Then there was a pale blue bra I’d never seen before. Delicate, trimmed with small blue flowers, it was not an item I could see Marlena purchasing. Then I noticed something else. The cup was more suited to the size of Doc’s hand than one of her breasts.
Isabella. My blood ran cold. Isabella. Goddamn Isabella.
Looking around the room now, the woman’s presence was quite obvious. There were dozens of hairpins on the dresser, and Marlena usually preferred to have her hair down in beautiful streams of gold.
The glass on the nightstand was marked with a rather bland shade of lipstick. Next to my head on the pillow there were even a couple of long dark hairs.
Rage filled me. Rage and despair. All I wanted was to be with Marlena. After all that time supposedly moving on, thinking she was dead, all I wanted was to share my life with the woman I loved, but all my visions of a home and family life remained cruelly out of reach as long as Isabella was still in the picture. It hurt like hell. I felt like I was being manipulated.
Really, in my heart of hearts, I had always expected Marlena and I to gravitate back towards one another. And in the beginning, we did. Truly. Our love for each other was as strong as ever, and I had made sure she knew how totally committed I was. But then the reality of it all hit me with a paralyzing force, and I stupidly pushed her away, guarded myself from her, wouldn’t let myself fully remember what we had always meant for one another. But it burned in the back of my mind, aching for release. Always, always.
Naturally, right then, in a bedroom scattered with the evidence that Marlena and I were slowly dying, I was terrified. And filled with new resolve and determination to seek out what I truly wanted, without fear of consequence.
But tracking her down was actually more difficult than I had anticipated. She had been with patients at the hospital, endless board meetings which had obviously occupied a lot of her time and energy. And had been quite a good way to avoid me, I should add. Many of the staff had said she had been looking tired and drained, but hadn’t known where she had decided to go after the official stuff had finished, and Marlena took a small bit of leave.
Then, unexpectedly, I heard she was vacationing in Cartagena. Apparently her family had a house out there, where the southern Spanish coastline was its most beautiful. This was a pleasing thought. I imagined her relaxing, sunning herself, getting over the trauma of the past five years.
I spoke to her mother, who had seemed to sense a little something of my complicated relationship with her daughter. Gently, she told me exactly where it was that Marlena’s house was, and hinted that I should go and see her.
I didn’t need telling twice. I was packed and heading for a the airport within the hour. I wanted to see her so much it hurt.
I arrived in Spain quite overdressed for the time of year. Even though it was barely April, I found myself perspiring as I made my way thorough the quiet little streets. Being early afternoon, it was siesta time, and there was barely another human being around.
It really was a lovely place, unspoilt by the years and ever so picturesque. The perfect place to relax and rediscover yourself, and I hoped that was exactly what Marlena was doing.
Following her mother’s instructions, I found the house with ease. Quite lovely, set high on one of the numerous hills, with a wonderfully overgrown garden that was teeming with life. Pollen and petals floated on the currents of air, and butterflies flew from flower to flower. As I opened the gate, a soft little puppy ran towards me, barking excitedly.
“Hey there,” I whispered to her, patting her short red coat. She had a little leather collar around her neck, with a tag that read “Lulu.” Cute. I had a happy vision of her playing around Marlena’s ankles, making my Doc laugh happily at her antics. Yes, I could see Marlena being happy here at last. I could see her being relaxed.
Heart pounding hard, I knocked on her door. The seconds ticked by slowly as I prayed she was at home. Then, the door opened, and there she was. Wrapped in a dark green silken robe, she looked utterly wonderful. None of my fevered fantasies had made her quite this lovely: roses in her cheeks, her blonde hair shiny and tousled, eyes afire.
“Roman!” she gasped. For a moment she stood there, mouth agape, looking at me, perhaps wondering if I was real. Slowly she regained her bearings, and was able to step aside to invite me in to her home,
“So, to what do I owe the pleasure of this unexpected visit, then?” she asked, much calmer. She didn’t notice the huge lump in my throat.
I shrugged, trying to remain casual. “I missed you,” I mumbled simply.
Sitting on the cozy loveseat across from me, she smiled, and leaned forward to take a sip of her coffee. “I missed you too,” she responded after swallowing.
“Did you?” I asked quite sharply.
Her eyes flew quizzically to mine. She didn’t like that tone.
And there was silence between us for a long moment. Marlena drank her coffee, probably to occupy herself.
“So … how is *Isabella*?” she asked, with a bit of retaliation in her voice, “When is the wedding?” trying to swallow the huge lump of lead that was sitting in her throat.
I couldn’t quite meet her eye. Instead, I looked into the depths of my untouched coffee cup, and spooned unknown amounts of sugar into it. I lost count of the spoonfuls. “Well,” I said at last, “We haven’t really discussed it officially ….”
