Struggles – By Tammy

Dear Diary,
Well here it is…Monday again. I can’t believe that I am up at 6am! I am 21 years old…I should be in bed until noon with a hangover. But instead I am up at the crack of dawn to shower and get my nephews ready for their day! Well …nothing new happening today. Same old routine that I have had for the past three years. I have to make breakfast for the boys and my dad. Hop in the shower, get dressed and get the boys off to school. Then over to the Pub for work until three. Then after work I have to pick up the boys from school…drop them of at Caroline’s…and then I’m off to college until 10 o’clock tonight! I often wonder why I write in this journal…every entry I write must be the same…because god knows…nothing in my life ever changes! Anyways I will write again soon! 

I am in the kitchen making my father and nephews their breakfast. Nothing seems to be going right for me today…not that, that should be surprising to me. I have dropped at least two eggs on the floor, and burnt three pieces of toast. I feel like I am ready to cry out of frustration when I hear the angelic sounds of my nephews bounding down the stairs. “Mimi! Mimi!” How I love that little nickname that they have given me since the time that they could talk. They walk in and sit at the table. “Good morning Mimi!” Christian says to me. “Good morning Chris…how are you this morning?” “I’m great Mimi.” Christian is such a cutie… just looking at him brightens my day. He is 5 years old, the youngest of the two boys. He isn’t a very sentimental boy…he is tough as nails. Or at least he acts that way. He is just like his mother Sam. John, on the other hand, is very sentimental. He is a quiet and reserved 6 year old boy and he keeps to himself. He reminds me of…myself! I look at John who is sitting there studying his eggs intently, “Johnny…how are you this morning?” He looks up at me briefly and nods his head, “I’m fine.” He says quietly and then goes back to his eggs. Just then my father come in to get his breakfast, “Marlena…do you think you could wash some clothes today? I have no clean uniforms.” “Good morning to you too dad.” I mumble under my breath. “What was that?” He said to me with a upset look on his face. “Nothing dad. I will put a load of clothes in before I go to work. You will have to take them out and fold them when you get home from work though.” My father sits at the table and starts to eat, “You will have to fold them when you get home Marlena…I don’t know what time I will be home. I am going out with the guys after work.” I look at him with disbelief on my face barley able to keep the anger from my voice. “Dad! You are supposed to pick the boys up from Caroline’s after you get off work!” He drops his fork, “Excuse me…why is Caroline watching them? What are you going to be doing that is so important?” I am getting more upset by the minute. It is apparent to me that no one listens to me when I talk anymore. “Dad…I told you yesterday that I have class tonight!” Dad looked at me and shrugged his shoulders, “Well then…I guess you will have to figure out what to do with the boys then…because I have other plans!” I look at him with tears brimming in my eyes. I glance at the boys who are squirming in their seats. I can tell that they are getting very uncomfortable with our arguing. I glance at John who has the same tear filled expression on his face that I have on mine. “Boys…go upstairs and brush your teeth. Then get your stuff ready to go to school.” The boys look at me and nod and then run from the room. I picked up the breakfast plates. After I put them in the dishwasher I sit across the table from my father. “Dad…I need a little help around here.” He looks up from his paper, “I pay the bills…what more help do you need?” I sigh heavily, “Dad…when the boys came to live here three years ago I agreed to live here and help you. I didn’t say that I would raise them all by myself! Between the boys, and work and school…not to mention the crap I have to put up with when it comes to mom and Sam…I am going to have a breakdown!” My father looked at me and laughed, “Marlena…for crying out loud…quit being such a drama queen. Don’t you have to get to work or something?” That was all he said and went back to reading his paper. I tried as hard as I could but the tears escaped from my eyes. I got up from the table and walked to the kitchen door. I stopped briefly and looked at him, “Thanks a lot dad. It’s good to know how little you think of me…and my concerns!” I turned to leave him there… content not to say another word to him for the rest of the day. But something came over me and I had to say the last three words that I had meant to say to him when I first saw him this morning…before he started ordering me around. “ Dad…Happy Fathers Day!” My dad didn’t even glance up from his paper, and I turned and walked out the door. Could this day possible get any worse! home!

 

It is almost lunch time and the pub is jam packed, I haven’t sat down once since I got here this morning. This morning’s events are still bothering me and I have been distracted all day. I turn around from the counter when I hear that my tables order is up at the grill. When I turn around I bumped right into Hope and I watched as her tray goes crashing to the floor. “Oh…Hope I am so sorry. I will clean that up.” I bend down to start picking the mess up when Hope grabs my hand, “Mar…girl you need to relax. Go take a break, I will pick it up.” I shook my head, “I appreciate it Hope…but I can’t afford to take a break…it is lunch time…business is still pretty heavy.” When I was bent over cleaning up the mess Hope had waived Caroline over, “Marlena…dear come with me.” Caroline bent down…grabbed my hand…and walked me out the back of the Brady Pub and into the Brady living room. Their house was attached to the back of the Pub, which was convenient. Caroline made me sit on the sofa and handed me some water, “Marlena dear…what is wrong?” I shook my head, “Nothing is wrong Caroline, why do you ask?” She sat down beside me and gave me a stern look. That kind of look a mother gives to a child who snuck a cookie out of the cookie jar. “Marlena…don’t give me that cock and bull story that nothing is wrong. Every time that something is bothering you, you bury yourself with work so no one can tell that something is bothering you. Well…incase you have forgotten…I’m not just anyone. I know you better than I know some of my own children. Now spit it out.” I had to laugh at her, when she puts her mind to something she just won’t give up on it. “Okay…okay! It is nothing major…I am just…worn out. Dad…well dad hasn’t been much help lately.” Caroline nodded her head at me, she knew exactly what I was talking about. She knows first hand how my father behaves. “Speaking of dad not helping out…have you heard from Bo today?” “Yes I have…he should be stopping by here in about…an hour. Why do you ask?” I hate having to do this. I hate having to depend on others, for help. “Well…dad informed me this morning that he was going ‘out with the guys’ after work. And…well I have class tonight. I need to see if Bo can watch the boys until about 10:30…if he doesn’t have plans.” Caroline smile her trademark smile at me, “Marlena…dear heart…why didn’t you say something! You know that I will watch the boys when ever you need me too. You should know that we will do what ever we can to help you.” I know that Caroline means well…and I love her for it. But sometimes it just feels like the Brady’s…pity me! “I know that Caroline…it’s just that…” Caroline nods, she knows what I am going to say before I even say it. “I know…you don’t like to depend on anyone for anything! Dear heart…you can’t go through life and never depend on anyone.” Sometimes I feel like Caroline can see right through me. She has always been there for me, even though she didn’t have to be. I think that is why I never want to ask her for help…I guess it feels like I’m taking advantage of her and her generous, loving nature. Caroline wipes the hair out of my eyes and it brings me out of my thoughts. “Marlena…I know that your family…hasn’t exactly given you much of a reason to…believe in people. And you know…how I feel about your family…as far as I can see… they take advantage of you.” I hold up my hand trying to stop her mid-sentence but she keeps going. “I’m sorry Marlena…I know that you hate hearing this but it is true. I mean for crying out loud…you are 21 years old! You should be out having fun with your friends. You shouldn’t be raising two children, who aren‘t even yours…working a full time job…and going to school full time! I know why you take care of the boys…and I applaud you for it. But would it kill someone to HELP YOU! Ever since I have known you…you have been the only ADULT in your family.” Caroline was huffing and puffing and I had to let out a small giggle. “Well Caroline…tell me how you really feel.” She looked at me and let out a small giggle of her own. “I am sorry I went on a bit of a tirade. It’s just that…Oh never mind.” Caroline sat down beside me and took my chin in her delicate little palm and turn my face so that she was staring right into my eyes. “Marlena…if there is one thing the Brady’s know first hand…it’s that bloodlines don’t make a family…Love DOES! We all love you…and those boys! I don’t want you to ever feel like you can’t come to us if you need help! For heavens sake…John and Christian call Shawn and I grandpa and grandma. The three of you are our family…don’t EVER forget that. You hear me young lady?” “Yes ma’am!” Caroline laughed at me and gave me a hug. Her heart felt speech brought tears to my eyes. Sometimes I think that she loves me more than my own mother. When Caroline pulled back from our hug she wiped away my tears. “Now…why don’t you go out front and wait for Bo to show up. You officially have the rest of the day off.” “But Caroline…” I tried to protest but she gave me a warning look, “Thanks Caroline.”

I am sitting at the bar sipping a soda when Hope comes up and plops down on the stool beside me. “Hey Mar…feeling better?” “Yeah I am feeling a lot better thanks. I have just been stressed out…You know?” Hope nods her head at me. She knows all about my family as well. I guess it is hard to keep things secret in such a small town. That doesn’t matter though…Hope is my best friend…if I can’t confide in her, who can I confide in. Hope went behind the bar to get some drinks for a table but before she walks away I stop her, “Hey Hope…do you and Bo have any plans tonight?” “I have class tonight…but I’m not sure if Bo has anything planned.” As she gathers up her customers order I hear the bell on the front door ring. Hope looks up and a huge smile crosses her face, “Well speak of the devil.” I turned around and saw Bo approaching the bar with someone that I have only seen maybe once or twice. He is tall…about 6’2…with wavy black hair…a very sculpted body…and the bluest eyes I think I have ever seen! I am startled out of my daydream by Bo’s voice, “Hey there fancy face…How is the worlds most perfect girlfriend.” I had to laugh at Bo and Hope…those two are so in love…it is almost nauseating at times. Then Bo looked at me with a goofy grin on his face, “Hey sis…how is the worlds best little sister?” I let out a small giggle, “You are such a dork Bo” Bo grabbed his chest in a weak attempt at humor, “Oh…a dagger straight to my heart!” That is my brother…always the joker…but he is also the nicest guy that you could ever want to meet. Sometimes I envy Hope…I hope that she realizes how good she has it…being loved by someone like Bo. I glance over and see Caroline come out of the kitchen and walk over and give Bo a hug. Bo kisses her on the cheek, “Hey Ma…how was business today?” Caroline nods, “Business was booming as usual. Oh Bo…can you do me favor?” “Sure Ma what is it?” “Could you go out back to the dock…I am expecting a shipment of fish…and your father isn’t around at the moment.” “Sure thing Ma.” I know that this is Caroline’s way of giving me a little time alone with Bo so I can talk to him. I can see her pull him to the side and whisper in his ear, right after they pull apart I see Bo coming toward me. “Hey sis…want to give me a hand with the fish?” I nod at him. I am glad for the opportunity to talk to him in private. As we walk out I nod at Caroline and mouth the words “Thank You”. She nods back at me and smiles. I wrap my arm around my brothers waist and head out to the docks.

 

Bo and I are sitting there in silence waiting for the shipment of fish to arrive. The silence is deafening and I guess I have to be the one to end it. “So…I gather that Caroline told you that I wanted to talk to you?” Bo let out a small giggle, “Do you think that I would ask you to come out here and handle stinky fish other wise?” I let out a sigh…Bo can be such a smart ass sometimes. He looks over at me, “So…what’s up?” I can’t believe how much I hate having to ask him for help. It’’s not as though he will jump down my throat. Bo has always helped me when I needed it. “I was wondering…do you have any plans tonight?” Bo shook his head, “Can’t say that I do. Hope has class tonight, and I was just going to hang out over John’s tonight.” That took me by surprise, “John?…Who is John?” Bo looked at me with that stupid ass grin on his face, “You know…John! The guy you were…gawking at when we walked in!” “I wasn’t gawking!” He laughed at my lame response, “Okay…anyways…why are you asking about my plans…did you want to do something?” “No…I have class tonight. Actually…I am asking because…I need a favor!” Bo stood up and faced me, then he bowed at me, “Your wish is my command sis! What do you need?” “Well…I was wondering if…you could watch the boys tonight…until I get out of school?” Anger crossed Bo’s face, “Marlena don’t take this the wrong way…I would love to watch the boys…that’s not even an issue. But…what is wrong with Frank?” This is why I didn’t want to ask Bo. He can’t stand dad as it is…now I am just adding fuel to the fire. “Dad…informed me this morning that he was…” Bo cut me off, “Let me guess…”Going out with the Guys’?” I nodded at him. I hate seeing him this upset. “Bo listen…” He cut me off again…his temper is really flaring now. “No Marlena! Don’t you DARE defend him! Listen I know…that Frank is my biological father…but DAMN…I can’t stand him!” “I know that Bo…believe me…I know all to well how you feel about dad. Listen…I wouldn’t ask you to watch the boys unless it was really important!” Bo pulled up a crate and sat in front of me. “Mar…I’m sorry! I am not mad at you…you know that, and you know how much I love the boys…they are my nephews too. It’s just that…I hate seeing Frank put all of this responsibility on you!” Bo stood up and walked over to the water. I could tell that he was trying to formulate his thoughts. I can tell that he was trying to say what he felt…and not hurt me in the process. He was still standing with his back to me when he began to speak again. “When I found out that Frank was my biological father…I was floored! I had this one thought that was continually running through my head…”what if the Brady’s don’t accept me now?’ That was all I thought for the longest time. I was terrified that Shawn wouldn’t want me as his son anymore. But you know what?” I stared at him as tears ran from my eyes, “What?” He looked at me and smiled. “I never told you this but…Shawn knew…he knew that I wasn’t his biological son!” That statement stunned me, “Are you serious?” Bo just nodded his head at me. “Mom and Pop were separated at the time…I am assuming that Frank and your mother were separated as well.” I really don’t know if that was true about my mother and father being separated… neither my father nor my mother would ever speak to me about Bo or Caroline. “Why are you telling me this Bo?” He laughed out loud. “I’m…not really sure! I guess it’s the way you care for John and Christian. You are sacrificing your life…to give them a better one. It makes me wonder sometimes where you got that loving quality from…it sure as hell wasn’t from Frank or Martha.” He turned abruptly to face me, “Are you SURE your not a Brady!” That comment made us both laugh, “Believe me big brother…If I was a Brady…I guarantee that I wouldn’t be this depressed all the time.” Bo put his arm around me. “I guess your right about that sis. Well enough with all this sappy talk. What time do I have to pick up those little rug rats that I call nephews?” I hesitate in answering…”Bo are you sure about this?” He pushed me playfully. “Of course I am. That is…as long as you don’t mind me taking them over John’s house with me?” That kind of bugs me…I don’t even know this man. “I guess not…as long as I can meet him first.” Bo laughs, “Okay mother hen. Come on in with me and I will introduce you to him. Or would you prefer if I call Abe and have him run a background check on him!” I punch him in the arm, “No smart ass. Talking to him will be just fine!”

Bo and I walk back into the Pub and walk up to the bar. Bo’s friend John is sitting there laughing with Hope. Bo walks up to him and slaps him on the back. “Hey John…we are going to have two pint size companions tonight. That is once my sister is convinced that you aren’t a serial killer!” John looked at Bo as though he had lost his mind. “Come again Bo?” Bo let out a hearty laugh, “It’s a long story John. The short of it is that my two nephews are going to be joining us this evening. That is…once my sister over here grills you. Come here sis.” I walk over to Bo feeling thoroughly embarrassed. He has made me sound like a complete control freak. “John this is my sister Marlena. Marlena this is my good friend John Black!” John extended his hand out toward me and I took it. I looked into his eyes and saw a sparkle there that I have never seen in another human beings eyes before. Looking at his eyes was like looking directly at his soul. After a moment I felt someone nudge me, and I was knocked out of my trance. “Marlena!” I shook my head trying to clear my mind. “What Bo?” Bo laughed at me. “I said it is 2:15. You only have about 30 minutes to grill John before you pick the boys up from school.” I stared at him. I could have slapped him for embarrassing me like this. “I must apologies for my brother John. He is being an ass right now.” I looked at Bo and gave him a warning look. “I never said that I wanted to grill John. I just said that I wanted to meet him. What kind of Aunt would I be if I didn’t check things out?” John looked at me and smiled, “Marlena…I would be happy to answer any questions that you may have?” I smiled back at him. He is very sweet. “Thank you John…but that won’t be necessary. I trust Bo…usually!” John laughed at my comment. “I know that feeling. Bo can be a little…weird at times.” Bo is standing there looking back and forth between John and I. “Gee…I love it when people talk about me like I’m not in the room.” I laughed at Bo and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “Oh…you are such a big baby. Anyways…where should I pick the boys up from tonight?” “Just come back here to the pub. I told mom and pop I would clean up for them tonight.” I smiled at him and gave him a hug. “Okay then…I should be here by 10:30. Thanks again Bo!” I start to walk away when I hear John call out to me…”Marlena…it was nice…to meet you. I hope you have a good evening!” I smile at him. “Thank you John…it was…nice to meet you too! Good luck tonight…Bo can be quite a handful!” John laughed at me…and Bo was pretending that he was crying. “Mom…Marlena is making fun of me.” I laughed and waived my goodbyes!

 

Well at least one good thing happened today…my last class was cancelled. I am so glad that I got out early…now I can go and pick the boys up from Bo. I hated leaving him with the boys for so long…not that Bo can’t handle them, I know he can. Well Bo isn’t expecting me until 10:30…and it is only 8pm. I guess I will head on over to the Pub for some famous Brady chowder.

I walk into the Pub and I see Bo and Christian running around like chickens with their heads cut off. They are running around looking for something. “Hey how are two of my favorite men?” Christian runs over to me and jumps into my arms. “Mimi…Uncle Bo is in trouble!” I eye him questionably, “Why is uncle Bo in trouble Chris?” “He…” Christian was about to answer me when Bo came over to us and clamped his hand over Christians mouth. “Kids…they have such big mouths…don’t they!” Bo scooped Christian out of my arms and set him on the floor, “Christian do me a favor and go see if grandma need help in the kitchen.” Christian was about to protest Bo’s request when I noticed Bo give him a warning look, and Christian took off running. I have a bad feeling about this. “Bo…what it going on?” Bo laughed nervously, “Well…you see…here’s the thing…umm…” Bo was cut off by Abe running threw the front door of the Pub. “Bo…there is no sign of John anywhere…I checked…” Abe stopped speaking when he looked up and saw me standing there. “Oh…umm…hi Marlena.” I looked back and forth between Bo and Abe waiting for one of them to start talking. Neither one of them is saying anything, so what ever has happened I know it is bad. “Will one of you say something?” Still neither one of them would speak. “Bo! Abe said John was missing…why would your friend John be missing? I thought that you were spending the evening with him?” Bo takes a deep breath, he grabs my hand and leads me over to a booth to sit down. “Sis listen…my friend John…isn’t the ‘John’ that is missing. Our nephew John is. I…” I am hysterical at this point. “WHAT HAPPENED! Where is he…what…” Bo put his hands on my shoulders trying to calm me down. After a few more minutes I calmed down enough to let him speak. “Mar listen to me…please! He must have left about a half hour ago. We were all here at the Pub, me the boys and my friend John. John and I were talking to Pop… Christian was playing with the jukebox and Johnny was sitting in a booth doing his homework. The next thing I knew…I turned around and he was gone.” It felt as though my heart sunk in my chest. I walk over behind the bar and get myself a glass of water. As I drink it…I look around and begin thinking about what to do. “Bo…where is John…I mean your friend John?” I start to get nervous, “So help me god…Bo if that man has done…something to our nephew…” Bo raised his hands and cut me off. “Sis…calm down! I told you my friend was with me when Johnny disappeared. Besides…he would never hurt anyone…especially a child.” I stand there starring at Bo not reassured by his words. “Well then…where is ‘your friend’ Bo? If he isn’t involved in our nephews disappearance…then where the HELL is he?” I start crying loud heavy sobs. Bo walks over to me and takes me in his arms. “Sis…please calm down. John went to look for Johnny. He thought that I should stay here…with Christian.” Bo pulled back from me and wiped the tears from my eyes, “Marlena…you can’t go through life distrusting every new person you met.” I back away from him. “I have no reason to trust your ‘friend’ Bo.” Bo looks at me and shakes his head. “That is the problem Mar…the only people you do trust are Mom, Pop, me, Hope Abe and Lexi! You know…the world is a lot bigger than just the six of us!” I let out a huge sigh in frustration. “Arghhh…Bo I don’t have time right now to analyze my trust issues okay!” I walk around the pub looking as though there might be a clue as to where Johnny ran off too. My eyes fall upon the Bar. I’m not sure what it is…but something looks different. I keep staring at it… and then it hits me. “Bo…where are the roses that were sitting on the Bar earlier? The vase is there…but the roses are gone.” Bo looks at me like I have lost my mind. “Umm…I’m not really sure. Why does it matter right now?” I sit there starring running over today’s events in my head. After a few moments I figure it out. I jump around to face Bo. “Bo what is today?” I sit there and stare at him while he ponders the question. He thinks for a moment and then looks at me and nods, as we both speak in unison, “Father’s Day!” We ask Caroline to watch Chris as we run out the door together.

