JOHN
I silently watch her from the doorway. There she is playing with our children as they enjoy bath time with their mommy. I long to be in that bath with them. I would be laughing with them, smelling their baby fresh hair, rubbing her calf beneath the water. It would be perfect if only…I wasn’t about to have a baby with Kristen.
MARLENA
I practically cry every time I have a special moment with the children, because John isn’t there to see it. I long to share these moments with him, to actually be a family instead of…whatever it is we are.
Belle makes a funny face at me and I make one at her. She squeals with laughter and hugs me fiercely. I wrap my arms around her and kiss her neck. She has the most wonderful smell. It’s like heaven wrapped up in my little girl.
Brady feels left out and sulks at the edge of the tub. I reach my hand out to him and he grins and slides over to join his sister in the hug fest. This is what perfection is I think to myself. No…I’m wrong…
Perfection would be if John were in this tub with me and our children. Perfection would be if John were mine… and mine alone.
THE BATHROOM
“Daddy!” Belle yells out.
“Hey Daddy!” Brady stands up and reaches his arms out.
John laughs as he walks in to the bathroom. He takes off his sweater as he reaches Brady and throws it on the sink. To anyone else this would look too casual. I’m naked in a bathtub with our two children and John is about to have a baby with Kristen, but this is normal to us. We were married and we had an affair and we are Belle’s parents. To act formal around them would seem foreign to us. Well…I know it would seem foreign to me because I still love John and I still want to be with him.
“Hey there buddy. Come here.” John says as he picks Brady up and hugs him.
“Me next Daddy. Me next!” Belle yells out.
“Okay you too. Get up here.” John moves Brady to his other arm and picks Belle up. He sits on the edge of the tub facing me. I notice the kids are getting his pants soaked. He doesn’t mind. I chide myself silently because I’m staring at his chest. He has such a glorious body. My face becomes flushed as I try to calm my body down. It has been such a long time…
“Doc did you hear me?” John says.
“Wha-?” I become flustered as I realize he was talking to me and I didn’t hear a word he said. “I said I’m sorry for walking in on you like this.” John repeated as he looked at me. His eyes bore into mine with an intensity that made me want to look away, but I didn’t.
“That’s okay. The kids were almost done playing in the bath and then they are off to bed. What brings you by?”
John places Belle and Brady back in the tub to play and takes a seat on the floor next to the tub. I scoot over and fold my arms on the edge, placing my chin on my forearm.
“Truthfully?” He asks.
“Always.” I reply.
“Didn’t feel like going home after work. I just felt like coming here and spending some time with the kids and tucking them in maybe?” He hints slyly.
I smile at his grin. He could make me do anything…literally. But oh how I enjoy the things he makes me do…
“I think the children would enjoy their daddy tucking them in.” I reply. I want to say that mommy would enjoy being tucked in also, but I don’t.
“I’ll tell you what. How about I tuck in the kiddos and you just enjoy your bath for a little while longer. Then you can come and give them a kiss when I’m done okay?” John asks hopefully.
“It sounds wonderful to me. They are all yours Mr. Black.” I respond as I give them each a kiss on their nose and lean back into the water to soak.
“Come on kids. Let’s get ready for bed. Who wants a story?”
Endless sounds of laughing children follow down the hallway as I close my eyes to block out the light of the bathroom. I clear my head until there are no sounds anymore. There is just silence and the sound of my breathing.
The only thing I see before I drift off to sleep is the face of my beloved smiling before me.
JOHN
It took four stories to finally get them asleep. But I enjoyed every minute of it. I may be dog tired right now, but I would have read 10 stories to them if I had to. I debate whether I should get Marlena to come give them a kiss, but truthfully they are already out. They won’t even know if she is there or not. So I let her get some rest as I check out the kid’s room.
There are new drawings on the walls. They weren’t there a week ago. That was the last time I came over. I woke the kids up and helped get them ready for a day with their grandparents. Marlena brings them to the mansion to see me. They don’t spend the night though. That’s what I miss most. Tucking them in and knowing they are right down the hallway as I sleep.
Belle has a new pair of pink ballet shoes. My hand is twice as big as them. It makes me think of how fragile she still is. Both of her little feet would fit in the palm of my hand.
