Unspoken – By Ms. Goldie

Chapter 1

Cancer. John didn’t even know how to begin to process that. His mind swirled with memories of his conversation with Isabella, and how she had proceeded the news with a tearful explanation of all the ways they would grow old together, while he stood there, holding her tightly, with a growing sense of doom in his gut. He knew, he knew, something was wrong. Cancer. One word. A scary word. A word that could mean death. A word, that for Isabella, did mean death. 

Victor had Brady for the night, Isabella was asleep, and John, somehow, found himself on Pier 29 late in the evening, overwhelmed with the news she had just given him hours before. He could barely process it. Shock had set it, and he was lost. He’d been in denial ever since. “Huh, denial,” he thought to himself, “I wonder what Doc would have to say about that?”

He listened to the sounds of the buoys and the boats on the water. Exhaustion. His life, what little he could remember of it, had been fraught with one hardship after another, and never being one to complain, he took the blows as they came. Sometimes they sidelined him, but he had never…never, wanted to give up; however, tonight, the emotional fatigue had hit him so forcefully, that he’d left the loft at nearly 10 pm, just to breath. He’d checked on Isabella, and he’d simply walked out. 

John wrapped his jacket more tightly around him when the cold breeze blew up off of the river. The solace of the pier was something that he hadn’t sought out in quite awhile. It always made him think of Marlena when he came here, and thinking of her…well, that hurt, too. It was best for him to focus on his family, Isabella and Brady, especially now. 

“Fuck,” he said softly, running his fingers through his hair. He’d gone over it in his mind a hundred times, looking for every possible reason she could be sick, anything he could blame it on…except for cancer. He was still trying to find ways to convince himself that it wasn’t as bad as Isabella was making it out to be. Maybe the diagnosis wasn’t fatal. Maybe, somewhere, there was some specialist who might have the miracle they needed. He couldn’t lose her, too. He’d already lost so much. Somehow he was going to have to find the strength to get through this. If only he could stop the words from rolling through his mind over and over again. “I’m try—I’m trying to tell you…John, I have cancer.”

He stepped over to the pilings, leaning heavily on the wood. Perhaps tomorrow, he could convince Isabella to get a second opinion, or to take the tests over again. Something, anything, to stave off this downward spiral he was taking into hopelessness. Doing this alone, raising Brady alone…he didn’t know if he had it in him to do that. He mind filled with his son’s sweet face, soft brown hair, and dark eyes. Brady was the image of his mother. 

“John?” He heard Marlena’s voice, and his whole body shivered. He couldn’t see her now, not when he was feeling this vulnerable, but there she was anyway, stepping out of the fog and saying, “It’s Marlena.” The moment was so similar to her return a little over a year ago, and yet it was nothing like it at all.

Smoothing out his features, John turned to her with false joviality, “Hey, Doc. What are you doing out here this late?” She seemed to be more beautiful every time he saw her. Especially in the fog, with the lamplight shining through the loose strands of her blonde hair. Prior to last year, being in love with two people would have been something he thought impossible, but it was possible, and certainly something he’d never give voice to. His love for Marlena was his, and only his. In the end, Marlena had stayed married to Roman, and John had married Isabella. It was the obvious choice. It was certainly the least messy of their options. 

Something was wrong with John. Marlena could tell almost immediately. She’d known him long enough to notice the small gestures, the flex of his fingers, and the slight wobble at the corner of his mouth, when he tried to pretend he wasn’t upset. The cadence of his voice when he tried to sound upbeat, but it came off sounding flat. She stepped closer, watching him closely, and asking him, “Are you okay? You seem…you seem upset.”

“I’m fine. I just wanted to get some fresh air,” he said. He noticed that she didn’t touch him, standing a few feet away. They were friends, but they never touched, and they both knew why. 

“You’re lying,” she said softly. “…but I won’t push you.” Turning to face the water, she inhaled a deep breath of nighttime air, a mix of algae, fresh water, and the faint scent of fish. Her hair tickled her cheek, and she pushed it back from her face with the back of her hand. 

John was quiet, as he too, turned to look at the river. He was grateful that she didn’t push the issue, because he wasn’t ready to discuss something that he could barely face. Saying it out loud lended an air of permanence to it. Cancer. Saying it loud made it real. He glanced sideways at her, asking, “What are you doing out here this late?”

“I just wanted to get some fresh air,” she said, repeating what he’d said, with a smirk.

“Now, who’s lying, Doc?” he said. “You know, it’s dangerous to be out here this late by yourself.”

Marlena didn’t respond, she simply stood there, watching the moonlight shimmer across the ripples of the water. Another argument with Roman about her work with the Salem PD and her work with Roger Lombard, had her seeking refuge at the pier. A place where she always found she was able to clear her mind. Roman had slammed the door on his way back to work, and Marlena had followed him out the door, shortly after. The house was too quiet, with Sami and Eric gone. She could barely stand the silence. She glanced quickly at John, thinking he seemed to have his own problems taking up space in his mind, she certainly didn’t need to lend him hers. “If you change your mind, John, you can talk to me.”

“Ditto,” he said, still staring at the water.

“How’s Brady?” she asked him, changing the subject, and stepping over to sit on a bench nearby.

John followed her, like a moth to a flame. Unable to tell her what was going on in his life, but still unwilling to say goodbye for the evening. “He’s fine. We’re still trying to get him on a sleep schedule,” he murmured, sitting beside her, but still making sure there was ample space between them. He was grateful for the subject change, as he stretched his arm out along the back of the bench, and faced her. “I’m still trying to figure that out. You know, raising the twinners for the time that I did was a wonderful experience, but, if you remember correctly, when I first appeared, the twinners were practically toddlers, and you and I…we…well, we never really had a chance to…” he said, with his voice trailing off at the end. He turned back to the water, instantly regretful that he had mentioned their brief time together, and frustrated that it had seemingly slipped from his lips so easily. Another awkward moment. John sighed deeply. They seemed to have so many of these over the last year. 

Marlena was quiet for a long moment, unsure how to respond. She finally said, very softly, “We have wonderful memories. We’ll always have those.”

John could feel her hazel eyes on him, but he didn’t allow himself to look at her. He couldn’t. He said, with a sad smile, “Yes, we will.” Thinking about their time together just reminded him of everything he’d lost, and everything he was going to lose. He realized he was clenching his fists again, and forced himself to relax. Looking sideways at Marlena, he saw that she’d noticed. She noticed everything. He was quiet for a long while, finally saying, “I can’t discuss it right now, Doc. I…I need some time.”

“Okay,” she said. “But I’m here, when you need me. I will alway be here for you if you need me.”

His eyes quickly filled with tears. He tried blinking them away rapidly, and cursed himself, when one lone tear broke free to mark a path over his cheek, “I know.”

Another hour passed, in silence, with the two of them taking strength and comfort from each other. Marlena marveled that it had always been that way between them. She hoped it would always remain that way, because to lose John completely might be the end of her. When she left Mexico with Roman, her choice was made. She’d known what she was losing, but her consolation was knowing that no matter what, they would always remain friends. The connection would never be broken. Their relationship was still strained at times, even awkward, when one or the other said something about their past. Yet, even without ever discussing it, they knew, and Isabella and Roman knew, that the connection between them had to be respected. They had been through too much together to ever break ties completely.

The wind picked up and Marlena felt a chill, shivering. She wasn’t ready to leave the pier, or John. Every once in a while the wind changed direction and John’s scent would blow past her face, making her feel so safe. Just as she was about to gather herself and walk back to her car, she felt John placing his jacket around her shoulders. “John, I’m fine…I should—I should go home anyway,” she said softly, standing up.

John rose from the bench with her, “Where did you park your car, Doc?”

“I’m fine. I’ll be fine…I parked near the top of the stairs.”

“I’ll walk you to your car.”

“John, I’m fine,” she said, looking up at him. He had stepped closer. His eyes sucked her in and his scent surrounded her, as the body heat from his jacket warmed her.

John felt his heart stutter quickly, before returning to a normal pace. He said quickly, “I’ll walk you to your car, Doc. I’m not letting you walk around the pier near almost midnight, by yourself.” His tone brooked no argument, and Marlena simply nodded once, and started walking towards the stairs. 

John followed her, grateful to note that he felt stronger, emotionally. In a hour and a half with her, barely any conversation, Marlena’s mere presence had left him feeling that he would be okay. He would be strong enough to support Isabella and love her through this. He would be able to love his son, and teach his son what an amazing women his mother was. Tomorrow, he would be able to support her, and tackle this together, because he loved her.

When Marlena reached the top of the stairs, she turned, removing John’s jacket from her shoulders, and stepping closer to him to hand it back. Their fingers brushed softly, and she shivered again. Marlena only hoped that John thought it was from the breeze wafting by them. She felt stronger, as if going home to a silent house wasn’t the worst thing she could imagine. She was calmer, and more settled. Smiling up at him, she allowed herself to touch his arm gently, “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“Just being you. It helped a lot,” she told him, stepping back, and removing her arm quickly.

His jacket carried her scent, and he still felt the warmth of her hand where she had touched him, “You’re welcome. You helped me too, and maybe in a few days…I’ll be able to talk about it.”

“You don’t have to. I just wanted you to know that you could,” she said, getting into her car.

John watched her put her seatbelt on, and start her car. He found himself still standing there, minutes later, already having seen her tail lights disappear in the distance. Turning to walk back down the stairs, John thought, that of all the things he’d lived through; all of the trauma, danger, and fear—what he was about to face with Isabella, was the worst of his life. An hour and a half ago, he thought he couldn’t do it. Now, he knew he might actually be okay. 

Chapter 2

Marlena opened the door to her home and found John standing there. He’d been crying. She could tell. His eyes were pink and slightly swollen, but she’d never mention it, or even draw attention to it, unless he mentioned it. It was the look on his face that made her hurt for him the most. He was obviously struggling with Isabella’s diagnosis. She knew that, not only from her conversation with Isabella, but also because John was at her home so late in the evening. Just like the previous night, his fragile emotional state had driven him to search out solace. Last night it had been the pier. Tonight it was her, and she knew why, because she’d spoken to Isabella earlier.

Marlena softly closed the door as John entered the house. He turned to face her, walking into her outstretched arms, and sobbed into her hair. Marlena fell into the corner by the door with the weight of him, as he continued to cry uncontrollably. It broke her heart. His body shook, and trembled with the release of emotion. All she could do was hold him, and let him get it out. His hands made their way into her hair in desperation, almost as if he was trying to ground himself in the moment, because the reality of life was too hard to handle, and he buried his face in her neck. Marlena ran her hands up and down his back, speaking to him in soothing tones, whispering in his ear, “John, I’m so sorry, honey. G-d, I’m so sorry.”

He’d held it in all day, so that by the time he made sure Isabella was asleep, and left the house, he was shaking from it. Now he couldn’t seem to stop the flow of tears. He knew his hands were wound so tightly in Marlena’s hair that he was likely pulling it, but she didn’t complain. “Doc,” he gasped. “I can’t fucking loose her. I’ve lost everything. Her and Brady are all I have…they’re all I have—”

“No, John, no. You have me. You have me,” she said, her own tears flowing over her ruddy cheeks. “I will always be here for you. Always. Always.” His weight leaned heavily on her, and she continued to hold him long after, until his sobbing gasps subsided. 

He was finally quiet, his heavy breaths wafting over her neck as he rested against her. “I’m sorry,” he whispered softly. “I’m sorry to just show up, and dump all of this on you. I know—I know you spoke with Isabella today.”

“I did. She called me at the hospital, and asked me to go by,” Marlena murmured back.

“What am I going to do, Doc? How am I going to get through this? I have to be strong for her, and here I am crying all over you.”

“John, if you need me, you come. That’s it. No reason is necessary. No explanation is needed.”

Untangling his fingers from her hair, John stepped back from her slightly, wiping the tears from his face, while he looked at her, and used his thumbs to wipe her tears from hers. “She says she done with doctors and testing,” John said.

“Let’s go in the kitchen. Do you want some coffee?”

“Are you making it, or can I?”

Marlena smiled, and laughed quietly, “You can make the coffee.” Taking his hand in hers, and lacing her fingers through his, she gently led him into the kitchen.

“Where do you keep the coffee filters, and the coffee?” he asked her.

“I didn’t move them. They’re in the same place that they were,” she told him, while reaching around him to get two mugs from the cabinet.

John’s hand took hers, stopping her progress momentarily, and he said softly, “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” she replied quietly, and then moving away to place the mugs on the table. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“What is there to talk about? She’s dying, Doc, and she doesn’t want to spend her last days with doctors being poked and prodded. I don’t like it. As a matter of fact, I hate it, but I also respect it.”

“She didn’t know how to tell you. That’s why she called me,” Marlena said.

  “I know. She didn’t tell me that, but for some reason…I knew. Maybe it was the way she phrased it. It sounded so much like something you might say.”

“She’s worried about you.”

John finished pouring coffee grounds into the filter, and he turned to face her, leaning back on the kitchen counter, “She shouldn’t be. She’s the one who’s dying, and she’s worried about me? Do you know how fucked up that is, Doc?” 

“She loves you. She’s worried about how you’re going to handle her death. She’s worried about Brady.”

“I’m trying to so hard to hold myself together. G-d, Doc, by the time I got here tonight…I was falling apart inside. How am I going to help her…when I feel like I’m falling apart myself?”

Marlena stood up from the table, and walked over to him. She touched his cheek softly, and said, “You need to be honest with her, John. Trying to stay strong for her, while you’re slowing deteriorating is no way to help her through this. She deserves honesty. Don’t try to sugarcoat anything. It won’t be doing her any favors, and Isabella is such a proud person…that if she finds out, she won’t be happy with you.”

John moved away from her quickly. The palm of her hand felt like it had burned an imprint on his skin. “I know. I know, it’s just—”

“—complete transparency, John. You both need that right now, because what you’re about to go through is the hardest thing either of you have ever had to face,” she said.

“I thought the worst pain I would ever feel was when I thought you died…” he murmured. “I guess not.”

“Sit down. I’ll pour the coffee,” Marlena told him, needing a distraction. The five years she’d been with Stefano were years that she and John no longer discussed. She didn’t discuss them with anyone. Her separation from John in Mexico had drawn a line, a boundary, between what was acceptable and what was no longer acceptable. Her years with Stefano, at least what she had started remembering of it, were no longer his concern. Roman simply didn’t care. She’d brought it up a few times, only to have him say that they needed to focus on the present, and the past was best left in the past. So what she remembered, she kept to herself. Setting John’s mug in front of him, she took her own, and sat across from him.

“I was thinking about getting a video camera, and maybe making some home movies for Brady to watch when he’s older,” John said.

“I think that’s a wonderful idea, John.”

“Is it?” he asked her, looking up from his coffee with tears in his eyes. “I…I don’t—fuck! I don’t know what I’m going to do. It hurts…it hurts so fucking bad, Doc…”

Her heart was breaking for him. She rose from her chair, approaching him as he sat defeated in his chair. His arms reached for her for the second time that night, weaving themselves around her hips, and pulling her body close. John buried his face in her abdomen, struggling to breath, and pulling air into his body in rough gasping sobs. 

“Cry. Let it out, honey,” she murmured, threading her fingers through his hair softly. She felt the hot wetness of his tears, soaking into the fabric of his shirt, and held his face to her even harder. His strong arms bound around her hips, holding her like an emotional tether. “I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. So sorry,” she whispered.

Minutes passed and their coffee grew cold, neither one of them ever even taking a sip from their mugs. Marlena’s fingers played with the hair at the nape of his neck, and she whispered, “Will you be okay to drive home?”

“Yeah, yeah, I will,” John said, pulling back, and wiping his face. Looking at the clock over the refrigerator, he told her, “It’s late…I should get going in case Isabella wakes up.”

“Where’s Brady?”

“With Caroline,” he said standing up. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“Just being you,” he said with a smile and a wink, pinching her chin gently and looking into her hazel eyes.

The sound of the kitchen door opening caused them both to turn, watching Roman enter the kitchen. “What’s going on in here?”

“Nothing. John was just leaving,” Marlena told him. The look on his face irritated her. Jealousy and mistrust was written all over it.

“Yeah, I was heading out,” John said, turning for the door.

“I’ll walk you out,” Marlena said, trailing behind him. She felt Roman’s eyes boring into her back, and she refused to turn around and acknowledge it. She would speak with him after John had left. Nearly all of their conversations ended as arguments, and she wasn’t about to try and talk to him while John was there. The last thing John needed to know was how unhappy her marriage was.

John pretended her didn’t notice the animosity rolling off of Roman. Once he reached the door he turned to face Marlena, saying, “You okay, Doc?”

She waited a moment, before she said, “I’m fine, John.”

John glanced over her head, and saw that Roman had followed them partially out of the kitchen. He stood in the doorway watching them, with barely concealed anger lining his features. John leaned closer, and said, “You would tell me if you weren’t, right?”

“I would,” she whispered.

“Okay, thanks for the coffee, lady,” and then he looked at Roman and said, “I’ll see you around, Roman.” Roman nodded, and went back into the kitchen, letting the door swing heavily behind him. 

“I’ll see you later, John,” Marlena murmured before she shut the front door behind him. Taking a deep sigh, and letting the air push out, she walked into the kitchen.

“It’s almost midnight, Doc,” Roman practically spat. “Why is he here?”

“He was upset. He needed a friend,” she said, moving towards the table and picking up the mugs of cold coffee. 

She was pouring it down the sink, when Roman said snidely, “I don’t think there’s any reason for him to be here this late that is friendly.”

Marlena stared at her husband, her rage simmering under the surface. “You didn’t bother to ask me, but yet you apply innuendo with your comment?”

“Doc! The only reason a man would visit a woman—”

“—his wife is dying,” Marlena interrupted. “John came to me because he needed a friend. Nothing else.” Walking out of the kitchen Marlena knew that tonight, she and John had crossed boundaries that had been firmly set in stone for the past year. She remembered the feel of his body pressing her into the corner, and she remembered the feel of his arms wrapped tightly around her hips. It caused to her immediately feel guilty. Not because she comforted a friend, but because it made her feel things for John that she hadn’t allowed herself to feel for over a year.

Chapter 3

She felt the length of his body against her, the coarse hair of his legs, as their bodies moved together. His hands pushed over her hips roughly, twisting in the satin fabric of her nightgown, and pulling it up to expose her long legs. Lips sucked at the skin of her collarbone, causing erotic shivers to make her body tremble, and Marlena was overcome with want. Roman had never been this way before, this needy, this aggressive. Maybe they could get back the love they once shared. Maybe all wasn’t lost. Her fingers went to thread through his hair, and she realized the texture wasn’t right, but then he bit at her neck, licking over the stinging skin with a long swipe of his tongue, “Oh, G-d!” she cried out, bucking her lace clad hips towards him. She could feel how aroused he was.

Using his hand to cup her mound and squeeze it, she heard him say, “You want me, Doc. I know you do. Just as much as I want you.”

It was John. It wasn’t Roman. She pulled back quickly, staring into his deep indigo blue eyes, still breathing heavy from arousal, “John? How did you—”

“Does it matter, Doc? I need you…”

Marlena came awake so suddenly, she thought she might fall from the bed. Her breathing was erratic, and her center was throbbing with want. She knew she had to calm down. It was just a dream, but it was an unsettling dream. John’s wife was dying of cancer, and this wasn’t the time for her to start reliving her old feelings for him. But then she asked herself, “Are they really old?” Or might those feelings simply have been buried so deep because of their circumstances? She had pushed them down so far, that she’d felt they were gone, because feeling them hurt too much. Especially once John was married, and Brady was born.

