Thanks For All The Help – By Kris

The sun shines down with an evil glint as Marlena sighs to see the front door come into view. Moving around the bush and down the sidewalk, she swears silently as the paper bag begins to slip from her finger tips. Her step pauses as she attempts to get a better grip, but quickly feels the domino effect as the other bag begins to slip from her hips. Fixing her grip on the milk, she pinches the potato bag tightly and shifts her hip in order to push the rough material back up to a safe place.

 

Continuing once again towards the door, Marlena decides to go for the ‘fast as possible before they have a chance to fall’ theory, but the locked door causes a halt in her plan. “What the…” The statement isn’t continued as she frowns at the reason why her door might be locked. Leaning into the bell, she waits a moment, hoping that Carrie is home and will let her in, so that she doesn’t have to fish for the key.

 

She waits and the sun continues to beat down. “Who knew it was going to get so damn hot?” Hating the fact that the simple act of grocery carrying can make her sweat, Marlena straightens up and looks down to figure out the best way to get into her purse. She leans over to put down the milk and potatoes, but has soon as she bends, her purse flips from her shoulder, causing the bag in her right arm to slip. “Oh no…” Trying to compensate, she feels the left arm bag begin to fall again.

 

Just as she is considering letting them all fall, she hears, “Whoa… whoa… hold up there Doc. Let me… give…” John jumps over the bushes and quickly grabs a brown bag from her arm and places it on the ground. “Give me those.” He takes another bag, the milk and the potatoes. He leans over to pick up the discarded one, as Marlena opens the door. “What have I told you about this? You can’t carry three paper bags, one plastic,” he continues as he follows her inside of the house, kicking the door closed with his foot, and continues after her into the kitchen, “your purse, the milk, detergent and the potatoes. Two trips. There is always the concept of two trips.”

 

He places the milk and potatoes on the kitchen table and moves towards Marlena to place the paper bags near her. “And as I always tell you, the time and energy you waste juggling them all, stopping to fix them, and allowing all the circulation to die in your fingers to accomplish one trip, you could make four easy ones. You hear that? You really need to start taking it easier.” Digging into one of the bags, he begins to take random foods and ingredients out of the bag and set them on the counter. “This is why you find housework so difficult. I never do this to myself.”

 

“Oh, is that why I would always see you enter the back door with a plastic bag in your mouth and eight more lining your arms?”

 

“That was weight lifting. Best exercise.” Grinning at her, he puts down the cans of soup and watches her, “So you were listening to me.”

 

“I always listen to you.”

 

As she turns, John tosses a box of animal crackers at her, “Smart ass.”

 

“You betcha. Could you put the milk away for me?” As he moves, she turns back to the bag in front of her and begins to place boxes of crackers and cereal into the cupboard above her. “So what brings you here, or did you just hear my damsel in distress call again? And these please.”

 

John leans over to take the butter and juice boxes from her and follows his path back towards the frig. “No, but I did enjoy that call last week. I’ll never remove that from my machine, was a whole new side of you Doc.”

 

“So you enjoyed that, did ya? My meltdown makes you happy.”

 

“That’s a fact.” Leaning into the cool frig, “If anybody else had heard that,” He stands back up and leans against its door, “Then they would have thought that you had gone insane. Completely bonkers.”

 

“But not you?”

 

“Nah, I know you Doc. And I know how you get when you think you have an unsolvable mission. Glad I was able to help.” He naturally tosses the bathroom supplies into a paper bag and moves back out into the living room, leaving it at the bottom of the steps, before returning. “Oh yeah, why I am here.” Reaching into his back pocket, John pulls out a cassette tape, “I brought back Carrie’s cassette. Thought she might want it.”

 

Marlena turns from her groceries and takes the offered item from him. Reading it over, she flips it and places it down on the counter, “You can probably keep it. She bought the CD of it this past weekend. But I’ll let her know you brought it back when she returns.”

 

“Thanks. How is she doing?”

 

She hands him a stack of meats and he obediently moves towards the freezer, “Well, besides still not talking to anybody in this household? Just fine.”

 

“I’m sorry. She’ll come around.”

 

“She will, at some point. You’re on her side, aren’t you? Drink?”

 

“No thanks.” John watches as she moves to grab a glass and fill it with water. “I’m not on any side. I just see where she is coming from.”

 

“I do too. And I really want to let her know that.”

 

“Then why don’t you?”

 

“I don’t know.”

 

“Yes you do.” John gives her a moment to think about it and begins to collect the now empty paper bags and fold them up. Handing them to her, Marlena moves towards the pantry to add them to the growing collection, “So why don’t you tell her?”

 

“Because… you know why. I don’t want to step in-between her and Roman. It’s their thing… their thing to fix.”

 

“And I do understand that as well, but even if he is being unfair and forgetting to look at this from all sides?”

 

Shrugging, “I guess. Honestly?”

 

“Always.”

 

She watches him lean against the counter and cross his arms. She has his full attention now and she smiles lightly. Copying his behavior, she continues, “I don’t think he has thought about this from her perspective and I’m happy about it. That would start everything up again.”

 

“So Carrie gets to suffer?”

 

“John, that’s not fair!”

 

“Isn’t it though? She’s the child, we’re the adults. We should be taking as much of the pain, the problems and the inconveniences as possible. Not passing it off on them.” Making eye contact with her, “I told Carrie… no Carrie was raised being told that when she turned eighteen she could have much more control over her life. I spent a lot of years with her Marlena and I get that I am not her dad, but that doesn’t change the way she grew up. I get that it pisses Roman off that it was my rule, but its what Carrie has been waiting years for and its not fair to hurt her, so that Roman feels like he has control.”

 

“That’s what you think is happening?”

 

“Isn’t it?”

 

Marlena nods. “We’ve talked about this before. He is having problems adjusting to the fact that this house has been run under your rules, not his.”

 

“My rules… our rules are the only things that Sami and Eric know and they are what Carrie spent the hardest years of her life growing up with. It can’t just be erased or rewritten on them. At least not without these problems.”

 

“What do you want me to do?”

 

“Talk to Roman.” Making sure that she is listening to him, “Really talk to him Marlena.”

 

“I have been!”

 

“Have you? Or have you been doing the ‘Oh poor Roman, been hurt so much that I want this to be as easy as possible for him’ talk? There is a difference. Its time to stop hurting the kids and you and well… put Roman in his place. Help him adjust. It’s doing him a favor.”

 

“Yeah… yeah you’re right. I’ve been babying him, afraid to hurt or upset him and everybody else has been paying for it.” Drinking her water, Marlena lifts up her hand to bat away a fallen piece of bangs, “I need to stop feeling responsible for all of this. Need to start taking back control, before things get too complicated. And I need to let the kids express what they feel, what they truly feel and make the best life for them, instead of trying to piece together the best life.”

 

“And you need to do it Doc. Soon, before you lose Carrie. I don’t mean to sound noisy or bad mouth him, but Roman is pushing her right out of the door.”

 

“Roman doesn’t think she’ll go. She doesn’t have enough money…” Seeing John’s eyebrow raise, she stops her sentence. She knows about Carrie’s stubborn abilities, but then her mind remembers and a surprised “Oh my” leaves her lips. “She has… has your trust fund now.”

 

“Yes, and she’s eighteen. I didn’t make it for twenty-one.”

 

“You knew this might happen, didn’t you?”

 

“No, just wanted my babies to be okay. I was just being careful. I better go, all set here?” Moving towards her, he smiles as she naturally moves her cheek towards him. His lips find her warm cheek and stay a bit longer than a friendly kiss. Whispering in her ear, “It will be fine. And you,” Kissing her again, “are sweaty.”

 

“Get out of here!”

 

Laughing, “Yes ma’am.”

 

The door swings closed and she immediately yells out, “Oh and John!” Waiting a second, she hears him move back towards the kitchen. As his head pops back in, “Thank you for all your help. Groceries… and all.”

 

“I’m here for you anytime. Talk to you tomorrow.”

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

 

“Okay, okay… I hear you.” Moving back into the kitchen, Mrs. Horton cracks open the oven door to peek in on her cookies. Bending her knees to get a better look at the back row, she nods her head, “Looks good.” Another ‘beep’ and she stands up abruptly and turns off the timer with a gentle, “Oh hush now.”

 

Stepping back, she allows the oven door to fall open as she leans to pick up the discarded towel. She causally folds it in half and reaches into the heated area to carefully pull out the tray of golden cookies. Quickly discarding it on top of the oven, she allows the towel to fall back down to its place as her hand moves over to the second cookie tray. Her eyes shift over the tray, visually checking each row of cookie dough and after a gentle check with her fingertips, she hold of the tray and slides it into the oven. Closing the door, she sets the timer again and allows her finger to push down gently on the cookie in the centre of the pan to make sure that they are cooked through.

 

As the heat begins to rise on her finger, she lifts it quickly and reflexively lips the tip to cool it down before moving over to her kitchen table. Her legs wish her to sit and rest for a moment, but she fears that once she stops, she’ll be done for the day. Instead, she lets out a gentle sigh, “Come on old girl. Just a little longer.”

 

Passing by the table, she opens the refrigerator and pulls out her ice tea. A few more steps, a recently cleaned glass and a shaky grip is all that’s needed for a nice soothing drink to flow pass her lips.

 

“Hmm.” Setting the glass back down, she picks up the box of cookies and is forced to use two hands because of their weight. Her trusty spatula helps move each perfectly golden cookie leave the pan and find a new place within the box.

 

Another task complete and the box finds its way back to the table and a bowl of cookie dough becomes the main focus one more time. Skillfully scooping out the perfect amount of dough on her spoon, Mrs. H fills each of the spots again. Occasionally she checks on the cookies.

 

The banging from the back porch grows louder and as she can’t help the smile that fills her lips as she hears a curse flip past the young gentleman’s lips. By the pause in motion, she knows that he is wondering whether or not she heard it and laughs when she hears a “Apologize for that Mrs. H” filter into the kitchen.

 

A few more bangs of the hammer and then she hears the screen door open and close. She only glances over her shoulder quickly to see John enter the kitchen. He immediately moves towards the cookies, “Careful John, the top ones are hot.”

 

“My favourite way for a cookie to be.” He takes in a bite and immediately sucks in a cooling breath as he swallows quickly. “Incredible as always.”

 

“Grab yourself some milk.”

 

“Don’t mind if I do.” She continues with her task, as John pours himself a small glass of milk and downs it quickly. Pouring a bit more, he returns the carton to the frig, “The shed is all fixed and that screen door is working perfectly again.”

 

“I can’t thank you enough John. Those things have needed to be fixed forever now.”

 

“Always happy to help, Mrs. H.”

 

One more quick check on the cookies and Mrs. Horton allows herself a moments rest. As soon as she settles in her chair, she notices her drink up on the counter. “John, would you mind?” Gesturing to the glass, he immediately gets up, “Thank you dear. These old bones can’t do as much as they use to.”

 

“Old? You? Never.”

 

“And you John Black are such a charmer. I have to say that I am surprised that you are here, it being a Wednesday and all.”

 

Looking up from his glass, “Where else would I be?”

 

“Work, perhaps?”

 

“Oh… that.” He looks down sheepishly and can’t help but toss her guilty smile. “I’m not really all that big on office work yet. I try, but it’s just not really my thing, you know?”

 

“Well, I was very happy to here that you were doing something with your time and your money. That company though… mighty different than being a police officer. Are you giving it a chance?”

 

Nodding, he considers the woman before him. He marvels at her wisdom, her insight and wonders if he will ever possess just a fraction of the power and intrigue that she holds. “I think I am. There are certain parts of this that I do very well with. Inheriting the company meant I needed to be the boss, but not that I needed to be in charge. I’ve created little areas that I know, I like and well… I understand.” He laughs at himself and leans forward to grab another cookie, “I am smart enough to know that I don’t like conference room sitting… I would rather be here, helping you.”

 

“So…”

 

“So I have hired people who are quite respectable and prestigious in the conference room sitting area.”

 

“Well that is good, I guess.” She leans forward and gently rests her hand upon his, “John, are you alright dear? You’re… well you go around all day acting happy and healthy and like yourself, but I can see how tired you look. Are you sleeping okay?”

 

“Yes Mrs. Horton. I am sleeping, not as well as I would like, but it’s all getting better. Remember what we talked about before?” At her nod, he smiles his gratefulness that she listens, “I’m still working on all that. Losing everything with Roman coming back has been beyond hard. But I’m working on it. Then all this money and the business and… well, I’m still trying to find my place. Cause I have a place, right?”

 

Smiling at him, Mrs. Horton can’t help but feel so very sorry for him. Not sorry in a pitying sort of way, she knows that he does not need to be pitied, but she knows what a good and loving man he is and nobody deserves to go through everything that he is. How do you grieve for something that you lost, but that is standing right in front of you everyday? She isn’t sure if you truly can. “You have a purpose here. God wouldn’t have brought you here and put you through all this, if he didn’t think you could handle it. There is a purpose and I know you… I know you’ll figure it all out.” Pushing the box towards him, “Have another cookie…”

 

He waves it off as he watches her rise and move back towards the oven. Just as she pulls open the door, the timer goes off and the phone rings. John moves to answer it, but Mrs. Horton grabs it off of the wall because he can fully stand.

 

“Hello?” She continues with her cookies as John listens on, “Oh no my dear. Well yes, I heard about that on the radio. They mentioned it was a four car accident, stuff is everywhere. Cars backed up for miles with rush hour and all… well yes. Yes. Oh, I see. Well, yes I can do that if you need me to.”

 

She feels John moves towards her, “What’s wrong?”

 

“Hold on a minute dear.” She covers the receiver and turns towards him, “Marlena is stuck in the traffic jam and she was to be at the school at 5:30 to pick up Sami and Eric from their sports.” Turning her attention back to the phone, “Yes dear. I am just pulling out some cookies now and then I will go get them. Really, no really it’s no trouble.”

 

“I got them.” John touches she shoulders and repeats himself to make sure that she has heard. She nods and continues her conversation with Marlena. Grabbing two zip-lock bags from the drawer, Mrs. Horton hands it to John and points towards the cookies, “Take a dozen for them and however many for you.”

 

John does as he is told as Mrs. H continues to discuss the traffic with Marlena. “I’m going. Thank you Mrs. H!”

 

Nodding, she replies to Marlena, “Oh yes. He’s going now. Yes… yes I will. Drive safe.” The phone hangs up with a click and she yells for John.

 

He stops but does not return to the door, “Yes?”

 

“Marlena wanted me to tell you, thanks for all your help!”

“Okay, not bad. Remember though, especially on those pop flies, you need to cover your mitt with your other hand. You will look mighty silly if the ball slips out after a beautiful catch because you didn’t cradle it properly. Try again.” John swings back his arm and rolls the ball into the air. He watches Eric, rather than the ball, as the young boy moves into place, raises his arm and catches the ball, making sure to immediately cover the ball and the opening.

 

“Better?”

 

“Much!” He holds up his mitt for Eric to throw it back, but directs his question towards the young girl at the picnic table. “Okay Sami, what is all that groaning about back there?”

 

“I just don’t get it. I can’t do math. I don’t see why we have to take it.”

 

“Well sweetheart, you still have a bunch of years to go, so let’s see if I can help. Doing an exam review, right?”

 

She turns on the bench to face him and watches for a moment as the two guys continue to throw the ball. “Yeah, she’s giving us a test to see what we remember from last year. She says that she took questions from all of our tests last year, but I think she’s lying.”

 

“And why do you think that?” The ball hits with a hard thud.

 

“Because I’ve never seen any of these questions before! I don’t know how to do any of it and I got an A in math, remember?”

 

“She took them from old tests? Go long Eric,” the boy begins to run, as John releases the ball, “Um, is there word problems on there?”

 

“Of course. This teacher seems to love those. He’s is stupid sometimes.”

 

“Wow, and I always thought teachers were smart.” He smiles at her groan. “Oh,” John jumps and attempts to block the ball from hitting the house, “Think you missed there buddy.”

 

“Sorry John.”

 

“So Sami, how about the one… how did it go? You have a wagon, it’s a square. Each side is twenty feet long and its two feet deep. If each bussle of –“ He hears her groan and laughs as he sees Sami put her head on the wood table, “And if each bussle of wheat is a rectangle with two sides two feet long and the other two sides are four feet long and its two feet deep… how many bussles of wheat” He smiles as both Eric and Sami join in, “can be put into the wagon?”

 

“I know I know. You loved that stupid word problem. Repeated it over and over and no, it’s not on here.”

 

“Oh.” Frowning playfully, he tosses the ball again and shrugs, “I knew the answer and everything. Okay… let’s start at the beginning. What’s question one?”

 

“Urgh. I dunno.”

 

“Samantha… come on. Let’s get this done. Question one?”

 

“Fine.” Turning back around, she flips pages and finally speaks again, “List thirty prime numbers. Can you believe it, thirty?”

 

“That’s only thirty numbers. It’s not like you have to do anything. Okay, I remember doing this last year. What is a prime number?”

 

“I don’t know.”

 

“Well, if you aren’t going to try, then I can’t help you. You know my rules.”

 

“Dad!” Her typical annoyed whine ends abruptly as she looks up at John and then back down at her paper. Stuttering, “I’m sorry. It.. it just… I don’t remember prime numbers.”

 

“Here.” He tosses the ball to Eric and moves over to sit next to Sami. Talking low, for her ears only, “Sami… Sami look at me.” With a little help from his hand on her chin, she turns to look up at him, “Its okay. It will happen from time to time. You’ve called me dad for most of your life and we have talked about this. It’s not fair to anybody, but I’m not your father. But there will be times that you will call me dad. It happens.” Seeing that she really isn’t caring about his explanation. John shifts to look at Eric and announces loudly, “Okay, I’ve got it. See, it is very understandable that you’ll accidentally call me dad.”

 

“It’s been four months.”

 

“Well I guess we all need longer than four months. So, we are going to try something. To see how hard it is to change names, Eric we are going to call you Allan today.”

 

“Allan!?” Sami laughs into her hands and bends over for dramatic purposes, as Eric begins to protest. “Allan? That’s a name for a dork brain. I don’t want to be a dork.”

 

All it takes is a single hand in the hair to stop the protests. “And Sami, we will call you Susie.”

“Susie? Why not just Sally. That’s lame too.”

 

“Wow, lame. Stupid. Dork brain. What is up with you two lately? Four months isn’t really long enough for a whole new vocabulary. Is this what the sixth grade teaches you two? I’m not sure I approve.” Both children look towards the ground at gently being put back into their places and mumble out an apology. “Hey, both of you come here. I just want to say this once. Neither one of you are in trouble, but I want to make something very clear.” He waits for Eric to walk over to them before beginning, “Now, I understand things have been very hard on both of you. This has been very hard on me too. We all have some anger and confusion, but this behavior… these words aren’t going to fly with me. I doubt that your mom allows them either, but I can only talk about me. Listening?” He sees two nods and finishes, “Okay, when we are together, I don’t want to hear all these words. Dork and lame are not needed. Those are uneducated words. And what do I say about those?”

 

A shared look is passed between the twins before the start, slightly out of synch, “Uneducated words may make you look cool, but they won’t get you far in life and we are better than that.”

 

“And that is true. Now enough of all this. Eric, you are Allan. Sami, you are Susie. And for the rest of the evening, we are all going to call each other those names and see who is the first to mess up.”

 

“But what do we call you?”

 

Looking over at Sami, he smiles, “You can call me John. Since you can’t seem to remember it.”

 

She laughs and nods. “Okay.”

 

“Okay.”

 

John chimes in with the third, “Okay. Now prime numbers. What is a prime number, Susie?”

 

Smiling at the name, she attempts to focus, “Um… it’s a number that cannot be multiplied by anything.”

 

“Can’t be multiplied by anything?”

 

Sami nods and looks up at John, “Yeah, like… well like four. To make four you can multiply two and two and you get four. So four isn’t a prime number. But… well thirteen. Can’t multiply anything to get thirteen so it’s prime. Right?”

 

“Thirteen is a prime number, Susie. But your definition is kindof off.”

 

“How is it wrong, Allan?”

 

John can’t hold back his smile as they begin to have fun with the names. “Well thirteen can by multiplied. One times thirteen is thirteen.”

 

“Oh! So, a prime number is everything that can only be multiplied once. It has two factors, the number and one.”

 

“Correct. Go long Allan.” John tosses the ball from his seat and watches Eric nearly fall over attempting the catch. “Good hustle. Hey guy, the grill should be all heated now. Can you toss a couple of the hamburgers on it? One for each of the girls, two for me and however many for you.”

 

“You got it.”

 

“So how are the prime numbers?”