Brady has a new GI Joe figure in his toy chest. I make a mental note of these things. Somehow it makes me feel a part of this family. I want to know when they get new toys and when there are new drawings. I want to know what size shoes my daughter wears.
This isn’t working I tell myself. This lifestyle where I only see them every few days. I leave Brady with Marlena because I want him to be with his sister, but, in the back of my mind I know there is another reason. I think Marlena is a better mom.
I want her to be Brady’s mom. I want her to be my wife. I want my family back.
JOHN
I step in quietly and leave the door open. Marlena is asleep in the tub. She looks so peaceful I hate to wake her, but I know she would be more comfortable in her bed. I rub her cheek and whisper her name against her ear.
When I pull back I notice goosebumps have covered her body. I’m guessing it’s because she’s cold, but I’m hoping it’s also because I’m so close to her right now. Secretly I wish that I could turn her on just by being close to her. God knows she does it to me the minute she walks into the room.
She turns her body towards me and moans slightly. I was so taken by her beautiful face that I failed to realize the bubbles had disappeared in the tub. I can see her body clearly beneath the water.
Three years ago when we had an affair I thought her body was perfect. I was wrong. The body I am looking at is even more perfect than before she had Belle. Her breasts are fuller, her hips are wider and her waist is even smaller than before. I lean forward a little and sigh. She has the kind of ass you just want to smack. Her arms and legs are long and lean and her whole body is covered with a light tan and the cutest freckles I’ve ever seen.
I look up to the ceiling and silently thank God. Man he must love me for putting this woman in my life. I watch her as I rub her cheek. She hasn’t woken up just yet. She is making mewling sounds though. That means she is close but she is so comfortable she doesn’t want to. It’s her laziness coming out. I don’t mind though. It gives me a moment to think of what I’m going to say.
I know what I have to do. I have to break things off with Kristen. I have to let her know that I will be there for the baby and provide for it, but I don’t want to be a family with Kristen. I want to be with Doc and the kids. Then I have to pack my things and move out…tonight.
Then I am coming back to the penthouse and hope against hope that Marlena feels the same way about me as I do about her. I debate whether to bring my belongings here or get a room at the Inn. It is putting a lot of pressure on her. Maybe finding out I love her and that I want to move in is too much. I decide to move to the Inn. But I vow I am coming back tonight to let Marlena know how I feel.
Marlena’s hand reaches up to cup mine against her cheek. She sighs contentedly.
“John?” She whispers.
“I’m here Doc.” I reply as I lean over her until my nose touches hers.
She smiles sleepily. Her hand slides down my arm and gently falls back into the water.
“I love you…” She whispers as her body goes heavy. She has fallen asleep again.
I look at her dumbfounded. Did she mean that? I feel like waking her up and demanding that she tell me how she feels about me. But I don’t. I will know soon enough. For now I can only hope she meant it.
I pull the plug on the water and reach for a towel. I pick her up and sit her on my lap as I wrap the towel around her. She wraps her arms around me and leans her head on my shoulder. I carry her to the bedroom and pull back the covers. I lean over her as I set her down gently, pulling the blanket over her body.
I lie next to her for a moment and pull her hair back from her face.
“Can you hear me Doc?” I quietly ask her.
She mumbles something unintelligible.
“I love you Marlena. I’m coming back tonight. We are going to be a family again. I am going to make this work Doc. I promise you.”
I kiss her on the forehead and let my lips linger on her skin for a few seconds. Not wanting to leave her side but knowing the sooner I leave, the sooner I can come back and wake her up. I force myself to get up and with each step towards the door my heart begins to hurt more and more. I don’t like being away from her. The pain is almost unbearable. I keep telling myself it will soon be over and that makes me walk faster.
Once I safely turn on the alarm and lock the door, I take a deep breath and prepare myself for what is to come.
JOHN
Kristen barrages me with questions the moment I walk through the door. Where have I been? What was I doing out so late? She had dinner prepared and I wasn’t here.
I fly past her without answering any of her questions, making my way upstairs to the bedroom to gather my things. I want to make this short and sweet and to the point.
Kristen follows me upstairs and closes the door behind us.
“Well John? Are you going to answer me?” She stands with her arms crossed over her stomach.
“We need to talk Kristen.” I say with no emotion as I sit on the edge of the bed.