 

I am walking around trying to find Bo’s nephew and I don’t have a clue where to look. I decided to walk around the area surrounding the Pub. I mean the kid is what…6 years old? He couldn’t have gotten too far. I stopped to rest a minute on the steps of St. Luke’s church which is about a block away from the Pub. I run my hand through my hair in frustration. “Where could he be?” Suddenly I hear the faint sounds of crying. I look around and don’t see anything. I rise to me feet and walk over to the side of the church to the small cemetery. I squint my eyes trying to focus threw the darkness. After a moment I focus on a small figure kneeling by a grave. I approach quietly so as not to disturb them. After getting closer I can recognize the figure that is weeping beside the grave, “Johnny?” He jumps at the sound of my deep voice. He turns to look at me with tears in his eyes, and then turns back to the grave that he is kneeling before. I walk over to him and kneel at his side, “Johnny…why did you run off like that? You had your uncle Bo scared out of his mind.” I try not to be harsh with him, I can see that he is upset. He shrugged his shoulders, “I wanted to come and visit.” he said in a low tear filed voice. I didn’t want to pry on his private moment, but I was curious what could make him want to come to the cemetery at night. I look at the head stone, which only held a name… Johnny Jacobs. Before I could stop myself I spoke out loud. “Johnny Jacobs…who is that?” Then after a moment I heard him whisper, “That is…my daddy.” I looked at him as he wiped a tear away. I don’t know this boy well…but from what I can see he is in pain. “Is that where you got your name? Are you named after your daddy?” He nodded and a small smile came to his face, “Yep…my name is Jonathan Jacob Evans.” I want desperately to make this little boy feel better. “Hey I have an idea…I was wondering…if it’s okay with you…well since my name is John too I was wondering if I could give you a nickname?” He looked at me with a curious expression, “What’s that?” I smile at him, “A nickname? Well it is a special name that you give to your friends…or someone you love.” He smiled at me, “I get it…kinda like how I call Aunt Marlena… Mimi?” I nod at him and laugh a little. “Exactly! So what do you say…do you want one?” He nodded at me excitedly. “Okay what do you say that I call you…JJ…would you like that?” He looked kind of sad again but he nodded his head, “Yeah…that would be cool.” We sit there in silence, I am not sure if I should talk to him about what is bothering him or not. But…I have to do something…this silence is killing me. “JJ…why did you come here all by yourself?” He shrugged again, ”It’s…Father’s Day…I wanted to say…hi to my daddy…before I went to bed.” I feel horrible…I don’t know what to sat to make him feel better. I glance at the head stone and see six red roses sitting there. “Did you bring your daddy those pretty flowers.” He smiled triumphantly. “Yep…they were on that big, long table at grandma’s.” He looked at me with wonder on his face. “Do you think that daddies like flowers?” I laughed a little and smiled. “I think they do… I love flowers.” That made JJ laugh, “Hey you…what’s so funny?” I said as I tickled him slightly. After he got his giggles under control…he spoke. “I just…didn’t think that…boys are supposed to like flowers…dats all!” I chuckled at his comment. “Well I don’t care what other boys like…I love flowers.” I paused for a moment, not sure if I should bring up the subject. “So JJ…did your daddy like flowers?” He looked away from me and back toward the headstone, ”I don’t know…I don’t member my daddy.” Oh man…I knew I shouldn’t have said anything… me and my big mouth. Now what am I going to say to him. But it turns out that I didn’t have to say anything…Johnny broke the silence.

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I walked up to the cemetery behind Bo. Bo peaked around the corner and pulled me up beside him, “There he is sis…and that is…John with him.” Oh thank you god…thank you for watching over him. I nudge Bo and whisper in his ear, “You can go on back to the Pub. I can handle this from here.” Bo looked at me skeptically, “I don’t think that is a good idea.” I shake my head at Bo’s ridiculous comment. “Bo…you have nothing to worry about. I am not going to…rip into your friend. I just want to get our nephew and bring him home. Besides…You need to go back and tell everyone that we found him…so Abe can call off the search.” Bo nodded in agreement, “Are you sure?” “Yes I’m sure. Tell everyone I said…thank you!” Bo gave me a kiss and walked away. I make my way over to the cemetery gate when I hear my nephew talking to John. I might as well take a moment to listen, maybe I can figure out why Johnny came here. Then I won’t have to ask him any questions later. I can’t believe what I am hearing. I have never heard my nephew talk this much in his young little life. He is talking to John as though he has known him all his life.

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“My daddy…died…right before my brother was born. So I can’t member him.” I nod at him. I don’t want to interrupt his train of thought. “Even though I don’t member him…I still miss him.” He looked over at me with the saddest tear filled eyes, “What is it like…to have a daddy?” Oh my lord…this little boy is going to make me cry. How do I answer that question? I guess…I should tell him the truth. “Well JJ…actually I don’t know. You see…I don’t know my daddy either.” He looked at me in amazement, “Your daddy died too.” I just shook my head, “No…my daddy…well my daddy wasn’t a very nice man. He did a lot of…bad things…and my mommy didn’t want me to see him.” JJ looked at me and innocently patted my leg. “My daddy did bad things too. That is why he died.” I looked at him in shock. How does he knows this if he never meet him. “JJ…how do you know that is why your daddy died?” Once again he shrugged. “One night I heard my papa talking about it.” I listen intently, “Was he talking to your Mimi?” He shook his head at me. “No…Mimi was at school. Papa was talking to my mama.” I shook my head, “JJ…maybe you heard papa wrong.” He shook his head firmly. “Nope I heard right. He said that my daddy did bad things…just like my mama. He said that is why Mimi is takin care of us…because mama can’t.!” I am totally blown away by what JJ just said to me. It is amazing how appearances can be so deceiving. Looking in from the outside you could never tell that anything was wrong with this little boys family.

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Oh my…my poor sweet baby. I never knew that he knew all of this. No wonder he is so depressed all the time. I have to do something to help him…but I don’t know how. I wipe away my tears and compose myself. I make my way towards them. By the time I reach them they are laughing. I heard John talking to my nephew about baseball. “You see…that is how you throw a knuckle ball.” Johnny looked up at him and smiled. “Can you show me?” John laughed at him, “Well…not tonight…but maybe tomorrow if you and your brother aren’t doing anything…maybe Uncle Bo can bring you and your brother to the park…and I can show you how to do it. How does that sound?” Johnny jumps into John’s arms, “Yeah! That would be cool! Pinky swear?” John laughed at him. “What is that?” Johnny laughed, “It is a special hand shake silly. It means that you wont break your promise.” John laughed when Johnny showed him how to do the pinky swear. “Okay then…pinky swear.” They do the hand shake and Johnny lets out a yawn. I walk up to them, “Well well…looks like someone is ready for bed.” John jumps up from the ground. “Yeah…I am pretty tired.” Johnny starts to laugh. “Mimi was talkin to me…silly.” Johnny looks at me after the laughter has faded from his eye…which is now replaced by sadness, “Mimi…I’m sorry I ran away from Uncle Bo. Am I in trouble?” How can I be mad at him when he looks at me like that? “Well…first of all you need to apologize to Uncle Bo…not me. I guess it will be up to him whether or not your in trouble.” Johnny nodded at me. “Okay let’s go back and get your brother. It is time to get you home and into bed young man.” I said as I ruffled his hair. He begins to yawn some more. John bends down to him, “How about a piggy back ride, slugger?” Johnny hops on John’s back and we begin to walk. We only make it about ten steps when Johnny is sound asleep. I take this opportunity to give John a piece of my mind. “Look…first off I want to say thank you for finding him. I will be forever grateful. However…I would appreciate it if you wouldn’t make promises to my nephew that you can’t keep.” I could tell that John was totally blown away by what I said. I could tell the by the way he stuttered his next sentence. “W…wh…what the hell are you talking about?” I look at him with fury in my eyes, “Just what I said…Mr. Black! These children have enough people in their lives who constantly let them down…they don’t need another one.” That was the last thing I said before I grabbed Johnny from his back and stormed off. Leaving him to walk back to the Pub alone!

 

Dear Diary,
Well nothing much is happening today…thank god. The boys have no school today and neither do I. After yesterday…I need all the rest I can get. I am so grateful that Johnny was found safe and sound. If something would have happened to him…well I guess there is no need to dwell on what might have happened. Thankfully Mr. Black found him. Speaking of John…I am not at all sure what I am going to do about the promise that he made to Johnny. Should I let this man spend time with my nephews? I mean I don’t know him from a hole in the ground. Well maybe it won’t even be an issue…I’m sure that Johnny has forgotten all about it. Well…I better get dressed. Maybe I will take the boys to the Pub for breakfast. I will write again soon! 

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I walk into the Pub and see Bo standing behind the bar. I walk over and furiously slap my hands down on the top of the bar. “Bo…why do woman have to be so damn infuriating?” Bo shakes his head at me with his mouth hanging open. “Umm…is that a trick question… can I use a life line?” I shake my head. Bo always seems to have a smart ass comment for everything. “Bo… I am serious.” Bo nods at me, “I can see that John. But if you want an answer to your question…I’m afraid that you will have to be a bit more specific.” I grunt in frustration. “Arggg…I can sum it all up for you in one word… Marlena!” Bo lets out a huge sigh. “Oh man! What has Mar done to upset you?” I shake my head at him. “Well she didn’t exactly do anything to me. She just ripped me a new asshole yesterday.” Bo looks at me with a shocked expression. “Why did she do that?” I shrug my shoulders at his question. “Your guess is as good as mine!” I run my hands through my hair. Marlena’s attitude yesterday has me so confused I don’t know whether I am coming or going. Bo comes around from behind the bar and leads me over to a booth. “John tell me what happened.” I shake my head. “Bo man…I honestly don’t know. I found your nephew at the cemetery. We were sitting there talking and he really opened up to me. Anyways…I was talking to him about baseball. I told him that if you weren’t doing anything today maybe you could bring him and his brother to the park to play some baseball. Then he told me I had to…Oh I can’t remember what it was called…” Bo interrupted me, “Pinky swear?” I nodded my head. “Yeah that was it…pinky swear…so I did. Anyways Marlena must have heard us talking. So we start to leave and Johnny fell asleep on my back. Then…all of a sudden Marlena tears into me. She said thank you for finding Johnny, and then she tells me not to make promises that I can’t keep. She said that they boys don’t need anyone else in their lives that will disappoint them.” Bo has been nodding his head the whole time I have been talking. I look at him and mock his nodding, “Does your nodding have an explanation to go along with it Bo?” Bo let out a huge sigh. “John…man I don’t know what to say…other than…what you saw last night was CLASSIC Marlena!” I look at him with a shocked expression, “Dear lord…you mean to tell me that she is like that ALL the time!” Bo let out a laugh. “Marlena…well she is complicated to say the very least.” I nod at Bo and let him continue talking. “John what I am about to tell you had better NEVER get back to Marlena. She would never forgive me if she knew that I was talking about her behind her back.” I agree, “You have my word Bo.” Bo relaxes back into his seat. “Hell…I don’t even know where to begin.” I let out a small laugh, “I guess the beginning is a good place to start.” Bo nods in agreement. “Let’s see…. Marlena lives with our father, Frank, Johnny and Christian. She moved in with him about three years ago when he got custody of the boys. She wanted to be there to help out anyway she could…and she has pretty much raised them by herself ever since.” “What about Frank?” Bo shakes his head, “As Frank would say… he does his part by paying the bills. Marlena does EVERYTHING else.” “Well what about Marlena’s mother…she must help her out once in a while…” Bo shakes his head, “Nope! Martha…that is Marlena’s mother…well she doesn’t do anything unless it benefits her in some way. You see Martha is an alcoholic and a compulsive gambler. Their mother daughter relationship is so dysfunctional it isn’t even funny. Marlena has a tendency to see the best in people, especially her mother… no matter what…and every time she has done that…she has gotten burned.” As Bo is talking I begin to see things a bit more clearly. But there is one piece of information still missing. “Bo…I don’t mean to pry but…what about the boys mother?” Bo sighed deeply. “Sam…her name is Sam.” I nod, “Sam…why is Marlena raising the boys, and not Sam?” I can see Bo struggling with this question. After a moment he hesitantly begins to speak. “Sam… well she is…a…drug addict!” I damn near fell over when Bo uttered the words ‘drug addict’. I can see Bo wiping away a tear before he continues. “Sam never gave the boys any kind of…stability. She would drag them from place to place…crack house to crack house. They hardly ever went to school. We all did our best to help her…but…she didn’t think that she needed help. So…she lost her kids.” After he said that a realization hit me. “Now it makes sense!” Bo looks at me with questioning eyes, “What makes sense?” His question brings me out of my thoughts. “Yesterday at the cemetery. Johnny said that…his daddy died because he did…bad things…and that was why Marlena was raising them…because his mommy did…bad things too!” Bo just nodded and didn’t say a word. I am glad he told me all of this. It does make things a bit clearer, but not much. It doesn’t do much to clear up my issue with Marlena. “Bo…I appreciate that you told me all this…and I swear that it won’t go any further. But…I still don’t understand how this all relates to the way Marlena acted toward me yesterday.” “John…you have to understand something about Marlena. She has had a…tough life…to say the very least. Her parent’s marriage was abusive…which most of the time she was caught in the middle of. Her mother never gave her the time of day…unless she needed something from her. Sam… well she was always in some kind of trouble…which Marlena had to clean up. Frank…well he has always been a very distant father in every way. You see…Marlena has always been the adult in her family. She… grew up at a very young age. She has spent her life taking care of everyone else. And when Frank got the boys…well they became Marlena’s life. She has devoted all of her time and energy in the past three years…into making sure that the boys don’t grow up the way she did. She wanted to make sure that those kids had people they could depend on and trust. She has devoted her life into giving the boys everything that she never had growing up. Marlena…well she has a very hard time…trusting others. She has a hard time believing in people, and their motives.” I nod because everything seems so much clearer now. “Well…I can’t really say as though I blame her. It seems as though everyone she loved the most…always let her down.” Bo sits up straight. “Exactly! That is why she snapped at you yesterday. You made a promise to Johnny. You see…Marlena doesn’t believe in making promises…because every time that someone has made one to her…they never kept it. She doesn’t want the boys to grow up being continually disappointed by people.” “Bo…I know that it’s not my place but…if those boys grow up thinking that someone or something won’t disappoint them in their life…they are going to be in for a world of hurt.” Bo nods at me and is about to speak when the front door of the Pub fly’s open…and three of the worlds most beautiful creatures come walking in. Marlena has the most radiant smile on her face, which lights up her eyes. I have seen her many times around town and at the Pub…but in many ways…this is like seeing her for the first time. Marlena’s smile continues to shine…that is until she spotted me sitting at the booth with Bo. The boys came running over to sit with us. Johnny next to me and Christian next to Bo. I tickle Johnny and muss his hair which causes him to laugh, before she speaks. “So uncle Bo…can we go to the ball park today…can we…can we?” Bo laughs, “Whoa…slow down little man.” I had to laugh Johnny was so excited. He turned and looked at me, “Are you still going to teach me how to throw a curve ball?” I mussed his hair again and smiled, “I promised…didn’t I?” Johnny nodded. Of course that had to be the moment that Marlena choose to walk up to the table. She looked over a Bo with a smile, “Good morning big brother.” Bo smiled at her, “Mornin’ Mar.” Then she turned to me, “Mr. Black…I would like to talk to you for a moment.” Wow… she has this bitter woman routine down pat. “Well…good morning to you too Marlena.” She just stared at me, with no expression on her face. I decided that now wasn’t the best time for teasing so I got up out of the booth and followed her. We walked a ways away from the table when she whipped around to face me. “First of all…I want to thank you so much for giving my nephew a nick name. Now…he won’t answer to anything but JJ.” I smiled a bit and I think it just pissed her off more. “Secondly…I thought that we talked about this baseball thing yesterday. I told you not to make…” I cut her off. “Yeah I know…don’t make promises that I can’t keep. But correct me if I’m wrong…I could have sworn that I just told…JJ…that I would play with him. How is that breaking my promise?” She let out a frustrated sigh. “Listen…you may be a friend of Bo’s…but I don’t know you from a hole in the ground…and in all honesty I have no desire to know you!” I stare at her with a straight face, “Do you have heart problems?” She stared at me with a befuddled look marring her delicate features, “Excuse Me?” I did my best not to laugh, “I was just curious…because surely that stick up your ass MUST be poking into your heart by now.” I could tell that she was trying hard not to laugh. But she shook it off and continued talking. “Listen…I am sure you meant well but…” I decided to cut her off. “No you listen! I told that little boy that I would play baseball with him…and I have every intention of doing that. Now…if you don’t let him go…It will be YOU…who is breaking the promise…NOT ME!” I turned and walked away leaving her standing there with a look of total shock on her face.

 

I see John standing there with Bo, they are goofing around with the boys. I haven’t seen the boys this happy in a long time. John seems like a nice man…but like I said, I don’t know him. How can I send my nephews off with him? Well…I know that Bo will be with them but….DAMN John for putting me in this position. Now…it will be my fault that the boys are disappointed…if I don’t let them go to the park with John. Johnny jumps down from Bo’s back and runs over to me. “So…Mimi can we go to the baseball park with John and Uncle Bo?” I hesitate in my answer, “Johnny…” He looks up at me with an upset glare on his face, “Mimi!” I slightly roll my eyes. “Sorry…sorry! JJ…I am not sure if it is a good idea.” JJ hangs his head in disappointment. Bo noticed the little scene that we are having and walks over. “Come on Mar…let them go. John and I were just talking and we were going to take them to a ‘special’ baseball park.” I eye him curiously…what are they up to. Just then John walks over with Christian on his back. “So Bo…did mom say we can go?” John says laughing which in turn makes the boys giggle. I just stare at him. Where does this man get off? Just because he is….gorgeous… doesn’t give him the right to be a smart ass. I will show him. “I guess they can go…” The boys starts jumping up and down, “On one condition!” John stares at me with a smirk on his face, “What might that be Marlena?” I give him a snide look, ”That I am going too.” John gives me the most radiant smile that I think I have ever seen. “The more the merrier! I can’t think of a better way to spend my day than with a gorgeous woman and her two handsome nephews…and that gorgeous woman’s dopey big brother.” That made all of us laugh. Bo pretends to be wounded and falls to the floor, after which the boys jump on him and start tickling him. I walk away from them to gather my stuff together, and I sit at the bar for a moment when Caroline walks up to me. “Hello dear heart.” I smile at her, “Hello Caroline.” I turn back to watch John and the boys goofing around. Caroline walks in front of me and obstructs my view. “Marlena…dear what’s wrong?” I laugh slightly. “I am a little worried about the boys spending time with John. I mean Caroline…we don’t even know him.” Caroline pats my arm. “Honey…you will never know him if you don’t even try. Trust me…we have known John for years. He is a very good man.” I shrug my shoulders. “I guess…I don’t know sometimes he seems very sweet. And then other times he seems like a…a…pompous ass!” Caroline let out a laugh. “Yep…that’s John alright! Sweetheart believe me…just spend some time with him. You will come to see that the good qualities…far out weigh the bad.” With that Caroline walked away and John approached me. “So… are you sure your up for this?” I smile at him sweetly. “Bring it on.” At that moment I remember Bo saying something about a special ball park. “So just where are we going?” John smiled at me. “That…my dear…is a surprise!” “Yes a surprise for the boys… not me.” John laughed a little, “I get the feeling that you don’t like surprises.” I chuckled at him, “What was your first clue!” John got a bit of a serious look on his face. “Why…why don’t you like surprises?” I look at him shyly. “Let’s just say that every time that I have had a ‘surprise’ thrown my way…it was never a good one.” After saying that I grab my bag and stand to leave. John walked up next to me and put his arm around my shoulder. “Well… if you stick with me kid… you will learn to LOVE surprises.” We both laugh and walk towards the door. John grabs JJ and puts him on his back and Bo does the same with Christian…I grab our bags and we are off to the ‘special’ ball park.

__________

Okay it has been two hours and I still don’t know what the hell John and Bo are up to. What ever they are planning…isn’t happening in Salem. Apparently it is happening in New York. After leaving the Pub we drove to Salem airport and hopped on a private plane…which I would still like to know what the hell was up with that. When I asked again where we were going I still got no answer. The only way I found out that we were going to New York was because I overheard John talking to the pilot about the flight plan. When we arrived at the airport in New York there was a car already waiting for us, which is now driving us to our destination. As I sit starring out of the window at the beautiful city that surrounds me I hear John yell in excitement from the front seat. “We’re Here!” The boys clamor towards the window of the car. They look out and I see their eyes light up followed by loud screams of joy coming from their lips. “Boys…what has you so excited?” They start bouncing up and down and pointing to the huge building that we have pulled in front of. JJ is the first to catch his breath and speak. “Mimi…Mimi…it’s….Yankee Stadium!” My mouth must have hit the floor boards of the car, what the hell are we doing at Yankee Stadium? JJ and Christian jump out of the car and run to Bo who is standing out side. John got out of the front seat and came around to my car door. He opened the door and extended his hand to help me out. When I got out of the car I caught a glimpse of the boys who were running around looking at the outside of the building with Bo. John looked at them and laughed, “Gee…I wonder if they liked my surprise!” I look over at John in amazement. “John what are we doing here? Is there a baseball game going on?” He shook his head. “No!” I look at him in wonder. “Well…if there is no game then what are we doing here? It’s not like we can get in the stadium.” “Yes we can!” I look at him dumbfounded, “How?” He laughed and grabbed my hand dragging me toward the front door. “Don’t worry…I know a few people here… we will get in.” I look at him and shrug my shoulders. This I have to see. We walk to the front door with the boys and Bo right by our side. All of a sudden a man opens the door for us. He holds it open until we all enter and then he walks away. What in the world is going on here?

___________

John walks us around the building giving us a little tour. Then we walk down this very long tunnel with a light at the end. When we reach the end I am surprised when we walk out onto the field. John bends down and scoops the boys up into his arms. “Well boys…welcome to Yankee Stadium!” The boys wrap their arms around his neck and squeeze him hard. They are over joyed…I have NEVER seen them this happy. Then suddenly a man walks by. He nods his head at John and says, “Hiya Boss!”, and then another man walks by and does the same thing. I walk up to John as he lets the boys down. “John…who were they?” JJ and Christian whip around and look at me, “Mimi! You don’t know who they were?” I shake my head, “Afraid not! Why do you know them?” Christian jumps up and down and talks excitedly, “Mimi… that was…J…Jor…” John laughs, “Jorge Posada Christian. And that other guy was Derek Jeter, Mimi!” I shrug my shoulders, “And they would be?” Bo walks up to me, “Come on sis get with it…they are baseball players for the New York Yankees!” My jaw must be touching the dirt by now. What in the world is going on here. How can John possible get into Yankee Stadium when it is closed…and then on top of it he knows famous baseball players. What a minute those two men called John… “Wait a minute!” All four of them turn and look at me. ”John…those two men called you…boss” John just nodded at me. Bo looked at me and laughed, “Oh sis didn’t I tell you?” I just look at him and shake my head. “Well…my good friend John here…he is part owner of the team!” I swear my eyes must have just popped out of my head. He owns a baseball team? I am still dazed when I hear John talking to Bo and the boys. “Well men…what are we waiting for? Lets go play some baseball?” JJ and Christian looked up at John and spoke to him in unison. “Out there?” John just laughed at them and said, “Yep!” John grabbed up JJ and Bo picked up Chris and the ran out onto the field. I plop down onto the bench. My mind is running a thousand miles a minute right now. John fly’s on a private jet…he is part owner of a Major League baseball team. I wonder what other ‘surprises’ he has in store for today.