 

“Got twenty of them… 181 is one. 123 is. 59? Almost got them.”

 

“Got any others? No, well yes. But I have all the ones that are due for tomorrow are done. I have English left and then I’ll be done.”

 

“Why doesn’t your brother have all this to do?”

 

“He did his math in lunch today. And we have different English teachers.”

 

“That would explain it.” Watching Eric closely, “You okay over there?”

 

“I put seven on. That okay?”

 

“You’re eating three?”

 

Laughing at him, he gently tosses the ball into the air and catches it, “Nah. Well maybe. But figured somebody might want it.”

 

“Always thinking ahead there, E- Allan.”

 

“Ooo… almost got you!”

 

“Hush and give me that ball.”

 

Sami quickly completes her math problems and takes a moment to watch the men toss the ball back and forth. “Heads up!” is hard as Sami squeals and quickly covers her head. The ball hits the bench next to her and rolls off with a thud onto the ground.

 

“Heads up… as in look up and move. Not sit still and be hit.”

 

Glaring at her brother, “You shouldn’t be throwing the ball over this way anyways!”

 

“Hold it! You, homework. You, go check on the hamburgers.” Checking his watch, he wonders what is keeping Marlena. “What are you reading?”

 

“We had to read some of Beowulf so we can read more in class tomorrow. It’s so stupid.”

 

“There is that word again. I remember doing that with Carrie.” He rubs the back of his neck and watches to make sure that Eric doesn’t get too close to the grill, while flipping the hamburgers. “I remember… there is a big monster named Grendel and he eats people.” Moving over towards his once daughter, he whispers in her ear, “He came in while they were all sleeping and picked up a guy. He put him into his big mouth and just crunched down!” Sami jumps and he tries not to laugh, “You hear the bones snap and crunch. Just like biting into a PB&J sandwich with chips in it. Know that sound? Crunch. But for him, his sandwich is all juicy from the blood and its dripping down his chin and he uses his sleeve to wipe it all off… Yum!”

 

“Oh my god! That’s so gross John!” Closing the book, he sees the preteen overdramatic response coming his way. “I can’t read it now. I’m going to puke! That’s gross. I’ll never get that imagine out of my head or eat sandwiches with chips in them.”

 

Whispering again, “Crunch…”

 

She reaches up to push him away, “Shut up, shut up, shut up!”

 

“What is going on here?” The added voice causes all three of them to turn quickly, as Marlena makes her way around the house and into the back yard. “I can hear you all from the street.”

 

John grins playfully at her and shrugs his shoulders, “I don’t know what you are talking about. We’re doing homework, right Susie?”

 

“That’s right.” Smiling up at him, “And Allan is flipping our hamburgers.”

 

“Susie, Allan, homework… am I at the right house?”

 

“Certainly you are Doc. Now go change and clean up, burgers will be ready momentarily. Right Allan?”

 

“Right, John.”

 

Kissing Sami on the cheek quickly, Marlena enters her kitchen door and quickly moves inside to change, deciding that it’s better not to ask.

 

_____________________________________________________

 

“Okay, Susie, Allan… take your plates into the kitchen. Make sure to rinse them off and put them in the left side.”

 

“We know John.”

 

“Of course you know… now go do.” John watches the two move towards the house and smiles at Marlena when she begins to laugh at hearing her daughter refer to her brother as Allan.

 

“Do you think he looks like an Allan?”

 

Laughing heartily, “No Doc. He’s an Eric. Just two names that I pulled out of my ass at that moment.”

 

“Well, thank you. I know they feel bad when they slip up and call you dad. This is a great way to show them how difficult it is to suddenly change names and that they… that they shouldn’t feel badly about it.”

 

Wiping his mouth, he takes a small sip of his pop and finally asks, “Do they feel bad because they think they shouldn’t make that mistake? Or bad because it might hurt Roman? I don’t understand.”

 

“I don’t know. Maybe all of those reasons. Also…” She goes silent and begins to look out over the backyard. “I’ve missed sitting out here.” Marlena takes in a deep breath and reminds herself that John won’t let her sentence just die out like that. “I overheard those two talking one day and Eric decided that it makes you sad to hear them call you dad and they don’t want to hurt you. They really do love you John. That hasn’t changed.”

 

“Good to know. Because I do love them.”

 

“And I’m so glad that you are still around.” Blue eyes meet hazel and for a moment, they just stare. Marlena wants to take back what she said or to rephrase it, but she doesn’t. She means every word of it, but does not wish to meet head first the implications of such a statement.

 

Instead she just smiles and leans forward to rest her forehead on his shoulder.

 

Leaning his cheek on her head, John asks quietly, “Are you okay Doc?”

 

“Yeah. Just tired I guess. The kids, work is picking up, and… all that stuff. Its building up and I’m getting buried.”

 

“Then let me take the kids this weekend.”

 

She moves slightly to sit up, but then decides not to, “What?”

 

“Let me take the kids Saturday and Sunday. They can sleep over or we’ll go camping or something. Will give you a bit of time to check up and rest.” Picking a finger to her lips, she quiets, “Let me help. I would love the time with them, I don’t think it will harm them any and you need a chance to refocus. I think it would be good for all of us. Things have been happening and changing so fast… perhaps too fast.”

 

“John… I don’t know.”

 

“Why not? Tell me, honestly. What is crawling through that pretty mind of yours?”

 

“Roman. I don’t think he would like it.” A breath is blown out between his lips, but no words follow. “What’s rolling through that brain of yours?”

 

“Honestly?”

 

Pushing against his leg, Marlena sits up and turns so that she is straddling the bench and looking at his profile, “Of course.”

 

“Screw him.”

 

Her brow creases, “John.”

 

“You said I could be honest. That was what my mind was thinking. He’s not here Marlena and you are tired and those kids in there are confused. This would do us all a world of good, I know it. Come here.”

 

John turns to straddle the bench as Marlena spins around and leans back into his chest. Her eyes immediately close as she takes in his warmth and protection. Together they stare at the wooden fence.

 

“I agree with you. I do. I just… this all…” Her confusion and frustration is let known through a groan. Wiping the side of her nose, Marlena lets her eyes close and her body relax again. “I’m so tired of all of this. I’ve tried to talk to Roman about you, about me, about the kids and he… he isn’t listening or isn’t understanding… or hell, just doesn’t give a damn. I can’t figure it out. I.. I saw we need to talk. That the kids need him here if they are going to adjust and what does he do? Do you know what he does?” He can’t help the chuckle that leaves his lips. “What?”

 

Laughing fully, “I always hated when you asked questions like those when we were married. You’d be mad or frustrated and ask a question like ‘Do you know what he does’ and I would sit there going, do I answer? Do I just nod? Do I ask a question too? I never knew. I still don’t. But Roman has left, to answer.”

 

“Yeah.” Shaking her head, she leans it back to look up at him, “I never knew I made you that confused.”

 

“Oh woman, that was only the start.”

 

She leans up to wipe her tears and look back at the fence. “I remember when you painted the fence. I let you choose the colour and you picked blue. And not just any blue.”

 

“Bright royal blue. God, that was awesome. I let the kids paint and Carrie kept saying that you were going to be so very mad at me.”

 

“And boy was I!”

 

“You laughed. You liked it and then made me repaint it.”

 

“You better believe I did.” Silence fills the air. She knows it is getting late and that she needs to get inside to get the kids moving towards bed, but there is still a conversation to be finished. “You’re right. Roman isn’t here. This is my decision and… you can take them.”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“John, they need somebody. We’ve all been asking so much of them.”

 

“We’ve?”

 

“I understand. Roman and I have. I wanted to make things easy and nothing about this is easy. Everybody is hurt and the more I try to make this situation okay for everybody, the more we will all hurt. He’s not here. Roman choose, yet again, to go work and leave me here to deal. So yes, I could use some help and an evening to myself.”

 

“Then it’s all set. You can tell them tomorrow and I’ll swing by after school to see what they want to do.” Squeezing her shoulders, he stands up and begins to collect his plates.

 

“No John, you’ve done enough. I’ve got this.”

 

“Okay. I better go. I told Dwain that I would swing by to sign some things before he turned in. So tomorrow?”

 

“Tomorrow.”

 

His fingers naturally reach out and stroke her cheek before cupping her chin and pulling her towards him. He kisses her briefly. It’s a friendly kiss. Lips may be intimate territory but they are two people that have not been able to cross back completely to friendship territory and may never be able to.

 

He waves at her and stops upon hearing his name, “John, thanks for all your help. You’re a lifesaver, yet again.”

 

“Anytime, Doc.” He moves around the side of the house, stopping underneath Sami’s room, “Susie! Remember… when he chomps down on the guy its like biting into a huge stack of chips. Crunch! But with a ton of salsa on it that starts to drip down your c-”

 

“Shut up John!” filters out through the window and makes him laugh as he heads back towards his car.

“There we go! That’s it. Let’s see that again!”

 

The claps and cheers do another ebb and flow. The teams begin to switch places, as John puts his hands into his suit pants’ pockets. He smiles at the group of mothers, hoping that a slight nod will keep them right where they are and allow him the peace that they did not grant him the day before. Mothers of children that have grown up and played sport after sport with and against Eric and Sami, now are simply a group of gossips wanting the dirt on his life – both his loss of status as the kids father and his new status of bachelor.

 

Another yell leaves his lips and without looking, he feels the presence of a lovely lady approaching him, “Hello pretty lady.”

 

She steps in close and offers him a friendly smile when he turns her way, “So you heard.”

 

“Uh?” He glances at her and understands the meaning of her statement, “Well no, not exactly. I didn’t hear it all, but I caught the jist of it. How have you taken it all?”

 

“Well, I’m here, so that should say that, um, I guess I listened.”

 

“I can see that you heard them, but how are you taking this all?”

 

She tilts her head to see around the fence, “Where is Eric?”

 

“He’s sitting. He is to bat sixth.”

 

“And Sami?”

 

“She’s sitting over at the food booth thing over there with the Wellings girls.” He points off towards the little shack that is filled with snacks and random drinks. “She’s been right around those picnic tables. So all is okay.”

 

Her laugh comes out short. One might take it as nervous, but John determines its mental and emotional tiredness. “I never doubted that.” Pushing a fallen lock of her out from her eyes, she watches a young boy walk up to the plate and take his stance at home plate. “Are we winning?”

 

“We’re up by one, at the moment. Did well early, but have been slipping since then. They are missing silly things. Dan Higgins, he’s Adam’s dad, he’s over at third base, but he tends to get so wrapped up in the game that he forgets to coach.”

 

“You want to be out there, don’t you?”

 

Laughing with her, “Sure I do. But I was first base coach yesterday so I’m letting some of the dads take turns.”

 

“It’s all…” She groans and rubs hands over her face. “Everything is just so complicated and wrong. The irony of this all. Here you stand day after day, running the car pools and games that you have been doing for years, and now you’re not their dad and it all becomes blurred. Why shouldn’t you be here?”

 

“Doc… Marlena…” Waiting for her to look up, “I am here. Day after day. What are you talking about?”

 

“I dunno. I don’t know what to think anymore. My mind just wants to shut down.”

 

“Answer my earlier question, how did they make you feel when they said that they were mad at you and Roman for not being here for them?”

 

“It hurt. How else would it feel?”

 

His eyes almost roll at her comment, but instead he glances quickly at the bench to make sure that Eric is still sitting before turning back to her, “Okay, you were hurt. What else? Was Roman hurt?”

 

“No. Yes. I dunno! He wouldn’t talk about it. He just told them that he has a job and commitments and has to chase down the bad guys.”

 

“He didn’t use the word ‘bad guys,’ did he?”

 

“Yes, why?”

 

He mumbles and Marlena knows it isn’t a compliment towards her husband, “They aren’t four years old Doc! When is he going to understand that? He is going to… nevermind. What I think just doesn’t matter, but my advice is, he needs to start focusing in on them.”

 

“And me too?”

 

“Honestly?”

 

“Always.”

 

“It wouldn’t hurt. You are stretching yourself very thin here Doc. Trying to make everybody okay and everybody feel okay, but in the end, things are falling apart. I can see it in your eyes. So as a friend, I am telling you that you need to get a hard edge, a little bitchy, and figure out what you want. Playing nice is getting you nowhere.”

 

“Nowhere huh?” She smiles up at him for a moment, trying to make light of everything that he just said. But as the smile fades, he can tell that she heard each and every word that he said and therefore, drops the subject.

 

“Here he comes.” Both adults watch as Eric stands, grabs and bat and begins to warm up. Cupping his hands around his mouth, “Come on Eric! Hurry this up because I’m freezing my butt off out here.”

 

Smiling in his direction, the young boy uses one hand to mimic John and let out the always polite, “Oh shut up!”

 

John laughs and claps out support as his once son moves towards the plate. “Keep your chin down!” Both parents stand still, holding their breath as the first pitch hits the ground and the second makes contact with their son’s bat. The ball goes air-born, finding its place in midfield, as the lengthy boy rounds first base and finds his way safely to second. “Whoo! Great job Eric!”

 

“Nice job Eric! Oh wow… he got a hit.”

 

Laughing at her happiness, John nods and gives Eric a thumbs up, “Was awesome contact. Finally kept his chin down. Been having problems with that lately. Man, he’s turning into one great ball player.” Bumping Marlena’s shoulder, he grins at her and looks out towards Eric, “Look how grown up he looks. I’m tellin’ ya, that growth spurt of his, has really made such a difference. Wow.”

 

“Yeah, my little boy. I think it’s hard on Sami because he is just growing, all tall and skinny now. Complete string-bean. Think she wants to be the same way.”

 

“She’s getting to that age now, but she’ll get her jump when its time.”

 

“You know that. I know that. Try telling her that.”

 

“Well, I’ll keep that in mind to do.” John watches as the final out is had and Eric comes jogging in from second base. Unable to hold back his kidding, “Great standing you did out there. You’re becoming a pro at that whole one foot on the bag, one-“

 

Being cut off by a rather firm “Shut up!” John continues to laugh.

 

Marlena moves to bump his arm, “Why is it, that I work so hard to get the phrase ‘shut up’ to be removed from their vocabulary because I hate it, but all you seem to do it provoke that response out of my children.”

 

Smiling a cheesey grin at her, John leans down and kisses her cool cheek, “It’s a gift. Wow… you’re freezing. Get over here.” He grabs hold of her sweater’s sleeve and pulls her in front of him. Pushing her back into his chest, John wraps his arms tightly around her waste, allowing his hands to cup together and rest on her abdomen. His cheek rests against her head and he can’t stop himself from looking sideways over at the group of mothers, “Can you feel that?”

 

“Feel what exactly?”

 

Laughing at her tone and implication, John uses his chin to push her head towards the group of females, “You are getting the coldest of glares from that group over there. They are vicious. Might slash your tires.”

 

“You are that hot of a commodity, are you?”

 

“You better believe it! John Black is back on the market and they aren’t seeming to like you interfering.”

 

A light hum leaves her lips, but the statement of his causes a slight depression to wash over her once again. Mad at herself, for not being able to rise above these constant emotions, Marlena leans back against him and allows herself to just focus on where she is and her son, as he playfully pushes one of his teammates.

“Mom… mom! Ow!” Sami’s growl echoes down the hall, “Mom, did you find the flashlight! I’m tired of bumping into this up here.”

 

“Sweetheart, you’ve lived here all your live, how do you not know where everything is?” Marlena laughs as she hears her bang into the small table at the end of the hallway. “Watch out for that table!”

 

“Thanks mom. My knee thanks you too. Did you get the flashlights?”

 

“Well, I did.” She moves to the stairs and climbs up a few so she can stop yelling, “But they lack batteries. Sami, do you have any? Like in your walkman or something?”

 

“Nop. My walkman hasn’t had batteries in forever. I told dad and he said he would get some for me, but he hasn’t.”

 

Nodding, Marlena turns to sit on the steps, “What about Eric?”

 

She hears her daughter move a couple of steps and then a bang on the door, “Hey Eric, mom wants to know if you have batteries.”

 

“No nerd. I don’t. Stop banging on my door!”

 

“Mom!”

 

“Eric Roman Brady, do not call your sister names! And both of you, come down stairs. I’d rather have you guys down here if we aren’t going to have any lights.”

 

“Okay mom! Eric come on, did you hear mom?”

 

“Yes, I did. I’ll be down in a minute.”

 

“Grouch.” Sighing, Sami Brady made her way slowly down the hall and towards the steps. Taking it one at a time, she smiles at her mother and happily takes her hand and walks the rest of the steps together. “Eric is coming.”

 

“Thanks. Why don’t you go sit on the couch, I’ll find us some cards or something.”

 

Marlena disappears into the dark kitchen and just as Sami’s butt finds the cushion, the doorbell rings. “I’ll get it!”

 

The young girl darts off the couch, as Eric’s heavy footsteps can be heard running towards the stairs, and the concerned mother yells out, “No, Samantha wait!”

 

As the door opens, Eric jumps down the steps, nearly tripping into the person on the other side, as Marlena rushes into the living room. “Wow, what a welcome this is.”

 

Three voices ring out with one name, “John” as he grins back.

 

“Here Eric, put this on the coffee table.”

 

Marlena moves towards the door, watching Eric as he carefully carries the pizza over towards the couch. “Sami, why don’t you go get us some plates and napkins.”

 

“Nop. Got them right here.” Lifting his arm in the air, Marlena squints to realize that he has a bag of stuff hanging from his wrist. “Sami?” The girl moves to grab the bag, as John steps out of his shoes and closes the door. “Man, its nasty out there. I actually ended up parking down the road; did you know that you have a tree down?”

 

“Um, well no. I didn’t. Wonder if that’s why the power is out.”

 

“No, I think that would be because lightening hit the pole about a block away.”

 

“Lightening struck that close?”

 

“I guess so.”

 

Marlena looks over at John’s drenched state, “Well, don’t tell Eric please. I don’t need him running out there to look.”

 

“Well, perhaps we can take a walk later.”

 

He receives an unsure look, but she doesn’t disagree. “I’ll go get you a towel and grab some drinks.”

 

“Nop, got all of that. I came prepared. Pop, cups, plates, a fork and knife, napkins and even a garbage bag. Am I good or am I good?”

 

“Well, with those choices…” He moves quickly to wrap an arm around her. Tickling her side, John leans down to kiss her shoulder, making sure that his wet hair comes in contact with her neck.

 

“Oh! You’re wet!” She tries to squirm out of his grasp, but doesn’t get far. The more she struggles, the more he tickles her until he finally lets her go.

 

“Sit, eat. I’ll just grab a towel in the hall closet.” Moving around the corner, “Oh and Doc, I brought flashlights and a lantern, they should be by the door. Oh actually, I may have left them outside.”

 

As John returns, his hand moves over the back of his head with the towel and smiles as he sees Eric and Sami happily enjoying their pizza and talking about something stupid Alex Montsery did in lunch that day. Catching Marlena’s eyes, his slight uneasiness is ended as she returns his grin. She mouths a simple ‘Thank you’ and he follows suit with ‘You’re welcome.’

 

“Okay guys…”

 

“I’m a girl!”

 

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry… guy and girls. I think your mom and me need some pizza as well. So move over!” He bumps Sami’s arm, pushing her over as he sits down on the couch.

 

While John fixes them each a plate of pizza, Marlena busies herself with lighting the lantern and then squeezing into plate next to Eric. “Mmm. Great pizza. So how far is the power outage? Obviously the whole city isn’t out.”

 

“Quite a chunk of it is. From Kenmore Ave all the way over to Old Beatty that I’ve seen so far. Pizza place had a generator. Because generators are smart ideas, especially when the power does out for an unknown amount of time. Do you guys have a generator?” He takes a bite and waits for both kids to look at each other and then shake their heads, “No? Huh. That’s funny. I remember buying a generator for the house once, but… what happened to that Doc?”

 

“John…”

 

“Oh that’s right. Your mom made me take it back. If she hadn’t, we could be cooking steaks and playing video games right now.”

 

“I like pizza.”

 

Sami nods and agrees with her brother, “Me too.” To demonstrate her point, she takes a big bite of pizza, causing all three members on the couch to laugh at her sauce covered cheeks.

 

“Let me help you there girl. Pizza all over your face. So what happened in school today?”

 

He eats as both kids ramble off story after story about their teachers, the lunch room, friends, a spit ball, and recess until it started to rain, “And I was just about to steal third base when the whistle blew and we all had to go in because of the rain. It was so stupid. It was barely raining.”

 

His eyes move from one child to the other, trying to keep up. He barely realizes what he is doing as he leans over to grab the extra cheese off of Marlena’s plate, leaving behind his piece of crust. He places his second piece of crust on Sami’s plate and watches her bold facial expresses as she informs him, “And what was even more stupider was that they didn’t even let us play inside!”

