The Glory of Love – By Jessica D and Jame J

Story Notes:
There are things in life which cannot be explained. When I was a young child, I used to wonder what my future would entail. Would I meet my Prince Charming who would rescue me whenever I was in need? Would I grow up to be a famous actress or maybe the owner of a cute boutique on Rodeo Drive? Whatever I would dream, it was nothing compared to what really did happen.

In the eighty-seven years I have been alive, I have had my share of surprises. I was raised in Miami, Florida for eighteen years of my life. Life was dull to say the least. Day in and day out, my life followed the same routine. Wake up, go to school, come home, sleep on the beach for a few, do homework, eat dinner, go to bed. And then when I was eighteen, everything changed.

I moved from Miami to this small town in the Midwest called Salem. It was the winter break of my senior year and my father got transferred. I didn’t want to be the new girl, especially the new girl in the middle of the semester. But what I found when I moved to Salem was more than just a new home … it was a new life. And the life I thought I had down to a perfection was about to be turned upside down.

This is my life … with all its twists and turns. The joy, the passion, the sorrow … the love, the laughter, and the tears. But above all, this story is about love. The love of a family, the love of friendship, but most of all, it is about unrequited love of my parents. This is their story as much as much as it is mine.

All I can say is that my life wasn’t perfect. It was hardly close at all. But sometimes, as long as you have one person to love, everything else doesn’t seem so bad. Life is simplistic … as long as you have the glory of love.

Page 2 of 22
Marlena took the journal off of her desk, opening up her lingerie drawer. She almost had to laugh at the contents that sat inside. It had been a long time since she and Roman had been together in any sort of intimate way. It wasn’t that neither of them hadn’t wanted it. In the past weeks especially, she knew he did and she knew deep down that she did as well. But it had just become to much. Everything had. The overwhelming guilt she still felt about her affair with John, the underlying feelings over Belle’s kidnapping that still haunted her mind. Shaking her head as if to dismiss her thoughts, Marlena took out a couple of teddies, taking out a wood panel that was loose in the drawer. Slipping the journal in carefully, she placed the wood back in the drawer, throwing the teddies haphazardly in.

She walked over to her dresser, her makeup sprawled across the top. Picking up foundation, she began to cover her face, as if she was trying to cover the truth. The foundation symbolized her cover. Used to darken her skin, it hid the dark circles that lived under her eyes. With every new coat and every new product she applied to herself, she covered a little more of her soul.

Looking at herself in the mirror, she ignored her reflection and proceeded down the stairs. Overhearing, John and Roman’s voices, she leaned against the staircase, making sure to stay hidden.

“So who was it last night?” Roman asked, curiously. “I thought you dated every woman in Salem already.”

“Someone new moved in,” John teased. “Seriously though, I’m sick of it Roman. Do you hear the talk around here? ‘Did you hear? John Black slept with so and so.’ ‘Did you know John Black has slept with every woman in Salem?’ ‘Poor Brady Black. His father is such a pimp.”

To this, Roman burst out laughing. Looking up at John sheepishly, he smiled. “I’m sorry, but when you get called a pimp, it’s kind of funny.” Sobering quickly, Roman spoke again. “John, if you hate it, just stop it.”

“I know, I guess I just miss Isabella, I never truly let myself mourn her.” ‘Or Marlena,’ he thought. “I feel like I let her down. With raising Brady to managing myself.”

Marlena, feeling a pang of jealously, walked down the stairs, both men looking at her intently. John couldn’t help but stare at her, knowing something was off. Feeling his eyes on her, she glanced away from him, sitting down next to Roman, kissing his cheek lightly.

“What are you boys up to?” she asked.

“Just guy talk. The usual,” Roman smiled. “John and I were talking about seeing a movie. You going to come with us? No action, I promise.”

Marlena smiled, leaning back against the plush cushions. “I don’t think so. Nothing good is out.”

“Sure there is,” John disagreed. “The Bourne Identity is out. Great book.”

Marlena rolled her eyes, shaking her head. “I’m sure it is, but I don’t need to see Matt Damon and Julia what’s her face running around for two hours.”

“How about Unfaithful?” Roman asked. As he said the word, Marlena flinched. It was almost as if he knew. That he was hinting at her infidelity. “Doc, you can stare at Richard Gere while John and I stare at Diane Lane,” he winked. Noticing the discomfort on Marlena’s face, he touched her arm gently. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” she responded, distracted. “I just heard the movie was ridiculous and stupid, I don’t want to see it,” she snapped.

Not realizing what he said wrong, Roman looked over at John. John just shrugged his shoulders and Roman smiled, knowing exactly what would cheer her up.

“How about shopping then?”

She grinned, wrapping her arm around Roman. “You, Roman Brady, are the best.”

:::

“So how long have you and Brady been dating?” Alexia asked as they walked through Salem Place, window shopping.

Chloe had taken Alexia throughout the small town of Salem, showing her all of what existed. Salem High School, Basic Black, University Hospital, Titan, Tuscany, Cheatin Heart, and now Salem Place. Although none of it was extremely exhilarating, Alexia couldn’t help but smile. Only hours ago, she had known absolutely no one and now this wonderful girl was showing her around. Alexia turned her attention back to Chloe who had stopped in front of Java Cafe. They sat down, both ordering a caramel latte, as Chloe began to explain.

“Almost a year. He’s a really great guy. We’re going to see a movie later on tonight, if you’d like to come.”

Alexia blushed. “I don’t know. I mean I really appreciate it, but I don’t want to ruin your date or anything. I don’t want to be a third wheel.”

Chloe scowled at her. “Oh nonsense. It’ll be fun and I promise I will not let you be a third wheel. You can just make fun of Brady with me.”

Alexia smiled, holding her hand to the steaming cup that been placed before her. The heat from the cup sent a chill through her as the cold weather swept past her. She shivered for a moment, taking a sip of her latte.

“Well if you’re sure …”

“Of course I am,” Chloe interrupted. “Besides, I know how it feels to be the new kid. I just moved here a little over a year ago. So really it is no bother.”

“Okay,” she smiled. “Oh can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Do you really have a crush on Brady’s father? I heard you mention it before and I found it kind of weird.”

Chloe laughed, running her finger around the rim of her cup. “I have a thing for older men. Some may say it’s sick, I know,” Chloe laughed, “but I don’t know. I mean I don’t think I’d actually date anyone more than five years older than me, but John … that’s Brady’s father, he’s great looking. He’s had it rough for a while but he has such a great sense of humor and is extremely playful. When Brady’s working, I’ll sometimes go to their loft and just hang around with John. He tries to get me to watch the Yankees with him, I kinda just sit there and sleep,” she teased.

“Brady still lives at home?”

“Yeah. He would have moved out a while ago, but …”

Before Chloe could finish, she heard a deep male voice calling her name. She turned around and smiled, waving him over. Alexia glanced at the man and the two people with him. Coming up the table, Chloe got up hugging the three of them. Turning around, she motioned towards Alexia.

“John, Roman, Marlena, this is Alexia. Alexia, I’d like you meet John Black, Marlena Brady, and Roman Brady. John is Brady’s father and Marlena and Roman are Brady’s Godparents.”

“And his honorary parents,” Roman smiled. “Nice to meet you,” he said holding out his hand for her. Alexia shook it gently, then glancing to the blonde that stood next to him. Noticing she was staring at her, Alexia shifted uncomfortably, looking down.

John glanced over at Marlena, wondering what she was thinking. The silence however began to feel uncomfortable for all of them.

“Nice to meet you Alexia,” John said. “New in town?”

Thinking back to John’s comment about new people moving in, Roman couldn’t help but laugh lightly. Knowing what he was thinking, John nudged him.

“Um, yeah,” she said quietly, “I just moved here.”

“So you’re being her tour guide, huh Diva?” John teased Chloe, lightning the mood.

“Well of course,” Chloe grinned. “What are you three up to today?”

“Shopping,” John replied, rolling his eyes. “Roman and I wanted to see a movie. We lost.”

“Well a girl needs her shopping, right Marlena?”

Marlena smiled. “Right,” she said softly. “Hey, do you mind if we head home” she said, turning to Roman. “I’m suddenly not feeling well.”

“Yeah, sure. Are you all right?” Roman replied.

“Yeah, I just … I don’t know, I suddenly feel sick.”

“Okay,” Roman replied, “let’s go. Bye Chloe. Nice meeting you Alexia.”

“You too.” Alexia glanced towards Marlena. “I hope you feel better.”

“Thanks,” she whispered, as she turned around to leave.

“I guess that is my cue. Bye Diva,” John said, kissing Chloe’s forehead. “Bye Alexia.”

“Bye.”

The two of them watched the threesome walk off, as Chloe turned back around. Alexia looked down at the table, tracing her finger along the top. “I don’t think Marlena likes me.”

“Marlena never acts like that. She loves everybody. She must really not have felt well. Trust me, I’m sure it had nothing to do with you. It’s just a really bad day for her … “

Alexia nodded her head, before looking back at up Chloe and smiling. “Hey, why does Brady’s dad call you Diva?”

Chloe rolled her eyes, her hands covering her face. “Ah, that is so embarrassing. I’m really interested in becoming an opera singer, so Brady started to call me Diva. Unfortunately, I spent so much time at the loft, that John began to pick on it too. They both know it annoys me, which is why they do it. But speaking of John, what did you think of him?”

Alexia laughed. “He seems like a really cool guy.”

“You know what I mean. Isn’t he attractive?”

“Well, I see how he could be. But he could be my dad, you know. And that is just gross!”

:::

“Marlena, are you okay?” Roman asked, as the three of them walked towards the car. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

She turned to him, looking deeply into his eyes. “Did Alexia strike you as familiar?”

“How so?”

“I don’t know,” she replied, honestly. “Just familiar.”

Realizing just what she meant, Roman sighed, placing his hand on her. “Marlena, Belle isn’t coming back,” he said softly. “Just because today is the date … that wasn’t her.”

“Whatever,” Marlena mumbled, shaking his hand off of her body. “Let’s go.”

Page 3 of 22
Brady Black walked into the loft he shared with his father, shivering. The winds outside had only picked up since he had gotten to work that morning and his black overcoat was doing nothing to keep out the cold. Glancing around at the dark living room he proceeded to the kitchen to grab something to drink when he saw the note on the fridge. Sliding the magnet off of the note, he opened it, reading it aloud.

“Brady, at Marlena and Roman’s for dinner. Stop by before you go to the movies. I saw the Diva earlier. I think she wants me … ha ha ha. Love you. Dad.”

Brady laughed, crumpling the note and throwing it into the garbage. “I think so too, Dad. I think so too.”

:::

Brady parked his Wrangler outside of Marlena and Roman’s, walking around to the back door. His boots made small imprints in the remaining snow as he walked rapidly to the door. Wanting to escape the frigid weather, he took one long step, his hand finally reaching the brass knob. Opening the door slowly, he saw Marlena sitting in the kitchen, looking through the paper. She looked up when he walked in and smiled, folding over the paper.

“Hey handsome,” she smiled, “I think you just brightened my day.”

Brady grinned, walking over to her. Kissing her cheek, he sat down next to her. There was something different about her. She looked … more made up than usual as if she was trying to hide away the world.

Marlena Evans-Brady might not have been his mother, but he still knew how to read her like one. In the twenty-two years since his mother had passed away, it had been Marlena who nurtured him. Always willing to take him places, it was she who brought him to his mother/son camping trips. It was Marlena who he had first cried to when he experienced a broken heart. And it was Marlena who knew his deepest secrets. But looking at her now, he couldn’t help but feel his heart break. She looked so fragile and lost. Like a child who wanted so badly to return home, but was gone forever. And he knew she was.

“You’re sad,” Brady said bluntly, “talk to me.”

Marlena laughed, caressing his cheek softly. “When did you learn to read me so well?”

“I’ve had some practice,” he teased, “now come on, talk to me.”

Marlena shook her head, adverting her eyes from his. “I’m fine. I saw Chloe today,” Marlena replied, changing the subject.

“Great, me too. Now, come on. Marlena, you can fool whoever you want, but you can’t fool me. Why do you feel you always have to hide from me? I’m not a little boy anymore. And you owe me.”

“And why is that?”

“Because I tell you all of my secrets,” he smiled. “Come on, not even Chloe knows the stuff you do. Please, for me,” he pouted. “I’ll be your best friend.”

Marlena laughed heartily and grinned at him. “Honey, you are my best friend.”

She paused for a moment, gazing into his cerulean eyes. He reminded her so much of his father. Not only by looks, but in ways of compassion. Brady Black had taken after his father in all the ways that truly mattered. His need to always rescue her touched Marlena’s heart and she took hold of his hand before continuing.

“It’s just a bad day … you know,” she said softly. Brady nodded his head, allowing her to finish. “It’s been eighteen years and each day, each year, it just seems to get harder. After the first year, I didn’t think it would get any worse. When DJ died, I blamed myself. But with therapy and reasoning, I knew it was not my fault. You can’t prevent death, not really anyway. But with Belle … I can’t help but think how irresponsible I was. If Roman and I hadn’t gone out that night, if Sami hadn’t left the window open. If we had looked a little harder.”

“Marlena, you can’t spend your life on ‘what if’s’ though. And you can’t spend your life blaming yourself either. Do you have any idea what a wonderful mother you are? I love Roman and everything, but I have a father. So I never really went to Roman for anything, but when my Mom died, it was you who took over that role for me. Marlena, you aren’t my mother, you aren’t my step mother, but despite all of that, you still treated me as a son. Not many people would do that. I just … I hate seeing you like this, Marlena,” he said sincerely.

“Brady, I’ve always been like this, since you were four years old.”

“Not like this,” he disagreed. “Marlena, can I tell you something honestly?”

“Of course.”

“I think you need to see someone, professionally I mean. You’re a great shrink. You’re an amazing listener and there is no one I would rather go to with my problems than you. But you need to work through some of this and you can’t do it alone.”

Marlena smiled, squeezing his hand. “Thank you, Dr. Black.” She let go of his hand, leaning over. Kissing him gently, she couldn’t help but be overwhelmed by her emotions. “I love you, sweetheart.”

“I love you too, Marlena.”

:::

John and Roman sat across from each other in the living room, neither of them speaking. They could hear the muffled words of Brady and Marlena’s conversation and both men knew that Marlena would never be back to her old self. The pain from the past had already done to much to the present and even the future. Sighing loudly, John stood up and began to pace.

“We need to do something,” he said quietly, Roman overhearing.

He stood up as well, walking over to John. “Like what? It’s not like we can snap our fingers and bam, life is back to normal. John, this is her life, this is all our lives. “

“Roman, she is going insane!” John whispered, through clenched teeth. “She thought Chloe’s friend was Belle! She only talks about how she feels with my son and not her husband or even myself. I know she is past suicide, we both know that. But she isn’t well. And there is nothing we can do but sit around and watch!”

“John, this isn’t your problem,” Roman began carefully.

“The hell it’s not! Yes, Roman, Marlena is your wife. I know that and maybe it isn’t my business. However, Marlena is my best friend. You both are. I’m sick of seeing the two of you in this kind of pain.”

Nodding sympathetically, Roman held John’s arm. “I know, I’m sorry. I don’t know what to do though, John. I would love to say that this to shall pass, but we know it won’t. Unfortunately, maybe there is no real answer. Maybe she just has to mourn this the way she wants too. She doesn’t want our help, John.”

“And I also don’t want you talking about me like I’m some nutcase,” Marlena said placidly, walking into the room. “I don’t need help. And I don’t need either of you trying to be my superhero. I am fine,” she emphasized.

Brady stood behind her, his eyes meeting his fathers. It was in that one moment that John knew the truth … Marlena Evans-Brady wasn’t fine. She was far from it.

Page 4 of 22
The tension had finally started to cease in the Brady house. After Brady had left to meet the girls at the theater, the subject of Marlena’s attitude and insecurities had been dropped. Marlena had insisted time and time again that she was perfectly fine and reluctantly both men stepped away. They knew when to let Marlena be and now was definitely one of those times.

The sun had begun to melt away a few moments earlier, dark shadows cast along the walls of the living room. Marlena sat on the couch flipping through the television stations, Roman next to her working on some case the force had put upon him. John sat to the side of them, leafing through the sports section of the paper. The annoying click of the changing channels began to irk Marlena as she shut off the television, clearing her throat.

“I’m bored. We need something to do.”

Both men looked up at her, putting down what they were doing. John grinned, putting his hand behind his head. “Do you want me to leave?”

Marlena stared at him, venom in her eyes. “No. You never do anyway,” she replied sarcastically. “Well although I protested earlier, I really see no other choice. What movies are out again?”

John picked up the paper, flipping to the entertainment section. “We have … Lilo and Stitch. In Disney’s latest animated feature, little Hawaiian Lilo loves Elvis and animals. When she adopts what she thinks is a stray dog named Stitch, she has no idea that the cuddly little rascal is actually an evil alien. Seems Stitch disguised himself as a pooch in order to evade the intergalactic police, and now he’s more than happy causing trouble in the tropics,” John read, a wide grin on his face. “Wow, an alien dog! How exciting is that?”

“Next,” Roman laughed, “I will not see that.”

“Okay, we have Ya Ya Sisterhood … no wait, I’m not doing a chic flick,” John responded, “sorry Doc. We already did your shopping today, no chic flicks.”

Marlena rolled her eyes at John. “Okay, fine. What else?”

“Unfaithful,” John repeated, glancing up at Marlena for only a moment. “‘Fatal Attraction’ director Adrian Lyne returns with this remake of the 1969 French film ‘La Femme Infidele.’ Richard Gere and Diane Lane star as a New York City couple whose marriage threatens to fall apart when the wife goes on a binge of adultery.”

Shifting her position on the couch, Marlena looked down to the floor, obviously uncomfortable. “I don’t want to see that,” she mumbled. “It looks ridiculous.”

“Come on, Marlena, there is nothing else out,” Roman interjected. “Maybe you’ll like it.”

“Fine,” she responded, annoyed.

“Okay,” Roman said carefully, “I’m just going to change, I’ll be right back.”

Watching him walk upstairs, Marlena turned to John, her teeth clenched. “What is wrong with you?” she asked angrily. “Why would you suggest a movie where the wife has an affair? After you know how uncomfortable that makes me feel!”

“Marlena, our affair was almost nineteen years ago. You spend every single day in my presence and nothing has happened since. It’s a movie, Marlena. Just because Roman wants to see it, doesn’t mean he suddenly knows. Maybe he just wants to see Diane Lane or maybe he just heard it’s a good movie.” John stood up and walked over to where Marlena sat. He kneeled in front of her, caressing her cheek softly. “You have nothing to worry about, Marlena,” he said softly. “What happened with us was a long time ago. Please, just let it go.”