 

We have been here at Yankee Stadium for over two hours now. JJ and Christian have been having the time of their lives. They have been playing baseball with Bo and John ever since we have gotten here. John has been so sweet to them. He even had some of the players come out and play with the boys. They are all running toward me now…I guess play time is over. John is walking toward me juggling some baseballs, no doubt showing off. The boys are laughing hysterically…I wish they could be this happy all the time. As they all approach John stops juggling and looks at me. “Excuse me miss…could you hold my balls for me?” He says it to me in a serious tone and with a straight face. He is such a pervert. I am trying my best not to laugh. “You know John… good looks and money wont get you through your whole life. You might want to think of acquiring a personality before you turn thirty!” He looked at me and busted out laughing as did Bo. John bowed his head at me, “Touché!” John looked over at the boys. “Well gentlemen…are we ready to go?” JJ and Christian nodded reluctantly. Then JJ walked up to John and motioned for him to bend down to his level. “John…thank you for bringing me and my brother here!” John smiled at him and ruffled his hair, “Anytime slugger…anytime! You know JJ…you keep practicing…and you might end up on this team one day.” JJ face lit up, “Really?” John nodded at him with a wide smile on his face. Bo approached us, “Hey John… If you want to make that other stop we better get going…so we can make it home for supper time.” This comment caught me off guard and I was about to say something but John and Bo gathered up the boys and turned to leave.

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We are driving to our next destination…where ever that may be. We are now in a limo…which is packed with Yankee stuff that we picked up for the boys on our way out of the ballpark. I can’t believe the amount of stuff that John got for them. “John…you know it wasn’t really necessary to buy out half of the Yankee Pro shop before we left.” He looked at me with an amused look on his face. “Good grief Marlena…don’t get your panties in a bunch. For your information I didn’t have to BUY anything! I am part owner remember…I get all my stuff for free!” Urggh…he is such a jerk. I was about to make a smart ass remark when the limo came to a stop. We came to stop in front of a modest looking home, not to big and not to small, on a couple acres of land. I wonder what we are doing now. I glanced over at John. He has a smile on his face that stretches from ear to ear. And his eyes…they have such a light in them that they look almost clear blue. I wonder what has him so happy. “John…where are we now?” He looks over at me and continues to smile. “Sorry about the last minute stop. But I figured that since we brought the boys here I would…kill to birds with one stone.” I am entranced by his smile, “Well….what ‘bird’ are we killing now?” He looked at me and laughed. “Well I had to stop and pick someone up.” “Oh really…who’s that?” John became absolutely giddy. “Well…lets just say that…she’s the woman in my life!” After saying that John hoped out of the limo and walked to the door. I just sat there with my mouth agape. I can’t believe this! How dare he bring me on a trip when he was planning on picking up some woman? Not only me…but my nephews. I am jolted out of my thoughts by the boys who are climbing over me to get out of the car. “Boys…where are you going?” They turn and look at me and Christian is the first to speak, “We are going to meet Ria…Mimi!” And with that they jumped out of the car before I could stop them. Bo was headed out of the limo when I grabbed his arm and stopped him. “Bo…who the hell is Ria?” Bo looked at me an laughed. “Geez sis…If I didn’t know better I would say that you were jealous.” I just stared at him. “Hardly Bo…so…who is she?” Bo just laughed, “Let’s just say that…she is a very special lady.” After saying that he hoped out and headed towards the others. I can’t believe Bo would think that I am jealous….why would I be…okay so maybe I feel a little jealous. By why? I can’t even stand John most of the time. Granted…John is gorgeous.. but that doesn’t mean that I like him THAT way. While I am sitting there trying to justify my feeling I am brought back to earth by Bo calling my name and waving me to come over. Just what I need. John formally introducing me to his girlfriend.

______

As I approach John and the others I see John, Bo and the boys talking to an older couple in their mid 50’s. When I approach John turns to me. “Marlena I would like you to meet to very special people.” He puts his arm around my waist which makes me fidget a bit. “Marlena these are…my parent. I would like you to meet my mother Sue.” She extends her hand to me and I take it. She has the most gentle handshake. She looks and me, her eyes show a woman who has been to hell and came back with the soul of an angel. I look at her and smile, “Nice to meet you Mrs. Black.” Then John turns me toward the man, “And this…is my step father…” I cut John off and extend my hand… “Let me guess…Joe Black?” Everyone starts to laugh…especially John and his father. His father takes my hand. “Ha Ha…afraid not. It’s George…George Black.” I shake his hand and lock eyes with him for a moment. He has eyes that are strong and bold…yet sweet and loving. When we release our handshake John starts talking again. “So…where is she!” He sounds like a five year old on Christmas. His mother laughs. “Goodness John…calm down! She will be out in a minute she had to go to the bathroom.” “I can’t help it mom…I haven’t seen her in two weeks…it seems like a year.” Both his parents laugh as his step-father pats his shoulder, “Alright son…your mother and I will go get her.” His parents walk away and into the house. We are standing outside waiting in silence. This silence is defining, and I can’t stand it any longer. I turn to John and speak to him with a quiet and shy voice. “John… John why didn’t you tell me you had a…” Suddenly my sentence is interrupted by a sweet and angelic voice that screams, “Daddy!” John takes off like a shot toward that angelic sound. I turn to follow John with my eyes. I see him bend down and pick up the most precious little girl I think I have ever seen. A daughter…John has a daughter!

 

I can’t believe that John has a… daughter! John grabs his daughter off the ground and swings her in the air, which makes her giggle. I do believe that she is one of the most precious little girls that I have ever seen. She has long blonde flowing hair, and clear blue eyes that sparkle like crystals on freshly fallen snow…well she defiantly got her eyes from her daddy. I am stuck in my thoughts when I feel a small little tug on my jeans. I look down and John’s little girls is standing there looking up at me with wide eyes. I bend down to her level as she speaks to me. “Who you?” I had to laugh at her straight forward question. “Well… I am Marlena! Who might you be?” I say as I tap the tip of her nose. “I’m Ria!” She said excitedly. Just then John scooped her up. “Actually Marlena, this sweet little daughter of mine is Maria.” Maria just shook her head, “No I not…I Ria!” I laugh at her… she seems to be as stubborn as her father. I extend my hand to her, “Well Maria…it’s very nice to meet you. May I call you Maria?” She nodded her head excitedly and then wiggled out of John’s arms and headed over to the boys. John looked at me with shock on his face. “How did you do that?” I look at him with wonder, “Umm… do what?” John kept staring, “How did you get her to let you call her by her name? She won’t even let ME call her Maria!” I laughed a little, “I have a gift I guess.” John nodded at me, “You most definitely do.” With that he smiled and headed back over to everyone else. John grabbed his daughter, “Ria…give Grandma and Grandpa a kiss…it’s time to go home.” Ria shook her head, “I don’t wanna go home daddy! There’s no one to play with there!” John laughed, “Well see these two little guys here?” Maria nodded her head, “You can play with them. The are at grandma Caroline’s and Papa Shawn’s all the time.” I feel so bad for Maria I can tell she hasn’t made many friends in Salem. I walk over to the boys and wrap my arm around there shoulders. “That’s right Maria…JJ and Christian are over there all the time. You can play with them whenever you want okay?” Maria nods at me slightly. I walk over to her and extend my hand for her to shake, “Deal?” Her eyes light up, “Deal!” She shook my hand and then extended her arms for me to take her from John. I take her in my arms and she hugs me fiercely. I give her a tight squeeze back. She lifts her head from my shoulder and smiles at me and I smile in return. “Now why don’t you give your grandma and grandpa a kiss so we can get going home…Okay?” She nods at me and wriggles out of my arms. I set her down and look over at John who is smiling at me. “What?” I ask him honestly because I have no idea why he is looking at me like that. “Nothing… I just appreciate what you said. Thank you!” I shake my head, “No reason to thank me John…I meant every word I said!” John nodded at me, “I know you did… it just means a lot! So thanks…again!” After a few minutes we say all of our goodbyes. Maria runs to me and motions for me to pick her up and so I do. We all go to the limo and make the journey back to the airport!

~~~~

We are back in Salem and are walking into the Pub for dinner after our flight home. JJ, Christian and Maria all walk in first and start screaming “Grandma! Papa!” in unison. I see Shawn and Caroline come out from the kitchen. When they see the kids their faces light up like the fourth of July. John and I walk over to them and say hello. Caroline hugs me. “Hello dear heart… where’s Bo?” “Oh we dropped him off at home…He was having Hope withdrawals.” Caroline laughs, “I swear…those two are joined at the hip.” We both laugh. Caroline walks me a little away from the others, “So… how was your little trip today? Did you and the boys have a good time?” I look over at the kids and nod. “Yes the boys had a great time.” “And you?” She raises her eyebrow. I laugh a little and look over at Maria. “Well lets just say that… today was a day… full of surprises!” Caroline nods her head, “I can see that! I bet that little angel came as a bit of a shock!” I laugh faintly, “You could say that… yeah!” Just then the children come running over. “Mimi…we’re hungry!” Christian says holding his stomach. Maria looks at him, “Who’s Mimi?” I laugh, “That is what JJ and Christian call me sweetie!” Maria scrunches up her face, “I thought you name is Marwena!” Caroline and I laugh at how she said my name. “My name is Marlena sweetie. Mimi is just a nickname the boys gave me.” Maria nods her head, “Kinda how I like to be called Ria?” I nod my head and smile, “Exactly sweet pea!” I say and ruffle her hair, which makes her laugh. “So why don’t you three go get all of us a booth so we can have some dinner?” They all nod, “Okay…Mimi!” Maria says as she grabs the boys hands and runs off to get a table. Caroline smiles at me, “Well…Maria certainly took a shine to you. You defiantly have a way with kids.” I smile as I look at the three kids fondly, “Well Caroline…it’s not exactly hard. I mean look at those three little angels.” John walk over to us and puts his arm around Caroline. “So Caroline…did Marlena tell you that she can work miracles?” I look at him amused, “What ‘miracle’ did I perform exactly?” Caroline nodded, “Yeah John… I am curious as well. “Well…Caroline…the great Marlena Evans…actually called my daughter BY HER NAME!” Caroline’s jaw dropped, “And she didn’t scream bloody murder?” John shook his head no. Caroline looked over at me, “Wow…you have the magic touch!” John and Caroline laughed. I don’t understand what the big deal is. I was about ready to ask when we heard Maria yell, “DADDY…MIMI…come on! Ria HUNGRY!” I had to laugh at that, she had such a serious look on her face. I walk over to John and grab his hand, “Come on daddy! Let’s go eat…RIA HUNGRY!” John and I both laughed as I dragged him toward the table. I climbed into the booth next to Maria and she climbed up on my lap, and John sat in between JJ and Christian! John looked around the table, “Okay… who wants to say prayers?” Maria raised her hand, “I DO! I DO!” I wipe her hair out of her eyes, “Go ahead Maria, you can say prayers today.” Maria bowed her head and folded her tiny little hands in front of her mouth. “Dear God…thank you for our dinner, and thank you for me and daddy’s new friends, JJ, Christian…and Mimi! Amen!” Everyone said Amen in unison and began to eat. I gaze around the table for a moment and see all the happy faces. Everyone’s face is so full of joy and devoid of any worries. This is how life should always be happy…and carefree!

~~~~

John and I sat and visited with Shawn and Caroline for awhile while the children sat in the Brady living room watching a movie. I looked at my watch and noticed that it was 9:30. “John…I think we should get going. I need to get the kids to bed.” John looked at his watch, “Oh my…your right! It is way past Ria’s bedtime. What do you say I go round them up and we can head home.” I just nod at him and he walks away. I walk over to Caroline who is cleaning up a table. “Caroline…can I ask you something?” She stops her work and gives me her undivided attention, “Sure…you can ask me anything dear.” We sit down at the table. “Well…I know this is really none of my business… but… why doesn’t anyone call Maria by her name? I know that is a weird question… I guess it has just been bugging me.” Caroline let out a small laugh. “I guess your Psychiatrists instincts are kicking in.” I smile and let her continue. “Well Marlena…I really shouldn’t be the one to tell you this.” I nod at her, “I understand Caroline, I wouldn’t want you to betray a confidence.” “No dear it’s not that. It’s not exactly a secret I just think John should be the one to tell you if he wants to. I will tell you this much… Maria is named after her mother…whom she has only seen once since she was born. And lets just say that…their first meeting…wasn’t exactly a bonding experience. Ever since then…she would never let anyone call her Maria! That is why it was such a shock when she let you call her by her name. She must feel really comfortable with you.” I am at a loss as to what to say so I just nod my head. After a moment I look around and notice that John never came back with the kids. “Well… I better go see what is keeping John.” I walk back to the Brady living room and notice that John is just standing in the door way leaning against the door jam. I walk up beside him and see that he is staring straight ahead, “John…what are you staring at?” He doesn’t say a word he just nods toward the living room. My eyes follow his gaze, and they fall upon the cutest site. The three kids are laying on the floor sleeping. Maria is laying in the middle with JJ and Christian on either side of her. All of them snuggled up side by side. John looks over at me, “Have you ever seen anything so cute in your life?” I sighed, “They look like the best of friends.” I turn when I hear Caroline approaching. I put my finger to my mouth to let her know to be quiet. She peeks her head in and smiles. “Aww… how adorable!” I laugh quietly, “I know… I hate to wake them.” “Well then…why don’t you just leave them here!” John shakes his head, “That’s sweet Caroline, but I don’t want to impose.” “Neither do I.” Caroline shakes her head, “That is nonsense! You both come here for breakfast almost everyday anyways. You can just come a little earlier, bring their school clothes and you can all have breakfast together!” John and I look at each other and shrug our shoulders. John turns toward Caroline, “Are you sure Caroline? Three kids is a lot to handle.” Caroline smiles, “I am positive! Now you two get going… before you wake the babies up!” John and I shrug in defeat. John walks over to the children. He bends down and kisses Maria on the cheek…then he leans over and lays a kiss upon both of the boys heads. That sentiment touched my heart and brought a smile to my face. I walk over and kneel down in front of the children. I give each of the boys a kiss. I look at Maria for a moment and gently kiss her forehead and wipe the hair out of her eyes. Then I stand back up and walk over to Caroline and John as Shawn approaches them. “Eay… what’s goin on back here?” Caroline looks at Shawn, “Oh…we get to have the grandbabies for the night.” Shawn pats John on the back, “Well son…looks like the two of you get a free night! Better no let anymore of it go to waist.” John laughs. “Okay… well Marlena you heard Pop… we better get going before they through us out.” I smile at him, “I guess so. Thank you both for watching them. We’ll see you in the morning then.” I hug them both and John and I turn to leave. I turn back to waive and I see Shawn whisper in Caroline’s ear. “Ahe lass…are you tryin your hand at match makin?” Caroline, smiled at him, “Well someone has to push those two in the right direction!”

~~~

John and I are walking out of the Pub. He opens the door for me and follows me out. “So Marlena…need a ride home?” I look at him and his sparkling eyes make me feel as though I’m in a trance. “Actually John… I was wondering…If… I could by you a drink! It is the least I can do… after everything you did for the boys today.” John laughs. “First off… you don’t have to ‘repay’ me for anything. It was my pleasure… I think I had as much fun as they did. But other than that…how could I possible turn down a drink from such a gorgeous lady.” He extends his arm to me and I wrap my arm through his. He opens the car door for me then gets in the limo behind me. I smile at him, “Do you mind if we swing by my house first, I would like to change my close.” “Okay…” He says exaggeratedly and then laughs, “But only if I can change my close at your house. I have a spare outfit in the trunk.” I laugh at him and extend my hand for him to shake, “I believe you have a deal Mister Black!” He shakes my hands and we start off towards my house.

 

John and I walk into the house. I see that the lights are off. I walk in and look around. “Dad… are you home?” I get no answer so I assume that he is out. “Well… dad must be out with the guys.” After John comes in I close the door behind him. He stands there surveying the room with a smile on his face. He has the most beautiful smile… it could brighten up the darkest night. After a moment I break the silence. “Can I offer you something to drink?” He turns to me with that smile still adorning his face. “No thanks. I can wait until we go out. You certainly have a beautiful home here.” I smile at him, “Well you should have seen it before the boys and I came to live here. Ha… it was defiantly a bachelor pad.” John laughs slightly, “Well then… you defiantly have a gift for turning a house into a home.” He looked at me with the most genuine look of admiration I have ever seen. He approached me slightly and reached his hand toward my face, wiping the hair out of my eyes. He stared into my eyes for a moment and suddenly retreated. “So… why don’t we get changed and go have… that drink.” I laughed nervously for a moment. “Alrighty… umm there is a guest bathroom over by the kitchen. I will go change and be down in a jiffy.” After John left for the bathroom, I took a deep breath to calm myself and went up to my room to change.

~~~~

About five minutes later I am all dressed… in casual brown slacks and a cream colored nit top. I am applying the last of my make-up when I hear a raised voice downstairs. I stop what I am doing and head downstairs. I approach the bottom of the steps and see my father standing about five feet away from John. He is obviously been drinking and he is making a complete ass of himself… not to mention embarrassing the hell out of me. I walk over to my father and try to calm him down. “Dad… what seems to be the problem?” He looks at me with fire in his eyes. “I don’t much care for coming home and finding some strange man sitting on my sofa at 10 o’clock at night.” “Sorry about that dad… I was just changing my clothes.” John glances at me and can sense my nervousness. He extends his hand to my father, “Hello Sir. I am John Black.” My father stares at him. He glances at John’s outstretched hand and makes no effort to shake it. My father turns his head to me. “Where are you going?” I take a deep breath, I can’t believe that he is embarrassing me like this. “I am… going out for a while dad.” “Is that so… and just where are the boys?” “They are… at Caroline’s for the night.” I can see the veins begin to pop out of my fathers neck. He hates it when I have Caroline baby sit the boys. Before he can start to yell I explain. “I umm… I was over at the Pub and the boys fell asleep watching a video. I didn’t have the heart to wake them so… Caroline told me to just leave them there with her.” He let out a frustrated breath and walked away from me. “You know Marlena… if you wanted to spend your time going out and partying… you should have never agreed to help me take care of the boys!” I look down at my feet with tears brimming in my eyes. I can’t believe that he said that to me. I NEVER get to go out. I haven’t been out in ages. Everywhere I go I take the boys with me. As my tears begin to fall John takes my hand a squeezes it slightly. I look up at him and he nods his head over towards the sofa. My eyes follow his gaze. I see my father sitting up right on the sofa… but he is already passed out. I just stand there shaking my head… this is so embarrassing. John takes my chin in his hand and tilts my face towards his. ‘Let’s go… before he wakes up and tries to ground you.” That makes me laugh as it does John. John grabs our coats, takes my hand and leads me out the door.

~~~~

John and I decided to go to this little hole in the wall bar just a few blocks from my house. It wasn’t exactly a dump but… it was defiantly not the Ritz either. We made our way through the almost deserted bar and found a booth near the back. John ordered a beer and I ordered a glass of wine. We sat there not saying a word for a while until the silence threatened to drive my insane. “Well John… you didn’t exactly strike me as the beer type.” He laughed, “What do you mean?” I smiled, “I don’t know… you seem more like the champagne and caviar type.” John laughed loudly at my remark, “Just because I have a lot money doesn’t mean that I am an elitist snob Marlena. Besides caviar is disgusting, I am not big on eating something that looks like DIRT!” I laugh at his comment… I don’t know if I offended him or amused him. He looks at me and smiles, “Now that you mention it Marlena… you don’t strike me as the wine drinking type.” I look at him and raise my eyebrows in a challenging sort of way. “Well John… just because I DON’T have a lot of money doesn’t mean that I am trailer trash…I don’t exactly sit around and drink moonshine out of a jug.” After my comment we just stare at each other for a moment, and then out of nowhere we both busted out laughing. John wiped a tear from his eyes, “Ha ha… well this is a fine way to start out an evening. We are both so nervous that we make unintentional digs at each other.” I get my laughing under control and look away slightly. After a moment I glance at John who is starring at me. “John… I am really sorry about how my dad was acting.” “There is no need to apologize, he had obviously been drinking.” I just nodded my head. “Drinking…that is an understatement. Anyway… I really am sorry how he treated you.” John shook his head. “Marlena why are you apologizing to me? You didn’t do anything wrong.” I sighed heavily. “Because John… it was embarrassing. It doesn’t exactly bode well for me when my father treats someone like something he scraped off the bottom of his shoe.” John reached across the table and gently patted my hand. “Marlena… I don’t judge people based on their family. Hell if everyone did that… no one would have a friend in this world.” That was so sweet of him to say, however that didn’t exactly make my embarrassment go away. So I decided to change the subject. “Thanks for having a drink with me. I am sure there are much more exciting things you can be doing with your free night.” John laughed, “Oh please… this is the most excitement I have had in a long time.” We had a few more drinks as time passed rather slowly. Both John and I were feeling more at ease with each other, which isn’t hard considering that we both have had three or four drinks. John glances at his watch, “Wow… it is midnight.” I look at him with a slightly sad expression on my face, “Ready to call it a night?” John looked at me and smirked, “Not in the slightest. All I will do is go home and do work. I am usually up until 2 or 3 every night. How about you… you ready to go home?” I shook my head no and smiled, “Nope… I am a bit of a night owl myself.” John giggled, “I‘m not surprised. Between the boys and work… that is probably the only time you have to devote to your Psychiatry studies.” “How did you know that I was studying to be a Psychiatrist?” “Bo mentioned it along time ago.” I continued to look at him. I can’t believe that he took the time to remember something that Bo had said about me in passing. Suddenly John stood from his seat and walked up next to me, “Well this place is dead as a door nail. What do you say we go for a walk in the park, soon to be Dr. Evans.” I took his hand after a moment, “Sounds like a plan Mr. Black.” We approached the door. John placed my sweater on my shoulders and opened the door for me. We walked out the door and stared to walk. “Say John… what would you say to a little game of twenty questions while we walk?” He looked at me and smirked, “What… are you trying to get a head start on being a Psychiatrist? You want to pick my brain… is that it?” That caused me to laugh, “Yep… I sure do. So what do you say… you want to be my lab rat?” John laughed and put his arm around my shoulder as we continued walking. “Alright… but on one condition!” “What would that be?” “When your all done using me as your lab rat… you have to promise to give me a big… fat… juicy… piece of cheese!” John broke out into a fit of laughter which made me laugh. “You are such a goon!” I shoved him slightly and then we made our journey towards the park.

 

John and I are walking through the park in silence when John suddenly speaks up. “So, are you going to start asking or am I?” I wasn’t sure how to start this so I decided to let him. “Well… why don’t you start.” John nodded, “Okay, but I have one rule. We have to be totally honest in our answers, deal?” “That sounds like a fair enough rule. Are there… any topics that we are calling off limits?” John immediately shook his head no. “No… I am an open book. How about you, any topic that you want to avoid?” I look away for a moment and then hesitantly shook my head no. John takes a deep breath and then began to ask his question. “Hmm okay, lets see. What is… your favorite holiday and why?” I laugh slightly, “Ha that is an easy one… 4th of July. That is my favorite because there is no holiday pretense. There are no fake smiles planted on peoples faces, or pretending to be happy at family gatherings, there is no shopping for people that you don’t even talk to most of the time. 4th of July is just a… day to be happy.” I finished with a smile on my face and I look over at John who is smiling and nodding his head. “Okay John… same question for you. Favorite holiday and why?” “Hmmm… I would have to say, New Years! I say that because it is a holiday, were at the end of the day… you have so much to look forward too. You can forget the mistakes you made and the struggles you had to over come in the previous 365 days. I like it the most because it is a day of… new beginnings.” He smiled at me when he finished and then took a deep breath and continued with the next question.