 

Eric nods and interrupts, “Yeah, normally when it rains we go to our classroom and play something like mumball or Heads Up 7 Up or something fun like that. Eraser tag too. But no, we couldn’t even play a small game of tag in the lunch room! They just made us sit.”

 

John’s eyes go dramatically big, “Wow… that’s rough. But remember, we don’t say words like stupid and especially not stupider because that’s not even a word. You’re mom doesn’t like it.”

 

“And you John, shouldn’t like to hear it either.”

 

“Oh, that’s right, I don’t want to hear it either. It’s not polite. And it makes you sound stupid.”

 

John attempts to hold back his laughter by taking a sip of his pop, but soon both children have lost it and he follows suit. Looking up, he checks her stare and all it takes is one cheekish grin for her to let out a soft giggle as well, “John, you are so not helping here.”

 

“I know… I know…” Taking in a deep breath, “Seriously gu- guy and gal, kids, stupid ranks right up there with ‘shut up’ on the ‘don’t want to hear them’ scale. Got’em?”

 

“Got ya.”

 

“Go ya too.”

 

“Good. Now anybody gunna eat that last slice of pizza?”

 

Patting her stomach, Marlena looks over at her children before saying, “It’s all yours.”

 

“I’ll split it with you.”

 

“No, I’m good. I’ve had plenty.” Carefully he rips off the crust and hands it over to her, not taking no for an answer, before curling up the pizza and shoving nearly half of it in his mouth. “Kids, can you start putting all the garbage into the bag? Thank you.” Picking up a napkin, she moves closer to John and reaches out to remove the sauce smudge from his cheek. “I always knew Sami got her eating habits from you.”

 

“Mom, can we have a snack? A brownie from yesterday?”

 

Both kids shine bright blue eyes at her and she has no choice but to agree, “Go ahead, but take the flashlight with you please. Hey hey… there are two, so please don’t fight. Bring us one too, please.” Sighing, Marlena falls back against the couch and allows her body to slide closer to his, so that her head can rest on the side of her arm. “I am so tired. Life without power is just so very rough.”

 

Laughing at her, he moves his arm so that she falls in more comfortably on his chest, “What’s so rough about it? No cooking, no mess.”

 

“Yeah, just two eleven year olds with no electricity to entertain them. Its hard trying to keep them from killing each other and be active.”

 

Kissing the side of her head, John asks, “Where is Ms. Carrie tonight?”

 

“She was over at the library. Carrie Wallance’s mom picked them up so the whole group is over at her house trying to get ready for their project next week. Guess it could be worse.”

 

“How so?”

 

“I could have that group all over here too.”

 

“So true.” John looks down and sees her eyes lazily closing, “Long day?”

 

“Mmm.”

 

“And Roman is still out of town?” He feels her shrugs and assumes that that is all the information she is caring to offer out to him. Feeling her even breathing, he knows without looking that her eyes are completely closed and her body is finally relaxing. John cranes his neck to look towards the kitchen, while stroking the side of her face lightly. He counts off in his head and then slowly moves himself out from under her, gently laying her head on the couch pillow.

 

Grabbing the bottle of pop, he moves into the kitchen, immediately telling the kids to be quiet. Putting the pop in the semi chilled frig, “Hey guys, your mom is going to take a short nap. She’s had a long day and we three are going to go scout out the neighborhood. Okay?”

 

“I’m a girl.”

 

“Samantha…” Smiling at her, he informs them to go get their coats and shoes quickly but quietly.

 

All three move back into the livingroom. John finds his coat and shrugs it over his shoulders as he moves to the couch and looks down at his sleeping beauty. Leaning over the back of the couch, he kisses her right temple, before moving towards the door to put his sneakers back on.

 

Looking up, he sees four feet carefully climb down the steps and move towards him. “Let’s get going.”

 

“Shouldn’t we tell mom where we are going?”

 

“She’ll know and we won’t be long. Come on, we’re missing all the action.” Two excited kids run out into the strong winds and rain. John laughs as Sami squeals and runs faster towards the car.

 

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

 

A soaking wet John enters the house followed by two equally as wet children. “Stop. Strip right here and then both of you, I want you in the bathroom to dry off, brush your hair and teeth, get the PJs on and find your beds. Your mom or I will be up.”

 

“You’ll come say goodnight, won’t you John?” Scrunching his nose up, “I don’t like calling you that. But you won’t leave without saying goodbye, right?”

 

“As long as you get a move on it. Right now, shoes, socks, pants… all of it.” Helping each one of the kids, John strips the both and sends them running upstairs in only their underwear, “Eric, just because I didn’t remove your underwear down here, doesn’t mean you get to keep it on! Got me?”

 

“Got you.”

 

Laughing at them, John pulls off his jacket and attempts to make as little of a mess as possible as he takes off his shoes and socks. He moves towards his towel from earlier in the evening and then leans over the couch. He watches as a drip of water falls onto her cheek, followed by another and then she sits up quickly. “Wow… you’re jumpy!”

 

“And you’re wet! Again… John what happened?”

 

“I thought you could use a little nap. I took the kids out to look at all the damage and such. Wow, it’s quite a disaster out there.”

 

“Did they enjoy it?”

 

“Repair trucks, lights, police cars, fallen trees… what’s not to enjoy?”

 

Rolling her eyes, “Oh yeah, what on earth was I thinking?”

 

“Come on, I have them getting ready for bed. I’ll go say goodbye and I’ll get out of your way.” Taking her hand, they move up the stairs and stand in the hallway to check into each one of their rooms. “Is Carrie not coming home tonight?”

 

“Thought it would be easier that way. She’s just wear something of Carrie’s tomorrow to school. Half of her wardrobe is over there anyways.”

 

“Girls. Okay kids, let’s hurry up. In bed so I can give ya a kiss before I go. Move it.”

 

“Mom, oh my god, we saw so much stuff! We drove around and walked around and there were whole trees lying in the road! Tree branches all over. It’s a mess out there!”

 

“And we saw a fire truck, a house set on fire because a tree fell on it! Can you imagine? Luckily nobody lived there, but I sure feel sorry for those stu- – uh, those people who bought the house. It’s a mess now.”

 

Sami, waits for her brother to finish and then jumps in, “And there are all these guys out on tall ladders and weird things that aren’t really ladders because they stand in it, like a box and it moves into the air and they fix things. They were even wearing orange! And then d- John pushed Eric and he fell into this huge puddle and so we got to jump in them!”

 

“It was way cool mom.”

 

“Sure sounds it.” Marlena gives John a sideways glance and he simply shrugs and smiles. “Get moving, bedtime.”

 

The two adults still stand there, in the hall, waiting for each one of the twins to finish getting ready. “John, why don’t you stay? I’ve got clothes for you to change into, can dry these if the power comes back on… I don’t like the idea of you driving across town in this mess. Besides, you can take the kids to school for me so I don’t have to get moving so early tomorrow.”

 

“Oh, I see. Its not so much about my safety as you sleeping in tomorrow?”

 

“Exactly. You get them moving and I will find you some clothes.”

 

Together, they get Eric and Sami off to bed and John changed into some of his old clothes. They are dry, warm, worn-out and familiar. He couldn’t ask for anything more. Hand in hand, they walk down the hall and take each step slowly and carefully. As they make it to the bottom step, John stops. “No further. You are going to bed, you’re exhausted. Thank you…”

 

Looking down at him, “No, thank you. Sleep well?”

 

“Will do.” He leans up onto his toes and kisses her gently on the corner of his mouth. As their lips barely touch, Marlena moves her head and allows her lips to capture his fully for a brief moment.

 

“Goodnight John. Thanks for all of your help tonight.”

 

“Anytime. Sweet dreams.”

 

“Of fire trucks and fallen trees…”

 

“Whatever makes you happy…” Her laughter is the last thing he hears, before he picks up the pillow from the chair and tosses it over onto the couch. His left hand grabs the blanket and he carefully lowers himself onto the couch, trying not to think about the irony surrounding this situation. There have been many nights that he has slept on this couch, times when he had fallen asleep while watching TV, fallen asleep while waiting for her, fallen asleep from grieving exhaustion, but also there had been enough times where he was down here while she was upstairs, mulling over a recent fight. And then there were the times that they both crashed right here, after a round of adventurous lovemaking or just cuddling.

 

So many memories of a life long gone.

 

Sighing, John turns onto his back and stares up at the ceiling, wondering why his life got so very messed up.

A knock on the conference room door causes all heads to turn, as a lady in her mid-forties takes a step into the room. “Mr. Black, I’m sorry to interrupt.” Noticing that the man isn’t focusing fully on her, she repeats his name, “Mr. Black, there is a call for you. They said it’s urgent.”

 

The word ‘urgent’ gets John’s attention as he sits up in his chair and slowly pushes back. “Excuse me gen-” He is about to say ‘gentlemen’ when he reminds himself that there are also ladies present. Instead of being diplomatic, he decides to simply address them as a whole, “I’ll be back in a moment, please continue.”

 

John moves along the table and out the door. As he steps into the hallway, Mrs. Rapp whispers, “The call is on line two.” Together they move towards her desk and as she lifts the phone up to him, she whispers, “It’s the Amherst Police Department.”

 

Looking at her oddly, John lifts the phone to his ear, “John Black.”

 

“Mr. Black, this is Officer Lindsay from the Amherst Police Department. We picked up your children at the Willow Park and Sporting complex a little while ago. We need a responsible adult to come down here and resolve this situation for us.”

 

“Sami and Eric? Are they alright, Officer?” John takes in a short breath and asks, “Not hurt, are they?”

 

“No, they’re fine sir. We just are in need of somebody coming down here to pick them up and explain to us why they were still at Willow Park, outside, after dark.”

 

The calm voice of the officer, did little to relieve the tension that is building in John’s system. Rubbing the back of his neck, John turns ninety degrees to his right and then back again, looking for a clock, but not understanding why. “Um, yeah. Of course.” He stares at the floor and tries to focus his tired mind, “Amherst you said?” He whispers, ‘of course, Frankie’s game’ and interrupts the officer speaking, “I’m in Salem right now, I will be there in twenty minutes or so. Thank you for the call.”

 

Hanging up the phone, John picks it up again and quickly dials seven digits. Waiting, he jumps as the other end picks up, “I need to speak with Dr. Evans immediately, please. It’s an emergency. John Black.”

 

A frown grows on his face, as Marlena’s secretary begins to explain about how she is out of town currently, “- she left early this morning and won’t be back until sometime tomorrow night. I can try to locate her on the phone, if you need me to.”

 

“Um, no… no thanks. I’m sorry, I think I knew that she was gone. Thank you, no. No message.” Hanging up, he lets out a long strand of swear words. When he finishes, he looks up at Mrs. Rapp and apologizes, “I’ve got to go out. Can you please go in there and explain to the stuff suits that I’ve had a family emergency?”

 

“Are Sami and Eric okay?”

 

“Yeah, as far as I know. Probably scared, Roman never picked them up. They’ve been at the park all night.”

 

“But it’s almost ten o’clock!”

 

“I know.” As he shrugs into his overcoat, John picks up his keys and briefcase and begins to walk towards the elevator. Pushing the button, he steps in and mutters, “And the game probably ended around six.”

 

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

 

Entering the Amherst Police Station, John took in the remarkably busy reception area. He remembered his time on the force clearly and Tuesday nights were usually the slowest of them all, but that does not seem the case for this particular night. Strumming his fingers on the desk, he waits very impatiently for an attractive African-American policewoman to acknowledge him.

 

When she finally looks up, he states evenly, “John Black. I’m here about Sami and Eric Brady. They were picked up at the park a little while ago.”

 

She simply nods at him and points behind her, “Head around and see the officer at the desk. He’s handling that case.”

 

“Case?” His eyebrow lifts in question, but does as he is told and walks around the reception desk and moves towards a large desk in the centre of the precinct. Holding out his hand, “I’m John Black. I was called about Sami and Eric Brady.”

 

“The minors?”

 

“That they are.”

 

The officer’s head dips down and continues to write on several forms of papers. Feeling as if he has been forgotten about, John begins to take in his surroundings and frowns at the unfriendly vibe the place gives off. Not that a police station necessarily should shout happy faces and rainbows, this place is lined with lime green and almost a tan coloured tiles on the floor and matching brown walls. The only type of decoration in a bulletin board, poorly filled up with wanted posters and local advertisements.

 

In the corner, a young woman, seemingly a victim, is being interviewed. John can’t help himself from staring, but just as he thinks he has her problem figured out, he hears a cluttered echo of “John” and “Dad” ring through the air.

 

Turning, he watches as Sami and Eric come towards him and wrap themselves around his waist. “You came! I knew you would. I told Sami you would.”

 

“Of course I would come.”

 

Sami looks down at her feet ashamed, but doesn’t let go of him, “I thought you might be too busy.”

 

Lifting her chin, “I am never too busy for you two, especially when you need my help. Got me?”

 

“See, I told you.” Eric looks at his sister, but John intervenes before a push, shove, or hit can occur. “I knew all we had to do was find him and then he would come. Right, you’ll always come get us if we need it, right?”

 

The sentence comes out so rushed that John can’t hold back his smile, “That’s a fact. Now why don’t you two go sit down over there for a minute.” Pulling out his wallet, he hands them each a dollar and points over to the corner with the machines, “Go grab yourselves a pop or something and just give me a minute to talk to the officer, okay?”

 

“Yeah sure. We got to ride in a police car! Just like the one you use to pick us up in from school. Forgot how cool that is.”

 

“And here I thought you outgrown silly little things like that.”

 

Eric and Sami both stop and just merely shake their heads ‘no’ before continuing towards the machines.

 

John turns his attention back to the desk and squats quickly to read the plate nailed to the front of the desk. “Detective Johnson, I’m truly sorry about this and well, thank you for picking them up and keeping them safe.”

 

“The kids have told me their side of the story already, and well sir, I’d like to hear your explanation as well.”

 

“My explanation? Detective, I’m still not one hundred percent clear on what exactly is going on here. I got a call from one of your officers that the kids were here and that I needed to come pick them up. How did they end up here in the first place?”

 

“Well, the kids were picked up by my partner and myself at about 8:54pm. We brought them back to the station and called their home, but nobody answered. They told me that their father was to pick them up from their baseball game and hadn’t arrived. So they stayed put, like they were taught, and waited. Waited for hours apparently. Then they gave us your work number.” Shoving a few papers to the corner of his desk, Dectective Johnson folds his hands and leans forward, “And I would like to know why you left your two young children at the park after hours.”

 

A response is about to slide through John’s lips, but instead he takes in a very deep breath. “Let’s just clear up one thing first, I wasn’t the one who was to pick them up tonight. I’m not their father, their father is Roman Brady, Chief of Police in Salem.”

 

The name seems to register with the gentleman, but doesn’t seem to clear anything up, “Well I do apologize for that. The children said their father didn’t pick them up and then gave us your name and number.”

 

“It’s a very long and complicated story. I was their father once, but I’m not anymore. Their mother is out of town currently and it was Roman Brady who was in charge of picking them up, but I am glad that they gave you my number because you probably wouldn’t have gotten a hold of Roman anyways.” Realizing what he is saying, John takes another breath and attempts to clear this situation up, “I don’t know what may have kept him from picking up the kids, but I promise you that it will never happen again. And I thank you for picking them up and watching them. May I take them home now?”

 

The officer stares at him momentarily, “You use to be their father? If you aren’t a legal guardian, I don’t think I can allow you to take the children into your custody.”

 

“Detective, I spent six years thinking that I was Roman Brady. I raised those two kids, was married to their mother, and was chief of police for Salem. I even worked a couple of cases with some of your men here, like Darrel Hansen for the Shylocke case. Turns out that a very dangerous and insane man was messing with our lives and the real Roman Brady returned. As unbelievable as this all sounds, it’s true. So almost a year ago, I was kicked out as being Roman Brady, but I am still very much a part of these two children’s lives. And I would like to take them home, get them in bed and track down their father.”

 

Detective Johnson scratches his beard as he attempts to justify this situation in his head. Recalling a story similar to this in the paper months back, he decides to chance it. “You will stay with the children until a parent is found? You won’t leave them at home?”

 

“Of course not. I’ll find their father or stay with them until their mother returns tomorrow night. I know their schedule, we’ll be fine. Do I need to sign something?”

 

“I will need to see your ID and have you sign a release statement. I do want to warn you, even though you say this had nothing to do with you, had I not been able to get a hold of you, those two kids would have been sent to the child detention centre for the night. Do you know what those are like?”

 

“Six years on the force, I’ve seen more than my share and this will never ever happen again. That I can promise you.”

 

Nodding his understanding, “Good. Now sign here.” He looks at John’s ID, recognizing the name but saying nothing, and hands it back to him. “Thank you. Take care of those children.”

 

“I will.” Moving away from the desk, John gestures towards the door, “Come on you two. Home and bed, you’ve had enough excitement for tonight. Here, give me your bags.” He takes both backpacks from the children and tosses them carelessly over his shoulder, as they begin to walk out.

 

“But, I didn’t get all my work done. I did some of it at the park, but then it got too dark.”

 

“Yeah the same.”

 

“Nah-ah Eric, you didn’t even really try. You kept swinging on the swings, trying to flip over the bar.”

 

John stops just outside of the station. He shivers slightly as a gust of wind catches under his coat. “First, Sami, we don’t tattle-tail, remember? And Eric, what have I said about trying to flip over the bar?”

 

“That it’s going to hurt a heck of a lot when I finally do it.”

 

“Yes, so I would rather you just stop trying. Got me?”

 

“Got you. Oh wow!” His attention is immediately drawn to the car, “You brought the vette! This is awesome! They don’t make cars like this anymore. Can we ride home with the top down? Please!”

 

“Yeah John, can we please!”

 

Both little mouths begin a constant ramble of “please please” as John shakes his head no, “Its too cold for it tonight.”

 

“Oh no its not. We won’t be cold. Will we Sami?”

 

“No, come on. Please?”

 

“Nop. Not tonight, but tell you what. If you drop the pouting this second, I’ll drive you to school tomorrow with it down. Deal?”

 

“Deal.”

 

As the three pile into the corvette, Eric touches John’s shoulder and whispers, “I’m really sorry for having them call you.”

 

“What do you mean? Of course they should have called me.”

 

“Well, I remember mom saying that you had this important meeting and that’s why you would miss the game. I didn’t want to disturb you, but Mrs. Horton doesn’t have a car because Jennifer took it and I didn’t know wh-”

 

John cuts him off, not caring to hear anymore of an apology that isn’t necessary, “Hey, this is not your guys fault. You hear me? Not your fault at all. You did exactly what I have always taught you and that’s great. I’m proud of you for staying put, not trying to walk home. Though, I may have to add onto that staying put rule and say that its okay, when the person picking you up is really late, to find a phone and call and then return to the spot and wait. But this isn’t your fault.”

 

“But daddy was to pick us up, not you. So we interrupted your meeting and that’s not fair.”

 

Stroking Sami’s cheek and then lightly touching Eric’s nose, John makes sure that both children are listening to him, “There is nothing… and I mean nothing more important to me than you guys. No meeting could ever be more important. I may not be your dad anymore, but I do love you just as much as I always have. Maybe even more now. And I will be here for whenever. Got me?”

 

Both kids nod and allow a soft “Got you” to slide out of their lips.

 

“Okay, let’s get going.” Once on the road, John entertains the kids with stories about his meeting and the ridiculous ideas that some of the board members had, when a notion gets him, “Have you two eaten?” They mumble that they are fine, but he knows that they are lying. “Well, I’m starving. I’m thinking I need a quick run through Mighty Taco, anybody else want something?”

 

He smiles to himself as both children immediately start rambling off a detailed list of the foods they desire.

 

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

 

She slides out of her car, locking it behind her and moves determinedly towards the back door. Half sleep and ready to crash, she moves into the kitchen, dropping her stuff on the table and moves to head up the steps, but stops quickly at a voice in the livingroom.

 

“Yeah, fine. No, that’s not the issue, I have no problem staying with them. Urgh, hang on.” John looks over the couch and sees that both children have finished their food, “You two, bed. Now. No questions, comments or whines because you are already past three hours late. I want you to brush your teeth and be asleep in five minutes. Got me?”

 

“Got you” comes Sami’s reply, as she quickly moves towards him. She kisses his cheek and heads up the steps.

 

Eric follows suit, but wonders aloud, “What about our homework?”

 

“I told you, I would write you a note.”

 

His young face scrunches up in confusion, “What on earth will you write on that note?”

