brady I can’t bear to blow her bubble so I decide to wait and let us have this night where everything feels right again. 

“ Doc, you are one amazing woman and mother, we are all so lucky to have you in our lives. You known??…. You are the glue that holds this family together” pulling her lips towards mine I nipple her lower lip, not kissing her. I move to her ear and nipple her earlobe, a sigh escaping her mouth. I firmly grab her chin and attack her mouth with mine. My tongue is dancing around with hers. We both quickly get caught up in the moment and the desire, the kiss awakens. “Are we alone?” I ask her with a heavy breath. Unfortunately both Belle and Brady are in their rooms, or else I would have taken her right here on the sofa with her wearing her sexy glasses. 

“ I need to get you to bed right now” my voice is firm and determined but full of promise of what tonight will bring. I’m quick to pick her up, but she stops me before I run for the stairs. She starts to take off her glasses. “No don’t… leave them on please” I say moving fast towards the stairs, with her laughing body in my arms. 

Part 10: The goodbye 

I sit in the reading chair in our bedroom waiting for her to come out of the bathroom. She is taking her time so I try to think of the best way to tell her about my soon departure. I don’t like leaving her, I never did. Fear of something happening to her while I’m gone always consumes my thoughts. And with good reason. My absence leaves her vulnerable to dangerous predators, who only want one thing. To make sure we suffer, taking either of us away and leaving us in suffering and despair. It’s not only her who has been kidnapped and held against her will. Flashes enter my mind, of myself tied up in a dungeon, the chain’s eating into my skin. The fear of forgetting her, forgetting my children. She came to my rescue and was willing to give herself to that monster to save me and my memories. Even then I only worried about her. I will never stop worrying and I will never feel completely confident that we are out of danger. I try to push those unsettling fears away, telling myself that nothing bad is gonna happen and I will only be gone for 3 days. The door to the bathroom opens and snaps me out of those dark thoughts. 

Tonight I’m going to thank him properly for taking such good care of me, especially the last couple of days. So I am gonna do it the best way I know how to. I know him so well and know that my surprise is going to be his undoing. I can’t help but smile as I enter the bedroom, seeing him sitting there in the chair wearing his black boxers and a sexy smile. 

She is standing in front of me wearing her robe, stilettos and her glasses, steadying herself on the vanity, not putting too much weight on her foot. Her hair is in a loose bun on top of her head, with a couple of loose curls framing her face. Oh God she is sexy. People would not believe me if I told them what she is capable of in the privacy of our bedroom. I clear my throat as it becomes dry just by looking at her. 

I sure have his attention now. I can see his heart beating in his chest, his mouth must be dry because he’s licking his lips. That’s my cue to start this game. 

“So Mr Black, what seems to be your problem since you had to book an emergency appointment on a Saturday night?” I put on my professional voice and look curious at him. I see him light up, quickly getting what I’m doing and where this is going. “It’s this woman, I can’t stop thinking about her, she is always on my mind every second of every day. Even when I’m asleep I dream of her” he says. “And is that a problem for you Mr Black”….He sighs “It’s a constant state of frustration”.

 “And do you have feelings for this woman or is it a mere sexual fascination?” 

“Oh God I love her, I love her so much it hurts sometimes. She made me the man I am today and the fact is I never even existed until I saw myself in her eyes”. 

Oh my..I wasn’t expecting him to respond so seriously and with such intense emotions. But his words just melt my heart and I break character for a second as I lean towards him, my thumb lightly caresses his lips, while I whisper “I love you so much”. 

I gather myself and continue this roleplay. 

“My professional opinion is that it seems like you are suffering from a severe case of love sickness. Unfortunately there is no pill for that but I know of this new “hands on therapy” that might help you. Would you care to try it?” He swallows hard and I see he is thinking about a clever way to answer my question. 

Oh she is good at this. It’s not our first time experimenting with roleplay but this takes it to a whole new level. I think about what I’m going to answer as my eyes roam down her body. I wonder what she is hiding underneath the robe. “Tell me Doctor, am I your first patient to try this new method?” I say with a serious face. 

“Yes I’m afraid you are, so I can’t say for sure if it will work”…..”And what will your husband think about a patient of yours getting to be that close to you?” My question surprises her and I’m curious to hear her response. “Oh he won’t mind, you should be more worried about my boyfriend. He is quite possessive and doesn’t like to share”. 

She gives me a mischievous smile. My cock is becoming impatient and growing fast, I’m sure she sees it through the thin fabric of my boxers. I need this to move a little faster.  

“Okay Doctor Evans, I’m willing to give this a try, where do we start?” She clears her throat and says “Oh this is quite embarrassing but before we begin I have a problem that I can’t fix myself. Could you please help me?” Her voice is small and soft, with a bit of helplessness in it. She plays this part very well. “Well of course, what can I do” I answer her. “ it’s this knot on my robe, I tied it too hard and I can’t seem to undo it myself. You seem like a strong gentleman who would be capable of taking care of this problem”. Oh now she is putting on her seductive voice. I stand and place myself mere inches away from her body. I can feel the heat coming from her and her scent invades me. Without a word my fingers find the knot and without any problems loosens it, opening her robe and revealing what she is hiding underground. Slowly my hands push the robe down her arms, letting it fall to the floor. I stumble a step backwards when my eyes look down at her body. I can feel and hear my heart beating fast and loud, my adrenaline running through my veins. Dear God she is beautiful… standing in front of me clad in stilettos, stockings, garter belt, see through panties and bra and one of my ties around her neck. My cock twitches and aches from the sight of her. I’m unsure if we are still playing this game so I don’t make a move, which requires all of my willpower and goes against all of my instincts. 

Just the way he looks me up and down makes me so wet. His gaze is so full of want, admiration and desire, it makes me feel powerful and in charge. I haven’t really made a plan for my next move because I’m surprised that he isn’t already ravishing my body. I have to come up with something so I improvise. 

“I need you to lie down for me…on the bed… on your stomach..” My voice is raspy as I make my command. He groans, our bodies lightly brushing against each other, as he walks around me. When he is on the bed, I grab the massage oil, I put some in my hands and rub them together to warm it up. 

I start massaging his calf, gliding my hands all the way to the end of his thigh. We both moan at the feeling of our bodies finally touching. Next I straddle him, sitting lightly on his ass. I start to massage his broad shoulders and muscled back preparing for my speech. I clear my throat as I begin speaking. 

“The thing about being completely head over heels in love and consumed by someone is actually quite an interesting and complex studie. What happens is a chemical reaction in the brain. When in love, your brain produces dopamine and oxytocin which flood your brain and activate the reward and pleasure center. You will experience not being able to think of anything else than the person you are in love with. Some people say they feel possessed. You will feel a constant desire and longing which can feel excruciating and painful at times when you’re not together.” I can feel he is listening carefully to my words so I continue. “The need you will feel to physically touch your partner is actually a clever mechanism. Touching will produce oxytocin which has the purpose of you and your partner connecting on a higher level. Especially the area around the nipples produce a large amount of oxytocin. And last but not least we have the endorphins. Making you feel high, adrenaline pumping through your body but also happy, relaxed and at ease. Orgasms are the most effective way of producing endorphins” The last phrase I say in a low raspy voice, revealing my own high at this point. “ But you will have to be very careful. All of those chemicals are highly addictive….” I feel him stir under me, his hips grinding into the bed. 

I’m done playing now. My panties are soaking wet and I need his mouth right now so I give him one last command. “Turn around now….”

I quickly turn around and somehow manage to grab her and flip her around so that she lies on her back. I’m straddling her, pinning her arms over her head. I only have one thing left to say to her before I completely lose control and ravish her. “ Thank you Doctor, but it’s too late for me. I’m already addicted and I don’t think I’m interested in being cured.” I smack my mouth to hers, opening wide as I kiss her so madly that I even surprise myself. She is trying to get her hands free from my hold but I don’t let her. Her hips grind against my cock, which is still tucked away, but begging to be freed. I break the kiss and hover over her, taking in this beautiful creature underneath me. Her eyes begging me to take her. I loosen my tie around her neck, one hand still pinning her arms. I place the tie around her hands and tie her to the bed. I lean back on my knees and again I take a moment to imprint this image of her into my mind. I cup her breasts, squeeze softly and pull her bra down, giving me access to suck her nipple into my mouth. When my need for her breasts is satisfied I move slowly down her belly, kissing and nipping her skin. I reach her panties and rub my nose against them, inhaling her sweet scent. Kissing her through her panties I feel how wet she is. I growl loud as I slide them to the side and stick my tongue deep inside of her pussy. I could stay down here all night if she would let me, but I know she wants more. She is looking down at me, panting and biting her lower lips. Her orgasm is near, I see it in her face, feel it in the way her body tenses and the way she is clenching and dripping from her center. And then she explodes, my mouth planted on her pussy, licking her sweet nectar.

The things he does to me and my body. I can’t control it as I explode into what I must assume will be the first of many orgasms tonight. With my arms tied over my head, lying in front of him this way, watching him bring me over the edge with his mouth, is so erotic. I feel safe even though I can’t move. I know his intentions and I know that he will do everything in his power, to bring me the most pleasure. I need him to free my arms so I can wrap them around him. I need to feel him closer to me. “John..Untie me please, I need to touch you” I beg him, my orgasm affecting my voice. He kneels between my legs, spreading them wider as he leans forward, freeing my hands. I quickly wrap them around his neck and force his mouth to mine, tasting myself on his tongue, which was buried deep into my pussy only minutes ago. My legs wrap around his hips as I pull him closer to me. Our kiss is slow, both of us taking a little time out before we move on to the next stage. 

I feel this need in her tonight, she somehow seems afraid, I can’t explain it. It’s in the way she looks at me, the way she kisses me and the way she doesn’t seem to be able to get me close enough. It’s funny because I feel the exact same way. Tonight is gonna be different somehow, we both seem to be very emotional. Tonight is not going to be rough and hurried. It’s going to be gentle and tantric, lasting for hours. 

My finger traces the laced edge of her panties before I rip them off her, snapping the elastic band. It surprises her and she lets out a loud gasp. I bring them my nose and inhale, reminding myself to remember to pack them in my suitcase for my trip. I need something to remember her by when I lie lonely in the hotel bed. She is still wearing her glasses, stilettos, garter belt and stockings. I quickly remove my boxers and crawl back between her long slender legs. Lowering myself down onto her I rest on my elbows, my fingers gently remove some hair strands away from her face. We look deeply into each other’s eyes, into our souls as I enter her slowly. When I’m as deep as I can go, she tightens her legs around my hips ,holding me there. 

“I don’t deserve you baby” I whisper to her. “I love you so much…more than you would ever know”. 

Something is different tonight. I have this strange feeling of fear and dread. I know John feels it too. 

We both need each other tonight in every possible way, both emotional and physical. And that is what we are going to do. Be there for each other all night. To reassure each other of our love and soulmate connection. To put our fears aside and just be in the present and enjoy this beautiful life and love that we share. 

I know it’s going to be a long night of lovemaking till the sun comes up and that is all I want right now. “I love you so very much….oh God I love this man” are my last words before another orgasm rips through my body. 

I feel her stir in her sleep. I’m spooning her, my arms wrapped tightly around her body. She is calling out my name, her voice filled with fear and desperation. I look at the time, it’s 8 in the morning. We have only been asleep for 3 hours. I’m tempted to wake her from her nightmare but I also know she needs her sleep. I whisper in her ear that I’m here and it’s just a dream. She stirs against before her subconscious registers my reassuring words, stopping the horror she is dreaming about. It’s Sunday and I leave tomorrow morning. As soon as she wakes up I’m gonna have to tell her. 

My dream wakes me again. I feel John’s arms around my body holding me very tight. I look at the time.. 9.30 in the morning. My body is sore in every place imaginable. My nightmare is still very fresh in my mind. It’s the same dream that I have been having for a couple of weeks now. I can’t make sense of it and I haven’t told John about it. Well it is just a bad dream I tell myself, not completely convinced. I try to untangle myself from John’s hold to go to the bathroom, but he holds me in place and says “No don’t go”. “Honey I need to go to the bathroom” I say giggling. 

My ankle is remarkably better and I can actually put some weight on it and walk around. John is sitting up in bed when I come back. I know that look on his face..he has something he has to tell me. 

There is no right time to tell her, so I might as well do it now, even though I would much rather spend the morning buried between her thighs. 

“Come here baby” I tell her and reach my hand out for her to take, and guide her to my lap. When she is settled, I wrap my arm around her waist, the other goes to her face where I brush a strand of hair behind her ear. She wraps her arms around my neck and says “What’s on your mind Honey”. She knows me so well. I have never been able to keep anything from her. 

“Abe asked me to go to Washington with him, to brief the ISA about this case I have been helping with. At first I said no, knowing I wouldn’t be able to leave you, now that we are finally back on the right track. And then you had that talk with Brady and I thought that maybe it would all be ok and I could go. It’s only 3 days…I’m supposed to leave tomorrow, but if you are not okay with it, I will call them and let them know I won’t come.” I hold my breath waiting for her answer. 

“Will you be safe?” Her voice is sad and worried. 

“Of course sweetheart, I’m only going to brief them, not go on a mission” I smile at her, tilting her head so I can look her in the eyes. “It’s going to be ok baby, I promise I will be careful and hurry back to you” I kiss away the small tears escaping her eyes. 

After a while where we just embrace each other and enjoy being connected and close, she pulls away looking straight into my eyes “ Please don’t be a hero” I smile at her and say “Do I look like a hero?”…

“Yes you do…you are my hero, my knight in shining armor, my protector and you better promise me that you will come back in 3 days and in one piece”. “I promise…not a million wild horses could keep me from coming home to you” My hands grab her face and our lips meet in the softest of kisses. I remind myself to remember to pack her panties from last night. 

Part 11: The first day

It’s been a long day…I’m finally home, sitting on the sofa with my foot elevated. I think I might have overdone it today, my ankle is pounding. 

The day started out in the worst possible way, saying goodbye to John. I know it’s pathetic, it’s only 3 days until I see him again, but even if it was just 1 day I would still hate saying goodbye to him. I watched him pack his suitcase in the early hours of the morning. I noticed that he took the seethrough panties he ripped off me the other night. He is no better than I am when it comes to being away for only a few days. When he finished packing we said our goodbyes. 

“Please be careful and have a safe trip…I love you so..” I kissed him deeply, giving him something to remember me by. He told me that there was still time for a quickie, flashing his boyish smile and lifting one eyebrow. I was tempted to take him up on his offer, but then it would have been even harder to let him leave. So I told him “ You need to get out of here Sailor or else you are gonna miss your plane”. We held hands all the way from the bedroom to the front door, our fingers laced together. We shared another passionate kiss before he walked out the door. As he entered the elevator and turned to look at me, we said our final I love you’s. 

Later I went to my office to catch up on some paperwork. It felt good to be back and I needed to distract myself instead of just sitting around alone with my thoughts. 4 hours went by quickly and I decided to stop for the day. On my way out I bumped into Mark. I completely forgot about him….John makes it easy to forget that other men even exist. We made small talk, he asked me how my ankle was doing and if I was okay. I got the feeling that he was trying to detect if I was back with John, so I hinted that I was back in my penthouse with my family. I didn’t feel the need to clarify or justify my situation to him…I barely know him other than the night at the party and the “date” to the movies. 

I can’t stop thinking about our short conversation. Something was weird, felt strange. Come to think of it, it was something he said. He said that it must be lonely in that big penthouse all by myself. How would he know that John is away?? I don’t remember mentioning that to him. 

A chill runs through my body and by instinct I go to the door, making sure I locked it and set the alarm. 