Trying to ignore the large lump in her throat but failing, she simply nodded her head. But inside, she knew she couldn’t just let it go. It might have been almost two decades ago, but she had never stopped loving the man in front of her. John Black had once been everything to her. Her husband, her savior, her lover … when Roman had come back, she never had her chance to let go of John. He was still the one she dreamt of, still the one she longed to hold when the winter winds blew through the house on cold nights. She still yearned for his kisses and his hands upon her as they slowly made love before sunset. But now it was nothing more than a memory and a sin that she tried to ignore over and over again.

Hearing Roman’s footsteps on the staircase, Marlena stood up. “Are we ready?”

“Yup, let’s go,” Roman responded, grabbing his jacket off of the back of the chair.

:::

“Come on, even a little bit?” Chloe whined as she settled into the plush blue velvet of the movie theater seat. She turned around, glancing around the crowded theater for Brady. Turning back to Alexia, she grinned, her cerulean eyes wide with passion. “You don’t find him the least bit attractive?”

Alexia laughed heartily, shaking her head at her new friends antics. “Chloe, honestly, you have a real problem. Okay, John has an attractive quality. He’s like that dude on Days of our Lives. The one who always has to save everyone. I mean, I could see how people would find him attractive, but I’m not into men who are old enough to be my father.” Alexia thought for a minute and then grinned again. “Except Richard Gere.”

“Oh screw Richard Gere,” Chloe responded with the wave of her hand, “Back to that guy on Days. Now he is sexy! Drake something … man, I am in love,” Chloe said dreamily.

Alexia shook her head, hitting Chloe lightly on the arm. “Chloe, you are to much to handle.”

“I tell her that all the time,” Brady smiled, sitting down next to them. He handed his popcorn off to Chloe as well as a drink, then proceeded to give Alexia her food. She looked up at him and smiled sincerely.

“Thanks. You guys, I really appreciate you letting me tag along tonight. I know it can’t be much fun to have me ruin your date … although I think Chloe is glad to have another girl around so she can talk about the suave John Black,” Alexia winked.

Rolling his eyes, Brady leaned back in his seat, rubbing his hands over his eyes. “It’s never going to end is it?” he moaned. “I’m forever going to hear about how hot and sexy John Black is. Alexia, do you think he is sexy?” Brady pouted.

Leaning over, she rubbed his arm, grinning widely. “No, Brady, I don’t. I’m not into men who are almost ready for dentures.”

“Hey!” Chloe said loudly, “He isn’t almost ready for dentures. He has very nice teeth.”

Alexia laughed. “So tell me, does your dad mind when Chloe flirts with him.”

For the second time in the matter of minutes, Brady rolled his eyes. “Of course not, he flirts back with her.”

“Oh come on,” Chloe responded, wrapping her arm around Brady. “We just do it to mess around with you. You know I love you.” She leaned in closer to him, her lips touching the tip of his ear. “I love you a lot more than I love your father, I hope you know that.”

“You better,” he teased. “So why are we seeing this movie again? Is Diane Lane naked?”

“Actually, yes,” Alexia smiled, “and because Richard Gere is in it. Did you see The Mothman Prophecies though?” She shriveled up her nose in disgust. “It sucked.”

“That’s because Richard Gere sucks,” Brady replied.

“You suck,” Chloe said.

The shrill ringing of a cell phone interrupted their conversation. Realizing it was from her own bag, Alexia picked up, folding her right ear shut so she could understand the caller over all of the noise. Brady and Chloe watched as her face fell, talking to whoever remained on the other line. Her azure eyes seemed to get soft, almost as if they were ready to tear up. Trying not to eavesdrop, Brady began talking to Chloe softly, although both of them couldn’t help but overhear the call.

“Dad, it’s Christmas,” she said quietly, “you had to work on Easter and Thanksgiving also. You promised me … No, I understand that, I really do it’s just … nevermind, I understand. Okay … yeah. Have a safe flight. Yes, I’ll pick you up on the 27. Okay, bye.”

Alexia threw her phone back into her black Prada bag, willing the tears not to fall from her eyes. It had been the third holiday in a year where she had not been with her father and it had become entirely hurtful. Ignoring the stares of Brady and Chloe, Alexia looked down at her watch.

“I wish the movie would start already,” she said awkwardly.

Brady put his hand on Alexia’s shoulder. She looked up at him, her eyes innocent and sad. “Come to Christmas with Chloe and I,” Brady offered. “Chloe’s parents are going away and Chloe decided to stay here instead of going with them. Every year, my dad and I go to Marlena and Roman’s. It’s a small gathering but it’s a lot of fun. Please come, we would really love to have you.”

“Marlena wouldn’t,” Alexia said softly, “I don’t think she likes me.”

Brady shook his head. “Look, Marlena is just having a rough day. I promise it has nothing to do with you. Please say you’ll come Alexia. I’ll need someone to hang around with when Chloe goes off with my dad,” he winked.

Alexia laughed lightly. “Well when you put it that way, I would love too. I just want to thank you both so much. You have really extended yourselves to me and I appreciate it more than you will ever know.”

Before either could answer, they all turned at the sound of someone calling Brady’s name. John Black came walking towards them, Marlena and Roman Brady not far behind. Alexia glanced up Marlena, seeing the same look in her eyes that she had seen earlier. A mix of hope and anguish. All of a sudden feeling uncomfortable, Alexia turned her attention away.

“Hey, Marlena, Roman, is it all right if we have one more for dinner on Christmas?” Brady asked. “Alexia’s father has to go away on a last minute business trip and Chloe and I didn’t want her to be alone. Is that okay?”

“Sure,” Roman smiled, “right Marlena?”

“Of course,” Marlena said softly, “we’d be glad to have you.”

Noticing the change in Marlena’s voice, Brady eyed her carefully, making a mental note to keep an eye on his Godmother. Something was wrong … something deeper than anyone really knew.

Page 5 of 22
“I don’t see why she has to come,” Marlena said, looking up at Roman. “You told me you haven’t seen her since you were in High School.”

Roman stopped setting the table for Christmas dinner and walked over to where his wife was standing. Wrapping his arms around her neck, he leaned back looking into her clear hazel orbs.

“Doc, we were best friends all our childhood. She just went through a messy divorce and moved back here. Her family is gone, she has no one to be with.” Roman paused for a moment and then continued. “And I want her to meet John.”

“No,” Marlena said quickly, escaping Romans embrace. “Roman, John doesn’t need another woman. Don’t you think he’s slept with enough women in Salem?”

“What’s wrong, Marlena? Jealous?” Roman tested.

“Of course not, don’t be silly,” she snapped. “I just don’t want to see him hurt. He doesn’t need a woman, he needs therapy.”

“And you?”

“What about me?” she responded annoyed.

Roman watched as she conveniently kept herself busy, avoiding all eye contact with her husband. He knew she still had harboring feelings for John Black. How could she not? He had come back and taken Marlena, never really giving her a chance to say good-bye to the man she thought was her husband for so long. Roman knew she would always love John in her heart, that somewhere deep down a part of her would always long for him. He had tried to ignore it. She was with him, not John. But sometimes he couldn’t help feeling insecure and he hated it.

“Maybe you should try therapy,” Roman said, softly. “Doc, you are a wonderful psychiatrist, but sometimes even shrinks need to talk out there problems.”

Slamming down the napkin she was holding, she looked up at him, venom building in her eyes. “Don’t you *ever* say that to me again,” she seethed, storming out of the room.

“Merry Christmas,” Roman mumbled as he continued to set the table.

:::

“So Diva,” John said looking in the rearview mirror of his jeep, “where are you applying to college? You’re not going to leave us are you?” he winked.

Chloe laughed gingerly, pulling the hair behind her ears. “I just might be. I’m applying to Julliard, NYU, Salem U, and the University of the Arts.”

“University of the Arts? Where is that?” John asked curiously.

“Philadelphia,” Alexia cut in, “Jared Leto went to that school.”

“Who?” Brady asked raising his eyebrow as he turned to face Alexia.

“Jared Leto. He was on My So Called Life and was in a couple of movies. Panic Room, Fight Club, Urban Legend …”

“I *love* Fight Club,” Brady exclaimed. “I wish I was as cool as Tyler Durden.”

“Yeah I wish you were too,” Chloe joked.

“Oh wow, you’re funny Chloe,” Brady responded, rolling his eyes.

“No, Chloe actually wishes you were as cool as me,” John grinned. “Aren’t I the coolest Chloe?”

Chloe smiled, her eyes wild with pleasure. “Yes, John. That’s a fact.”

“I hate you both,” Brady mumbled, collapsing against the car seat, his arms crossed.

:::

The Brady house was carefully decorated, each small detail immaculate. Marlena had spent hours making the house look perfect. It wasn’t as if she cared, because in all truth she did not. She didn’t care what anyone thought of her house, she cared what they thought of her. If one minuscule thing was misplaced, she wouldn’t be the perfect person she was so widely known as. It was all she seemingly had left … her image.

Marlena sat in her bedroom, applying the finishing touches of her makeup. Roman’s childhood friend had arrived moments earlier and she had heard John, Brady, Chloe, and Alexia come in moments after that.

Alexia … the girl who had reminded her so much of Belle. She didn’t know what it was about her. Maybe it was her hair or the way her blue eyes sparkled that looked so familiar. Or maybe it was just something in her heart that felt right. But whatever it was, she swore to herself that she would find out. She would get to know that girl as if she were her mother and get to the truth.

Gathering her makeup together, she put it back into her makeup bag. Gazing at herself once more in the mirror, she inhaled sharply, exhaling slowly. Placing a soft golden strand behind her ear, she shut the light off in her bedroom and walked downstairs, ready to begin another day of acting.

:::

“So anyway, I was walking down Rodeo and I ran smack into Deidre Hall …”

“The sexiest broad on Daytime TV,” John Black said walking into the kitchen, stamping his boots on the mat. “I always tell Marlena she looks like her. She tells me to shut up,” John grinned. “Merry Christmas all.”

Roman laughed and stood up. “John Black, I would like you to meet Kacey Martin. Kacey Martin, this is John Black, his son Brady, Brady’s girlfriend Chloe and their friend Alexia.”

“Hi,” Brady said politely, extending his hand to her. “So what were you saying about meeting Deidre Hall?”

Kacey laughed, pulling her brown hair to one side. “Do you watch Days?”

“Chloe does,” Brady pointed to his girlfriend, “she has a big crush on that Drake guy. So when we watch it together, I just swoon over all the girls. You know,” he grinned. “Anyway, I’d love to hear the Deidre story later but I want to go and wish Marlena a Merry Christmas first, girls, you coming?” he asked turning to them.

“Sure,” they answered in unison.

They followed Brady out of the kitchen, leaving John and Roman alone with Kacey. Roman, knowing his motive for having Kacey over, excused himself as well, leaving the two of them together. Looking her over, John couldn’t help but be stricken with her. She wasn’t gorgeous yet there was something breathtaking about her. Her dark hair with small golden streaks seemed to shimmer in the light and her smile managed to take his breath away. It reminded him so much of Marlena’s smile. Beautiful, genuine, sweet. Smiling lightly to himself, John sat down across from her.

“So, are you from around here?” John asked curiously, “I haven’t seen you around.”

Kacey smiled at him, unknowingly stirring up feelings for the man before her. “Yes and no. I grew up in Salem. Roman and I were best friends for most of our lives. I left Salem for college and moved out to Malibu and I never returned until now. I … I just got divorced. I decided to come back here and rebuild my life.” Feeling slightly uncomfortable, she looked up at him, her green eyes twinkling. “So what about you? Divorcee also?” she questioned.

“No,” John replied, softly, “widower. My wife died when Brady was only a few months old.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know.”

John smiled. “I know, it’s all right. It’s just something that is kind of always there. You can try to forget, try to let go, but the memories will still remain.”

“I know,” Kacey replied solemnly, “my mother died when I was in my early teens. There were times in which I would shrug it off growing up. I would tell myself she was away on business or that she was in another country and I couldn’t see her because my dad hated her. But then it would hit I would never see her again and I couldn’t help but cry. It’s hard sometimes, it really is.”

John nodded, looking up at her. “It’s nice you understand. Not many do.”

Deciding on instinct, Kacey grabbed John’s hand, that was lying on the table. Squeezing his hand, she couldn’t help but gaze into his deep cerulean eyes. “I know,” she whispered, “but I do.”

“Yeah,” he replied, softly, “I guess you do.”

Their eyes locked for a moment, their hands intertwined, and both of them knew that something was about to begin … whether it would last or not wasn’t the issue … not for him and his insecurities with women and not for her with her reluctancy towards men. All they knew was it was the first time either one of them had felt something towards the other sex in a long time.

Page 6 of 22
Marlena gazed out the window, her eyes mesmerized on the snow that began to covet the earth. She hated Christmas and yet every year, she did whatever she could to make her house and her life seemingly perfect. But tonight was somehow different. She had been in a funk for a little more than a week and trying to cover it was harder than she had remembered, especially around the holidays.

She had snuck upstairs right before dinner, needing to find a few moments of serenity before facing the company that remained downstairs. The laugher continued to float up the stairs and into her bedroom, almost making her wince with pain. She knew she needed help, yet she couldn’t bring herself to actually receive it. Anytime anyone mentioned it, she would get angry and defensive, changing the subject or storming off … except with Brady. Although thirty-five years his senior, she found it easier to confide in him more than anyone else. As if he understood her heart in ways no one else could.

Standing up, she walked over to her mirror, wiping the mascara that had trailed down her cheeks. Soft sobs continued to interrupt her breathing however, as she gasped every few seconds. Not even hearing the footsteps behind her, she jumped when she heard a voice, spinning around to face the person before her.

:::

“Merry Christmas,” Brady grinned, lightly nipping Chloe’s ear. “What did you ask Santa for?”

Chloe giggled, her cobalt eyes glimmering. Looking up at Brady, she kissed his lips gently, leaning her head back against the couch. “I can’t tell you,” she smiled mischievously, “we haven’t opened presents yet. And what about you, Mr. Black? What did you ask for?”

“I already have the best present I ever could has asked for,” he said heartily, stroking his hand along Chloe’s hair. “You know I love you right?”

She smiled at him, moving her body so she was facing him. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she leaned into him, their faces mere inches from the other. “I know … I love you too. I know I always joke around with your father and I always tell you how good looking he is and all of that, but Brady, we are only joking around. I love your father. I think he is a wonderful man, who despite going through rough times has come out on top. He is so much fun to spend time with, but do you know the number one reason why I love him so much?”

“Because he looks like Drake Hogestyn,” Brady teased.

“No,” Chloe smiled, “I love him because he raised you. Because he brought up the most amazing man, I have ever had a chance to meet. You never give yourself credit, Brady. You never realize how wonderful you truly are. Do you know that sometimes Marlena will call my cell phone to go out for coffee or something and when we go, she talks about you … she adores you, Brady. She is so proud of you. She thinks of you as her son, did you know that?”

Brady shook his head, amazed by the words his girlfriend was speaking to him. Allowing her to continue, he held her hand in his, squeezing it tightly.

“She does, she calls you her little boy. She tells me about when you were little and you would both go out for ice cream and play in the park for hours. She never wanted to try and take over Isabella’s role, but she always wanted you to make sure that you had a woman to come to when you needed guidance. You’re her savior, Brady …”

“No, I’m not,” he said softly, “because I can’t make the pain inside her go away.”

“But you love her and that is all she has ever wanted.”

“She is in so much pain, Chloe,” Brady responded, his voice low and wavering. “She tries to hide it, from all of us. She acts like she is fine, she pretends that her life is happy, but it’s not … she’s not. Marlena is probably the person I am closest to in this entire world. Ever since I was younger, she was my rock. No matter what was going on in her own life, she made the time for me and she always has. She has helped me through every problem I have ever come across and loved me when I didn’t feel like I deserved it. But now that she is going through this … now that she is in so much pain, why is it that I can’t help her the way she has always helped me? I feel so helpless Chloe and I hate it. I hate letting her down …”

“I know,” Chloe breathed, “I know.”

Holding Brady in a hug, they both knew that something had to be done to save Marlena … somehow.

:::

“I’m … I’m sorry,” Alexia stammered, as Marlena turned to face her. “I was looking for the bathroom and I heard you crying. Are you … are you okay?”

Marlena smiled at the young girl, her heart overwhelmed with hope. She knew it couldn’t be the baby girl she had lost so long ago, but somewhere in her heart, she felt something strong for her. Pushing it aside, Marlena walked a few steps towards her, both women staring at each other.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I wanted to apologize to you, Alexia. I know I have been a little rude to you and I want you to know, it is not about you. I have just been going through a pretty rough time lately and I … well there are no excuses, I apologize.”

“That’s okay,” Alexia responded, sincerely, “I know how rough the holidays can be sometimes. My dad … he goes away a lot during the holidays. His bosses don’t seem to care about the fact he has a daughter and just send him anywhere. It gets pretty lonely sometimes.”

“Yes, it does. Are your parents divorced?” Marlena asked curiously, intrigued by the blonde haired, blue eyed beauty who stood in front of her. Although usually not so nosy, she could not help but ask her questions.

“No. My mother died when I was very young,” she said quietly. “I don’t really remember her.”

“I’m sorry,” Marlena said. “If you ever want to talk about it, I want you to know, I am always around to listen. I am a psychiatrist, I don’t know if Brady or Chloe told you. I would love to talk sometime if you would like. Maybe work through some feelings, help you with it a bit. I know death is never something you can get over, but it doesn’t hurt to let it all out sometimes,” she said genuinely, knowing she should take her own advice. “Anyway, no pressure, but I wanted to extend the invitation.”

“I’d like that a lot,” Alexia grinned. “Anyway, dinner is basically ready. Do you want me to tell everyone you’ll be a few minutes?”

“No, that’s all right, we can go down.”

As they both left the bedroom, it was the first time in a long time that Marlena’s heart felt right. The longing feeling was gone and the entrance of this girl into her life brought hope. She knew deep down that it couldn’t be her precious Isabella, but she couldn’t help but smile at the prospects of it all.

What neither of them knew however was how right Marlena’s heart actually was and how hidden secrets and undeniable desire would soon change their lives forever.

Page 7 of 22
The sun had finally begun to fall into the waters by the time dinner was over. The atmosphere in the Brady house was warm and light and for the first time in what really felt like forever, Marlena Evans-Brady was happy. It wasn’t that she hadn’t smiled since Belle had disappeared eighteen years ago. She still laughed despite the pain, still had fun regardless of the tear that had wounded her heart. But tonight was different. The presence of this young girl in her home seemed to be exactly what she had needed, although she still had no idea why. The pain seemed to have vanished, the smile never fading.