“I agree. What’s going on John?” She softens her tone, which makes what I have to say harder.
“I…can’t do this anymore Kristen. I’m not happy here. I’m not happy with you. I’ve been lying to myself and to you and to everyone. I thought I could move on but I can’t. My heart belongs to someone else. It always has and it always will. I can’t help it. I tried to fight it. I tried to stop it. No matter what I did it is always there. She’s my soulmate Kristen. I hope to God someday when you get over your anger that you will understand. I know that you will find someone who deserves you. Someone who deserves your love. But it’s not me Kristen. If we stayed together you would soon resent me because I can’t give you my heart. It’s not fair to you and it’s not fair to me either.”
Kristen looked down at the ground as tears flowed down her cheeks.
“I want you to know that I will provide for our baby though. I will support you in any decisions you make. I will help out in any way I can. Just because we won’t live together or be a couple doesn’t mean I’m not going to be this baby’s father. I plan on being there every step of the way. I may be a jerk for leaving you while you’re pregnant, but I’m not a complete jerk. I would never leave my child willingly. My hope is that we can handle this amicably for our child’s sake.”
Kristen sobbed into her hands.
“Oh god. What have I done?” She shrieked out through her tears.
“Kristen it wasn’t you. This is because of me. I swear!” I tried to make her see but she was looking all around the room.
“You’re going to hate me so much. You’ll never forgive me. That’s why I did this in the first place. You would have left me so long ago if you knew the truth…” She babbled on and on as I watched her pace around the room.
I shook my head and looked up again at her.
“Kristen what are you talking about?”
She turned towards me and ran her hands down her belly. She hiccupped and then sobbed again as she lifted her dress and took out a pillow. Her stomach instantly became flat. She threw the pillow on the ground.
I looked in horror at the pillow on the ground and back up at her.
“What the hell is going on?” I screamed at her. She fell back against a chair and covered her face with her hands.
“I can’t explain if you yell at me!” She cried out.
I turned and sat on the bed once again trying to control my breathing. When I felt calm enough to talk I asked her to explain once again.
“Well…it all started in Paris…”
JOHN
The first thing I did was fall onto the sofa once I walked through the door. I left this penthouse at nine with high spirits hoping to return within the hour. It was now midnight. My high spirits have disappeared altogether.
Kristen lied all along. She lost the baby and didn’t tell me. She knew where Stefano had hidden Marlena in Paris.
She had been helping him this whole time.
I groan as I get up off the sofa. I need Doc.
JOHN
I walk in silently and gaze across the room at her. No matter how bad I feel or how sick I am, just seeing her face is enough to cure me. I need her badly right now. I don’t know how this night will go. I just know that I have to tell her how I feel and give it everything I’ve got or I will regret it.
A creak beneath my foot awakens her slightly. She moves her body beneath the blankets and turns on her side facing the balcony. I walk around the bed and lean down on my knees in front of her. I slip a piece of her hair behind her ear so I can see her face.
The silent gesture makes her eyelashes flutter. She is waking up. She moans once against the pillow and fully opens those hazel eyes to gaze at me. A moment of confusion and then a smile lights her face up.
“Hi.” She says in that little girl voice I love.
“Hey Doc.” I reply. I don’t know where to start. I want to say so much and yet my lips are not cooperating.
She reaches a hand out to my cheek and rubs it soothingly as if she knows I want to say something.
“It looks like you’ve got a lot on your mind. Want to tell me about it?”
I sigh and grab her hand with mine.
“You always know when I need to talk don’t you?” I laugh wryly at how well she knows me.
“I always will my-“She pauses abruptly and bites her lip nervously. My heart swells. She does love me. I know it now.
“You can say it Doc.” I reply as I rub her hand.
A tear falls down her cheek and onto her nose. She swipes her hand across it slowly.
“I…was going to say…I always will my…love.”
Her hand covers her mouth and she cries. It’s out in the open now. She can’t take it back. What if I don’t feel the same way? That must be what she is thinking. This isn’t fair to her. I know she loves me. I know I love her. But she doesn’t know any of my feelings.
Looks like I will have to start there.
MARLENA
What have I done?
I sit up and wrap the blanket around me tighter. I feel too exposed. I can’t help my lips trembling. I pull my knees up and wrap my arms around them.