When she had gone to John’s loft to speak with Isabella a few days earlier, she’d seen Brady in his play pen, and when his eyes had locked on her, it took her breath for one quick moment. She’d been moving across the room one second, and completely immobile the next. Everything about Brady’s features was similar to Isabella, but his countenance was all John. The steady way his eyes held onto her…she’d felt John for a moment, but she’d forced herself to shake it off, and focus on why she was there. 

Marlena glanced at the clock, realizing she might as well get out of bed, since her alarm was scheduled to go off in less than twenty minutes anyway. The pounding of the water in the shower, signaled that Roman was getting ready to go to work…or that he’d just gotten home. Marlena never knew. It seemed as if Roman was always at work. He didn’t offer any reason, and she didn’t ask for any. His work had taken over their lives, leaving little room left for trying to figure out exactly what was wrong in their relationship. He had started taking evening shifts and weekend shifts. They barely saw each other. Marlena could barely stand being in her own home, because Roman was never there and Sami and Eric were gone. 

When the twins had said they wanted to go to private school in Colorado, Marlena and Roman had agreed. Although Marlena never said it out loud, she felt like the twins were mourning John…and hiding from Roman. She spoke with them over the telephone almost daily, and they could spend an hour telling her about their day or something that Grandma Martha or Grandpa Frank had done. They never asked about Roman. Marlena wasn’t even sure of they ever spoke to Roman. 

She heard the shower water turn off, and she rolled over in the bed, closing her eyes, and pretending to sleep. She didn’t want to think too deeply about why she was feigning sleep in that moment, but she continued to do so, as Roman exited the bathroom. 

The telephone rang and Roman snatched it up quickly. Speaking quietly, because he thought Marlena was still asleep, he said, “Brady residence…” She heard him pause for a lengthy period of time before he hissed into the phone, “I told you not to call me at home…no…I’ll see you later…” and he hung up, finished getting dressed for work and left.

Marlena rolled onto her back staring at the ceiling. “He used to wake me up and kiss me goodbye before work. He used to make the coffee in the morning, or leave me a note. We were supposed to find our way back to each other, and we are drifting further and further apart,” she thought. “It wasn’t perfect, but I was trying. How can I try when he’s never here? How can I try when he shuts me down almost instantly? How long do I continue to fight for something it seems obvious he doesn’t want?” Using the back of her hand to wipe the tears from her face, she turns off the alarm clock that just started blaring at her, and rolls out of bed. 

The telephone rings again, so Marlena treads over to the desk and answers, “Hello?”

“Marlena? It’s Isabella. I was wondering if you might find time to come and see me again? Or, if you want, I could come by your office today…I-I have an appointment at 10:00. I could come after that that,” Isabella said.

“I am completely booked through at least 5:00 this afternoon, but I did have a cancellation at 10:30 this morning. I would be free for an hour.”

“Could I come by then?”

“You could…is everything okay Isabella?”

“I’m dying, and my husband is falling apart,” she said sadly. “That’s what I need to speak with you about. I need to talk about John.”

“I’ll be in my office waiting for you,” Marlena told her quietly.

“You’re sure it’s not an inconvenience?”

“Isabella, you are never an inconvenience. Anytime you need to talk to someone, I’ll be here if you need me.”

“Thank you, Marlena. I’ll see you in a little bit,” Isabella said before hanging up the telephone.

Replacing the telephone receiver into the cradle, Marlena started walking towards her closet, when the sound of the doorbell came up the stairs. “It’s like Grand Central station at the Brady house this morning,” she mumbled to herself, while turning to go answer the door.

John stood in front of the Brady home with coffee and donuts, hoping she would answer the door. When it swung open to reveal a sleep tousled Marlena, who’d forgotten her robe, John was momentarily taken aback. Seeing her in her nightgown felt so deeply personal. He noted that it was the same nightgown she’d worn her first night back in Salem. The night he’d stood at her bedroom door playing with the loose ends of her hair, and fighting back the desire to touch her. Finding his voice quickly, he raised his hands slightly showing her what he’d brought, and said, “Coffee and donuts, Doc?”

“Duck Donuts?” she asked him excitedly.

“Of course. I got them, and came straight here,” he said with a small smile. “Although I don’t know why it matters. You always pick the most boring donut they make.”

“Powdered donuts aren’t boring, John. They are under appreciated,” she said. “Are they still warm?”

“I would never deign to bring you cold Duck Donuts. That would be an absolute travesty!”

“Yes. Yes. Yes!” she said, reaching for the box, and realizing she wasn’t wearing a robe. The cool morning air brushed over her skin, causing her nipples to pebble. Shivering, and hoping John didn’t notice that she was practically indecent, she told him, “Come in. Come in. I just…I just need to go get my robe.”

With a mouth that seemed to have lost all moisture, John told her, “Yeah, that’s fine, Doc.” He turned to watch her rush up the stairs, her nightgown swaying around her ankles and her bare feet on the carpet. With a deep sigh, he sat the food on the coffee table and went into the kitchen for paper towels.

Marlena came back a few moments later wrapped in her ugly, fluffy, pink robe. She still looked beautiful. She always looked beautiful. “That was fast, Doc.”

“I don’t want to eat them cold,” she said.

“Absolutely not,” he said, handing her one on a paper towel. “I wanted to say thank you for the other night, actually both of them. The night on the pier, and then a few days ago when I just showed up here.”

“You don’t need to thank me for that—”

“I do, Doc, because I get the feeling that you’ve got a lot going on right now, too, and that’s okay—it’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it, but we’re…we’re friends. Just remember, you can talk to me too,” he finished, tipping her chin up to look at him.

She breathlessly whispered, “I know…I know…”

She looked like comfort, love, softness, joy, and sex. John forced himself to focus, and said, “Now. Donuts!”

“Oh, my G-d! Yes!” she said, taking a bite, and moaning in joy.

John took a drink of his coffee, leaning back, and stretching his arm across the back of the sofa, watching her for a moment. She radiated such joy sometimes, over the simplest things. He asked her, “So, where’s Roman?”

“He’s left for work already, I think,” she mumbled, taking another bite.

“You think? He didn’t say goodbye?”

“I was asleep, John,” was her only response.

He sensed that all was not well in Marlena’s marriage, but if she wasn’t ready to discuss it, it certainly wasn’t his place to pry. “Isabella is talking about maybe going to Italy,” he said softly.

“Italy? John, is that a good idea?”

“She’s going to see Carly this morning. That’s what she wants to do, and I’m not going to fight her on it, Doc. I’ll get whatever medical equipment we need for the trip. She—she wants to go back to the place she was born…” he doesn’t finish his sentence, but Marlena knows the ending. Isabella wants to die in Italy.

“John, what about you?”

“What about me, Doc?”

“John, you can’t do this by yourself. You can’t go to Europe, and deal with all of this alone. What about Brady?”

“We’re hiring a baby nurse. We’ll line up a doctor once we get there—”

“No, John, what about you? Who’s going to help you take care of you?”

“I’ll be fine, Doc. I can handle it,” he said, sipping his coffee again.

Marlena put her donut down on the coffee table, and reached out, placing her palm on his arm, “You can’t do this alone.”

“I don’t have a choice. I’ll be fine. I can handle it…I have to handle it,” he said, staring at her hand on his skin.

“Maybe someone could go with you? Maybe Bo?”

“No, Doc. I’m going to handle this by myself. I wouldn’t want Bo or anyone else to see me like that. It’s not going to be pretty,” he said thinking back to the other night, when he had pressed Marlena into the corner while he sobbed into her hair. He didn’t trust anyone to see that kind of emotion from him. He didn’t want anyone seeing him that vulnerable. No one except Marlena. “I’ll be fine.”

Changing the subject, Marlena said, “Isabella called me this morning.”

“She did? Did she say why?”

“No, but she’s coming by my office after her appointment…I’m-I’m assuming it’s the appointment she made with Carly?”

“I appreciate you being so kind to her, and listening when she needs to talk, Doc.”

“Isabella is an amazing woman, John. It’s obvious that she loves you with her whole heart…I’m glad…” Marlena stopped talking, unable to finish what she was going to say, because she felt like it crossed a line. “Never mind.”

“What? What were you going to say?”

“It doesn’t matter—”

“It matters to me,” he whispered.

“I-I’m just glad that you’ve had someone to love you,” she murmured.

“Because you couldn’t? he said.

Looking into John’s eyes, Marlena said, “Yeah, because I couldn’t.”

Chapter 4

A soft knock sounded on Marlena’s office door. “Come in,” she called, closing up the file she was looking at, and placing it to the side. 

Her receptionist stuck her head in, and said, “Isabella Black is here to see you?”

“You can send her in. I was expecting her,” Marlena said.

Isabella entered the room, and it was obvious in just a few days, that the cancer was taking a toll on her. Her body radiated fatigue, and her eyes, had a faint purple hue underneath them. Even though Marlena knew the woman had cancer, that she was going to die, it broke her heart to see it so visibly. It must be killing John. Isabella glanced around Marlena’s office, “I’ve never been in here before. I never really had a reason to, I guess.”

“You’re always welcome, you know,” Marlena said, gesturing to the chair across from her.

“I know…I’ll be honest, Marlena, I’ve always felt a little threatened by you, and your relationship with John…I—I know he still cares for you,” Isabella said, placing her purse on the floor, and sitting. Marlena had always appreciated the fact that Isabella was so direct. She didn’t agree with her sometimes, but she could still recognize a strong woman.

“We’re friends,” Marlena told her softly.

“You’re more than friends, and…that used to bother me…and now… I’m dying of cancer. I want you to know, I’m grateful knowing that he’s going to have you…when I’m gone.”

“John and I will always be in each others lives. He’s a wonderful friend, and we’ll always have a connection.”

“I know he saw you on the pier, and he went to your house the other night,” Isabella said.

“He did.”

“He needs you now. He needs you more than he’s ever needed anyone before. When I’m gone, he’s going to be alone. I want you to—I need you to promise me that you’ll be there for him when I’m gone, because this is going to be so hard on him,” Isabella pleaded.

“John will always have me. I promise…I promise you, I’ll be there for him,” Marlena said. She hoped with everything she was that Isabella trusted her and believed her.

“Thank you…I just got approval from Carly to go to Italy.”

“John had mentioned that you were thinking of that.”

“He did?”

“Yes, he was by the house this morning. He brought me donuts and coffee,” Marlena said. She didn’t want Isabella to think she was trying to hide anything, because she wasn’t, but she also didn’t want Isabella to be upset that John was seeing her so frequently. “He was thanking me for being a sounding board for him a couple times. You’re right. He is having a hard time accepting your diagnosis. He’s also having a hard time accepting your decision to forgo medical intervention.”

“I know. Thank you…for talking to him. For helping him with this…”

“I told him it’s important to be honest with you about his feelings. Is he doing that?”

“I think he’s trying, but I also think…the only person he’s been completely honest with…is you,” Isabella told her. “He’s covering up with everyone else, especially me. I can’t go to Italy, unless he has support. I won’t do that. That’s why I’m here,” Isabella said, looking at her hands for a moment, before looking directly at Marlena. “He needs you. He won’t have anyone in Italy. He’ll be alone, and lost, mourning me…I can’t do that to him. I won’t do that to him. I came to ask you—I want you to come with us.”

“Go with you?” Marlena asked her. She was surprised by Isabella’s request. It was selfless, especially knowing what John and Marlena had been to each other. John’s recent decisions related to Isabella were also selfless. Both of them so much in love with the other, that they would make choices without consideration for themselves. 

“Can you do this for us? Please? I want to go home, to Italy, but I won’t take him away from you…because, Marlena, he needs you right now, and I need him. I’m asking a lot of you, I know that, and—”

Marlena didn’t need to think about it. She didn’t even think to discuss it with Roman. She quietly told Isabella, “—I’ll go. You’re right, he won’t be open or vulnerable with anyone but you or me…and right now, he’s hiding his vulnerability from you, because he thinks he needs to be strong. He thinks you might not be strong enough to handle it, and he doesn’t want to put more on you.”

Isabella sighed in visible relief, looking at Marlena with a faint smile on her face, “Thank you, Marlena.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Isabella was asleep on the couch when John came home. He stood over her, watching her slumber, and held back the tears that were threatening to overcome him again. He could feel himself vibrating inside from the tension he held in his body. He leaned over, kissing his wife softly on the forehead, and then stepped over to the play pen to check on Brady.

“John?” Isabella said in a groggy voice.

“Hey, Izzy B. I didn’t mean to wake you,” he told her.

“It’s fine. I can’t sleep all day. I’m fine,” she said. “I wanted to talk to you, anyway.”

“How did your appointment with Carly go?” he asked her, sliding onto the couch beside her. 

Isabella snuggled into his body, breathing in the spicy musky scent of him, “She gave me the clearance to fly. As long as we use Victor’s private jet, and you get the necessary medical equipment.”

John was quiet for a moment, before he said, “Okay. That’s good. It what you wanted, right?”

“I do, but I was also worried, if we go to Italy…when I die—” Isabella heard John’s breathing change, and she saw him clench his fist one time, but she continued, “When I die, John, you’ll be alone, with our son, in a foreign country. You’ll be mourning me, and in no position to handle everything else. I can’t—I can’t do that to you…”

“You want to go to Italy…I want you to go to Italy,” John said. “This isn’t about me—”

“—but it is, John,” she said, turning to face him. “It is, because I love you, too. I want to support you through this…you’ve got to let me do that.”

John looked at her, cursing himself for the tear that escaped, “I love you…I’ll be okay.”

“You’re lying to me. I know it. Marlena knows it…so…I asked her to come to Italy with us,” Isabella told him quietly.

“You did?” he asked her. He felt like he was holding his breath, but he knew he wasn’t, his chest was just tight, and is muscles prepped for a fight, when there was no fight to be fought. “Why…why did you do that?”

“Because you’re lying to me, John. You act like you’re fine, you’re okay…but you’re not, and the only person you’re opening up to right now is Marlena. As much as I would  have hated that a few months ago…now I’m grateful for it.”

“Why?”

“Because you need her, and I’m dying,” Isabella said bluntly. “I’m dying, John. Say it.”

“No,” he whispered.

“And that’s why Marlena said yes,” Isabella replied, touching his face gently. “Someone needs to be there for you, even when you say you’re fine…she and I, we know you aren’t.”

“She said yes?”

“She did. She didn’t even hesitate. It’s obvious, she still loves you,” Isabella said as a matter of fact.

“She’s married to Roman,” John said quickly.

“Yes, she is, but it doesn’t change the fact that she loves you, even its unspoken. She’s willing to drop her whole life to help me get you through this,” Isabella said. “And you…I know you still care about her.”

“I love you,” he said.

“You do. I don’t doubt your love, John. I’ve never doubted that you love me…but you love her, too, and that’s okay.”

“I—I…” John didn’t know how to respond to that. His feelings for Marlena were so confusing, so wrapped up in what was acceptable versus what wasn’t. Wondering if he was capable of loving Isabella completely when he still woke in the night from dreams of Marlena. He struggled with the guilt, and the desire, but he’d made a choice, and he didn’t regret it. His love for Isabella was deep, and his love for Marlena had never really died. 

“Please don’t try to make me feel better about this, John, because I was serious…I am grateful that you have her to rely on. The thought of you being alone in Italy trying to plan my burial, and taking care of Brady, all while mourning my death? That—I can’t handle that. Marlena is the only one you’re willing to open up to right now…so she’s coming with us. For you, for my peace of mind. Please? I want this.”

John sighed again in relief, “Okay.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marlena waited up that night for Roman to get home. When he walked in the front door, he seemed surprised to see her on the couch reading. “Doc, you’re usually asleep by now.”

“I am, but I needed to speak with you, and we seem to be missing each other these days.”

“I’ve been really busy at work. I have a huge caseload,” he said, offering up excuses that she hadn’t asked for. .

“John is taking Isabella to Italy,” she said, placing her book on the end table, and standing up. “Isabella wants to spend her last days there, and he wants to be able to do that for her. They’re leaving at the end of the week. Carly estimates…Isabella has about a month left.”

“So they’re leaving at the end of the week, huh?” Roman asked her, taking off his jacket, and hanging it up on the coat rack.

“They are. Isabella came to see me today, and she asked me to go with them,” Marlena told him.

Roman looked at her quickly, “You told her you can’t, right?”

“No, I told her I would.”

“Doc! You’re going to drop everything? What about your patients? Your work at the precinct!” Roman said with growing frustration.

“Isabella needs John with her, and John’s going to need support through this, Roman. I told her I would do that for her.”

“You sure you’re doing it for her?” he said snidely, walking away from her, and into the kitchen.

Marlena tried to tamp down her anger, and followed him, “I’m doing it because she asked me to, and I’m doing it because John is a friend…he’s going to need someone, Roman.”

Roman slammed the refrigerator door, and looked at her, “And that’s got to be you, right, Doc? It couldn’t be Bo? Or Carly?”

She stood in the doorway to the kitchen watching him, and replied, “No. No, Isabella and I spoke…it, um, it needs to be me. John’s not—he’s not opening up with anyone else, Roman. Look, I know you’re upset—”

“Damn straight, I’m upset! You’re my fucking wife!” he roared, stepping closer.

“Being your wife doesn’t make me your property,” she said quietly.

“That’s not what I said, but, Doc, you gotta look at it from my perspective…it’s a little weird don’t you think?”

“I guess from the outside, but I don’t care what other people think, Roman. I never have. John is my friend. His wife is dying, and she asked me to do this…so, I’m going.”

“Why’d you even bother telling me, then?”

“You’re my husband, Roman. We’re having problems. We barely see each other, and when we do, we hardly speak,” she said. “I still want to work on this. I wanted you to know I decided to go. Since, I see you so rarely, I waited up tonight to tell you.”

“And you think going to Europe with your ex-husband is going to help us fix our marriage?” he said.

“Roman, I honestly think that it an oversimplification of the situation.”

“Is it? Would you have done this if anyone else had ask you? If it wasn’t John who needed you?”

“I can’t answer that, because it is John who needs me. I know him better than anyone else, and right now he’s in complete denial about what’s about to happen. I know that. Isabella knows that. She asked me to do this…and yes, it’s John, so I’m going to do this.” 

“So, I guess my opinion doesn’t matter. You’re going to do whatever the fuck you want to anyway,” Roman said, walking right by her, and out of the kitchen.

She followed him, watching as he went up the stairs. She didn’t know what to do, or how to make this better with Roman, but she wouldn’t change her mind, either. She was exhausted and it was almost midnight. She started turning the lights off, preparing to go upstairs for the night, when the telephone rang. She knew it was John, it had to be, so she rushed to answer it before it rang a second time. She could hear the shower turn on upstairs just before she answered. “Hello?”

“Hey, Doc.”

“You okay?” she asked him.

“I wanted to say thank you,” John said softly, as he watched Isabella sleep on the bed beside him.

“We seem to be thanking each other a lot lately, don’t we?”

“Isabella said you agreed to go to Italy with us…so thank you.”

“She’s a smart woman, John. She sees the same thing that I see, you’re struggling with this, and when the reality of it finally hits you, I’ll be there for you,” she said.

“I don’t…fuck…she asked me to say that she was dying tonight, and I couldn’t do it…I mean, I know it, but I couldn’t say it to her,” John whispered.