Marlena walked into the kitchen, dishes in her hands, John hot on her heels. He too had noticed the change in Marlena. They all had. It was as if God had swooped through her body, repairing every broken shard that had been damaged over the years. Walking up behind her at the kitchen sink, he swooped his mouth so it was level with her ear.

“Merry Christmas, Doc.”

She spun around, her eyes locking into his. Standing against the counter, her hand gripped onto the granite texture, doing anything she could to keep some distance between them. She could smell the scent of his cologne mixed with the smell of his body … the smell she longed for when they were married. It wasn’t a fragrance … only the smell of his skin, the aura of who John Black was. She could feel her heart within her chest, willing itself to stay calm, but it never did. Not when he was around.

“You too,” she said, quietly.

“Doc, are you afraid of me?” John asked curiously, never budging from his position.

“Of course not,” she said hastily, “why would I be afraid of you?”

“In almost twenty years, I have not made one single move on you. And I never will, Marlena. But you hide from me sometimes as if you’re afraid that I will just pounce on you. What happened between us was so long ago, Doc,” John whispered, aware of everyone else right outside the kitchen doors. “I love you. I have never denied that and I never will. But everyone knows it, including Roman and I am not ashamed of it. I miss my best friend, Marlena. You and I spend time with each other, but never alone, did you notice that? We never go out just the two of us for coffee. We never watch a movie while Roman is working. Are you really that afraid that something will happen?”

“Don’t be stupid,” she responded, “of course not. John, I’ve just been … look I know it has been a long time since everything … since the affair, since Belle’s disappearance, but … John, I’m not who I once was. You’re still my best friend though, please know that,” she sobbed. “I’ve just … I don’t know,” she responded, throwing her hands in the air. “I didn’t mean to change everything. I didn’t mean to lose the greatest friendship I ever had … I was just scared. Of everything. The secrets from the past, the realization that I failed my family when Belle was kidnapped. I sometimes look at Roman and know he blames me. And then I wonder if when he looks at me, he knows I somehow blame him …”

John lightly caressed the base of her chin, running his fingers along her smooth skin. “Why haven’t you ever discussed this with him? With any of us?”

Turning away from him, Marlena stood at the sink, her back facing his chest. She could feel his body inching closer to her own … his breath so hot against her skin, she thought she would melt. Clearing her throat, she turned the water on, taking a dish from the sink.

“What is there to discuss, John? It’s been over and done with for a long time now. I feel like every whim of our lives have depended on that one moment …”

“Only because you make it that way,” he said softly.

To this, Marlena turned, her hands moist with soap, her eyes moist with tears. “It’s not like I try to,” she whispered. “It’s not like I wake up and think ‘Oh, let’s dwell on events that happened nearly two decades ago!’ This,” she motioned around the room, “is normality to me. This is all I can remember! And yes, it stinks. Yes, I hate waking up and wanting to stay in bed all day. I hate knowing that something that happened so long ago can still burn so badly. I’m sorry I have been different. I am.”

Pulling her into a hug, John allowed his lips to rest in her ear. “I know, Doc. I know …”

:::

Brady and Chloe sat outside on the porch, both wrapped in a large afghan that normally graced the couch. Looking up at the stars, Chloe snuggled a little closer to Brady, inhaling his sweet scent.

“You know as much as I love it out here, maybe we shouldn’t have left Alexia in there. I mean she doesn’t really know anyone here. Do you think she’s okay?”

“She’s fine,” Brady reassured her. “She’s inside talking to Kacey.” Brady stayed silent for a moment, holding Chloe’s hand tightly within his own. I like her.”

“Alexia?” Chloe asked.

“Kacey. When I was younger, I always wanted my father to be with Marlena. I knew she was married, but she was so much like a mother to me that I thought it would only be right if she was married to my father. He loves her so much, Chloe. It’s so damn obvious and it’s even more obvious that she loves him! I know she is married, I get that. But even now, I wish she was with Dad. Selfish, isn’t it?” Brady smiled.

“Of course not,” Chloe answered, softly. “I love my mother however there have been times where I have wished Marlena was my mother. She’s an amazing person, Brady.”

Before Brady could answer, the blinding headlights of a car pulled into the Brady driveway. Both squinting their eyes, it was only until the mysterious stranger was halfway up the stone walk, that Brady stood up and smiled.

“Uncle Phil!” he exclaimed. “What’s up my man?”

Brady wrapped his arms around his uncle, slapping his back. Although Philip Kiriakis was three years younger than his nephew, Brady couldn’t help but admire him. He had gotten to Yale, studying business, while maintaining a 3.8 grade point average his first semester. It had always amazed him that Philip was his mother’s half brother, always wondering if his mannerisms were somewhat like Isabella’s. Snapping out of his daze, he released himself from Philip, taking a step backwards.

“Not much,” Philip grinned. “I just wanted to stop by and say hello to everyone, wish them all a Merry Christmas. How’s your dad feeling?”

Brady shrugged his shoulders, sitting back down next to Chloe. “He’s doing the same. How’s college?”

“Amazing. I’ve met a girl there … her name is Ryanne. She’s from San Diego, but she’s actually coming to visit before we go back to school. I’d love for you to meet her.”

“Yeah I’d like that,” Brady grinned.

Philip turned to Chloe, leaning down to her level. “But I could never forget you, gorgeous,” he teased. “How have you been?”

“Wonderful. Although I am freezing!” she shivered.

Brady laughed, standing up. Reaching his hand out to his girlfriend, he pulled her up, wrapping his arm around her waist.

“Come on, let’s go inside.”

:::

“Hey,” Kacey said, walking up to John, “listen, I have got to get going. I have an early morning tomorrow. But I wanted to thank you for tonight. I really enjoyed getting to know you,” she smiled genuinely.

“Yeah, me too,” he replied, softly. “Look, Kacey, I was wondering if maybe you’d like to get dinner sometime. No pressure or anything. Just as friends, I promise, I won’t grope you.”

“What if I want to be groped?” she laughed.

John smiled, a twinkle penetrating his cobalt eyes. “Well then we can probably work out some type of deal. What do you say?”

“I’d love to, John. Roman has my number. I look forward to hearing from you. Goodnight.” She stood on her tip toes, kissing John’s cheek lightly. “Merry Christmas, John.”

“You too.”

Watching her walk away, he could feel his heart flutter at the mere presence of her. It had only been a few hours, but he felt like he had known Kacey Martin forever. Turning around, the smile never leaving his face, he saw Marlena emerge from the kitchen, their eyes locking for a moment. It was then John Black knew that no matter what any other woman made him feel, it would always be Marlena Evans-Brady who owned his heart.

Page 8 of 22
Marlena had just finished applying her lipstick when the doorbell rang. Tossing the russet color down on her dresser, she jogged down the stairs, feeling happier and more alive than she had in ages. Christmas had been more wonderful than she ever could have ever imagined thanks to the addition of Brady and Chloe’s new found friend. Being near Alexia charged Marlena’s spirit in ways she had never expected and she couldn’t help but smile as she thought of her.

Reaching the door, Marlena pulled it open, shocked to see who was standing on the other side. Her bright cobalt eyes hid a world of secrets, her reddened lips trying to fight a smile. It was as if the young blonde had something to hide, some secret she never wanted a single soul to know. But what surprised Marlena the most about seeing Alexia Miller outside her door was the innocence that beheld her face. She looked like an angel … a vision. And as thoughts of Belle invaded Marlena’s mind, she quickly shut them out, smiling at Alexia.

“Alexia! Please come in. Is everything all right?”

Alexia smiled at her, wondering what it was that was so familiar about Brady’s Godmother. “Yes, everything is fine. I … I wanted to give you this,” she replied shyly, pulling a gift box out of the bag that her shoulders supported. “It’s a thank you. For Christmas dinner.”

Marlena smiled genuinely at her, her heart filled with deep emotion. “Alexia, you didn’t have to get this for Roman and I …”

“Actually, it’s just for you,” she said embarrassed. “I … I had bought them a while back and when I met you, I wanted you to have them. It’s nothing elaborate or anything, I just … well why don’t you open it.”

Alexia’s lips hinted at a smile and Marlena led her over to the couch, both of them sitting beside the other. She carefully unwrapped the paper from the box and opened it, her breath catching in throat. Reaching her hand in, Marlena extracted three candles, each so distinct in color that even without looking, she knew of the meaning each one held.

Alexia noticed her reaction and laughed almost to herself. “Every summer my father and I would go to this small town called Port Charles. It’s this beautiful, quaint little town and my friend Alison used to own a candle shop down there. Before I left there, she gave me these candles. Supposedly, each one of them stands for something and the thing it stands for will come true when you light the candle. This one,” she said placing her hand on a pale pink candle, “is for love. When you light it, your life will be enriched with love.”

Marlena stared at the blonde beauty in amazement, almost afraid to speak. This wasn’t just a gift, it was a blessing.

“This one,” Alexia said pointing to a silvery blue wax, “is for serenity. Like the waves of the ocean, this will cause you peace. I remember you saying that times were a little rough and I know it is none of my business, but maybe this will calm the waves of your heart.”

Marlena wanted to tell her that she was the one who had brought her the serenity. But how could she with a child she barely knew? So instead of voicing what she felt, she allowed the girl to continue, taking in her words as if it were her air.

“The last one is red for happiness. Even a person who is seemingly happy all the time, has demons that live within their soul. I guess this candle symbolizes that even though times may be hard, there is always something to be thankful for. That even if demons do live inside of you, maybe it is all okay as long as you have one string of faith to hold on to.”

Alexia smiled then, her face rosy. “I’m sorry. You probably find this all really stupid.”

Marlena took her hand, holding it tightly within hers. “I don’t find it stupid at all. I am honored. But I don’t understand why you would give these to me. They obviously mean a lot to you.”

Alexia shrugged her shoulders, avoiding Marlena’s eyes. “I just thought maybe you’d like them. I know what it is like to live in a world that always seems to be crashing down upon you. I didn’t know my mother very well when she died, but having to grow up without one wasn’t exactly a picnic. My friends would always complain to me about fights with their mother, or how much they hated their mother and all I wanted to do was tell them to shut up. That no matter how much they said they hated her, they were so incredibly lucky to even have one. In my first few years of High School, some of my friends began to get close to their mother’s again. So in turn, I would become close to them, almost wishing they were my mother. But no matter how hard I tried, none of them ever would be. I would go home and cry, wishing and praying that my mother wasn’t really dead. That she had disappeared and one day I would find her. I sometimes look around for her if I am at a crowded mall or something. Stupid, isn’t it?” she whispered, hiding her head in shame.

Marlena smiled wistfully, her hand instinctually rubbing Alexia’s back. “No, it’s not, because I do the same thing.”

She had never admitted that to anyone. Not to Roman, or to John, or even to Brady who knew more about her agony than anyone else. And as Alexia looked up at her, her eyes wide and innocent, she felt inclined to tell her.

“A little over 18 years ago, Roman and I had a little girl. Around Christmastime the same year, my oldest daughter Samantha, who was 15 at the time was watching Isabella. When Roman and I got home, Sami was asleep on the couch and when we went to go check on Belle, she was gone and the window in her bedroom was open.”

“Oh my God,” Alexia breathed, suddenly understanding the trauma Marlena had dealt with in her life.

“We all searched extremely hard for her. Roman, John, myself. John and his former girlfriend Kristen thought maybe they had found her, but it was just a dead end. After a year or so, we kind of all just stopped looking. Not that we wanted to, but there was nothing more that could be done. Years passed and I began to picture what she would look like as a child. And years after that, I wondered what she would look like as a teenager.” Marlena stopped for a moment, debating on whether to finish and knew in her heart, she had too. “Alexia, when I first saw you with Chloe, it wasn’t my intention to be rude to you. I … you reminded me so much of what Isabella would look like and it startled me terribly. I’m sorry.”

Alexia grinned, nodding her head in understanding. “To be honest, I wanted you to like me because you seem like such a wonderful person and it brought me back to the wish of having a mother again.”

“Thank you. I appreciate that.”

“Yeah, me too,” Alexia said quietly.

They both sat their in the silence, thinking of the conversation that had just taken place and somewhere deep down, they both knew that fate had played a hand in their meeting.

:::

“Dad?” Brady asked, laying on the couch, a basketball firmly in his hands, “I’m bored.”

John Black looked up from the paper he was reading, grinning widely at his son. “And what do you want me to do about it? I can sing for you. And I will always love you!!”

Rolling his eyes, Brady threw the basketball at him. “Shut up, I don’t want you to sing. So Dad, how is Kacey?” Brady teased, laughter evident in his voice.

“Kacey is fine,” John grinned. Looking over at his son, John put the paper down. “Brade, did you like her?”

“Yeah I did,” he replied, sitting up. Shocking John, Brady asked his next question, almost in a whisper. “Dad, are you happy?”

“Of course I am.”

Brady looked him squarely in the eye. “Please don’t lie to me. Please be honest with me, Dad. Please.”

John stood up, sitting down next to his son. Placing his hand on his leg, he leaned back against the couch, closing his eyes. “Honestly? I don’t know.” He looked over at Brady, his eyes moist. “You make me happy. You allow me to forget the things I try so hard to block out. But sometimes when you’re out with Chloe or with friends, I just sit here and think of what my life has amounted to since your mother passed away. I think of all the women I have been with since she died and I can’t help but feel ashamed. And even the one I don’t regret, is maybe the one I feel the most shame for.”

“Marlena,” Brady said softly. Without confirming or denying, Brady continued, his father staring at him, tears clouding his vision. “I think deep down I always knew that you and Marlena … that you were together after Mom died. I even said something to Chloe last night … that even though Roman is Marlena’s husband, I couldn’t help but wish she was with you anyway. You still love her, don’t you?”

John cleared his throat, turning away from Brady. “Come on, let’s get off of this.”

He was about to stand up, when Brady grabbed his father’s arm. “No. I am so sick and tired of you hiding everything from me, Dad. I am 22 years old. For once in your life, stop lying to me. Talk to me!”

Hiding his head in shame, John rubbed his hand across his face. “Yes,” he said quietly. “I still love her.” He tilted his head, so his eyes gazed into his son’s. “I will always love her. When I came to Salem, she was the one person who seemed to be willing to go to the ends of the earth for me. I came here programmed to fall in love with her. To become someone who I wasn’t. But Marlena is the kind of person, who you can’t help but fall in love with. I wish things had ended differently, but then again, maybe I don’t. Meeting your mother and falling in love with her was amazing. And you … you, my son, are the light of my life. I hope you know that.”

“I do know,” Brady said solemnly. “Can I ask you something else?”

John laughed. “Well I already bared my soul to you, so sure, why not.”

“Do you think you will ever get back with her?”

John shook his head. “No. She’s with Roman, Brady. She isn’t going anywhere. And as long as she is happy, then I am too.”

Brady stood up and smiled, although his smile was anything but joy. There was a sadness to it, a look in his eyes, that showed just how he felt. “No you aren’t, Dad. You all live in your little world’s claming to be happy, when it is really anything but that. I have to go meet Chloe, but think about what I said, all right? I love you Dad. All I want for you is happiness.”

“I know,” he whispered.

And as Brady walked out the door, it was then that John Black knew what he had to do. He had to tell her he loved her … no matter what the outcome might be.

Page 9 of 22
It had begun to rain only moments after Alexia left, the sky dark and abiding, yet Marlena felt as if the whole world had swallowed her into a sea of light. The hour she had spent with the young blonde had been more of a relief than even she realized and she smiled happily as she began to gather her belongings before leaving for the office. She glanced at the three candles lying on the table and she moved towards them, sitting on the plush seats of the couch.

Marlena picked up the pink candle representing love and ran her finger along the smooth wax thinking of the teenager who had come into her life at a time when despair was beginning to run her life. It wasn’t that she believed Alexia was Belle … after all, that was nearly impossible and she was smart enough to distinguish a wish from her reality. But she knew the girl was special, her heart wouldn’t feel the way it did if she was not.

She stood up and walked to the mantle, turning on the soft tunes of the alarm clock radio. Knowing Cassandra, the housekeeper she and Roman had hired years earlier, liked coming into the house with the music playing, she adjusted the volume, grabbing her bags so she could head to the hospital to continue the paperwork she had left stacked on her desk on Christmas Eve.

Marlena opened the door, only to find John Black standing before her. His black hair was wet from the rains and his eyes bled with a compassion she had only known while they were married. She used to know what he was thinking without a single spoken word, but as Marlena stared at him now, she knew none of that. All she knew was that he was lost and he had come to find solace in a place he had so long ago.

“John!” she exclaimed, surprised. “What are you doing here? Is everything okay?”

He leaned up against the door frame, not answering her for a moment. She looked beautiful as she always would. The life had returned to her amber eyes and for a moment he almost had to question if it was because of him. However, he soon came to his senses and realized it was not, for she didn’t love him anymore, not the way he loved her.

“Um, everything is fine, I actually just needed to talk for a few minutes, but I see you’re busy.”

She grinned, running her hand through her hair, having no idea the effect she was bestowing on John. “I was just going to the office to finish some work I never got around too. It can wait.” She opened the door a little wider, stepping off to the side. “Please, come in.”

John side stepped her, walking into the home he once called his own. And as he did, he couldn’t help but remember the life he had lived there, the life he had lived with her. The smell of her Shalimar perfume filled his senses with such exhilaration that he didn’t even realize he was grasping onto the mantle until Marlena lightly touched his shoulder.

“John? Do you want to sit down?”

He looked at her, his heart swelling with all the love he had for her and all the pain it caused not to have her. “No, that’s all right.”

He paced the room for a moment or two, his eyes refusing to meet hers. He knew he should leave. What did Brady know? He couldn’t do this. She was married and no longer to him. He exhaled a breath he didn’t even know he had been holding and walked towards the door, his knees wobbling slightly.

“I’m sorry, Doc, I shouldn’t have come here.”

Her warm hand touched the leather of his coat, stopping him. “John,” she whispered, “talk to me. Please.”

John turned to her, pain clearly evident in his cerulean eyes. And what Marlena found when she gazed into his orbs was something that she had tried to deny for so long. She still did know him … without words, without the pretenses. She knew his every look, his every touch. She knew what he wanted to tell her and in one quick movement, she shied away from him, turning her body towards the Christmas tree that still towered over the living room.

“John, please,” she muttered, crossing her arms over her chest, as if to protect herself, “don’t. I thought we decided …”

“No!” John cut in, spinning her towards him, “YOU decided to never discuss it again. You decided to go back with him without a second thought to me! You decided to never discuss our affair.”

“He was my husband for Christ’s sake,” she cried, “what did you want me to do?”