“So that’s it huh?” her voice was slowly rising, “Five goddamn years, and this is how it goes down?”
“I’ve been to hell and back these past few months, Doc,” I tell her, sighing “I needed you.”
“I needed you too,” she puts her head down.
“And that’s why you ran all the way here, is it?” I ask pointedly.
“Damn it, I was trying to give you some space!” Marlena yells. “I thought you needed time to come to some sort of decisions about us!”
“I haven’t made any decisions,” I told her, not without anger, and also a little ashamed. “There never was a decision to make. It’s always been you. Always. I was just too blind and guilt ridden to see it.”
“Could have fooled me.”
We fell back into a sullen silence then, neither one looking at the other.
I couldn’t bear her being angry with me. Or being angry at her. “I’m sorry,” I whispered. “So very, very sorry.”
“I just need to know,” she pauses, almost unsure of whether to proceed or not, “Are you sure?” There was fright in her eyes, she was scared of being hurt again. I knew that feeling all too well.
“If you’ll have me,” I reach my hand out, a bit clammy, and unsteady.
She nodded slowly, seeming to accept this, and reaching out her smaller, more delicate hand to intertwine with mine. “Okay,” her voice was husky and thick with barely suppressed emotion.
My breath was taken away by the sight of her. “Oh, Doc …” I moaned, and then I was in her arms.
She gasped a little in surprise at my eagerness, but then moaned and sighed with me as we came together. We kissed and her tongue was hot and alive in my mouth. From that moment, I was lost.
I crushed her against me, smashing her up against the hallway wall, grinding my pelvis hard against hers. One of her small little hands found mine and guided it between her legs.
I manipulated her sex shamelessly through the green silk of her robe, rubbing her hard until she was soaking the material between us, clitoris throbbing and swollen.
“I love you,” I moaned against her neck.
She whimpered in reply. “Please…” she was overcome.
And I gave it to her. I watched her sweet little flushed face get very intense, breasts heaving wildly. Then she gritted her teeth and came, curling her head to my shoulder and biting down to stifle her cries.
Watching that, I was as hard as a rock. She was kissing me gratefully, a soft clutch of kisses over my chin and neck. Moaning.
I was in a whole other state. I grasped at her thighs, thrusting at her through my pants in an instinctive mimicry of intercourse. I wanted her so bad my teeth hurt.
“Bedroom,” I growled, beyond niceties. She responded with a throaty chuckle.
She took my hand and led me through to a darkened room, curtains still drawn, and thrust me back into the softness of a big bed. I arched into the pillows moaning, needing something, someone, to touch my cock before I exploded.
I needn’t have worried. It took Marlena all of four seconds to get my pants down and my burning cock positioned just inside her sex. She undulated slightly on top, teasing me, robe open and falling so it only just covered her breasts.
I wanted to see her, all of her, and I grasped the sides of her robe, and removed it none too gently. I tried not to stare, but it was very difficult. She had a kind of perfect, Amazon beauty in her naked body that I loved. There wasn’t a muscle or a curve out of place. I tore my eyes from her, not wanting Marlena to see my open admiration and to mistake it for scrutiny, but I needn’t have worried. She was gazing back at me, open-mouthed and panting slightly, like she had just seen the most exquisite work of art. Her eyes glittered.
I grabbed her thighs again and impaled her all the way, not wanting to be teased just now. All I could think of were the endless years it had been since I had last known the pleasure of making love to Marlena. This was NOT the time for games. Right now I just wanted to fuck the woman.
Her eyes grew dark and naughty, locked with mine, her exquisite heat covering mine.
“How does it feel, Marlena?” I asked, breathily. She loved when I used her given name.
“Oh … it feels good,” she replied. “Very good.” Marlena was teasing me now, moving her hips from side to side, creating a wonderful sensation where I was caught and then pulled by her slick muscles.
Being merciless, smiling that mischievous half-smile of hers, but I wasn’t about to let her get away with it. I took hold of her hips in my hands, stilling her, and shoved upwards, hard into her, filling her completely, delighted when she cried out in her own pleasure.
She smiled lazily at me from beneath half-closed eyes, and then yelped again when I sat up and bit down on her right nipple.
“Don’t stop … Roman …” Marlena was a sighing, arching blob of jelly now; putty in my hands. “I won’t …” I promised her in a soft whisper, and caught her lips with my own in a possessive kiss. I thrust up into her hard in a steady rhythm, the way I knew she liked it.
She tilted her head back, giving a long keening moan at the skill of our thrusting, exposing the long line of her neck. God, she looked so beautiful, that delicate throat arched towards me, and I slid my lips along it, breathing the scent of her in, kissing the pulse I could feel throbbing beneath the skin.