“Why do you think that is?”

“I know it, but I can’t say it…saying it makes it too real.”

“It’s already real, John. She needs you to know that, and accept it,” Marlena told him.

“I know…I’m working on that,” he said.

Chapter 5

Marlena spent a tense week with Roman. Every time they encountered one another, she tried to talk to him, and he found reasons not too. She knew he was doing it intentionally, but there was nothing she could do about it. She called the twins, and explained what was happening with Isabella. As she expected they were upset, but at the age of eight, death was still an abstract concept. The thing they focused on the most was the fact that she was going on a trip with John. 

“Why do you get to go on a trip with Daddy, and we don’t?” Sami asked. “That’s not even fair.”

“Samantha, this trip is not a vacation. Isabella is very sick. I’m going to help John, and to help with Brady,” Marlena had responded.

“I can help with the baby. I like babies,” Sami argued.
“I know you do, honey. Maybe John can come visit you in Colorado, or maybe you and Eric can come to Salem for a visit. I’d really like it if you both came home,” Marlena said. “Have you thought about that?”

Sami was quiet for a long time, when she replied, “I miss Daddy…and we can’t live with him…”

It broke Marlena’s heart. It was the first time one of the twins had ever even hinted at being unhappy with Roman as their father. “Sami, is there something you want to talk about?”

“Mama?” Eric said.

“Eric? Where did Sami go?” Marlena asked her son.

“She said she had to go to the bathroom, and just gave me the phone. I dunno…”

“Oh, okay…”

“So how come we can’t come on the trip with Daddy?”

Marlena felt sadness in her soul, “Eric, I’m so sorry, but not this time…but maybe before I go back to Salem, I can come see you?”

Marlena had spent the next few days, mulling over what she had missed in the interactions between Roman and the twins, and determined to find a way to bring her children home. 

John, Isabella, Brady, Marlena, and a nurse named Brenda were on their way to Italy. Roman hadn’t even bother to tell her goodbye, and Marlena had to admit that maybe her marriage was in more trouble than she had previously admitted to herself. She’d left him a note, and she’d left him a message at work, and then she had left. 

Victors plane had two cabins. In the first, towards the front of the plane, was the medical equipment and a hospital bed firmly tethered to the floor, in the second Marlena watched Brady. John’s sole focus since the flight had taken off was making sure that Isabella was settled, and comfortable, especially since it was going to be close to twelve hours in the air. That didn’t mean that he wasn’t aware of the goings on in the next cabin, as he heard his son fussing and Marlena’s voice calming Brady in soft tones. It gave him memories of her time with the twins when they were young. Long nights pacing the floor, bouncing unhappy babies until they nodded off to sleep. John took one last look at his sleeping wife, brushing the soft brown curls from her forehead, and kissed her, “I love you, Izzy B.”

Walking through to the rear cabin, he stopped short. Marlena was curled into the corner of the couch, sound asleep, with Brady wrapped snuggly in her arms. Her face unlined and serene in sleep, her golden hair laying in soft waves as it framed her face. Brady had been having trouble sleeping, and recently it had gotten worse. John knew that he was feeling the stress in the house, especially the stress in his parents. Babies were sensitive to those things, and yet here he was, so peaceful, wrapped in Marlena’s arms. He wasn’t sure how long he had stood in the doorway watching them. It could have been one minute, it could have been fifteen, but eventually Marlena’s eyes fluttered open, and John found himself staring into the most amazing set of hazel eyes. He couldn’t move for a long moment, riveted in that spot, caught up in her gaze. Sometimes Marlena’s eyes were so expressive that words weren’t necessary, and right now he felt like he could see through to the bottom of her soul. 

Marlena had woken to find John standing in the doorway watching her. Her body had reacted as if she was a school girl. Her stomach dropped, the fluttering started, and then she almost immediately shut it down. Those were feelings she simply could not afford to let herself feel. John’s eyes had a way of pulling her in, and making her want more than she was allowed to have. Marlena finally spoke, asking John, “Is Isabella asleep?”

“She is,” he said, walking towards where Marlena sat on the couch. “I thought I’d come in here and check on Brady…and you.” He said beside her, so closely that she felt the warmth of him. 

Marlena studied him closely, watching as he sat forward with his elbows on his knees and his head resting in his open palms. Tentatively she asked, “How are you, John?”

“I’m fine. I’m fine,” he mumbled.

“Why don’t you rest? Take your shoes off, and lay down here on the couch,” she told him softly, intent on making sure Brady stayed asleep. John lifted his head, and looked at Marlena for a moment longer, and then he quietly kicked off his shoes, and stretched his long body out along the couch, resting his head on her hip. Marlena’s fingers found their way into John’s hair, and she listened to him as he released a deep sigh. She whispered, so softly he could barely hear her, “Go to sleep, John. We’ve got a ways to go, and you’re going to need the rest.” He drifted to sleep with the gentle caress of her fingers along his neck, as her hand softly played with his hair.

An hour later Isabella woke up. The only sound she heard was the roaring of the plane engines. Brenda was asleep in a chair across the room. Throwing her feet over the side of the bed, Isabella stood up shakily, using her IV pole for stability, and headed towards the back cabin looking for John, and pulling her IV behind her. When she reached the doorway, she saw Marlena asleep with Brady on her chest. His little baby fist wrapped tightly in Marlena’s blonde hair. John was laying on his side, stretched over the length of the couch, with his head on Marlena’s hip, and his arm looped under her thigh. 

Isabella was hit with a myriad of emotions. The jealousy hit her first, which she rationalized as perfectly natural. Her family, her husband and her son, both looked so content wrapped around a woman who was not their wife, or their mother. But the jealousy was immediately followed by sadness. She was reminded that she was dying, and it was happening soon. She could feel it in her body, although describing the feeling would be something she would never be able to full explain. The last emotion was more complicated. She felt peace, because she knew that no matter what the fall out, Marlena would take care of John, and she would take care of Brady. 

The fear she’d felt over John being alone while he mourned. That was gone, because she knew Marlena wouldn’t let that happen. Over the last year Isabella had been so insecure, and worried that John and Marlena might find their way back to each other, that John might change his mind and leave her…when in reality she was the one leaving him. She watched him and thought to herself, that once she was gone, she wanted him to find love again…maybe he already had. She knew he’d never stopped loving Marlena. Every time Marlena called, or needed him, he would go to her. Isabella remembered when Roman had left his family to search for Bo, Marlena had called John in hysterics, and he went to her. Isabella had accepted that her husband was in love with two women, before she even married him, she’d come to terms with that. She hadn’t had a choice. 

Marlena’s eyes opened and she saw Isabella standing there, looking over the scene in front of her. “Are you okay?” Marlena whispered, hoping that John and Brady remained asleep.

Isabella walked over to sit in the chair beside the couch, and answered, “I just woke up and came to check on them.”

“Where’s Brenda?”

“She fell asleep in the chair beside my bed. She’ll probably be frustrated if she wakes up and finds out I’ve gotten away from her,” Isabella said with a smile.

Marlena smiled back, “Brenda doesn’t seem like one to find that funny.”

“That’s probably why it is funny. I’m the one that’s dying,” Isabella said. “I think at this point in my life I get to decide what I’m going to do, and what I can handle.”

“I agree,” Marlena told her. She smoothed her hand over Brady’s back, and looked at Isabella, “He’s such a good baby. He looks so much like you.”

“He may look like me, but he acts like John.”

“Oh, I can believe that.”

“When did John come in here?”

“Right after you fell asleep. He was checking on Brady. I told him he should rest,” Marlena said softly.

Isabella was quiet, staring at her hands, contemplating if she should talk freely. She finally whispered, “I’m scared.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“What is there to say? I’m going to die, and—and it scares the hell out of me. No amount of talking is going to change that. I spend my whole life believing in G-d and religion, but when it comes down to it…no one really knows what’s coming after we leave this world. We all go through life under the assumption that we’ll at least make it past middle age,” Isabella said quietly. “When faced with your own mortality…it’s a scary thing.”

“Have you talked to John about it?”

“No, I don’t want to put that on him…I guess we’re both trying to be strong for each other.” Isabella yawned, and stood up, “I’m going to go lie back down. I’m so tired all the time, and I want to get some more rest before we land. Thank you…for allowing me to talk about this, and for coming with us. I was right.” She gestured to where John slept, his arm wound around Marlena’s leg, “He needs you.” Isabella stared slowly walking back into the other cabin.

Marlena had felt John’s hot tears seeping through her pant leg, almost as soon as Isabella started speaking, but if he wasn’t going to say he was awake, she wanted to respect that. She touched his hair, running her fingers through it softly, “Are you okay?”

“How do I help her?” he asked with a rough voice.

“The same way you have been. Let her decide what she’s capable of, don’t hold her back…and continue to love her with your whole heart,” Marlena whispered.

John squeezed her leg, breathing deeply, “Okay. Yeah, I can do that. It’s hard…hearing her say she’s scared.”

“Are you surprised that she’s scared?”

“No…not really. It’s just that…it’s the first time I’ve heard her admit it,” John said, wiping his eyes quickly, and disengaging his arm from under her leg. He sat up beside her, closer than he would normally sit, and took a deep breath. “She’s right, you know.”

“Isabella’s right about a lot of things, John.”

He looked at her, his face so close she could see the varying shades of blue in his eyes, “I do need you, Doc.”

“I know. That’s why I’m here,” she said softly, taking his hand in hers, and threading her fingers through his. 

John lifted their hands, kissing Marlena’s fingers softly, “I’m going to go check on Izzy B.”

Marlena watched him walk back into the front cabin on the plane, and then stared at her fingers, feeling the cool breeze of the cabin air waft over the moist spot left behind by his lips. She still loved him. She was finally able to acknowledge this to herself, after months of denial. John was much more to her, then simply a friend. 

Chapter 6

Marlena had Brady bathed and ready for bed, when she softly knocked on the door to Isabella and John’s room. This had been their routine for close to two weeks. She heard Isabella’s faint voice tell her to come in, so she shifted Brady to her hip, and entered the room. “I thought you might want to spend some time with this little guy before I put him down for the night,” Marlena said, approaching the bed where Isabella rested against some pillows, wearing a white nightgown. Her face showed signs of obvious fatigue, her eyes lined faintly with purple. They had been in Venice for two weeks, and Marlena watched as every day Isabella became paler, and more fatigued. 

“Oh, I do. I do,” Isabella said happily, reaching out for her son.

“Isabella? Have you taken your pain pills?” Marlena asked her.

“Not yet…but if you could get them for me…”

Marlena reached for the pills, and realized there wasn’t any water. She could hear the shower running, which meant John was in the bathroom, “Let me just run and get some water from my bathroom.”

“That’s not necessary. Just knock on the door and warn him that you’re coming in,” Isabella said weakly, rubbing her hand softly over her sleepy son’s back. “I don’t want to put Brady down, and I’d like you to stay close by…in case—in case…”

“Okay, um…okay,” Marlena said, picking up the water glass and heading to the bathroom door. She knocked, waiting for John’s reply, but he didn’t answer. Cracking the door slightly, Marlena poked her head in, “John?”

“Yeah, Doc. Everything okay?” he said over the sound of the water.

“I’m getting some water for Isabella, so she can take her medication. I just wanted to warn you that I would be in here,” Marlena said.

“Is she okay? Where’s Brady?”

“She was looking a little pale, so I offered to get the pain medicine for her,” Marlena said more softly. “Brady is with her now.”

“Okay. I’ll get out of here, and spend some time with the two of them,” he said, shutting off the water. He didn’t get a response, all he heard was the click of the door as it closed. 

When John exited the bathroom, Marlena was taken aback to see his chest glistening with water, and only a towel around his hips. She was barely able to find words. “I’m, uh, I’m going to go. Let me know if you need anything,” Marlena murmured, turning to leave the room. 

“Marlena?” Isabella called after her. Marlena turned back, and Isabella said softly, “Thank you. Brady adores you.”

Marlena smiled, “I adore Brady. So it’s mutual.”

Once Marlena had closed the door behind her with a soft snick, Isabella looked at John with a grin, still softly rubbing Brady’s back as he played with her hair. She was grateful that he was such an easy baby. John noticed that Isabella was smiling, “What?”

“Did you do that on purpose?” she asked with a chuckle.

John started drying his hair with another towel, “Do what?”

“Coming out of the shower wrapped in a towel.”

“I didn’t have any clothes in there,” he said, ruffling through a drawer looking for a pair of sweatpants

“I think you made Marlena uncomfortable,” Isabella told him. “I would too, if a sexy man started walking around in a towel.”

“Huh, I didn’t notice,” he said, sitting beside her on the bed, and realizing that Brady was already asleep. “Pass the little guy over here, and I’ll get him settled into bed,” John told her, reaching for Brady.

Isabella’s arms were so weak, she could barely lift him. John watched her start to struggle, knowing that she was too proud to say she needed help. He reached further, slipping his hands under Brady mere inches from her chest. She smiled at John, “I’m so tired. Thank you for coming to Italy. I’m so happy here.”

“You really do consider Venice to be your home,” John said softly.

“I do. My grandparents used to bring me and my sister into the city every weekend when we were young.”

“I’m glad I was able to do this for you,” John said, touching her cheek softly.

“I think I’m going to go to sleep,” she murmured, her words barely audible. “I know it’s early, but I’m so tired.”

After John got Brady settled into his crib, he went towards the kitchen in search of a cold beer, and some time to think. He hadn’t even considered Marlena might react to him coming out of the bathroom in a towel. He was so comfortable with her, it was second nature. As he rounded the corner, he came up short, when he saw Marlena wearing an old t-shirt, and leaning into the refrigerator. Her body was highlighted by the light within, as she pulled out a half eaten tiramisu and a bottle of wine. John started laughing, “Doc, what are you doing?”

She looked at him sheepishly, while grabbing a fork from the drawer, “I’m eating dinner, John.”

“Dinner? Tiramisu and wine? I guess that’s better than the beer I was about to have,” he said, walking closer.

He couldn’t help looking over her long legs as she slid onto the stool beside the island, and leaned her elbows on the counter. Looking at the bottle of wine John estimated that maybe two glasses remained, and he watched Marlena pull the cork, and tip some into her mouth. How could someone look so alluring in a ratty old t-shirt, eating tiramisu out of the dish it came in, and drinking wine directly from the bottle? 

“You can sit with me and talk if you want. Was today a rough day?” she asked him, scooping a large bite of dessert onto her fork, and moaning as if it were the best thing she’d ever eaten.

“It was a long day, and Isabella insisted on doing so many things. She’s pushing herself too hard, Doc.”

“She’s trying to cram a lifetime of memories into less than a month. She’ll let you know if it’s too much,” Marlena said softly, taking another swig of wine. 

“Will she? I don’t think she will,” he said, taking a long draw from his beer, and sitting on the stool beside her. Glancing at her again, John asked her, “Is that my t-shirt?”

“No. It’s my t-shirt,” she said, smiling slyly. “Although, it may have been yours at one time.”

John started laughing, and then looked at the tiramisu, “You mind sharing?”

“I don’t mind,” she said, handing John her fork. He hesitated, and Marlena said, “Unless you want your own fork?”

“No, we can share,” John said. The darkness of the room made the scene more intimate than he was used to with Marlena. Her scent surrounded him, reminding him of times long past.

“Isabella told me that she admired me,” Marlena whispered. “But, I admire her. I can’t say that I would be as regal if I were in her situation. She’s being so brave…even though she’s incredibly scared.”

“She’s trying to stay strong for me, and for Brady…when, I just want her to take care of her needs.”

“John, honey, she is,” Marlena told him. “She needs this time with you, and with her son…even if she collapses from exhaustion at the end of the day. You are giving her exactly what she needs.”

John handed Marlena the fork, and she scooped out another heaping bite from the dish, getting mascarpone on her upper lip. John was immediately hit with an image of himself leaning forward to lick it off, followed by intense guilt, as he watched her tongue sweep across it. “Are you okay?” John asked her, trying to distract himself.

“I am. I spoke with the office, and Dr. Baker is covering any emergencies that might arise with my patients. Sami and Eric are still upset that I’m here with you,” she said. “They understand death, but they are of the age where they are still so young…well, they don’t fully understand how death impacts adults. They want to be here with me.”

“I miss them so much, Doc,” John whispered.

“I know you do,” she said, drinking more wine. “They miss you too…I haven’t told you this, but they—they still call you Daddy.”

“And, in my heart, I will always be their Daddy, Doc.”

John scraped the last bit of dessert from the bottom of the dish, and tipped the fork towards Marlena’s mouth, feeding it to her. Smiling at him, she said, “Tiramisu and wine has to be the best dinner ever.”

John finished his beer, setting the empty bottle on the counter, “You’re an amazing woman, Doc. I can’t tell you how much, I appreciate you being here, helping out with Brady. I don’t think—I’m not sure if I could do this without you.”

Marlena turned to face him, her knees wedging themselves between his, and she leaned forward, taking his hand in hers, “You’re a strong man. You would find a way, but, John, I would do anything for you.”

He felt the tears start to fill his eyes, “Fuck. I feel like all I do is cry.”

“Don’t ever try to hide your emotions from me, especially not right now. You spend your whole day trying to stay strong for Isabella, and that’s okay…but don’t do it with me.” John pulled Marlena to a standing position, drawing her forward and held her close to him, while he buried his face in her hair. Breathing her in, and holding her body close, John acknowledged that his connection to Marlena was more than it should be, and it had grown stronger since Isabella’s diagnosis.

Marlena’s face turned into John’s neck, her nose brushing his skin, and she said, without thinking, “You smell so good.”

As soon as the words left her mouth, John felt her body stiffen. He rushed to diffuse the tension, “I think you’ve told me that before, Doc.” His hands moved to her waist, keeping her from running off, and he looked into her eyes, “We’re friends. Maybe a little more than friends. I don’t think there’s a word for what we are…but, please, don’t be embarrassed. Please.”

“I shouldn’t have said that. I shouldn’t have said that,” she whispered looking into his intense eyes.

“At least I don’t stink.”

She smiled shyly, turning to clean up the kitchen. John watched her tip the last of the wine into her mouth, and toss the bottles in the trash. She placed the fork and the dish into the sink, and said softly, “I’m going to check on Brady.”

“I’ll come with you,” John said.

Marlena nodded at him, and started walking from the room. He felt his body shiver, when he looked over her legs again. His emotions scared the hell out of him. He was terrified of losing Isabella, because he loved her so much. The thought of being without her was excruciating, and he found himself growing closer and closer to Marlena. It was confusing, because…was he growing closer to Marlena…or had he never truly given her up?

Chapter 7

Isabella died on a warm, clear night, when the sky was full of stars, and a soft breeze with the scent of flowers filled the air. The sound of the water lapping against the brick echoed in the night, as John held her in his arms and danced with her. She was too weak to stand, so he carried her close, and simply swayed with her body. He knew she was gone when the hand she had resting on his chest fell limply to her side. All he could do for several moments was stand there, and cry softly. Even knowing that she would soon be gone didn’t lessen the pain of knowing that she finally was. 

The week leading up to her burial had been a complete blur for John. He had allowed Marlena to take care of the arrangements, which she had planned ahead with Isabella. He stood on a hill, overlooking Naples, staring at the spot where she was buried, next to her mother, and he couldn’t seem to stop the tears. Losing her felt like a part of his soul had been stolen. 

He felt Marlena’s soft hand caress his back gently, “Do you want to stay longer?”