~~~~

We have been talking and asking questions for about an hour now. We have stopped to sit on a bench. As we sit there I prepare to ask my next question. “Okay John… what do you think people like the most about you?” John gave a snort, “That is easy… people LOVE my hot body!” I started laughing so hard I had tears in my eyes. John looked at me with a smirk on his face, “What may I ask, is so funny Marlena?” I finally catch my breath. “Nothing is funny… I was just wondering. Does your back hurt from kissing your own ass like that?” We both started laughing and then after a minute I continued. “Now come on John… we said that we would be truthful. Not that I am saying that people don’t just LOVE your… hot bod… but I am sure not everyone thinks that is your best quality.” John took a deep breath, “Alright, Alright you caught me. Okay I would have to say… my loyalty to things and people I care about. There isn’t anything that I wont do for someone that I care about.” I just stare at him for a moment. He is so sincere when he is talking about the things and people that he cares about. I am brought out of my thoughts when I finally hear him asking his next question, “I’m sorry John… what did you say?” “I said that it’s my turn. Okay everyone who knows you already knows what your best qualities are… so… what do you think is one of your worst qualities?” I sigh deeply, “I only get to pick one… there are so many to choose from. I would have to say… my trust issues. I have a very hard time trusting people.” John shook his head,” I don’t see how that is a bad thing. There are a lot of people who are TOO trusting.” I get up and walk away from the bench. I look up at the stars and breath the night air deeply. I really don’t want to get into this topic of conversation. But then again, I started this game, I guess I have to play by the rules. “Normally that would be true John but many people would say that I take untrusting to a whole new level. My family is very dysfunctional and the things the say and do… have caused me to build walls around my heart.” I can’t believe that I am talking about this. I never talk about my family to anyone, what makes John so special? Why do I feel like I can confide in him? I am startled when John walks up behind me and puts his hand on my shoulder. “Marlena… we don’t have to talk about this. I can see that it isn’t a very good topic for you.” I turn around and face him and gently lay my hand upon his cheek. He is looking right into my eyes with so much concern that it brings a tear to my eye. “John it’s okay really. I get the feeling that my nephews and your daughter are going to be spending a lot of time together… so I guess you should know more about me. That is if you want too?” John nodded at me excitedly. “I would love to know anything and everything there is to know about the future Dr. Marlena Evans. And you have my word… what ever you tell me will go no further.” I appreciate John’s kind words, which I can tell that he means. “Thank you for that John. Well then lets take a seat over on this bench so I can tell you the sorted life story of Marlena Evans.”

~~~~

Marlena and I have been sitting here for about a half an hour. She has been telling me the things that have happened in her life that have made her who she is. I have tried my best not to interrupt her while she is talking. Truth is I already knew a lot of these things from Bo. But it is nice that Marlena trusted me enough to tell me these things herself. I come out of my thoughts to find that Marlena has finished speaking and she is just staring at me. “I am sorry Marlena. I was just thinking…” She looks at me and smiles, “What were you thinking about? “ I sighed deeply, “I was just think that it is a shame how we let others destroy our faith and trust. Marlena can I say something to you… with out you getting offended?” Marlena giggles a bit, “Umm sure I guess so.” I stand from the bench and pace back and forth thinking of how I can say what I want to say. “Well… first I want you to know that I totally understand why you feel the need to keep people at arms length. I mean growing up with a bunch of ass’s who broke your heart and your faith every chance they got. Oh… I am sorry that was uncalled for.” She smiled at me, “Actually it was quite accurate. Please go on.” “I am just saying that… you shouldn’t let your past dictate your future. You can’t go through life thinking that everyone you meet will one day let you down. If you live like that you will be missing out on so much. You will be missing out on great friendships… hell who knows… you could be shutting out the love of your life!” Marlena looks away briefly and then looks back at me with tears in her eyes, “John… I understand what you are saying… it’s just easier said than done. How can I open myself up to someone and give them the opportunity to crush my faith and trust all over again.” I kneel down in front of Marlena and wipe away a stray tear with the pad of my thumb. “Believe me Marlena I know that it won’t be easy, but I think you really should try. You have to let yourself believe that not everyone is like your family. Every person you meet, won’t break your heart!” I stare into her eyes for a moment and she gives me a small nod. I stand back up and glance at my watch, “Wow…it’s getting pretty late. You think we should get going?” Marlena looks at her watch, “Oh my… it is VERY late. We should get going or we are never going to be up in time to go and have breakfast with the kids over at the pub.” We gather our things and start walking back to the car when I break the silence, “So… we have time for one more question each.” Marlena nods her head, “Okay it’s my turn first. John…what is your idea of the perfect evening?” I laughed, “Oh… that is sooo easy. My idea of the perfect evening is staying home and spending time with Maria. I always envisioned that we would have dinner, which would include all of her favorite foods… which are things like hot dogs and French fries. And then we would camp out in front of the TV on a bed made of pillows and watch some of our favorite movies. We would have tickle fights and pillow fights. It would just be… a night of fun!” Marlena looked at me with her mouth agape. “What?” She looked at me and shook her head, “Nothing… I just… that was not at all what I thought you would say. You are certainly full of surprises.” I just laughed at her and nodded my head. “Yes… I am just one big conundrum.” That made her give out a hearty laugh. “Okay then Marlena… same question for you. What is your idea of the perfect evening?” Marlena raised her fingers to her lips. I could tell that she was giving my question some thought. “Let’s see… my perfect evening. I would want it to be filled with things that I never expected. You know… things that I never thought that I would ever get to do. Like flying off to another country for dinner. Or going for a walk and stopping and dancing under the stars. Or taking a carriage ride through a park. It would just be a night full of surprises and romance.” Now it was my turn to stare at her in disbelief. She looked at me and started laughing, “I take it that I surprised you with my answer?” I just nodded, “Ummm yeah you could say that. So you would want a night if surprises? This coming from the woman who hates surprises?” Marlena giggled, “Well… not all surprises are bad I suppose.” Marlena and I just laughed and continued our walk back to the car in a comfortable silence.

~~~~

John and I finally arrive at my house. We walk up to the door and he takes my keys to unlock it. He walks in ahead of me. He looked around the room as if he was scouting it out for any dangers that might await me. After a moment he turns to look at me., “Well the coast is clear. No father in site, so I guess you wont be getting the third degree.” I just laughed at him, “Well… thank god for small miracles.” John turned and headed back to the door to leave and I escorted him. He paused once outside the door and turned back to look at me. He is so unbelievable handsome, and his eyes have such a bright sparkle to them. I smile at him, “John I had a really wonderful time tonight. I haven’t had such a good time in… years! Thank you!” He took my hand in his and kissed it which made my breath catch in my throat. “No need to thank me Marlena, besides you are the one who invited me out. I should be thanking you. I had and absolutely wonderful time.” We both stood their in silence with such goofy grins on our faces. Neither one of us knowing what to say next. Then suddenly I noticed John’s face approaching me slowly. Oh my lord… he is going to kiss me. I know it. I can feel my heart pounding so hard it feels like it is going to explode. John’s face approached mine, and he is about to kiss me. When all of a sudden he pauses and kisses me on my cheek instead. It wasn’t the contact that I was expecting… but it still sent a bolt of electricity running through me. I found myself closing my eyes and cherishing the brief contact. Then suddenly he pulled away and his words brought me out of my fog. “Well Doc… until we meet again. Which should be… in about five hours… when we meet the kids for breakfast at the pub.” He said while laughing. I couldn’t form a coherent sentence, my mind was still reeling from that little peck on the cheek that he gave me. So I just nodded and said, “I’ll be there!” With that John smiled and walked away, leaving me to stand here and melt into a puddle, from that one simply kiss on the cheek.

 

Dear Diary,
Wow… I haven’t written in a while. Things have been a bit crazy lately. The boys are on summer vacation now…and so am I. So my life consists of work and the boys. Not much else going on really. It has been a few weeks since John and I went out for drinks. We have spent a few evenings together with the kids. Having dinner together, going to the park and once we all went to the movies. It has been nice and the boys have absolutely loved it. They get along so well with John and his daughter Maria, which I can understand… Maria is just as sweet as can be. Not too much going on today. John is having a huge barbeque at his house and he has invited the boys and I along with the whole Brady clan. It should be fun. I will write again soon. 

~~~~

It is about two hours before the barbeque starts and I am pulling up to John’s house. Actually it is more like a mansion…this place is huge. The boys have been bugging me since this morning to come over here so they could play with Maria, so I figured that I would come early and help John get set up for the BBQ. Not that he needs my help…he probably has servants for that. When we finally park the boys take off running leaving me to carry all of their belongings. I see Maria open the front door and the boys run inside. But Maria doesn’t run after them. Instead she comes out of the house and runs up to me, “Hiya Mimi!” I smile back at her sweetly, “Hello sweet pea.” She grabs my legs and gives me a hug then looks up at me, “You need some help?” I smile down at her, “Actually you know what? Will you do Mimi a favor and go get the boys and tell them to get their behinds back out here and get their own stuff out of the car?” She nodded at me excitedly and ran back to the house. I could hear her yelling “JJ…Chris…Mimi said to get your butts back to the car and get your stuff!” This made me laugh…who new that someone so small could have such a big mouth. After a few moments the boys retrieved their things and ran back inside with Maria following close behind. I took that opportunity to walk around and explore the grounds. It took me about ten minutes but I finally made my way to the backyard. I walked up and saw John setting up a tent. He was struggling with it and I had to laugh. I walked up to him laughing, “Don’t you have servants to help with that sort of thing?” I startled him and he looked at me a grinned, “Yeah…of all days to give Jeeves the night off.” This made me laugh, “Would you like some help?” He looked at me and smile, “Me…want help…from a girl?” He is trying to push my buttons. I have come to realize that John likes getting a rise out of me anyway he can. I try not to play that game with him but sometimes I can’t help myself, “How would you like this girl…to kick your ass?” He looks at me and raises his eyebrows, “Well that depends on the spirit in which it is delivered!” This make me laugh hard, “Gawd…you are such a pervert…ha ha!” John laughs a hardy laugh and smiles at me, “You know you love it Doc! If you want to help grab that end.” After a few minutes we have the tent up. We walk back into the house. I notice that the house is deserted. “John…where is everyone?” He looks at me and smirks, “Who else is supposed to be here?” “Umm…you know maids…cooks people to help you with this BBQ.” John just shakes his head at me, “Marlena last time I checked…I am quite capable of cooking hot dogs and hamburgers. Why is it you assume that just because I have money I am this elitist snob?” I smirk at him, “So your telling me that you don’t have cooks and maids and groundskeepers?” John laughs, “Now I didn’t say that. I am just saying that I don’t depend on them for everything. Believe it or not I can bathe and dress myself.” I shake my head at him, “You are such a smart ass.” He walks up to me and stands close to my face wearing a grin from ear to ear, ”And you Doc… are a tight ass…I guess we are even.” Just then the kids came running in screaming and yelling at the top of their lungs, “Let go roller bladein.” John scoops Christian up and puts him on his shoulder while JJ and Maria climb up on the stools. John starts laughing, “Well did you boys bring your blades with you?” To which they said yes. John looks at me, “What about you Doc… did you bring your blades?” To this the boys started laughing. JJ looks at me and then back at John, “Yeah right John…Mimi can’t blade.” John started laughing, “What the great future Dr. Evans can’t roller blade?” Christian takes this opportunity to chime in, “Mimi can’t play any sports!” That little comment makes them all laugh. “Excuse me…what is this gang up on Mimi day. Come on Maria…help me out here!” Maria looks up at me, “Come on Mimi I will teach you. We have a pair of blades that will fit you.” I hesitate in giving her an answer. Even though the boys were joking around they weren’t lying. I am a sports challenged person. “Well Maria that is sweet of you but I think…”John picks this moment to chime in, “I think that Mimi is a chicken. Bawk…Bawk… Bawk!” They all chime in with the chicken noises. I really don’t want to do this but I AM going to do it… if for no other reason than to prove John wrong. I smile at him while I talk to Maria, “Actually Maria I was going to say that it was very nice of you to offer…and I would love to go blading with all of you.” Maria takes my hand and leads me out of the room after telling the boys that we will meet them outside.

~~~~

After a few moments the boys and I see Maria come out of the house with Marlena lagging behind. Marlena is walking in her roller blades inch by inch holding on to anything that is nailed down for support. Then Maria turns around and see that Marlena isn’t behind her. She offers Marlena her hand but she tells her that she doesn’t need it. I skate up to them laughing all the way. “Marlena for heavens sake… no wonder you can’t move. You have more padding on you than a crash test dummy.” “Excuse me… but you are supposed to wear protective gear.” This made me giggle, “Yes… things like a helmet and knee pads… your not supposed to strap a mattress to your ass.” She looks at me with a serious grin, “First of all… watch your language. Secondly shut up. I don’t have a mattress strapped to my ass.” I roll up to her and whisper, “Language Doc…language!” She gives me a silly smirk then turns to the children, “Kids since I am slow at this why don’t you skate a head of us… but don’t go too far. I will skate back here with John. That way if I feel like I am going to fall…I can knock John down first and fall onto him.” This makes us all laugh and the kids take off. I grab Marlena’s hand and we take off for what looks like a very long trip. I look over at her and she is making the funniest faces while she is trying to get her balance. “You ready Doc?” She gives me a not so confident smile, “As ready as I will ever be.” I smile at her, “Okay…let’s roll!” She grunts her amusement at me and we take off.

~~~~

About an half hour later we finally make our way back to the house. We actually didn’t go very far…I don’t even think we left the grounds. I seem to have gotten the hang of this roller blade thing. I haven’t fallen once which is a good sign. We make our way back to the front door. The kids are already sitting on the front porch taking off their gear. John is skating behind me to catch me just in case I fall. We make our way up to the kids and they begin to clap. They all walk up to me with smiles on their faces. JJ smiles, “You did great Mimi. I think you got it.” I start to laugh as they are hugging me. “Well thank you…you were all great teachers.” Then suddenly they all let go of me and take off running. When they let me go I can feel the earth begin to slip and slid beneath me. John comes skating by me and doesn’t notice that I am losing my balance. As he rolls by me I grab his arm. I must have caught him off guard because I see him loosing his balance as I grab his hand. But to no avail. I see him fall backwards onto his backside with a thud…and since I never let go of his hand I go crashing down on top of him. I landed right square on top of him causing him to groan deeply. After the initial shock wears off I look down at him and he seems in a daze, “John! John are you okay?” He doesn’t answer he just nods his head. I am worried that I hurt him. I start patting on his arms and chest and stomach to see if he is hurt anywhere, “Oh my… I am so sorry! Did I hurt you anywhere?” He simply nods his head yes. This gets me into a panic. “Oh god… where…where are you hurt?” I look all over his body to see if anything is bleeding. Then I see him raise his hand to his chest, “My…my pride!” His remark catches me off guard. “Your what?” “My pride…you hurt my pride. How do you think it looks to see a big strapping man like me…sprawled out on the cement.” I look down into his eyes and I see them sparkling. I have become aware of the fact that when ever he is joking he gets that same gleam in his eyes. I stare at him a moment longer and then I see that old familiar smirk come across his face and then we both erupt into a fit of laughter. After we catch our breath we begin to just look at each other, not saying a word. He reaches his hand up and wipes my hair out of my eyes. This gesture moves me in a way that I can’t explain. I reach my hand up to his forehead and wipe his hair off of his face. After a moment or two the spell is broken. I put my hands on his muscular chest and begin to lift myself off him. But suddenly he knocks my hands out from beneath me and I flop back onto his chest. He smiles at me, “Where do you think you are going?” I look at him and I feel lost in his eyes, “I um… I am getting up…so I can go and change my clothes for the BBQ.” The wind keeps blowing my hair into my eyes and he continues to brush it away while he talks to me, “What is your rush?” I smile at him and I feel as though a thousand butterflies are fluttering around in my stomach, “I’m not in any hurry. I think it might look strange to people though if they walk up the path way and see us here sprawled out on the ground.” John glances at my face as though he is memorizing it, “Well the view might look strange to others. But personally… this is the best view I have had in front of me in years.” Dear heavens…this man can make my heart do flip flops by saying the simplest thing, “Well… the view isn’t half bad from where I am…laying…either.” We both giggle and begin to get up. I take the roller blades off and make it to my feet. Then I offer my hand to John and pull him up off the ground. We are standing so close that I can practically feel his heart beating. I look into his eyes and smile, “Come on MR. Bruised Ego… lets get you all cleaned so we can enjoy this BBQ.” He smiles, “Oh Marlena…you don’t have to tend to my scrapes. I will get the nurse I have on staff to do that.” I look at him in shock and again he begins to laugh, “I’m kidding…I’m kidding! You are just too easy… ha ha!” Then suddenly he leans towards me and quickly kisses my cheek without even thinking and he walks away. I inhaled sharply when his lips made contact with my skin. What is happening here. Why is he affecting me this way. I am sure I am reading too much into this…it is probably just the banter that goes on back and forth between us… yeah I am sure that is all it is. I shake it off and go into the house to get ready for the big BBQ.

 

The BBQ is in full swing. It has been so much fun just hanging out with everyone. I found it odd that John and I have so many friends in common, since I have never really hung out with him until recently. I guess that is my own fault since I never take the time to get to know people. But everyone that I DO know is here: Caroline, Shawn, Bo , Hope, Abe and Lexi and a few other assorted people that I have never met. Everyone is finished eating now. To my surprise John cooked all the food himself. I really have to get over this stereotype that I have seemed to attach to John just because he has a lot of money. Apparently not all people who have money grew up with a silver spoon in their mouth…I have come to realize that despite the fact that John has money…he is very down to earth. We are all just chatting and having a good time. The kids are in seventh heaven…running around and swimming in the pool. John is swimming with them…chasing them around and throwing them in the air. He is so good with the kids…so attentive and fun loving. I see Maria climb out of the pool in her little purple bikini and come running over to me. “Mimi… come swimming with us!” She is so adorable, “Aww…that is very sweet Maria but it is a little too chilly for me.” She started laughing, “That’s okay Mimi… the pool is heated…you won’t be cold.” I can tell that John put her up to this. She is going to come up with a counter for every excuse I give her. I have to be clever…I simply can’t tell her that I don’t want to get my hair wet. “Well…I am afraid that I didn’t bring a bathing suit sweet pea.” “Uh Huh… JJ and Chris said that they brought one for you.” I started giggling nervously. Just then I see John and the boys get out of the pool and head in my direction. I look at John who has that wicked gleam in his eye yet again. I stand up out of my chair and start backing away from him. John looks at me and smiles, “What’s the matter Doc?” “Uh…nothing is the matter.” I continue to back away from him as he approaches. I see the boys run all the way around the pool and come up on the other side of me. I look back at John and he is continuing his approach backing me up closer and closer to the pool. I look at him with a smirk on my face, “John…if you are thinking what I THINK you are thinking… you just better forget it!” That wicked smile spreads further across his face, “I have no idea what you mean Doc.” I laugh, “Oh…you know exactly what I mean mister. Don’t even THINK about throwing me into that pool.” He laughs and grabs his chest as though I have wounded him, “Who me? Doc I am hurt. I wouldn’t dream of messing up your perfect hairdo.” I try my best to give him an angry glare but I can’t help myself and I begin smirking. I turn around slightly and see that I am near the edge of the pool. When I turn back towards John I notice that all three children are standing there blocking me from escaping. “Okay…now…lets be fair here! If you all back away and let me go I will get into the pool.” I look at them as they glance at each other and John. Then I see them all nod their heads in unison. All four of them turn back towards me and smile. They pretend to walk away but at the last minute they turn back toward me and act as though they are going to push me in. I get startled and jump back slightly…forgetting that I am standing at the edge of the in ground pool. Before I can stop myself I loose my footing and fall in. I come back above water looking like a drowned rat and notice that all four of them are standing there laughing. I try my best to put on an angry face…but I am loosing the battle. It is taking everything in me not to laugh. As I wipe the water from my eyes I see John, JJ, Christian and Maria all giving each other high fives. Then John looks over at the kids, “Okay kids…what do you say we go play some baseball?” My jaw drops and I look at John in shock, “Excuse me? You got me into this water…now you ALL better get back in here and swim.” John tries to look at me with a serious face, “Excuse me missy…but it isn’t our fault that you FELL into the water. Besides we are tired of swimming.” Oh…he thinks he is so cleaver. I put on my best serious face, “Fine…then can you at least give me a hand getting out of here?” John smiles at me and extends his hand. He grabs my hand and begins to lift me out of the pool. As he lifts me out I put my foot on the edge of the pool and yank on his arm with all my might…this sends him and me flying right back into the water. Before he can come up for air I take off swimming to the other side of the pool. He comes up and wipes the water from his eyes and searches for me. He sees me swimming away and races to catch me. Before I know it he comes up and yanks my leg pulling me under water with him. He grabs me about the waist and lunges us up above the water. He looks at me and smiles, “So…you think you are pretty cleaver huh?” I smile back at him and I start laughing, “Well…I got you back into this pool…didn’t I?” He stares at me for a moment and wipes my soaked hair from my face, ”Well… you know what they say…he who laughs last…” With that said he let go of me and dunked me under again and swam away. When I came up I looked for him, he was standing in the middle of the pool sticking his tongue out at me. I just smiled at him. I looked past him and saw the kids sitting at the edge of the pool watching us with smiles plastered on their faces. I look back at John and stuck my tongue out and then I shouted, “Kids… GET HIM!” Just then they jumped into the water and we all swam after John.