“I wanted you to love me,” he replied passionately, “I wanted you to choose me over him, no matter how selfish that sounds. When our affair ended, I wanted so badly for you to come back. I love you, Marlena. I promised you I wouldn’t tell you, I promised I would never mention it again, but I love you. I never meant to hurt you. I’ve tried to deny my feelings, but I’m always going to love you, Marlena.”

A sob escaped her lips as she covered her mouth, tears christening her hand. “Stop it,” she muttered, “I can’t listen to this.” She looked up at John, her eyes wide and distraught. “Please don’t put me through this, John. You know how I feel …”

He sat down beside her, his fingers lacing through her golden locks. At the mere contact of his hand against her hair, she cried out once again, covering her face in her hands, allowing her emotions free. John pressed his lips to Marlena’s ear, inhaling her scent. His breath against her ear sent chills down her spine as she sat up straighter as if that would rid her of him.

“I know you don’t love me,” he admitted.

To this, Marlena looked up. Her face was smeared with black mascara, her beautiful eyes red and burned. “You think I don’t love you?” she asked, incredulously. She put her head down staring at the rug pattern before her. “I guess that shows how little you know me.”

“Or how little you allow me to see,” he responded. “Look, Marlena, I didn’t come here to argue. I just …” He paused, trying to fight the right words. “I miss you. But I never meant to do this, I never meant to make you cry.” When Marlena didn’t respond, John stood up, kissing the top of her forehead. “Take care of yourself,” he whispered.

He was halfway to the door when her angst ridden voice stopped him. “John, wait!”

He turned to look at her, his heart breaking with just one look to her. His indigo eyes filled with tears as he watched her moving slowly across the room towards him as if she were dancing on air. She stood before him then, with her hands at her sides and the tears on her face, a perfect image of an angel who had once belonged to him. Who made contact first wasn’t what was important once they held each other in their arms, the floor spinning beneath their feet, the world empty and alone aside from the two of them.

Marlena closed her eyes, the tears falling endlessly and the sobs soon following. She knew if he let go, she would fall and so grabbed onto him tighter, her nails digging fervently into his back.

It had been quiet for too long and John suddenly spoke, his voice cracked and raw. “Do you recognize the song?”

For the first time in what seemed like hours, Marlena smiled. “Oh, I remember. You cried.”

John laughed, still holding Marlena tightly in his arms, swaying to the music that played lightly on the radio. “So did you. If I recall, your exact words were ‘I refuse to watch this show ever again. People shouldn’t just break up super couples like that.’ Doc,” John smiled, “Alex and Ellen weren’t exactly a super couple.”

Marlena giggled, the comfort of his arms bringing her back to what she once knew as heaven. “Yeah, maybe not. But Michael J. Fox was too cute to pass up.”

And as the silence between them once again filled the room, John pressed his lips against Marlena’s ear once more. “Did you think I could hate you? Or raise my hands to you? Now come on, you know me too well. How I could hurt you, when darling, I love you and you know… I’d never hurt you …”

“John,” Marlena sobbed, trying to back out of his embrace, “I need to go.”

He ignored her statement, continuing to sing to her, afraid that if he let her go, she would be forever lost to him. “What do you think, I would give at this moment? If you’d stay I’d subtract twenty-years from my life. I’d fall down on my knees, kiss the ground that you walk on, if I could just hold you again.”

“John,” she whispered, “we aren’t Alex and Ellen …”

“No, we’re not. They aren’t real, Marlena. They are fictional characters on an 80’s television show. What we had … what we had was real and no matter how hard we fight that or deny that, we both know it isn’t just going to go away.”

He backed away from her, his eyes pinned to hers. “I just came here to tell you that I loved you. I don’t expect you to leave Roman, I wouldn’t want you too. But I couldn’t keep that to myself anymore. Everyday I am not with you kills me, Marlena.”

“John …”

He let his arms fall to his side, silencing her with the one finger he brought to her lips. “I’m leaving.” He stared at her for a moment, trying to remember every intricate detail of her face. Running his finger along her cheek, he smiled, weakly. “I love you,” he whispered, gently kissing her lips.

She watched him walk to the door, the tears caressing the damp skin of her cheeks. It wasn’t until John had shut the door behind him that she collapsed onto the floor, her fingers resting delicately where his lips had been only moments before.

Her cries echoed the deserted living room and as she steadily rocked herself back and forth, she found herself muttering the words he had said to her. The words that she only wanted to hear from him and the words that she knew were no longer hers to have.

Page 10 of 22
As the moon rose higher in the velvet filled night, Brady Black found himself getting closer to his girlfriend. The blue glare of the television screen invaded the room, although neither of them noticed. With their legs wrapped around each other, Brady hid his mouth somewhere along the crevice of Chloe’s neck, laughter escaping her lips. The soft pressure of his kiss sent chills along Chloe’s spine as she arched her body, her long brown hair cascading down her back.

“Brady,” she muttered, “what if your father comes home?”

He silenced her with his finger and when her words became nothing but uneven breathing, he began to kiss her tenderly. He lifted the shirt off of her body and over her head, throwing it somewhere over the couch where it landed upon a pile of dirty laundry that desperately needed washing.

Thus they began to roam the territory of each others bodies, neither of them ever hearing the creak of the door just inches from them. As they came closer to becoming one, the deep tenor voice of John Black startled them both, causing them to seek refuge in the fleece blanket that laid haphazardly across the couch.

“Brady, get upstairs now!”

Wincing at his words, Brady muttered a few obscenities under his breath, watching as his father stormed up the spiral staircase leading to the master bedroom. He pulled on his jeans, the red tint of his cheeks unwilling to fade.

“Sorry,” he whispered, kissing Chloe’s forehead.

She smiled at him, stroking the stubble of his chin. “Do you want me to leave?”

“No. I’ll be back down in a few minutes.”

He grinned at her sheepishly before jogging up the stairs. Brady stood outside the door to his father’s bedroom, taking a deep breath before venturing a step further. He walked into his father’s bedroom still bathed in darkness, only to see his father standing at the window, longingly glancing towards the heavens.

“Look, Dad, I’m sorry, I know …”

“You’re 22. Why did I even listen to you?”

Brady, confused at his father’s words, walked a few steps closer to him. It was then he saw the tears in John Black’s eyes and he realized this had nothing to do with him and Chloe. It had to do with Marlena. John’s entire demeaner would change when it came to Marlena. The color of his skin, the tint of his eyes, even the tone in his voice. It was as if John became someone else, the man who had once held her and loved her, with no reservations and no obstacles.

When he reached John, Brady held his hand out, gently touching the base of his father’s arm. “What happened?”

John buried his face in his hands, rubbing them over and over again in a circular motion. “I should have just left her alone. I should have gotten over something that happened two decades ago, and I should have left my feelings at the door like I always have! She didn’t need to hear it, Brady. And I didn’t need to tell her.”

“You told her you loved her,” Brady breathed, sitting down on John’s bed. “Dad, I nevermeant for you to do anything, I just thought-” he stopped for a moment, trying to find the right words, “I just wanted you to be happy. She makes you happy and everyone around here notices it. You change when you are with her, Dad. You become brighter, more alert. You are happy.” He paused, wondering if he should ask what he truly felt, “Can I ask you something?”

John looked over at his son, amazed at how mature he was. In so many ways, it was Brady who took care of John. The one who nurtured him, who helped him when he was low enough to do something rash. It was Brady who was the father and John merely a child. When John nodded his answer, Brady took the initiative to speak once more.

“If you were never with my mother and Marlena had come back, would you be together now? Honestly. Don’t worry about what I will think, just answer the question.”

John ran his hand through his thick hair, wondering just what the answer was. Although searching deep within himself for an answer was an option, John knew he would come to no conclusions. “Brady, I don’t know. No matter what, Roman would have come back. For all I know, Marlena still would have gone back to him. Things happen the way they do. If I hadn’t met your mother, I would never have had you so I will never regret the fact your mother was in my life. I think tonight was it, though, with Marlena I mean. The end.”

Brady’s eyes opened wide, “You can’t just forget her, Dad.”

John laughed, “Oh I am well aware of that. But I can move on. I can stop this incessant dating, I can stop doing what I have been doing for almost twenty years. I’m always going to love Marlena, but I can’t waste my entire life pining for her. It isn’t fair to her and it honestly isn’t fair to me.”

Brady kept his silence as the rustle of the winds provided the only sound in the bedroom. It took a few minutes of silence before John could laugh again, gazing up at his son.

“I just walked in on you and Chloe, didn’t I?”

Brady hid his head in embarrassment, his eyes glued to a small ink stain in the beige carpeting, “Yeah, something like that.”

John laughed again, hysterical. It was seconds before he could speak again, laughter flowing uncontrollably from his mouth, “And you thought I was yelling at you because you were about to have sex? Oh wow, that has got to be pretty horrible.”

Brady eyed John suspiciously, “Okay, I was a little surprised when I thought you were that mad, but shouldn’t you, I don’t know, be a little bit angry?”

John grinning widely, “You’re 22. You lost your virginity at 17. I’m over it.”

John stood up and began to walk out of the door, when Brady gripped his arm. His face registered in shock as crimson colored his cheeks.

“How did you know that?” he uttered, “I never told you.”

“Your fairy Godmother told me,” he winked.

John left the room successfully this time, allowing his son a moment of peace. He walked down the stairs, seeing Chloe sitting there watching television, and smiled, walking the rest of the way to where she sat. When she heard of the sounds of John behind her, she turned around, noticing the disappointment on his face. Permitting him to speak first, she shrank back from him, ashamed.

“Chloe, you know I like you, but I would really appreciate you not having any type of sexual relations in my household. You are still younger than my son and I do not want to be held responsible if your parents were to find out, do you understand me?”

On the verge of tears, Chloe voiced her reply, wanting nothing more than to run from the loft, “John, I am so sorry, I never, I never meant to disrespect you or …”

“Dad!” Brady yelled, from the top of the staircase. “Stop harassing my girlfriend and go pick Jeff up at the airport. He called earlier and said his plane comes in at 7.” Brady stepped off the staircase, to join them. He sat on the arm of the couch, his arm instinctually wrapping around Chloe. “My father is just being a jerk.”

“Of course, I’m always a jerk,” John grinned, “Diva, don’t cry, I was only joking with you.”

Chloe’s aqua eyes grew wider as she smacked John on the leg. “Don’t do that to me! I thought you were going to hire a hit man to kill me or something, Jesus!”

“Well I did mean one thing. Your parents would kill me if they knew what you did around these parts. So do me a favor and pretend I am completely clueless to what you two crazy kids are up too. And now I’ll leave you be, my partner awaits me at the airport.” John looked directly at Brady and gave him a small smile. “Thanks, Brady. For everything.”

Brady nodded his head. “No problem. Bye, Dad.”

“Bye.”

:::

It took hours before Marlena was finally able to pull herself off of the floor. The pattern of the carpeting was indented into her flesh, small waves now part of her ashen skin. Her face was dry with fallen tears, her eyes burning with angst and pain. She gripped onto the arm of the couch, pushing herself up, willing herself not to fall. Her balance was off, as was her mind, and most importantly her heart. She could still hear the song playing in her mind, the song that had now become her one reminder of John. Sure, there was Unchained Melody and maybe even Up Where We Belong, but it was At This Moment that was still beating in her mind, it was still the song she heard the last time she had held John.

Marlena stumbled up the stairs and as she reached the mess of her bedroom, for the first time Marlena realized Cassandra had never come to clean the house. She had spent the entire afternoon on the floor of her living room, wasting away in the pool of her tears. She had ignored the rest of the world as if nothing existed and she knew nothing else did. She pulled her diary out of her lingerie drawer, ripping a piece ofpaper free as she sat down.

The moment the pen touched the faded paper, Marlena could not stop writing, could finally let her heart convey the feelings they so deeply held.

:::

John checked his watch for the third time, wanting more than anything to leave the airport without his partner. He flipped through The New Yorker again, before throwing it off to the side. He had read the same article about five times, something about ADD in children and the medications that worked and did not. The clock above the pay phones only proved it to be 6:15 and John groaned, unable to keep his eyes off of the time. He stood up, stretching his limbs. The airport was pretty empty, which was surprising considering it was the day after Christmas. The aroma of coffee assaulted his senses and he decided to grab a cup before he drove himself insane. He walked past a few terminals and as he reached the Starbucks stand, he could hear the faint whimper of crying. Moving towards the sound, the cries became familiar, and John could feel his heart ache. It sounded so much like Marlena, but it couldn’t be. She had no reason to come to the airport. ‘Except maybe to run away like I once did,’ John thought, now insistent on finding who this person was.

As the cries neared, he realized it was not Marlena. In the clearing, only a young girl sat with her back to John, her blonde hair cascading down her back, shoulders sagging and heaving with each new cry. Intrigued, he took a step closer and when the girl turned around, he gasped. Her cobalt eyes burned into his for only a moment and the same pain he felt when he believed she was Marlena remained. He could not explain it nor did he try to]as he made his way towards her.

John sat down next to her, stroking her hair. He didn’t even realize he had begun to do so until she flinched before welcoming his touch. They stayed quiet for a moment, until John spoke softly to her.

“Alexia, are you okay?”

She sniffled, clearing her throat. “My father, he was supposed to come in tonight. Well, he was supposed to come in tomorrow night, but then he called me and decided he had changed his mind. He was on business and said he had finished early and that I should pick him up at 5:15. So his plane got in, but he apparently wasn’t on there. I called his cell and no one answered.” Alexia smiled sheepishly, looking up at John. “You must think I am over reacting, huh?”

John wrapped his arm around the girl’s shoulders, feeling a warmth from her that melted his soul. He hardly knew the child, except for a few encounters when she hadbeen with his son and Chloe. So why did he feel this way, why did he feel connected to her in a way not even he could understand?

He answered her, his voice soft and tender. “No, I don’t. You know what? Why don’t you hang out with me while I wait for my partner and you can keep trying your dad. I could use the company, I hate airports.”

Alexia smiled, suddenly feeling better. “Yeah, me too.”

:::

Marlena tightened the grip on the letter in her hands and stared down at the paper. The cursive style of her writing clashed with the lines of the paper as her tears blurred her vision. Her voice was rocky and hoarse as she began to read her words aloud, her voice not her own and her mind somewhere else.

John,

There are certain secrets the mind possesses that long to come out, yet they never can. They stay hidden deep within your soul, buried so completely that you almost believe they do not exist. It isn’t until someone comes to you, someone who shares the same secret, that the memory and the unanswered dreams finally come to the surface.

You came to me today and told me you loved me. Like a coward, I asked you not too. I asked you to silence your thoughts, to leave me in the dark about the way you felt about me because I was to scared to admit it to myself. I believe because I am married to Roman, I am not allowed to have feelings for you. But how can that be so? After all, you were as much my husband as Roman was and to be honest, I think in so many ways I loved you more. You taught me to live, John. To let myself go, to just give into the things I truly believe in. I failed you, I guess. I believe in our love, in the power it once held, and I was scared.

I sometimes wonder what would have happened, had Isabella not been in the picture. It sounds horrible of me to say, but if I had come back and she wasn’t here, would I really have gone back to Roman? Would you and I have been together? I love Roman, I do. I always will. But you, John, you are the one man I loved unconditionally. When Roman and I met, I could not stand him. With you, I thought you were Stefano and yet I could not help but be drawn to you, to love you. After we found out you were Roman, I led myself to believe that was why I loved you. Because you were my husband. You weren’t though, John. For all I knew, you could have been Stefano and I would have loved you just the same.

I wish things had been different, I do. But they aren’t, and maybe they never will be. Please know, however, that despite what it may seem, I will always love you. I will always treasure the life you have given me but I know that staying with Roman is what is right. I couldn’t break him, not after all he has done for me. But I do thank you, John. For everything.

All My Love,

Marlena.

Marlena folded the letter over, covered in the salt water of her tears. She walked over to her closet, reaching for a shoebox that remained up on the shelves, hidden away with all the clothes Marlena had planned to give to the Good Will. She placed the letter carefully in the box before putting it back where it belonged.

And as she walked into the adjoining bathroom, she never saw Brady Black creep down the stairs, in complete and utter shock over what he had just heard.

Page 11 of 22
Sunset began only moments before, the gray sky turning a deep shade of black, the air bitter and nippy. John Black pulled his Jeep into the parking lot of Salem Place, scanning the busy area for a space. It had been a while since John had dropped off his business partner at his own apartment and neither he nor Alexia were much in the mood to go home to empty homes and empty lives.

He glanced over at the young girl beside him, watching her gaze out into a world she was not yet used too. He reached his right hand out to her, placing it upon Alexia’s shoulder. The soft texture of her golden hair grazed his skin and John jerked his hand away, feeling a sudden rush of familiarity.

Clearing his throat, he spoke, unsure of who this mystery teen was and unsure just what he was doing with her. “Ok kiddo, what are you up to doing? Coffee at Java? Movie? Dare I say window shopping?”

Alexia laughed, pulling her hair up to keep the wind from blowing it into her cobalt eyes. When the car came to a halt, she turned to him, staring for only a moment at his profile. She could see what Chloe was talking about when it came to John Black’s looks, yet it wasn’t his appearance that intrigued her. It was his compassion, the way his eyes seemed lost and buried with secrets. It was a look she had seen a few times since she had been to Salem. In Marlena’s eyes, in her own eyes. She turned around, looking down at the map that lay on the seat of the passenger side floor.

“John, you don’t have to do this for me. I’m fine at home by myself.”

“I know you are. I’m just not very much in the mood to be alone. You must think I’m some kind of molester,” John teased.

Alexia laughed loudly. “Oh, hardly! You actually seem like a wonderful father,” she said, shyly. “It’s no wonder Chloe and Brady rant about you as much as they do. I appreciate it, John. The sympathy.”

“It’s not sympathy, I told you, I hate being alone,” he grinned, unlocking the doors. “Come on, we can window shop.”

They got out of the car, no longer safe by the warm heat the car allowed them. Wrapping her jacket tightly around her body, Alexia met John in front of the car, looking at the cold breath that came from her mouth when she spoke.

“I don’t know about this, John. It’s freezing out here. You know what we should do? Get drive-through and eat in the car. Doesn’t McDonalds sound really good right about now?”

John raised an eyebrow. “No. 300 calories, plus 50 grams of fat combined with something which is certainly not cow meat does not sound mouth watering. Now come on, I’ll buy you a latte.”

“Deal,” Alexia laughed. “By the way, you sounded like a woman counting all of those fat grams and stuff …”

:::

The entire ride back to the loft had been silent thus far and Chloe shifted awkwardly in her seat. Since coming out of Marlena’s home, Brady hadn’t uttered a word and Chloe placed her hand on his leg. He continued to ignore her until finally she spoke, sick of his childish antics.