Returning to the sofa I think about my children. Today 2 of them needed me. First it was Carrie who I bumped into at the hospital. My precious oldest child… John and I call her the child of our hearts. She has always been a good and loyal girl but lately she has been conflicted. She is working closely with Mike at the hospital which is putting pressure on her relationship with Austin. She hasn’t told me about her feelings towards Mike, but I have seen them together, the looks and the small touches, signs that tell the tale of 2 young people who are trying to deny the feelings they have for each other. I should know, I have been there with John. I know what that looks like even though I thought I could hide it, other people noticed. She reminds me so much of myself, which is funny given I’m not her birth mother. But I have raised her since she was little, just like Brady. Carrie told me that she and Austin had another fight and she felt she is to blame for their troubles, because she is the one neglecting their relationship. She doesn’t know that I know what is really troubling her. I pretend not to know about her feelings towards Mike, so I give her the best advice that I can’t without making her feel bad or wrong. I try to stay neutral….. I want to tell her to be careful and think all of this through and not make a mistake that can’t be undone. But I know it won’t make a difference…the heart wants what it wants. I can’t advise her what to do, only she will know. What I can do is listen to her and just love her though this hard time. 

Finally I was in my car heading home when Belle called my phone in panic. She told me that she was going on a date with Shawn tonight and that she forgot to pick up her dress at the dry cleaners and she didn’t have anything else to wear. I reacted by laughing out loud at the fact that teenage problems are so simple when you are an adult, but when you’re 17 it’s a matter of life and death. She started crying telling me it’s not funny, so I tried my best to be serious and offered to pick up her dress at Salem Place. 

At Salem place I ran into Brady and Chloe. I didn’t know they were friends. Brady seemed nervous and was trying to explain to me why they were there together. It was then I realized that Brady is head over heels in love with his little sister’s best friend. I must say they looked adorable together. I wonder if Chloe knows how he feels about her. We said goodbye and he told me he would be home later.

It’s 6 in the evening now and Brady is still not home and Belle left for her date 1 hour ago. I haven’t heard from John since earlier when he texted me that he had arrived safely and was going directly to ISA headquarters. I’m tempted to text him, but I know I will hear from him as soon as he can get a break. I turn on the tv and flick through the channels, nothing catches my interest. I hear someone at the door and my heart starts beating fast. Jesus Marlena..relax I tell myself. I don’t know what it is with me these days. And sure..in walks Brady. “Brady you’re home!!” My voice sounds relieved and happy. 

“Hey Marlena.. what’s with you?” I can understand why my outburst surprises him. 

“Darling I’m just happy you’re home, my mind has been playing tricks with me lately, nothing for you to worry your handsome head about.” He joins me in front of the tv and we sit in silence for a while, watching the news. “Have you eaten?” I ask him, feeling kind of hungry myself. “No actually I haven’t. Should we order something?” He looks at me smiling. “Yeah let’s do that, you want pizza? 

Pizza arrived 30 minutes ago and I can’t force another bite on me. It’s absolutely delightful spending this time alone with Brady. He is his fathers son for sure. He is thoughtful, kind, a gentleman and he would do anything for the people he loves. He has been telling me about school and his insecurities about grades. He hasn’t mentioned anything about Chloe yet so I gently ask him about her. “So Darling..I wasn’t aware that you and Chloe are spending time together”. Instantly he blushes and starts to stutter. “ Ahhh Hmm well we don’t, really. I just happened to run into her at Salem Place, right before we ran into you. She seemed sad, something about parents. I tried to listen to her, she seemed like she needed a friend to talk to and I knew Belle wouldn’t be available because of her date with Shawn”. Oh my heart…this precious boy…I can’t help but smile. “I can tell you really like her” I state matter of fact. “ Haha, is it that obvious?” He laughs and I laugh with him. Suddenly he changes the subject. 

“Mom.. tell me about when I was little. I remember some things but some things are faint and don’t make any sense”….”What do you want to know Honey?” I’m curious as to what is on his mind. 

“ Ever since I can remember you have told me about my mother and how much she loved me and how she wanted you to take care of me. I’m so grateful for that. You have given me a family, and I’m just so thankful for that, even though it’s a messy one at times. But what I really don’t understand is, how come it took so long for us to become a family… I mean for you and dad to hook up” he laughs at that last word. 

His question surprises me, I was not prepared for his interest in Johns and mine history. 

I chuckle as I start “ Well that is the million dollar question. How long do you have?” I laugh and continue. 

“A lot of things played into that. I think the main reason was the guilt we felt from our affair. We hurt a lot of people and we were afraid that we would continue that hurt if we got together. I thought that things would be better if we just stayed friends. It was a very difficult time for the both of us, we loved each other very deeply and we really struggled not to let our feelings be known. But we always made sure that you and Belle were never apart. We wanted you to always have each other no matter how messy our lives were. I can imagine it must have been very confusing for you as a young child. Living with your sister and me, and then your dad would come and stay with us and it would feel like we were a family and then he would leave again”. I pause to let him respond. 

“Yeah it was quite confusing. I remember we did all this family stuff together. Like going on picnics, ice skating and even living together at the mansion. I remember one Christmas we had a family photo taken and you and dad kissed. I thought for sure that meant that we would be a real family. But that didn’t happen” He looks so sad remembering. 

“Oh honey…I remember that Christmas so clearly and was also hoping with all my heart that we would be together, but your dad was involved with Kristen then…it was all just so complicated”. What I don’t tell him is that John and I also shared another kiss that day. I was coming home to the mansion and it was all dark. When I entered the living room John stepped in front of me and grabbed my face, kissing me with such passion my knees went weak and my heart skipped a beat. He told me he thought I was Kristen….Well he couldn’t convince me that he didn’t know it was me the second he smelled my perfume or when our lips met. I actually think he did know it was me, but Kristen was his excuse for getting to kiss me and continue kissing me, way longer than what was appropriate for friends. Looking back I don’t know why I didn’t notice how he felt about me, everything he did and didn’t do told the truth about his real feelings. Brady snaps  me out of the memory. 

“Mom…I’m so glad that you are back. The penthouse was so empty without you. You are what keeps this family together, even when you and dad weren’t together. We are all lost without you, so please don’t leave us again no matter how stupid and impossible we behave.” He smiles at me and I can see the tears threatening to fall from his eyes. I reach for him and take him in my arms, just like when he was a little boy, as I whisper into his hair “I’m not going anywhere, I promise..my sweet boy”. 

It’s almost 11 in the evening now and I’m in bed. Brady and I helped each other clean up after our talk and then we said goodnight. John hasn’t called or texted me and I’m becoming impatient, and a little worried. So I take my phone and call him….. it goes straight to voicemail. This familiar feeling is sneaking through my mind and body. The feeling of something being off. It’s not dread and fear but more of an uneasy feeling. As I always do, I shake it off and try to think about something else. I close my eyes and before I know it I fall asleep. 

A ringing is interrupting my sleep, confused I look at the clock..2am. I find my phone, and see John’s name on the display. “John honey!!!”

“Hey Doc, I’m sorry to wake you but I just came out from briefing.” He sounds exhausted. 

“It’s okay, I’m just happy to hear from you. You sound exhausted Darling”. 

“Yeah it’s been a long day. I miss you sweetheart. I wish I could just crawl into bed with you and hold you in my arms all night”

“Oh you wanna hold me” I say, smiling into the phone. 

“Hmm I guess your panties will just have to do…” His voice leaves not doubt about his train of thoughts. 

“How was your day Doctor?”.

 “It was very busy. I saw Carrie and had a nice talk with Brady. But I will tell you all about that when you come home. I’m going to a check up tomorrow, just to see how my ankle is doing”. 

“I wish I could be there with you Baby”. I giggle at his need for always taking care of me even though he has more important things to attend to. 

“John…will you talk to me until I fall asleep? I have been having these strange dreams lately and…. I don’t know… this strange unsettling feeling.. it’s probably nothing but…” he cuts in before I finish. “Doc, I’m coming home now. I know you have been having nightmares. You have been tossing and turning every night, calling for me. I don’t like this….” 

“No John don’t be silly, it’s fine, I’m fine… I’m okay…. I’m just missing you, that’s all. Please just come home as planned, I have the kids here with me, so if you can just talk to me until I fall asleep and then we can talk tomorrow…” I don’t want him to drop everything for me when it’s really not necessary.  He reluctantly says ok. 

His deep voice lulls me to sleep in no time. 

I hear her breathing slowly and I know she has finally fallen asleep. I can imagine her being in bed, curled under the covers, clinging to my pillow so she can smell my scent. She has alway done that, when I have been away. Often she will also sleep in my t-shirts or other clothes of mine. She finally told me that she has been having nightmares or strange dreams as she puts it. That combined with the feeling of something not feeling quite right, troubles me deeply. Her instincts have alway been on point when it comes to gut filings. So because of this, my senses are sharpening, paying attention to my surroundings and small details that could indicate that something bad is coming. 

I didn’t want her to worry even more, so I didn’t tell her about how the briefing went. I have a feeling that I have discovered something in this case that the ISA is not interested in me knowing or finding out. So I thread carefully, when they are interviewing me. I give them a little bit but not too much. I don’t know if I can trust them. Shane is the only one from the ISA that I trust and I haven’t seen him around, so I guess he’s not working on this case. 

I go to bed and remind myself to call Brady tomorrow and ask him to keep an extra eye on Marlena, just to keep me a little less worried. 

Part 12: The second day

Fog is rolling in, surrounding me. I can’t see anything, I only hear the waves crushing, the smell of salt from the ocean. Her voice breaks through the sounds of the waves. “John!!!!” She is calling for me. I can’t see her or detect where she is, her voice coming from all directions. I try to move but my feet sink deeper into the sand. “Marlena !!!!” My voice is desperate as I try with all my power to move……

I wake up bathed in sweat and my heart pounding fast. My dream very much present in my awakening state. My mind goes to Marlena and I wonder if this is the kind of dream that’s been invading her sleep lately. I look at my phone, it’s 6 in the morning. I know she is sleeping, but I need to call her and make sure she is okay. 

I’m undressing and getting ready for a shower when my phone rings. It’s John…”Good morning handsome”. 

“Good morning Pretty Lady. Are you up already?”

“Yeah I have a doctor appointment at 8 o’clock so I was just about to step into the shower” I mention this on purpose just to put some dirty thoughts into his mind. 

“Hmm, that’s a nice vision to start the day. Tell me more..” His voice is hoarse. 

“Are you sure you want to know?” I ask him playfully. “Oh..I want to know” 

“Well..I’m standing here in front of the mirror and was just about to remove the last piece of clothing before stepping into the shower” I can imagine him picturing me in his head. 

I hear his heavy breathing, a sign that he is becoming aroused by my words. “Hmm, I’m picturing you in my head Doc, but it doesn’t do you justice…so…could you maybe send me a picture and freshen up my memory?” 

“Maybe..if you are a good boy” I tell him while I look in the mirror trying out different poses before taking a picture. 

He starts speaking “I’m always a good boy, I’ll do whatever you want…you are so god damn sexy when you’re sassy” He sounds desperate and a devious smile covers my lips as I take another picture. Oh I can give him sassy, but I’m also in a hurry now, so no matter how much I enjoy this little game, and what might lead to phone sex, I need to end this call. “Honey I’m in a hurry so this will have to wait until later. Call me when you can, okay?” 

“No, don’t leave me hanging Baby!!” I laugh and say “Don’t worry, I won’t”. I end the call and press send, sending him the pictures I just took.

I can’t believe she just ended the call, leaving me with a throbbing cock and nothing more than the images of her in my mind. Everything she says and does makes me want her even more than the day before. She was right when she told me what being in love does to you….no, what being in love with her does to you. I have loved other women but I have never felt like this. 

I go to the bathroom and undress and look at myself in the mirror, just like she was doing only a few minutes ago. I’m tempted to relieve myself from my massive hard on, but at the same time I know it will only be a quick fix, the desire for her won’t leave my body just by my hand. Only she can put out this fire. So I step inside the shower and turn on the cold water instead. 

I arrive at the hospital 15 minutes before my appointment which gives me time to stop by the canteen to grab a cup of coffee. 

“Marlena….oh it’s so good to see you up and running around” I turn around and see Laura practically running towards me with her arms open. We hug as if we haven’t seen each other in ages, but in fact we had coffee together 2 weeks ago. We have been talking on the phone so she is up to date about me and John, and that I’m back in the penthouse. I tell her about my appointment in 10 minutes and that I will drop by her office afterwards. Then I make my way down the corridor. 

I can’t really concentrate on this meeting right now. The “Marlena effect” is still running through my body and my mind. I hope we finish early today so I can go to the hotel room and call her and finish the private conversation we started this morning. My thoughts are interrupted when I hear Agent Adams say my name. “John, so your theory is that someone is in Salem undercover and working for some kind of corrupt firm? Do you have a clue which firm?”

I sit and think about it before I answer. “It could be anyone, The Dimeras, Kiriakis, the mafia…. All I know for sure is that we are all in for some kind of surprise. I don’t know what, but this whole thing seems out of place. Someone is out to get something or someone and I think you need to be prepared”. I hope I’m wrong but my gut tells me otherwise. I feel my phone buzz in my pocket so I sneak it out, hiding it under the table. A message from Marlena. I open it and my mouth drops. 4 naked pictures of her taken this morning in our bathroom in front of the mirror. Dear lord, she is stunning. The reception must have been bad since I received them now and not this morning. I hear faint voices but I’m not capable of paying attention to them right now. I excuse myself and go to the restroom where I look carefully at each picture before dialing her number…She doesn’t pick up so I leave her a voicemail. “Marlena….I just received some very sexy pictures of my beautiful and gorgeous wife. My god woman, you sure are a vision. The only problem is that I looked at them while in this important meeting and now I can’t focus on anything but you. I had to excuse myself, so here I am in the restroom, my cock throbbing with want and there is nothing I can do about it. I will warn you…you will have to pay for this so be ready when I call you later”. I hang up, take a deep breath and splash some cold water in my face before I go back to the meeting. 

Just as my name is called I feel my phone vibrate indicating someone is calling but I ignore it and go into the doctor’s office. I’m surprised when I see Mark sitting behind the desk. 

“Marlena, please take a seat”. I glance around the room before sitting, noticing that this is a very impersonal office. No pictures or anything to indicate who works here. “So tell me, how is your ankle?” 

“It’s much better than expected so I think the sprain wasn’t that bad” I say, finding this uncomfortable. He surely isn’t the same kind man I met at the party. He seems cold and hostile. He stands up and approaches me. “Take off your shoe and I will just do a quick examination”. I do as he says. When he touches my ankle in a certain way, pain shoots through my leg but I don’t flinch or say a word. I just want to get out of here right now. 

“ Okay all done. You still need to take it easy and not put too much weight on it. That should be easy once John returns, then he can do all the heavy lifting”. I’m shocked by his statement and really creeped out. I quickly put my shoe back on and start walking towards the door. I feel him right behind me and I freeze when I feel his hand on my back. What I really want to do is tell him to get his hand off me, but not a single word leaves my mouth, instead I give him a look of disapproval and walk out the door, heading for Laura’s office.

 “John, does anyone other than us and Abe know about your suspicions?” Agent Adams asks me. 

“ No, I haven’t mentioned it to anybody” I answer him. 

“Good, if these people were to hear about this, your safety might be jeopardized. So if you get a feeling that someone is following you or watching you, you need to let us know and we will provide you with security for both you and your family”. 

His words make me feel nervous, but I’m confident that no one other than Abe and Marlena knows I’m here at the ISA. 

“Thank you Mr Black, for your cooperation and let us know if you have more thoughts about this.” 

This took shorter than expected and means that I can go home later in the evening, and surprise my lovely wife. I leave the ISA and head for my hotel, but I need to do a little shopping first. 

I knock on the door to Laura’s office and enter when I hear her voice. 

“Marlena… what wrong you look pale… did you get bad news about your ankle?”  She looks concerned as she approaches me, studying my face. 

“No no my ankle is just fine…. It’s Mark, the new doctor.. what do you know about him?” 

“Not much, he suddenly started working here. I didn’t even know the hospital was looking for another doctor. Did he do something to upset you?” Again she studies my eyes to see if she can read my mind. 

“No, not in particular…it’s more of a feeling I get around him. When I met him at the hospital party he was a completely different person and now he creeps me out. It’s strange…he knows that John is away. Nobody knows that besides our family and Abe. How would he know that??” I say with a bit of panic in my voice. 