~~~~

We swam and played in the water for another hour or so. The sun is starting to go down as the kids are out playing on Maria’s jungle gym. I glace over at John who is talking and laughing with Bo and Abe. Before I can look away I see John glance over at me. I give him a brief smile and then I turn back to Hope and Lexi. Suddenly I feel Hope tap me on the shoulder, “Marlena…did you hear me?” “Umm no Hope…what did you say?” They both begin to laugh, “What? What is so funny.” Lexi turns to me, “Nothing is exactly funny. It’s just that you are so enamored with John…you are tuning everyone else out.” I shake my head at her and roll my eyes, “That is ridicules Lexi. So what was it that you were saying Hope?” She continues to laugh, “I said that you should probably go and change your clothes…you are shivering.” I run my hand along my arm and notice that my skin is cold and that I am starting to get goose bumps, “Oh…I guess your right. Did either one of you happen to bring a second set of clothes?” They both shake their heads no. “Maybe Bo has some clothes in the car. He usually carries an extra set for when he gets off work late.” We all walk over towards Bo, Abe and John. I look briefly at John and then turn to Bo, “Excuse me…sorry for interrupting…Bo I was wondering if you had an extra set of clothes with you. I am freezing and I didn’t bring a change of clothes.” Bo shakes his head, “Nope sorry sis…I didn’t work today…so I didn’t bring anything with me.” John taps me on the shoulder, “Marlena…I am sure I have a sweat outfit or something up stairs that will fit you.” I shook my head no, “That’s okay…it’s no big deal.” John lays his hand on my shoulder, “It is a big deal you are shivering. Please…besides it is my fault that you are all wet.” He continues to smile at me which melts my defenses, “Well that is true. Okay…just tell me where they are.” John offers his arm to me, “Follow me.” John leads me off into the house while the other continue talking. Hope turns to Bo, “I think they look cute together.” Lexi joins in, “Well…I defiantly think that John is sweet on Marlena.” Bo grunts, “Hold it right there you two match makers. Don’t get your hopes up. This is Marlena we are talking about… she doesn’t do trust, or love or relationships remember?” Abe pats Bo on the back, “Well partner…there is a first time for everything.” Hope looks at Bo and smile, “Yeah who knows. Maybe John will be the one to change Marlena’s mind about all of that. Maybe…just maybe…John will be the one to change Marlena’s life…for the better!”

 

I am in the bathroom in John’s bedroom changing my clothes. John has given me a pair of his jogging pants and a t-shirt to wear since my clothes got all wet when I “fell” into the pool. I examine myself in the mirror, “Dear lord… I can’t wear this! They are way too huge. The crotch of these pants hangs down to my knees.” Suddenly I hear a knock on the door. “Marlena… is everything all right in there…who are you talking too?” I heard John snickering. I whip the door open, “John I can’t wear this… look at me! I am swimming in these things.” John starts to laugh, “Well Doc it is either that or you walk around in your birthday suit.”, “Excuse me?” “Calm down…I just meant that I put your clothes in the washer. So it is either Jogging pants or naked. Honestly… I would prefer the latter of the two…” I giggled, “I am sure you would. So… jogging pants it is.” I walk over and sit on the edge of John’s bed to put my shoes back on. John walked over to the bed an gingerly sat down next to me. “Marlena?” I looked up from my shoes and saw John staring at me, “Yes?” He smiled, “I just wanted to say thank you for coming today. I had a really great time with you and the kids.” He is so handsome when he is being sincere, “Well thank you for inviting us. I must say… I had a great time too.” I turn toward him and look into his eyes, which are sparkling. “I know that we didn’t exactly get off on the right foot when we first meet. But over time I have come to realize that you are a wonderful man…most of the time.” , this comment causes him to laugh. “Anyways I just wanted to say…thank you.” He looked at me with a shocked expression, “Thank me…for what?” I take a deep breath, “Well… it’s just that…” I look away from him as I feel tears coming to my eyes. He puts his finger under my chin and turns my face toward him, “Marlena…Doc come on…what is it. I hope you know that you can tell me anything.” I’ll admit that in the beginning I didn’t like John at all. But over time I have seen a different side to him. He is sweet and tender, loving and compassionate, not to mention drop dead gorgeous. I smile at him sweetly. I raised my hand up and touch his face ever so gently, and caress it tenderly. He turns his face into my palm and kisses it. Then he takes my hand and holds it in both of his, “Doc… sweetie…what’s the matter? You look like…you are going to cry.” I take a deep breath which I let out shakily, “I just wanted to thank you… for being so good to the boys. They have had a difficult life to say the least, I am just happy that they have another male figure in their life now. I know that they have their Uncle Bo and they have Shawn and Abe, and they are wonderful. But you are more like a…a…” I can’t get the words out for some reason. John smiles at me, “I am more like a… father figure? Is that what you were going to say?” I nod my head and look away as John continues speaking, “Marlena…there is no need to be embarrassed. I am glad that the boys feel as though they can look up to me. I am also very happy that you think I am worthy of their acknowledgement.” I look him in the eyes, “You are! You are very worthy. You are a wonderful father to Maria. I am just happy that the boys have the opportunity to spend time with you. You can teach them things that I never could.” “Well… I want to thank you too. For taking Maria under your wing.” “Oh…you don’t have to thank me for that. She is a wonderful little girl…an angel, you have done a great job raising her John.” John wipes away a tear that escaped his eyes. “Thanks! I really do want to thank you though. Maria just adores the… water… that she ‘thinks’ you walk on.” We both get a hardy laugh from that. John catches his breath and continues, “Seriously…you have made such a difference in her life. She looks to you as a mother figure…and if she is going to look up to someone…I can’t think of anyone better than you.” I have tears running down my face. John scoots over closer to me on the bed. He raises his hand and soothingly wipes my tears from my cheeks with the pads of his thumbs. His hand cautiously glides up my cheek, over my neck, an works it’s way to the back of my head. He slowly pulls me toward him. I close my eyes in anticipation of what is about to happen. I can feel the heat of John’s breath on my face has he inhales my sent. Our lips are mere millimeters from each other…as I part my lips so they can welcome his in a sweet tender kiss. When suddenly…we hear a little voice scream, “GET AWAY FROM ME!” John and I pull apart. I look at him in bewilderment when I speak, “Was that Maria? She sounded so upset.” John nodded his head, “Yes she did. Wait… did you hear that? It sounded like Bo is yelling at someone. “ Then we heard Bo yell again, “I said GET THE HELL OUT!” I look over at John with worry covering my face. I stand up and grab his hand, “Come on… we have to go see what is happening. If Bo is yelling something must REALLY be wrong.” He grabs my hand tightly and we run downstairs hand in hand to see what the problem is.

 