 

“I’ve had plenty of experience with making things up, don’t worry, I’ll handle it. Now get. Goodnight you two!”

 

As both children make their way upstairs and towards the bathroom, John returns to the phone call, not realizing that he has company. “Sorry, had to get them up to bed. Yes, of course I’ll stay, but do you have any idea of what happened today? No Roman, that’s a description of events, how it all played out, do you know what happened? Do you even understand what all of this means? Hell, have you given one second of thought of what could have happened? I’m not exactly sure you do Roman. Well, if they are, act like it! Don’t worry about them, though you are good at that. Bye.”

 

His jaw is set, his emotions are raw and he has this desperate desire to hit something. He remembers how easily his anger and rage use to build up inside of him, when he first came to Salem. He could fly off the handle so quickly back then and ever since he lost his identity as Roman Brady, lost his centre, he has been falling back into old habits.

 

John rubs his face with his hands and nearly jumps a mile, as Marlena’s hand touches his shoulder, “Shut Doc… oh God. Trying to kill me? Or hell, get yourself killed?”

 

“Sorry… usually I can’t sneak up on you. Mind explaining all of this to me?”

 

His arms go up in the air, as all his mind wants to do is sleep. “I dunno.”

 

“Roman on the phone?” At his nod, she continues, “You’re here. He’s not. He actually called you to help or did somebody else?”

 

John watches as Marlena folds her arms and leans up against the table for support, “Oh somebody else did.”

 

“Why did you call him? Nothing good can come out of that. I’ve even kind of asked you not to call him, to let me handle such things.”

 

“Well Doc, that wasn’t really an option this time.”

 

“Oh?”

 

He smiles at her coy look, but it does nothing to calm down his bitterness, “I had the need to let your husband know what a god-damn son of a bitch he truly is. But I said it nicely.”

 

“John, really. None of that will help, it will only make things worse. I’ve asked you not to deal with Roman under these types of circumstances.”

 

“These types of circumstances? You don’t even know what type we are dealing with here, Marlena.”

 

She moves towards him, but stops when she sees and feels his defensive stance. Her eyes shift towards the stairs, as both adults listen for any small voices, breathing or footsteps. “I know that Roman has been difficult. I’ve talked to you about this, so you know my frustrations. But you getting in the middle won’t help any. I’m sorry if you were inconvenienced by being pulled out of your meeting to get the kids today, and I am thankful you did it anyways, but-”

 

Marlena’s sentence stops at his icy glare and soon after, his words begin to tumble out slowly, “Inconvenienced? You think this is about being inconvenienced? Embarrassed for being pulled out of a boring ass meeting to pick the kids up because their father is incapable of it? Don’t thank me and lecture me in the same sentence. This has nothing to do with being inconvenienced; this has to do with the kids’ safety! I may not be their father anymore, and believe me, people take every moment to their advantage to remind me of that, but I just spent thirty minutes at the Amherst Police Department getting lectured for being an incompetent parent because they thought I left the kids at the park until ten o’clock! This is beyond being inconvenienced; this is about your shit-ass husband being allowed to call himself a parent.” John doesn’t stop and doesn’t breathe, because he knows as soon as he does, she’ll jump in and try to smooth everything over before he has to chance to have his complete say. “He knew you were out of town, he told me as much on the phone, but he let those kids sit at the park for four hours, in the dark, on their own, when anything could have happened to them, so that they could be picked up by the police, just because he had a problem at work to attend to. I can’t tell if he forgot them or just didn’t give a shit, Doc.”

 

His rant ends and all she can do is blink. Stunned by the outpour of anger, knowing it is not directed at her, but feeling as if it were, Marlena takes in a deep breath and attempts to sort through all the information at hand. “Roman didn’t pick them up. He didn’t call you, who did?”

 

“Detective Johnson of the Amherst Police Department, after him and his partner found Sami and Eric just sitting at the park at almost ten o’clock. Doc, do you realize what could have happened to them? They could have been kidnapped, beat up, raped, murdered, mugged… the list goes on and on and I know, why do I know? Because my mind has been creating it from the moment I found out they were left there!”

 

“Oh my god… and they are alright?”

 

“Hell yeah, they find it all to be one big adventure. So I’m sorry Doc if my call to him has inconvenienced him or your marriage in some way, but all of this is bullshit. He doesn’t want me within a hundred feet of his kids on most days, but now when he has to work and has no babysitter, he has no issues with me. I’m not playing this game with him and I won’t let him put the kids in harms way again. It’s bad enough all this shit he is pulling with Carrie. It’s got to stop Doc.”

 

“They are his kids, John. And he loves them.”

 

“Does he? I could have filed charges against him today.”

 

“You wouldn’t.”

 

“No, because of those two beautiful kids up there. That’s why not. Not because I’m a good guy and not because I think he deserves his one-millionth break.” John moves towards Marlena, “You’ve got to do something about this and soon. I’ll do anything for those two kids and for you, but I can’t keep being pushed to the side when he wants to play daddy and then dragged back in to clean up his mess. Do you know where they were going to be put, if they hadn’t have told the detective my number?”

 

Marlena shakes her head, as she bites her lip to keep her tears at bay.

 

“A youth centre for screwed up and abandoned children. Its not pretty, I’ve been there more times than I would like to admit. A lot of stuff would have happened to them tonight, this isn’t something I can just forget.”

 

Her tears fall and John wraps his strong arms around her, “Oh my god… my babies. My poor babies.”

 

“They are fine. Not at all effected by this. Why are you home, anyways?”

 

“The conferences were pointless so I didn’t stay. Drove home tonight and I’m wiped. Anything I need to do?”

 

He pushes her head back down on his shoulder. Naturally he begins to sway with her in his arms, trying to relax and comfort her at the same time. “No, they are fine. I will write them a note about their homework and I promised I would take them to school in the morning in the vette. Um, might want to put a note on the floor in the hallway because they will probably wake up and come running down here to wake me. Don’t want them to get scared because they don’t know you are home.”

 

She nods into his shoulder, but doesn’t move. Her eyes close, tears fall, and she gives out a small sniff. Marlena uses his shirt to wipe her right eye before she flips her head so that her nose is nuzzled within his neck. Kissing him softly, she lets out a soft, “Thanks for all your help today. You are an amazing help and I am truly sorry.”

 

Kissing the top of her head, John laces his fingers with her own and squeezes, “Don’t apologize. Just do us all a favor and fix this before it gets worse. I should go, so you can sleep.”

 

With a final kiss on her lips and a squeeze of her hand, John moves to slip into his coat and slide out the front door, waving a final ‘goodnight’ at her, as she begins to drag her tired body upstairs.

“Thanks for all your help… yet again. I don’t know what I would do without you.”

 

John leans back inside the house, reaches out, and gently strokes her cheek, “I’ll always be here to help you, whenever you need me, no matter what. You got me?”

 

Marlena smiles at natural phrase that he typically uses with the kids when he wants to make sure that they are focusing and understanding his demands. Just like she has seen her children do so many times, she nods her head and softly whispers out a “Got you.”

 

Lifting her chin, he stares into her hazel eyes until he is sure that she truly is understanding his need. His weight shifts to his left foot, as he leans in to kiss her cheek and whisper, “Anytime.”

 

Her fingers move on their own to hook around his large hand and squeeze it, “I got ya.” And for once, he felt comfort that she truly did get what he meant. Every last feeling, issue, or metaphor that his phrase creates, she finally understood that he will be here for her no matter what. So much has happened in their relatively short lives together, so much pain has transpired, but John has been spending the last ten or so months desperately trying to convince Marlena that he is here for her, in whatever capacity she needs him.

 

He knows deep down that he will never be able to truly walk away. She is a part of him in a very special and intimate way and even if he were to move on, marry, have a family of his own, and move away, he would come running back to help her with a simple phrase of need. And for some uncontrollable reason, he desperately needs her to know that no matter how they feel about each other, no matter if they are in the middle of a horrendous fight, he will come to her rescue.

 

Brushing his fingers under her chin, he winks and follows the stone path out to the driveway and then to his car. Marlena stands in the doorway, allowing the crisp air to blow over her and waves as John pulls away.

 

She steps back into the house, allowing another shiver to consume her body before putting the barrier against the wind back up by closing the door. Marlena pushes Eric’s shoes back under the table with her foot, as she moves over to the couch to pick up her briefcase. Hearing footsteps, she barely glances up as Roman enters the room.

 

“Was that John I saw pull away?”

 

She nods, as she continues her search for a particular folder, but then realizes that he may not be watching her and vocalizes, “Yeah. He just left.”

 

“What did he want?”

 

“He picked up the kids from Evan’s house, I got called into the hospital.” Finding the yellow folder, she pulls it out with a quiet ‘there you are,’ before tossing it down on the coffee table, following it with a pen and highlighter.

 

“Work?”

 

“Yeah, two emergencies today put me way behind.”

 

“I thought that they were sleeping over at Evan’s tonight?”

 

Looking up from her spot on the couch, Marlena shakes her head at him, trying to figure out where he would have gotten an idea like that, “No, why?”

 

Shrugging, “No reason. It’s just what I thought was discussed at dinner. So they’re upstairs?”

 

“Yes, but all three of them are sleeping. I had to wake them up extra early today and bring them over to Mrs. Horton’s to wait for the bus. Been off schedule one too many days this week.”

 

“Told you that John shouldn’t have taken them skating on a school night.”

 

Suddenly defensive, “He did that because you – nevermind. They were out late that night and then you woke them up the next night and then Wednesday they were asleep at your parents and then were woken up because you wanted to bring them home. So its’ just been on odd week on them is all.” She groans quietly at herself as she looks down and realizes that she is pressed down so hard with the highlighter that it bled through. Hating how it complicates the other page, she blows her bangs out of her eye and wishes that Roman will just go to bed, rather than continuing this conversation.

 

“So what was this emergency all about? Cheryl couldn’t have handled it for you?”

 

Tossing her pen down harder than she intended, she puts her papers on the couch and turns fully towards her husband, “Why don’t you just say it and get it over with, huh?”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“You don’t like that John was here, again. With the kids, again. You want to know why I called him and probably want to turn it into a fight, just like every other night this week and I just don’t have the energy tonight, Roman. I got paged, it was late, and I figured John would like an excuse to leave the office, so I called him.”

 

“You couldn’t have at least tried Ma and Pop? Hope or anybody else? Always straight to John.”

 

She watches him closely. His body language confuses her, because his shoulders are relaxed and his weight doesn’t shift at all as he speaks his question. It’s almost like he was prepared for this fight, because his words contain hints of anger, but not his body language. “I call John first now because he is usually available and loves spending times with the kids. Not that your parents don’t as well, but they already give up a lot of their time for Sami and Eric and they have a business to run.”

 

“John has a business to run, last I heard.”

 

“Please,” Her eyebrows rise in attitude that is so very similar to Sami’s, “He has a whole committee of people who are running his company, not to belittle him but they keep running without him, while your parents own and work their business. They need to focus on it and not always be running after our children.”

 

He crosses his arms and fires back quickly, “And neither should John Black.”

 

“Then you should come home on time once in awhile and stick around on weekends and we wouldn’t have that problem.” Though she feels bad for it, a smile tugs at the sides of her lips at his astonished look, “Roman, I’m tired of this game. I’m doing what I can and sometimes I have to work late or something happens and I need help. But I also need help to pick up your end of the slack, so until you are truly willing to do something… I’m tired of having this conversation in circles.”

 

“I think we are all tired here Doc.”

 

She stiffens at the pet name, tired of hearing just an endearing term come from a man’s lips who does not seem to care to be around anymore. Shrugging her shoulders, she turns pack to the table and picks up her folder. Not really focusing on anything, Marlena scans the headlines hoping to distract herself from the conversation.

 

“That’s it? A shrug is all I get?”

 

“I don’t think I can do this anymore.” At Roman’s question, she repeats herself a bit louder, “I don’t think I can do his anymore, Roman. I’m just too tired and nothing seems to be improving.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“We’ve been fighting, we’ve been having big fights for the past few weeks now. Whenever you are home, we fight. You say you will change, you will try harder, come home more, but you aren’t trying.”

 

Roman moves and stands behind the chair, facing Marlena, “I am too trying! I have responsibilities Doc. I’m sorry if I can’t always drop everything and come running home because something in your schedule has changed.”

 

“My schedule? It’s not my schedule, it’s the family’s schedule. It’s our kids’ schedules.”

 

“I’m sorry Marlena if my working bothers you. It’s a lot of responsibility keeping this town safe for our family. I work hard and long hours, yes I do. But I don’t regret it because every person I catch and put away, is one less danger for Sami and Eric.” His grip on the chair tightens and lessens with each word. “I can’t change it. It’s the job. It means stake outs and long hours and missing dinners. Its just the job.”

 

Before she can stop herself, the words spill out, “John had your job and he managed to be home for dinners and winter festivals! He was able to be a single father and do your job. Its possible to have both worlds, if you want both. But Roman, I’m sorry if you don’t want to hear this, but I don’t think you want to. I don’t think you care to.”

 

“Marlena that’s not fair!” Hitting the chair’s fabric in his frustration, Roman runs a hand threw his hair and begins to pace, “I’m sorry that I am not the world’s most perfect father and husband, but I am trying. I love you and I love those kids.”

 

Smiling sadly, she nods and looks down at her hands, “I don’t doubt that. And this isn’t about a competition between you and John. You are two separate people. But Roman, I think we’ve grown apart. It seems that you need to live your life to the fullest and I can understand that, so many years of your life have been taken away from you and now you are, in a way, trying to get them back. I understand. But I can’t live that way. The kids can’t live that way.”

 

“You think you’ve made a mistake. Don’t you?”

 

“Honestly?” At his nod, Marlena takes a deep breath and wills herself to continue. She promised herself that she would be fully honest with both Roman and herself, in order to find a resolution to this problem. She watches, as she allows her fingers to hook together and unhook in nervousness, “Yes. In a way I think I did make a mistake. That we both made a mistake. I’m trying to make you into somebody that you aren’t. That you never were and that’s not far to you. Roman, you haven’t spent the last seven years playing daddy to those kids up there and it’s not fair for me to expect you to fall into that role over night. Perhaps… perhaps… I don’t know. I am so tired Roman.”

 

“Do you blame me? I’ve been trying to improve. I came to Eric’s game the other night, wanting to take him out to dinner and he refused. Marlena, this isn’t just me. This is everybody. I do try, but nobody else is trying.”

 

Her eyes roll at the statement, as her mind tries to figure out what to say without causing another fight. “It’s not fair to make the kids, try, as you put it. We have to try and fix things to make the best life for them. Because Stefano messed with our lives, doesn’t mean that they have to suffer.”

 

“How is asking Eric out to dinner with his old man suffering?”

 

“They have a schedule. They have routines and stuff and I’m sorry, but you aren’t around enough to know them.”

 

Her words stop his pacing as he looks at her in astonishment, “They are twelve years old Doc. Routines? Come on, they are flexible. They can handle so much more than you are thinking, but it just seems like you want things to stay the way they are. No change. As if you don’t want me to fit in. Don’t need me, because John knows the… routines.”

 

The sarcasm drips from his words and Marlena takes in a deep breath, “Roman, please sit down. We were trying to have a calm conversation. I didn’t mention John.” She moves herself to the edge of the couch and watches her husband. Trying to keep her voice calm, “There is nothing fair about this situation for any of us. But we all agreed that we had to keep the kids in mind. When I returned, I fit myself into their schedule and routines slowly. It’s what you needed to do, but Roman, it’s been almost a year. And sadly, you know as much now as you did then. I don’t mean to be cruel, but if you had been around, you would know that after hockey home games, Eric and his friends go out to Eddie’s for burgers. Why should he change that because you all of a sudden show up at a game? Think about it. Especially from a twelve year olds perspective.”

 

“That’s ridiculous.”

 

“Is it?”

 

“It is. I’ve been trying. Showing up whenever I possibly can.”

 

“Have you?”

 

“Yes, Doc. I have. But I don’t think you care to notice anything I try to do. You like it when you can call John. Hell, my own children like it better when you call John to the rescue.”

 

“You forgot them Roman.”

 

“Oh don’t go there Doc.”

 

“We haven’t talked about that at all. And that’s a big deal.” Again, Roman’s pacing starts up and Marlena can see the anger building in his eyes. “You know what, we’re not getting anywhere. We’ve had this argument before and…” A sigh leaves her lips as her eyes close briefly, “And perhaps nobody is really at fault. But I think we seriously need to think about if a mistake was made, or… that’s not fair. We need to think about if this… dunno masquerade perhaps… of a marriage should continue or if we’d both be happier if we gave in. We might be trying to keep something alive that we shouldn’t. But I’m tired and I’m going to go to bed. Goodnight.”

 

Quickly Marlena moves past Roman and up the steps. For once, she enters her bedroom neither crying nor upset. Relived is the better term and even sad. She finally said what she had been thinking about for weeks… perhaps even months. Her hope is that those words will make Roman see and understand the seriousness of their problems and either address them more fully, or allow her to go her separate way. Holding onto this marriage in the shape that it is in, isn’t healthy for anybody involved.

“Mommy.” The small voice filters down the hall and is soon followed the little body that it came from. A blonde head pokes out of its room and looks both ways down the hall, letting out another firm, “Mom?”

 

A nose wrinkles in confusion, as small bare feet begin to move the ever growing body down the hall. A hand pushes open the bedroom door and it only takes two steps in and a soft “Mom” followed by “Urr” as the feet turn around and head back down the hallway to the top of the steps. A deep breath and finally a loud “Mom!” leaves pouty lips.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“How do you spell congratulations?”

 

“You know how to look it up!”

 

Groaning assues and eyes roll, as more words come out loudly so as they can be heard by the parent downstairs, “I tried! But I can’t get pass c-o-n-g-r-a and then all the words look the same. It’s so stupid ‘cause you can’t use a dictionary to look up the spelling of a word unless you know how to spell it. Stupid huh?”

 

“How about we use a different word, because I don’t like that one.”

 

“Okay, it’s lame. How do you spell it?”

 

Marlena takes a step closer to the stairs and replies, “C-o-n-g-r-a-t-u-l-a-t-i-o-n-s. Got it?”

 

“Yep. Thanks!”

 

She raises her eyes in amusement as she hears her child run back down the hall and winces as the door slams closed. Marlena takes in a deep breath to yell out a warning, but then decides to save her voice. Heading back towards the kitchen, she pushes the door open, walks back towards the sink and gets just gets her hand into the soapy bubbles when she hears, “Mom!”

 

Hazel eyes close and a calming breath is let out with a “Yeah?”

 

“How do you spell business? Does it have two ‘s’ in it? In the middle, I know it has them at the end.”

 

“No.”

 

“Okay, thanks!”

 

She focuses back on the dishes again and just as she hears, “Mom!” come rattling through the walls, Marlena yells back, “Samantha Gene just bring it down here and let me help.”

 

“Okay.” The quick reply is followed by equally quick feet as Sami makes her way through the living room and bursts into the kitchen. She stops abruptly and immediately rises up to her toes, “Oh my god… its cold!”

 

“Yes Sami. Floors get cold in the winter, that’s why we buy socks and slippers… you know those weird things that go on your feet?”

 

Scrunching up her nose, Sami gives her mother a repulsive look, “I hate socks.” She takes a chair and pulls it over to the counter, next to her mother. Sitting on her knees, she places the paper and pencil on the counter and looks at her mother expectantly.

 

Returning her stare, Marlena finally asks, “What?”

 

“You told me to bring it down here.”

 

“Yes.”

 

“So you would help.”

 

“Yes, I did.”

 

“So?”

 

The newest personality shift in her daughter is running her patience very thin, “Sami, I don’t even know what you are working on, so how would I know how to help until you tell me?”

 

“Well, you didn’t ask.” Seeing her mother’s stern warning, Sami tries to smile herself out of trouble and immediately busies herself with finishing the word ‘business.’ “I’m writing a letter to John.”

 

“Really? How nice. Why are you writing John a letter?”

 

“Well, because I heard that won his meeting the other day.”

 

“Won his meeting?”

 

Marlena continues to scrub up dishes, as she watches her daughter in interest, “Yeah, he won. They have been fighting about something for-ever and John finally won! Reegan said that her mom said that he was even wearing a tuxedo so he must be going someplace real special to celebrate and I wanted to make him a card. So I’m using the card set that you bought me.”

 

Biting her lip, Marlena holds back the giggle that she so desperately wants to let out as she notices that her daughter is writing John a congratulation note on pink sparkly cards. Nodding, “He’ll love it. That’s so very sweet of you darling. When did Reegan’s mom see John?”