I just told John I loved him. I just put him in a position where he will have to choose. How could I do that?
John sits on the bed and puts his hands on my arms.
“I’m sorry John. I don’t know why I said-“
John puts a finger to my lips.
“There is no need Marlena. It’s okay.”
“No it’s not John. I just put you in a very bad position. I know you John. I know that you would never betray a woman by being with someone else. It’s not who you are. It would rip you apart. It’s not fair to you or to Kristen.”
“I put you in that position once before Doc. It wasn’t so long ago. But this situation is different.”
“How? You are with Kristen. You’re about to have a baby. We are not together. You have your life. I have mine.”
“That’s where you’re wrong Doc. Things have changed drastically in the last few hours. I don’t want to spend too much time talking about it now, but, I’m not with Kristen anymore. We are not having a baby.”
I blink rapidly. I do not understand this information as fast as I would like to.
“And…I love you Doc. I always have. I always will.”
A moan wants to come out of my mouth. I block it with my hand. Tears begin to fall down my face. I must be dreaming this. I want to pinch myself but I’m too afraid that I will wake up.
I must be looking at him like he’s crazy because he laughs slightly and runs his hand through his hair.
“I know. It’s a lot to take in such a small amount of time. Let me explain it a little better.”
He rises up and begins to walk around the room as he speaks.
“I came here tonight because something has been wrong in my life for a long time. That something was the fact that I wasn’t with you. I didn’t realize it until tonight. I put the kids to bed and looked around their room and realized I’ve been missing the best part of their childhood. I wanted to be there with them to tuck them in every night. I wanted to come to this bedroom and fall asleep with you in my arms and wake up in the same position…
just like we always did when we were married.”
He locks the door and makes his way back to the bed.
“I carried you to bed tonight and made a vow to you that I would be back very soon to tell you how I felt about you. I made a vow that I would break things off with Kristen. That’s just what I did. I went to the mansion and I told her I loved you and that my heart was here and not with her. I told her I would take care of our child. That’s when she dropped a bomb on me.”
He takes off his shoes and socks and pulls his sweater over his head, tossing it over the chair.
“She pulled out a pillow Doc. Turns out she lost the baby in Paris and didn’t tell anyone. She’s been faking her pregnancy this whole time. She also told me that she’s been in contact with Stefano for a while. She…knew where Stefano was hiding you in Paris Doc. She wanted you out of the picture. I could have lost you and she didn’t even help me. That’s not love. That’s obsession and evil. She’s just like Stefano and I don’t want any part of that.”
He takes off his pants and tosses them over the chair. All he has on is his silk black boxers. Even though I’m appalled by his story and scared that Kristen has turned out to be so evil I can’t help but be turned on by him being so close and so naked. I can’t help it.
“So I packed my things up and got a room at the Salem Inn. I had a few shots and threw some things. Took a good hour to moan about the loss of my child and how she could betray me like this. But you know what? Maybe this is a blessing in disguise Doc. Would I have wanted a baby with this woman? No I wouldn’t. I would have loved that baby. But now that I know there isn’t one, I’m relieved. I can break ties with her completely. No more lies.
No more deceiving. It’s over. Once I realized that, I ran over here as fast as I could. And that leaves me at your bedroom door. You know the rest.”
He has turned off the lights and lit a few candles so that we’re not in complete darkness. It’s soft and romantic.
But he hasn’t come near me yet. He’s kept his distance. I’m not sure why. Maybe to help me digest this news.
“Now I don’t want you to think I expect anything Doc. I’m not here because I think we are going to make love tonight. We will take this as slow as you want it. I came here tonight for two reasons. One was to tell you I love you. The second is to make sure that Kristen doesn’t do something foolish. I’m staying in this room tonight to protect you. I’ve got the alarm on and the locks shut tight. I don’t want you to worry okay? I won’t let anything happen to you.”
He comes by me finally to sit on the edge of the bed.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner Doc. I just…I know how much it hurt you when the affair came out. I know that we stayed away from each other for a while out of respect for your family. I thought I was doing the right thing by moving on with someone else. It only ended up hurting us more. I can’t stay away any longer Marlena.
So you have to decide if this is what you want too. Is it?”