John and I come running into the kitchen where everyone is gathered. I come to a stop in the doorway when I see Maria cowering behind Bo’s leg. She notices me and scurries over to me with out stretched arms. I pick her up and hold her to me tightly. She wipes her eyes and snuggles her head into my neck. John walks over to us. He puts one arm around my waist and the other hand comes up and starts rubbing Maria’s back while he talks to her, “Sweetheart what’s wrong? Honey why are you so upset…Marlena and I heard you scream all the way up stairs.” Maria didn’t say a word. I nodded at John signaling that I would take care of it, and he stepped away slightly. I started stroking Maria’s hair as I spoke to her in a soothing voice. “Sweet pea what’s the matter? What made you get so upset honey?” She raised her head off my shoulder and looked me in the eyes. Her little angelic face was all red and puffy from crying. She slowly turned her head and pointed to someone. Someone I didn’t even notice was there until Maria pointed them out. I looked at the person and then back at Maria, I still didn’t understand why she was so upset. “Maria… sweet pea I still don’t understand why you were screaming like that. What upset you that much that you would scream?” Once again Maria turned and pointed at the woman, “She did Mimi. She made me upset.” The woman walks in our direction, “Excuse me…you little brat…but I have a name.” How dare she, “EXCUSE ME…I don’t know who the hell you are…but don’t you dare talk to her like that.” John walks over to us and stands by my side as the woman begins to speak. “Well…I don’t know who the hell YOU are either…but I… am her mother.” I gasp slightly and look at John. He looks at me briefly and hangs his head. I look back to Maria who then yells at this woman, “You are NOT my mother!” I see the woman’s face flush at Maria’s comment. Gently I put my finger under Maria’s chin and turn her to face me. She looks at me shyly…I smile at her and kiss her forehead, “Sweet pea…why don’t you go find the boys…and go into the family room and watch that video they brought while the grownups talk okay?” She nodded her head and gave me a hug. I set her down and she ran off to find the boys. I turned back towards John, “I am going to leave you all alone so you can talk.” The woman looks at me with a snotty expression plastered on her face, “Yeah…why don’t you do that!” John glares at her, “SHUT UP Kristen!” He walks over to me and smiles, “Doc…you don’t have to leave. Really…it’s okay.” I nod at him. Kristen gets a smug look on her face, “Aww Doc…isn’t that so nauseatingly cute. Back to the matter at hand…John why don’t you teach that daughter of ours some manners? She is quite rude.” I take a deep breath, ‘Actually…she is very polite…when people are polite to her!” Kristen glared at me, “Excuse me…what was your name…Duck?” I tentatively take a step towards her but John blocks my path and looks at Kristen, “Kristen did you come here for a reason? I know it wasn’t to see Maria…so what is it? Are you out of money?” Kristen laughed bitterly, “No… I just came to share my good news.” “Oh what would that be…did you grow a heart while you were gone?” “Oh John… you are sooo funny. No actually I came to tell you that… I will be moving back to Salem in a few months.” John grunts, “And this effects me how?” Kristen smirks at him, “It doesn’t effect you…it effects our daughter.” “I don’t see how that news effects MY daughter in the slightest. You gave up your rights to her…you have no claim to her at all.” Kristen laughs bitterly, “Well see that is the other part of my news, when I return…I plan on suing for custody of our daughter.” John busted out laughing, “Who are you kidding Kristen? You don’t have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of! Not to mention the fact that you have only seen Maria once or twice before tonight. So how do you plan on pulling this off?” Kristen steps up to John, mere inches from his face, “Money is a wonderful thing John. It can buy you almost anything.” “I know that… my money made you disappear didn’t it. “ I couldn’t help but to laugh. Kristen looked at me and then back over to John, “Not to mention the fact that my new husband is very powerful. Oh that’s right you haven’t heard. I recently got married…is anyone going to congratulate me?” Bo started laughing, “My condolences to your husband…poor bastard!” Kristen ignored him and keep talking to John, “So John I have money AND a husband on my side…what do you have.” John looks down at his feet. I step up between them and get about two inches from Kristen’s face, “John has ME!” John looks at me in shock as does Kristen. Kristen clears her throat, “Excuse me?” “You heard me the first time…uhhh…I am sorry what was your name again…Kritter?” John, Bo, Hope, Abe and Lexi all broke out into a fit of laughter. I smirked at them and looked back to Kristen, “You see John has the one thing that you will apparently never have…FRIENDS! Five of his friends are standing in this room right now…including me. We all care about him and his daughter. We ALL will do everything in our power to make sure that you never get your hands on that precious little girl. John did a wonderful job raising her…and I will be dammed if you are going to swoop into her life and ruin John’s hard work!” I was just getting started ripping into Kristen when Christian walked into the room. John walked over to him and scooped him up in his arms, “What’s up mister man?” he said as he tickled him. Christian caught his breath, “Maria wants Mimi to come and watch the movie with us.” John turned to me, “Oh Mimi…it seems that you have been summoned to watch Toy Story…for the one-hundredth time!” I walked over to John who was holding Christian, “Sweetie you tell Maria that I will be right there okay?” He nodded at me and then wriggled out of John’s arms and ran off. I looked at John and laid my hand upon his chest, “Do you have everything under control.” He nodded at me and tapped my nose playfully and I smiled back at him. I went to leave the room but first I turned to Kristen, “You mark my words Kristen…if you make trouble for John and Maria…we ALL will make trouble for you!” I walked out of the room as John approached Kristen. “You have been warned. Now get the HELL out of my home.” Kristen walked up to John and whispered in his ear, “This is FAR from over. Be sure to tell your little pit bull of a girlfriend not to get in my way…or I will make sure she regrets it!” Then Kristen turned on her heels and left. Bo walks up to John, “Hey partner…are you alright?” John nodded his head, “Yeah…everything will be fine. Kristen is just blowing smoke.” Abe, Lexi and Hope approach John. Abe slaps him on the back, “Well no matter what happens…you know that we are all in your corner no matter what!” Bo hold his hand out in the middle of the group, Lexi puts her hand on Bo’s, then Abe adds his hand followed by Hope. John looks at them and then adds his hand to the pile and they shake on it, sort of like a “All for one, and once for all” hand shake!

~~~~

About fifteen minutes later John finally came into the family room. I was wondering what took him so long…I was afraid that something had happened. I am sitting on the sofa with the kids. Maria on my lap and JJ and Christian on either side. John walks over and scoops Christian up and then plops down on the sofa with Christian resting in his lap. He sits there starring at Chris’s head lightly stroking his hair with a far away look in his eyes. “John…is everything okay?” He absently nods his head and whispers, “Fine…everything will be just fine.” When Maria hears his voice she lifts her head from my chest, “Daddy?” John answers her without looking at her, “Yeah, pumpkin?” “Is she going to take me away?” John’s head bolted up at his daughter’s question, “Who sweetheart?” Maria shrugs her shoulders, “Kristen…my…mother. Is she going to take me away from you?” John turned towards his daughter and lovingly stroked her cheek, “No pumpkin…no one will EVER take you away from us.” He glanced up at me and then back to Maria. I look at them both and smile, “Well I think it is time for the boys and I to head home.” John jumped slightly, “NO!” His tone startled me, “Uhh…it is getting really late John… it is almost ten o’clock!” John stood from the sofa, “Oh please you can’t leave yet.” “Umm why not?” He started fidgeting, “Well I had a surprise planned for you.” “For me?” “Yeah…you… and the kids. I was going to do it with everyone here…but well time sort of got away form me… and I forgot. But actually it will be better this way. Just the five of us!” He just stands there starring at me…I eye him curiously, “Want to tell me what the surprise is?” “Well if I did that it would defeat the purpose not wouldn’t it!” He started laughing. “Okay kids…I need you all to run upstairs and get two big blankets…one for all of you and one for me and Doc…and we need five pillows. Do you think you can handle that?” They all shouted yes and ran upstairs, with John shouting after them, ‘We’ll will met you in the back yard.” John looks at me with a smile on his face that stretched from ear to ear, “Are you ready Doc…your surprise awaits!” “In the backyard?” John stared laughing, “You know if you are going to become a doctor…you should acquire a little…patience!” “I hit him in the shoulder, “Oh you are soooo funny! Well what are we waiting for. Lets go!” John took my hand and led me outside.

About fifteen minutes had passed and everything was set up for my surprise. John lead us out towards the back of his estate where he helped the kids lay out the blankets and pillows. The kids all laid down on their blanket with their heads resting on the pillows. They looked so cute all snuggled up with Maria in the middle and the boys on either side. After a moment John joined me on the other big blanket, “Well is everyone ready?” he looked at me and smiled. “I was ready when you first said the word surprise.” I said smiling. “Okay then get ready.” John pulled out his cell phone and dialed a number. ”Hello… yes…I am so sorry for the delay…yes we are ready now…Thank You!” John looked at me and flashed me that million dollar smile. Then he proceeded to lay back onto the blanket. I starred at him with a smirk on my face. Then suddenly I heard a large explosion and I jumped back and John sat up to catch me so I didn’t hurt myself. I looked of into the distance and saw the most…amazing site. There were fireworks…large massive fireworks being shot off in the distance. I brought my hand to my mouth in awe. After a moment I glance over at John who was watching me instead of the fireworks display. “Oh…John…this is so beautiful. You shouldn’t have…it must have cost a fortune!” “I don’t care about the money Marlena. Every penny was well worth it…I would have spent ten times as much just to see that dazzling smile on your face right now.” I tried my best to wipe the tears from my face. I glanced over at the kids who were watching the fireworks in awe. I starred up at the fireworks and smiled, as I spoke to John who was laying beside me on his back, “This is perfect!” I looked over at John who smiled lovingly at me, “Happy Birthday Doc!” My mouth dropped, “How…how did you know?” He laughed, “I have my ways.” I can’t believe that he did this for me. “How did you know that I loved fireworks?” He giggled, “I remembered from our game of twenty questions. You said that 4th of July was your favorite holiday. Because it was a day just to be…happy! Well that was what I wanted to give you for your birthday. Just a day to be happy!” I smiled at him with tears running down my face. He reached up from his laying position and wiped my tears away. “I will let you in on a little secret Doc.” I raised my eyebrows, “Hmmm what would that be.?” “I know that I said that New Years was my favorite holiday…but I changed my mind. TODAY…is my favorite holiday.” I laughed, “Sorry to break it to you but…my birthday…isn’t a national holiday.” “ John got a serious look on his face as he stared up at me, “It’s a holiday to me. It is the best holiday ever. Because you see…the day that god brought YOU into this world… my world became a better place. I care for you sooo much Marlena! I want to make everyday of your life…4th of July!” I am crying torrents of tears. This incredible man has gone to all this trouble just to make me feel special…to give me a happy birthday. I can’t believe he did all of this…FOR ME! I scooted closer to John and gently laid my hand upon his chest. I leaned down over him and smiled as I eased my face down to his. I came within a breath of his lips and I whispered, “Thank you…sooo much!” I gently leaned over and brushed my lips on his. I slid my hand up his chest and over his shoulder…drawing my hand to the back of his head…and gently ran my fingers through his thick black hair, while deepening our kiss. John ran his hand up my arm causing me to shiver with delight. He ran his finger along my jaw line proceeding to wrap them in my hair. He held me tightly to him and deepened our kiss further. I was getting lost in his touch. The feelings John stirred in me were feelings totally foreign to me. I was getting carried away by the feel of him next to me. Even though I was enjoy our kiss I decided to pull away slowly…I didn’t want things to go too far…too fast. I gently pulled away and gazed into his eyes. I stroked his cheek with tender care as I spoke to him from the bottom of my heart, “One… day at a time…okay?” He smiled at me and stroked my cheek and just nodded his head…he knew what I meant without any further explanation. I smiled at him and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. I turned around and laid on my back to enjoy the fireworks that were being displayed for my benefit. After a moment I scooted over to John and rested my head on his chest…and my hand on his heart…which was beating as rapidly as mine was. I glanced over at the kids…who were starring at us with goofy grins on their faces. I waived them over. They rushed over and laid with us. We all snuggled together and watched the show. We were all content just to be together…it was almost like we were one little happy family in the making!

 

A few days have passed since the big BBQ over at John’s house. I am sitting in a booth at the Pub with Hope. We are enjoying our lunch break together…talking about the events of the BBQ. “I am telling you Marlena…Kristen is a bitch with a capital B.” I nodded my head in agreement, “Well…I saw that first hand. I find it hard to believe that such a sweet little girl like Maria came out of that…that thing! She most definitely takes after John.” I said with a smile, which Hope picked up on right away. “So…what happened after we all left John’s house that night?” I just stared at her and smiled. I couldn’t even put into words how I felt. But I better try or Hope will never quit harassing me about it. “We had the most…the most…” Hope’s face lights up, “The most INCREDIABLE sex of your life?” I looked at her with astonishment plastered on my face, “Hope Williams! Get your mind out of the gutter!” Hope began to laugh, “Hey…we ALL like taking a trip to the gutter every now and then. So what happened then if you didn’t have spine shattering sex!” She said in a fit of laughter. I smirked at her while I tried my best to formulate my thoughts, “I can’t even begin to explain it. It was just amazing. The boys and I were getting ready to go home and John told me that we couldn’t because he had a surprise for us…for me!” Hope gasped slightly, “Oh…this is getting good. Keep it coming.” “Well he took me and the kids out to the back of his property. He had the kids bring out some blankets and pillows for us to lay on…” Hope cut me off again, “Oh please don’t tell me that his big surprise wasn’t camping out in the backyard? Did you tell him that your idea of camping is staying at hotel with no pool?” I looked at her and smiled, “No… we didn’t camp out. Are you going to keep interrupting me or shall I continue?” She pretended as though she was zipping her lips shut and nodded for me to continue. “We got everything all set up and got comfortable. Then all of a sudden…fireworks started to be shot of in the distance. He set up a fireworks show for me Hope…just for me.” Hope had a silly grin plastered on her face, “Aww…that is so romantic. I wish your big goof of a brother would do stuff like that for me. I can’t believe that John did that for you…did he say what the reason was for doing it?” I nodded at her with a smile, “It was for my…birthday!” “Who…who told him it was your birthday that day? All your friends know that you don’t like celebrating your birthday. Besides that…how did he know that you loved fireworks?” I chuckled, “Well that night we came back from taking the boys to New York, we went out for drinks remember? Well afterwards we went for a walk in the park, and while we were walking we played a game of twenty questions, just to get to know each other better. Anywho, he asked me what my favorite holiday was and why. I told him 4th of July was my favorite holiday because there was no family pretense it was just a day to be…happy! Well he told me he remembered what I said…and he said that he just wanted to make my birthday a day for me to be…happy!” Hope was just starring at me flabbergasted before she spoke, “WOW! That is sooo romantic. So what else did he say to you?” I am so happy to finally be able to tell someone about what happened with John. I felt like I was going to bust these past few days. “Hope…John said the sweetest things to me you can’t even imagine. He just starred into my eyes…and stroked my cheek lovingly. He told me that he…cared for me very much…and that he wanted to make all the days of my life…happy days.” Hope looked at me with joy on her face, “Oh…my…god! What happened next? Did he kiss you…did he…did he…” “No he didn’t kiss me.” The same joy that covered Hope face disappeared just as quickly, “I…kissed him!” A smile exploded across Hope’s face as she bounced up and down in her seat, “SHUT UP! You kissed him Mar? So are you two like…going steady now or what?” I had to laugh, “Going steady? Hope this isn’t the 60’s.” Hope smirked at me, “You know what I meant smart ass. Are you two…dating?” I shrugged my shoulders, “I don’t know exactly. I just told him that we have to take things…one day at a time…and see where things lead.” Hope became giddy, “So where do you think it will lead? How do you feel about John?” I became giddy myself, “I am not sure exactly how I feel. I have never felt this way before Hope. I mean when I first meet John I couldn’t stand him… I thought he was an arrogant jerk! But as time went on and I got to know him better…my opinion changed drastically. He is so sweet and thoughtful. He is a wonderful father to Maria…and he is great with the boys who adore him by the way. He knows exactly what to say or do to get under my skin and irritate me…and I must say…I find that sexy as hell. I know that we have only known each other for a few months but…he seems to know me so well…it is almost frightening. It’s like he can see right through me sometimes. I don’t know…the whole situation is scary, and frightening and…WONDERFUL! I am so scared Hope! What if this turns out like it did with…with..” Hope grabbed my hand, “Mar, don’t even think that way. You can’t compare everyone to that dick head!” “Hope don’t talk like that. That is Bo’s brother you know!” Hope gave a rye laugh, ”I don’t care if he is the pope Marlena! Bo feels the same way I do. Roman was a fucking jerk to you.” I nodded my head. Talking about Roman made me feel uneasy and Hope could sense it. “Marlena I know that Roman hurt you in ways that are hard for you to get over. But…John isn’t like that. I am sure that Roman is the reason why you haven’t had a relationship in all the years since he left…but sweetie you have a chance now…a chance to find happiness with…John!” “Whoa…lets not get ahead of ourselves here okay! Don’t go drawing up the wedding invitations just yet! John and I agreed to take things slowly…we haven’t even gone on a date or anything yet.” Just then the bell above the door of the pub rang. Hope glanced over my shoulder and her eyes lit up, “Well Mar…no time like the present.” “What does that mean…” Before I could finish the sentence my question was answered. Bo and John came walking over to the table. Bo bowed his head, “Helllooo Ladies!” I couldn’t help but to laugh…my brother was such a goof. It was no wonder that Bo and John got along so well…John was a big goof too. Bo kissed me on the cheek and sat next to Hope while John slid in the booth next to me, “Hiya Doc!” I smiled at him, “Hiya John.” When Bo and Hope had gotten their fill of sucking face Bo broke the silence, “So what were you two chatting about when John and I walked in?” I went to speak but Hope beat me too it, “Well…I was just telling Marlena that we should all go out tonight.” My eyes widened in surprise, “You were?” Hope giggled nervously, “Yes I was remember!” She said more as a statement as she kicked me under the table. Hope laughed slightly as she saw me trying not to cry out in pain, “I was just telling Mar that we should all go to the Rusty Anchor tonight. You know me, you, Abe, Lexi and John and Marlena. You know kind of a…group date!” Now it was my turn to kick Hope. When I did she look at me with distress on her face as she mouthed the word “OUCH”. Bo looked back and forth between me and Hope, “Well sounds good to me fancy face. How about you two?” John and I glanced at each other awkwardly. “Well…I don’t know. I don’t have anyone to watch the boys.” John looked at me, “Well they can stay the night at my house. Maria’s nanny Mrs. Cook loves them. They will have a blast together. That is if it’s okay with you.” I nodded nervously, “Ummm sure…I guess that would be okay.” Then hope chimed in, “GREAT! Then it is settled…I will call Abe and Lexi. Mar…we better get back to work.” The guys got up and let us out of the booth. Hope turned back towards them, “Well gentlemen…we will see you tonight. Who knows…maybe Marlena will grace us with her voice tonight.” John chuckled, “What do you mean?” Hope slapped her forehead playfully, “That’s right you don’t know. Tonight is karaoke night at the Rusty Anchor…and our Marlena here…has one hell of a voice! Well see ya later!” With that Hope grabbed my arm and dragged me away. I turned to face her, “You know that I am going to kick your ass don’t you? Don’t think I am going to sing tonight!” Hope began to laugh, “I would be so sure Mar! I think that tonight…a lot of things will happen…things you never expected!”

 

It is now 7:30 pm and I am running around like a chicken with my head cut off. Hope will be here in about an hour to pick me up to go to the bar and I am nowhere near ready. I am in the kitchen ironing my close and my father is giving me an ear full yet again about going out. “Marlena where did you say the boys are staying?” I didn’t want to tell him that they were staying at John’s house since John isn’t exactly his favorite person. “They are at a friends house for the night dad.” I am rushing back and forth trying to get ready and every chance my father gets he is in my face about one thing or another. “Marlena I am not happy about this. Who are these friends that the boys are staying with…do I know them? If I don’t know them then I don’t think…” That is it. I am so fed up with his domineering attitude. “Look dad…I am really getting tired of this. If it were up to you they would never leave the house…nor would I for that matter. I mean come on…lets face it…the only time you are concerned with any of us is when you have nothing better to do. I have a life and whether you like it or not…so do the boys.” I left the kitchen to go up stairs. As I was about to ascend the stairs my father grabs my arm and turns me around, “Hold it right there little girl. I will be damned if you are going to speak to me like that. You are living under my roof and last time I checked I was the father and you were the child!” I yank my arm out of his grasp, “That is just it dad… I am NOT a CHILD! I am an adult…and if you will remember… the reason I am living under ‘your roof’ is to take care of my nephews! Whether you like it or not I am trying to make a life for myself. That is the problem isn’t it…that is what has you so pissed of! You are upset because my life doesn’t revolve around you and this god forsaken family! Instead of encouraging me to make a better life for myself…you all try your best to hold me down…and keep me stuck in this web of dysfunction! Well you all can go to hell! I am going to finish college, get a good job and make a good life for myself! I am going to do everything in my power to break this hold you all have had over me…and I am going to put an END to this never-ending cycle of dysfunction…for myself and for JJ and Christian!” I turned around and started to make my way up the stairs. My father laughed bitterly, “I hope you don’t plan on making this “new and improved life” with John Black!” I spun around and faced him, “What it THAT supposed to mean?” He smirked at me, “Come on Marlena…you are way out of that jerks league. He can have any woman in the world…what make you think he would want to have anything to do with you. I mean you said it yourself…look at the genes you come from…a bunch of lower class, alcoholics and drug addicts. Who would want to screw up a perfect bloodline with all that! Marlena face it…you can try with all your might…but you will never be able to change the fact that you are going to be just as screwed up as the rest of us!” I can’t believe that he is trying to hurt me like this. I stare at him and feel the tears forming in my eyes. I don’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing that he hurt my so I run up to my room.

It is about an hour later I am sitting in my room. I am sitting on the ledge of my windowsill looking out into the night when Hope knocks on the door and comes in. “Hey Mar…what are you doing? Why aren’t you dressed to go?” I glance at her and then look back out the window, “I’m not going!” Hope comes over and sits beside me. “Marlena…what’s wrong…I can tell you have been crying.” I don’t answer her. “Marlena? Oh let me guess…yet another fight with your dad? Let me guess…was it about how you are just ’wasting your time’ going to college? Or was it about you hanging out with those ‘DAMN Brady’s’!” I know that Hope just wants to help me. I look at her and begin to cry again, “Hope…am I cursed?” Hope looks at me in shock, “What? What would make you say such a foolish thing?” I take a deep breath and begin to tell her everything that my father said about me genes and about John not wanting anything to do with me because of the people that I come from. “Marlena…you don’t honestly believe that nonsense…do you? Honey…your biology is a part of you…but it doesn’t determine who you will turn out to be! You have fought your whole life to be a good person with a good life…and sweetie you re winning that fight everyday.” I wipe the tears from me eyes. “But Hope…what if what my father said is true…what if I can never find happiness because of where and who I come from?” Hope smiles despite herself, “So that is what this is really about!” I look at her skeptically and she laughs, “This is about what your father said about John isn’t it. Come on Mar…that is a bunch of shit and you know it!” “NO I don’t know it Hope. What if what my father said is true…what if I let myself get invested in a potential relationship with John…and then it just blows up in my face one day because he decides that I am not good enough for him.” Hope busts out in a fit of laughter and I look at her in shock, “It is nice to see that you find this humorous!” Hope gets control of herself, “I don’t find it humorous…I find it hilarious.” “HOPE!” Hope gets up and goes to my closet and starts picking out some close while she talks. “I am sorry but it is hilarious…because it is the stupidest thing I have EVER heard! Marlena do you honestly think that if John thought you weren’t good enough…he would let you spend time with his DAUGHTER! If you weren’t good enough do you think he would spend tens of thousands of dollars to give you a fireworks display for your birthday!” Hope walks up to my and shoves the clothes in my face. “Marlena…John’s has got is bad for you…and you know that is true! Now…get your behind into that bathroom…get dressed and do your hair and makeup! We are already 15 minutes late for our…triple date!” I grab the clothes and then hesitate for a moment. I turn back to Hope, “But Hope…” She holds up her hand to stop me, “No buts Marlena. We are going to go to the bar…get wasted…and just have FUN! You do remember what fun is don’t you…it is when you…” I started laughing, “Alright! Alright…let me get ready…and then we can go get wasted and have…oh what was it called again?” Hope laughed, “FUN!” “Oh yeah…fun! Sorry…that sounds like a foreign concept to me.” “Well after tonight it will be your second favorite three letter word!” I was about to go change my clothes when what she just said registered in my brain. I turn back toward her, “My second favorite three letter word? What would be the first one?” Hope put her hands on her hip and took a serious stance, “Why SEX of course!” We both broke out into a fit of laughter as she pushed me into the bathroom to get ready. A few minutes later I come out in a black tight fitting tank top… and tight fitting jeans that flare at the bottom…with black cowboy boots to match. My hair is haphazardly piled on top of my head with very little makeup on. Hope smiles at me and grabs my arm leading me downstairs. We get into the living room and are about to leave when my father tears his eyes away from the television. “Marlena, what time are you going to be home.” I look at him with a devilish grin, ‘Who knows…if all goes well…I might not be coming home tonight at all!” That was all I said as I walked out the door.

 

Hope and I walk into the bar and search for our friends. It is very smoky not to mention loud. We walk over towards the bar and see Bo sitting in a booth with Abe and Lexie…but no John! We walk over and Bo stands up to let us into the booth. When we sit I can barely hear Hope as she asks Bo, “Where is John?” I see Bo shrug his shoulders signifying that he doesn’t know. Well this night is not going at all the way I hoped that it would.

About an hour and four glasses of wine later there is still no John in site. It is around 10 o’clock. I am getting tired of being the fifth wheel. Abe and Lexie and Bo and Hope are out on the dance floor yet again…while I am sitting in this booth looking like a bump on a log. They all come back to the table as I am gathering up my things to leave. Bo puts his hand on my shoulder, “Sis…where are you going?” I smile at him weakly, “I am headed home Bo. I am not exactly the life of the party tonight.” Everyone does their best to try and convince me to stay, but I have made up my mind. I say my goodbyes to everyone. I turn around to leave and I almost trip over something that is blocking my path. I look down.. And I am in total shock. “John! What…what are you doing down there?” I looked down at John… he is kneeling on one knee in front of me…holding up a perfect yellow rose. He offers me the rose and gives me that astounding heart shattering smile, “I am sooo sorry that I am late Marlena. I had a business meeting that ran VERY late. I tried to call you on your cell phone…but there was no answer.” I am at a loss for words as I stare at him, “I umm…I forgot it at home. But John…John would you get up off the floor!” John shook his head no, “Nope…not until you say that you forgive me!” I started to protest when Bo and everyone walks over to us, Bo starts laughing, “You know John…you wouldn’t have to beg for forgiveness if you picked up a telephone man!” John gives him an irritated but comical glare. “I DID pick up a phone you horses ass! Tell me…why do ANY of you bother to have cell phones if you are NEVER going to answer them when they ring!” They all look at each other in wonder. They all pull out their cell phones and notice that each one of them has “One Missed Call” flashing on the screen of their phones. Each one of them smiles sheepishly and shows it to me…a radiant smile come across my face. I turn to John who is starring at me. I grab his hand, “Your forgiven!” and I pull him up off the floor. He stands and embraces me in a fierce but tender hug. He pulls back from me and smiles. He wraps his arm around my waist and turns toward everyone, “Well…lets get this night started all over again…what do ya say?” They all scream “YEAH!” and we head back toward our booth.