“Marlena, you know it’s a small town and people talk. Maybe he overheard someone. And maybe he feels like you rejected him and his pride has been hurt. You know some men, they don’t take it lightly when a beautiful woman chooses another man over them”. I know Laura is probably right and it makes me feel better. “Thanks Laura. I can always count on you to be the voice of reason.” 

We talk for another 30 minutes. I love Laura. She is my best friend. She is the one who rooted for John and me, and did everything in her power to make sure Kristen’s lies were exposed. She put herself in great danger and for that I am eternally grateful. We hug and say goodbye. 

Walking back to my car I look at my phone and see a missed call from John and a voicemail. When I’m settled in my car I press play and listen to his voice, full of desire and sexual frustration and I can’t help but laugh. I better head home and be prepared for his call later. 

My suitcase is packed and my private plane leaves in 2 hours, which gives me plenty of time to call Marlena and continue our conversation from this morning. I’m not going to mention that I will be home later in the evening, it’s going to be my payback for sending me those sexy pictures.

I get settled in the bed and call her. After 4 rings she answers with the voice of a seductress. 

“Hello handsome.. I have been waiting for your call.” 

“Hmm, have you now?? Where are you and more importantly are you alone?” I ask her. This conversation is only for our ears. 

“I’m alone in our bedroom”. 

“Get in bed” I command her and I can hear her moving around. She releases a little moan which tells me that she has found her spot on the bed. 

“ What you did to me today…. Hmm you drove crazy and now you are going to finish what you set in motion”. My cock is already hard and I can hear her sigh. “Tell me what you are wearing Marlena!!”. 

Oh he means business so I give him what he wants, feeling kind of bad for him having to get through the day with those pictures in mind. I know if it was the other way around I wouldn’t have been able to think of anything but him. 

“ Oh I’m in my birthday suit!” I say in a low voice. 

I hear him moan and breathe heavily into the phone. Wetness is making its presence known between my thighs. “How can I make it up to you?” I ask, already knowing the answer. 

“ You are going to pleasure yourself and make yourself come all over your fingers while I sit here and listen to it!!” I swallow loudly and wait for his instructions. 

“ Touch your pussy and tell me how wet you are!” 

I slowly slide my hand down my body until I reach my pussy, tracing 2 fingers between my fold. “I’m very wet…” 

“Massage your clit and then bring your fingers to your mouth and tell me what you taste like”. I can’t believe he is doing this to me. He knows that touching myself makes me feel a little embarrassed but at the same time it makes me crazy with desire. I do what he asks, imagining it’s his hands on my body. “Hmm it tastes like sex, passion and love” I tell him and I mean it.

Oh god, I’m just about to burst from the images and her voice. I grab my cock and start pumping it slowly as I imagine her in bed, naked, pleasuring herself. I hear her moan and my name leaves her lips. “Put the phone down and put me on speaker… I need you to use both hands. Find your breast and play with your nipple until it aches” I command. “Your other hand…put 2 fingers into your pussy..!!” I can barely form a complete sentence as my hand strokes my cock faster. 

Inserting my fingers inside my soft canal I moan loudly and say his name. The feeling of my hand on my breast combined with the fingers in my pussy is putting me right on the edge to orgasm. “Oh god John, you feel so good” I pant as my movement become faster. 

“Jesus sweetheart I miss you so much…I need to be inside of you” he pants. I can hear him stroking himself and I imagine that it’s his big hard cock that penetrates me. My hips start to buck. “John, I can’t hold on much longer”. 

“Tell me what it feels like inside your pussy” his voice is hoarse now, coming in small breaths. 

“ It’s warm and dripping wet….. I feel my pussy starting to clench around my fingers…oh god…I love you”

I’m jealous of her fingers nestled deep inside of her. My hand tightens around my cock as I pump ever harder. “I love you more than life itself…oh Doc” I’m close now and I know she is right there with me. “Are you close baby”. She doesn’t say anything but her moans tell me she is right there. And then it happens. I hear her breath get caught in her throat and I can almost feel her body stiffen as her orgasm releases from her body. “Oh baby!!” My last words before I explode and fall into orgasmic heaven with her. 

Part 13: The fear

Finally we are ready for take off, being delayed almost 2 hours because of bad weather. It’s 12.25am and I could have been home by now, in bed with my wife. I fiddle impatiently with my phone, looking at the pictures of her. After our phone sex we both needed 10 minutes to calm down before we were able to have a normal conversation. She told me about her check up and what she had been doing since I left. I just listened to her and smiled to myself over her enthusiasm. Sometimes in situations like this I wish I could tell her about this case. She has always had a terrific view on cases. She has helped the Salem PD plenty of times, given her profession as a psychologist. 

The plane starts running down the runway, increasing its speed faster and faster. I never liked the feeling of takeoff, so I close my eyes and picture her angelic face. 

I have been tossing and turning all night, only sleeping for 30 minutes and then waking up. Normally I sleep like a baby after sex but not tonight. That unsettling feeling is very much present and I can’t seem to shake it off this time. I could call John. He has the ability to calm me down even though we are miles apart. Just the sound of his voice has such a soothing effect on me. I pick up my phone, it’s 12.55am, but I call him anyway. It goes immediately to voicemail, which means it has either run out of battery or it’s turned off. That fact alone makes the hair in my neck stand and a chill runs through my body. He never turns off his phone especially when we are not together. Something is very wrong…. 

“Mr Black please put on your seatbelt…we have some turbulence ahead”. I do as my pilot asks. 

I look out the window but the fog is so thick I can’t see anything, only faint glimpses of lightning close by. I never liked flying in bad weather. It’s the fear of not having control over the situation and putting my life in someone else’s hands that troubles me the most. 

My mind travels back to another time where my plane was delayed due to heavy rain and a thunderstorm. It was the night where Marlena came to me, the night when everything felt right again even though some of the consequences were irreparable. We had been trying to be just friends, but it was too difficult for me to be around her and not be able to kiss her, to touch her…to make love to her. So I thought it would be best if I left Salem. I had lost everything when Roman came back and then I lost Isabella. I was lost…I was free falling and the only person who could fix me was Marlena and her heart, but that wasn’t mine to have anymore. Then when I was at my darkest hour ready to leave everything behind, there she was..like a vision. We made love for hours in the plane, rain, thunder and lightning surrounding us. Almost like an omen of what was to come. 

The plane shakes violently and snaps me out of the memory. Suddenly all the lights go out and I hear beeping sounds coming from the cockpit.

I have given up trying to get some sleep so I turn on the tv. News reports about a thunderstorm storm around the Washington area are breaking. All flights are canceled and they advise people to stay home. Something tells me that I need to call Abe or the ISA. I know John is not supposed to fly until tomorrow but something tells me that he is in fact on his plane right now, on his way home to surprise me. I feel it in my gut…something is terribly wrong. I call Abe but he doesn’t answer. I’m starting to feel panic, pacing back and forth in the living room. I need to do something but what…it’s in the middle of the night. 

“Marlena..what are you doing up this late”. It’s Brady, I didn’t even hear him coming down the stairs. I turn to look at him and he immediately knows something is wrong. I don’t want to worry him but I can’t hide the fact that I’m panicking so I tell him. “Oh Brady, I think something is wrong, I can’t get a hold of John and there are reports of thunderstorms. I have a bad feeling that he is on his way home and that something bad might have happened!!” I wrap my arms around myself, to try and comfort myself, as I can’t hold back my tears any longer. Brady is quickly by my side, wrapping his arms around me. “It’s going to be okay mom, he is probably landing as we speak. You know dad, he is not letting some bad weather get in his way from coming home to you..to us. So let’s just wait and he will call as soon as he lands”. I know he is trying to comfort me and he could be right but something tells me otherwise. “Oh Brady I hope you’re right”. 

I open my eyes but everything is pitch black. I smell gasoline and smoke. I feel rain falling and hear thunder. What the hell happened… Where am I? I try to stand but lose my balance and fall over into the muddy ground. “Hello…Hello can anybody hear me!!” I call out into the dark. Nobody answers. My eyes are starting to get used to the dark, allowing me to see my surroundings. My plane is shattered into pieces in the middle of a beach. Slowly I remember..turbulence..beeping sounds..I went to the cockpit to see what was happening, the plane’s instruments weren’t working. Our only option was to try an emergency landing on water. 

I examine myself for injuries, some deep cuts on my arms and legs. Blood is coming from my head but nothing feels broken. I try to move but my feet feel like lead, sinking deeper into the mud. Somehow I managed to crawl away and find a more dry spot underneath some palm trees. I try calling out again hoping to get a response from my pilot, but still no answer. I need to get my head straight and try to focus on what I need to do. I search for my phone in my pocket, surprised when it’s still there. Damn it.. it’s completely smashed. I sit and stare into the darkness when a deja vu feeling hits me. My dream…this is exactly how I felt in my dream..lost, scared, dread…a deserted beach with heavy fog, not being able to move or get away. The only thing missing from this reality is Marlena calling for me. 

I need to sit down, feeling like somebody just punched me in the gut, bile rising in my throat. John and I have this rare connection. We can feel when the other is in danger and that is exactly what I feel right now. Something has happened in this exact moment and it terrifies me. Before it was just a gut feeling but right now I’m sure that something has happened to him. 

Brady looks at me with scared eyes, he knows what goes through my mind just by looking at my physical reaction. He doesn’t say anything but goes straight to my phone and starts calling the people we know can help us find John. 

I wake up disoriented, the sun warming my body. It takes me a second before reality sets in and the fact that I have survived a plane crash and have no idea where I am hits me with gratitude but also hopelessness. I need to get up and look around, so I slowly rise and again examine my injuries. I need to somehow clean my cuts before they get infected. I move along the beach and see pieces of the plane. I go through them looking for some medical supplies or water or anything that might come of use. Somewhere in the back of my mind, memories of survival skills appear and take control of my actions. 

“Abe..have you heard anything about John’s plane?” I almost yell as I run into his office down at the police station. 

“Marlena, please sit down…I have made some calls and have confirmation that his plane took off from the airport at around 12.25am. After that, things get strange. The plane flies in the opposite direction of Salem. After about 15 minutes it disappears from the radar. Now…we don’t know what this means. It could be that the pilot chose another direction because of the storm and tried to get around it.” He pauses and I can hear doubt in his voice. Abe knows as well as me that something is very wrong. 

I try to calm down and think rationally “So based on this information where would you be looking Abe?” He takes a deep breath “I don’t know…Marlena I’m so sorry but I will keep searching”. 

It’s been 3 days now and I’m going out of my mind. There’s still no sign of John’s plane but Abe said something about the Florida area. My mind goes back in time. A horrible time when I was taken away by Stefano and held captive in a cage beneath Paris. Stefano told me that John had died, he even showed me a newspaper to confirm it. But I knew then as I know now, that he is alive somewhere out there, doing everything in his power to come back. 

I need to find him. I can’t believe this is happening now after all we have been through. I have been crying until I ran out of tears. I have not been sleeping and when I do doze off, my dreams are about John. I call for him and I feel his presence, but I can’t seem to find him as I stumble around in the dark. 

I can’t sit around here and wait. I need to be out there searching for him. So I book a plane ticket to Miami for tomorrow morning. I need to bring some medical supplies, so I head to the hospital. 

I don’t know how long I have been here. My mind is a blur. I don’t know if it’s from exhaustion and dehydration. It feels different though, having tried both when Stefano had me in chains in Maison Blanc. I don’t feel quite like myself. My mind is working like a machine, methodically making fires, finding food and water, building a shelter, searching the area for any sign of human life. I don’t know where I have learned these skills but they somehow feel like second nature to me. I have had police training, even special agent training but these skills do not come from there. 

Marlena….Doc…I must have said her name every minute since the time I have been stranded here. She is constantly on my thoughts. If it was not for her, this situation would seem hopeless. But I will not give up. I will make it home to her…to my family. 

I rummage through the supply room, finding what I need for my trip. Some bandages, alkohol,needles, adrenaline shots, painkillers and 

whatever else I can think of will come to use. I’m startled when someone behind me clears his throat. “Jesus Mark you scared me” I tell him angrily as I continue packing the supplies. 

“Doctor Evans, what are you doing?” 

“I’m taking some supplies” I state the obvious hoping he will back off. 

“I heard about John. I’m so sorry for your loss” he says with a hint of sarcasm. I look up at him and step closer. I feel the anger burning inside of me “Don’t you dare insinuate anything about my husband.” I say firmly, fire shooting out of my eyes. He looks surprised at my outburst but quickly shakes it off. “Easy now Marlena…, I’m only showing my concern. You be careful who you turn your anger towards”. Is he somehow threatening me??? 

I lean closer to him and whisper in his ear with a stern low voice “Mark…you don’t know me and what I’m capable of. I will let you know that deep inside of me lives a darkness and if someone threatens or by any means hurts my husband or someone in my family, that darkness comes out with a vengeance….with a vengeance!!” I turn on my heels and leave him standing with a shocked look on his face. 

The sun is setting and the cold air is coming in from the ocean. I move closer to the fire, looking into the flames as if I’m searching for answers in them. The flames dance along the wood in yellow, orange and red colors. My mind is playing tricks on me. I see myself as some sort of soldier…a mercenary in the jungle. Running, trying to get away from something or someone. These flashes have become more frequent the last day or two. At times they seem like real memories and other times like I see myself in a Rambo movie. Little by little I feel like I’m losing a little bit of myself, I don’t know how to explain it. But what brings me back is thinking and fantasizing about Marlena. I talk to her in my awakening state and in my sleep. 

I close my eyes as I feel the warmth from the fire seeping into my body.

As I’m drifting off, I see her before me, standing at the beach wearing a light white summer dress, her hair floating in the wind, her smile brighter than the sun. I go to her and wrap my arms around her, feeling her body heat melt into me. I take her hand in mine and place them over my heart as we slowly start to sway the music in the distance. She tucks her head under my chin as if that special place was made just for her. We melt together as we just hold each other close, slowly dancing as the sun sets. 

I have barely slept, but during the few hours I did I dreamed of John. We were dancing on a beach as the sun was setting. For the first time in a while it was a beautiful and peaceful dream. I take it as a good sign. 

Abe is joining me to Miami. He wouldn’t take no for an answer, saying that John would never forgive him if anything were to happen to me. I’m meeting him at the airport in 1 hour. I told the children where I’m going. Brady wanted to come, to be there for me, but I needed him at home to look after Belle and keep everybody safe and sound. 

I have a good feeling about this, I feel positive that small islands Abe told me about, are where we will find John. I pray to God that I’m right. After my initial reaction to his disappearance I have been determined, strong and focused but I can feel that I’m hanging on by a thread. If it turns out John is not there I think I’m gonna break. I know it’s a big area we are searching so I’m gonna have to be patient and not give up. 

“Hang on my love, I’m coming for you” I say as I walk out the door, heading for the airport. 

Part 14: The rescue 

We have been searching for 2 days now and no sign of John or his plane. I try my best to stay positive and tell myself that we are close but I feel myself slowly losing hope. I still feel his presence but not as strong as before. We are working against time. I have barely slept or eaten and it’s taking a toll on me. When I look in the mirror I see dark circles under my eyes, my cheekbones are more defined than before and my clothes are starting to hang loose on my body. 

I need to stay strong for John, he needs me now more than ever, so I take a shower and order something to eat. 

As I’m sitting in my hotel room here in Miami, looking at the food I ordered from room service I’m hit with memories from the last time I was here..with John. We were here searching for something that would tell us what had happened to me during my missing years. I really didn’t want to know, but John was determined to find out, hoping that the answer would help us move on. I had a bad feeling then, a feeling that whatever we would find, would break us apart, that I would lose him…and I was right. Everything changed that fatal day when we went to San Cristobal and found Roman. We weren’t really back together then, John was engaged to Isabella, but that night before we left for the island, we shared a kiss on the beach. It was filled with so much passion and promises of our future together…..my heart was filled with so much love, happiness and joy, but in a matter of hours it was replaced with confusion, sorrow, pain, loss and deep sadness.

