The car skidded to a halt, the tyres screeching as the rain continued to pellet onto its surface. He turned to look at me, and I was almost scared of him when I saw the look in his eyes. It was that look of utter and uncontainable fury that shone from his baby blues. They were almost black now… with a look that I had only seen once before. Only that time his rage hadn’t been directed at me. Now it was. His look was almost wild as he turned to face me, so swiftly. He pushed his head closer to mine and I felt claustrophobic by his closeness, such as I had never felt before. The only other emotion that he had ever displayed with such intensity, was lust… sometimes when we had made love he would look at me in a way that made me shudder even now… just thinking about it. But again, that was before… before Tony had set out to ruin our lives… before Kate had become lovers with my husband… before I slept with Roman… and before this had happened.
I wiped the few tears from my brown eyes, which were now so full of sadness and regret. Surely he could see that. “You fucked him?” He spoke dangerously, his voice precariously quiet. That’s when I realised that he was now angrier than I had ever seen him… the calm proved it… the calm before the storm. “John… it wasn’t like that, please just…” I tried to plead with him to understand… I tried to calm him by placing my trembling hand onto his clenched thigh, but he pushed my hand off violently. “DON’T touch me… this is not going to work.” He indicated with his hand… telling me in no uncertain terms that he didn’t want me touching him. His eyes were as cold as ice, but behind them flashed a deep-seated hurt and anger that I had done this to him. “John… please… let me just explain?” My head spun and I felt like I was going to faint… my body trembled. I was on the verge of losing the man that I loved more than life itself… the man that I had fought to be with for so long.
“I don’t know what you think that you can say that can make this better…” His voice was raised and I watched as he put his hands into his hair and pulled it, as if he was trying desperately to get a hold of his rampant emotions. “I… it was… uh…” I couldn’t even find the words to say. All I wanted to do was hold him so that I could take away his pain… and have him take away mine. “You WHAT? IT WAS WHAT? Come on tell me how it was? How many times? Where…” Sobs wracked my body as I cut him off. “Stop it John… just stop it…”
For a moment the car was in silence… the only sounds were those of our heavy breathing and my cries, and the heavy drops of rain that beat down onto the car. But it didn’t last. John threw off his seatbelt and turned to face me. He grabbed my face in a painful grip and forced me to look at him. “Stop it… you’re hurting me…” I found myself getting angrier by the moment. How dare he treat me like I was his property. “John… you have no right to manhandle me…” I spat in a biting tone. But he didn’t let me go; only squeezing tighter.
“I suppose not… not since you gave your body to your ex-husband while you were married to ME…” I bit my lip, trying not to react to the comment… but I couldn’t help myself. With eyes flashing I vented. “You slept with Kate time and time again… in OUR bed.” The tears welled up at just the memory of what I had seen.
“I thought that you were DEAD…” He emphasised the word, before continuing. “Did you expect me to pine away for you forever?”
“Well you didn’t exactly have a respectable mourning period. You claimed time and time again that you were so desperately in love with me… and then I died… and not even 2 months later you were fucking Kate…” He couldn’t even react to my statement, cause he knew that it was true. “And NOW… you hardly even touch me… and the one time we did have sex it was over before I knew it. Then you fell asleep. I remember not so long ago when after we made love, we would talk for hours, and laugh and kiss and… and…” My voice cracked and I wrenched my face from his lax grip. I turned to face the window… and I stared out into the rain, trying to block it all out. Trying to forget that I had just lost the love of my life.
“I guess now that you have HAD Roman… everybody else pales in comparison…” It was a low blow even for him. But I understood that he was angry. With my chest heaving from the violent sobs that began to wrack my body, and pained cries, I opened the door to the car and stepped out into the rain. At once I felt cold but it didn’t even matter to me any more. The coldness of my body was nothing compared to the misery that I was feeling inside. I vaguely heard him calling to me from the car, but I was in my own little world of sorrow. I took a deep breath and was calmed slightly from the smell of the rain. I could feel the dirt squelch beneath my feet as I struggled to walk in my high
heeled boots up to the tar of the road. There was nobody else around… so I started to walk, ignoring the fact that John had started to drive the car slowly beside me. I felt my long brown skirt slowly start clinging to my legs as the rain soaked it, and my nipples hardened from the cold… my white singlet top and pink jacket moulding to my body. I jumped when a loud crash of thunder sounded and brilliant lightening lit up the sky. I heard John’s voice calling to me from the now open window.
“Get in the car, Marlena…” He demanded rudely.
I merely ignored him… not willing to justify him with a response.