The night was moving along great. All six of us were just having a plain old good time. Drinking, laughing and dancing. John told us all to drink up…because he brought the limo and would drive everyone home…so he bought round after round. John and I have never felt more relaxed with each other than we do tonight. We have been hanging all over each other like teenagers…holding hands and hugging and every once in a while stealing a little kiss. We were all out on the dace floor after playing several games of pool. John and I were swaying back and for the to the music not really caring what the song was, not that the song sounded right anyways…we were dancing while people were singing Karaoke. I lifted my head from John’s shoulder and looked into his eyes which were shinning. I reached up and stroked his cheek. He took my hand in his, brought it to his lips and laid a genteel kiss upon my palm. “I am really sorry about tonight.” I went to interrupt what seemed like his one-hundredth apology tonight, but he placed a finger upon my lips to silence me. “Doc I am serious. I hope that I didn’t make it seem like I was standing you up. That is the farthest thing from the truth. I couldn’t wait to get here…and spend the evening with you… it was that stupid business meeting…” It was my turn to silence him. While he was rambling on I suddenly grabbed his face and brought it to mine for a intense kiss. When the need for air became to great we pulled apart. After a moment he opened his eyes and looked at me, “Wha…what was that for?” I smiled at him, “For being you. I have to admit I was hurt when I though that you weren’t going to show up tonight. I wasn’t hurt because you didn’t call…I was hurt because…I thought that you didn’t want to be here…with me. But when you showed up…and you were kneeling down on the floor apologizing to me…I don’t know. I felt this rush of joy…flow through my body! I could tell that you were sincere…just by the look in your eyes…well that and the fact that you made a huge effort to get a hold of me.” We both began to laugh. John ran his fingers along my face and tucked a wayward strand of my hair behind my ear, “I would never and will never deliberately hurt you Doc! I just want to make you smile and laugh…for the rest of your long beautiful life.” I had a tear in my eye that slowly ran down my cheek as I smiled at him, “Well…I would say that you are off to a good start.” Suddenly a loud roar of applause ripped through the crowded and noise bar and it brought John and I out of our tender moment. We looked around at everyone and began to clap as well. Then the karaoke DJ came back on stage. “Well…sad to say but closing time is coming up fast. We have time for one more singer.” I took John’s hand and we headed back to the booth to join the others as the DJ kept talking. “We had someone make a special request tonight…so we will end the evening that way. The special request was from…”Four of the Six musketeers“? I stopped in my tracks. I knew d**n well what that meant…ever since the BBQ Hope has referred to the six of us as the Six Musketeers. I glared at John and he had a grin on his face while raising his hands in a “it wasn’t me” pose. I looked over to the booth and there they all were… laughing up a storm while starring at me. I grabbed John’s hand and lead him behind me as I strode over to the booth. “You can ALL forget about it!” The DJ came back on the microphone, “So who is our last singer…get on up here who ever you are.” I sat down in the booth while Bo, Hope Lexie and Abe all bugged me to sing. John sat down next to me, “Come you all…leave her alone. Maybe she is just too scared to sing. You would be scared too if everyone wanted you to go up there and embarrass yourself, by croaking out some song.” I look at him in shock, “Excuse me buster…but I don’t croak! And for you information…I am not SCARED of anything.” John smiles, “It’s okay to admit your scared Doc. Come on…what do you say we call it a night and go home?” He takes my hand and tries to pull me out of the booth to leave, “Forget it mister…I am not going anywhere. I will show YOU who’s scared.” I push him back slightly and turn towards the stage. As I go to the stage I suddenly realize what he did. I turn back towards the booth and he is sitting there smiling at me…and I walk back over to him with a grin on my face, “You totally just manipulated me in that didn’t you?” He busts out laughing, “It All Good!” “Oh…you are soo going to pay for this!” I said laughing as I took of toward the stage. I went on stage and picked out a song. I feel butterflies in my stomach as the music began. I picked this song because of it’s meaning…I just hope that John will really listen to the words that I am singing! I took a deep breath and began…

When darkness falls upon your heart and soul I’ll be the light that shines for you… When you forget how beautiful you are I’ll be there to remind you… When you can’t find your way I’ll find my way to you… When troubles come around I will come to you… I’ll be your shoulder, when you need someone to lean on… Be you shelter when you… Need someone to see you through, I’ll be there to carry you… I’ll be there… I’ll be the rock that will be strong for you… The only that will hold on to you, when you feel that rain falling down… When there’s nobody else around… I’ll be… 

I looks over at John with a smile on my face. John is sitting there with this look of euphoric joy spread across his features. He is leaning face in his hand just starring at me while I sing.

And when your there, with no one there to hold… I’ll be the arms that reach, for you… And when you feel your faith is running low… I’ll be there to believe, in you… When all you find are lie, I’ll be the truth you need… When you need someone to run to … You can run to me… I’ll be your shoulder, when you need someone to lean on… Be you shelter when you… Need someone to see you through, I’ll be there to carry you… I’ll be there… I’ll be the rock that will be strong for you… The only that will hold on to you, when you feel that rain falling down… When there’s nobody else around… I’ll be…

I am smiling at John while I sing. I can tell by the glassy look in his eyes that he is really listening to the words I am signing…and understands what they mean to me…and what I hope they mean to him.

I’ll be the sun, when your hearts filled with rain… I’ll be the one… To chase the rain away… I’ll be your shoulder, when you need someone to lean on… Be you shelter when you… Need someone to see you through, I’ll be there to carry you… I’ll be there… I’ll be the rock that will be strong for you… The only that will hold on to you, when you feel that rain falling down… When there’s nobody else around… I’ll be… I’ll be……………….. 

The song finished and if it weren’t for everyone clapping… I could swear that John and I were the only two people in the room. I see John rise from the booth and walk to the stage. He offers me his hand to help me down. I stand in front of him and place my arms around his neck…”So… did that sound like croaking to you?” I said with a smile on my face. He wrapped his arms around my waist, “I would have to say…that it sounded like…heaven right here on earth!” He smiled at me as he brushed my hair out of my face. He leaned in slowly and brushed his lips to mine at first, then he began to ravage my mouth with an intense hunger and passion. We continued the kiss as long as humanly possible. When Bo, Hope, Abe and Lexie, walked up to us. Bo cleared his throat, “Excuse me…but if you are done playing tonsil hockey with my sister…” John and I broke apart reluctantly and laughed. We stood there with our arms wrapped around each other. Hope smiled, “Marlena you were…AWESOME tonight! That is by far…the best you have ever done.” I glanced at John, “Well…I must have been inspired.” Abe patted John on the back…”Well are we ready to call it a night? I do believe it is closing time.” I sighed and nodded my head…I didn’t want this night to be over. I walked over to the booth and grabbed my things. I felt John walk up to me and wrap his arms around me from behind… he nuzzled his nose into my neck and inhaled my perfume, “Hmm…I don’t want this night to be over. I enjoy having your undivided attention.” I leaned back against him just enjoying the feel of his arms around me. When I didn’t reply he titlted me head towards him, “Doc…what’s wrong?” I sighed, “Nothing…I have just been having such a good time…I don’t want it to be over.” John held me to him tighter, “Don’t worry…I swear…we will have many… MANY more nights like this.” I turn in his arms, “I guess…I am just not ready to go home yet…that’s all.” John pulled me closer still, “Who said that you had to go home?” He smiles at me…takes my hand and kisses it. He leads me over to the others. He pats Bo on the back, “Let’s roll people!”, John grabs my hand and we all walk out together.

*Song: “I’ll Be” By Reba McEntire

 

Dear Diary,
Several months have passed. John and I have been inseparable and virtually attached at the hip. We have spent these past few months getting to know each other in a much deeper way. We have been learning all the simple things about each other, favorite music, favorite foods…the simple likes and dislikes…and now it sometimes feels as though I know John better than I know myself…and he knows me better than anyone ever has in my life. I have never known a relationship like the one I have with John. I feel so connected to him…it is like I can feel every breath he takes and I can feel every beat of his heart. We have been getting so close, yet we have yet to take our relationship to the next level. We have come close to making love a few times, but either we stop ourselves or we get interrupted by someone or something. Like the night we went out with Bo, Hope, Lexi and Abe. I think we both wanted each other when we left the bar…and I do believe that we would have made love when we got back to John’s house. But my good old brother Bo made that impossible…he drank to much at the bar and was unable to make it all the way home because he was getting sick…so he and Hope ended up spending the night at John’s house! There was one time we were at John’s house and we were fooling around and getting pretty heated thinking that the kids were sleeping…however we were sadly mistaken when the came barging in and put a quick end to our make out session. Then there were other times when either John or I put the brakes on. I know that we are both being cautious because we are afraid of being hurt…but we have both become painfully aware that it is getting harder and harder to control the feelings that we have for each other.

Well not much else to say really. Christmas was wonderful. John and I took the kids over to the Brady’s for an early Christmas dinner and then we spent the rest of the day at John’s house with the kids…just spending quality time together…just the five of us. I have been a little lonely lately. John had to go out of the country for business a few days after Christmas. He is supposed to be gone until the second or third of January…and this time away from him has been really hard on me. It is so odd how attached you become to people when you are with them non-stop for months on end. Since he has left I feel like half of me is missing…and I know that John feels the same. He calls me everyday and sometimes 3 or 4 times a day. I can’t believe that we will have to spend New Years apart…however it might be for the best. After the news I got today…I don’t know how I am going to face John. 

I am sitting at a booth at the Brady Pub after finishing my shift. My mind is a million miles away as I stare blankly into my cup of tea. I am jolted when Hope sits down across from me. “Marlena…racking your brain over it isn’t going to make it any easier.” I look up at her, “Thanks…you’re a big help Hope.” She giggles, “Well… you know that I am right. Marlena this is a really big decision…I mean this is something that you have always wanted…come on this has been your dream ever since I have known you.” I nodded blankly, “Well Hope…dreams change. A lot has happened this past year…and if I do this…it will change everything!” Hope pats my hand and just then Caroline sits down next to Hope, “Well…you too look like the world is about to end. What is wrong?” Caroline looks at me waiting for my reply. I fill her in on the news I received today…and Caroline has a enormous smile on her face, “Oh honey this is wonderful!” Hope shrugs, “Well…Marlena doesn’t see it as a good thing Caroline.” Caroline looks at me quizzically, “Marlena…dear…this is something you have always wanted. Why aren’t you happy?” I let out a frustrated sigh, “Because Caroline…this past year so much has changed. I meet John and my world became so much better…and not just for me but for JJ and Chris too.” I began to smile and Caroline and Hope looked at me with goofy grins on their faces as I continued. “Even though I have been to afraid to tell John how I feel…” Caroline looked at me and smiled, “Well…how do you feel about John dear?” I smiled even wider than before. “I…I love him Caroline! I love him so much I feel like my heart could burst! And this news…this news will change what John and I have…I just…I couldn’t bare to lose him! I just…I don’t want things to change Caroline.” She gets up from beside Hope and comes to sit next to me. “Marlena, dear heart, the only thing in life that is permanent…is CHANGE! And when you really think about it… just because things will be different…it doesn’t mean that anything will have changed. If you and John really love each other…like we ALL know that you do…then nothing and I mean NOTHING will EVER change that!” She titled my chin towards her and wiped away the tears that had began to form on my cheeks. “What does John have to say about this?” I shook my head, “He doesn’t know yet…” Caroline took a deep breathe. “Well as much as I would like to help you…this is a decision that you have to make on your own dear. I think once you talk to John about it…you will know what to do.” Hope sighs and looks at me, “I think that is precisely why Marlena is so scared Caroline. Because she knows in her heart what John would want her to do…and that scares her to death!” I shake my head and let it drop into the palms of my hands. This is one of the hardest decisions I have had to make in my life so far… and what ever I decide will change my life for ever!

 

Well here it is…New Years Eve…and I am hanging out with three children. I brought JJ and Chris over John’s house so they can play with Maria. She has felt really lonely since John had to go out of the country…so the boys and I have been spending as much time as we can with her. It is about six o’clock now. The kids are all sprawled out on the floor in front of me watching a movie. I am sitting here reading this letter for what has to be the millionth time since I got it. Who knew that one piece of paper had the power to change someone’s life. I was brought out of my fog when Maria tapped me on the shoulder, “Mimi?” I looked at her and smiled, “Yes sweet pea?” She smiled at me, “I said there is someone on the phone who wants to talk to you.” I was so wrapped up in this letter that I didn’t even hear the phone ring. I took the receiver from Maria and brought it to my ear, “Hello?” “Hey sexy…are you dressed yet?” My face lit up at the sound of his voice, “Hey sailor…am I dressed for what?” John let out a slightly frustrated groan, “For what…the big party at the pub tonight.” My smile quickly disappeared, “Oh that…I’m not going.” “What…why not…it will be fun.” “I hardly call going to a party all by myself fun.” John let out a small laugh, “You will hardly be alone Doc. Bo will be there not to mention Abe, Lexi and Hope.” I let out a frustrated sigh, “Yeah well I sure as hell ain’t planting a big wet one on Hope at the stroke of midnight.” I could tell by the sudden silence on the line that John was smiling and trying not to laugh. “So that’s what this is about…Doc I am sorry I am not there to spend the evening with you.” “So am I…I miss you.” I said with a whiney tone to my voice. “I miss you to Doc. But honey…you have to go. Sean and Caroline put so much work into their New Years Eve party…you at least have to make an appearance sweetheart.” I let out a frustrated sigh, “I don’t want to go without you John. Besides…I don’t have anything to wear.” I heard him giggle, “Well…I wouldn’t be to sure about that.” “What…” Suddenly I heard the doorbell ring. After a moment the nanny came into the room, “Miss Evans…this just arrived for you.” She handed me a garment bag…and two boxes. A smile exploded across my face. I brought the phone back to my ear, “John…what have you done?” I heard him laugh again, “I have no idea what you are talking about!” “Well…let me simplify it for you. Someone just delivered a garment bag and two boxes to the house…and I know that I didn’t order anything.” John was trying to control his laughter, “Wow Doc…it sounds to me like you have a secret admire. I guess you better open it up and see what it is.” I smiled and I rested the phone between my ear and my shoulder while I unzipped the bag. My heart caught in my throat when I saw the most stunning black gown inside. It was a black, floor length gown with very subtle purple accents in it. It had a slit up the side that went from the floor to mid thigh. I was mesmerized by the dress when I heard John speaking to me, “So…what did ya get?” I finally found my voice after a moment, “Well I am one very lucky woman…someone sent me the most breathtaking gown I have ever seen.” “That’s it…doesn’t sound very impressive to me. Is there anything else?” I smiled knowing that he was trying so hard to be coy, “Well hold on a minute, there are two boxes here.” I opened the larger box first. “Oh my…well there is a pair of stunning black shoes here that match my dress perfectly.” John giggled, “Oh come on…a dress and shoes? What kind of secret admire is this? I am still not impressed…what else is there?” “Well…there is one more box.” I opened the smaller box. What I saw left me in shock and I dropped the phone. I just stared at it mesmerized by it’s beauty. After a moment I picked the phone back up and brought it to my ear but I wasn’t able to speak, even though I could hear John calling me, “Doc? Marlena are you there?” “Ye…yes I am…here.” “So what did you get?” I took a deep breathe. I brought my hand to my mouth to stop myself from crying. “Oh John…I got the most…dazzling necklace. It is a gold chain…which has a purple heart charm which is surrounded by diamonds.” John sighed, “Wow…that is one HELL of a secret admire you’ve got there.” I smiled and laughed slightly, “Oh my…yes it is. Honey…thank you so much…I love it…but why?” “Well…I figured if I can’t be there to ring in the new year with you…I could at least have a mental picture of what you would look like at the stroke of midnight. I am glad you like it sweetheart. Does this mean that you will go to the party?” “John…” “No butts Doc. Please honey I want you to go out and have fun tonight. Go hangout with your friends. I want you to go out and have some fun…and think about the wonderful new year that is about to begin. A new year…that is filled with all kinds of promising things. And then at the stroke of midnight…you will hear your cell phone ring…and I will be on the other end…French kissing the phone.” I busted out laughing which I knew was his goal. “Oh…you are such a goof. Fine…I will go. But I am telling you right now…I’m not going to be having a good time without you there with me.” “Doc I promise you…if you go to this party…you will have a great time. In fact I guarantee it.” I sighed deeply, “If you say so. Well I better go and get ready then. John…I lo…I miss you. I can’t wait until you get home. “Me either Doc. Happy New Year baby.” “Happy New Year…bye.” I hung up the phone. I wanted sooo badly to tell John that I loved him…there was just something that keeps holding me back…maybe I am just old fashioned and want him to say it first. I shrugged it off and went to get dressed for a party that I really didn’t want to go to.

It is a few hours later…about 10:30 p.m. I took my sweet time getting ready since I really didn’t want to go in the first place. I finally arrived at the pub. I walked in and the pub was packed with people. I gazed around the room and caught the eye of Caroline and Hope. They came rushing over to me with their eyes bugged out. Hope grabbed my hand and twirled me around. “Oh my God! Marlena you look stunning.” Caroline hugged me, “My dear…you look absolutely breathtaking.” I smiled at her. “Thank you both. It’s all thanks to John. He had it sent to me.” Hope smiled, “He sure is one in a million. I am so glad that you came tonight. I didn’t think you were going to come.” “Well actually I wasn’t going to come…but John talked me into coming…at least for a little while.” Caroline and Hope trade smiles with each other. Caroline takes my hand and leads me to the bar, “Well it means a lot to Shawn and I that you are here. Now come on…it’s New Years Eve…lets party!” That caused both Hope and I to laugh. I took a deep breathe and jumped into the festivities.

Well it is almost midnight…about fifteen minutes to go…and this is the last place I want to be. The party has been fun…I have to admit…it was nice getting to hangout with my friends. But since midnight is quickly approaching…everyone is paired off with their significant others…and I am left standing here all alone…the odd woman out. I want get out of here…so I can get John’s call at the stroke of midnight. I started to make my way to the door when my phone started to vibrate in my anxiously awaiting hand. I stopped in my tracks and answered the phone, “Hello?” “Hiya baby…are you having a good time?” My face lit up and a tears escaped my eyes. “I am having a good time now.” Just then the count down for midnight began. I was having a hard time hearing John on the phone so I made my way to the door when I heard everyone yell 3… I put the phone back up to my ear and yelled, “John…Happy New Year Honey!” I hear him say “Happy New Year Doc…I…” The call began to break up…”John…baby I can’t hear you…what did you say…” Suddenly I felt someone tap my shoulder. I turned around and this person grabbed me about the waist and pulled me flush against them. They ran their hand through my hair…and brought my face to theirs. They kissed me with such passion that it took my breath away. While the kiss continued I felt a passionate desire coarse through me that I have only felt for one person in my life. I pulled away breathlessly. After a moment I opened my eyes and looked up and then I heard…”Can you HEAR me now!” I couldn’t form a coherent though…much less a sentence. “I…I…what…what are you doing here?” “Where else would I be? You didn’t honestly think that I would miss spending New Years…with the love of my life…now did you?” I felt as though the wind had been knocked out of me, “Wh…what did you say?” He ran his hand up along my cheek and ran it into my hair…pulling me toward him. “I said…I LOVE YOU!” I started to cry…and they were the happiest tears that I have ever cried in my life. He gently wiped my tears away, “Happy New Year Doc!” I began to speak but choked on my reply. I just grabbed him by his face and kissed him with a lifetimes worth of passion and love. His tongue probed my lips begging for access and I did not deny his request. I kissed him with hunger, need and most of all love. I reluctantly pulled away when my need for air became to great. I slowly pulled away and gazed into his eyes. I ran my hands up his chest…over his shoulder…and brought them to rest at the back of his head as I pulled his face toward me…my gaze never leaving his eyes, “My god….I love you so! Happy New Year John!” He flashed me that million dollar smile that was meant for my eyes only. “Happy New Year Doc!” He lifted me into the air and swung me around…both if us laughing uncontrollable. He brought me back down to his waiting arms…and kissed me as if his life depended on it. For the first time in my life…I actually looked forward to the next 365 days!

 

The countdown to New Years ended about five minutes ago but John and I were so wrapped up in each other that we failed to notice our surroundings. It was like time stopped…and we were frozen in this perfect moment. John and I were swaying back and forth to the music…whether or not everyone else could hear the song I am not sure…but I feel as though a symphony is exploding from my heart. John held me close to him, staring into my eyes and gently stroking my cheek. I ran my hands through his wavy hair and bring them to a stop at the nape of his neck…I pull his head close to mine, “You have made me…happier than I ever though possible.” He flashed me that million dollar smile, “Baby…you ain’t seen nothing yet.” he said laughing as he dipped me back and then brought me back to his waiting lips. He kissed me tenderly. The kiss started to become more intense, just when Caroline tapped me on the shoulder. “So my dear…I take it that you are happy that you came to the party?” I looked away from John and noticed that all of our friends had gathered around us…all of them with smiles on their faces. “You all…you all knew about this didn’t you?” They all began to laugh when Bo spoke, “Oh come on Sis…do you really think that John could pull this off by himself?” I saw John shoot Bo a warning look and I turn to him, “John…what is Bo talking about…pull WHAT off?” John bent and kissed me, “Oh pretty lady…there are a lot…of surprises in store for you tonight.” John dipped me back again and kissed me passionately which caused everyone to hoot and holler. When I catch my breath John smiles and says, “Are you ready?” I looked at him in wonderment, “Umm ready for what exactly.” He looked at his watch, “Well…we have a very important appointment that we have to get too.” I looked at him confused, “Excuse me?” John laughed and turned back to everyone, “Everybody…I assume that everything is taken care of?” They all smiled and nodded. Caroline approached us, “Don’t worry…all the based have been covered. You two just go ahead…and enjoy yourselves.” John busted out laughing at her comment, “Oh Caroline…that is the easy part.” Everyone began to laugh. John grabbed my hand and dragged me out the door of the pub…not even letting me say goodbye.

We have been driving in the limo for a good hour now. It might not be so bad if…John didn’t have me blindfolded. “John…can I please take this off now.” John giggled, “Have we arrived at our destination?” “Good question…unfortunately I have no idea because…I cant see A DAMN THING!” John laughed even harder, “Geez Doc…quit being a party pooper. We will be there within minutes…then you can take it off…you big baby.” I pout slightly causing him to giggle. “You know…if you don’t want me to complain so much…then maybe…you should distract me.” I feel John slide closer to me and I feel goose bumps on my skin caused from the heat that his body is radiating. He takes his finger and traces the outline of my ear…gliding it ever so gently down the side of my neck. I feel his breath upon the skin of my neck as he speaks, “So…do you have any ideas Doc…how could I distract you? Maybe by doing this…” His words fade away as I feel his moist lips come in contact with my earlobe…he kisses it gently when I feel his tongue dart out and begin to make a trail down my neck. His lips and tongue make a path down the side of my neck as they slide their way around to the hollow of my throat. John’s simple kisses are driving me insane…his moist lips are now working on the one spot that drives me to the point of desire. John sucks and nips at the hollow of my throat knowing very well how it effects me. His lips begin to descend down my chest…I arch my head back against the seat. I grab his head and fiercely bring it to mine…wanting taste his sweetness. I kiss him fiercely as my hands begin to roam down his chiseled chest. I rake my nails over his muscles causing him to moan and deepen the kiss. His tongue circles the edge of my lips teasing me… and then gently probing for access… which I don’t deny. John pulls away and begins his journey down my chest again…torturing me with his sweet open mouth kisses. I can’t help but to moan out from his ministrations. “Hmmm…oh John. Hmmm I want…you so much.” I pull his head away from my chest yet again and meet his lips in a carnal kiss as I moan into his mouth. “Hmmm…make love to me…” John kisses me back fiercely…and then the limo comes to a stop. I feel John quickly pull away from me…and I hear him struggle to get his breathing under control. After a moment John speaks, “Okay Doc…we are here.” I plop back against the seat and sigh in frustration, “Please tell me that you aren’t serious.” “Oh I am VERY serious. We have somewhere very important to go.” I sighed in utter frustration as I grab his shirt blindly and bring him closer to me, “John I think…where you were ABOUT to take me…is much more important.” I kiss him hungrily as my tongue probes the recesses of his mouth causing him to moan deeply…but the he pulls away again. I turn my head away feeling rejected. John grabs my chin gently and turns my head back towards him. He strokes my cheek lovingly “Marlena…believe me…I want to make love to you…more than anything else in this world…and I intend to do that…very VERY soon. But honey…when we make love for the first time…it won’t be in the back of a car. It will be magical and romantic…and it will be a time that neither of us will EVER forget.” I smile from his sentiment and then he laughs, “And if you quit being a stick in the mud…that special moment may come sooner than you think!” He grabs my hand before I can remark and he helps me out of the limo. I hear loud sounds and I feel the fierce wind…but after a few moments of walking all is calm and quiet. John turns me around to position me so my back is against his chest. Suddenly I feel his hands come to my hair to untie my blindfold… and after a second I feel it slip away. I blink rapidly so my eyes can adjust to the lighting. When my eyes focus they quickly begin to tear as I take in my surroundings. There are candles and flowers of every kind adorning the small space. I swat at the happy tears that are falling from my eyes and I turn to John, “What…what have you done…why are we on your plane? I said happily. He kissed away my tears and smiled. “Well I guess you could say that I am trying to create…what someone once told me…would be their…perfect evening.” It took me a moment to understand what he was saying…and then it hit me. “You did all this…for me?” He nodded and I smiled. “Oh John…well where are we going?” I said with a nervous laugh. John guided me over to the sofa. “Well…first off this perfect evening is going to take place in Paris. This perfect evening is going to be filled with things that you would never expect…and things that you though you would never do. It is going to be a time filled with surprises and romance.” I leaned in and kissed him with all the love I had for him and then I pulled away and smiled at him, “I can’t believe that you remembered. Who ever thought that our…little game of twenty questions would pay off like this.” I said laughing as I gestured to our surroundings. “ But John…this is what I described as MY idea of a special evening…this isn’t your idea of a special evening…what about you…” He put his finger to my lips to silence me. “Oh on the contrary Doc. This will be the most special evening of my life so far. Because I am going to be spending it, with the woman I love more than life it’s self. This night will be special to me…just because of the simple fact that I get to share it with you. I love you Doc.” He kissed me gently and I sighed. I took his face in my hands and stared into his soul. “John Black…I love you more than I ever though it possible to love another human begin. You are the other half of me…and I thank god everyday…for bringing you into my life. I love you so.” I kissed him with gently love and affection as we started our journey… as we made our way to Paris…to share the first of many special evenings together.

 