A voice in the back of my head tells me that this memory means something…San Cristobal means something. My heart starts pounding fast as I pace to room trying to gather my thoughts. 

My wounds are infected and I’m becoming increasingly weaker. It’s hard to find the energy to go look for water or food. It’s her voice that makes me find the last bit of will power to get up, to keep myself alive. “Hang on darling, I need you to keep fighting, you can’t leave me, I need you…I love you” her pleading words keep me moving. I have gone further into the jungle than ever before. It’s dark here, the vegetation so thick that sunlight can’t escape. Mosquitoes and flies swarm around my open wounds, trying to eat me alive but something tells me to keep moving deeper into the jungle. 

It’s so dark I don’t even know if it’s day or night. I hear birds so it must still be daylight out there. Suddenly my foot slips and I start rolling down a hill, hitting trees and rocks on my way and then everything goes black. 

I can’t get a hold of Abe. He’s out with some locals looking at some islands far out in the ocean. My gut tells me that I need to get to San Cristobal quickly, before it’s too late. I don’t know how I manage but somehow I get in contact with a pilot who’s willing to take me. I don’t have time to wait till Abe gets back, so I write him a note, telling him where I’m headed and leave it with the receptionist. 

I wake up in even worse shape than before. I have no idea where I am, I lost all sense of direction when I fell down that hill. I’m fucked…it was stupid of me to leave the beach, no one is gonna find me here deep in the jungle. I can’t trust my gut or instincts anymore… I should have known my ability to make clever and life saving decisions would be weak right now. I fumble my way through the dense vegetation, trying to find a clearing. 

I see something ahead, some kind of man made construction. As I come closer I’m hit with flashing memories. I have been here before…many years ago. The monastery where Doc and I spent the night while we were looking for answers but instead found Roman. She was so scared that night, afraid of the dark, of the memories she was having, afraid that she would lose me to Isabella. She wanted my arms around her all night and I was more than willing to do so. We couldn’t get close enough but nothing more happened, it took every ounce of strength I had not to make love to her right there….but I was holding back… thinking back I can’t believe I was so stupid. She told me she always felt safe with my arms around her…truth is I also feel the most safe in her arms. 

Walking around the monastery I notice that it’s not as abandoned as one would think. It looks like someone has been here recently. Whoever that was, left behind some water bottles and other supplies. I drink some water and lie down on the same bed as we were in years ago. I can’t help but think that it’s not a coincidence that I am here, but I’m just too exhausted to think clearly. I close my eyes thinking I just need to rest a little before I carry on. 

The flight to the island is just as horrible as I remember. Heavy rain and a strong wind that makes the small plane jump around. We land on a shore, I’m not quite sure where. I have no idea where I need to start looking, it’s dark and difficult to see anything so I will just have to go on instinct and my vague memory of this place. In the distance I see a faint light…. Is it a fire?? My heart starts beating fast as I run in that direction. As I run I hear the plane take off, leaving me here all on my own. 

Coming closer I can see embers from a fire made a while ago. It’s almost burned out. I look around and see signs of someone who has been living here for a while and I know in my heart it’s John. “John…..John!!!” I call out for him as loud as I can. I’m frantic, calling for him again and again but he doesn’t answer back. Where the hell is he??? I’m not sure what’s the right thing to do.. Do I stay here and wait for him? Maybe he is out looking for food and water and will return soon. Or do I go into the dark jungle, where all sorts of dangers lurk? Think Marlena Think….

I put some wood on the fire, making the flames big and warm. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, and try to focus my attention on John. Please God give me a sign… 

“I need you to be closer…closer than that…I need you to hold me”……”All night long Doc”… 

My eyes snap open by my own voice and his…The monastery, I need to find the monastery..

The sand beneath me is swallowing me whole, squeezing the air out of my lungs. I try to move but I’m paralyzed. “Doc…..Doc…” I yell for her. I feel her presence, but the fog makes it impossible to see anything. “Marlena….follow my voice…I need you baby…Marlena..!!” 

And then I hear her call my name in the distance…her voice coming closer and closer. 

I see the monastery now, I’m so close. “John…John can you hear me?!!” I’m running on pure adrenaline, my foot hurts but it doesn’t matter, I need to get to him fast. 

Bursting inside the building, I recognize the rooms and quickly make my way to the room where we slept many years ago. 

And there he is, on the bed. I run to him praying I’m not too late. “John…oh my God..John… It’s me, Marlena. I’m here now, you’re safe now..” I start crying, I’m so relieved. That is until I get a good look at him and then my heart drops.

He is covered in deep cuts which are infected, he is pale and thin. I notice that his breathing is slow and uneven. He looks like he is barely alive. I start to panic..“John.. I need you to wake up darling. I can’t lose you now. I have come all this way so don’t you dare give up now…do you hear me..” I kiss his lips and I can feel how cold they are. I grab my bag with the medical supplies I took from the hospital and quickly find the adrenaline shot. Counting to 3, I jam it into his heart and again pray to God that it’s the right thing to do. I hold my breath as I watch and wait. 

I can feel her touching me, kissing me, telling me to wake up and keep fighting. Her voice is filled with tears and fear. I try to free myself but I’m slowly being drawn into the dark abyss. I can’t leave her..I will not surrender…”come on John, this is your last chance…fight your way back to her!!” 

His eyes are starting to flutter and his breathing is getting more even. I hold his hand, my other is caressing his bruised face. “That’s it darling..that’s it.. I’m here, just listen to my voice..I’ve got you..come back to me” I’m sobbing quietly. He is squeezing my hand and his body is starting to stir. And then he opens his beautiful blue eyes. Relief escapes my body as I fall down onto him and hold him tight. I loudly thank God for answering my prayers. 

I open my eyes and there she is..The most beautiful sight a man could ever wish for. She appears to me like an angel and I’m not sure if I’m alive or dead. That is until I feel her body pressing against me, her tears on my chest and her voice thanking God. Then I know..this is real, she found me, she saved me and I can only thank her and God, that they gave me another chance in this life. 

Part 15: The homecoming 

He has been in an induced coma for 5 days now. The doctor says it’s to give his body rest and the best chance for healing. I know it’s true but I’m being selfish, I need to hear his voice, to look into his eyes and to feel his hands on my body. 

After he woke up in the monastery I called Abe who had gotten my note and was ready to come and get us. Everything went as smoothly as it could in the hard terrain and pouring rain. A helicopter took us to a hospital in Miami. John was slipping in and out of consciousness the whole time. He kept calling for me. I never left his side, holding his hand the whole time. 

I still haven’t left him. I don’t trust anyone to take care of him. I’m what he needs right now, my love and care will get him through this, I just know it will. He did the same for me when I was in a coma years ago, and I believe that he is the sole reason I came back. So I wash him, shave his morning stubble, change his bandages and tell him about our children and what else is going on.

Abe comes by every day, not only to check on John, but also to be there for me. He told me that he went back to the monastery again to see if there was any kind of evidence or hints as to who might have been there before we came. He also believes that it’s not a coincidence that’s the place where John’s plane crashed. He found some papers and some documents that he is looking deeper into. 

To the outside world I must look like I’m strong and keeping it together but in reality I’m breaking apart. 

At night I sneak into his bed and curl up next to him, placing my head against his chest and listen to the beat of his heart. That’s when I allow myself to be vulnerable, for just a second, and let the fear escape through the tears of my eyes. 

The day has finally come after one week. The doctors are going to wake him up. His body has been fighting a serious infection but now they think it’s time to bring him back. I’m so excited and nervous I can barely stand the waiting. I fuss over John making sure everything is in order as I tell him that today is the day. “Oh honey I have missed you so much but now the waiting is over for the both of us. I will be right here holding your hand the whole time. You just focus on my voice and wake up, so I can see my very handsome husband again”. I fidget with his covers as the doctors walk in. “Mrs Black are you ready to welcome back your husband?” A doctor says with a smile. “More than ready!” I reply, my smile reaching my eyes. 

“John..honey..just take it easy, don’t open your eyes too fast. Just listen to my voice and feel my hand in yours. Take it nice and slow….I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere so just take your time my love”. Her voice is almost hypnotic and it calms me down. A few minutes ago I was very confused. I didn’t know where I was or what had happened to me, but hearing her voice made me relax and trust that I’m in good hands, the best hands in the world. I hear beeping and the familiar smell of a hospital. My body is sore and I feel weak…something bad must have happened. 

Slowly I begin to open my eyes but the light is just too bright. I hear her tell someone to “dim the light” in a very strict voice. I feel her hand caressing my face and I lean my head against her soft palm. Even though I’m confused, I feel so safe having her be by my side, I know that whatever happened to me, everything is going to be okay..and it’s all because of her. 

I need to see her face, so again, I slowly open my eyes, this time successfully…and there she is, my beautiful wife with the biggest and brightest smile and tears in her eyes. 

I can’t stop touching him everywhere as if I’m trying to make sure this is real, that he is really here, awake, with me. I kiss him on his lips, his eyelids, his forehead and his cheeks while I whisper I love you. Oh the love I have for this man…I’m never going to take him or our love for granted. The doctor gives me the time I need before he steps in and does his examination. He tells us that everything looks good and that John’s voice will return soon and then he leaves. 

I sit next to him on the bed, one hand in his, my other rubbing his chest. We look deeply into each other’s eyes and we both see love, gratitude and appreciation.  He takes my hand to his mouth and holds it against his lips as his eyes close. He doesn’t need words, I know what he is telling me. 

“Honey, do you remember what happened?” I ask him. He shakes his head no. “It’s okay darling, it will come to you…You were in a plane crash… but you made it..I found you on an island, you won’t believe it but it was actually San Cristobal. You were in bad shape but that doesn’t matter now, because here you are, more alive than ever” I smile at him, but I can see confusion in his eyes. 

San Cristobal…that is a name I haven heard in a long time. Faint memories appear of me sitting on a beach and making a fire. I’m not gonna push myself to remember right now, I’m just going to be content with being alive and having my wife next to me.

She looks exhausted and fragile, the dark circles under her eyes reveal her lack of sleep, and even though she looks relieved that I’m awake, her eyes are missing that special spark they normally have. That concerns me.. she must have been so scared, afraid of the unknown, of me leaving her when I promised I never would. I heard her when I was in my coma. I could hear her trying to be brave and strong for me, but she could never hide her true feelings from me, even in my unconscious state. 

So I do the only thing I’m able to do at this moment. I pull her closer to me, needing her in my arms. I remember missing her so much and at the same time fearing that I would never see her again.

 I wrap my arms around her as she curls up against me, placing her head in the crock of my neck, where she belongs. I inhale her scent and it calms my soul, my nerves and heals my aching body.  

I feel so lucky and I’m never going to take any risks anymore that would jeopardize me, her or our love. 

In his arms only, I allow myself to completely fall apart as I start crying. Weeks of not knowing what happened to him..despair…fear.. trying to stay strong and hopeful, it all crumbles the second I feel his safe and warm embrace.

John has been awake for 3 days and today we get to go home. Just one final check up and we are good to go. The doctor walks in just as we are sharing a very passionate kiss and some wandering hands. We both giggle like teenagers and I feel myself blushing. I step back from John and let the doctor do his job. He tells us that we are good to go but he doesn’t recommend any physical activity that will get John’s pulse too high, his reason being that his body is still fighting some infection. I can’t help but laugh at the look of panic in John’s face. I know what he is thinking…I’m thinking the same…How are we going to manage not being intimate after everything that has happened?? Well, time will tell.. 

***********************************************

Oh it’s good to be home… Brady and Belle surprised us with a “welcome home” party with all of our friends and family. As I sit here in the safety of our home and look at all their happy faces, I remember when I bought Marlena this penthouse. Roman had kicked her out of their house, leaving her homeless with a baby…our baby. Even to this day it baffles me how any man could be so thoughtless, disrespectful and selfish. To leave a woman with absolutely nothing just because she made a “mistake” and bruised your ego. I can feel old feelings of hate and anger towards Roman, start to come alive. I would never treat her that way, no matter what… Taking a deep breath to release this tension, I think back to the day I brought her here for the first time. I knew it would be perfect for her and our baby. Its sophisticated and elegant style, the perfect match for her. She was overwhelmed, it being so different from the house she shared with Roman. But I knew she would be happy here. I used to picture us together here as a family, all of us together under the same roof. Us making love in front of the fireplace…the stairs, having morning coffee on the balcony, Brady and Belle running around leaving their toys all over for us to fall over. But at the time it was just an unrealistic fantasy. 

And now looking at my family and friends I think I must have done something right in this life to deserve this and have that dream come true. 

She has been glancing my way all day, making sure that I’m ok and every time I tell her I’m perfect. I think she is the one who is finding this party a bit too much right now and that’s my cue to get these people moving and give us some much needed rest and time alone. So I tell everybody that I’m tired and need some rest. They all understand and I thank them for coming. 

I feel like I could sleep for a hundred years and still feel tired. It’s awfully sweet of the kids to welcome us home this way, I know they have been so worried about the both of us. But right now I need to just be alone with John, to curl up in bed with him as he holds me all night. He reads me so well, as he yawns loudly, telling everybody that he is exhausted, looking at me with a reassuring smile. Carrie and Sami offers to stay and clean up but I tell them “no it’s ok we will do it tomorrow”. They look at each other and giggle knowing that we just want to be alone now. Sometimes I forget that they used to live with us and probably have witnessed countless of our excuses to be alone together…we can’t fool them. We kiss them goodbye and lock the door behind them, making sure that we don’t get interrupted more this evening. 

Finally alone…we don’t say anything..we don’t need to..we embrace and stand pressed tightly together for some time, caressing each other to make sure this is real and not a dream. His fingers are playing with my hair, twirling a lock around his finger as he inhales deeply. 

“Let’s get you to bed my love” I tell him. 

“But Doc I’m not really tired yet…so we could do other stuff then sleep in the bed you know…” he looks at me with his eyebrow raised and a cheeky smile. I can’t help but laugh as a slap his arm and turn around and start walking away from him. He quickly grabs my elbow and spins me around, making sure that I crash into his body as his lips attack mine in a passionate kiss that leaves us both breathless. 

We are always so quick to get carried away in the heat of passion, but the doctor’s words keep popping up in my head. “John…hmmm god you taste so good..but we need to stop” I tell him between kisses. His hands are grabbing my ass, pressing me against his hard cock and I can’t keep my moans low anymore. I suck and bite his lower lip as I say “John…the doctor…we can’t….you can’t… no physical activities remember…” I’m losing my backbone and it’s happening at the speed of light. If he doesn’t stop now, then I’m going to give in and I’m not willing to risk anything happening to him. I push myself away from him, leaving him looking like a little disappointed boy who just got his candy taken away. 

I know she is right but I need her, I physically need her to recover and also stop the ache I feel in my pants right now. I know she is afraid that us making love will jeopardize my health and recovery, but I know myself and my body and I can almost guarantee her that I will be fine. But I know she won’t listen to me, she will only take the doctor’s word. So as hard as it might be I stop my attack on her body and instead I reach out my hand for her to take. Slowly with our fingers laced we walk upstairs to our bedroom. 

 As much as I wish I could be buried deep inside of her right now this is the next best thing. We gently undress each other, taking the time to run our hands over each other’s bodies, making sure that we both are healed and in one piece. Just standing in front of each other clad only in our underwear, is just as intimate as making love. She runs her hands down my chest, around my arms, inspecting my wounds with worried eyes. 

I unclasp her bra, my fingers slowly sliding the straps down her shoulders and arms, unwrapping her beautiful round breasts and perky nipples. Unconsciously I lick my lips. My god she is stunning. “Calm down big boy” she says with a giggle but her eyes are glazed with desire and want. I step closer to her and caress her breasts, just needing to feel the weight of them in my hands. I give them a squeeze as I moan, my thumbs gilding over her nipples. Her eyes are closed and her mouth open as she gasps for air, enjoying my hands on her. I stop and walk around her, leaving her standing there in her panties. She knows where I’m going as she tells me “Your shirt….I need to sleep in your shirt..” I find one and go back to her, helping her put it on, only buttoning it in the middle, leaving a view to her cleavage and creamy soft thighs. I help her get in bed and make sure she is comfortable, that’s when I remember the gift I bought her before I left Washington. I found it in my pocket when we were leaving the hospital. By some miracle it survived the plane crash and my time on the island. 