“Marlena… if you don’t get in the car NOW… I will… I will…” His tone was so threatening and I didn’t look at him. But I couldn’t help reacting. I stopped and faced the car, placing my hands on my hips. “You will what? Come on John… what will you do to me… hit me?” I turned on my heel and continued to walk and this time the car didn’t follow me. I held my thumb out… hoping that somebody would pick me up and give me a lift back to Salem. I was scared but anything had to be better than staying out here with John.
I heard the car door slam shut and I moved a little faster as he approached me. He spun me around and turned me to face him. “Get in the car… I don’t want you to get sick…”
“No.”
“God… you are the stubbornest, most pig-headed woman that I have ever known…” He threw his hands up in the air.
“Well then why don’t you go back to Kate… everybody knows that she is who you WANT to be with…” I pulled myself out of his grip and continued moving along the road.
“Look Marlena… I am SORRY that I tried to move on without you, okay? I’m SORRY that I felt the need to find someone to spend my life with. I’m SORRY that I am human and that I don’t live up to your high and mighty expectations, Dr Evans.” He was goading me and I knew it. But I couldn’t control myself. I wanted to hurt him like he was hurting me. “I am pregnant…” I blurted it out. “I am going to have Roman’s baby…” I turned to face him. Everything was played out in slow motion… the look of absolute betrayal that filled his eyes… the way his head and shoulders dropped… the way his mouth hung open – his last words dying on his lips. “Well I hope that you are happy together.” He turned defeated and walked back to the car.
I couldn’t stand it. I couldn’t let him walk away… not like that. My heart pounded as he climbed into the car. He couldn’t leave me here. I found myself beginning to run as fast as I could towards the car, and just as he started the engine, I reached it. I dragged open the drivers side door and screamed at him. “John… please… you can’t leave me like this… I don’t love Roman… I LOVE YOU!” I was hysterical but I didn’t care.
“Maybe you should have thought about that before you fucked Roman and got pregnant with his child.” His words cut deep and his blue eyes pierced my soul. I mouthed my objections, but he didn’t listen. “I don’t want to leave you out here… but if I have to I will. Are you coming?” he asked me.
I shook my head, adamant. I believed that he wouldn’t leave me here. I believed that he loved me too much for that… even through all of our problems. I stepped away from the car. He pulled out and drove off. “I will get Roman to come back for you.” I only just caught the words as I screamed and ran after him. But it was no use. Clutching my stomach, I collapsed onto the road, my heart breaking. I had lost him.
*******************************
I heard a car stop behind me but I didn’t even turn around. I found myself wishing that they hadn’t seen me… that they had hit me. Then all this pain would go away. I listened as the person approached behind me and was surprised when they stopped. “Tell me one thing…” I heard his voice and I jerked my head up suddenly. “Tell me why you did it… tell me why you cheated on me…”
I gulped and calmed my sobs. I didn’t look at him. “Because I watched you and Kate making love time and time again. I thought that I had lost you. I thought that you had forgotten about me…”
I felt his body behind me, his red shirt clinging to his muscular chest. Then I felt his touch… his warm hands encircling my body. He placed his lips on my ear and whispered into it, his hot breath causing me to close my eyes in bliss. “Doc… I could never love anyone as deeply and as completely as I love you.” I gasped at the intensity of his words and I knew that he meant them. He nipped my ear with his teeth and then tugged on my earlobe gently. “The other night… when we…”
“Shhhh it’s okay…” I tried to shush him, but John continued, his whisper in my ear sending shivers of delight down my spine. “No… it’s just that… I didn’t want to overwhelm you… I…” His voice cracked and he rubbed his wet cheek against mine. He ran his index fingers along my collar bone, underneath my jacket and lowered his mouth to my neck… blowing gently, then kissing, then sucking, until my entire body was on fire, the excitement settling deep down at my centre. He was marking me but I didn’t even care… he was making me feel too damn good. I rolled my head back onto his shoulder to give him more access and with the newly exposed skin came more kisses and nibbles on its surface. His hands travelled to my shoulders, where he hooked my jacket with his fingers and slid it off. “Oh god…” I moaned deeply, and I could feel his body press into mine from behind, his erection grinding against my back. He wanted me to FEEL him… how much he loved and wanted me. “I love you Doc… I love you…” He ceased his ruthless kissing and placed his lips on my cheek, as he murmured his endearments to me. I turned my head into him and brushed my wet lips along his, teasing him with anticipation. He allowed his forehead to rest against mine as his mouth
chased mine, creating together an erotic dance. I giggled when his teeth nipped my lip, and succumbed to him, my lips meeting his. Our tongues and lips melded and the kiss soon became desperate… passionate… with an intensity that I had never realised was possible. I couldn’t stop the soft sounds that escaped from my mouth… his deep throaty moans turning me on right here on the deserted road.