“Okay, what the hell is wrong with you? You were fine before we got to Marlena’s. So what happened? Is she feeling okay?”

“She’s fine,” Brady said, quietly, “I’m just not feeling well, myself. I’m going to drop you off at home all right?”

“Fine,” Chloe muttered.

They drove the rest of the way in almost complete silence, aside from the soft hum of the radio. Chloe leaned forward turning up the volume on the new Jennifer Lopez song. It wasn’t that she liked it, after all, she couldn’t give a damn if she was Jenny from the block or not. But anything was better than Brady’s loud breathing signifying his frustrations and the oppressive tick of the car clock. The car came to a sudden stop as did the song on the radio and Chloe looked away from the window and up at her boyfriend.

“Promise me, you’ll be okay,” Chloe said softly, “I’m not trying to be all parental, I’m just worried.”

Brady turned towards her, for the first time since they had left the Brady home, reaching his hand out to her. “I promise. It’s just been a long day. I’m going to go home and relax, I’ll give you a call later, all right?”

“All right,” she replied, reluctantly. Chloe leaned over and kissed Brady. She gave him one last look before exiting the car.

And it wasn’t until she had made it safely into her home, that Brady cranked up the radio louder. He sped away, his last words mixing in with the commanding rap of Nelly, ‘God help us all.’

:::

“Favorite movie?” John asked Alexia, over a latte at Java Cafe.

Alexia pursed her lips, thinking. “So many. Number one favorite would have to be ‘The Graduate.’ I had to watch it at one of my former schools and I fell in love with it. All of the scenes between Ben and Mrs. Robinson were just classic. He’s just this innocent guy so caught up in this affair, so lost in the world his parent’s except him to live after college. It’s brilliant. After that I would have to say ‘Legally Blonde.’ It’s the dumbest movie but so adorable. And I have a thing for Luke Wilson. Oh, and ‘Unfaithful,'” Alexia grinned. “It’s a Richard Gere fetish I have. Every time I watch ‘Pretty Woman’ I cry. A lot. But the writing in ‘Unfaithful’ really amazed me. You feel so bad for Connie despite the fact she is having this adulterous affair. She’s wrong yet somehow you sympathize because it’s not as if she doesn’t love her husband, she does. I think if a writer can do that to the audience, they have done their job.” Alexia hid her head, suddenly embarrassed. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to ramble on like that.”

“No! I think it’s so interesting someone sees it like that. Do you want to be a writer?”

Alexia shrugged her shoulders, leaning back in the uncomfortable raised stools. “I don’t know what I want to be. I’ve been through every possibility. I wanted to act, write, direct, sing, dance. I wanted to be a lawyer, a doctor, a teacher. I wanted to go to space. I wanted to be a personal shopper, a personal assistant and I wanted to work in public relations for a while too. I’m ambitious.”

“Sounds it,” Marlena said, stepping up to the table.

Both John and Alexia turned to face her, surprised to see her there, especially John. He looked up into her eyes, almost afraid to search what lay deep within them. Neither broke the gaze they had on the other, the air suddenly dead surrounding them. It wasn’t until Alexia cleared her throat and stood up that either of them moved.

“Hey, I’m going to go pick up that watch that I bought for my dad, it should be ready to go by now. Should I meet you back here?”

“Yeah,” John nodded.

Marlena and John watched Alexia walk away and instead of questioning John about her, she took Alexia’s seat across from him. She didn’t care about his reasons for being with the girl now. She only cared about what had happened earlier that afternoon, about the confrontation that had nearly shattered her heart.

Finally, Marlena spoke, absentmindedly playing with the wedding ring on her left hand. “John, about earlier …”

“No,” he held up his hand, “it’s over. What was said was said and it’s over.”

“But it’s not over,” she whispered, so the surrounding tables could not hear, “I don’t know how to just forget that, John. Do you hate me? For pushing you away like that?”

Feeling his heart melt at her vulnerability, John touched her hand lightly. “Doc, of course I don’t. I didn’t except you to come running to me because I said that. Maybe, I never should have in the first place. Marlena, do you know what the most amazing thing about being married to you was?”

“John,” she said warningly.

To this, he only laughed, shaking his head. “It was the fact that you were my best friend. So many people get married to someone who they love, but not someone who they trust with their entire heart and soul. I did, though. And even after Roman came back, I still felt that way. I was wrong in what I said to you today. I know the romantic part of our relationship is over, I’ve known that for a long time now. I know that the love we share is no longer available for us to talk about or indulge in. But I’m not willing to lose your friendship. We’ve been acting so weird around each other and I hope it can stop. I hope you can learn to trust me again, to come to me whenever you need it.”

Marlena wiped the tears from her eye lids, staring down at the hand John held over her own. “I’d like that too,” she whispered. “I’ve missed talking to you. But John, you have to promise me,” Marlena pleaded, “you can’t try anything.”

“I promise. Besides, you’re not my type. I like brunettes. And also, your breasts are too big. I like them a little smaller.”

Marlena burst out laughing, pulling her hand away from his. “You’re a typical male, you know that? Listen, I’ve got to go, I need to run some errands before,” she paused for a moment and then decided to continue, not wanting to walk on egg shells, “before Roman comes home.”

She stood up, looking at John, before turning away. “Oh and John?” Marlena said, grinning. “You’re a liar about the size and we both know it.”

She walked away, leaving John laughing, and for the first time, in a while, happy. He was about to get up to find Alexia when his phone rang, somewhere in his jacket pocket. He rummaged through, pulling this cellular out.

“John Black.”

“John, hey, it’s Kacey. You know, from Christmas? Roman’s friend.”

John smiled, sitting back down. “I know who you are, Kacey. How are you?”

“I’m good. Busy, but good. Look, I was wondering if maybe you’d like to catch a movie tomorrow night. Maybe even dinner first.”

It took a moment for John to answer, for it was Marlena who came to mind. He took a deep breath knowing once and for all it was time to begin again.

“Sure, Kacey. I’d love too.”

And for the first time in twenty years, John Black pushed Marlena Evans-Brady out of his mind.

Page 12 of 22
“I have an appointment at three,” Marlena said into the phone, rummaging through scattered papers on her office desk. “No, no, the board meeting is tomorrow, not the day after. I can take on whoever tomorrow, Roman has gone out of town on business so whatever you need done, let me know.” Marlena paused for a minute, listening to a colleague on the other line and started to laugh. “Not for a while now. But you never know, that Victoria’s Secret sale and all,” she grinned. “Listen, staying on the phone with you only delays the inevitable more. I’ll speak to you later, bye.”

Marlena hung up the phone, debating on whether or not to work through some of her patient files. She glanced up at the clock and sighed. It was only noon. Deciding to get rid of some of the work she had been putting aside, she opened up the file on Alexandra Medows, a ten year old girl who had been maliciously abused by her mother’s boyfriend. It always saddened Marlena to see cases like this, especially in the form of a child so young.

She was so immersed in the file, that she never heard the door to her office open. It wasn’t until he uttered her name, that her head snapped up, her eyes wide with interest and curiosity and John Black had to wonder if he had anything to do with it.

He took a step closer to her desk, wondering if he should have come in the first place. The night before had become a starting point to their newfound friendship, but John was almost waiting for the other shoe to fall. If they spent too much time together, John figured Marlena would retreat and begin to ignore him once more.

He realized she was staring at him in wonder over what he was doing there and he blushed. “I’m sorry to disturb you, are you busy?”

Marlena stood up, sweeping her hand towards the couch. “No, sit. How are you?”

She moved to where John was, sitting down next to him on the couch. He noticed the space apart that they sat and almost had to smile at her fear of them being close.

“I’m good. Listen, I know Roman went out of town for a few days and I figured maybe we could see a movie. I was supposed to go out on a date tonight, you know, with Kacey, Roman’s friend, but she had to postpone.”

Marlena only nodded, not wanting to show her jealousy. It wasn’t her place to feel envy, especially not when it came to John, so she continued to listen. But she couldn’t help the images of Kacey and John in bed, running through her mind like a film. She pushed the thoughts from her brain and stood up, pacing her office.

“I don’t know, John,” she answered, “I have a lot of work to do tonight.”

Irritated, he stood up, meeting her in the center of the room. He gripped her upper arms with his own hands and gazed so intently into her eyes she had to look down. “You promised me last night, you would stop this. It’s a movie, Marlena. Nothing is going to happen. Nothing ever will happen! Come on, my life is boring.” He pouted like a young child and she had to laugh.

“Fine, fine, you win. What time?”

“I’ll pick you up at six.” He looked up at her and leaned back up against the couch, crossing his legs. “How are you doing?”

She smiled at him, moving to sit back down. “I’m good. I saw you with Alexia last night. What were you two up too?”

“I saw her in the airport when I was going to pick up Jeff. It was strange, though. I was walking around trying to find some coffee, hoping to save my sanity, when I heard someone crying. I swear, it sounded exactly like you, Marlena.”

Marlena looked at him, intrigued. She motioned for John to continue with the quick movement of her hand.

“So I went looking and it-it was Alexia. Her father was supposed to be on the flight that had just come in and he wasn’t. She was a little freaked out, especially since she couldn’t reach him and I didn’t want her to be alone. So I took her to Salem Place. She’s such an interesting girl.” John paused for a moment, wondering whether or not to admit the next part to her. Knowing he had nothing to lose, he placed his hand tenderly on her knee. “She reminds me a lot of you, Doc. I don’t know what it is, there is just something-“

“Familiar,” Marlena said, softly. “I felt the same way. I thought for a while that she might have been Belle. Isn’t that stupid?”

John smiled. “Of course not. But we both know she isn’t.”

“I know,” Marlena replied, sadly. “She came over to the house yesterday morning. She gave me a few candles, really beautiful ones. She’s had a rough life, she’s a strong girl.”

Before John could answer, his cell phone rang. He apologized to Marlena and answered, standing up as if to excuse himself.

“Whoa, Alexia, honey, calm down,” John spoke, quietly into the phone. Marlena looked up and sensing something with wrong, stood, walking to where John was. “Are you sure? Yes of course, I’ll be right over.”

John hung up the phone, staring at Marlena in shock. He pointed down to his phone, placing it gently in his breast pocket. “Um, that was Alexia. She got word on her father.”

Marlena covered her hand over her mouth, knowing the next words John was about to speak. And before he could, she grabbed both of their coats along with her car keys. “I’m driving,” Marlena said instantly, “just tell me where.”

:::

Marlena pulled into the police station in Salem and parked in the spot she knew belonged to Roman. Both her and John rushed out of the car and into the police station where they both saw Commander Abe Carver. His face was grim, his hands in tight knots as he spoke to Marlena’s brother-in-law, Bo. Abe spotted Marlena and John and walked over to them.

“Marlena, John, I’m so glad you’re here. Did Alexia tell you everything?”

“She just told me that he died. She didn’t make any sense, which is understandable. What happened?”

Abe turned around, making sure Alexia was out of earshot. “He went out of town to do business. As it turns out, he was smuggling drugs or something, we’re still waiting from Shane to hear anything. She had no idea. The only problem is, she is now technically an orphan. Her mother died when she was younger. She has no where to stay.”

John looked at both Marlena and Abe, then towards the door to Abe’s office. He could see Alexia sitting inside, her head in her hands and John sighed. “Abe, can I go in?”

“Sure.”

John turned towards Marlena, resting his hand on her shoulder. “Let me go in alone, okay?”

Marlena nodded, knowing John was up to something, although she couldn’t pinpoint exactly what. She allowed him to go him though, knowing whatever it was he would say, it would somehow help the girl.

When John walked in, Alexia looked up, her eyes wide and bloodshot. Upon seeing John, she stood up, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck. “What am I supposed to do,” she whispered, her tears brushing up against John’s cheek. “He was the only family I had. What’s going to happen to me now? I’m still not eighteen.”

John let go of Alexia, sitting her down on the chair. He kneeled before her, stroking her hair. He looked out of the office window at Marlena and then back to Alexia. His heart ached for the girl that had reminded him so much of his former wife and in an instant, John made a decision that was about to rock the future of everyone involved.

“Then move in with me. You only have a few months until college. Brady and I have a guest room.”

She looked up at him in shock. “John, I barely know you, I can’t just impose on your life like that.”

“Do you remember what I told you last night?”

“Diane Lane is hot?” Alexia smiled.

John laughed. “Besides that. I told you that I was lonely. Sure, I have Brady. I even have Chloe around sometimes. That doesn’t mean that I don’t want you there, it doesn’t mean that you are imposing. However, I understand your point. We don’t know each other all that well. So I leave the decision up to you.”

He kissed her forehead and stood up. And as he neared the door, her words stopped him dead in his tracks.

“John, wait!”

As he turned around to face her, Alexia stood up. “Thank you for the offer. And if you’re sure it’s not to much trouble, well-” Her voice quieted, her eyes darting to the floor as tears began to build up once more. “I’d love too.”

Page 13 of 22
“John, you can’t do this!” Marlena exclaimed, pacing the small hallway of the police station.

John had come out of Abe’s office moments before, declaring his take in of Alexia. It had shocked no one more than Marlena and she pulled him out into the hallway away from the curious stares and listening ears of everyone around them.

“Why can’t I?” John tested, “She just lost her father for God’s sake. What do you want me to do? Tell her to live on her own, to fend for herself? She’s 18. Legally, she can go wherever the hell she wants but she doesn’t want to, she doesn’t know how to. I want her in my home, Marlena.”

John softened his voice, leaning up against the wall, his head in his hands. It wasn’t for a moment or two that John looked up but when he did, he found Marlena staring at him, questions on her face, and compassion in her eyes.

“You would have done the same thing,” John said softly, “and besides she needs this right now and truthfully, so do I.”

Marlena stopped walking, standing still, gazing at John. She longed to wrap her arms around him, to comfort him even though it was the last thing she should be doing. Going against her mind and following her heart, a choice that usually had dire consequences, Marlena walked towards him. She stood on her tip toes a mere inch from him and wrapped her arms around his neck, longing to give him some type of release or comfort.

It took John a second to respond, his hands remaining at his sides, as he took in the smell he would always associate with Marlena. The smell of a beautiful spring morning, of lilacs, of purity. After a quick hug, he pulled away, no longer trusting himself to be so close.

“Please understand why I have to do this,” he whispered, their faces still so close she could smell the Trident spearmint gum on his breath.

“I do,” she said, quietly. “Do you want me to help settle her in? Stay around tonight in case she wants someone to talk to?”

John smiled, touching Marlena’s shoulder lightly. “I would love that. She actually asked me to come and get you. She’s in Abe’s office waiting for you.”

Marlena nodded her head, staring at John for a moment. Before walking away, she kissed his cheek lightly, walking towards the door.

“Marlena?”

She stopped walking and turned around to face him, their eyes connecting.

“Thank you,” John mouthed.

Marlena smiled and continued to walk towards the young girl that had turned all their lives upside down.

:::

Alexia sat crossed legged behind Abe’s desk, absentmindedly twirling around in his leather rolling chair. The news of her father had not hit her quite her, after all, she was used to his being away on countless business trips, never home for the moments that truly mattered. She was always left alone for as long as she could remember, with a baby-sitter here or there, a few relatives, and of course alone. But she loved her father for when he was home he was always the best. Always showering her with presents and love, it was those key moments that finally made the news set in.

She began to cry, her back to the door. And when it opened, she never heard, continuing to free her emotions in the only way she knew how. It wasn’t until she felt a hand on her back that she looked up to find Marlena standing there, her arms outstretched. Alexia stood, walking to Marlena’s arms, allowing this mother figure to comfort her in the ways she truly needed.

“Shh,” Marlena soothed, running her hand over Alexia’s back. “I know, sweetheart, I know.”

“Marlena, I am so scared,” she sobbed, holding on tightly to the material of Marlena’s sweater.

“Is there anything I can do for you?”

Alexia let go of Marlena, taking a step backwards to look at her. She knotted her hands together, turning away from Marlena as she began to pace the small room, mindlessly wandering. She noticed everything she could in the floors; the cracks, the specks of dirt, the scuffmarks from what must have been Abe’s shoes, anything to avoid a conversation with Marlena on her feelings. True, she had wanted her in there but just as a comforting presence more so than a shrink.

“No thanks.” She looked up and stopped walking, standing up against the door. “Did John tell you I was moving in with him?”

“He did. How do you feel about that?”

Alexia shrugged her shoulders, continuing to pace. “It’s really nice of him to let me move in. I just feel like … like a burden, I guess. Brady doesn’t even know yet, I feel like John took me in because he just didn’t want to see me alone. I hate being a burden to people, Marlena. I mean, I don’t even think the reality of all of this has even sunk in.” Alexia stopped suddenly, looking at Marlena. “Did Abe tell you what happened? I mean how he was killed.”

“Yes,” Marlena replied, softly.

Alexia laughed, an ironic laugh that could make anyone else in the room awkward, given the tragic situation. “I should have known he was dealing. He would go away a lot. These really inopportune times and I never understood why. He would get these phone calls in the middle of the night. He would think I was asleep so he’d go out on the terrace. I would always sneak out of bed and listen to his conversation from the hall. Why didn’t I know?” she asked, her eyes filling with tears. “Why couldn’t I have saved him?”

Sensing Alexia’s breakdown, Marlena hurried to her side, holding her in her arms.

“I wish I had the answers for you, sweetheart. But I will tell you that everything will work out somehow in the end. That you will be okay.”

Alexia stepped away from Marlena, staring directly into Marlena’s eyes. “No offense, Marlena, but you’re not. And your daughter’s disappearance was eighteen years ago.”

To this, Marlena said nothing. Alexia was right. She hadn’t gotten over the kidnapping of Belle. Not until Alexia came into her life. And it made Marlena wonder if she’d be able to heal this girl the way Alexia had healed her.

Page 14 of 22
Brady Black slammed his foot down on the brakes of his Jeep Wrangler, not bothering to look to see if his girlfriend was outside, but instead deciding to bang hard on the horn creating an annoying ruckus. It wasn’t until Chloe got into the car and put her hand over his that he stopped, looking at her with a look she had never before seen. There was something in his eyes, something brutal and unforgiving. Not sure of what to say, they sat in silence, knowing if Brady wanted to make the first move he would. And when he didn’t, Chloe cleared her throat, leaning her head back against the head board.

“What’s wrong?”

Brady didn’t answer for a moment, just continued to sulk like an eight year old who had mistakenly gotten GI Joe for Christmas when all he really wanted was a new video game. And when he did, he refused to look at his girlfriend, opting for a group of kids attempting to make a snowman across the street.

“My father has made the biggest mistake of his life.”