“Where are you going?” She asks me in a small voice. “I’ll be right back sweetheart, don’t worry” I tell her as I go and find my gift for her. 

It feels so good to be in our own bed, safe and together. I just want to forget the last couple of weeks, or months actually. But I can’t, not until John is completely healed. I feel bad that he is the one taking care of me right now, making sure I’m comfortable and getting some much needed rest. It should be the other way around. But I know he can see what these weeks have done to me, both emotionally and physically. And I know he won’t rest until he knows I’m taken care of. So I let him, without complaining. 

He is looking for something in his jacket….he returns to the bed and crawls in next to me. He takes my hand, kisses it and then replaces his lips with a small box. “John..honey..what’s this… you never left the hospital in Miami..” I look at him suspiciously. “You will never believe it Doc, but I bought this the night before I left Washington. It stayed with me through this whole ordeal. Never left my pocket….go on, open it” he says with excitement. I slowly open the box as I look into his eyes. When I see what’s inside, tears start streaming down my cheeks. It’s beautiful. “I had this made for us. As a symbol of our strength, our history, our eternal love and…well you get it” he says with a big smile. It’s the most beautiful little charm for my charm bracelet, he gave me for Christmas years ago. It’s the infinity symbol, with the letters J and M mixed into it. I cup his handsome face in my hands and draw his lips to mine. I kiss him deeply, trying to put all my love and gratitude into it. “It’s beautiful John, I love it…I love you so so much…” words can’t even describe what I feel in my heart right now. I wish we could spend all night making love..that has always been our favorite way of communicating our love for each other, when words aren’t enough. But that will have to wait for now, but when it’s time, I will thank him over and over again and really express how much I love him.

We fall asleep with our arms wrapped around each other and our legs intertwined, safe and peaceful. 

Part 16: Back to reality 

I watch her….She is getting ready for work. Standing in her walk-in closet trying to pick out what to wear for work. Clad in only her black lacy panties and a matching bra, she lets her hands touch several outfits before she settles for the one which matches her mood today. She is going for the pure white look today. White high waist suit pants, a black camisole and a matching white jacket. It clings to her body perfectly, outlining her perfect round ass and a little cleavage. I can tell by her choice that she doesn’t have any patients today. If she had I know for sure they wouldn’t be able to concentrate with her looking like that. Many men wouldn’t like their wife to draw this kind of sexual attention from other men or women, but I can’t help but feel proud when she turns people’s heads. She, on the other hand, doesn’t have a clue as to what kind of attraction her beautiful physical appearance attracts. 

She is almost ready now… she puts a little perfume on her wrists and then takes her charm bracelet. But before she puts it on, she holds it close to her heart for just a second. It is small gestures like that, that melt my heart and make me love her even more, if that’s even possible. 

I’m getting ready for my first day back to work since we returned from Miami. We have spent the last couple of days just relaxing and enjoying being home. All of our kids have been coming over and we have spent every evening eating dinner together. They say that when something bad happens it is always followed by something good. In this case it has brought us a family, closer together. Brady and I have repaired our relationship and we are closer than ever before. Carrie and Sami are not arguing about everything but actually working together on this thing for the hospital. Eric is home from Colorado and it seems like he is happy here in Salem. And our Belle is just content, not being caught in the middle of our sometimes chaotic dysfunctional family. 

John and I have been talking about what happened both before his plane crash and what he endured on the island. We both had been having these horrific nightmares and they seemed very much alike. We agreed that we must have this special kind of connection where we both can sense danger ahead…. even though it sounds ridiculous. We also agreed that in the future, we will tell each other and take these kinds of omens seriously. I also told him about Mark and the creepy feeling I get when he is around. John said he will do some research about his background and told me to keep my eyes open and not let my guard down. I know he worries about me, worries about my safety. I worry about him too. He told me that during his time on the island he felt like he wasn’t being himself. He suddenly knew all these things about survival and had some strange flashes about him being some kind of mercenary. When he told me a chill ran through my body… It scared me. I thought about the nightmare I had when we stayed at the Inn…the one where I couldn’t reach him and when he turned around his eyes were blank and cold. Could these flashes be from the past he doesn’t remember??? 

“You look mighty beautiful and sexy Dr. Evans” he says as he walks up behind me, wearing only his black boxers. He puts his hands on my hips and places a kiss on my neck. I’m just finishing up, putting on my charm bracelet. I lean back into him and turn my head, my mouth seeking his. Our lips meet and I quickly sneak my tongue inside his warm mouth. His hands move and wrap around my waist, pulling me closer to his warm naked chest. 

We both feel the effect of not being able to make love, as we quickly get carried away. Our need for each other is too strong, too persistent to be ignored. “Hmmm good morning big boy” I say when I tear my lips away and look at him with eyes filled with want. Dear God I want him..right here…right now. I want him to tear my clothes off and take me hard against the wall or anywhere…to this point I don’t even care anymore, I just want to feel him buried deep inside my core, filling me with his big beautiful cock. 

Belle’ yelling interrupts my dirty thoughts and brings me back to reality. One more week and I’m going to make those dirty dreams come true.

“Mom I’m going to be late…are you coming?” “I’m coming, I’m coming” I yell back. 

“And you my dear, I will see you when I’m finished at the hospital… you behave yourself” I give him a flirtatious smile, pad his naked chest and give his lips a little peck and then leave for work.

It’s been difficult for me to keep this secret from her. I wanted to tell her this morning but I didn’t want to worry her on her first day back to work. As soon as she left, I jumped in the shower. Not just to get ready for my day, but also to cool down my body, which she set on fire just before she left. It’s been hard to resist her since we have been back. Thank god our children made sure we didn’t have any time alone or else we would have gone against doctors orders. I have been having dirty fantasies about what I want to do to her when I get the all clear. It’s not easy to think of new ways to fuck her…we have tried it all..every position, every opening, every hour of the day. But still it’s always new and exciting. Fucking in public places is the only aspect where we lack experience, except for her office. 

We did come pretty close on time, before we were married. It was during our affair. We were at the Green Mountain Lodge, she was with Roman and I was with Rebecca. We had come to the conclusion that we needed to just be friends and to try putting our feelings for each other behind us. But that night we were both drawn to the hot springs. She later told me that she willed me to come, knowing that if I saw her I wouldn’t be able to stay away. And she was right. We found ourselves passionately kissing…naked in the hot water. If I hadn’t stopped us we would have made love right there in the water, risking Roman or someone else seeing us. 

After we became a couple we have been close many times but she doesn’t feel comfortable, always afraid of being caught. I understand her concern, her being a well known psychiatrist, it would be stupid to jeopardize her reputation if someone was to catch us. We have always shown affection in public, always touching each other and sharing kisses, but I always knew where her boundaries were. Maybe now is the time to push those boundaries a little. Maybe we should revisit the hot springs..that is if all goes well today. 

I’m swamped with work. Not having been to work for so long, I’m feeling totally exhausted and behind. Thank god for my assistant Hillary who made sure not to book any patients today, so I have just a little time to catch up on things. There is a knock on the door. “Come in” I yell without looking up. “Dr. Evans these were delivered for you”. I look up and see Hillary holding the most beautiful bouquet of white lilacs. “Thank you, if you could just put them on the table” I tell her. When she leaves I lean back I’m my chair and close my eyes while taking off my glasses. I massage my temples to release some tension, before I go read the card. I’m pretty sure who sent them, he is the only one who knows that lilacs are my favorite. I inhale their heavenly scent and reach for the card. 

“I hope you have a wonderful day Pretty Lady and I can’t wait till you get home….don’t be gone for too long…Yours John”. Oh my gosh..he is such a sweetheart, always so tuned in on what would make my day better. I take the flowers with me to my desk and continue with my paperwork.

“John, everything looks good, no more infection and your blood results are back to normal. So I say you just get back to normal life. I would recommend that you start working out again to rebuild the muscle mass that you lost.” 

“That’s great news Lexi, thank you” I smile at her appreciatively. 

“I’m sure Marlena will be thrilled to hear this” she says with a giggle. Lexi knows us. Not the details of our love life but she definitely knows that we have a very active sex life. “Actually Lexi, I haven’t told her about this appointment today. I wanted it to be a surprise if I got the green light and now that I have, I can move on with the plan I have for her tonight”. Lexi laughs out loud and pads my shoulder “Marlena is a lucky woman, and you are a lucky man to be alive after all that you’ve been through”. I agree with her and thank her again before I leave her office. 

As I walk down the hall towards the elevator I decide to stop by Marlena’s office just to say hello. I enter the elevator and just as the doors are about to close someone stops them and enters. It’s Mark… we eye each other and I can feel anger raising. From what Marlena told me, there is something about him that’s not right. I remind myself that I would look into his background. “John, it’s nice to see you up and about. From what I hear, it’s a miracle that you could survive such an unfortunate and tragic accident…”

Something about the way he says that makes my skin crawl. Almost like he knows something about what happened, that he is not supposed to. I’m not sure what to respond, my instinct is to tell him to stay the hell away from Marlena and my family, but instead I play along, not wanting him to think I’m being suspicious of him. “Yeah I’m lucky to be alive” is all I say. The elevator stops and I exit looking back at Mark who gives me a sly smile. 

“Hey Hillary, is she busy?” I ask as I point toward her closed door. “Mr Black, so nice to see you..she is busy but has no appointments”. 

I softly knock on the door and slowly open it. 

A knock on the door interrupts me again…what is it now? I look up to see John. “Honey what are you doing here?” Surprise and happiness fills my voice. I stand up and go to him. “I was just in the neighborhood and wanted to see how my lovely wife was doing” He takes me in his arms and hugs me tightly. 

“I’m great now that you are here….thank you for the beautiful flowers” I look up at him and kiss his lips. What was intended as just a little thank you kiss quickly turns into a passionate one. His tongue dances along mine, his hand grabs the back of my head to deepen the kiss even more. It’s so easy to get lost in his touch and kiss. I momentarily forget where we are and I let passion take over. I run my hands up his muscled chest and up his shoulders, under his jacket and slowly slides it down his arms. I wrap my arms around his neck and stand on my toes, as I press my body closer to him. He grabs my ass and lifts me up, my legs automatically wrapping around his waist. Without breaking away from my mouth, he starts moving. He places me on top of the file cabinet, my legs still wrapped so tightly around him that I can feel his erection. 

There is no turning back now, she has cast her spell on me. This wasn’t my plan when I decided to stop by and see her. And now I find myself removing her jacket and grinding my cock against her center. If I don’t stop now she will know that I went to see Lexi and that I got the all clear. And that will ruin the surprise I have in store for her later. But this just feels so damn good….just a little more and then I will have to remove myself from her warm body. 

With her jacket off, I kiss my way down her neck, to her collarbone and further down to her breasts. Her hands are in my hair, holding on tight. I kiss her nipples through her camisole leaving wet marks. She throws her head back banging it against the wall and moans with both pleasure and pain. “Baby..are you okay?” I stop for a second to look at her. 

Oh what are we doing?? We can’t do this, not here and certainly not yet, not without the all clear from the doctor. But My God this feels so good, so right, that I’m tempted to ignore all common sense. I pull his face back to my lips, kissing him while whispering that we need to stop. Our lips break apart and we rest our foreheads against each other, both trying to calm our breath and bring down the raging fire. 

“Doc..you are right.. and besides I forgot to lock the door” he says while laughing. “Oh my gosh John, someone could have walked right in”. I jump down and pick up my jacket and start putting it on, when his hands stop me, and take over. He takes his time buttoning my jacket. The look in his eyes reveals that there is something he is not telling me. And why did he agree with me so quickly, when I told him that we needed to stop?. He always puts up a little fight and tries to make me change my mind with his words, his hands and his lips. “John, are you okay?” I question him. 

“I’m just perfect….can’t a man agree with his wife without her becoming suspicious? Besides you are always right Doc”. 

He is incorrigible, always knowing how to avoid my questions while charming me. “Okay if you say so….” I can’t help but feel a little rejected so turn my back to him and walk to my desk. I can feel him following me, coming up behind me. He wraps his arms around my waist. “Don’t you dare think that I stopped because I don’t want you”. He whispers in my ear and tightens his grip. “I always want you Doc, but you are right, here is not the time or the place. I love you and I will see you when you get home”. I turn my head and kiss him, my tongue swirling around his. Normally I’m not insecure when it comes to John, I know how much he loves me and how much he wants me sexually. Maybe it’s not being able to connect sexually, that has made me a little unsure, frustrated or crazy, but that is not his fault. He has done nothing to make me doubt his love. On the contrary, I’m the one that’s been holding back, stopping him and not taking chances with his health. “I know, I know…I’m sorry darling..I just miss you..who am I kidding, I miss you fucking me deep and hard, making me scream your name, you toutching my body everywhere” Jesus I can’t believe I just said that in such direct terms. Normally these words only leave my mouth when John has me so aroused that I’m begging him to fuck me. He too is surprised by my honest outburst. “Soon baby soon” he says as he kisses me again before he leaves my office. 

Part 17: The surprise 

Everything is perfect and ready, the only thing missing is her. The table is set and decorated in a very romantic style, white tablecloth, beautiful flowers and candles. Slow jazz is playing in the background. I cooked her favorite dinner, grilled salmon and a nice salad and I’m wearing her favorite tuxedo. I feel kind of nervous.. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because I just want this night to be perfect and I want her to feel special. 

It’s 5pm and she should be home any minute now. 

It’s been a long day and I can’t wait to get out of these heels and just relax in front of the tv and not have to think about anything.

As I open the door to the penthouse I’m met by the most beautiful site. John is standing there with a big smile, dressed in my favorite tuxedo and holding a single yellow rose. “Honey what is all this?” I ask as I approach him, eyeing him from head to toe. “I just wanted to give you a nice surprise sweetheart and spend a special evening with you..I think we deserve that, don’t you?”

 I don’t even know what to say, I’m so baffled by all this. I walk up to him and caress his face, my fingers tracing his lips. I look into his eyes and say “I do…this is beautiful…you’re beautiful…what did I ever do to deserve you?”

He doesn’t answer, instead he wraps his large hand around my wrist and kisses my palm. Holding my hand he leads me to the table which is beautifully set. Always the gentleman, he moves the chair out for me. When I sit he kisses my neck and then my cheeks. He walks into the kitchen and comes out with two plates…he cooked my favorite food. It smells and looks delicious. “Did you make this?” I say in awe. 

“I did…only the best for you…So tell me about your day Dr Evans” he says as we start to eat. I tell him that I saw Carrie and Mike today looking very close, closer than just coworkers. I share my concerns about her relationships with Austin and Mike “I just hope she has thought this through before she does something that can’t be undone”. John looks at me with his eyebrow raised and I know what he is about to say. “Kind of reminds me of this beautiful woman who found herself in a similar situation once. Lucky for me things turned out to my advantage….I know it’s not the same Doc, but we have to let her make her own choices. Her heart will guide her in the right direction. You should know Honey… you can’t fight what the heart really wants no matter what the consequences might be.” 

I can only agree with him, knowing first hand what he is talking about. 

“Thank you for a lovely dinner darling” I smile at him and wonder what else he has in store. 

God she is adorable, sitting in front of me with rosy cheeks, a content smile, eyes full of love and completely unaware of what tonight is going to bring. If she knew she wouldn’t be sitting there. She would be ripping my clothes off before we even got to dessert. I know what these weeks of celibacy have done to her and tonight I’m going to make up for it, in ways she can’t even imagine. But before I reveal my little surprise we need to have dessert. “Are you ready for some dessert sweetheart?”…

”You could have warned me that you made dessert, I don’t think there’s room for more” she says as she rubs her stomach. “Trust me Doc, you don’t want to miss this” I take our plates and go to the kitchen to prepare for round two. 