His hands found the bottom on my singlet top and he pulled it up sensually, brushing blissfully along my skin as he began to expose my flesh. When the shirt was above my breasts, his fingers traced the lacy top of my bra and brushed the roundness of my breasts. “Oh John…” I moaned his name and reached around to unhook my bra, needing to feel his hands on my naked flesh. When I had completed my task, John ripped the bra from my body and began massaging and kneading my sensitive flesh. I could feel and see the goose bumps as they arose on my breasts… and I was so enraptured by the way his hands moved against my flesh. It was second nature to him… he knew where and how I liked to be touched… yet somehow it never got boring… somehow he always made it better. My whole body began to thrash when he feasted again on my neck, and I reached behind me to touch him. I ran my hands up and down his chest as best as I could manage from my position. Then when I couldn’t take it any more, I stood up, instantly cold from the lack of contact with him.
I pulled John to stand in front of me and I took his hands and led him down into the thick scrub that grew at the side of the road. Beyond that, there was a clearing. When we got there I ran my hands up and down his muscular chest and with my teeth I worked on releasing each and every button. John laughed at me as I struggled but I knew that this would excite him unbelievably. I removed the shirt, prowling around him slowly, scrutinising his body as I did so. I paused to kiss his back with an open mouth, and got lost in the sensations… as did he. As I came back around the front I pulled my skirt down and let it fall in a pile on the floor, pulling my boots off with my feet. John’s eyes lit up when he saw me, wearing only white lacy panties. I eyed his pants and bent down to take his zipper in my teeth. I attempted to pull it down, but the size of his erection pressing against the material made it impossible. Sighing in frustration I stood up and used my fingers to release him from them, and pushed them along with his boxers down his legs. I gasped as he stepped out of them and simultaneously bent down to take one of my breasts in his mouth. Then moving lower he took my panties between his teeth and dragged them down my body, not pausing until he reached my ankles.
In a desperate movement he had pressed me up against a nearby tree, and his face was buried in my womanhood. I writhed and moaned as his tongue found my clit and flicked deliciously over it. He took me closer and closer to the edge and I knew that if he didn’t stop soon, I would come. So I tugged at his head and waited as he reluctantly lifted his head to mine, kissing me passionately. I could taste myself on him.
I reached down and stroked his shaft, gently at first. He began to buck into me, his teeth finding my neck and gently nibbling on it. “OH GOD… Doc…” He moaned my name and I moaned from the sensations that he was creating within me with his mouth. I didn’t even notice the rain as it poured down onto us as we lustfully mated. I guided him to my entry, desperate to feel him inside me. He poised himself at my entrance and gazed at me with hooded eyes. I nodded my consent and he groaned as he eased himself inside me. As the thrusts became more intense, I felt my knees trembling and I didn’t think that I would be able to stand. John somehow knew and he lifted my legs, wrapping them around his torso and supported me with his hands under my thighs. I smiled gratefully at him and closed my eyes as he pounded into me again and again.
I came hard and fast and my body quivered and trembled as I slowly came down from the heights of passion. He continued to thrust into me and I squeezed my thighs together, prompting him to follow me into oblivion. I watched as he slammed his eyes closed and his body shuddered as he let out a guttural groan. “God Marlena… you are amazing…” I smiled and looked up at him, my body still weak from what he had just done to me. “I love you so much…”
“I love you too… I’m sorry…” The tears filled my eyes as I pondered our earlier fight, but John merely shook his head. He pulled out of me and lowered me to the ground. Then bending to my stomach he placed his hand and his lips over the slightly swollen area. “As long as this child is yours… I will love her…”
“Her?” I smiled playfully, touched that he would say something so sweet. “How do you know that it will be a girl?”
“I just have a feeling…” John winked and I found myself laughing happily with him.
He helped me to get dressed and already I knew that I wanted him again… and I could tell that he wanted me. The way his hands lingered across my body… the way he continued to unsnap my bra as I tried over and over again to put it back on… the way his renewed erection poked out from his wet pants. I ran to the car, closely followed by my husband, giggling in anticipation of the night that wewould share together… renewing our love. I knew that everything would be okay… that he would love my child no matter who the father was, and that he loved me truly and deeply. Just like it always should have been.
The Jarlena Journal 