Turning to face her, he realized that she had Brady in her arms. He’d barely spent any time with his son over this past week. Looking at Brady was difficult, because he looked so much like his mother. John touched his son’s face. “Hey, slugger,” he said softly.

“Would you like to hold him?” Marlena asked him.

“I’m ready to go now,” he said quietly, reaching for his son, and running his hand over the boys face gently.

Marlena had watched John over the last month and a half as he started to go through the stages of grief as soon as Isabella was diagnosed. He’d already dealt with denial, anger, and bargaining. He was currently dealing with depression, and Marlena was scared that he might shut down completely. Threading her fingers through his, she said, “Let’s go home.”

John looked at her, tears still shining in his eyes, “Home?”

“Right now I mean the townhouse, but we can talk about the next step if you want to.”

“I’m so lost, Doc,” he said, adjusting Brady in his arms, and kissing the top of his head. “I don’t know how I would manage this without you.”

“You don’t have to worry about that,” she said, tugging him with her. “I’m here to help you. I promised Isabella, and I—I want to, John. I want to be here for you.”

John pulled her body close, wrapping his arm around her, and they started walking down the hill, towards the car. Over the last week, Marlena had been the thing that kept him from sinking into oblivion. She kept him grounded in reality, and she had taken on the brunt of Brady’s care as well. Now that Isabella was laid to rest, they were going to have to discuss the next step. John knew they couldn’t stay in Italy forever, but he wasn’t sure he was ready to go back to Salem. He started talking quietly, “I might take Brady somewhere for a bit before I go back to Salem.”

She squeezed his hand, “Do you have a place in mind, or you’re just not ready to go home yet?”

“I don’t know, Doc. I don’t think I can—I’m not ready to go home yet,” he said. “I can’t face the loft right now.”

“I was thinking about going to see the twins before I headed home…” she said, leaving it open at the end.

“Is that an invitation?” he asked her with a small smile.

She stopped walking, and turned to face him, looking up at him, “That is absolutely an invitation. They would love to see you…but would it be too much for you?”

“I need—I need a distraction, and G-d, I miss the twinners so much.”

“They miss you, and they would love to see Brady. We could maybe rent a place. I think now isn’t the time to stay with my parents,” Marlena told him. “The space is going to be what you need.”

“If you’re sure?”

“John, I wouldn’t have asked if I wasn’t sure,” she said, touching his jaw with the tips of her fingers. 

They started walking towards the car again, and John whispered, “Thanks.”

“For what?”

“For being you,” he said softly.

Later that evening John was walking towards Brady’s nursery, intent on checking on him, when he heard Marlena softly singing. He didn’t think he’d ever heard her sing. It was soft and it was breathy, and the song choice made him smile, because it wasn’t a lullaby. It was simply a slow melodic piece, that would put a baby to sleep if sung the right way. He could imagine his son, curled up in her arms, content and settling in for the night. Instead of entering the room, John slid down the wall outside, and rested his head against the wall. He just listened, to her voice, and her tone…and he allowed himself to relax for the first time in a month and a half. 

You can hide ‘neath your covers and study your pain

Make crosses from your lovers, throw roses in the rain

Waste your summer praying in vain

For a savior to rise from these streets

Well now, I’m no hero, that’s understood

All the redemption I can offer, girl, is beneath this dirty hood

With a chance to make it good somehow

Hey what else can we do now?

Except roll down the window and let the wind blow back your hair

Well the night’s busting open

These two lanes will take us anywhere

We got one last chance to make it real

To trade in these wings on some wheels

Climb in back, heaven’s waiting down on the tracks…

Marlena stopped singing when she realized Brady was asleep. She placed him in his crib, smoothing her hand over his forehead gently, and said, “Your mother loved you very much, and I will spend my life reminding you of that.” 

She found John, still on the floor outside Brady’s nursery, with silent tears sliding down his face. He looked up at her, reaching for her hand, and wordlessly pulled her down beside him. He didn’t know what to say to her. His emotions were all in a jumble, a confusing twist of love, want, friendship, devotion, and desire. All he could do was stare at her. Marlena started to wipe his tears from his eyes, and she leaned forward, gently kissing each one softly. John’s breath stuck in his chest, when she kissed first one cheek, and then the other. After a week of feeling nothing, he suddenly felt everything all at once and he was overcome with loss, the hollow part of his chest suddenly filled with excruciating pain. “Oh, G-d, Doc!” he cried, pulling her into his arms and holding her so tightly she whimpered. He loosened his hold slightly, but still gave her no room to leave. “Don’t leave me.”

She kissed his cheek again, “I won’t. I won’t.”

John turned his face to look at her, their noses practically touching, and with pain shining so obviously in his eyes. He needed to feel something, anything besides the pain that was slowly killing him, so he kissed her, softly. So softly that it was barely a brush of his lips across hers, but he needed more. John kissed her again, threading his fingers in her hair and pulling her mouth to his. He couldn’t stop. His mouth found hers over and over. He found himself sucking and biting at her lips. He felt her kissing him back, with soft little whimpers in her throat. He felt the rush of feelings for Marlena, feelings that he’d never really gotten over. All of it returning with the taste of her mouth and the sweep of his tongue over hers. He felt as if he could consume her, until she slowly disengaged, pulling back. 

“Doc, please,” he begged, trying to pull her back.

“John we can’t. I’m married…and your grieving. Grief is complicated, and right now…” she wasn’t sure how to continue, but she rushed on anyway, “right now, you’re confused.”

“I’m tired of feeling so empty, so fucking lost…Doc,” he said reaching for her face again. “Please. Just kiss me. Let me kiss you. I need to feel…something…”

“You’re exhausted. I know you haven’t been getting any sleep. Today was a long day…why haven’t you been sleeping in your room?” she asked. She had seen him on the couch more than once this past week.

“I—I can’t sleep in there, because—”

Marlena knew why. It was because Isabella’s body had lain in that bed. “—okay. It’s okay,” she said standing up, and taking his hand, pulling him up with her. “Come on,” she said softly, turning towards her room.

“Where are we going?”

“We’re going to bed,” she said. “You’re exhausted, John. You aren’t getting any rest on the couch, and…come on.”

He followed her into her room, and was immediately surrounded by the scent of lilacs. Just the smell of her brought him some peace. He kicked off his shoes, and pulled off his shirt, dropping down to sit on the bed. When Marlena approached him, with a pair of sweatpants in her hand, he said, “Are those my sweatpants?”

“Those are my sweatpants, but they might have been yours a long time ago.”

“How many of my old clothes do you have, Doc?”

She didn’t want to discuss this with him. It opened up avenues of conversation that she wasn’t ready to travel yet, so she said, “Some.”

Marlena went into the bathroom to change, while John slipped on the sweatpants, and flipped back the blankets on the bed. When Marlena exited the bathroom, she was wearing the same ratty old t-shirt from the other day, and a pair of flannel pajama bottoms. Climbing into bed, she said softly, “Get in bed, John.”

Sliding in beside her, John watched her carefully, as she switched off the bedside lamp, “Doc?”

“Mmmmm?”

“It feels so unreal. As if Izzy B could walk through the front door at any moment, exclaiming about something or other that she found at a market along the street.”

“It’s going to take time, but I’ll help you through this. Because I want to…and because I promised Isabella.”

John was silent for a moment, and then he asked her, “Why Springsteen?”

“Why was I singing Bruce Springsteen?” she asked, not really expecting an answer. “I’ve been thinking a lot about DJ this week…I—I used to sing that song to him…”

“It was nice. Peaceful,” he murmured, already falling asleep, but still reaching for her hand. John laced his fingers with Marlena’s and fell asleep almost instantly.

She laid there awake for a long time after. Her lips still tingled from his aggressive assault, and her body ached for more. The guilt was was overwhelming. Guilt because Isabella had just died. Guilt because she was married to Roman. Guilt because she liked it…and guilt because she wanted to do it again. It was a long time before sleep finally caught up with her. 

Chapter 8

The next day, when Brady was napping, John kissed Marlena in the kitchen. A soft kiss, a simple brush of the lips, causing her to blush deeply. It was followed by a few more. Later that evening, after an obviously difficult day, he kissed her again before bed. This time her licked across her mouth and bit her bottom lip. Marlena was confused. She knew the grieving process was difficult, and sometimes people lost their sex drive completely while at other times people had a heightened sex drive. John had always had a heightened sexual drive, and that seemed to be pushing his need for connection. That need for connection came in the form of kissing her at random moments. Moments when he seemed to be struggling the most, he would find her, touching her face softly, and placing soft kisses on her mouth. She knew she should stop him. Stop whatever they were doing, but the pain in his eyes stopped her, and she couldn’t refuse him.

The night before they were scheduled to leave for Colorado, Marlena had Brady firmly settled in for the evening. After closing his door softly, and making sure she had the baby monitor, she went back to her room, hoping that she might be able to contact Roman this time. She hadn’t spoken to him once in the almost two months she’d been gone. She found herself leaving messages on their answering machine, and messages at his work, and never receiving a response. This time, Roman answered the phone, “Brady residence.”

“It’s Marlena,” she said softly.

“Hey, Doc,” he replied, but added nothing else to the conversation. The silence carried for a long awkward pause. 

Finally Marlena said, “I wanted to let you know that I was planning to go see Eric and Sami in Colorado before I come home. I thought you might want to join me there? It’s been awhile since you’ve seen them.”

“I’m really busy at work. There’s a lot going on.”

“Roman, when was the last time you spoke to them?” she asked him.

“I’m not sure. Listen, I’ve—”

Then Marlena heard it. A female voice, “Roman, honey, I can’t find the towels—” followed by him muffling the receiver, and mumbled conversation.

“Roman, who is that?” she asked, but she was pretty sure she knew.

“Nothing. Nothing. Taylor was looking for a kitchen towel,” he said quickly.

“And Taylor calls you honey?”

“Doc, it’s not a big deal. A slip of the tongue,” he told her carelessly.

She wasn’t sure whether she could believe him. She remembered the morning she feigned sleep until Roman left for work. The telephone call he’d answered, where he’d told someone on the end of the line that they weren’t supposed to call him at home. “Roman, is there anything you want to tell me?” she asked him quietly.

He was silent for a long moment, staring at Taylor McCall’s naked body standing on the other side of his bedroom, “No, Doc. Everything here is fine. Kiss the twins for me, and tell them I love them.” He hung up the phone, and stalked over to Taylor. He grabbed her by her upper arms, pushing her body into the wall by the bathroom door, “That was my fucking wife on the phone, McCall.”

“Hmmm,” she said in a sultry tone. “Maybe you should tell her what you’ve been up to for the last six months.”

Roman looked down at her naked body, “Maybe you should keep your mouth shut when I’m on the phone.”

She bucked her hips towards him, feeling his erection, “You’re hard again, Brady. Does this turn you on?”

Roman was in too deep. He knew he was, but he could’t seem to stop himself, even after a phone call from his wife. Looking at Taylor, he said, “Get on the bed.”

Marlena stared at the disconnected phone for a moment, replacing the receiver with a sick sense of foreboding in her gut. Roman had Taylor McCall in their home. She’d called him honey. He had told someone before, not to call him at home. It wasn’t enough to prove anything. It could all be coincidental. She wasn’t sure how long she sat there for, staring at the wall. She needed a good nights rest, because everything was starting to catch up with her. The memories from when she’d been kept by Stefano. Isabella’s death, and now this. Another moment passed, and she thought of seeing the twins the following day, and smiled softly. There was nothing she could do about her troubled marriage, or Roman’s disconnected attitude about it, until she got home. Deciding to focus on happier things, she started getting undressed and ready for bed.

John knocked quickly on Marlena’s bedroom door, and opened it stepping inside, “Hey, Doc, I was wonder—” he stopped short. Marlena’s sharp gasp brought his head up, and his throat instantly went dry. He found that he couldn’t speak, as his eyes trailed over her partially clad body. She wasn’t naked, but she was nearly. Standing by her dresser, with her open luggage on the bed, Marlena was wearing nothing but a black satin, lace trimmed camisole and a pair of matching black panties.

“John!” she said, caught off guard.

He turned away immediately, embarrassed to have walked in on her, “I’m sorry, Doc. I should have waited before walking in. I can—I can come back.” 

He started to walk out the open door, when Marlena said, “Hold on. Just let me get dressed really quickly.” 

John stopped frozen in his tracks. He wanted so badly to turn back around, realizing he was already half hard in his pants. He tried to surreptitiously apply counter pressure, pushing against his cock, and willing himself to calm down.

Marlena watched him, and felt a thrill go through her body. Forcing herself to move on, she slipped on her pajamas, and said, “You can turn around now, John.”

He turned, smiling at her sheepishly, “I’m sorry about that, Doc. I was excited about an idea that I had, and I was rushing.”

“We’re living together, John. In close quarters, I might add, mistakes like that are bound to happen,” she said softly, continuing to pack her luggage. “Are you excited about seeing the kids?”

“That’s why I was rushing in here. I was thinking we should pick up some pastries before we fly to Colorado. Sami loves chocolate, and Eric loves blueberries and strawberries.”

“John! I think that’s a wonderful idea,” she said. “I spoke with them earlier, they’re excited that I’m pulling them from school for a week, but not excited to hear that they’re bringing their school work with them.”

He watched Marlena’s face, and she seemed sad, maybe a little upset. John knew she had been holding him up for the last two weeks, and supporting him, and Isabella for a month before that. “Are you okay, Doc?” he asked her. She paused in folding one of her sweaters, and looked at him. John stepped closer to her, gently touching her face, “Don’t lie to me, Doc. I can see your mind trying to formulate an answer.”

“How do you read me so well?”

“Do you want to talk? You’ve been listening to me for weeks, and honestly…I could use a distraction from my own problems.”

“I just spoke with Roman…for the first time in nearly two months,” she whispered, looking down at the sweater still clenched in her hands.

“Two months? Why?” John asked her, sitting on the bed beside her bag. 

Marlena continued to stand there, at a loss as to what to do with herself. “I don’t know. I’ve left messages at home, at the police station. He simply never returned my calls…but we—we were having communication problems before I left,” she said.

“You could have told me. We’re friends, Doc. You’re my best friend,” he finished.

“I know, but you were going through so much, John. My stress, my problems were small compared to yours.”

He looked up into her soft hazel eyes, “So…you talked to him finally?”

She sighed, laying her sweater on top of her baggage, “I did.” John waited, because he knew there was more to it. She was simply too sad and confused looking for that to be the end of it. “He answered the telephone this time…” Marlena couldn’t look at John’s face any longer. She couldn’t bear to see his reaction, so she walked over to the terrace doors, and looked out over the water, “He wasn’t alone. Taylor McCall was there…he said it was nothing, but I’ve been through this before, with Don.”

John knew what she suspected, as soon as she mentioned Don, he knew. “Maybe that’s not what’s happening, Doc.”

“A couple months ago, the phone rang early in the morning. I was pretending to be asleep…that’s something I can think about later, and he told the person on the line that he had told them not to call his house. I didn’t think much of it. He finished the call and left,” she said softly, taking a deep breath, and smelling the sweetness of flowers on the night breeze. “Tonight, I was asking him to come to Colorado, to see the twins. You know,” she said looking at him quickly, “it’s been so long since he’s seen them. I think I…I think I asked him, when was the last time that he spoke with them, and, um, I heard her voice in the background…”

John stood up from the bed, walking over to her, and standing directly in front of her. Marlena’s eyes were filled with tears, as she said, “I heard her say, ‘Roman, honey, I can’t find the towels’.”

“Maybe it isn’t what you think,” John said, wiping the tears from her cheeks.

“Maybe. That’s what Roman said. Taylor was looking for a kitchen towel. Her calling him honey was a slip of the tongue,” Marlena said quietly, as another tear slipped down her cheek. “When Don cheated on me, with Liz, someone I thought was a friend…G-d, my trust was shattered. With Roman, no matter how difficult it got, I never thought he would do this. Not this.”

John didn’t say anything, he just stepped closer, wrapping his arms loosely around her waist, and allowed her to lay her head on his chest. “I suppose it doesn’t help that I keep kissing you. It just complicates everything,” he whispered.

“My life has been complicated for months,” she said, laying her hand on his chest, and breathing deeply of his spicy, musky scent. The heat of his body radiated through the soft cotton of his shirt, and Marlena sighed softly. “But no, I shouldn’t be letting you kiss me…and I shouldn’t be kissing you back when you kiss me.”

“Sometimes, the pain is so much, or I feel so empty inside, and I don’t know what to do. I just want it to go away. I find myself searching the house for you,” he said, tipping her face up to look at him. “You’re safe, but it’s more than that. I care about you. I care about you so much, and you…you taste like memories, Doc. Good memories. Happy memories.”

She was quiet for a moment, and finally said, “I know. I know…”

“And it’s almost like…I can’t help myself,” he told her, running his thumb over her bottom lip. “I’m mourning Izzy B, and the emotions are so—so fucking complicated.”

His eyes were so soft, such a deep blue color, pulling her into him, and she understood what he was saying, even though he wasn’t able to fully explain, she understood. It was why she hadn’t stopped him, every time he came looking for her. It was why she kissed him back. His pain was so deep, she felt she could feel it, and even understand it. She was mourning Isabella too, and even Brady was missing his mother, although he had no way to explain that at five months old. She wouldn’t push John away from her, when he was so obviously struggling, but the kisses…the kisses would need to stop. 

John saw the change in her eyes immediately, and he knew what she was about to tell him. Before she could even begin to get the words out, he said, in barely a whisper across her lips, “One more, Doc…just once more…” and he threaded his fingers through her hair, pulled her to him, and allowed his lips to overtake hers, as she moaned into his mouth. 

Chapter 9

“Daddy!” Sami screamed, running out the front door of her grandparents home. Her little legs were flying across the lawn, until she threw herself into John’s arms, saying over and over again, “I missed you! I missed you!”

“Hey, Peanut!” John said with a huge smile, swinging her around. “I missed you, too. Where’s your brother?”

“Daddy!” Eric said, appearing in the doorway, and then looking towards Marlena he said, “Mama!” Martha and Frank Evans came to the door right behind him, but Eric was already out of the house, running across the grass, taking the same path as his sister before him…straight to John. 

As Marlena was getting Brady out of his car seat, she heard Eric say, “I want to meet my brother!”

John said softly, “Your mother is getting him out of the car.”

Sami ran to the car, wiggling between Marlena and the car door to get her eyes on Brady. “He looks just like Isabella,” she whispered, touching the baby’s face gently.

Marlena looked down at her daughter, with her blonde hair and blue eyes, saying, “He does, doesn’t he?”

“I’m sad she’s gone, Mama. It makes me sad inside.”

Marlena held a sleeping Brady to her chest, and kneeled down in front of Sami, “It makes me sad inside too, honey. Very sad, and that’s okay, because when we lose someone we love, we miss them.”

“Does Daddy miss her?”

“Daddy misses her very much. He loved her a lot,” Marlena said gently.

“I’m sorry I got mad at you. Grandma talked to me about it and…and I’m not mad anymore,” Sami said, stepping closer, and touching her mother’s hair. “I missed you,” she whispered.

“I missed you, too, sweetie. We can spend as much time as you want together for the next two weeks, and maybe we can talk about you and Eric coming home, okay?” Marlena said, but then she noticed that Sami looked away. When Marlena mentioned talking about coming back to Salem, Sami became nervous and distracted.

“Maybe,” the little girl said. “I don’t know.”