When I come back, she has taken off her high heels and her jacket, leaving her sitting in her camisole and pants. She is making it very difficult for me to not blow my cover and reveal my intentions for tonight. 

“Tonight’s dessert is made with love, desire and memories. A smooth chocolate mousse topped with whipped cream and strawberries. Did you know that  chocolate is believed to heighten your sexual desire? And the strawberries and whipped cream… well, you have first hand experience in what that does to you”. She doesn’t say anything, she just stares at me with an expression that I can’t read. 

I don’t know what it is with me these days, my emotions are all over the place. This sweet surprise and him standing there looking so handsome should make me the happiest woman in Salem….it does, but at the same time I feel sad and no matter what I do, I can’t stop the tears that are threatening to break free. My hand tries to cover my eyes, but he already knows these aren’t happy tears. He is quickly kneeling in front of me, taking my hand away so he can look me in the eyes. “Sweetheart what is the matter…did I do something to upset you?” He asks, his face filled with deep concern. I look away, feeling ashamed of my unstable emotions and for making him believe that he has done something wrong, when he went out of his way to make this evening special for me..for us. 

I need to explain to him. I palm his face and take a deep breath to calm down my quiet sobbing. 

“No..no darling you haven’t done anything wrong. I don’t know what it is with me these days..this is all just perfect.. you are perfect…I just..I…” I stutter, as I try to find some kind of explanation to my sadness. “I don’t know…I just miss you, miss making love to you..I thought that I lost you forever when your plane crashed. I kept thinking about all the things we never got to do and say to each other. I have been trying to be strong for you, for everyone, and now everything just hits me. How scared I was thinking that our story had come to an end, that I would never hear your voice again, never feel your touch…I don’t think I would survive not having you in my life.” His large hands cup my face as his thumbs gently remove the tears that’s streaming down my face. “Baby I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I know how hard it is… remember I have been on that side before…thinking that I had lost you forever. But look at us..here we are, together, living our best lives, more in love than ever.” He places small kisses on my cheek as my sobbing continues. 

It feels good to finally let go of all these fears and feelings and just let him comfort me. I clear my throat “Thank you John…for just loving me”.

He grabs my hand and kisses it as he says “ Oh Doc that is the easiest part…. So are you ready for some dessert now?” He lifts his eyebrow and smiles that boyish smile of his. 

Her sadness and fears break my heart but I can’t take that away from her. All I can do is just love her, be there for her and show her that I’m not going anywhere. 

I’m tempted to tell her about my little secret, because I know that will lift her spirits, but I’m going to wait just a little longer, even though she will probably be mad, that I didn’t tell her sooner. 

I move my chair closer to her and take a spoonful of chocolate mousse, bringing it to her awaiting lips. She closes her eyes and moans as soon as she tastes the sweet mixture of bitter chocolate, sweet strawberries and fat cream. Her tongue licks her lips… dear God, she is sexy. I take my finger and dip it in the mousse. She opens her eyes and wraps her fingers around my hand and guides my chocolate covered finger to her mouth. While she looks directly at me with glossy eyes, she takes my finger into her hot wet mouth and sucks, twirling her tongue around it, giving it the same kind of treatment she would give my hard cock. I don’t know how she does it… She has the ability to make me so aroused by simple gestures and sounds. I’m sitting here fully dressed and about to explode in my pants and we haven’t even done anything really…

“Do you like it?” I ask her. 

“Hmmm very much, more please!!” she answers.. I know she is not speaking of the dessert. Again I put some mousse on my fingers only this time I smear some of it around her lips. As her tongue is about to sneak out and remove it I tell her “No..let me”. I attack her mouth, my tongue licking and sucking the sweet remains. She treats her fingers in my hair as she opens her mouth, her tongue dances along mine. Our kiss is sloppy and desperate but oh so sexy and delicious. 

I need to tell her now, I can’t wait a second longer or my pants are going to rip from the pressure of my very hard cock. 

I break away from her persistent mouth…”I went to see Lexi today…I wanted to surprise you, so don’t be mad I didn’t tell you..but I got the green light, I’m healthy and actually, she ordered me to start being physically active straight away”. I move back a little so I’m prepared for her reaction. I honestly don’t know if she is going to lash out at me or if she is going to rip my clothes off. 

I had a feeling or maybe it was hope that this would be his surprise. He wouldn’t have made this dinner so romantic and the dessert so sexy if he knew we wouldn’t end up making love all night. 

I can tell he is unsure of how I will react. I hear the music change and the tones of Unchained Melody fill my ears. I stand up and look at him. His expression changes to a defeated look..he thinks that I’m mad and about to leave. But I don’t…instead I reach out my hand “Please dance with me”. He takes my hand as he stands, relief washing over his face. He places our hands over his heart as he always does when we dance, and pulls me close to him. We sway slowly to the song, our faces inches apart, holding on tightly to each other. We have danced to the song so many times. I can’t hear it and not think of John..of us. One time comes to mind, it was after we made love on the plane. He offered 100000$ to dance with me to this song. We danced and he whispered in my ear, words of love and desire and his intention to make love to me again. Back then I was afraid that people would see this crazy electric sexual attraction between us, but now…now I want the whole world to know. 

I thread my fingers through his hair and pull him to my mouth. Our tongues dance to the beat of the song, slow and sensual. 

The song fades away and a new one starts. Oh my, he planned this playlist very well. 

“When we met, I always knew

I would feel the magic for you

On my mind constantly

In my arms is where you should be

I love you here by me, baby

You let my love fly free

I want you in my life for all time

I’m caught up in the rapture of love

Nothing else can compare

When I feel the magic of you”

She feels so good in my arms as we dance, the songs taking us back in time. 

We have so many songs that define our love, our story, that it was hard to pick only a few. Songs that bring back memories of struggles, sorrow, passion and desire but most of all love. No matter where we were, what our life circumstances were, the love we had for each other never changed, it only grew stronger. It still does to this day. 

I know this song makes her think of strawberries and whipped cream, a fireplace, our naked bodies sliding along each other, her covering my mouth and other places in whipped cream and licking it all off with her tongue. 

She moans and her hands start to caress my back in slow circles. I can smell her arousal…that’s my cue to get this evening moving forward, to the part we both want and need so desperately. 

I cup her ass and grind my hard cock against her, I sigh deeply in her ear before I start nipping her earlobe. “God I love you Doc..” 

No more foreplay, no more romancing…I want him right now, right here. I feel his hard cock pulsating against my belly and I only have one thing on my mind, and that is to release him from his tight pants and take him in my mouth. My hands are shaking as I fumble with his belt and zipper. Finally, I manage to open his pants and my hand quickly finds its way inside his boxers. I wrap my fingers around his cock. Just the feel of his thick muscle in my hand has me on the verge of orgasm. I start to slowly pump, my thumb circling the tip, smearing his precum down his long shaft. He grabs my hair, bringing my head back as he looks me in the eyes. His blue eyes are dark with lust. Then he attacks my mouth with his, biting and sucking as my hand pumps him faster. Suddenly he stops and removes my hand. He doesn’t say anything but I know that he won’t last if I continue for a second longer. 

In one swift move, he lifts me in his arms. I giggle loudly as he moves quickly. I don’t notice where he is taking me, until he puts me down on top of the piano. 

We both pant as he stands between my legs. The vision in front of me is the most beautiful thing, him so handsome and oozing of sex, and behind him the most breathtaking view of Salem by night. He is taking off his jacket but I’m feeling very impatient so I help him. When it’s off I find myself grabbing his shirt and ripping it open so the buttons fly everywhere. He looks at me with surprise and a sexy smile “ Are you in a hurry Doc?” 

I run my hands up his muscled chest as I answer him in a whisper “Take me now…, right here in front of the whole city!!”

What has gotten into her…tonight she is this wild, untamed vixen who only cares about one thing, and one thing only. Being fucked nice and hard. I only hope that I will be able to keep up with her and give her what she so desperately wants and needs. If I hadn’t stopped her before I wouldn’t be able to do that. 

Before I even acknowledge it, she has me stripped of all of my clothes, leaving me standing in my boxers. 

She already started taking off her pants, when I take over the task. 

“Take it all off…I need to feel my skin on yours…I need to feel all of you” she breathes heavily. I obey. 

I feel like I have to pinch myself to make sure this isn’t a dream. She is sitting naked on top of the piano with her legs slightly open. Her white porcelain skin in sharp contrast to the black piano, the city lights illuminating her with warm colors. 

I know this is only the first round of sex tonight and it’s going to be hard and fast, no more foreplay or teasing. We both need this release and then we will move on to more gentle lovemaking. I stand between her open legs and kiss her with so much passion I almost black out. My hand moves to her center, cupping her and applying pressure on her sensitive button. Dear God she is soaking wet. I can’t resist, so I put two fingers inside of her. She moans out loud and throws her head back, pushing her breasts against my chest. Her hips start to move against my hand, wanting more. I take her breast in my mouth and suck hard, leaving a red mark as I push my fingers deeper inside of her. 

I feel the familiar burning in the pit of my stomach and tingling in my toes, signaling my fast approaching orgasm. His fingers are working their magic as is his mouth. I grab his cock and guide it to where his fingers are. “I need your cock inside of me now….I want us to come together with you buried deep inside of me!!” My voice is husky and demanding. 

He removes his fingers and grabs my ass hard, moving me closer to the edge of the piano. I guide his cock to my opening, and wrap my legs around his waist. I slide his cock up and down my soaked folds, lubricating it with my juices. His breathing changes between panting and holding his breath as he watches his cock making its way to its home. 

We put our foreheads together and look down as he slowly enters me. 

Oh God she is so warm, so wet and so tight…it feels like she is squeezing the air out of my lungs. Her pussy is clenching and sucking my cock deeper and deeper inside of her as her legs are holding me tight. I can’t move…this exquisite sensation is paralyzing my body. I’m doing everything I can not to explode inside of her. I move one hand to her neck and take her mouth, my tongue twirling around hers. She takes control and starts to move her hips, making my cock slide slowly in and out of her as I stand still, one hand behind her neck, the other on her ass. 

Her nails are scratching down my back, sure to leave marks. 

My hips start to move, meeting her thrusts as the sound of our naked flesh banging together fills the room. 

My inner walls feel like they are being stretched to the maximum, his cock so long and thick, filling me completely. I know we won’t last long. I’m already so close and I feel his cock twitch inside of me, signaling his approaching release. 

Our movements become more and more frantic and uninhibited as he pounds harder and harder into me. My moans become louder as I welcome his toughness. Barely able to speak, I tell him “John…oh God…don’t stop!!” Encouraging him to keep fucking me this way. My nails scratch his back holding on to him for dear life….and then it happens. From deep down inside of my core, burning, tinkling, an overwhelming pleasure washes over me, forcing me to close my eyes as my orgasm runs through my body. 

Her orgasm takes me with her the second I feel her inner walls grab a hold of my cock. I can’t move as I keep cumming inside of her. The feeling is so intense that I bite her shoulder just to keep myself from not passing out. I wrap my arms around her, our naked bodies are hot and sweaty. “I love you so much baby!” I whisper breathlessly in her ear. 

As I slowly slide out of her, the evidence of both of our desires, cover my cock and drip down on the floor. I lift her up and carry her to the sofa…she looks exhausted. I wrap her in a blanket and tell her I will be right back. 

I’m feeling very tired, finally letting go of all this pent up sexual tension. I know I will need to rest just for a little bit because we are far from over in the love making department. He comes back from the toilet with a warm and wet washcloth. For a second I wonder what it is for. 

He sits next to me and gently cleans my sore and sensitive pussy. That’s my husband…always thinking about me and always taking care of me. 

“ I love you…so much!” I tell him before I close my eyes and fall asleep. 

Part 18: The proposal 

I wake up slowly. My body is sore, but in the best kind of way. It’s the result of our frantic and desperate fucking..  We are always uncontrollable when we have been deprived from being intimate over a period of time. I won’t call what we did making love..that will come later, when we have taken the edge off the burning desire we can’t seem to control. 

My eyes are still closed, but I feel him staring at me, probably waiting impatiently for me to wake up so we can continue this evening. 

“What are you doing all the way over there?” I ask him in a hoarse voice, as I make room for him on the sofa. 

“You needed to rest Baby and that wouldn’t be possible if I was laying next to you” he says with a wink as he places himself behind me, spooning my naked body. “Hmm how long have I been asleep?” I ask him…”Just a little over an hour” he says in a voice that reveals that he is indeed ready for round two. I turn my head back and peck his lips and moan as I feel his warm naked chest against my back.

I feel completely satisfied and at peace right now, in this moment..it feels like old times, when the twins were small and we were forced to spend all night down stairs, making love and talking, without waking them up. 

I feel his face nuzzle my hair and his hands start to wander, the one I’m laying on is moving towards my breast, the other slowly moving down my stomach. I know where it’s going and I feel my wetness start to form just by his simple touch and the thought of what he is capable of doing to my body. 

I inhale her, the heavenly scent of just her, mixed with the scent of me, and of sex. I can never get enough of this, of her…I will do everything in my power to make sure that this is how I will spend the rest of my life, laying here next to her, kissing her, making love to her and listening to everything she has to tell me. But right now I don’t want to have a conversation, I only want to let our bodies speak their own language, that of endless love and sexual desire. 

I caress her perfect body with my large hands, cupping her breast, massaging it while my other hand moves to her hot center. Her moans let me know that she is with me and a more than willing participant for round number two. Her ass wiggles against my already hard cock, making me growl and bite her shoulder. This time we are in no hurry to reach our intended goal, this time it’s going to be slow lovemaking, taking our time to cherish and worship each other’s bodies. 

I palm her warm pussy and find her sensitive knob, putting light pressure on it while I make small circles with my thumb. Both of my hands are occupied at their favorite places, getting her body ready. My mouth starts to nipple at her earlobe and places small kisses at her pleasure spots along her long neck. We both move our hips in sync against my busy hand at her center, it’s slow and oh so erotic. My cock finds its way between her legs, and I almost come when I feel her thighs lighten around me, even though I have yet to enter her. She turns her head and says with a raspy voice “Give me your mouth, oh God I love your mouth!!” I can only obey and give her what she wants. Our kiss is as slow as our other movements, matching the rhythm of our rolling hips. Oh how I want to stay like this forever..

We have been lying on the sofa for maybe two hours, kissing, exploring, touching, our bodies dancing along each other, connecting on a whole other level. My body is reacting with small orgasms from deep inside of me, something I haven’t experienced before. I can hear he is experiencing the same, his breathing stops sometimes and his body is still for a second but he doesn’t ejaculate.

I once read an article about tantric sex, about how it’s not about the actual act of a sex,  but more about a deep intimate connection that is reached through being so tuned in to one another and giving your partner pleasure on a whole different level. About finding hidden spots of pleasure and taking the time to really become one with your partner. It’s not about reaching orgasms as we normally strive for. 

What I’m feeling right now must be what that article was referring to. It feels like I’m floating, I can’t think of anything other than him. 

I have discovered some new places on his body that makes him completely lose it, his mind and body leaving this earth and going somewhere full of pure happiness, bliss and satisfaction. And he has done that exact same thing with me. 

I don’t want him or this to stop but I feel like my nerve endings can’t handle much more of this, I’m almost becoming too sensitive and I’m feeling a new way of exhaustion. 

I have no idea what is happening… This is a whole new world for us, one we have never explored before. The best way to describe it would be like having an out of body experience. 

I have never I’m my life felt anything like what I have been feeling for the last two hours. So aroused, so filled with desire, love, curiosity just put some words to it. I have been having orgasms but not once did I cum… how that is possible, I don’t even know. Not once did I enter her soft pussy but I think that time is near. 

I can see she is near the end soon, her movements becoming slower, not that they were fast before, but I have always been able to sense her needs. 