“Is this about Marlena?” Chloe asked, softly.

Brady turned to her, his hand gripping the steering wheel. “Do you know what he did? He gets a call from Abe telling him he needs to come down to the station immediately. Something has happened with Alexia’s father, apparently an accident or something. Don’t get me wrong, I feel horrible for her, but my stupid father decided to take her in and do you know why? Because she looks like Marlena!”

“Brady, you don’t know–“

“Yes, yes I do know! Why do you think both him and Marlena swoon over her? It’s like some sick wish to bring back Belle. I mean I know Belle wasn’t my father’s daughter, but come on. He loves Marlena so much, wouldn’t it be only fitting to take in the poor soul who looks just like her?”

“You’re disgusting,” Chloe said, “and I can’t believe you would even think that! She lost her father for Christ’s Sake. What’s wrong, Brady? Are you afraid you won’t have your father’s attention anymore?”

The comment stung in as he sucked in a breath. “I carried him, Chloe! Don’t give me this holier than thou act! You and I both know my father has been a mess for a long time. And who was it who counseled him even when he never asked for it? Who took care of him when he was to drunk to get into his bedroom? Yes, John Black has changed, he no longer needs me like that, but don’t you dare say I feel this way due to wanting his attention.”

Chloe placed her hand over his, unclenching his fingers from the wheel. “I know that. I’m sorry. All I’m saying Brady is that your father is doing this because he is a generous, caring, sensitive man, who maybe just needs a little company. You’ve been home less and less, either working or just being with me. Alexia had no where to go, wouldn’t it make sense?”

“I guess so. I just feel like this entire situation is going to end up in a place none of us ever would have imagined and I don’t see this ending well …”

:::

The dead air outside made it harder for Marlena to carry whatever possessions Alexia had, over to John’s loft. She stretched her fingers, raw and rough from the bitter cold. About to pick up another box from her car, Marlena’s cell phone rang. She fumbled in her purse for a moment or two before finding her phone. Glancing at her caller ID, she put the box back down and answered.

“Hello?”

“What the hell is this about John taking in Alexia?”

Marlena rolled her eyes, opening her car door so she could sit. Turning on the heat, she rubbed her hands against the heater before answering.

“Roman, calm down. Look, I don’t necessarily agree with what John is doing but he cares. He’s doing what he thinks is right. And honestly, it isn’t our place to tell him otherwise.”

On the other end of the line, Roman Brady let out an exhausted sigh. He had been away on business for two days now and in the time he was gone, too much had happened. He sat down on the hotel room bed, stretching his legs across the comforter.

“It is our place, Marlena. John is our best friend and we both know why he is doing this.”

“Stop it!” Marlena snapped. “We’re not his keepers, Roman. John is a big boy, he could do whatever he wants to do. The girl has no family and John needs this.”

“You don’t always need to take his side,” Roman snapped.

“Oh would you stop being such a child! We’re not thirteen, Roman. I’m not taking anyone’s side. I need to go, is there a reason you called or was it just to tell me that John should not be taking in a child who desperately needs a family?”

“Doc, I–“

“You nothing, Roman. I really don’t have the time for this. I’ll see you when you get home tomorrow.”

Marlena hung up her cell phone, leaning against the head board as she breathed in deeply. She thought about what Roman had said for a minute, wondering if maybe John was insane. But the more she thought about it, she knew she would have done the same. Alexia needed them and somehow Marlena knew they both needed her too.

:::

“Commander Carver,” Abe said, picking up the phone in his office.

“Commander, this is Detective James Ivery from Miami Beach Police Department. I just heard about Richard Miller’s death and I think there is something you need to know …”

Page 15 of 22
It was a little after ten when Marlena pulled to a stop outside of John’s apartment building. She had gotten the call in the middle of one of her relaxation moments, moments she rarely got nowadays. Then again, they weren’t moments she necessarily wanted. Moments alone got her to thinking about things she didn’t want to process in her mind, things she tried so hard to forget. So as she took John’s key out of her bag, she almost was grateful to be spending the remainder of her night with him.

She took the elevator to John’s loft, startled as she stepped out to find Brady leaning against the door, wanting to be anywhere but there. He looked up, distracted, and smiled, if only halfway, at his Godmother.

Marlena sensing his melancholy smile, held his face in her hands after making her way towards him. “Why so sad?”

“Just thinking, I guess. Would you mind if I asked you something?”

“Of course not. What is it?”

“I stopped by your house earlier and I didn’t think anyone was home so I–“

“Doc?” John asked, sticking his head out the door, “Did you just get here?”

Marlena looked towards Brady, taking his hand in hers. “Yes. I’ll be in in a minute, I just need to finish something with Brady.”

Brady straightened himself out, letting go of Marlena’s hand. “No, it’s all right. I was actually just on my way to work. We can talk later, don’t worry about it.”

He placed a soft kiss on her cheek, looking past her towards his father. Their eyes met and John turned away not wanting to see the reality in his son’s eyes. That inviting Marlena over with her husband away was not the smartest thing.

“Bye,” Brady said, softly, walking into the elevator.

Silence endured for a moment before John held out his hand to Marlena. She took it reluctantly, emotions stirring that she so desperately wanted to avoid.

“Thank you for coming. I just … I never had a daughter. Raising Brady was so much different. I could just throw a football at him and everything was fine. I know I raised Sami for a while but, I don’t know, I just needed a female influence tonight.”

Marlena smiled, lightly patting his arm. “I understand. Is she upstairs?”

John nodded as Marlena made her way up the stairs. The lights were off in John’s bedroom, but the glow from the television showed her just where Alexia was. Marlena stood in the doorway watching her. She lay on the bed, her eyes glued to the screen as she recited lines along with the characters, so lost in everything but her own life.

“Mrs. Robinson, you’re trying to seduce me,” Alexia whispered. “Aren’t you? … Benjamin, I am *not* trying to seduce you! … I know that, but *please*, Mrs. Robinson, this is difficult … Would you like me to seduce you? Is that what you’re trying to tell me?”

“I’m going home now,” Marlena said, walking into the room, trying to keep up with Dustin Hoffman. “I apologize for what I said. I hope you can forget it, but I’m going home right now.”

Alexia looked up at her, smiling. “You know ‘The Graduate?'”

Marlena sat down on the bed, the smell of John suddenly making her dizzy. “Quite well. It’s probably one of my favorites. I’m surprised someone your age knows it as well as you do.”

“The lines, the songs, the direction … it’s just an escape I guess. What are you doing here? Checking up on me?”

“No. You’re a big girl. I just wanted to see how you were.”

Alexia turned away from Marlena, focusing her eyes on the movie once again. “I’m fine. I’m just really tired. I think I’m going to pass out for the night. You can tell John I’m okay.”

“Alexia–“

“I’m just kidding. I really appreciate everything. Are you staying tonight? Because you don’t have to.”

“I know I don’t. Do you want me too?”

It took a moment for Alexia to answer and when she did her blue eyes connected with Marlena’s. And when she finally did, it was so soft and loving that it almost broke Marlena’s heart.

“Yes.”

“Then I will. Get some sleep.” She kissed Alexia’s forehead, shutting the light on her way out. Walking down the stairs, the smell of cigarette smoke wafted towards her. She noticed John sitting out on the balcony, the smoke leaving his mouth in a steady line.

“Since when do you smoke?”

John turned to look at her, his face ridden with guilt. “I don’t. Not really anyway. Are you going to tell on me?”

“If you don’t give me a drag I will,” Marlena smiled.

John raised an eyebrow. “Why Dr. Evans, I thought you had better sense than that.”

Marlena tilted her head, a sly smile on her face. “Me too.” He handed her the cigarette, the smell instantly soaking into her skin. She brought it to her lips, her gloss coloring the tip a pasty pink. And as she inhaled, she closed her eyes, lost in the wind, in the feeling of the smoke overtaking her.

“I almost don’t feel the cold anymore,” she whispered in the silence, handing the cigarette back to John.

“Do you want another jacket or something?”

She shook her head, looking out past the city’s lights, somewhere deep in the horizon looking for answers that she knew she’d never find. “I don’t mean the weather.”

He didn’t look at her, instead took another drag of the cigarette, tasting the cherry flavored gloss Marlena had left behind. “Want to talk about it?”

“Are you truly happy? Do you wake up and actually look at your life and smile?”

“That seems to be the age old question these days. To be honest, most of the time, no. And then there are those days where I’ll wake up and I’ll hear Brady and Chloe downstairs or I’ll hear a song on the radio and I will smile. The sad thing is, I don’t even know why I’m miserable half the time.”

She looked at him, his profile casting shadows in the moonlight. She longed to reach out and touch him, to feel the stubble on his skin, to feel the moisture lingering on his lips, but instead she picked up the cigarette butt, using anything to keep her eyes away from John. “You never used to be,” she said, quietly, “miserable, I mean.”

“I never used to be a lot of things. It’s funny how life turns out sometimes, isn’t it?”

“Funny, no. Ironic, yes. Did you happen to catch what Alexia was watching on TV?”

John smiled. “The Graduate. I thought of you when I saw that. You always made me watch that, didn’t you?”

“In my defense, it’s a great movie! And you know you liked it.”

“And in my defense, I only liked it when you dressed up as Mrs. Robinson and pretended to seduce me as if I were Ben …”

It was then John realized what he was saying and in the darkness, his face burned crimson. He glanced at Marlena from the corner of his eye, wishing he could take back the words that had just left his mouth. “Marlena, I’m sorry–“

“Truth or dare,” Marlena replied, resorting back to their old ways, yet dismissing any conversation of what John had just uttered. She knew the way this game could turn out, knew she should have just made her way inside. But she wasn’t ready to part ways with him yet, wasn’t ready to let this comfort stop.

“Truth.”

“What’s the truest form of love you can think of?”

Debating his answer, John took another cigarette out of his pocket. Marlena intercepted his hand before he was able to light it and took it from him.

“No smoking. No boundaries. For once just honest answers.”

“Fair enough. I guess the truest would be love of your child. That you are able to create something so beautiful and magical, that someone amazing is actually a part of you. That when I look at Brady I just know he was the most amazing thing I have ever done. For all my wrongs, for all my mistakes, he is the one thing that erases it all.” Marlena nodded her head, understanding exactly what he was saying, if he had asked, it would have been her answer as well. “So Doc, truth or dare?”

“Truth.”

“Do you believe that true love prevails?”

“John …”

“Just honest answers, remember?”

“Right,” she whispered, wishing she hadn’t taken away John’s cigarette. She could use one right about now. Taking a deep breath, she felt a wave of dizziness pass through her and for a moment she regretted bringing up the game. But she decided to answer anyway, not wanting to think of the reality of her life, but more of a world she allowed herself to get lost in. “I believe in soulmates. I believe in true love. And sometimes those two things are so extremely different. I think a soulmate is someone who finds you before you were born. I think no matter where you are, no matter who you’re born to, you’re bound to find that person in time. I think that person knows you so completely, every little thought, every movement before you do it. The thing is though, that sometimes your soulmate isn’t your true love. But you love both parties so much that you begin to lose sight of who is who.” Marlena stopped for a moment, wiping the tears that had begun to fall. “I’m sorry, I guess I didn’t really answer the question.”

John gave her a smile, knowing that her answer had described both himself and Roman. He knew which one he was to her, the one she wasn’t bound to be with on earth, only in heaven and beyond. It was to much for him to take and so he turned towards the city lights again, to avoid any contact that he could. “So, your turn. Truth.”

“Favorite song to have sex to?”

John nearly choked, his eyes wide as he turned to look at her. And at the smile dancing on her lips, he couldn’t resist the laughter. “What do you think?”

“Mrs. Robinson,” they both laughed in unison.

And for the first time in nineteen years, nothing else seemed to matter. Not the past, not the mistakes, not anything but the here and now.

Page 16 of 22
“Brady, what do you think about Livin On A Prayer for karaoke night?” Chloe asked, sifting through a book of songs.  “You can Jon, I can be Richie … ”

Noticing Brady’s mind was anywhere but karaoke, Chloe closed the book, reaching for his hand.  Behind the bar, he picked up his head, staring into her eyes.

“I’m sorry.  I just have a lot on my mind.  What were you saying?”

“Want to talk about it?”

Brady gave her a half smile, wiping down the counter.  “Not especially. So about this karaoke thing,” he replied, changing the subject, “what did you want to do?”

“I figured we could do Livin On A Prayer.  Such a typical karaoke song, I adore it. And you can be Jon and I can be Richie–“

“Or,” Brady grinned, “I can be Richie and you can be Heather Locklear.” He let the moment pass before becoming serious, once more.  “Chloe, why are we even doing this in the first place? Alexia’s father just died. How is singing the night away going to make her feel better?”

Chloe shrugged her shoulders, taking a sip of her water.  “You don’t get it. Sometimes when crap happens, you don’t want to mourn it.  You want to get out there and know that it’s all right to laugh. I remember Alexia mentioning that she loves kareoke.  And I figured since the bar is reserved for your New Year’s party, we may as well have a little fun as well. Come on, you don’t want to see your father and Marlena get up there and do karaoke?”

At the sound of their names, Brady glanced away, clearing a few glasses left on the bar. Chloe, knowing her boyfriend as well as she did, grabbed his hand, forcing him to look at her. “Are you going to tell me what’s wrong or am I going to have to force it out of you?”

“What do you want me to say?” Brady replied. “It’s always the same, it always will be. My father is alone with her right now, I mean aside from Alexia, who is probably wiped out. The point is, I don’t trust him with her.”

Chloe groaned, taking a sip of her water. “Brady, he’s a grown man. Let him live his life, will you? Besides, your dad may love her, but he isn’t stupid.”

She looked down at her watch, quickly grabbing her purse. “I have to go,” she said, leaning over the bar to kiss Brady good-bye. “I promised Phil I’d go with him to the airport to pick up his girlfriend.”

“Is that smart to go with your ex-boyfriend to pick up his new girlfriend?”

“Jealous?” She grinned.

“Of my uncle? Always,” he smiled back. “Give me a call when you get back tonight.”

“I will. Bye baby.”

Chloe gave him one last smile before leaving Brady. And as the bar emptied out, he was alone with his thoughts, alone with the fears of what his father might do when faced with the situation of being alone with the woman he loved more than life itself.

**

“Have you ever smoked pot?” Marlena laughed, taking a drag of the cigarette John held between his fingers.

They had been outside for hours now, the conversation soon turning from serious to lighthearted. Almost a pack of cigarettes down, between two people who rarely smoked, the awkwardness that was once between them was non existent. It was the way it had been when they were married, a time with no barriers, no questioning, just each other and all the fun that was capable between the two.

“Once,” John smiled, “with Brady. That probably makes me the worst father on the face of the earth, huh?”

“Of course not. I’ve never done it.”

With a twinkle in his eye, John winked. “I bet Brady has some upstairs. Want to try it?”

To this Marlena burst out laughing, the throaty sound arousing John more than he’d care to admit. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

It was silent for a moment, both relishing in the company of the other. And as Marlena looked at him, she knew she needed to ask this question, a question which deep down had always plagued her. She placed her hand on his thigh, and he looked up with her with desire ridden eyes.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

Marlena bit her lower lip, contemplating the words. “Have you ever been in love since Isabella?”

“You mean aside from you?”

It wasn’t an answer to make Marlena uncomfortable and she knew that. So she nodded, rubbing her hand along his leg.

“Honestly, no. Even with Isabella, it wasn’t the same as it was with you. Marlena, I came to you, not knowing anything. I didn’t know who I was, I didn’t know what my life consisted of. All I had were broken memories and you somehow put that all back together for me. I’m grateful for everything you have given me. And the truth is, I don’t think I want to be in love again. I had the great love of my life. I guess I should be thankful for that.”

Marlena smiled sadly, wondering whether or not she should be as open with him as he was with her. It had been a long time in coming this conversation, and although she had dreaded the moment, she never realized how truly soothing it was.

“You know …” She paused for a moment, her eyes darting across the city, scared to look at him, afraid of what she’d see if she did. She knew those eyes so well, every look, every flicker. She did turn back to him when she spoke again, knowing even if she wanted to, she wouldn’t be able to look away. “I know you think I stopped loving you, but I never did John.” Her voice dropped lower, her tears unable to stop themselves. “I never could.”

He squeezed her hand and nodded, not wanting words to break the moment. He had waited so long to hear her say that, so long to feel like this with her again. He closed his eyes, the cold air brushing past him in a frenzy, swallowing him in a sense of freedom he had long since forgotten. His hand still held hers, their grip tight and strong and he would have given anything to stay like that forever. But she spoke again, her voice like a whisper, a dream.

“Did you ever think we’d end up like this? You with someone else, me with someone else, all the obstacles, the lies. All the pain?”

“Not in a million years. I do sometimes wonder about what would have happened had you not been missing. And then I realize there would be no Brady. I like to think things happen for a reason, that God has reasons for all the madness He bestows upon people. And maybe what you said earlier is true. You’re my soulmate, Marlena. Not in the way people commonly use the world, not in the we’ll be married for all of time kind of way. But you are the one person who it all comes down to in the end.” John smiled, his head down in embarrassment as he realized how serious this conversation had gotten. “I think I liked the pot smoking conversation better.”

Marlena laughed, shrugging her shoulders, knowing the perfect change of conversation. A game, extremely pointless, yet surprising entertaining in all their time together.

“McDonalds or Burger King?”

John smiled, knowing the game all too well. “McDonalds. Ralph Lauren or Gucci.”

She scrunched up her nose like a little girl. “Neither. Anne Taylor. Jennifer Aniston or Heather Locklear?”

“Brady has Heather all over his bedroom. So her,” he grinned. “PC or MAC?”

“Are those apples?”

Unable to suppress his laughter, he only raised an eyebrow. “Yes honey, they are. Okay, let me see … peck on the lips, or deep sensual kisses?”

Marlena pulled her hair behind her ear, slowly learning forward towards John. He could feel her coming closer, the space between them closing in like claustrophobia. “Why don’t we find out,” she whispered, her breath hot against his face.

He knew he should stop her, she’d regret this in the morning, she’d regret it the moment she saw Roman again. But he couldn’t deny her, he never could, and as her body came closer, their lips about to meet, their eyes locked on the other, a bloodcurdling scream from upstairs sliced through the night as if God really did have a time and a place for everything.

Page 17 of 22
A bloodcurdling scream from upstairs sliced through the night as if God really did have a time and a place for everything and Marlena pulled herself away from John, suddenly realizing what she was about to do. Her emotions had gotten the best of her, like they had on that fateful night years ago and she quickly stood, brushing the dirt off her bottom, as if washing away any signs of sin. She turned away from John, feeling as if time had stopped. She knew she should be running up the stairs to make sure Alexia was okay, but she was unable to move, feeling as if some force were keeping her there. She stood for a moment, knowing John was watching her, and pulled herself away from her thoughts, moving towards the balcony door.