“Samantha Gene, is there something you want to talk to me about?” Marlena asked her. “Because, honey, you can tell me anything, and I’ll keep you safe, and I’ll love you. No matter what. I love you. John loves you, and I promise, whatever it is, we’ll listen.” Sami looked at her, and Marlena saw something in her eyes, hope mixed with apprehension. “Just think about it.”

“I will,” Sami said, taking her mother’s hand, as Marlena stood up with Brady cradled against her chest.

“Hey, Doc,” John called across the lawn. “Eric says, he’s started pitching in baseball!” Looking back down at Eric, he says, “Make sure to bring your glove and your ball, I can show you a few things, and you can get some practice in.”

Eric smiled at John, and then said, “Maybe. If I have time time between all of my homework.”

“We’ll have time. Just you and me, okay?”

“Yeah! Come on,” Eric said tugging at John’s hand. “Grandma made some sandwiches, and ice tea. She said she knows that you’re always hungry!”

Marlena arrived just in time to hear the last part, and started laughing, “John? Hungry? Never!”

John looked at her seriously, “I sense a joke here.”

Marlena laughed even harder, “No? A joke?” 

She turned to walk in the house and John grabbed Sami’s little hand in his free one, and said, “I think your mother’s making fun of me, Peanut.”

Sami giggled along with Eric, and said, “I think you’re right, Daddy.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The twins and Brady were down for the night, and John found himself exhausted physically, and emotionally. This would normally be the time when he would seek Marlena out for some sense of closeness, for relief from the feelings coursing through his body, but kisses were firmly off limits now. He looked for her anyway, finding her in the kitchen doing dishes. From the doorway he studied her. The smooth line of her back, and the way her hips flared out in her form fitting blue jeans. He told himself to stop, but he didn’t. Kisses might be off limits but hugs and snuggles weren’t. John came up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist loosely, and buried his face in her neck.

Marlena smiled softly, saying with a warning, “John…”

“No kisses, Doc. I know, but can I just hold you for a moment?” he whispered against her neck. “Please…”

Marlena’s body relaxed, allowing him to hold her while she finished rinsing and drying the last of the cups. She felt every breath he took, every breeze of his breath across her skin. She smelled his spicy scent as it surrounded her. All she wanted to do was turn around and allow him to take what she knew he wanted, but she couldn’t. Not now. Maybe, not ever. Her head fell back, resting on his chest, and she sighed deeply, feeling arousal course through her body.

John felt her relax against him. She had gone from tense and ready to run, to finally accepting his embrace. When her breathing changed, becoming slightly more labored, he knew she was fighting her instincts. She was fighting her desire to turn around. He splayed his palm open over her abdomen, and pulled her back so she rested more solidly against his chest. His other hand slowly moved up over her shoulder, and around to caress the front of her neck. With his thumb softly rubbing over her pulse point, John said, “Thank you.”

She whispered, barely able to speak, “For what?”

Kissing the side of her neck, with an open mouth, and licking over it gently, he whispered back, “For being you.” John released her quickly, and walked away, leaving her breathing hard, and standing in front of the kitchen sink with a wet tea towel in her limp fingers.

He loved her. She loved him. She stood there and was finally able to admit that to herself. The love they felt for each other was unspoken, but every time he said ‘thank you’, and every time she said ‘for what’, his response, ‘for being you’, meant I love you. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“This is Roman’s baby,” she said, running her palms over her belly in a protective manner, and feeling her connection to the child growing within. “Mine and Roman’s.”

“Are you sure, Marlena?” Stefano said with a laugh. Walking across the room to pour himself another drink.

“Of course, I’m sure. He’s my husband. He’s the only one I’ve been with…please, just let me go home,” she begged. 

“Come, Marlena. Another game of chess,” he said, sitting down at the chess board.

She was angry that he was keeping her from her husband and from her family. She wanted to go home, and share this baby with Roman.“I’m so sick and tired of playing chess,” she said, turning and walking from the room…

Marlena jolted awake, crying out in confusion, and looking around her room in the dark night. A sense of deep loss settled over her. One that she couldn’t explain, but it was an ache inside that caused her to start weeping softly. The moonlight streamed in through the window, and shone in beams across the wooden floor. She sat still, trying to regain control of her breathing, when she heard a soft knock on the door, “Doc?” John turned the handle, poking his head in to check on her. He saw her sitting up in the middle of her large bed, looking so lost and alone. The shoulder of her nightgown had slipped down, revealing one creamy shoulder that he longed to run his fingers over. 

“Did I wake the children?” she asked him softly.

“No, no, they’re still asleep. You screamed, so I came to check on you.”

“I had a dream…”

“I figured” he said, coming to sit beside her. The look on her face was full of fear, and her skin was so pale, “Hey, Doc, you can tell me about it.”

“I haven’t told anyone about it. Never. I tried speaking to Roman about it once, about the memories, months ago, but…anyway, it doesn’t matter,” Marlena told him.

John knew she was lying, from her obvious physical reaction. She was upset, and she was holding it all inside. “It matters to me. You always matter to me. Come on, pretty lady, talk to me,” he said softly.

“It all so confusing. At first I thought they were dreams, but then, later, I began to think that maybe they were memories? Odd things, like the sound of birds that were unfamiliar, or the heavy scent of plumeria in the air. I would wake up wondering what it meant, or why I had dreamt it.”

“Memories of what, Doc?”

“My time with Stefano,” she whispered, staring into John’s deep indigo eyes, and watching him as the shock and surprise registered on his face. She continued speaking softly, “John…I don’t think I was in a coma the whole time. It’s so scattered…walking in a garden, sitting on a beach, fresh mango and coconut milk, Stefano teaching me to play chess—”

“Doc, baby, why didn’t you say something?”

“We—I mean, you and I, we weren’t close for awhile after Mexico, because we were trying to give ourselves space… time to adjust to the separation, and Roman didn’t want to hear about it, so I just kept it to myself,” she finished, looking up at him. “I don’t know.”

“You must have felt so alone,” he murmured, looking into her tear filled eyes. “What about tonight? What made tonight different?”

“Tonight was…I was—no, no… don’t you see? What if these are dreams, John? These might not be memories,” she said, getting frustrated. “And then, I’m telling you this, and it means nothing—”

“—but we don’t know that, Doc! Please? Tell me what happened tonight? In your dream?” He asked her, taking her fingers in his, and softly running his thumb over the top of her hand.

Marlena sighed deeply, “Ok, but remember, this might not be a memory—it could just be a—”

John looked at her sternly, cutting her off, “—Doc.”

“I was pregnant…” she whispered, looking down at their interconnected hands, and breathing shakily. “I was pregnant…”

His heart thumped in his chest so hard, that he felt the pulse of it in his throat. He stared at her, his mouth partially open, as the implications of that one statement washed over him, and all he could do was whisper, “Doc…”

She started crying again softly, “In my dream…I told Stefano the baby was Roman’s and he laughed at me. He laughed at me, and said, ‘are you sure?’ I asked him, I begged him to let me go home, and all he wanted was to play chess again…I walked out of the room. It felt real, John. It all felt so real. My hands on my belly, my fear, my frustration…it all felt real, and when I woke up, just now…I felt like I’d lost something. Something precious…something that was mine.”

John took a moment to process what she was saying, before he asked her, “Could you have been pregnant? When Orpheus took you?”

“It was possible, you know that. After Stockholm we…we…”

John felt arousal roll through his body as he remembered their reunion in Stockholm. The hours of lovemaking. The times he woke her in the night, to slowly kiss his way along her body. John smiled at her, moving a piece of hair behind her ear, as he remembered, “We had quite the reunion, didn’t we?”

She smiled shyly, looking towards the moonlit window, “Yes…yes, we did.” She felt connected to him in this this moment, a deep, profound connection. Forcing herself to focus on the issue at hand she said, “But as I said, John, I don’t know for sure. I can’t be positive—none of it is in any type of order, none of it makes any type of sense.”

“If you were pregnant, Doc…where is the baby?”

“I don’t know…I don’t know if there was a baby! I’m so confused,” Marlena said helplessly. “I’ve been dealing with it for months. What is real? What is imagined…I don’t know! I don’t know!”

“I’ve never believed that Stefano was dead. Never, Doc. He’s faked his death too many times for me to believe that. If you gave birth, to our baby…it’s possible he still has—”

“—No! No, no, John. No! I can’t—I couldn’t handle knowing…” she said tearfully, trying take in great gulps of air. “If that monster has her…” The thought of her child, their baby, taken from her, and in the hands of Stefano Dimera completely broke her heart.

“We can find out, baby. We can. When we get home, we can look into it. Contact Tony…I’ll figure it out. I promise you, honey, we can figure this out.”

“If I gave birth, she’d be around five now…G-d! John…five years old…” she said, crying softly.

John looked at her curiously, “Doc, how much do you remember? Because you keep speaking at if it’s a girl.”

“I feel like…I feel like she was a girl, but I don’t remember!” she cried, thrusting her fingers into her hair roughly out of frustration.

“It’s okay, baby,” he said, brushing his fingers over her cheeks, removing the tears that glistened there. “We’re going to figure this out. If it’s true, or if it’s a dream, we’ll get to the bottom of it.” Marlena stared up at him, and he was again struck with her beauty. Even in sadness, she radiated beauty. Her lips slightly open, her hazel eyes half-lidded, and he felt a pull within him to kiss her. He’d promised to stop, and he had, for a week, but she looked so lost, and he wanted to so badly. His hands moved into her hair, and he moaned out loud from the need coursing through his body. “Doc,” he groaned, rolling his forehead over hers. His breath brushing across her mouth, he whispered, “Fuck…Doc…please…”

Her body was throbbing with want, and even though she knew they shouldn’t. Even though she knew, she should stop this now, she whispered back, “Yes…”, just before his mouth claimed hers.

This kiss was different. She felt it. It wasn’t because he was lonely, or sad. It wasn’t because he needed to feel emotions, when he felt none. She wasn’t kissing him to give him comfort. This was heat, and fire, and this was want. The wet, moist heat of his tongue stroking over hers, and the tension in her hair, as his fists tightened, all sent shooting awareness and arousal through her body. She felt her core clench, and she moaned into his mouth, which allowed him to sink deeper into her mouth. She wanted it, she wanted it all, but then she thought of Isabella, and John, and Roman. Pushing on his shoulder gently, she pulled back, staring at him, breathing harshly to catch her breath. “We have to stop, John. We can’t—we can’t do this,” she whispered.

John leaned forward, touching his forehead to hers, “You’re right. I know you’re right.”

He moves to get off of the bed and leave her room, but Marlena’s hand grabs at his forearm, “Can you—can you stay? Stay and just hold me for awhile?”

Sliding onto the bed beside her, John makes sure to keep his body on top of the blankets. He doesn’t trust himself to be that close to her right now. Marlena rolls towards him, resting her head on his chest, and placing her hand on his abdomen. She feels the ripple of his muscles under her fingers, and recognizes it for what it is…he’s aroused, and fighting it. She’s fighting it too, but she also knows its too soon for John, and her relationship with Roman, whatever is left of it, isn’t settled. She looks up at him, touching his face softly, “Thank you.”

“For what?” he asks her.

“For being you…” she says.

Chapter 10

Sami was unnaturally quiet at dinner. It was their last night together, and as the day progressed, Marlena had watched as her daughter became progressively silent. She sat at the table picking at her food, barely eating anything. Marlena looked across at John, and without saying anything, he knew that she wanted to speak with Sami alone. John turned, saying to Eric, “Hey, why don’t you come with me while I get Brady diapered, and changed for bed?”

“Gross, Dad. I don’t want to do that!” the little boy said, completely oblivious to the real reason he needed to go with John.

“Well, I need some company, so come on,” John said, lifting Brady into his arms.

Marlena watched John and Eric leave the room, and then said to Sami, “Honey, please talk to me.”

“I can’t,” she whispered, looking at her plate.

Marlena felt sick. Something was wrong, and she needed Sami to tell her what it was, because she had a myriad of horrible scenarios rolling through her mind. “Do you remember what I told you? When I promised you could tell me anything, and I would keep you safe?”

“Yes…”

“I need you to tell me what’s going on Samantha. Please.”

She looked up at her mother, her eyes shining with unshed tears, “He said if I told you…I’d make you sad, and it—it would be my fault. I don’t want it to be my fault.”

“Whatever it is, I’m sure it’s not your fault, but I need to know what it is.”

“He was kissing a lady, at the pub. I saw him, and he got real mad at me, and yelled. He yelled at me, and he said…” Sami started taking in rapid breaths, as if she was having a hard time getting air.

Marlena recognized the signs of a panic attack, and knew that in a child Sami’s age, this was a sign of anxiety, and possibly, trauma. She stood up quickly, rounding the table, and crouching in front of Sami. “Honey, take in a slow breath through your nose, and then breath out through your mouth. Come on. Do it again…and again…” It was several minutes before Sami was calm again, and Marlena found that she was even more worried about her daughter. 

“He said if the family broke up it would be my fault…’cause I told, and then you’d be sad ‘cause you didn’t have anybody..not Daddy, and not him…I don’t want you to be sad, Mama! I don’t want you to be sad!” The little girl cried, throwing herself into her mother’s arms, saying again, “I don’t want you to be sad!”

Marlena felt anger rise in her belly like an inferno. She wrapped her arms snugly around her little girl, breathing in the soft scent of baby soap, and sweat from a long day of rough play, “I love you, Samantha Gene. I love you with my whole heart, and I would never, never, never blame you for this. Never. Do you understand?”

Sami nodded, and then buried her face in her mothers hair, taking deep, gasping breaths, “But he said, he said—”

“No. Do you hear me? I don’t care what he said,” Marlena told her firmly, pulling back, and looking at her daughter. And, even though Marlena knew the answer already, she asked Sami, “I do need you to tell me who ‘he’ is. Can you do that for me?”

Sami looked scared, petrified, but she nodded slowly, and leaned close to her mothers ear, cupping her hands around it, almost as if she was telling the deepest of secrets, and said so softly Marlena could barely hear her, “Mr. Patrick.”

Marlena’s world began to collapse around her. She landed on the floor on her backside abruptly, pulling Sami into her lap, and crying, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, baby. That isn’t your responsibility, and it isn’t your secret. No one should ever ask you to keep a secret you don’t want to keep.”

Sami curled herself into her mothers arms, crying in relief, “I was so scared, Mama.”

“Don’t ever be scared to tell me something, sweetheart. I will always love you, and I will always protect you. Don’t ever be scared,” Marlena said softly, kissing Sami’s tear stained face.

When Sami whispered, “I want to live with you and Daddy again,” Marlena couldn’t even respond. She just held her daughter in her arms, and hoped that somehow she could figure this mess out.

John appeared in the doorway to the kitchen, and what he saw broke his heart. Marlena and Sami on the floor, with Sami straddling her mothers lap, while Marlena had her little body wrapped tightly in her arms. They were both crying, and when Marlena looked up at John, he knew that Marlena was devastated by something. “Hey Peanut,” he said, kneeling down to look at Sami.

“Hi, Daddy,” she whispered, turning into his arms, and looping hers around his neck.

John kissed her cheek gently, “You okay?”

“Mama made me feel better,” was all she said.

“Eric’s already getting ready for bed. He might beat you tonight,” John said, trying to get her distracted from whatever was making her so sad.
“What? No!” Sami said, jumping up and running from the room, screaming, “Eric! No fair, you started early!”

John sat on the floor, spreading his legs wide, and pulled Marlena’s body up against his. His arms looped around her waist, and he whispered in her ear, “You wanna talk about it?”

“She saw Roman kissing a woman at the pub. I’m assuming it was Taylor McCall, although I really won’t know until I confront him,” Marlena said softly. “He threatened her.”

“What?” John exclaimed, as anger rose up inside of him.

“He told Sami that if she told me, she would destroy our family, and that I’d already lost you, so if she told, then I’d lose him too.”

“What a fucking bastard! I’m sorry, Doc, but, no. Just, no. He made her lie for him! He threatened her. How could he put that on her?”

“She’s only eight. I’ve been trying to get her and Eric to come back to Salem, and now I know why—this is why she’s been so reluctant, because she was keeping this secret.”

“I’ll be honest here, I wanna beat the shit out of him, Doc…but I’ll follow your lead on this,” John said.

“I want my children with me. I want them home, but I—G-d, this is going to be messy,” she said.

“Why?” he asked her, feeling a little flame of hope ignite in his belly.

“Leaving Roman, and bringing the children home at the same time? What do I do? I can’t very well kick him out of his own home, and I can’t bring Eric and Sami into the house with him. I need to find a—”

“—I have a place,” he said, cutting her off. “I have a place, Doc. For you and the twinners.” As soon as Marlena had said she was leaving Roman, John felt himself come alive. He thought that maybe, just maybe, there might be hope for them yet.

“John, we can’t stay at the loft with you. It’s too small, and people will talk.”

“It’s not the loft. It’s a penthouse I bought. Isabella and I let people use it when they come for business with the Toscano Foundation,” John said quietly. “No one’s using it now. We have a housekeeping service that keeps it tidy, so it’s ready.”

“John, I don’t know…” Marlena hedged.

“Doc, there’s plenty of space. The place is huge,” he told her.

“John,” she said softly. “It might be awkward…”

“No. It wouldn’t be awkward at all. You’re worried about what people will think, if you leave Roman, and move into a penthouse owned by me,” John said, smoothing her hair over her shoulder. “But listen, you want the twinners with you, right? And I want them with you, too. You need a place to go, and I have one. Leaving Roman, especially after this, is a good idea, and honey, you’ve got to think about what is best for the kids, especially Sami.”

“You’re right. I know, you’re right,” she said, turning her head to look up at him. “I can’t leave them here in Colorado, and I can’t bring them home to Roman…Okay, okay, yes…thank you,” she said.

She was beautiful. So beautiful, and his heart was so full. John leaned down, his lips near the corner of her mouth, and said, “For what, Doc?”

Marlena knew what he wanted, and she turned her face to his. She touched her lips to John’s softly, whispering over them, “For being you.”

They heard giggling and then they were interrupted by Sami and Eric running into the kitchen, dressed in their pajamas, and asking if they could play Uno. John looked at them, disengaging from Marlena and standing up. He offered her his hand, pulling her up, and slipped his arm around her waist, saying to the twins, “Uno? Again? Aren’t you two tired of that?”

“NO!” they both said laughing.

“Go get the deck, and shuffle it,” John told them, knowing he would have to re-shuffle it once he got there. “You mom and I need a minute.”

After they ran from the room, Marlena looked up at John, “We need a minute?”

Turning her body to face him, John said, “Yeah, we do. Are you okay, Doc?”

“No. No, I’m not. My husband has been unfaithful for months…months,” she said. “Sami has been so scared, and so wracked with guilt, because she saw him kissing another woman in the pub nearly seven months ago. I’m furious.”

“You know, I still consider them my children, Doc,” he told her.

“They still consider you their father. When I asked Sami who she was talking about earlier, she told me, ‘Mr. Patrick’. She didn’t call him Dad, or Daddy, and she didn’t even say Roman. She chose the fictitious name she knew him by when he first came home to Salem,” Marlena said. “That says a lot, John. They’ve never fully accepted him, and now I know why. I’m almost certain that Sami told Eric. Those two tell each other everything, and if Eric knew that Roman hurt Sami, he wouldn’t accept him either. There’s a reason they’re still calling you Daddy, John, and it’s because you’re their father.” 

“They keep calling Brady their brother. Are you okay with that?”