 

“At skating today.” Her reply is simple.

 

“Oh, you didn’t mention that you saw John today.” Surprised that her children didn’t mention running into John, Marlena wonders, not for the first time, how he is doing. It had been over a month since they last really spoke or seen each other. She had run into him at the grocery store the other day and they traded simple inquiries of health and schedule, but nothing more. She had been relieved to see that he was not mad at her, but she knew that if there was any hope for her marriage, she needed to rely a little less on John and more on herself and husband.

 

Though she never meant for a month to pass by. Both have gotten busy, but lately she has been concerned that they have fallen into an unhealthy routine. Sami finishes her sentence and blows into the bubbles before answering, “I didn’t see him. I guess he was sitting up in the bleachers so that he could see both ice… you know those seats way up where you can see both the ice skaters and the hockey boys?” Marlena simply nods and lets her daughter continue her lengthy explanation, “I didn’t see him and Eric didn’t either. John didn’t even say hello! That’s not like him mom, I really miss him. I miss him coming onto the ice after we are done and chasing us. Especially when he does it in his shoes and he gets yelled at by the creepy Zamboni driver man.”

 

“Samantha! What have I said about calling Mr. Daniels that?”

 

“That..” letting out a sigh, “That its not polite and its very immature of me to do that when I don’t even know who he is.”

 

“That’s right.”

 

“He is weird mom, though. He mutters to himself and doesn’t talk to anybody.”

 

Rinsing off her hands, Marlena flicks some water in Sami’s face, “A lot of people do that and until you learn something about him, you may not judge him. You got me?”

 

“That’s what John says!”

 

Both blonde smile broadly and than laugh at the realization that yes, Marlena just let a John Black original slip through her lips. “It is, isn’t it!” Laughter fills the kitchen as Marlena moves to hug her daughter tightly to her and kisses her forehead, “You do know that John loves you very much, right?”

 

“Of course.”

 

“And he was probably just really busy and couldn’t stay to say Hi, because you know how long you take talking sometimes.”

 

Pushing her mom lightly, Sami protests, “I do not! Eric takes longer. But I know, John probably had a fancy dinner to get to. Do you think he took a date? A pretty lady in a pretty dress because that is what you wear to those fancy dinners. He told me!”

 

“Um..” Caught by surprise, Marlena turns away from her daughter and releases the plug to the sink, to allow the filthy water to drain, “I don’t know. He might have, I guess you could ask that in your note, right? Why are you writing him a note, Sami?”

 

Shrugging, “Because I haven’t seen him in forever and you said when you haven’t spoken to somebody in a really long time, you could always write a letter to say Hi and then it’s not so weird.”

 

“Not so weird?”

 

“Like if you called, it would be weird if you hadn’t talked in forever.”

 

A frown fills Marlena’s lips, the kids really have been missing John. “You know what?”

 

“No what?”

 

“I think this weekend we will call John and set up a night out. Maybe go bowling or sledding or even go see that new movie that is out, that new Disney one?”

 

“With the mermaid in it?”

 

“That would be the one. I’m sure John would love to take you.”

 

“Would you come too?”

 

“We’ll see.” Marlena begins to dry the dishes and put them back into their place. She pauses and looks at her daughter when she hears a frustrated growl, “What’s the matter?”

 

“Well, I don’t know what to say.”

 

“Well, what do you want to say?”

 

“Thank you.”

 

“Okay, thank you for what?”

 

“Um, I dunno. For… for just being around. Ya know, taking time to come see us and see our games. The ice cream.”

 

Marlena’s eyebrow raises and she questions, “Ice cream?”

 

“Oops.” Sami looks down quickly and then smiles back up at her mother. It’s a smirk that she learned from John. Her blue eyes shine, nose crinkles a little bit and the ends of her lips curl dangerously up, making it impossible for anybody to stay mad. Shaking her head at her daughter, Sami moves back to the paper, “So need to say thank you. Mom, what do you always say? You know, when you say thank you to John for picking us up and stuff.”

 

“Um… that’s a good question. I guess… well I guess I often say thanks for all your help.”

 

“That’s good. Can I use that?”

 

“May I…” she corrects.

 

Nodding at her mother, “May I use it too?”

 

“Certainly.” Turning back to the dishes, she hears the pencil move along the paper and smiles. As she nears the end of the pile, Sami puts down her pencil. She watches closely as Sami carefully folds the paper into a mismatched half and literally stuffs it into the envelop. Once in, she licks the seam and pushes it down into the counter. A few pounds later, the young girl decides that it is sufficiently stuck in place. Hazel watches each movement closely and can feel her eyes tear up as the small blonde kisses the envelop and leans forward to place it into her mother’s purse.

 

“You’ll send this tomorrow on your way to work, right?”

 

“I’ll do one better. I’ll drop it over to his office tomorrow to make sure its on his desk when he gets to work, sound good?”

 

Her eyes get big in excitement, “You will do that? Thanks mom!”

 

The two embrace and both turn their heads as the backdoor opens. “Ready Sami? Your brother is waiting in the car.”

 

“Oh! I need socks and shoes. Two seconds. Don’t leave without me, I won’t take long.” She dashes out of Marlena’s arms so quickly, that Sami literally took the chair with her. An arm reaches out to steady the child as she continues towards the stairs, as Marlena moves the chair back to the table, chuckling at the abrupt excitement pouring out of her daughter.

 

“Remember it’s a school night, so they need to be back by seven. Okay?”

 

He looks at her and then back towards the door. They had been doing pretty nicely, but she knows her comment is about to start a fight, “Do you inform John of that as well, or is it just because I’m new to all of this?”

 

“Roman… we talked about that the other night. I didn’t mean anything by it, so please, don’t make meanings where there are none. I say it to everybody. It’s just a mother’s instinct and worry. I’d probably say it to myself if I could.”

 

Nodding, there is no apology but that is good enough for her, “We won’t be very long at all. There is just a new elephant at the zoo, so we are just going to take a quick trip there and nothing more. Want us to grab dinner out or will you hold it?”

 

“I’ll make…” She stops herself and looks at her kitchen, “Know what, why don’t you grab subs or a pizza on your way home? Then the kitchen can stay picked up.”

 

“You got it.” Turning towards the direction of the stairs, Roman yells, “Come on Sami! Make sure you have your scarf and gloves, its freezing out there! But if you don’t hurry up, Eric will leave without us both.”

 

“I’m coming… I’m coming… I’m coming…” She bursts through the door, yells, “I’m here… I’m ready… I’m gone… bye mom!” And just as quickly as she had entered, Sami is gone out the door and the storm door closes sharply before Marlena has a chance to say goodbye.

 

“Well, we be ready. Better get a move on it.”

 

“Pepperoni and sausage?”

 

“I think just pepperoni for me, please. Actually you know what, could you get me a ham sub somewhere instead? I’m pizza’d out.”

 

Roman nods and moves closer to his wife. Kissing her quickly on the lips, he points his glove at her as he backs towards the door, “Ham sub, will do. An Elephant a waits.”

“And I would now like to present this award to our very own, Dr. Marlena Evans. Marlena? Come on up here.”

 

It’s the moment she has been waiting all evening for. She knew it was coming and had played it out in her mind nearly a hundred times now, but at this moment; all she wants to do is go home, put her comfy sweatpants on and chill out on the couch. Plastering a smile on her face that she wishes she could feel in her heart, Marlena moves towards the small stage. Three steps up and then three steps to her friend.

 

Taking the plaque in her hands, Marlena kisses her colleagues cheek chastely and turns towards the crowd. Clearly her throat, a moment of dread over takes her as she tries to remember why she is standing up here and who to thank. She tries to relax the smile and pull in some of the heartfelt warm wishes that the audience is sending her way. “Wow… thank you. You’re too kind.” Words start to flow from her mouth, telling everybody about how she appreciates their praise and how she is not worthy of such a warm welcome, but will cherish it anyways.

 

Her eyes are constantly scanning the crowd of faces. Never stopping anywhere too long. Searching for something, for someone. Roman promised he would make it, but her speech is about to end and she will return to her seat and finish out the last few minutes of this awards dinner alone. Just like she had the past two hours.

 

As her mind goes blank, hazel eyes catch onto blue and for the first time that night, a true smile takes form on her lips. Staring solely at him, thanking him for showing up, Marlena finishes her speech, “My work with the hospital has been very special to me. We have done a lot of good and I hope that this is just the first of many… many steps because there is still so much left to be learned and to be explored. But I have to admit, I am glad to have more free time to spend with my family, with my babies.” A true laugh flows from her mouth and she feels the heat rise to her cheeks when he winks at her. Finally breaking contact, her eyes scan the crowd once more, “So thank you so much for this. Though, by far, this was one a single persons job. My staff is phenomenal and my family has been so understanding and now I am ready for a weeks worth of sleep.” The crowd offers her a collective laugh, as she says one more thank you and moves off the stage.

 

She lays the plaque down at her seat and moves quickly through the crowd. Her dress crinkles as she tries not to rub it against too many people, as she weaves through the many seats and tables. A smile and a nod of thanks is handed out to those who acknowledge her presence and finally, she has made it to the back of the room, but does not see John anywhere.

 

Quickly scanning the area, Marlena moves over to one of the waiters, “Excuse me, have you seen Mr. Black? He was standing right here a moment ago. Tux, black hair, blue eyes…” She scrunches up her nose at how ridiculous she sounds, “Every male looks that way, huh?”

 

“Pretty much ma’am. I’m sorry but I don’t recall seeing anybody in particular.”

 

Her hand lightly touches his arm in thanks, “Of course. I’m sorry.” She moves away and continues to watch the crowd and finally spots him talking with a gentlemen at a near table.

 

Moving over to him, she gracefully interrupts their conversation, “I’m so sorry to interrupt. Dr. Marlena Evans, nice to meet you.”

 

Her hand is lifted to the young gentleman’s lips, “Pleasure. Seems you are quite beloved around these parts. Every person at every table is just buzzing about you. It’s a definite pleasure to be in the presence of greatness.”

 

“My my…” She places a hand at her cheek in a dramatic display, “I do believe you have been standing over here with John far too long.”

 

“Doc, you look gorgeous as always.” Leaning over, John kisses her lightly on the cheek and whispers a quiet, “Congratulations. And nice speech.”

 

“I hope so, I don’t even know what I said. Everything got all fuzzy up there.” All three share a laugh, before Marlena asks, “I didn’t catch your name.”

 

“Oh, that is because I was being so very rude and didn’t give it. Gregory Blaine.”

 

“Oh! From Blaine and Company.” She checks with John to see if she is on the right path, “I just recently read something about you. Took Paris by storm, was it?”

 

“You are too kind.” Gregory takes a sip of his wine and explains as modestly as possible, “My collection did quite well at the Paris show and I am flattered how nice everybody has been when reviewing it. Including Mr. Black here.”

 

“John please. Yes, Gregory is considering bringing his line to Basic Black. Have both a celebrity line, but also make a more affordable line with the same designs he just blew Paris away with.”

 

Marlena nods, listening closely and reaching over to take John’s glass from him. “Listen to you, you really are starting to sound like a fashion guru afterall. Never thought I would see the day.” Taking a long sip of the wine, she flinches at the bitter taste and hands it back to John. “Well Mr. Blaine. Your line would be very well represented at Basic Black.”

 

“So I am hearing. And is there any chance that you are one of the models?”

 

A friendly laugh leaves her lips and she looks up at John for his response. His leer causes her to laugh harder and hit him on the shoulder, “No… no thank you. I deal with people and their troubles, not clothes. But my daughters, however, I hear are entering the modeling profession.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Well yes, our oldest Carrie has signed on to Basic Black and I heard this rumor over dinner this week that my other daughter, Sami, is going to be doing a kid fashion spread for Easter.”

 

“Well… you see…” John attempts to smile his way out of her pointed look, “When I took them to the mall shopping, Sami was doing her fashion show that she loves so well and I just thought that perhaps, she would have some fun doing a real one. She’s adorable, can you blame me? I have a new company and people like Mr. Blaine to impress.”

 

“And my children will impress him?”

 

“Well, you’ve impressed him and your children look like you so… yes?” All three laugh as John steps away from her before she can have the chance to hit him again. “Dr. Evans, that is not very professional behavior.”

 

“I already got my award thank you very much. But I have to get going… do you mind if I steal him for a moment?”

 

“Not at all. I’ll continue introducing myself to random people. It was a pleasure to meet you Dr. Evans.”

 

“The same.” As Gregory moves away, Marlena begins to walk out to the main hallway, “He seems very nice. Seems that you two would get along very well.”

 

“Yeah.” John nods and rubs the back of his neck before rolls his shoulders, trying to make the tux fall more evenly on his broad shoulders, “It would be a big get for Basic Black that is for sure. And I truly am sorry about the Sami thing; I didn’t realize she would take it so seriously. But with Carrie doing it…” He shrugs and allows his expression convey the rest of his story.

 

Rubbing his arm, “Its okay. Honest, I’m fine with her doing a show or two. Might be a nice thing for me to hold over her head – make sure that she behaves.”

 

“Is she still getting out of hand?”

 

“Not as much. Thank you for talking to her, but she is still acting up too much for my liking at school. So not sure what to do really. Eric, he’s getting quiet. Sami is getting ridiculous. You saw her that night. She just goes off and I can’t figure out why.”

 

John opens up his arms and allows her to walk into them. Trying not to ruin her dress, John carefully puts his arms around her and squeezes lightly, “She’ll grow out of it. A lot has happened and I think she is just starting to react to it all. Give her time.”

 

“I hate all of this. I can’t seem to make things make sense, for any of us.”

 

Lifting her chin, “Give yourself some time Doc. I understood you asking me to keep some distance. I still understand it. And speaking of such, I really should be going, but I wanted to be here to see you get that gorgeous piece of wood.” Smiling at her, “No crying, it really is a nice plaque and you deserve it and you should get back in there and soak it up. Okay?” He watches her nod and leans down to kiss her forehead. “And remember, I’m always just a phone call away. I’ll be there to help no matter what. Even a shoulder to cry on or an ear to rant at. Got me?”

 

“I got you. You even have me saying that now!”

 

“It’s a good saying. Goodnight.” They share a friendly kiss on the lips and Marlena watches him go. Sighing out loud, she looks back at the ballroom and convinces herself to move. Entering back into the crowd, she makes her way over to her table.

 

The next thirty minutes rolls by, a Marlena picks up a final glass of wine and finishes up a conversation with a colleague. Saying her goodbye, she turns as she feels a tap on her shoulder and is surprised to see her husband standing there, “Roman.”

 

“Did I miss it?”

 

“Um, yeah. I was just about to leave, actually.”

 

“How about a dance?”

 

Shaking her head, “I’m really tired and I’ve been here for hours. Would like to get home and out of these shoes.”

 

She feels bad for rejecting him and as he asks again, she gently shakes her head no. Her tiredness shows on her face and in her body language. “Can I take you out for dinner? Or dessert?”

 

“How about home?”

 

“Come on Doc. I just got done and rushed down here, I’m sorry I missed it but let me do something. Please?” Nodding out her okay. Roman follows her as they move out of the ballroom and in find their way in silence outdoors. “What would you like? Ice cream?”

 

Shrugging, “It doesn’t matter. Whatever you’d like.”

 

Her attitude is turning negative and she can feel it happening, but she can’t seem to stop it. As Roman turns to her, he grabs her shoulders lightly and stares at her, “You don’t want ice cream, do you?”

 

“I’d like my pajamas and my bed, in all honesty.”

 

“Marlena, I don’t get it. You say you want me to try harder and here I am, trying harder but you always turn me down. It’s as if you are trying to make this impossible.”

 

“Roman, I wanted you to come to the dinner with me! Not ice cream hours later. I wanted you to sit next to me, hug me when they called my name and listen to me give a horrendous speech.” The headache, as always, begins to form behind her right eye. She closes her eyes and begins to rub at them, hoping to stop it before it gets any worse. “Maybe I am making this impossible. Because yes, you are here. Three hours late, but here and for some reason, Roman, that is just not good enough for me.”

 

“This… we… we’re not getting any better, are we?”

 

A single tear slips down her cheek. She is so tired of crying over the same things. The same feelings of hopelessness. The same feelings that she believes are making her little girl hurt so badly. Her mind feels like it is drowning and she doesn’t know if she has the ability or the strength to pull herself back up. “No, I don’t think so.”

 

“Come on. Its cold out here and you’re going to freeze. We can talk more about this in the car or at home or… come on. I’m parked over here.”

 

“My car…”

 

“We’ll pick it up in the morning, okay?”

 

She simply nods and follows him. His arm encircles her waist and she shivers noticeably as a gust of wind surrounds her.

“Hey babe! If you don’t mind- I’m gunna stay here one more night.”

 

Folding the final shirt, Marlena sits back on her heels, “Why?”

 

“Guys are gunna go out- watch tonight’s game and ship out in the morning.”

 

“Couldn’t you watch it when you return? I’d really like for you to come home.” She didn’t know why- one more night wasn’t such a big deal but she just had a weird feeling. Her first thought is that she is simply annoyed that he is planning, yet another, night away from her, but that’s not it. She’s given up more or less. She just isn’t bothered by it. Instead, his absence only bothers her when it effects the children and since they are gone camping for the weekend, she is on her own. Again.

 

However it’s an awkward feeling that is noticeably filling her voice, “Hun, what’s wrong?”

 

“I dunno. Probably stupid.” She begins to fold and unfold a pair of socks as she tries to put her doubts to words, “Just haven’t felt well I guess… and I had it planned in my head that you would be here tonight is all. With the kids gone and all for the weekend, I just figured you’d be here.

You know how my mind is.”

 

The chuckle is evident in his voice, “That I do. The flu or what?”

 

“Oh I don’t know. Probably just feeling the brunt of the hospital rotations… ignored it all throughout the last few weeks- just biting me in the ass now.”

 

Marlena knows she is just being silly. She wants him home, yet doesn’t and isn’t quite sure why. Not like she knew anything anyways. An absent period and a queasy stomach forced her to take a drive to the Drug Store and then an iffy positive from a fumbled test led her back down that aisle. Negative. Just bad food. Bad food and a lot of stress.

 

She had held herself back from going again. Pharmacist would think that she is going through some sort of mid-life crisis. Maybe she is. Or maybe she is just fed up with the way her life is going, as of late. She had talked herself into giving it a few more days and take it from there, but she just has a feeling… a strange need for somebody – for her husband.

 

“Are you sure a nice hot chocolate and the football game on your couch with your wife isn’t more enticing?”

 

“Tempting but…” She can hear his muffled laugh, “Its basketball… not Sunday.”

 

“Oh.” She sighs and places the perfectly folded pair of socks into the basket and then sits Indian-style- leaning her back against the couch. “What can I say? I tried.”

 

“Yes, yes you did. But I’ll come if you – – “

 

Sighing, “No no no… it’s stupid. Really. Just moody and missing my husband. I can wait another twenty-four hours. I probably just need sleep.”

 

“You sure?”

 

“Roman, I’m sure. Really. No use both of us sitting here. It’s just the constant going with the hospital rotation and patients and then a dead stop.”

 

She can tell he is thinking it all through, she gives him that much. “Stomach? Head? What’s giving you all the trouble?”

 

Smiling, “A little of both. Stomach hasn’t really been my friend lately. Last time Steve gets to pick the diner. Let me tell ya.”

 

“That bad huh?” Roman can’t help but laugh at her rather dramatic groan and rant about the worst food she has ever tasted finishing up with, “So I’ll probably just take a few pills and head to bed early. Guess I wouldn’t be all that enjoyable tonight anyways. But I’m fine. Enjoy the game and I’ll see you tomorrow.”

 

“If you’re sure. I will–”

 

“Roman please. I’m positive. A little female over-reaction. Tell the guys Hi for me and be careful.”

 

“Promise. Love you and feel better. I’ll pamper you tomorrow.”

 

“You better! Love you too. Bye.”

 

“My cell will be on if you need anything. I promise to answer. Bye hun.”

 

Marlena hangs up the phone and simply stares at it. It’s stupid. It really is. Stupid to make him miss out on a night with the guys for nothing. “Stop being childish” she chides herself as she tosses the phone into the laundry basket. She gets up off the ground and begins the trek to toss the basket into the upstairs hallway.

 

Later that night, Marlena sprawls out on the couch- desperate for even a little bit of comfort. The salad she had for dinner set a new record for the least amount of time staying down. She honestly didn’t think she had even swallowed it completely. She drapes a blanket over her lower body and sets in to watch Angela Lansbury skillfully figure out the guilty party.