So many thoughts run through my head. He’s free. He’s finally mine at last. I can have him and the kids together.
Kristen is out of our lives. I’m so happy I could cry. In fact I do just that. I cry and cry.
John looks scared for a minute. He thinks he’s done something wrong. I can’t speak right now. So I show him how I feel.
JOHN
It happened as fast as lightning. One moment she was crying and I thought I really screwed up this time. The next moment her arms were around me and she pulled me to her. She kissed me softly on the lips, her tongue gliding against my teeth. I was afraid to respond, knowing that if I did I might not be able to stop myself. I didn’t want to go to fast.
But the moment she moaned against my mouth it was as if my body wasn’t connected to my brain. It had a mind of its own. It wanted to possess every inch of her body tonight.
I ripped the sheet away from her. She still had on the towel from her bath. I loosened it slowly as I broke the kiss and looked down at her face.
I wiped her tears away and kissed her nose as I pulled the towel out from under her. She sighed and snuggled closer to me.
“Baby if you want to take things slow tell me now okay?”
She shook her head slowly.
“I can’t believe this is happening.”
“Why not?” I ask her as I pull the covers over both of us. I settle next to her and pull her against me.
“This has been my dream for so long. I never thought it would come true.” She begins to cry again.
I wipe her tears away with the pad of my thumb.
“Guess what Doc? Your dream came true. So did mine. Now we just have to enjoy each other and our kids. That’s our job for the rest of our lives. Do you think we can handle it?” I raise my eyebrow and laugh. She loves it when I do that.
She laughs and throws her head back as she wraps her arms around me.
“I think I can do that Mr. Black. Yah…Come here.” She whispers seductively to me.
I’ve always loved how fast she can change moods in the bedroom. She can laugh one moment and seduce me the next. She can be romantic and then turn into a wild animal. She can be silent one second and scream my name over and over the next. It constantly amazes me and entrances me and makes me want her even more than I ever thought possible.
MARLENA
The moment I use that breathy whisper he covers my body with his. It has been so long since we’ve been like this. I grave his weight on top of me. I want him to crush me against the bed.
He finds his favorite spot on my neck and sucks languidly for a few moments. That’s all he has to do to make this moment feel like old times.
I always wondered how it would really be between us if we were together again. Would we be comfortable with each other immediately? Would I feel shy at all? I haven’t been with a man in a long time. One tends to think you might forget some things if it’s been that long.
Magically John touches me and kisses me the exact way he always has, and, all those memories flood my mind and put me at ease in an instant.
There is no worry, or embarrassment. I feel like I did when we were married and we shared a bed every night.
It’s amazing to me how easily we come back together like the last 10 years never happened. It wasn’t this easy with Roman when he came back. None of it was this easy. But being in John’s arms? It’s like I’m home finally.
JOHN
I want to bite her neck and leave my mark all over her body. She used to squeal when I would do that. She would pretend to be mad and give me that look that said I was in big trouble. I wonder if she will react the same way. I decide to test the waters. I suck in her skin right beneath her ear. She moans deeply as she arches her neck back. I suck harder until I know I must be hurting her slightly. She doesn’t pull away. She wraps her arms around me tighter. It’s almost like she wants me to do this. She wants the world to know she is mine.
I keep sucking until I hear her yelp slightly. I pull away and admire my handy work. I grin above her as she watches me. I’m expecting that look, but it doesn’t come.
“My turn.” She whispers. A sly smile appears on her face.
I’m completely surprised by this. I’m also really turned on by it. I lean over her until I’m on my side facing her.
She touches my chin with her long fingers and pulls my face away from her as she spies the place she loves to kiss. She licks my skin first and then blows lightly. My skin tingles all over. Before I can recover she is sucking on my neck and making me break out in a sweat. Her right hand slithers down my chest and torso. She rakes her nails over my skin. I want to yell out for her to stop. I want this to last.
Until she takes me in her hand and begins pumping me as she finishes marking me. Just like that going slow is shoved out the door. Her hand feels too good as she loves me. I never want her to stop.
She moves down my chest licking and biting at my skin. I know where she is headed. She moans that I taste so good. I want to stop her. I do. But her mouth feels too good…
MARLENA
I know it’s been a while since John made love. I know by the conversations we’ve had that Kristen hasn’t let him touch her since Paris. That was months ago. I want him to last all night. That won’t happen the first time. We consume each other too much. We get too excited especially when it’s been a long time for both of us.