Naturally, I didn’t last very long. I drove into her, howling, eyes clamped tightly shut, my penis the center of a dozen or so seconds of pure, pumped ecstasy. I was only aware of my own voice crying hoarsely. The world was gone, the universe was shooting from my cock.
And then it all went black.
“Wow,” Marlena breathed, disoriented, still lost somewhere between a dream state and reality when I had regained my sense of spatial awareness.
“Ye – yeah,” I stammered, whole body trembling.
“Mmmm,” she hummed affectionately, leaning over to place a soft kiss on my mouth, and to rub her nose with mine. “I love you.”
I grinned stupidly at that, my heart spasming, too emotional for words.
“Want some coffee?”
I nodded, and she kissed me again before pulling her robe over her again and padding out of the room to get some.
We’d actually made a bit of a mess, I realized as I got my breath back. In addition to the rapidly spreading wet patch, the bed was trashed, pillows everywhere and sheets screwed up and in terrible disarray. The blanket was nowhere in sight.
There were clothes on the floor as well, but I could hardly take the blame for that. Clearly, Marlena was a lot messier here than she had been in Salem.
It was sort of cute really, and kind of sexy, too, considering most of the items littering the carpet were underwear. A coffee-colored chemise here, as well as a pair of sexy sheer peach panties that looked perfect for giving her oral sex through. Half under the bed was a black silk stocking that reminded me of one she had used to tie me up with on my birthday years ago. Funny how simple items could take me back so easily.
She returned with two cups of coffee, but I was far more interested in tasting her, so I threaded my hand into her hair and drew her face to mine for a sloppy little kiss. She returned it eagerly, and we spent the next few minutes in silence, exploring each other’s lips and skin with the familiar passion I had so desperately missed.
We ended up dreamily caressing each other in silence. Then, Marlena said “Are you planning to stay?”
She said it so quietly I barely heard. When I looked at her, she was looking vulnerable.
“Am I what?” I asked.
“Planning to stay,” she repeated. “Here. With me.”
“Doc …” I started.
She mistook that for hesitation, and withdrew from my arms a bit, her body tensing. “Oh.” Scanning around the room, she looked for something to occupy herself with, something, anything, just to avoid looking at me. I felt like an ass.
“Doc look at me-” I reached out to bring her face towards mine, but she swatted me away.
“No, Roman, it’s ok-“
“NO!” I grabbed her this time, forcefully, making her look at me, trying to make her understand. “No,” I repeat, softer, “You don’t understand. I want us to be together, but we can’t stay here.”
She held up a hand, not wanting to hear my ultimatums. “Just for a holiday,” she said, “Before I … before we decide what we’re going to do next.”
I sighed, content. “Of course,” I told her. Did she really think I would refuse her while I lay naked in her arms?
She smiled a little grimly, and nodded. I knew this wasn’t going to be easy for us. Hurting people is never easy. After that, we stayed in bed for the rest of the afternoon. We made love again, and slept for several hours, curled up like kittens.
When I awoke, it was early evening and the sky was a beautiful shade of red outside the broad windows of the bedroom. Marlena had left the bed. I could hear her in another room, singing badly to herself as she walked around.
At least she sounded happy, I thought to myself. It was rare that she was ever that carefree since her return. It was a depressing thought, to realize that I was the reason for it. But it only filled me with a greater resolve to fill today and the rest of her tomorrows with as much happiness and love as I could give. I would make myself bleed before I harmed her again. Though the future seemed uncertain, that was one thing I knew to be true.
Her soft humming filled my head again; No matter about the assault on the eardrums, it was the most beautiful sound to me. I got up from the bed, pulled on my pants and went to find her. She was standing at the small terrace, overlooking the hills, just watching the birth of night. Lulu whined at her feet.
There was still turmoil in her, that I intuitively knew had nothing to do with me. She was scared about something, maybe even a little angry. Perhaps the reality of her missing years, the implications of it, were starting to set in.
Marlena started sobbing. Quietly at first, and then her emotions gained momentum, and she really let go. I pulled her tight against my chest and held her, kissing across the top of her head and not caring that she was soaking my chest with her tears. She clung to me, needing me with a ferocity that I had not known since we discovered I was really Roman Brady, all those years ago in the Virginia wilderness. I wondered how many times since her return she had really broken down like this.
“It’s okay …” I soothed. “It’s okay …”
She sobbed again, and I went between soothing her and placating her for another twenty minutes before she managed to gather herself together enough to function.
“Come on,” I said, as we wiped her eyes together, and I motioned for her to come inside with me.
“Yes,” she replied, steeling her jaw.
I took her hand, and the two of us went into the house, alone and together.
Finis
The Jarlena Journal 