Ten minutes into the show, Marlena has changed her choice of killer four times and is now determined that it is the ugly Professor and not the adorable student she had accused twice already. As another half hour slides by, she is in the process of doubting her adorable student yet again, as an obnoxiously painful cramp takes hold in her abdomen. She curls her legs up and prays that it will pass quickly. While waiting it out she thought over how this is definitely grounds to find a new assistant. Steve will never pick out her food again.

 

The wave fades but does not disappear. Marlena lays there and tries to concentrate on that part of her body- is the pain still there? Does she need the toilet? Is it over? Just as she begins to sit up it takes over yet again, causing her to hunch over. She needs the bathroom. For some reason that will make her feel better.

 

Marlena pushes herself away from the couch and begins the, to her, unbelievably long trek to the stairs. Four steps later she is forced to sit as the pain worsens. Sitting there, her breath begins to come in short heaves, as if her chest is squeezing together, “Oh gaaaaaawd… damn what is happening?”

 

Her question is answered by the only thing present, as the crescendo of pain begins again- this time forcing tears from her eyes. She places a hand on the ailing part of her body, wondering why people think that the act of rubbing will sooth a wound.

 

As the pain subsides, Marlena quickly takes in a couple deep breaths – trying desperately to slow her scared system. However, just as she is able to wipe the moisture from her cheeks it all begins again. The worse one of all rips through her body causing her to scream out in agony and hunch over – placing her head in her knees. Embarrassment washes over her slightly – even in her state she feels a little weird screaming to herself. She knows it hurts. She doesn’t have to tell herself and sadly, there is nobody else here to inform.

 

Finally the pain calms to an understandable level and she finishes her trek upstairs – a bit quicker this time as she realizes slow and careful are concepts that aren’t helpful at all to her. As Marlena moves through her bedroom towards the bathroom – she stops by the nightstand to grab the phone. Reaching and finding the cradle empty, “Shit!” She slams a finger down on the page button and listens carefully for the beep.

 

“Laundry basket… shit shit shitttAhhhhhooooowwwww!!” Using the bed for support, she retraces her steps back out into the hall. She makes it to the basket just as the cramp reaches its peak. “Gaaaaaawwwwd…. hurts…. shit this hurts…”

 

This wave, by far, has to be the worse, as her legs begin to give out from underneath her. Grabbing onto the closet doorknob, she keeps herself standing – much to the disdain of her hand. “Damn… please stop… oh please stooooooop….” The tears slip freely fown her cheeks as she grabs the phone and finally completes her trip to the bathroom.

 

Collapsing on the floor, she draws in a few more very deep breaths, needing to calm her heart more than anything. Instinctively her fingers flow over the buttons, dialing her husband’s cell number before her intelligence sets in. “What the hell can he do Marlena? He already choose to party than come to you.” Ending the call, “Damn him! Ugh… why?” The ‘why’ turning more into a sob as the pain takes hold.

 

Shaking her head in disbelief at herself, she decides that maybe talking to Roman will help her calm down. She hits redial and waits as the phone continues to ring. “You said you would answer… phone would be on if I needed to call.” Holding the phone out in front of her, she practically screams, “Well I need to talk to you now!”

 

Again the phone is slammed to the floor as Marlena cries her way through another painful cramp. She hunches forward and tucks her knees under her chin and allows the tears to bleed into the fabric of her sweatpants. Once she is able to reopen her eyes, she loosens her body and dials another set of digits. Hearing, “You have reached – -” she hangs up and dials yet another… followed by another… and then another. So sick of hearing “Sorry you have reached…” she screams at the phone, “I don’t want to leave a god-damn message!”

 

She doesn’t want to dial 911. She doesn’t want an ambulance to rush over here just to find out that she is simply over-reacting to a stomachache. She doesn’t want to deal with the people, the staff, the whispers and even the press, just because Steve picked out a shit-ass place to eat.

 

Marlena looks at the phone and dials her last hope. She feels horrible for calling him now, especially after she asked him to keep his distance. They needed it. Roman needed it. And she didn’t think there would be any hope of her and Roman patching things up, if John is always called in to save her and her family. She needs John. But saving her marriage was important as well and she was hoping that once her and Roman got things move smoothly again, John could start to reenter their lives on a more permanent and less confusing manner.

 

It is what she had hoped. What she has been dreaming about for this past month, but as the days continue to enfold, Marlena is beginning to realize that she may have made a mistake. Yet another mistake of choice.

 

Marlena looks at the phone and dials her last hope. “Please pick up… keep your promise. Please…” She hears the dial tones click away and her heart begins to sink, “Come on… you said you would always be here, no matter what. Please…” The voice mail starts to pick up and her hope fades. Just as she is going to end the call she hears a, “Hello hello.. I’m here. Hello?”

 

A new batch of tears fall and a slight smile actually touches her lips, “John? Thank god…” Her hand reaches up wipes both her eyes and nose, as another wave of pain wracks her body.

 

“Doc? Marlena, what’s wrong?”

 

Between silent sobs, “I need you… I need you to come… please… John…” the ‘it hurts’ is too quiet for him to hear.

 

A rather frantic voice answers her, “Okay, sweetheart. I’m on my way. Out the door as we speak. The office… the office is where I am so… baby, tell me what’s wrong? Please. Are you okay?”

 

“No” is his only reply.

 

“Okay Doc. Keep talking to me…” He knows she is speaking, but he can’t hear her. The connection begins to break up and he quickly glances down, “Urgh! Shitty battery!”

 

Marlena hears his rant just before the line goes dead. He is on his way. He would fix this. Tell her that it will all be okay. Just bad food. Bad food her stomach is refusing to throw up. That’s all.

 

Sniffing back, she places the phone at her side as a few more tears slide down her cheek, “Oh God… here we go again.” She holds her breath, as the intense feeling just consumes her body. Her voice is turning more into angry sobs, “Stop… damn it just stop! Please… oh please God make it stop.”

 

Her nose is finally starting to drip. After looking at and considering her sleeve, she decides to slide herself over slightly to pull a wad of paper from the roll. As she aised it to her nose, her eyes glance over to where she has been sitting. Marlena’s eyes go wide in horror, as she stares at the small smear of blood on her white ties, that lead to a small pool of blood just inches away. “Holy shit!” slips through her lips as she brings her left hand up her leg and in-between her thighs. She feels the sticky wetness and she knows. She knows what it is… just not why.

 

Her eyes close and her head falls back, too tired to hold it up any longer. A ragged breath escapes as her mind registers what might have happened. She just does not know how such a thing is possible. It said negative. Maybe this is the cause of the fluke. She groans as another cramp takes over, this time feeling the slippery and warm sensation, as the blood flows from her body. Marlena’s hazey mind thinks through what she should do. Pressure… pressure is her response.

 

Slowly, her hand lays flat against the growing pool of blood and presses tightly against her sex, trying desperately to do something… to stop something… maybe prevent something.

 

Marlena is not sure how long she has been sitting there or for how long her eyes have been closed. She leans forward with her forehead resting on her knees and a hand tightly squeezed between her knees, as the world goes black around her.

 

This is how John finds her minutes later. She hears his quick and heavy steps upon the stairs and then across the rug and finally, he is in the doorway. He is there to fix her, to rescue her… to save her. Like always.

 

“Marlena? Oh God Doc.” He runs to her side, fearing the worse and picks up the phone. He’s careful not to touch her blood, he can’t. Too many times as he held her in his arms, all bloody and limb. Too many times he has had this nightmare.

 

Dialing 911, he informs the dispatcher what is happening and then, against procedure, hangs up the phone to touch her cheek gently. His left hand removes hers from between her legs and replaces it with his own. He places pressure, not sure if this is what you are suppose to do in this particular case, but he has no other suggestions. His right hand comes up to caress her face gently. “Doc… come on Pretty Lady. I need you to wake up now and show me your beautiful eyes.”

 

Her eyelids flutter lightly and she mutters the broken phrase “Thanks for all your help.” At the words, John smiles slightly and breaths out a sigh, as he gathers her up into his arms and begins to quickly, but carefully, move her down the stares towards the front door.

Plopping down on the cream coloured couch, Marlena watched the man in front of her attempt to build a fire.

 

“You spend four months searching for the perfect home – please… please tell me, how can perfection be a self-do fireplace?”

 

“It’s more real? Very natural this way.”

 

She smiled at him and can’t hold back the coy tone in her voice, “Want some help?”

 

With a quick irritated glance in her direction, John let out a childish response, “Noooo….”

 

Marlena simply giggled and turned her attention back to her hot chocolate. Dipping a finger into the steaming liquid, she absently pushed her marshmallows down and watched them resurface, “How long do you think it takes for a marshmallow to melt?”

 

“Never because you put the entire bag in there- can’t possibly have any hot chocolate in there to melt the damn things.”

 

Still playing with her drink, “Haha… only half the bag. Yours is getting cold.”

 

“Just… about … got… it! There.” Standing up, John brushed his hands onto his pants. This action was rewarded by a rolling of the eyes and a slight “typical” as he grabbed his mug and looked back at the offensive object, “I hope that’s right. Feeling heat… nothing is smelling…”

 

“Nothings blown up?” His look caused her to turn her attention back to those fascinating marshmallows, “Just being helpful.”

 

“After all that work… this is the thanks I get. Man…”

 

Marlena cradled her mug between her legs and loudly applauded him, “Impressive.. whoo hoo! Nicely done.”

 

“That’s a fact.” As he took another swig of his liquid, he noticed the pout that began to form on her face, “What now?”

 

“Well, I was enjoying the view. Sure you can’t make another one?”

 

“Might get a little self-conscience if you keep staring like that. Besides, think I am losing my firmness back there.”

 

“Naaah…” Curling her fingers around his belt loops, she pulled the insecure man closer to her, “Your jeans are just the correct size in your old age.”

 

“Can live with that.” He attempts to move back away from her, but Marlena holds onto the loop and receives a gentle scolding, “Now, behave.”

 

She grins sweetly up at him, before patting his all-too firm butt cheeks, “Take a seat sailor.” John took the empty space next to her and leaned over to give her a quick kiss on the cheek and skillfully steals a finger full of marshmallows from her cup. “I’ve missed you.” Scrunching her nose up at that statement, “Major corniness there.”

 

“You are listening to Sami too much. And, you just saw me last week.”

 

Marlena sighed, “Yeah, in a mess of 700 people. Been too long since we just sat… sat and talked about…” She sighed again as she lifted the cup to her mouth. Before tilting the cup, “About nothing of great importance.” She saw John’s nod of agreement. “We are always having these deep discussions or you are listening to me melt down. How’s work?”

 

“Excellent… excellent. I have figured out how to be out of the office for at least two days a week. I’m the King of coffee runs and lunch meetings.”

 

“John! You do have a business to run, you know.”

 

Her tone was scolding, as if he was one of her many children and John couldn’t help but stick his tongue out at her, “Meanie. I know I have a business and I have hired the top people to run it. I’m all about show. They let me choose which coloured envelop and stationary to use, not which dress should be on the cover of which months magazine.”

 

“I’ve seen the magazine and it’s gorgeous. Thank you, for everything with Carrie. She is loving it and she has agreed to do college part-time.”

 

John licked the chocolate from his lips and stared back at Marlena, “You think I had something to do with that?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Well, actually it was Benny, the photographer. Carrie and I actually had a fight about it and then suddenly she was kissing my cheek, saying goodbye, and that she needed to run and get her application in. I was threatening to fire her if she didn’t take classes. Dunno what Benny said to her.”

 

“Well, then thank him for it. No matter what, she is going and for that I am thankful. One less fight. One less concern.”

 

John leaned over and tips Marlena’s chin up, “She is doing just fine. This modeling isn’t going to her head and she isn’t a stupid girl. I know you are worried about Austin, but he’s a good guy. He’s just caught in some things that are over his head. Roman is keeping an eye on him. Abe is. I am. She’ll be fine.”

 

“You can’t promise that.”

 

“No, just like I can’t promise Sami or Eric won’t get hurt going to school Monday morning. But we all try, right?”

 

“Yeah.” She knew he was right. She listened to it all and understood it all. But as a mother, it was still hard to watch your child make decisions that could ultimately get her hurt. “I just want her to be happy. Want them all to be happy.”

 

“How so?”

 

“I don’t know. Things with Roman are creating tension in the household and the kids are picking up on it now. I’m so tired of biting my lip and I think Eric and Sami were listening on the steps the other night. I know I should sit down and talk with them about this, yet I don’t know what to do or to say. I can’t promise them right now that everything will be okay.”

 

“Yes you can Doc. No matter what happens, all they need to know is that you love them, that Roman loves them, and that you will both be there for them. You can tell them that everything will be okay. You just don’t know what okay is right now.”

 

Marlena adjusted herself on the couch, allowing her legs to cross over themselves so that she could sit Indian style, facing him. Her finger found the warm liquid again, as she moved what was left of her marshmallows around her mug. John just watched, unsure where to take the conversation. Finally he spoke up, “And how are the kids doing? I haven’t seen them in a few weeks.”

 

“Yeah, they miss you. But doing excellent.” He loved seeing the instant smile that always spread across her face at the slightest mention of her children. “Sami’s soccer team is doing incredibly well – undefeated still.”

 

“Oh wow. That is good. Knew they had it in them.”

 

“Definitely a proud mom here. Big game next week if you’re interested. I know the team would like to see you again. They miss your presence.”

 

“No, they miss my pizza.”

 

Laughing at him, Marlena agreed, “That too. But you should come. Everybody will be there, huge thing here. Can’t miss it.”

 

“Wouldn’t dream of it. I got a good laugh when Sami called me a few weeks back, to let me know that she had finally figured out how to use the boards. God, she was awful the first few weeks. She just couldn’t understand that if the ball touches the ball, it will bounce off.”

 

Both adults fell into a playful laugh, as John continued his story about Sami’s and even Eric’s issues with indoor soccer. “But Eric’s team isn’t doing so well. Don’t think they even won a game.”

 

“But they were undefeated this summer! And I know the whole team is still together, what the hell happened?”

 

Marlena shrugged, “Beats me. You know I know nothing about sports. I just watch and cheer when all the other parents do. Probably the indoor issue like Sami, but maybe, just a hint, you should get back to coaching.”

 

“Doc… you know I would. Roman and even you asked me to keep a slight distance. Not be everywhere, all the time.”

 

“Well, yes.” She sighed as she attempted to figure out what she wanted to say, “But I didn’t mean everything and well, that was when Roman was going to step up and get involved. He hasn’t, Eric is losing. Sami could use some help. And that young girl… you know, the tiny one on Eric’s team? Justina?” John nods his understanding and Marlena continues, “That poor girl is taking quite a beating as the goalie. It is rather brutal. And you are the right guy for the job.”

 

He smiled lightly at her, squeezed her hand and moved the conversation to something else. “And dancing?”

 

“Won’t need to go to the recital- see it daily. Pretty sure I could even demonstrate.”

 

“Please do!” As Marlena shot him a ‘get real’ look that very much resembled her daughter, John egged her on. “Oh come on, right here. How about just the beginning of the dance?”

 

Marlena picked up her pillow and carefully hit him with it, trying desperately not to spill the hot chocolate, but not wanting to give up, “Get real.” Sitting back in her seat, “Sami is really enjoying dance this year. I honestly thought she was going to quit. But I’m a little concerned…” John looked up at her, but stayed silent, waiting. “Soccer, basketball, and soon that will end and volleyball will begin and dance and she is talking about ice skating. She is over-working herself.”

 

“They have always been active and busy kids.”

 

“True, but even more now. I try to say it is because they are growing up and can handle more, are interested in more. But… I’m not sure it’s not their way of dealing with stress. Hide in the activities so they aren’t home. What do you think?”

 

John let out a deep sigh and carefully considered her question, “Honestly? I think it is a possibility. A lot has been changing and your kids are sensitive. They may be picking up on everything that’s happening. But Doc, they might just also be staying active. Why don’t you talk to them about it?”

 

“Sami is so excited about her costume.” She could feel John’s eyes on her, but she continued quickly before he could interrupt, “She gets to wear this black and hot green outfit with sequins all over it. Its just awful, but she loves it.”

 

“Weren’t they in that last year?”

 

“Supposedly not. They all have different colours. Like Bethany and Kira are black and hot orange. Somebody else is black and hot blue… must be Rebecca. According to Samantha, it is the best show yet.” Playfully, she rolled her eyes, “I guess we’ll see.”

 

“But… couldn’t they think up another theme? Lack of creativity year it would seem.”

 

“Actually, I think, and I could be misunderstanding but it seems that its all one dance. Like a never ending Jazz dance where all the age groups intertwine.”

 

“I miss the bumble bees. Was easier then.”

 

Marlena looked down at her mug. She had seen the footage and pictures of the bumble bee years, but still couldn’t fully forgive herself for missing it. John and she had talked about moments like this at length, Marlena not wanting him to feel bad for talking about memories from the time she was gone. Often times, he would bring up a moment, forgetting for a split second that Marlena was not present for it with him and immediately silence would take over. She promised to help him share moments like that more freely, but she still couldn’t. Instead, she stared into the mug, “Marshmallows are gone…” She said it more to herself and looked up quickly at his, “I’ll getcha more.”

 

“Oh no… no no. I’m fine thank you.”

 

“Doc, what’s wrong?”

 

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

 

Marlena jumps from the memory as the sudden sound of water draining snaps her back into reality. “Aww damn.” She groans as she slowly pushes herself up from her comfortable position. Her eyes watch as a few ripples turn to waves forcing a few soapy bubbles to end up on the floor, she makes a mental note not to slip and crack her head open. The image… actually more the sound of Dennis Quaid’s head coming in contact with his sink is still fresh in her memory. She shouldn’t have watched that movie, but she prefers not to make the sequel.

 

As she replugs the drain, “Great movie to be thinking about while taking a relaxing bath. What’s next?” She turns the knob and lets the hot water run out. Answering herself, “Probably Psycho. Though that was only a shower…”

 

Marlena stays seated for a few more moments, occasionally testing the water with her hand and adjusting when needed. The last two weeks have been hard. Tiring, long, and hard. She was released two days after from the hospital and her life just began to change. She had been tired. Weak. Needy. But also had a new outlook on life and decided immediately that she would not sit around and wallow any longer. At least not full time. The choice had been made and she feels that it is the right one, but for right now, a nice hot bath, a glass of wine and an empty bathroom is all she wants.

 

Leaning back once again, Marlena searches for that position she just vacated and lets the tub finish filling up. Finally finding something suitable, she brings her glass to her lips, stops the water’s fall with her foot and tries to clear her mind, but the word ‘fluke’ keeps running through her mind. Her eyes drift over to the toilet and she can’t help but stare at the toilet paper. She closes her eyes and looks away, but she can’t keep herself from looking back over to it.

 

Marlena’s eyes than gaze down at the white tiles. Each small square perfectly aligned with the next. A red spot in the middle of one causes her to stare intently until it suddenly begins to grow and smear.

 

“Urgh!” She shakes her head before laying it back against the bathtub. Looking up at the ceiling, “Its official- no more horror bathroom flicks.”

 

Her eyes drift shut again, “Focus… focus on nothing.” She starts to hum lightly to herself- her last attempt to calm the raging sea of thoughts. But even through the hum the word ‘fluke’ appears. She doesn’t know if she wishes that it were true or not.

 

Her free hand slides down her chest to her abdomen and naturally begins a soothing motion as her eyes drift shut and her tired mind takes hold.

 

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – — – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – — – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – — – – – – –

Sniffing back, she places the phone at her side as a few more tears slide down her cheek, “Oh God… here we go again.” She holds her breath, as the intense feeling just consumes her body. Her voice is turning more into angry sobs, “Stop… damn it just stop! Please… oh please God make it stop.”

 

Her nose is finally starting to drip. After looking at and considering her sleeve, she decides to slide herself over slightly to pull a wad of paper from the roll. As she aised it to her nose, her eyes glance over to where she has been sitting. Marlena’s eyes go wide in horror, as she stares at the small smear of blood on her white ties, that lead to a small pool of blood just inches away. “Holy shit!” slips through her lips as she brings her left hand up her leg and in-between her thighs. She feels the sticky wetness and she knows. She knows what it is… just not why.

 

Her eyes close and her head falls back, too tired to hold it up any longer. A ragged breath escapes as her mind registers what might have happened. She just does not know how such a thing is possible. It said negative. Maybe this is the cause of the fluke. She groans as another cramp takes over, this time feeling the slippery and warm sensation, as the blood flows from her body. Marlena’s hazey mind thinks through what she should do. Pressure… pressure is her response.

 

Slowly, her hand lays flat against the growing pool of blood and presses tightly against her sex, trying desperately to do something… to stop something… maybe prevent something.