I sit up and pull her with me so that she straddles me. Her legs are bent at my side making her center hover above my cock which stands proud and tall. Our eyes lock and without speaking she knows what I’m thinking as she slowly lowers herself down. My cock slides slowly inside her, first the tip then the whole head. She stops for a second and I know it’s to relax her body. Then she slowly lowers herself all the way down, as she lets out a long sigh. I wrap my arms around her and push our naked chests together making no room for air between us. We don’t move, we just enjoy this intimacy and the exquisite beauty of being so close, of being one. 

She starts to move her hips, not raising them but in a wave-like motion. We still don’t move much, other than her hips as we kiss, our tongue mating. Her full weight on top of me, her inner walls squeezing me so tight, her arms around my neck, it’s like she is everywhere and still I can’t get enough. I feel that familiar tightening in my balls warning me that I’m about to explode. And then it happens, I empty myself deep inside of her, everything becomes blurry and I don’t even register the words that leave my mouth. “ Fuck…Marlena.. I want us to have another baby…”

Did I hear him right? I’m not sure..my orgasm ripples through my body making it hard to tell what is real. I have never felt anything like this before, it’s so intense, so overwhelming, so beautiful, so empowering. 

It’s several minutes before I come back to reality, my body and mind completely exhausted. I caress his face, removing his hair from his forehead. God he is perfect in every aspect. 

“Did I hear you right?” I ask as I get lost in his blue eyes. 

He takes my face in his hands and says with certainty in his voice “ You did… I want us to have more babies, as many as God will allow us. I never got to experience your pregnancy with the twins or Belle.. It’s the only thing left that we have yet to experience together. So yeah I want another or many more beautiful mini Marlenas in this house”. I laugh… He can’t be serious. 

“Honey, I think I’m too old to have a baby. I know our love can overcome many obstacles but defying biology… I’m not so sure that is possible”. 

He looks at me with a serious face “ We will see Doc.. we’ll see”. 

———————————-

I can’t sleep. After our magical love making on the sofa, we went upstairs to our bedroom. She barely hit the pillow before she fell asleep. Me…I have been thinking, watching her, almost afraid to sleep, afraid that something or someone might come and take her away. To some that might seem like an irrational fear but for us it’s very real and possible. 

So sitting here watching her, I have made a decision, one that will hopefully protect her..us..in the future. 

My body is still warm and hot from making love to her, it alway takes me quite some time to calm down, so I go out on the balcony and inhale the cold night air. 

Before I even wake up completely, I know he is not in bed, by my side. I know him so well, I know his body so well….he always needs time and cold air to calm down before he lets sleep overtake him. I see his silhouette on the balcony. 

I put on my robe and go to him. I wrap my arms around him from behind and it’s clear that I have interrupted his thoughts and surprised him, as his body gives a little jump. 

“Honey, come back to bed!” I tell him as I rest my chin on his shoulder. His naked back is warm against me even though it’s cold outside. 

He turns around in my arms and takes my hands in his. His stare is serious and thoughtful and I wonder what has been on his mind. 

He rubs his thumbs over my knuckles before he brings my hands to his mouth , lightly brushing lips over them. 

He slowly lowers himself down to one knee, still holding my hands and looking deep into my soul with his beautiful blue eyes. My heart starts to pound hard and fast… is he doing what I think he is doing…. 

I haven’t really planned this, but it just feels right at this moment. Thinking back to what she said earlier this evening, I need to reassure her that nothing will ever tear me away from her. I don’t want her to walk around every day, fearing that I will leave her or do something that would cause her pain. 

“ Sweetheart, tonight I have come to realize what I have known all along. You, our kids, our family is all I will ever need and I will never do anything to jeopardize what we have, because it’s so darn special, so important, so real that I know for a fact that I can’t live one day without you.” 

I see tears in her eyes and I feel my own streaming slowly down my face. I’m so overcome with emotions, I don’t even try to hide it or fight it, I don’t care…I want her to see just how important she is to me. 

“ So I have two proposals for you. The first one being that from now on I will stop helping ISA for good. I am not going to put you, myself or our family at risk anymore. I’m going to tell Abe to stop looking into those documents we found in San Cristobal and stop searching for answers. It’s all in the past and I think it’s for the best to keep it that way…..And now for the second one…”

I take a deep breath to calm my nerves. “Doc…Marlena.. You are the first woman I have ever loved…the only woman actually. From our first handshake, I just knew how special you were and that I needed you in my life…always. 

I know we have done this before, but if it was up to me, I would marry you every year for the rest of my life. I know I’m not always an easy man to love and be with, but by God I will try my best every single day, to be the man that you deserve….

Will you do me the honor of becoming my wife…will you marry me….again?” 

I look up into her beautiful eyes, hoping she will accept, which is kind of stupid considering we are already married, but it almost feels like my first time asking her. 

She is not throwing herself in my arms as I expected her to..now I’m becoming a little nervous. 

I know I’m taking a long time to answer him, but he took me by surprise. Not only with his marriage proposal but also with the promise of stop looking for trouble, to stop searching and just be content with the present. 

I have so much I want to say to him but I can’t find the words so I make it simple “Ohh my love, yes.. yes I will marry you…I love you so so much”

I pull him to his feet as we hug and kiss, tears streaming down both of our faces. 

Part 19: The getaway 

Thursday – One month later

I have never been a patient woman in regards to waiting, especially when the answer I am waiting for can be a life changing one…

I haven’t been feeling well lately, my energy level is low, I have headaches almost daily and I’m constantly feeling dizzy. 

I have been hiding my symptoms from John, I don’t want him to worry before I know for sure what is wrong with me. 

At first I thought I was coming down with something like the flu, then I began to panic, thinking something more serious was wrong. So earlier today I went to my doctor to get my blood drawn, fearing the worst. 

When I came back to my office it suddenly hit me.. I could hear his words so clearly from that special night, one month ago.. “I want us to have another baby….” 

I have never moved so quickly down the corridors to get to the supply room, to get a pregnancy test. 

So now here I sit in my office bathroom, waiting for that little stick to tell me what my future holds. 

I have stayed true to my promise to Doc and cut all my ties to the ISA, even though Abe thinks that there is a connection to my plane crash and the information I gave them in Washington. He thinks that there is a mole in the ISA, just like the hunch I had when I was there. But I don’t care. I know in my heart that if I stay out of this, nothing is going to happen to me or my family. There’s absolutely no reason to go looking for trouble by involving myself anymore. 

I must admit I was worried that I would feel like I was missing something in my life, some action, something dangerous but it turned out to be the best decision I ever made. 

One thing I couldn’t let go of though, was doing a background check on this doctor Mark guy. I just wanted to make sure Marlena was safe and that he wouldn’t be a thread to her. It turns out his story is true, divorced with two kids. His former colleagues speak well of him and he is actually a great doctor. He is just an asshole who’s pride got hurt when he didn’t stand a chance with the beautiful Dr. Evans. I still don’t trust him so I will keep an eye on him and I hope for his sake that he stays away from my wife. 

Hmmm my wife.. I will never get tired of calling her that. We haven’t talked about a date for the wedding yet, but for the last few weeks, I have been secretly planning without her, with the help from all of our children. I just hope she will find it as romantic and perfect as I do.

3 minutes can go by so quickly or so slowly…depending on what you’re wanting for. My alarm tells me that the test is ready. I haven’t even had time to wrap my head around the possibility that I might actually be pregnant and how I feel about that. 

I really believed that we missed your chance at having another baby, so I don’t even dare to hope for a positive result. 

We always wanted to have more babies once we got back together years ago, and we certainly did all we could trying to conceive, making love  every time we got the chance, not protecting ourselves, but I guess it wasn’t meant to be. 

Do I even dare to hope that by some miracle I might be pregnant? 

I get up and go to the sink, taking a deep breath before I look down at the test. 

I know Doc hasn’t been feeling well, she is trying to hide it from me, but she forgets that I know her better than she knows herself. She might fool everybody else but not me. It shows in just the smallest ways, the color of her skin, the look in her eyes, the way she carries herself. I know she has her reasons for not telling me so I’m not too concerned and I don’t push her to tell me, even though I don’t like to see her this way… She will come to me when she is ready. 

I just hope that she is feeling better in two days, because that is when I plan on surprising her with a little getaway and a wedding. 

My heart is beating so hard in my chest, it feels like it might burst out. I have to squeeze my eyes and open again to make sure that I’m not imagining this…. A baby!!!!!! I’m pregnant!!!! 

The rational voice in my head tells me to calm down and wait for the blood test results before I get too excited, these home tests can show the wrong result. But the woman and mother in me tells me that it’s true. 

I almost run to my phone, to call John immediately and tell him. But then I stop… I don’t want him to get all excited if the blood test shows a different result. But will I be able to keep this from him? He knows me so well, will he see right through me and know that I’m keeping something from him? 

Time will tell…

It’s almost 5 in the afternoon and I’m still here at this special place, putting some finishing touches on this surprise wedding. I want everything to be just perfect. God this place..it holds so many memories for us. 

I have to call Doc and let her know that I will be home later tonight. Truth be told, it might be for the best that I don’t see her so much today and tomorrow because I’m afraid that she might sense that something is going on. She knows me too well…

Sami, Carrie and Belle have been helping me put all of this together, coming up with ideas and being in charge of the decorating. 

Brady and Eric have been driving back and forth bringing all we need for this day, food, drinks and whatever the girls needed for the decoration. 

I feel like a little kid who can’t wait for Christmas….just two more nights of sleep. 

John just called to tell me to let me know that he is working late, which would normally make me sad not spending the evening with him but today I’m glad. It will be easier for me to keep this secret from him if I don’t see him…

As I get ready for bed I can’t help but lift my t-shirt and look at myself in the mirror. I rub my hand lovingly around my belly, already feeling a connection to this baby……NO I need to stop, I can’t feel this way if it turns out that I’m not pregnant. 

I go to bed wearing John’s t-shirt and with my hands protectively placed on my stomach. 

Saturday morning 

We have been able to avoid each other all day yesterday, which has made keeping this secret much easier. 

My doctor called yesterday about my blood test. She told me everything was looking good but my hCG level was high, meaning that I AM pregnant. 

I couldn’t contain my excitement but I also needed to be even more sure, so I asked her if I could come and get an ultrasound just to be 100% sure. She had a vacancy later in the afternoon. 

John was working late again so I had the evening all to myself and our baby. I sat for hours caressing my stomach, speaking to the little bean while I was looking at the ultrasound picture. 

Later in the evening John called me and told me to pack a bag because he was taking me on a weekend trip tomorrow. That’s when I decided to wait until this weekend to tell him, when we are all alone with no interruptions. 

He hasn’t told me where we are going, only that I don’t need much clothes. Is this a weekend where we will just be naked and make love all day and night?… I do hope so. 

“Doc…are you ready to leave?” I hear him yell from downstairs. “Almost honey” I call back. 

The last thing I pack before leaving our bedroom is the picture of our beautiful little bean. 

We have been driving for about 30 minutes, not speaking much, but just being content in each other’s company as we listen to music and hold hands. I have been noticing that she has been rubbing her stomach in small circles, I hope she is feeling alright for our big day ahead. 

“Are you okay Baby?” I ask her, a bit concerned. 

She turns her head and looks at me and sees my eyes pointing at her stomach.

“Oh, yes yes I’m fine, I’m better than fine” she smiles a smile that tells me she is up to something, but I let it go and don’t ask anymore questions. 

As soon as I take the exit down towards the ferry, her body jumps from the seat with excitement. 

I haven’t really been paying attention to where we were going, my mind is constantly thinking about this baby, until he took the exit towards the ferry that sails to The Horton Cabin. 

“Oh are we going to the cabin?” I ask full of excitement. He nods as he laughs at me. 

It has been years since we were here last. I truly love and adore this place and now we get to spend the weekend here all alone. 

I take his hand to my lips and place kisses all over it until he grabs my chin and turns my eyes towards his. “ Doc… I love you” his stare and voice has a serious tone to it. 

“I love you too” I lean towards him and give him a quick peck on the lips “ Now watch where you are going” I giggle as I point towards the road ahead. 

As we near the cabin my heart starts to pump a little faster, I hope everything goes as planned. 

I get out of the car and go to her side and open her door. I hold out my hand, which she takes. Before we go inside, we stand outside for a minute and just absorb the silence, the smell of forest, the fresh air and the beautiful scenery. 

I wrap my arm around her shoulders and pull her to me, her head resting in the crook of my arm.  

I am flooded with memories from this place, our daughter’s birth, hot summer days, skinny dipping in the pond, family gatherings. I’m sure she is having those same memories. 

I kiss her forehead and wrap my hand around hers and walk towards the cabin. 

I immediately feel at peace being in this place, it’s like a home away from home, with the memories we have built through the years. This is exactly what I need and it’s the perfect place to tell John about the little secret inside my womb. It’s as if everything is coming full circle, Belle being born here and now we have this little one being introduced to his or her father for the first time. As we near the door to the cabin I can’t help it as tears burst from my eyes. These hormones have a life of their own and I can’t seem to control it. John is immediately concerned, thinking something is terribly wrong “Doc…sweetheart what’s wrong…are you in pain ?” 

I can barely get a word out through my sobbing which only seems to make him even more afraid. 

There is no explanation to my emotional state that will be good enough for him to believe so I decide to tell him the truth. 

I start to stutter through my sobs “ I’m….I’m okay…I’m actually more than that..I’m pregnant..” 

I look at him and see his expression change within a split second from deeply concerned to a surprised one filled with love, amazement and happiness. 

Pregnant….did she really say pregnant?? 

I can’t believe it. I have so many questions like how far along is she, is it a boy or a girl, is she okay??. One question I don’t have to ask her this time is the one I know for sure. This is my baby…hers and mine. Made out of the deep profound love we share, and this time around we are free to show and express that love for each other and show the rest of the world. I feel like I have to pinch myself to believe that this is not a dream. 

“ Oh Doc you have just made me that happiest man alive. A baby…we’re having a baby!!” I say lifting her in my arms and starting to spin us around. Her sobbing is replaced by the best sound in the world.. her loud heartfelt laughter. 

“John STOP… stop.. you are making me dizzy” she laughs, her arms wrapped tightly around my neck. 

I put her down and just stare at her…” I love you more than you will ever know Marlena”. I pull her  to me and kiss her with all of the love I hold for her. I’m so completely caught up in this moment and the best news I have ever received, that I have forgotten what awaits behind the closed door to the cabin. So when I open the door while still kissing her, I almost have a heart attack when I hear loud voices yelling SURPRISE. 

Part 20: The end

I’m completely shocked and confused as I hear voices shouting SURPRISE. And even more so, when I turn my head towards the voices and see all of our children standing in the middle of the living room, with big smiles on their faces. 

“What is going on here?” I ask loudly, looking around the room. “John, did you know about this?” I don’t know why I ask him, because I know the answer. Of course this is his doing. 

He grabs my face and fixes his eyes on mine, demanding my attention as he says

 “Sweetheart.. today we are getting married, right here at the cabin surrounded by our children. I planned today thinking nothing could top it in regard to being surprised, but with the news you just told me…. Well it just made this day even more special and magical”. His face just beams with so much emotion….love, happiness and pride.  

I love this man, so so much. 

Do you know that feeling when you take a step back to just look at your surroundings, in this case the gathering of my family. Their happy faces, the loud laughter, the interactions with each other. It makes me so happy and proud that this, right here, is my family..the legacy of Doc and I, the product of our long love story. 

And soon we will be welcoming a new baby. He or she will be so loved and spoiled by everyone…the baby of the family. 

Marlena is standing in the middle of the room surrounded by our children. She is showing them the ultrasound picture. The girls are already planning and fighting over who gets to babysit and the boys are hoping for another brother so they won’t be outnumbered. And here I stand, at a distance, with the biggest most content smile on my face and a heart so full it almost hurts. 