“I am. I’m so attached to that little boy,” she whispered.

John’s hands settled on her hips, and he felt a shiver race through her body. “Isabella and I talked a lot before she died. The kind of talks you can only have when you know the end is coming, and she told me that she wanted me to find love again…”

“John, we can’t even think about that. Not yet,” she whispered. “Isabella has only been gone a month, and I haven’t even confronted Roman about any of this, plus we have to contact Tony, or the ISA…someone, about my memories…”

“But I am, Doc. I am thinking about that—”

“—not yet, John,” Marlena said. “Not yet.”

“Not yet implies that there will eventually come a time when we will discuss it?” he said, rubbing his nose on hers.

“Yes, we might eventually discuss it,” she murmured.

“Are kisses still off limits?” John asked, rubbing his thumb over her bottom lip.

Marlena smiled at the childish look of want on John’s face, and she said sternly, “One kiss, John. Only one.”

Eric ran away from the kitchen door, when he saw John lean in, and softly kiss his mother. He ran to Sami, whispering happily, “You were right! I just saw them, and Daddy kissed Mama!”

Sami smiled the biggest smile Eric had seen on her in months, “Yes! We’re gonna get our Daddy back Eric.”

Chapter 11

Marlena had left John at the penthouse with the children, while she ran by the house to get some of her things. She was hoping to see Roman there, since she’d called the police station and found out he had the day off. She hadn’t spoken to him since their last phone call when she was still in Italy, although she continued to leave him messages in the hopes that he might call her back. When she arrived, she saw that Roman’s car was parked in the driveway, along with another car she didn’t recognize. As soon as she let herself in the house, she knew this meeting was not going to go well. Right after she stepped in the front door, Roman exited the kitchen wearing only a pair of jeans with the top button unsnapped, and Taylor McCall descended the stairs wearing only a t-shirt of Roman’s. Both of them looked at Marlena with equal looks of shock.

Marlena wasn’t really surprised. She had been preparing herself for this possibility since her last phone call with her husband. She glanced at Taylor, and said with controlled venom, “You need to get dressed, and leave. Now.” Taylor turned quickly, and ran up the stairs. 

Roman started to speak, “Doc—”

“—don’t even try to lie to me Roman. Don’t lie to me,” she said. “I came to pick up a few things, and I was hoping to ask you some questions. It seems that most of the questions I have were just answered.” She stared at him for a moment, and continued softly, “You know what I went through when Don cheated on me with Liz. You know, Roman. I never thought…I honestly never thought that you would do the same thing.”

Marlena watched as Roman struggled to find words that could explain away what she had walked in on. Finally, when he didn’t speak, Marlena said, “For two months, I have called, and left repeated messages. Not just at home, but at your work too—”

“I’ve been really busy at work, Doc…” he started lamely.

“Have you?” she asked him, feeling snarky. “Do you always bring work home with you, Roman?”

“You ran off to another country with your ex-husband! What did you expect me to do?” Roman yelled at her.

“Wait for me? Talk to me? John is my friend. You know that. I did not run away with him! He needed me. His wife needed me, and I was there for them…and this,” she said waving her hand towards his half-dressed state, “was taking place before I left for Italy. You were shutting me out for months before I left.”

“No it wasn’t, Doc. This thing with Taylor…it didn’t start until—”

Marlena had lost her patience, “DON’T LIE TO ME, Roman Brady! I want the truth! How long has this been going on?”

Roman’s eyes darted over to where Taylor McCall stood at the bottom of the stairs, and then back to Marlena, he said, “I told you, only since you’ve—”

Marlena cut him off with one look, and turned to Taylor. “How long?” Marlena demanded. When Taylor didn’t answer either, Marlena said, “It’s okay. I already know the answer. At least seven months right? Because I have an eight year old little girl having panic attacks because she saw you!”

Roman’s demeanor became instantly defensive, “Sami’s confused. She thought she saw something—”

Marlena looked at Taylor, and said in a low voice, “Get out. Now.” The woman scurried out the front door, and Marlena and Roman were left alone. 

Marlena stared at her husband for a moment, “You broke your marriage vows to me months ago. You lied to me. You forced our daughter to lie to me, and you threatened her in the process. Since you came back…after all that time with Stefano, you are not the same. You aren’t the same man I married.” Marlena turned to walk up the stairs, but stopped. Turning back to Roman, she said, “I brought the children back with me from Colorado, Roman, but we won’t be staying here. I just came to talk to you, and grab some of my things. I—I think it’s best that you not see them for awhile.” 

Marlena went to ascend the stairs, and Roman grabbed her upper arm roughly, spinning her to face him, saying in a low voice, “You’re not keeping my kids away from me, Doc.”

“Roman, you don’t call them, and you haven’t seen them in months. Let go, you’re hurting me,” she said with a tremor of fear, trying to shake her arm free of his viselike grip. She felt Roman’s grip tighten on her delicate skin, his fingers digging in harder. 

“You don’t determine whether or not I see the kids,” he growled. “Where are they?”

“Roman, let go of me,” she whispered. “I’m not bringing them here. Sami is afraid of you, and—”

“Afraid of me?” he yelled. “You just need to let me talk to her, Doc. It was a misunderstanding—”

“No. No, it wasn’t. Please let go of my arm,” she said again.

Roman was furious. Furious that he’d brought Taylor to the house. Furious that Marlena had caught him. Furious that Sami had apparently told her mother everything. When he released his grip on Marlena’s arm, he pushed her body back forcefully in frustration, causing her back to slam into the corner of the wall, near the stairs, and cry out in pain. She stood there for a moment, staring at him in shock, feeling the throbbing pain along her spine. Finally Roman turned towards the front door to leave without a word, while Marlena ran up the stairs to get her things.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Tony DiMera stared into the bluest indigo colored blue eyes he’d ever seen. They were eyes that looked incredibly familiar, although he couldn’t place them. Since his father had died abruptly of a heart attack two weeks ago, Tony and his wife Anna had been slowly visiting Stefano’s properties and sorting through his personal affairs. It seemed that every stop they made, uncovered a new layer of fresh hell, that had Tony regretting the fact that Stefano was his parent. 

After arriving in San Cristobal, Tony had asked that the staff assemble for introductions. He was more than a little shocked to see a child in the group. A small blued-eyed, blonde girl, with soft silky curls that framed her face. An older woman stood behind her, and Tony could only assume she was the nanny. He looked at the woman, and said, “Who’s child is this?”

“I’m not certain Mr. Dimera. I was hired by your father to watch her about a year ago,” the older woman told him. “You should know, she does ask for her mother quite frequently.”

Tony crouched down to look the small child in the eyes, and asked her, “What’s your name little one?”

“Alise, ‘cause my Mama knowed a nice lady named Alice. You know my Mama?”

“Do you know your mother’s name, honey?” Anna asked her softly. The little girl reminded her so much of Carrie at that age, that she already had a soft spot for her.

“A’course, ‘cause Mama said I hada amember it…Marwena Ebans Bwady,” Alise said, as though she was proud of herself. “You goin’ take me ta see my Mama?”

Tony smiled at her reassuringly, standing back to his full height. Looking towards Anna, he said, “ Dear G-d, what has father gotten me into this time?”

While at the same time, Anna said, “Oh, shit.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

By the time Marlena arrived back at the penthouse with her things, her back was aching much worse. She knew she had pulled a muscle trying to stay upright when Roman had pushed her. After wrestling her bags in the house, she smiled softly, when she saw John coming down the stairs with a sleeping Brady. “The twins are asleep already,” John said, laying Brady back in his car seat.

“Isn’t there a crib upstairs?” Marlena asked.

“There is, but it’s getting late, and I know your worried about what people might think…”

“Could you stay tonight?” She asked him, averting her gaze, and pulling her last bag more fully into the room.

“I can. You know I can,” John said softly. Looking at her, he stepped forward, using his fingertip to lift her chin. “Doc, what’s going on?”

“I’m just a little concerned. I didn’t tell Roman where I was going, and I don’t think he followed me, but he was really angry, John. I’d just feel more comfortable if you stayed tonight.”

“Did he do something? Something that has you scared?”

“He was angry. That’s all. He said that I couldn’t keep the children away from him, and he grabbed my arm.”

“That’s all?” he asked. Marlena looked down at the floor, and John knew there was more to the story than what she was telling him. He put his hands on her shoulders, looking into her eyes, and he said, “What else?”

Marlena didn’t want to tell him. She knew that Roman hurting her back had been an accident, although him hurting her arm had been on purpose. John’s hands squeezed her shoulders, rubbing over them before sliding down her arms. Marlena flinched, and John looked at her more closely. 

“He hurt you,” he said, and he moved quickly to start slowly unbuttoning her blouse, intent on looking at her right arm. 

Marlena said softly, “John…it’s not a big deal…”

“I’ll look at it, and then decide if it’s a big deal or not, Doc,” he replied. Unbuttoning the last button of her shirt and spreading it open. His mouth went dry, as her shirt parted to reveal her breasts, surrounded in nude colored lace, and a little bow on the clasp in the front. Their eyes were riveted on each other as he slid the blouse off of her shoulders, letting it fall to the floor.

Marlena glanced down at her upper arm, seeing the mottled color forming along her skin in the obvious shape of a mans fingers. John gently palpated the skin, and Marlena knew he was angry. He was more than angry. She murmured softly, “He didn’t mean to grab me so hard.” But she knew she was lying. He had intended to hurt her, she’d seen it in his eyes. 

“Yes, he fucking did, Doc. This was intentional. These types of bruises aren’t the result of an accident,” John said, looping his arms around her waist, and pulling her closer. When he squeezed her, she cried out, and John nearly lost his mind. Turning her body around, John was enraged to see a long purple and greenish colored bruise running the length of her back. “He pushed you?” he roared. “He pushed you into a fucking wall, right?”

She nodded her head slowly, watching the fury take over John’s features. “The corner…by the bottom of the stairs,” she whispered, crying softly. “Is it bad?”

“Yeah, Doc, it’s bad,” John said, looking at the bruise, and running his fingers over it softly. “How did this happen?”

“I—I told him to let go of my arm, because he was hurting me. He wouldn’t listen at first, instead he squeezed me harder, and when he finally let go, he was angry, so he pushed me away from him. I lost my balance and fell into the corner,” she said. 

Reaching for her hand, and snatching up Brady’s car seat, John started walking towards the stairs in the penthouse, “Come on, Doc.”

After settling Brady in the crib, John entered Marlena’s bedroom, closing the door softly behind himself. She was sitting on the edge of the bed, still wearing her jeans, and her bra, but minus her blouse. “This is going to hurt a lot more tomorrow, Doc. Why don’t you take a hot shower, and I’ll go get your bags, and bring them up?”

Marlena looked up at John, whispering, “I still can’t believe he did this. He cheated on me for at least seven months, John! Maybe longer. That’s not a few kisses he could try to explain away…that’s intentional…and today. Pushing me into the wall might have been an accident, but you’re right…he bruised my arm on purpose. I saw it in his eyes, he was trying to hurt me.”

“C’mere, Doc,” John said softly, pulling her into his arms, and holding her gently. His open palm swept over her back in a gentle stroke, causing shivers to race through her body. Looking up at him, John saw an invitation in Marlena’s eyes. Wanting to be sure, John said, “Doc?”

“Yes,” she whispered, before threading her fingers into his hair, and pulling his mouth to hers. John did not hold back this time. 

He licked across her mouth, pulling her puffy bottom lip in and sucking on it gently. Not content with only her mouth, he found himself sucking on the skin of her neck and licking a line up behind her ear. Marlena’s breathy moans and gasps in his ear pushed him on, causing desire to rise up in him like an inferno. His palms splayed over her ribs, pushing up under her breasts, and rubbing his thumbs over her nipples, he moaned into her mouth, “Fuck, Doc…”

Marlena allowed John to unclasp her bra. Her rational mind at war with her body. His hands on her breasts, and his teeth biting at her neck, were making it hard to think straight. With his mouth back on hers, she felt his fingers begin to unbutton her jeans, “John…John…we have to stop, we have to stop…” She stepped back quickly, breathing hard.

John watched her naked chest heave in great gulps of air, and said roughly, “You are so fucking beautiful, Doc.”

Her core clenched, and she whined, “Oh, G-d!” She wanted him so badly, but she also knew she was hurt. Physically and emotionally, Roman had hurt her today, and she and John had to stop. Turning away from him, to gain her composure, she covered her breasts with her arms, and said, “Not yet…we can’t…not yet…”

Stepping up behind her, John allowed the fabric of his shirt to brush over the skin of her back. He placed his palms on her bare shoulders, and he leaned towards her ear, whispering, “Not yet doesn’t mean never, right Doc? Because this is going to happen eventually…it’s inevitable.”

Chapter 12

The sound of water trickling over pebbles, and a soft breeze filled with the scent of summer flowers brushed over John’s face, waking him from a deep slumber. As his eyes slowly opened, he felt the heat of the sun on his face. John sat up, glancing around him. He was lying on a patch of soft grass, and he immediately knew this place. He had been here before, with Marlena. It had been one of the best days of his life. A day he felt he would never forget. Sitting up abruptly, he remembered their picnic, and the race around the park. He remembered leaning against the boulder, with her head resting on his shoulder, and flirting with each other in between soft, slow kisses. He sighed deeply, leaning back on his palms, looking up at the blue sky, and closed his eyes.

“John…”

His eyes opened quickly, “Isabella?”

Suddenly, on the ground before him, she sat facing him, wearing the same dress she wore the night they left for Italy, “Hi, John.” 

He stared at her in shock, trying to memorize every line of her face. He asked her, “Why are we here?”

“This place is special to you isn’t it? I don’t choose the place, John, you do.”

He felt his heart break all over again. Her voice, her smile, the way the light reflected the auburn in her hair, “Oh, G-d! Izzy B!” He reached for her, but even though she was right there in front of him, he was unable to touch her. “I miss you. I miss you so much,” he whispered, reaching towards her again.

She smiled gently, “I miss you, too. I miss our son.” John was silent for a moment, thinking about the fact that Brady had lost his mother. His son had no mother. As if he had spoken out loud, he heard Isabella respond, “He has a mother, John…he has Marlena…”

He felt peace settle in his heart, where previously there had been turmoil. Isabella seemed different, almost angelic. She had lost the earthly trappings of pain, and sorrow, and she simply existed. He looked at her, realizing that she was letting him go. She was blessing this path in his life. He said softly, “He does…He does have Marlena, and she loves him. Oh, how she loves him.”

“I know. I knew she would. She has that way about her. Her love is unconditional,” Isabella told him. “You’re allowed to love her, you know.”

He looked at her with tears in his eyes, the ache in his chest so tight from the sorrow of missing her. He couldn’t speak, because his emotions were so conflicted. Isabella leaned forward and he thought he felt the heat of her palm along his face, and she whispered again, “You’re allowed to love her, John. You are.”

John found himself crying out for Isabella as he woke from his dream. His pillowcase was wet with his tears, and the loneliness in his heart was overwhelming. He rolled to the side of the bed and sat up, quickly wiping the tears from his face. His t-shirt was soaked with sweat. Pulling it over his head, he tossed it carelessly to the end of the bed. His dream had brought back the excruciating sense of loss he felt over Isabella. It was fresh, all of it. As if it had just happened. The pain and anguish that he had spent weeks trying to push down, were ripping his heart open again. 

Wearing only his boxer briefs, John stood up, and made his way to the adjoining bathroom, intent on washing his face. Looking at his haggard appearance in the mirror John noted his red, swollen eyes. “Fuck, Izzy B, why?” he moaned at his reflection. “Why come back and make me remember how much loosing you hurts?” But he already knew the answer. The message, the deeper meaning of the dream—Isabella wanted him to know that loving Marlena was okay. She wanted that for him. She was letting him know that she was letting him go. Sighing deeply, John turned on the water in the faucet, and  splashed cold water over his face, and chest.

While the water dripped off of him, when he felt Marlena’s presence nearby. His body shivered, and the scent of lilacs in the air told him he was correct. Looking up into the mirror again, he caught sight of Marlena’s reflection behind him. She stood, wearing a soft rose gold satin nightgown with cap sleeves, framed in the doorway like a vision, taking his breath away. “Are you okay?” she asked him, not moving any closer.

John continued to stare at her through the mirror, the way her hand rested on the door frame, and the look of concern in her face. He felt his cock twitch in his briefs. Reaching for the towel hanging on the rack beside him, he roughly ran it over his face and chest, and tossed it beside the sink. He turned to her, saying, “I’m fine, Doc…just a dream…”

“Isabella?” she asked him.

“Yeah,” he replied with a sad smile. “Isabella.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked him, stepping into the bathroom.

John hesitated looking her over once more, and feeling the need to step closer. He didn’t. He couldn’t. He finally said, “Is it weird to say, she was sending me a message? She reminded me of something I’ve known—but I’ve been scared to admit.” He was silently willing Marlena to step closer. For some reason, he needed her to take that step. She did. She was drawn in by the soft cadence of his voice, the look of sadness in his eyes, and the urge to touch his bare chest. All of it. She was drawn to him. John reached for her hand, drawing her closer, and gently laced his fingers through hers. “Isabella told me—she said it was okay for me to love you…”

Marlena had been watching John’s hand, as his fingers were slowly caressing hers, and she looked up quickly, “What?”

Quietly, so quietly she could barely hear him, John whispered, “I love you.”

She felt tears welling up in her eyes, and she responded just as softly, “I love you, too, John. I never stopped.”

“I used to be so confused,” he told her, looking at their intertwined hands. “I loved Isabella with all of my heart, but when you entered the room,” he said, looking up at her, “…my heart would skip, and my eyes would follow you around the room. Isabella knew. She did. Sometimes she would catch my gaze, and smile at me so sadly. The guilt would eat at me for days, and I would double down on my efforts to show her how much I cared for her. As if that would erase you from my mind—from my heart, but it never worked, Doc. It was never going to work. Tonight, Izzy B, she reminded me of that.”

Marlena felt the pad of his thumb brushing over the skin in the palm of her hand. She started speaking at a whisper, “When I was with Roman, it was the same way. He knew. There was no way he didn’t know. Maybe that’s why he cheated. I would dream of you, sometimes call out for you in the night, and maybe…that’s why he cheated.”

“Doc, there’s no excuse for that.”

“I was cheating. Emotionally, at least, I was. When I watched you with Isabella, I found myself getting frustrated when I felt jealousy. You weren’t mine to get jealous over. You weren’t mine…” her voice trailed off at the end with a note of anguish.

John touched her cheek softly, “I was. I was…in my heart, Doc, I was yours. I hate to say this, because G-d it feels like I’m betraying the love I felt for Isabella, but if you had wanted me, at any point, if you had indicated that you wanted me—”

“—No. John, no. Don’t even say that!” she exclaimed, placing her hand over his lips.

John shook his head, turning away from her, overcome with the guilt of what he was feeling in that moment. He shoved his hands through his hair roughly, “Fuck, Doc, it was all so confusing! How could you be mine when I had Isabella, and you had Roman?” He turned back to face her, “But you were, Doc. You were mine, and you were in my heart the whole time.”

Marlena could see the turmoil, guilt, and confusion in John’s eyes. Waking from a dream like that must have brought up the pain of losing his wife all over again. Marlena could feel it radiating off of him. In Italy, when the emotions were this high, he would search her out, losing himself in the sensations of kissing her. “John? How are you?” she asked. “Seeing Isabella must have been upsetting for you.”