I lick his bellybutton as I pump him harder with my hand. His breath is shallower now. His hands are gripping the bedspread.
I lick the tip of him as I slow my hand down. His legs flex for a second and then relax. I watch him as I pump him a few more times. His head is arched back against the pillow.
I tell him to watch me. He looks down at me as I take him in my mouth. My lips replace my hand. I work my way down his shaft slowly. John is quite well endowed. But I’m talented enough to get almost all of him in my mouth as I use my hand to caress his balls.
He’s found my other hand. He latches his fingers through mine and pulls it to his heart. He does it so he won’t try to guide me. He knows I don’t like it. I like to think I know how to please my man without his direction. Out of respect to me he keeps his hands busy while I’m giving him pleasure.
He’s calling my name now. He brings my hand to his mouth to suck on my fingers. I love it when he does that. I love to feel his tongue caressing my palm. He bites the edge of my hand as I increase my speed over him.
I know the moment he is about to cum. He bucks his hips up to get closer to my mouth. His legs and stomach tense. He slams my hand down over his heart again and grips my wrist and arm as he shouts out my name. I prepare myself to take in all of him by relaxing my throat. Once he’s done his body becomes limp as he tries to control his breathing. I bring my hand back to pump him a few times as I lick up his shaft. I clean him until there’s nothing left and then make my way back up his body.
JOHN
I’ve died and gone to heaven. I can’t move. I can feel her tongue as she licks her way up my body. She’s talented with that tongue of hers. She kisses my chin affectionately and rubs her nose against mine.
Most women would be looking for approval about now. Not my Doc. She laughs as she kisses me. She knows it was good. She instinctively just knows what turns me on, what to do to get me going. It goes both ways. I know what makes her tick. I know all the places on her body that make her wet instantly. I know when she’s literally been to heaven and back.
I’m happy that every time we’ve had sex it has been like this. We are blessed to be this connected to each other.
It’s rare these days.
I kiss her back as I start to feel the energy pump through my body again. When I feel like I can move I turn her on to her back. I place my body half on hers and slide my leg between her legs. She moves her right leg up mine until she is resting it over my hip. I grind my thigh against her just to hear that little moan that escapes her lips. I love to do that when I’m kissing her. Hearing a woman moan into your mouth is just sexy as hell.
I break the kiss to move down to her chest. I like to spend a lot of time here. Her breasts are a wonder to look at.
They fed my little girl. They nurtured her. But now they belong to me. I like that I’m the only man who will get to touch them from now on. I’m possessive with them. I bite down on her nipple and pull it towards me until I hear her cry out. I know her well enough to realize she likes it rough. It turns her on more. We’re rough, but not drastically. I would never psychically hurt her in any way.
But I like to…see how much control she can lose if I push her limits. You would never think this woman was so wanton in the bedroom by seeing her at work or at a family function. She is in total control in every aspect of her life, except when I get her into the bedroom. That is where I force her to drop that control and just let go. And when she does, it is a sight to behold.
I let my hand slide down between our bodies as I move to her other breast. She wants it bad. Her hips are undulating against my thigh striving for more contact. She wants to cum so bad she is panting against me.
My fingers make contact with her clit and I slide them down to her opening. Her juices are already flowing down between her thighs. My thumb gently rubs her clit up and down as I slide two fingers inside her warmth.
If it’s even possible she is tighter than before. I can feel it. It turns me on so much I’m ready for her again. I’m throbbing against her thigh. She bucks her hips up as I push my fingers deeper inside her. We create our own rhythm as I kiss my way back up to her neck. I suck deeply on her ear.
Her hips are moving faster. She’s whimpering. I slide my thumb under her clit and push up a little to open her more. She groans as I slide my tongue inside her ear. I ask her if she likes that spot.
She grabs my face and kisses me hard. I increase my speed as I plunge into her again and again. She breaks contact with my mouth to scream my name as she buries her head against my neck.
I can feel her hips bucking against my hand. Her thighs are squeezing me so tight I can barely breathe. Her whole body shudders as her screams turn to whimpers. She’s found heaven once again.