“I’m, uh, I’m going to check on Alexia.”

” Do you want me to come with you?” He asked, softly.

“No, I’m fine. You should probably clean up out here.”

Marlena was halfway inside the loft, when she did what she knew was a mistake. She turned and looked at John, hazel locking on blue, a rush of emotions flooding the open gates of her heart. She escaped the cold air in that moment, taking the steps two at a time, hoping to get to Alexia, but selfishly hoping the faster she moved, the more her mind would forget. She reached John’s bedroom in an instant and pushed the door open to find Alexia curled up under John’s blanket, crying. Sighing, she took a few steps towards the bed, sitting down. Her hand smoothed the matted blonde hair off of the child’s forehead, whispering soothing words.

“You okay, sweetheart?” Marlena asked, gently. ” Do you want to talk about it?”

Alexia sat up, wiping a few stray tears from her cheek. “I’m so sorry, Marlena. I know this was never what you expected when you met me. I never meant to intrude in your life, in John’s, and now that my father has died, I just feel like this responsibility is huge for him. Marlena, I’m not his daughter, I’m not even someone he really knows. So why? Why does he want to be responsible for me?”

Marlena smiled, pulling the covers off Alexia slightly, knowing she could use a little air. “Because John is like that. He’s so much more concerned with other people’s happiness than his own. And because he just generally cares about people. You aren’t a burden to him, Alexia. He wouldn’t have offered if he didn’t care, if he didn’t welcome your arrival. Now tell me, what made you scream like that? Was it a nightmare?”

Alexia blushed, turning her head slightly, just enough so Marlena couldn’t see the crimson creeping up her skin. “It was nothing. I woke up in an unfamiliar place and I freaked out for a minute. I didn’t mean to interrupt anything or scare either of you. I actually didn’t even think you were still here. What were you doing?”

It was now Marlena’s turn to blush, although more so from shame than anything else. “John and I were just catching up …”

Alexia nodded, pulling her knees to her chest. She stared at Marlena for a moment, still not understanding what seemed so familiar about this woman. It was like she had known her all of her life, always known her smile, her laughter, her soothing words. And it took Alexia a moment to process her thoughts, but when she did, she looked up at Marlena, smiling lightly.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Of course. What is it?”

“You and John were …” Alexia paused for a moment, trying to find the right words. “You and John were together at one point, right?”

Marlena closed her eyes, sucking in a breath. “Yes. We were married for quite a few years. There were some mitigating circumstances that tore us apart, but we managed to stay close through the years. Why do you ask?”

“I don’t know,” Alexia shrugged, “you just seem … connected, I guess. Your husband is really wonderful, Marlena, but there is just something with John …”

Alexia could see her begin to tense and she placed her hand lightly on Marlena’s arm. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. Wow, I really just overstepped my boundaries, didn’t I? Do you hate me?”

For the first time in hours, Marlena smiled. “Of course not. John and I are connected, we always will be, I guess. It’s just hard sometimes. He was my husband and I loved him. And I guess I never stopped loving him. It wasn’t as if we broke up because we were fighting or because we just couldn’t be near each other anymore, it just … happened.”

“You still love him,” Alexia responded, quietly.

Her tone wasn’t accusatory, in fact, it was anything but. And Marlena found herself opening up to a girl who somehow seemed to understand all the quick tragedies life had to offer.

“Yes,” she whispered. “I do.”

**

John hadn’t moved from the balcony since Marlena had gone upstairs, the cold air not even bothering him as it once had earlier that night. The lights of Salem illuminated the city and for once he tried to free everything from his mind. But as his eyes closed and his head met the cold brick wall, visions of the near kiss only moments before flooded his senses. He could still smell her perfume lingering on the terrace, her breath, a mix of cigarette smoke and Big Red gum right before his lips, and the smell of her hair, a combination of lilacs and honeysuckle, against his nose. It took almost everything in him not to throw up, to purge the memories from his mind and his heart.

It was the ringing phone inside which proved to be his salvation and he quickly made his way through the sliding glass doors. Rummaging through a mess on his coffee table, John finally found the phone buried under the latest copy of Maxim and rolled his eyes at the reading materials his son still carried.

“John Black.”

“Who’s on page 45 of Maxim?”

The sound of his son’s voice flooded the line and John had to smile at the greeting. “Yes, I am aware it’s almost one in the morning. I’m fine, by the way.”

John could hear the smile dancing on Brady’s lips as he answered. “Hello Dad. How are you? I’m doing well. I know it’s late, I’m sorry. Now who is on page 45 of Maxim?”

John picked up the magazine he had just tossed aside and flipped through until he found the right page. “Some blonde.”

“Thank you, Einstein. Most of them are. There has got to be a name somewhere. I have $50 riding on this, Dad. Now read the article, who is she?”

John skimmed the article for a moment, his eyes resting on a name. “Jessica Simpson. Hey, she’s kind of hot.”

” Damn it! I totally thought it was Mandy Moore. I just lost fifty bucks.”

“Mandy Moore isn’t a blonde anymore.” And when John realized what he had just said, he laughed, shaking his head. “I did not just say that.”

“All right, closet Mandy fan, I need to go. I’ll be home in an hour or so, I just need to close up the bar. And Dad, thanks!”

John couldn’t help but laugh at himself as he hung up the phone, picking up the magazine once more. Skimming the article, John’s eyes raised in confusion. “How can this girl not know Chicken of the Sea is tuna fish?” As he continued to read the article, the phone beside him rang once more and he picked it up, not bothering to look at the caller ID. “Brady, did you know Jessica thought that platypus was pronounced platymapus?”

“John? It’s Abe.”

“Oh, Abe, I’m sorry,” John chuckled, “I thought you were Brady. What’s up, partner?”

John could hear Abe sigh on the other line and he knew this couldn’t be good. “John, what do you know about Alexia’s father?”

“Nothing really. Just that he was away on business a lot. Why, what’s up?”

“I got a call from the precinct in Miami. Richard Miller was a drug dealer, John. He was out of the country a lot, down in Mexico, the Dominican Republic … the police had been after him for a while. He was in the Caribbean this time. Deal went bad and he was shot. He did a lot of selling on the black market as well. John, I need to ask you this. Do you think Alexia–“

” Don’t even finish the sentence, Abe,” John replied, wearily, “of course I don’t think she knows. Do you want me to tell her?”

“It’s better to wait. Detective Ivery is getting back to me with the rest of the details. I just thought you’d want a heads up on the situation. How is she doing?”

“She just had a nightmare. Marlena is upstairs with her now.”

In his office across town, Abe Carver sat up straight, his feet falling to the floor. “Marlena is there?”

“Yeah, she came over to help with Alexia.”

Abe let out a loud sigh. “John, what are you doing? She’s married–“

“To my best friend, do you think I forgot that fact, Abe? Why is this such a big deal? We’re friends.”

“It’s me, John. Roman might be my best friend as well, but it doesn’t mean you aren’t. I know how you still feel. I know you love her. And with Roman out of town–“

“Nothing happened with Marlena, Abe,” John replied, sharply, “and nothing ever will.”

” Damn right it won’t!”

John spun around to find the door of his loft open, the phone almost dropping onto the floor.

“Roman …”

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“Roman!” John replied, startled, grabbing a hold of the phone.

He glanced down at the receiver and up at Roman’s face and did the only thing he could in the moment: he hung up on Abe. He placed the phone down the on the table, attempting to read Roman’s expression, but unable to due to desperation. Sure, everyone knew he was still in love with Marlena, but it was never spoken of, especially with Roman.

“Look, Roman, I don’t know what you heard–“

“Let me ask you something,” Roman responded, taking a step closer, “Have you ever slept with my wife? Aside from that short time you two were married, did you sleep with her, John?”

John eyes widened, nearly choking on his own saliva. Had things really come to this? Mistrust, questioning in the middle of the night? Was this what his life was about now? He regained as much composure as he could, glancing towards the stairs where Marlena was in his bedroom with Alexia. He took a step forward, motioning for Roman to sit on the couch. He did, although not that willingly, glaring at John with such contempt it almost made him shiver.

“Roman, where is this coming from? Marlena and I are friends. That’s all we’ve ever been since you came back.” John sifted through his words carefully, trying to look into Roman’s eyes as much as he could. “It’s no secret I love her, Roman. But I would never intentionally hurt you.”

The footsteps on the creaky wooden staircase made them turn. She came down the steps, unaware of her surroundings, her blonde hair falling loosely out of a ponytail that made her seem much younger than her years. She was lost in thought and both John and Roman only hoped it was about them, neither of them knowing just which one she was thinking about. She finally looked up, her hazel eyes widening at the sight of her husband, an unexpected visitor.

“Roman! What are you, I mean, I didn’t know you were coming back tonight!”

Roman looked between both John and Marlena, trying to read the expressions of two people who refused to look at each other. Roman stood, extending his hand out to Marlena, still unsure of the tryst that had developed while he was gone.

“I think it’s about time we headed home.”

Marlena took Roman’s hand, almost willing to leave without a good-bye to John, anything to keep Roman from questioning her about her time spent in the loft. She turned towards him when she nearly reached the front door and gave him a small nod of the head.

“Alexia is asleep. I gave her something to help her, she should be out until morning. If she wakes up, just talk to her. I think it’s what she needs right now.”

John nodded, watching as his best friend pulled his wife out the door. John collapsed onto the couch, memories of earlier in the evening filling his mind. He could still taste her kiss, the strong flavor of Big Red still lingering somewhere on his tongue. He inadvertently licked his lips, wanting to taste her at least one last time. He had never seen her look as beautiful as she did tonight, bathed in the moonlight, in the flicker of her cigarette every time she ashed onto the cold cement.

So lost in thought, John didn’t even hear the door open until he felt weight on the other side of the couch. He didn’t open his eyes, however. He knew who it was.

“Would you be willing to move?”

Brady laughed, leaning back against the couch, taking his shoes off with ease. “Sure, where would you like to move too? I heard Cabo is pretty nice.”

John opened his eyes, turning his head towards his son’s. “I’m not kidding, Brady. Would you be willing to move?”

Brady groaned, realizing what had happened. “He came home, didn’t he? Were you two …”

“No! God, no. He came home though. And it was the first time in a long time where I felt as if I didn’t belong here. Why are we still here, Brady? What’s keeping us here?”

“For starters, Chloe is keeping me here. You can’t do this, Dad!” Brady responded, firmly. “You can’t uproot me from the life I have known because you can’t stand to be near Marlena! Do you think I still want to be in Salem? My girlfriend might be off to New York this summer or Philadelphia or anywhere! Do you think I want to stay here and take care of you like I have been for years?”

John sat back, stunned at the words Brady was spewing. He rubbed his temples, his eyes weary and red, on the verge of letting all emotions loose. John placed his hand on Brady’s leg, forcing his son to look at him. “Did I really keep you here?”

Brady sighed deeply. “I stayed because I love you, Dad. I stayed because I knew staying in this loft alone would kill you. I stayed because I thought if I did the women would stop coming by. I just … When did this happen? Things were fine. How did all of this get so out of control?”

“I don’t know.” John shrugged his shoulders. “I just feel that if I was away from here I could forget. I could heal”

“You can run away,” Brady said, softly, “but all problems don’t fade with location. They follow you wherever you go. Marlena will never leave you, Dad. No matter where you go. Don’t you see? She’s your soulmate.”

**

The house was dark, just like she had left it when she drove to John’s. Clothes still lay on the floor, clothes Marlena tried to hide, if only to hear one less complaint from Roman. She had heard it the entire ride home, suspicions from Roman she wasn’t sure quite where they were coming from. She had been to the loft many times before, unsupervised, yet somehow something had set Roman off. She suddenly remembered the letter she had written earlier and jumped off the bed, making sure Roman was no where around. She checked the hallways, still hearing his footsteps downstairs and walked to her closet, standing on her tiptoes to retrieve the box she had slipped the note in earlier. And as she fished through it, she realized it was gone and that Roman must have found it. Somehow.

She could hear his footsteps on the stairs and she quickly pushed the box up where it belonged, untouched. She sat down on the bed, brushing her hair, anything to look as inconspicuous as she could. Roman came into the room, sitting down beside her and she could feel her nerves, making her feel nauseous.

“Look, Roman–“

“I’m sorry,” Roman said, softly. “I came home and you weren’t here. I had a hard week and all I wanted to do was see you. When I realized you were at John’s, I just lost it. I know you would never betray me, Marlena. And I apologize.”

Marlena could feel the tears in the corner of her lids, warm and soft, an emotion she tried to often to hide. She bit down on her lower lip, wanting to do anything and everything to stop her crying. But for once her methods didn’t work and she began to cry, softly at first, gradually becoming harder as the seconds ticked by. Roman gathered her into his arms, kissing the crown of her head with such delicacy it made her want to cry even harder. If he had found that letter, was he forgiving her? Was he punishing her by making her feel like a horrible person? Whatever it was, her thoughts were interrupted by Roman’s mouth trailing along the line of her neck. She could feel his soft kisses decorating her shoulder blades and she squeezed her eyes shut, only able to think about the evening she had shared with John.

He laid her back on the bed, slowly undressing her, being as delicate with her as he had ever been. His body moved on top of her and she participated if only for the show she was so used to putting on. The loving, devoted housewife. The perfect picture of a woman. But Marlena Evans-Brady was a fraud. And the first time she ever put a label on herself was when she realized she was thinking of John Black during sex with her husband.

Page 19 of 22
Alexia Miller woke up the next morning to the sweet swell of bacon. She stared out the window into the world that had quickly become white with snow and rolled over in bed, her feet touching the plush carpeting of John’s bedroom. She walked to the window and watched as the snow continued to fall, unable to keep from thinking about all that had happened in the past few days. She had awoken in the middle of the night hoping this was all some nightmare but when she noticed where she was and heard Marlena and John downstairs she knew that this was all her reality now.

She took a deep breath knowing now was the time to be strong. She had survived a lot of pain in her life and surely she’d be able to handle this. She refused to be a burden to John and while she was living in his loft, she promised herself she would stay strong despite how much she might be hurting.

She quickly slipped on a pair of shorts and pulled her hair back in a ponytail. She walked down the stairs and noticed John sitting on the couch, a cup of coffee in one hand and the morning paper in the other. As he heard her footsteps, he turned around quickly folding the paper.

“Alexia, good morning. I wasn’t sure what you wanted for breakfast so I made all of it.”

She smiled, sitting down at the kitchen table. Picking up a piece of bacon with her hand, she looked at John. “I’m sorry you had to sleep on the couch last night. I had intended on moving but Marlena gave me something to help me sleep.”

“Don’t worry about it. How are you doing this morning?”

Alexia shook her head. “John, I really appreciate everything you have done for me, I really do. I just don’t want to talk about this. I’ll be okay, I promise.” Wanting to change the subject desperately, Alexia piled some food onto her plate, not realizing just how hungry she was. “So what are you up to today?”

John realized in that moment just how much this young woman was like Marlena. He knew how much she was hurting but she didn’t want to face those problems, not yet anyway. Although knowing how damaging this route could be, John saw no choice but to oblige with her wishes. For the moment anyway. “I might actually have a date.”

“Really? With that woman from Christmas?”

John nodded. “Kacey. We were supposed to go out yesterday but she cancelled. She called this morning.”

Alexia studied him carefully. “You don’t know if you want to go, do you?”

John smiled. She was intuitive like Marlena as well. “I don’t think I should leave you right now.”

“I appreciate that and while I think you told her that as your excuse, you don’t know if you want to anyway, whether I was here or not.”

John almost had to laugh. “Anyone ever tell you you should be a shrink? Or at least a psychic.”

“Yes, to both. Why don’t you want to date her?”

“I’m tired of dating,” John replied, honestly. “I’ve dated a lot in the past and it just doesn’t seem worth it anymore. So I figure why start something that isn’t going to turn into anything. Besides, I didn’t say no.”

Alexia nodded, ripping apart her pancake. “You must think I’m extremely nosy. I tend to ask a lot of questions. Questions that are usually none of my business.”

“You’re forgiven.” John smiled. “So do you think I should go?”

“I think you can’t hide from the world. You can’t lose anything by going on this date tonight and to be honest you really seemed to get along great with her during Christmas.”

“What about you? I won’t leave you today.”

“John, stop it, I’ll be fine. Besides, I should go talk to Abe about some things down at the station. If I need anything, I promise you, I will call.”

John stood from the couch and sat down next to Alexia. Placing a light kiss on her forehead, he picked up a piece of bacon. “You better.” He stood up and started to walk towards the stairs when he turned around again. “By the way, if this date goes horribly, I will blame you.”

Alexia laughed. “I expect no less.”

**

Marlena walked the halls of the hospital she had worked in for years feeling as if she were a fraud. For years she had been hiding the demons inside of her and it was only the entrance of Alexia in her life that led her to believe once and for all that she needed a little therapy. She had made an appointment with a colleague, making sure that no one else she worked with would find out. She knocked on the door lightly, unable to stop her hand from shaking.

“Come in.”

Marlena took a deep breath and opened the door. Amanda Ryerson looked up from her desk and smiled. “Hi, Marlena. Sit.”

It felt weird for Marlena to be the patient for once. She wondered if this was what all her patients felt like when they entered her office for the first time. No matter how nice she was to them, there was still this underlying fear within, something she didn’t know about until it was time for her to experience it for herself. She sat down on the couch, shifting nervously. Amanda walked towards her and smiled.

“It’s weird isn’t it? To be on the other side?”

“Am I a complete failure as a shrink for seeing one?”

“Nah. Don’t you watch The Sopranos? Melfi sees a shrink. I think you’re insane if you don’t see one these days.” Marlena smiled: exactly the reaction Amanda was looking for. “You said over the phone this had to do with your daughter. Tell me about her.”

“The thing is,” Marlena said, softly, “is that I don’t remember her. I can’t remember her laugh, I can’t remember the color of her eyes, not unless I close my eyes tightly and try and dream. It’s like this feeling is never going to go away. That I’m forever going to be obsessing over this for the rest of my life. So what am I supposed to do?”

“Why do you think it’s so hard for you to let go of these guilty feelings?”

“She was my daughter. What kind of parent lets this happen?”

“As I recall it was your other daughter who was home that night. Do you really blame yourself? Or do you blame her?”

Marlena sighed, rubbing her fingers over her temples. “Samantha was young. Roman and I were out late, too late for Samantha. She was exhausted and she fell asleep. If we had come home earlier, Sami wouldn’t have been so tired. It was like that night I lost two daughters. After we couldn’t find Isabella, Sami went to live with my parents. She couldn’t stand to look at me and know I blamed her.”