 

Marlena is not sure how long she has been sitting there or for how long her eyes have been closed. She leans forward with her forehead resting on her knees and a hand tightly squeezed between her knees, as the world goes black around her.

 

This is how John finds her minutes later. She hears his quick and heavy steps upon the stairs and then across the rug and finally, he is in the doorway. He is there to fix her, to rescue her… to save her. Like always.

 

“Marlena? Oh God Doc.” He runs to her side, fearing the worse and picks up the phone. He’s careful not to touch her blood, he can’t. Too many times as he held her in his arms, all bloody and limb. Too many times he has had this nightmare.

 

Dialing 911, he informs the dispatcher what is happening and then, against procedure, hangs up the phone to touch her cheek gently. His left hand removes hers from between her legs and replaces it with his own. He places pressure, not sure if this is what you are suppose to do in this particular case, but he has no other suggestions. His right hand comes up to caress her face gently. “Doc… come on Pretty Lady. I need you to wake up now and show me your beautiful eyes.”

 

Her eyelids flutter lightly and she mutters the broken phrase “Thanks for all yo- -”

 

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

 

“Marlena? Doc?”

 

Her eyes fly open and quickly dart over to the door. It takes them a moment to focus completely on the man in the doorway and comprehend his, “You okay? Didn’t fall asleep, did ya?” John leans against the door-frame, arms folded across his chest, seemingly unnerved by her state,

 

“What did I tell you about snoozing in the tub?” His voice is reprimanding and his eyes take in the scene.

 

“Um, that I shouldn’t?”

 

Laughing at her rather unfocused state, “Something like that. So much for you being ready when I got here.”

 

“Well, I was ready. Well, I put some more stuff into boxes, but then I got a headache and just needed wine, bubbles, and hot water.”

 

He watches the emotions play across her face, trying to read in-between her words, “Are you feeling okay? You’ve been eating and drinking, correct? Especially when you take the meds.”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Cause, well I know you know, but if you don’t, your blood is going to continue to thin and I don’t want any more fainting spells.”

 

“You don’t?” There is no harsh attitude pinned to the statement, because the words alone let John know that she is aware of his concern, but she is also aware of the doctor’s orders. To put him at ease, “I’ve been a good girl. No more fainting. Just got stressed out a little I guess. So much is happening.”

 

“Doc,” He waits until she opens her eyes and looks up at him, “We don’t have to do this today. You can think about it. Roman won’t be home for another week, the kids are at camp… nobody will know if you move today or next Tuesday. Give yourself some time, if that’s what you need.”

 

“It’s not what I need. I just needed a little time-out.”

 

Silence takes over the bathroom. John’s eyes begin to look over the bathroom, as he realizes that this is the first time he has been in here since that day a few weeks ago. He recently admitted to himself just how scared he was when he received her phone call. He has lost her before and he has seen her hurt before, he just couldn’t take it again. Blue eyes bore a hole into the spot on the tiles that he found her and picked her up. He brought her downstairs and met the EMTs at the curb, not willing to waste another second.

 

John rode with her and followed her as far as the doctors would let him. He didn’t correct the nurse when she handed him the paperwork and he filled it out, just like he had done years prior when she fell from an apartment building while helping a patient. Her address, allergies, prior mental knowledge and even social security number were still stored in his brain and he numbly produced the information onto the paper.

 

After he was told that she would be okay, John went into the stairwell and completely lost his composure. He allowed himself to cry. He knew the pain, the stress, and the emotions were not just for Marlena and that they were not just for that particular moment, but for everything that had been happening to him, to them, over the past year. His emotions finally caught up to him and without letting anybody see, he released them.

 

He can feel her eyes on him, staring at him and watching him. She’s trying to read his thoughts and he knows she can. “John?” He forces him to blink and turn back to her. “Are you okay?”

 

“I… yeah. Of course.” Marlena gives him a stern look and hold out a hand towards him. He moves over to the side of the tub and squats down. His left hand grips her offered one, while his right hand immediately reaches out to push a few fallen locks of hair from her eyes. “No, Doc. I’m not alright. I haven’t been for a long time, but…”

 

“But what?”

 

“But I think I am finally starting to put things behind me, move on. I… my god, I had so much rage and… and emotion inside of me this past year that so often I couldn’t see straight. But I never let it out. I never let anybody know. For a year I’ve tried… we’ve tried. Then I got your phone call and I almost died inside. I’ve never been so scared and when I saw the blood on the carpet, I didn’t know what to think. I didn’t want to come up here, I didn’t want to see, but at the same time, I couldn’t get to you fast enough.” John looks down at the tile and kisses her knuckles softly, “I’m sorry I never told you just how much I love you, how much I need you, and how scared I have been.”

 

Marlena shifts in the tub, allowing her left hand to come out of the hot water and to stroke the side of his face, forcing him to look up at her. “I always knew, but thank you for telling me.” So much transfers between them through a simple glance, before she pulls his hand up so that she can examine it. “Your knuckles look much better. The deep blue and black isn’t as scary looking now.”

 

“Yeah, it’s fine. But I do need to remember to hit something that has a little more give to it, like a pop machine or a couch.”

 

“A wall doesn’t have any give in it?”

 

“Oh no, definitely not.” For the first time in awhile, her lips curl into a real smile, not a forced one and John lets out a relieved sigh. Stroking her bottom lip, “I’ve missed your smile. Doc, you have so much to be thankful for, so much to smile about… I hope you know that.”

 

“Well, even if I don’t. You seem to remind me everyday, thank you for all your help. I don’t know how I ever survived before you came into my life.”

 

“It’s not me Doc. You are a strong woman, I’m just here as a helpful hand or support. Besides a lot has happened to you since I’ve come in your life.”

 

Marlena ducks her head to be able to look into his eyes. His baby blues look so hollow, proving that the cheeriness and confidence that he gives off is all just a carefully constructed act. She has only seen him look this lost twice in their life together, when they both thought he was Stefano Dimera and when he realized that he was not Roman Brady. Both times, she was too busy pushing him away to help him, but not this time. She truly believes that the answers to a happy life our out there, but they may need to look for them together. They are stronger together. As Alice Horton told her, things seem to blossom around them, and wilt when they are apart.

 

“A lot happened before you did too. But I’ve had the most fun, lived the best life while you’ve been around.”

 

He tosses her one more John Black original smile, before he stands, “Okay Pretty Lady, if you are sure about this, let’s get this show on the road. Up and out.” He moves towards the door to grab a large towel and holds it open, as she simply stares up at him questioning, “It’s not like I haven’t seen it all before, besides Doc, those bubbles are doing nothing to cover you up, now get your pretty ass out of that tub.”

 

“Have you always been this demanding?” The last word comes out as she steps over the tub and allows John to wrap the towel around her.

 

“It’s all part of my charm. Now, get dry and get dressed. I’ll be downstairs moving some of the boxes out to the truck. Abe wants it back before midnight, so don’t take all day.”

 

“Was planning on just taking long enough for you to have everything in the truck, that work?”

 

John stops his progress out of the bathroom and turns back around. He moves towards her and slowly leans down towards her lips. Her eyes flutter closed, as his hand moves around her back and pinches her butt, “Not quite.” Her yelp causes a chuckle to leave his lips, as he replies, “You have five minute.”

Slamming the lid closed, John uses his elbow to hold the flaps of the cardboard box down as he slides the tape over the cracks. “Number nine-thousand complete.” He lets out a breath and grabs his water bottle, “Roman will be living here after you leave, right?”

 

Marlena looks up from her box, confused, “Well yes, of course. Why do you ask?”

 

“Because I fear we aren’t leaving him anything.”

 

“Oh you-” She picks up one of the crumbled up pieces of newspaper and throws it in his general direction. A giggle leaves her lips, as John’s blue eyes follow the paper unimpressed, as it lands on the couch feet in front of him. “So much for paper balls.”

 

“So much for your pitching arm.”

 

“Shut up! You’ve been mean to me all day, what did I ever do to you?” She sees his cocky grin and immediately puts her hand up in the air, “Nevermind.”

 

“What? I had a list, a short list. Was going to start with the time that you threw out my Lou Gehrig baseball card.”

 

“I fished it out of the garbage for you! What more did you want? And I apologized for days. How was I to know?”

 

John’s eyebrows raise in mock-competition, “You just feared that he was more important to me than you, so you tossed him to the curb. Every time I see the spaghetti stain on the corner, I can’t help but laugh. Picturing you leaning so far into that oversized, completely filled and nasty smelling g- -“

 

“Don’t remind me!” Marlena further cuts him off with a glare, “I was there, remember? The one who fell in and could get the smell out of her hair for a week. God, you were so lucky that I loved you like I did or I would have told you to get over it. That has to be the nastiest thing I have ever done.”

 

“The nastiest? What about behind Reid’s diner in Connecticut…”

 

His leer makes her laugh even harder, but does little to quell the redness growing on her cheeks, “I meant nasty as in gross and unsanitary.”

 

“Well, Reid’s might have been unsanitary too, but not gross. Exciting is a better term.”

 

“Good God,” Softly under her breath she allows the rest of her reply slide from her lips, “just shut up. You are in quite a mood today, you know that?”

 

“Good thing, or bad?”

 

Marlena leans forward and lightly rests her arm and head on the couch, “It is more interesting, rather than good or bad. You are just in a different mood. Tense… but…” she lets out a confused sigh as she tries to bring her explanation to words, “tense but carefree all at once. Enjoying all this?”

 

“Doc! What kind of question is that?”

 

“Oh I didn’t mean it that way and you know it. What is up?” She watches him slide the tape over another box. His eyes are focused on the task, but the twitch in his cheek tells her that he is thinking about her question. Thinking of a way to avoid her question, “John?”

 

“This is all just a tad weird, Doc. That’s all.”

 

“What’s weird, packing up the house?”

 

He shrugs and continues onto the next box. He moves quickly, taping all the boxes in his sight, as she just quietly lies against the couch and watches him. It is an abrupt laugh from her lips that causes him to stop and look over his shoulder at her, “What?”

 

“Those two boxes are empty.” Her eyes show him the line between him and the boxes she is referring to, “You taped them, but nothing is in them.”

 

“Shit.”

 

“No big deal. But now that you have taped up all of our boxes, what is going on in that head of yours? Come on, it’s sharing time.”

 

“Sharing time?” It is a term he has not heard from her since before she left. Since before their marriage came to an end, before she was taken away from him. “Okay, its weird packing up your things, because I’ve done it before. So many of these things I packed up once before and put away in the basement or in the storage place. You leaving Roman, I’ll be honest and say it’s something I have wanted, but it’s strange that it is happening. It is strange that I am standing here, an ex-husband myself, and helping you. And strange because this still feels like my home. I have to keep reminding myself that we aren’t moving. I’m helping you move out.”

 

She smiles softly and shifts her body to face him more fully, “I’m glad that you are so honest John. Hiding only hurts and hinders and I love that you will be honest with me about how you are feeling.”

 

“You’ve never let me be any other way, Doc.” He sits down on the arm of the recliner and looks over at her, “Why are you moving out Marlena?”

 

“Out of the house, instead of Roman you mean?” At his nod, she bites her lip and studies the ground. “I guess because I have always felt that this is Roman’s house. And therefore, I should be the one to leave.”

 

“But I rebuilt it. So I own half of the house.”

 

She laughs at the absurdity that the truth brings to that statement, “Very true. I guess because staying here, means staying in the past. And this isn’t Roman’s and my house anymore and this isn’t yours and my house.” Her teeth bite down harder into her bottom lip, as she attempts to focus all of her troubled and tumbling thoughts, “I don’t know. I don’t want to try and paste myself into the past anymore. Time to find the future, instead of using the past.”

 

“But you hate change.”

 

“God, do I. But I need this. Roman needs it. The kids need it. And John, I think you need it too. I pushed you out of this house and this family and continued on like our past never happened. Then as Roman went away more, I pulled you back in.” Her teeth continue to mold the tender flesh of her lip, as her eyes move quickly, searching for the rest of her thought. “I can’t let go of the past. I returned home expecting everything to be the same. You here, with three little kids waiting for me. And that wasn’t here. It isn’t here and I need to… I dunno. I need to do something.”

 

“To change. I get it, Doc. And yes, I am happy in a way. You out of this house, it’s like I can finally let go too. I don’t have to stand outside looking in on you, as if I don’t belong.” As if on cue, his body moves towards the front window and glances out over the street. His knuckles gently knock on the cool glass, “Shit feeling it is too. To pull up to this house and not park in the driveway. To knock on the door. To have lived here for so many years and then to have to be a guest, I wouldn’t wish it on anybody. I think anybody feels that way when they move, if they return and see the new family happily moving about and you stand there going ‘And they have no idea how many cuts I got from making those steps…’” Turning back towards Marlena, “Or how Eric fell through them in the first place.” A gentle laugh at the memory sweeps through the house. “You stand there feeling like a stranger, yet like you own the place. And that’s when somebody else owns it. Here, us… it was all the same. Just not me and I didn’t even get divorced.”

 

“I never gave you any closure, did I?”

 

He shakes his head, but doesn’t turn to look at her. Instead he watches her reflection in the glass, “I want to say that it wasn’t your fault. Give the well-practiced, it was the situation and Stefano and all that, but… but at the same time, hell I don’t know.”

 

“At the same time, it was me. Whether it is justified or not, I caused a lot of this.” Her fingers play absently with the edge of the cardboard box and when she feels a small tug at her skin, she looks down and quickly examines the area of skin, “I came back and that started this all in motion.”

 

Turning to look at her, John takes in her casual position as she sits on the floor and allows her elbow to rest down upon the couch cushion, “But you know that, not for a single moment have I ever regretted you returning, right? Even with everything that has happened, the pain and the loss and well, all this shit. I wouldn’t trade for it back, if it meant you didn’t come home.” His eyes narrow at his statement, “Does that make sense? Feel like I said it backwards or something.”

 

Marlena’s smile tells him all that he needs to know. “Since we are being honest here, how has this past year made you feel?”

 

He laughs. The sound rolls over his lips without a second thought and Marlena can’t help but roll her eyes in playfulness at his direct reaction. Covering his mouth, John coughs back the rest of the unconscious laugh, “Sorry. Just came out. That is such an impossible and unbelievably complex question there Doc.”

 

“Well it can’t be unbelievably complex and impossible… only one or the other. But why don’t you give it a shot? I think I have heard a lot of things already that I never truly considered and, John, I am truly sorry for that.”

 

A simple nod shows his understanding. He would do anything she needed to make life better or easier for her, but that does not mean the pain or the emotion doesn’t linger. Head and heart don’t always equal out like they are suppose to. “I think I have said most of it. Want blunt, okay.” He takes in a deep breath, closes his eyes briefly and jumps in, “When you choose Roman as blindly and as simply as you did, I felt betrayed. I didn’t feel like you gave me the same consideration with Roman, as I gave you with Isabella, if that makes sense? We were in the same situation twice- first with me making a choice. And then you, but I never got a chance.”

 

“I’ve always wanted to know, would I have won?”

 

“She’s not here now, is she? I made that choice the moment you arrived, Doc. I just needed time to adjust. To organize. But you’ve always had my heart, even though I did love Isabella.”

 

Marlena turns to face the couch as she swifts through the pile of questions, comments and personal wants. Slowly, the words slip from her lips, “Why did you two break up?”

 

A shrug is her answer.

 

“John?”

 

“I didn’t want her to feel second best. I didn’t want to look at her as second best. Similar to you moving, I guess, I needed… I… I guess I couldn’t try to go back.” His shoulders move up and down again, as a hand moves through his short hairs at the back of his head. John begins to speak again, but stops and just lets the conversation end there.

 

“Okay, so you felt betrayed. I understand that.”

 

Two direct and simple statements. So direct that, once again, a light laugh echoes in the room. “Glad you understand, Doc.”

 

Her laugh joins his with a simple, “Sorry.”

 

“But yeah, betrayed. I lost without a fight. I was out and he was in and I couldn’t figure out why. You two had a life, I do understand that. But so did we. Just because I turned out to be fake, didn’t mean the emotions were, so I just couldn’t see why he got to win by default and me lose by default.”

 

“Well, as you can tell, it worked out real well, didn’t it?”

 

“All of it has been smashing.”

 

Marlena pushes herself to her feet and moves through the piles of boxes. She picks up a marker and makes a quick mark on a box before turning towards him. She watches him closely, as he busies himself once again. So much has occurred between the two of them over the past year. And both parties know that some of the wounds will never heal. Some memories and decisions will haunt them for the rest of their lives and be replayed over in their minds at random moments in the shower. Both know this and therefore, both feel that a lot of their conversation has been unnecessary, yet at the same time completely needed.

 

Stepping over a box, she stands next to him and places a gentle hand on his arm, “I’m going to grab a drink, want something?”

 

“Oh no, still have one around here somewhere.”

 

“How about some pretzels?”

 

“I’m always good for some pretzels.”

 

“Thought so.” She makes her way slowly towards the kitchen and yells out, “So what do you think?”

 

In confusion, he looks in the general direction of the kitchen in hopes for more information, “I’m not a mind reader hun.”

 

“Huh?”

 

“What do I think about what?”

 

“What?”

 

He rolls his eyes and simply waits for her to return back to the living room. His left hand holds onto the edge of the tape, as his right one pulls the sticky material along the box and over the corner. As he hears her footsteps, he begins again, “What were you talking about?”

 

“I asked you what you thought about the new house.”

 

“Oh, is that what you were asking me.”

 

“Yeah, you didn’t hear me?” Blue eyes roll again, and she tilts her head in confusion at his reaction, “Why, what’s so bad about asking that?”

 

“Sometimes you truly are a blonde.” He flashes his dimples at her and ducks out of reflex as a pretzel is flung at him. Looking around him for the fallen snack, “You didn’t ask that, Doc. You simply said ‘What do you think’ and well, I didn’t know what subject to start thinking about.”

 

“Now you know. My house.”

 

“Your house?”

 

“Well, should it be my house? That’s what we are thinking about.” His finger rests against his chin as he over dramatizes his ‘thinking’. Both laugh as Marlena throws another pretzel at him, this time hitting him squarely in the chest, “Stop being an ass and help me out.”

 

“I thought that was all I do, help you out.”

 

“Well you do, now I need more help.” Her bottom lip sticks out, her chin lowers, and she looks up at him through her fallen bangs. He can barely make out her bright hazel eyes, as she says, “Please? Pretty please.”

 

“I like the ‘I owe you big time’ comment better than please.”

 

“Ut uh. You always take that too far. From helping you clean your apartment to going to that kid show… what was it? Came to town… Something Dare.”

 

“Double Dare.”

 

“Yeah, that. No, I’m done being made a fool of, because I owe you something.”

 

His stance becomes flirtatious, dimples begin to form perfectly on his cheeks, and his blue eyes turn bright as a result of his demeanor, “Well, we could always make a new trade. You can owe me,” He leans down to whisper in her ear, “Something a little more personal.” His breath is hot on her ear, but the goosebumps appear automatically on the back of her neck. The low whisper of his voice as he continues causes the bumps to form down her spine and along her arms. Her eyes naturally want to look down, but instead they look to her side to catch his smile and finally his gaze.

 

Hazel stares into blue, as if they are frozen in place. No muscles move, neither person blinks, and his playful grin falls serious, as the tension rises within the room. His nervous swallow catches her attention, as she watches the lump fall down his long throat before meeting his eyes once again. The pair is stuck in a moment that neither knows exactly how to handle it.

 

John leans down, towards her, as his lips hover over her own. Marlena instinctively bites her lower lip and this pulls John out of the hazy moment, as he caresses her cheek and steps back, “Does I have to move all of your shit again?”

 

“Um.. uh.” Her eyes close, as she tries to focus on the quick shift in conversation, “I dunno. I… I guess.” She glances at him one more time before stepping further back and moving over to the table to pick up the marker. Thinking clearly again, “Well, I don’t know what to do, because it’s not like I can move in tomorrow.”

 

He shakes his head and immediately busies himself with locating his glass of water and taking a large gulp. “Yeah, right, um,” is spoken over top of his glass. “Well, if you want that house, it wouldn’t take too long for you to move in. It’s not like the people have to move out or anything, its already vacant. Do you want it?”

 

“What are my options?”

 

Looking at her oddly, “What do you mean?”

 

“If I wanted it and I could move in soon, I still have a gap between here and there. What are my options?”

 

“Oh… gotcha.” John watches her as she picks up her long glass, pops a pretzel in her mouth and literally plops down on the couch. His eyebrow raises, “Comfy?”

 

“Getting there. Options?”