“It hurts. I won’t lie. I woke up feeling like she had just died. The same pain I felt in Italy,” he said. “The ache in my chest, the need to forget…I wanted to—I wanted to find you in your room…touch you…”

“But you didn’t,” she whispered.

“No. I didn’t,” he said, looking down at her. His hand reached for a piece of her hair, pushing it back off of her shoulder, and his fingers trailed along the skin of her arm, “But, G-d, I wanted to.”

Shivers wracked her body, and she felt her core clench with want. She needed him as much as he needed her in that moment. Standing up on her toes, and leaning forward, Marlena whispered against John’s mouth, “Kiss me.”

John’s hand wound around her hip, pulling her forward carefully so he didn’t hurt her bruised back. His other hand laced itself into her hair at the nape of her neck, and he bent forward kissing her softly. His lips played over hers, biting at her gently, and rubbing his nose across hers, causing her to shiver again, but when her tongue darted out, the tip gently sweeping over his, John was lost. “Fuck, Doc,” he moaned, using his hands on her hips to pull her into him. “Fuck.”

Her palms swept up his chest, and over his shoulder, pulling him closer. The heat of his skin, the scent of his body, all succeeded in pulling her into him, causing an ache inside her. Isabella had only been gone a month, and in that time, Marlena and John had somehow grown closer than they had ever been. She wanted and needed him, as much as he wanted and needed her, and while the rest of the world might view what was happening as moving too fast, Marlena felt like it had been nearly a year in the making. 

John’s mouth licked a path along her neck, biting at her skin, and pushing her nightgown off of her shoulder. He felt her nipples pebble under the fabric, as her body rested against his chest. He needed more. He needed her. Without thinking his hands fisted in the fabric of her gown, pulling it up to her waist, and lifting her to the countertop in one smooth motion. Marlena’s legs opened, and John stepped into them, kissing her mouth over and over again. Marlena moaned into his mouth, “John. John…oh, G-d! We have to stop. We have to stop!”

She pushed at his shoulders, watching him step back, and stare at her, while breathing heavily. John was prepared to stop, he was, and then his eyes scanned her body. Her nightgown hanging off of one shoulder, the satin fabric bunching around her hips, the heaving breaths she was taking in while she watched him – watching her. She was the perfect picture of love, beauty, and sex. John stepped back to her, splaying his hands over the tops of her thighs and pushing the fabric even higher, while he watched the slow movement of his hands. It was when he reached the vee of her thighs that he realized she wasn’t wearing panties, “Doc…fuck, Doc…” He looked into her eyes, and she thought he seemed so lost in want. If she asked him to stop again, he felt as if he might implode, “Doc…”

“We can’t make love, John…we can’t. Not yet…”

“I need you. I need you, Doc,” he moaned, rolling his forehead over hers helplessly, and squeezing her thighs tightly in his hands.

His words inflamed her, his want inflamed her, causing her to crave what she was trying to stop them from doing. Breaking slightly, she murmured, “Okay. Okay…just we can’t…we can’t—”

“—we won’t. We won’t, Doc,” he said cutting her off, devouring her mouth once again, and moving his hand to her center. John stroked over her once, groaning into her mouth as his fingers slid into the slippery wetness of her center, rolling over her clit, and gliding along her folds.

“John!” she cried out, jerking her hips toward him, and reaching for the waistband of his boxer briefs. As much as she wanted him, making love was going to have to wait. “No sex. We can’t have sex…”

“I know, Doc. I know,” he told her, biting her bottom lip so hard she cried out again. John licked over the tender flesh of her mouth, and moved to bite at her jaw, unable to get enough of her, when he knew he couldn’t fully have her. 

He pushed two fingers into her pussy while his thumb rubbed over her clit, and Marlena thought she might come right then, she was so close. This had been building for the last three weeks, maybe even before that if she was honest with herself. Her hands roughly pushed down the waistband to John’s briefs, revealing his engorged cock, and he moaned in relief. She knew what he needed, it was the same thing she needed, and they were going to have to find a way to give that to each other without making love. 

Her small hand encircled his length, squeezing over him. John’s head rolled back, and his hands stopped moving over her clit momentarily as the pleasure consumed him, “Harder, Doc. Harder…you know how I—oh, G-d! Yes…”

Marlena’s hand squeezed him tightly, while she began to slowly massage him, wiping her thumb over the tip of his cock with each rough swipe of her hand. John’s head fell to her shoulder, while one of his arms wrapped around her hip, holding her tightly, and his fingers resumed their dance over her clit. Within moments the walls of Marlena’s pussy were squeezing and contracting over John’s hand, and then he lost control completely, finding his release all over the rose gold satin of her nightgown.

Their bodies rested against each other for a moment, until John slowly withdrew his fingers from her body. She watched, and it felt so wrong, and so right at the same time, but when John drew his hand to his mouth, and licked her essence from his fingers, she wanted him all over again. “You taste so fucking good, Doc,” he said, staring into her hazel eyes.

She smiled at him softly, touching his jawline with the barest trace of her fingers, whispering, “Thank you.”

He kissed her mouth again, hard, allowing her to taste herself on his lips, and whispered back, “What for?”

“For being you,” she said.

“Stay with me,” he said, stoking his fingers over her cheek. 

“John…”

“Please, Doc. Stay with me.”

“Okay,” she said softly. “But you’re going to need to give me some sweats and a t-shirt.”

“Do I get them back?” he joked.

“Maybe…maybe not,” she said with a grin.

“My pretty lady is a clothes thief,” John said, kissing her softly on her swollen lips.

Chapter 13

Marlena was in the shower two days later, when her daughter’s face and name hit her like a ton of bricks. One moment, her mind was blank, enjoying the spray of the hot water along her sore and bruised back, and in the next, she saw Alise. Her sweet , little, Alise, with her Daddy’s blue eyes, and the most gorgeous blonde curls. Rinsing her hair quickly Marlena rushed from the shower, intent on finding John.

Downstairs, John was making pancakes for the children. The music was playing, and Sami and Eric were playing with Brady. When the doorbell rang, John became instantly nervous. Roman had already come by twice, since realizing where Marlena was, demanding to see the children. He’d seen Eric, but Sami had refused. Roman was irritated when Marlena didn’t insist that Sami speak with him. Roman felt like Marlena was giving Sami too much autonomy, and Marlena felt like Sami needed to know that she was safe, and protected. 

Wiping his hands briskly on a tea towel, John walked to the door, opening the peek-through first to see who their visitor was. Tony DiMera was standing on the other side. Opening the door quickly, John said, “I have been trying to figure out how to contact you. I wasn’t expecting you so quickly.”

“I never received your message, although I feel as if the topic of conversation might be the same,” Tony said, entering the penthouse. He looked around the large room, and saw the three children playing off to the side. They looked happy, content. They looked like they were having a childhood unlike the one he had, and he was grateful that they could. Being as direct as possible, Tony said, “My father died three weeks ago.”

John stared at Tony, unsure as to what he should say. If he offered condolences it would be a lie, so he simply waited for Tony to continue.

“Anna and I were visiting each of fathers properties, meeting the staff, and clearing up loose ends. When we arrived in San Cristobal—”

Tony was cut off, by Marlena running down the stairs, her wet hair flying behind her, “—Alise! John, I remembered! Her name was Alise!”

John looked at Marlena intently, reaching for her hand and tugging her closer, “How?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know. I was in the shower, and my mind went blank. Suddenly there she was in my mind’s eye,” Marlena said quickly. Touching John’s face, she whispered, “She has your eyes.”

Looking towards Tony, John said, “You found her, didn’t you? In San Cristobal?”

“Well, yes, as I was saying, I asked the staff to assemble and was rather shocked to see a child in the group. The nanny informed me that she had been hired by my father to watch over the child, and the child informed me that her mothers name was Marlena Evans Brady,” Tony continued. “I’m hoping to get her to you. I want you to know, I had nothing to do with this. Nothing.”

Marlena said, “I believe you, Tony. I believe you. My memory has been coming back slowly…and this was all Stefano. All of it.”

“Where is she?” John asked. 

“With Anna, downstairs in the limo,” Tony said. “I can call Anna, and have her bring Alise up right now. I wasn’t sure of your reaction, so I had them wait.”

John nodded at Tony, and while Tony used the telephone, Marlena said to John, “We have to tell the children. This is so sudden.”

“Hey Sami, Eric? Can you two come over here for a moment?” John asked them, sitting on the couch. “I’ve got some news, and it’s a bit of a shocker.”

“It is a surprise?” Sami asked. “Because, I love surprises, Daddy!”

“I like surprises, too!” Eric said.

“Do you remember when Mama was gone for awhile, and how happy we were when she came home?”

The twins nodded their heads. Marlena sat down on the floor, pulling Eric into her lap, saying, “When I was gone, I had a baby. A little girl.”

“A sister!” Sami screamed in excitement. “Yes! Then it won’t be me and a buncha boys all the time.”

“I got another sister?” Eric asked. “Where is she?”

“She was missing for awhile, but you see that man on the phone over there? His name is Tony, and he found her. Her name is Alise,” John told them.

“Like Mrs. Horton?” Eric asked.

Marlena smiled, “I named her after Alice Horton.”

“She’s not a baby anymore, but she’s still small. So I want the two of you to be kind, and gentle with her, okay? Make sure you take care of her,” John said. “She’s probably scared, and nervous.”

“How big is she?” Sami wanted to know. “I mean, can she play Barbies and stuff? ’Cause Eric won’t play Barbies with me at all.”

“Because, Barbies are dumb, Sami,” Eric said.

Marlena got a soft smile on her face and said, “She’s five.”

“Well, that’s not too little for Barbies,” Sami said with a smile.

The whole family turned to look at the door when the doorbell rang for a second time that morning. John’s heart melted when Anna DiMera walked in carrying a little girl. His little girl with Marlena. Marlena reached for his hand, and whispered, “That’s our daughter.”

As soon as Alise caught sigh of Marlena, she began to wiggle and squirm free of Anna’s arms, screaming loudly with tears, “Mama! Mama!”

Marlena moved Eric from her lap, and stood up, meeting Alise halfway across the room. “Oh my baby! My darling baby!”

“I missed you,” the little girl cried into her mothers neck. 

Marlena remembered everything. All of it. Her time with Orpheus, her time with Stefano, and being taken from Alise. John saw the change in her face immediately, “Doc? Honey, are you okay?”

“I remember,” she whispered. “I remember all of it John.” She softly ran her hand over Alise’s curls, “This is our baby, John. Ours.”

Alise lifted her head from Marlena’s shoulder, and looked intently at John, saying, “Who’s dat, Mama?”

“Your Daddy.”

“My Daddy?” Alise repeated. She looked back towards John and reached her arms out to him.

John lifted her from Marlena’s arms, and nearly melted when she looped her arms around his neck, and kissed his cheek, saying, “Mama said, my Daddy love me.”

Sami and Eric had come over, and were waiting for introductions. John kneeled down, with Alise still in his arms, and said, “Alise, this is Sami and Eric, your sister and your brother. You also have another brother, Brady.”

“Bwady? My names Awise Carwine Bwady!” Alise laughed.

Glancing at Marlena with his eyebrow raised, Marlena said softly, “I don’t think there’s a birth certificate to change. I don’t think her birth was ever registered.”

Tony cleared his throat behind them, saying, “Anna and I are going to go. I’ve placed a bag with her belongings by the door, although she didn’t have much beyond clothes and a few toys.”

Marlena hugged Tony tightly, tearfully whispering, “Thank you. Thank you so much.”

Anna smiled, saying her goodbyes and followed Tony out of the penthouse.

The rest of the day was a whirlwind. John called Abe explaining the sudden appearance of Alise. They spoke with Mickey about the legal ramifications, and how to get her a birth certificate. By the time the children were down for the night, Marlena was exhausted. She sat curled on the couch, staring out the open terrace doors, and mulling over everything she could now remember about her time with Stefano. Walking out of the kitchen with a tea tray, John sat it on the coffee table, and said, “What are you thinking about, Doc?”

“We have four children. All under the age of 10,” she said with a laugh. “I called Carrie…she’s coming by tomorrow morning.”

John made Marlena’s tea, handing her the mug, “This will smooth out soon enough. You know it will.”

“I spoke with Mickey about filing for divorce,” she said staring into her steaming mug.

John was surprised to hear that, because she hadn’t really mentioned what her plans were with Roman, aside from separating from him for the time being. “Is that what you want?”

“Yes. Roman has been so caustic the last two times he came by here. Sami is still petrified of him. He cheated on me…and the whole time, all I could think about was you. Now we have Alise. Roman would struggle to accept her. No. No, our marriage is irrevocably broken. It was doomed from the start,” she said. “I felt it. When you and I were saying our goodbyes in Mexico. This sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I cried for days, barely holding it together until Roman left the house or went to bed. We didn’t make love for months, and even then it was more perfunctory than anything else. This is the right thing to do, John.”

“The kids did so well together today,” he said. “Alise is amazing. She’s such a smart girl.”

“I spent four years with her, before Stefano took me away. I know, when I woke up, I was confused, and disoriented. I didn’t remember any of it. I don’t know what he did to me, or how long I was unconscious, but I don’t think it was very long,” she said. 

“He could have just drugged you, altered your memory, and simply allowed you to wake up, keeping our daughter. He was constantly playing games, Doc. This was just another game that ended before he planned on it,” John said. “I have to admit, I’m happy the lousy bastard is dead.”

“We were so lucky, John. Lucky that Tony found her. Lucky that Stefano died when he did…”

“It must be traumatic for you. Having all of those memories rush back in a moment?”

“After Alise was born, it was as if Stefano got bored. He left for long periods of time, leaving me alone at the compound with her and the staff. All of them watched me like a hawk, worried what wrath Stefano would unleash on them if I was gone…I focused on her, and I pined away for you,” she said.

“So are we going to talk about what happened between us the other night?”

Marlena looked up at John, “We can, but we both know what happened. We needed each other. That had been building for weeks…no, honestly…I think, at least for me, that had been building for a year, but it solidified my decision about my marriage. I can’t feel that kind of heat, and passion for you…and still want to be with Roman.”

“Do you want to be with me?” he asked her, leaning forward and sliding his hand up her thigh.

She smiled at him, “When we’re ready, yeah…yeah, I think I do, but I knew that already. Before I came home, before Stefano did whatever it was he did to my mind…I knew you weren’t Roman, and I wanted you anyway.”

“How? How could you know that?”

“Stefano had made too many comments to cause suspicion, but then there was Alise. John, her coloring is like mine, the pale skin and the blonde curls, but she looks like the most beautiful feminine version of you. How could that be if you were Roman? We had been existing on the premise that you were Roman, and surgery had been done to change your features. If that were the case…she wouldn’t have the shape of your face,” she said, softly running her fingertips over John’s jawline. “… the slope of your nose. No, I accepted fairly early on, after her birth, that you were not Roman…and I still wanted to come home to you more than anything.”

Chapter 14

Nearly a week later, John and Carrie had taken the children to the park across the street from the building where the penthouse was located, allowing Marlena some much needed time to herself. She sat on the couch, enjoying the fall breeze as it blew in from the open terrance. She was realizing how content she had been since she’d left Roman. John had been gone for less than an hour, when she heard a knock on the door. Marlena laughed, thinking he had forgotten his keys, and opened the door without thinking. “Did you forget your keys, John?” she said. She was confronted with a very angry Roman Brady. 

“What the fuck is this, Doc?” he said loudly, standing there with what was obviously crumpled divorce papers in his hand. He sneered at her, saying, “John’s wife died, so now you’re divorcing me?”

“Roman, Isabella’s death has nothing to do with this,” Marlena said, wishing that John were home, and that she wasn’t alone.

Roman pushed past her into the penthouse, without an invitation, and said, “It’s got everything to do with this. Everything.” Roman held up the papers again, “You think I haven’t noticed the way you and John panted after each other for the last year? You’re like fucking dogs, Doc!”

“I think there are a lot of factors that contributed to this, but I’m not discussing it with you now. Not when you’re angry, Roman,” she said, still standing by the door, and watching him pace the living room like a caged animal. “I’d like you to leave.”

“I’m not leaving until you admit the truth!” Roman roared. “Admit it!”

“The truth? What truth?”

“That you’re fucking John. Admit it!”

“I’ll admit, I’m unhappy. I’ve been unhappy, but you cheated on me. You have our daughter scared to death to be around you!” she said in frustration. She left the door open, but stepped into the living area.

“So you’re not fucking him? Or you are?” Roman demanded.

“Roman, you are being crude, and disrespectful. I asked you to leave,” she said. “The children could come home, and I don’t want them to see you like this.”

He stepped up to her, grabbing her upper arm, and digging his fingers into her flesh, “You are my wife, Doc. My wife. You’re certainly not John Black’s wife.”

“I’m not your wife, Roman. Not anymore, now let go of my arm. You’re hurting me,” she said, trying to fight back tears. She attempted to pull her arm away, but Roman only shook her, and held on tighter.

“I haven’t signed the divorce papers, Doc. I’m not planning to sign the papers, and until I do…you are my wife.”

“Please let go of me, Roman.”

John and Sami had decided to run home and grab snacks for everyone, while Carrie stayed at the Park with Brady, Alise, and Eric. When the elevator doors opened, Sami ran out ahead of John, and towards the open penthouse door. “Peanut, wait for me,” John called after her. It was then that he heard the shouting. 

“Let go of my Mama!” Sami screamed at the top of her little lungs, hurling herself towards Roman. 

When John entered the penthouse, he saw that Roman was holding onto Marlena’s arm, with Sami hanging off of Roman. “Take your hand off of her, Roman. Now,” John said in a voice that brooked no argument.

Roman seemed to realize that the situation had escalated, and he released her, watching as Sami jumped into Marlena’s arms, and started crying. Roman was full of furious jealousy, as John quietly told Marlena to take Sami upstairs, and then turned to him, looking as angry as he’d ever seen the man. “A week ago, you grabbed her. You left bruises on her arm. You knocked her into a wall, and she still has bruises on her back! Don’t touch her again,” John said in low tones.

“She’s my wife! She’s trying to divorce me, and already living with you? With my children!”

“Marlena is not property, Roman. Neither are the children. Leave now. Don’t come back. All communication will come through Mickey, now,” John said.

“She’s not keeping my kids!”

“Roman, according to your children, you hadn’t spoken to them in nearly seven months. Not one phone call, or visit. Leave. Now.”

Just as Roman was about to say something even more caustic, Carrie stepped off of the elevator with Brady in his stroller and Eric holding Alise’s hand. Roman’s eyes landed on the little girl, and shock registered on his face, quickly followed by the realization that she was Marlena and John’s child. Her features were similar to John, but her coloring and her hair was Marlena’s.

John worried that Roman might say something to the children, so he looked at Carrie quickly, urgency all over his face, and said carefully, “Please take the children upstairs, Carrie.” She nodded without question, and passed her father, taking the three younger children upstairs.

Roman looked at John, “I guess there’s a few things my wife hasn’t informed me about.”

“Sign the papers, Roman. Give her the divorce, and let her go.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Marlena was changing her shirt, when Carrie walked in. Marlena’s back was a myriad of varying shades of light green, yellow, and purple. Carrie gasped, covering her mouth quickly.

Spinning, around, Marlena said, “Carrie!”

“I’m sorry. I should have knock. I’m sorry,” Carrie said quickly, but she didn’t move, and she didn’t leave. “Did Dad do that?”