“You just said you didn’t.”

“I didn’t. Samantha was stubborn. No matter how many times I tried to tell her, she wouldn’t listen. She always believed I would blame her. She hasn’t come home in almost nineteen years.”

“Have you tried to discuss things with her? Called her? Asked her to come home?”

Marlena sighed, deeply. “Of course. She always makes some excuse though. She’s living in Denver now. She has a son whom I have never met. She’s been married and divorced. I just feel like my children’s lives are passing by and I don’t know them.”

“Have you spoken to Roman about this?”

“What is there to talk about? I will admit we haven’t had the best marriage since everything happened but we do love each other.”

Marlena paused for a moment, looking around the room. There was something else, something she didn’t know if she should be talking about. She took a deep breath and leaned back crossing her legs knowing it was now or ever.

“There is something else that has been bothering me.”

“What’s that?” Amanda asked.

“Before Belle was born, I had an affair.” Marlena closed her eyes in embarrassment but continued. “John and I had been married for years. We thought he was Roman and when my real husband came back, John and I never had time to say goodbye. The feelings were still there and we had sex. Twice. Roman never found out.”

“Do you still love him? John, I mean.”

Marlena thought about it for a moment, although she wasn’t sure why. She always knew the answer to that question. “Yes. He came to see me the other day. Admitted that he loved me. I pushed him away but afterwards I wrote him a letter. One that confirmed my feelings for him. The letter is gone and I think Roman found it.”

Amanda nodded. “Are you sure it was him?”

“I don’t know who else it could be.”

**

Brady Black sat in his bedroom, holding the letter he had heard Marlena writing yesterday. He had come back to her house when she was with John, knowing that no one could ever know about her feelings, especially Roman. He unfolded the paper and glanced down at the cursive writing, reading the letter quietly to himself.

…You came to me today and told me you loved me. Like a coward, I asked you not too. I asked you to silence your thoughts, to leave me in the dark about the way you felt about me because I was to scared to admit it to myself. I believe because I am married to Roman, I am not allowed to have feelings for you. But how can that be so? After all, you were as much my husband as Roman was and to be honest, I think in so many ways I loved you more. You taught me to live, John. To let myself go, to just give into the things I truly believe in. I failed you, I guess. I believe in our love, in the power it once held, and I was scared.

I sometimes wonder what would have happened, had Isabella not been in the picture. It sounds horrible of me to say, but if I had come back and she wasn’t here, would I really have gone back to Roman? Would you and I have been together? I love Roman, I do. I always will. But you, John, you are the one man I loved unconditionally. When Roman and I met, I could not stand him. With you, I thought you were Stefano and yet I could not help but be drawn to you, to love you. After we found out you were Roman, I led myself to believe that was why I loved you. Because you were my husband. You weren’t though, John. For all I knew, you could have been Stefano and I would have loved you just the same.

I wish things had been different, I do. But they aren’t, and maybe they never will be. Please know, however, that despite what it may seem, I will always love you. I will always treasure the life you have given me but I know that staying with Roman is what is right. I couldn’t break him, not after all he has done for me. But I do thank you, John. For everything.

Brady folded up the letter, placing it underneath a pile of clothes in his dresser wondering just how many lives this letter could destroy.

Page 20 of 22
John took a sip of his steaming coffee while sitting outside of the Java Café. He glanced down at his watch before pouring another sugar into his almost black coffee. The Christmas decorations were still up in Salem Place and it reminded John of a time long ago when he had given Marlena a charm bracelet for this particular holiday. She had been so grateful that he could still see the reaction on her face. With closed eyes, John shook the memory from his mind.

“John?”

John looked up and saw Kacey Martin, Roman’s childhood best friend, standing before him. She pulled the chair out and sat down across from him.

“I’m sorry I’m late, I had some last minute errands to run. I must admit I was surprised to hear from you.”

He grinned sheepishly. “Things have been a little hectic, I do apologize.”

“Don’t worry about it,” she replied with a wave of the hand, “I’m just glad you did call. Roman told me about Alexia’s father. How is she doing?”

“Surprisingly well, which I must admit scares me.”

“It shouldn’t. When my mother died, I didn’t show much emotion. I wasn’t hiding it either though. I just learned to deal with it in a different way. Instead of crying, I would call up a friend and keep myself occupied or do homework or write or something. People don’t grieve in the same way. There is no right and wrong.”

“I know that …”

“So why don’t I believe you’re convinced?”

“Alexia reminds me a lot of someone I know,” John responded, referring to Marlena, “and this person that she reminds me of tends to hide how she is feeling. She’ll be devastated yet act like she is fine. That isn’t the kind of grieving that is healthy.”

“You’re in love with her, aren’t you?”

John looked at her, confused. “Who?”

“Marlena.” She could see how stunned John was and she laughed. “I’m new to your life, but I’m not blind. We all have lost loves that haunt us.”

“Am I that transparent?”

“No,” Kacey smiled, “I’ve just been there before. However, I will tell you that I won’t be a rebound girlfriend. I’m fine with just being friends if that’s all you’re available for but I’ve been hurt a little too much in love.”

“You’re blunt, aren’t you?” He grinned.

She smiled. “Yes.”

“Okay, well since you were honest with me, I’ll be honest with you. Marlena and I haven’t been together in over two decades,” John fibbed. “I will admit that I have been rebounding ever since my wife died, but when I met you, I felt differently. I can’t promise you that neither of us will get hurt. But I can promise that I am not out to hurt you nor will I intentionally. I’d really like to give this a shot Kacey.”

She reached her hand out across the table and placed her hand over his. “So would I.”

**

Marlena sat on the couch in her home with the portable phone in her hand. She switched it between hands debating whether or not she should dial the number that was in front of her. She leaned over and looked at her address book, quickly punching in the digits so she wouldn’t chicken out. The phone rang a couple of times and by the fourth ring, Marlena was about to hang up when she heard a voice on the other line.

“Hello?”

“Samantha?” Marlena breathed.

“Yeah, who is this?”

Marlena closed her eyes, willing her tears not to fall. “It’s Mom.”

“Oh.” She sounded surprised. “I’m sorry, I just got in and rushed to get the phone, I thought maybe it was Will. He’s at camp for the summer. Is something wrong?”

“No, that’s not why I’m calling. I just wanted to see how you are.”

“I don’t mean to sound harsh but why? It’s been a long time, Mom. Even Daddy calls me more than you.”

“I knew how angry you were with me, Samantha. I know you think I blamed you for what happened to Belle, but I don’t. I want you to come home for a visit. Please. I’m getting therapy about everything that happened and I need to see you.”

“I don’t know,” Samantha replied, “things have been really busy here. Besides, I’m not sure I could get the time off. Maybe another time, Mom.”

Sami was about to make an excuse to hang up the phone, when her mother’s pleading voice stopped her.

“Was I that horrible of a mother?”

In her two bedroom apartment in Denver, Samantha Brady leaned back against her bed, biting on her lower lip to stop her tears. She really had missed her family in the years since she had been gone, but didn’t know how to face them after all this time. No one knew the secrets that she did and she feared that being near both of her parent’s would get her into trouble. But she could hear the desperate pleas of her mother and couldn’t help but miss her.

“You weren’t a bad mother. Things just … happened. Look, maybe I can come home for a couple of days. Will won’t be getting back for another two weeks and I have a little vacation time I could use.”

“Really?” Marlena asked, amazed.

“I can’t make any promises. I’ll call you in a couple of days to let you know.”

“Thank you Samantha,” Marlena whispered.

When she hung up the phone moments later, Marlena felt as if all the broken pieces in her life were finally becoming resolved: all except John of course.

**

Alexia walked into the police department scanning the room for Abe. She had gotten the call from him moments after John left and she debated on whether or not she wanted to come in. She wanted to put her father’s death behind her as much as she could anyway and she wasn’t sure if she really wanted to know the sorted details of his death or line of business.

She walked to the back where Abe’s office was located and knocked on the slightly ajar door.

“Come on in.”

Alexia opened the door fully and walked into Abe’s office, closing the door behind her. “You wanted to see me?”

“Yes, please sit down.”

Alexia sat down across from Abe’s desk, crossing her legs. “What is it, Abe?”

“Alexia, I need you to tell me all that you knew about your father’s business.”

“Nothing! Abe, if I had known what he was doing–”

“How much did you know about your father?”

“Obviously nothing,” she replied, angrily. “I thought he went away on business trips. A lot of people’s fathers do. He was in sales so he had to go around the country on business. Do you think I had something to do with this?”

“No, of course not! The police are investigating his death and his past and were wondering if there was anything that you knew that could help us, that’s all.”

“Well I don’t know anything,” Alexia said, softly. “I guess I never did.”

Page 21 of 22
Turning on the radio in the bar, Brady Black wiped down the counters relieved that the night from hell was over. While the bar was always crowded on Friday nights, he had less patience than usual. The letter Marlena had written to his father continued to play in his mind and he had been avoiding his girlfriend for days now. He just had too much to right now without having to deal with relationship issues as well and he wasn’t sure what to do anymore. In times like this he usually went to Marlena, although for the first time, she was the one causing most of his problems.

He heard the front door to the bar open and was about to tell whoever it was that they were closed for the night, when he saw his girlfriend. She was bathed in the moonlight from the street lamp outside and he had never seen her look as beautiful. Taking in a deep breath, Brady threw the rag down on the bar.

“I was just locking up.”

“I didn’t ask for an explanation,” Chloe replied, sitting down on a bar stool, “you’re busy, I get it. How have you been?”

“Fine.”

“I can’t believe school is starting up again in a couple of days. I filled out those applications for college and sent them in.”

“Cool.”

Chloe sighed, exasperated. “Okay, what the hell is wrong with you? I haven’t spoken to you in like four days and all you can say is fine and cool?”

“Chloe, I’ve just had some things on my mind. I don’t have time to argue this with you.”

“Meaning you don’t have time for me.”

“Stop being immature. I knew there were disadvantages for dating someone younger,” Brady muttered.

“Fuck you,” Chloe seethed, picking up her bag, “and don’t you dare blame this on me. When you grow up, give me a call, until then, go to hell.”

Chloe stormed out of the bar, slamming the door shut behind her. Not wanting to deal with her or anyone at the moment, Brady turned up the stereo system a little louder, drowning out all thoughts of Marlena and everything else in his life.


“Tell me something you never told anybody else,” Kacey said, taking a fry off of John’s plate.

The two of them had been out to dinner for hours now, just enjoying each other’s company. John had almost forgotten what it felt like to be happy without Marlena and was surprised at how easily it came with Kacey. She was nothing like Marlena, but everything like the way she used to be: before things got rough.

Contemplating his answer, John smiled. “I sleep in the nude.”

Kacey laughed, shaking her head. “I’m sure your former wives know that. Doesn’t count. I want another one.”

“Serious or not?”

Kacey shrugged. “Whatever you want.”

“Okay. After my wife died, I considered suicide. I didn’t attempt it, I don’t think I even came close, but in that moment, during that time, I felt like I had lost everything and considered what it would be like if I had ended things.”

“What made you stop? Thinking that way, I mean.”

He wanted to tell her Marlena, but he couldn’t. “My son,” John replied, not lying to her completely. “He was a baby at the time. I couldn’t let him lose both of his parents. Brady is amazing. He’s been a saving grace for all of these years. So what about you? Something you’ve never told anyone else.”

“Oh I’m an open book, I have no secrets,” she winked.

“Liar,” John laughed, “but I’ll let it go for now.” He looked at her for a moment, before placing his hand on hers. “You know I haven’t had this much fun in a long time. Thank you.”

“Me either.” She looked down at her watch and sighed, looking back up at John. “I hate to cut the evening short, but I have an early morning tomorrow. Think you can take me home?”

“If I have too,” John pouted.

“You have too. But I promise, we’ll do this again soon. Real soon.”

Samantha Brady walked into Salem Park wrapping her jacket tightly around her body. She had gotten off the plane only moments before but before heading home to her parents, she decided to wander around the town she had once lived in. She hadn’t told anyone she was coming in fear she would chicken out and not step foot onto the plane. Salem held a lot of secrets for her, secrets she was almost afraid to relive, and she took a deep breath, inhaling the cold winter air.

She walked along while she made footprints in the snow. She could make out a bench a few yards in the distance and decided to sit for a few minutes before making her way back home. But when she reached the bench, she noticed a young woman sitting there, her knees perched up chest, a cup of steaming hot chocolate in her hands.

Deciding to rest for a moment anyway, Sami sat down, rubbing her hands together. The woman looked at her and smiled.

“I didn’t think anyone else would be crazy enough to sit out here so late at night in this weather.”

Sami turned to look at her, only able to make out small features in the dark night. She looked to be about twenty, maybe a little younger, with blonde hair reminisant of her own, and a voice that seemed almost comforting. She gave a small smile, nodding.

“I was surprised to find someone here also. I used to come here a lot when I was kid. It was somehow frightening at night but it was the only place I could ever find comfort. Things were always a little crazy in my home.”

“Yeah, I know the feeling.” She looked down noticing the luggage at the woman’s feet. “Going or coming?”

“What?” Sami asked, confused.

“The luggage,” she pointed, “going or coming.”

“Coming. My parent’s live here. It’s been a long time since I’ve been home. I guess I’m kind of avoiding stepping foot into my old home again. It’s been forever.”

“That’s cool though. That you still have this place you can come home too. I don’t know if I’ll ever have a place like this.”

On some kind of instinct, Sami reached her hand across to touch the woman’s lap. “It’s there. I just think sometimes we never know where it is. I’m not even sure if this is my place. I think I’m insane for even being here.”

“Can I offer you some advice?”

“What’s a little advice between strangers?”

“Be grateful for all you do have. Sooner or later, things come crashing down. Might as well enjoy what you do have for the time being.”

Sami smiled. “I guess you’re right.” She stood up, reaching her hand out. The girl reached out her hand as well and they shook, a feeling of what Sami might call electricity surge through her. She quickly released her hand, clearing her throat. “Well thanks for the talk. I guess it’s about time I got home.”

“Good luck,” she smiled.

“Thank you.”

Sami took one last look before picking up her luggage. “Have a nice night.”

“Yeah, you too.”

She watched the stranger walk away, luggage in hand, never realizing they had met before, a long, long time ago.

Page 22 of 22
As the radio played Friday night love songs, John sat in his Jeep, unable to get his mind off of that night’s events. He had gotten home only moments ago, but hadn’t been able to move and for the first time in what seemed like forever, John wasn’t thinking about Marlena. He had spent the entire evening with Kacey, finally able to be himself. He didn’t have to be the billionaire most women wanted, he didn’t have to hide from a life that he was ashamed of. Instead he was himself, with no pretenses and no lies.

She was different than he had originally thought. While she was tough and knew exactly what she wanted, she had an air about her that was soothing and comforting. Closing his eyes as one song ended, he quickly opened them as another began. Unchained Melody filled the small vicinity of the car and John moaned, shutting off the radio.

“Can’t go one day without a reminded,” he mumbled, unfastening his seatbelt.

He got out of the car and took the elevator up to his loft. Upon exiting, he saw Marlena sitting up against his door, flipping through the latest issue of People Magazine, as if she had been there for hours.

“Marlena?” Marlena looked up at him, her hazel eyes locking into his. “What are you doing here?”

“Where were you?” She asked, casually, although her tone seemed to implicate otherwise. A bit of hostility? Jealously maybe?

John debated on whether or not to tell her the truth but he knew she would find out eventually, given the fact that Roman and Kacey were close friends. “I was out. With Kacey.”

“Oh? Are you two seeing each other?”

“Nothing serious, but I’ll be seeing her again.”

“John, this isn’t the answer.” Marlena sighed.

“Excuse me?”

“Did you sleep with her?”

“How is that any of your business, Marlena?”

“It’s my business when it affects my Godson. You can’t keep sleeping with women in his home, John. He doesn’t like it.”

“He doesn’t? Or you don’t?”

Marlena took a step back, stung by his comment. She knew she was being petty, but she didn’t think dating was what was best for John right now. However, if she was truthful with herself, she knew the real reason she didn’t like this was because for the first time, John actually seemed serious about another woman. They had come and gone over the years, but never the same woman more than once. With Kacey it was different. With Kacey, she felt this sick realization that she had lost.

“This isn’t about me,” she replied, quietly.

“It isn’t? You’re jealous.”

“I am not!” Marlena yelled. “If you want to ruin your life, go right ahead! Don’t let me stop you.”

Across the hall the door opened and Mimi Lockhart, a girl no older than Alexia, opened the door. She was barely dressed, clad only in a man’s shirt, but she seemed concerned for her neighbor.

“I’m sorry to interrupt, but is everything okay, Mr. Black?”

“Everything is fine, Mimi. I’m sorry if we disturbed you.”

“No problem.” Mimi smiled. “Have a nice night.”

“You too, sweetheart. Tell Rex hello for me.”

Mimi went back inside and John unlocked his door pulling Marlena inside. He wasn’t sure where all of this was coming from and he’d prefer she’d leave if she intended on ruining his evening.

“Why don’t you tell me where all of this is coming from?” John asked, sitting himself down on the couch.

“What the hell are you talking about?” She snapped.

“Wasn’t it last night you and I spent hours out on the terrace talking like the old days? Wasn’t it you who I was outside smoking with talking about life and the good times. So what happened between now and then, Marlena? Tell me this has nothing to do with Kacey,” John challenged.

“You son of a–“ Marlena lifted her hand to slap John, but his hand intercepted hers.

“Can’t admit it can you? You’re married, Marlena! Did you really want me to wait around the rest of my life? I’ve done that! I’ve waited since the moment Isabella has died and you never came back to me. Well, you know what? I’m not waiting anymore! I’m not going to die a lonely man because I spent my life waiting for a woman I can never have.”

The tears had already started to form in Marlena’s eyes and she quickly swiped at them. “Why are you doing this to me?”

“You started this argument, Marlena, not me.”

“And I’m going to end it.” She opened the door to the loft, turning to look at once more. Without a word she left, feeling more unsettled and hurt than she had in a long time.



It had been hours since Marlena had left and John had been outside ever since. He had bought another pack of cigarettes and had spent the last hours wallowing to self-pitying music and nicotine. A knock on the door startled him and John debated whether or not to answer it. He didn’t want to see anyone at the moment but the person on the other side of the door was relentless. Putting out his cigarette, John stood and jogged inside. And when he opened the door, he saw someone he never thought he would see again. She looked so much like her mother that at first glance, John believed it to be Marlena. She gave him a small smile.

“Hi, John.”

“Samantha …”