Standing alone in the bedroom, I take one last look at myself in the mirror. After we finished gushing over the ultrasound picture, my girls led me into the bedroom where they helped me get ready for the wedding ceremony. No one has told me what is going to happen, which I normally would demand to know, but not today…I have complete trust that they have arranged this to be the most beautiful wedding. My girls have picked out this beautiful dress, the fabric is loose and a broken white color, it looks like a Greek dress style. They did my makeup in a natural look and braided my hair adding flowers, which compliments the Greek style. The beautiful bouquet of flowers I hold, they made themselves out of flowers from the area around the cabin. 

I look very beautiful, earthy.. if that’s even a thing, and very peaceful, if I say so myself. 

A knock on the door tears my eyes away from the mirror and in comes Eric, looking very handsome in a white shirt and pants. “Are you ready mom?” 

“Oh my, don’t you look handsome my sweet boy.. I’m more than ready” I reply as he takes my arm and leads me into the living room.

Whatever I imagined doesn’t even come close to the sight before me. Wild flowers, light chains, candles and my children dressed in similar outfits, matching the style of my dress. And there in the middle stands the man of my dreams. The man who holds my heart, the other half of my soul, the great love of my life. 

She is walking towards me, led by Eric, looking like a heavenly vision, more beautiful than the day we met. It might sound ridiculous, but she gets more and more beautiful everyday. And now, knowing that she is carrying our baby, is making her beauty glow even brighter. 

I can see the tears in her eyes, but also deep love and gratitude for this moment..for this family..our family. 

When she is within my reach I take her face in my hands, gently wiping her tears away with my thumbs.  

“ You are so beautiful…I love you!” I tell her as I can’t resist placing a kiss on her soft lips. 

Brady’s laughing voice breaks our moment and says  “Hmmm dad…patience please, we will get to that part soon”. 

Brady takes the lead again…” Dear family.. We are gathered here today to celebrate the love and life of mom and dad. This is not their first wedding and probably won’t be their last, but it will be the most important and special one. Today we are not doing it the traditional way…we..your children have decided that instead of the two of you saying your vows, we are going to be the ones to tell the both of you what you mean to us. We will take turns and all you have to do is just stand here and listen to what we have to say…okay??…let’s get this celebration started.”

I look at Brady with so much pride. He has come a long way from being a confused, angry and insecure boy, to the young man who now stands in front of us, taking charge of this ceremony and acknowledging that this is his real family. It was his idea, to be the officiater, his way of apologizing for his behavior and showing us that he indeed approves and loves Marlena like the mother she has always been to him. 

I’m lost for words, not that I’m supposed to be saying anything, but even if I was, I couldn’t. Brady standing there looking so much like his father in both a physical manner but even more in the way he carries himself and the love in his eyes. I’m so proud of him and I hope that someday he will get to experience the same kind of love that John and I have…he deserves it. 

Carrie steps toward us and stops right in front of us. She takes our hands in hers and starts to speak.

 “ John…Marlena… you have always been a big part of my life, ever since I was a little girl. Marlena, you took me in and always made me feel loved and wanted. You made a home for me and have always been more of a mother than Anna. Even when my dad died, I stayed with you even when you didn’t have an obligation to take care of me. And then John, you came into the picture. I didn’t trust you at first, but you won me over eventually. Maybe I was just afraid of letting you into my heart, afraid that you would disappear one day. For many years I thought that you were my dad and when Roman returned, I was devastated because I had lost you, the only real dad I ever had….. What I really just want to say to the both of you is..thank you..thank you for always loving me, for taking care of me… even though I don’t say it, you two are my mom and dad..I love you so much”. 

I’m sobbing now and I have a feeling that it’s only going to get worse. We both wrap our arms around Carrie and hug our dear girl with all the love we have for her and tell her how much we love her.

Sami steps forward and takes our hands. 

“Mom…John…I know I haven’t always been easy to love.. God knows I haven’t always treated you two with the love and respect that you deserve. All you ever did was love me…and each other. I haven’t always been able to accept and respect the love that the two of you share…maybe it was just too hard for me to understand what true love means and that no matter what you do, true love always wins…it’s inevitable. You showed me that, even if I was too foolish and stubborn to see it. For that I want to thank you. You have made me realize that it is possible to find your true soulmate, the great love, the one who you can’t and will not live without. Your love story is one that will go down in history as one of the greatest. And I’m just so happy to be able to be a part of that story…for better or for worse. I love you both and I hope that one day I will find what you have.” 

It’s almost too much for me to handle as I was completely unprepared for these small speeches.  I feel like I need to lighten up the mood…for my own sake or else I’m not going to make it through. 

Through my sobbing I manage to say “I don’t know if I can take any more of this. Who stole my kids and replaced them with these grownups!!!” Everybody bursts out laughing while drying their eyes. 

Up next is Eric. “ When I think about the meaning of love, the first thing that comes to my mind is the two of you. What the two of you share and have always shared has been the envy of many people. I have been lucky enough to have witnessed it firsthand when I was just a little kid. I don’t remember when you first got together and your first marriage, but I do remember those 5 years when you, mom, was missing. John was devastated but he did everything to help us remember you and the love that you shared. John, you never stopped loving mom, maybe you knew deep down that someday we would have her back. I’m so happy that we are here with you today, celebrating your love and celebrating our family. I know that the two of you are going to live happily ever after and nothing or nobody is going to prevent that….and that’s a fact!!” 

I’m both crying and laughing at the same time. Hearing my motto coming from Eric means more than you think. He is my son, no matter what biology says, just like Carrie and Sami. 

Belle steps forward. “Mom…Daddy… When you had me right here in this cabin, I know I felt the love between you two as soon as Daddy delivered me. Even though you weren’t together for the first couple of years and even though I was just a small kid, it was always very obvious and clear to me that what you shared was very special. I remember the day you told me that we were going to be a family and that you were going to get married, it was what I had been dreaming of ever since I could remember. Soon I will be moving out and I always feared that you mom, would have an emotional breakdown because the baby of the family would move out, leaving the penthouse quiet and empty, but thanks to our new little brother or sister, I can leave knowing that you are going to have your hands full….I love you both so much..thank you for being the best parents in the world”. 

Again we all laugh at Belle’s words about us fearing an empty house with no kids around, and then the realization that we are in for long sleepless nights. 

Brady clears his throat and we turn around and stand before him, as if he was a priest. 

“Dad…Mom.. listening to my siblings talk about how they love you and how you have made such a great impact in their lives, always being there for them no matter what, makes me proud to be a part of this amazing family and the son of the most amazing parents. I’m sure this goes for all of us when I say that sometimes we really don’t deserve your support, trust and unconditional love. We have all experienced a lot of difficult and hard times through the years, but the one thing that has always remained true and strong, is the two of you and your love, not only for each other, but for all of your family and friends. So today we salute you and we all hope that we will find what the two of you have, because then we will know, that life will be so much better, so much more beautiful and exciting….So with that being said…We all pronounce you husband and wife, mother and father and true soul mate. Dad you may kiss your wife” 

Before Brady even finishes I’m already drawing Doc towards me as my lips quickly find hers. Some may find our kiss inappropriate in front of our kids…but trust me when I say that they have all witnessed way worse. 

It’s been the most wonderful day. After the very special and perfect ceremony we ate, danced, laughed and shared more memories from the past. If someone told me 10 years ago, that what we shared today as a family, was going to happen, I don’t think I would have believed them. We have come a long way and I’m so excited to see what the future brings…I have a feeling it’s going to be wonderful and exciting and with a bit of drama, if I know my children. 

The children left with the last ferry about an hour ago. I know they have their own lives that awaits them on a Saturday night in Salem, but I kind of wish they would have stayed…I just don’t want this magical day to end. 

John insisted that I sit and relax while he cleaned up. 

So here I sit with my feet up and I can’t help but laugh as he is running around trying to get it done quickly, so we can go straight to the wedding night ritual, as he calls it. 

I’m almost done cleaning up, now I just need to pack the last couple of things and then I’m ready to take her out to the final surprise of the day. 

I glance over my shoulder and see her sitting in the old chair with her legs up, eyes closed and a  content smile on her face. She must be exhausted…maybe it’s too much for her…maybe I should just take her to bed and tuck her in. 

I go to her and gently caress her face “Sweetheart…come baby, let me take you to bed.” She slowly opens her eyes and smiles at me and says “ No no, I don’t want this day to end..so whatever you have planned I’m up for it.”

“Are you sure Doc?? I know it’s been a long day and carrying this little guy must drain your energy” I say as I put my hand on her stomach. 

“Haha so you think it’s a boy?? Hmm I’m not so sure, there are a lot of similarities to my pregnancy with Belle..one thing in particular is very much the same and that is how much I need you, how much I crave your hands on my body, your lips on mine, only this time I can give into those cravings”. Her eyes glaze over with desire and her voice is low and raspy. 

I can’t deny her, even though I’m positive that she’s exhausted, even if she won’t admit it. 

I take her hand and help her to her feet “Come with me Doc!!” 

The fresh cool air makes the smells of the forest even more intense, wet moss and dirt….I always loved that smell. 

He guides me through the quiet dark, the only light are the stars and the moon above us. 

When we reach the small lake he stops and turns around to look at me. “Would you be up to some late night skinny dipping?” He asks with his eyebrow raised. No matter how tired I might be, I would never decline such a tempting offer. I don’t answer him with words, instead I slowly begin to remove my dress, while I hold his eyes with mine. 

He stands there frozen, following my every move with his eyes, licking his lips unconsciously. 

I put on a little show for him, taking my time and slowly running my hands up my arms and legs, across my stomach, around my naked breasts and up to my hair where I loosen my golden locks. His breathing is deep and I can feel his warm breath hitting my naked body, igniting a fire deep inside of me. Just as he is about to reach for me, I turn around and walk into the warm water, swaying my hips a little more than normal while I look over my shoulder and give him a seductive smile. 

Within seconds I’m out of my clothes almost running into the water. I can’t get to her fast enough, she just about made me cum in my pants with her seductive little striptease. 

When I am a couple of feet away from her, she dives under the dark water.

 I don’t know if it’s  because I’m impatient, but it feels like she has been under for a bit too long. I call her name, the water is too dark for me to see her. Panic starts to settle and before I even think about it, I dive under the water. It’s dark so my hands fumble around trying to find her…and then I feel something grabbing my shoulders. I kick the bottom of the lake and quickly resurface, almost gasping for air. And then I hear the sweet sound of her laughing. I turn around and there she is, obviously finding this very funny. 

“Doc…don’t do that to me…When you didn’t come up, I thought you might have hit your head on a rock or something” my voice is serious as I make my way through the water towards her. 

When I reach her, I put my hand through her hair and grab the back of her head, smacking my lips on hers. The kiss is desperate, filled with pent up tension and fear. Our tongues battle against each other, sucking, licking, kissing. I feel her teeth bite my bottom lip, which only makes me even more hungry for her. Her legs wrap around my hips and her arms around my neck. 

It feels amazing being in the water, our bodies sliding against each other without any friction, being almost weightless and floating. 

When our mouths part, we both gasp for air. 

“I’m sorry Honey, I didn’t mean to scare you.” Her voice is soft as she traces my lips with her finger. 

“Don’t you ever leave me!” It’s not a question, it’s a plea. 

Her nipples are hard against my chest as she pulls me closer to her. I bite her shoulder, leaving a trail of bites and kisses up to her earlobe. Marking her with small love bites. I firmly grab her ass and push her pussy against my hard cock. She breathes in my ear as she whispers “ I have been dreaming of making love to you like this since The Hot Springs”. 

I have had that exact same dream since that night so long ago, that’s why I took her down to this lake. To relive that night, but with a different outcome. One where we don’t have to be secret, where we don’t have to fight our feelings and desires, one where there is no guilt, only pure happiness, love and peace. 

There is something so erotic about being in the water with John. His frame seems larger and stronger if that’s even possible. 

I start to glide my pussy along his hard cock which stands tall against his stomach. The water makes my movements slow and oh so pleasurable. He is marking me with his mouth but I really don’t care tonight. The tip of his cock finds its way into my welcoming opening. We both stop for a second, as if we both need to look into each other’s eyes as he enters me. When he does, we both gasp, the feeling is so intense as he stretches my inner walls making me orgasm right away. I don’t even calm down before he starts to guide my hips against him. Again I don’t know if it’s because we are in the water, but it feels like he is deeper inside of me than he’s ever been before. The tip of his cock repeatedly hitting a sweet spot deep inside of me. Within a minute I’m free falling again, completely taken by surprise. I pull at his hair, needing to kiss him through this overwhelming feeling. He keeps sliding in and out of me…I don’t know how he does it…hold himself back and not explode together with me. 

I’m doing everything I can not to lose control and empty myself inside of her. I need to do something to keep myself from cumming right this moment, so I begin to move us towards some rocks. 

She gasps when she feels the cool rocks against her back. Her eyes are dark as she looks at me, placing her hands above her head and holding onto the rock. Her upper body is out of the water, her beautiful breasts floating with her nipples hard, tempting me to take them in my mouth. Of course my mouth is quickly sucking at her breast, my tongue playing with her nipple. 

Hmmm soon her breasts will be bigger and more tender…I can’t wait to see what kind of new pleasure that is going to bring both her and me. 

While my mouth is busy with her breast, she starts to move her hips again, this time faster while she moans my name. I can’t last much longer…. My hips meet her thrust… hard, making the water splash between us. And just like that I explode inside of her. If I didn’t know she was already pregnant, I would bet 100.000$ that tonight would be the night we would create another baby. 

8 months later:

I’m so ready for this baby to come. I’m huge…I haven’t seen my feet in what feels like forever, but I know they are swollen because I can’t fit into any kind of shoe. The same goes for my fingers. A couple of weeks ago I had to take off my wedding ring or else it would have cut off my finger. I’m so uncomfortable…I can’t walk for too long, I can’t find a comfortable position when I sleep…again I’m so ready to welcome the bean into the world. 

John has been amazing, more than I ever would have dreamed of. He has been there through all of my doctors appointments, he has gone baby shopping with me and made sure I have everything I needed. 

And of course typical John…he thinks I am even more sexy now. We have been making love even more than usual… yeah I know, is that even possible you may ask. And yes it is….. 

I never really made love with Roman during my previous pregnancies, maybe once when I was expecting the twins… he didn’t find me desirable when pregnant. But John… that’s a whole other story. He loves that my body has been changing, finding new positions, finding new places on my body that are more sensitive than before. If you would have asked me 8 months ago, on the day we had the ceremony, if I could love him even more, I would have said no…. But I do….I love him more and more each day. 

We decided not to know the sex of the baby, but he still thinks it’s a boy..I am still convinced it’s a girl.. 

It’s time for our baby to come…I can’t wait although I have been enjoying her pregnancy. I haven’t been able to resist her, not her special requests when she has a craving in the middle of the night and especially her body. Oh God her body….I will miss her pregnant body so much. The soft curves, her big stomach with our baby inside, her large firm breasts…Hmmm I have spent hours everyday for the last 8 months exploring, touching and tasting every inch of that beautiful body. 

Sometimes, sadness overcomes me…sadness that we never got to have this experience together with Belle and that this will probably be our last baby. But there is no need to dwell on that, I need to be thankful for what we have now and not think about what could have been. 

I hear her calling from our bedroom upstairs

 “ John… are you busy?”  She probably has one of her cravings and needs me to go get her some ice cream. “No sweetheart… what do you need?” I call back. It takes her a minute to respond and when I hear her voice she is standing by the stairs holding a bag and a big smile “ John…It’s time…she is coming!!”

“Just one more push Marlena…just one more..”. The midwife’s voice encourages me. John has been holding my hand through it all and placing a cold cloth on my forehead while doing breathing techniques with me. He doesn’t like to see me in pain, even though this is a welcoming pain, one that will bring us the most wonderful gift. 

I gather my last strength as I feel another contraction begin. 

I push with everything I have left…and then I see John face looking towards the midwife. Tears run down his cheeks as he stares in awe. 

The sound of a baby starting to cry makes me look in the same direction as John. 

“Congratulations Mommy and Daddy…you have a beautiful and healthy baby boy!!”

———————-The end———————