“It was an accident…he didn’t mean to…”

“But he did it, right? Did he grab you, like downstairs?” she asked, stepping closer.

“Carrie, honey—”

“Don’t lie to me, Marlena. I’m an adult now.”

Marlena finished pulling her shirt over her head, and said, “You may be grown, Carrie, but you will always be my little girl. I don’t want you to think badly of your father.”

“He’s not the same. Since he came back, he’s not the same. When I was little, he cared so much, and he went out of his way to let me know he loved me. He made me feel loved. Since he came back…it’s different,” Carrie said, sitting on the end of Marlena’s bed. “You know it’s different.”

Marlena sat beside her, pushing a lock of hair behind Carrie’s ear, “Yeah. Yeah, it’s different. I think…I think none of us will ever know what Stefano put your father through for those seven years. We can’t know, but it changed him.”

“Are you getting divorced?”

“Carrie, there’s a lot you don’t understand,” Marlena said softly, trying to avoid placing unnecessary burdens on Carrie..

“I know he cheated on you,” Carrie whispered.

“Carrie, how—”

“I saw him, at the station once, with Taylor McCall…almost a year ago. It was right after he came back…he promised, he would end it, and I believed him, but he didn’t, did he?”

“No. No, he didn’t end it,” Marlena said. 

“Can what he went through…can that change someone forever?”

“Trauma can create trust issues, it can affect decision making. Your father created this sense of false reality while he was with Stefano. It helped him survive, it gave him hope, but when he came home, nothing was what he had expected it to be. I had moved on. His family had moved on…with John,” Marlena told Carrie. “We all accepted John as Roman. Coming back to that was difficult for him. I don’t know how to make that better, but I can’t allow him to hurt me again…or, G-d forbid, the children. You understand that, don’t you?”

“I understand. I wasn’t faulting you. I was just wondering,” Carrie said. Looking up at Marlena, she said, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

“He told you he would end it, and you believed him. That’s not your fault, honey, that’s his.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

John went to tell Marlena that the children were asleep. He knocked on her door softly, and heard her say “Come in.” She was wearing a fluffy, blue robe, and towel drying her hair. Watching her dry her hair, no makeup on her face, and knowing that underneath her robe she wore nothing, caused John’s mouth to go dry. “John are you okay?” she asked him.

“No,” he said, still watching her. He felt his abdomen tighten, and his cock twitch in his pajama bottoms. 

Marlena stopped drying her hair, “Is something wrong?” 

Without thinking he stepped closer, and said the first words that came to mind, “I want you.”

Her breath caught in her throat, and she wasn’t sure how to respond, “John…”

“I want to kiss you, and taste you. I want to be close to you. Feel your body slide along mine,” he said, taking another step in her direction. 

“I’m not sure we’re ready,” she said. Marlena was lost in his eyes, stepping closer to him, even as she said they had to wait. “You’re still grieving. I’m grieving. The divorce…”

“It’s not reason enough, Doc. It’s not enough to make me want to stop this…”

Her breathing picked up, as she looked up at him, “I’m scared John. I’m so scared.”

“What are you scared of? Because I can’t see any reason why we shouldn’t be able to express how much we love each other.”

Marlena whispered, “I can’t lose you again, John. If we rush this, and it all goes sideways, I’ll lose you again. It would break my heart to have to watch you fall in love with another woman all over again.”

“You’re not going to lose me, baby, because it would break my heart to lose you, Doc. The thought of you with anyone besides me, makes me crazy.” John touched her face softly, trailing his fingers under her chin, and tipping her face up,“Can we lay together? Can I feel your skin on mine? Can I kiss you?” he whispered, finally taking that last step that brought him flush with her.

Marlena wanted him so badly, and he was practically begging her to allow him to love her. She wanted to feel the coarse hair of his chest and his legs running across her skin. She wanted to feel the heat of him against her, so badly that she shivered, and she wanted to feel his lips on hers. She could picture them lying in bed together with their legs tangled while he kissed her to the point of madness. Placing her small palms on his chest, she slid them up, and threaded her fingers through the hair there, tugging at it, and causing John to take in a sharp breath. Marlena looked into John’s eyes, and whispered, “Yes.”

Chapter 15

Isabella had been gone nearly three months when Roman finally signed the divorce papers. In the month it took him to finally give in, he never once tried to contact the twins, or Carrie. He didn’t come back to the penthouse. Once the divorce was finalized, Roman had taken an ISA job, and left Salem without another word. Marlena was worried about how Roman’s leaving might affect the twins, but they were so stable with John, and had never really had the opportunity to bond with Roman, it didn’t seem to phase them at all. 

Carrie struggled the most with losing Roman, because she had known her father before his time with Stefano, and after his time with Stefano, and she truly felt what she had lost. John was amazing in helping her with it. He had her over for dinners, and spending time with her siblings. He would remind her, every time, that she was his Punkin’ and he would always love her, no matter what. Carrie marveled to herself sometimes that the two most amazing parents in her life were non-biological. It certainly didn’t feel that way, as she fell seamlessly into the Brady-Black family.

Alise was adjusting amazingly well, and Marlena felt that having Alise with her, for her first four years, made all of the difference. The child was coming home to someone she knew and trusted. The family was so full of love for each other, and for her, that the transition was smooth and natural. Sami and Alise shared a room full of Barbie’s, with occasional spats, which caused Carrie to laugh as she remembered what it was like to live with Sami. 

Marlena rolled to her other side, in another attempt to get comfortable and  sleep, but she couldn’t. All she could think about was the one night she had allowed John to slide into her bed, and he had spent the next hour and a half proving how much he loved her, without making love to her. Although, if Marlena was honest with herself, what they had done was making love. Every day he touched her softly as he walked by, or he gave her kisses when no one was looking, he held her on the couch while the children played, or his hand would take hers if they were walking along the pier. He was proving to her that this was what he wanted. It wasn’t just a rebound after Isabella that might end in a fire filled emotional mess. 

Marlena was sitting up and getting out of bed before she had even thought about what she was about to do. All she knew was that her body ached for him, and she was tired of fighting it. She knocked on John’s bedroom door softly, before opening it a small crack and stepping inside. Glancing at the clock she saw that it was barely 3:00 am, and she heard the water running in the bathroom. Walking towards the room, she saw John’s reflection in the mirror through the partially open door. He was leaning towards the shower spray, one hand bracing his body against the tile. The water was gliding down his body, and the air was filled with a steamy haze, but what caught Marlena’s attention was his hand sliding over his erect cock as he stroked himself. She wasn’t sure who moaned, him, or her, but his head lifted, and his eyes caught hers in the mirror. His hand slowed in its movements, but he didn’t stop. 

John felt arousal punch him in the gut, as he stared at Marlena in the mirror, and continued to fist his cock. Her nipples were high and tight under the white silk, her breathing coming in short jerky pants, and all he could do was squeeze himself harder, and groan out, “Fuck, Doc…” 

She stepped into the room, and with no hesitation, and she stepped inside the shower, still wearing her white silk nightgown. The fabric barely reached her knees, and John watched in rapt fascination as the steam from the shower, and the spray from the water, soaked the silk. Nothing was left to his imagination, as the material, which was once opaque, was suddenly translucent. Marlena stood there, and watched in arousal while John continued to jerk his cock, and stare at her as if she was his next meal.

He couldn’t wait any longer. John fisted his hands in the wet silk of Marlena’s nightgown, pulling her forward quickly. She gasped, looking up at him with wide eyes, and felt her pussy start to throb. “I’ve wanted you since you came home,” he whispered. “It was always one, or the other, pushing back. We’re done waiting, Doc. You came to me, and we’re done waiting.”

“I’m yours…all of me. My heart, my soul—”

“Your body,” John said roughly. “Tonight, and forever this body is mine.”

Marlena still stared at him, waiting for his next move. She was on fire inside, as John’s hands settled on her hips, pulling her pelvis forward into his. She felt his hard length settle against her abdomen, while the heat of his body radiated into hers. The steam from the water was causing her hair to curl around her face, making John want her even more. After a long moment of silence, Marlena said, “John, I need you to kiss me.”

Quickly wrapping one arm around her waist, and threading the other into her hair, John took Marlena’s mouth in his. He sucked on her, and bit at her mouth, the water from his hair dripping down her face, as she swept her tongue across his. “You are so fucking beautiful, Doc,” he moaned into her mouth. “I love you,” he said biting at her neck, and along her collarbone.

The fabric was clinging to her, and making it difficult for John to access her body. He was near mad with wanting to touch her, and feel her against him. When he looked up at Marlena helplessly, she told him, “Rip it.”

Fixing both his hands on the laced edged neckline, he tore the seam open to her navel, baring her breasts to him. “Fuck! I want you so bad,” he said roughly, before dipping his head to suck at her nipples. “I have wanted to lick you, and taste you for so long. I bet your pussy is so hot right now, Doc.” He fell to his knees, pushing the wet silk up her legs, and baring her to him, groaning loudly, “Spread your legs, baby…wider…yeah, just like that.”

“Oh, G-d, John,” she whined, letting her head fall back against the shower wall, as John pushed her back against it. His hand splayed over her ribs, holding her in place, and his head dipped to her center. One long, slow lick, across her pussy had her screaming out with want.

Pulling back with a smile, John told her, “You gotta be quiet, lady. You wake the kids, and this is all over…”

“Oh, G-d! Okay, okay, okay,” she said breathlessly, and then John’s mouth, his lips found her clit, and started sucking. He sucked at her, and bit at the flesh of her inner thighs, until Marlena felt she couldn’t take any more. His tongue learned every nook and cranny of her folds, while his hands kneaded the flesh of her thighs, using his thumbs to spread her wider for his devouring mouth.

Just as she felt she was about to come, he pulled off, looking up at her, “Do you want to come, Doc?”

“Yes.”

“Turn around, and face the wall, baby,” John ordered her, standing up himself.

Marlena followed his directions, feeling the cool marble of the wall against her breasts and her cheek. John’s hand snaked around the front of her body, rubbing over her clit, while the thumb of his other hand started to slowly circle and press on her back hole. Marlena’s knees nearly buckled from pleasure.

“You like that? I remember that time in Stockholm,” he whispered roughly in her ear, while pushing his thumb in slightly. “You screamed so loud, I thought there might be a complaint from the room next door,” he told her, pinching her clit, and then softly rubbing the pads of his fingers over it. John’s thumb went deeper, at the same time he pinched and pulled her clit, causing Marlena to fall over the edge into orgasm so hard she bit her hand to keep herself from crying out. “Do you feel better, Doc?”

“No. G-d, no…I need you…John, I need you…” she whined.

He took the fabric of her destroyed nightgown the rest of the way off of her body, letting it hit the shower floor with a wet slap. Pressing the length of his body against her, John allowed his engorged cock to slide along her pussy between her legs, while he took her arms and held them above her head. His other arm moved around the front of her shoulders, holding her to him tightly, “I have been wanting this for so long…”

“I know…” she said, barely above a whisper.

“And you came to me tonight,” he whispered in her ear.

“I did. I did. I did,” she panted, feeling the slow glide of him along her slit, and the gentle bump of his cock head bumping against her clit. “Please, John…please…”

“I’ve got to calm down, Doc. If I slide into you right now…it’s all over,” he said, trying to control his breathing, and allowing himself to enjoy the sensation of sliding through her wet folds.

“Take me to bed. I want to feel you,” she said.

John reached over, turning off the water, and bit her ear saying, “You’re gonna feel me.” He turned her body around to face him, and kissed her roughly, sweeping his tongue into her mouth over and over again, desperate for the taste of her. Finally he lifted her wet, dripping body into his arms and carried her to the bedroom, placing her on the bed.

“John, I’m all wet,” she said.

“I don’t care,” he said, kissing her again. “I don’t fucking care, because I’m not about to stop this, to dry you off.”

Marlena smiled at him softly, “Oh…okay.” His mouth on her neck had her shivering with want. His hands on her body, moving over her hips, her thighs, and up over her ribs, were driving her higher. “John! Please!”

“One more taste, baby…” John mumbled, as he kissed his way down her abdomen. “One more taste,” and then his mouth was on her clit again, and Marlena felt she might die from pleasure. He pushed her to the edge, and then pulled off. He recognized the signs, and knew she was close to coming. Climbing back up her body, John rested his throbbing dick on abdomen, kissing her mouth roughly.

The taste of herself on his mouth, had her moaning with want, “I love you, John. I love you so much.”

Slowly he slid his cock, into her tight channel, causing them both to moan out in ecstasy, and when he was fully seated, her tightness surrounding him, he started to move. A slow movement of the hips, drawing out her pleasure, and making him go nearly mad, “Doc, I’ve gotta…”

She wanted it harder, faster. She wanted him to possess her the way she wanted to possess him, so she whispered, “Fuck me. Now.”

John smiled at her with a grin that said, ‘you asked for it’, his hips pulled out, slamming back into her almost immediately, and causing her to cry out softly. “This is what you want, Doc?”

“Oh, G-d, yes…yes…John,” she whined, and after that, there were no more words. The only sounds left in the room, were the sounds of their moans, gasps, and those breathy little pants that Marlena made, that finally drove John to madness. His roar of, “Oh, fuck, Doc, I’m coming” pushed Marlena over the edge along with him.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

The following morning, Sami, Eric, and Alise found their parents in the kitchen. Their Daddy was kissing their Mama up against the refrigerator. All at once Marlena and John heard, Alise giggling, Eric fake gagging, and then Sami yelled out, “I told you, Eric. We got our Daddy back!”

Chapter 16 – Epilogue

The first time Brady called Marlena ‘Mama’, she had wept with happiness. She swept him around in a circle, exclaiming how much she loved her little man. The day she gave birth to her and John’s daughter, and they had decided to name the baby Isabella, Marlena had wept with tears of joy, and sadness. Now, as she walked ten-year old Brady up a small knoll in Italy, she wept. Tears of sadness, joy, and gratefulness for her life. Her life with John, and her life with their children. Carrie was married, and living in Seattle. Eric and Sami would be off to college soon. Eric was interested in theology, while Sami wanted to be the boss of the world. Alise was a quiet and studious teen, with a bit of fire in her soul, determined to solve every environmental dilemma that she could. When she was younger, she had managed to earn the nickname ‘monster’ for all the trouble she managed to get herself into. Brady was as obsessed with baseball as his father was, and as caring in nature as his mother. 

John followed behind them slowly, carrying a six year old Belle, with Alise walking at his side. They stood before a headstone overlooking Naples, and on it was engraved ‘Isabella Toscano Black’. Brady looked at it, and then up at Marlena, “So, she’s right here?”

“She is,” Marlena said kneeling down.

Brady was quiet for a moment, and then sat down on the grass, “Hi, Mommy. It’s me, Brady. I came to see you, but it’s not my first time. Mama and Dad brought me when I was little, and I don’t remember that time. I came when I was seven, I do remember that time. Now I’m ten.”

He looked up at John, who nodded at him to continue, “I really like baseball. Dad calls me Slugger all the time, but he’s not allowed to call me that in front of my friends, ‘cause I asked him not too.”

Marlena started laughing, and sat down beside him, pulling the boy into her lap, and brushing her hand over his brown curls. “You’re mother was an amazing woman, Brady. She loved you with her whole heart.”

“And she gave me to you, when she died right? ‘Cause she couldn’t be here to love me, and she knew you would love me?”

“I do love you. I have always loved you, and everyday, I thank your mother for the gift that is you,” Marlena whispered. 

Alise sat down, and told Brady, “Remember all the stories Dad told us about your mother?”

“Yeah. I interrupted their wedding!” Brady said with a laugh.

“You were born in the rectory, and your mother insisted that the wedding continue before she would go to the hospital,” John said with a smile. “You’re mother loved you with every ounce of her being, Brady. That’s why we bring you here, and that’s why we talk about her. You are lucky enough to be loved by two mothers.”

Brady looked at his Dad and then at Marlena, saying softly, “My mama here, and my Mommy in heaven.”

John had tears in his eyes, and Marlena reached over brushing one off of his cheek as it streamed down. John looked at Brady, and said, “Yeah.”

Marlena looked at the headstone, and then out over the view of Naples, and said softly, “Isabella…I’d like to thank you for this. For a son that lights up my every day. For a husband, who knows no equal. For my life. You knew what was to come, and you weren’t angry or bitter. You wanted John to find love, because you loved him. So…thank you.”

“My name’s Isabella,” Belle said with confusion.

“You’re named after my angel Mommy, Belle. Did you forget?” Belle started giggling, and pushed Brady over. Brady started laughing, and said, “You did forget, didn’t you?”

“Leave your sister alone,” John said with a small smile.

Belle went to curl up in John’s lap, and whispered in his ear, “I did forget, Daddy.”

“That’s okay, Tink. Sometimes we forget things.” He kissed her head, and sat with his family enjoying the silence. 

The wind shifted, and the scent of vanilla swept across them. John looked at Marlena to see if she noticed. She smiled at him, silently acknowledging what seemed to happen every time they came here. Alise picked up her dads hand, and said quietly, “I love you.”

“I love you, too, Monster,” John said.

“You know, Dad, you’re going to have to eventually stop calling me that,” Alise said.

“She’s right, John. I don’t know many environmental scientists who go by the name Monster,” Marlena said.

John just laughed, reaching over and ruffling Alise’s hair. “Dad, stop!”

Brady was silent for awhile, until he said, “Do you smell cookies?”

John and Marlena both looked at him, and John said, “Your mother always smelled like vanilla, and when we come here, sometimes Marlena or I smell it.”

“How come you never told us that story,” Alise asked them.

Marlena shrugged, and said, “Maybe we thought it was just something that we noticed. I’m such a logical person. Sometimes things that are unexplainable make me nervous.”

“My Mommy smelled like cookies,” Brady said softly. “That’s nice. Mama you smell like flowers.”

“She does, doesn’t she?” John said. “The most amazing flowers.”

“I ‘don smell cookies,” Belle said. “But my Mama smells like the most prettiest flowers.”

Alise looks at Belle with a smirk, “What a suck up.”

“Daddy? What’s a suck up,” Belle asked.

“Nothing, baby. Alise is being silly,” Marlena said, standing up, and brushing off her pants. 

Brady stood up beside her, taking Marlena’s hand in his, and he said to the headstone, “I’ll be back to visit you again. I promise, because Mama and Dad won’t let me forget you. They’re really good about that.”

Marlena started walking down the knoll holding onto Belle’s hand, while Brady ran ahead. Alise was walking beside her. Alise looks to her mother, “It doesn’t bother you?”

“What?”

“That he still loves her so much?”

“It’s possible to have two great loves in your life. Your father was very lucky. I’ve had one great love, and it was him,” Marlena said.

“I wonder what he says to her, when we leave him there, alone,” Alise wondered.

“I’ve never asked him, and he’s never told me. It’s his time with her, and his time with her was so short…I don’t mind,” Marlena said. 

John continued to sit on the grass before Isabella’s headstone. “You know, Izzy B, my time with you, as short as it was…it was so full of love. I felt sometimes, like maybe I cheated you, because my love for Doc…well it never went away. But I’ve had so many dreams over the years. Dreams where you are at peace, dreams where you tell me how grateful you are for Doc being in our lives. I’ve forgiven myself for my shortcomings, because I think you’ve forgiven me for them. I did love you. I do love you, Izzy B.” John was again struck by the strong scent of vanilla as a breeze swept over the hill. “I will make sure that Brady knows you, and Brady loves you. Doc will too. She already has.”