John and I arrived in Paris several hours ago. We ate dinner at a very elegant restaurant where apparently John had visited many times before. Every request that he had made throughout dinner was meet with glee by the staff, they did everything short of bowing at his feet. As we stroll through the streets of Paris I can’t help but to laugh about it all. John looked at me, “What is so funny Doc?” I shook my head, “I was just thinking about dinner. Those people acted as though you were royalty or something. If you were wearing one…I am sure they would have kissed your ring.” John began to laugh, “Well what can I say…money has it’s advantages.” We suddenly stopped walking and John pulled me into his arms, “Besides…you deserve to be treated like a queen. Stick with me baby…and you will ALWAYS get the royal treatment.” He bent down and gently brushed his lips with mine. I pull back and stare into his eyes which are shinning with love for me. “I don’t need the ‘royal treatment’. As long as I have you by my side…I feel like the queen of the world.” John looked at me and smiled, “Isn’t it supposed to be king of the world?” I shook my head with funny irritation, “You are such a goof. The point that I was trying to make dear…is that as long as I have you and the kids with me…I have everything that I could ever ask for.” John kissed me with a smile and mumbled something into my mouth which I didn’t quite make out. “What did you say?” John grabbed my hand and we began to walk again, “I said…don’t forget about your career. You have worked your ass off to get to where you are going Doc. And even though you have a lot of work still ahead of you…your practice will be a major part of who you are.”, he smiled at me with love and pride shinning through his eyes. I glanced away thinking about what he said…and my heart once again began to constrict with worry. I could see that he was looking at me questioningly. I didn’t want to ruin this perfect evening by talking about things that had the potential to ruin my happiness. I pulled us to a stop and turned John to face me. I raised my hand to his cheek and stroked it with tenderness. “John…our jobs don’t make us who we are…our hearts do. And my heart…belongs to you and the kids. When you told me that you loved me tonight…I felt like I was floating on air. I thought to myself…FINALLY…I will get my happy ending…and that is all because of you!” John looked into my eyes and smiled, “What are you talking about ‘Happy Endings’ for Doc? This isn’t a happy ending…” I looked at him with worry. Then she scooped my up into his arms and swung me around, “This is our ‘HAPPY BEGINNING‘! I promise you Marlena…there will NEVER be an ending to our happiness!” I begin to laugh at his comment as he brings our twirling to a stop and I stare into his eyes, “Oh…how I love you.” I kiss him and we begin stroll through the streets of Paris again.

We are walking down the street when suddenly John comes to a dead stop. He looks around the street very intently. I stare at him in wonderment, “Honey…John what are you doing?” He looks back at me, “This street is totally deserted Doc…look there isn’t a car or a person in site.” I look around and notice that he is right, “Umm I can see that honey…but what is your point?” I begin to laugh as a goofy grin appears on his face. He begins to walk away from me in the opposite direction and head to the street corner, “Come with me Marlena…I want to show you something.” John begins to walk out into the middle of the street and I run after him, “What are you doing?” John giggles, “Just come on.” John walks out into the street under the traffic light and begins to sit down on the pavement. “John…you are gonna get run over.” He looks all around him at the virtually barren streets and smiles, “What by all the cars?” John precedes to lay down spread eagle in the middle of the street. I walk over to him and stare down at him as though he has lost his mind. John looks up at the traffic light and smiles, “My step father and I used to do this all the time back where I grew up. We used to lay down and just watch the lights change, and watch them go from green to red to yellow. You could try it if you wanted to.” John looks at me and smiles and I just shake my head. “Um…no.” John laughs “Why not?” I pace back and forth “Because…I don’t know. Would you just get up off the ground honey.” John leers at me, “That’s our problem you know that? You don’t do what you want.” I look down at him in mild shock. A smile comes to my face as I look around the deserted streets. After a moment I look down at him, “Okay!” I walk over to him and lay down beside him on the pavement. He looks over at me and we lock eyes and begin to laugh. I tilt me head back and look for on coming traffic, a I look over at John. “What happens if a car comes?” “We die!” My head pops up in mild shock, “What?” John laughs, “Just relax…just trust. You need to learn how to trust.” I smile and look back up at the traffic lights, “Okay.” For a while John and I just lay there talking about the future and the things we want from life. As we lay there…my head now on John’s shoulder…I feel completely content and at ease…as if I don’t have a care in the world. Suddenly out of no where a loud car horn blares and bright lights are shinning in our face. We both jump to our feet and run to the side walk, as the driver speeds by and shouts at us in French. I began to laugh hysterically and John paces back and forth trying to catch his breath. I look at him as tears run down my face from laughing so hard. He looks at me in shock, “Are you okay?” My laughter must be contagious because John starts to giggle as well, “Marlena…why are you laughing?” I took a deep breathe, “Oh…that was fun.” John just starred at me…as though he was seeing me for the first time. His eyes took on a shade of blue that I have never seen before…they lit up as though they were glowing in the moonlight. He smiled at me with a look of pure joy gracing his masculine features. We starred at each other until John broke the silence, “Would you dance with me?” I smiled in return, “Sure.” He walked over to me and offered me his hand. “You want to dance now?” He nodded his head, “Mm-hmm!” “Here?” He nodded again “Mm-hmm!” He took my hand and guided me out back into the middle of the street. “Honey…we’re not supposed to dance in the middle of the street.” John said nothing he only smiled. “Plus honey…we don’t have any music.” John took my hand and turned me around in a circle, “Well Doc…we will make some!” He brought me into his arms and held me close to him. He took my right hand, kissed it, and laid it over his heart, and just starred into my eyes. We stared to say back and forth when John started humming a tune into the air. It caused me to laugh because he was severely off key. I pulled his head close to mine so we could dance cheek to cheek and I whispered into his ear, “Honey…you are a terrible singer.” John let out a hearty laugh and he whispered, “I know”. I pulled back form him and starred into his heavenly eyes, “But…I love this song.” He smiled at me and continued to hum the tune of “I’ll Be Seeing You”. I started to sing the words into his ear as he hummed the tune into mine. “I’ll be seeing you. In all the old…familiar places. That this heart of mine, embraces. All day through. In that…small café…the park across the way. The children’s carousel…the chestnut trees…” I let the words to the song fade out as my mind, heart, body and soul became consumed with John’s closeness to me as we swayed back and forth to his tune. I just starred into his eyes…seeing my whole future there. My heartbeat became quick and my breathing became heavy. I stroked John’s cheek to get him to look into my eyes, “John…honey…I want to go back to the hotel.” He looked deep into my eyes, and I know that he can see the love and passion that I have for him burning brightly. He gently brushed the hair out of my eyes and smiled at me. “Soon my love…but there is one more thing that I want us to do first.” I laughed, “Oh my…I can’t imagine what else there could be to do.” “There is just one more thing to do and your dream evening will be complete.” I raised my eyebrow at him and he laughed. “Okay…there are TWO more things to do and your dream evening will be complete. However there is only one of those things that we can do outside…unless.” He looked at me with that mischievous grin. “Hold it right there big boy! I don’t want to get arrested for indecent exposure on my first trip to Paris.” He laughed and grabbed my hand as he began to walk back down the street. I stopped and pulled him back to me so his body was flush against mine, “When we make love for the first time…I want NO interruptions. However…the next time we come to Paris…I just might take you up on that offer.” I kissed him hard on the lips leaving him breathless and then I took off running. When he caught his breath he took off after me laughing all the way.

A little while later John and I were sitting comfortably in a horse drawn carriage…ridding around the streets of Paris. We were wrapped in each others arms with a light blanket covering our laps. I took a deep breath and sighed, “It’s official.” John looked at me in wonderment, “What is official?” I kissed him lightly on the lips, “You have officially made all my dreams come true.” “Oh…I don’t know about that. This trip is only your dream of the perfect evening…I am sure you have other dreams floating around in that huge heart of yours.” He kissed me deeply before continuing, “And as our lives continue on together we will dream new dreams… together! And I vow…on my love for you…that I will make every one of those dreams come true!” He touches me so. I am moved to tears that he wants to make all my dreams come true. I take his head in my hands and kiss him with a passion that I have never known to be possible. I pull back from him breathlessly, “I want you to make love to me. I have dreamed of making love to you for so many months… and as of right now…that is the only dream of mine that I want you to make come true.” He strokes my cheek and labors to get his breathing under control. I can tell that he wants me as much as I want him…but I can see he is hesitant. “John…I know that we have been with other people…you may not be my first, and I may not be yours…but I want us to be each others last…and ALWAYS! I want us to be one…in every way!” He pulls away from me and leans up to the driver of the carriage, “Take us back to the hotel.” John leans back against the seat and enfolds me into his arms as we make our way back to the hotel.

 

John and I made our way back to the hotel at an agonizingly slow pace, I swear it seemed to take hours. As we stand here, at the front desk for John to gather his messages, my heart is starting to constrict with an enormous amount of anxiousness and excitement. It is about to happen. John and I are about to become one in every way. I am about to completely give my heart to another, and that is something I swore I would never do again. But this time is so different … this time I know it is forever. And that thought pushes away all my anxiety and brings my excitement to the forefront again. I am lost in my thoughts as John grabs my hand and leads me to the elevator, we enter and take our trip up to the penthouse suite. As we get to the door of the hotel room John comes to a stop and pulls me close to him. “Well Doc… you know what I have to do.” He leers at me and I pout, “Aww John… come on not again. I promise to keep my eyes closed.” John laughs at me and shakes his head, “Yeah… like I would believe that.” He takes his finger and motions in a circle, “Come on… you know what to do, turn around.” I laugh at his playful and romantic nature as I turn around and he puts the blindfold on yet again. “You know John, if I didn’t know better I would swear that you were into some kinky S & M, bondage stuff.” He laughs from his gut, and leans into my ear “Well… who says I’m not.” His hot breath sends a shiver of passion running down my spine. I turn around blindly and grab for his face bringing it to mine, and I kiss him with a pent up passion that is ready to explode from me at any moment. I pull away from him slightly, “John… open the door… or we are going to be making love in this hallway.” He laughs again as he moves away and opens the door. He comes back and whisks me up into his arms, carrying me into the room, shutting the door behind us. He sets me down and holds me with my back to his chest, “Are you ready Doc?” I laugh slightly, “Trust me baby… I have been ready for months.” We both laugh as I feel the blind fold slip from my eyes. I blink rapidly as my eyes adjust from the darkness of the blindfold to the dim glowing light of the room. As I glance around my breath catches in my throat and I gasp for air. It is the most … amazingly beautiful site that I have ever seen. I survey the room to see all that John has done. There are candles of every shape, size and color adorning every still standing structure in the room. There are purple and white lilacs in vases adorning every other spot not taken up by a candle. And there are red, white and pink rose petals scattered on the floor and bed. I turn to John with tears streaming down my face and I smile at him with more love and happiness than I ever though possible. He smiles at me and wipes away my tears tenderly as he speaks, “ I am assuming those are happy tears, or do you have allergies that I was not aware of.” I laugh at his silliness. “These are the happiest tears that I have ever shed. I can’t believe that you did all this…for me.” “Why is it so hard to believe Doc?” I shrug, “Because no one has ever done anything remotely like this for me before.” He pulled me flush to him and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear, “Well … that is because NO ONE has ever loved you the way I do. “ I smile, “That’s a fact!” We both laugh at my use of his trademark expression.

After standing on the terrace over looking the most romantic city in the world, John leads me back inside and hands me a glass of champagne. He raises his glass, “To you and me.” I clink my glass with his, “To us … my love.” I sip my champagne and I start to cry. John looks at me with worry and sets his glass down. He tilts my chin up so our eyes meet. “Marlena … honey what’s wrong? Have I gone to far? Am I going to fast?” I laugh nervously, “Oh honey no… you have done nothing wrong. If you remember correctly, I have practically been molesting you this whole trip.” We both laugh slightly as I walk away and stare out over the city again. John lays his hand on my shoulder afraid to make any further contact. “Then sweetheart, what is making you cry? I want this to be a happy time for you, not sad.” I turn to face him and I stroke his cheek lovingly. “That is just it … I am happier than I ever thought possible, and that is all because of you. I never thought that I would find a love like this, and now that I have… I guess it frightens me a little.” I take John’s hands and pull him closer to me so that he has his arms wrapped around my waist as he stands behind me. I lean my head back against his chest and breath deeply. I want him to know how much all of this means to me, how much he means to me, but I am not sure if I can put it into words. “John you have made such a difference in my life. For so long I closed my heart off and never let anyone other than my close circle of family and friends in. But then I met you, and slowly but surely everything changed.” John sighed and held me closer as he let me ramble through my feelings. “This is a place that I never thought I would be. I always told myself that I would never fall in love … I promised myself that I could never do it again. But here I am with you … and I am floating on a level of happiness that I never knew existed. When I first met you, I never even considered that I would love you, and I never dreamed that you would be in love with me.” I turned in his arms and looked into his eyes. “But here we are. And I can see how happy we can be together. I know that things wont always be easy for us… and I am sure that we will have our trying days. But there is one thing I know for a TRUE fact … I couldn’t go for a day without your touch, or the feel of you.” I lean in and kiss his lips gently, “That is how I know our love is real. Because to me… you and I … WE are the definition of real and true love. For the first time in my life, I feel safe. Every fear that I had, every insecurity, vanished the moment that you told me that you loved me.” John had a lone tear trickling down his cheek. With a soft sweet smile on my face I leaned in and kissed it away. He brought his hands to my cheeks and pulled me back to look into my eyes, “Dear god … how I love you.” He bent over and lifted me into his arms and carried me to the bed gently setting me down on the edge. He kneeled in front of me, taking my hands in his. “Tonight I plan on making you feel as special and as loved as you just made me feel with the words you spoke from your heart just now. After tonight Marlena … our souls will be connected for all eternity.” I smiled at him and brushed his hair from his eyes, “But my love … they already are.”

After about five minutes of John fooling around with something in the bathroom he came out in his robe. He leaned against the door jam and laughed as he saw me pacing the room. “Marlena you can come in now.” I whipped around and looked at him. “FINALY!” I rushed over to him and attacked his lips with my own. He pulled back from me breathlessly, “Whoa … slow down Doc. I plan on taking this … very slowly.” I let out an exasperated sigh, “Honey it has been MONTHS! Please quit torturing me.” He laughed at me, “I wouldn’t call it torture. I want to show you how much I love you. I plan on lavishing you with more love and passion than you ever thought possible.” I draw a ragged breath. “I have an idea. How about you lavish me later … and RAVAGE me now.” John pulled me into his arms and lead me into the bathroom, “All in good time my dear. All in good time.”

I stepped into the bathroom which was bathed in candle light and flowers. I glanced over at the marble tub which held steaming water with rose petals floating amongst the steam, and candles adorning it’s corners. I turned to face John with heavy lust and love filled eyes. I stroked his cheek and gave him a chaste kiss. He breathed deeply as his eyes fluttered open. “I love you Marlena.” A smile of pure joy crept to my face, “I love you too.” John brought his hands to my shirt and unbuttoned the first button, he paused and looked to me for my approval to continue, which I gave with a slight nod. He undressed me slowly following the path of the material with his hands, slowly exploring and worshiping my body with the soft gentle touch of a butterfly’s wings. After his slow and methodically loving removal of all my clothes he just starred at me. As if committing to memory every one of my curves. I draw a deep and ragged breath as he runs his index finger along my collarbone and down my arm. He comes to a stop at my hand as he slowly brings it to his mouth and lays a gentle kiss on my palm. I run my hand along his cheek and down his neck to his chest and the opening of his robe. I look to him for permission to go further and he gently nods. I run my hands up his chiseled chest and over his shoulders taking the robe with me as I go. As his robe slips from his body I run my hands back up his strong arms and bring them to rest on his broad chest. I lean in gently and lay a soft kiss above his heart. I look up at him and his eyes are closed and his lips pierced tightly together, as he relishes in my touch. He opens his eyes and smiles at me. He takes my hand in his and leads me toward the steaming bath, and we both enter the water. John stepped in first and I followed. He sat with his back against the back of the tub and I settled in front of him resting my back against his broad chest. We both sat there in blissful silence exchanging gently caresses, exploring each others bodies in the most intimate of ways. John beings to massage my back gently and I giggle before I can help myself. He stops his ministrations and brings his mouth to my ear, “ Did I miss something funny?” I relax back into him. “Umm not something funny exactly. It is just something amazing to me.” “Oh…and what is that exactly?” I ran my hand up behind my head wrapping it around his neck, and I breathed a deep strong breath. “I have never… in all my life, felt like this. I have never felt so connected to someone, as I feel to you, in this moment.” John wrapped his arms around me and held me close to him. “Well Doc that is because we are soul mates, two halves of the same whole. God made me especially for you, and you for me.” John turned me around so that we are sitting, facing each other Indian style in the tub. He brings the shower wand to my head and gently sprays it over my long blonde hair. After wetting it thoroughly, he applies a lilacs scented shampoo to my scalp and begins to massage it in. “Hmm… that feels heavenly.” It amazes me that John is one of the strongest most masculine men I know, yet when he touches me he has the gentleness of a child. After a time I repay the favor and wash John’s hair, with the same love and tenderness he did mine. John moves to rise out of the tub, but I hold him in place. “Wait just a minute sailor, we aren’t done yet. We still have to wash up.” John looks at me with that lecherous smile adorning his face, “But Doc we haven’t even gotten dirty yet.” I laugh at him and splash him with water as he sits back down with his back facing me. I lather the bathing sponge with his masculine body wash and I begin my journey along his heavenly body. I move the sponge softly all over his back and under the water, making sure to avoid any pleasure spots. I hear a deep moan escape his lips as I work the sponge around his waist just above his most sensitive area. I lean up and place soft kisses along his neck as I massage his chest in circular motions with the sponge, lightly scraping his chest with my fingernails. John moans and leans his head to the side and captures my mouth in a passionate kiss which causes me to stop my ministrations on his body. He turns to face me and leans me back against the back of the tub, and smiles, “Your turn.” He grabs the sponge and lathers it with my rose water scented body wash. He takes my leg in his hand and sets my foot upon his shoulder. He places a butterfly kiss upon my ankle as he works the sponge up my calf to my thigh paying special attention to my inner thighs which makes me tingle with want and desire. He continues his venture upwards and lathers the upper half of my body being sure not to hit any of my pleasure spots, which makes me bit my lip to stifle my moan of desire. He works his way down my body, and other leg in the same fashion as he did the first, coming to my ankle, which he lays a kiss upon. After rinsing me off he hovers over me and brings his face to mine. He sits like that for a moment starring deeply into my eyes all the way to my soul, “Marlena, I want you more in this moment than ever before.” I breath deeply and caress his face, “I am yours… all yours, always.” He steps out of the tub and lends me his hand. He grabs the towel off the heated towel rack and dries me off, wrapping it around my body, and I do the same for him, wrapping a towel around his waist. He leans in and kisses me. The kiss begins sweetly at first but increases with passion as our hands begin to roam each others damp skin. He bends over and effortlessly lifts me into his arms. I continue to kiss his neck with moist open mouthed kisses as we leave the bathroom and begin our journey to our own personal heaven.

John carries me to the bed and places me gently on the silk sheets, and he lays down beside me. He runs his fingers up my arm with the touch of a butterfly. His fingers continue the journey along my collar bone and down the middle of my chest, and they come to a stop as the meet the towel that is wrapped around my body. My eyes which are already clouded with passion become heavier as he looks to me for permission. Instead of giving him my customary nod, I gently run my hand up over the curve of his behind and rake my nails gently over his back and shoulders, and down his arms to where his hand rests upon the opening of my towel. I lean up and kiss him gently as I tug the towel and let it fall lose from my body. He breaks our kiss as his eyes turn almost black with passion and his eyes run along the curves of my body. “Dear god… you are the most… beautiful woman I have ever seen.” He runs his calloused hand along my stomach and I gasp with pleasure as he moves his body to hover over mine. He takes each of my hands in each one of his and intertwines our fingers as he raises my hands over my head. His body lies flush against mine and I feel my passion ready to explode when I feel his hardness against me. “Mmm… John…” He smiles as I instinctively buck against him trying to get closer. He bends his head and begins to ravage my neck as he teases me unmercifully by rubbing his body up and down over mine. I whimper when he wont release my hands so that I cant touch him. “John…mmm baby please… I want to touch you.” He raises his head from the crook of my neck and I sigh at the loss of contact. He looks into my eyes and it feels as though he sees right to my soul. “You are so beautiful Doc. And you are mine… ALL mine!” He releases my hands and begins to kiss his way down my chest and I moan while I run my hand through his hair, “I am yours… forever…and you are mine…mmm for always.” I gently yank his hair and pull him up to my waiting lips. I kiss him with unbridled passion which leaves us both breathless. I take that moment and change the tables on him, as I roll him over and straddle him. I smile when I feel his arousal twitch beneath me as he stares at me hovering above him. He grabs me and pulls me to him, our bodies flying flush against each other. I bent and hovered over his mouth about ready to engage him in a carnal kiss, when at the last moment I changed my direction and attacked his neck. I suck and bite gently… leaving my mark on him and making him moan from deep in his throat. I moved my exploration down his neck to his chest as my mouth claimed every inch of his heated flesh. As my journey came to his aching manhood I looked up at him and saw that he was gripping the head board so fiercely that his knuckles were turning white. It makes me grin realizing that he can’t hold back his passion much longer. I smile and decided to tease him a little more. I scoot all the way down his body coming to a stop at his ankles and I proceed to kiss and lick my way up John’s muscular legs while I gently raked my nails over his heated flesh. I kissed my way up John’s body to the source of his arousal which is twitching with desire. I lick my lips and ever so gently began to stroke him. I went to take him in my mouth, but before I could John entangled his fingers in my hair and pulled me flush up against him. He took owner ship of my mouth, gently sucking on my tongue as it became entangled with his. He rolled me over onto my back. He ran his large callused hands up the entire length of my body. He entangled his fingers with mine and pinned my arms above my head once again making it impossible for me to touch him. He gently lifted himself away from me so he could admire my body. Suddenly he took my breast in his mouth. He gently sucked, and kneaded at my breasts which cause me to cry out with want and desire, “Ohhh….John….mmmmm.” This seemed to egged him on even further in his exploration of my breasts. He alternated between gently massaging one breast while he kiss and licked and sucked on the other, being sure to give each breast the same amount of attention. I struggled to get my hands free from his grasp so I could touch him. I writhed beneath him, bucking my hips against his achingly hard member, which caused John to moan. He released my hands and wrapped his arms around my waist burring his face in between my breasts. Once my hands were free, they made a trail over his shoulder. Dragging my nails down his back and over his firm ass. I gently glided my hand between our heated bodies and began stoking him, “John… please!” My begging must have pushed him to the point of no return. His hand gently stroked my face and glided down my body. He slipped his hand between our heated flesh, and within seconds found my wet center. He began to stroke me slowly, which caused me to buck against his hand. When he felt that I was more than ready for him, he grabbed his aching member and guided it towards my welcoming opening. Without warning he let the head of his erection enter me and I cried out with a mixture of pleaser and pain. “Oh…godddd…mmmm.” I closed my eyes tightly enjoying the exquisite sensation of finally becoming one with him. Although there is slight discomfort from his size this is the most pleasurable thing I have ever felt in my life. John stroked my face and looked into my eyes, “Honey… are you okay?” I bit my lower lip and exhaled. I looked into his eyes and stroked his face “Oh god yes… I have never felt this good… in my life… I love you.” He smiled at me and gazed into my eyes, “I love you too. God… I never thought I would feel this good in my life. I never thought that I would find someone like you. Someone who… completes me… the way you do.” I closed my eyes and savored each moment. John slowly continued to enter me, a little bit deeper with every stroke, moving in a slow circular motion to break the tension. After a few minutes I wrapped my legs around his waist signaling to him that I am ready for him to enter me completely. John noticed the signal and began to take slow deep strokes. As he did he looked deep into my eyes and it felt as though his gaze pierced my soul, “I am… going to love you… like no other man has ever… or will ever… love you in this life time.” It was those word…which John spoke from his soul, that seemed to open up the flood gates. And all of the love, desire and passion that has been building in us for months just erupted. I locked my legs around him drawing him into me completely, as if he could touch my very soul. “Oh John….mmm…love me…love me…” After a few more moments our pace became frantic, as we were both coming close to the edge of oblivion. John pounded into me fiercely never taking his eyes off of mine. We both wanted to remember this moment and freeze it in our minds. My walls began to spasm around John and he knew that I was close. I began to buck against him fiercely, “Mmmm…harder honey…deeper…deeper.” John pulled out of me and entered again fiercely and deeply causing me to orgasm. My whole body shook with release and it caused John to reach his as he thrust a few more times. After a few moments we came in unison. John held me close and whispered in my ear, “Oh Doc….hmmm I love you…” I moaned as John exploded within me, “Oh…Oh John…mmm I love you baby…I love you…” We laid like that, in complete silence for a few moments, until John went to move off of me and I stopped him. I wrapped my arms around his back and held him in place as I spoke to him breathlessly. “Not so fast sailor… where do you think you are going?” John smiled at me, “Not far… I will be within reach.” I didn’t release him I held him tighter as I looked deeply into his eyes, “I want you right where you are. I want you to stay inside me for a few minutes longer…please. I have waited for this for… so long. I’m not ready… to let you go yet.” John bent down and kissed me sweetly, “I love you Marlena… I never want to let you go.” I smiled up at him and ran my fingers through his hair, “Then don’t let me go…ever!” John wrapped his arms around my waist and rested his head upon my chest. I looked down at him and kissed the top of his head while I stroked his hair. We just laid there in contented silence for several minutes. Then after a while we began to drift off into the most peaceful, and contented sleep either of us have ever experienced.