MARLENA
I can’t tell you where I go when he makes me cum. I just know I feel so free that nothing could touch me. I feel weightless as if my body didn’t exist.
His fingers are still inside me. He’s feeling around, getting reacquainted with me. His thumb is slowing rubbing my clit around in circles. I like that after I orgasm. I smile into his neck. It makes me want to cry that he remembers all these little things about my body.
I can feel him throbbing against my thigh. I know without him telling me he’s ready to be inside me. I move my head against the pillows to gaze up at him. I pull him on top of me without saying a word and open my legs to him. I kiss him gently, tugging on his bottom lip with my teeth as I buck my hips up to him. When I feel his shaft rub against my clit I close my eyes in ecstasy.
I can tell his is ambivalent about something. He thinks he will hurt me. I know better. I take him in my hand and guide him to my opening, sliding him up and down to coat his shaft in my essence before slowly pushing him inside me.
I get him two inches inside before I feel the resistance. I kiss him on the lips while I wait to become accustomed to his size again. I tell my body to relax and take deep breaths as I feel my womb open to him.
He smiles down at me as he feels it too. I let go of him and bring my arm up to his face to caress his cheek. He kisses me slow and sensuously as he moves deeper inside of me.
I never really knew how much I missed him being inside of me until this moment. All at once it becomes almost overwhelming. I want to cry at how gentle he is being. I want to laugh at how happy I feel. I want to scream out how much I love him. I want to shut out the world forever.
I begin to cry as too many emotions run through my head. John stops above me and brings his hand to my chin.
“Hey” He says quietly.
He thinks it’s hurting me. How do I explain what I’m feeling?
“I love you so much.” I find myself saying to him as I bring him closer to me.
“I love you too Doc. Stay with me baby.” He whispers as he pecks my lips.
I know what he means by it. I need to get out of my head and just feel my body. It feels so much better when I do that. I can only do it with him. Never anyone else.
JOHN
I see the change in her immediately. Her eyes change from confusion to determination. She’s with me now. I begin to move inside of her once more at a slow speed. I just want to enjoy the feel of being inside her. I relish the way her walls tighten around my shaft. I familiarize myself with her womb after so long a time away.
I tilt her ass up with my hands so that I can move deeper inside of her. I can feel that back wall now. That is where she finds the most pleasure. That is where she lives and breathes. My hands grip her ass as I thrust against her.
She tells me that I’m right there. That’s her spot. Her hands begin to claw at my back. I grit my teeth at the pain
that turns into pleasure. She isn’t taking in full breaths anymore. She’s panting. She whispers in my ear what she wants me to do. I increase my speed until my hips are slapping against her. I go as deep as her body will allow me.
She bites my neck as her nails scrap across my lower back. That’s all it takes. It’s my undoing. I lose the little control I had left. I pound into her again and again until I hear her screaming my name and then I let myself fly with her. I release my seed deep inside her and yell out her name against her neck.
MARLENA
I’m flying above everything. I can’t think of anything right now. I just feel my body come alive as I try to take in a full breath. I cling to John as if I might lose him at any moment. I inhale his scent and whimper against his ear.
It’s the only sound I can make. I feel the sweat from his body blend with mine.
When I come down from my ultimate high I realize that John has joined my hand with his. He is caressing the palm of my hand with his thumb. My whole body is shuddering against him.
He has enough strength to lift himself up on one elbow and look down at me. I raise my eyes to him. His fingers lace together with mine.
I don’t need to tell him that was the best it’s ever been. I don’t need to say that I’ve never felt this connected to him. He knows it as he knows how much I love him. My other hand slides out from beneath his arm to cup his face. I look up at him with all the adoration and love I feel for him. I realize at that moment…
This is my perfection.
JOHN
I can feel all the love she has for me. I feel it pulsing through her body. I feel it pulsing around my shaft still.
Every time her body shudders I want to hold her closer and protect her from the world. I don’t feel the need to say anything. Somehow I feel she already knows everything I want to say. It’s written in her eyes. It’s in the softness of her hand as she cups my face. It’s the gentle squeeze of her fingers against mine. It’s as if she is silently telling me all I need to know.
Yes my love. This is our perfection. This moment.
It will always be like this.
This will always be the best decision I ever made in my life.
The Jarlena Journal 