 

“Options… right. Well, I would always offer up my place.”

 

“And then where would you go?”

 

“Cute. Very cute there doctor. I was thinking I could take the guest room.”

 

“Not the couch?”

 

“What is up with you?” She shrugs and happily bites down on another pretzel and motions for him to continue. “Um, I’m sure Laura or Alice would offer you a place to stay for a week or two. Or you know what, Salem Inn.”

 

“Kind of expensive, dontcha think?”

 

“I get a discount from them. I’ll take care of it. No,” He cuts off her protests quickly, “I’m taking care of it. Let me, please, do this for you.”

 

“John, you’ve already done so much. More than so much.”

 

“The twinners are returning from their getaway band soccer school thingy Saturday and Carrie will be back soon after and… they need somewhere to go.”

 

Marlena nods and absently stirs her water with the tip of a pretzel, “I was figuring that they would stay here with Roman, until I got things settled. A place and all, you know. And then he and I could work out the arrangement.”

 

“You two haven’t talked about it?”

 

Her head shakes, but her eyes stay focused on the pizza sauce stain on the edge of the couch. “No. He hasn’t been around. He barely realizes that I will be gone when he returns, if he returns. No, I can’t say that. When he returns.”

 

“And if he isn’t home by Saturday, where are the kids going to go? Marlena, come into reality with me for a minute, instead of trying to make things nice and pretty. You can’t just sit back and assume he will show up, how well has that worked so far?” Her quick look up at him said it all, “Exactly.”

 

“Okay… okay. I’ll call Alice and see if we can all stay over there for a few days, until I figure out something a little more long term.”

 

“No, you are going to the Salem Inn. You’ll get the suite with the little kitchen.”

 

“John, the kids.”

 

“They will adjust there no differently than being at Laura’s or Alice’s. Actually, it might be a bit cooler for them. Give it a try. I’ll get it all set up, you can stay while you get the papers for the house all signed.”

 

Marlena studies John closely and can tell that he is in full protective man mode and therefore, refuses to fight him on it. It’s a clear plan. It is a workable plan and it is a plan that involves little moving. “And all this stuff?”

 

“We’ll leave it in the truck.”

 

“Leave it?”

 

Shrugging as if his solution is completely understandable and normal, “We’ll pack the truck, drive it to my place and leave it in the driveway.”

 

“That makes no sense.”

 

“What part of it doesn’t make sense? I’m not packing up your shit, unloading it into some random place, to load it back up three weeks later and unpack it into your new place. That’s ridiculous. So instead, it can hang out with me.”

 

“John, you’re insane!”

 

“No, I’m just trying to do this easily. But if I’m taking over or anything… tell me to back off because this is your life and your decision. But less is more.”

 

“Less is more?”

 

“Less movement is more enjoyable.”

 

“Aa..” She nods her understanding and then smiles up at him, “Well, thanks for all your help then. Um, so I am buying the house?”

 

“Was that ever a real question?”

 

“It has a fireplace that lights by pushing a button.”

 

“Shut up!” He takes a handful of pretzels and immediately begins to peg her in the shoulders and head with them, “I like my self-do fire place. It’s authentic.” He tosses another one at her, as she gets up quickly and begins to make a run for it. “Apologize!”

 

“Never!”

 

She runs by the coffee table and picks up her own handful and begins a retaliation. Pretzels fly, as the two grown ups attempt to get a handle on their laughter enough to chase after each other with small pretzel sticks. One hits John in the back and as he turns around quickly to throw another back at her, the door opens and the single word ‘Doc’ leaves both of them in midmotion. As Marlena comes to an abrupt halt, a laugh dies between her lips as she trips slightly over the end table.

“Wow, Marlena the house is really looking great.”

 

“You mean, minus the three empty rooms and the one with all of the boxes in it?” The women laugh in agreement and move through the recently unpacked living room towards the back porch, “It really is all about the fire place and this porch. The old house-” She pauses slightly at the words, unsure how she feels about the ease which the words ‘old house’ slipped off of her tongue, “The old house just wasn’t as easy to entertain in. Always had to use the living room and people would centre in the kitchen and the mess, but here there is plenty of room, especially because we can open it up to the backyard.”

 

“I can tell that you truly love it.”

 

Nodding, “Yeah Laura, I do. It’s the first real decision I have made in a long time. A me decision and it feels wonderful. Thanks for all of your help with the party.”

 

“Oh it was nothing. All I did was a little food. John and Eric seem happy out there with the grill, with Bo and Abe.”

 

Marlena watches the four males point randomly at the grill and talk simultaneously, “Don’t they? John was desperate to do something and I see that he has taken over Bo’s job. I wanted him to relax and have no real part…well job in this party. He’s done so much already. Way too much.”

 

“Well,” Laura pats Marlena’s arm and smiles coyly up at her, “I have a feeling that he doesn’t mind helping you out. Thinking he would love to help you out with a few more things as well.”

 

“Laura!” Her cheeks reddened, as hazel eyes lift up and meet blue. Feeling the burning in her cheeks, Marlena doesn’t look away, but instead smiles. They nod an understanding, as she turns her attention back to her friend, “Care to help me get the salads out of the refrigerator? Looks like we are just about ready.”

 

“You got all of that information from a look?”

 

“And then some.” Smiling at her, Marlena moves around the breakfast counter, “If you could get the green and pink bowls out, I think those are pasta salads and I’ll deal with the others.”

 

Marlena shakes herself out of her memory and enters the girls’ room, “Lights out. May be a Saturday tomorrow, but we have a lot planned if you two want to find a dress for the school dance. Do you know if your brother is going?”

 

“I…” Sami looks over at Carrie for confirmation, “think so, but not positive. I heard him and Greg talking about it. But guess that could flip either way.”

 

“I dunno Marlena. I would assume so. What time are we heading out?”

 

“I’d like to be in the car no later than nine if possible.” Marlena folds a shirt and places it back into the dresser before moving back out into the hall to grab another stack of folded laundry, “We have to be back by four, because I have that dinner meeting and your father will be here around then and I promised we wouldn’t be late this time. Okay? That gives us almost an entire day to shop. Do we know what we are looking for?”

 

She glances over at the girls quickly to see both of their shoulders shrug and Sami chimes in, “Not really. The dresses are all short and puffy again this year, so whatever looks good on me.”

 

Carrie nods in agreement, “I would like something that isn’t pink for once. But other than that, need to see what is out there.”

 

“Either of you two have a date that I need to be worried about clashing suit coat colours?” As both girls shake their heads, Marlena looks at Carrie in curiosity, “What happened to Mathew?”

 

“Well, we aren’t going together going together. I’m in the limo with Francine, Jenny and the gang and he is driving with his friends, but we’ll hang out there.”

 

“Okay then. Get to bed.” Marlena slides the last pair of jeans on the hanger and slowly begins to exit the room, “Goodnight girls.”

 

“Goodnight mom” and “Goodnight Marlena” follow her out the door. As she moves towards the landing, she looks down at the living room and lets out a tired sigh.

 

“Thanks for all your help tonight, but I didn’t want you to- help that is. Wanted you to have a night to relax.”

 

“I didn’t do anything! I sat and ate and relaxed.”

 

Marlena pushes him lightly and plops down on the couch, “Didn’t do anything? You helped set up the tables, cooked the food on the grill, cleaned off two tables before I could stop you, and somehow managed to pick up all the tables and chairs out there while I was shoving the kids into their beds. I think that qualifies as helping.”

 

Snapping his fingers, “Damn, and here I thought I was being a useless member of the family out there all night.”

 

“Stop it! I’m being serious. I wanted to thank you for everything that you’ve been doing and instead, I end up putting you to work.”

 

John shakes his head and reaches out for her hand, “Doc, nobody made me do anything. I enjoyed every minute of it and had a great time relaxing with everybody, honest.” Using her hand in his, he pulls her towards him and lightly pushes her chin up to look at him, “Nobody made me do anything. I had a great time and more importantly, everybody seemed to love the party and love your new house.”

 

Her eyes close, as her head rests upon his shoulder, “And man, I am dead tired. Being a hostess is rough work, remind me to hire somebody to do it for me next time, okay?”

 

“Hire a hostess, got it. I really love the painting there, above the fireplace.”

 

“Me too, but I think I am going to move it to my bathroom.”

 

Looking at her in surprise, he smiles as he sees that her eyes are still closed, “Wow, a demotion there.”

 

“It will look great on the white walls with that black frame. Will fit in nicely, but up there, I want to get a portrait done of the kids. You know, have them sit for a painting or I guess I could take a picture of them and ask somebody to paint one up. What do you think?”

 

“You’re not gunna be in it?”

 

“Nah, just them. Can update it every few years. Think it will be cute.”

 

John nods and leans his head on top of hers, “I agree. Can see it. I also think that you should black frame those pictures you have in the closet and hang them up in the hallway and on the wall going up the stairs and perhaps on the back porch.”

 

“That’s a lot of pictures John.”

 

“Well, you have a lot of pictures and you have a lot of room. Would be a nice theme, I think.”

 

Her nod means that the idea, at the very least, will be allowed to circle around in her mind, but for now, she pushes away from John and sits back up. “If I am this tired, you’ve got to be beyond tired.”

 

“Are you kicking me out?”

 

Smiling at him, Marlena shakes her head, “Never.”

 

“Are you asking me to stay?”

 

“I do have a couch.”

 

Clutching his heart, John mocks being wounded and dramatically states, “Ouch, totally pierced my heart there, Doc.”

 

“And here I thought it was a stab to the back.”

 

“Ooo, nice one. I should probably go and let you sleep.”

 

Marlena nods her agreement, but makes no movement to get up and allow him off of the couch. Instead she leans closer to him and lays her head back down on his arm that lines the back of the couch. “Probably, cause I could use some sleep. More boxes tomorrow.”

 

“I can come to help.”

 

Shaking her head, “No thanks, we argue too much and this is my house.”

 

“And therefore, you make the decisions. I gotcha boss.”

 

Her smile is warm and as her tired eyes open, her breath catches as she realizes that she is staring directly into his deep blue eyes. He is watching her closely and his mind makes a decision that it has been scared to for quite some time. Fingertips reach up and gently stroke her cheek, before his palm flattens out on the smooth skin and his lips slowly search out her own.

 

The kiss is gentle and very tentative. John moves at a snail’s pace, as his senses study her every move and response. As he feels her behind to loosen and lean into the kiss, John allows his body to relax and move her body closer to his own. His lips capture her bottom lip and bites on it gently before letting it go and pulling away from her.

 

Hazel meet blue. Chests move quickly, but soon breathing becomes a second priority, as Marlena leans forward to capture his mouth once again. Time seems to slip away, as the couple is brought back into a recent past where such moments were taken too lightly because they never realized that such an incredible moment could be forever taken away from them. John’s tongue battles with Marlena’s, but soon he pulls away. His actions are slow and careful, not to cause any panic for her.

 

“I better get going. I want this and I am pretty sure that you realize that Doc. But I promised no pressure and here I am, no pressure. But I want you to know that I love you more right now, than I ever have before, so keep that in mind. And when you make your decision, then you can come and thank me personally, for all of my help.”

 

A light giggle escapes her lips, “I knew that you had a hidden agenda.”

 

“Oh its not hidden, I like to make it known that I want you, but I have been trying to stay reserved. How am I doing?”

 

“So far, impressively well. Except that you have a tendency to stare at me and Bo caught you staring at my ass earlier tonight.”

 

“Well, it’s a nice ass there Dr. Evans.” Leaning over, John kisses her one more time. The quick peck lingers a few moments longer than intended, but finally he pulls back and leaves one quick, final kiss on her lips for moving towards the door. “Goodnight, Doc.”

 

Marlena moves down the stairs and smiles as she passes the couch. It has been a long few weeks since she has moved into the house. The party the other night was amazing, but beyond tiring and it seems that every time she walks out into the backyard, she finds more of the cheeseballs from the ‘cheeseball war’ at midnight.

 

Turning off the lights, Marlena moves into her bedroom and quickly collapses on the bed, hoping for an easy tomorrow.

“Hey kids…” Marlena stands at the bottom of the stairs and waits patiently for any sign of life. Hearing no movement, “Children… Sami… Eric…”

Its Carrie’s voice that finally filters down the steps, “What Marlena?”

“Carrie sweetie, could you get your brother and sister and come down here for a minute, please?”

“Is it dinner time?”

Rolling her eyes, Marlena shakes her head at the empty air, “No sweetie, not yet. Could you just get them please and come down here. I need to talk to you three.”

It is then that Marlena hears efficient movement and the sounds of voices that indicate that they will all filter down momentarily. Therefore, she moves away from the stairs and back into the living room. Naturally, she leans over to straighten the pile of magazines on the end table, before plopping down in the chair to wait. She laughs slightly as she hears pieces of the kids’ conversation as they move down the steps and towards her.

“So, mom? What’s so important that you need a meeting?”

“How do you know it’s important?”

Marlena watches as Carrie pulls her headphones off completely and allows them to slip onto her shoulders, as she looks down to double check that her walkman is completely turned off. “Because the last time you randomly called us down like this, it was to tell us about you and dad – the move and everything.”

Eric nods and sits down on the side of the couch, “Yeah, you only want to talk to us as a group if its important, otherwise you just make the rounds.”

“Eric, please sit properly on the furniture and that’s not true. I make the family schedule together as a group.”

“At the dinner table mom, not a family meeting.” Sami leans forward, “Does this have something to do with dad? Because if he can’t make it, we understand. He’s been working really hard lately and we, well I, really don’t mind if we can’t-”

“No, Sami, no.” Marlena interrupts before her daughter can go any further into her confession, “Your father should be here at six, like planned. This has nothing to do with him and you three do realize that Roman has been trying very hard, right? He has a big case that he is working on right now, but he has been doing everything possible to make all of your… well all your plans I guess, not cancel so much on you like he use to. I’m really proud of him. And I just want you three to realize that, kay?” As they nod and look at each other in confusion, “But that is not why I called you guys down. First of all, are you three packed?”

A range of ‘yes,’ ‘yep,’ and ‘yeah’ filter into the air and Marlena nods. She takes a moment to look down at her hands and decide how to proceed with the next part of her conversation. “Okay, I have something that I want to discuss, it’s not scary. Well, it doesn’t have to be and I want you guys to know that this is just something that I want to think and talk about, no major changes are being made immediately. And, as always, I want to hear honest opinions and feelings, right? I need to hear it…”

“Yeah mom, we will tell you exactly what is on our minds, so tell us what’s on yours.”

“Want it drawn out or just bluntly put out there like Carrie told me to do?”

The three smile at the small joke from earlier in the week, but it is Eric that voices his opinion, “How about you just say it, let us absorb it and then you can explain your reasons for whatever it is and we can state our thoughts.”

Nodding, “I like that a lot. Very professional Eric. Okay, I’ve been thinking about asking John to move in with us.” She pushes and takes in a breath, as she gives her children a moment to process the statement before continuing, “Nothing has been said to him, he hasn’t mentioned it, and this is just purely something I have been mulling over in my head and thinking could be a good, positive move for this family to move forward.”

“Dad doesn’t know?” At her confused look, Sami amends her statement, “John doesn’t know you are thinking about this?”

“Nope. I told him, back before we moved in here that I wanted to take things slow and that I made him no promises and he hasn’t pressured. But… but I do love him. I love him very much and he not only was once a huge part of this family, but still is today.” Marlena watches their faces closely, “He is already very active in this family and it just might be a good… a good… I guess step forward. But I want to know your honest thoughts on the subject.”

“You’re asking our permission to allow John to move in here?”

Sami nudges Eric and ignores his complaint, “Yeah dork, that’s what she’s doin’. Do you need it in writing?”

“Samantha, that is not necessary.” Sami’s reaction of a silent facial expression exclaiming the word ‘what’ causes Marlena to let out a deep sigh and wonder if she can survive the teenage years with this girl. “But yes Eric, I am asking all three of you. This is our home and therefore, we make decisions together.”

“We make decisions with John, too.”

Nodding at Carrie’s observation, “That’s true Carrie and I guess that is why I have been thinking about this for quite some time. John is here more times than not, he eats dinner and plays a major hand in your guys’ schedules, especially now that all three of you are on different teams… so…”

“Will you be getting married?” Eric looks at his mother, “Well married again? Or is he just a guest or… you two are a couple, right?”

“Yes Eric, we are together. Marriage is jumping a step or two though, we haven’t really talked about that either and I think it is a bit too soon. But I would like to try having him here more fulltime and well, be a more fulltime part of this family.” Shoulders shrug and Marlena is having a hard time understanding their lack of true discussion or reaction to her idea, “What’s wrong kids? Got to help me out a bit here.”

“Nothin- Nothing is-” Sami looks at both of her siblings for confirmation as she continues, “the matter, mom.” Looking back at Marlena, “John and you were married, lived together, raised us. Then he raised us. John is our father, just as much as dad is and we have never really thought about it in any other way, so I guess… well… I don’t see the point in this conversation. Well, I see the point, but just not the point. Ugh, Eric help me out.”

Rolling his eyes at his sister, “What Sami is trying to say is that our lives wouldn’t exactly change if he moved in and we already know what it is like for him to live with us so… its just like going back in time a bit- to last year and… and… and that’s cool. I have no complaints.”

“None here.”

“None here.”

Marlena looks at each one of them closely before continuing, “Well, I am very glad to hear that you have no problems with John moving in. But this is not a guarantee, because, as I said, I haven’t even asked him. This will be totally out of left field for him, so he may not be ready or want to or… lets not plan on pancakes for breakfast every morning until he agrees, okay?”

“Oh my god! I have missed the pancakes!”

“BFPs again!”

Carrie laughs at her siblings, as Marlena looks at them all in confusion, “BFPs?”

All together, the three literally shout, “Big flippin’ Pancakes!”

Marlena’s unsure laugh joins there, as she sits back in the oversized chair and listens to their voices ramble on about BFPs and other breakfast rituals. At first, when John moved out and Roman came back home, there were many conversations like this, with the kids remembering rituals and routines that were years old and so ingrained into their daily lives. It was painful to hear about their live without her, but even more painful to realize just how much she had changed and interrupted their lives by returning. She didn’t know the routines and she removed the father that did and brought in a different one that didn’t.

So much of their lives changed that day and she will always regret not thinking more deeply about their lives and how each choice she made affected them – and not always for the better. But after a little while, the tales and stories came to an abrupt end and she only caught glimpses of their lives with John when he was around and the four of them huddled together in secretive circles. She never asked why they stopped talking about it all, but she can only imagine it was protection against the hurt and longing for the past. They tried to move forward. And now she was returning them to their past. Was this the right thing?

Looking at their faces, Marlena smiles and nods to herself, “Hey, I’ve got a plan…”

—————- —————— ————————- ——–

Knocking on his door, Marlena stands impatiently rocking back on her heels, waiting for him to answer. The Chinese food hangs off of her right wrist, casually at her side, while the fingers on her left hand nervously drum on the white envelop clutched within its grasp.

The door slowly opens, “Doc! Well, what a surprise. To what do I owe the pleasure of your visit?”

“Dinner.” She holds up the Chinese for him to see, as she walks past him and immediately towards his kitchen. The bags fall casually over the counter and she turns to wait for him. As he steps within her range, she pulls him towards her and kisses him deeply on his lips, “I’ve missed you and the kids are gone with Roman for the weekend and I’m starving so I thought I would just mix it all together.” Kissing him again, “Want some?”

“Of you? Definitely!” Leaning in again, John’s tongue immediately searches out her bottom lip and tracing it slowly, it waits for her mouth to open up and allow him entrance. Their tongues clash together, as they both allow themselves to get lost in a moment that all too rarely occurs. “Mmm… love that.”

“And what about Chinese?”

“Love that too. And love you too.”

“Aww… I love you. And speaking of that, I have something for you.”

John’s eyebrow raises in confusion, as he looks down at the white envelop. Taking it from her, he begins to open it, “What is this?”

“Just something from a few people who love you very much and are so very grateful for everything that you have done for us.”

His fingers slide the envelop open, as his eyes don’t leave hers until the card is pulled out and open. Slowly, he reads the card quietly out loud, “For the man who has done so very much for us: loved us, watched out for us, yelled at us, protected us, comforted us, drove us around, coached us, and been there for us since the day he came to town. We love you and wish to extend our warmest thanks to you for all of your help by offering you a spot within the Marlena Evans and Children household. The house is spacious, though you will be sharing your room with one other, and the company is to die for. If you choose to accept, we have the boxes ready.” His voice chokes up, as realization hits and he reads the last few words that are so noticeably written in Marlena’s handwriting, “Thanks for all your help.”

THE END